Narcissistic Family: Build Up Your Ability to Go Without Acceptance

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  • Опубліковано 25 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 110

  • @jerrywise
    @jerrywise  Рік тому +2

    Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
    Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
    ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

  • @mariade1473
    @mariade1473 4 роки тому +20

    nobody says "have a great day" the way Jerry does it, every time he says it I've got the feeling that he knows how f... difficult it is to allow myself to have a great day

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  4 роки тому +1

      Thanks Maria
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
      Also,
      Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
      “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
      Workshop
      Date: February 6, Saturday
      Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
      Zoom
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
      [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

  • @mallory5872
    @mallory5872 6 років тому +39

    Going without love is not enough. You have to learn to provide everything for yourself with no assistance or training or preparation.

    • @sage9836
      @sage9836 4 роки тому +4

      Absolutely! I am learning how to do this.

    • @msims1081
      @msims1081 3 роки тому +4

      Been doing it for years. Didn’t realize how bitter the lack of love had made me, though. Learning how to be ok without that too.

    • @marcirobins5144
      @marcirobins5144 10 місяців тому

      You’re missing a word: Aporoval

    • @jackilynpyzocha662
      @jackilynpyzocha662 Місяць тому

      Dad is my narc bully; I deserve better than him for a father; I am not in contact with him!

  • @Zoya194
    @Zoya194 4 роки тому +9

    Intentionally grieve the loss of love and acceptance ( that fix )
    imagine standing alone and strong. Letting the earth and ground holding you up.
    You are behind you. It’s a very strong emotional place.
    Identify things that give you pleasure without others. What do you enjoy doing? Alone.
    Think about if everyone left you what would you chose to do.
    Work at being or standing alone while with others. Be an island. Have bridges and ferries but be an alone. We are all islands.
    He is so good. Listen to him. My comment is just for myself as notes.

  • @juliemeibaum8506
    @juliemeibaum8506 6 років тому +69

    The sharks can sniff out any loneliness like smelling one drop of blood in the water; so then they devour us and happily swim away; why? because the sharks are attracted to lonely people. Why? Because they know that we will be less likely to judge and reject them, so they can succeed with using us. We have to be our own best advocate.

    • @aidina89db
      @aidina89db 4 роки тому +4

      Well said.I met a few sharks in my life.

    • @leafmealoynederpydeu85
      @leafmealoynederpydeu85 4 роки тому +2

      It turned me to a shark doing any desperate thing when drinking to get it. Agreeing and doing thingd i should not . The worst feeling ever.

    • @leeboriack8054
      @leeboriack8054 3 роки тому +4

      Thank you for the brilliant analogy.

    • @USAcit
      @USAcit 3 роки тому +3

      Yes sociopaths, psychopaths prey on the vulnerable.

    • @kathrinerobitaille3000
      @kathrinerobitaille3000 2 роки тому

      Qq0⁰k on po pool p 0 lol 2rbvhqqqqqqq+0qq1oq10 pool k k

  • @swathi5773
    @swathi5773 Рік тому +3

    1. Find fear and deal with fear;
    Loneliness is the result of unresolved childhood issues.
    Neediness and overfusion/enmeshment= abandonment ;
    Stand alone/Give up for neediness & love & approval/self differentiation/practice non neediness =true connection;
    Self abandonment is root of all AC issues. Learn connectedness with ourselves. Then can connect with others. Build Emotional backbone=be alone and be ok.
    2. Build ability to go without love and acceptance
    3. Learn how you react to learn about yourself and that relationship.
    *Intentionally grieve the loss of love and acceptance/approval. Standing alone and be supported by you and earth under you. Staying connected and being yourself. Identify ways to please and pleasure to yourself without others.
    4. What we do without anyone vs with others- take inventory.
    5. Stand alone while working with others. Be an island(self) but with bridges(connections).

  • @angell504
    @angell504 7 років тому +41

    Thank you Jerry. I've spent my whole life going from one shrink to another. You are truly a God send 🙏🏾

  • @ladyloungealot5119
    @ladyloungealot5119 Рік тому +2

    My family made me realise a very long time ago that the best way is to be alone. I don't know love because I haven't experienced it but am very happy by myself. People who pretended to love me (my family of origin didn't do that) just wanted something from me.

