You have changed my life. My mother Died in 2014, being the first born , my siblings 2 girls and 1 boy were left in my care. I am 25, my siblings are 16, 3 and 8. It has been a difficult two years. I have just been winging it and doing the best I can with them. Thank you for sharing the perspective of the children, I believe I will do better by them .
We women need to take responsibility for who we chose to have a child with and do our children healthy relationship with the parent who is not in the home . I'm learning this decades late. My children are adults it's still a challenge for me .
Great advice. My kids father and I had to settle on the decision of who she’d stay with when she was ready to start school. We’d been co-parenting equally up until then. I eventually decided that my kid would stay with her dad and step mom. I believe that we both sincerely loved my child, and that we both have equal rights as parents. However, I felt that he provided a better quality of life for our child at the time that I could (siblings, cousins, family support, etc.) The decision was hard because of society pressures demanding that I should fight to keep my kid with me, or that I’d be abandoning or giving up my kid as a mother. It was tough. I believe that is a flaw in our society. It not about me, and it’s not about the father, it’s about the best quality of life for the child. I wish more people would consider the best interest of their children.
Children, regardless of their parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. It shouldn't be that hard to get out of our feelings to allow them to continue feeling like their life matters. I'm glad you are discussing this.
Thank you Iyanla ! Yes secure the children - co-parenting in harmony ! This is what I do, teach parents to focus on what truly matters their child's well-being ! I co-parent for the last 30 years and it was in harmony I secured the child needs and now passing love to the next generation. My book on Co-parenting in Harmony: The Art of Putting Your Child's Soul First just came out and it's about my story of how I lived it and how I felt and how it affect my decisions in life. You are an inspiration. Loads of hugs !
Somehow you showed up on suggested videos. Feel like God led me here. Thank you for your time, energy and love in your videos. I am a single mom of 2 and thank God I co-parent with both. My golly is it hard. Much needed theses videos. Much love💓
I am so glad you touched on men who refuse to pay child support,even when they are court ordered. And men who either do not come around to help and spend time with the kids or when they do they play on the child's emotions, manipulate and act a fool in front of the kids and harrass the mother. I can not wait for that episode. Please give advice on dealing with an absent parent with mental issues they refuse to get help for. Thanks for sharing all your wisdom. :)
This video hit home for me and raises all the same points I am dealing with currently. I will do everything in my power to make sure my kids are happy and healthy, thank you Iyanla Vanzant.
Thank you for this episode. could you do a session on step parenting the children of your new spouse while the other parent does not have closure and continues to interfere in the overall harmony in the other parent's relationship with the child. Overall manipulation and questioning the child thereby putting the child in the middle of the other parent and step parent.
I wish I could share this with the father of my 2 year old. Without coming off as trying to tell him what to do. We co-parent just fine but I would love for us to be aware and enlightened on how we can do better. The break up is fairely new and it's hard but I want our daughter to have the best time growing up with parents who are no longer together.
thank you. i am currently living with my older sister and 7 year old neice. Divorce has hit our home. my brother in law just moved out. this is helping me understand much. Thanks so much wog 😀✔😘😘😘
Thank you so much for this lesson Iyanla. Please do a session on fathers that have stopped sending support, stop coming to see child. The relationship between us is over and the hurt of him leaving for a younger person is there, but I have grown to separate the 2. I just want him to be a father. But the trust is not there with the child as he has exposed the child to his girlfriend behind my back. The child is under 2 years old. This can't be my life for the next 17 years! Help.
If you happen to read my note... these are my grown children you have spoken of. How can I hep fix their lives after years of feeling lost broken and abandoned by their father. I left when they were 13 and 14. They are 24 and 25 and seeming broken in prices and it breaks my heart. They were close to their father and when he left they wanted nothing to do with me
It's important for my children have a one on one relationship , I had to leave their father due to abuse ;- from a clinic battling complex PTSD, my ex uses my son as the pawn. If it is my daughters turn I need to take my son, if it's my son's turn it doesn't matter. In Switzerland the father got custody. I do take my son regularly, my daughter has come less. And my ex through a text admitted he likes the daughter better. Why should my son be the pawn.
