For me it’s so true about the gym. I can feel absolutely horrible mentally and absolutely exhausted, then force myself to the gym and get though my 1st 5 min lifting exercise and already feel a load better. By the time I leave I feel sooo much better! Pain in my body is gone and mentally I’m a new woman. I swear, the gym is therapy for the body.
And mind-I was crippled by PTSD and isolated for four years after ridding myself of every toxic relationship, family, friend, what have you. I joined a gym a year ago and was talked into power lifting. I'm 63 and I've never felt better-it truly is life changing.
After I went no contact with the narc, 11 Months ago, I was so drained and exhausted, went through therapy and am feeling better.However, I am still not able to set foot in the gym , I go swimming and I just don’t have the energy to do it. I m taking your advice today! And I ll go to the gym and I hope 🤞 I ll get back my routine ( I used to train since I was 17 years old 3 to 4 times a week) . Thank u for giving me the motivation 🙏🏻
Richard, You have been a wonderful guide to me on my recovery from a narcissist, divorce and slowly rebuilding my life at age 75. Your humour is also much appreciated! Thank you.
Thank you for posting, I have started my recovery with God's Grace assisting aged 53. Xxx. It's never too late for a shower of rain....which means it's never too late , it's never ever too late...xxxxx
Dancing is pure joy for me, almost extatic ❤ For anger management I did start with japanese Kendo Training (samurai sword fighting) and Iaido (more on getting mental focus and awareness, grounding)
Feeling safe has been a lifelong challenge. I chose to spend Christmas alone this year for this reason. I’ll be lonely, but I won’t be walking on eggshells either.
Katy it is literally only one day, it's all hyped up to be a big celebration, but it's not a big deal. You can do it, many, many more all doing it on their own.
Excellent! I did that for the first time last year. You will be in good company! Love and be good to yourself! Treat yourself the way you would prefer your loved ones to treat you. Merry Christmas to you! You’re making a good choice.
I'm only just now realizing at 46 that my whole life i have not felt "safe." And that i don't really know what actual safety feels like... Maybe we can talk about what it actually feels like to be safe?
Agreed- well I remember one time in my life where I felt safe but it was because of the man I was with at that time- I felt safe with him but on my own, I do not and have not felt safe, possibly my entire life. I didn’t realize it fully until this video ❤😮
thanks Richard, i remember commenting on here a few years back after getting out of a narcissistic marriage that almost ended my life . I mentioned in my comment that I was a clinical psychologist and got so many comments from people so surprised that I had married a narcissist. He was a medical consultant doctor and I was a Doctor of psychology the dream right ...lol fast forward to now and I am so at peace and healing still from so much and probably will always be healing but in a very beautiful way. Your videos and talks helped me more than any therapy I tried and I have a very interesting suspicion that the field of psychology is rife with narcissistic personalities loving the power of their positions!!!!!! Have a lovely christmas
Rife? Endemic. I doubt there is a graduated student who was not research personal angsts in order to self diagnose /seek harmony. Tricky bit is when te students ego learns that half the world think psychiatry/psychology means able to read minds. Several shrink associates over the years revealed that they were using their vocation to conceal their own traumas. Glad to hear ypu got on the mend. Its great being a knowing survivor.
You have no idea how much peace you brought me (and many others I believe). You taught me to be so much more patient with myself. You made the horror-struck voice in my head shouting “Narcissist! Narcissist!” calm down as I understood them more and realised I need to bring my attention back to me and highlight the initial problem that got me here - my unhealed mental state which made me drawn to unhealthy people. Thank you so much.
Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory is all about the nervous system states around degrees of safety. Social engagement, curiosity, learning capacity...all begins with safety. Thank you for addressing this most foundational truth about human wellbeing and potential.
Thanks for mentioning Stephen Porges and polyvagal theory - I really started to understand myself so much better after delving in the biology of trauma, and especially the polyvagal therapy lense 👍💚
I clearly remember the days of repeating in my mind "I am safe! I am stable! I am secure!" as my body rithed in energy flowing thru my nervous system. I wanted out of my body it was so uncomfortable with no peace. Be kind and patient with yourself. The physical effects/pain/discimfort/dis ease of trauma are real. Listen to yourself. Your body knows what it needs to ease the mind/nervous system. Please avoid unhealthy choices as they are a quick fix not a permanent solution. The more you listen to yourself and make positive choices for yourself the easier life gets and the better you feel. We each hold our own true needs within just have to listen to ourselves and not follow others. Yes seeking others solutions/opinions is necessary in life but before going to buy or do what others find helps them think is this what my body is telling me it needs. Only you know your body.
Feeling safe is THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. I pray everyone can feel this way like I do-and I want everyone to be safe and happy, especially your children!!!!! Your safety depends on YOU YOU YOU❤❤❤Time to put yourself IN CHECK-hobbies, exercise, therapy etc. Know the signs, keep your mind sharp, have common sense, use good judgment and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Once you heal, you will be so 💪🏽 strong and feel wonderful! I promise you, once you screw your head on straight-you will never fall victim to this crap again ❤❤❤You have to learn SELF CONTROL❤Keep being happy and dance like no one is watching!! 💃🏻
I remember each time I would go to the doctor they would ask me if I felt safe at home and I would look at them like, "are you crazy, who would admit that they didnt? Do you think I would say I didn't?" And that 2 weeks-2yrs after leaving my toxic marriage and being cut off by my family because the black sheep role isn't meant to be filled long term, i felt safety for the first time in my life and I didn't want to go back.
