It’s the dad who’s acting childish not the child. It breaks my heart to see how this perfect little angel gets treated. The parents treat him like a dog! They walk by him and pay no attention to him. The dad needs to let foster care take his child in and take care of him. I feel so lucky because at one point in my life when I was a kid my dad was drinking and abusing drugs and my mom went to court with him and she got custody of me. I was so lucky to have a good healthy parent that could take care of me. But then my dad turned his life around and got help and it has been 15 or 16 years since he’s drank and he is a WONDERFUL parent. He told me I saved his life and I was one of the main reasons that he got better. My parents are divorced but they are really good friends. I feel like that’s what kind of relationship god meant for my parents to have. So god bless this poor child. I wish I could pick him up and give him a huge hug and a kiss and tell him that I love him and that Jesus loves him too. And I want to give him a good home and help him with his speech. I love children like him. So I hope he is getting more affection by someone now. I have just fallen in love with this kid! So hang in there little guy angel’s are all around you and these social workers are special angels that protect children like you and they won’t let these mean people hurt you. So I send big hugs and kisses your way! Does anyone agree with me? Don’t you just want to pick him up and just hug and kiss him?
@@helenwhite2957 at least you were saved and your parents done the right thing for you your so lucky and thank god for your mother who got you away from the drinking and your dad who stopped drinking and drugs he’s a strong person
@@soul7530 yeah there’s is food banks and stuff but he’s parents didn’t care enough to apply for anything just left the child without and not brushing he’s teeth it’s terrible
The way Michael is on the camera, makes you think what's he like behind closed doors. I think giving your child up is a major decision, and she has did the right thing. I hope she has support after this, and the bab grows up so happy an healthy. We need a follow up to this one!
They have mental and psychological issues BECAUSE they were in fukn foster care! Do understand that!! Somebody should have been there from the beginning to help, not to finish destroying 😢!
I think the mother even though she didn’t have the ability to parent properly did really love her son, she made the right choice to have him adopted, it was a brave decision.
Sadly love is not always enough to care for a child but only a loving parent can understand that they aren't capable to care for it and give the child child up to have a better life. The dad was putting his pride before his childs well being and nothing showed that more than when he agreed to foster until mom got back but changed his mind because he felt insulted so he took the kid home knowing he couldn't care for him that's not love 😢😢 44:38 The dad seemed more focused on those toys than on his kid !! It's like he was just another kid playing with the toys.
Hes chances of being adopted are slim though with his age and special needs. It is likely he will grow up in the care system with no where to call home and will be a damaged adult.
I TOO HAD TO MAKE THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE I WAS RECOVERING FROM A VERY SERIOUS DRUNK DRIVER HIT AND RUN I KNEW MY SONS WERE GOING TO BE PREEMIES I HAD NO FINANCIAL WAY TO CARE FOR MY SONS SO I GAVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION I HAVE BEEN HAILED AS A HERO FOR DOING JUST THAT AT LEAST MY SONS WERE NOT ABUSED
@@lucyhope5069 yep what got me was "I don't brush my teeth so why should he brush his" vile vile man, but at the same time I think the dad is a product of his own environment that's how he was raised so he sees nothing wrong with it.
The first thing the little boy did upon realising his dad has put a stair gate on was to pick up his toy screwdriver and try to undo it. That kid is not daft!
As awful as the dad’s conduct and parenting is, it’s hard not to see him as a grown up little Toby :( this is why abuse and neglect cycles and repeats itself :(
Wonderfully caught.. I often stand with my jaw dropping.. Forgetting that these "parents" may well have had no stability or loving environment themselves as kids. I know some elements of my childhood seeped into my parenting now and again.. I caught them and tried to rectify them where I did/could.. I hope.. but I'm sure the ability to do that varies from person to person.
Tiffany has been abused by Narcissistic abusers her whole life and just literally understood that her kids, and she by extension, deserved better. I think she's just so broken, it was enormously admirable of her to relinquish her parental rights after seeing her kids thrive out of her care realizing she couldn't meet those expectations in her state of brokenness. Tiffany is an amazing yet highly flawed human being whose just been victimized by the ones who claimed to love her for her entire life. It's very heartbreaking for Tiffany but wonderful for her kids.
I’m sorry, didn’t Tiffany say that Mike hit her? Also, it was thought that the child was hit or being physically abused in some way. The dad is always yelling and angry, as well as telling his child to shut up when he is trying to talk. So….how is that not bad for their children? Learning disabilities or not, that’s not OK
I am so very proud of Tiffany for leaving Mike, she deserves much better!! I think she would have been a great parent in her own but only she knows her capabilities and her limits and what she needs to be a happy, healthy woman. Choosing what is best for your children even if that is adoption is what makes you a good and loving mom. God bless them all!
@@LukeLjJames you don't sound too good your self, not disputing that children should always come first. You are very ignorant to call every parent who needs support from SS as low life's and scum bags. You absolutely no nothing about other people and their circumstances! I had to have support short term after I had had my son because of health issues. Things worked out very successfully and my son is now graduated from uni, we both have a very close relationship and I lead my own life! Not every case with children with SS is to do with abuse, get your fact rights and stop being so prejudiced and uneducated! Some parents may need additional help for housing, it could be health it could be accessing the correct disability benefits for a child with special needs! It is NOT always a case of abuse and its people like you that that are actually very abusive with your accusations and false information, that pretty much makes you a low life!
@@LukeLjJames well well done you. Not many men can say that. And I hope you both go on to have a great life. And your right it’s never ending. But the scum bags comment was totally uncalled for. She gave her kids up in the end FOR THEM. You could see she was controlled by that man. Best thing he did was leave her. Yes the boy was very neglected but some people just ‘cant’ they don’t know how. You clearly have been lucky enough to have seen your son as a blessing. Some people sink. I don’t feel sorry for the dad he was arrogant and selfish. But I think the mum with the right help and support could have made a good mum?
the ending broke me 😭 she tried so hard and obviously loved her babies. she just needed support and showing how to be a mum. I really hope she's doing well now.
The contact session between Toby and his dad was heart-breaking! I wonder, seeing that, if Toby's language delay is because his parents just don't really speak to him so he's not picking up spoken language at home (you can't mimic what you never really hear!)
Thank you for your comment. That is a good observation. Currently in my Health and Social Care course, I have been learning about Lifespan and Development. We have covered many theories regarding children's social, intellectual, physical and emotional development. Intellectual development is crucial for Toby, and realistically by the age of around 3 years old he should be able to make simple sentences to express his needs, e.g 'I want drink'. at his age, 4, he should be able to make clear sentences that can be understood, even if the grammar isn't quite correct, e.g 'we met lots of peoples at the shop today'. Many theories all seem to agree that by 4, this should be the bare minimum, that a child should be able to communicate at a basic level. Although it is said in this episode that both parents weren't able to speak until around six years old, with the paediatrician suggesting that is the reason Toby might be struggling, I think that because the parents were so disengaged with his development, Toby had suffered as a result. This would then lead us to John Bowlby's attachment theory, where a new born forms an attachment to a primary care giver, often the mother. Attachment to a primary care giver is an essential factor in the child's development as a person, it quite literally dictates the rest of their lives. What I think happened is that the mother and father didn't quite know how to raise a child, which lead to them indirectly causing neglect, and possible emotional abuse as a consequence. They had mentioned earlier in the episode that they hadn't had a great upbringing, and were using their parent's parenting skills to raise Toby. I feel that if adequate support had been given to both the parents when Toby was born, and not four years later!, that they would have been able to properly form a more suitable attachment to Toby, which would have most definitely helped with Toby's intellectual development, because as you said, when Toby and his father were at the contact centre, the communication wasn't that great, also mentioned by the child psychologist. I assume that this also meant that communication between Toby and the parents was also quite minimal when at home. I think that the government need to give much more support to new parents, because I believe many people can be good parents, if they are given appropriate support and education, as raising a child is no doubt a very tough job, not exactly a walk in the park.
Yes probably had an effect but maybe the boy just had slow learning, I am not being rude but his dad didnt seem that smart an not very well spoken, so maybe its genetic too, I think they maybe did the wrong thing taking the boy away at 4 years old, thats far more traumatic probably then living in some messy house and with not very engaging chatty parents, His mum seemed to give him affection and I think social services should have maybe said to get rid of the dogs , not get rid of the boy who will probably never find a adopter now hes too old an has problems sigh
@@randommess6667 The issues were more than mess though. The boy didn't even has a bed!! There was mention of not brushing his teeth too, and he dad just didn't seem aware of his needs when he packed the overnight bag after mum got sick. The lack of engagement was so serious, it was emotional neglect, and the parents were also physically neglecting him, as well as failing to provide for his basic needs by not having so much as a mattress for their child. Given what was shown, I think it was right for the child to be removed from their care - the longer be stayed the worse it would have become. Poor lad. He was doing better in foster care too bless him.
@@WindInMyWings I know an it seems really bad to not have a bed and not brush his teeth , But maybe the child was fine sleeping without a bed, I have friend who sleeps on the floor every night lol his choice though, and my son has fallen asleep on the floor in the daytime so I suppose it cant have been that uncomfortable , So what im meaning to say is that I still dont think that is a terrible enough thing or more terrible then being taken from ur parents, the child ended up with a bed in the end, And teeth brushing sure it could be bad but how many kids need teeth removing because of parents giving theyre child alot of sweet drinks and chocolate, They dont get removed from theyre parents, It is a bad decision not to make the child do the teeth but it looked like they had started to do it after being told to, I dont agree its ok not to make your child do teeth but I know some people who didnt make theyre child because it was hard work as children dont always like it, I had to fight with my son to make him and some ppl would tell me I was cruel to do what I did, I am just saying people are different and sometmes dont always do right thing, But if they loved him whch the mum did seem to then it seem harsh to take him away from them when theres no guarentee he will find better parents or any parents
@@randommess6667 he had no bed.... no toothbrush.... there were dog faeces everywere.... they were told conditions need to improve three times..and they did absolutelynothing to fix it... and to top it off she gets pregnant again.... nah these parents were outright neglectful in every sense
I'm not a parent because, I wasn't cut out to a full-time mother. I'm totally in support of social services Their Job is impossible at times. . Toby deserves a lot better 👏 ❤
I think if more people were able to analyse their own will and capabilities when it came to parenthood, there wouldn't be so many unwanted, uncared for and downright abused children who (may) turn into dysfunctional adults and problematic members of society (like Mike). It's admirable for one to admit that they didn't have children because they felt they were not able to or did not want to parent children.
Tiffany, you are a good mother. What you did for your children, the ultimate sacrifice to give them a better life, the most difficult thing a mother could do, you did that because you're a good mother. I wish you nothing but the best, and I have nothing but respect for you as a mother.
Did we watch the same programme? Tiffany and the scum she's with are absolute lazy, fat neglectful slobs, he's 3 years of age and can't say a single word, she has never held that baby and done what all normal parents do and mouth words enthusiastically for the baby to watch and pick up on, dog faeces can cause a child to go blind and contract digestive parasites....good mother!? No. Sorry.
