Amazing video David, you make everything so clear. I’m at a healed place in my life now, but watching you today is extremely helpful and has not only reminded me but opened my eyes even more. Just about the time I feel healed up you show me the next step. I appreciate you so much, thank you Northern Idaho
So I met this girl recently and she was upset that I said I wanted to get to know her really well before anything sexual can happen. She asked me if I was attracted to her. I said of course and that I wouldn't be talking to her if I wasn't. She seemed okay with it and then a few days later she asked me if I have a girlfriend. Lol I can't win. Females in my age range don't want to wait. They never have wanted to since I was in HS. So now I don't know what to say. I feel like blocking her. (Nashville).
She obviously believes sex is love and looks for constant validation and reassurance. She cannot reassure herself. Do you hangout at the borderline clinic JR?
Thank you David for being so supportive! I think personally, I would of missed so much if I hadn’t looked into the childhood neglect you mentioned. So many things have clicked into place and made sense as far as all my choices I made in my adult life! I have you to thank for giving me that nudge in the right direction. 😎❤️
She’s lying bro She’ll say whatever it takes to make you stick around and forgive her bs.. she told 3 other dudes the same thing. If you take her back she’ll think you’re a simp. She won’t get better over time. What you see is what you get. Good luck!
Hi mark from United Kingdom, I watch all your videos about bpd it’s so true what I’ve experienced with them , they really are dangerous people and should be avoided at all cost , they come across like they don’t care , but I think their not aware of how toxic they really are , the longer I’ve stayed around them the more I’ve felt unwell , so I’m always now looking for red flags now , and if I notice the symptoms I run , it’s the triangles in relationships is the most abusive ,
Hi from Alex navigating my non existing relationship to my borderline mother (yes, the lady with all the books on narcissists 😆). I had a pretty chaotic childhood but my mother managed to function as a grandparent until my oldest child turned 10. Then all hell broke loose. She just could not handle my son becoming an own individual with own preferences. At that point I realized I have to protect my kids from her. I still find myself baffled how a person can snap like that? Did my son not play the role she wished anymore? (I went no contact, I do not want her to harm her grandchildren too. I guess I was completely naive thinking she could have changed.) Thanks for your videos, they are godsent! ~ Scandinavia
I remember your early days. ❤ I didn't know about self centered people either. From what I know now I wish I would have walked away sooner. These selfish people never change. You are amazing David.
I remember you in my early days too Willa and I am just so appreciative of you, thank you. Try to not bear yourself up and walk away sooner if it ever happens again.
12:28 Speaking of self-awareness, I'm currently in a normal relationship with someone who is a very normal woman. No disorders whatsoever. But because of my previous expériences, I'm not able to give myself away at 100% in the relationship. I don't feel great about it. But sometimes it feels like I'm watching a movie. I do the actions, I say the words, but it's like if someone else has control. I can feel love, but I have troubles to go beyond a certain point emotionally. I've been told by a specialist that it's a "protection" or "dissociation" since I've lived particularly painful expériences ( girlfriend died in a car accident, self deletion of another girlfriend, being dumped because I was about to die among other things) . I'm afraid that it will never be "normal" again. I can't engage with someone at 100%. There's always a kind of invisible barrier, and no matter how much I want to do so, I'm not able to. My question, if you don't mind, is how or what I can do about it? Martin P. France, Alsace, living in Québec, Canada.
Hi Martin. You can heal. Find the professional that heals trauma. Everyone can heal Martin, including you and you just need a little help like we all do. Talking is the best. Try writing and communicate to your partner.
❤ Thank you 57 yrs old - 4 yrs Full No Contact with my Whole family of Origin. My Narcissistic Mother decided that a good dose of Silent Treatment for being to involved in my Mother in Law, being very ill and passing away, My Parents were extremely jealous of the attention NOT GIVEN to them during that time so we were ignored, then excluded from All Family Holidays ever since MIL passed away. The final time they will hurt me on purpose and then try to state it was ALL DONE BY a total oversight, to the family as they tell the story of How unreasonable I have always been. How I have always made life so difficult for everyone. I'm the scapegoat I never get my way.