I just found out over a week ago, than im pregnant 💕 so i have officially healed my body to level it feels safe enought to get pregnant 🥰 (i have pcos, and had infertility for 2,5 years) And there is a change for 1-3 babies, because in insemination ultrasound there was 3 big follicles😍 and the estimated birth is 19.8, so they might be leo babies🦁
Richards courses are the best. They got me through some tough times 10 years ago. I agree about dancing and yoga and exercise in general. We need it to let go off stress. Highly recommend his courses. His voice is so soothing. ❤
This comes exactly at the time where I've finally realised I had never felt safe in my body and never knew how to until it dawned on me 3 weeks ago, after 2 years of doing your courses and seeing a massive change in my thinking and personality but still feeling awful physically. I'm shocked by the timing of this video coinciding with this discovery of mine. Thank you for addressing this, I think it was an essential complement to your courses
I hit the pool. I bought a pass a few weeks ago and have got there once. Its a start. I just try to do something everyday..a walk, a swim, stretching, trying to get to bed earlier, wiggle the tail feathers to some tunes, stretching and yoga, whatever and i keep within my limits now. Somedays my body and mind say to rest it up. I think if youre getting out of bed, youre winning. I used to 'forrest gump' it all out and do remote walks for miles and miles. Whatever the movement, gentle or going hard is such a great regulating tool. Thanks for all of your help throughout this journey and you do it really well. Thank for sharing your personal care approach
Thats so true. I visited a hypnotherapist and she helped me regulate my nervous system before I was able to do the more difficult work of therapy and working my goals.
Thank God who understand this kind of horrific abuse. It's so serious. Some people....most....don't have a clue the insidiousness of the cruelty. I want my life back. I am very determined. It's starting to hurt my physical health though. 12 long years of inflicted deliberate abuse, trying to just survive is my day.
It’s the first thing I do after going somewhere physically that’s safe, I sit down and tell myself that I’m safe, that I’m a grown up now and that the feelings (emotional flashback) is a photocopy of what I felt when I was a kid. Then I breathe deliberately and slowly until my nervous system down regulates :-)
Richard. Thank you. I have been attending a pain clinic for a while now…. All different health issues, including fibromyalgia. All specialists at the clinic, from different areas of expertise told me, that I need to work on feeling safe, in safety only our nervous system can heal… thought, I would share… I appreciate you Richard.
YES, RICHARD! Thank you for acknowledging this. I personally LOVE Prana, the breathing gymnastics app--even the free is phenomenal, altho quickly I went "pro" Guru version for life and there's a place for you to take notes: a great time to do emo literacy exercises!
I SO appreciate you getting more vulnerable and showing that side of you to us. It opens up new doors of healing for you and for us. I love it.. and I'm sure it wasn't easy at first or might still not be easy.. it really is helpful.
Love this 💚 Gentle but Powerful reminders. The mind/body is a whole eco system 💯 Definitely up for some Qi Gong tips! That would be a Joy Richard ! 😊 OK, 1st Jan it is...Let's do this! Strength & Solidarity ♾️ Happy Winter Solstice Beauties 💫
YES, please... Bring it on, January the 1st! 🎉🎉🎉 Merry Christmas, Richard!... as merry and Joyful as possible, with your sweetheart sister, nephews and friends... ❤❤❤
It helps to KNOW that I'm responsible for my own choices, and, more importantly, taking care of myself, including feeling safe. This is an important message for those who may be eager to learn and heal, but who may not be aware of what you say here. Thanks, Richard!
Thank you for this, Richard. Feeling safe is so important. When I don't feel safe, I leave. It doesn't matter if it is PTSD. I took a creative writing class and felt triggered after a few months. I left the Zoom meeting to sort out my feelings first. I will address the triggers before deciding if I want to continue the class or not.
I did that first challenge with you and Danny and it changed my life. I got my chronic illness diagnosed and am months away from remission.I got into a proper trauma therapy,physio,kinesiologist, lost 85lbs. Walking everyday,meditations no more caffeine. The only part I still struggle with is sleep but that is my focus this year. All of this has been VERY hard work but watching your podcasts doing your course on overcoming a narcissist helped tremendously. Do the 30 day challenge and change your life.
Yes , it’s been what 4 to 5 years already from my first 30 day challenge!? Yet, the no caffeine was no possibility for me especially now at Christmas with fresh ground coffee beans, a splash of egg nog, cream, sugar, and a dusting of my homemade pumpkin spice mix in the morning! It brings a smile to my face and a hardy hand clap after the sign of the cross to Christ to bless my food and drink! As does the excitement in turn of events for us all, both private and public we now share for the new year 2025….okay can you tell I’m inspired!? Yes! Yes, and yes! Like an archer pulls back his bow may we pierce the very heart of all that distracts us to achieve all that freedom and Christ’s mercy allows us! Cheers to worthy acceptance of challenge and every one be victoriously overcome! “God gave man free will; He granted him the right to choose freely the path of evil or the path of good, and He does not hinder that freedom. When one is on the path of evil, God tries in various ways to bring him to his senses, to make him understand that he has chosen for himself a dangerous path, a path that will lead him to perdition.” ~ Archbishop Averky (Taushev) The Struggle for Virtue: Asceticism in a Modern Secular Society p.122
Can’t thank you enough Richard for your work, the free courses on emotional flashbacks worked so well, I am working through your online courses and the progress is phenomenal. I hvave my life and my body back at 57. May everything you wish for come your way.
