THE 5 STEPS AN INFJ TAKES WHEN THEY ARE FED UP WITH SOMEONE
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: If you've ever wondered why it's so hard to tell when an INFJ has hit the end of their rope - wonder no more! Today we'll be diving into the five steps these complex personalities take once they're over dealing with someone. Hint: It rarely involves a straightforward confrontation or any ghosting. They might even give politeness another chance before finally getting fed up and showing some serious rudeness!
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What are some of the steps you take as an INFJ when/if you are fed up with someone?
I try to let them expose themselves with their own stupid behaviors. Then I don't respond to their inquiries. Then if they still don't get it I tell them I'm not interested in what they talk about. Then if they're really clueless I send them videos on narcissism. The real dumb ones think I'm talking about someone else (gossip) and not them. It's my narc intelligence test.
It depends what kind of person I am dealing with. If it's someone explosive probably I would start ghosting them until they realize that I no longer want to hang out with them. If it's someone emotionally mature or perhaps a family member I would try to be direct in a polite manner, not really "slamming the door" on them but explaining to them that I wil gently be closing the door.
Well usually I figure out a way for them to teach themselves a lession
if not Ill say stuff, you are "CUT" off
@@corporaterobotslave400 you must be younge like 3 extra steps there
and is all else fails and they think they can touch me, then well I'll show them voilence, and I know how much pain I can inflict and not leave a mark while making you wish you were dead. That is usually enough to scare people away. If not then.... kick ass time.
When you want distance from a narcissist and they are ultra sensitive to your withdrawal and end up turning everyone against you…..It takes the patience of a saint to walk away with your head held high despite the pain
I'm in that right now.
I know how this goes very well and agree.
yea but maybe unless you make yourself believe that they all are like that narcissist, i mean , i think it's gona be less painful if you can do it and yes, it's still gonna be hard as hell .(i haven't been to hell yet but as per "the dindindan" im sayin.)
"We are not responsible, for how others feel. Meaning- You are responsible, for letting the other person know how YOU feel. Respectfully." GOLD!
So I’m not weird. I’m not broken.
No baby. You are just magnificently you❤
The thing that saved my life as an INFJ is boundaries. Clear and concise. If they don't respect them -- RUN.
You can respect and love someone and yet know they are not right for you. Stay aligned with your true self and have space available for the right relationships to come in
INFJs are people pleasers who try to avoid conflict, so it's easy for us to get sucked into toxic relationships. Once in, it's very difficult to get out without conflict and displeasing/angering others. There's the rub. Learning to maintain strong boundaries is key. Be very selective about who you allow into your inner circle. Because once you've allowed them in, it's a struggle to break free of the toxic ones.
i tried but i couldn't do it. happens all the time and get hurt all the time, now i think i am also addicted to pain.
When we love people, and they seriously break the trust,we as infj's will try to help and fix. The doorslam to an infj is a long painful looping period, to the other person its one day "Bye". Great video 😊👍💫
@@Human_01 A Doorslam starts with you wondering about the specific relationship, and ends when you have enough pain and evidance for you to not feel guilty anymore for leaving that person. A doorslam can be reversed in the middle if the person in mind delivered some extremely radical change for the good, but that rarely happens.
Isn't the door slam sign of being an unhealthy and immature Infj?
I heard that to encourage door slamming, is to encourage a baby to continually wear his/ her diapers!
I'm too old to keep placating other people, my new house is secluded in the forest and not easy to get to. Plus they won't find me.
haha. take me there
Sounds great
I have told family members, I have been Nanny McFee for years but now I know I'm an empath INFJ, the answer is respectfully "No."
I'm a hermit now, sometimes it's lonely but 99.99% I have found my niche. Love this!
What are some of the steps I take as an INFJ when/if I am fed up with someone? Cutting off communication with that person (door slam). While that silence is in place, I concentrate on what I will say and do when I face them again. Then when we are faced off with one another, I then firmly reveal that I will not tolerate their bad behavior and they are not to cross the line that I have drawn. 100 % of the time they back down and go away due to the fact they are narcissistic and just attempted to "scare" me. When it fails for them, that's why they back down. Bullies run over people only because they let them. They operate off of our fear. Standing your ground is liberating and the best thing to do. Dig inside of yourself, it's there. Happy New Year.
