You Probably SHOULDN'T Have a Wedding if...
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2023
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The most freeing statement I have ever heard is tradition is peer pressure from dead people. It gave me the space to get married the way WE wanted. Such a blessing!
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people 😂 I’ll remember that one
No wedding for me, too expensive, too much fuss. Registrars office by the sea, picnic by a loch, then a few nights in a cosy cabin, ahh heaven 😊 still love consuming wedding content though!😂
I cannot tell you how much money we saved by bucking the system, throwing out tradition, and setting boundaries. My dream wedding was under $12K ✨
same, our entire budget is 10k and that seems like such a big amount but everything costs when it comes to weddings
I had a micro wedding this past November, and we skipped SO many traditions. We walked in to the ceremony together, no tosses, no dances (we had a board game reception), no wedding parties since we only invited close family and friends, no cake cutting (got a variety of cupcake flavors, which were a hit!), no catering (we made a big reservation at a restaurant), no fancy venue (we rented our neighborhood community center for $350 for the reception), I didn’t have a wedding dress (got a fancy white top and a yellow skirt I can rewear). We did still hire a photographer, but we did sola flowers (which were fun to make, and we can keep them forever!). And we had an amazing time! With just 30 people we could spend some time with everyone. It was lovely. Only do the things that matter to you, with the people that matter most. ❤
You had a big restaurant reservation and reception was at a community center, how would you have two places booked for reception….
@@anitathompson326 Restaurant for dinner, then back to the community center for the full reception: board games, cupcakes, hanging out. There wasn’t a fee to make a reservation for 30 people at the restaurant (just had to pay for everyone’s dinner at the end), and the community center was so cheap it wasn’t a big deal!
Did you have a cocktail hour? I’m basically doing the same thing for our wedding and I’m struggling on how to keep them busy while we go off and get our photos done sense we’re going to the restaurant after photos for dinner
@@stardustedpenguin7262 Yes! We did a cocktail hour at the community center while we did our couple photos. Then when we came back, we did a toast and headed off to the restaurant.
this is so similar to my wedding! We aren’t doing bridal party/groomsmen. We also aren’t doing party favors. For desserts we doing cupcakes for guests and cake for us. We are doing 50-75 people maxx at a small barn venue that gave us a huge discount because my mom knows the owner. a lot of people have their own opinions about what we should/shouldn’t do. well, they aren’t the ones paying for it. my fiancé and I pretty much are paying for everything ourselves and everything is incredibly expensive even the smallest details. 🤷♀️
I did SO much budgeting and our final cost is set to be about 30k USD. This is something we wanted though, and we saved and budgeted and spent two years planning it. On the flipside my whole family is very anti-wedding/weddings should be casual backyard affairs so I kept hearing how traditional weddings are just a giant waste of money and that we should just elope which hurt my feelings a lot.
We are skipping a lot of traditions though- many made us uncomfortable and some I just can't do because I'm disabled (chronic pain/mobility challenged). No garter toss, no bouquet toss, no father daughter dance, and adults only. Some we kept like white wedding dress (I don't ever wear white so wearing a floofy white ball gown was exciting!), mostly traditional ceremony, mostly traditional reception... Weddings are highly personal and it should be all about what the bride and groom want for their day!
My wedding was $600, more or less. We made it a family potluck at my parent's home, which could reasonably host up to 40 people (we had almost 30 guests). The cakes alone were $200 total! It was beautiful, and it only took two months to plan. #armylife #armywife
Side note: if you don't like some of the traditions in your culture, you could have a wedding, sans the traditions you don't like. I know that for our wedding, there will be some traditions we will exclude because we don't like them.
But also like Jaime said, you don't have to have a wedding if you don't want one.
When my partner and I first got together we sat down and had a very serious conversation about what we wanted out of life and our relationship. There were three things we were firm on: we didn't want children, we didn't want to get married BUT I did want to have a big party and wear a ball gown. So for our 10 year anniversary this last May we had a gigantic anniversary ball. We felt that we didn't need a piece of paper or a ring, but we wanted to celebrate our love with our loved ones and that's what we did. We used this channel to help us plan our 95 guest count event and it was magical. Our friends family joke that it was a secret wedding and we don't mind, we let them joke. Because it was our special day and it was beautiful.