So important. I was not feeling safe when I started therapy. Not able to regulate. Brain was too overwhelmed with emotions. I don’t remember you speaking about this years ago. Just being active, into nature brings me into a state of safety. I wasn’t regulated when I saw you at UCLA, but the information was invaluable. Dancing is one of the best for me! TA Richard. 6 yrs of this journey, listening-watching you, therapy and collective involvement. Life is good. Finding the peace and balance. 😊
Excellent reminder, Richard. Doing the hand mnemonic while walking in nature really helped me through an immensely stressful and dysregulating considerable number of months full of flashbacks, dissociation and procrastination. Your 30-day challenge and various courses were amazing and very helpful also. And dance is fun, somatic grounding and great for regulating/connecting with yourself and others; I do tango which, like other dances, requires and brings presence, calm, safety and trust in yourself and your partner.
I absolutely agree and dancing is my main stress relief and I'm not sure what the world for me would be like without my music. Either going to my favorite club and dancing from 0:00 - 5:30 and driving towards sunset on my way back home, or simply plugging in my earbuds and releasing my thoughts while dancing at home. Love it! ❤
Ps I stayed healthy throughout my abuse.. 15 years. Recovery brutal. Only maybe halfway healed... By a plant based diet, prioritizing sleep, exercise.. Etc thank God.
@teresagalvin6233 a quick or long answer. Lol.. One word really, nutrition. I am glad to explain the long answer. It is truly a thousand reasons it works so well..
@itchyscratch3829 that is absolutely correct. I surely don't look down on meat eaters. Almost everyone I know eats meat. It doesn't offend me.. I do buy honey and leather.. I am not a stern argumentive vegan. It makes me sick when I see them. I buy meat for my gardeners at times.. That is what they like.
Blew my mind when a client said "next year" will be 5 years since start of Pandemic 🤯 What a blur!😂 often dance in my lounge room, it's fab. ❤ yr content Richard & have a lovely Christmas 🎄 👋 from Australia 🇦🇺
It's your own health plan with your own favorite physical therapy routine. Your favorite positive message music to dance to helps. Set the tone and intent in your very own plan.
Thanks Richard Good chat ! Yeah I meditate BI-daily OR more Used to go to social dancing Salsa and Bachata, meringe etc..😢 in Melbourne... Yep I do the breathing thing, feel safe in my body... . Weirdly enough, despite all that's gone down, and the ex is still stalking, I have learnt to trust myself, my body, my intuition, and feel a big peaceful space inside that I love so much....so when it all gets really chaotic on the outside ( ex stalking trespassing etc).then I pause, and stop whatever I am doing ( even pul over if I'm driving).and go within .....connect ❤️💫 I do feel safe inside and within my body 💖
One year ago, exactly the time I started to feel confused because of my toxic relationship, really needed to regulate myself. A colleague noticed on me the difference and suggested me to start working out. Went to a gym, 6/7, for weight lifting and yoga. One year after have my peace and a great body. I read somewhere that the working out activities generally help the brain to produce increasing hormones which make us be, feel and seem much better!!!
Yes, I have a friend who will go dance in the open field. The neighbors call the cops. What a person at peace he is. Cops generally leave bewildered. Dance and go within my friend.
Richard : You did actually recognise this in me many years ago and honestly, it was life changing. I was doing your emotional flashback course and I emailed you where you said to me “it sounds like you’re having a furious response to this particular exercise. So stop. Stop them now. Just enjoy your surroundings.” You always knew. I could not recommend you enough. This was probably around 2018. I’m MUCH BETTER now. And I’ll never forget what you said and recognised. I use this now in the work I do in equine therapy etc etc. in running meditation. Prayer. Meditation. Nature. Seaside walks. Etc. I want to a Sam Vaknin and you seminar in London possibly your first one and left early…. Was great though. You are made of absolute gold. Sam Vaknin a great help too. Thank you both. Merry Christmas 🎄
THIS!!! Is an aspect I’ve just started to learn that I’ve been missing!!! If anyone can point me in any directions for any/all techniques to do this I’d appreciate it so much. I’ve actually noticed I’m disassociating 90% of the time. I had to move back in w my parents & don’t feel comfortable here & over the last year it’s caused me to hide & stay in this room & disassociate non stop. I’ve almost become non functional it’s embarrassing
Wonderful observations- experiencing being in a narcissistically abusive relationship leaves one feeling, for lack of a better term, as though you’ve been emotionally raped. I don’t think that’s being overly dramatic either. Having experienced a SA I will say the abusive relationship was significantly more difficult to establish a sense of safety in myself thereafter. Your soul is invaded and you don’t even see it coming. Richard you always offer spot on, practical strategies that are smartly born of academic evidence, moral philosophical principles, and personal lived experience. Thank you for continuing to give hope to the hopeless.
Thank you for all you do Richard. You have helped me so much in many aspects of my life. Going to the gym and walks clear my head and help my nervous system. I have just turned 61 am and still learning. Merry Christmas❤
Thank you for this. I learned a lot from you. Took a challenge years ago. I wasn't in a safe space. Also kinda locked inside. I tried to open up. Something happened. I withdrew. I appreciate you sharing this message. It matters ❣️
EFT or tapping is helpful to redirect thoughts and create an energetic balance. It’s hard to give oneself their own time when in the process of healing from narcissistic conditioning 1:05 because I know I look like one❤ It’s gold when a person can see oneself and be conscious but not self-conscious or lacking in confidence.
