The INFJ Shadow: Introverted Feeling - Fi - the "Critical Parent"
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- Опубліковано 20 сер 2024
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When Fi does come out the other person who may have been receiving many Fe passes will be taken a back and think you are being mean not understanding it’s been accumulating and they pushed boundaries for too long. I’ve learned and try to set those boundaries earlier to prevent such occurrences.
I hear you on that one! I've recently have learned how to do that. It is definitely something I'll have to work at through the rest of my life. But I recently had experience with a covert narcissist and learned about different behaviors such as gaslighting. So now I feel more educated and better able to recognize certain behaviors and acknowledge how they make me feel and give myself permission to stand My ground and set up a boundary. I have an uncle that I believe is a vulnerable narcissist that I set boundaries with and and am no longer in contact with. I realize I get to choose the people to have in my life and I don't have to have people that make me feel uncomfortable, or judged, or that I have to subdue myself just in order to be around. Of course you're always going to have acquaintances, or friends but, I mean boundaries are important especially with the ones that are close to you. You don't have to have toxic relationships. I think I got hung up on unconditional love. I think I saw the best but to my own detriment. So definitely boundaries is key 🤗
Fi is about authenticity which is that voice that reminds us who we are. Having that buried in the subconscious stack makes it hard to understand that. So we rely on Fe to mirror back to us who we might be and could become. It can become frustrating and even seem justified when something we see in others that doesn’t seem right or offends us.
Thank your for honesty in sharing something so comfortable. It sounds like you’re on the right path.
You totally hit the nail on the head when you said that if Fi is going off something in your life needs attention. I constantly allow my Fi to kick my butt. I say things to myself that I would never say to another human being. I always say nobody can beat me up like I can. I got my bachelors degree several years ago and have not applied it. I am a retail manager in a job I like overall however, I need to be making way more money in a career that I also like very much. I have been dragging my feet on getting the additional certifications I need to make my career change. The main reason for this is the script that runs through my head. My Fi says, you already changed your mind once. What makes you think you will not do it again? Why bother? You're gonna fail anyway! Ugh! I need a fly swatter for the amount of horrible things that buzz around my head! I am so afraid of failure that I usually have an extremely difficult time even getting started on a change. I have heard you say a number of times that failure is ok. It helps us grow. Getting past the you're gonna fail mantra I have buzzing around my head is a difficult step. So I have 2 types of certification courses that I am going to choose from and plan on starting it by the my birthday at the end of this month. I plan on being well on my way to my new career by next year on my 47th birthday. Fail or succeed to meet that goal, I am at least moving forward. Thank you David, for the words of encouragement and for sharing your wisdom. I TRUELY appreciate you! :)
"Constantly allow Fi to kick my butt" is a pretty apt description of it! I'm so glad this video helped and good on you for doing the things in spite of that negative voice! Move forward and be awesome, I believe in you!
@@DavidBadurina Thank you David. :)
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung. Great video! Thanks for the inspiration. Hope you are well.
Love that! I'm moving forward for sure!
Agree!!
👀 Wow!
I'm not an native english speaker and I don't get the meaning. Can you explain it to me please?
Hi dear@@DavidBadurina, oh I understand all this so well! I lost a very precious person to me not long ago and than after a jear my Mother too. So when I lost my Mom, I decided after only few days o maybe 2 days to focusing on my future and my life and I decided to not cry anymore, and then when came that painful feelings and thoughts in my mind I fought to cast them out of my mind focusing my self to positive things. So that helped me so much, now yes I can think of who I miss so much in my life but still being happy. Why? Because my life goes on, and I must move on to my objectives! And look to the beautiful things around me, the Nature, the Sun that arise every morning, them that loves me, my husband and my children, I focusing my self on being thankful for what I have every day. And not Complaining, how many people do in there life,because that's wrong and cause all negative results in our life. That's what I want to share with you, that about how to grow also and search the positive sides in every own life. 😉
The feeling weak & shamed when I don't listen to myself about how I feel about others. It can really paralyse me. I want to act more in alignment, but my love for others gets in the way at times.
My worst fear would be losing my father.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I’ll be thinking of the stuff you said on the video. Seems so much easier to go by such a simple system. Tough but at least you don’t have to think much further then Fe and Fi.
Thanks and all my best regards:)
I call it the inner critic.
Yup same thing! Some people use that name as well.
I really enjoyed this video. I wish I had watched it back in the days when I was drowning in the dark side of my personality and wasn't aware of it. It got so bad that I described it as "mental cutting". I remember sitting in my hallway lost in my Fi and letting it tear me to shreds. I could even see it from a third perspective watching it happen and not understanding how to stop it.
For me, it manifests by using the gathering information skill in order to overwhelm until I'm in a state of mental paralysis - and once frozen, the Fi then turns around and berates me for being such a failure pointing at all of those possible and impossible tasks/expectations.
Honestly, God was what got me out of it. People could chalk it up to me literally conjuring a mental ally that exuded affirmation, but where I was at - I don't think it was me. I had to believe God's words of affirmation because He was all I had left to believe. INFJ's rarely have friends and the friends and family we do have are hardly ever on our level enough for us to respect and believe what they have to say...so it didn't matter that the two friends I had were encouraging me - they didn't know my inner depths enough for me to believe them because I knew they didn't have all of the information before giving me encouragement. But God....(whew, I'm getting teary)....God knows me. Through and through and through, so reading HIS words of affirmation - THAT, I could cling to and believe...and slowly begin my climb out of my mind and back into reality.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”- Proverbs 3:5-6
I cold go on and on in true INFJ fashion, but ya know....it's just a UA-cam comment. lol.
I love getting nerdy!!! DO IT!!! 😁
It feels like the more I learn about infj, the more hopeless and out of control I feel. I hope you are well.
May feel like that at first, but the more you learn about yourself the more aware you are about who you really are deep down. This is part of the process and you can take control. Stay strong out there!
3:35 - 4:06
This is what I mean when I apologize to people for explaining something, or telling a story "through my Ni".
I'm not sure why I apologize. I love when I see other people do it(unless I need them to be quick lol).
It's great to watch people's brains connect seemingly unrelated topics into one big spider web😂
Haha I'm glad that part was entertaining. It is fun when you can step back and see it happening and a lot of people are gonna give you that "wha?" face haha.
