“My imperfect voice and my imperfect story is more *powerful* than the perfect *silence* ” -Petra Kolber This was an amazing talk. I am currently trying to get over perfectionism. Thank you! Edit: I’ve edited this about four times and I think that says a lot lol
@Antonius Meuwissen Awww that’s so sweet and thoughtful of you. I think my perfectionism was because of my ADHD(recently diagnosed) so I still have it but it’s not as bad as it was.
It's simple as that: don't look back at your writing. Its difficult at start, but make a habit to only check your work after you've completed the piece. "My imperfect words and my imperfect grammer is more powerful than the perfect silence."
Thank you, for your voice. I was always in this 'perfectionist trap'. I wanted to study it all and be the brightest student but it never felt 'good enough'. I made such ambitious goals for myself but never anticipated the time and failure it would require to be there. Every time, when i didn't quite succeed to complete my planned schedule had made me fallen into this guilt of never been good enough and everything felt falling apart. I have had anxiety, panic attacks and worse when you isolate yourself. You feel like no one will understand you and then it becomes toxic. For any student who is going through this phase- i just want you to hang in there and trust the process. It takes failure and mediocrity to be there at your perfect place but till then just be patient and trust the process.
The trouble as I see it is how many of us start buying into the idea that the perfect exists. It does not because it is an ideal, it is a unicorn. This is not to say we should not strive for perfection, but we must be realistic and recognize the merits of appreciating the imperfect in pursuit of our goals. Accepting the imperfect unfreezes us by taking away the fear of failure created by the setting of unrealistically high standards. Accepting the imperfect creates resilience because we know our solutions aren't perfect and will have to be done and (in all likelihood) improved. Accepting the imperfect creates patience and persistence because we learn to keep at it, with updates, adding improvements, in the pursuit our goals. It is high time we learned to appreciate the imperfect.
Thanks, TEDx, for uploading this to YT so we perfectionists can learn from this wise woman's words. I didn't even know who she was before I watched this! But I can really connect to all the things she has said. That is the wonder of the internet. Here's my story, if anyone wants to hear it. My perfectionism manifested itself in writer's block when I was about 13. I had read a brilliant series called 'The Vampire Chronicles' and I wanted to write a novel. I felt a need, deep inside, to create something that I could call my own. But I didn't realise all the numerous drafts the average author has to write before finally getting to that final draft - the only draft their readers read. I didn't realise much at all about writing now I think on it. My dream to write a novel was quickly snuffed-out by these realisations. But I kept hoping. Dreaming. Since then, I have studied English Literature at GCSE, A Level and currently as a university degree. Still, my writer's block remains. I cannot even write a page of the first chapter. A few months ago, I received a letter in the mail with a £50 voucher attached. It said I was the top performing student of the previous year. I don't mention this to brag, but to say, in a similar way to Petra, that despite this, I still feel anxious about my third year. I start next Monday. I feel a horrible dread that I won't be good enough, that I'll let all my lecturers down, that I'll not do my best. I haven't told a soul about the letter, save for my mother - who told the rest of the family against my wishes - and I think it is because I fear that once people know, they'll expect that from me again, and then I might fail to reach that expectation. Then, there is music. The biggest dream for me. I realised how much I wanted to write songs and music when I found the right artists. Music artists who made songs that I could connect to. I am not a fan of mainstream music, so it sadly took a while for me to find these few artists, being alternative and not mainstream at all. Nearly half a year ago, I found an artist named AURORA, who is perfect in my eyes. I cannot fault her, even though she is completely natural and at ease during performances and interviews (that can be found online). Maybe that is why. She is perfect because she is imperfect, and yet she is naturally imperfect, not in a stumbling, uncomfortable way. In a free way. I yearn for that freedom, to not care about other people's expectations or criticism (bar constructive) and to believe in myself. To believe 'I am enough.' To live first, then create, as she said in a recent performance. I feel I cannot live my life to the fullest because I am constantly ailing for a creation - to make something, anything, to get a break from the constant failures.. And so I am muffled into a silence, like that which Petra speaks of. This perfectionist trap is stifling me, cramping me into a hole I can't seem to see the way out of. 'Love yourself.' 'Believe you're enough.' These pieces of advice are like myths half-heard on the wind, broken keys for a door I'm trying to unlock. It has always been a goal in my life, to create. To say, I have made something. Well, to be honest, I HAVE. Many short stories, unfinished songs, unfinished drawings/paintings. But it seems they don't count, to my perfectionist-infected mind, because they aren't 'perfect.' On the positive side, I have lots of written-down ideas for songs I could create. Probably a whole stack of papers (research, ideas, drawings, diagrams, maps) for my story (the novel I have wanted to write since early teenhood). That's the thing. I have the ideas. They spin around my mind, dancing, inspiring - and yet, when I put pen to paper or finger to piano, nothing comes. No sound, but the silence. And a silent frustration and dread that I will be like this for the rest of my life. Wasting my energy on trying to be perfect. Not even knowing how else to MAKE something without having these perfectionist thought processes that entrap me into a barrenness of creativity. I don't want to be like this anymore. So, things I am going to work on (and things anyone like-minded reading this should consider at least) are: - Willpower. Motivation. - Educating myself - on music theory particularly. - And then practicing and applying knowledge I find out, instead of avoiding this for fear of not producing something perfect. - Let myself be imperfect once in a while on purpose. Maybe then I'll see that the world won't come crashing down around me if I do. I doubt many people have the time to read such a long post, by someone they do not know. But I hope anyone in the same boat as me doesn't feel so alone. Perfectionism and solitude are not good bedfellows. Maybe my long speech here will help other people understand themselves better, or what they could do to overcome the Perfectionist Trap.
