am i the mean girl?
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- Опубліковано 12 тра 2024
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I mean, who among us hasn’t been hurt by mean girl behaviour, like overhearing someone talking shit about, or learning later that you’ve been the subject of mean gossip. Like the shame, and the sadness, and the outrage you feel when you’ve been treated badly by your school friends or colleagues, it’s horrible isn’t it.
I talk about:
- bullying
- gossip
- celebrity gossip
- mean girls
- girlhood
- stop making excuses
- be better to each other
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I hate all the work that goes into keeping up in life. I wish everyone would just relax. Including myself.
If any relationship or an activity feels like a chore that drains you of your life energy cut it off OR keep your distance and don't engage. Only at 34 I'm beginning to let the toxicity out of my life, I don't want any toxic energy in close proximity to me and neither do I want to emanate any toxic energy onto other people. Life has been nothing but peace and serenity only now do I realize it is supposed to be this way.
Just block them now! If these people disrespect you, they will continue. I'm 71, and I got cut lose by my group by a Sociopathic ex friend! So, they can just go, and keep going! At my age, I don't need their drama!! Nor do I need them, if they want to do whatever they are doing! Life goes on, Jenny!
The older I get the more I realize comparison doesn't even make sense. Everyone is in this world with different experiences, challenges, resources, etc., the list is endless. So comparing one aspect of my life to someone else's could never take into account everyone's unique situations and is NOT worth the mental gymnastics. At the end of the day it is kindest to ourselves and others to believe that we are all just doing the best we can, in this season of life, with what we have and what we know. It is easy to be judgmental when we are young and optimistic about ourselves and our future, but once we go through things and life knocks us around a little hopefully it makes us more considerate of other people's challenges. Regarding gossip and talk in general about people's weight, for some reason that just GETS me, feeling the need to comment about everyone's body mass is WIERD!
It’s crazy to me that adults still gossip about celebrities and are mean girls.
I think drama needs to stay on tv! I also try to stay away from the gossip side of social media. I’m here for the friends and the inspiration, not the numbers and the comparisons!😌
same my love!! x
Then there is TV driven by drama and scripted "realities"... There are many people who find it entertaining. How do we stop the cycle?
Someone who talks about themselves is a bore, someone who talks about others is a gossip,
Someone who talks about the person they are with is a truly brilliant conversationalist.
I think someone talking about themselves and the person they are with in a kind way is a truly brilliant conversationalist - but I get the point, being a good listener and interested in who you are socialising with is key! :)
✨ Inspiration not competition ✨ is the mantra I like to repeat to myself each time I catch myself being jealous of some other women. There is no point in drowning ourselves in toxic energy ❣
that's a great mantra!
That’s what I tell myself! It works great!
So well said about gossip. I feel so sad, when it happens... when I tell my boyfriend, that I don´t like being around people who gossip, he says that I´m being too sensitive. Listening to what you say, makes me feel less alone on my mission to be kind.
I have always appreciated how you have valued the quality of kindness, Jenny, from the first UA-cam video I watched of you and David many years ago to the sweetness of the characters in your novel. My son was married this past summer and I was asked to give a little speech. I spoke of the renewal of kindness in our time and how I had found it in your novel and how I recognized the same in my son and his bride. After all the narcissistic people I have endured throughout my life, you have given me hope for something better. However imperfect one’s efforts may be, kindness is well worth prioritizing and you do that. Thank you. 💜
this made me smile so wide, thank you so so much for saying this, it made my heart swell ♥️ congratulations to your son! x
@@JennyMustard , thank you! 🥰
For real! Thank you for spreading that awareness and energy! I concur and always say with how many people are in the world, most daily interactions are positive or at least neutral not negative like the media ;predominantly covers. I am consistently restored in my faith in humanity by people like yourself and Jenny and so many others daily in life. We are a strong powerful and kind force! xo
I totally agree! I hate gossip, it's pointless, serves no point, doesn't make anyone feel better (I mean truly deep down it doesn't). It's better just to focus on ourselves and what's going on with us! Kiss**
I have found that the temporary satisfaction I get by engaging in mean-spirited gossip is far outweighed by the lasting feeling of disappointment in myself that I behaved with cruelty. That feeling stays with you, and you will always regret it deep down. You will never regret choosing to be kind, or turn away from saying unkind things. We are all human and flawed, but it's better for your own sense of self esteem to resist the pettiness. You will like yourself so much more when you do❤
I never felt comfortable hanging around many girls. I was a sensitive person and super empathetic, but for some reason, the few girls that I did hang around with the trio, they were mean. I am not one for gossip and I’m friendly to everyone. it’s hard when people are mean.