Greg from Seattle, Washington. Truth well spoken David! If the person you’re with is unstable, the relationship will be unstable too. I lived this vicious cycle for 7-years and went through possibly a hundred break ups or more. Those break ups could look like her call blocking me, ghosting me, never talk to me again type of language, contact me again and I’ll slap a restraining order on you, you take your kids to the mall and we’re done and the list goes on and on until it encompassed every single aspect of my life.
My bpd ex had to stop by to get her stuff after 3 months of no contact. She was excited to see me which I felt was odd. She wanted to know how I was doing and acted like I wasn’t her ex. After that she left and I still haven’t heard from her. Very sad to see this happen to people
Thanks David for your thoughtfull information. You have indeed something to gives to others. There's no such thing as a "break" you're together or you're not. You're not a second choice or spare wheel. You can't be "just friend" with someone you just broke up with. Once it's over, it's over. Stay away or get exploited. The choice is yours. Even in the early 90s to around 2010, there wasn't much information available on these subjects. It would have saved everyone a lot of troubles, but it wasn't the case. I remember being told by my girlfriend that she was a diagnosed BPD, but I didn't have a clue about what it was. I thought it was fixable with adjusted medication like bipolar. Oh boy how wrong I was... I think the worse thing is that it's not even theirs fault. They were molded that way. But it's not our fault either and not our responsibilities to fix them. I can understand, but it doesn't mean that I'm excusing such a behaviour.
from south africa I hate it when you ask somebody a question and they don't look at you and answer your question to someone else and they continue with the conversation and they don't even look at you or acknowledge you.
Thank u David for sharing why u chose to do wat u do. Healing family from California. My little ones and I are for sure a living example of ur help in our healing and growing. U mean a lot to us and my friends and family have subscribed to ur channel since I shared with them who the first person in our healing journey was. God bless u always. Hopefully one day I can buy u a tequila as well lol❤️ my therapist is going to start EMDR in my next session. What do u think of it and can u explain it in ur best way possible? Thank u, ur a badass in the most positive way
Hello David. John from Brazil. Question: Can you explain with more detail why self-love is essential do have a healthy relationship with other people, and, the reversal, why people who have toxic shame and hate themselves are incapable of love someones else? Thank you!
Victoria from the Bay area. I got a chance to meet a beautiful young person. When We began to talk. This person didn't want to be identified as male or female The first thing that came to my mind was why My second thought was why do I care? Because no matter what You call Yourself you are still a human being in my eyes.
12: 37 Thank you David! It did make complete sense. How you felt, it's exactly as I did, I do... It rather helped me connect some dots inside of myself. You are completely right, I do still care of her, her well being and all. I can't bring myself to hate her or anything. I just want to reach complete indiference towards her and the deeds she did pre and post discard, the "campaign"... Which to this day is reaching my ears. But I do keep on working on myself and keep making progress in the direction of loving myself. Which can be weird if you don't really do it for 33 years 😄...And just put others ahead of yourself. Tho, I'm aware, of the past and learned from it plenty. And there's still plenty to rebuild and build. As I was saying, it's a painful journey, but at this point, it's starting to become more enjoyful, there's no more pain or tears, just disappointment I suppose and some pride from overcoming all of that... My dreams of the future that I had with her, are separated from her, and became once again, my own, not hers. Thank you so much I really appreciate it brother! Have a good one!
You have such a healthy attitude and it will serve you so well. Thank you very much and there is help if you want to to keep this eproen out of your life and this smear campaign.
@@DeMarsCoaching Thank you brother, I'll try to keep going this way and even ex's presence wouldn't change a soul. The glasses are off and I'm much much better now. Not isolated, enjoying my friends and that girl I've been talking about. Tho, I'm taking it really slow, as in not even having her number yet HA. But we are always talking and she seems quite nice so far, no red flags, no weird gut feelings. I'm sure, some will show up. But I'll let time decide and not rush into hell again, just keep focusing on me.
Thank you, and your right, it's been Christmas, and the funeral, hates birthday, hates any celebration,,he's words he said he is emotionally flat! Always has been.. said for me to drive myself,to funeral so he can go asap he said he doesnt feel comfortable staying after, and doesn't know what you do after a funeral and doesn't want to know .
