Why Do So Many BLACK MOTHERS HATE THEIR DAUGHTERS? The Mother Wound Explained
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- Опубліковано 7 лип 2024
- On this episode, you get to meet Jennifer Arnise, an author and guide who helps black women navigate toxic relationships with their mothers. Jennifer shares her personal experiences and insights into the complex trauma that stems from strained mother-daughter relationships. The conversation delves into the "mother wound" and its impact on self-identity, discussing generational trauma, societal pressures, and the unique challenges faced by black women.
This episode highlights the importance of reparenting oneself and developing a healthy sense of autonomy, while also addressing the broader implications of these dynamics on personal growth and emotional well-being.
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I've noticed how much our moms will abuse us, tear us down, embarrass us, but treat the sons like gold😢
Can we talk about how when these same women look for us when their sons are no where to be found as they age? It’s like daughters are only valued for our labor.
Thai is true. That’s how my mother is.
Unfortunately, so true.
@@karinal75mhm
And as soon as we do something they can brag about they want to play nice. When I brought home a white boyfriend my mom was all smiles (weird flex but ok. If I brought home a black boyfriend it wouldn't be as great or something?🙄). When my middle sister went to the army my mom tried to play the concerned mother role. When our eldest sister married into the suburbs my mom wanted to visit every weekend like it's her house now too. It's just so weird that you don't like us until we do something you didn't think we could pull off.
If your own mother hates you she hates herself, thats just what it is ,very sad
yes they are very insecure (and worldly) and pass it onto their children.
Truth
So true. I wish I knew why there was so much self-hatred. Maybe because she was born in the 1930s in the south.
My mother was my biggest bully growing up. She abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I forgave her and tried to have a relationship with her. I'm 47, she's still toxic so I had to cut her off my life. Meanwhile, she treats my brothers who are all losers like gold. Sad indeed 😢
Im so sorry this was your experience!
I know if I had brothers this is how it would be. I am praying for you...that God will send you people in your life to fill in that gap that she left open. He will do it. He did it for me! I wouldn't be alive if it were not for the women that were sprinkled all along my childhood and now who have filled in where she couldn't...but I feel your pain, because it is still a whole that no one can fully replace. ❤🩹
Same here
She don't treat them like gold, it just looks like that on the surface. Trust. She's incapable of treating any of her children good
Mother’s like this are simply the type of women who simply hate women in favor of men. They Probably were like this way before they had daughters. Then they have mothers who favor the daughters vs the sons because they hate men even before they had their sons.
This conversation is deeeeeeeeeeeep!!!! My mother is in a wheelchair at this moment resulting from a stroke. I love her. I don’t hate her. But I simply cannot wipe her ass. I was verbally mentally emotionally and physically abused all of my life. She even allowed her siblings to treat me horribly. But my brother was her golden child. I forgave her but simply CANNOT bend over backwards to come to her rescue. I am now a mother and I strive daily to be better than she ever was. I hug my kids. I speak positively to my kids. I tell them I love them. I protect them. I nurture them. I never make differences in them. I went through therapy. I am now at a place where I can tell her I love her and call her beautiful. Things she never did to me. I tried to hug her and she pushed me away. She told me she loved me for the first time after God put her in that wheelchair. My brother…The golden child…WILL NOT HELP HER!!! Yet my family…her toxic abusive narcissistic siblings expect me the one they abused to come save the day. I’m not doing it. I’ll FaceTime her but I have no desire to wipe her ass.
❤ You broke that generational curse. Don’t feel bad for putting yourself and your peace first. Sending you love 💕
@@Pinesol605I agree
Good on you! I am in a similar situation and I am not standing down either. Best peace I can give myself given the trauma her and so called family have caused me. 👏🏾
@@MsTishalish Good for you! Stand strong. Protect your peace and do what is BEST for YOU!!!!!
@@latoyaboyce9902 Thank you. Stay strong 💗
It’s deep when your mother tells you that her other child is her favorite on her sick bed while you are caring for her and that child is no where around. We are some hurt people.
Very hurt people. Hard and mean spirited. 😢
My mom did the same 😢
😂 yall better than me cause as the so called black sheep. In which I do not claim. To describe myself. They expected me to wipe her saa and take care of her, through her dementia. 😂 and I totally abandoned them. I don't even stop by to see if she's ok
@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg love that for you.
@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg I believe kids are parents karmic lesson if parents abuse and mistreat their kids especially since birth they have no right or entitlement to be cared for in old age when they are vulnerable the most. I don't blame you for turning your back on your mom because the delusion is really real out here.
My mother resented me because my father didn't want to be with her, and she took it out on me. She lied about who he was, preventing me from ever meeting him. She only revealed the truth after he had died, along with many other hurtful things. I've cut her off for good. Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had, but now I can finally heal.
Same here. You are not alone!
Same thing happened to me. After my parents split she prevented him from talking to me. Now that I’m grown I don’t speak to her
Same story! I forgave her for a traumatic experience I endured. She passed and now I’m faced with parenting myself I’m like two decades behind.
Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had- this right here!
I really thought I was the only one with a similar story and I have also done the same as I dont believe she will change or want to change and her behaviour is just too toxic for my mental wellbeing
Because they’re jealous! And our brothers are their son husbands!
I am sooo glad black women specifically are deciding to speak and disect this topic I am as well.
yes instead of blaming the abused.
I knew at 5 years old something was wrong. I addressed it the 1st time when I was 9 or 10 years old. I wrote my Mom a letter. I asked her why did she hate me. I said let’s spend time together. She refused. She denied everything. Our relationship was always strained. Especially when I moved to NYC. She ignored me. I didn’t understand how much she impacted me until I became a mother at 34. I didn’t realize my mother is a narcissist and we are a part of a narcissistic family system.
Your guest is totally me! Thank you so much for this!!
I had did the same thing but with an email nd like a month later she found it nd she got mad at me
I wrote my Mother a note at about the same age and said I was running away because she didn’t love me. When I woke up she had packed me lunch and left cash for my transportation. She has Dementia now and I spent 50 yrs trying to get her to love me. What a waste of time. I’m reparenting now as I heal. Sending loving energy to you. 💕
Same
My grandmother hated my mother, my mother hated on me there is generational trauma. I think every race deals with it but they don't talk about it enough.
I'm White but I like listening to all women's problems, and while different I think definitely most of us (I'm 30) have come from a very troublesome generation. I see it a lot in women my age, for sure the generational trauma is real and we can only do better by our own daughters and future women.
@@WatermelonPeppermint AMEN ! 🙏🏿
We should really call it what it simply is.... Jealousy ! 💔😪😞
Exactly my mother and I not as close I would like however neither us my son and I 😢I never thought about if my grandmother disliked my mother cause it never showed but as I'm grown now I never asked her cause it does seem generational
I’m Mexican . My grandmother hated my mother and my mother hates me. This is generational trauma. They know what they are doing.
To me, it is sad how many of us relate to this. Including myself.
I didn’t tell my mom about my new by friend, when I bought a house. When I got my real estate license. I’m not sure I will invite her to my wedding because anything good that happens to me, she will try to ruin it. It hurts my hurt that I can’t include her in my victories😢
Same here
I can relate
Same. God will deal with them.
understand your mother is probably a covert narc like mine
SAME GIRL
I’m so glad we are coming out of isolation saying “OUCH MY MOMMA HURT ME”! I’m a “unloved daughter “ and also help women with this issue. I read a book called “Daughter Detox daughters of unloving mothers “ and it changed my life! It showed me that there are thousands of us. I was not alone! My mom’s treatment towards me has always been harsh and horrible. I’m healing my emotions still at 51 years old. But I’ve raised 2 daughters and my girls have never experienced me as an evil mother. This is a Hot Topic.
Maybe we should write our own versions of daughter detox. Maybe our stories can help heal too.
@@akilahbatyah6505 Great idea!
I never thought how Mothers coming out of slavery mindset would struggle with motherhood. ❤ This definitely has been a perspective change.
Mothers from subsaharian Africa treat their daughters the same. Let's include the bigger picture : we're talking about the misogyny of women towards each other and the one blacks daughters experience with their mothers globally. Of course, slavery played a tremendous role in that, pointing it out was quite revealing.
That’s trauma for all black people that has to be taken into account. Just think about the extreme trauma of something like slavery
Yes indeed super informative ❤
White adult kids, male and female, are abandoning their relationships with their parents today as well… so what’s that about?
@@christinelaloba8869 she said “black moms in the west”, specifically. Geographically specific trauma!🤔
I am a Black Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a mother, and a mommy wounded woman. My wounds definitely fueled my professional development. As a therapist and someone with life experience,I come from a place of understanding that society, in addition to cultural factors, contribute to how we view our mothers and motherhood. I always use the clients perspective to guide the conversation. I understand that all mothers “aren’t in fact doing their best and it’s not ok to accept things just because she’s your mom.” Great conversation ❤️ I wish love and healing for us all!
❤️ thank you for making this world a better place for us all 💐
@@mineandmine4528 Thank you. I’m doing God’s work the best way I can ❤️
My mother left me with my father when I was almost two years old. For most of my life she would brag about how she left me. As an adult woman my mom is only present in my life when it benefits her. She wasn’t present throughout my entire cancer journey but she showed up to my final chemo treatment, wearing a shirt that said “I’m God’s Favorite”. Just to post pictures on Instagram. I finally started working and she’s already asking me for money and if she can borrow my car when most people wanna borrow sugar. I need emotional space from her so I can nurse myself to health.
She sounds insufferable, selfish, and childish. I hope you’re able to get away from her and live a long peaceful life that you deserve.
I'm so sorry. Thank God your cancer free
@@ThePhillyfashionista thank you, it’s been a journey but I’m grateful 🙌🏾
Our mother's can't give what they don't have. We are humans and will have deficits. Hopefully, as time goes on, each generation will get better.
