Before getting married, I knew I was going to have a difficult marriage. I accepted it and thought it was my calling. 7 months in, we starting seeking marriage counseling but it was getting worse. I was often confused and couldn't understand why even the littlest disagreement could turn into chaos. Even then, I was willing to stick it out and make it work. But when the devaluing started, and being myself became a problem, that's when I realized that the marriage is destructive. We even did the Focus on the Family marriage intensive, but I realized I needed to make a choice: lose myself or lose him. I decided losing him was less costly. Thank you Leslie for your content!
There’s probably not one answer to this question. When difficult becomes destructive will be different for each person. Each marriage is different and each person is able to handle different levels of difficulty before they break.
How many of us contributed destructively in our reacting to the destructive behavior of our husbands? I sure did. I was a critical angry wife who felt stuck. It took me 32 years to give myself permission and to understand it was a destructive marriage. I left 6 months ago and we are mediating our divorce. He has never owned his part and continues to blame me.
Leslie that is so wonderful to go with your daughter to meet her biology parents and learn her biology heritage & roots. I bet that was emotional for you both ❤
One thing that trips me up is this. I am so physically broken down, my health is abysmal. I can barely function day to day. I can’t care for myself properly, and I can’t go to doctors appointments because we don’t have the money (husband refuses to get a better paying job, I work part time and take care of all childcare, cooking, and household duties with no help). Is it my fault that I’m letting the stress get to me so much so that it’s destroying my body? I know it may sound crazy, but that’s a concern I have. He tells me I need to not be so stressed out over our marriage/how he treats me. But it’s like I can’t help it.
I am curious, why do you think having a line is not okay? God has lines and boundaries all throughout His Word and His creation. Also, I have listened to Leslie before and have always heard her say to focus on changing yourself. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to want your partner to change, especially of his/her behaviors are causing pain/destruction in the family. But she always emphasizes that you can't force your partner to change, and you're only responsible for yourself. Ideally, a husband and wife are supposed to be co-heirs in this grace Of Life and bring glory to God.
@@melissajenkins1637 no idea what you are talking about . She said to list what you learned. it seems like there was no line to stop crossing 🤦🏽♀️. Who said anything about not wanting your mate to change ? May God give you understanding.
Women I know tell me that it's when things break around the house or are getting thrown around... It sort of ups the ante on control by intimidation. And it feels like you are dealing with your toddler, not your husband. No wonder where the kids get it from, right? At 7, our special needs kid knows better than to throw things when he's mad. Does the husband?
Before getting married, I knew I was going to have a difficult marriage. I accepted it and thought it was my calling. 7 months in, we starting seeking marriage counseling but it was getting worse. I was often confused and couldn't understand why even the littlest disagreement could turn into chaos. Even then, I was willing to stick it out and make it work. But when the devaluing started, and being myself became a problem, that's when I realized that the marriage is destructive.
We even did the Focus on the Family marriage intensive, but I realized I needed to make a choice: lose myself or lose him. I decided losing him was less costly.
Thank you Leslie for your content!
I'm thankful you were able to realize this before spending decades in a destructive marriage.
Your final statement hit home so hard!!
There’s probably not one answer to this question. When difficult becomes destructive will be different for each person. Each marriage is different and each person is able to handle different levels of difficulty before they break.
How many of us contributed destructively in our reacting to the destructive behavior of our husbands? I sure did. I was a critical angry wife who felt stuck. It took me 32 years to give myself permission and to understand it was a destructive marriage. I left 6 months ago and we are mediating our divorce. He has never owned his part and continues to blame me.
I can relate. Bitterness is taking root .
Congratulations on your amazing trip!!
Thanks very much for these reminders 😅 so happy for you and your daughter 😅❤
Thank you so much for your knowledge and encouragement 🙏
Leslie that is so wonderful to go with your daughter to meet her biology parents and learn her biology heritage & roots. I bet that was emotional for you both ❤
Your list of red flags!
One thing that trips me up is this. I am so physically broken down, my health is abysmal. I can barely function day to day. I can’t care for myself properly, and I can’t go to doctors appointments because we don’t have the money (husband refuses to get a better paying job, I work part time and take care of all childcare, cooking, and household duties with no help). Is it my fault that I’m letting the stress get to me so much so that it’s destroying my body? I know it may sound crazy, but that’s a concern I have. He tells me I need to not be so stressed out over our marriage/how he treats me. But it’s like I can’t help it.
Not controlling your own behavior by yelling, screaming and destroying your house
That there was a line at all, it’s not ok and God does not accept it . There are consequences and focus is to change me not the other person
I am curious, why do you think having a line is not okay? God has lines and boundaries all throughout His Word and His creation. Also, I have listened to Leslie before and have always heard her say to focus on changing yourself. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to want your partner to change, especially of his/her behaviors are causing pain/destruction in the family. But she always emphasizes that you can't force your partner to change, and you're only responsible for yourself. Ideally, a husband and wife are supposed to be co-heirs in this grace Of Life and bring glory to God.
@@melissajenkins1637 no idea what you are talking about . She said to list what you learned. it seems like there was no line to stop crossing 🤦🏽♀️. Who said anything about not wanting your mate to change ? May God give you understanding.
Do my work. I am responsible for my responses and choices.
Women I know tell me that it's when things break around the house or are getting thrown around... It sort of ups the ante on control by intimidation. And it feels like you are dealing with your toddler, not your husband. No wonder where the kids get it from, right? At 7, our special needs kid knows better than to throw things when he's mad.
Does the husband?
This is very true.