I have not watched you for a while, I do not know why because you were a big part of my recovery journey, this message was so timely thanks you yet again ❤
Excellent. Richard, you just articulated what I have been looking for. I never needed to find a “safe” place until I got involved with someone (NPD) who often can control my nervous system at the drop of a hat, even from 5000 miles away. That pisses me off the most. I can’t allow myself to be triggered anymore. This will help greatly! Thanks! Perfect.❤
You help a lot of people - You also where one of the narcissist experts that helped me some years ago, when I was hostage in that kind of relationship. Love from Sunlight Luciano in Denmark.
I'm only just learning about my nervous system, my brain (amygdala hippocampus). 3 weeks ago, I saw the Narc. I put my head down, pretended I didn't see them, grabbed the supermarket trolley and kept walking. That fucker walked right behind me. I still feel the energy right between my back shoulder blades. My counselor said, yup, that's trauma trapped in my body. I'm now learning about the power of excerice etc to release this awful stuff out of my body. Thanks dude for all your videos xx
When I exercise and I literally feel stronger it’s impossible not to affect my mental state. I was surprised how much people overlook physical aspect. I wouldn’t feel in control of my life if I was a jelly
Oh my gosh thank you!! I know how important it is to feel safe first, and I had been so consistent and able to switch back easily, but in the past couple weeks or so I've begun to really struggle with it! lol I just observed/was trying not to panic working on the course tonight :) Wow thanks so much!!! And yes, please do share your methods all ears! :)
Dear Richard. It's been three years since I've run away from my husband, with two kids, than I've found your videos looking for an explanations as to what happened with our lifes. Now I know, it had never been real, it was only an illusion. I could write a novel describing our story and all the suffering we've been through. Thank you so much, you were my light during the most painful days, when I was so close to death, after 20 years of marriage with pure evil that I've been desperately in love with.. I have survived, I saved my kids also. It took me three years to recover from the state of shock that I've been living an illusion for 20 years. And It still isn't over, I didn't get divorsed yet, but now I have experienced the beauty of life, it is so beautiful to be free, to be happy, to be me. I am not afraid amymore, because I know I will never go back. Even without divorse we are done. Thank you so much.
Emotions are primal Hit the right 👉pointer emotional reactions are to mind pzin or physical pain to pain . We are animals like other life feel pain the same .
Thank-you Richard. It is great that you mention safety and feeling safe. It doesn't seem to get bought up a lot and it is good that you have discussed it. I am not a big Yoga person, I did, a couple of years ago, ballet. I really need to start doing this again. Yes, it is online and no, I am not a young thin thing. I am slightly overweight and over 40. LOL.
I dealt with extreme feelings of physiological "unsafety" for a long time and then a couple years ago I realized that a lot of my issues were due to nutritional deficiencies, mainly thiamine deficiency, which is not paid much attention to unless you're on death's door. Just throwing it out there as something to consider for anyone reading. There is a wonderful book titled "Thiamine Disease, Dysautonomia, and High-Calorie Malnutrition" that helped me understand the impact of thiamine deficiency on my mitochondria and my nervous system.
The lesson comes when the student is ready, right? I believe this is possibly exactly the perfect time to hear this, at least for me. Thanks so much, Richard ♥️
For me it’s so true about the gym. I can feel absolutely horrible mentally and absolutely exhausted, then force myself to the gym and get though my 1st 5 min lifting exercise and already feel a load better. By the time I leave I feel sooo much better! Pain in my body is gone and mentally I’m a new woman. I swear, the gym is therapy for the body.
And mind-I was crippled by PTSD and isolated for four years after ridding myself of every toxic relationship, family, friend, what have you. I joined a gym a year ago and was talked into power lifting. I'm 63 and I've never felt better-it truly is life changing.
@ that’s AMAZING!!!!!!
ive been thinking of doing gym
@@jennifergodwin29 that is because the science down to how good exercise is for our bodies..
It is beyond a superfood.
After I went no contact with the narc, 11 Months ago, I was so drained and exhausted, went through therapy and am feeling better.However, I am still not able to set foot in the gym , I go swimming and I just don’t have the energy to do it. I m taking your advice today! And I ll go to the gym and I hope 🤞 I ll get back my routine ( I used to train since I was 17 years old 3 to 4 times a week) . Thank u for giving me the motivation 🙏🏻
Richard, You have been a wonderful guide to me on my recovery from a narcissist, divorce and slowly rebuilding my life at age 75. Your humour is also much appreciated! Thank you.
Thank you for posting, I have started my recovery with God's Grace assisting aged 53. Xxx. It's never too late for a shower of rain....which means it's never too late , it's never ever too late...xxxxx
@lovethis2105 You both give confidence..I'm 66 and just learning.
dancing has always been my favorite regulator ☺️
Kate Bush is a major inspiration for me here. Not in public mind 😂 just the kitchen 😘
Dancing is pure joy for me, almost extatic ❤ For anger management I did start with japanese Kendo Training (samurai sword fighting) and Iaido (more on getting mental focus and awareness, grounding)
Feeling safe has been a lifelong challenge. I chose to spend Christmas alone this year for this reason. I’ll be lonely, but I won’t be walking on eggshells either.
😇
Katy it is literally only one day, it's all hyped up to be a big celebration, but it's not a big deal. You can do it, many, many more all doing it on their own.
Good on you. That sounds lovely and mellow 😊
Excellent! I did that for the first time last year. You will be in good company! Love and be good to yourself! Treat yourself the way you would prefer your loved ones to treat you. Merry Christmas to you! You’re making a good choice.
Needs to be a club for this.
