Men have a right to keep their moms first if they choose… They just don’t need to be married. Those same men wouldn’t want to play second fiddle their father-in-laws. They want their needs met, and rightfully so. However, they should be willing to meet their wife’s needs. Everyone has a place, both moms and wives. The problem occurs when someone is not in their place.
It's toxic how is always the mother of the son. But never the mother of the daughter. It's an unnatural relationship that the mother has some weird obsession with her son. It's disgusting and weird.
Same with Indian MIL's. If you think there's No1 is this World Better for you than your Son, Would you like to Marry Him and have Children? 🤮 I'm not sure how Educated you are about biology, but If you want Grandchildren, Your Precious Son has to marry a woman.. There's no 2 Ways about it! Your Daughter married another Man, and her MIL is Ruining her life and caused her Miscarriages and Domestic n Verbal abuse which made u adopt your Son-in-law into your Own home and Treat Him Like a King, and you Still Cry every night coz of all the atrocities Your own daughter endured.. How can you be so Ruthless and Toxic to another Woman's daughter and expect her to endure the same Pain your and your Daughters MIL put you both Through? A Woman is a Woman's Worst Enemy, it's not the Men!
It is because mothers of sons often have a hard time letting go. I once had a mother-in-law from hell. It was shockingly bad. It destroyed the marriage. I promised myself that I would be different. I told myself that if I didn't like my son's choice for his wife, no one would ever know. I was blessed. When my son married, I was so happy for him. He married a lovely girl who was a single mom to a beautiful little boy. The "father" had abandoned them. I love her very much. This young lady apologized to me for not waiting for my son. That made me cry. I told her she never needed to apologize for having a beautiful baby. I told her that blood means nothing to me. I said I wanted to be his grandmother if she was okay with that. He was my first grandson, and he has a very special place in my heart. I remember one time when my son and daughter-in-law got into an argument, my son came crying to me. I told him to go buy her some flowers and go home and work it out. I also said, "I know you. You probably owe her an apology." He smiled, nodded, and went home to his wife where he belonged. A few years later, I met a wonderful man who had a wonderful mother. She was a jewel. My husband and I were married for 33 years. He passed away 3 years ago. He loved my son like his own, and he loved our daughter-in-law and grandchildren. If you want to fill your life with happiness and love, treat your daughter-in-laws with respect, love, and know your boundaries!
I REALLY NEEDED THIS AND I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE MY MOTHER IN LAW 😢😢😢, i am exhausted 😩 lately i had a fight with my mother in law, actually i am a very silence person, talk when needed, but yeah sometimes i pretty chit-chatting you know when woman meet woman. I do not know who spinning and made up the stories in the in-law’s family but i guess i spoke too much with my younger brother’s wife, my mistakes because i trust her but then yeah i overly speak about something related to “in-law” but we are exchanging stories because she does that as well which is talking about our in-law, so i thought it is fair for us exhanging stories but then one day she spinning the stories and she told my in law that i feel jelous with the baby which is from the other younger brother’s baby 😢😢 and that make me sad. I know i can’t give grandchildren to my in law for almost 5 years but that does not make me wanted and necessarily have to jelous for someone’s baby. That’s nonsense. So my in-law believed her and blaming me why i am jelous etc and at first i try to be calm as possible but u know since 5 years i try to be nice with in law then after that suddenly i’m exploded because everything they said all wrong about me. But they do not want to listen to me and keep on making me looks guilty more and more. So i said to them i do not want to see them until my broken heart healed and recovered and maybe until one of them make an apology. Now already a month. Pray for me the best please. I need someone to cheer me up. 😢😢😢
@@insanbiasa0 You deserve love and respect too.❤️ Stepping away from toxic people is hard, especially when it's family, but it's necessary. You can't have good things when you stay in bad places. All the best to you.
My story is that my husband is an inly child and when we got married, the in-laws offered for us to live with them. I said no. Fast forward and we get our own house and she reminds him of his promise (before we even got together) that he would have her live with him whenever he had his own place. I always stood my ground and said no. Now as a mother of boys, and as a future mother-in-law someday, I am raising my sons to do chores, pick up after themselves and help out around the house. Their spouses are not going to be doing everything.
Please do not let in laws live with you. All happy at first then they show their true side and jealousy comes out and kitchen wars and pettiness and wickedness . Ugh. In laws can move in with other in laws and annoy each other 24 hours a day. Leave the young married couples alone. Married young couples need to save money have their own apartment. No need to live with mommy and daddy with their ears glued to your bedroom door.
This is nothing new I grew up in the 1970's and my Grandmother has passed on years ago now my mother is in her 80's and almost turned into my grandmother who my mother used to complain about just like you are. I catch my mother saying the exact things my mother used to complain my grandmother used to say. She lived with us for about 2 years after she lost most of her retirement in an investment scam and lost her BF of 20 years. My wife couldn't take it anymore hardest thing for me was ask my mother to find somewhere else to live I had to find an apartment about mile from us. Then she found a great house during the market crash she had saved enough money from a house sale didn't end up in that fraud to buy this home back in 2012. Really saved her situation because apartment rents are high now.
My mother in law didn’t show her claws until we got married. She completely shifted once her son moved out and married me. I wish she would’ve showed her true colors before hand.
My ex mil did not show her true colors until after we married. Her behaviors ramped up even more after my children were born. Unfortunately because how I was raised, it never occurred to me to get divorced because of his mom.