Hi David, Dan from Dublin again. Happy New year! Hope you had a great Christmas too!!🎄 I just wanted to your advice on dealing with trolls? Now that I've started my own channel and my videos are gaining more popularity. Sadly, this is also leading to more negative and unhelpful comments. I'm just wondering how you deal with trolls?
Hi Dan, they are nasty people but there's not much you can do. They dont bother me so its easy to ignore them. Block, delete, move on. Its good to have haters, it means you're doing something right!
Hi David! Jean from Brazil here... I've been separated from a borderline for almost two months and I've been taking care of myself (I'm still very anxious and smoking a lot). Mainly treating my alcoholism, which was a key piece for me to fall into the Hoover in other occasions... I've been exercising, I gained weight in this relationship, I'm on vacation so I've reconnected with friends and I've been spending time alone and these moments are still difficult. I think about her a lot, whether it's the good or bad times, it's incredible how I can't avoid it. Does this go away with time and self-care only? If so, how can I alleviate this pain during this period? Thank you.
Hello! The void must be filled. This person took up space and time and now there is a void so what can you add to your life? Yes, this will go away in time and there is help if you want it. I help my clients alomd the entire process of healing.
Hi David, Jay here from Melbourne, Australia. From your experience do you find that attracting Cluster B personality types can be family pattern? I have realised lately that my past step dad was potentially BPD, I also think my Aunt and Grandma are as well. Also why do you think partners of BPD people find it so hard to leave the relationship even when they know it is the right thing to do? Thanks and I look forward to having another coaching session soon.
Detroit area I changed my phone number and blocked on social, he sent me letters in the mail that I did not read he knows my address so I guess that means I didn’t go completely NO CONTACT No way can I move, Question, should I have saved the letters and mailed them back to him?
Hey David, David in Kanata (Can-A-Ta) Canada. Hope the New Year finds you well. I recently got out of a relationship, and for the most part I think it was much healthier then past ones, so I am moving in the correct direction! Yay me. I do not really think she was high on the "cluster-B" spectrum, but there was one thing she said a few times that leaves me wondering...She said more then once, "If I start pulling away, you need to try harder, or pursue me harder" something to that effect. Have you any experience with a statement like that? To me is seams counter intuitive. If the person I am seeing wants space I let them have it...space that is, have it sounds nastly LOL Cheers
Can i ask, how you get over feeling guilty, and do they actually know all of the worry, and upset, if you say they are emotionally unaware, then i think that, im actually the one worrying, and sitting here asking these question, they are not finding out these things, iam, they are just getting on having a meltdown, then resuming, i could literally watch him go through any mood, like watching tv. And if they are unaware, are they to blame, for something thats like a disability.
Thanks so much for what you do! I don’t see advertising on your videos - (I would watch them to support you).. it saddens me to think that perhaps your channel is not monetised (I hope I’m wrong).
Amazing video David, you make everything so clear. I’m at a healed place in my life now, but watching you today is extremely helpful and has not only reminded me but opened my eyes even more. Just about the time I feel healed up you show me the next step. I appreciate you so much, thank you
Northern Idaho
That is o nice to hear, thank you Stacy.
Thank you, for answering my question. I hope someday I can watch your videos while fully healed. Thank you for being a great Coach.
Thank you Stephanie! One day, you won't watch these anymore because you will be headed.
So I met this girl recently and she was upset that I said I wanted to get to know her really well before anything sexual can happen. She asked me if I was attracted to her. I said of course and that I wouldn't be talking to her if I wasn't. She seemed okay with it and then a few days later she asked me if I have a girlfriend. Lol I can't win. Females in my age range don't want to wait. They never have wanted to since I was in HS. So now I don't know what to say. I feel like blocking her. (Nashville).
She obviously believes sex is love and looks for constant validation and reassurance. She cannot reassure herself. Do you hangout at the borderline clinic JR?
Thank you David for being so supportive! I think personally, I would of missed so much if I hadn’t looked into the childhood neglect you mentioned. So many things have clicked into place and made sense as far as all my choices I made in my adult life! I have you to thank for giving me that nudge in the right direction. 😎❤️
Thanks for telling me Rory. This is how we heal deep shame where we lost the origins of it.
