You know, how you gonna explicitly expect married couples to pump out kids like they're a clown car -- but fill them to the brim with sex shame at the same time? That's really effed up.
Sex between married couples is holy Sex for fun between non married couples leads to perdition Within 4 generations of free sex we've begun mutilating children in the name of liberation
Because it's 💯 okay once you're married. It's absolutely ridiculous and so harmful! I remember having to tell myself it was okay with God because I was married. I'm 50 and still have shame.
I am also amazed. She continually puts her whole life out there for the whole world to see, and that's gotta take a lot of guts. Kudos to the max for Lex!
She was probably completely rejected by a man, who was certainly better than her, fell away, and then lost her top. I mean, She is about as homely as a mud wall. Utah men don't like that. Why would one of us give this lady (I say that loosely), one of our children?
You do know that that movement constitutes sex and breaking the law of chastity, right? Even seeing an unmarried partner naked is breaking the law of chastity.
Yeah, but he had an angel threatening to stab him with a sword if he didn't. And then there was Fanny Alger wiggling her cute little fanny in front of him all day, and I'm sure the angel would've gone after him if he didn't hit that. I mean--the Prophet's gotta do what he's told or else he's not much of a Prophet--Right?
@@mylesmarkson1686 I really want to pinpoint when he was told to create a bank and BILK his followers out of their $$$. And he had the epiphany that it wasn't he was to be the prophet, but the interpretation was actually the proFIT.
I was just a regular christian and I had lots of repression, porn bad, sex bad, jerkin off bad, etc etc, did it at 19 in college and felt guilty, 30 now and in my 20's i went way overboard, became a swinger and have been with several hundred women. Dating a nice girl now and looking forward to monogamy.
Lol. I don't think it goes away.....FR!!! I'm 44 now and all the LDS girls I "dated" were ultra "chaste" . They would treat me , attempting to kiss them or anything remotely physically affectionate, even holding hands, as if I was the devil himself. They would act as if that just because they felt what came naturally that they had dinner the ultimate sin. Needless to say, I left the church in search of females who were honest with themselves better at least. Especially about their feelings about that.
It’s not easy. I really didn’t have the anger phase, I mean I have criticized many things. My best friend just left the church and he is so confused and angry. I think back and I do get angry when I think back about the shame, guilt and manipulation.
@@dickbuffman594 lol if you think woman outside the church is any better. They are the complete opposite of LDS. They are ran through 304s that been with 50+ guys. Good luck you’re going to need it. I gave up.
I was never a good Mormon. I always believed my personal life was never anyone's damn business but my own, including the Bishop. I still don't understand why people feel the need to at all. Repentance is a private and personal matter between the person and God and NEVER requires the Bishop or anyone else.
On this note, think of all the sex addicted bishops getting explicit play by plays from people confessing trying to do the right thing. What do they do with those visuals in their minds after those one on one interviews? 😳🤮
As someone who was raised by atheists, so had no restrictions, this makes me kind of sad. It's so special and magical to meet someone you're so attracted to you want to be with them like that. Even if it's not forever. There is nothing dirty about sex if it's done safely and consensually, it's life affirming and pure and intimate and it's literally what we were built to do. To feel such shame that you don't let yourself enjoy it... I can't even imagine. All any of us want is to feel witnessed and fulfilled. I can't imagine what it's like to be raised to told that's shameful.
Thanks for telling the whole world it’s cool to have a round with your wife. Unfortunately, I’m sure someone will take you up on that offer, since it’s just for a little while.
@@sedonarose7563 a good place to start is by making things like bodily autonomy , consent, sexual attraction and urges , the emotional and physical aspects of intercourse , and safety an open ongoing conversation. When they hit teen years make condoms and dental dams available ( just in a bathroom drawer where they can retrieve them without shame or having to rely on their partner to have them ).
Shut up🤦♂️ It’s possible to abstain until marriage. And it’s also beneficial for women to do so. It helps them weed away guys who want to be with them for the wrong reasons. Well brought up men have a lot more respect and adoration for the purity of their wives (virgin or low body count). Let’s be honest, 95% of men have a phobia for just imagining their wives being ran through in the past.
I was in the room with the my ex-wife when she told the bishop we had premarital sex. I was mad that she told him something that was supposed to be between the two of us. She grew up in the church, I didn't. To me, what two people do behind their bedroom door is only for them to know. Even after I joined the church I still felt certain things were better left private. Incidentally, that bishop was a counselor in the stake presidency and we spoke to him when we decided to divorce. So that was a fun full circle moment.
@@sprinklesonmycupcake4915 But it's an old idea--and practice. Somewhere in the New Testament a verse says, "Confess your sins to one another." The Catholic Church decidedly made use of that one.
....that is one thing i dont get .either ....why all mormons have to run to the bishop and confess ....there are therapists that deal with sexual counselling or places that u can get referred to .....
@Victor U As a Catholic, our sins are not written down. If we go to confession, as if we CHOOSE to, it's behind a wall, the priest has no idea who you are. Then you go about your day. Nobody is after you. Nobody is telling on you. It's your choice if you feel like you need to confess something.
I have to give you props for putting that out there. A religious culture that makes people find these silly loopholes, is probably something that needs to make people think about the life they are signing up/becoming a member.
@@Christopher.Harvey333 Whay an abusive misogynist. Exhibit A to why I started questioning the Church and eventually left. Too many men in serious need of therapy who use the Church as an excuse for their abuse.
A kiss is like a spider's web... It often leads to the undoing of flies. I almost lost my coffee more than once listening to this! Thank you for all your content, you really are amazing. As a fellow exmo and organist, it take a lot of courage to walk away. Listening to your vlogs reminds me I have done the right thing. Thank you 💕
As much as I despise the abuse of all cults not just mormons... I agree with this wholeheartedly. But unlike mormons I believe the Bible, every word of.
Damn why am I crying? Geez. You just never know when the waves of emotion are going to hit. This video was a roller coaster for me, from "I'm going to post a TikTok about this... someone needs to say that this is NOT a normal Mormon thing that Mormons think is okay" and then you went over that, perfectly. And then you shared your PERSONAL experience, including the embarrassment, guilt, and confession - so vulnerable and open! Your willingness to put yourself out there is so NEEDED, and I know it's not always easy to ignore the assholes in the comments section. Thank you for being willing to wear a target on your back. And then the list of demon-leven patrons has gotten so long and I just started bawling. I'm so grateful for you and so grateful people are pitching in to help you keep doing what you're doing. THANK YOU!!!!
@Messerah It is written "We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you."
@@KellethornIf you tire of your search, read your book again to return to your mortal life. For a time. The lure of Apocrypha will call you back. It is your fate. Drem Yol Lok Faal Krein Zii los dii du
@@Kellethorn i left christian religion but still firm believer of the gospel that is indeed ancient manuscripts battled through the test of time of many millennia past and could not possibly be preserved for so many years without there being any power and authority strong enough to preserve them and there is no other than the one who made these writings available that is the law giver the blessed Creator of Heaven Earth who has only made his will known only of those truly circumcised in heart and fear for his reverence and divine authority, and this fact alone is also the reason for the declining moral decay for not many are mentally capable and wiling to stand up in righteous just as a radio that is dependent on the strength of the signal to be in tuned with the specific communications station so it is vitally important for one to be upright in faith to be in tune with the spirit of the Almighty who is our Heavenly Father who has to allow some means of influence as a test to your integrity for this is how it was even for the very first man of earth and even to the son of Man the beloved SON of the Most High for as i read the prophet Esdras says what left is there for the previous generation as a guide to righteousness and he pleaded in prayer to the ALmighty to send the Holy Spirit to restore the manuscripts of old time for the sake of the next generation, for without these man are only left and susceptible to vain philosophy until the time subscribed to them is expired and to face judgment Isaiah 1:9 Unless the LORD of Hosts had left us a few survivors, we would have become like Sodom, we would have resembled Gomorrah. Hebrew 9:27 Just as man is appointed to die once, and after that to face judgment,
When I read your title, I thought you were going to talk about some weird Mormon take on BAPTISM - like the longer you soak, the more baptized you are. I really thought that!🤣
I was raised Catholic and I have been married for 7 years and it took me close to 5-6 years (5 TO 6 YEARS) finally feeling comfortable with the idea of sex with my spouse. This is so damaging. Going from no sex, sex is a sin, you're going to hell, blah blah, to overnight "hey your married, have as much sex as you can, conceive, pleasure one another, etc" is so laughable. Like the though of "am I sinning? Is this okay, I'm hurting my church and God?" doesn't not just turn off overnight. So awful and I wish these religions would stop because it's more damaging then helping.
