We Need a New Dating System
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2023
- A video essay discussing why our current 'dating system' isn't working and what attributes a new 'dating system' may entail.
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I've actually been developing a dating app on a single concept: voice notes only. A dating app that is not about lazy swiping or copy paste mass texting where the only avenue allowed is real, human interaction that acknowledges the person you're speaking to as a human being. Where sarcasm isn't misinterpreted, catfishing is much harder, and if you wanna say something pervy and inappropriate you have to hear how stupid it sounds coming out of your own mouth first.
That's a good idea good luck with it
This is actually a good idea. Hope to see it or something similar available one day.
I've also been thinking about how dating apps could be improved. Rather than swiping or ignoring any potential matches, I thought a new dating app could arrange a single match based on your preferences. You could be allowed maybe one or two dealbreakers that will prevent a match. The app would only allow you to unmatch after speaking for a while, at which point either party can unmatch, but a message needs to be sent before you do so, and then the app will match you up with another person. I was thinking of disallowing pictures until both parties agree, and only after a certain threshold has been passed.
Not sure how effective that idea would be, and I haven't thought about it enough to see what holes there are in it, but it may solve some issues with modern dating apps.
that's genius. shame I can't help as it's not my field of profession, but I wish you good luck.
Let us know about it when youre done!
Love it Neel. Don't stop. ❤😊 From a 10 year fan.
After a decade or so of dating, I have to say the most important thing you have to understand is the concept of becoming "equally yoked'. If you do not see eye to eye with your partner at least on a fundamental level then it will never work out. Your disagreements will lead to constant conflict and a breakdown of the relationship. Make sure you are compatible before you get blinded by the butterflies. The second biggest thing I learned was that love is not something you can earn. It must be freely given, expecting nothing in return. If we are expecting love in return for something then it's not love - it's a transaction. And when our expectations are unmet it leads to disappointment in our relationships. And disappointment will lead to bitterness and bitterness will lead to anger towards the one we are supposed to love.
I disagree you have to be getting something out of it. A one sided relationship where you’re sacrificing to an uncaring narcissist is worse.
@@crown9413 I'm not saying you should be a doormat or be with someone who doesn't love you, just that when you do things for others expecting things in return it turns you into the narcissist, always thinking about themselves and keeping score. Sometimes it's nice to just do things for others out of the kindness of your own heart, not just so you can use it against them in the future. You'd be surprised how this kind of unconditional love transforms your relationships. People will reciprocate in kind.
@@potapotapotapotapotapota doesnt yoked mean jacked? what does equally yoked mean
@@jheden9386 "equally yolked" is a farming term that has to do with the way you would place a yoke over two animals to pull a plow. If you had a donkey on one side and an ox on the other then that would be considered unequally yoked because the donkey would not be able to keep up with the ox.
@@potapotapotapotapotapota what about a hippo and a rhino?
Dating system sounds social-engineered idea. What we really need is not a system, but a good dating culture.
Not something that imposes a process on you but a set of values and good customs to inspire and guide towards constructive behaviors.
That is what he is talking about though.
And to identify good values it makes sense to look at what would be an ideal scenario caused by them.
He literally says "system, or culture" at the start.
Well said!
I’ve accepted the fact that as a near 30 year old man, that I may never find the one and that I may die alone. If it happens and I might the right person, great! If not, then so be it. And yes I workout 3 times a week, eat healthy, above average in looks, I’m tall and I make a good wage.
I'm 41 and sound more determined than that. Bumble is pretty much the only app that's been working for me lately.
@@sircasino614bro I wanna have kids by the time I’m 40. I’m also Indian which I find doesn’t help as most Indian guys are creepy AF.
@MyRandomLife247 Ah. I'm ok not having kids. They cost a lot and it's hard enough making enough to live and prepare for any uncertainties in life. I came to the conclusion that happiness is what matters, but for some that happiness is kids. True, I've heard stories of that stereotype.
I'm 40+ and did not regret actively avoiding kids through several long-term relationships.
Everything you mentioned here revolves around yourself. What do you do for others?
