What I learned from the weirdest day of my life
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- Pizzamas: Pizzamas.com
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I have been asked how I know when I've succeeded when I don't put much stock in dreams anymore, and I guess this video is the answer to that question.
I don't think success actually exists, but helping definitely does.
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It’s summits all the way up
That's a peak way to summit up.
You win the internet for the day. Congratulations. 🏆 🎆
Ah, these summit puns are mountain up.
Such a valid point!!
and Turtles all the way down.
Not only does my former self no longer exist; the world my former self lived in is GONE. Solving the problems of my current self > fulfilling past me's dreams.
+
"one cannot step into the same river twice" both because it's different water all the time, but also because you are different all the time
That's such a great point. There's been wars, global recessions, plagues, new ways to communicate since my former selves developed some of their dreams. Radically different times!
@@UnlaunderedShirt and you change the water by stepping into it, just as you change the world by existing in it.
My old dreams don't even make sense in this world...
"You have no obligations to your former selves" 🤯 Wow, that resonated!
I did a whole talk on this once, search "Hank green XOXO"
This line really gave me feelings and made me wonder if I don't want to be a musician anymore. But I identify so strongly as a musician! Oh no!
I went down the rabbit hole and found the link to what Hank referenced: ua-cam.com/video/lPtopvsxmZY/v-deo.htmlsi=OG7aCtQLPB7XGO5R
I do recommend it, just like agriculture!! 😂😂😂😂
This was deeply comforting
I seem to remember a vlogbrothers vid by Hank where the main focus was the idea of obligations to a former self.
As someone who currently does not have a dream and has always felt lost for not having one, it is so weirdly comforting to hear someone like Hank say "Dreams are a tool that should be abandoned the moment they cause problems". It makes me feel validated in a society where dreams are so glamourized and I have none. Thank you, Hank, really.
Dream small, I dream of what I want to do next day, next week or next month. Take it one step at a time. It's not about the destination, it's the journey that matters.
Same here.
Dreams are just one of many sources of motivations and, I think, not the best one. Curiosity is better, IMO.
i never really had any proper dreams either. just one step/day at a time and you will eventually be where you need to be
Ok now I don’t feel so weird either. I mean I dream, but those are of having magic, time travel and being part of a big movie. Those aren’t dreams like they’re talking about.
I like Hank’s advice, stay curious. That I think is a better way to live your life.
"You have no obligations to your former selves" is something I didn't know I needed to hear, but we're here now and my life is better for having heard it.
As a middle-aged guy, I only now realize how profound that really is. Thanks, Hank.
John and Hank really just embodied “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey” for two whole days
Soft serve AND hot dogs?! King, you were living the dream and didn't even know it!
I think it's more valuable as a chosen destination than a consolation for an awkward obligation, but so very yep.
I've loved how this pizzmas the vlogs have felt like such a continuous conversation. They've been sticking with me throughout the day and it's exciting to see the conversation continue whenever another video is uploaded.
It has been really nice, but also hard!! It means I can't pre-make anything!
@@vlogbrothers The feeling of conversation continuity between the vlogs is something I miss from the early days. Thank you for doing this extra work right now, it's very fun and nostalgic! 🥰
I think the thing that pushes me forward the most consistently is curiosity: what’s gonna happen? What am I gonna read or learn? What’s out there? Then again I am a sociology student so this might not be widely applicable 😂
Yes! Curiosity is the purest motivation!!!
and real mountains have little peaks! often the “summit” is only marginally higher than many other spots you journey to along the way. Enjoy the bumps! thats what makes it interesting, I personally prefer a good winding trail, not straight to the top steep summit climbs.
the real summit was the no longer useful dreams we abandoned along the way
"You have no obligation to your former selves" THIS!! I've often been wrapped up in what I thought I wanted, or what a previous version of myself thought he wanted. Realizing that we evolve, change, and don't need to hold onto dreams, as you define it, has helped to free me and make me a happier person.
This is a REALLY great message. I made several phone reminders to watch it again over the course of the next year so I don’t forget
Wow!!
Thank you for indirectly pitching me this idea. I'll be doing the same.