Excellent points. We (Mormons) have been told that the way to know if what we're doing in the sheets is okay or not is to imagine if God was watching us do it, and we could proceed if we were okay that he saw it. I'm like "Get the hell out of my private life, you creepy God!"
@@alishaliggett Yeah, can you imagine getting it on with your spouse, and then pausing to say "How you doin' over there God? Want some popcorn? Maybe a Coke?"
I think people survived for centuries being chaste without giving it a second thought that before marriage, just because the 60s revolution made women and men just a release for sex that led to abortion, unwanted marriages, single parenthood- that do what thou will isn't working, boys esp. w/o fathers have a higher rate of suicide, prison time, joining gangs. This advice is dangerous, look around.
I love your channel so much. You speak with such honesty, humor, and phenomenal self-awareness. It's easy after leaving a high control group to hold onto our anger and embarrassment and to only look on it with derision. But you clearly have compassion for yourself, other former members, and especially for current members. I applaud and admire you, Lex!!
The extent that Mormons allow their leaders to involve themselves in their parishioners most intimate and private thoughts and actions, is appalling to me - and I was raised Catholic. Catholic priest just says don't do it, but if you do you can still go to confession and get forgiven. Religion is craziness in my opinion.
I’m so thankful you’ve started the process of healing. I wasn’t raised Mormon or even religious at all and I still was basically engrained to believe sex was extremely shameful. It’s beautiful to see your strength.
Despite how funny it seems at first, it is really sad. I'm sorry you had to go through so much guilt and pain, and that you still have left over feelings of said guilt. Thank you for educating me on this topic, it's definitely important to talk about.
Being raised fundamental Baptist didn't stop me from expressing my sexuality, it just gave me guilt for a decade, not anymore! I realized its screwed up to be in bed with someone but be thinking about my parents, in any context.
I HATED how Mormon leaders always referred to masturbation as “self-abuse”. So gross. Also, my husband and I almost did the Vegas loophole-where you drive to Vegas to get married and have sex, then get divorced in the morning 😅
That IS gross! And, ironically, ACTUAL "self abuse" results when young people hate and shame themselves, having been taught that sexual feelings and behavior mean they're following Satan, unworthy of blessings, adding to Jesus' pain on the cross, and so offensive to God that God can't even stand to be near them. So damaging!
church leaders that implement this believe are blind leaders of the blind, suggesting a practice that leads and tempts one to commit sexual immorality and for those who really know the scripture that what makes you married to someone does not involve certificates or even a priest, except this involves a womens bodily organ called a hymen filled with blood and she becomes the wife of the man that is the cause of her blood that is spilled,.. ofcourse this is different in the case of a widow that wants to marry again and Apostle Paul's solution to sexual immorality is simple and reasonable and could self proclaimed pastors consider themselves trustworthy to teach with this soaking doctrine? you be the judge taking into account your salvation and the salvation of the pastoral leaders you choose to hear and bear with itching ears 1 Corinthians 7:1 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. ;;;;; 2 Esdras 2: 30 -100 llllllllllllll ll
When I first heard about this I thought it was the funniest thing ever! I thought it was so crazy there is no way it was true. But after listening to you explain about how you get there, being an exmo too, I totally get it. And you’re correct it’s really sad.
My boyfriend and I are 18 he was a Mormon his whole life and he told me at 14 he was waiting until marriage because he was so scared to do it because of church… then he stopped going and he just threw that out the window and we just had sex 🤷🏼♀️ his Mormon mom caught us but she wasn’t very mad thankfully, she took me home and the next day asked him when I was coming back over and his dad doesn’t even care :))
Many Mormons are just like that. My dad caught me at 13 doing what a 13 year old boy does at times after discovering why pretty gals in mini skirts rule the world. He opened the door, pretended he didn’t see anything, closed the door, and went back to bed. Lol! He also caught me going to pound town with my fiancé at the time, not a word, no shaming, no questioning. He was also in the Bishopric at the time. Best three guys ever at the time. My parents are very active, yet very down to earth and understanding, as are many of the LDS people I know. I just had my first Son (two daughters before him) and I’ll never belittle him for sexual things like I know happens to some. If he wants to be religious, awesome, I hope he follows my Dads example, if not, I’m happy to share my beer. Lol. I grew up in St. George, Utah. You know, the party spot of Utah, sorry P.C. you ain’t got nothin on “The Heat”! Now I live in Orem and teach at University. I love my Mormon family, even though I don’t practice it. I love most my Mormon friends and neighbors, and they love and respect us in return. It’s nuts some of the anti-Mormon hate I see. I also am angry at some of the hurt some members of the church feel they need to dish out to others. I do think that’s more about that person than actual church policy in many cases. As with anything, many people shouldn’t be given power and sometimes the incorrect people are chosen. Thankfully, I’d reported, they can quickly be removed as well. Thanks for sharing!
@@tjtrent2351 I like you. For a former Mormon, is have you for a friend. I'm glad you left. I hope your kids choose reality over Mormonism. I really do. The missionaries tried on me but I couldn't swallow the pill they gave me. But I'll always respect Mormons. They're just trying to live life as their religion dictates.
Soaking sounds like it would be even more frustrating than not having sex at all. Of course, there are several ways to enjoy each other without risking pregnancy or STDs, but parents don't like to talk about those alternatives. Making teenagers feel guilty for having sex and buying them condoms in case they have sex are two extremes that can both lead to catastrophe.
I think maybe they mean it's extreme because it's relatively likely to result in pregnancy? A lot of condoms fail, and if you don't have a backup method THAT can easily result in a baby. So the extremes are either "No sex allowed" or "Have as much as you want as long as you use these (which are likely to fail, especially with new sex-havers)." But just my guess-timation.
Buying them condoms isn't extreme it's responsible. You explain that if/when they ever do have sex, they need to have protection. Teach them about all the different kinds, including dental dams, and buy them some
My daughter told me about this when she was at BYU-I two years ago. The "Oral is Moral" trend ran rampant through our stake when my two oldest were in HS. The only reason it got addressed is because several cases of gonorrhea of the throat was showing up in the YW groups.
I only recently learned what soaking means in Mormonland. It's so weird that couples are shamed for having sex in a loving relationship. I took my 15 year old daughter to see our practice nurse, so that she would know what contraceptive products were available if she found love in a long-term relationship. The nurse was great and even gave her a box of condoms. To me, this was responsible parenting, not a licence to sleep around. Soaking sounds like torture.
I don’t think that’s great parenting, setting your 15 year old up with a box of condoms. 15 year olds aren’t mature enough to handle the many emotional implications that come with a sexual relationship.
@@yeshalloween if 15 year-olds aren't mature enough to handle the emotional implications that come from a sexual relationship, they certainly aren't ready to be parents, so better to buy them condoms so they don't get pregnant instead of just burying your head in the sand and hope they don't have sex until marriage.
"Soaking is as embarrassing as FUCK!" Pun intended...or no? LOL! :-) OTOH, thank you for an honest portrayal of the harmful behavior and attitudes that result from Mormon misinformation, body-shaming, misogyny, homophobia, sex shaming, and rejection of children that parents created---through the very act for which they reject their children! That's some cognitive dissonance! It does take a long time to dismantle the framework of bad ideas, but you are out here, doing the work and sharing with viewers! Thanks for sharing your journey toward healthy enjoyment of your sexual self! Be well, sister!
What an excellent discussion! You did a wonderful job of explaining "soaking" and an even better job about discussing the conflict of religion (I'm Christian) and sex/desire - which is a completely normal biological imperative. ❤
My husband and I lived together and had relations for 4 years before we got married. I honestly think this needs to be discussed more. Show everyone else that it's perfectly fine and perfectly normal for couples to have activities before marriage.
Yes. As a lifelong Mormon who "successfully" got married as a virgin, to a virgin, this is an important message for everyone. In the end, I have a happy, healthy marriage, but it was such a needlessly painful road. Couples should be emotionally honest and practice safe sex if they want to have sex. That's it. A normal, developing relationship can include sex and end in a breakup. That's completely fine. I didn't used to believe that. The stakes were always SO high. Like Lexi said in the video, it results in so much pain, guilt, and divorce.