Don’t waste your time
I believe that a true INFJ will never brag about being one, and will never be posting it, because it is very painful. the people who only see the romantic side in all of this are the people who want to say they are infj
Well, this is painfully recognizable. If i can avoid step 5, i will. Because i'm aware that my words can hurt another. And what i have found is that if a person cannot take from you anymore, you have outlived your usefulness. Step 5 is almost never necessary.
From my experience, once someone has reached the stage where I'm fed up with them, I find it very difficult to continue any meaningful relationship. It takes a lot for me to get to that stage where they have crossed a line. Especially if they were in the 'close' category, I can't navigate the shift in dynamics where they are relegated to a category of lesser importance. Also, once I've known the quality of a relationship that is important to me and what it means, I can't reconcile accepting something less as I'll always know what could have been but am just settling.
I'm very familiar with steps 1 through 4 but I don't do step 5 because the other person might sabotage my life some way. Better to just walk away and leave them uncertain what happened.
People do drift apart without conflict and move on.
Completely agree to not use Step 5 as a person who feels 'rejected' can cunningly start their sabotage against you. It may take you a while before you discover their challenging activities
This video is spot on. Being authentic as early as possible is key in preventing the so called door slam. Plus it's exhausting being not who you truly are just for someone to like you where in fact you don't really care that much about that person. Be true to yourself - as often as possible ❤️
I agree, a big reason I'll refuse to discuss why I'm ending a connection is because I have no intention on fixing it. Talking implies I still care, I don't. Byeeeee
I especially relate to point 3. I "recategorized" all 120 of my facebook friends as people that I used to know, deleted my profile, and freed up a couple hours per day. I actually feel way better maintaining almost no regular contacts now, especially since I have a disability. I try to only think in a forward direction. I reminisce, but I am mostly living 5 years from now rather than 5 years ago.
❤❤❤
Put them in the random acquaintance zone. 🤣
I'm so good at that
"more invested in making that person feel good than they are invested in themselves." -Life story... 😆
When you first meet, things are great! As time goes by it gets worse and if you draw a straight line into the future it leads to your real or emotional death. There is no choice.
Also i have a part of me which is complete cut off.. the 'you have zero importance in life now, so dont even interact with me' thats rare and after prolonged directed abuse towards me. Once ive reached that poont there is no going back.x
Agreed.
Speechless. I usually don’t comment a lot but gosh I was mind blown the whole video. You described exactly how I’ve dealt with every friendship that I didn’t want to stay in. Suddenly you made me feel like I was ‘normal’ and not alone.
Really, thank you. 🙏
Probably another reason we take the steps in that order is to emotionally distance ourselves before we are pushed to step 5 so that it hurts the least amount possible.
Yeah. But it always hurts
I ve reached step 5, quite often without any guilt after my spiritual awakening. It s a place we need to get to at times to find closure from toxic relationships.
Terrific video. Everything you are saying rings true. I especially appreciate the comment about INFJs typcially being "more invested in making that person feel good than they are invested in themselves." Out of the desire to show compassion and caring toward others, we can end up taking on too much responsibility for the feelings of others (plus this also allows us to avoid dealing with our own feelings!) Once you have formed habits like these, they are really hard to break. Thanks for your insights!
You said it...taking other people's feelings as our responsibility and easily avoid our own. Learning, learning, as I grow older and finding gems of videos like these!! Who knew how i saw the world is really different from how others perceive than us, INFJs.
Thank you. You just summarize everything about myself. I’m in process of distancing myself to a person( acquaintance the term) so not to feel guilty of why after I tried to help many times many ways, to the point I gave up. Thank you now I’ll be able to move on. New Year 2023 here we go. Happy New Year🎉. And thanks for you vid.
Steps 1-4 feel like I'm a hamster running on a wheel and 5 is when I lose my grip and fall off.
Wow all of these crazy steps an INFJ takes around just this. I know I do them unconsciously, but to have them mentioned so consciously is a wake up call to how crazy and complicated we maneuver through every area of our lives. Just to not set boundaries, which maybe doesn’t feel comfortable, but if not done makes all of these things drag out and drains us even more in the long run.
