What Is Extraverted Feeling (Fe)? | Cognitive Functions | CS Joseph
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- What Is Extraverted Feeling (Fe)? CS Joseph continues to discuss Cognitive Functions.
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![What it's like to have Inferior Extraverted Sensing [INFJ and INTJ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/p_f6gf0a0i4/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm leaving tons of comments. The more I learn about Fe the more I hurt for my mom. She's an INFJ in a family of Fi users. She knows how we all feel and none of us know how she does.
Nice of you to consider your Mom Sherry. As an INFJ I have come to accept few people will understand me. It really is just an "is-ness" and don't expect anything. But to be honest, I'd fall on my back the day someone actually did show they cared. So I think show your mom you appreciate her. With INFJ it's all about the little things. Making tea for her without her even asking etcetera. Picking a flower along the way to give to her, little things - little things are BIG for INFJ. Trust me. Blessings
this warmed my heart:) always remind your mother the good things about her. I´m INFJ too. It´s true what the other INFJ said here, we value the small things. would take a flower everyday over a diamond neclace. Me anyway :) my mother sometime send me photocards where she write on the back a little message of this memory its so nice to have and I save these and put it up, it reminds me always of her and feel loved.
me being an esfj in a family full of fi users
Yeah, it's the little things, simple joys, the laughter, the gentle care, INFJs treasure that
Fi users unwittingly abuse Fe users if they are the majority, but vice versa
Ti and Te the same.
Unfortunately we live in an ISTJ society in my country of NZ. So the Te dominates, Fi goes to the back, Fe clings on and Ti is abused by the majority.
In these societies the NTPs are straight up abusively treated for being who they are. Ti + Child or Aspirational Si and Fe = constant pain, discomfort and rejection of your thinking which creates alienation.
The way you described Fe child was so cute 😂.
"It's a little kid. It just wants to give balloons and candies to everybody."
Infj, currently watching while curled up on the bathroom floor with the lights off 😂🤣😂
"I'm such a horrible persooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
same here.. bt lights on
Wait, that’s not normal?
Enfj, budge over sounds chill :)
@@count9548 No
Types that use Fe:
ESTP, ISTP; ENTP, INTP.
ENFJ, INFJ; ESFJ, ISFJ.
This is exactly what I went to look for after watching this video.
I wanted to thank you publicly for these videos. My INTP friend turned me on to them. I am going through all of them systemically. I am an INFJ. I struggle so much just like you say. You are a fantastic and caring teacher. Your advice is so practical and helpful. Your videos are the best I have seen on Jungian Personality Theory. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You are most welcome sir!
I an INTP i sometimes remember some arguments in the past years and it made me guilty because it made people angry and sad about themselves just because I'm right
And that's exactly why you guys are cute
When you were speaking about Fe and the INFJ in particular, I related because I always felt uncomfortable with people doing things for me. Serving me at a dinner table, or even out to eat. Giving me a gift, I always felt awkward or not deserving. One day in sunday school class when I was around 16, the teacher explained that its actually a good deed to receive a gift. We should see it as doing a service for the person giving to receive. That made total sense to me because I love giving. If giving gives me pleasure, then receiving from another is giving them pleasure, which means I am at the same time caring for them. Although the weirdness is there at times, I am not as effected by it, plus, I can also see better when someone is doing it just to when my favor for bad intentions.
Awesome piece of advice. I’m an INFJ as well, and I feel the same way you do. I feel undeserving or guilty if I see others do things for me. Especially if I’ve never met the person before. Thanks for sharing this. I definitely need to work on accepting gifts from others.
C. S. Joseph, as a psychology & philosophy enthusiast (INTP) I deeply appreciate your enlightening perspective about Applied Jungian knowledge. You sir truly are an expert.
Te and Ti Te: “I’m trying to make you smarter” Ti/low Fe: “really because you just did A B and C and all that was DUMB AF“
Thanks for this. My mom's an INFJ. Your description of Fe explains a few things, so I sent her email thanking her and my dad for being my parents. I hope it eases her guilt for not being perfect.
you are most welcome, and well done
Man I'd love to see a televised social experiment like those parties you're talking about.
ill think on it
INTP here. Your channel is unreal. I am amazed by the amount of science in this. In addition to that, your way of giving information is very easy. I think I'm going to learn all your videos. Thank you for the time and effort you put into the content. By far one of my best UA-camrs.