The amount of shame in the church is so ridiculous that someone wrote a book titled " And They were Not Ashamed" that many members give as wedding gifts
"Soaking" is a sign that the religion is an OT Pharisee religion. That's really what it shows us. It shows that the lds church is obsessed over stupid rules rather than in the spirit of the law. And that's it's main problem. But you see, a religion who wants to claim "authority" HAS TO believe in stupid rules because otherwise you wouldn't need them. Because if God doesn't care about specifics, then why would you need a person to sit around defining specifics? I don't miss this part of being a mormon
Took me a couple of decades to slough off the majority of my sex repression from mormonism. I still battle from time to time. Mostly I can relax and enjoy the play these days.
This whole thing just makes me really grateful for being asexual because I just don't get it and I never have. Then again, being Mormon and asexual has it's own problems. I'm super curious about y'all's experience with your logic process, decision to confess, and how you had to "repent." I've heard of couples being let through to marriage because sex was going to happen anyway, but other friends who've had to cancel their weddings last minute because they weren't paying tithing. Helping members stay chaste is NOT their priority.
I first heard about it on the Amazon comedy Alpha House five or six years ago. The Mormon Senator from Nevada's daughter kept doing it with his aide, and then after he accidentally twitched while uh, in there, she decided he wasn't a TBM and not her future eternal partner because he was obviously an evil pervert.
As an atheist, I have done soaking before. I imagine it comes from a somewhat similar motivation. The girl I was with was virgin and not my GF. She was not comfortable with loosing her virginity with someone who she was not in a relationship. But she was attracted during the moment. And we went into the slippery slope to something similar to soaking.
@@420gamermom It was around when I was a Member years ago. Its very popular among young Mormons its so bad the church had a number of talks on it. The thing that makes me doubt whenever a Mormon says "swear to god" is the fact i have caught them lying so many times when they have said it.
I grew up in Utah, but we weren't Mormon. I had a lot of Mormon friends growing up tho, and I've heard of soaking. My current girlfriend only recently left the church, she says she was pressured to try soaking by one of her Mormon boyfriends when she was a teenager, she didn't do it though. The sexual repression in the church is real, and so bad that my girlfriend has left the church and she still feels guilty that we've had sex.
I was an evangelical Christian in the 90s and it was a practice then. I feel so sad that my late teens early twenties was a mess of shame and guilt. Sorry that was your experience too
I was just going to ask whether this was a thing in other religious groups! Strange as Mormons are, I didn't see why they should have a monopoly on soaking.
I left the church over 20 years ago. I'm still deconstructing everything that I went through. I only just recently was able to admit that I'm bi. Much like Jimmy Snow (only in reverse) because I like men so much, I ignored my attraction to women.
That "all sexual sin is next to murder" business is how you end up in therapy 20 years later finally talking about your porn addiction and how you've felt like a horrible person for a long time. I'm getting ready to do a segment on my show about leaving the Church and a lot of the detrimental effects it had on me. It's been a struggle addressing that side of things, but doing it is so very therapeutic.
This was brilliant and informative! It may be hard, but try not to feel embarrassed about this. You have been very candid and relatable, and it will provide a lot of guidance for those who need it who watch this video.
Wow such a good video. 💯 Agree. LDS attitudes surrounding sex, abstinence, and the resulting rush to get married in order to have sex (guilt free) is absolutely a recipe for disaster.
Soaking isn’t an LDS or utah term, it’s actually very old slang. In one of my father’s old textbooks from the 50s someone wrote “go soak your head.” It took me a minute to figure out what that may have meant lol. But the term goes way back and he was from New England.
At age 14 I read "The Miracle if Forgiveness." When I read that I would be better off dead protecting my virtue, than to live having lost it. (This statement applied to Girls and not Boys ") I was bor n into The Church, my Ancestors settled Utah, having left Europe., and i knew more Doctrine, and was mile faithful than most of the Adults. That passage alerted me to the fact that that Old, White Guy did NOT care about me, and so could certainly NOT be my Prophet. Took me a few more years to wiggle out of The Church, primarily out of respect for my Mother, but I stopped believing that day. Have actually felt blessed to have been rescued so early. Thank You, Spencer, for showing what a mean spirited, Patriarchal POS You were.
Great job! Thanks for your bravery in being able to put it out there that you did that to quiet the deniers. Also on the “other hole” topic, you should check out “Garfunkel and Oates: loophole” for a good take on that. Not gonna leave a link cause it’s pretty NSFW.
Awesome song. I heard about it because one friend hummed a bar of music, and another friend, out of nowhere, yelled, “[bleep] me in the [bleep] because I love Jesus!” Cue some blank staring, some blinking, and them playing the video for the song the first friend hummed. It was… enlightening. Everything else Garfunkel and Oates sings is also amazing. Some of it is even clean!
Lex, I think you are adorable and brave! Thx for being honest and open. One should be able to confess to the Lord, it's between me and Him, not a bishop. Glad you're an Ex Mormon. Grandma Kim❤️
@@noyopacific I dunno about this whole thing. It gives me vibes of being allowed to lick a lollipop, but not being allowed to chomp the entire sucker down!
Nitpicking your phrasing: “they know it’s sex, they know it’s wrong.” It’s not wrong. More accurately, “they know it’s sex, they know it’s against the rules.”
So it seems like a very real dichotomy. Either it’s totally false or it really happens and it happens often. I think the “it never happens” crowd is coached and trying to deny a fundamental problem.
I am active LDS. I actually appreciate this video. I had to be the one to ask my mom what sex was when I was I think 14 or 16 years old.. she looked like she’d seen a ghost and the way she told me, poor woman- it terrified me. I’m not going to be encouraging sex before marriage. However, I heard the subject of masterbation has been removed from the youth handbook.. I think because there’s evidence of hormonal need for stimulation so perhaps they’ve prayed about it or had to remove it not sure. I think it’s important for parents to have healthy conversations with their kids about it. It’s starts with simple conversations in younger ages about body parts in a no-shame way, and what is safe/not safe touch from others, how to say no, how to talk to a safe adult about that, then moves forward from there in a more informative way when they are older about masterbation where there is no shame around it.. that’s my view on it. I’m glad things are lightening up some too around this subject. I did get married very young because we wanted to make it to the temple.. and after the honeymoon phase was over and my husband’s infatuation gone I realized he was actually very different… we almost didn’t make it several times. It did push us to work on healing ourselves in certain ways to make marriage work so that has been good. I think we’ve been blessed too when we’ve prayed for help or lived a closer relationship to God. That much I could feel for sure. All I know is that not everything is black and white and I do understand your perspective. I think these conversations are so important.
Have they removed it? Hallelujah! I confessed to my parents as a teen. They forced me to confess to our bishop (who was reeeeally creepy and very verbally abusive and misogynistic). Still traumatized from that. Glad they adopted a healthier stance.
I read “soaking questions” on your thumbnail, and I assumed this was maybe an expression like “burning questions”, but now I know it definitely is not. 🙂
My wife and I left in the 90's, resigned by threatening a lawsuit. We heard of soaking just recently. The other day she asked our daughter if she knew what soaking is. My daughter graduated from Provo High School in about 2004. She said of course she had heard of soaking. Though I'm sure it is a Morridor term, it has been around for a long time.
You decry the fact that you are still getting over your sexual shame after 3 years. I applaud where you are in such short a time. Sexuality is something I am still grappling with after mormonism many years after. Another great video! Thank you!
As someone raised conservative Christian, I can relate to the church shaming and repressing young people into mental illness about anything sexual. It's legitimately traumatizing.
You're not alone. I had a friend who had only been back from his mission for about a year telling me how hectic it was for him to find someone to marry. I was like "Slow down. It's not a race!"
The church didn’t make you do it. You had the right to reject it. But as a disgruntled exmo, you can always leave the church but can never leave it alone.
@@theephraimite Wow, how judgmental you are. You do realize people can disagree and even leave the Church without being a "disgruntled ex-mo," right? I mean, they always tell you hat everyone who leaves is disgruntled, but 95% of those who I know aren't. Disagreement isn't a negative thing. Leaving isn't a negative thing. Get over yourself.
Yup, my roommate at the Y did the exact same thing. Actually, I can think of at least 5 who did... combined with a Prophet (forgot which one) who effectively said that any righteous man could marry any righteous woman and have a successful marriage.