I also do this
I usually find people like that very relatable. It makes me laugh when I see that. I find that people like that can vibe off of me and I vibe off of them. So it almost becomes like this dance and it's beautiful LOL. Isn't it all about perspective now? Is someone who's not like that would probably observe this is craziness or chaos. Or add on steroids! Which I am an infj with ADD because of having narcolepsy. LOL. So yeah it's fun I think. I appreciate your comment 💕
Definitely a brutal inner critic. So easy to be a fawning doormat. David, you deserve to know how important and valuable you are to us, as you say the things we need to hear. Always try to keep hope in spite of past experiences or current circumstances. 🤗❤🙏🕊👍
Appreciate you, Cindy! Thank you!!
It's kind of funny we're all therapists to each other aren't we? Love it 💕💕
@@c.m.b.7022 Think we are often the encouragement to others that we have failed to be to ourselves. 🤗❤
Fi checks your Ego here, BUT AND THIS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND: Your Ego needs to check your FI, balance is the key.
Fi is about authenticity which is that voice that reminds us who we are. Having that buried in the subconscious stack makes it hard to understand that. So we rely on Fe to mirror back to us who we might be and could become. It can become frustrating and even seem justified when something we see in others that doesn’t seem right or offends us.
My critical internal voice i feel in ways is more harsh than others because since birth I have experienced harsh criticism daily from the voice of my mother. Never letting a chance go by to tell me how horrible , selfish, worthless, lazy, bi-polar, bitch, stupid piece of shit I am. And even though I do try to talk to her and tell her how I feel she dismisses everything I say and tells me to stop crying and being a baby, get over it , life isn't fair and I should be grateful. And eventually when you hear these things multiple times a day every damn day you will start to believe those things. Still to this day she belittles and undermines my parenting in front of my child tells me what I'm continually doing wrong, still calls me names and tells me what a selfish bitch I am when I demand my boundaries be respected. So when my FI kicks in , it almost in my mind is a confirmation that maybe I am all of things. As a INFJ I am still empathetic, kind, and think of other people constantly before myself. But in my 38 years of life I still don't understand why I'm always getting let down, used, and lied to , and hurt by people. It's extremely hard for me to be selfish, vocal about my boundaries and demand respect , ask for help or be dependent and rely on people to protect my feelings and respect my boundaries when all I have ever recieved is criticism and judgement by people who were suppose "love me".
So sorry about your loss of your dad. Praying for you. Know that you are awesome! I enjoy learning about INFJ (me)
I appreciate you! I'm moving forward!
I hate it when the critical parent voice sneaks in with a thought and run with it IN MY HEAD!!
Thank you so much for this video, having insight into my critical parent function is very important to me.
Ok but who else grew up with a super critical mother 😏😏
It seems to me, especially after going through some therapy, learning how to set boundaries with people, and with myself, that Fi may be the function that looks out for Fe. Not listening to Fi gave me some serious anxiety issues because I felt like I was at war with myself internally, especially when I knew how others were treating me was not okay, but it had been so normalized that I just dealt with it, since I finally started listening to Fi, and validating the things it was trying to share with me, my anxiety has decreased dramatically, I think this is where self trust comes in at, it develops through Fi not having to be so on guard of the crap Fe is willing to put up with.
I find this very relatable! So what has recently really and truly help me that maybe you have done already is learning about narcissism and gaslighting. There are different kinds and there are different phrases of gas lighting. Bottom line is we have emotions that are valid. What we do with them is what can make mistakes. But having them is not wrong. So I recognize now that I have a right to feel the way I feel and to explore the reasons why I feel the way I feel and say so. I recognize that if I assert that that I can read out who actually cares for me and who actually doesn't. Educating myself about narcissism helps me recognize toxic type behaviors. Now these behaviors can show up in people but it doesn't make them a narcissist, but it can help you know how to nip things in the bud early. I found it empowering to learn about it anyways. Maybe you want to look into that too. Now I can recognize much clearer and that gives me more peace of mind to have discernment. I hope this helps as it did me. Thank you for your comment 💕
@@c.m.b.7022 I listen to The Little Shaman repeatedly about these types of things, and it really has helped.
You might also want to look up Surviving Narcissism and Dr. Ramani here on YT. They, too, provide a lot of helpful information on this matter.
all infj stuff its real! I realized God is within us!
I needed that today. 🖤
So glad it helped!
Ty
Thank you so much! This os a Very insightful video. I used to have a very difficult time with my FI and treated me poorly because of that. When I finally realized how hard I was being I had a long and frank talk to myself and ask me to stop to be so demanding. Since then I'm learning how to be compassionate with this me. Things changed drastically. I can go smoothly...
I really dislike myself for what I've done and still am doing. I'm a shitty person and I'm trying to figure out how to live with that knowledge, and failing at it.
Everyone else are allowed to be human and make mistakes, but not me. I can so easily see other people's errors and evaluate them with kindness. I can understand people's actions and see, and understand, how it didn't come from a bad place.
I allowed myself to be this shitty; I didn't stop myself; I didn't do the right thing... and now, even though I'm trying to remove myself from the situation that made me become like this, it will never take away the fact that I became this big piece of awful biology, acting against my core values. I understand my actions logically, but I'm struggling to accept that I'm just a human (good song by Rag'n'bone man btw). This summer, I came to the conclusion that one can be good and bad at the same time. So... I'm awfully bad and awesomely good at the very exact same time. And it sucks.
Edit: thank you for all the work you do David. It means a ton. Take care :)
Thank you! I'm glad the videos resonate, and stay strong out there. Forgive yourself for some of those mistakes and just move forward!
🤗😊❣️
I’m so happy for you and Jaclynn! I wish you both all the best!!
I wish I knew about all this Fi stuff when I was younger, it would have helped me tremendously. “I deserve better” is the single most difficult thing for me to believe. It’s only the past couple years that I’ve even started to try to believe it. Still working on it, but I’ve recently taken steps that I wouldn’t have taken had I not believed it at all. It’s been incredibly difficult, but also a relief to know that I don’t have to stay in a situation that was causing me immense pain. That it’s okay for me to want to be happy too.