I'm only just now realizing at 46 that my whole life i have not felt "safe." And that i don't really know what actual safety feels like... Maybe we can talk about what it actually feels like to be safe?
Agreed- well I remember one time in my life where I felt safe but it was because of the man I was with at that time- I felt safe with him but on my own, I do not and have not felt safe, possibly my entire life. I didn’t realize it fully until this video ❤😮
Excellent mention!
YESSSS!
@AngieMoTheWeatherHo 🪷
I second this comment, I also have said almost this exact same thing to my therapist.
thanks Richard, i remember commenting on here a few years back after getting out of a narcissistic marriage that almost ended my life . I mentioned in my comment that I was a clinical psychologist and got so many comments from people so surprised that I had married a narcissist. He was a medical consultant doctor and I was a Doctor of psychology the dream right ...lol fast forward to now and I am so at peace and healing still from so much and probably will always be healing but in a very beautiful way. Your videos and talks helped me more than any therapy I tried and I have a very interesting suspicion that the field of psychology is rife with narcissistic personalities loving the power of their positions!!!!!! Have a lovely christmas
I think you are corrects any filed with a position of power and respected position will have narcs there.
Rife?
Endemic.
I doubt there is a graduated student who was not research personal angsts in order to self diagnose /seek harmony.
Tricky bit is when te students ego learns that half the world think psychiatry/psychology means able to read minds.
Several shrink associates over the years revealed that they were using their vocation to conceal their own traumas.
Glad to hear ypu got on the mend. Its great being a knowing survivor.
Iv'e never felt so scared in my life, in this angry, angry world we live in.
I'm a big strong guy, but this world now really scares me.
A lot of that is just online and not in the real world there are still a lot of good people out there
It's always been wild and dangerous, you were just temporarily comfortable.
Me too. There seems to be more violence, often unprovoked, plus cyber crime. Need to be more aware these days.
I concur.
No 8ts out in world too
You have no idea how much peace you brought me (and many others I believe). You taught me to be so much more patient with myself. You made the horror-struck voice in my head shouting “Narcissist! Narcissist!” calm down as I understood them more and realised I need to bring my attention back to me and highlight the initial problem that got me here - my unhealed mental state which made me drawn to unhealthy people. Thank you so much.
Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory is all about the nervous system states around degrees of safety. Social engagement, curiosity, learning capacity...all begins with safety. Thank you for addressing this most foundational truth about human wellbeing and potential.
Thanks for mentioning Stephen Porges and polyvagal theory - I really started to understand myself so much better after delving in the biology of trauma, and especially the polyvagal therapy lense 👍💚
Your videos are literally saving my life..
You nailed it!! I had to regulate my nervous system first!! Sending u lots of love and light! ❤
I clearly remember the days of repeating in my mind "I am safe! I am stable! I am secure!" as my body rithed in energy flowing thru my nervous system. I wanted out of my body it was so uncomfortable with no peace. Be kind and patient with yourself. The physical effects/pain/discimfort/dis ease of trauma are real. Listen to yourself. Your body knows what it needs to ease the mind/nervous system. Please avoid unhealthy choices as they are a quick fix not a permanent solution. The more you listen to yourself and make positive choices for yourself the easier life gets and the better you feel. We each hold our own true needs within just have to listen to ourselves and not follow others. Yes seeking others solutions/opinions is necessary in life but before going to buy or do what others find helps them think is this what my body is telling me it needs. Only you know your body.
Feeling safe is THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. I pray everyone can feel this way like I do-and I want everyone to be safe and happy, especially your children!!!!! Your safety depends on YOU YOU YOU❤❤❤Time to put yourself IN CHECK-hobbies, exercise, therapy etc. Know the signs, keep your mind sharp, have common sense, use good judgment and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Once you heal, you will be so 💪🏽 strong and feel wonderful! I promise you, once you screw your head on straight-you will never fall victim to this crap again ❤❤❤You have to learn SELF CONTROL❤Keep being happy and dance like no one is watching!! 💃🏻
I remember each time I would go to the doctor they would ask me if I felt safe at home and I would look at them like, "are you crazy, who would admit that they didnt? Do you think I would say I didn't?" And that 2 weeks-2yrs after leaving my toxic marriage and being cut off by my family because the black sheep role isn't meant to be filled long term, i felt safety for the first time in my life and I didn't want to go back.
I just found out over a week ago, than im pregnant 💕 so i have officially healed my body to level it feels safe enought to get pregnant 🥰 (i have pcos, and had infertility for 2,5 years)
And there is a change for 1-3 babies, because in insemination ultrasound there was 3 big follicles😍 and the estimated birth is 19.8, so they might be leo babies🦁
Richards courses are the best. They got me through some tough times 10 years ago. I agree about dancing and yoga and exercise in general. We need it to let go off stress. Highly recommend his courses. His voice is so soothing. ❤
This comes exactly at the time where I've finally realised I had never felt safe in my body and never knew how to until it dawned on me 3 weeks ago, after 2 years of doing your courses and seeing a massive change in my thinking and personality but still feeling awful physically. I'm shocked by the timing of this video coinciding with this discovery of mine. Thank you for addressing this, I think it was an essential complement to your courses
You have been a tremendous help to me with your videos. Thank you. Two years now, feeling better.
I hit the pool. I bought a pass a few weeks ago and have got there once. Its a start. I just try to do something everyday..a walk, a swim, stretching, trying to get to bed earlier, wiggle the tail feathers to some tunes, stretching and yoga, whatever and i keep within my limits now. Somedays my body and mind say to rest it up. I think if youre getting out of bed, youre winning. I used to 'forrest gump' it all out and do remote walks for miles and miles. Whatever the movement, gentle or going hard is such a great regulating tool.