Waw, this is my story. I also didn't finish any song. What helps is trying to make the most awful song possible or automatic writing. Thanks for your post
Yesssss sis, take OFF those shoes! This was so liberating to watch. I can't wait to share this with my friends and peers. You said more than enough and all that you said was not only useful but also a unique expression of you. I love this and I will continue to revisit this!
Great presentation! Perfectionism requires a lot of courage to fight. Because our imperfection often leads to consequences that harm others, not just ourselves, and those others typically use shaming in their response instead of forgiveness, it is easy to fall into the trap that “people will like us more” if we are just perfect. Instead we need to be brave about pushing back and fighting for our right to learn and grow and make mistakes as we do.
I love her talk it's very powerflul and useful especially when she said perfection is a fear in a very good shoes ,and how she took of her shoes and walked barefoot in the end
Amazing talk ,so powerful 🙏🏻 I could see myself ,trying to hide everything inside just to look perfect . Always blaming myself ,for the things I can't do ,as I'm not good enough. Currently I'm working on the idea ,just to be myself ! Not perfect ,but me.
Amazing Ted talk. Starting a new job has triggered my anxiety to do things faster/better/smarter. I had a moment on Friday and broke down in tears. I realized that I don't want to do this to myself. This TT really hit home. Thank you 🙏
This speech cemented my admiration for Petra Kolber. I discovered her easy to follow exercise videos recently and admired how encouraging and inclusive she seemed. This was a fantastic and inspiring presentation Petra. Thank you so much for daring to share your imperfections.
This almost made me cry. I resonated with this so much not knowing what could have been wrong with me all along. Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
Wow...great job. I also have had that 0 to 60 sweat thing happen several times. I avoid circumstances where I think it might happen, probably missing out. The photo thing too. I didn't realize it was perfectionism but seems to make sense now. Thank You for enlightening me. I am going to work on this...but not perfectly, and I am not going to edit this post...Ha! Thanks again !!!
I really appreciate your words and encouragement. I am tired of feeling this way, and I want to seek help. Thanks so much for sharing your story. So often people such as yourself look so well rounded and happy and content, but we never really know what people are struggling with. So I want to face my fears and get help
Lovely Talk... everything you did was beautiful... and beside the amazing message, I loved the way you delivered your talk and your very welcoming body language ..thank you Petra
That was an amazing talk! I was fully laughing and smiling and happy because of the way she ended her talk. Very insightful. The idea of optimalists is empowering. Thank you.
Eloquent, succinct, and quietly powerful. I'm going to use this excellent clip in our "Body Image and Exercise" class at Cal State Fullerton. The re-framing tips are great. This will help many individuals who are struggling with this dilemma. Thank-you.
Looking at this talk really brings young Blake McIver Ewing to mind. Which clearly shows to me how devastating perfectionism can be, especially when it starts in kindergarten.
You have been my role model and inspiring motivation as I exercise to your videos for decades and still today you tube- I have made a motivational poster and you are in it- be wishes always
My mother is still a perfectionist and I have always failed i jad a bad arguments with her on this and because of which she has finally discarded me permanently since years and chose to be happy with her son and my dad follows her steps. I am all alone in anxiety talented but not work properly because of this perfectionism guilt in built in me . Terrible guilt that I am responsible for my state . Please help if you can .
Does anyone know where I can find the transcript to this TEDx? Thanks in advance :) Plus, it was the most life-changing Tedtalk I have ever listened to!