No way is she a good mother. She threw her children away and you're saying she is a good mother because she didn't continue to neglect them? She should be in prison.
I dont think she was a good mother but think she wanted to be a good mother just sadly she didnt have the ability I guess because she was depressed and other reasons too probably
She didn’t look after her kids and didn’t even try when they social workers were telling them what to do. She also actively lied multiple times about how much she was doing. As soon as Mike left, she decided she would give the kids up, so if they hadn’t split, she would have kept them. To me, that means ‘I wanted the man, not the kids.’ A good mother? I don’t think so.
It's actually very common for families with sen children to have a social worker. The key for success is getting a good one which unfortunately, a lot of families struggle with.
I'm so glad ours is fantastic, she's pushing our housing association for extra help with our situation just now too. I have three autistic kids, only, when the younger one was diagnosed, I was never offered any extra help or advice, it was a case of "your son has autism, now get out of my office" and I just had to cope with it, I wish we were able to roll the clock back because I would fight to get every ounce of help possible but I can't and to be honest, my boy has grown into a really fantastic young man, he's 21 now and he's so adorable
@@Rhiannonganon So, in other words, you had THREE autistic kids with no husband and expect the public to pay for you for the rest of your life. I think that sums it up.
I've got a social worker recently as I have severe mental health problems. There's a terrible stigma around why people have a social worker. I feel I have been seen differently since admitting I have one.
At one point he was more interested in the child game than even speaking to his son. Wouldn't even look up to say goodbye. That visit made me cry. Dad wasn't even trying.
There are an unbelievable amount of fathers that are like this and it's not talked about enough in society. It really is time for men to be held accountable as a parent the same way women are :/
I’m the bio child of foster carers, and for one of our kids, he was assessed as having a severe global developmental delay (such as Toby) yet when he stopped seeing his bio mother 3 times a week, he developed leaps and bounds, and is now naturally several years forward, presence of abusive parents is far more damaging than people realising, and that was just contact for an hour at a time.
I didn’t think I’d say this at the beginning, but I hope Tiffany was able to work on herself and become a better person, and I hope her two kids have had a decent upbringing!!
I feel so sorry for these social workers. They can't win. If they push for a child to be removed then they're home wreckers. If they do what they can to keep the child with his parents then they get accused of supporting abuse. I truly believe they're doing their best.
I remember watching this years ago, I really think Tiffany would have been a good mother without Mike and with support , She made a very brave decision and I hope Toby and Tiffany are both doing well x
45 minutes before you got off the couch!! Wtf. That contact with dad broke my heart Toby basically had an appointment for his dad to ignore him for an hour. Imagine not seeing your child and he bounds in and it takes you 45 minutes to even move. What a vile man he is
What got me was that from what this showed is the dad spent most of it in silence barely able to do much more then mong out at the toys instead of talking to his son or even just narrating what his son’s doing
@@leeshravioli6643 very sad, clearly generational neglect has been at play but we’re in the best time ever to understand generational failing and try to break those behaviours. You don’t have to be Einstein to meet your child’s emotional and physical needs. It just takes TIME and ATTENTION. I admire the mother for her sacrifice, she understood in the end
Oh my days, this is so so sad…to think there are children who suffer like this daily is just horrific….well done to these brave social workers who have the balls to step in and do what they can to help 😞
I’m a mum I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship and an almost 9 month old daughter from my current relationship. It broke my heart a bit when I saw toby putting his bag on and Mike didn’t even look in his direction.
And the way he pinned his arms back, the dad didn’t say no don’t hit just responded by grabbing his arms. You gotta speak to your child and wonder why he is responding with violence and not words smh
That "father" is as dangerous as a cocked gun. He's most likely very violent with the mom. You can just tell by the way she begins crying and begging for him to calm himself down. It's scary.
She said you get your parenting skills from your own parents and I don’t think that’s inherently true. I had really abusive neglectful parents and I’m now an adult with a toddler. She’s the absolute love of my life. I make all of her meals and take her on walks everyday, take her to the zoo often, am constantly playing with her, she “helps” 😉 me clean and cook and at 2 years old she knows her abcs her numbers and shapes learning how to draw her shapes and is starting to talk in full sentences. Sometimes we see how our parents raised us and it inspires us do anything we must to be the best parents we can
There is a saying, that an alcoholic with two kids has one who went on to be an alcoholic and one who swore never to drink. Ask the alcoholic sibling why they have this addiction, they say "I watched my parent". Ask the sober sibling why they never tried alcohol, they say "I watched my parent". I had a bad childhood too so I can relate to you, we are breaking the cycle. I hope you and your child have a wonderful future, and you get to heal ✨️
I agree, we are not just brought up by our parent but by communities that forms a society. Therefore, we have many influences and our choices do not necessarily have to be narrowed.
Quite telling when the social worker who was practically a stranger to the child was able to pick him up from being asleep and he's awoken fine. Sees mum and dad and instantly starts crying 😢
This isn’t a worrying sign, you see it a lot when children are picked up from nursery. One moment they’re happily playing with a toy next moment they see a parent they burst out crying. It’s a kind of relief, they’re back with the person who makes them feel the most safe and happiest again.
You really only see what you want to see.. Not defending the parents in any way, but at that particular moment he was reaching for his parents, in particular his dad (both before and after his mom got him).
Felt sorry for mum. She had a heart of gold but so many issues. Would love to know how she’s doing now. Dad was very aggressive and defensive, both had problems but I think mum with the right support and without him would have done well with just her and the kids. So sad. ❤
I dont understand why you feel sorry for her shes the mum whos suppose to protect comfort her little boy shes as bad as him if not worse she wasnt that tired she fell pregnant again no excuse we all have a bad past
The dad literally sat for an hour and didn’t talk while he examined toys that he couldn’t even figure out what hope would that child have and also the fact he has fathered so many children that have died tells me there is something wrong mentally physically. I don’t think Toby will be 100percent all there in the future unfortunately
Parents clearly have severe learning difficulties themselves. What a truly wretched situation for all involved. Wherever little Toby is now, I truly hope he is doing well.
Having learning difficulties can make the most loving parents putting in support workers teaching a routine and how to help parents support them THREATENING THE LOSS OF CHILDREN IS EVIL AND THAT STRESS ADDS TO PRESSURE PARENTS WITH LD HELP THEM BE BETTER PARENTS WITH SUPPORT - it’s cheaper than f foster care both financially and emotionally!
@ they couldn’t look after him and you have to ask the question when does the child’s needs and rights surpass the parent’s? They were given endless opportunities but at the end of the day, allowing a child to remain in a home surrounded by dog faeces, with no bed and witnessing domestic violence whilst receiving substandard care is abuse. He deserved better and we can say that whilst also acknowledging how tragic this was. I feel so sorry for his mum who was clearly trying but his dad didn’t give a shit.
If he didn’t have a shit why was he even involved with his son and why did fear the SWs? I think you are misjudging that dad - it takes a village to raise a child without support himself how can he be a effective dad ?
@@ascend2luv He was given help. He was given support. He was given a village - over and over. They bought him a bed. They bought him baby gates. They were offer parenting classes. He was antagonistic and confrontational at every turn, eventually turning violent against the mother. Are you truly saying that you watched the clip of him telling his three year old 'you're off with them now' without an ounce of emotion and can state he cared? He didn't fear social services, he resented their involvement and made no effort to improve his parenting for his son. 'I didn't speak until I was five.' 'I don't brush my teeth'. I - I - I - I - it was all about him, not an ounce of thought was given to Toby, his partner or the new baby. Mum, however, engaged with the team, took on board their suggestions, seemed open for change before ultimately deciding she lacked the tools to care for two children - that is a parent.
I can't help but feel like Mike sabotaged things for not only himself, but for Tiffany and Toby as well. I imagine there would've been far more progress if he wasn't yelling at the social workers and denying anything needed to be changed. His intentions just seemed so different from Tiffany's, too. When the social workers arrived, Tiffany was thinking about what life away from her would be like for TOBY, and Mike only expressed concerns about how the situation affected himself. Mike was just so oblivious to Toby and his needs, but Tiffany seemed more interested in her son and what he needed. I feel like, with the proper help, she could really have become the parent Toby needed her to be. Maybe some investigations as to why she has a hard time with executive functioning, and interventions to improve that. She and Mike had their hearts in totally different places, and it shows - he was concerned with keeping his son, and she was concerned with helping her son.
It sounds like dad and baby are both on the spectrum and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if mum was as well. I can’t believe a pediatrician observed for 40 hours and missed that, but then again for many of us autistics it was missed until we became adults. The whole family needs support for being on the spectrum specifically before they can manage all the things like keeping a house clean and personal hygiene management and emotional regulation.
@@shaunanacole sorry that wasnt the clearest way for me to say that. I was surprised it wasnt even brought up as something to further look into, at least as far as we see in this doc. Although I will say my goddaughter was recently diagnosed and that was at best 2 hours observation, not that I would advocate for this quick a process just bringing it up to highlight that diagnosis isn't very standardized. I was just expressing surprise but I could see how it could be read as attacking or criticizing that professional and that wouldn't be useful or fair, the problems with autism diagnosis is beyond a single persons fault
I'm glad you mentioned this. I've watched quite a few documentaries like this and mental health issues, autism spectrum and learning disabilities among parents, but dads especially, always seems like the elephant in the room no one mentions less alone addresses
Non verbal doesn't neccessarily equal, on the spectrum. Dad, and mum for that matter, where obviously cognitively impaired. I did not see autism though. You need to speak and interact with a child, in order for then to speak and interact. You could see on the supervised visit, dad never spoke or interacted. They might be, I'm not sure. I'm very sure that wasn't what was the issue in this case.
These parents often have their own traumatic histories and challenges. This is why it is very difficult for them to understand why and how their parenting needs to change in order to meet the needs of their children.
To be fair I think Toby’s parents themselves have developmental delays too. Mike may have hearing issues also as he’s constantly screaming. He can’t afford a mattress but can afford a laptop. The home isn’t fit for rodents to live in. Toby has energy he needs to burn it off take him to a field or a park. Not a box room. Look at how well behaved Toby was after been in care 10 days. He looked amazing. Hopefully Tiffany gets to a good place with her children
God bless you Tiffany for getting away from Michael, you can see how much you’ve come on in the time you’ve been away from him. I so hope you can get on top of the depression and get your self-confidence back because you could be a great mother. Sending you love and strength. ❤️🙏🏻
I’ve just watched the end, Tiffany you’ve proved yourself to be a great mother by putting your children first. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you. ❤
tiffany seemed like a good person who just didn't have the capacity to raise a child. she understood her flaws and clearly wanted the best for her child. mike on the other hand seems very ignorant ://
What got me is how Mike seemed to have hardly any children who survived. Something tells me there is more going on. How can a father have so many children not survive
Wow, what an eye opening episode to watch. I agree with many of the comments - Dad's anger & ignoring (or negatively reacting) to his son & Mum's lip service is a shock. I wish the best for the 2 kiddies, Toby is going to need so much help to have a fulfilling life with hitting his milestones, bless the social workers/judges who made the crucial initial decision to remove Toby from his parents' neglect. So sad that both his parents likely had abusive upbringings, how do they break the cycle for their child? It's hard.