It's weird that women look forward to their sons taking care of them in old age as if they are widows or was a perfect parent, now feeling entitled to their adult children's lives who are now stressed out working full time jobs raising families in this economy....why aren't these mother in laws having husbands taking care of them in old age? ! Weird. So the husbands are uselss and the sons abandon their wives and children to put the needs of his mommy first 😂😂😂 this is beyond disgusting
Some moms think their sons are their emotional husbands. In my life, my husband wants my MIL to live with us. She isn’t old (in her 40s) and doesn’t want to work. MIL comes with 2 kids under 10 years old. I told him, if they move into our 1 bedroom apt…. He can pull the load. I won’t be working to take care of a whole extra family and “our” family is struggling.
My mother-in-law was always naive and a little bit on the needy side but now with the passing of my father-in-law she is getting too close and to in the face and space of my family and her son my husband it's too much.
You have to make sure you voice this loud and clear to your partner now and see how you both can handle that from now. He has to stand by you so that she knows from now you can't be bullied.
@@shazmeenbank1630 thanks for your quick reply. You re all right and i agree with you. Though, since his mom went on to threaten my mom at her workplace claiming that she will never let her son marry me and better she kills him! that was the most awkward situation for our R/ship, at the extend that i got pressured from my people to break up because both families couldn't seat together someday for our union...i decided to break up. Her narcissistic character is soo unbearable. ( excuse my English, i m an french speaker).
@@shazmeenbank1630 You give such great advice sister not just on the show but when replying to others comments. As I said recently in an email you truly have a great gift when it comes to connecting with others and what they are dealing with. You can really see it from their point of view and give the best advice on how to handle it. I support you always in everything you do. God bless you sister 🙏 with lots of hugs and love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I would avoid getting married. Whatever fear you have of your MIL will get worse. If she gives you fear, then she will terrify you after marriage and most likely terrorise you, trust me your partner no matter how much they love you they wont be able to do shit about the situation
You don’t have to deal with her! I’m no contact with mine and very happy. We are cordial. But I don’t have to have many interactions with her. I don’t hate her, I just create big distance because she is rude and toxic. That’s my boundary. ❤
Trying to set that boundary with my MIL but she just doesn’t get the msg and insists on calling me. Fake concern - no thank you !!! I just don’t want to engage with her level of pettiness !
@@faceless_bloggeranswer the phone less. Get a new hobby, get busy. It’s easy. Difficult at first. But focus on your relationship. She’ll get the hint.
@@christinadukes6927 Thank you!!! I’m already so busy. It is difficult in Indian context, because as per her, daughters-in-law shouldn’t work. So that they become powerless and can be bullied into being her slaves.
@@faceless_blogger You got this hunny and good for you to change the narrative! You are so right how people want you to be powerless so they can run all over you! Keep pushing! And don’t let them tell you about culture. Because I bet they have cell phones! lol! People in the 1800s didn’t have cell phones so the culture thing is bs! Do you hunny! So proud of you!!!!!
This is weird!!! Like do these women not have husbands of their own??!! So weird to be jealous of your daughter in law when you have a whole husband of your own. My guess is the mothers are not getting their emotional and physical needs met by their husbands so they make their sons their husbands 🤮🤢🤢🤢 sick enmeshment..gross
And some are just liars anyway. Widowed and at least ten years younger. The birth story my mil tells about ‘giving birth’ is beyond the pale. “The doctor dropped him?” Wow, really? Tell me more. He refuses to say anything but he’s most likely the product of his dads first marriage.😂 None of this will ever come out, so I just laugh at it. The old lady thinks she’s fooling someone .
Doesn’t matter the age or era of where the mother in law is from…I don’t have that kind of time to be a parent to a parent. I will not challenge myself to change for someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries or control me. I will gracefully back down. Especially, if my husband finds it hard to stand up for me….sorry not sorry…
I started off soft and kind. I've learned, after 43 years, that I had to set boundaries. She's so much worse because of this, but it's necessary. I'm still kind, but firm. She wants private information and then gossips with others in the family or formulates an inaccurate opinion and tells me about it. I still don't share our private info, and she is so difficult, but I don’t give in. She always had a nanny or housekeeper, and this wasn't known by my husband. When I pointed out all the yard help, childcare help, and cleaning help his mother had and I had nothing nor did my mother, he would litterally wave it off. I tried to work it out with my husband but he and the whole clan are bullies.
Some of the advice is good. If you're dealing with a narcissistic extended family system of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that wield a lot of power over the family's perception of you, it's a mighty uphill battle. Hence why I tend to try to keep my interactions civil but extremely minimal. After having my son, my MIL was often harsh toward me and rarely helped with anything...she always wanted to be waited on and driven to every church event with little consideration that my husband and I work and at the time had our 3 children who were all under the age of 6. Nowadays I keep my distance and only talk to her when I have to.
The mother in laws behaviour rubbing me up the wrong way has back fired. I have not spoken to her for 1 year and I do not have any plans to speak to her again. I don’t need toxic people in my life no matter who u think u are. And now she barely see’s her son, I’ve told him some home truths about his mother and it’s fact and I feel it’s got him thinking and now he seems to have distanced from her. Maybe even lost respect for her. But she now not making the effort has put her out the picture. Her loss my gain all because of her bad heart.
@@bigpeezyweezy no matter what happens if u and ur partner have positive aspects outside of that issue (not a toxic relationship) then give him space and time and he will come back. But allow space and wait for emotions to calm down and express genuine support and understanding from HIS point of view. Then actually make a promised plan to allocate the issue so u can provide a solution to the issue. U have to stand together on this. U will need to speak to your mom and even if the initial plan is not ideal give it time be patient things will work out if it’s meant to be, stress will not help. X
@@Mayhem121 thanks for reply Zahra. I am the man if the relationship. But my mother and my fiance are totally at war with each other. My mother controls all aspects of my life throughout my entire life. She just worries that my fiance will marry then take half and leave. This will be my second relationship. I was previously married and she also left because of mom. Sigh. I want to man up and start my own life but it is very difficult since my mother is so controlling and very wealthy . I just want the both of them to get along but im not seeing this happen very soon as my fiance and mom are both very “hot headed” people. She has taken my 2 year old child out of the country and now wont talk to me normally.