This is so important. I have always been a girl with a dream: get a PhD position studying fish. 5 years ago I got that position after 20+ years of dreaming and is has taken me a lot of time to get over the feeling of "wait, what was the point" when I got there a realized how hard it was and how it wasn't going to be perfect and amazing and exactly how I always dreamed. In two weeks, I will become a Dr., having completed that dream, and I'm so proud and happy but I'm never tethering myself to just one mountain ever again. Just a whole mountain range of endless hikes, enjoying all the views on the way and maybe seeing some summits if I get the chance ❤
Congratulations Doctor! The next problems you solve will be the social, professional, and fishy! There are always more things to find out about "fish."
Such a good video! Also the biggest of gold stars to the DFTBA team. I'm sitting here in my pizza hoodie... during Pizzamas in AUSTRALIA
Woah!!!
As Tim Minchin said in his graduation speech, "be micro-ambitious."
I need to listen to this graduation speech, as a big Tim Minchin fan who didn't know he had one of these... that sounds great lol
As Mitch Hedberg said, "I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
Tattoo this on my frontal lobe @ 3:11-3:20: "You have no obligations to your former selves. They know less than you, and they also don't exist."
eta: and dammit a tableslapping AMEN to Hank's conclusion statement!
Hank,
I find resonance, and a little bit of comfort, in your perspectives on this matter. Thanks.
- Hank
Honestly when the topic flows seamlessly into the ad it feels like a betrayal of my trust.
That's pretty real, like when the person seems bothered by doing the sponsor if feels like they don't care that much versus making the ad good feels like they care more about the ad working than the video being it's own thing. Good ads are good but it's dubious
I get that. Real Engineering irritates me a bit for that reason. But I don't mind it as much on this channel because it *makes sense* for Hank to talk about his book in this context. He's not transitioning from mechanical engineering into why you REALLY need a VPN.
That's just my signal that it's time to ignore or close the video.
This video is so good. A tiny thing that helped me: I’m trying to write a novel right now and to do that I need to write of course, but I also need to read a lot and not spend all my time scrolling. I downloaded the Libby app and have been reading tons of library books on my phone in the time I would otherwise have been scrolling. I logged six hours of screen time yesterday and the awful thing is I probably would have done that anyway, but because I have Libby now, 5 hours and 40 minutes of that six hours were me reading the entirety of Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders, a brilliant book I fell in love with and would not otherwise have read. This is way more helpful to me than getting an ereader or physical books because unfortunately I will wind up reaching for my phone over those, but if my phone is already in my hand that urge is satisfied. Sometimes your brain needs baby gates!
You know, I wasn't super interested in the Book of Good Times. I thought it was a neat project and wished you all success, but didn't think I'd get one for myself. But you make a good point here, we all need to connect with ourselves more. So I just backed the project and am going to get a copy for myself, and one for my mom for her birthday. Thank you for all that you to Hank, and that also goes for John. You two make the world a better place for being in it.
I completely agree with Hank about dreams here. That being said, I do dream of having in-unit laundry.
I love how this channel can provide two different perspectives on topics. They bring two opinions to a topic and both think it through and back it up and show their thought process. You can see how people with similar backgrounds and similar/interwoven lives have a different view on dreams and what motivates them. Like some of it is intrisic to them as people and personalities and maybe mental health disorders. But some of it is also the different experiences one makes in their life and how they might learn different things from it. It's really valuable to see what things shape peoples opinions and get a different perspective. I'm really bad with seeing things on the internet and then being like yeah that sounds reasonable without questioning my own opinion and point of view. Sometimes it takes a while to see a different view on the same topic if you don't look for it and only then being like I'm not sure what I should think. Thanks for being thoughtful and sharing it with us. It helps
it's possible you just ended my existential crisis with this video... solving problems for self and others. yep, that feels like it's the point.
"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know" - W. H. Auden
Hank, that XOXO talk you did years ago on this exact topic had a profound impact on my life and remains something I go back to every once in a while to remind myself not to feel obligated by the dreams of my former self. Thank you.
When he said that your former self doesn't exist and you don't own anything to them, I related so much cause I've been thinking a lot recently about my life goals, i look back to older "life goals" lists on journals and such, and i don't feel the same way as i did back then to them, so i ask myself "should i still go towards them?" And this video helped me answer question, NO. Thanks Hank❤
I suppose one danger with breaking promises you may to yourself previously is you might not have as much confidence in following through with your current promises. Then too, if you have kids I wonder if "Abandon your dreams as soon as they cause problems" is really the message. What sort of problems? Is the dream worth putting energy into dealing with those problems. Sometimes it might be. I think you have to balance pragmatism with idealism in life and this feels like an aspect of that same balancing act. Great video though and a great thing to think about and discuss.