An incredibly thought-provoking video. You touched on it towards the end but I believe this problem is downstream of a very simple existential question - what is the meaning of life? A common answer you see is "to make your own meaning" which, at it's heart, dictates that we as flawed creatures are capable of travelling through life with no bearings but the ones we create which leaves you at the mercy of the winds. But if that's how you've answered that question then why do you fear when the wind takes you off course when you never set a course to begin with? There was no destination.
I know it's a bit out there and honestly I'm just trying to get my thoughts on paper but hear me out; when your life is built on a foundation of just 'finding happiness' or 'finding pleasure' then you will find very life will become a day-by-day struggle to find meaning because as we know happiness and pleasure aren't commodities that can be relied upon by any measure, drugs/alcohol, material wealth, and now relationships.
And so that brings us to today. Relationships have always been a commodity to some degree, you are exchanging your world for another person's world. But the problem is people's perception of their value in the dating market (conscious or unconscious) has inflated beyond proportion and as a result flaws, however small, are amplified as well. And I must state there is nothing wrong with wanting to look out for major character flaws in people - please be vigilant in that regard, however the issue is small flaws that are manageable and otherwise inconsequential to people 15 - 20 years ago are now deal-breakers. And this is not a sex-specific issue either, men and women are equally at fault, it takes two to tango.
So you're probably thinking "cool, so what's your solution?" and well I'm not really sure honestly. There are some many factors that play into this but following on from my initial paragraph on the meaning of life, I think the Western world needs to find something beyond themselves to fill that gap and answer that question. I don't think the lack of religion is an issue, but the lack of any sort of 'God' entity (In this I mean the philosophical term) has created this vacuum and so maybe finding a way to rebuild 'God' in a way to restore that aspect of society that gave meaning can maybe help start to repair it from the top down so to speak.
Anyway, if you read my ramblings this far I hope you found something equally as thought-provoking. I don't expect you to agree with everything and I respect that.
by the definition, relationship is team work, so believing that people can be used in unilateral benefit will create an abusive enviroment, without fixing the narcisist behaviour in the modern model yoy will walk in circles.
Dying alone is badass
Glad I ain't a young man 🤣 the hay day of people liking eachorher for who they were... Try making friends these days it's the same thing 😂 so much hypocrisy and acting just be truthful at all cost... Lies and deceitfulness are not a good way to start any relationship with friends or lovers 👍
Hey man I just saw you old skits and I wonder how are they so fucking accurate. Good work man 👌
Very interesting, and important...! 🕵️
I love the great Thomas Sowell!
I am so thankful that I did not have to
date in today’s environment! My Marriage to my Wife keeps getting better and better. My only regret is waiting so long to ask her to Marry me and not having more children when we were younger.
I think people overthink relationships. Marriage is not as hard as people make it out to be. Live to love and love to serve. And if you do not love to serve, do it anyway.
Why do you need economic competitiveness? Don't be greedy, money causes more problems than it solves.
And who do yo mean by "we"?
I don't want to blame anyone or any system for while i'm single, i'll take responsibility for that because I know i'm the problem. But I will acknowledge the problems that do exist with woman, dating apps, social constructs, toxic standards, hypergamy, superficiality, shallow, judgemental, untrustworthy people, etc...there's a lot of big issues out there. At the same time i'm not a pick me guy, i'm the opposite if I genuinely don't think i'm good enough I will know my limits and my worth, I don't make people lower their worth because that is wrong I still believe people deserve the best person for them and you still have to be "that guy" or "that girl" who is the best for someone. I guess the issue here is some people grossly overestimate their worth and think they deserve way more, to the point where they are greedy or just straight up delusional.
I believe girls want nurture...and by that I mean they want to be supported in everything emotionally, financially, with their needs, wants, lifestyle, etc...even things like daily tasks they're unable to do on their own they want someone who can do those things. Fixing and repairing something? sure that too
bro why did you stopped making short films , they are awesome
Good video Neel
I could write a book but ill keep it simple. What we have created (via social media and modern feminism) is a situation where its men vs women...no one is interested in making it work. Quite sad really and I feel for the next generation.