@@bigpeezyweezy ok. If they both love u they will want to either get along or leave each other alone so that u have peace. But your mom being very successful also comes with significant responsibility so I do somewhat understand her challenge to take a step back, she understands there is a lot to lose. But maybe if ur mother has a faith she can lean more into that and let God lead her not temporary wealth control her. The richer u are the harder it is to enter the kingdom of heaven because as your blessings increase so do your battles. Money comes with a lot of risk to ur character and soul! Understand not just how to make money but it’s power and influence especially on yourself the one who has the wealth. If your child is involved you have to all you can do to get ur child back. But the value of ur child comes with also great responsibility, u have to be patient and do the right thing even when the outcome is not as you had hoped. Leave your battles to God he has blessed you with wealth but u are not above him! So turn to him only the Lord has all the answers
Ur moms right there is a risk of losing half but u have to choose love or ur money. That’s a risk we all take for love our heart our time and any other investment. But now a child’s involved ur child if u can come to terms of the possibility of her taking half at least u share a child together. Maybe that helps soften the potential blow. If u can understand how u feel and explain this to ur mom even if she does not agree if she can at least understand what u are doing and why then maybe she will calm down. U don’t want to not have a family and be alone forever jus to protect ur money maybe, that’s a decision only u can make for ur own life
My ex and i were a perfect match but ended up breaking because of his mum. He was already divorced before we met because of her. Shes twice divorced herself and wants my ex single so he takes care of her. We had fights over it, its been a year and hes still mommys boy. He turns 50 next year and thinks everybody else is the problem but not his narcissistic mother 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I wish I knew what my partners mother was like before we had a baby. I probably wouldn’t be with him today. He puts her above everyone else, I want a partner who isn’t in a weirdly close relationship with his mom too 😅
What to do if a MIL tells a son to divorce/kick out/ calls her mental and curses his wife? You can't be all nice and put all you said practically, just because she is obsessed over her son and she won't let go and won't accept the son giving his wife attention. What to do then?
I've done all of this!!! And it's not working. I officially have a Mama's boy clearly I come last I'm all out of options! 😢 I'm just going to pray about it 🙏🏾
If your MIL is a covert narc, it is near impossible to make things work long term especially if there is probable childhood abuse involved with the son.
When a mother in law is demanding, that's wrong. When we married we started a new family. I wanted to start our own traditions with our children, but my husband demanded we go to his mother and fathers house for holidays and vacation. He was a coward even though I was straightforward about this.
All great advice! Unfortunately, that would work if you’re dealing with MIL who are stable. I talked to mine about boundaries and she ended up turning her family against my husband and I. We found out through another family member who reached out and asked us what happens. They confined in us everything she had been luring about. Now 4 month and we’ve haven’t reached out. It’s sad but, we have so much peace with her at a distance.
I am so happy and grateful that my husband has very strong boundaries with his mother he told her not to ever show up to our house unannounced again and he even protect me from her toxic alcoholic self if I have to put up with her for some reason the last time we had dinner at her house I felt so disrespected we both got up and left I’m so happy and grateful he doesn’t put me through unnecessary trauma from his side of the family he even pays for that woman’s Home
I would love to talk to you in person about my mother in law. 44 year’s of a controlling, racist and mean behavior. Don’t give excuses for the husband’s mother. What really matters is the husband and wife, my husband had to take my side after 30 year’s. His mother put him in that situation. It was a battle for many years but I won the war.
But you know the problem is that even if you know that you did not get married to your husband to make the in laws happy, you still cant get over the fact that they will always expect you to make them happy because you are living and eating food with them ....thats why I personally feel its best if the son starts living apart from his parents once he gets married because that way he is saving relationships...otherwise there will be conflict no matter how many strategies he and his spouse apply...in laws will always make issues if you live with them....I personally don't like joint family system.....There is so much dramas going on that for a new girl it becomes like a pain in the ass If you want peace and harmony with your in laws, empower yourself with education and career and move out...dont live with them...its not worth it. I am not going to lie over here, but my own mother in law she has been serving her own in laws for 30 years and still has got no respect in the family for all the cooking and management she has done throughout her life. Still dont get how she is living like this with them
Exactly!!! He needs to already be an adult living on his own!! He needs to be financially free from his parents as well!! I want a free man, with no money ties to his parents, he has his own stuff!! Very important to have this so the parents have no control or say on your lives!! I made sure of this and we are living free adult life!!
I understood her completely and understand the generational trauma and let my husband be her son first then be anything later I prioritised her day and night thinking that my kindness will make them believe I'm not here to take your son away from you but NO! they're blind about your respect and kindness and the gifts you shower them with... 12 years of trying I would suggest don't waste your energy on pleasing your MIL unless it's done 2 ways unless she considers you as her son's loving wife and tries to make you happy in return. Nop!
My mother in law hate my husband but my build two houses in one compand she actually hate him because of me,always war in our home makes my hubby to think a lot how can I help him
Although in many cases it is the husband's mother that is the problem, in the majority of cases it is the wife's mother who is the problem. Potential in-law problems can only be fixed in the very beginning, before marriage. Set the soon to be bride's mother straight on boundaries and on what you both will accept and not accept, including the future MIL insulting the soon to be husband or bride. Hammer the woman down on her first attempt. Promise her (and live it out) a second time will not be allowed. If she's stupid enough to try another time, cut all ties of all kinds with her and move away - do not tell her r anyone else where you're moving to and change your phone number. If she finds you and shows up at your place, call the cops and have her charged with trespassing.