I have begun to set boundaries, I would be lying, if I said it is easy. Recognize if I want a good and happy life and not being drained daily mentally by all of these situations, then I have to learn setting boundaries, and when they should be said. Right now I feel them very strongly when I should say something, and maybe a hour or at least one day after I say them. But hopefully I will be much better and hardcore to do them in exactly that moment so won’t have to drag with it for so long time afterwards anymore. Will be so happy also for myself, when I learn this completely and there is just one way and it’s forward. Even if it makes me feel more uncomfortable and it does, but have come to terms with that people maybe will get mad and maybe think I am crazy for saying no, because of their way of thinking, but then they will have to accept no and still have me in their life or be without me - their choice. Hard to put it up like this, but there is no other way around this anymore for me. Maybe as time goes by it will be easier to know one self better in form of one’s own boundaries, and then easier and easier to set and say them. Because living without boundaries is not good for my mentally health or my body either, this gives me stress. So it’s like either or, but by saying no more and more, then I can feel, it gives me so much more space and happiness in my own life. This is a process and I can start to see the benefits around saying them and setting them even more, but it’s a learning process. I know that now if I meet new people, I think it will be easier now with this topic, because now I know this, and I will try not to get to attach right away to see if they are worth having in my life. It’s much harder with people who’s been in my life before this new boundaries setting me, because they are more used to the other me without boundaries and it’s a much longer process to make them learn the other boundaries setting me.
Thank you for your channel Wenzes🌺
I am about to in that phase five with one person, but now I know better. I should have made my position clear earlier. No more second chances.
This is me to a tee. It was tough growing up in a, for the most part, narc family, who wanted to destroy my development and personality. But it happened in school, too. Rising above it with a deep sense of my own natural response to them got me through often serious times. They called me not normal because of being very different to them. Over the last couple of years, i found out i was this catagory of personality, which i distrusted for a while. But the more i found out, the more i realised i fit in. The relief of finding out i have a personality type, and I'm not all the negative things they called me. How i wish I'd known decades earlier. I finally stepped away from them 11 years ago. Best decision. This video content is really significant for me, esp as a narc entered my life through my son in the summer to November. I was proud of myself actually taking steps to refuse some huge demands, and dealing with it much better. But that's only because i had learned my personality type and was free to just be myself without hearing the family guilt and lies to condemn me from suiting and being myself, and finding out I'm allowed to be me.
Wow 🤣 you just described me and how I deal with people I don't want in my life. Glad I'm not the only one who does this.
This is so spot on! I hadn’t consciously recognized that I took these steps but I do it every time. There’s only be one person that I explained why I didn’t like them and I didn’t enjoy it. I’ve gotten better at stating how I feel now, we all have options!
Happy New Year everyone
Happy New Year 🎉
😧Wenzes you giving up all the secrets!!!! 🙄😂
I am watching the video just after breaking up with my fiancé, I went through all theses steps for months before I actually took step 5. It was really hard that I cried, not because I regret it, but because it took me so long that I hurt him, and that hurts me. However I feel fine now.
Except for the 5th the rest were so spot on in my case. So are most of your videos. Before I had the personality test I was struggling alot. But knowing that there is nothing wrong with me is so relieving. I am more at peace with myself now.
Once again, another awesome and informative video Wenzes! 🙂👍🏼 Dealing with this in a couple of different instances in my life right now. I've learned that they're so used to me being the one to reach out, that when I finally have enough, and start ghosting them, they get uncomfortable, because they know I'm mad at them for something, and then they eventually reach out. It's not the healthiest thing, but I think that all relationships (both friendships and dating) need a healthy give & take (push & pull). And if only one party is really doing any of the work, then that's unbalanced and needs to be corrected. Sometimes that short silence helps them to realize that they've been being unappreciative of my friendship, or treating me like I'm unimportant to them. And if that's how they truly feel, then the silence is their answer. It hurts to know, but at least you know for sure.
I hope you have an amazing 2023 my wonderful and beautiful friend. You have a good heart, and I appreciate all that you do for us INFJ's. It has been immeasurably profound for helping me learn about myself and who I am, and why I do things the way I do, and why my life has always been how it is/was. I'm proud to have been around since only a couple thousand subscribers, and watched this channel grow to nearly 60,000 over the years! Onwards to 100K, and then 1 million! Thank you! 😊🌹❤
Loved the analogy of different languages. I feel like that same principal kind of applies to dominant Se's interacting with dominant Ni's....In my FOO, I, as an INFJ did something like 95% of the accommodating for that difference because I was outnumbered by Se's. It wasn't until recent years that I've realized just how messed up that was and that I don't WANT to bend to that degree and I don't have to! I do feel that the "bending" has served me well in that I at least "know how" to accommodate and bend when I "want" to...but thank goodness I no longer feel I "have to" .