I've seen ENFJs get labeled bipolar because they are usually the nice friendly encouraging person then they get triggered and overreact to a negative look or comment and have a tantrum.
As an ENFJ I happened to be falsely diagnosed with bipolar so I understand where you are coming from.
I think I'm an Infj and I thought i had bpd and was bipolar in different stages of life. I used to feel so guilty making my mom cry sometimes because I shouted at her. It was because she kinda never respected my personal space.
INTJ female here. Trying to understand how to communicate and interact with feelers.
Not trying to hurt, guilt or shame anyone. I just don’t understand feelers and I’m exhausted of dealing with never ending hurt feelings, anger, and people imposing themselves into my world trying to fix things that don’t need fixing, but if they do, it’s “my” stuff and I’m responsible for me and what’s mine so I definitely want to do the “fixing” on my own.
One last note... It is a waste of time and energy to do a competition game of who is smarter. The INT’s that I know don’t do that. What you stated is how a feeler would interpret the interaction.
Our focus is to continue to improve ourselves. More mature thinkers understand that if it’s almost impossible to change a person on the exterior, (clothes, hair, style) then it is absolutely impossible to change or “fix” anyone on a deeper level...also, that’s extremely disrespectful. To try to fix anyone is the equivalent of saying that they don’t measure up as a basic human being. Now that is completely dehumanizing.
No, I have no desire to fix anyone or compare myself with anyone.
I’m not trying to be smarter than anyone because that is a waste of time and energy. Logically, it’s understood that there will always be someone smarter or better at things. My purpose is to improve myself so that I can be a better person.
treat people like an investment portfolio. Are you getting an ROI or not? If not, get rid of them.
C.S. Joseph ... 🤣 I got rid of all of them except for family members that have had to move back home due to this situation we’re living through today.
ENTP with an ISFJ grandma and INFJ mom, this video is so hilariously accurate to their relationship xD.
ENTP with an ENFJ mom. I agree. Very, very accurate.
@@constantine2197 Can you give examples?
This totally explains my INFJ friend. She is ALWAYS in a depression and asking me if I'm mad at her!! I'm always like "I don't know, what did you do that I should be mad?!" I can only take so much of it though, goodness, I deal with my own depressive states and it's CONSTANT with her. I feel bad because I want her to feel better but I really dont feel like there is a way to make her feel any better. Whew
Get her to watch these videos.
As an INTP I just realized I have an aversion to duties and try to decrease the number of commitments to zero so i never have any duties, and then feel guilty about not meeting people's expectations for achieveing something in life. Duties are needed to have people expect something of me and expectations is what gets me off my butt.
I was the same, that's your child that needs to grow. Just start to listen more to your parent Ne
you just described me. always say "zero expectations=zero disappointments"😥
@@cutyoursoul4398 how?