My own problem is my mother does not respect our privacy right from day one of our marriage my mother inlaw always comes tp our room to watch movies and leaves around 10pm or more and it became a problem for us and ee had fights yet she doesn't listen. And up till now i have not been able to conceive. What should i do?
Its hard for women to cope well in family set ups,they talk alot and in the process hurt one another. Its always good to keep distance,stay safe. I could've issues with my husband and when i start a conversation with my mum arbitrating,she takes my husband side leaving me stranded.
The problem is, woman in general are entitled. Both the wife and the mother think they are entitled. The wife doesn’t see how attached she is to her mother or father but yet be upset about how attached her husband is to his family. Love your mother in law because without her your husband won’t have existed in this world.
What if husband only saying i will not talk to my parents and i will not say them anything Then when wife says i cannot listen more now n i will not be able to talk daily i need time to which he said now no time its either this side or that side thats it
@@bellafantousi6480 not always hunny. Yes sometimes they just won't solve the problem and make its so hard for the woman. But some men once to bring it to their attention a couple of times they don't want to lose their wives and they will work with me to balance this. I feel your frustration hunny.
Lekin meri sans to apni beti ko bhagwan manti h meri nnd itni ameer h Or hm dono yha berozgaar h abhi fr bhi wo apni beti ko yha se itna deti h meri nand bhi lalchi h mujhe nhi pta mujhe bura kyu lgta h wo unki beti h dene do but fr bhi mujhe lgta h ki ye glt h pta nhi kya shi h kya glt mujhe to Meri nnd ameer hone ka ghmnd dikhata h mujhe ki mere pas to itne kpde h ye h wo h Or yha apni maa se le jati h itne sare suit vgra Kya kru m M glt hu kya??
No woman wants to change any man!!Its the mother’s in laws who wants the things they dd in their entire life to continue after her son is married!!Which is impossible!They have started their family and not joint a family
@@irenekavishe2113 Yes, there are so many woman who wants to change a man. Make them their slave. Yes, a mother will be there to defend her son. I hope your husband won’t hate your father (as a father in law).
I don’t feel like her advice was culturally appropriate for Americans. This might work in her culture, but I disagree and believe some of the things she is saying are ridiculous.
In-laws are interesting. Some people have amazing in-laws, some have bad luck. What's something nice your in-laws have done for you? ua-cam.com/video/Tr-hhVQAIP0/v-deo.html
Do not forget to subscribe to our UA-cam channel.. Click here to subscribe -- ua-cam.com/users/switchtvkenya
9pdoeoieiiii3ieiie8e8
Beautiful and quite eye opening🙏🏾
I disagree with this advice.
If the son is torn, it’s his mom’s fault!!! As a mother I taught my son to put his wife first!!
No..put your mom first
your wife can betray you but ur mom can never
Men have a right to keep their moms first if they choose… They just don’t need to be married. Those same men wouldn’t want to play second fiddle their father-in-laws. They want their needs met, and rightfully so. However, they should be willing to meet their wife’s needs. Everyone has a place, both moms and wives. The problem occurs when someone is not in their place.
@Ziggypip2938 If I had a Mother-in-law like You, I'd make sure my husband put You first and then Me!💐💖💞
Nope. If the husband is confused he is responsible for his own behavior.
Wife will certainly betray you, if you keep putting your mother first !!
It's toxic how is always the mother of the son. But never the mother of the daughter.
It's an unnatural relationship that the mother has some weird obsession with her son. It's disgusting and weird.
@vesselfit -in latin culture is a big problem the way moms get attached to their sons.
So true!
#JewishMothers oy!
Very true! It very well can be moms and daughters or fathers and daughters. Anytime there’s enmeshment, it’s a problem.
Same with Indian MIL's. If you think there's No1 is this World Better for you than your Son, Would you like to Marry Him and have Children? 🤮
I'm not sure how Educated you are about biology, but If you want Grandchildren, Your Precious Son has to marry a woman.. There's no 2 Ways about it! Your Daughter married another Man, and her MIL is Ruining her life and caused her Miscarriages and Domestic n Verbal abuse which made u adopt your Son-in-law into your Own home and Treat Him Like a King, and you Still Cry every night coz of all the atrocities Your own daughter endured.. How can you be so Ruthless and Toxic to another Woman's daughter and expect her to endure the same Pain your and your Daughters MIL put you both Through? A Woman is a Woman's Worst Enemy, it's not the Men!
It is because mothers of sons often have a hard time letting go. I once had a mother-in-law from hell. It was shockingly bad. It destroyed the marriage. I promised myself that I would be different. I told myself that if I didn't like my son's choice for his wife, no one would ever know. I was blessed. When my son married, I was so happy for him. He married a lovely girl who was a single mom to a beautiful little boy. The "father" had abandoned them. I love her very much. This young lady apologized to me for not waiting for my son. That made me cry. I told her she never needed to apologize for having a beautiful baby. I told her that blood means nothing to me. I said I wanted to be his grandmother if she was okay with that. He was my first grandson, and he has a very special place in my heart. I remember one time when my son and daughter-in-law got into an argument, my son came crying to me. I told him to go buy her some flowers and go home and work it out. I also said, "I know you. You probably owe her an apology." He smiled, nodded, and went home to his wife where he belonged. A few years later, I met a wonderful man who had a wonderful mother. She was a jewel. My husband and I were married for 33 years. He passed away 3 years ago. He loved my son like his own, and he loved our daughter-in-law and grandchildren. If you want to fill your life with happiness and love, treat your daughter-in-laws with respect, love, and know your boundaries!