Wenzes has the compatible version of the topic in our MBTI mother language. So soothing.
So we're too easy/nice. I guess that's why narcissist's target us?
Only narc people I have addressed, categorized my attempt to communicate as mumbo jumbo just to feel like I'm acting funny and ghosting them
Ich denke immer die Person lernt aus seinen Fehlern. Was meist leider nicht der Fall ist.
I don't sit around analyzing
which steps to take next.
That sounds manipulative.
If people act poorly,
I don't associate with them.
There are eight billion people
on Earth.
Life is too short to be
disrespected by one.
Thank you for this video! I did steps 1-4 then set a firm boundary with a dysfunctional long-time friend. They didn’t honor my boundary. I completely lost my S*&^T a couple of months later. Total Step 5. I did feel guilty about hurting her feelings. After your video, I will try to set those boundaries sooner. Thanks again!
This is so true that I honestly had to laugh. You are so right about every step and the order in which they come. Absolutely hate reaching that point with someone, but when I do there's no going back. Thanks for confirming that I'm not alone out here!
Never look back!
You cannot un-know what you know...
That’s me. My friend kept denying my identity and thought he knows me better than myself because of his ego. I’m fed up with it. 🖤
I have been pushed to step 5 too often and realized as part of my growth, I give only a few chances now, then I call/text to be direct and eviscerate. I don’t have time or patience to continually be pushed and if someone is not intelligent or sensitive enough to detect or respect my clearly stated boundaries, out comes the machete. I feel bad for ending a relationship so harshly but am proud of the precise damage caused. It is fun to watch the shock and I’m normally proud that I don’t go low blow, just deep. I know how to strike to cause the most pain and walk away laughing. FAFO. Harsh for a hippie but, don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’. I’m too old to keep playing these games with people.
I am about to doorslam my former best friend. I put up and tried to fix many conflicting encounters. I was holding back myself and my needs in various ways. Going through that loop of having boundless compassion for her over and over again I came to terms now. Unfortunately she's my coworker also. Otherwise I'd just not call her anymore. That doesn't feel like ghosting though, due to the many trys I've given our friendship. I feel I can't deal with people who are even more complicated than I am.
This is accurate but it could go further than this when the other person doesn't want to change or let you go.
I have a friend for 8 years and I had to confront him after I was fed up with his ways and it was really bad. Then he reached out and a new cycle of guilt began.. this has repeated a few times and it's just painful to be in a situation like that especially when the other person actually needs you to be there for them
It's so weird, I bumped up in a man and he gave me a way to contact him. I already told him in person that I dislike FB. So I created a FB account in order to give him my email address, which I did and I mentioned again that I dislike FB. So he asked me to become his friend on FB and upload a picture of me on FB when he already saw my face. How this meeting happened, very simple. I was putting my bad behind my bicycle with hooks. Not only I did not ask for his help but I did not need it anyway. But he came and helped anyway. So here is now I responded to his demands on FB is that I deleted my very new with no picture with no post FB account. (he did not email me at the email address I gave him and I expect him to not email me of course because he did not in the first place And that's the end of it) I wasted enough time with him already. From the start, I should have told him that I did not need his help. You know the type of guy who comes to rescue of damsels? - though I was not in distress. Yeah this type of guy.
I always give away small hints when I feel uncomfortable with someone else's behavior. Those hints are getting more obvious with time, not only by words, but also by gestures. The problem is, many people can't read such hints, even when they're totally obvious. Or they just don't feel like hints are important enough, so they brush them away. That may lead to emotional explosion...
So, the way from the video is much better. Set your boundaries as soon as you can, by simply expressing yourself, even if that means you'll get into a conflict with that person. It's always better than to get to "the end state".
We always get to step 5..
Happy New Year @Wenzies
Step 5 had to happen 4 months ago for me to be pushed for 5 months by someone who knows of me but does not know me. Someone who had seen me and forced her way into my church to pressure me with her presence and tried to talk to me by faking it. I ignored her. Someone, a narcissist wife, of my dearest friend, who hates me, and not only that has slandered my name, and his, all over town. Finally, coming to my place having never been there before, she had a great time smiling evilly and abusing me verbally with lies. The Holy Spirit in me spoke to her calmly but steely eyed, and told her exactly who and what she is no holds barred. Yes, I would never have gotten involved with such an evil person even knowing for months what she’d been doing but she had it coming. I know it shocked her to her core but she won’t be coming near me again. Normally if I have seen her in town I hold my head up and ignore her. Yes, an INFJ has a secret weapon that is there in extreme situations!