  • @squarepeg418
    @squarepeg418 4 роки тому +7

    I knew my family didn’t approve of me, but thought surly to God they love me. I’m family. Once I realized my family doesn’t love me, I struggled, but it helped to remind myself nothing has changed but my awareness. That helped me realize I don’t need love or acceptance from a constant presence and that my friends know how to love so treat me with love. As my friend just said to me the other day, “Oooo, Alicia, I love you so much, you just don’t know.” Just because people society says should love and accept you don’t doesn’t make you unlovable. Love me some bridges to my beautiful island refuge.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  4 роки тому +1

      For us to feel loved we first must love ourselves. Check out Margaret Paul's book "Inner Bonding" it might help.
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
      Also,
      Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
      “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
      Workshop
      Date: February 6, Saturday
      Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
      Zoom
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
      [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

  • @LosAngelesLaura
    @LosAngelesLaura 3 роки тому +4

    This man is a legend.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +1

      Oh my
      Thank you for your kind words

  • @uyoebyik
    @uyoebyik 3 роки тому +6

    I reached out to my sisters one last time yesterday and they're not going to change ever. I'm the scapegoat and they attack like wolves if I show any weakness

    • @sophial.2438
      @sophial.2438 3 роки тому +5

      Don't show weakness and NEVER EVER EVER give them any personal info about yourself again!!
      And keep your distance!!

  • @travisclymer4481
    @travisclymer4481 2 роки тому +4

    Jerry is Wise!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      Thank you, I'm glad you like my work

  • @angies8146
    @angies8146 3 роки тому +9

    This is the best explanation I’ve heard . Thank you Jerry for your commitment to help us heal our heart. You are so wise!

  • @animated_ads_official
    @animated_ads_official 2 роки тому +2

    It was the last Buddah teaching, that every man is an island. And one of the main yoga poses is called mountain, when the person who practise yoga is invited to feel the support of the earth standing on their feet, and look at the horizon, imagening that they are a strong mountain. Aren't those beautiful metaphors for what Jerry described in this video.

  • @tg4796
    @tg4796 6 років тому +17

    I found this the most helpful video I’ve seen (I’ve seen a few). The simple guided imagery has already helped me feel more able and more secure, so less likely to look to others to validate me. Thank you, your transformation is amazing by the way, good on you.

  • @lindam.robertson8055
    @lindam.robertson8055 6 років тому +10

    I have shared this video more than any other. It has put things into perspective for me in a way that nothing else has. Through deep inner work I have developed self acceptance, self respect and self love. It feels glorious. Thank you, Mr. Wise. You are very wise.

  • @aquamarine0023
    @aquamarine0023 7 років тому +20

    So many priceless gems of wisdom here -- so helpful, thank you!

  • @mallory5872
    @mallory5872 6 років тому +15

    Abandonment is not a feeling. Serious neglect is real. And you will be blamed and shunned for your condition. That's how suicide happens. I hope humanity evolves beyond the need for "families" and gender.

    • @missmeowmix6114
      @missmeowmix6114 5 років тому +1

      Just because you have gender issues don't put that out there that gender is a hindrance to this world. Come on now you know that is nonsense.

    • @Security-pw5lg
      @Security-pw5lg 3 роки тому +2

      It seems that that change is slowly happening. The inaquality in men and woman is very clear to see now. In our incomes, the way a men is hold to a much much lower standard. And how he has to act tough almost like a emtionless being. And how woman are called crazy for showing emotions. Limiting both sexes of being themselves

    • @hoxiefam6731
      @hoxiefam6731 2 роки тому +1

      Sorry to hear about the neglect, you can heal if you run to Abba Father, our God who loves us more than any human ever could.

  • @LR-yu3mx
    @LR-yu3mx 9 місяців тому

    Thank you, Jerry, for all your brilliant insight, and ability to help people like me, to understand the whole situation of having been born into a toxic family.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  9 місяців тому

      Glad you find it helpful. Thank you for watching!

  • @mrs.l.3565
    @mrs.l.3565 4 роки тому +3

    Yeah. But I've been alone and lonely for so long. It's exhausting.

  • @karenherrera287
    @karenherrera287 9 місяців тому

    Jerry Wise, this one is so good, I had to watch it again. Oldie, but goodie.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  9 місяців тому

      Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for watching!

  • @ingenuity168
    @ingenuity168 2 роки тому +1

    I'm saving this video and will listen to you over and over again. ❤🙏🏻👍🏻

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому +2

      I’m glad you found it helpful 😊🤍

  • @juliehkang
    @juliehkang 3 роки тому +2

    You’re truly a lifesaver. Thank you for putting all these great explanations online. Really appreciate it.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      You are so welcome!
      I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
      “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
      It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
      Sign up on website to get info on workshops
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
      Sign up now for early bird price
      I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
      • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
      • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
      • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional

  • @leeboriack8054
    @leeboriack8054 3 роки тому +1

    Jerry, your work is brilliant and you live up to your last name.
    "THANK YOU!" for sharing.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      You are very welcome
      Thank you for your kind words
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
      Also,
      I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
      “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
      It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
      Sign up on website to get info on workshops
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
      Sign up now for early bird price
      I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
      • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
      • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
      • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

  • @lizbethbrady8308
    @lizbethbrady8308 6 років тому +6

    Jerry you are simply awesome..WooHoo..