Yes!!
Beautiful
You sound like a beautiful human being!🌸🌸🌸
I REALLY NEEDED THIS AND I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE MY MOTHER IN LAW 😢😢😢, i am exhausted 😩 lately i had a fight with my mother in law, actually i am a very silence person, talk when needed, but yeah sometimes i pretty chit-chatting you know when woman meet woman. I do not know who spinning and made up the stories in the in-law’s family but i guess i spoke too much with my younger brother’s wife, my mistakes because i trust her but then yeah i overly speak about something related to “in-law” but we are exchanging stories because she does that as well which is talking about our in-law, so i thought it is fair for us exhanging stories but then one day she spinning the stories and she told my in law that i feel jelous with the baby which is from the other younger brother’s baby 😢😢 and that make me sad. I know i can’t give grandchildren to my in law for almost 5 years but that does not make me wanted and necessarily have to jelous for someone’s baby. That’s nonsense. So my in-law believed her and blaming me why i am jelous etc and at first i try to be calm as possible but u know since 5 years i try to be nice with in law then after that suddenly i’m exploded because everything they said all wrong about me. But they do not want to listen to me and keep on making me looks guilty more and more. So i said to them i do not want to see them until my broken heart healed and recovered and maybe until one of them make an apology. Now already a month. Pray for me the best please. I need someone to cheer me up. 😢😢😢
@@insanbiasa0 You deserve love and respect too.❤️ Stepping away from toxic people is hard, especially when it's family, but it's necessary. You can't have good things when you stay in bad places. All the best to you.
My story is that my husband is an inly child and when we got married, the in-laws offered for us to live with them. I said no. Fast forward and we get our own house and she reminds him of his promise (before we even got together) that he would have her live with him whenever he had his own place. I always stood my ground and said no. Now as a mother of boys, and as a future mother-in-law someday, I am raising my sons to do chores, pick up after themselves and help out around the house. Their spouses are not going to be doing everything.
Please do not let in laws live with you. All happy at first then they show their true side and jealousy comes out and kitchen wars and pettiness and wickedness . Ugh. In laws can move in with other in laws and annoy each other 24 hours a day. Leave the young married couples alone. Married young couples need to save money have their own apartment. No need to live with mommy and daddy with their ears glued to your bedroom door.
Very true I live with inlaws and mother controls everythng in ur life am sick of it
I can't stand her I wish I never got married my life is not happy and contented
This is nothing new I grew up in the 1970's and my Grandmother has passed on years ago now my mother is in her 80's and almost turned into my grandmother who my mother used to complain about just like you are. I catch my mother saying the exact things my mother used to complain my grandmother used to say. She lived with us for about 2 years after she lost most of her retirement in an investment scam and lost her BF of 20 years. My wife couldn't take it anymore hardest thing for me was ask my mother to find somewhere else to live I had to find an apartment about mile from us. Then she found a great house during the market crash she had saved enough money from a house sale didn't end up in that fraud to buy this home back in 2012. Really saved her situation because apartment rents are high now.
Totally side you in that
Exactly
If the mother in law is a problem is because your husband is lame and won't set boundaries
Don't even get married if you have a problematic mother in law
How
My mother in law didn’t show her claws until we got married. She completely shifted once her son moved out and married me. I wish she would’ve showed her true colors before hand.
@tinaibarra3136 In my case I only met her once before marrying and she seemed nice. Big mistake on my part.
My ex mil did not show her true colors until after we married. Her behaviors ramped up even more after my children were born. Unfortunately because how I was raised, it never occurred to me to get divorced because of his mom.
It's weird that women look forward to their sons taking care of them in old age as if they are widows or was a perfect parent, now feeling entitled to their adult children's lives who are now stressed out working full time jobs raising families in this economy....why aren't these mother in laws having husbands taking care of them in old age? ! Weird. So the husbands are uselss and the sons abandon their wives and children to put the needs of his mommy first 😂😂😂 this is beyond disgusting
Agree!
Yes! The father is emotional unavailable to his wife so now the mother is emeshed with her son.
Yes thats happening
Some moms think their sons are their emotional husbands.
In my life, my husband wants my MIL to live with us. She isn’t old (in her 40s) and doesn’t want to work. MIL comes with 2 kids under 10 years old. I told him, if they move into our 1 bedroom apt…. He can pull the load. I won’t be working to take care of a whole extra family and “our” family is struggling.
Harrrrddd noooo
Exactly.they want son to fill gaps left by husband.i mean needs should be met
Wow. Well said. The MIL is still young.
@@sd-ud6iqafter some have killed their husband's with their trouble.
My mother-in-law was always naive and a little bit on the needy side but now with the passing of my father-in-law she is getting too close and to in the face and space of my family and her son my husband it's too much.
Have you ever been afraid of getting into engagement because of your fiancé 's mom? I can testify...it's extremely a depressing fear.
You have to make sure you voice this loud and clear to your partner now and see how you both can handle that from now. He has to stand by you so that she knows from now you can't be bullied.
@@shazmeenbank1630 thanks for your quick reply. You re all right and i agree with you. Though, since his mom went on to threaten my mom at her workplace claiming that she will never let her son marry me and better she kills him! that was the most awkward situation for our R/ship, at the extend that i got pressured from my people to break up because both families couldn't seat together someday for our union...i decided to break up. Her narcissistic character is soo unbearable. ( excuse my English, i m an french speaker).