Happy New year
Thank you for the video! Infj door slams are often deserved I think as an infp. I often have the problem of not wanting to door slam people that deserve it too.
great video!!!
When trust was broken (whethr in business,friendship or love),sorry n apology means nothing.😔😔
Life must go on. I'm an INFJ.
Thanx for the video
Spot on.
How does she verbalize these actions into steps, like a mind reader lol. You are the cerebral INFJ ❤ 😅
I like the way you break down the INFJ intricacies into their common sense basics. You always find a way to bring seemingly obscure things into digestible clarity, Beautifully executed.✊️👇👍❤️
Spot on. Thank you ❤
Excellent Video! Very Helpful!
Wow the timing!!! 🤣
Brutal ❤
Great video. Thank you 🙏🏼
Great to see this list - exactly what I do.
Helpful thank you
Fantastically accurate presentation. Thank you.
You made me feel so understood.
that french analogy you said there really hit home and made me think
So on and so forth came after the third point, and I think that's pretty cool.
Oh my God this is so true! 🤣
Thank you for sharing valuable experience and insight
Yes, definitely...
You nailed it. Yep.
I resonate with everything ypu say, its like youre talking abiutme. If my friends heard you they woukd also think it. Its so refreshing to hear someone else having tge same mindset as sometimes it feels very self defeating. X
Why I'm feeling that being an infj is sometimes a cursed?
Thanks for your videos
Wonderful video and as usual insightful! Learning to study my own nature so i am recognising red flags way before than I could earlier..
I had to turn it in my mind, they are treating me so bad , I will do them the favor I quit the relationship.
This video was SO HELPFUL. Thank you!
I might as well go into hermit mode, because the people around me are invested in dismissing me and ignoring my preferences. It doesn’t matter how much I express myself, and communicate clearly that I don’t like something. I always have to end up leaving the relationship because they get something out of pushing against my boundaries constantly. The more I communicate the more they push back. I don’t want to live that way.
Thank you very much for this very useful video, Wenzes! And Happy New Year to you and all the INFJs out there!
Totally put then in different categories.
But when your pushed.
Oh my goodness.
Everyone gets hurt. Because your hurt
Boundaries. Im able to set them now.
Nice video. Appreciate it.
Much love everyone
💜⭐️💜
For sure! So true to me. That's exactly what we do.
I'm not an infjabcd supercalifragilisticexpialidoscous, I am a human being. And the times I've been forced to strike, it takes such a long time to get to that place. Questioning myself, questioning the other, scrambling to find peaceful solutions, in and out of my head consumed by dialogue. It feels so heavy that i have to break my give a damn in order to simply defend myself. I've let people punch me in my mouth without consequence in more than one occasion.
But if you ask anyone else, I'm the one who has the temper and the dangerous one. Gas lighting at its finest. Fun stuff.
This is exactly to a tee right. It’s very right about those steps. What does one do when it is a close relative by marriage? Plus the close family member doing something as a consequence of the close relative. Kept trying and keep trying. Near impossible to communicate the issues. Finally ended up at step four but at last couldn’t restrain completely blurting out step five, but not well. We are not speaking the language of the same planet. Impossible to make things clear. Have tried.
The person who gets fired, gets unemployment. The person who quits don't.
yes. I've had to be rude a few times but I try hard not to. this video helps me understand more about myself. thanks wenzes, I can let go of some shame and fear of myself.
These steps sounded quite familiar to me. I've been through them, often in that order and sometimes with some of the steps sort of running together. But it always ended just as you described here: getting to the point where I simply got fed up.witj tacky treatment; I'd had it, and I ended it - and yes, it wasn't always controlled.
I do agree we should make ourselves understood up front. In letting my boundaries be known, I try to let it come out in a non-confrontational way - as part of a neutral conversation (e.g. "I'm not comfortable when ..... "). How to go about this depends on the circumstances. Sometimes I can just mention my boundaries as if I were talking about the weather, or more personal depending on the situation and who I'm talking to. In fact I'm still learning how to do this effectively - but I know that it can be done
Good insights, Wenzes!