So what is this new system exactly
That's what I'm saying
I had really hard time following you; you should show the points you’re making on the screen IMO
same had to pause to read the text and then go back to understand what he was even saying
I feel for you directionless secularists with no path for your lives, you have no real hope for finding real and productive companionship along that path.
You can't create a "dating system", the way people date is a function of how they direct their life - their goals and values.
We already have a new dating system tending more towards harems where one guy has access to multiple women at a time while the majority of guys has no access. Really we just reverted to the most ancient dating system.
Nothing will drastically change unless we enter into war.
Red pill ideology is leaning towards that harem model. So, it’s very systematic in a sense.
I am a Christian, as such one of the purposes in life is to serve God: which includes helping others individually, corporately to the people in the church, and socially with being gracious and philanthropic to others in the world. Besides all the other abundant criteria of dating and looking to marry someone, one of the essential questions to be asked is, "Will this person help me serve God better, or will this relationship be a hinderance?" This essentially is a core spiritual consideration which really needs to be addressed, to make sure that both of your life purposes are in agreement. This may not be just a religious question, but one to be asked for any future couple to make sure that they intend to go the same direction in life.
I'm convinced that the only thing/concept/ideal that can overcome the hubris of man and the problem of "me" is God.
Very well stated! Thanks :)
The new dating system is the old dating system. Get off your phone, go out and meet people
I'm glad I'm married
Feminism started what the evolution of AI boyfriends and girlfriends will ultimately master: population collapse.
What do you think the next secular crisis will be and what will define the new era?
The world may have changed. But people have not, for half a million years. Good luck.
Interesting video. One thing that desperately needs addressing first though is, are declining birth rates a bad thing? While obviously there are huge economic implications, as an ecologist I would argue strongly that if we are concerned about future human suffering, we should be doing all we can to reduce the population size, and this is far more important than any economic struggles it might create. Perhaps p*rn and other things can be viewed as helpful to humanity. But agree that culturally the dating game needs rewriting
Economic struggles are human suffering. At the rate the birthrate is falling our entire civilisation will be wiped out.
Imagine more countries going the way of greece.
Whats more the smartest among us are having the least children creating a brain drain.
Also people can only afford to care about ecology when they have the wealth to do so. If you are struggling to look after elderly, you can’t afford green premiums.
The issue I would foresee is that some people will choose to have more kids in a system that will ultimately only function with strict birth controls in place.
@@forwardtsender8573some groups choose to have many kids. The WORLD population isn't declining, only the birth rates in Western countries. That trend will reverse, as labor from non-Western countries must now be brought in to pay taxes to support the aging populations.
it's literally not that complicated. My grandparents had the best system and their entire generation got married and stayed together 60+ years.
What did they do? Women were free to choose their partner, but father had to approve of him. Teen daughter's preference for assholes and bad boys clashed with dad's preference for long term security and quality father of his grandkids and a compromise between the 2 needed to be found. Whenever an agreement was reached, both were happy, women were spared the inevitable heartbreak and most, if not all men got wives, birthrates were high. Women weren't forced into working, my grandmother is the most highly praised and beloved person in the family and she is a housewife. Never worked, only cooks amazingly, takjes care of the house and raises kids. Old generations saw nothing wrong with that and gave those women utmost respect, but at the same time if at any point my grandma wanted to work, she could. But it turns out in that system almost every woman chose children over a career. Lots of women even worked from home, like one of my grandmas helped the church, made socks, the other grandma made curtains at home, baked pastries and basically both of them brought in an untaxed income just by selling stuff to neighbours, or could make social connections, so when your roof needed fixing, the guy that bought my grandma's cakes would do it for free as a favor.
Gender roles were expected and realized, but ofc flexible if needed. Woman cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, is better for social things, plans gatherings, buys matching furniture etc. and the man fixed things, provided money, did the hard labor and made financial decisions. The baseline was there, but if one person was better at the other partner's job, it was easy to just make those adjustments to the core principle.