@@shazmeenbank1630 You give such great advice sister not just on the show but when replying to others comments. As I said recently in an email you truly have a great gift when it comes to connecting with others and what they are dealing with. You can really see it from their point of view and give the best advice on how to handle it. I support you always in everything you do. God bless you sister 🙏 with lots of hugs and love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@remoteworkinghacks we split.
I would avoid getting married. Whatever fear you have of your MIL will get worse. If she gives you fear, then she will terrify you after marriage and most likely terrorise you, trust me your partner no matter how much they love you they wont be able to do shit about the situation
You don’t have to deal with her! I’m no contact with mine and very happy. We are cordial. But I don’t have to have many interactions with her. I don’t hate her, I just create big distance because she is rude and toxic. That’s my boundary. ❤
Trying to set that boundary with my MIL but she just doesn’t get the msg and insists on calling me. Fake concern - no thank you !!! I just don’t want to engage with her level of pettiness !
@@faceless_bloggeranswer the phone less. Get a new hobby, get busy. It’s easy. Difficult at first. But focus on your relationship. She’ll get the hint.
@@christinadukes6927 Thank you!!! I’m already so busy. It is difficult in Indian context, because as per her, daughters-in-law shouldn’t work. So that they become powerless and can be bullied into being her slaves.
@@christinadukes6927haven’t answered her calls in 2 years !!
@@faceless_blogger You got this hunny and good for you to change the narrative! You are so right how people want you to be powerless so they can run all over you! Keep pushing! And don’t let them tell you about culture. Because I bet they have cell phones! lol! People in the 1800s didn’t have cell phones so the culture thing is bs! Do you hunny! So proud of you!!!!!
This is weird!!! Like do these women not have husbands of their own??!! So weird to be jealous of your daughter in law when you have a whole husband of your own. My guess is the mothers are not getting their emotional and physical needs met by their husbands so they make their sons their husbands 🤮🤢🤢🤢 sick enmeshment..gross
And some are just liars anyway. Widowed and at least ten years younger. The birth story my mil tells about ‘giving birth’ is beyond the pale. “The doctor dropped him?” Wow, really? Tell me more. He refuses to say anything but he’s most likely the product of his dads first marriage.😂 None of this will ever come out, so I just laugh at it. The old lady thinks she’s fooling someone
.
@@dtraveler3080omg! Please! Not the baby /birthing stories! 😭😞😩
The mother must wish for each of her children a happy, loving marriage.
Doesn’t matter the age or era of where the mother in law is from…I don’t have that kind of time to be a parent to a parent. I will not challenge myself to change for someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries or control me. I will gracefully back down. Especially, if my husband finds it hard to stand up for me….sorry not sorry…
I started off soft and kind. I've learned, after 43 years, that I had to set boundaries. She's so much worse because of this, but it's necessary. I'm still kind, but firm. She wants private information and then gossips with others in the family or formulates an inaccurate opinion and tells me about it. I still don't share our private info, and she is so difficult, but I don’t give in. She always had a nanny or housekeeper, and this wasn't known by my husband. When I pointed out all the yard help, childcare help, and cleaning help his mother had and I had nothing nor did my mother, he would litterally wave it off. I tried to work it out with my husband but he and the whole clan are bullies.
Some of the advice is good. If you're dealing with a narcissistic extended family system of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that wield a lot of power over the family's perception of you, it's a mighty uphill battle. Hence why I tend to try to keep my interactions civil but extremely minimal. After having my son, my MIL was often harsh toward me and rarely helped with anything...she always wanted to be waited on and driven to every church event with little consideration that my husband and I work and at the time had our 3 children who were all under the age of 6. Nowadays I keep my distance and only talk to her when I have to.
in a nutshell imo....people need to grow up, quit running to parents and siblings etc. put up boundaries. put your family first.
The mother in laws behaviour rubbing me up the wrong way has back fired. I have not spoken to her for 1 year and I do not have any plans to speak to her again. I don’t need toxic people in my life no matter who u think u are. And now she barely see’s her son, I’ve told him some home truths about his mother and it’s fact and I feel it’s got him thinking and now he seems to have distanced from her. Maybe even lost respect for her. But she now not making the effort has put her out the picture. Her loss my gain all because of her bad heart.
I desperately need help my fiance left because of problems with my mom 😢
@@bigpeezyweezy no matter what happens if u and ur partner have positive aspects outside of that issue (not a toxic relationship) then give him space and time and he will come back. But allow space and wait for emotions to calm down and express genuine support and understanding from HIS point of view. Then actually make a promised plan to allocate the issue so u can provide a solution to the issue. U have to stand together on this. U will need to speak to your mom and even if the initial plan is not ideal give it time be patient things will work out if it’s meant to be, stress will not help. X
@@Mayhem121 thanks for reply Zahra. I am the man if the relationship. But my mother and my fiance are totally at war with each other. My mother controls all aspects of my life throughout my entire life. She just worries that my fiance will marry then take half and leave.
This will be my second relationship. I was previously married and she also left because of mom. Sigh. I want to man up and start my own life but it is very difficult since my mother is so controlling and very wealthy .
I just want the both of them to get along but im not seeing this happen very soon as my fiance and mom are both very “hot headed” people.
She has taken my 2 year old child out of the country and now wont talk to me normally.
@@bigpeezyweezy ok. If they both love u they will want to either get along or leave each other alone so that u have peace. But your mom being very successful also comes with significant responsibility so I do somewhat understand her challenge to take a step back, she understands there is a lot to lose. But maybe if ur mother has a faith she can lean more into that and let God lead her not temporary wealth control her. The richer u are the harder it is to enter the kingdom of heaven because as your blessings increase so do your battles. Money comes with a lot of risk to ur character and soul! Understand not just how to make money but it’s power and influence especially on yourself the one who has the wealth.