Thank you and YES! That is such a hard phrase to internalize ugh.
SPACEBALLS
Haha nailed it!!
Thankyou very much for your videos:))
I thought that was funny even though I didn't understand it.
. I like that you remind us that F (Fe-Fi) is also about values, not "only" emotions.
There's a lot to unravel! I was trying to be really clear in this video especially when it comes to some of the technical stuff.
Feeling selfish is my biggest struggle, inevitably it's the thing I despise the most in people. In any given moment I cannot convince myself that my needs matter, they don't feel like needs I can sacrifice anything and feel as though I should. I will put off very important tasks of my own to cater to someone elses minor wants.
My fi doesn't beat me down or tell me negative things it's soooo deep down I question if it exists. It does, I know that because I see it when it bursts out like a monster or a petulant child, uncontrollable until it's invisible again.
"I'm the nightmare"
Sometimes, the Inner Critical Parent is a voice that protects you (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I listen -- and then I turn it inside-out, upside-down and look at all the angles once I get past feeling like there's something wrong with me. (I'm getting better at looking at the shame, patting it on the head or hugging it and then moving on.)
The really hard part is the people pleasing VS legitimate helping. I really do love to help; to make people feel good, and, I worry that it's my ego being fed and not true altruism. AND -- then there's the helping when the person hasn't asked for help and bad feelings/resentment arises.
.....Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming......
"You deserve better" = not something ole Fi or any of the other parts of me ever says. I'm fairly sure I got a lot better than I deserve, for which I've become thankful. I sometimes really wish I could switch off the self critique, if only to get stuff done before it burns another hole in the thin shreds of whatever functioning tissues remaining of me. At this point in my strange world, that's OK and I cope in those ways I've cobbled together over my too many odd decades. For myself, it isn't so much failure that is the frequent target - though that can play into it - but rather whether there is any positive real value in whatever it is I'm doing, did, or was going to do. The inner critic does come in useful on occasion when it I get trapped into a situation from which I cannot disappear and forces its way to the fore when I must speak up instead of being trampled to death. Kudos for the great book and for coming out on top of some fairly tough challenges! Loved hearing your perspective on this aspect of just being.
Well said. I could feel your Fi choking you up there a few times. I felt what you were saying. You verbally expressed the struggle that us INFJ’s go through perfectly. That Fi can be a bitch. He , my Fi, speaks the truth but I’ve got to listen to him sooner before I go off the rails. “I deserve better.” I wrote that down and put it on my coffee table. I like that and thank you for that ah ha moment.
Thank you Glen, glad it resonated!
Thanks David!. For a little over a month I have let my FI run crazy. It started with me actively saying to myself that I'm a lazy mo#on, so whenever I didn't do something it could be the smallest thing from forgetting to put the eggs in the pot. Then my FI would tell me Is was a lazy son of a bi#ch, but that was just the begining as time went on my FI became harsher and harsher until it became the harshest. That moment which was yesterday I for the first time in 4 years I thought of ending my life then I was up til 4 fell asleep woke up 9 called my dad told him that I was sick. I wasn't littery sick I felt sick in my head, mental sick Then i watched this video and then I had this lightbulp turn on and everything made sense so thank you David
This resonates hard with me. One of the difficult things for us to do is to make that effort to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves a little slack to not be perfect all the time. You aren't letting anyone down, you aren't a moron or a failure or any of those things. Relax, be kind to yourself, and show yourself some of the love that you show others. You got this, I believe in you!
Pure gold David,. You have a couple of coffees coming towards you. I'm also going to definitely check out the book.
Thanks so much David! I appreciate that (and you watching)!
My Fi is the internalized narcissist. Nasty! Demonic. "You're a hypocrite! You're not perfect." - I respond: "Thanks a**hole. Perfect is dead. Go pound sand!" - "WHY?" - "Coz I say so."
I had to train this over and over again. I'm not kind to it. Yes it felt false. But I do it anyways. It works now.
Man, that Fi is a doozy! Mine has been firmly planted in my ear yammering at me for so so long, but particularly the past couple months. You give me hope that I’ll get through this. Love you, David! 😙 Thank you for doing these videos. ❤️
All the love right back atcha! ❣️ We got this!
Awww💕
Maybe my Fe says what you said but more often than not, I know someone is trying to rock the boat, so I don’t respond.
I look at everything I have to do to make an exit and then do it real swave like.
Or I don’t say anything because it’s too unintelligent and not worth responding and just leave. Of course the person freaks out a bit or surprised but it’s a narcissists wasting my time.
I met someone pretty weird but after that I started educating myself and got to a point of just watch where my energy goes.
I just practiced the art of doing nothing but maybe that’s a little overboard. The truth was I went so fast and needed to do a reset.
Before meeting that someone, I was part of a group and someone was making an effort to push me out. I didn’t say anything out of respect for the person plus didn’t know how to respond and no wasn’t an answer to them.
I won’t mention that again because I’m moving forward but what a time I had before knowing about narcissism.
Luckily I figured the rest out on my down time.
I’m just learning it now in a new angle and sorry I paused the video because maybe I can relate to what we say to ourselves but since that time, it’s really only where my mind goes now and I don’t remember exactly saying I don’t want to rock the boat but more like just too much respect for others.
And my friends were telling me to stand up for myself. I probably didn’t know what they really meant at the time. I did at last make fun of the person and that person left.
I just thought I was being fair to the friend group. Anyhow I never got penalized for it from my friends.
Sorry so long. I won’t be mentioning that again. Just had a bunch of people around that couldn’t understand no and can’t remember my fe saying don’t rock the boat any how maybe that’s what my Fe did Worth trying to remember to get a handle on the Fe.
I like to say that someone have to push me first if I want to succeed in something. Someone have to put me on the tracks, but in real life there's not always a person like that beside you so I have suffered a lot. The good thing about me in such a situation is that it turnes me in a turbo mode, where I work so much and so hard, but the bad thing is that realizing your success comes later and then you begin to ask yourself why I have been so stupid, why all of this suffering when the success is just been in my hands all the time. Well it seems hard to get a positive outcome from this, but think in long term perspective. I have the power, I just need to believe in myself that I could use it.