Starting with many women realizing they don’t have to be mothers!
@@CarmenSDYep!! 👏🏽 I’m remaining child free by choice.
this excuse does not apply to their son's thou... so it becomes a direct mistreat... they do it very much aware..
but the problem is they don't want to change. they don't want help. it is evil. they are evil.
Then they should take the steps to heal and take accountability
Clearly "Claire Huxtable" was so beloved because a lot of us longed for a mother like her, myself included.
I just came from TikTok please continue this conversation on how it impacts your finances, how you feel stuck, how you feel like you’re unable.
It’s time to talk about this because it’s a cycle. This mentality has destroyed our community. It’s interesting how Black mothers favor their sons, very harsh on their daughters but then the same sons still have resentment or unspoken towards them hence the negative attitude towards Black women. It’s complex.
I think the sons may resent them, because they are actually son-husbands and the moms make them responsible for their emotional needs (emotional incest) and have to be the “man” of the house and he doesn’t know how to put it in words because he loves his mom, but he knows something is wrong
It’s not a black thing. It’s not. We have enough burdens as is. Everything bad isn’t just us. That’s so tiring. Do some research.
This is so amazing!! So many black women need to hear this !!!!
This is a convo I would love to be a part of. My mother broke my heart when I realized she was my biggest bully. The way she raised me was to only care about her and to live in her reality. If I didn’t participate in her world she would disown me. I would have to tap dance and do everything for her to talk to me, let alone be there for me but she never was. I always felt like a burden to her, like she hated me. I felt like she raised me to be stupid and not think for myself and if I did I was being disrespectful. She lied about my biological father, told me another man was my father only to realized they used me as their pawn to cheat on his wife for 30 years, and I recently found out she knew my sister was molested and did nothing to protect her. My mother is the big bad wolf I’ve always been scared of. An absent Father is hard, yes. But an unhealed mother is the most dangerous person in my opinion. I have 4 children, 2 girls. I was so afraid of having girls cause I wasn’t taught how to be a woman. Though I still learning through these podcasts, therapy, and healing, I can say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I missed the mother I will never have. But I’m the mother I needed to my girls. I will never say or do half of the things my mother did to me. I’m healing for myself but also for my kids. I want them better than me. My mother wanted me to suffer like her or more. The adult daughter/mother pain is something you can’t explain. Thank you for this convo❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. YOU ARE SO BRAVE! You also shared my story. Thank. You. So. MUCH!
"never taught to be a woman"!!!!! This is me, with a 4 year old daughter 😢
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Success as a trauma response…..that’s deep
Wow, that example of the driver and the hit pedestrian around 18 minutes in is phenomenal!
Thank you! I had to use an example with my therapist to get her to understand bc we look at mothers so differently
I’m the underachiever. Always being super smart never trusting myself that I can be the best I can be.
my mother was abusive, neglectful and toxic. she made me feel unloved and unwanted and i knew something was wrong from a very young age. my late 20s i discovered she is very narcissistic, if not an actual narcissist, and it was like something clicked and it all made sense. our relationship has always been strained and ive tried too many times to have a good one with her. it wasnt until i fully realized how messed up my childhood was and how she’ll never change, that i went no contact. i dont plan to ever speak to her or see her again if i can help it. it really sucks but ive started my healing journey and i will be okay.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
My mom relationship is non existent. She bullied me from a child to my adult years. I forgave her but I love from a distance. I’m okay with that. But reading these comments it seems like these baby boomer moms had a mental illness they didn’t want to let go of.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
my mother always accused me of being stupid, untrustworthy and not able to choose good friends. I never understood why she thought so little of me and always stressed myself trying to prove to her otherwise. she always talked about my size although she was plus size and I'm thin, she was married to my dad so this is not a single mother issue by a long shot. later I realized she hated that my dad treated me better than her. well in her eyes he did. It was so freeing when i went to therapy, but sometimes therapist will have you sympathizing with an abuser, you can understand them but there is no excuse..... absolutely NO EXCUSE only thing I can thank her for despite the emotional trauma is making me an overachiever.
🎯🎯🎯
I experienced an enormous amount of emotional abuse as a child. My mother even said that we wished that I was never born. As a child, my mother often called me Black and ugly because I was dark skinned while my sisters were light skinned.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
I started to see that narcissistic mothers especially, keep their kids dependent on her. She rarely celebrates the kids who seeks success. She keeps all of her children and grandchildren feeling like having success should not be looked at as worthy of celebrating. But they’ll celebrate mediocrity. It’s twisted. Glad the conversations are happening
Narcissism (deep insecurities) and worldliness (putting things over people) is the cause. We must break the cycle. I was abused by my mom yet I broke the cycle with my child.
Same here
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Wow it brings me comfort to see women supporting and talking to each other about these issues! Its healing!
I have a ministry I started to deal with this. I love this topic! Ladies, keep talking we can change a generation.
I’m curious to learn more about the ministry you’ve started.