I seriously want to elope! I hope my future husband feels the same. As I get older, I'm realizing that simplicity is bliss! No drama. No stress 😅
the cake thing is so true, LOL
For a good while we were dead-set against having a cake. In the end we changed our minds but told the baker "we dont care what it looks like, we just want it to be delicious". It was served instead of the dessert, people enjoyed it, and we saved money :D
Not sure how anyone could dislike cake! Thanks for bringing this up. The more I think about it, the more I think I wouldn't like a traditional wedding. This video affirmed my feelings.
i've been following you since i got engaged earlier this year (but my first intro to you was through TFD!) thank you for this video! i have been so divided about going traditional and just getting the legalities done and over with. my fiance and i are quite shy and private and get nervous thinking about being the center of attention. we are making so many revisions - no first dance, no dancing, no personal vows, no speeches, no grand entrance/exit lol! - that it doesn't make sense to throw a big wedding festivity. there is immense pressure from my family though, being the only daughter. but it's just not me/us!! i hope we can commit to saying "no" 😁
I hope you are able to do something that’s special while still being comfortable / “you.” Congratulations! ❤
Not you posting this video 4 days before my wedding when I’ve been fighting myself about canceling the wedding and eloping in gatlinburg 😂😂
Went to Gatlinburg for Honeymoon 41 yrs ago!!
Have a wonderful wedding!!
The noises Jamie 😂😂😂 I love it! Learning the history of some wedding traditions was wild, totally got the ICK. Haha I’m only doing the parts my fiancé and I want, that’s the beauty of paying and planning your own PARTY. I’m planning a destination wedding in Thailand with close friends and family for March 2024 and our budget is $30,000 usd or ~1 million Thai Baht. We both want to throw an unforgettable event for the people we love that’s centered around us and represents who we are as a couple. ❤
I think I might do a casual wedding. I’ve got a list of everyone that might want to be there but I don’t really want to be the most important person in the room. Just honor our families by inviting them and just have a big get together with our favorite people and have some food. Do some of the simpler traditions and maybe just have a first dance on our own.
I dont know but I’ve also had a bad day so I’m just about at the point where he proposes and we get hitched by Elvis in Vegas when I’m wearing a white sundress and have a bouquet of wildflowers that are picked along the drive to Vegas.
Here's the thing, you don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to do. Pick and choose what you want for your wedding and do them. We couldn't fathom spending more than $5k so that's our budget and it's going to be beautiful. We are introverts, so small guest list, no first dance, no speeches, no tosses, more traditional ceremony but no talking in front of everyone. Simple, meaningful and us. Don't let anyone tell what you can and can't do or that you shouldn't have a wedding because...xyz. Especially if you're paying for it!
Adam Conover has a whole video on the disadvantages of weddings. The older I get the less extravagant I want my wedding to be. My mom is one of the main reasons I'm reluctant to even have a wedding. She critizes new wedding traditions like the first look before the ceremony with the bride & groom, has an "It's all about the bride" mentality, believes only virgins are allowed to wear white on their wedding day & pretty much only push the whole abstinence till marriage on my & my sister our whole lives because she was trying to live vicariously through us since she delt she had to marry my dad because she was preggo with me & didn't get the big wedding she wanted. So I know if/when I do get married I want her to have as little to do with my wedding planning as possible
Before planning my wedding, I read books about alternative weddings and watched channels like yours :) Then I had my flowerfree wedding without parent dances or tossing anything, with flat shoes, no professional hair/make-up, cutting our cake with two separate knives, walking into the church together with my husband in a cheap-ish dress without a veil but with bright-coloured jewelry and a bouquet made of buttons. My courthouse outfit was dark green instead of white. I did some things traditionally and others like I wanted it. It's great to do things traditionally but only if you REALLY want to do them :) And no one should do anything wedding-related just because other people expect them to.
I am already married. Me and my husband wanted to be married before our son was born so we filled out the paper and had the witness sign. I did not want to be rushed to have the ceremony and reception. Now I am starting to plan and no one really knows, so I don’t have the pressure from other people. It is just me and my husband talking about it. Plus I gave myself almost two years to plan so I could have room to breath and make good decisions not under pressure.
Weddings are expensive it cost 8 grand for ours 😮 half of my husband's family couldn't be bothered to turn up but we loved it 😍
All the reasons (and then some) why The Fella and I are leaning towards a big destination elopement in my old church in Canada with our immediate families and the friend who introduced us - less than 20 people! I'm also hoping I can talk him into doing a secret private ceremony with just the two of us and an officiant beforehand to take some of the pressure off the whole "getting married" thing; he's not sure about it but we won't be getting married for several years and I'm nothing if not patient 😎
Love the video!