To be taught about DV in highschool..and contraception..and teachers at High schools seeing who is at high risk of not being able to cope being parents bc of these factors.
That puppy, which was an expensive dog breed, has never seen the great outdoors since they brought it, and just allowed it to pee and poo indoors. They should've started to potty train it as soon as it was old itself. Can't blame a puppy when you don't take it outside. They could've used the money spent on the dog to buy Toby a bed and some blankets for example.
As an experienced CP social worker who has been retired for a couple of years this really brings it all back to me. A superb documentary, thank you for posting it, I must have missed when it was on.
The mum in this, is an amazing mum, who adores her children, and has made a monumental and selfless act, to ensure her children have the best lives they deserve. She is stronger than she realises. She should not be penalised for having depression. That is evident from the start. The father on the other hand is an absolute disgrace of not only as a father but a human being. He should be ashamed of himself and what he has put this lady and her son through. I hope she is getting the support that she so clearly needs
Yes - the mum seems to have had a terrible maybe abusive upbringing - but has an awareness of how much her son needs her. The dad is little more than a child himself - his ranting self-righteousness is all rooted in fear. I bet he had a horrendous upbringing.
She’s not an amazing mum. Toby is neglected. Whether her heart is in the right place or not she’s not capable of being a parent. She did the right thing by giving him up.
You do realise Mike the father is probably autistic and suffering himself. Listening to him talk you can see there is something up. He is the product of the system not giving à shit about mental health. He's clearly not all there as they say.
She is not amazing she is neglecting her child she did the best thing to give them up she should have left him when the boy was a baby then had a chance to parent him with support
And the way she says “the more better care they need” the woman can’t even speak properly let alone look after kids. Why these people even breed is beyond me. So evil of them in the first place
I used to date the twat and before I had found out about this video,and I had asked that twat of a father if he had children and he answered no. Basically he made it like that they didn't exist at all. As I know him ,I know of how to find him and know his Facebook page and Tik Tok videos,there has been no mention of him being a dad at all. As some parents would share, their love for their children,by mentioning them. With Mike the only thing that he had ever mentioned about is his love for sports. He doesn't love his children,he just loves himself.
Poor Toby. His dad is horrible. He’s making excuses like when Toby was little he ran into my laptop. That should not happen. I wonder if Toby could have some brain damage from certain things his parents didn’t child proof when he was a baby.
One thing nobody can ever say, is that she didn’t love her kids. She loved them babies more than anyone will ever realise but she just couldn’t parent them to a standard which was suitable.
I’m actually disgusted with the manager to actually say to a new social worker you have been really unhelpful with that child she’s doing the best she can, i heard a lot of social workers leave bc they have to many cases over worked and treated like crap by managers who are supposed to support them ! this family needs support big time
A very sad story and emotive subject... I think Tiffany is incredibly brave💞 The decision to relinquish the care of her two children was clearly a heartbreaking and painstaking one that, took a great deal of soul searching and courage to make😥 Only a true mum could make that kind of sacrifice in love and honour of doing the best thing for her children and my heart goes out to her and Toby, especially💔 I really Wish all involved healing and happiness for their future🌈
The mother would do 100% better on her own and I think that it’s obvious dad has some serious anger problems resulting in his son seeing violence therefore resulting in portraying violence and having developmental delays. I think the dad has learning difficulties that has never been recognised.
Yes, this would be a good case study for the Bandura Social Learning theory, where children copy the actions that they witness happen in the family home by their parents. Toby throwing things at people is probably due to him seeing his father act out in violence at home..
I wish they offered her more support after she left Mike. Tiffany shows that she really loves her children. I would hate for her to go into a deeper depression because of it.
If she loved them, she would have gotten Toby a bed. She would have gotten him help before these social services got involved. She loved Mike and the drama. Not the kids.
This was heartbreaking. The dad was very clearly unfit and abusive, at least to the mom and likely to the son. I was so glad to see the mom leave him. He didn’t know how to be a parent. But I was heartbroken to see the mom give her kids up. With more support I think she could have done it. The baby was quickly adopted but what about that sweet boy? He’ll likely never leave care. I just don’t know. Social workers are admirable because this jobs needs doing and they go in where others won’t!
@@kellyalexander7347they couldnt bc the boy needed probably one on one...and whilst he was getting his needs met the Lil girl also needed peace and stability..
The man in this video used my auntie and abused other women he had dated. His recent wife died of a morphine overdose bless her. He’s dangerous! I’m glad Tiffany left him. Those poor kids 😢
See how the back of Toby's head is flat? That happens because a baby is left in a crib for extended periods of time without being moved. It's a sign of extreme neglect.
I never actually picked up on that. I definitely think they did the right thing by taking this little boy away from that home. He was never going to thrive there.
He was going to die there. Thank goodness Toby's sister never had to be in that house. I am glad Tiffany left Michael. Something was wrong with Mike @@ambermcivor1456
Here in Australia yet another young child just passed away that was under an order from child protection services. At least this mum knew she couldn't provide the things needed for her children and did the right thing. I hope both her and the children have since found some peace
@47:21 that kid was so calm didn’t cry when leaving his dad kinda shows the kid is happier in foster care and is starting to calm down. He also shows he’s learning more skills with the school bag and noticing which coat was his
It absolutely breaks my heart that babies are easier to adopt, than older children. They both need loving. I guess with babies, they are a clean slate. They haven’t gone into care, with a parent’s influence, unlike older children who are damaged by their parent’s actions or lack there of.
Certainly in the UK people only want to adopt babies as you say to start from scratch. Also babies are cute, and are less hard work than a special needs child. No one really wants to adopt a child with Toby’s issues , and teenagers, well forget it !! I fear Toby will grow up in the care system and face god only knows what. I speak from experience. My friends waited 9 years to wait to adopt because they wanted a baby. They turned down many young children with disabilities
Wanted: Compassionate person with tough skin and a heart of gold willing to take on a case load meant for 20 case workers. Must be on call and not be afraid to make life changing decisions for parents and children. I can't imagine how hard it must be to constantly be told you're only out to break up a family when really you don't know if you could be actually saving a child's life by removing them.
Mike said all his other children died: Three stillborns and four miscarriages. Adding in the two who lived, that seems like far too many to have happened in just six years (the time Tiffany said they'd been together.) Miscarriages are extremely common, but STILLBIRTHS from different women? That is bizarre, I wonder what the cause was.
They claim that Tiffany was incapable, yet they were happy enough to leave him at home for as long as she was there, despite all the complaining about her house, which suggests they actually believed she was doing her job well enough that he wasn't in any immediate danger. But the second they heard Mike would be taking over his care while Tiffany was at hospital, only then did they really panic about Toby's safety. Says a lot about what they felt the true problem was. In light of that I feel they should have supported Tiffany in getting away from Mike so she had the opportunity to reach her potential as a mum. I think her, Toby and the little one, could have thrived together without Mike around. It was wrong what they did, not giving the child back when she returned, the child which they only took away because they got scared when she wasn't there to provide him care and protection anymore. They must have seen her as a somewhat capable parent, or they would have removed him before that. So to not give her the best chance was grossly unfair. She was trapped with an overbearing bully with zero real support, suffering from depression, both things that are treatable. Bringing them back to her and providing ongoing, close support while she learns the ropes would have been better for everyone than simply telling a depressed and clearly traumatised woman that she's not good enough. She just didn't have the confidence and belief in herself, and they never encouraged or empowered her from what I could see.
The boy was in immediate risk.. and remember when they said they have a 6 month window to focus on his delayed developemental skills ? This was a high risk situation..and im sure they cld see that the dad was a big problem here. But you cant yell someone to get rid of their partner esp if its the other bio parent..all the things you mentioned yes..but those things..new ways of learning etc..and the mums depressions take time to be stabilized...im sure that Tiffany was counselled properly with all her options and this is what she felt best..this was a high risk case of developmental and emotional neglect. Im sure also that Tiffany would be receing after care and support...
It’s a shame because I think she just needed some time which no one gave her really. She did make the decision herself in the end. I’m not sure she would have fully coped on her own. Some people just can’t do it, no matter how sad. We’l never know with Tiffany
In an ideal world Tiffany would have the right support to raise her children alone and make a good job of it, and Mike would only be allowed supervised contact. But the reality is she was very vulnerable and got nothing and felt no option but to hand her kids over to strangers.
Tiffany being worried she'll make mistakes with her new baby... tough situation because every parent feels like that no matter how many kids you've had. But when social services is already involved there are so many more question marks hanging over you. The fact that Mike hit her and even the way he stopped his child hitting by restraining him makes me feel like he had been violent in the past. Heartbreaking all around
What a horrible case, I cried so hard for those kids. Also for the mom..she is so brave and a good mom to give the kids a chance of better life. I hope she will get the right help to get better, she deserves it. As of for the father; I hope he stays away.
That poor little boy wanted his dad's love so desperately. He wanted nothing more than his comfort, but you can tell that's how dad was raised with a detached and perhaps abusive father too. Just cycles constantly repeating themselves.
If love were enough we wouldn't be in a job like this. My heart goes out to Tiffany, what a selfless act, she did what was best for them out of love. I hope they find each other when the children are older, I hope they are ok
It’s easy for people to to faults, see where both parents lacked. As a mum and grandma myself, I think Tiffany’s had to make the hardest decision ever. She’s very lost. Add into the equation that Micheal was inept, yet controlling, the fact she tried to cover up some bruises on Toby, which although it’s wrong, she didn’t want her family breaking up. She’s then he’d a difficult pregnancy, both children were placed into care, Micheal the partner and children’s father, evidently abused her, I don’t imagine for one moment that him hitting her was a one off nor do I think he treated her well. I’m saddened to see her feeling she has had to give up her children. Personally I think she should of received support and care. The human brain is a wondrous thing, it has the ability to learn. With parenting classes, a support worker, Idva and social services input, I think she could of been a good mum. Very sad. I’m not disagreeing with social services, I just think more could have been done to help Tiffany.
It’s a shame that she ended up having to give them up. I think she’d have had a far better chance if she’d had the help to get rid of the partner earlier :(
@@DevonPixie1991 I’m originally from Bristol, born there and grew up there until my teens. I now live in the East Midlands, services here are horrendous and are certainly lacking. But I am the once teenage mum, I had my son just after my 16th birthday. My sons father was a narcissistic abuser. Three kids and ten years later I got out that horrendous relationship. Things were anything but easy. Back then the police didn’t care about domestic abuse and little to nothing was available by means of help and support. I have met many families over the years whom assume my life has been relatively easy, then think I’ve always had my own home, car, job a good husband etc; I’ve given my time freely, for no wage or payment to help others. Not everyone can be helped, but that doesn’t mean they should be given up on. Not everyone is academically a high achiever, but not everyone is capable of being a mechanic, a bricklayer, a chef, or even a cleaner. It doesn’t mean their no good as a human being. If services in Bristol are that appalling then it’s up to people to join together and support each other. It’s honestly not better where I live, but I’ve tried to make a difference and have aided and offered help, be that advice, filling in forms, or literally get food and clothing for those less fortunate than me. Maybe I should go back to Bristol and attempt to reach out to those in need. All any of us can do is be there for one another. I am saddened to hear my home city is lacking in services. Governments need to invest in ordinary people. Thank you for your comment Amy, x
The mum is very selfless & brave. The social workers were patronising in this episode. They didn't communicate that well. I bet they weren't the ones who grew up in nothingness.