My BPD ex told me recently I'm her rock. That was eye-opening. None of her own emotional stability, so she wants it from me. Thanks for the video.
Emotionally Unavailable..
She prolly meant she's a rock xD... Hope you're doing better brother 💪!
Happy to hear she is an ex.
Yeah I dont like to hear that anymore.
She’s lying bro She’ll say whatever it takes to make you stick around and forgive her bs.. she told 3 other dudes the same thing. If you take her back she’ll think you’re a simp. She won’t get better over time. What you see is what you get. Good luck!
Hi mark from United Kingdom, I watch all your videos about bpd it’s so true what I’ve experienced with them , they really are dangerous people and should be avoided at all cost , they come across like they don’t care , but I think their not aware of how toxic they really are , the longer I’ve stayed around them the more I’ve felt unwell , so I’m always now looking for red flags now , and if I notice the symptoms I run , it’s the triangles in relationships is the most abusive ,
Hi from Alex navigating my non existing relationship to my borderline mother (yes, the lady with all the books on narcissists 😆). I had a pretty chaotic childhood but my mother managed to function as a grandparent until my oldest child turned 10. Then all hell broke loose. She just could not handle my son becoming an own individual with own preferences. At that point I realized I have to protect my kids from her. I still find myself baffled how a person can snap like that? Did my son not play the role she wished anymore?
(I went no contact, I do not want her to harm her grandchildren too. I guess I was completely naive thinking she could have changed.)
Thanks for your videos, they are godsent! ~ Scandinavia
It sounds like she is very narcissistic and besides she cannot control him, something made her feel she wasn't most important.
I remember your early days. ❤ I didn't know about self centered people either. From what I know now I wish I would have walked away sooner. These selfish people never change. You are amazing David.
I remember you in my early days too Willa and I am just so appreciative of you, thank you. Try to not bear yourself up and walk away sooner if it ever happens again.
12:28
Speaking of self-awareness, I'm currently in a normal relationship with someone who is a very normal woman. No disorders whatsoever.
But because of my previous expériences, I'm not able to give myself away at 100% in the relationship.
I don't feel great about it. But sometimes it feels like I'm watching a movie. I do the actions, I say the words, but it's like if someone else has control.
I can feel love, but I have troubles to go beyond a certain point emotionally. I've been told by a specialist that it's a "protection" or "dissociation" since I've lived particularly painful expériences ( girlfriend died in a car accident, self deletion of another girlfriend, being dumped because I was about to die among other things) .
I'm afraid that it will never be "normal" again. I can't engage with someone at 100%. There's always a kind of invisible barrier, and no matter how much I want to do so, I'm not able to.
My question, if you don't mind, is how or what I can do about it?
Martin P. France, Alsace, living in Québec, Canada.
Hi Martin. You can heal. Find the professional that heals trauma. Everyone can heal Martin, including you and you just need a little help like we all do. Talking is the best. Try writing and communicate to your partner.
🤗❤️🌞Have a wonderful week. Hugs from Georgia.
Have a beautiful week Cindy!
❤ Thank you
57 yrs old - 4 yrs Full No Contact with my Whole family of Origin. My Narcissistic Mother decided that a good dose of Silent Treatment for being to involved in my Mother in Law, being very ill and passing away, My Parents were extremely jealous of the attention NOT GIVEN to them during that time so we were ignored, then excluded from All Family Holidays ever since MIL passed away.
The final time they will hurt me on purpose and then try to state it was ALL DONE BY a total oversight, to the family as they tell the story of How unreasonable I have always been. How I have always made life so difficult for everyone.
I'm the scapegoat I never get my way.
Turn scapegoat into escape GOAT. The greatest of all time just left your lives for good!
Greg from Seattle, Washington. Truth well spoken David! If the person you’re with is unstable, the relationship will be unstable too. I lived this vicious cycle for 7-years and went through possibly a hundred break ups or more. Those break ups could look like her call blocking me, ghosting me, never talk to me again type of language, contact me again and I’ll slap a restraining order on you, you take your kids to the mall and we’re done and the list goes on and on until it encompassed every single aspect of my life.