@christinasession8013 me too because God isn't in this conversation at all.
What is the ministry called?
This is the most affirming video that my 65 year old self needed to watch at this specific moment. Mother wounds caused me to normalize being "othered," gaslit, demeaned and wronged. Then, I had horrible experiences in therapy early on because their training was to keep you engaged with people who don't change to conform because generationally, this was the way things were. I have finally decided that almost all of the people I held space for in my life - blood and otherwise, can kick rocks! I have blocked and ghosted all those who make me feel wrong or wronged and those energy vampires who take from me disproportionately to what I give to them, leaving me depleted. I am spending time alone and loving it. Having those conversations with my inner little girl. Loving her. Allowing myself to be super picky with who I allow into my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you UA-cam algorithm for putting this in my feed! Subscribed!
THIS WAS GOOOOOOOOD!!!!! We as black women from all age groups need to have & hear this conversation!!!!!!! Jennifer is good!!!!!
I’ve noticed that some mothers have messed up their own lives. To only find their daughters doing it differently than them. They become jealous and want to live their lives over by snagging onto their daughter’s lives. So when the daughter out comes is a lot better a mother becomes resentful . Some mothers don’t know how to respect boundaries and think just because they are the mother. They think you’re supposed to always jump and ask how high. Not realizing you’re your own person and allowed to be and make decisions on your own. My mother never respected my preferences In who I choose to date. I like the choice of dating outside my race my mother likes her own. So she think that just because she likes who she likes I’m supposed to like the same. She never respected my decisions or my boundaries so I speak less to her. Because we are two different people and she knows that. Her life isn’t my life and my life isn’t hers. But some moms think they can live their life through that of their daughter. Instead of correcting whatever it was they did in their own life they’d rather latch on to their daughter’s life. Which always back fires on them in the end!! Daughters speak up and shine your always good enough😊
SO ACCURATE. THANK YOU for saying this truth exactly what I am millions of others are facing . So many mothers especially in our community are bitter , envious and in competition with their daughters . They end up with a life they didn’t want then try to confuse and derail yours too .
This is a much needed conversation that needs to continue and scale because there’s a lot of us out here. For the daughters who are truth tellers please continue to tell your story for your own healing and also to try and break these toxic generational curses/traumas for daughters that come after us. The shame associated with being an unloved daughter who never felt good enough and the outcomes (PTSD, perfectionism, hyper independence, lack of trust and more) that come as a result of being emotionally, mentally, spirituality abused by your mother to the point that you physically can’t be around her is almost unbelievable, but it’s real. I pray for the healing of any woman who has experienced this!
27:04 to 28:20 "Success as a trauma response" is a whole sermon 💡
She didn't have to hem me up like that.
I unfortunately relate with both these ladies. I began to mourn my childhood and relationship with my mother when I had a daughter and saw how she trusts me in ways that I could never trust my mother. She used her words and lack of compassion and love to tear me down. Til this day, in my 40's I am having to heal. You cannot heal continuing to give excuses or compassion toward your mother, until you give it to yourself. We deserved better, we are worthy of love. Great topic of conversation.
So good! I still have to watch my back with my own mother. I am afraid for her to have my address due to the fact she may show up or hire someone to follow me or harm me...I am afraid to introduce her to my adult friends because she will get their numbers and fake like she is being "motherly" and then dog me out to them, to prevent me from having emotional support/love outside of her...I thought I was an oddball growing up and the only one going through these things...I still won't tell a man I am dating until after we are perhaps, engaged...because people look at you different and don't get it unless they are living through it. I made it through, but there is a fine line in forgiving an extremely toxic mother and protecting yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is still a predator. And I have made peace with that. I show her respect when I see her. I even visit her and my father about once a month...but I keep it light and leave it at that.
You’re not alone.The way you wrote this, I thought it was an old comment of mine. God has us, if He didn’t we wouldn’t have made it out alive.
I can’t share anything w/ my mother because she harbors jealousy n tries to sabotage my life n relationships. She used to be beautiful, charming n male identified and will do anything for any man’s attention n acceptance. She slept with my boyfriend when I was a teen so she won’t be around my husband bcuz of her competitive nature. I cut her dirty azz off‼️ I won’t look back for nurturing bcuz it’s not in her.
My life has never been better 🙌🏽
Your story is very...similar to mine! But guess what?! We made it! Thank You Jesus!
If you said all that I will never if I were you be alone with her. She sounds extremely dangerous
@@vfree4579 My middle sister has advised against it. She is never lone with her. My mother is genius level smart so she will cut you in a conversation and you don't even know you have been cut...until you think back on the conversation...and you are like...how did she do that without me even being able to realize it was happening? I have gotten smarter and figuring it out and will aggressively, yet respectfully correct her and she backs down...but it took so long to learn how to do that...now I just limit her access to me and when she can't see me when she wants...she will call around trying to ask questions about me...even though I visit my parents...they don't know where I live. And my Dad is trapped there with her...paralyzed on his left side from a stroke...so in order for my sisters and I to see him, we have to come to her home...and it is the only reason she takes care of him...to keep people coming to visit otherwise, she knows...no one would come see her from our family.