….also just put the deposit down for our wedding venue today of all days lol 😂
Very excited to have our mostly traditional wedding in a couple years, but love that you are putting the word out there that it’s okay not to.
I love your usual content but this video showcases how truly hilarious you are. Great message and very entertaining delivery 😂
Definitely eloping. X
Same. Idc about following tradition plus I don't like a lot of attention on me.
Yep, having a 87 day engagement! We’re doing it fast and we’ll done. Nothing is cheap in 2023, including wedding costs! Why waste an entire year 🤷🏼♀️
Such a fun video Jamie
I've been watching your videos on and off for a long time now, even tho i'm not planning a wedding and if it ever happen we'll have a micro one. And I juste loved watching this video, it's wonderfull and you are wonderfull as always, honestly i'm mainly sticking on this chanel cause you seem so nice
I LOVEEE wedding planning but my budget does not haha. Either way, I am excited for my wedding day because my fiancé and I are family-oriented, and love traditional wedding stuff (besides the garter toss lol).
It's too late in 20k in on a 8k budget don't know how this happened.
Were planning a wedding for 35 guests and it’s going to be an evening event. I’m wearing a black and white dress, we’re giving all single ladies a mini bouquet if they want to, because everyone deserves to feel hope. And keeps it as romantic and semi traditional as possible while being are whacky selves. I have a budget of 5k and it should be amazing with DIY projects to help out.
Love this topic. But it would be super helpful on your videos where you have lists, to have chapter titles for each point or visual titles in the video to scroll through. As someone with anxiety and OCD it's so hard to focus on the video while not knowing what's coming up. :(
Think of ‘getting married’ and ‘having a wedding’ as two separate entities. You CAN get married without having a wedding. When I hear ‘I can’t afford to get married…’ it just makes me think you care more about a wedding than actually being married. I wore a wedding dress to the courthouse and we went out to dinner and had cake with our family after. It was perfect.
My biggest thing is once you say the word "wedding" to vendors the price doubles compared to a family birthday party.
I want a ceremony, which I think is the important part, but not the reception. Thinking to have light refreshments after the ceremony in the church lobby. I'm not inviting people from far and just 40-50 of closest friends and family. Does this seem reasonable?
Yep, they call that a "cake and punch" reception. Used to be very common in small town America.
Wow, when I was planning a wedding 20 years ago, they said the national average cost was $25k, so I'm super surprised it's only $30k now. I was expecting more.
Yeah, agreed, it surprised me too, but you gotta figure wages haven't increased much at all in that time and the average age of married people probably hasn't shifted a lot, so the budgets of people getting married probably are around the same, and people are getting more comfortable with ditching traditions to save a little money.
I remember when I was young and thought thought I was getting married in my twenties, my dad kept telling me that we would have to invite get so-and-so from Detroit I never met, needless to say if I do find mr. Right this late in the game I'm 50 and single I wouldn't have the wedding I would have had if I would have got married in the 90s when I was you know my twenties or 30s. Now, both my parents are gone so it would be not the same. I don't know what I would do today I guess that's why if I would find somebody to marry
I love your character and your words of advice. Your sincerity and passion shines. Also, do you have your own wedding on your site to watch?
Loved this video, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that if you don't like certain cultural traditions you're expected to uphold you shouldn't have a wedding. My experience was that venues and your vendors are perfectly happy, willing, and able to help you build the experience you want, such as a big traditional wedding sans that traditions that give you the icks. In my case that was not being walked down the aisle, no parent dances, and no garter toss. My officiant suggested my husband meet me halfway to walk me down, and that was really special and symbolic of how much we value having found each other. My DJ suggested we invite couples onto the dance floor after my partner and I did our first dance, and my parents--who were disappointed about my not following certain traditions--were thrilled by that, since the DJ coincidentally picked their wedding song. And the garter toss? Well, I've yet to see that at a modern or traditional wedding, so I think more broadly that's just on the way out. When it comes to traditions and choosing which ones to do if you're on the fence about having a wedding, the main things to consider are your relationships with the people who could be impacted by the lack of them, how capable you feel of standing your ground when you get pushback, and whether or not that hassle is something you feel you can put up with for a few months. At the end of the day if you want a wedding, you should have a wedding and have the one of your dreams, however that looks--traditional, modern, quirky, culturally influenced, etc.--whatever is most important to you and your partner. And if you and your partner don't want one, that's fine too. What matters is creating a day that reflects how you feel about each other and the values you share.