We think that perfect isn't just possible, but probable. And by fixating on that perfect end state, we've lost our ability to negotiate incremental gains.
“My imperfect voice and my imperfect story is more *powerful* than the perfect *silence* ”
-Petra Kolber
This was an amazing talk. I am currently trying to get over perfectionism. Thank you!
Edit: I’ve edited this about four times and I think that says a lot lol
Yes it does.
@Antonius Meuwissen Awww that’s so sweet and thoughtful of you. I think my perfectionism was because of my ADHD(recently diagnosed) so I still have it but it’s not as bad as it was.
It's simple as that: don't look back at your writing. Its difficult at start, but make a habit to only check your work after you've completed the piece. "My imperfect words and my imperfect grammer is more powerful than the perfect silence."
@@Luxiferah I have ADHD too but I never understood what the link is with perfectionism.
The way I cried at the end. I'm struggling to not be a perfectionist, so thank you.
I cried too 😩
Me too ;)
I'm here for the same....more love and power to you..❤
i cried to. This really hit me. wow. Best ted talk mainly because this is how i tried to be.
Thank you, for your voice. I was always in this 'perfectionist trap'. I wanted to study it all and be the brightest student but it never felt 'good enough'. I made such ambitious goals for myself but never anticipated the time and failure it would require to be there. Every time, when i didn't quite succeed to complete my planned schedule had made me fallen into this guilt of never been good enough and everything felt falling apart. I have had anxiety, panic attacks and worse when you isolate yourself. You feel like no one will understand you and then it becomes toxic. For any student who is going through this phase- i just want you to hang in there and trust the process. It takes failure and mediocrity to be there at your perfect place but till then just be patient and trust the process.
What process are you talking about?
You made a grammar mistake.
well written 🥹
Thank you for sharing your journey Shreya. It's very relatable and your words are encouraging
Thanks for sharing your story.🙏🙏🙏
"It is in the imperfect moments that our hears speak to each other." Beautifully true.
The trouble as I see it is how many of us start buying into the idea that the perfect exists. It does not because it is an ideal, it is a unicorn. This is not to say we should not strive for perfection, but we must be realistic and recognize the merits of appreciating the imperfect in pursuit of our goals.
Accepting the imperfect unfreezes us by taking away the fear of failure created by the setting of unrealistically high standards.
Accepting the imperfect creates resilience because we know our solutions aren't perfect and will have to be done and (in all likelihood) improved.
Accepting the imperfect creates patience and persistence because we learn to keep at it, with updates, adding improvements, in the pursuit our goals.
It is high time we learned to appreciate the imperfect.
Thanks, TEDx, for uploading this to YT so we perfectionists can learn from this wise woman's words. I didn't even know who she was before I watched this! But I can really connect to all the things she has said. That is the wonder of the internet. Here's my story, if anyone wants to hear it. My perfectionism manifested itself in writer's block when I was about 13. I had read a brilliant series called 'The Vampire Chronicles' and I wanted to write a novel. I felt a need, deep inside, to create something that I could call my own. But I didn't realise all the numerous drafts the average author has to write before finally getting to that final draft - the only draft their readers read. I didn't realise much at all about writing now I think on it. My dream to write a novel was quickly snuffed-out by these realisations. But I kept hoping. Dreaming.
Since then, I have studied English Literature at GCSE, A Level and currently as a university degree. Still, my writer's block remains. I cannot even write a page of the first chapter. A few months ago, I received a letter in the mail with a £50 voucher attached. It said I was the top performing student of the previous year. I don't mention this to brag, but to say, in a similar way to Petra, that despite this, I still feel anxious about my third year. I start next Monday. I feel a horrible dread that I won't be good enough, that I'll let all my lecturers down, that I'll not do my best. I haven't told a soul about the letter, save for my mother - who told the rest of the family against my wishes - and I think it is because I fear that once people know, they'll expect that from me again, and then I might fail to reach that expectation.
Then, there is music. The biggest dream for me. I realised how much I wanted to write songs and music when I found the right artists. Music artists who made songs that I could connect to. I am not a fan of mainstream music, so it sadly took a while for me to find these few artists, being alternative and not mainstream at all. Nearly half a year ago, I found an artist named AURORA, who is perfect in my eyes. I cannot fault her, even though she is completely natural and at ease during performances and interviews (that can be found online). Maybe that is why. She is perfect because she is imperfect, and yet she is naturally imperfect, not in a stumbling, uncomfortable way. In a free way. I yearn for that freedom, to not care about other people's expectations or criticism (bar constructive) and to believe in myself. To believe 'I am enough.' To live first, then create, as she said in a recent performance. I feel I cannot live my life to the fullest because I am constantly ailing for a creation - to make something, anything, to get a break from the constant failures.. And so I am muffled into a silence, like that which Petra speaks of. This perfectionist trap is stifling me, cramping me into a hole I can't seem to see the way out of. 'Love yourself.' 'Believe you're enough.' These pieces of advice are like myths half-heard on the wind, broken keys for a door I'm trying to unlock.