Omg the shame! I never knew how shameful I felt about myself for my mother not loving me properly.
Hi❤
This reminds me of Monique’s character in Precious. Bad mothers compete with daughters.
I was disconnect with my mom at a very young age. My mom had always hated me and treated my brother well. I’m her care taker now and it’s been the hardest thing to care for someone who doesn’t care about you.
I’m the first to break the the curse. I made sure that me and my daughter have a good relationship. I will die before I allow me and my baby have the kind of relationship me and my mom and grandmother had.
@kendrawinchester3704 meaning no harm, but breaking the curse might also include not being her caretaker. It's hard maybe because it's not what you should be doing. Your childhood was already hard because of her, why make your adulthood one day difficult because of her, when now you have a choice?
Ladies keep going. Our mothers dont define us.
♥️♥️♥️
I just officially cut my mother out of my life as of a week ago. This podcast really opened my eyes to a lot of the behaviors that I have because of mother wounds. From being a perfectionist’s . I have two bachelors degrees and I was in the military. And I still feel the need to achieve more. From never asking for help, to being indecisive.. all of these things I do not knowing that it’s because of the damage my mother has done. Thank you for this ❤❤❤❤l
Same I think a lot of us are waking up
Wow, same here. Perfectionist, two degrees and military as well.
I remember exactly where I was, how old I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing, and why I was crying to my best friend for the umpteenth time about "Why doesn't she like me? Why doesn't she love me?". So when My mom told me just last October, the depth to which she hated me... Even though I knew when I was 6 that I would NEVER be enough -Not even good enough, just enough- It hurt to hear her say what I already knew in my wounded child's heart.
I haven't spoken to her in almost a year, and to be frank, I hope I never see or hear from her again. If she died tomorrow, 2 things would happen: I wouldn't care, cry, or show up to the funeral, or, I would show up to the funeral, and stand far away from everyone as a representation of how I felt separated from the family, and wear my favorite colors just to make it clear that I don't respect her. Even in death. The "She's still your mom" statement is repulsive to me. It Holds no weight to me because she chose everything over me. Money, sex, alcohol, men. I was merely an accessory to her life, and nothing more. She *knew* she could be a better parent, she just didn't *want* to be a better parent. Her Mindset was "You can do better, but not better than me."
When the Loved experiences of a person are nonexistent or are overshadowed by the lived experiences of a person, you get what you deserve. If you don't want people to have negative experiences of you, perhaps you should treat them better.
block. no contact. move if needed. periodt. im no contact
My mom wrote in a card for my college graduation. I never wanted you to do better than me, but to be better than me.
@@autobotdiva9268currently no contact for 7 years.
@@latasih well if that isnt a malignant narcissit. i would never contact her again.
@@autobotdiva9268 I had to get a restraining order because she started to harrass my friends and my adopted family
Jennifer Arnise....this is beyond finding your niche...this is creating your own space...respect to you
This video NEEDS to go viral with millions of views instead everything else that is plaguing social media! Fellas please support protect and love our women!!!!
I don't know how I found this channel and episode but I am so grateful I did. I hit that subscribe button so fast. The host is so beautiful for being honest and vulnerable about her mommy issues.
I cried through this whole video. I abruptly left my 15 year toxic job that was killing me. I told my mom and she hasn't checked on me or spoken to me since. I hate to admit it but I think a part of her enjoyed my suffering.
I refect on things she's said in the past like, "What do you mean you had people over your place? Who would want to be friends with you?"
I've had to keep coming back to this over the years, hoping that I'm wrong or don't understand her enough. But the truth is this person doesn't really love me (probably doesn't know how).
Very, very hard to face.
Sorry your going through that
I am so glad that these conversations are being had. I had stopped sharing things about my relationship with my mother because I would be shamed so badly. For years I thought I was a unicorn. We are estranged now and I wish her nothing but the best and a journey of healing for herself. I am done being the recipient of toxic hurt from her childhood. I wish you all the best on your paths to healing and recovery.💞
Please we NEED a series! Part 2….we want moreeeeee
Please make this topic a series! This woman is a national treasure.
My mother was abusive to me and is still a terrible mother to me but my younger sister she treats well and tries to make others favor her over me as well but it never works.
We have different fathers mine she hates and my sisters father is the man she loved and couldn’t truly have.
🎯🎯
I can relate to this! 😩
Wow that is heartbreaking 💔
Wow, I have a very similar experience with my Mother.
"Our mother is the water that we swim in," how deep, and so true, especially my mother was the most toxic person in my life, which is why I no longer speak to her til this day:
POSITIVE VIBES ONLY!🌞🌞🌞
Hi❤
Real Talk‼️💯
I’m only 5 minutes in and I’m already invested. It feels so good to not feel alone. Thank you for talking about this.