Thanks for all of your help throughout this journey and you do it really well.
Thank for sharing your personal care approach
Thats so true. I visited a hypnotherapist and she helped me regulate my nervous system before I was able to do the more difficult work of therapy and working my goals.
Thank God who understand this kind of horrific abuse. It's so serious. Some people....most....don't have a clue the insidiousness of the cruelty. I want my life back. I am very determined. It's starting to hurt my physical health though. 12 long years of inflicted deliberate abuse, trying to just survive is my day.
Sending you love, Richard ❤
Morning stretching helps your body flush the limbic system. Body awareness exercises and meditative walks are a good place to start.
It’s the first thing I do after going somewhere physically that’s safe, I sit down and tell myself that I’m safe, that I’m a grown up now and that the feelings (emotional flashback) is a photocopy of what I felt when I was a kid. Then I breathe deliberately and slowly until my nervous system down regulates :-)
U have been guiding us in the right direction ...and your videos have helped a lot of people change their life for betterment ...
Richard. Thank you. I have been attending a pain clinic for a while now…. All different health issues, including fibromyalgia. All specialists at the clinic, from different areas of expertise told me, that I need to work on feeling safe, in safety only our nervous system can heal… thought, I would share… I appreciate you Richard.
Bless you and thank you, Richard.
YES, RICHARD! Thank you for acknowledging this. I personally LOVE Prana, the breathing gymnastics app--even the free is phenomenal, altho quickly I went "pro" Guru version for life and there's a place for you to take notes: a great time to do emo literacy exercises!
"I feel safe inside of my own body." Thank you. ❤
Happy Christmas Podcast Bro!! The very main thing for ME to remember is to never again drift far from this community!
Bro, you're my favorite podcast bro. 😅 Thanks for thinking of our best interest. Always good to hear from you, Richie.
I SO appreciate you getting more vulnerable and showing that side of you to us. It opens up new doors of healing for you and for us. I love it.. and I'm sure it wasn't easy at first or might still not be easy.. it really is helpful.
Oh this is such perfect synchronicity for me. Feeling safe is my major focus at the moment. Thanks Richard. I’ll be there. Can’t wait!😊
Love this 💚 Gentle but Powerful reminders. The mind/body is a whole eco system 💯
Definitely up for some Qi Gong tips! That would be a Joy Richard ! 😊
OK, 1st Jan it is...Let's do this!
Strength & Solidarity ♾️
Happy Winter Solstice Beauties 💫
YES, please... Bring it on, January the 1st! 🎉🎉🎉 Merry Christmas, Richard!... as merry and Joyful as possible, with your sweetheart sister, nephews and friends... ❤❤❤
It helps to KNOW that I'm responsible for my own choices, and, more importantly, taking care of myself, including feeling safe. This is an important message for those who may be eager to learn and heal, but who may not be aware of what you say here. Thanks, Richard!
Thank you for this, Richard. Feeling safe is so important. When I don't feel safe, I leave. It doesn't matter if it is PTSD. I took a creative writing class and felt triggered after a few months. I left the Zoom meeting to sort out my feelings first. I will address the triggers before deciding if I want to continue the class or not.
I did that first challenge with you and Danny and it changed my life.
I got my chronic illness diagnosed and am months away from remission.I got into a proper trauma therapy,physio,kinesiologist, lost 85lbs.
Walking everyday,meditations no more caffeine.
The only part I still struggle with is sleep but that is my focus this year.
All of this has been VERY hard work but watching your podcasts doing your course on overcoming a narcissist helped tremendously.
Do the 30 day challenge and change your life.
Yes , it’s been what 4 to 5 years already from my first 30 day challenge!?
Yet, the no caffeine was no possibility for me especially now at Christmas with fresh ground coffee beans, a splash of egg nog, cream, sugar, and a dusting of my homemade pumpkin spice mix in the morning! It brings a smile to my face and a hardy hand clap after the sign of the cross to Christ to bless my food and drink! As does the excitement in turn of events for us all, both private and public we now share for the new year 2025….okay can you tell I’m inspired!? Yes! Yes, and yes!
Like an archer pulls back his bow may we pierce the very heart of all that distracts us to achieve all that freedom and Christ’s mercy allows us!
Cheers to worthy acceptance of challenge and every one be victoriously overcome!
“God gave man free will; He granted him the right to choose freely the path of evil or the path of good, and He does not hinder that freedom. When one is on the path of evil, God tries in various ways to bring him to his senses, to make him understand that he has chosen for himself a dangerous path, a path that will lead him to perdition.” ~
Archbishop Averky (Taushev)
The Struggle for Virtue: Asceticism in a Modern Secular Society p.122
❤ It’s a recovery process that is long and difficult. I eat a lot of magnesium.
Thank you for your work.
Can’t thank you enough Richard for your work, the free courses on emotional flashbacks worked so well, I am working through your online courses and the progress is phenomenal. I hvave my life and my body back at 57. May everything you wish for come your way.
Saying thanks to Richard for his work. He has helped me so much over the last couple of years.
So important. I was not feeling safe when I started therapy. Not able to regulate. Brain was too overwhelmed with emotions. I don’t remember you speaking about this years ago. Just being active, into nature brings me into a state of safety.
I wasn’t regulated when I saw you at UCLA, but the information was invaluable.