I have just discovered your site. I have recently ended, what I would have described as an fraught one relationship. We have a 15 month old and I'm hoping to be able to keep a good relationship with my son and a civil one with the mother. Your video was really insightful, thank you for the advice. X
It's actually a Kiswahili saying. This is a language spoken in East Africa :) Powerful Video! I hope you do a video about being discerning before having babies.
thank u iyanla iam so grateful too god for you helping me in my adult relationship on forgivness and im also able too identify behaviors as well.namaste.or many blessings
to hell with that i was deceived by my daughters father, abused, lied to, cheated on. As a result, he's been fired. Id rather go it alone and once im healed then he can come back.
they say you can only fully recognize the pain of someone else once you have fully dealt with your own hurt hopefully the pain your daughter feels from not having a father can be addressed once you are back to your 100% self all the best xo
My husband started to visit 4 months after i walked out. My children are now crying plenty, I wonder if having him around is the best thing right now. Being married it was as if he didn't live there, where am I going wrong?
Hi. Thanks for such great inside. You are speaking tight into my life. 4 years ago I got involved with a widower who's wife passed on, and I became the new mom in the kid's lives. A year later the man decided tobend the marriage due to other circumstances, and I agreed to end the commitment, but now the children are the ones who's suffering bcz they lost another mother, that really kills mr. I am still in a recovery stage and wouldn't want the kids to be part of breakage. We are in two different cities and I feel so bad for the kids especially bye youngest of 10 years. Just when the kids thought of settling, there they felt another breakage, please advise whether I should stop involving myself fir the sake of peace or should I continue to involvevtte kids in my life?
I left my husband after our children were grown and our children began to have children, my issue is with sharing a relationship with our grandkids. My grown children feel that I was right to leave but after 6 years I should re-enter the relationship, they manipulate by taking the grandchildren to my ex-husband house with expectation for me to visit the children there or not at all, they refuse to make arrangements for the children to visit with me(I don't have a criminal record), I have clearly made my needs known concerning the grandchildren yet my children continue to take sides and block me from visiting with my grandchildren and this hurts me very deeply. What do I say or do?
I subscribed yesterday to your channel because I enjoy listening to you talk. This is my first video, so i would like to say I appreciate you. What do you do when you leave the relationship or excuse me the "friends with benefits ship" and the guy doesn't put the child first? My needs and wants become more important than his child. Something is def. wrong with that picture. I recently ended the "ship" and can't make sense as to y my needs would come before our child. I can say come over for me and he's at the door....but when it comes to our son it's excuse after excuse after excuse.......
She did speak about not being discerning before we make babies & having them with wounded boys rather than men. I did that 2 separate times. The awesome responsibility and privilege that is child rearing probably hasn't sunk in yet for Dad. That's just one possibility, of course. Perhaps you should pose that question directly to Dad if you haven't yet. I'm commenting bc I find it somewhat intriguing, the situation that you describe. Could he still be 'benefitting' when he visits? I like Iyanla's outlook in not trying to make anyone wrong. We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better. Keep putting your little one before all else. That will serve as example for Dad. God can turn anything around so pray about it. It's a major sacrifice and a labour of love, but they do grow up fast. I live by a saying that stuck with me from the time I heard it. Don't give your child a childhood it will have to heal from. Consider sharing that in a tactful and loving way. I can directly connect voids that grew in me from childhood with poor adult decisions. God bless you & the little one...
+Empress Revealed Thanks alot, I realized that blocking his calls and messages was not the best decision, I picked him so I must find a way to cope. thanks 4 your reply. I really can use some outside advice... and outlook.
i've been watching all season. Loving it! Can you do one on remaining friends with an ex, be it a short or long term relationship/ marriage where no children are involved
I am pretending i am ok, though i accepted he does not love me as his wife, because we have child that the only reason why he stay in our relationship, he had been cheating before until today
U are a troll that needs attention on a loving and positive page. Do yourself a favor and go with in and do the work and heal then come back when your ready
You have changed my life. My mother Died in 2014, being the first born , my siblings 2 girls and 1 boy were left in my care. I am 25, my siblings are 16, 3 and 8. It has been a difficult two years. I have just been winging it and doing the best I can with them. Thank you for sharing the perspective of the children, I believe I will do better by them .
We women need to take responsibility for who we chose to have a child with and do our children healthy relationship with the parent who is not in the home . I'm learning this decades late. My children are adults it's still a challenge for me .
Great advice. My kids father and I had to settle on the decision of who she’d stay with when she was ready to start school. We’d been co-parenting equally up until then. I eventually decided that my kid would stay with her dad and step mom. I believe that we both sincerely loved my child, and that we both have equal rights as parents. However, I felt that he provided a better quality of life for our child at the time that I could (siblings, cousins, family support, etc.) The decision was hard because of society pressures demanding that I should fight to keep my kid with me, or that I’d be abandoning or giving up my kid as a mother. It was tough. I believe that is a flaw in our society. It not about me, and it’s not about the father, it’s about the best quality of life for the child. I wish more people would consider the best interest of their children.