Oh I cried when Tiffany decided to let the kids go to adoption ❤ prayers for the children and thier families. I wish Tiffany was allowed contact if the adoptive parents agreed , As she never harmed them and you could see the love she had for them unlike the father and she loved them so much that she did what was best for them and I can't imagine how hard that decision was to make .
Real glad you aren't the one making these important decisions, do you have any higher education? Even a basic psychology class? You would understand how badly it would go, how poorly adjusted the child would be, the interference in bonding with new parents it would cause to have the original parent in the mix while a child, especially a young one, is trying to bond and adjust with a new family/parent, if you don't have children, great! If you do, breed no more unless you take a serious amount of adult education classes to enrich your knowledge of parenting and early childhood development
@@bethewalt7385it's not about education classes. Do your research on adoptee trauma. They need contact with their biological families. Listen to the adoptee's voices. ❤
To you it is a privilege to those that can barely function in day to day lives themselves it's a cycle of neglect. It's not a privilege. It's a biological need. That's all it is. That's why people who are not equipped to be parents breed.
I feel for Tiffany. She clearly knew she could not parent her children as they deserved despite loving them so she put her children's welfare first for once, and made such a brave decision. I hope life got better for her and that her children are thriving with their new families.
Mike contacted me last Sunday unexpectedly, asking me to be friends with him. And the only thing that he cared about was his phone and his sports events. I was pretending to be friends with him. Then when I had the opportunity to mention this video, he could say that it was in the past and that he said that he didn't want to talk about it It's like he made it like his children don't exist. And at the duration of me being with him as a couple,he never mentioned being a dad,only lied about it,and said that Tiffany had a child with one of his friends and the child was put in care. In this video he said that Toby is his flesh of blood. Mike doesn't care about his children. He is happily in his life not to care in the world about his children,not mentioning about getting his life in order to fight to get them back, nothing to do with his children at all. He has been carrying on like if he had never had any children at all. The only time he mentioned about children was when he was an uncle to a boy and girl. Nothing about being a father at all. I should also mention that Mike is an only child, and he claimed to have stepsiblings.
@@roxxi789 know so much about the scumbag and said to him that it's was his own fault for losing his children. I have found some videos of him online, and he happily engaged to a woman,when he told me that he was single. I ended things with him back last July and found out that he was someone else behind my back before July He is nothing but a scumbag. When I have given him shit about how he treats people,and he is a woman beater. He didn't want to know me anymore, as I didn't want anything to do with him. So I have blocked him again. Good riddance to bad rubbish
Sounds about right. People like him don't really care about their kids. They see them as property. If they lose them. They either have more or pretend that they never had them. He showed no attachment to the boy at all. Tiffany did seem to love the kids but seemed depressed and unable to stand up to Mike.
How rude of the senior social worker to belittle the new social worker! Absolutely disgusting behaviour she should be ashamed of her conduct and she needs to be fired! She’s a bully!!!
I felt sorry for Tiffany all the way through this. You could tell from the jump Mike was so controlling, and really taking him out the equation would probably have been the best decision.
Mike’s comment about brushing his teeth is disgusting and the fact that the kids toothbrush was on the filthy floor and that tony was sleeping on the couch while they slept in their nice comfy bed right there shows the type of people/parents they are. Good for Tiffany giving them up for adoption. I can only imagine how difficult that decision was cause she clearly loved the kids but just because you love them doesn’t mean your willing to put in the work to give them the best life you can. Tiffany’s excuse of abuse she experienced as a child is her way of excusing her own failures and justifying it. It also makes what she is doing worse because she knows first hand what that type of parenting does and feels to a child
Aside from the obvious distress that this causes the children/cycle that continues, imagine the amount of resources and money being spent on families like this. I work in Adult Social Service's and thats bad enough..I could never work in Childrens. These social workers are some of the most resilient and hardworking people.
"I dont want to get my hopes up, if it survives it survives" that sentence alone sickened me! I dont think the mum is a bad person and away from that man and plenty of support i think she could have done better.
Mike was definitely abusive to Tiffany, physically and mentally. Neither of them had a good upbringing and didn’t know how to parent or even have the mental capability to care for a child correctly. There was one big difference between them, Tiffany loved her children, Mike didn’t. I think with the right support, Tiffany could have been a great mum to Toby and her daughter. The strain and mental torcher of being in an abusive relationship is so devastating and has a knock on effect, adding to this, Tiffany clearly did not have a good upbringing herself. Was the neglect Toby suffered acceptable? Definitely not. I completely agree he should have been removed from their care. However, The cycle of poor parenting takes a lot more than a few months and intervention from social services. Tiffany needed to learn a completely new way of life, unfortunately time wasn’t on her side. Once children are in the picture, there is a time limit on how long they can remain in foster care in uncertain circumstances. I hope there is more support for vulnerable parents now. We are currently in the process of becoming foster carers and I think any pregnant woman who shows signs of not being able to care for a child correctly, should have similar training, tests and checks that foster parents need to have in order to care for vulnerable children. Anyone who cares for their baby, would be understanding and accepting of this. Prevention is better than cure. I hope Toby and the daughter are living a wonderful life today ✨
The way Toby tries to engage with his "dad", just to be met with nothing; no enthusiasm, no real presence- heartbreaking. He clearly wants to see what his "dad" is doing with the stair gate, he's so curious and full of wonder. His "dad" tells him to "shut up". He can't talk, Mike. You absolute twit. Please talk Toby let's get you communicating. It astounds me how ignorant he is. The improvements in such a short time in foster care were incredible, I hope he was adopted and wasn't thrown around various care homes and foster parents. 🙏
I dont believe him...its his way of gaslighting them to say.".none of this is my fault, I didnt speak til 6 yo "..he probably did until 4 or so🤔bc of perhaps same neglect of developmental needs himself. BUT This is now not then..he didnt register that his son has human rights to be given the help he didnt receive. Its not about the dad at that moment its about getting that child out of harms way...and then onto the other details..
I wonder how Suzanne is getting on now, 12 years qualified..
I’m sorry you can’t be getting child Benefit and tax credits and child has no tooth brush or bed an no food that’s absolutely disgusting
It’s the dad who’s acting childish not the child. It breaks my heart to see how this perfect little angel gets treated. The parents treat him like a dog! They walk by him and pay no attention to him. The dad needs to let foster care take his child in and take care of him. I feel so lucky because at one point in my life when I was a kid my dad was drinking and abusing drugs and my mom went to court with him and she got custody of me. I was so lucky to have a good healthy parent that could take care of me. But then my dad turned his life around and got help and it has been 15 or 16 years since he’s drank and he is a WONDERFUL parent. He told me I saved his life and I was one of the main reasons that he got better. My parents are divorced but they are really good friends. I feel like that’s what kind of relationship god meant for my parents to have. So god bless this poor child. I wish I could pick him up and give him a huge hug and a kiss and tell him that I love him and that Jesus loves him too. And I want to give him a good home and help him with his speech. I love children like him. So I hope he is getting more affection by someone now. I have just fallen in love with this kid! So hang in there little guy angel’s are all around you and these social workers are special angels that protect children like you and they won’t let these mean people hurt you. So I send big hugs and kisses your way! Does anyone agree with me? Don’t you just want to pick him up and just hug and kiss him?
There are even charities that donate these things to low income families.
@@helenwhite2957 at least you were saved and your parents done the right thing for you your so lucky and thank god for your mother who got you away from the drinking and your dad who stopped drinking and drugs he’s a strong person
@@soul7530 yeah there’s is food banks and stuff but he’s parents didn’t care enough to apply for anything just left the child without and not brushing he’s teeth it’s terrible
You can also have no money and live cleanly... I don't get why so many live in filth. It makes you feel so much worse.
The way Michael is on the camera, makes you think what's he like behind closed doors. I think giving your child up is a major decision, and she has did the right thing. I hope she has support after this, and the bab grows up so happy an healthy. We need a follow up to this one!
They have mental and psychological issues BECAUSE they were in fukn foster care! Do understand that!! Somebody should have been there from the beginning to help, not to finish destroying 😢!
"I don't brush my teeth, why should he brush his teeth?" mate, you have like one tooth.
More like a half that is
He hasn't got any now,as I knew him 😂
Well, then, I guess he should’ve said, I don’t brush my tooth !!!
@@RedLeo-pf9yo this is great 😅😅
I think the mother even though she didn’t have the ability to parent properly did really love her son, she made the right choice to have him adopted, it was a brave decision.
Sadly love is not always enough to care for a child but only a loving parent can understand that they aren't capable to care for it and give the child child up to have a better life. The dad was putting his pride before his childs well being and nothing showed that more than when he agreed to foster until mom got back but changed his mind because he felt insulted so he took the kid home knowing he couldn't care for him that's not love 😢😢 44:38 The dad seemed more focused on those toys than on his kid !! It's like he was just another kid playing with the toys.
Hes chances of being adopted are slim though with his age and special needs. It is likely he will grow up in the care system with no where to call home and will be a damaged adult.
1,000% agree!!
I TOO HAD TO MAKE THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE I WAS RECOVERING FROM A VERY SERIOUS DRUNK DRIVER HIT AND RUN I KNEW MY SONS WERE GOING TO BE PREEMIES I HAD NO FINANCIAL WAY TO CARE FOR MY SONS SO I GAVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION I HAVE BEEN HAILED AS A HERO FOR DOING JUST THAT AT LEAST MY SONS WERE NOT ABUSED
@@celtictarotreadings333 Very sad but very true when I first saw Toby I thought he may have some form of Autism.
“Your off with them mate alright, I’ll see you tomorrow”
What a way of telling a child he’s going into overnight care.
He did that on purpose because he knew it was cause the child to do excatly what he did so he could then say "he will be like this all night now"
@@nadia-tp1xv yes, very manipulative behaviour. Episode 2 I’m watching now & it’s just as sad.
@@pjg_77 yep and ep three isn't sad as much as angering.
He’s disgusting it actually makes my heart hurt for that poor boy and what he’s been through in the years he was with that so called father
@@lucyhope5069 yep what got me was "I don't brush my teeth so why should he brush his" vile vile man, but at the same time I think the dad is a product of his own environment that's how he was raised so he sees nothing wrong with it.
The first thing the little boy did upon realising his dad has put a stair gate on was to pick up his toy screwdriver and try to undo it. That kid is not daft!
As awful as the dad’s conduct and parenting is, it’s hard not to see him as a grown up little Toby :( this is why abuse and neglect cycles and repeats itself :(
Also note at 39:18 Tony pushes his dad away from him.