If your child is involved you have to all you can do to get ur child back. But the value of ur child comes with also great responsibility, u have to be patient and do the right thing even when the outcome is not as you had hoped. Leave your battles to God he has blessed you with wealth but u are not above him! So turn to him only the Lord has all the answers
Ur moms right there is a risk of losing half but u have to choose love or ur money. That’s a risk we all take for love our heart our time and any other investment. But now a child’s involved ur child if u can come to terms of the possibility of her taking half at least u share a child together. Maybe that helps soften the potential blow. If u can understand how u feel and explain this to ur mom even if she does not agree if she can at least understand what u are doing and why then maybe she will calm down. U don’t want to not have a family and be alone forever jus to protect ur money maybe, that’s a decision only u can make for ur own life
My ex and i were a perfect match but ended up breaking because of his mum. He was already divorced before we met because of her. Shes twice divorced herself and wants my ex single so he takes care of her. We had fights over it, its been a year and hes still mommys boy. He turns 50 next year and thinks everybody else is the problem but not his narcissistic mother 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I wish I knew what my partners mother was like before we had a baby. I probably wouldn’t be with him today. He puts her above everyone else, I want a partner who isn’t in a weirdly close relationship with his mom too 😅
What to do if a MIL tells a son to divorce/kick out/ calls her mental and curses his wife? You can't be all nice and put all you said practically, just because she is obsessed over her son and she won't let go and won't accept the son giving his wife attention. What to do then?
This was sooooooo wholesome. And an entirely whole new perspective.
This was a beautiful interview. Thank you!
When a mother inlaw dines with satan. Only God with prayer, and distance can deal with them.
Wow Mrs Bank is so sweet and very professional I could listen to her all day. Thanks for sharing I've learnt alot.
Thank you so much 💓
I’m laughing so hard at this because of the excuses and because if no woman in this world hasn’t already tried
This women lives in a fairy tale world, there is no way to deal with a toxic narcissist mother in law and a son that always listens to
Only God with prayer, and distance can deal with them.
Thank you!!!! She's delusional!!
I've done all of this!!! And it's not working. I officially have a Mama's boy clearly I come last I'm all out of options! 😢 I'm just going to pray about it 🙏🏾
You can’t change everybody or anybody , you can be in control of how you react
Key note
If your MIL is a covert narc, it is near impossible to make things work long term especially if there is probable childhood abuse involved with the son.
This is so helpful and healthy! Thank you
This has been very helpful. Thank you ♡
Thank you so much!!! This video taught me a lot❤
I am from Costa Rica, and this was just amsising, I am speeshless!! Thank you!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
What about the sister in law who thinks her brother is her husband
Thank you so much for this
When a mother in law is demanding, that's wrong. When we married we started a new family. I wanted to start our own traditions with our children, but my husband demanded we go to his mother and fathers house for holidays and vacation. He was a coward even though I was straightforward about this.
All great advice! Unfortunately, that would work if you’re dealing with MIL who are stable. I talked to mine about boundaries and she ended up turning her family against my husband and I. We found out through another family member who reached out and asked us what happens. They confined in us everything she had been luring about. Now 4 month and we’ve haven’t reached out. It’s sad but, we have so much peace with her at a distance.
I am so happy and grateful that my husband has very strong boundaries with his mother he told her not to ever show up to our house unannounced again and he even protect me from her toxic alcoholic self if I have to put up with her for some reason the last time we had dinner at her house I felt so disrespected we both got up and left I’m so happy and grateful he doesn’t put me through unnecessary trauma from his side of the family he even pays for that woman’s Home
Shes talking lime everything is so easy.. I dont think she knows anything in real
This is all good advice, but i do feel like all of the responsibility and accountability falls on the DIL. I feel like that’s just not fair.
I just found this video. Thank you
I would love to talk to you in person about my mother in law. 44 year’s of a controlling, racist and mean behavior. Don’t give excuses for the husband’s mother. What really matters is the husband and wife, my husband had to take my side after 30 year’s. His mother put him in that situation. It was a battle for many years but I won the war.
Thank you for Sharing 👏👏👏
Your husband will adore you more if you get along w/ his Mom! That’s his world & hes loyal to his parents! Be kind!
There comes a point where the mother needs to realise that her son is an adult and to be happy for him that he has found a life partner.
But you know the problem is that even if you know that you did not get married to your husband to make the in laws happy, you still cant get over the fact that they will always expect you to make them happy because you are living and eating food with them ....thats why I personally feel its best if the son starts living apart from his parents once he gets married because that way he is saving relationships...otherwise there will be conflict no matter how many strategies he and his spouse apply...in laws will always make issues if you live with them....I personally don't like joint family system.....There is so much dramas going on that for a new girl it becomes like a pain in the ass
If you want peace and harmony with your in laws, empower yourself with education and career and move out...dont live with them...its not worth it.
I am not going to lie over here, but my own mother in law she has been serving her own in laws for 30 years and still has got no respect in the family for all the cooking and management she has done throughout her life. Still dont get how she is living like this with them
Exactly!!! He needs to already be an adult living on his own!! He needs to be financially free from his parents as well!! I want a free man, with no money ties to his parents, he has his own stuff!! Very important to have this so the parents have no control or say on your lives!! I made sure of this and we are living free adult life!!
I have a son and he’s not my boyfriend.😂 really with the excuses?