Good for you. Congrats.
Very mature decision and a hard one at that thanks for sharing your situation
I rate you highly Sis - highly.
Keep ya Head Up.
She who feels it knows it‼️
💗🙏🏽💗
Children, regardless of their parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. It shouldn't be that hard to get out of our feelings to allow them to continue feeling like their life matters. I'm glad you are discussing this.
Thank you Iyanla ! Yes secure the children - co-parenting in harmony ! This is what I do, teach parents to focus on what truly matters their child's well-being ! I co-parent for the last 30 years and it was in harmony I secured the child needs and now passing love to the next generation. My book on Co-parenting in Harmony: The Art of Putting Your Child's Soul First just came out and it's about my story of how I lived it and how I felt and how it affect my decisions in life. You are an inspiration. Loads of hugs !
Somehow you showed up on suggested videos. Feel like God led me here. Thank you for your time, energy and love in your videos. I am a single mom of 2 and thank God I co-parent with both. My golly is it hard. Much needed theses videos. Much love💓
I am so glad you touched on men who refuse to pay child support,even when they are court ordered. And men who either do not come around to help and spend time with the kids or when they do they play on the child's emotions, manipulate and act a fool in front of the kids and harrass the mother. I can not wait for that episode. Please give advice on dealing with an absent parent with mental issues they refuse to get help for. Thanks for sharing all your wisdom. :)
Nikmont 007 never hear about the mothers who extort fathers leaving them with nothing
This video hit home for me and raises all the same points I am dealing with currently. I will do everything in my power to make sure my kids are happy and healthy, thank you Iyanla Vanzant.
Thank you for this episode. could you do a session on step parenting the children of your new spouse while the other parent does not have closure and continues to interfere in the overall harmony in the other parent's relationship with the child. Overall manipulation and questioning the child thereby putting the child in the middle of the other parent and step parent.
Good advice, however, it all depends on the maturity level of your "partner".
I wish I could share this with the father of my 2 year old. Without coming off as trying to tell him what to do. We co-parent just fine but I would love for us to be aware and enlightened on how we can do better. The break up is fairely new and it's hard but I want our daughter to have the best time growing up with parents who are no longer together.
thank you. i am currently living with my older sister and 7 year old neice. Divorce has hit our home. my brother in law just moved out. this is helping me understand much. Thanks so much wog 😀✔😘😘😘
Thank you so much for this lesson Iyanla. Please do a session on fathers that have stopped sending support, stop coming to see child. The relationship between us is over and the hurt of him leaving for a younger person is there, but I have grown to separate the 2. I just want him to be a father. But the trust is not there with the child as he has exposed the child to his girlfriend behind my back. The child is under 2 years old. This can't be my life for the next 17 years! Help.
Paternal rights you mean Parental , I Enjoy your episodes!!!
If you happen to read my note... these are my grown children you have spoken of. How can I hep fix their lives after years of feeling lost broken and abandoned by their father. I left when they were 13 and 14. They are 24 and 25 and seeming broken in prices and it breaks my heart. They were close to their father and when he left they wanted nothing to do with me
I admire your work so much and I am over joyed and excited to catch you on OWN in SEPTEMBER 2016!!!
It's important for my children have a one on one relationship , I had to leave their father due to abuse ;- from a clinic battling complex PTSD, my ex uses my son as the pawn. If it is my daughters turn I need to take my son, if it's my son's turn it doesn't matter. In Switzerland the father got custody. I do take my son regularly, my daughter has come less. And my ex through a text admitted he likes the daughter better. Why should my son be the pawn.
🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have just discovered your site. I have recently ended, what I would have described as an fraught one relationship. We have a 15 month old and I'm hoping to be able to keep a good relationship with my son and a civil one with the mother. Your video was really insightful, thank you for the advice. X
Thank you 🌹
It's actually a Kiswahili saying. This is a language spoken in East Africa :) Powerful Video! I hope you do a video about being discerning before having babies.
I needed this video. Thank you.
thank u iyanla iam so grateful too god for you helping me in my adult relationship on forgivness and im also able too identify behaviors as well.namaste.or many blessings
my parents need to watch this
mine too
alohaike mine too
alohaike I was juuuuust thinking the same thing
to hell with that i was deceived by my daughters father, abused, lied to, cheated on. As a result, he's been fired. Id rather go it alone and once im healed then he can come back.
they say you can only fully recognize the pain of someone else once you have fully dealt with your own hurt
hopefully the pain your daughter feels from not having a father can be addressed once you are back to your 100% self
all the best xo
Melanie Kennedy I'm with you
yeah, people do this all time. so easy to withhold children from the parents
What about the father who's saying ugly things about the mother in front of the kids. Should we let them see him as much as he wants?