Dancing is one of the best for me! TA Richard. 6 yrs of this journey, listening-watching you, therapy and collective involvement. Life is good. Finding the peace and balance. 😊
Thanks!
Excellent reminder, Richard. Doing the hand mnemonic while walking in nature really helped me through an immensely stressful and dysregulating considerable number of months full of flashbacks, dissociation and procrastination. Your 30-day challenge and various courses were amazing and very helpful also. And dance is fun, somatic grounding and great for regulating/connecting with yourself and others; I do tango which, like other dances, requires and brings presence, calm, safety and trust in yourself and your partner.
100% agree and yes, would love demonstration of techniques people can try and then keep what works for them ❤❤❤
I absolutely agree and dancing is my main stress relief and I'm not sure what the world for me would be like without my music. Either going to my favorite club and dancing from 0:00 - 5:30 and driving towards sunset on my way back home, or simply plugging in my earbuds and releasing my thoughts while dancing at home. Love it! ❤
Thank you 😊
Excellent advice. Thank you.
I've triggered myself out of stubbornness & perseverance more than once & it sucks to start from there.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Ps I stayed healthy throughout my abuse.. 15 years. Recovery brutal. Only maybe halfway healed...
By a plant based diet, prioritizing sleep, exercise.. Etc thank God.
True
Interesting can i ask what does plant based do for healing
Others swear by a carnivore diet. Whatever works for each individual person I guess.
@teresagalvin6233 a quick or long answer. Lol.. One word really, nutrition.
I am glad to explain the long answer. It is truly a thousand reasons it works so well..
@itchyscratch3829 that is absolutely correct. I surely don't look down on meat eaters. Almost everyone I know eats meat. It doesn't offend me.. I do buy honey and leather.. I am not a stern argumentive vegan. It makes me sick when I see them. I buy meat for my gardeners at times.. That is what they like.
Blew my mind when a client said "next year" will be 5 years since start of Pandemic 🤯
What a blur!😂 often dance in my lounge room, it's fab.
❤ yr content Richard & have a lovely Christmas 🎄 👋 from Australia 🇦🇺
Love this. Thank you, Richard.
Thank you for the video 👍😊
Thanks for the reminder and tips 🎄🙏✨️
This guy is so cool
Bang on that 👌 an element of cynicism in therapy safety etc - discernment. Let’s not dig ourselves deeper 😊 very very good point.
This helps so much, thanks!
It's your own health plan with your own favorite physical therapy routine. Your favorite positive message music to dance to helps. Set the tone and intent in your very own plan.
I'm so excited. I'm doing this 30 day challenge. I've been waiting for you to start a new round. And this is exactly what I need.
Thanks Richard
Good chat !
Yeah I meditate BI-daily OR more
Used to go to social dancing Salsa and Bachata, meringe etc..😢 in Melbourne...
Yep I do the breathing thing, feel safe in my body...
.
Weirdly enough, despite all that's gone down, and the ex is still stalking, I have learnt to trust myself, my body, my intuition, and feel a big peaceful space inside that I love so much....so when it all gets really chaotic on the outside ( ex stalking trespassing etc).then I pause, and stop whatever I am doing ( even pul over if I'm driving).and go within .....connect ❤️💫
I do feel safe inside and within my body 💖
One year ago, exactly the time I started to feel confused because of my toxic relationship, really needed to regulate myself. A colleague noticed on me the difference and suggested me to start working out. Went to a gym, 6/7, for weight lifting and yoga. One year after have my peace and a great body. I read somewhere that the working out activities generally help the brain to produce increasing hormones which make us be, feel and seem much better!!!
I did the same thing and the difference in my mental health is profound. I wish more would take this route!
Yes, I have a friend who will go dance in the open field. The neighbors call the cops. What a person at peace he is. Cops generally leave bewildered. Dance and go within my friend.
Thank you very much for your site. I’m sorry that you had to go through this in order to help others. Bless you.
Richard : You did actually recognise this in me many years ago and honestly, it was life changing.
I was doing your emotional flashback course and I emailed you where you said to me “it sounds like you’re having a furious response to this particular exercise. So stop. Stop them now. Just enjoy your surroundings.”
You always knew.
I could not recommend you enough. This was probably around 2018. I’m MUCH BETTER now. And I’ll never forget what you said and recognised. I use this now in the work I do in equine therapy etc etc. in running meditation. Prayer. Meditation. Nature. Seaside walks. Etc. I want to a Sam Vaknin and you seminar in London possibly your first one and left early…. Was great though.
You are made of absolute gold. Sam
Vaknin a great help too. Thank you both.
Merry Christmas 🎄
THIS!!! Is an aspect I’ve just started to learn that I’ve been missing!!! If anyone can point me in any directions for any/all techniques to do this I’d appreciate it so much. I’ve actually noticed I’m disassociating 90% of the time. I had to move back in w my parents & don’t feel comfortable here & over the last year it’s caused me to hide & stay in this room & disassociate non stop. I’ve almost become non functional it’s embarrassing
Thank you for reminding me to just breath
Happy holidays 🎄I hope Santa is good to you 🎅🏼❤️🔥💪☯️🖖🦋
Wonderful observations- experiencing being in a narcissistically abusive relationship leaves one feeling, for lack of a better term, as though you’ve been emotionally raped. I don’t think that’s being overly dramatic either. Having experienced a SA I will say the abusive relationship was significantly more difficult to establish a sense of safety in myself thereafter. Your soul is invaded and you don’t even see it coming. Richard you always offer spot on, practical strategies that are smartly born of academic evidence, moral philosophical principles, and personal lived experience. Thank you for continuing to give hope to the hopeless.