This explains so much of my ENFJ Dad's behavior toward me, especially as an Fi user (ENTJ). His tendency to "absorb" my feelings makes it difficult for me to confide in him at times because he feels whatever I am feeling while simultaneously taking responsibility for it and becoming irrationally guilty. When that happens, my feelings tend to shut themselves down and instead I become the one trying to keep him calm, making it difficult to for me to vent. One time I told him, "I don't want you to deal with my feelings about the situation; I want you to help me fix the situation, and then my feelings will resolve themselves." (Or, in some cases, just be a calm, listening presence.) Confronting him about something he did/is doing that I don't like is also hard- he becomes very defensive and I get the sense that he might be trying to make ME feel guilty for making HIM feel guilty. Whenever we have those types of conversations, he brings up example after example of all the things he's done for me, and I'm like "Wait, nobody's denying that, where is this coming from?" He has also described himself as a "mood absorber" while he describes me as a "mood setter", and even confessed to me that he resents the influence I have over his emotions. When I'm happy, he's happy, but when I'm in a bad mood, he's in a bad mood. I would say that I simply call things as I see them and try to view the world objectively, but he interprets most blunt and direct comments as "overly negative". (I do have a slight problem with negativity, but not to the extent that he claims, and it's a big deal for him because his Fe doesn't allow him to ignore it.) Also, he doesn't seem to like the expression of strong opinions and seems to try to "temper" them whenever I do so. In fact, one of the largest problems in our relationship was caused by him absorbing my moods, assuming that I had the same affect on everyone as I had on him, then trying to "shield" the rest of my family from that negativity by dissing me in front of the group, which he explained as putting me and my bad feelings "in quarantine". He even told me on very many occasions that I was poisoning our family environment and "dragging EVERYONE down with your attitude". (Part of that attitude was actually a result of the "quarantine"- I felt forced to express myself in sarcastic, passive aggressive ways because he pretty much ensured that I wouldn't be taken seriously.) You can imagine what that did to my self-esteem, especially since I wanted to stop but couldn't seem to control it. He's told me over and over that out of all of his children, I am the most difficult and he's had to invest the most emotional energy in me. One time he even confirmed that I took time and attention away from my other siblings with my "drama"- which made me so upset that I excused myself, ran into the basement and proceeded to have a literal panic attack- which he perceived as MORE melodrama. Everyone's needs being met is something that is very important to me; it's what any functional system should be accomplishing. I love my siblings and hurting them even inadvertently is very upsetting, PLUS I regard the family as a system, and if that were true I would be the one thing standing in the way of a system I claim to support and actively uphold. HYPOCRISY- the ultimate evil! (For me, at least.) That incident still pisses me off because I later asked all of my siblings about it, and from their perspective I didn't take up an inordinate amount of attention at all. So he was mistaking his own perceptions and feelings for those of the entire group. Is this a common problem for ENFJs and Fe users in general? A friend who is into MBTI told me ENFJs can slip into this if they aren't careful, but I'd love to have your take on it, C.S. Joseph.
Aaand I apologize for the text wall. I didn't mean for this to be so long or to turn into a rant against my Dad (or ENFJs in general), but it looks like that happened anyway. At least I now understand better what makes him tick, how I affect him, and why he felt he needed to take the measures he did. We have worked through many of our issues, but this information should help me to better meet him halfway. Thank you for this.
all good, ty
@@CSJoseph Thank you for taking the time to read all of that. :) I know you're busy, but I noticed you didn't answer my question about Fe heroes mistaking their feelings for the feelings of the rest of the group (bottom of my first paragraph). I don't mean to be pushy at all- take your time; but it would be nice to have your take on this. Thanks!
No that was Interesting. I am an INTJ though so probably expected :p
My mom is an INFJ. She constantly takes my abstracted generalizations personally. And I constantly talk about big picture things to explain what drives me and why I make the decisions I make. Because I constantly get advice I disagree with (from both parents) and I want to communicate why I think these things are so damn important. But I think the problem is that they basically never do understand what I try to explain and they also never (therefore) get in touch with my underlying emotions (which I assume they will figure out if they just understand me). They (especially mom) therefore percieve me as insensitive to myself and others when I'm infact extremely sensitive to the consequences of what I am trying to explain and get upset when I get advice that goes counter to it.
But I understand that the advice I get is BECAUSE they don't understand my explanations. But it causes frustrations which of course is interpreted as insensitivity to their good intentions.
So basically, I am trying to figure out how to show my emotions and intentions before having explained things that are important to me. Or something. It's really tricky for an INTJ :P
Or in genersl - I am trying to understand my and others feelings better. This video helped.
@Maladjusted Maverick Enfjs do that! they think they know how other people feel, they have strong intuition and can read people well, so most of the times they are right, but not always😁
Aw… I read that all.
Anyone needs to understand the others. Much of the pressure and weariness everyone carries is unnecessary and totally avoidable.
Understanding is really priceless, especially if it is mutual…
Imagine being the unhappy Fi user walking into the room of Fe users lol what a MESS
INTP here, and my inferior Fe is freaking out rn because I have all these memories of accidentally upsetting or even deeply hurting people, and I realize that if only I had known then what I know now, I could have prevented so much pain 😔
Your informative calling out of Fe users is much more useful and entertaining than mainstream descriptions. I always feel more connected to the negative aspects...