We got married 13 years ago for 3k. And we are still married! 😅
Would please like advice. Me (40) and my bf (45) have been playing with the idea of maybe getting married one day. I'm currently about to have his baby. We've both been married and divorced before at young ages with children. He had a wedding of over 100 people, catered his own wedding, they did everything themselves to make it special and it was successful. My wedding had 30 people total, in-laws payed for everything, it was rushed and I had absolutely no say in it. I kind of feel ripped off on the experience. I never wanted anything big but wished it felt more special. Our current dilemma is that we (mostly me) no longer have "any" friends or family to invite. How can we make up and make it feel special for both of us without anyone to share it with? Anyone we could possibly invite most likely wouldn't/couldn't attend. We are unsure if we should bother or not. It's a nice thought but I don't want to feel ripped off on the experience again.
I dont want to have a wedding, and I still love your channel and content.
@@JamieWolfer. omg heeeey!
I am planning a micro candlelit wedding in a small barn at Christmas. My daughter is autistic and can become very sensory overloaded so instead of a disco/band we are having teams and are doing a games/activities/quiz evening instead after the reception. It will be very interactive but the day will run more like a traditional British Christmas Day, with the Ceremony snuck in. Cocktails, ceremony, dinner, speech’s, toasts and then games, with a final sparklers, s’mores and cheese board buffet for late night snacks around a fire pit.
I first got married 23 years ago and everyone told me that I would regret it if I didn’t have the big white wedding with all the traditions. Well I hated it. This time I am not having flowers, just foliage. I am not having tons of relatives there I have met barely once. I am having my favourite cocktail on tap and I will have as many as I like… but most of all I will be marrying someone who thinks the same way I do. It will be luxurious but it will not cost a house deposit (not even here in England). My thoughts to any bride to be, do it your way. And no we are not doing favours, not really a British thing. Xxxx
Howdy, I’m also planning my smaller wedding and am Autistic, and we’re having plenty of smaller board games and card games because it’s more fun than super loud music that I’m not really great at dancing to anyways lol.
I think it would be great if you made a video giving alternatives. Like, I don’t see myself having A WEDDING, but I also don’t see myself not having a ceremony at all. Not sure if that makes sense, but I’m always trying to consider what options I do have while understanding the traditional wedding route is not for me.
Hi hello, i am the embodiment of number 3. I hate being the center of attention. I’m afraid of the pressure to look perfectly picture ready the entire time. Buuuuuut my fiancé and i love being around friends and family. Any creative ideas on how to find a happy medium?
"If you're gonna spend a lot of money on your wedding day, make sure it's something memorable that you enjoy."
^^^^THIS RIGHT HERE^^^ We just got married last week and we spent just a little under $30k and neither of us would have done anything differently. I know if we'd had the super traditional wedding, and spent that much, we'd have for sure regrets but we got married in a castle, dressed in elaborate prince costumes, while our guests were all dressed as fairytale characters. It was like stepping inside of an actual fairytale for the evening. Multiple friends voiced that they were glad they didn't have any more weddings to attend this year because others would have a hard time stacking up. Even the staff (who do several weddings a week all warm season long) commented how our wedding was one they'd remember for a long time and one of the most fun. My advice to couples who want to have a wedding they won't regret is this:
1- Only spend money you have. We had the benefit of getting married in our early 40s so we're a bit more financially established, but had a hard and fast rule that we would NOT take on debt for the wedding.
2- Spend money on what's important to you. We had literally no decor in the ceremony and minimal decor at the reception. Flowers are super expensive so we just let the beauty of the venue speak for itself. Our cake of lovely but pretty minimalist, and our cake topper we spent $8 on from Temu. Meanwhile we spent a fair bit of money on our costumes (we DO like to be the center of attention).
3- Make the day whatever YOU want it to be. The only thing you need to do is find some time to say "I do" in front of a legal solemnizer and sign the paperwork. All the rest is up to you. Keep the traditions you like, ditch the ones you don't, add in whatever you want. It's your chance to go all in on whatever you imagine as your perfect party. Even if you want something fairly traditional, what you and your guests will most remember is where you and your partner's personalities show through.
Your wedding sounds MAGICAL please share where we can see pics if you’re comfortable! I’ve always wanted the actual fairytale style event
@@dolleeshay9831 It truly was a magical evening. Since it just was last week we won't have our photos/videos back for several weeks, but I plan to post our highlight reel when we get the video back so I will try to remember to come back here and link it when we do.
@@carsenyoung1746 Wow congratulations to you both!! Would love to see when you post them
Jamie, do you know if you could cover Cocktail hour? Like, what if the benue doesn't have a separate space for it? How do you make it distinct from the main meal (especially if the "meal" isn't just one dish, but many) etc...