Mean friends are exhausting! All of us can also see the envy, anger and self-hate that spurs them on and then we need to act like we relate with the undue hate for others. It’s exhausting! We have stories of our actual lives to share! We don’t want to talk about some girlie who means nothing to us!
I have had to stay a way from very toxic relatives. It makes me sad, but it's so unhealthy to subject ourselves to abusive, cruel relations. Blood is not thicker than water from my life experience. Have loving friendships that bring me joy.
"I just want to make out with David." I love that.
It truly is a waste of time to bash other people and not work on ourselves on a regular basis.
That's why I was curious about etiquette, mostly around conversation : don't talk bad to or about someone, learn about topics you are excited to share, be private with people you don't know and true with your closest friends. Creating safe space is so stress relief. When I had hard times with social media being tough with me, my partner told me "some people need to speak about everybody else because no one is listening when they talk about themselves" it breaks my heart even more.
I once heard that the mean things a person says is actually their biggest fear and that by gossiping you are telling your biggest fears to everyone. Since this day I am better at not gossiping myself and looking at my fears instead (aka working on myself) and also have compassion for people who gossip (without engaging in it myself).
what an important conversation to have - thank you, Jenny!
i don’t tend to envy others, but i used to gossip to fit in with my former colleagues, nothing too nasty, just complaining about workload and that annoying colleague we all inevitably have, so i hadn’t realised how draining it was until i left that place. i understand how people get into this dynamic at dysfunctional work places but really i’d rather spend my time talking about my and my loved ones’ lives, ambitions, interests, basically anything else.
as you mentioned, we are wired to seek others’ approval and acceptance, and knowing now i’m prone to this (people-pleaser in recovery 😅), i became very particular about my social circle.
I work on being cognizant of the people that tend to trigger the petty side of myself and limit if not avoid those people. When I’m around them I really have to work at editing the participation in their tendency to gossip. Thus I I become very quiet and removed which is often interpreted as antisocial. I ask myself if what I contribute or don’t contribute is helpful or hurtful. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “ Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
It's so refreshing to hear your philosophies. I agree wholeheartedly.
I feel like I engaged in gossip somewhat when I was younger. It seemed very innocent at the time, like _oh we are all just talking sh!t right? And then there just came a time when it suddenly hurt - really hurt to be around gossip. It's even worse now because it's no longer "oooo I heard he was about to break up with her" or "word is she is having a serious mother-in-law issue" - these things are still toxic as water cooler banter but it's so much worse now. It all seems ... unseemly to me. It feels invasive, rude, and really terribly mean. There is nothing that hurts me more these days than seeing or hearing someone being gratuitously mean spirited. I do not participate.
I went to boarding school and you are right they can be mean. I think having been in a such peer pressure situation that there is always choice. Noone is holding a gun to your head to slag off someone or be actively mean' to someone. This is why we have wars is becuase people are so unkind. Love your videos btw and thank yuo for being so honest.
I have never ever gossip about my friends. It is not part of my family culture so I never get used to that kind of behaviour from others and I still don't understand wth.
I definitely talk about my friends when they're not there, but only as a 'hey did you know so and so is going through a hard time? you should send them a get well card or something'. It's more checking in with my people than saying bad things about them.
I agree with you. I've always felt that way, too, and I love the way you put it into words.
The discussion of the uses of gossip reappears again and again in media... I remember reading a Vogue article in defense of gossip, arguing that it acts as an avenue for social policing. If the discussion is about infidelity, or bad workplace practices, or someone's poor treatment of others, chatting about it among friends is a way to signal to the other person that this is unacceptable behavior. In this way, it can be constructive. I agree that gossip is usually unconstructive and mean, and people don't usually think engaging in "ethical gossip" when they do it.. I think that complaining about other people is generally a pretty dysfunctional, yet common, method that people tend to use to feel better about themselves, if just for a brief moment. I still think there's room for nuance. We shouldn't write off gossiping entirely. After all, no one is ever going to stop doing it.. It's just part of the human condition :)
I actually don’t engage in any kinds of gossip when o socialize but o don’t encounter ppl who engage in constructive gossip but I 100% agree with your point!
An excellent perspective. I completely agree with you. Recently, I had this very conversation with a good friend whose 15 year old daughter has been the target of a mean girl clique. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic.
I wish everyone to be happy so they spread love and happiness as well :D
love this kind of videos, also miss the podcast, this is perfect for the pod
About envy: one of the best advice I ever came across is this: if you need to compare then don't compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to the older version of you. Did you improve, as a human, if you compare yourself to the you from 2019 (for example)?
I totally agree with this! I had a group of friends in high school, who were really mean and would often times pick on me or bully each other, and I got really fed up with it and left the group. After college, I actually got an apology when one of the girls realized how mean they were, but didn’t hear from the rest. I much prefer friendships now of sustenance and support than gossip and bullying.