I agree
Wonderfully caught.. I often stand with my jaw dropping.. Forgetting that these "parents" may well have had no stability or loving environment themselves as kids. I know some elements of my childhood seeped into my parenting now and again.. I caught them and tried to rectify them where I did/could.. I hope.. but I'm sure the ability to do that varies from person to person.
46:35 therapist writes down “dad achieved high score in bop-it”
😹 Underrated comment
😂
Tiffany has been abused by Narcissistic abusers her whole life and just literally understood that her kids, and she by extension, deserved better. I think she's just so broken, it was enormously admirable of her to relinquish her parental rights after seeing her kids thrive out of her care realizing she couldn't meet those expectations in her state of brokenness. Tiffany is an amazing yet highly flawed human being whose just been victimized by the ones who claimed to love her for her entire life. It's very heartbreaking for Tiffany but wonderful for her kids.
Tiffany shouldnt have been allowed to breed. Neither should mike.
Best reply on here, my thoughts exactly 👏
Parents wasn't bad people. Both had learning difficulties and frustrated. Great mum for giving her babies the best start in life.
I’m sorry, didn’t Tiffany say that Mike hit her? Also, it was thought that the child was hit or being physically abused in some way. The dad is always yelling and angry, as well as telling his child to shut up when he is trying to talk.
So….how is that not bad for their children? Learning disabilities or not, that’s not OK
I am so very proud of Tiffany for leaving Mike, she deserves much better!! I think she would have been a great parent in her own but only she knows her capabilities and her limits and what she needs to be a happy, healthy woman. Choosing what is best for your children even if that is adoption is what makes you a good and loving mom. God bless them all!
@@LukeLjJames you don't sound too good your self, not disputing that children should always come first. You are very ignorant to call every parent who needs support from SS as low life's and scum bags. You absolutely no nothing about other people and their circumstances! I had to have support short term after I had had my son because of health issues. Things worked out very successfully and my son is now graduated from uni, we both have a very close relationship and I lead my own life! Not every case with children with SS is to do with abuse, get your fact rights and stop being so prejudiced and uneducated! Some parents may need additional help for housing, it could be health it could be accessing the correct disability benefits for a child with special needs! It is NOT always a case of abuse and its people like you that that are actually very abusive with your accusations and false information, that pretty much makes you a low life!
@@LukeLjJames what an intelligent reply. I can see lots of thought went into that. Well done 👍
@@LukeLjJames well well done you. Not many men can say that. And I hope you both go on to have a great life. And your right it’s never ending. But the scum bags comment was totally uncalled for. She gave her kids up in the end FOR THEM. You could see she was controlled by that man. Best thing he did was leave her. Yes the boy was very neglected but some people just ‘cant’ they don’t know how. You clearly have been lucky enough to have seen your son as a blessing. Some people sink. I don’t feel sorry for the dad he was arrogant and selfish. But I think the mum with the right help and support could have made a good mum?
the ending broke me 😭 she tried so hard and obviously loved her babies. she just needed support and showing how to be a mum.
I really hope she's doing well now.
Toby crying heartbreaking. To go to nursery. Leaving his mum and dad. He hadn't even seen his mum properly.
The contact session between Toby and his dad was heart-breaking! I wonder, seeing that, if Toby's language delay is because his parents just don't really speak to him so he's not picking up spoken language at home (you can't mimic what you never really hear!)
Thank you for your comment. That is a good observation. Currently in my Health and Social Care course, I have been learning about Lifespan and Development. We have covered many theories regarding children's social, intellectual, physical and emotional development. Intellectual development is crucial for Toby, and realistically by the age of around 3 years old he should be able to make simple sentences to express his needs, e.g 'I want drink'. at his age, 4, he should be able to make clear sentences that can be understood, even if the grammar isn't quite correct, e.g 'we met lots of peoples at the shop today'. Many theories all seem to agree that by 4, this should be the bare minimum, that a child should be able to communicate at a basic level. Although it is said in this episode that both parents weren't able to speak until around six years old, with the paediatrician suggesting that is the reason Toby might be struggling, I think that because the parents were so disengaged with his development, Toby had suffered as a result. This would then lead us to John Bowlby's attachment theory, where a new born forms an attachment to a primary care giver, often the mother. Attachment to a primary care giver is an essential factor in the child's development as a person, it quite literally dictates the rest of their lives. What I think happened is that the mother and father didn't quite know how to raise a child, which lead to them indirectly causing neglect, and possible emotional abuse as a consequence. They had mentioned earlier in the episode that they hadn't had a great upbringing, and were using their parent's parenting skills to raise Toby. I feel that if adequate support had been given to both the parents when Toby was born, and not four years later!, that they would have been able to properly form a more suitable attachment to Toby, which would have most definitely helped with Toby's intellectual development, because as you said, when Toby and his father were at the contact centre, the communication wasn't that great, also mentioned by the child psychologist. I assume that this also meant that communication between Toby and the parents was also quite minimal when at home. I think that the government need to give much more support to new parents, because I believe many people can be good parents, if they are given appropriate support and education, as raising a child is no doubt a very tough job, not exactly a walk in the park.
Yes probably had an effect but maybe the boy just had slow learning, I am not being rude but his dad didnt seem that smart an not very well spoken, so maybe its genetic too, I think they maybe did the wrong thing taking the boy away at 4 years old, thats far more traumatic probably then living in some messy house and with not very engaging chatty parents, His mum seemed to give him affection and I think social services should have maybe said to get rid of the dogs , not get rid of the boy who will probably never find a adopter now hes too old an has problems sigh
@@randommess6667 The issues were more than mess though. The boy didn't even has a bed!! There was mention of not brushing his teeth too, and he dad just didn't seem aware of his needs when he packed the overnight bag after mum got sick. The lack of engagement was so serious, it was emotional neglect, and the parents were also physically neglecting him, as well as failing to provide for his basic needs by not having so much as a mattress for their child. Given what was shown, I think it was right for the child to be removed from their care - the longer be stayed the worse it would have become. Poor lad. He was doing better in foster care too bless him.
@@WindInMyWings I know an it seems really bad to not have a bed and not brush his teeth , But maybe the child was fine sleeping without a bed, I have friend who sleeps on the floor every night lol his choice though, and my son has fallen asleep on the floor in the daytime so I suppose it cant have been that uncomfortable ,
So what im meaning to say is that I still dont think that is a terrible enough thing or more terrible then being taken from ur parents, the child ended up with a bed in the end, And teeth brushing sure it could be bad but how many kids need teeth removing because of parents giving theyre child alot of sweet drinks and chocolate,
They dont get removed from theyre parents, It is a bad decision not to make the child do the teeth but it looked like they had started to do it after being told to,
I dont agree its ok not to make your child do teeth but I know some people who didnt make theyre child because it was hard work as children dont always like it, I had to fight with my son to make him and some ppl would tell me I was cruel to do what I did, I am just saying people are different and sometmes dont always do right thing, But if they loved him whch the mum did seem to then it seem harsh to take him away from them when theres no guarentee he will find better parents or any parents
@@randommess6667 he had no bed.... no toothbrush.... there were dog faeces everywere.... they were told conditions need to improve three times..and they did absolutelynothing to fix it... and to top it off she gets pregnant again.... nah these parents were outright neglectful in every sense
I'm not a parent because, I wasn't cut out to a full-time mother.
I'm totally in support of social services
Their Job is impossible at times. .
Toby deserves a lot better 👏 ❤
I think if more people were able to analyse their own will and capabilities when it came to parenthood, there wouldn't be so many unwanted, uncared for and downright abused children who (may) turn into dysfunctional adults and problematic members of society (like Mike). It's admirable for one to admit that they didn't have children because they felt they were not able to or did not want to parent children.
Tiffany, you are a good mother. What you did for your children, the ultimate sacrifice to give them a better life, the most difficult thing a mother could do, you did that because you're a good mother. I wish you nothing but the best, and I have nothing but respect for you as a mother.
I’m sorry but I’m what way is Tiffany a good mother? If she was a good mother she would have gotten her child everything he needs.
Did we watch the same programme? Tiffany and the scum she's with are absolute lazy, fat neglectful slobs, he's 3 years of age and can't say a single word, she has never held that baby and done what all normal parents do and mouth words enthusiastically for the baby to watch and pick up on, dog faeces can cause a child to go blind and contract digestive parasites....good mother!? No. Sorry.
No way is she a good mother. She threw her children away and you're saying she is a good mother because she didn't continue to neglect them? She should be in prison.
I dont think she was a good mother but think she wanted to be a good mother just sadly she didnt have the ability I guess because she was depressed and other reasons too probably
She didn’t look after her kids and didn’t even try when they social workers were telling them what to do. She also actively lied multiple times about how much she was doing. As soon as Mike left, she decided she would give the kids up, so if they hadn’t split, she would have kept them. To me, that means ‘I wanted the man, not the kids.’ A good mother? I don’t think so.
I have a social worker and I'm not ashamed of it, my kids are autistic and to be honest, we need the support
It's actually very common for families with sen children to have a social worker. The key for success is getting a good one which unfortunately, a lot of families struggle with.
I'm so glad ours is fantastic, she's pushing our housing association for extra help with our situation just now too.
I have three autistic kids, only, when the younger one was diagnosed, I was never offered any extra help or advice, it was a case of "your son has autism, now get out of my office" and I just had to cope with it, I wish we were able to roll the clock back because I would fight to get every ounce of help possible but I can't and to be honest, my boy has grown into a really fantastic young man, he's 21 now and he's so adorable
@@Rhiannonganon So, in other words, you had THREE autistic kids with no husband and expect the public to pay for you for the rest of your life. I think that sums it up.
You’re lucky. I have an autistic child and asked the social for help. I got nothing.
I've got a social worker recently as I have severe mental health problems. There's a terrible stigma around why people have a social worker. I feel I have been seen differently since admitting I have one.
At one point he was more interested in the child game than even speaking to his son. Wouldn't even look up to say goodbye. That visit made me cry. Dad wasn't even trying.
No, he wasn't. I'm actually not certain everything's ok with dads development either. Sad. Just sad. Mom made the right decision here.
There are an unbelievable amount of fathers that are like this and it's not talked about enough in society. It really is time for men to be held accountable as a parent the same way women are :/
yeah that scene kind of stood out to me as to how his father seems to have an intellectual disability thats never really been supported
The difference being a foster care made to Toby’s behaviour is outstanding. So calm and well behaved
RIGHT? The leap in his behaviour between the first visit and he one on one with his dad.
I’m the bio child of foster carers, and for one of our kids, he was assessed as having a severe global developmental delay (such as Toby) yet when he stopped seeing his bio mother 3 times a week, he developed leaps and bounds, and is now naturally several years forward, presence of abusive parents is far more damaging than people realising, and that was just contact for an hour at a time.
Tobi’s mind was in the same chaos as his surroundings and his father’s inability to be a father.
I didn’t think I’d say this at the beginning, but I hope Tiffany was able to work on herself and become a better person, and I hope her two kids have had a decent upbringing!!