I think it's because we are an infj we do things with purpose and not to be selfish. At least I feel unsatisfied if I feel that my hard work is not impacting anyone but myself. So I am currently navigating new territory. Working hard and I don't know if anybody notices. Sometimes I feel invisible quite literally invisible because I haven't found a person to share it with or to to encourage me such as a partner. I was married for over 20 some years to a man who has high functioning autism in the was not really fully functioning normally in a relationship. And I'm sure I have adopted ways to adapt to that that aren't healthy that I have to now work on. I was with a covert narcissist for a year and did not know what I was dealing with until I got out. That's just only been December 2020. So what I'm saying is even though I was with people I was still alone. Now it is a new endeavor for me to motivate myself for like you as you put it, the future perspective. Like maybe having the hope that things will Bloom later. That's all I can hope for. I might not have immediate satisfaction now, but I do believe something will happen for the good later. So your comment resonates with me. Thank you 💕
I am trying to get my shadow functions conscious to help my life and others. I just discovered you. already liked subscribed and hit the bell.
Thanks, David. Applies, and logically, I'm aware and what to do about it for me. People involved in the bad bits of my life, their view of what I should/should not do, is in their interest not mine. For others to see how and why their words and actions have affected me is something to let go -- it's their armor and not really advice to me. I know the reality but it also should be different. Different is not the reality, but it should be. Heh, it's the loop right? I'm learning, David, I'm learning..... Now, if you can teach me how not to feel it, I would be all set. I've got the logic part down pat! (Let's all be thankful that as long as this post is, I've whittle it down considerably.)
My comment was even longer than yours LOL. I think mine was damn near a book! But I appreciate your comment. It definitely resonates with me. So I agree with you, how can we take out that feeling part. I'm working on that by trying to put it in a box. More or less trying to compartmentalize my emotions as I recognize them. So I don't have it figured out yet but I feel like I can get there. I think part of it for me is realizing that most of my life, except for my mother and my one friend in high school, pretty much my emotions were dismissed by toxic people. So in a way I almost felt like there was something wrong if I felt something. Like I didn't have a right to be hurt. So there's long time of that kind of conditioning, and as an infj it can be crushing. But I recently educated myself on narcissism and the different kinds, and what gas lighting is so that I can recognize it. So that helps me compartmentalize better certain things people say. Like you said you can kind of recognize that that some of what's them and what what is you. So I guess learning to be okay with how they are is the challenge. At least that's what I find. But I decided that those people can be at arm's length and so long as I have one other person that understands me to some extent that's enough fuel to keep going. Again thank you for your comment 💕
@@c.m.b.7022 thanks, I appreciate you. Your post clicked with me as well -- giving me an instant answer that I need to think about to see if it is a true answer -- to admit and own my own feelings on my terms. Perhaps celebrate that I have the ability to feel them, a good (but sometimes painful) human element. Recognizing outside instances/events of the initial trigger of those feelings also play a big part. This is where I'd usually give examples, but I'll tamper that down so I don't spend all day writing this post! LOL CMB, you have a right to your feelings -- all of them. To accept who I am and change the bits I don't like (easier said than done) since I don't have the ability to change others may be my challenge to keep myself moving forward.
15:49 thank you 😔
1) Mom played records of Zamphir ALL THE TIME...
2) it's like a constant "Inside out" story isn't it?!
3) ❤❤❤❤❤❤ mum...2016😔❤
4) Today...I've been doing my line of work for almost 15 years...and every new situation makes me feel like a noob who knows nothing! I'm trying to bring distracting shows or music to listen to or watch when I'm on my break. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!😳🥺
5) Thank you!😁🤗❤🍻🧙♂️
(I don't think I have to explain why Gandalf is at the end of my posts...do I??🤨😂
Panflute! 😂
@@DavidBadurina just wait! I'm not done watching yet!!!😁
@@DavidBadurina yes...panflutey tootie...🐐🐏🎵🎵🎶🎶🎵🎵🏹
For me my critical voice is mostly about my talents are worthless and don't contribute anything, also others don't say that. I'm on the way to integrating creativity more in my life because I find joy in it. But sometimes it still gets me, in form of self doubts. I find it helpful to differentiate that 1. This voice is not me speaking and 2. This voice can't be true all the time (* logically argument against it on this point*).
And 3. Don't follow/ belive it and do exactly the thing, that it's telling you you can't (if possible;))
Thank you for sharing on this point David. Also have to say I'm 4w5 x)
Mind of INFJ are often concentrated as laser focus when they set their goal. It sometimes goes high as tallest mountain or deepest sea. It could be long five, ten, fifteen, twenty and longer years. I have two sons, one is in college and one is the last year of high school. I am just as a man to cut peanut to be mother. Mother has to make breakfast, pack lunch for me and them. I have had to beat all traffic congestion to bring and pick them up from school more than thirteen years, while I go work too. No accidents have occurred for those years. I could be a brother, a lover, a mother and a husband to their mother to wait for the growing of human’s mind, but i often get so many pain. INFJ mind can grow more and more, but other people can’t catch up to them. I don’t why I often didn’t to tell those stories above before, but now. I hope you understand my writing. Thank you !
Ps I have your book David, but so many things take away my time. Thank you again David !
I think many INFJ personalities love deeply in soul of someone, so the pain often occurs.
My deepest condolences for your losses!Wishing you peace to bring you comfort, courage to face the days ahead and loving memories to forever hold in your heart. Much thanks for sharing some knowledge 💕🙌
Appreciate you, thank you!
I, too, very sorry to hear your struggle and your loss.💔
💕
I’ve been doing a deep dive on the INFJ the past 2 weeks but I’m still pretty fresh sponge waiting to be soaked with all this information. I came across your video of two infj’s explaining how their misunderstood the other day and instantly subbed within the first 10 seconds I just knew. I could go way in-depth about a lot more but I want to start off with saying my heart goes out to you about your father, you, and your family. October 6th it’ll be a year my mother passed away from a extremely rare brain cancer that I remember as of 2019; the number has probably changed by now but it was rough. Anyways, I was with her the day she went in for emergency surgery the 1st time and all other surgeries during 1st covid lockdown phase and spent my 21st birthday with her and also stayed with her till she drew her last breath. Hearing your pain while talking about your father brought me to tears along with several other times in the video due to my current situation. I’m so grateful to have found your channel though, it’s been so helpful as I try to maintain a balance to stay true and authentic with myself always and not get so absorbed by the world, people, etc, or caught up inside my head.