I live in a family full of Fi-Te users and it's a battlefield, I'd love for someone to do the dishes for me sigh
7:16 I liked it when he said "I'm an Fe user..." and starts swaying his feet (you can tell) like a little girl lol
At funerals I just cry and cry and cry! Is that Fe?
yes
I have a friend who told me that I am an INFJ and told me that I should watch your videos on what he always did. I just started watching your videos from season 1 to understand the whole thing and what he said were all true.Thanks for the videos,it is enlightened me more of who am I and how to deal with others.
Strong Fe user here. My ESTJ dad has done nothing but criticise and sarcastically guilt-trip me for the most unexpected smallest things. He even said it was stupid for me to play, but didn't offer alternatives or his rationale. He called me a narcissist, selfish and worthless. In his memoirs he writes things like "I told her how normal people do it and she went into hysteria". He beat me for being "inconsiderate" to neighbours. I can't think of a worse child-parent pairing. What's this cosmic joke about? I will try and learn how to relate to ESTJs better (he would not return the favour) but fear I will still be triggered and we could never reconcile...
In general, I often desire to isolate myself because I can't handle the constant flood of people's negative emotions, even subtle ones.
I barely ever ever get any praise or gratitude or people saying I made them feel good, and I often feel like my efforts achieve nothing because of the lack of feedback...How can I ask for it? I asked my INTJ husband and he says he struggles to put it in words. It took him 3+ days to write a short list of things he likes about me but it's qualities :), not how I improved his life. He just doesn't see the value in it though so doesn't want to put in the effort when there are more important things to do.
I'm an ENTJ and my Bf is an INFJ. I love my bf because of his qualities as a person and not necessarily what he does. Though, what he does falls in line with his qualities and morals. Maybe your husband relates what you do to the qualities that he loves about you. I always appreciate when my bf goes out of his way to help me or he takes care of me. I love to return the favor because I know that's how he feels loved. If you haven't already ,maybe check out the 5 love languages and see which one you and your husband fall under.
Edit: I forgot to write what I thought of your father. He seems like he is not a good person and as hard as it is I'd say cut him off for a bit. He treats you with disrespect and contempt. It doesn't matter what personality type someone has we are all responsible for how we treat others, especially our own children. I'm sorry you have a terrible relationship with him, but from what you said its probably best that you stay away from such an ass.
Hey Chase, I recently found a lot of criticism towards you and your content, but I'm literally hooked onto this channel. I'm so loving what I'm finding and also feeling excited knowing the behavior and reasoning of my cognitive functions. I'm an ENFJ mostly, but I'm glad I understand how my Fe hero can help me understand my social interactions. Thanks for the wonderful content. I hope you get a lot of fame and recognition.
Thanks for not taking the haters word for it and seeing for yourself.
@@CSJoseph also I would like to know if I'm an ESFJ or ENFJ, how can I do that because after watching your videos on cognitive functions, I'm confused if Si-Ne user or Ni-Se user. Can you suggest me a way ? I tried your app but that too gives me contradictory solutions.
@@khushpatel2546 For example in choosing clothes do you prefer aesthetics over comfort or comfort over aesthetics? If you're an Se user you would focus on aesthetics and vice versa.
@@Entyipo that's very stereotype. I don't think that is how you can define extraverted sensing or intuition. It depends if my parent function is Ni or Si. So i have to look at multiple aspects rather than what stereotypes are present
@@khushpatel2546 Bruh that's not stereotypes that's literally what the functions do. S is sensory and I is Introverted which means one's own sensations and Se is extroverted which means other's sensations. Also try watching his season 15 playlist specifically the videos on informative Vs direct, abstract Vs concrete and movement Vs control. That should give you all the information you need. If you're new to his vids Season 15 is one of the most important tools you can use to type yourself more than the functions as they're very complex to accurately understand
This video gave me a much better understanding of what Fe means. I used to think that i had Fi dominant but i am an INFJ thats why it had confused me a lot. After watching this i realized that i had Fe dominant.
I agree about all the things you said about INFJ's. Once i remember a close friend of mine leaving the room with a really cold face after i rejected doing something and it literally ruined my whole day. And after that when i saw her again, she had completely forgotton about that and talked with me normally. So i was confused what to feel about it.
Is emilia an infj? What do you think?