I really needed the re-frame of solving my current concrete problems being more useful goal post then attaining a vague amorphous future goal. I mean it’s crazy how much just clicked and how many bad feelings and doubts just fell silent for me. Thank you for this!
Hank in full on rant mode is amazing. And makes several good points! ♥
yesss! no loyalty to your past self. And in fact, a large part of 'personality' is loyalty to your past self! and you shouldn't do it!
In this new perspective on the economy of attention and what it means to be motivated and to create I would just like to say this. I have given you hundreds of hours of my attention over the last fifteen or so years and in exchange you have made my life measurably better for the challenging insights on life you have acquired and are willing to share. Thank you Hank and John!
these last 2 videos are literally everything i love about this channel.
I have unfulfilled dreams which have caused a lot of damage to me. Some I've abandoned for having found something better, like making friends instead of winning a tournament. But others have been too central to my self-identity for too long to simply discard, though they do go on the back burner for times. So to an extent, I feel that being able to abandon dreams is a luxury for those who are finding enough opportunities elsewhere.
Yes. At a certain point, your dream becomes an obstacle.
This is very helpful to hear. As someone who has struggled with not having dreams or goals for a while, it's much nicer to think about 'what is the problem to solve now?'
I turned 29 on Sunday and it's just a weird time in my life. I simultaneously feel very young and older at the same time. Obviously, I know that 30 isn't old. But as a cis woman, there's a lot of pressure to start thinking about starting a family and begin having my life together in my early 30's. Children, buying a home, and settling down were all "future me" dreams. And now I'm getting to "future me" state and I'm nowhere near ready (specifically financially ready) for those things yet. It's caused a lot of anxiety. Like there's a ticking clock and I have to rush to get to where I think I SHOULD be right now. So, thank you Hank, for giving me some perspective and encouraging me to let go of the dreams that are no longer working.
i specifically remember deciding to keep my dreams vague as a youngun to prevent my future self from feeling dissapointed or beholden
False summits are a great metaphor. Summits are great on mountains because they let you see what lies far ahead of you and the journey gets easier after that no matter what direction you take. I think people imagine their metaphorical summits working the same way, and it can be hard to realize that the journey is still hard and you still don't see very far ahead of you.
“Dreams are tools” is a perspective I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. I like it.
I've always framed this as a difference between "goals" and "expectations".
As a child, I felt chained by expectations, and at the same time Hank was meeting his ex in Manhattan, I was falling down from all the expectations I knew I'd never be able to achieve.
When I started to define expectations as "goals with a time limit", like "I'll graduate from college by the time I'm 30" instead of just a goal of "I want to graduate from college", the massive stress and anxiety of living up to expectations (whether ones you have of yourself, or ones others place on you) started to evaporate, and I was able to move past that depressive period.
Similarly, I found that I needed to define myself quite a lot, and quite descriptively, in order to allow other people to help me on my path. But it was far too easy to accept the definitions other people had already created or applied to me, and it was also easy to define myself out of opportunities unnecessarily.
As I get older, this has changed slightly to focus almost exclusively on seeking happiness, something that always seems just over the next hill, but always narrowly eludes me. But when I look back, I can see that I am happier than I was, even if I don't feel happy "yet". So the way I've started to rethink my goals is that I only seek goals that will make me happier, I no longer accept other people defining me, and critically, I try to *only* define myself when it will actually serve to make me happier.
I love seeing Jon and Hank's perspectives on how they're navigating these same obstacles and conceptualizing them to move past them. At this point, I feel like this is just how getting old works, and I have to stop trying to get to a summit and instead try to enjoy the climb. I might never get to the top, or I might get to the top and pass it entirely without knowing. But the hike will end one day, one way or another, so I might as well just enjoy it.
the manitou incline has a false summit that made me almost quit >
I can't tell you how freeing this was. People have made me feel bad my WHOLE LIFE for not having a "GOAL"tm and I'm just not the type of person that has always been working toward a specific big dream. I am 100% a problem solver and it makes sense now that I'm thinking about it that when I am trying to fight that nature and be a GOAL person that things don't work. THANK YOU!!!
I’ve never had a specific “purpose” for my life. I just know I want to help people and that’s all! Hank, you said exactly what I’ve been feeling since middle school!