So sorry that you (and David) had to deal with the loss of your parent(s) at such a young age - so much of your life that you won't get to share with her. My mom died earlier this year, but I'm much older and had her along all the way into my senior years, though I still share your feelings of loss. As you probably realize, she'll always be a part of you and with you.
Koy - so glad you found this community here, we have great people around and I'm grateful you're a part of it now! I'm sorry to hear about Mom, just focus on staying strong out there with me. Feel the feelings, but moving forward, that's what I'm trying to do at least.
Thanks to the both of you seriously, and I’ll be sure to check out The Caretaker! Just need to set up my Amazon account.
For over a month, I've been heavily focused on understanding personalities because, as it turns out, I just have a passion to understand how people behave and why they do behave in certain manners.
This channel with both David and Jaquelyn (I'm so sorry if I wrote her name wrong) has provided me with so much insight into what an INFJ is about.
This has been a relieving experience to finally be capable of reading and hearing things about myself that I always thought were never truly things anyone could put into words. Yet, here is where MBTI came in, and along with it came people like the ones on this channel who have been capable of making myself and hopefully many others feel understood.
It's been a beautiful yet emotionally overwhelming experience to feel truly understood for the first time in my life. I felt naked and exposed once I started seeing explanations of what I am, and I never would have thought this could be possible.
This is a beautiful channel with highly intelligent and relatable people. Sharing experiences and having deep talks while at the same time laughing and being light-hearted is exactly how I am as an INFJ as well.
I really want to have a conversation with you guys too much because it feels like it would be too eye opening to exchange thoughts and perspectives with other INFJs. Maturity is such a key factor for all the personalities, and I really wanna pursue something with this in the future.
I'm writing this on a pretty old video, but, David, if you see this, I really do appreciate all that you do, and just know that I'm always keeping an eye out for what you do.
Stay passionate and thrive with what you love doing, my friend.
Thank you so much for the kind comments! I appreciate you!
The problem that I see with Fi Critic is that it's the primary point of attack if someone is out to guilt-trip you. Since it represents your core values and principles, that is usually under attack from blameshifting and gaslighting, even more so since the INFJ's Fe tends to override Fi.
Then add Ne Nemesis to the mix, and you get something highly volatile: Although Ne tends to decode the situation on the fly before you even become aware of it, the way I take it the information thus received is either dismissed (considered unreliable?) or taken the wrong way. Next will be Fi Critic to jump at it, and the misperceived context is going to throw you off. However, since Fe is higher up in the stack, this cognitive dissonance isn't surfacing straight away, but it is instead going to build up slowly (consider it to be akin to some sort of pressure cooker with a tight pressure relief valve). A lot of pressure is required for it to get triggered, but once that happens, it's as if a bomb has been set off.
Your best bet would be to use your capability of deductive reasoning (Se piping into Ni - use your postprocessing powers to derive a context and use your Ti to double-check that). Also make sure to get external aid (if both feasible and available) especially from someone who has Ne as a strong function (xNxP) to help offset your Ne Nemesis. Since they are used to applying their extraverted Intuition (and so can add _inductive_ reasoning - Ne piping into Si) preprocessor, they can help you establish a context much more quickly so you don't get tripped up that easily.
Also watch out for your Fi-Si loop (Fi Critic - Si Demon) which can really throw you under the bus.
The point is, as an INFP I know that infamous Fi-Si loop all too well (if that starts spinning, expect swift and strong reactions), but in the shadow stack that tends to be disastrous.
Your best bet would be to actually _explore_ the entire shadow stack and bring it into the light. That which doesn't lurk in the shadows usually is far less scary, plus if you can manage to sufficiently calm your primary functions down, the shadow functions (which also seem to be Janus-faced) tend to become active without their dreaded antagonistic stance but kick in to back up your primary functions.
Ps- I also wanted to send you a huge huge hug for all of the pain you’ve endured over the past year. You’re a good man and I’m so happy you’re in a better place. And yay for you and our J! She’s amazing and so are you! ❤️
Thank you! 🙏😊
😍
Im sorry to hear that U have hard time now. I hope the structure and ur projects give U what ever U need to Go forward
The critical parent is the INFJs Hero.
I need you all to listen to that parent. And take that parents advice. Because I promise it will save your life
Makes sense, when Fe fails, Fi tries to take over. Sometimes it doesn’t do as good as job as your preferred Fe.
"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall"
Great thoughts on this one, so glad it resonated, so thank you!
INFJ 🙋🏽♀️
It’s been a journey - I used to be very self-critical, but I’ve come to a place where I can let my Fi function teach me how to value myself. Understanding MBTI and the pros and cons of Fe has helped me to step outside myself a little more. I feel like I use Ti to almost mediate between Fe and Fi. I ask objective questions like “if my best friend were feeling this way or in this situation, what would I say? Would I be shaming them? Would I want them to continue to allow themselves to be treated that way?” We need Fi to remind us that we’re also important and learn to set boundaries. But since it’s not a function we’re accustomed to using, it can be helpful to develop a framework to guide our thought processes so that it doesn’t spiral out of control or get suppressed.
I have been good at keeping my mind quiet sense I started meditation but just yesterday I was working on my youtube video to (finally put up and get my channel underway) and the voice keep saying, " you're not gonna get this video done. You have been waiting for the perfect time and it's not coming so just give it up." . . .
I shut that ego completely quiet when I ignored the f*** out of it and kept diligently recording my first video. And I did get it recorded today. 🥳
Im sorry for your lose. I must have miss heard you wrong because I thought you dad past awhile ago. 🥺
Sometimes Ti exacerbates the Fi critic
Sure!
Thank you
So welcome! Thanks for watching!
It's really underestimated how hard it can be to develop something you don't value.
Very interesting how the majority of my inner critic, manifested as adult parental figures in my life and how this specific shadow function is the critical parent. Can it also work in the other way, where the critical parent influences you to do better? Either way, I am mind blown!