It has always been a goal in my life, to create. To say, I have made something. Well, to be honest, I HAVE. Many short stories, unfinished songs, unfinished drawings/paintings. But it seems they don't count, to my perfectionist-infected mind, because they aren't 'perfect.'
On the positive side, I have lots of written-down ideas for songs I could create. Probably a whole stack of papers (research, ideas, drawings, diagrams, maps) for my story (the novel I have wanted to write since early teenhood). That's the thing. I have the ideas. They spin around my mind, dancing, inspiring - and yet, when I put pen to paper or finger to piano, nothing comes. No sound, but the silence. And a silent frustration and dread that I will be like this for the rest of my life. Wasting my energy on trying to be perfect. Not even knowing how else to MAKE something without having these perfectionist thought processes that entrap me into a barrenness of creativity. I don't want to be like this anymore.
So, things I am going to work on (and things anyone like-minded reading this should consider at least) are:
- Willpower. Motivation.
- Educating myself - on music theory particularly.
- And then practicing and applying knowledge I find out, instead of avoiding this for fear of not producing something perfect.
- Let myself be imperfect once in a while on purpose. Maybe then I'll see that the world won't come crashing down around me if I do.
I doubt many people have the time to read such a long post, by someone they do not know. But I hope anyone in the same boat as me doesn't feel so alone. Perfectionism and solitude are not good bedfellows. Maybe my long speech here will help other people understand themselves better, or what they could do to overcome the Perfectionist Trap.
Thanks for this
Thank you fellow perfectionist
Waw, this is my story. I also didn't finish any song. What helps is trying to make the most awful song possible or automatic writing. Thanks for your post
Thanks for sharing your story. It really helps.
P
Yesssss sis, take OFF those shoes! This was so liberating to watch. I can't wait to share this with my friends and peers. You said more than enough and all that you said was not only useful but also a unique expression of you. I love this and I will continue to revisit this!
to be honest this talk was so perfect that made me cry!!!!
Great presentation! Perfectionism requires a lot of courage to fight. Because our imperfection often leads to consequences that harm others, not just ourselves, and those others typically use shaming in their response instead of forgiveness, it is easy to fall into the trap that “people will like us more” if we are just perfect. Instead we need to be brave about pushing back and fighting for our right to learn and grow and make mistakes as we do.
more than half of the talk is for her explaining how perfectly she was a perfectionist
I love her talk it's very powerflul and useful especially when she said perfection is a fear in a very good shoes ,and how she took of her shoes and walked barefoot in the end
Especially the line 'It's not even that they make a mistake, it's that they are a mistake' really resonates with me. Thank you for this!
Amazing talk ,so powerful 🙏🏻 I could see myself ,trying to hide everything inside just to look perfect . Always blaming myself ,for the things I can't do ,as I'm not good enough. Currently I'm working on the idea ,just to be myself ! Not perfect ,but me.
Amazing Ted talk. Starting a new job has triggered my anxiety to do things faster/better/smarter. I had a moment on Friday and broke down in tears. I realized that I don't want to do this to myself. This TT really hit home. Thank you 🙏
thank you. despite not experiencing any thing near as bad as what you had, this resonated so much I could cry.
Petra, I shared this with a group of hardworking high school students. They were very moved by your story. Outstanding speech!
This speech cemented my admiration for Petra Kolber. I discovered her easy to follow exercise videos recently and admired how encouraging and inclusive she seemed. This was a fantastic and inspiring presentation Petra. Thank you so much for daring to share your imperfections.
Petra, great to see you again and to courageously break your silence. Your experience can and will help many. Thank you.
That's it!! Perfection kills progress and growth 🔥
This world needs more people like you. You trully are a great inspiration to the world. Thank you for your light.
Good story to share! Did not have detox instructions I was expecting :) “perfectionism is fear in nice shoes” 👏
This is literally the best talk on perfectionism I have ever heard! Well done!
Most amazing opening sentence in any Ted Talk ever! Bravo!
Enough! This has blown my head off.
Action leads to motivation, not the other way round.
Thank you Petra. I identified with this so much.