  • @victoriabenton8378
    @victoriabenton8378 3 роки тому +2

    You're a good man! I,m so glad I found you and thank you for being here and posting all your videos. This is a very helpful, thought provoking channel. I,m going to watch as much as I can!

  • @judemaleski4853
    @judemaleski4853 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you again, this really resonates. I am off to a monastery today 🤗

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому +2

      Glad it resonated Jude ❤️

    • @judemaleski4853
      @judemaleski4853 2 роки тому

      What if I enjoy being by myself so much I don’t want to be around people much?

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому +2

      @@judemaleski4853 The context of this matters. if you no longer let anyone into your life without filters, you enjoy time alone and your close relationships are nurturing than this is a good place to be in. If it's out of avoidance, not knowing how to truly connect with others then this could be another form of reactivity. A healthy self is a connected self.

    • @judemaleski4853
      @judemaleski4853 2 роки тому +1

      @@jerrywise thank you again 🙏. I really appreciate the fact you take time out to reply to me individually as you must be an incredibly busy man. That is a good answer to ponder on. Bless you.

  • @chelsea8425
    @chelsea8425 11 місяців тому

    This is such a great video with so much insight. Learned a lot listening to this.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  11 місяців тому

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  • @evelynsanchez7119
    @evelynsanchez7119 3 роки тому +1

    Amazing video. Thank You for this information . Very powerful for me

  • @michelekurlan6489
    @michelekurlan6489 4 роки тому +1

    I agree that depression in part is deficit of pleasure and it's also unfinished grieving, perhaps in a larger part
    Great "island" metaphor. Totally agree
    I listen to them over and over again for the content but also your soothing manner and voice it's kind of like ASMR 🌝

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  4 роки тому

      Thank you for watching Michele

  • @donnag.3611
    @donnag.3611 7 років тому +5

    Wonderful presentation, as always. Thank you, Jerry.

  • @mmommo2025
    @mmommo2025 4 роки тому

    could not stop listening to this....very hepful

  • @marywolfe7293
    @marywolfe7293 7 років тому +5

    thank you for the truth that you tell us.

  • @jemimagascon9965
    @jemimagascon9965 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you very much for your wonderful videos...💕

  • @fenitschke6242
    @fenitschke6242 3 роки тому +1

    Thanks Jerry.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      You are very welcome
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

  • @rebeccan6047
    @rebeccan6047 4 роки тому +1

    Great wisdom, thank you

  • @leafmealoynederpydeu85
    @leafmealoynederpydeu85 4 роки тому +1

    I would have done anything to get love mixed with abandoned fears and trauma i lived n live in fear no security and now i am learning to trust i wont be put on street but still now sober so afraid of people

  • @magnoliajo696
    @magnoliajo696 6 років тому +2

    Feeling Good- The book you recommended Jerry, is really helpful. I'm taking it today to read in a local huge public garden that I bought a membership to last Sunday. I read it there last week and God surprised me with a deer showing up behind me to nibble on leaves (a rare occurrence.) I so enjoy seeing the Mule deer. Such a special highlight of the day. I didn't feel as lonely enjoying that beautiful place with a book to guide my thoughts more positively. I hope your video encourages others to buy that book. Its available used on the internet.

    • @yellowrose7736
      @yellowrose7736 6 років тому

      I am going to purchase this book as well.

  • @Linda-f6f6k
    @Linda-f6f6k 9 місяців тому

    It will help you to survive.

  • @anitabubic6094
    @anitabubic6094 3 роки тому

    Hvala ti Jerry! Thank you from my heart!

  • @adimeter
    @adimeter 5 місяців тому

    I have felt lonely since the age of 3. I'm 76 now, and there is not e left accept my husband of 81 years old. Statistics say he will leave 1st. I think about that every day.

  • @jlo1372
    @jlo1372 5 років тому

    One of those videos that I didn’t want to end. Such helpful info.