Thank you for all you do Richard. You have helped me so much in many aspects of my life.
Going to the gym and walks clear my head and help my nervous system. I have just turned 61 am and still learning.
Merry Christmas❤
Thank you for this. I learned a lot from you. Took a challenge years ago. I wasn't in a safe space. Also kinda locked inside. I tried to open up. Something happened. I withdrew. I appreciate you sharing this message. It matters ❣️
This is the first time I’ve thought about “being safe” as a conscious idea. Thank you. ❤
Unreal! Excellent clip!
Merry Christmas Richard 🎄
EFT or tapping is helpful to redirect thoughts and create an energetic balance.
It’s hard to give oneself their own time when in the process of healing from narcissistic conditioning
1:05 because I know I look like one❤
It’s gold when a person can see oneself and be conscious but not self-conscious or lacking in confidence.
I have not watched you for a while, I do not know why because you were a big part of my recovery journey,
this message was so timely thanks you
yet again ❤
Thank you Richard
Excellent. Richard, you just articulated what I have been looking for. I never needed to find a “safe” place until I got involved with someone (NPD) who often can control my nervous system at the drop of a hat, even from 5000 miles away. That pisses me off the most. I can’t allow myself to be triggered anymore. This will help greatly! Thanks! Perfect.❤
Regulate nervous system = safety 👏👏😌😌
You help a lot of people - You also where one of the narcissist experts that helped me some years ago, when I was hostage in that kind of relationship. Love from Sunlight Luciano in Denmark.
I would really love the Qi Gong advice please, however brief :) happy Christmas 😊
Good to see all positive comments. This man deserves the Nobel Prize. I tell everyone who is dealing with a partner with npd to check him out.
Excellent. Bro those noises. Im starting a Wim Hof Series, doing it ever since. Ice bath at 5 degrees celcius calms me down for hours and days.
I'm only just learning about my nervous system, my brain (amygdala hippocampus). 3 weeks ago, I saw the Narc. I put my head down, pretended I didn't see them, grabbed the supermarket trolley and kept walking. That fucker walked right behind me. I still feel the energy right between my back shoulder blades. My counselor said, yup, that's trauma trapped in my body. I'm now learning about the power of excerice etc to release this awful stuff out of my body. Thanks dude for all your videos xx
When I exercise and I literally feel stronger it’s impossible not to affect my mental state. I was surprised how much people overlook physical aspect. I wouldn’t feel in control of my life if I was a jelly
Oh my gosh thank you!! I know how important it is to feel safe first, and I had been so consistent and able to switch back easily, but in the past couple weeks or so I've begun to really struggle with it! lol I just observed/was trying not to panic working on the course tonight :) Wow thanks so much!!! And yes, please do share your methods all ears! :)
Thank you for sharing this so humbly and honestly. What a wonderful reminder.
Dear Richard. It's been three years since I've run away from my husband, with two kids, than I've found your videos looking for an explanations as to what happened with our lifes. Now I know, it had never been real, it was only an illusion. I could write a novel describing our story and all the suffering we've been through. Thank you so much, you were my light during the most painful days, when I was so close to death, after 20 years of marriage with pure evil that I've been desperately in love with.. I have survived, I saved my kids also. It took me three years to recover from the state of shock that I've been living an illusion for 20 years. And It still isn't over, I didn't get divorsed yet, but now I have experienced the beauty of life, it is so beautiful to be free, to be happy, to be me. I am not afraid amymore, because I know I will never go back. Even without divorse we are done. Thank you so much.
Thank you for all the great contribution you brought to my life and my healing journey, through all your content! Merry Christmas!
Hmmm. Seems like I have intuitively found a lot of that. Martial arts, gym, walking with my dog, stretching. Thanks Richard.
Emotions are primal
Hit the right 👉pointer
emotional reactions are to mind pzin or physical pain to pain .
We are animals like other life feel pain the same .
Your voice promotes safety… gotta be some sorta sound healing in that lovely Scouse accent 🤭🤓Thank you as always Mr G
Thank-you Richard. It is great that you mention safety and feeling safe. It doesn't seem to get bought up a lot and it is good that you have discussed it. I am not a big Yoga person, I did, a couple of years ago, ballet. I really need to start doing this again. Yes, it is online and no, I am not a young thin thing. I am slightly overweight and over 40. LOL.
Grata tysm mate lots of Love from Portugal 🇵🇹 ❤XOXO and Happy holidays for you and your loved ones ✨️🎄🎀🎁☀️🌟🌠☃️💝☮️ tc and be safe Richard 😊
on point!🙏
I dealt with extreme feelings of physiological "unsafety" for a long time and then a couple years ago I realized that a lot of my issues were due to nutritional deficiencies, mainly thiamine deficiency, which is not paid much attention to unless you're on death's door. Just throwing it out there as something to consider for anyone reading. There is a wonderful book titled "Thiamine Disease, Dysautonomia, and High-Calorie Malnutrition" that helped me understand the impact of thiamine deficiency on my mitochondria and my nervous system.
The lesson comes when the student is ready, right? I believe this is possibly exactly the perfect time to hear this, at least for me. Thanks so much, Richard ♥️
I will give it a try.
And also back it up with breathwork exercises.
I will inform myself.
Thanks.
Good point!
💯% - spikes of adrenaline for me 🥴. I'm thankful they're not happening as often now. Great information. Thank you Richard!
Thank you safety come first I’m am going to try date after 3 years.
Reviewing the risk prior to starting