The sexual repression in Mormonism causes members to do all sorts of weird sexual things. If they were a little more realistic about sex, etc. I think it would do the members a lot of good.
It's ok and I don't find it funny that you did it and the idea is really funny and I did stuff through loop holes too. You are honest and brave and you have nothing to ashamed of. You are a good and wonderful person ❤
I was LDS until I was 18 and had never heard of Soaking until it was in the TV show "Get Shorty." There is a character who is a Mormon gangster and mostly follows the church rules. He soaks with his girlfriend and it is a funny scene that I thought they made up for the show. Weird that it is a real thing.
As someone who hasn't been active since the early 2000s I didn't believe this could possibly be real. I feel bad for them and I'm glad I'm out of the purity culture mindset.
LMAO thank you so much for answering my question about jump humping - it seemed too insane to be real, but soaking also seemed in that same realm, at least upon discovery. Much love xoxo
....you had me at "NSFW". Soaking --- just another instance where religion never stops surprising folks. Would have never guessed such a thing would happen on my own.
I know it's very popular in Rexburg as well! BYU-Idaho. In Ex-Mormon groups or communities I see some people say what they heard was: "It's okay if it's not in the Vee-Jay"
Wow--who knew? My church didn't have a problem with toughing yourself and didn't really use guilt against premarital sex. I had my own fears about pregnancy before marriage. I am sad for Mormon teenagers....(let alone Mormon Gay Teenagers...argh!)
This somehow reminds a little bit of german "Maultaschen" (basically a German Ravioli/meat filled pasta) also called "Herrgottsbescheisserle" which roughly translates to "god foolers". Before eastern there is a lent and you are not allowed to eat meat, so the monks apparently invented this dough filled with meat to hide the meat from god and he wouldn't see it:)
I'll probably be leaving the church sometime soon, but I've been active for 24 years (my whole life) and married for 6 years, and NEVER heard of this insanity 🤣🤣 it's funny to see that even inside the church there are different cultures and bubbles.
I'm old. But I had friends who went to Ricks College in the late 1970s and early 80s. The thing at the time was at the end of the date, if the couple thought they had gone too far, the guy would give the girl a priesthood blessing. In the blessing he would forgive her sins -- so she didn't have to tell the bishop. And, if there was penetration, he would bless her not to get pregnant.
What kind of nightmare is this???!! I was raised Morman, and this is ridiculous if anyone justifies this as “not having sex”. If you are putting it in, it totally counts. 😂😂😂😂😂
The church must be a lot more hard core than when I was young. My Bishop actually sat me down after I was losing my shit from having a hickie and said kissing was fine, making out once your serious, petting when engaged, sex when married. I never ever heard no touching and people commonly made out… a lot… because it’s all that was allowed.
Oh yeah? When I was young, I was taught that just the THOUGHT of sexual acts was as bad as doing them. And I attended a fireside where the whole thing was about how awful "M" was without ever mentioning the "M" word! I almost stood up and said "What the hell are we talking about here?" I guess different places have different rules.
"Insane amount of Guilt and Shame" Girl, can I relate to that! I was a Mormon teenager in the late 60's and they constantly pounded us with that "Sex is a sin second only unto Murder" crap and other things like it. A few chaperones at youth dances would prowl the dance floor with a six inch ruler enforcing the distance between couples. In Priesthood Meeting they would thunder at us boys that if (when) you masturbate you were crucifying Jesus all over again. And on and on. I was conditioned to feel overwhelming guilt every time I masturbated. I would cry and promise God I would never do it again. Over and over. I was so conditioned that even after marriage at 20 I would still feel racking terrible guilt in the moment of climax with my lawful wife. I was like Pavlov's Dog. Deeply Conditioned. This is Church Emotional and Mental Torture and Abuse. Sexual Abuse. And a major part of all the influences and insights that led me to ditch Mormonism in my 20s. Thank you for bringing so much out into the light where it can be drained of all it's evil power Lex. You do a service to thousands. Never heard of the concept of 'Soaking' though. 'Necking' and 'Petting' were big themes though.
No reason for embarrassment. All of us that grew up in extremely religious homes did odd things exactly like this. They try to erase something that can’t be erased
It's fun to imagine that the creator of the entire universe could actually be fooled by this practice.
I think it's all under the notion that pleasure = sin, so if they ever feel forced into confessing, they can use the "but we didn't enjoy it" defense.
It's even more fun to think that Mormons actually believe that Joseph Smith's "revelation on celestial marriage" came from "God."
Goes to show how absurd these rationalizations are..
Hahahaha omfg
right?! lol it takes a lot of dissonance to make it make sense. I did a lot of that when I was mormon. The struggle is real
You know, how you gonna explicitly expect married couples to pump out kids like they're a clown car -- but fill them to the brim with sex shame at the same time? That's really effed up.
Like a clown car
Sex between married couples is holy
Sex for fun between non married couples leads to perdition
Within 4 generations of free sex we've begun mutilating children in the name of liberation
Because it's 💯 okay once you're married. It's absolutely ridiculous and so harmful! I remember having to tell myself it was okay with God because I was married. I'm 50 and still have shame.
Quran has many accurate and useful information, I encourage everyone to explore them and read it at least once. 💙
I think its hot
You are the first person I’ve ever heard firsthand say they’ve done it. Kudos to you for admitting it!
I am also amazed. She continually puts her whole life out there for the whole world to see, and that's gotta take a lot of guts. Kudos to the max for Lex!
She was probably completely rejected by a man, who was certainly better than her, fell away, and then lost her top. I mean, She is about as homely as a mud wall. Utah men don't like that. Why would one of us give this lady (I say that loosely), one of our children?
@@Christopher.Harvey333 reported you for harassment. Don’t use my comment thread to spread your abusive talk.
@@kathrynclass2915 It was far less
abusive than your projection of awful hate.
She really does look like Steven Tyler though 😆
How does the eggplant get into the papaya without moving? You could soak. Then change your mind. Then change your mind again. Repeat until exhausted.
You do know that that movement constitutes sex and breaking the law of chastity, right? Even seeing an unmarried partner naked is breaking the law of chastity.
@@xeroclan9595 lol
Quran has many accurate and useful information, I encourage everyone to explore them and read it at least once. 💙
Just stay out of the produce
section altogether I guess.‼️
Cannot date before the age of 16? What about Joseph Smith marrying 14 year olds? That is quite the contradiction!
Yeah, but he had an angel threatening to stab him with a sword if he didn't. And then there was Fanny Alger wiggling her cute little fanny in front of him all day, and I'm sure the angel would've gone after him if he didn't hit that. I mean--the Prophet's gotta do what he's told or else he's not much of a Prophet--Right?
@@mylesmarkson1686 I really want to pinpoint when he was told to create a bank and BILK his followers out of their $$$. And he had the epiphany that it wasn't he was to be the prophet, but the interpretation was actually the proFIT.
@@savannahsmiles1797 Well-said! Where would I be without my #1 partner-in-crime Savannah?
The rule is no dating before 16. Marriage before 16 was okay. Why? Hush up and pray! Joseph Smith knows all.
Reminds me of Mohammed
**God Squints** "Dear me, that poor boy has slipped and fallen atop that poor girl!"
It's been over ten years and I'm still deconstructing sexual guilt. It's SO deeply ingrained.
And whatever you do, don't say the "M" word!
I was just a regular christian and I had lots of repression, porn bad, sex bad, jerkin off bad, etc etc, did it at 19 in college and felt guilty, 30 now and in my 20's i went way overboard, became a swinger and have been with several hundred women. Dating a nice girl now and looking forward to monogamy.
Lol. I don't think it goes away.....FR!!! I'm 44 now and all the LDS girls I "dated" were ultra "chaste" . They would treat me , attempting to kiss them or anything remotely physically affectionate, even holding hands, as if I was the devil himself. They would act as if that just because they felt what came naturally that they had dinner the ultimate sin. Needless to say, I left the church in search of females who were honest with themselves better at least. Especially about their feelings about that.
It’s not easy. I really didn’t have the anger phase, I mean I have criticized many things. My best friend just left the church and he is so confused and angry. I think back and I do get angry when I think back about the shame, guilt and manipulation.
@@dickbuffman594 lol if you think woman outside the church is any better. They are the complete opposite of LDS. They are ran through 304s that been with 50+ guys. Good luck you’re going to need it. I gave up.