I have to admit that I sometimes engage in gossip in order to don't stand out. I really dislike this trait about me & try to become better, because it's nothing I want to invest my time and energy into it
Imagine if we met at 13 :)
I was such an awkward fellow when I was 13. I don’t know about u guys, but I am happy I’m not in touch with anyone i met during this age hahaha
I want to delete this chapter of my life 💀💀
You look EXTRA fabulous in this. That shirt and necklace are fantastic.
Thank you so much
I do engage in gossip and office backroom chat - for me it's venting. Usually I am dealing with some serious clashing with this person and I need a way to vent that frustration - especially when talking to that person doesn;t work.
It's so true. People talk about others all the time. Fortunately, I never cared what mean people said and think about me.:) Even if you say what you really think, you never offend anyone. I watch your channel and another person's from Sweden, and I would never say that you are a cold nation.:)
Thanks for this.
We need to be careful who we emulate. Kindness and honesty are to be valued.
When we see people in the public eye that we don't actually know we have to realize that we only see what they want us to see, not reality.
Feel sorry for you unfortunately i learned a few years ago just how mean people are now im a hermit ive been hurt over and over and over to the point of nervous breakdowns no more i live for me and my dog no one else they don't even exist in my world
I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I know at this point you doubt it, but there are people who can be good friends and are secure enough to let you be your best self in their presence.
I'm the same minus the dog although I hope to get one soon they are 100% better companions than people.
That is why I don't keep friends or acquaintances from school including my so called best friend I had contacted and what she said made me drop any renewal like hot bricks. I don't know too many people who keep school friends. Bullies abound hated school. Workplace wasn't too much different. I don't gossip or promote it either anyone I meet confides in me unless it's harmful I say nothing to no one. Making new friends is difficult and can't be bothered to trust people these days with agenda filled dishonesty and gossip about me so I shut the door on them. Love those bags will investigate :) Thank you Jenny and David for being real
Love love love your authentic content it’s inspiring ❤
Thank you very much for this video ❤
Yes to all of this! Love it. Your honesty and vulnerability shows bravery and strength too.
Love the brown and cream bag, will look at price and measurements as been looking for a nice large water resistant thick strapped practical cross body for forever!
Take care :) x
Nobody is perfect as you say. As long as we self-reflect (many can’t), learn from it and don’t perpetuate it, I think we’re just being human.
Thank you Jenny Mustard!
People gossip about others (celebrities) because they want to avoid talking about themselves.
I definitely think as well that picking out faults in others as well only distracts from us trying to work on ourselves
you probably saved that young narcissist a very lonely life, by deciding to "right size" her ego and exercising your own power. People need to consciously choose to relate instead of unconsciously comparing themselves or others. I remember when I was in my late teens, being so angry with a co-worker who was happily self promoting and complimenting her self, I was thinking horrible things about her. Then...I realized I was jealous because I couldn't be happy outloud about MY talents. Our society is set up so that women will pull each other down, we must support each other and we will be more our full whole selves and succeed. Imagine if women all supported each other instead of waiting for the MAN to do it.
I've used to be an outsider in my teenage group because I've never got any interest in gossiping or telling mean stuff about other people.
I think gossiping is a kind of small talk for some people. Just to fill the gap in the poor conversation.
Definitely not my style 😏
I think it’s a different situation in Sweden. Here you feel more shame if you gossip, like everybody (or nearly everbody) know that it’s mean and you should not do it. I rarely hear that kind of gossip in Sweden, maybe younger people do it more, but if you are over 40 it’s quite rare.
I agree wholeheartedly with you on this point. We have evolved to need each other since our survival was dependent on the group’s strength.
Girlhood is scary, the intricacies of social interactions is sadly a part of growing up; but when girls turn into women and don’t change their behavior, that when it’s time to worry. Leave the gossip and duplicity behind ladies, it’s so much better on the other side!
Amen!
Your mole/birthmark is really cool!
Tender, sweetheart lover girl. Perfect! You are lovely and insightful. Thank you.
Adore you agree completely ❤
Agree. As a younger person, I was always an introvert but could come out when I NEED BE, 🤬LOL... so most people tend (then and now) to leave me Be. Gossip about me (?) OH Well, people will talk if you do, and if you don't...so I can't focus on that. I just mind my own Business 😊...LOL
Good video.
I would share this with my co-workers if I didn't care about being passive aggressive.
always choose love ❤
Forget those miserable gossip Losers, we be our most Authentic selves🎉😊
I think the world would be a better place if we were all a bit kinder.
Why do I pay for therapy when we have you ❤
Never cared for any of my girlfriends. So I chucked them and found me some women friends!
💜
aah humans... i prefer cats