I am planning on doing step 4 (hah), the thing is that I feel that I tried pretty much over the years to talk about how I felt and my boundaries (with these ex-close people) and it was never accepted and ignorantly enough (on my side) I thought and I was hoping for them to accept me and my boundaries (I don't even feel that saying "my boundaries" is even a thing because actually, boundaries are what defines one person from another, so is not about them accepting my boundaries but rather accepting me for being me. But anyways..)
In my inner process, I realize now how I should have treated them like a piece of shit so that they would actually realize that I was saying "NO" or "STOP". And actually not really "realizing" but rather that they would feel hurt enough for themselves so that then they in their minds would understand that " I am a bad person and so they should stay away from me", because since they are unable to accept other people's boundaries they then at least will get the message that THEY are the ones feeling hurt and so they would back off (yeah, they will never realize how bad they treated you, but the reality is that you are not even with people that can do that in the first place, meaning have self-reflection and understand the realization about another person existence, so that will never happen)
Actually, I kind of have already done the 4th step years ago, but it was not accepted...I tried leaving my group of friends and instead of being accepted people view it as if: " I am having issues and feeling bad so that is the reason why I have told them that I wanted the relationship to be over with"
No contact
Step 4 is step 2 for me 😛
I had a friend for many decades, the primary dynamic of our friendship was she had a lot to bitch about and I was willing to listen to her bitch about them
In our 40s she decided to go through IVF to have children. About 2 years before she had any kids we decided to coparent any kids she had together, her idea.
6 years later she had a 4yo and 3 week old.
One day I was on hour 30 of taking care of them that week and made the mistake of telling her older kid she couldn't have her 7th popsicle. Because I needed her to eat some real food, it was 3pm.
She had a hysterical fit and went running to her mother.
At this point her mother coddled her and told her she didn't need to listen to me anymore and that I wasn't going to be watching them anymore. Then she told me "we were no longer doing this co-parenting thing".
When I went home that day I decided I was done and would not be going back.The next time supposed to watch them, she called me all out of shorts because I wasn't there.
I replied very calmly, "you fired your free child car provider when you decide we were no longer doing this co-parenting thing".
Iv never returned after that! They are 11 and 6 now.
I have problems with boundaries and people poking . I don’t know what is but I find people like to poke after you try to tell how you feel even if done nicely as possible. The more I don’t poke back the pokes and jabs get worse especially with constant passive aggressive behavior. This is when I “door slam “ but I see it as disengaging from games.
I do need to work on showing myself up front more it’s so difficult for me because I’m not out there in the world so much . There’s still a lot people I haven’t talked to in years that has nothing to do with door slamming or being upset… just find it hard to spread my energy. Everything exhausts me lol. 😢
Thanks
This is for all the content you have created so far and trying to help a minority, never give up.
The door slam.
No I've been in situations like that with the language thing that is your right to turn to nonverbal semantics meaning hand gestures boy when they when they realize what you're doing the look is priceless
This is so timely. Thank you. Also thank you for getting rid of the music overplay. That was really bothering me. Maybe instead of having music to talk over, you had your own little jingle to start and end the show! Not really necessary tho you got my full attention my friend.
Great one... I've got this ENTJ "friend" since 6 years ago, and I'm now about to break up with him. I feel the dynamic is toxic, and it has been since the beginning. I'm afraid he'd sabotage my life in some way, because he regrettably knows too much about me. ENTJ-INFJ relations seem fairly common, as far as I've noticed; many posts on reddit describe situations similar to mine. Perhaps a video on ENTJ-INFJ supervision? I get it if you don't want to mix socionics in with your mbti focus, but I, and many others, would probably find your take on it very interesting. Recently found your channel. Practically all I've seen is very relatable. Keep it up! ^^
This was good and I have experienced the negative consequences of not making it clear who I was and what I liked and did not like. At least once I blew all the way to number 5 without really trying the other steps. My only note would be how difficult this is often to pull off at work with bosses and team members. In the current age there is often this over emphasis on being a "team player" which gets interpreted as "never being cross" or "never saying no" or "not causing contention with others". It depends on the issue of course. Something as clear as discussing politics is probably prohibited or frowned upon by managers anyway. But something, for example, like telling your team leader that you are not comfortable with her working exclusively with the other team member or letting your boss know that you are not staying late as a matter of course is not as easy to accomplish. But I don't think you were trying to address that.