This was one of the more informative, insightful podcasts I've seen in a while. So thank you both for this. Something even as a man I've been dealing with with my mom, which seemed to get worse around my teenage years when I started searching for my own autonomy not only from her but my family as well, so it's always nice to see other people put things I've felt into words. Topics like this are equally as reassuring as they are heartbreaking because I hate to see other people have to not only experience this, but move through life with the residue of it. Plus, as black women, I couldn't imagine how much more crushing/defeating it is to have to deal with. Much love to yall and salute for having the courage to fight to be who you actually are, not just for your kids, but for yourselves as well.
Side note: There's a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish and it's a communication book geared around children but it has a lot of practical exercises on how to communicate with kids that translates really well when we use it to self talk to our own inner child. Jennifer mentioned the importance of reparenting ourselves and that's a resource that's done wonders for me.
@Roblyrical9949 I can't THANK YOU enough for the book recommendation. ❤
I struggle with guilt of speaking on how I was treated because I don’t want my Mom to look bad to other people.
So very real! I have a mandate to write and I am stuck because of what others will say 😢
Intersectionality - being Black and ALSO a woman. Bell Hooks wrote an excellent book on this subject
This woman is really an amazing example of a HEALED woman. Anointed and enlightened, and not a drop of bitterness in her body either. This was very helpful for me.
My mom was bipolar and refused to take her medication or get therapy. When my sister was born I knew my mother didn’t like me and to read it in her journal was confirmation. As a child I just wanted to be loved and showed emotional attention as a teen I hated her and wanted to make her life harder, I wanted revenge. As an adult I was taking the responsibility to seek therapy and seeing a psychiatrist weekly I pitied her. My mom never was consistent with her mental health and I paid the price (emotionally, physically, mentally) she was a professional gaslighter. It’s funny growing up she supposedly knew what was best for me but couldn’t look in the mirror to see what’s best for her and get help. Her trauma impact my whole life and traumatized me, I never had a safe place. As I continue my therapy journey a lot of my behavior growing up was a trauma response my safe space was going to sleep and internalizing it. I told myself I’d never have kids because my granny obviously did something to my grandma that lead her to abuse my mom that ended her in foster care and my mom abusing me but that generational curse will not be placed on my child (My mom should’ve never had a kid or got married at 19) she was irresponsible. It’s crazy to think my mom kicked me out of the house in the six grade or her being the first person to call me a b**** or out my name in general. When it was bad you’d think I was some random chick off the street and not her child but then when it was good she’d love bomb me. In public she was perfect everyone loved her she had lots of friends but when the door closed it was hell on wheels. When she got cancer and remarried I didn’t show up or come visit often. I forgive her but the wounds she caused on me internally are deep and her being gone an apology will never be had. My sister finally told some of our family what my mom was really like and my mom favorite sister apologized to me for what my mother did and she apologized to her kids cause she knew what she did to them wasn’t right. It’s crazy how family are always like how come you didnt tell me, if I did would it made a difference NOPE. I disassociate from everyone and now my husband and I protected our peace. I remember talking to my step dad and him saying it makes sense now why you never really came around. I was 23 when my mom finally got mental help so by the time he met my mom she was a different person and they got the best of her when I got the bare minimum and I envy that. I never knew what unconditional love felt like until I met my husband because my parents love was conditional
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
This conversation is SO NEEDED! There are so many Black women with mother wounds (myself included). You ladies fed my soul!🥰
Rooting yourself in the fact that this is a remnant of chattel slavery really aligns me with the work that still needs to be done for my children’s sake.
I would like to hear about this when you have a disabled mother who is dependent in some aspects not all but its caused so many toxic scenarios for me being the only and youngest daughter. This conversation was so needed! Thank you ladies
Sounds like my youngest sister. She thought she was doing the right thing taking care of her estranged mother. She’s now realizing that she cursed her own family. The dysfunction and madness she brought into my sister’s life can only come from the devil.
PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT "THERAPY AND GETTING ON TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS" IS RELATIVELY NEW!!!!
WOMEN AND GIRLS DID NOT HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!!
ASK ANYONE FIFTY AND OVER!!!
Okay?
This made me cry in so many ways! Listening as a wounded daughter and A healed Mother!!
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My mother resented (and still resents) me for what my father did to her. Even things that he did to her before I was born.
She resents me for building a life that she wishes she had when she was younger. Then when my ex was abusing me, she encouraged it and I was expected to tolerate it. I guess because she felt she had to in her own marriage. Thankfully I knew better and I stood up to my ex.
I’m in my 40s and I have FINALLY accepted that she will never be the kind of mother I wanted.
But we don’t have to pass this down to generations. I am the kind of mother to my daughter that my own mother was incapable of being to me. I don’t get on with my mother and have gone ‘no contact’ but I am grateful for the lessons I learned because I have nurtured a loving and respectful relationship with my own child and my daughter knows her worth
I’ve been in therapy for a solid year now. I’ve mostly talked about my father but most recently started opening up about my wound with my mother. @ 13 mins the tears started welling up @18:40 the tears were full blown. That piece resonated with me so hard currently. Jennifer dragged me BALD but ima gone head and subscribe.. 🥹 I needed to watch this.