Thanks! (If you can see/get to this) 😄
I was trying to find your bride coach friend you said was in the description, but I don't see her 😔😔
Ahhh my bad! Here’s her link: karamaureen.com
You’re going to LOVE her.
What are your thoughts on commitment ceremony sans the paperwork?
I’m not Jaime, but I say: do you! Guaranteed no one will ask, so you wouldn’t have to tell anyone if you didn’t wanna hear about it haha Your love and commitment the most important thing, but I will say in the US, it’s legally beneficial to be married on paper. Not even just for tax reasons, like you often hear. I’d definitely look into the legal rights you have for each other for situations like medical issues. It’s important that you have legal rights when things are stressful because that will make it even more distressing. Good luck to you and your partner :)
I know you asked her and not me, but I have some insight on this subject. I eloped about 6 months ago, after being in a committed relationship for 10 years. The feelings that come with legal marriage really surprised me, the feelings were so different and so much better than the feeling of love that exists in a day-in year-out relationship even if it lasts a decade or more. I never imagined that my relationship could feel better than it did, or become even better. I really didn't think being married would make as big of a difference as it has. and I still believe that if you think you want to marry someone, try a long term committed relationship first. There is no reason to rush what should be a life long commitment, you can always choose to get married later, but breaking a marriage is very different than just leaving a relationship. However, this is your love story, do what feels right for you. ❤️
I’m not doing a vow in front my guests lol,and I’m not having a cake maybe a macaron tower.
What I'm learning today is I shouldn't have a wedding (it's sept 9th 😅)
Traditions we will not be doing at our wedding:
1. Not seeing eachother the night before or morning of, I see my fiancé everyday and not seeing him when we wake up on our wedding day will make me start the day off super nervous!
2. No speeches from wedding parties, they all are introverted and we don’t want to give people anxiety on a day that is also really big for them, they are our friends we know why we chose them and why they love us.
3. No boquet/garter toss: obvious as to why no garter toss but for the boquet toss it just takes time away from the dancing and a lot of people at our wedding are already married
Dang $30k!? Our elopement/honeymoon/reception was about $12k. We went to Scotland & Ireland so that was a big chunk of our budget. Worth it 1000% but our savings account was wiped out so trying to rebuild it and pay down the credit card debt that was also racked up.
We were on the fence between elopement and a bigger wedding/ceremony (50-100) because of some tragedies that happened as a fun celebration even though we hate being the center of attention. We're having a longer engagement to take off stress and save money.
Just got married with 12 people for this very reason!
Years ago my boyfriend said it would be a waste of time for me to wear white for our wedding, since we already live together we wouldn't be fooling anyone. I reminded him that people started wearing white for weddings to flaunt their wealth, only rich people would bother buying a dress for just one occasion that would be hard to keep clean, etc. But anyone who knew us well enough to be at our wedding also knows that I'm a teacher, so no, I won't be fooling anyone by wearing white!
It’s really odd that the white dress has been misconstrued to mean purity, especially when one of the things the white dress replaced (light blue wedding garb) actually did symbolize purity, as it was representative of the Virgin Mary.
I am so discouraged that I cannot even be happy about finally getting married. Everything is so expensive. I am not ok with spending $20-30k.
I'm gonna have a 5 month engagement and a 3 thousand dollar wedding with about 130 people. RIP us 😅
We had three weddings. All of them combined cost 1000 dollars and at the biggest we had 120 guests 🥳😎
@@trinesrensen6821 i wish we could cut down cost and numbers like that but his side of the family is giant. He has 16 aunts and uncles and some of them have big families and then their kids also have kids. And that's about 75% of the guest list right there. I'm only inviting 3 friends outside of family and my bridal party 😅
I always wanted a fairytale wedding. But now that I'm pregnant it's gonna be elopement. We'll save the bigger party for later.
Also, I would love to be given away by a loving dad. Probably because I don't have one and I miss that. Gratefull that my FIL is a saint
So true. You think you’re out of the woods of dealing with other peoples expectations of your wedding… and then you get pregnant & the same thing happens again 🙃😂
That's a cheap downpayment in general but it's too expensive for Waco.
Waco costs have gone up because of the inflated costs of the houses that have gotten flipped by Chip and Joanna Gaines, as far as I’ve heard.
I don’t believe in marriage or weddings for myself but I watch you because I am still in and attend weddings so I find it helpful