Thank you 🙏
It was great seeing it from the mother in laws point of view
I understood her completely and understand the generational trauma and let my husband be her son first then be anything later I prioritised her day and night thinking that my kindness will make them believe I'm not here to take your son away from you but NO! they're blind about your respect and kindness and the gifts you shower them with...
12 years of trying I would suggest don't waste your energy on pleasing your MIL unless it's done 2 ways unless she considers you as her son's loving wife and tries to make you happy in return. Nop!
Often my husband would say, no my mum isn't doing that , saying that, stop blaming her? What can wife do then?
Very educative
Thank you
My mother in law hate my husband but my build two houses in one compand she actually hate him because of me,always war in our home makes my hubby to think a lot how can I help him
How do you deal with mother in-law who wished her son’s wife to die during childbirth and even called her names like DEVIL? By Amelia
Although in many cases it is the husband's mother that is the problem, in the majority of cases it is the wife's mother who is the problem. Potential in-law problems can only be fixed in the very beginning, before marriage. Set the soon to be bride's mother straight on boundaries and on what you both will accept and not accept, including the future MIL insulting the soon to be husband or bride. Hammer the woman down on her first attempt. Promise her (and live it out) a second time will not be allowed. If she's stupid enough to try another time, cut all ties of all kinds with her and move away - do not tell her r anyone else where you're moving to and change your phone number. If she finds you and shows up at your place, call the cops and have her charged with trespassing.
Nah don’t agree . My mil used our boundaries as target practice.
My own problem is my mother does not respect our privacy right from day one of our marriage my mother inlaw always comes tp our room to watch movies and leaves around 10pm or more and it became a problem for us and ee had fights yet she doesn't listen. And up till now i have not been able to conceive. What should i do?
This is disgusting why is the mother in law using her son as a husband? This is so wrong
Yes but if it’s constant then the thank u but no thank u becomes mentally exhausting
Its hard for women to cope well in family set ups,they talk alot and in the process hurt one another.
Its always good to keep distance,stay safe.
I could've issues with my husband and when i start a conversation with my mum arbitrating,she takes my husband side leaving me stranded.
It's how you learn to slowly pull her on your side
My mil she never cared about my husband before marriage, the day i got married then she trying to show more love to my husband in front of me
I call mine "old chimpanzee" 😜
Mine is cruella de vil
That tells who you are. I hope your husband doesn’t call your father “an old chimpanzee”
The problem is, woman in general are entitled. Both the wife and the mother think they are entitled. The wife doesn’t see how attached she is to her mother or father but yet be upset about how attached her husband is to his family. Love your mother in law because without her your husband won’t have existed in this world.
You haven’t dealt with okuyu MIL🔥
The worst
Wow, make sense
Thank you
I am extremely lucky, in my case my mother was the problem and my mother in law is a gentle and kind woman.
My husband doesn’t want to go to therapy so ima just show him this video 😭
Would be interesting to see how the advice changes when these women become MILs.
What if husband only saying i will not talk to my parents and i will not say them anything
Then when wife says i cannot listen more now n i will not be able to talk daily i need time to which he said now no time its either this side or that side thats it
I had passed through this situation for this you need to be patient ,and make a strong bond with your husband .
I usually love this lady
23:12 I think this is a critical point she made here. We’re all just humans trying to make it
Mine lives in Europa but every time she comes is just negativity
Why do you think husbands don't take initiative in these situations?
Sometimes they just don't know how to
@@bellafantousi6480 not always hunny. Yes sometimes they just won't solve the problem and make its so hard for the woman. But some men once to bring it to their attention a couple of times they don't want to lose their wives and they will work with me to balance this. I feel your frustration hunny.
@@shazmeenbank1630 hi.
Wow
Lekin meri sans to apni beti ko bhagwan manti h meri nnd itni ameer h Or hm dono yha berozgaar h abhi fr bhi wo apni beti ko yha se itna deti h meri nand bhi lalchi h mujhe nhi pta mujhe bura kyu lgta h wo unki beti h dene do but fr bhi mujhe lgta h ki ye glt h pta nhi kya shi h kya glt mujhe to
Meri nnd ameer hone ka ghmnd dikhata h mujhe ki mere pas to itne kpde h ye h wo h Or yha apni maa se le jati h itne sare suit vgra
Kya kru m
M glt hu kya??
Both of my parents are in Heaven and I don't associate with NONE of my family maybe there's others like me???
And we have no children
No it's not always the mother in law's fault ...some women want to change men...
I agree
True
He’s not a man if he needs his mommy to protect him from his wife 😂
No woman wants to change any man!!Its the mother’s in laws who wants the things they dd in their entire life to continue after her son is married!!Which is impossible!They have started their family and not joint a family
@@irenekavishe2113 Yes, there are so many woman who wants to change a man. Make them their slave. Yes, a mother will be there to defend her son. I hope your husband won’t hate your father (as a father in law).
Why is it always the Mom. Maybe the DIL is jealous of the relationship and you shouldn't abandon your parents just because you get married.
I don’t feel like her advice was culturally appropriate for Americans. This might work in her culture, but I disagree and believe some of the things she is saying are ridiculous.
This sounds like fairy tales for African mil especially the yoruba mil
Whats her facebook page?
Instagram @beingrealnow. Hardly post on facebook
@@shazmeenbank1630 Thanks!
Blah, blah, blah.
Totally unrealistic. The wife or daughter either chooses you and only you..... or He / She is OUT FOREVER. DIVORCE. BYE BYE.
❤
In-laws are interesting. Some people have amazing in-laws, some have bad luck. What's something nice your in-laws have done for you? ua-cam.com/video/Tr-hhVQAIP0/v-deo.html