This is an awesome video and it really shows how hard women work to mask, no wonder we're in burnout. We constantly think of what other people perceive when we interact with them!
This is really interesting Gina. You have genuine helpful insight into the role that smiling plays in social interaction. I relate to what you are saying but I have a somewhat different perspective as a male with life-long difficulty smiling when I was expected to smile. The first thing that comes to my mind is my aversion to being photographed. Since I was very young I have been very uncomfortable when a camera is pointed in my direction, especially when sandwiched in a group of other people. My main thought is getting through the ordeal a quickly as possible so that I can breath again, as I am usually way out of my comfort zone at that point. Not to mention that my that my Pathological Demand Avoidance has kicked in pretty good by then. I can have a genuine smile in the right setting but being expected to smile when I don't necessarily feel like it does challenge me. I do think that women have it harder than men for the most part as I believe that society just expects more masking overall from women. You did a great job with this subject. I'm glad that your new job is going well for you. Congratulations!
Thank you for sharing, I feel my son experiences the same aversion as you with cameras. I remember as a child being told to 'smile properly' for the camera. I think maybe I have been masking a smile since I was a small child.
This is an excellent example of a (usually) unconscious social masking method that also provides its own built-in stim - feeling oneself smiling is both a release and a shield. For me it's a second-tier social response reserved for people and situations that I want to feel safe with/in but they haven't yet achieved the requisite level of trust (whereas first-tier is essentially just "resting b*tch face".) The new job might be an opportunity to begin unmasking at work, by letting (trusted) people know that the big smile is adaptive, so they can help monitor if/when it starts to become taxing.
Yes, I agree. It helps a lot with building trust. Apparently showing your hands when meeting people for the first time is meant to build trust too. Although, I try not to think about that otherwise I can me suddenly manically waving at people to show them my hands and that will create a new area of embarrassment for me!
It takes too much of my energy to smile for other people, tho that doesn't stop me when I'm out and about. I'm fortunate that I do not have to be on camera for work meetings, one of the perks of working in IT. Always smiling at each other is creepy if you think about it. Or maybe neurotypicals just smile at others with no thought behind it.
My autistic son often asks why I am smiling for no reason. I love that he questions it, and also I doubt he will ever do a role where he is public facing!
Pre diagnosis I thought "Wouldn't it be nice if I could afford a face-lift that might give me a more permanent smile" so I don't have to work so dang hard at it ALL THE TIME. I know it isn't a real thing, can't afford it, and know better than to buy into that conformist crap, BUT the effortless smile part still sounds good. 😂
I retired early but now want to return to work. I have been trying to unmask but I cannot imagine how it is remotely possibly to unmask for even an hour at work and keep a job. Interviews have been MarxBrotheresque.Capitalism demands smiles. And hierarchy and $50 billion payments for some and no jobs for others. Its a classic case of nothing to smile about yet having to. Yes, my smile will be absolutely and defiantly manic on return. 😂. And its not nearly as nice as your manic smile. IT comes to mind ❤ (red heart not red balloon).
This is an excellent example of a (usually) unconscious social masking method that also provides its own built-in stim - feeling oneself smiling is both a release and a shield. For me it's a second-tier social response reserved for people and situations that I want to feel safe with/in but they haven't yet achieved the requisite level of trust (whereas first-tier is essentially just "resting b*tch face".) The new job might be an opportunity to begin unmasking at work, by letting (trusted) people know that the big smile is adaptive, so they can help monitor if/when it starts to become taxing.
I relate and Definitely in the work environment.
This is an awesome video and it really shows how hard women work to mask, no wonder we're in burnout. We constantly think of what other people perceive when we interact with them!
Yes! Even how we stand or position ourselves - arms crossed or uncrossed? head up or head down? It's so exhausting!
This is really interesting Gina. You have genuine helpful insight into the role that smiling plays in social interaction. I relate to what you are saying but I have a somewhat different perspective as a male with life-long difficulty smiling when I was expected to smile. The first thing that comes to my mind is my aversion to being photographed. Since I was very young I have been very uncomfortable when a camera is pointed in my direction, especially when sandwiched in a group of other people. My main thought is getting through the ordeal a quickly as possible so that I can breath again, as I am usually way out of my comfort zone at that point. Not to mention that my that my Pathological Demand Avoidance has kicked in pretty good by then. I can have a genuine smile in the right setting but being expected to smile when I don't necessarily feel like it does challenge me. I do think that women have it harder than men for the most part as I believe that society just expects more masking overall from women. You did a great job with this subject. I'm glad that your new job is going well for you. Congratulations!
Thank you for sharing, I feel my son experiences the same aversion as you with cameras. I remember as a child being told to 'smile properly' for the camera. I think maybe I have been masking a smile since I was a small child.
This is an excellent example of a (usually) unconscious social masking method that also provides its own built-in stim - feeling oneself smiling is both a release and a shield. For me it's a second-tier social response reserved for people and situations that I want to feel safe with/in but they haven't yet achieved the requisite level of trust (whereas first-tier is essentially just "resting b*tch face".) The new job might be an opportunity to begin unmasking at work, by letting (trusted) people know that the big smile is adaptive, so they can help monitor if/when it starts to become taxing.
Yes, I agree. It helps a lot with building trust. Apparently showing your hands when meeting people for the first time is meant to build trust too. Although, I try not to think about that otherwise I can me suddenly manically waving at people to show them my hands and that will create a new area of embarrassment for me!
It takes too much of my energy to smile for other people, tho that doesn't stop me when I'm out and about. I'm fortunate that I do not have to be on camera for work meetings, one of the perks of working in IT. Always smiling at each other is creepy if you think about it. Or maybe neurotypicals just smile at others with no thought behind it.
My autistic son often asks why I am smiling for no reason. I love that he questions it, and also I doubt he will ever do a role where he is public facing!
Pre diagnosis I thought "Wouldn't it be nice if I could afford a face-lift that might give me a more permanent smile" so I don't have to work so dang hard at it ALL THE TIME. I know it isn't a real thing, can't afford it, and know better than to buy into that conformist crap, BUT the effortless smile part still sounds good. 😂
I do understand what you mean. That feeling of not having to work so hard all the time.
I retired early but now want to return to work. I have been trying to unmask but I cannot imagine how it is remotely possibly to unmask for even an hour at work and keep a job. Interviews have been MarxBrotheresque.Capitalism demands smiles. And hierarchy and $50 billion payments for some and no jobs for others. Its a classic case of nothing to smile about yet having to. Yes, my smile will be absolutely and defiantly manic on return. 😂. And its not nearly as nice as your manic smile. IT comes to mind ❤ (red heart not red balloon).
Maybe we can all manically smile together! Solidarity!
you have a great fake smile
thank you!
This is an excellent example of a (usually) unconscious social masking method that also provides its own built-in stim - feeling oneself smiling is both a release and a shield. For me it's a second-tier social response reserved for people and situations that I want to feel safe with/in but they haven't yet achieved the requisite level of trust (whereas first-tier is essentially just "resting b*tch face".) The new job might be an opportunity to begin unmasking at work, by letting (trusted) people know that the big smile is adaptive, so they can help monitor if/when it starts to become taxing.