This is interesting but what about the patient risking retraumatisation from the therapist’s silence? As you say, they’re seeking compassion but can experience the analyst’s silence as alienating, or at least (understandably) unnatural. When this comes to light, is it the analyst’s job to assure the patient that they’re quiet simply because they’re listening and reflecting? And even if so, that answer understandably might be quite inadequate for the patient, who now can’t establish a connection with therapist and continues to feel insecure. It sounds like psychoanalysis doesn’t provide attachment, it just makes the patient aware of their needs etc. Is that correct?
Dear Jamie, thank you for this complex discussion. It would require a very detailed reply. To begin with, there is the issue of selection, or "preparation", for psychoanalysis. One cannot work in the same way with all types of personality structures, mental disorders, childhood trauma... Second, most of this is quite individual, and different analysts would approach in different ways, possibly (hopefully) even from one session to the next. I believe that the analyst should provide what they feel is natural for them and beneficial for the patient. Also, a lot can be provided without the use of words. Then, whenever something is "inadequate for the patient", I believe that should be the focus of our attention - inadequate how, and followed by which reactions, and why... Finally, psychoanalysis cannot progress without attachment (trust, bond...), just the analyst's role in it will be more implicit - we will always be there, not forgetting, listening carefully, offering empathy, etc. - which is most usually the background to everything but not the focus. I hope this helps!
I agree; Attachment is what was lacking in my analysis. I considered him a Hand Holder; he gave structure to my somewhat chaotic life, even though I was always employed, moving up to jobs requiring more, as the years unfolded.
absolutely. I remember a therapist wanting to practice silence to push the patient or client to change. but when someone has had emotional neglect all their life, this is only confirming that you too are like everyone else. I think often supervision by someone else can lead to these silent behaviors where someone out of context leads the way. I agree and think people should behave naturally and like a human rather than pursuing too many agendas and methods.
Jamie C, from personal experience as a patient of analytically based psychotherapy years ago, I wholeheartedly agree with your concerns. I experienced the therapists utter, baffling silence as implying complete indifference to what became of me, and as punishment that I must have failed the therapist in some way. This at a time when I led a very isolated life and was downtrodden and demoralised in such contact as I did have with other people.
I wasted 15 months with a silent group analyst. The whole experiece just left me ruminating constantly with just deepening depression. The idea that somehow you are meant to have an attachment in these strange situations is just beyond me. What a therapist might regard as selection or preparation is not necessarily what a client would consider so. I felt burdened with an expected long term commitment to something I didn't feel I could consent to. I'm now totally disillusioned about the real value of talking therapies and feel saddened every time I listen to talks by people who care more about theory than the effect it has on clients. I certainly felt suicidal during and after entering into this strange situation. When I finally managed to say and stick to my wish to terminate the therapist shook her head at me.
Trying to process all that arises in me, as I watch this video... I've fallen in love with a man. I don't know what his feelings are for me? But he clearly doesn't love me: like I love him... And that leaves me full of shame... I'm 42 and have never been in a relationship... I have no friends. No career. No money. No love. No nothing. And I'm old now. I'm a complete utter total failure. And I die in the shame and grief and rage of it all...
My first Analyst was Traditional. I was Highly defended, a tall young woman paired with a short man, not ancient, but 11 years older. He once asked how old I thought he was; I looked closely at his face, and caught an expression that made me think of my oldest sister, although there was nothing feminine about him. He confirmed my answer. Short men were almost insignificant to me. He was a model Analyst; I was the problem, not he. It would have been useful if he had confronted me about withholding information, prior to me ending the Analysis many years after the beginning. I knew I was not whole, but I had gained enough confidence to concentrate. Therefore, I could enroll in University to get an undergraduate degree. I was so very unconscious that he had to inform me that I had been emotionally neglected all my life. Friends and neighbors believed our family was perfect. I believe if he were an experienced Analyst and not in Training, he would have found a way to get me to open up, instead of talking dreams every session 4x a week - which he never helped me understand; because he was as clueless about their meanings, as I. He definately knew my early childhood issues, even though I simply could not consider the truth! I eventually paired up with a tall man, moved away, and when I realized, being financially successful and working 60 - 80 hours a week, that I was living a lie. When my SO had an affair, I decided to exit the relationship, rather than work things out. We were not a good match, and I knew he had too many issues, himself, to work through. 8 months later, I decided to Analyze myself, since, by then I knew the process. The rest is history; just this month I unraveled a dream from the Collective Unconscious that I had during the first Analysis. I have been perplexed, forever, about one final prehistoric symbol. I reconfigured in my mind, all possible scenarios when that final peace popped into place! Life is too short to require so much time to become Authentic or Individualized.
"It appals me to think how much deep change I have prevented or delayed in patients in a certain classification category by my personal need to interpret. If only we can wait, the patient arrives at understanding creatively and with immense joy, and I now enjoy this joy more than I used to enjoy the sense of having been clever. I think I interpret mainly to let the patient know the limits of my understanding. The principle is that it is the patient and only the patient who has the answers." Donald W. Winnicott in "The Use of an Object" (International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 1969)
He's refreshing in his clarity.