I feel so sorry for these social workers. They can't win. If they push for a child to be removed then they're home wreckers. If they do what they can to keep the child with his parents then they get accused of supporting abuse. I truly believe they're doing their best.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t
@HVACRWrld A good example of a social worker is Annie, In episode two. I’ll grab a link
ua-cam.com/video/LRobYv-Q4sc/v-deo.html
@@xkyleprivatex815 yes I watched that one too. She’s a very kind and compassionate lady ❤️
Stfu they steal children at schools .
They get money to bother happy families
I remember watching this years ago, I really think Tiffany would have been a good mother without Mike and with support , She made a very brave decision and I hope Toby and Tiffany are both doing well x
Totally agree with you
@gemmachivers618oʻne brave mum. I hopeshesdoing well too7
45 minutes before you got off the couch!! Wtf.
That contact with dad broke my heart Toby basically had an appointment for his dad to ignore him for an hour.
Imagine not seeing your child and he bounds in and it takes you 45 minutes to even move.
What a vile man he is
What got me was that from what this showed is the dad spent most of it in silence barely able to do much more then mong out at the toys instead of talking to his son or even just narrating what his son’s doing
@@leeshravioli6643 very sad, clearly generational neglect has been at play but we’re in the best time ever to understand generational failing and try to break those behaviours. You don’t have to be Einstein to meet your child’s emotional and physical needs. It just takes TIME and ATTENTION. I admire the mother for her sacrifice, she understood in the end
Oh my days, this is so so sad…to think there are children who suffer like this daily is just horrific….well done to these brave social workers who have the balls to step in and do what they can to help 😞
I agree 100000%!!! 💔💔💔
Why have they got dogs when they can't afford a bed for the child....
Or clean up after a dog or cat😢
It's called negligence..I've been there cooked jacket spuds and forgot the cheese that I wanted
I’m a mum I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship and an almost 9 month old daughter from my current relationship. It broke my heart a bit when I saw toby putting his bag on and Mike didn’t even look in his direction.
And the way he pinned his arms back, the dad didn’t say no don’t hit just responded by grabbing his arms. You gotta speak to your child and wonder why he is responding with violence and not words smh
That bothered me! He restrained his own child the poor baby is probably so confused as frustrated and sad! 😭
I agree- it was very violent and unnecessary
I’m glad both their kids got taken away from that lunatic
That "father" is as dangerous as a cocked gun. He's most likely very violent with the mom. You can just tell by the way she begins crying and begging for him to calm himself down. It's scary.
She said you get your parenting skills from your own parents and I don’t think that’s inherently true. I had really abusive neglectful parents and I’m now an adult with a toddler. She’s the absolute love of my life. I make all of her meals and take her on walks everyday, take her to the zoo often, am constantly playing with her, she “helps” 😉 me clean and cook and at 2 years old she knows her abcs her numbers and shapes learning how to draw her shapes and is starting to talk in full sentences. Sometimes we see how our parents raised us and it inspires us do anything we must to be the best parents we can
There is a saying, that an alcoholic with two kids has one who went on to be an alcoholic and one who swore never to drink. Ask the alcoholic sibling why they have this addiction, they say "I watched my parent". Ask the sober sibling why they never tried alcohol, they say "I watched my parent".
I had a bad childhood too so I can relate to you, we are breaking the cycle. I hope you and your child have a wonderful future, and you get to heal ✨️
Yep and there are some people who had amazing parents but turn out to be crap ones.
I agree, we are not just brought up by our parent but by communities that forms a society. Therefore, we have many influences and our choices do not necessarily have to be narrowed.
Good on you!
Quite telling when the social worker who was practically a stranger to the child was able to pick him up from being asleep and he's awoken fine. Sees mum and dad and instantly starts crying 😢
This isn’t a worrying sign, you see it a lot when children are picked up from nursery. One moment they’re happily playing with a toy next moment they see a parent they burst out crying. It’s a kind of relief, they’re back with the person who makes them feel the most safe and happiest again.
Also worrying how he fell asleep so easily with them, shows he felt safe. It happens when abused children go to school too, they fall asleep.
You really only see what you want to see..
Not defending the parents in any way, but at that particular moment he was reaching for his parents, in particular his dad (both before and after his mom got him).
Felt sorry for mum. She had a heart of gold but so many issues. Would love to know how she’s doing now. Dad was very aggressive and defensive, both had problems but I think mum with the right support and without him would have done well with just her and the kids. So sad. ❤
The mum sounded very tired & broken the main cause her partner.
I dont understand why you feel sorry for her shes the mum whos suppose to protect comfort her little boy shes as bad as him if not worse she wasnt that tired she fell pregnant again no excuse we all have a bad past
The dad literally sat for an hour and didn’t talk while he examined toys that he couldn’t even figure out what hope would that child have and also the fact he has fathered so many children that have died tells me there is something wrong mentally physically. I don’t think Toby will be 100percent all there in the future unfortunately
Parents clearly have severe learning difficulties themselves. What a truly wretched situation for all involved. Wherever little Toby is now, I truly hope he is doing well.
Having learning difficulties can make the most loving parents putting in support workers teaching a routine and how to help parents support them THREATENING THE LOSS OF CHILDREN IS EVIL AND THAT STRESS ADDS TO PRESSURE PARENTS WITH LD HELP THEM BE BETTER PARENTS WITH SUPPORT - it’s cheaper than f foster care both financially and emotionally!
@ they couldn’t look after him and you have to ask the question when does the child’s needs and rights surpass the parent’s? They were given endless opportunities but at the end of the day, allowing a child to remain in a home surrounded by dog faeces, with no bed and witnessing domestic violence whilst receiving substandard care is abuse. He deserved better and we can say that whilst also acknowledging how tragic this was. I feel so sorry for his mum who was clearly trying but his dad didn’t give a shit.
@ he has LEARNING DISABILITY he needs help too to be a effective parent!
If he didn’t have a shit why was he even involved with his son and why did fear the SWs? I think you are misjudging that dad - it takes a village to raise a child without support himself how can he be a effective dad ?
@@ascend2luv He was given help. He was given support. He was given a village - over and over. They bought him a bed. They bought him baby gates. They were offer parenting classes. He was antagonistic and confrontational at every turn, eventually turning violent against the mother. Are you truly saying that you watched the clip of him telling his three year old 'you're off with them now' without an ounce of emotion and can state he cared? He didn't fear social services, he resented their involvement and made no effort to improve his parenting for his son. 'I didn't speak until I was five.' 'I don't brush my teeth'. I - I - I - I - it was all about him, not an ounce of thought was given to Toby, his partner or the new baby. Mum, however, engaged with the team, took on board their suggestions, seemed open for change before ultimately deciding she lacked the tools to care for two children - that is a parent.
I can't help but feel like Mike sabotaged things for not only himself, but for Tiffany and Toby as well. I imagine there would've been far more progress if he wasn't yelling at the social workers and denying anything needed to be changed. His intentions just seemed so different from Tiffany's, too. When the social workers arrived, Tiffany was thinking about what life away from her would be like for TOBY, and Mike only expressed concerns about how the situation affected himself. Mike was just so oblivious to Toby and his needs, but Tiffany seemed more interested in her son and what he needed. I feel like, with the proper help, she could really have become the parent Toby needed her to be. Maybe some investigations as to why she has a hard time with executive functioning, and interventions to improve that. She and Mike had their hearts in totally different places, and it shows - he was concerned with keeping his son, and she was concerned with helping her son.
It sounds like dad and baby are both on the spectrum and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if mum was as well. I can’t believe a pediatrician observed for 40 hours and missed that, but then again for many of us autistics it was missed until we became adults. The whole family needs support for being on the spectrum specifically before they can manage all the things like keeping a house clean and personal hygiene management and emotional regulation.
Yes my thoughts too
Umm it takes much more than just 40 hours of "obsevation" to diagnose autism...you should know that...🤯
@@shaunanacole sorry that wasnt the clearest way for me to say that. I was surprised it wasnt even brought up as something to further look into, at least as far as we see in this doc. Although I will say my goddaughter was recently diagnosed and that was at best 2 hours observation, not that I would advocate for this quick a process just bringing it up to highlight that diagnosis isn't very standardized. I was just expressing surprise but I could see how it could be read as attacking or criticizing that professional and that wouldn't be useful or fair, the problems with autism diagnosis is beyond a single persons fault
I'm glad you mentioned this. I've watched quite a few documentaries like this and mental health issues, autism spectrum and learning disabilities among parents, but dads especially, always seems like the elephant in the room no one mentions less alone addresses
Non verbal doesn't neccessarily equal, on the spectrum. Dad, and mum for that matter, where obviously cognitively impaired. I did not see autism though. You need to speak and interact with a child, in order for then to speak and interact. You could see on the supervised visit, dad never spoke or interacted. They might be, I'm not sure. I'm very sure that wasn't what was the issue in this case.
The best outcome amongst the sadness is that little Toby has a healthy future ahead of him to flourish and develop 🙏🏼
These parents often have their own traumatic histories and challenges. This is why it is very difficult for them to understand why and how their parenting needs to change in order to meet the needs of their children.
he was more excited seeing the dog when he got home then his own child...
To be fair I think Toby’s parents themselves have developmental delays too. Mike may have hearing issues also as he’s constantly screaming. He can’t afford a mattress but can afford a laptop. The home isn’t fit for rodents to live in. Toby has energy he needs to burn it off take him to a field or a park. Not a box room. Look at how well behaved Toby was after been in care 10 days. He looked amazing. Hopefully Tiffany gets to a good place with her children
God bless you Tiffany for getting away from Michael, you can see how much you’ve come on in the time you’ve been away from him. I so hope you can get on top of the depression and get your self-confidence back because you could be a great mother. Sending you love and strength. ❤️🙏🏻
I’ve just watched the end, Tiffany you’ve proved yourself to be a great mother by putting your children first. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you. ❤
tiffany seemed like a good person who just didn't have the capacity to raise a child. she understood her flaws and clearly wanted the best for her child. mike on the other hand seems very ignorant ://
Would you want to adopt a child of theirs. Not me
What got me is how Mike seemed to have hardly any children who survived. Something tells me there is more going on. How can a father have so many children not survive
probs drug/alcohol abuse, maybe a chromosome issue. his facial structure is odd.
Wow, what an eye opening episode to watch.
I agree with many of the comments - Dad's anger & ignoring (or negatively reacting) to his son & Mum's lip service is a shock. I wish the best for the 2 kiddies, Toby is going to need so much help to have a fulfilling life with hitting his milestones, bless the social workers/judges who made the crucial initial decision to remove Toby from his parents' neglect. So sad that both his parents likely had abusive upbringings, how do they break the cycle for their child? It's hard.
How do they break the cycle? They accept the help 🤷♀️ it’s not that hard if it’s being handed to them.
To be taught about DV in highschool..and contraception..and teachers at High schools seeing who is at high risk of not being able to cope being parents bc of these factors.