Hi Anna! Thanks for watching and for chiming in! I do think there's a balance that you can have through working on some self-acceptance, growth and understanding. But you have to drop a lot of your own BS to get to that point. It's hard to be honest with ourselves when we're hurting and critical of self.
This is why I like stepping back and looking at myself as from a 3rd person point of view. I find it easier to have my own back when I look at myself and my circumstances as if a friend trying to understand, or better doing the work and perspective to work on the whole inner child thing.
Thank you so much and stay strong out there!
“Which road leads to the Wicked Witch of the West?" asked Dorothy.
"There is no road," answered the Guardian of the Gates. "No one ever wishes to go that way."
"How, then, are we to find her?" inquired the girl.
"That will be easy," replied the man, "for when she knows you are in the country of the Winkies she will find you, and make you all her slaves."
"Perhaps not," said the Scarecrow, "for we mean to destroy her."
"Oh, that is different," said the Guardian of the Gates. "No one has ever destroyed her before, so I naturally thought she would make slaves of you, as she has of the rest. But take care; for she is wicked and fierce, and may not allow you to destroy her. Keep to the West, where the sun sets, and you cannot fail to find her.”
― L Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz -
Te-rrific explanations @David Badurina
Glenda the Good Witch is not 'Wicked' but her Sister has a powerful Shadow.
and if anyone is looking for some support in dealing with a Narcissist
or if you are wondering if you know a Narcissist, Dr. Les Carter is here
in you tube town and he speaks Typology and MBTI and his specialty
in psychology is dealing with Narcissists.
Whether one is dealing with a Narcissist or not, the SP's have a pattern
of argumentation that is very similar in the way they circle around your
argument and put you on the defensive. I don't think they are all Narcissists
but I do think they can Think Fast, Talk Smart and we need to understand
how to understand (them).
and David, either you or your someone else in the house has a
Green Thumb. Someone is heavy on the Earth Elements in their
astrological chart. (or a green screen, lol)
I am not. I am the Air Signs. Gemini Sun, Libra Rising, Aquarius Moon
Feelings in astrology are represented by the Water Signs
and Cups in Tarot.
18:29 channel note: I did not notice a "Shift".
19:52 Green Thumb explained. thank you. (ha, ha.)
Amazing did you have that memorized?
"oh you knew that was going to happen, why didn't you say that other thing, it could of made them feel good."
"I'll never be able to grow as a person and there's no way I could tell people what I want to make that happen"
"look how uncomfortable you are, you know people are going to point that out"
"why am I even trying and why is it that people cannot see what im doing"
Just specific ones.
now how can i change those voices Im not sure.
That’s the struggle!
Thank you, it's such a good topic. I've been very hard on myself as I struggle to learn a brand new career. The inner critic has been on a constant loop. However I figured out that if I can get it to pause, I can see that I'm learning the work and I'm getting much better at it.
Dude that's awesome (well, not the Fi part, but the career part lol).
Good luck 😤💛
You got this, Jaimie!
I love it when I see other people like David share their hard-earned wisdom and knowledge to help others!
I pray that you heal in the process of helping.
Thank you!
She's telling me to grow up and stop being a cry baby 😂😂😂
Yeah but in a nice way! 😂
Awsome video, it would be grate to make one of each of the other 4 functions we have problems with
You're beautiful and amazing 🥺
I love you 💙
Congrats to you both. Wish you all the best, you deserve it ! 💕
Love you the most, boo 💜. And thank you, Isabelle!
@@isabelle1976 thank you 😊🥰
“when will then be now?”
“Soon.”
Spaceballs
Good catch! :-)
Demonstrated so clearly! 💕
Glad it was helpful!
❤️
I like the fact that we all are unique even in we have same functions. I don’t like to compare my self with anyone. And when someone tells me they think the same and feel the same, sometimes I expect they do the same as me. But I realize that some people just live inside their brains only but can’t do, can’t act, can’t even try to reach their potential, and that makes me sad.
Whenever I use Fi, I feel so selfish, and usually what happens is that I start thinking that I haven’t done any good for using it
I feel that!
Thank you for this:) In my own journey with self-typing, I’ve struggled between INFJ/INFP. I thought I had landed on INFP, now, I watch this and resonate with it completely. Have you ever been professionally typed? Any tips or recommendations for typing? Thanks for sharing your content & light!😊
Quality Spaceballs reference, although "when will it be now?" leads me nearby to The Smiths: "How soon is now?".
I enjoy the whole Shadow Functions discussion. Being an old man of 40 now, it feels like I have a slightly better grasp on - at least - the Antagonist, the Witch, and the Trickster (Ne, Fi, and Te), even though the Demon (Si) largely remains unconquered. To me, I think the crucial quality of the Witch lies in telling you what needs to be told, even when you don't like it; the Critical Parent, as she also goes by, parents in a critical way but still (in this context) acts out of love.
Working ego-syntonically, Fe says "nah, I don't need to make a fuss about this" ... "don't rock the boat", "let's all just get along shall we?" whereas Fi pushes back. But although the discomfort is felt because the ego is being pushed back against, that doesn't make her wrong. To that extent, I don't think I tend to associate her with the inner critic in general, but more specifically with the experience of losing sight of what I need to do to live up to, and alongside, my own values and principles more.
The Witch is rejected by society, by what "the rules" are about how "people should behave", but she speaks her truth regardless. And in public Fe wants to burn her at the stake: "how dare you put yourself first here, and stand out rather than following the rules like everyone else" ... "get over yourself" ... "can't you tune in to what other people are feeling here and play nicely?". But in private, in the dark corners of life, she's still there to turn to for a healing potion, a love philter, or even occasionally a good hard curse.
She can also go by the name Senex: the old man. Sure grandpa says some racist stuff and doesn't know how to use his smartphone, but he calls a spade a spade: when you screw up, he calls you out on it. When the chicken isn't cooked right, he's too old to care anymore about whether it's rude to mention or not - he just comes out and says it. And when the chicken of our moral compass isn't cooked right, just so out comes Fi to give the clear signal.