Sounds like you have a whole life for yourself now and can finally take your kids to the mall! Geez! Thank you very much Greg.
Appreciate your help sir! I signed the petition at change. 🤝
🤗
Thank you so much!
My bpd ex had to stop by to get her stuff after 3 months of no contact. She was excited to see me which I felt was odd. She wanted to know how I was doing and acted like I wasn’t her ex. After that she left and I still haven’t heard from her. Very sad to see this happen to people
I'm sorry. I hope you are fully recovering and healing.
Man... 5 months break... Run please!
Thanks David for your thoughtfull information. You have indeed something to gives to others.
There's no such thing as a "break" you're together or you're not.
You're not a second choice or spare wheel. You can't be "just friend" with someone you just broke up with. Once it's over, it's over. Stay away or get exploited. The choice is yours.
Even in the early 90s to around 2010, there wasn't much information available on these subjects. It would have saved everyone a lot of troubles, but it wasn't the case. I remember being told by my girlfriend that she was a diagnosed BPD, but I didn't have a clue about what it was. I thought it was fixable with adjusted medication like bipolar. Oh boy how wrong I was... I think the worse thing is that it's not even theirs fault. They were molded that way. But it's not our fault either and not our responsibilities to fix them. I can understand, but it doesn't mean that I'm excusing such a behaviour.
Good to see you and thank you! If only this information was available in the 90's!
from south africa
I hate it when you ask somebody a question and they don't look at you and answer your question to someone else and they continue with the conversation and they don't even look at you or acknowledge you.
Stop having a conversation with that person and I'm sorry Emile.
Thank u David for sharing why u chose to do wat u do. Healing family from California. My little ones and I are for sure a living example of ur help in our healing and growing. U mean a lot to us and my friends and family have subscribed to ur channel since I shared with them who the first person in our healing journey was. God bless u always. Hopefully one day I can buy u a tequila as well lol❤️ my therapist is going to start EMDR in my next session. What do u think of it and can u explain it in ur best way possible? Thank u, ur a badass in the most positive way
You are great, thank you so much! I will explain it for you and let us know how it goes.
Hello David. John from Brazil.
Question: Can you explain with more detail why self-love is essential do have a healthy relationship with other people, and, the reversal, why people who have toxic shame and hate themselves are incapable of love someones else?
Thank you!
I sure will, thank you John!
Victoria from the Bay area. I got a chance to meet a beautiful young person. When We began to talk. This person didn't want to be identified as male or female The first thing that came to my mind was why My second thought was why do I care? Because no matter what You call Yourself you are still a human being in my eyes.
This is beautiful, Victoria! Have a great day, my friend!😎❤️
Thats kind Victoria.
12: 37 Thank you David!
It did make complete sense. How you felt, it's exactly as I did, I do... It rather helped me connect some dots inside of myself. You are completely right, I do still care of her, her well being and all. I can't bring myself to hate her or anything. I just want to reach complete indiference towards her and the deeds she did pre and post discard, the "campaign"... Which to this day is reaching my ears. But I do keep on working on myself and keep making progress in the direction of loving myself. Which can be weird if you don't really do it for 33 years 😄...And just put others ahead of yourself.
Tho, I'm aware, of the past and learned from it plenty. And there's still plenty to rebuild and build. As I was saying, it's a painful journey, but at this point, it's starting to become more enjoyful, there's no more pain or tears, just disappointment I suppose and some pride from overcoming all of that... My dreams of the future that I had with her, are separated from her, and became once again, my own, not hers.
Thank you so much I really appreciate it brother! Have a good one!
You have such a healthy attitude and it will serve you so well. Thank you very much and there is help if you want to to keep this eproen out of your life and this smear campaign.
@@DeMarsCoaching Thank you brother, I'll try to keep going this way and even ex's presence wouldn't change a soul. The glasses are off and I'm much much better now. Not isolated, enjoying my friends and that girl I've been talking about. Tho, I'm taking it really slow, as in not even having her number yet HA. But we are always talking and she seems quite nice so far, no red flags, no weird gut feelings. I'm sure, some will show up. But I'll let time decide and not rush into hell again, just keep focusing on me.