That puppy, which was an expensive dog breed, has never seen the great outdoors since they brought it, and just allowed it to pee and poo indoors. They should've started to potty train it as soon as it was old itself. Can't blame a puppy when you don't take it outside.
They could've used the money spent on the dog to buy Toby a bed and some blankets for example.
The way the dad greeted the dog but ignored toby.
As an experienced CP social worker who has been retired for a couple of years this really brings it all back to me.
A superb documentary, thank you for posting it, I must have missed when it was on.
The mum in this, is an amazing mum, who adores her children, and has made a monumental and selfless act, to ensure her children have the best lives they deserve. She is stronger than she realises.
She should not be penalised for having depression. That is evident from the start.
The father on the other hand is an absolute disgrace of not only as a father but a human being. He should be ashamed of himself and what he has put this lady and her son through.
I hope she is getting the support that she so clearly needs
Yes - the mum seems to have had a terrible maybe abusive upbringing - but has an awareness of how much her son needs her. The dad is little more than a child himself - his ranting self-righteousness is all rooted in fear. I bet he had a horrendous upbringing.
She’s not an amazing mum. Toby is neglected. Whether her heart is in the right place or not she’s not capable of being a parent. She did the right thing by giving him up.
You do realise Mike the father is probably autistic and suffering himself. Listening to him talk you can see there is something up. He is the product of the system not giving à shit about mental health. He's clearly not all there as they say.
She is not amazing she is neglecting her child she did the best thing to give them up she should have left him when the boy was a baby then had a chance to parent him with support
I feel like any mum, would at minimum try to make things better...cleaning the house doesn't seem like a huge ask, something she failed to do.
I worked with abused kids .Bless all the social workers.Thank you ✌️💌🙏
You know the child isn't being engaged and interacted with when all he does is grunt and point and whinge.
The way he smiles about his stillborns and miscarriages🤢 what a sick man he is an absolute monster
And the way she says “the more better care they need” the woman can’t even speak properly let alone look after kids. Why these people even breed is beyond me. So evil of them in the first place
I used to date the twat and before I had found out about this video,and I had asked that twat of a father if he had children and he answered no. Basically he made it like that they didn't exist at all. As I know him ,I know of how to find him and know his Facebook page and Tik Tok videos,there has been no mention of him being a dad at all.
As some parents would share, their love for their children,by mentioning them. With Mike the only thing that he had ever mentioned about is his love for sports. He doesn't love his children,he just loves himself.
The poor me stories..
@@Sheetzy-82 you must have been desperate. You can tell straight away he's a creep. Not like he hides it well. 😂
Poor Toby. His dad is horrible. He’s making excuses like when Toby was little he ran into my laptop. That should not happen. I wonder if Toby could have some brain damage from certain things his parents didn’t child proof when he was a baby.
Right? Bleeding from running into a laptop? That’s a bold face lie he’s horrid.
One thing nobody can ever say, is that she didn’t love her kids. She loved them babies more than anyone will ever realise but she just couldn’t parent them to a standard which was suitable.
I’m actually disgusted with the manager to actually say to a new social worker you have been really unhelpful with that child she’s doing the best she can, i heard a lot of social workers leave bc they have to many cases over worked and treated like crap by managers who are supposed to support them ! this family needs support big time
there is a thread about this. people think that she was talking about the father.
@@xkyleprivatex815 She was talking about the father, she used the pronoun 'He' and he is the only male in the room
she says "you've been" I listened to it with and without subtitles and that's what was said. I completely agree with you, I'm disgusted by that.
@@natalietylerrobinson okay zoomer lol
@@xkyleprivatex815 err ok then dinosaur
A very sad story and emotive subject... I think Tiffany is incredibly brave💞 The decision to relinquish the care of her two children was clearly a heartbreaking and painstaking one that, took a great deal of soul searching and courage to make😥 Only a true mum could make that kind of sacrifice in love and honour of doing the best thing for her children and my heart goes out to her and Toby, especially💔 I really Wish all involved healing and happiness for their future🌈
It’s the hardest thing in the world giving up your child I know through personal experience she is a strong woman and hope life is being kind to her
The mother would do 100% better on her own and I think that it’s obvious dad has some serious anger problems resulting in his son seeing violence therefore resulting in portraying violence and having developmental delays. I think the dad has learning difficulties that has never been recognised.
Yes, this would be a good case study for the Bandura Social Learning theory, where children copy the actions that they witness happen in the family home by their parents. Toby throwing things at people is probably due to him seeing his father act out in violence at home..
It's really concerning how Toby didnt really talk, he just made noises, it seems he is being neglected on all levels
I feel he's possibly on the spectrum, I doubtt mum or dad have any sincere knowledge or understanding of autism
I wish they offered her more support after she left Mike. Tiffany shows that she really loves her children. I would hate for her to go into a deeper depression because of it.
@@kelliephilipoom6198 🥱😴🙄 What a boring and inaccurate comment.
If she loved them, she would have gotten Toby a bed. She would have gotten him help before these social services got involved. She loved Mike and the drama. Not the kids.
This was heartbreaking. The dad was very clearly unfit and abusive, at least to the mom and likely to the son. I was so glad to see the mom leave him. He didn’t know how to be a parent. But I was heartbroken to see the mom give her kids up. With more support I think she could have done it. The baby was quickly adopted but what about that sweet boy? He’ll likely never leave care. I just don’t know. Social workers are admirable because this jobs needs doing and they go in where others won’t!
😢😢😢they should of been placed together
@@kellyalexander7347they couldnt bc the boy needed probably one on one...and whilst he was getting his needs met the Lil girl also needed peace and stability..
The man in this video used my auntie and abused other women he had dated. His recent wife died of a morphine overdose bless her. He’s dangerous! I’m glad Tiffany left him. Those poor kids 😢
😢was he charged on DV offences ? Poor women...runnnn
See how the back of Toby's head is flat? That happens because a baby is left in a crib for extended periods of time without being moved. It's a sign of extreme neglect.
I never actually picked up on that. I definitely think they did the right thing by taking this little boy away from that home. He was never going to thrive there.
No its not stupid women flat head can effect any child the way they lie don't mean they left him
He was going to die there. Thank goodness Toby's sister never had to be in that house. I am glad Tiffany left Michael. Something was wrong with Mike @@ambermcivor1456
Here in Australia yet another young child just passed away that was under an order from child protection services. At least this mum knew she couldn't provide the things needed for her children and did the right thing. I hope both her and the children have since found some peace
@47:21 that kid was so calm didn’t cry when leaving his dad kinda shows the kid is happier in foster care and is starting to calm down. He also shows he’s learning more skills with the school bag and noticing which coat was his
Huh??? He bawled
Toby was in more danger from Mike than the dog! I was frightened for the pregnant social worker being near him.
It absolutely breaks my heart that babies are easier to adopt, than older children. They both need loving. I guess with babies, they are a clean slate. They haven’t gone into care, with a parent’s influence, unlike older children who are damaged by their parent’s actions or lack there of.
Certainly in the UK people only want to adopt babies as you say to start from scratch. Also babies are cute, and are less hard work than a special needs child. No one really wants to adopt a child with Toby’s issues , and teenagers, well forget it !! I fear Toby will grow up in the care system and face god only knows what. I speak from experience. My friends waited 9 years to wait to adopt because they wanted a baby. They turned down many young children with disabilities
I would hesitate to adopt a child of theirs because of his genetics from them
@@judithryle2113yes, that is the risk isn’t it ? 😢
Wanted: Compassionate person with tough skin and a heart of gold willing to take on a case load meant for 20 case workers. Must be on call and not be afraid to make life changing decisions for parents and children. I can't imagine how hard it must be to constantly be told you're only out to break up a family when really you don't know if you could be actually saving a child's life by removing them.
Thanks for uploading. The team manager is very professional and provides good supervision and support for her social workers.
She’s great I worked with her once.
I agree, I like this manager approach to this case
@@cocokitten2252 35 minutes in does she say "you've been very unhelpful to that child?" Very cruel thing to say to a NQSW
@@kimberleygreen6518 I was wondering if I picked that up correctly. I’d have been so stressed out if my manager said that to me like that
@@kimberleygreen6518I thought she said it about dad?
Mike said all his other children died: Three stillborns and four miscarriages. Adding in the two who lived, that seems like far too many to have happened in just six years (the time Tiffany said they'd been together.) Miscarriages are extremely common, but STILLBIRTHS from different women? That is bizarre, I wonder what the cause was.
Prob an unhealthy lifestyle
The cause..pathological liar
God bless you Tiffany. I hope you found happiness and success.💜💜
‘I don’t brush my teeth’ really sad no wonder he’s being neglected if he’s been treated that way himself.
He’s an adult, Toby is a child. No excuses.
OMG I'm so angry at Toby's mom .Bend over and pick up the stuff kicking it to another corner .Shame on you both .😡
They claim that Tiffany was incapable, yet they were happy enough to leave him at home for as long as she was there, despite all the complaining about her house, which suggests they actually believed she was doing her job well enough that he wasn't in any immediate danger. But the second they heard Mike would be taking over his care while Tiffany was at hospital, only then did they really panic about Toby's safety. Says a lot about what they felt the true problem was.
In light of that I feel they should have supported Tiffany in getting away from Mike so she had the opportunity to reach her potential as a mum. I think her, Toby and the little one, could have thrived together without Mike around. It was wrong what they did, not giving the child back when she returned, the child which they only took away because they got scared when she wasn't there to provide him care and protection anymore.
They must have seen her as a somewhat capable parent, or they would have removed him before that. So to not give her the best chance was grossly unfair.
She was trapped with an overbearing bully with zero real support, suffering from depression, both things that are treatable.
Bringing them back to her and providing ongoing, close support while she learns the ropes would have been better for everyone than simply telling a depressed and clearly traumatised woman that she's not good enough. She just didn't have the confidence and belief in herself, and they never encouraged or empowered her from what I could see.
The boy was in immediate risk.. and remember when they said they have a 6 month window to focus on his delayed developemental skills ? This was a high risk situation..and im sure they cld see that the dad was a big problem here. But you cant yell someone to get rid of their partner esp if its the other bio parent..all the things you mentioned yes..but those things..new ways of learning etc..and the mums depressions take time to be stabilized...im sure that Tiffany was counselled properly with all her options and this is what she felt best..this was a high risk case of developmental and emotional neglect. Im sure also that Tiffany would be receing after care and support...
It’s a shame because I think she just needed some time which no one gave her really. She did make the decision herself in the end. I’m not sure she would have fully coped on her own. Some people just can’t do it, no matter how sad. We’l never know with Tiffany
My heart breaks for Tiffany, she wanted to be a good mother but she lacked the skills… she didn’t lack the love to give them up to a better life
In an ideal world Tiffany would have the right support to raise her children alone and make a good job of it, and Mike would only be allowed supervised contact. But the reality is she was very vulnerable and got nothing and felt no option but to hand her kids over to strangers.