  • @darinsmith2458
    @darinsmith2458 2 роки тому

    Like I say all the time, I can totally relate to all of your videos. I am trying to integrate your Family Systems approach with IFS approach.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому

      Thank you Roxana, thank you for your support! ❤️

  • @shantilove3768
    @shantilove3768 5 років тому

    Thankyou for your guidance and support 🙏

  • @yellowrose7736
    @yellowrose7736 6 років тому +2

    Coming home after work tonight, 9pm. I have a 30 minute ride home. 2 inches of new snow...no empathy. Such as glad you made it home safely, good your home - nothing. I am alone in this marriage for the last 2 years. 9 years.total. I am going to grieve the loss of love and acceptance. My narcissist husband is emotionally unavailable. I am getting used to no communication because it only opens up the opportunity for him to jab at me.......tiresome!!!

    • @Security-pw5lg
      @Security-pw5lg 3 роки тому +1

      Thanks for sharing a part of your story. You don't sound happy. Maybe for your own sanity and health, plan an escape for your self. Maybe for filing divorce you need evidence of abuse. Record a few conversations where he verbally and emotionally attacts you. Inform someone you can trust. Save as much money as you can. File for divorce and than pack your bags and leave. Run and never look back

  • @bettinade6831
    @bettinade6831 5 років тому +1

    Thank you :)

  • @Kwood10
    @Kwood10 5 років тому +2

    I can never sustain a relationship even with my own adult child . I just had a get together with my 1st boyfriend I had when I was 4 yrs old after 50 years of not seeing each other I was so hoping for a spark ⚡️ some connection but I didn’t feel any . I feel so lost & alone . I spend most of my time with my dog and cat . But still want more.....

  • @godzillamanstreb524
    @godzillamanstreb524 6 років тому +1

    Fantastic 💖💖

  • @victoriajensen8484
    @victoriajensen8484 4 роки тому

    Thanks Jerry 🙏🏼

  • @deespresso7033
    @deespresso7033 6 років тому +1

    Thank you

  • @Carla47156
    @Carla47156 6 років тому

    Hello Jerry. Good to see you.

  • @eliort404
    @eliort404 5 років тому

    Thanks, that was valiable info. Much abliged🌹

  • @sharonnugent408
    @sharonnugent408 2 роки тому

    I can stand alone but still fear if I dont please others I will be rejected

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 роки тому +2

      Standing alone often means others will reject us

  • @michelekurlan6489
    @michelekurlan6489 4 роки тому +2

    Da Bearsss.. my hometown

  • @cuddlesanddaisy
    @cuddlesanddaisy 6 років тому +8

    Could the neediness actually be internal desire to be alone (we really don't trust) since it drives others away? As in the "I love you. Go away" message. I now see that I've been given that message, and have given that message. :/

  • @mariacliment2767
    @mariacliment2767 3 роки тому +1

    How dont I feel hungry when I am hungry?
    How do I not feel alone when I am alone? (Theeefore not attracting to me the narcisists)
    I just dont understand it!! Please, help

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому +2

      Good questions Maria
      Write to me and I will send you a reading list, not all feelings are what they appear to be.
      jerrywise5@gmail.com
      Thank you for watching.

  • @esterhurley7085
    @esterhurley7085 5 років тому

    Thank u for sharing what is so difficult 2 face +own. Self?? Its as u say. Uck

  • @elhadjdiallo633
    @elhadjdiallo633 3 роки тому

    Hello sir ....how are you ??? I really do need help right now I'm in the shelter due to the narcs abuse etc....i just need help so that i can take career and life to the next level ...i will be wating for your request promply.......its a long story...thank you sir

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 роки тому

      You can contact me at jerrywise5@gmail.com

  • @nononouh
    @nononouh 2 роки тому

    4:30 9

  • @Pasok5
    @Pasok5 6 років тому +3

    Mr Wise, why do you not answer our questions, the point of following and listening to you is also to get to know what you are all about, not personal but things that I feel I need to no in order to be able to follow you comfortably. So why to you not answer my questions. I will wait for your response, otherwise I will not follow you anymore. It essential for me to follow a person who has the values as me.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  6 років тому +8

      Hi it is simply a matter of time. I cannot respond to every posting I am sorry. Did you have a specific question that I could help you with? There are so many posts per day I cannot possibly get to all of them. I want to thank you for watching.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  6 років тому +3

      Also you could send it directly to jerrywise5@gmail.com, this would also get my attention.

    • @Pasok5
      @Pasok5 6 років тому

      ok I appreciate this. thank you, I will send my questions. my importantly and basic question is, are you a real christian???

    • @Pasok5
      @Pasok5 6 років тому

      are you a real christian, that is my most important christian, and thank you for answering.

    • @yunhao5645
      @yunhao5645 6 років тому +3

      CUTE GIRLS how would that make a difference?

  • @Charlotte_2648
    @Charlotte_2648 5 років тому +3

    Thank you