Thank you, and your right, it's been Christmas, and the funeral, hates birthday, hates any celebration,,he's words he said he is emotionally flat! Always has been.. said for me to drive myself,to funeral so he can go asap he said he doesnt feel comfortable staying after, and doesn't know what you do after a funeral and doesn't want to know .
He lacks the emotional capacity for another human being.
You R absolutely correct re: social media. Employers do watch. I've heard workplace stories.
Yikes!
Hello, David! Ohio here! Would you please talk about Selective Awareness? It was missed last week. Thank you so much!😎❤️
I'm sorry Rory, yes I sure will and thank you for telling me. How are you Rory? I hope well.
@ I’m well, just going through some stuff now. Thanks for asking! Hope you are well too! 😎❤️
My bpd ex had only my money on her mind to safe her own bussines from the abiss..horrible are bpd woman, they killing your soul and more
Tiktok banned in the US this weekend, OMG
From Upper Michigan, thank you for another great video ❤. I’m not going through any of this anymore but I watch your videos to maintain my resolve 😅
Thank you very much Melody!
Hi David, Dan from Dublin again. Happy New year! Hope you had a great Christmas too!!🎄 I just wanted to your advice on dealing with trolls? Now that I've started my own channel and my videos are gaining more popularity. Sadly, this is also leading to more negative and unhelpful comments. I'm just wondering how you deal with trolls?
Hi Dan, they are nasty people but there's not much you can do. They dont bother me so its easy to ignore them. Block, delete, move on. Its good to have haters, it means you're doing something right!
Hi David! Jean from Brazil here... I've been separated from a borderline for almost two months and I've been taking care of myself (I'm still very anxious and smoking a lot). Mainly treating my alcoholism, which was a key piece for me to fall into the Hoover in other occasions... I've been exercising, I gained weight in this relationship, I'm on vacation so I've reconnected with friends and I've been spending time alone and these moments are still difficult. I think about her a lot, whether it's the good or bad times, it's incredible how I can't avoid it. Does this go away with time and self-care only? If so, how can I alleviate this pain during this period?
Thank you.
Hello! The void must be filled. This person took up space and time and now there is a void so what can you add to your life? Yes, this will go away in time and there is help if you want it. I help my clients alomd the entire process of healing.
from south africa
What are things that you do that makes you happy.
Hi David, Jay here from Melbourne, Australia. From your experience do you find that attracting Cluster B personality types can be family pattern? I have realised lately that my past step dad was potentially BPD, I also think my Aunt and Grandma are as well.
Also why do you think partners of BPD people find it so hard to leave the relationship even when they know it is the right thing to do?
Thanks and I look forward to having another coaching session soon.
Good to see you Jay! Good questions and let me know what you think of my answers today.
Detroit area
I changed my phone number and blocked on social, he sent me letters in the mail that I did not read
he knows my address so I guess that means I didn’t go completely NO CONTACT
No way can I move,
Question, should I have saved the letters and mailed them back to him?
Hey David, David in Kanata (Can-A-Ta) Canada. Hope the New Year finds you well. I recently got out of a relationship, and for the most part I think it was much healthier then past ones, so I am moving in the correct direction! Yay me. I do not really think she was high on the "cluster-B" spectrum, but there was one thing she said a few times that leaves me wondering...She said more then once, "If I start pulling away, you need to try harder, or pursue me harder" something to that effect. Have you any experience with a statement like that? To me is seams counter intuitive. If the person I am seeing wants space I let them have it...space that is, have it sounds nastly LOL Cheers
Can i ask, how you get over feeling guilty, and do they actually know all of the worry, and upset, if you say they are emotionally unaware, then i think that, im actually the one worrying, and sitting here asking these question, they are not finding out these things, iam, they are just getting on having a meltdown, then resuming, i could literally watch him go through any mood, like watching tv. And if they are unaware, are they to blame, for something thats like a disability.
Thanks so much for what you do!
I don’t see advertising on your videos - (I would watch them to support you).. it saddens me to think that perhaps your channel is not monetised (I hope I’m wrong).
Thats nice of you, thank you very much. I Will monetize again.
@@DeMarsCoaching please do! I will watch/ keep the ads running to support the channel.
from south africa
In a group how do you stop people from picking on you or excluding you.