I was never a good Mormon. I always believed my personal life was never anyone's damn business but my own, including the Bishop. I still don't understand why people feel the need to at all. Repentance is a private and personal matter between the person and God and NEVER requires the Bishop or anyone else.
Wish I'd had a friend like you to talk to, so I could have some critical thinking & some REALITY in my life. Better late then never, though!
On this note, think of all the sex addicted bishops getting explicit play by plays from people confessing trying to do the right thing. What do they do with those visuals in their minds after those one on one interviews? 😳🤮
This is so spot on!
As someone who was raised by atheists, so had no restrictions, this makes me kind of sad. It's so special and magical to meet someone you're so attracted to you want to be with them like that. Even if it's not forever. There is nothing dirty about sex if it's done safely and consensually, it's life affirming and pure and intimate and it's literally what we were built to do. To feel such shame that you don't let yourself enjoy it... I can't even imagine. All any of us want is to feel witnessed and fulfilled. I can't imagine what it's like to be raised to told that's shameful.
I’m Christian, and I agree with everything you said. You also have a really beautiful way with words.
I’m now trying to raise my kids that way!!! Any advice??
Thanks for telling the whole world it’s cool to have a round with your wife. Unfortunately, I’m sure someone will take you up on that offer, since it’s just for a little while.
@@sedonarose7563 a good place to start is by making things like bodily autonomy , consent, sexual attraction and urges , the emotional and physical aspects of intercourse , and safety an open ongoing conversation. When they hit teen years make condoms and dental dams available ( just in a bathroom drawer where they can retrieve them without shame or having to rely on their partner to have them ).
Shut up🤦♂️
It’s possible to abstain until marriage.
And it’s also beneficial for women to do so. It helps them weed away guys who want to be with them for the wrong reasons. Well brought up men have a lot more respect and adoration for the purity of their wives (virgin or low body count). Let’s be honest, 95% of men have a phobia for just imagining their wives being ran through in the past.
I was in the room with the my ex-wife when she told the bishop we had premarital sex. I was mad that she told him something that was supposed to be between the two of us. She grew up in the church, I didn't. To me, what two people do behind their bedroom door is only for them to know. Even after I joined the church I still felt certain things were better left private.
Incidentally, that bishop was a counselor in the stake presidency and we spoke to him when we decided to divorce. So that was a fun full circle moment.
Even when I was ‘active’ I could never understand why people felt they had to confess anything to anyone. It’s just such a strange idea.
@@sprinklesonmycupcake4915 But it's an old idea--and practice. Somewhere in the New Testament a verse says, "Confess your sins to one another." The Catholic Church decidedly made use of that one.
....that is one thing i dont get .either ....why all mormons have to run to the bishop and confess ....there are therapists that deal with sexual counselling or places that u can get referred to .....
I hope you got out of that cult.
@Victor U As a Catholic, our sins are not written down. If we go to confession, as if we CHOOSE to, it's behind a wall, the priest has no idea who you are. Then you go about your day. Nobody is after you. Nobody is telling on you. It's your choice if you feel like you need to confess something.
I have to give you props for putting that out there. A religious culture that makes people find these silly loopholes, is probably something that needs to make people think about the life they are signing up/becoming a member.
Soaking is a slippery slope that leads to being a badass like Exmo Lex.
🤣 Yes
Sliding on the slippery slope sounds pretty good to me.
badass looks like Steven Tyler 😆
More like a slippery cave...
@@Christopher.Harvey333 Whay an abusive misogynist. Exhibit A to why I started questioning the Church and eventually left. Too many men in serious need of therapy who use the Church as an excuse for their abuse.
“Slippery Slope to Soaking”. New merch cuming
“Soaking: It’s a slippery slope!”…
😂😂😂😂😂 new merch cuming
I would so buy this. Is this a thing yet?!
Gonna name my album that
Quran has many accurate and useful information, I encourage everyone to explore them and read it at least once. 💙
A kiss is like a spider's web... It often leads to the undoing of flies.
I almost lost my coffee more than once listening to this! Thank you for all your content, you really are amazing. As a fellow exmo and organist, it take a lot of courage to walk away. Listening to your vlogs reminds me I have done the right thing. Thank you 💕
@Russell M. Nelson Wow Rusty. After all these years, you're finally starting to make some sense!
Why did i leave the church?
As much as I despise the abuse of all cults not just mormons... I agree with this wholeheartedly. But unlike mormons I believe the Bible, every word of.
Ex Mormon here, I never did it, but I knew people who did. Totally a thing.
Bunch of cork-soakers!
How is it even possible to stick it in and not start thrusting, these dudes have insane self control 😂
Damn why am I crying? Geez. You just never know when the waves of emotion are going to hit. This video was a roller coaster for me, from "I'm going to post a TikTok about this... someone needs to say that this is NOT a normal Mormon thing that Mormons think is okay" and then you went over that, perfectly. And then you shared your PERSONAL experience, including the embarrassment, guilt, and confession - so vulnerable and open! Your willingness to put yourself out there is so NEEDED, and I know it's not always easy to ignore the assholes in the comments section. Thank you for being willing to wear a target on your back. And then the list of demon-leven patrons has gotten so long and I just started bawling. I'm so grateful for you and so grateful people are pitching in to help you keep doing what you're doing. THANK YOU!!!!
I legit spit my coffee out when you just deadpan said "I did it" 🤣🤣🤣
Cheers lex!! Love you!
@Messerah PRAISE TALOS!! Talos the mighty. TALOS the UNERRING! TALOS THE UNASSAILABLE!!!!!!
@Messerah
It is written
"We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars!
But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you."
@@KellethornIf you tire of your search, read your book again to return to your mortal life. For a time. The lure of Apocrypha will call you back. It is your fate.
Drem Yol Lok Faal Krein
Zii los dii du
@@daphnedherbert 100.
@@Kellethorn
i left christian religion but still firm believer of the gospel that is indeed ancient manuscripts battled through the test of time of many millennia past and could not possibly be preserved for so many years without there being any power and authority strong enough to preserve them and there is no other than the one who made these writings available that is the law giver the blessed Creator of Heaven Earth who has only made his will known only of those truly circumcised in heart and fear for his reverence and divine authority, and this fact alone is also the reason for the declining moral decay for not many are mentally capable and wiling to stand up in righteous just as a radio that is dependent on the strength of the signal to be in tuned with the specific communications station so it is vitally important for one to be upright in faith to be in tune with the spirit of the Almighty who is our Heavenly Father who has to allow some means of influence as a test to your integrity for this is how it was even for the very first man of earth and even to the son of Man the beloved SON of the Most High
for as i read the prophet Esdras says what left is there for the previous generation as a guide to righteousness and he pleaded in prayer to the ALmighty to send the Holy Spirit to restore the manuscripts of old time for the sake of the next generation, for without these man are only left and susceptible to vain philosophy until the time subscribed to them is expired and to face judgment
Isaiah 1:9
Unless the LORD of Hosts had left us a few survivors, we would have become like Sodom, we would have resembled Gomorrah.
Hebrew 9:27
Just as man is appointed to die once, and after that to face judgment,
When I read your title, I thought you were going to talk about some weird Mormon take on BAPTISM - like the longer you soak, the more baptized you are. I really thought that!🤣
😂
Me too. Or the water birthing process. HAHHAHA
LMAO!
I too thought it would be related to baptism. 😂 So, it’s not??
i thought it was about how to take baths so as not to anger jehovah. xD
I was raised Catholic and I have been married for 7 years and it took me close to 5-6 years (5 TO 6 YEARS) finally feeling comfortable with the idea of sex with my spouse. This is so damaging. Going from no sex, sex is a sin, you're going to hell, blah blah, to overnight "hey your married, have as much sex as you can, conceive, pleasure one another, etc" is so laughable. Like the though of "am I sinning? Is this okay, I'm hurting my church and God?" doesn't not just turn off overnight.
So awful and I wish these religions would stop because it's more damaging then helping.
Excellent points. We (Mormons) have been told that the way to know if what we're doing in the sheets is okay or not is to imagine if God was watching us do it, and we could proceed if we were okay that he saw it. I'm like "Get the hell out of my private life, you creepy God!"
@@mylesmarkson1686 I was raised LDS (Mormon) but I’ve NEVER heard that. Whoever told you that… yeck!
@@alishaliggett Yeah, can you imagine getting it on with your spouse, and then pausing to say "How you doin' over there God? Want some popcorn? Maybe a Coke?"