Wowwww I neededdd this!!! There is a therapist keeping saying that you have to forgive your mother and keep on talking to her once in a while just to see how she is doing! I have been struggling wi5h this soo much cuz my soul dont want to as yet. And this keep me focussing more about the relationship with my mother and not to myself! It is weighting down on me cuz I feel like I cant move on unless I forgive and forget and talk to my mother like nothing has ever happened. I feel like I cant become something again unless I forgive and talk to my mother. It is a real struggle that is keepimg me stuck in life. Cuz I know when I let go, I really can do so much better and feel relief. But its like they talk the guilt in you that if something happened, you will regret not talking to her or something. This thing is really giving me menthal problems! So thank you for this!!
My paternal grandmother ignores my calls, doesn't answer the door when I come over, makes up every excuse to avoid my company but will pick up the phone after 1 ring for my baby brother he even has a key to her home. I've learned to accept my grandmother for who she is and live my life. Atleast I tried.
Man Jennifer was on POINT! 😂🙌🏾 I thought this would be some stale talking points, mainly because I’ve seen peer-to-peer discussions more so venting as they attempt to explain “mother wound”. It’s usually more commiserating. But the guest asked the good (rhetorical) questions and decoding the behavior like a true SME. Very helpful. Nicely done.
Speak. Exactly how I feel. People are turning against me due to not wanting a relationship with my mother. Very good discussion.
I am so happy I came across your Podcast. This is a subject that really needs addressing in our community. I have to say if there was an award for the world worst mother's award. My mother would have received it hands down. She didn't raise me but tossed me from one family member to the next. Leaving me and not checking on me. I was never a priority in her life. She was never a nurturing mother. My brother is her pride and joy but she didn't raise him either. He was with my bonus dad so he wasn't tossed around as I was as a young child. It even worsened in my adult years. All the lies and tearing me down discussing private matters with her toxic and dysfunctional family members, always accused me of wanting men that she was dating and I could have cared less about anyone she was ever involved with. She has been jealous of my family. I also have 2 children and I made a promise to myself that I would never treat my children the way she treated me. Well, she has gotten her wish she turned my children against me. Bragged about it to people for my granddaughter's 15 birthday. I was not invited to her party. She loved it and kept hitting below the belt. Then she says I don't know why your children can't stand you and don't want anything to do with you. She told me that my daughter told her that I was never welcome in her home. Of course as a mother that really hurt me. Back in February, I was at my mother's house. She went in her closet and got a gun with the intent to cause bodily harm to me. She ran up behind me calling me all kinds of names. Mind you she had a bad leg so she said and I never said anything to her, this is something she wanted to do for a long time. I called my brother to come back from the gym. He could hear her in the background calling me all kinds of bitches.She went outside and was on the phone talking loud. I was standing in the window of my brother's room and saw him come through the gate she pointed the gun at him. My brother said that when he walked up he heard her say there is an intruder in my house come quick. My brother kept telling her to put the gun down, I thank God my brother came when he did because she would have used that gun on me. The police came they talked to my brother and I and her she was outside. My brother didn't want them to take her to jail. I did because she intended to use that gun on me. They asked us if she had any mental issues. My brother said he felt she was bi-polar and I said she probably has some stages of dimentia. They felt like she displayed signs of mental issues. That did it for me I could never trust her again after what she did I am so done. I cut her off completely. I gave the situation over to God. I have never had a relationship with her she has always hated me. I told my brother he is on his own when it comes to her I can't tell him what to do. I also told him she is nothing to me . I could see her and she would be invisible to me! For my children to be told what she did and they not care. It really breaks my heart. My daughter knew that my mother and I never got along. Now I know how they truly feel about me. Sorry, this is so long. It's not even half of it
Please do a part 2. PLEASE! Or a series. VERY good. This was soooooo good. So very good. Kudos Ladies :)
Say that! This is so helpful. My mother has treated me horribly all my life. I've come to understand her trauma, I see her as human and I've continued to be extremely loving and kind. None of this has worked to heal me. This perspective helps so much. Very therapeutic. Thank you ladies!
My mother abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally. It didn't stop once I grew up and married and tried to turn my boyfriend now husband against me. That didn't work, so she put me out. I had both of my parents, and my father was passive. I grew up in the church, stayed a virgin until I got married, but was living from house to house of relatives and then. The home I stayed in until I married was my brother's, girlfriend aunt, that was sick and needed care. Even after I got married she continued the verbal, and mental abuse. The last straw with my mother was when she came and took my 16 year old daughter out of my house while we slept the night after my husband and I came from our first cruise/honey moon. She took my daughter that was rebelling because of a boy we didn't want her talking 2. My mother died about 2 years ago. I cut her completely off, didn't go to her funeral. My daughter that decided to leave with her got pregnant by that boy, unlike myself who married first. She became a baby mamma at the hands of my devilish mother. I regret not ending the relationship with my mother sooner.