I recently gave up on my dream and needed to hear this.
Put the dream on hold really. I climbed to the top of one summit, saw two options thought I should climb the big one realized I wasn’t ready for that and climbed the next one which put me on a path to another cool looking summit. I can always go back or switch my goals but I don’t need to feel bad about not achieving the one when I am still chasing realistic and enjoyable goals
Thank you, Hank. I needed to hear someone say I owe nothing to my past self.
I tried purchasing multiple of "The Book of Good times" a couple of days ago. I'm glad that I can get some extra now. Yay!
Nice Jon Tester sticker!
The Tester Campaign has some nice swag. I have a “public lands in public hands” poster from them
2:30 Sparkle Temptations sounds lit
I'm sorry, but I spend the whole video thinking about the laundry Mart Hank mentioned. They served fresh food there? Amazing..
My metric for success has always been centered around putting in earnest effort and trying. I think the adult world really undervalues effort in the face of results. But for my personal life, sometimes success is just pulling away from said conniving algorithms and putting energy into my dream rather than the much vaguer goal of “achieving” them.
Wow. 🤯 Thank you, Hank.
I'm going to watch this again - maybe more than once - because I'm aware I missed some stuff while I was marvelling at how I needed to hear exactly this.
Yes, thank you, Hank. ❣️
Hank is on a journey of meaning!
What a tremendously good video yet again. There were so many parts to which I exclaimed out loud into the room to myself and my houseplants, which in itself is uncanny, because I was parts agreeing and parts being amazed by how you put those things into words so wonderfully.
Hey!! "You have no obligations to your former self" im glad this is sticking around
the book of good times is the peak of youtube imo
"You have no obligations to your former selves" is such a powerful sentence, and it's only made more poignant by the fact that I watched you say it while wearing my fancy new Pizza John blanket hoodie. The former self that bought it did right by me. Thanks guys! DFTBA!
Chasing dreams - aka, in a way, committing to the bit - I feel has been both my superpower and my Achilles heel
Omg Hank, my current big life change revolves around moving into a lower apartment that has a washer and dryer because that is a huge problem solve for my family.
I've always had more in common with John, but for the first time I can relate to Hank on a deep, personal level; on the desperate need to have my own clothes washing appliances.
Hi, Hank. Thank you, I really needed to hear this today. I hope you're having a nice day! :)
On the 6th October 2008, almost a month after this event. The economy in Iceland collapsed and changed the direction in my life permanently. That change is still ongoing.
I have, to my knowledge, watched every single Vlogbrothers video since I found you back in 2010. I have enjoyed them all, but I have favourited very few. This one has just been added to the list. Thank you ❤
It was always the becoming he dreamed of, never the being
Sometimes, the summit is downstairs.
Thank you Hank! Thank you! (Also, love the false summit metaphor, i've hiked enough that i REALLY get that metaphor)
I would argue that the only obligation that we owe our former selves is to treat them (and others like them) with compassion.
Hear hear! Once I came to peace with the idea that I don't owe anything to my former selves, my life became much more enjoyable.
i find it really liberating to value things in my life based on how they presently make me feel bc that's all that matters. Realizing that there is no big picture, no higher purpose and no single dream that needs to be chased gave me the comfort of just doing what i want to be doing
That was a bar (or 2)!!!
"You have no obligations to your former selves. They know less than you, and also, they don't exist!"
- Hank Green
So, per Hank, success is essentially the Apalachin Trail, a series of summits. You hike is as long as you want, going up and down the mountains (smaller than mine in the west, but still beautiful), enjoying it as you go. Each summit is an accomplishment, but you move on to the next one once you reach the top as there’s always another summit to reach. You stay on the trail as long as you want and as long as it is good for you. Somebody else out there could write this better, but that’s how it worked in my mind.
I think you wrote that very well indeed, it's beautiful!
ha, i wrote down when you said "you have no obligations to your former selves" the first time in the hair video a year ago and i think about it a lot. was fun to hear it pop up again. cheers
god this really took me back to one of my first proper mini-life-crises. I spent almost a year AGONIZING over abandoning the dreams of my past self, and honestly recently have been feeling the ache of that. So this was just really nice to hear.