Ah yes, the sexual revolution was much, much better🙄
I think people survived for centuries being chaste without giving it a second thought that before marriage, just because the 60s revolution made women and men just a release for sex that led to abortion, unwanted marriages, single parenthood- that do what thou will isn't working, boys esp. w/o fathers have a higher rate of suicide, prison time, joining gangs. This advice is dangerous, look around.
I love your channel so much. You speak with such honesty, humor, and phenomenal self-awareness. It's easy after leaving a high control group to hold onto our anger and embarrassment and to only look on it with derision. But you clearly have compassion for yourself, other former members, and especially for current members. I applaud and admire you, Lex!!
The extent that Mormons allow their leaders to involve themselves in their parishioners most intimate and private thoughts and actions, is appalling to me - and I was raised Catholic. Catholic priest just says don't do it, but if you do you can still go to confession and get forgiven. Religion is craziness in my opinion.
Mormons make Catholics look super liberal. I recently got into Mormon content and I can't believe this is a real religion 💀
I’m so thankful you’ve started the process of healing. I wasn’t raised Mormon or even religious at all and I still was basically engrained to believe sex was extremely shameful. It’s beautiful to see your strength.
Ball breaks the plane, it is a touchdown.
LMAO!!!
Your children are lucky to have you for parents. You are brave, honest, and clever. Great presentation addressing reality for so many.
Are you ok
Fr is there something wrong with you?
Despite how funny it seems at first, it is really sad. I'm sorry you had to go through so much guilt and pain, and that you still have left over feelings of said guilt. Thank you for educating me on this topic, it's definitely important to talk about.
Being raised fundamental Baptist didn't stop me from expressing my sexuality, it just gave me guilt for a decade, not anymore! I realized its screwed up to be in bed with someone but be thinking about my parents, in any context.
I HATED how Mormon leaders always referred to masturbation as “self-abuse”. So gross.
Also, my husband and I almost did the Vegas loophole-where you drive to Vegas to get married and have sex, then get divorced in the morning 😅
That IS gross! And, ironically, ACTUAL "self abuse" results when young people hate and shame themselves, having been taught that sexual feelings and behavior mean they're following Satan, unworthy of blessings, adding to Jesus' pain on the cross, and so offensive to God that God can't even stand to be near them. So damaging!
church leaders that implement this believe are blind leaders of the blind, suggesting a practice that leads and tempts one to commit sexual immorality and for those who really know the scripture that what makes you married to someone does not involve certificates or even a priest, except this involves a womens bodily organ called a hymen filled with blood and she becomes the wife of the man that is the cause of her blood that is spilled,.. ofcourse this is different in the case of a widow that wants to marry again
and Apostle Paul's solution to sexual immorality is simple and reasonable and could self proclaimed pastors consider themselves trustworthy to teach with this soaking doctrine? you be the judge taking into account your salvation and the salvation of the pastoral leaders you choose to hear and bear with itching ears
1 Corinthians 7:1
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
;;;;; 2 Esdras 2: 30 -100 llllllllllllll ll
It is true. I've suffered from it in the past and it has serious consequences.
When I first heard about this I thought it was the funniest thing ever! I thought it was so crazy there is no way it was true. But after listening to you explain about how you get there, being an exmo too, I totally get it. And you’re correct it’s really sad.
My boyfriend and I are 18 he was a Mormon his whole life and he told me at 14 he was waiting until marriage because he was so scared to do it because of church… then he stopped going and he just threw that out the window and we just had sex 🤷🏼♀️ his Mormon mom caught us but she wasn’t very mad thankfully, she took me home and the next day asked him when I was coming back over and his dad doesn’t even care :))
Many Mormons are just like that. My dad caught me at 13 doing what a 13 year old boy does at times after discovering why pretty gals in mini skirts rule the world. He opened the door, pretended he didn’t see anything, closed the door, and went back to bed. Lol! He also caught me going to pound town with my fiancé at the time, not a word, no shaming, no questioning. He was also in the Bishopric at the time. Best three guys ever at the time.
My parents are very active, yet very down to earth and understanding, as are many of the LDS people I know. I just had my first Son (two daughters before him) and I’ll never belittle him for sexual things like I know happens to some. If he wants to be religious, awesome, I hope he follows my Dads example, if not, I’m happy to share my beer. Lol.
I grew up in St. George, Utah. You know, the party spot of Utah, sorry P.C. you ain’t got nothin on “The Heat”! Now I live in Orem and teach at University. I love my Mormon family, even though I don’t practice it. I love most my Mormon friends and neighbors, and they love and respect us in return. It’s nuts some of the anti-Mormon hate I see. I also am angry at some of the hurt some members of the church feel they need to dish out to others. I do think that’s more about that person than actual church policy in many cases. As with anything, many people shouldn’t be given power and sometimes the incorrect people are chosen. Thankfully, I’d reported, they can quickly be removed as well.
Thanks for sharing!
@@tjtrent2351 I like you. For a former Mormon, is have you for a friend. I'm glad you left. I hope your kids choose reality over Mormonism. I really do. The missionaries tried on me but I couldn't swallow the pill they gave me. But I'll always respect Mormons. They're just trying to live life as their religion dictates.
Soaking sounds like it would be even more frustrating than not having sex at all. Of course, there are several ways to enjoy each other without risking pregnancy or STDs, but parents don't like to talk about those alternatives. Making teenagers feel guilty for having sex and buying them condoms in case they have sex are two extremes that can both lead to catastrophe.
Why is buying them condoms an extreme and why is it a bad thing?
Yeah no buying condoms for them doesn’t seem extreme, it just seems like a responsible thing to do.
I think maybe they mean it's extreme because it's relatively likely to result in pregnancy? A lot of condoms fail, and if you don't have a backup method THAT can easily result in a baby. So the extremes are either "No sex allowed" or "Have as much as you want as long as you use these (which are likely to fail, especially with new sex-havers)."
But just my guess-timation.
Buying them condoms isn't extreme it's responsible. You explain that if/when they ever do have sex, they need to have protection. Teach them about all the different kinds, including dental dams, and buy them some
@@mandyleigh1392 wtf they don't fail THAT much. Jfc. Condoms help totally.
My daughter told me about this when she was at BYU-I two years ago.
The "Oral is Moral" trend ran rampant through our stake when my two oldest were in HS. The only reason it got addressed is because several cases of gonorrhea of the throat was showing up in the YW groups.
Oof
Omg. Omfg.
😂🤣😭
She got the Mumps. Thought she was pregnant, til she had a nosebleed
I only recently learned what soaking means in Mormonland. It's so weird that couples are shamed for having sex in a loving relationship. I took my 15 year old daughter to see our practice nurse, so that she would know what contraceptive products were available if she found love in a long-term relationship. The nurse was great and even gave her a box of condoms. To me, this was responsible parenting, not a licence to sleep around. Soaking sounds like torture.
Good luck.
I don’t think that’s great parenting, setting your 15 year old up with a box of condoms. 15 year olds aren’t mature enough to handle the many emotional implications that come with a sexual relationship.
@@yeshalloween Doesn't stop some of them from doing it.
I think that's good parenting. She knows it's ok to talk to you and how to avoid pregnancy/STDs.
@@yeshalloween if 15 year-olds aren't mature enough to handle the emotional implications that come from a sexual relationship, they certainly aren't ready to be parents, so better to buy them condoms so they don't get pregnant instead of just burying your head in the sand and hope they don't have sex until marriage.
"Soaking is as embarrassing as FUCK!"
Pun intended...or no?
LOL! :-)
OTOH, thank you for an honest portrayal of the harmful behavior and attitudes that result from Mormon misinformation, body-shaming, misogyny, homophobia, sex shaming, and rejection of children that parents created---through the very act for which they reject their children! That's some cognitive dissonance!
It does take a long time to dismantle the framework of bad ideas, but you are out here, doing the work and sharing with viewers! Thanks for sharing your journey toward healthy enjoyment of your sexual self! Be well, sister!
What an excellent discussion! You did a wonderful job of explaining "soaking" and an even better job about discussing the conflict of religion (I'm Christian) and sex/desire - which is a completely normal biological imperative. ❤
So much unnecessary shame! They spend all that energy and money protecting predators, and sex between consenting adults is a sin next to murder...🙄
I have seen and experienced the moon church protecting me babysitting pretotors. It is do sick and disgusting
My husband and I lived together and had relations for 4 years before we got married. I honestly think this needs to be discussed more. Show everyone else that it's perfectly fine and perfectly normal for couples to have activities before marriage.