The Witch lives in a strange, unfamiliar, hut at the edge of the forest. It's largely unexplored by me, so there's always some nervousness venturing nearby. That leads to an odd push-pull experience with, say, INFPs for me ... whilst sometimes I really value and am even a bit jealous of their ability to put their own foot down and stand their ground, morally and ethically, on the other hand I find myself getting annoyed with them for not playing ball better - for sticking out, for not tuning into the communal vibe. Sometimes wish people wouldn't do it, sometimes wish I was better at it.
Anyhow, none of nonsense to take away from what you were sharing. Just noodling alongside. I look forward to seeing where you go with more of this mini-series.
Great thoughts on this, appreciate the addition! Thank you!
Hi there ! So glad more INFJ are speaking out !!! That is so clear the fi critic!!!! Good elaboration 🤓🤓
Thank you!
Today a friend reminded me its ok to give myself a break. Its ok to take self care. Good info David
Truth!
I used to be scared of mine, really as a teen I was hard on myself but grow out of it by my 20's. On top of that I was emotionally detached for 8 years intell end of 2020. Now I'm basically best friends with my intuition, I even learned to turn it down when not needed. Now that I can feel again all my senses got stronger in ways I didn't even think was possible. With my personal experiences I would make the perfect body guard. I even had random girls run across a club skip all sorts of guys & run up to me for help. I may have even saved 1 from rape, as she was pretty far gone.
Definitely takes decades of training and experience to be a perfect bodyguard.
👍❣️😊
Heyy infj's 😝
Thank you for this video. It helps, in a misery loving company sort of way. I appreciated that you equated Fi with conscience, and a hypersensitive one at that. Have spent about the last 20 years wrestling with some annoying things in my life where I have been ignoring my conscience and going along to get along. I decided a few months ago on my birthday that it is time to quit it. Since this is new for me, I don't know the direction it is taking. But I can say that I have a new sense of purpose, and will never neglect the core part of me again. In a word, metamorphosis.
An Uncle of mine died recently. He was one of my childhood heroes, and a genuinely good man. Death is a thief, a kidnapper. It takes those we love and rely on; locks them away, and throws away the key. The finality of that separation truly hurts. We are left with an effigy when we just want the genuine article. The best thing we can do to fight this enemy is to retain those memories, and cherish the good that was that person, by living at our best. And honoring our Fi is a good place to start. Best wishes to you, David!
Sorry to hear of your loss as well. It seems like grief is ever present these days and we just need to keep moving forward. Thank you! Best to your own metamorphosis!
@@DavidBadurina Thank you, the validation is nice. Just realized my comment was a bit of a downer. Apologies for that. I am happy for your happiness at being in a better place lately. The best description of empathy I have seen yet: "When you smile, my cheeks ache. When you cry, I taste salt." I like your channel, you say ALL the things.
I, too, have lost a lot of support. My grandparents passed away, my uncle, my dad, and more. What I realize is their voice and things they've said to me still carries with me and times when I need reminded of the positive I think what will my grandma say, and it's as if I could almost hear say it. Same with my grandpa, or my uncle, or my dad. And this doesn't just apply to people that have passed away but it applies to people that are living, I think what would they tell me right now if they were talking to me right now. So I don't even like to think of people as being dead or alive. That way I always have it. Much love to you 💕
Thank you for sharing your knowledge of and experience as an INFJ. You're helping me to learn more about myself and for that zi am much appreciative. I enjoy the witty remarks that I find must only be an INFJ's kind of humor 😏 I am sad for your hurt, loss and hard times. I am very happy for your happiness and ability to move forward and see the positive possibilities of things.
I appreciate that very much! Thank you Minella!
You know what, you made me cry. But out of your such beautiful understanding and love. Thank you so much for this video and also for taking care of yourself. Much love to you and condolences to your father. 🙏💕
Also, I wanted share something that I noticed about our critical Fi. That is, that whenever that Fi is shaming me or holding me back, all of the things it says seems the same things few or most people in our lives say too. It only then, gets even harder to get past such negative self criticisism. Do you think it's true? Cuz I've been noticing, that Fi critic is alot similar to what people complained about me or about INFJs in general. Making it harder for INFJs to believe that they are good as well and deserve better.
Fortunately, your words David, is making me believe that I do deserve better and can achieve things that I want. Thank you so much, once again.
Loads of love! ~INFJ 💕💜
You're cute as hell and you're making me chuckle over here to myself. Also, I like your hair cut and I wanna smush my face on your face. Its not weird, whatever. I haven't finished watching but yea, okay, bye. 💙🙃
Hhahaha this
Face smushing ftw! :-*
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson probably the most INFJ comment I've ever left 🤣🤷🏻♀️
@@jaclynns.jungle hahhaha yes it has to be!! Full-on INFJ expression right there!! :D
I’m so happy that you and Jaclynn are dating. You are both so beautiful!
Thanks for relating and understanding! It is hard and scary but I’m strong and smart!😊
Yay, at last somebody talking about the shadow functions;)
*Biip*
* Connected to the universe* 😂
I am so glad that I am finally catching up on these. Your videos are wonderful and I think you are doing excellent work which is helping me tremendously. This is the first time I am actually addressing all my issues, have a long way to go but better late than never. Have your book ordered and a huge congratulations. You are a lovely person and this jumps out in your videos.
As an ENFP I sometime wonder if I’m not actually an INFJ. Ah! SHADOW! Thank you. 💖
I needed to hear all of this today, thank you.
You’re welcome!
Hi, Well done David, this vid is great, as usual. Don't doubt so much or apologise !
Thank you! :-)
This video came exactly when I needed it. As an INFJ or as an individual ig there are a lot of things I don't understand about myself from the way I think to the way I feel. This was so helpful, thank you David!
At first, I commented before watching the whole video, because what you said made so much sense to me, but then I heard you talking about the struggles of this year and I would like to say I'm sorry for your loss. There's a saying we say in greek which literally translates to 'Good Heaven' (meaning that I hope he will find peace), so I hope he's at a better place, resting and watching you from above. I also hope you take your own advice as well. Sometimes we are excellent 'councils' to others, but we struggle to understand our needs.
You're so welcome! And thank you so much for the kind words. I appreciate you!
@@DavidBadurina Of course! Take care
Hello. Yes.. This is blob.