Wheres the episode about the dead beat fathers. I think that is most important
brittany mcdonald m
Who chose the dead beat man... Clear the mirror take a cool look🤗🤗🤗
My husband started to visit 4 months after i walked out. My children are now crying plenty, I wonder if having him around is the best thing right now. Being married it was as if he didn't live there, where am I going wrong?
Thank you for this💗🔥💗🔥💗🔥💗
I needed this 💔🙌🏽💔🙌🏽
I need to secure the kids, but also dont wantbthem to think I would use the kids, since they're not my biological children.
Hi. Thanks for such great inside.
You are speaking tight into my life.
4 years ago I got involved with a widower who's wife passed on, and I became the new mom in the kid's lives.
A year later the man decided tobend the marriage due to other circumstances, and I agreed to end the commitment, but now the children are the ones who's suffering bcz they lost another mother, that really kills mr.
I am still in a recovery stage and wouldn't want the kids to be part of breakage.
We are in two different cities and I feel so bad for the kids especially bye youngest of 10 years.
Just when the kids thought of settling, there they felt another breakage, please advise whether I should stop involving myself fir the sake of peace or should I continue to involvevtte kids in my life?
Thank U 🥰
Mrs. Iyanla I NEED YOUR HELP...PLEASE!
I left my husband after our children were grown and our children began to have children, my issue is with sharing a relationship with our grandkids. My grown children feel that I was right to leave but after 6 years I should re-enter the relationship, they manipulate by taking the grandchildren to my ex-husband house with expectation for me to visit the children there or not at all, they refuse to make arrangements for the children to visit with me(I don't have a criminal record), I have clearly made my needs known concerning the grandchildren yet my children continue to take sides and block me from visiting with my grandchildren and this hurts me very deeply. What do I say or do?
Good Advice
I think children get way too much deference. What about the adults. Children go where the toys are.
Thank you Iyanla, you are the best, quick questions, is it possible to buy some of the T-shirt you always wear , I really love them ;-)
I was waiting on you
I subscribed yesterday to your channel because I enjoy listening to you talk. This is my first video, so i would like to say I appreciate you. What do you do when you leave the relationship or excuse me the "friends with benefits ship" and the guy doesn't put the child first? My needs and wants become more important than his child. Something is def. wrong with that picture. I recently ended the "ship" and can't make sense as to y my needs would come before our child. I can say come over for me and he's at the door....but when it comes to our son it's excuse after excuse after excuse.......
She did speak about not being discerning before we make babies & having them with wounded boys rather than men. I did that 2 separate times. The awesome responsibility and privilege that is child rearing probably hasn't sunk in yet for Dad. That's just one possibility, of course. Perhaps you should pose that question directly to Dad if you haven't yet. I'm commenting bc I find it somewhat intriguing, the situation that you describe. Could he still be 'benefitting' when he visits? I like Iyanla's outlook in not trying to make anyone wrong. We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better. Keep putting your little one before all else. That will serve as example for Dad. God can turn anything around so pray about it. It's a major sacrifice and a labour of love, but they do grow up fast. I live by a saying that stuck with me from the time I heard it. Don't give your child a childhood it will have to heal from. Consider sharing that in a tactful and loving way. I can directly connect voids that grew in me from childhood with poor adult decisions. God bless you & the little one...
+Empress Revealed Thanks alot, I realized that blocking his calls and messages was not the best decision, I picked him so I must find a way to cope. thanks 4 your reply. I really can use some outside advice... and outlook.
iyanla I love you dearly, I'm going though something and need advice if possible how can I contact you to get some advice on situation?
not my message, but its a very good one. gonna share cause I know some people who can use this!
Is it too late to fix things as it relates to the children?
It may never be to late if they people involved wanna change and are doing the work.
This is my story but I have two kids with different man-boys.
This is the oneeeeeee
Deep
i've been watching all season. Loving it!
Can you do one on remaining friends with an ex, be it a short or long term relationship/ marriage where no children are involved
I am pretending i am ok, though i accepted he does not love me as his wife, because we have child that the only reason why he stay in our relationship, he had been cheating before until today
aca adult children of alcoholic parents and dyfuntional families a 12 step program has also help me .i love you .iyanla
When are u going to start your life classe with Oprah again
'I had three different children by three different men.....' I wonder why the guys didn't stick around... Gold-digger!
U are a troll that needs attention on a loving and positive page. Do yourself a favor and go with in and do the work and heal then come back when your ready