Yes. As a lifelong Mormon who "successfully" got married as a virgin, to a virgin, this is an important message for everyone. In the end, I have a happy, healthy marriage, but it was such a needlessly painful road. Couples should be emotionally honest and practice safe sex if they want to have sex. That's it. A normal, developing relationship can include sex and end in a breakup. That's completely fine. I didn't used to believe that. The stakes were always SO high. Like Lexi said in the video, it results in so much pain, guilt, and divorce.
The Bible says that sex is reserved for marriage.
@@kellycoleman715 and the Bible is b******* so what's your point? The Bible's not an authority so why in the world should I care what the Bible says?
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite are you mormon or atheist, or something else?
@@robertschmidt9296 atheist nevermo
As a non-LDS person, I would NEVER HAVE fabricated a loop hole like “soaking”.
No shit
The amount of shame in the church is so ridiculous that someone wrote a book titled " And They were Not Ashamed" that many members give as wedding gifts
What is the book about?
Nvm I looked it up lol
Yep, got it. Also, "Between Husband & Wife." As shower/wedding gifts, it was quite literally too little, too late.
"Soaking" is a sign that the religion is an OT Pharisee religion. That's really what it shows us. It shows that the lds church is obsessed over stupid rules rather than in the spirit of the law. And that's it's main problem. But you see, a religion who wants to claim "authority" HAS TO believe in stupid rules because otherwise you wouldn't need them. Because if God doesn't care about specifics, then why would you need a person to sit around defining specifics? I don't miss this part of being a mormon
I hope to live to see the day when this emotionally and psychologically damaging cult implodes!!!
Took me a couple of decades to slough off the majority of my sex repression from mormonism. I still battle from time to time. Mostly I can relax and enjoy the play these days.
Soaking is one of the weirdest things I’ve heard in my life but it was hilarious finding out people did this so I’m great full for the laughs
This whole thing just makes me really grateful for being asexual because I just don't get it and I never have. Then again, being Mormon and asexual has it's own problems. I'm super curious about y'all's experience with your logic process, decision to confess, and how you had to "repent." I've heard of couples being let through to marriage because sex was going to happen anyway, but other friends who've had to cancel their weddings last minute because they weren't paying tithing. Helping members stay chaste is NOT their priority.
the amount of discomfort i feel hearing about this lol brave of you to share. I'll never use the word "soaking" the same again haha
I first heard about it on the Amazon comedy Alpha House five or six years ago. The Mormon Senator from Nevada's daughter kept doing it with his aide, and then after he accidentally twitched while uh, in there, she decided he wasn't a TBM and not her future eternal partner because he was obviously an evil pervert.
Soaking gives a whole new meaning when clothes are in that wash cycle.
Soaking is like the next step from “just the tip”
😂😂💀
As an atheist, I have done soaking before. I imagine it comes from a somewhat similar motivation. The girl I was with was virgin and not my GF. She was not comfortable with loosing her virginity with someone who she was not in a relationship. But she was attracted during the moment. And we went into the slippery slope to something similar to soaking.
LMFAO that you admitted this!!!! This is WHY the internet freaking loves you @exmolex!!!!
It cracks me up now every Mormon you find on youtube will tell you they never ever heard of this. LOL
I swear to God never heard of it must be something new
@@420gamermom It was around when I was a Member years ago. Its very popular among young Mormons its so bad the church had a number of talks on it.
The thing that makes me doubt whenever a Mormon says "swear to god" is the fact i have caught them lying so many times when they have said it.
I grew up in Utah, but we weren't Mormon. I had a lot of Mormon friends growing up tho, and I've heard of soaking. My current girlfriend only recently left the church, she says she was pressured to try soaking by one of her Mormon boyfriends when she was a teenager, she didn't do it though. The sexual repression in the church is real, and so bad that my girlfriend has left the church and she still feels guilty that we've had sex.
I was an evangelical Christian in the 90s and it was a practice then. I feel so sad that my late teens early twenties was a mess of shame and guilt. Sorry that was your experience too
I was just going to ask whether this was a thing in other religious groups! Strange as Mormons are, I didn't see why they should have a monopoly on soaking.
I left the church over 20 years ago. I'm still deconstructing everything that I went through. I only just recently was able to admit that I'm bi. Much like Jimmy Snow (only in reverse) because I like men so much, I ignored my attraction to women.
That "all sexual sin is next to murder" business is how you end up in therapy 20 years later finally talking about your porn addiction and how you've felt like a horrible person for a long time. I'm getting ready to do a segment on my show about leaving the Church and a lot of the detrimental effects it had on me. It's been a struggle addressing that side of things, but doing it is so very therapeutic.
NOT all sexual sin is next to murder
This was brilliant and informative! It may be hard, but try not to feel embarrassed about this. You have been very candid and relatable, and it will provide a lot of guidance for those who need it who watch this video.
Yes. Brilliant for sure. So very brilliant.
Wow such a good video. 💯 Agree. LDS attitudes surrounding sex, abstinence, and the resulting rush to get married in order to have sex (guilt free) is absolutely a recipe for disaster.
Soaking isn’t an LDS or utah term, it’s actually very old slang. In one of my father’s old textbooks from the 50s someone wrote “go soak your head.” It took me a minute to figure out what that may have meant lol. But the term goes way back and he was from New England.
“Go soak your head” was just an old term for “get lost” take a hike” etc. I know. I’m that old. Not every thing is salacious.
At age 14 I read "The Miracle if Forgiveness." When I read that I would be better off dead protecting my virtue, than to live having lost it.
(This statement applied to Girls and not Boys ")
I was bor n into The Church, my Ancestors settled Utah, having left Europe., and i knew more Doctrine, and was mile faithful than most of the Adults.
That passage alerted me to the fact that that Old, White Guy did NOT care about me, and so could certainly NOT be my Prophet.
Took me a few more years to wiggle out of The Church, primarily out of respect for my Mother, but I stopped believing that day.
Have actually felt blessed to have been rescued so early.
Thank You, Spencer, for showing what a mean spirited, Patriarchal POS You were.
Great job! Thanks for your bravery in being able to put it out there that you did that to quiet the deniers. Also on the “other hole” topic, you should check out “Garfunkel and Oates: loophole” for a good take on that. Not gonna leave a link cause it’s pretty NSFW.
One of the best songs ever
Awesome song. I heard about it because one friend hummed a bar of music, and another friend, out of nowhere, yelled, “[bleep] me in the [bleep] because I love Jesus!” Cue some blank staring, some blinking, and them playing the video for the song the first friend hummed.
It was… enlightening.
Everything else Garfunkel and Oates sings is also amazing. Some of it is even clean!
@@mrjones2721 my absolute favorite of theirs is pregnant women are smug
I love that song.
Lex, I think you are adorable and brave! Thx for being honest and open. One should be able to confess to the Lord, it's between me and Him, not a bishop. Glad you're an Ex Mormon. Grandma Kim❤️
I haven’t done it but uh imma go try it with my husband right now! For science.😂
Do you think your husband will follow the protocols of this experiment? Best Wishes and Good luck! 😂
@@noyopacific I dunno about this whole thing. It gives me vibes of being allowed to lick a lollipop, but not being allowed to chomp the entire sucker down!
Well? Report please? (For science of course)
“Trust …. the science!”
@@mylesmarkson1686
But you’ll never find out how many licks it takes…
One…
Two…
Three…
Ok…Three more than!…
Soaking is always best done on top of the washer on a full wash cycle.
Nitpicking your phrasing: “they know it’s sex, they know it’s wrong.”
It’s not wrong.
More accurately, “they know it’s sex, they know it’s against the rules.”
True
So it seems like a very real dichotomy. Either it’s totally false or it really happens and it happens often. I think the “it never happens” crowd is coached and trying to deny a fundamental problem.
I hope the guilt and shame go away soon and Mormons start living normal lives with sexuality ☺️
Lexi, most never admit the truth! God Bless You. We know where we speak & it’s not easy.