Thank you. Will share
This is interesting but what about the patient risking retraumatisation from the therapist’s silence? As you say, they’re seeking compassion but can experience the analyst’s silence as alienating, or at least (understandably) unnatural. When this comes to light, is it the analyst’s job to assure the patient that they’re quiet simply because they’re listening and reflecting? And even if so, that answer understandably might be quite inadequate for the patient, who now can’t establish a connection with therapist and continues to feel insecure. It sounds like psychoanalysis doesn’t provide attachment, it just makes the patient aware of their needs etc. Is that correct?
Dear Jamie, thank you for this complex discussion. It would require a very detailed reply.
To begin with, there is the issue of selection, or "preparation", for psychoanalysis. One cannot work in the same way with all types of personality structures, mental disorders, childhood trauma...
Second, most of this is quite individual, and different analysts would approach in different ways, possibly (hopefully) even from one session to the next. I believe that the analyst should provide what they feel is natural for them and beneficial for the patient. Also, a lot can be provided without the use of words.
Then, whenever something is "inadequate for the patient", I believe that should be the focus of our attention - inadequate how, and followed by which reactions, and why...
Finally, psychoanalysis cannot progress without attachment (trust, bond...), just the analyst's role in it will be more implicit - we will always be there, not forgetting, listening carefully, offering empathy, etc. - which is most usually the background to everything but not the focus.
I hope this helps!
I agree; Attachment is what was lacking in my analysis. I considered him a Hand Holder; he gave structure to my somewhat chaotic life, even though I was always employed, moving up to jobs requiring more, as the years unfolded.
absolutely. I remember a therapist wanting to practice silence to push the patient or client to change. but when someone has had emotional neglect all their life, this is only confirming that you too are like everyone else. I think often supervision by someone else can lead to these silent behaviors where someone out of context leads the way. I agree and think people should behave naturally and like a human rather than pursuing too many agendas and methods.
Jamie C, from personal experience as a patient of analytically based psychotherapy years ago, I wholeheartedly agree with your concerns. I experienced the therapists utter, baffling silence as implying complete indifference to what became of me, and as punishment that I must have failed the therapist in some way. This at a time when I led a very isolated life and was downtrodden and demoralised in such contact as I did have with other people.
I wasted 15 months with a silent group analyst. The whole experiece just left me ruminating constantly with just deepening depression. The idea that somehow you are meant to have an attachment in these strange situations is just beyond me. What a therapist might regard as selection or preparation is not necessarily what a client would consider so. I felt burdened with an expected long term commitment to something I didn't feel I could consent to. I'm now totally disillusioned about the real value of talking therapies and feel saddened every time I listen to talks by people who care more about theory than the effect it has on clients. I certainly felt suicidal during and after entering into this strange situation. When I finally managed to say and stick to my wish to terminate the therapist shook her head at me.
Trying to process all that arises in me, as I watch this video...
I've fallen in love with a man.
I don't know what his feelings are for me?
But he clearly doesn't love me: like I love him...
And that leaves me full of shame...
I'm 42 and have never been in a relationship...
I have no friends.
No career.
No money.
No love.
No nothing.
And I'm old now.
I'm a complete utter total failure.
And I die in the shame and grief and rage of it all...
Are you still alive?
My first Analyst was Traditional. I was Highly defended, a tall young woman paired with a short man, not ancient, but 11 years older. He once asked how old I thought he was; I looked closely at his face, and caught an expression that made me think of my oldest sister, although there was nothing feminine about him. He confirmed my answer.
Short men were almost insignificant to me.
He was a model Analyst; I was the problem, not he.
It would have been useful if he had confronted me about withholding information, prior to me ending the Analysis many years after the beginning.
I knew I was not whole, but I
had gained enough confidence to concentrate.
Therefore, I could enroll in University to get an undergraduate degree.
I was so very unconscious that he had to inform me that I had been emotionally neglected all my life. Friends and neighbors believed our family was perfect. I believe if he were an experienced Analyst and not in Training, he would have found a way to get me to open up, instead of talking dreams every session 4x a week - which he never helped me understand; because he was as clueless about their meanings, as I. He definately knew my early childhood issues, even though I simply could not consider the truth!
I eventually paired up with a tall man, moved away, and when I realized, being financially successful and working 60 - 80 hours a week, that I was living a lie. When my SO had an affair, I decided to exit the relationship, rather than work things out. We were not a good match, and I knew he had too many issues, himself, to work through. 8 months later, I decided to Analyze myself, since, by then I knew the process. The rest is history; just this month I unraveled a dream from the Collective Unconscious that I had during the first Analysis. I have been perplexed, forever, about one final prehistoric symbol. I reconfigured in my mind, all possible scenarios when that final peace popped into place!
Life is too short to require so much time to become Authentic or Individualized.
Why pick on silence? Plenty of countertransference resistance in our verbal interventions, too! One sided!
"It appals me to think how much deep change I have prevented or delayed in patients in a certain classification category by my personal need to interpret. If only we can wait, the patient arrives at understanding creatively and with immense joy, and I now enjoy this joy more than I used to enjoy the sense of having been clever. I think I interpret mainly to let the patient know the limits of my understanding. The principle is that it is the patient and only the patient who has the answers."
Donald W. Winnicott in "The Use of an Object" (International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 1969)
because “silence” has a strong power dynamics.