I could just kind of ramble but I shan't. But this did kind of remind me of the ZeFrank quote of "let me not look at what i'm doing now as a stepping stone, but if it is, let me become fascinated by the shape of the stone"
there's ALWAYS going to be another summit to focus on. And focusing on that too much can motivate me to disengage from my current reality and rot on tiktok/instagram. A nice reminder to focus my curiosity and passion on the summits I'm at now
Had to watch this again and again straight away 💛
Finding motivation is so personal, but imo the best motivation is solutions to empower people to be their best selves 🙌 whether through creating actual resource, or social, or otherwise
I’ve never heard this perspective on dreams, and it’s refreshing
My summits have always been defined as, "How I know I've finally made it." One of those was to get a washer and dryer. I got this one. The next is to be able to afford a place large enough where I'd feel comfortable having a dog. That's the dream. Little, basic things, but these things are mine.
Thank you so much for this. I just finished my degree but I just don't feel like working on that field professionally anymore (I loved learning but it also drained me). I have a new job now, unrelated to the professional path I carefully planned for so many years. And I'm loving it. I felt like a failure but...if I feel like this has a point then who cares!
This was very comforting as someone who is figuring out stuff in the last part of a hopefully successful teaching internship
Herbert Simon put it this way: "People don't optimize, they satisfice."
I think theres a difference between dreams of results and dreams of process. Dreaming that you are a successful author or game developer or sport player is foolish, theres an end state that is counter to the process, once you reach it theres no point. Dreaming that you can continue what you already do and enjoy and make enough to do so comfortably is just an extension of your observed preference. I became a game developer because, simply, i love code, i love design, i love doing it and i do it everytime i have free time everyday. My dream is to continue that wothout worrying too much about money and making all the things ive dreamed about making yet. Six years ive done it, six more id be glad to continue
Yeah, i gave up my dreams once i had a good life. They were just stressing me out. I'm happy and fulfilled. No point wrenching my shoulder reaching for that brass ring.
Dreams can be empowering but also limiting. I make my dreams manageable in scale, mostly short term, and with a couple of long term ones to keep me on the path to reach them (HIking the AT with my daughter when she's older!). I don't need to wait for achievement to attain fulfillment. Every day brings it's own riches to the table.
I have a goal to travel to Australia and summit the continent. This is my post knee surgery goal. I've had to push it back due to financial factors, but it's still my goal. And I have scaled it back. I was going to hike the whole way up. Now, I'm going to use the ski lift to take me most of the way.
I am facing the utter collapse of what I thought was my big dream (which is also my job & career), and hearing this is shockingly timely. I had never even thought of it as a false (or perhaps just first) summit.
So glad bundles were added! Thank you!
Hank just blew my mind with "You have no obligations to your former selves"
Hank...buddy.
I'm in the middle of an existential crisis about the career that I love and my overwhelming burnout and the other dreams that directly conflict with my career (like traveling). I did not need to hear that I'm not obligated to my dreams. Because the mental panic that set in when I instantly thought, "Book the plane ticket, your 17-year career will still be here," was a little too real.
"Plenty high to have a nice view" is honestly my goal in life
I must say, we've gotten real earnest in the past few years. Like, I can't believe this used to be the channel that blended up McDonalds and gave away Peeps. Love to see it tho!
Joy comes from living according to your values.
4:10 Not Hank calling me out for watching this video instead of showering and going to bed
Yea definitely needed to hear this
THANK GOD SOMEONE SAYS THIS. Move forward and change if it makes your ultimate life goal more achievable.
I have changed my goals and dreams more times than i can count. That's a huge part of the reason I never ask my tween what they want to be they grow up or what they want to do... How are they supposed to know? That's a hard enough question for an adult to fully answer, let alone a tween. I think just encouraging life long learning and curiousity is enough for now.
My brain needs to hear this.
this came at exactly the right time for me ❤
hank said the point is so i don’t have to go to the laundromat anymore and i let out THE MOST frat boy chuckle thanks
My dreams are so basic now, they are pathetic. Also appear to be unattainable, such as finding a place I can afford to live with my dog and my cat that is not the garage storage room I am renting from resentful relatives. So I've stopped dreaming. Wishing and hoping for what appears to be unattainable seems to be more detrimental to my already broken mental health. I've even stopped creating things, art, stories, poems, because what's the point? I get a pile of mediocre stuff and google docs. And today isn't even a bad day. August, now there was a whole month of bad days. I'm just tired and overwhelmed by the cruelty of the world.
I needed to hear this!
this is absolutely amazing advice and i thank you from the bottom of all my selves