I am active LDS. I actually appreciate this video. I had to be the one to ask my mom what sex was when I was I think 14 or 16 years old.. she looked like she’d seen a ghost and the way she told me, poor woman- it terrified me. I’m not going to be encouraging sex before marriage. However, I heard the subject of masterbation has been removed from the youth handbook.. I think because there’s evidence of hormonal need for stimulation so perhaps they’ve prayed about it or had to remove it not sure. I think it’s important for parents to have healthy conversations with their kids about it. It’s starts with simple conversations in younger ages about body parts in a no-shame way, and what is safe/not safe touch from others, how to say no, how to talk to a safe adult about that, then moves forward from there in a more informative way when they are older about masterbation where there is no shame around it.. that’s my view on it.
I’m glad things are lightening up some too around this subject.
I did get married very young because we wanted to make it to the temple.. and after the honeymoon phase was over and my husband’s infatuation gone I realized he was actually very different… we almost didn’t make it several times. It did push us to work on healing ourselves in certain ways to make marriage work so that has been good. I think we’ve been blessed too when we’ve prayed for help or lived a closer relationship to God. That much I could feel for sure.
All I know is that not everything is black and white and I do understand your perspective. I think these conversations are so important.
Have they removed it? Hallelujah! I confessed to my parents as a teen. They forced me to confess to our bishop (who was reeeeally creepy and very verbally abusive and misogynistic). Still traumatized from that. Glad they adopted a healthier stance.
I read “soaking questions” on your thumbnail, and I assumed this was maybe an expression like “burning questions”, but now I know it definitely is not. 🙂
My wife and I left in the 90's, resigned by threatening a lawsuit. We heard of soaking just recently. The other day she asked our daughter if she knew what soaking is. My daughter graduated from Provo High School in about 2004. She said of course she had heard of soaking. Though I'm sure it is a Morridor term, it has been around for a long time.
You decry the fact that you are still getting over your sexual shame after 3 years. I applaud where you are in such short a time. Sexuality is something I am still grappling with after mormonism many years after.
Another great video! Thank you!
I just bypassed "soaking" and waited a year to get into the temple after my repressed X wife confessed to our sins to our bishop...
As someone raised conservative Christian, I can relate to the church shaming and repressing young people into mental illness about anything sexual. It's legitimately traumatizing.
I rushed into a marriage that didn’t last due to this church teaching.
Lol
You're not alone. I had a friend who had only been back from his mission for about a year telling me how hectic it was for him to find someone to marry. I was like "Slow down. It's not a race!"
The church didn’t make you do it. You had the right to reject it. But as a disgruntled exmo, you can always leave the church but can never leave it alone.
@@theephraimite Wow, how judgmental you are. You do realize people can disagree and even leave the Church without being a "disgruntled ex-mo," right? I mean, they always tell you hat everyone who leaves is disgruntled, but 95% of those who I know aren't. Disagreement isn't a negative thing. Leaving isn't a negative thing. Get over yourself.
Yup, my roommate at the Y did the exact same thing. Actually, I can think of at least 5 who did... combined with a Prophet (forgot which one) who effectively said that any righteous man could marry any righteous woman and have a successful marriage.
Wow, soaking is the sin next to murder??? That is so sad that Mormons are guilttripped so horribly
I know I'm old, but I keep hearing the line in my head from the old Palmolive commercial "Do you know you're soaking in it?" Am I the only one???
The sexual repression in Mormonism causes members to do all sorts of weird sexual things. If they were a little more realistic about sex, etc. I think it would do the members a lot of good.
Did not expect this video to end as uplifting as it did haha
Hahaha I love this
Really love that you said “all humans” so inclusive probably with out even trying.. appreciate that your humanization of life, cheers!
It's ok and I don't find it funny that you did it and the idea is really funny and I did stuff through loop holes too. You are honest and brave and you have nothing to ashamed of. You are a good and wonderful person ❤
YES! I heard of this when I was living in Southern California and we called it “parking”. But definitely a thing I heard my friends do 😅
I was LDS until I was 18 and had never heard of Soaking until it was in the TV show "Get Shorty." There is a character who is a Mormon gangster and mostly follows the church rules. He soaks with his girlfriend and it is a funny scene that I thought they made up for the show. Weird that it is a real thing.
As someone who hasn't been active since the early 2000s I didn't believe this could possibly be real. I feel bad for them and I'm glad I'm out of the purity culture mindset.
LMAO thank you so much for answering my question about jump humping - it seemed too insane to be real, but soaking also seemed in that same realm, at least upon discovery. Much love xoxo
When I was at BYU in 1990 (forever ago!) the motto was "Stay moral, go oral" LOL!
....you had me at "NSFW".
Soaking --- just another instance where religion never stops surprising folks. Would have never guessed such a thing would happen on my own.
I know it's very popular in Rexburg as well! BYU-Idaho.
In Ex-Mormon groups or communities I see some people say what they heard was: "It's okay if it's not in the Vee-Jay"
Getting soaked is what happens when you go into the bishop's office for tithing settlement.
That is getting hosed. HAHAHA
It's also what the Bishop does to himself to the nudie-mags in his desk when no one is around!
@@rosiej.1473 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wow--who knew? My church didn't have a problem with toughing yourself and didn't really use guilt against premarital sex. I had my own fears about pregnancy before marriage. I am sad for Mormon teenagers....(let alone Mormon Gay Teenagers...argh!)
Finally!! My daughter told me about soaking and I have not stopped laughing since!😱🤣🤣
This somehow reminds a little bit of german "Maultaschen" (basically a German Ravioli/meat filled pasta) also called "Herrgottsbescheisserle" which roughly translates to "god foolers". Before eastern there is a lent and you are not allowed to eat meat, so the monks apparently invented this dough filled with meat to hide the meat from god and he wouldn't see it:)
I definitely didn't think it was a real thing - thank you for your bravery. 😳
I'll probably be leaving the church sometime soon, but I've been active for 24 years (my whole life) and married for 6 years, and NEVER heard of this insanity 🤣🤣 it's funny to see that even inside the church there are different cultures and bubbles.
I'm old. But I had friends who went to Ricks College in the late 1970s and early 80s. The thing at the time was at the end of the date, if the couple thought they had gone too far, the guy would give the girl a priesthood blessing. In the blessing he would forgive her sins -- so she didn't have to tell the bishop. And, if there was penetration, he would bless her not to get pregnant.
Lol
lolol
What kind of nightmare is this???!! I was raised Morman, and this is ridiculous if anyone justifies this as “not having sex”. If you are putting it in, it totally counts. 😂😂😂😂😂
and yet the first mormon proFIT was doing a lot of LAUNDRY with anyone he could arrange a spin cycle with so c'mon corporation, FESS UP!!
I gave you a thumbs up because you made me laugh so hard, I think you would be a good standup comedian lol
The church must be a lot more hard core than when I was young. My Bishop actually sat me down after I was losing my shit from having a hickie and said kissing was fine, making out once your serious, petting when engaged, sex when married. I never ever heard no touching and people commonly made out… a lot… because it’s all that was allowed.
Oh yeah? When I was young, I was taught that just the THOUGHT of sexual acts was as bad as doing them. And I attended a fireside where the whole thing was about how awful "M" was without ever mentioning the "M" word! I almost stood up and said "What the hell are we talking about here?" I guess different places have different rules.
@@mylesmarkson1686 My bishop was much cooler than your’s 😂
"Insane amount of Guilt and Shame" Girl, can I relate to that! I was a Mormon teenager in the late 60's and they constantly pounded us with that "Sex is a sin second only unto Murder" crap and other things like it. A few chaperones at youth dances would prowl the dance floor with a six inch ruler enforcing the distance between couples. In Priesthood Meeting they would thunder at us boys that if (when) you masturbate you were crucifying Jesus all over again. And on and on.
I was conditioned to feel overwhelming guilt every time I masturbated. I would cry and promise God I would never do it again. Over and over.
I was so conditioned that even after marriage at 20 I would still feel racking terrible guilt in the moment of climax with my lawful wife. I was like Pavlov's Dog. Deeply Conditioned.
This is Church Emotional and Mental Torture and Abuse. Sexual Abuse. And a major part of all the influences and insights that led me to ditch Mormonism in my 20s.
Thank you for bringing so much out into the light where it can be drained of all it's evil power Lex. You do a service to thousands.
Never heard of the concept of 'Soaking' though. 'Necking' and 'Petting' were big themes though.
No reason for embarrassment. All of us that grew up in extremely religious homes did odd things exactly like this. They try to erase something that can’t be erased
I saw you on Kevonstage's instagram talking about soaking and I screamed looool.