Family values were very well promoted and divorce laws made sense. Most women didn't work and after (very rare) divorce, alimony/child support was meant to support the woman until she finds a new partner. Not like today where women are supposedly "equal" but still take every penny they can get for no reason.
Basically, my grandparents lived in a time where they still had traditional family values and understood how a family functions best, they knew how to stick together during arguments, but at the same time, women had all the rights in the world, could get educated, could get jobs or just worked from home, birthrates were high and both parents were in the home, marriages lasted forever of people's own volition, not out of religious force. Homes had discipline but also freedom of choice. My parents' generation went through the rise of feminism and my generation is completely fucked. We need to just revert back a little bit. It's that simple.
I wonder why I can't find a feminist GF who will let me sit around the house all day while she earns bread
It's not that simple though. You need two incomes if you don't have a live in carer to pay a mortgage in a major city, being barefoot and pregnant is a relic of the past and the financial decisions being made by one person is controlling. No fault divorce made the change in society and that definitely did help people not be in abusive relationships with father's that hit thier children every week. Pining for the 50s where people married the first person they slept with isn't realistic anymore. They couldn't get education like you could from the 80s on either...
You can write gospel about how it's worse, but I'd say it's better given there's conversations allowed to be had and less hiding of who you are as well as choosing to not have children.
But I also went out and met someone who compliments me after dating many others and knowing what I needed to give and what I wanted from a relationship.
.
@@Low760 first of all, leaving financial choices to a person is not controlling. The one who is better at long term thinking, makes less impulsive/emotional choices and is more responsible with money should make the financial choices because it benefits everybody. Ofc you discuss things but the more responsible one makes the final call. That's reasonable.
For two incomes, one income used to be enough to support a family. Neither of my grandmothers worked, my grandfather worked minimum wage and through his life built a house, farm, vineyard, a workshop and had some forest property. I think he lived quite well. And that's the thing, If family values are promoted, one income becomes enough to support a family. A reasonable balance to it is if both partners decide to work, then they have 2x the income to support a family, so they lose some government benefits, so they pay tuition for university or don't get as many healthcare benefits and such. This way everyone has a choice, one income is always enough for a family and you can make children worryless, nobody is oppressed, women can be in the workforce, it's balanced and family values are promoted.
Marrying the first person you sleep with is very realistic, people just don't do it because they're lied to that number of partners doesn't affect you mentally and physically. It does. Men and women. Waiting till marriage is extreme but so is hookup culture. There's a middle ground where you CAN perfectly reasonably marry your 1st or 2nd sex partner.
Abuse: like I explained, the father approved his daughter's husband. This means his reputation was also on the line. If the guy started getting abusive, the father, uncles, brothers etc. all got together and set that motherfucker straight because it wasn't just the girl who chose him, it was all of them and that's how people ended up being held to a much higher standard than now. So even that worked. And besides, in the west even up to 90% of marriages in some countries end in divorce, 90% of people aren't abusive, maybe it's 10% at most. Sure those people need a way out, but divorce should be an absolute last resort emergency, not something you do because your partner left the toilet seat up.
There are many things that are better today than 50 years ago, but relationship wise things were 1000x better in the old days. I worked a lot with the older generation and it was completely normal to have 60+ year marriages full of love. Hell, my grandparents are 80 and they still go on dates. It was much less of "hurr durr oppression and force" than people think it was. Everyone just brings up those 1% of dark scenarios that made it to newspapers, which sure, existed, and it sucks, but you absolutely did not see women with black eyes everywhere and the abuse problem only got worse over the years precisely because there are no restraints and rules in this stuff anymore
@@TheMusicalPotatoesReally appreciate your comments. You are speaking my mind
Only "cure" is monogamy.
Yeah.... this video was idealistic.....
And won't work 🤷♂️
Men want what they want.... and women want what they want.
That's why what this whole video discussed will not work 👍Keep hoping though lmao
State mandated gfs
Here we gooooooo
Please tell me that you’re just quoting a meme.