I suspected that you were ha you were a couple. I am so happy to hear that I was right. Like salt and pepper you go together. You both deserve happiness and I love you both. Wishing you a long and beautiful life!!! I love David but as my favourite video creator!,, Much love and happiness and success to both of you 🇨🇦🐙🐙👍♥️❤️Keep writing!!!✏️✏️✏️🖍🖍🖍
Sorry, I fell asleep, your voice is nice and calming. Besides that I do really appreciate this video. Very good information. Thanks.
People watch me to fall asleep all the time lol! Glad you liked it!
Because I see so much of myself in you, in the way you word things and express them I know without a doubt or genuine. And I don't even know you but based on that you definitely come across genuine. So I wanted to tell you I appreciate that in your videos. You also make me laugh a lot. And that is just fantastic and and needed. I'm sure you know what that means. So yes many things you say here are very relatable. I think very much is my experience. My inner critic is not ever feeling quite good enough. I don't even know what enough is. I hear criticisms of others over the years and all those criticisms I have felt all the more applied to me. The weight of these criticisms can be crushing. I just got out of a relationship that I learned was a covert narcissist. It's been no contact since December of 2020. I was married previous to this narcissist for over 20 years to someone that I believe has high functioning autism. So if you know about high functioning autism one of the things I learned is that there is a lack of empathy shown. It doesn't mean they don't have it but they do have trouble showing it. That's their cognitive function. As an infj with someone like this it's been torturous to my mind for many years. Then I find someone who love bombed me and had me to believe that they were someone that was emotionally available and the opposite of what I was married to in many ways. I looked at this person initially with rose-colored glasses believing the best and seeing the potential. Giving the benefit of the doubt was to my detriment just about. But I survived. I educated myself on narcissism and the different aspects of it. I also educated myself about the personality types which I rather would like to call cognitive function types to take away from the stigma of the word personality. I understand that word causes people to almost dismiss the mbti type thing based on the word personality. So I'm going to call it cognitive function types. I do see a similarity of what could appear as a covert narcissist and an infj as far as some behaviors. But the behaviors are for different reasons, but it could appear as a form of narcissism to a person that may not understand about an infj personality. That's something I would like to touch on eventually. Maybe this will inspire you to look at that and write a book about it. It seems that you have an interest in psychology and personality types and an understanding of behaviors such as behaviors of narcissists. So I'll put a bug in your ear and maybe you'll be inspired. I may one day write. I think I have insight that could be offered. I am a juvenile diabetic since the age of 9. I'm 45. I became partially blind at a very young age at the age of 21. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy that I had been adapting my whole life to and never knew it. That was a little over 10 years ago. But being partially blind as an infj is definitely horrible to my inner critic. The reason being is I realized I do not have the ability to see facial expressions from any distance except for up close I can. So when I'm in a room of people, I cannot gauge anything by expression. I cannot tell someone's looking at me or smiling or frowning. So it becomes sensory overload. But I decided to go in anyways because otherwise I might become a hermit. I am on the scale of leaning towards extravert. I would say I'm like 75% introvert and 25% extravert. So I do work through some social anxiety but I'm doing it anyway. But that inner critic is a real b**** to deal with because I just don't know what the feedback or response is to me, I guess it feels safer to assume the worst. But when I go home I think about the worst and I logic it out and fight against the thoughts. I think that anyone worth my time would take the time to get to know me and not judge me on how things appear. I'm sure I have some very weird behaviors being partially blind. I know people have been offended because they've said hello to me but I didn't see that they did and I didn't respond back. When it becomes known to them later, they will say oh yeah I was wondering. Which is confirmation of my feeling that people are thinking this. But I don't know who is and who is not but I sense it. Yet I can't do a doggone thing about it. I have to be at peace about that otherwise I would just be a hermit. So I am playing pool as a blind person. I have enough vision to walk around without a cane but it does in not so well at places. I don't necessarily want to announce that I'm blind for I realize some people could take advantage of that and it would leave me vulnerable as a female woman that's alone I have some caution. Especially upon being with a covert narcissist making me aware that there are legitimate crazy m************ out there. If you took the time to read this short story LOL, thank you! And thank you for bringing this to the surface of a topic. I appreciate your videos very much! Is there an infj support group LOL. I wouldn't mind meeting up with some infj somewhere close by or even on the internet. I think that would be helpful. One thing I think INFJs are good about is listening and balancing. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone else who understands that processing that we go through and then can offer us a different take on something which can sometimes just be the very key to helping us adopt a proper imbalanced attitude about something. Would just like a format of which there's more interaction of back and forth. So I do appreciate your videos but I do or would like to find a forum that has more interaction. I don't know maybe my comment someone will reply LOL.
Okay, I've gone on long enough sorry, thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read my little book here LOL. 💕
I appreciate the time and effort to share as much as you have. I’m really glad my videos have been helpful to you. Stay strong through those struggles. INFJ groups exist on Reddit/discord you just have to hunt!
Keeping on telling me not to do few things..
I think this video would also work for infp and isfp, cuz Fi 🤔
Fellow aliens indeed haha.
The INF-UFO type, 🛸👽
idk brother, im an INFJ then some... but im exactly going insane...i have a pinched nerve in my neck. i cnt control my thoughts, i feel disconnected, nothing seems real, vertigo, light headedness...im also highly sensitive (i hate that part of the gift)... my p.t. is working double time along with my sensitivity... on top of all this ive doing vanlife for 3 yrs i thought i would get away from ppl. hell no they come looking 4 my ass..sir cn u help me? so yeah i did,, mistake.. no freedom whatsofukinever..i 4got to mention high anxiety (neck). i have poor help mentally and physically. dont know which way to turn...cnt get help into a place to live...ppl. dont give a fuck anymore..i would do my best to help someone 1 time to c how they respect me...anyway on top of another issue a month ago another son died....then as bad a shape im in a wheelchair punks would come up to me and say! i waanna kik your ass, in my face..i slowly stood up eye to eye ...ok, now what? go for it punk! i had every angle covered...i gave him the INFJ stare, he started to back off..and kept looking back..
could this have anything to do with present day learning of philosophy?
Then will never be now. It is only ever now. (Know the reference?) 😉
Don't know this one!
@@DavidBadurina Eckhart Tolle