Wow! The fact that she sabotaged her grand daughter is crazy. I'm sorry you experienced that.
I can relate. Was abused by my narc evil mom who also tried to destroy my marriage while I was still on my honeymoon. Wish I would've went no contact or moved to another state. But God has turned it all into my favor. God bless you.
I remember watching "Precious" and hearing her yelling at the bottom of the stairs... my mom sounds EXACTLY like her...
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
My mom put me down for being dark skinned it hurts until this day. I have two sons and would never treat them like I was treated. Heavenly Father only you can change my situation, You have provided this far. I need a miracle today please come and rescue me. As a single mother, raising not one but two children on the spectrum I am overwhelmed and I’m constantly struggling to pay bills. Struggling to buy groceries, struggling to do it all. But I won’t give up faith is all I have left and faith is all I need. I believe Father.❤️💕
Women can’t give love until they feel and know love. We have to break these generational curses. We all have work to do. I say this because myself and my mom escaped this trauma. ❤ Peace, love, blessings, and endurance to all experiencing this right now.
@@ciarraleone2040 I disagree. They know how to love their man really well.
@@latasih If that were true The divorce rate wouldn't be so high and men would not be complaining so much.
I identify with a lot of the wounds but more importantly I identify with a lot of the HEALING 💚💚💚💚 LOVE that I came across this Thank you Ladies 🖤💚💜❤
Yes to healing ♥️
This needs to be talk about and how when others see the abuse to speak up about it and not let it happen for entertainment and satisfaction reasons.
It's real. My mother and I was never on good turn up until she died and I was only 17 year old. I'm the age she was when passing. Had a hard beginning into adulthood and was a emotional wreck raising now my daughter. Today, I make it my business to encourage, keep open communication, and express love and gratitude with my daughter. I wish I had a mother, when I had a mother. It's been lonely but I'm still standing.
So Thank you ladies for this topic!
Its time for mother's and daughters to be in harmony and balance no matter the situation.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
@@grownwomantv 😉 Listed! Much Appreciated 💛
OMG... confirmation right on time. I needed this tonight. I'm 50 years old. My mother is 74.
That flip phone iPhone analogy really did what it needed to do for me. Thank you.
I’m so thankful that the only complaint of my mom is that she wasn’t super expressive and that’s literally it! I’m not the best single mom but I’m positive that because of having her as a mom, I’m able to fix things with my daughter quickly after messing up.
I loved this conversation! There are many of us. I was the only person in my childhood that didn't have a relationship with her mother. However it didn't stop me from being a loving mother to my daughter. Our people have gone through so much trauma. I would tell my daughter that each generation is better than the one before. You two ladies are excellent mothers. You are cleaning your family bloodline! I'm was very moved by this video.
Whewwww!!! This is where I’m at in my self love/ healing journey: learning to trust myself. The indecisiveness has gotten to a point where it pisses me off I can’t decide what to eat to making the simplest decisions.
Thank you for this episode! I’m new to the pod❤❤❤
Sisters! Thank you for the Love, Healing and... Vulnerability. This is a real conversation❤ Yes, to part 2 and a series.
Yes, please have her back to discuss the impact on careers; high and low earners. Thank you for bringing this topic forward with clarity and dignity.
That was amazing information, this brought up so many triggers for me ! Thank you
This whole episode was so needed and affirming. I've followed Koereylle for years but now realizing we are dang near one & the same with our trauma/experiences. I found Jennifer thru her page and so glad that i did, because these conversations help heal a wound that we didnt know affects us so much. Thank you! ❤
This is sooooooo good and an eye opening convo. Helps me to give my mom even more grace and mercy
Whew! I'm only at 1:52 and sobbing after hearing her voice and realizing I'm not the only one out here dealing with this!!!
And a few seconds later she mentions that she saw a movie acknowledging that this is a thing and she's not crazy! WOWWWWW!!! 🥺
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Loved this show. I didn't know that so many women go through it with their mothers. Please do a part 2 or the series y'all mentioned at the end of the show. Thanks for the show and your openess.
Wow!! This is deep. I have a daughter who is grown and she has a daughter. I love ❤️ my daughter. My mother never told me that she loved me but I knew she did because she took care of me. I made up my mind that I will tell my children that I ❤️ them and give plenty of hugs. I will be their cheerleader for anything they want to do in life.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
❤❤❤ 😭. I swear this video took me to another level of my healing journey. This is no coincidence that this video came across my feed today!! Thank you!! I am free!!
So glad we are having this conversation. Great interview...learned a great deal 💛
I’m comply tuned all the way in. As I look back I actually see this took place for a lot of us.
The “The four stages of competence” rings true for me. Definitely worth looking into
Do you believe that's why we as black woman don't like each other?😢
MY MOTHER LOVES ME SOO MUCH ALL OF US SISTERS ❤❤❤
This is an Excellent and much needed Conversation, for Our Community 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