The main issue of western societies is greed from the ruling class - even if dating were ideal and allowed anyone to find their fated love, most individuals do not have the resources or availability to actual have a child. The best way to combat declining population is to tax the corporations at an appropriate rate and fund social programs to help the citizens instead the citizens getting sheared by the corps
Your voice needs to be more pleasing for this kind of video.
Remember
You must be herd
You must be pleasing
You must be understood
I feel like going back to religion after watching this
"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"
Romans 3:23-24
Been wanting a new one. How about this... have the women do all the effort and take us men out to dinner and pay for it, all the stuff the entitled ones expect. Then we can be the one to just be all like "nah" afterward and start all over with someone else because of some reason we don't know.
You won't get a women like that with they attitude.
@Low760 A woman won't get one with that other attitude either. Oh no wait, they do.
@@sircasino614 you're looking in the wrong place I think.
You lost me at constricting personal freedom ;3. Whatever amount of porn I wish to see, it's all up to me. The rest = count me in.
Postmodernism, you can thank for conflating personal freedom with the ultimate standard for living.
Oy vey well done continue to fuel your porn addiction that binds you, *ahem* I mean you're so free! *restricts free speech*
*Introduces system of laws with grey areas for elites to exploit*
*inflates the currency so you are forced to work more for less*
Dickhead
bring back arranged marriage, our ancestors may have been onto something
The moment you brought up Thomas Sowell you lost me. Not sure one should be trusting a guy with a history of twisting facts and ignoring science when it doesn't suit him. What is it with you touting people with questionable credibility?
Woke leftist spotted.
You just said a whole bunch of unfounded nothing, all part of the problem.
Lmao, amazing assertions. Care to actually offer some essential and worthwhile information? Thomas Sowell may not reach conclusions that are agreed with all the time, still, he's a studied man and has lots of wisdom and truth - have some respect. Truth is something that we
we all need to wrestle with and discern for ourselves regarding application. What book have you read of him and what makes his credibility questionable...?
Nope dont bail them out women wanted this let them face the concequences for once
The consequences are already hitting women, whether they care, feel it or not. The question you want to ask yourself is. How hard do you want their consequences to affect them? Do you want the world to be damned? They are already hurting themselves, but this is also hurting you still. It's hurting all of us.
Yay cause we haven't felt the weight of inequality enough in the past so let's take on women again for a change
@@mastermangouste5425 by inequality you mean privledge your sex never fought in wars because they are weaker they do not work in the high risk dangerous jobs because yet again you are weaker and yet you want equality? To be equal to something or some one you must earn it not steal it but due to men wanting to be kind to you and nice to you we give you things you have never earned aka we have taken care of you throughout history an we still do so you like a/c thank a man you like electricity thank a man you like running water and sewer systems thank a man you like the entirety of society thank a man... but how does your sex thank us by calling the very men that protect feed and cloth you oppressors or toxic by saying you are equal when you know deep down you could never be so when i say you deserve to suffer the consequences of your actions you say what you said because youknow im right but you still cant be accountable typical of a feminist
@@CloudWithoutASky some times the only way to right a wrong like this is to let it run its course and let it cause the maximum damage when they come running back to us dont forget make them say the were wrong make them make up for it in every way make them push for laws to restrict themselves . To win a figght properly you must be willing to accept the risk that it could cost you everything society may have to fall for women to finally admit they fucked up and return to their correct place serving the mate who selects cares and nurtures them as his loyal partner as the onlyone he can trust to be faithful to him and as the one to raise his kids... because its either that or the rules before society which were a hell of a lot mor violent and rapey
Nope. We need new females.
Just date men then :)
They're called "traps".
A dollar short and a day late. Hate to be black pilled but entire geographical progressive areas are going to crumble, with many good people getting caught in its webs. People are too addicted, distracted, lazy, and self centered for enough to take this seriously in time. Not every 'trad' is a good person or a good partner either. Choose Christ the Divine Bridegroom as your partner and let Him fill you with His life and love. The rest is nothing to hold yoir breath for.
Given that our birthrates are collapsing, it is clear that the proper purpose of a relationship is to produce and raise children