Tiffany being worried she'll make mistakes with her new baby... tough situation because every parent feels like that no matter how many kids you've had. But when social services is already involved there are so many more question marks hanging over you. The fact that Mike hit her and even the way he stopped his child hitting by restraining him makes me feel like he had been violent in the past. Heartbreaking all around
I really hope Tiffany has good people around her. Poor thing, she clearly needs help and it's obvious she loves her children
What a horrible case, I cried so hard for those kids. Also for the mom..she is so brave and a good mom to give the kids a chance of better life. I hope she will get the right help to get better, she deserves it. As of for the father; I hope he stays away.
What really a good mum she is as bad as mike she had every chance to get it together clean that dump get a grip
That poor little boy wanted his dad's love so desperately. He wanted nothing more than his comfort, but you can tell that's how dad was raised with a detached and perhaps abusive father too. Just cycles constantly repeating themselves.
Toby is nearly feral! Why leave him there to keep suffering? Way more than neglect!
If love were enough we wouldn't be in a job like this. My heart goes out to Tiffany, what a selfless act, she did what was best for them out of love. I hope they find each other when the children are older, I hope they are ok
It’s easy for people to to faults, see where both parents lacked. As a mum and grandma myself, I think Tiffany’s had to make the hardest decision ever. She’s very lost. Add into the equation that Micheal was inept, yet controlling, the fact she tried to cover up some bruises on Toby, which although it’s wrong, she didn’t want her family breaking up. She’s then he’d a difficult pregnancy, both children were placed into care, Micheal the partner and children’s father, evidently abused her, I don’t imagine for one moment that him hitting her was a one off nor do I think he treated her well. I’m saddened to see her feeling she has had to give up her children. Personally I think she should of received support and care. The human brain is a wondrous thing, it has the ability to learn. With parenting classes, a support worker, Idva and social services input, I think she could of been a good mum. Very sad. I’m not disagreeing with social services, I just think more could have been done to help Tiffany.
Yes 100% what I thought! Good support services would have helped her greatly.
@@xkyleprivatex815 this is Bristol they don’t exist
@@DevonPixie1991 That’s sadly true, the government should provide more money so that early intervention schemes can be put into place.
It’s a shame that she ended up having to give them up. I think she’d have had a far better chance if she’d had the help to get rid of the partner earlier :(
@@DevonPixie1991 I’m originally from Bristol, born there and grew up there until my teens. I now live in the East Midlands, services here are horrendous and are certainly lacking. But I am the once teenage mum, I had my son just after my 16th birthday. My sons father was a narcissistic abuser. Three kids and ten years later I got out that horrendous relationship. Things were anything but easy. Back then the police didn’t care about domestic abuse and little to nothing was available by means of help and support. I have met many families over the years whom assume my life has been relatively easy, then think I’ve always had my own home, car, job a good husband etc; I’ve given my time freely, for no wage or payment to help others. Not everyone can be helped, but that doesn’t mean they should be given up on. Not everyone is academically a high achiever, but not everyone is capable of being a mechanic, a bricklayer, a chef, or even a cleaner. It doesn’t mean their no good as a human being. If services in Bristol are that appalling then it’s up to people to join together and support each other. It’s honestly not better where I live, but I’ve tried to make a difference and have aided and offered help, be that advice, filling in forms, or literally get food and clothing for those less fortunate than me. Maybe I should go back to Bristol and attempt to reach out to those in need. All any of us can do is be there for one another. I am saddened to hear my home city is lacking in services. Governments need to invest in ordinary people. Thank you for your comment Amy, x
The mum is very selfless & brave. The social workers were patronising in this episode. They didn't communicate that well. I bet they weren't the ones who grew up in nothingness.
She….was neglecting her little boy. She lied about his care. What part of that is brave?
Oh I cried when Tiffany decided to let the kids go to adoption ❤ prayers for the children and thier families. I wish Tiffany was allowed contact if the adoptive parents agreed , As she never harmed them and you could see the love she had for them unlike the father and she loved them so much that she did what was best for them and I can't imagine how hard that decision was to make .
I know, I was shocked to read they’d only get letters. ):
@@jessicawatson7360 in the US, they wouldn’t even need to get letters. Unless there was an adoption agreement.
She shouldn’t have contact- it’s too confusing for the children. This way they’ll have a chance of a normal, stable upbringing
Real glad you aren't the one making these important decisions, do you have any higher education? Even a basic psychology class? You would understand how badly it would go, how poorly adjusted the child would be, the interference in bonding with new parents it would cause to have the original parent in the mix while a child, especially a young one, is trying to bond and adjust with a new family/parent, if you don't have children, great! If you do, breed no more unless you take a serious amount of adult education classes to enrich your knowledge of parenting and early childhood development
@@bethewalt7385it's not about education classes. Do your research on adoptee trauma. They need contact with their biological families. Listen to the adoptee's voices. ❤
Being a parent is a privilege not a right. These pair couldn’t bring up phlegm never mind a poor child. Honest to god it’s shocking
Honestly, I don’t think ‘privilege’ is the right way to describe it. It’s a consequence, and a responsibility which needs to be upheld
Good and true about phlegm 😂
To you it is a privilege to those that can barely function in day to day lives themselves it's a cycle of neglect. It's not a privilege. It's a biological need. That's all it is. That's why people who are not equipped to be parents breed.
I am so proud of Toby's mom for making that incredibly strong and brave decision. She is awesome!
Tiffany might be a better parent by herself. He won't
I feel for Tiffany. She clearly knew she could not parent her children as they deserved despite loving them so she put her children's welfare first for once, and made such a brave decision. I hope life got better for her and that her children are thriving with their new families.
Mike contacted me last Sunday unexpectedly, asking me to be friends with him. And the only thing that he cared about was his phone and his sports events. I was pretending to be friends with him. Then when I had the opportunity to mention this video, he could say that it was in the past and that he said that he didn't want to talk about it It's like he made it like his children don't exist.
And at the duration of me being with him as a couple,he never mentioned being a dad,only lied about it,and said that Tiffany had a child with one of his friends and the child was put in care. In this video he said that Toby is his flesh of blood. Mike doesn't care about his children. He is happily in his life not to care in the world about his children,not mentioning about getting his life in order to fight to get them back, nothing to do with his children at all. He has been carrying on like if he had never had any children at all.
The only time he mentioned about children was when he was an uncle to a boy and girl. Nothing about being a father at all. I should also mention that Mike is an only child, and he claimed to have stepsiblings.
wtfffff
@@roxxi789 know so much about the scumbag and said to him that it's was his own fault for losing his children. I have found some videos of him online, and he happily engaged to a woman,when he told me that he was single. I ended things with him back last July and found out that he was someone else behind my back before July He is nothing but a scumbag. When I have given him shit about how he treats people,and he is a woman beater. He didn't want to know me anymore, as I didn't want anything to do with him. So I have blocked him again.
Good riddance to bad rubbish
Mike…take this “L” 🤡
Sounds about right. People like him don't really care about their kids. They see them as property. If they lose them. They either have more or pretend that they never had them. He showed no attachment to the boy at all. Tiffany did seem to love the kids but seemed depressed and unable to stand up to Mike.
How rude of the senior social worker to belittle the new social worker! Absolutely disgusting behaviour she should be ashamed of her conduct and she needs to be fired! She’s a bully!!!
I don't think that's what happened???
@@schmauftenI thought she said that the new social worker wasn’t being any help to the child. I was a bit surprised at that
I felt sorry for Tiffany all the way through this. You could tell from the jump Mike was so controlling, and really taking him out the equation would probably have been the best decision.
Without Mike in the picture and with some help she might have managed to keep her children. How sad.
I feel sorry for that dog.
The dad clearly needs help....poor child must be so frightened..hopes he’s healthy and well
The dad has probably needed help throughout his life and not got it.
Mental health for autism is just not there .
You can clearly see that Toby wants to be with his dad
Mike’s comment about brushing his teeth is disgusting and the fact that the kids toothbrush was on the filthy floor and that tony was sleeping on the couch while they slept in their nice comfy bed right there shows the type of people/parents they are. Good for Tiffany giving them up for adoption. I can only imagine how difficult that decision was cause she clearly loved the kids but just because you love them doesn’t mean your willing to put in the work to give them the best life you can. Tiffany’s excuse of abuse she experienced as a child is her way of excusing her own failures and justifying it. It also makes what she is doing worse because she knows first hand what that type of parenting does and feels to a child
Aside from the obvious distress that this causes the children/cycle that continues, imagine the amount of resources and money being spent on families like this. I work in Adult Social Service's and thats bad enough..I could never work in Childrens. These social workers are some of the most resilient and hardworking people.
"I dont want to get my hopes up, if it survives it survives" that sentence alone sickened me! I dont think the mum is a bad person and away from that man and plenty of support i think she could have done better.
Mike was definitely abusive to Tiffany, physically and mentally. Neither of them had a good upbringing and didn’t know how to parent or even have the mental capability to care for a child correctly.
There was one big difference between them, Tiffany loved her children, Mike didn’t. I think with the right support, Tiffany could have been a great mum to Toby and her daughter.
The strain and mental torcher of being in an abusive relationship is so devastating and has a knock on effect, adding to this, Tiffany clearly did not have a good upbringing herself.
Was the neglect Toby suffered acceptable? Definitely not. I completely agree he should have been removed from their care.
However,
The cycle of poor parenting takes a lot more than a few months and intervention from social services. Tiffany needed to learn a completely new way of life, unfortunately time wasn’t on her side. Once children are in the picture, there is a time limit on how long they can remain in foster care in uncertain circumstances.
I hope there is more support for vulnerable parents now. We are currently in the process of becoming foster carers and I think any pregnant woman who shows signs of not being able to care for a child correctly, should have similar training, tests and checks that foster parents need to have in order to care for vulnerable children. Anyone who cares for their baby, would be understanding and accepting of this.
Prevention is better than cure.
I hope Toby and the daughter are living a wonderful life today ✨
This...I totally agree..time is of the essence. Especially in this case.
Both of these parents messed up this kid completely. The damage has been done to him probably permanently.
The way Toby tries to engage with his "dad", just to be met with nothing; no enthusiasm, no real presence- heartbreaking. He clearly wants to see what his "dad" is doing with the stair gate, he's so curious and full of wonder. His "dad" tells him to "shut up". He can't talk, Mike. You absolute twit. Please talk Toby let's get you communicating. It astounds me how ignorant he is. The improvements in such a short time in foster care were incredible, I hope he was adopted and wasn't thrown around various care homes and foster parents. 🙏
I was thinking that too.
Children learn from watching the parents etcs.
Toby must be so frustrated
That dad is not neurotypical at all. He definitely has special needs himself.
Didn't talk until he was 6...it's parental neglect that causes it & they are carrying it on.
I dont believe him...its his way of gaslighting them to say.".none of this is my fault, I didnt speak til 6 yo "..he probably did until 4 or so🤔bc of perhaps same neglect of developmental needs himself. BUT This is now not then..he didnt register that his son has human rights to be given the help he didnt receive. Its not about the dad at that moment its about getting that child out of harms way...and then onto the other details..
Poor child. The second he felt safe and the beastly screaming stopped around him he fell asleep like a log.