Thank you, Petra! I needed to hear this today. I appreciate more than you know that you shared your truth. I adore you. You're an inspiration!
Perfectionism is FEAR in really good shoes
Thank you for this. A friend shared it on Facebook today and it was just what I needed to hear!
This almost made me cry. I resonated with this so much not knowing what could have been wrong with me all along. Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
Wow...great job. I also have had that 0 to 60 sweat thing happen several times. I avoid circumstances where I think it might happen, probably missing out. The photo thing too. I didn't realize it was perfectionism but seems to make sense now. Thank You for enlightening me. I am going to work on this...but not perfectly, and I am not going to edit this post...Ha! Thanks again !!!
I think this is truly the best Ted talk I've ever seen!!!
The first few seconds- I took that personally
This is one of the best talks ever.
I really appreciate your words and encouragement. I am tired of feeling this way, and I want to seek help. Thanks so much for sharing your story. So often people such as yourself look so well rounded and happy and content, but we never really know what people are struggling with. So I want to face my fears and get help
That talk was probably the most perfectly performed TED I've watched. I'm assuming she practiced at least two times to make it that way....
Lovely Talk... everything you did was beautiful... and beside the amazing message, I loved the way you delivered your talk and your very welcoming body language ..thank you Petra
It resonates so much with me, I cried. Thank you!
Thank you Petra
truly truly amazing, thank you!
Thank you so much.
Incredible speaker! Thank you for sharing your story with courage and vulnerability XO Hugs
I could feel the tension and surprise with that first statement. 😬😬
wow i needed to see this video tonight
be perfect not about success or beauty cause it is relative ... perfection is only dont make mistakes .....
I can’t thank you enough
That was an amazing talk! I was fully laughing and smiling and happy because of the way she ended her talk. Very insightful. The idea of optimalists is empowering. Thank you.
Why is no one talking about the suddenness of that first sentence 😂😂😂😂😂😂 lmao
Thank you, that was a very welcome talk
Thank you thank you thank you. Needed this so much.
WELL, THAT WAS A PERFECT AND POWERFUL SPEECH !!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤
Thnx petra.. really touching speech
Her speech was nothing short of perfect 😁😘
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.
This is a really good talk, it moved me alot
i loved that in the end i hope others watch this video too
I loved every thing about this video
Marvellous, thank you
I feel better now， thank u so much!
Eloquent, succinct, and quietly powerful. I'm going to use this excellent clip in our "Body Image and Exercise" class at Cal State Fullerton. The re-framing tips are great. This will help many individuals who are struggling with this dilemma. Thank-you.
I hear you and relate
Phenomenal! What an inspiration!
Thank you.
Looking at this talk really brings young Blake McIver Ewing to mind. Which clearly shows to me how devastating perfectionism can be, especially when it starts in kindergarten.
It's so helpful. Thanks a lot🌷🌷🌷
That was perfect!
Thank you ♥
This was amazing! Thank you so much! 💜
Well done - inspiring!
You have been my role model and inspiring motivation as I exercise to your videos for decades and still today you tube- I have made a motivational poster and you are in it- be wishes always
Thank you!!!!
Thanks
That was so good. This deserves way more views
More likes too
Bless you!
My mother is still a perfectionist and I have always failed i jad a bad arguments with her on this and because of which she has finally discarded me permanently since years and chose to be happy with her son and my dad follows her steps. I am all alone in anxiety talented but not work properly because of this perfectionism guilt in built in me . Terrible guilt that I am responsible for my state . Please help if you can .
Very good talk, congratulations!
I bet she perfected that speech.
Does anyone know where I can find the transcript to this TEDx? Thanks in advance :)
Plus, it was the most life-changing Tedtalk I have ever listened to!
how come this video only have 80k views
Mindblowing
You were supposed to give her more claps than that🙄
The audience did not mean to be perfect !
gracias!
wauw this is so true, great message!!!! :O :) xxxx
powerful.
Good information
This was so goood!!! 💯♥️
We think that perfect isn't just possible, but probable. And by fixating on that perfect end state, we've lost our ability to negotiate incremental gains.
Nice jobs,thanks share
Too Busy Perfect to be present
At the end perfectionism is detoxed ... .
u don't have to be perfect. if u participated, it was enough.
i dont kill people for be imperfect but they will be at the bottom according to their performances .....
Sorry but that WAS perfect :D
7:30
I really like the subject and whats said but man the delivery is so ironic.
What now? the Lord want us to be perfect to go to Heaven..."Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect-Matthew 5:48"
photographer dude so annoying - in music industry its first song, gone
*watches kpop*
When the f does she get to the point?