@@ashuranero5721 Emilia from what/where? Rezero?
If so, no she is definitely not an Ni user. Subaru is the infj in that relationship is anyone is. I'm not sure what type Emilia is but she's definitely an NP type because she's 'water' af.
@@zile8869 Elaborate how she is an Ne user. She definetly is an Fe user, so the Decider Axis is clear. After your logic she would have to be an NTP and i can frankly not see that with her
I think emelia is either ESTJ or ENFJ.
She is direct and initiating and she is affiliative.
I've learned to not expect praise, but it's nice when I get it. I have no trouble accepting it as long as it's authentic...effusive praise is cringeworthy. ISFJ
One of my friend is an ESFJ. Everytime I go to her place she just wants to cover me with soft blankets and tasty foods, which I don't need but I know it's her way to show love, and so I let her. She's also ADHD and so get distracted and unmotivated halfway through things. My way of showing appreciation is through acts of services and so, I either finish stuff for her, or provide her with a plan to finish/organize stuff herself. Every time she gets anxious, seeing me 'taking care' of the things she feels she's the one that should be finishing. Your grandma freaking out over the dishes story just made me realize how nerve-racking this duality of Fe Parent + ADHD lack of focus/motivation must feel for her.
I practically fish for appreciation from my boyfriend. I just want to hear him say that I’m doing good
INTP here. Came to improve my Fe but after watching this I don't want to develop my Fe anymore as it seems like a really shitty function. As you described it, there are no benefits of developing Fe, but I get that this info is useful to hero/parent users so they can work through the suffering that is Fe
Well, developing your Fe is the key to strengthening your Ti.
I found this channel 3 days ago and I am just thrilled. How much important value is here is just incredible. Gonna grind from the beginning even i know the most (beginning and "middl" stuff) just for the best knowledge foundation. Thank you from heart for your work. Iam from Germany and it feels like iam an sponge for such knowledge. Iam an save Infj even made the test on your site.
I started my personal journey at 16 and am now 19, let's see where this takes me. Again thanks from heart, you are an inspirition for me after 3 days, congrats ^^.
My normally very well behaved son would have random meltdowns. That's what his preK teacher even called them. When I'd question him about it later when he was finally calmed, it was always because a friend at school made a rude face at him. That was the only thing that would ever trigger him.
I also don't like public recognition... but in small groups it's fine, if it's genuine. So many people say things in sarcasm and I care not for that.
😂🤣 In the bathroom with the lights off. There really was no need to put our business out there like that.
Being an infj with another intp, being Fe users, she and I get along pretty well. But I noticed a lot that I get embarrassed by her compliments, even when we're alone together. Acknowledging that she's an Fe user is gonna super helpful.
yes!
These are the best videos I've seen explainging these dynamics. Although it seems convoluted, and maybe he's really "just not that into me", maybe part of the reason my INFJ pulls back so hard from me is because he knows he can't commit, so he thinks eventhough he would like to continue hanging out he's "saving me"....? He once practically yelled "Can't you see I'm trying to keep you from getting hurt?"
Loyalty in reverse? Is loyalty an INFJ thing too?
@@SJaye-zv9er S. Jaye Not so much loyalty as it is trying to hold on to and protect someone they care for. I got stuck in a HUUUUGE "I can save you!" mindset with a girl I liked when I was younger that lasted years. I focused entirely on her and completely invested myself in her until I finally cut off that connection when it became obvious some people don't want to be helped.
So yeah, we can sort of invest ourselves into people and expect some kind of reciprocation down the line. In other words you could say we invest in people and expect loyalty in return and sometimes we'll stick around and invest for a long, long time. I wish I never wasted my time.
This is so now! My relationship, family, etc. Thank you for pretty much every single thing you said.
This is the best video on the internet!
Myself, being a recently discovered ENFJ, having Fe Hero makes so much sense to me looking back on past convos, especially in my teenage years. My mom would always accuse me of being selfish and self centred, leading to what I now realize is about 6 years of guilt haha.
this
12:25 -Oh, that eye roll gave me *_l i f e ._*
Anyhow, I cannot thank you enough for the information. And being authentic like this in a position where you have to deal with... _certain_ types of people.
Extraverted feeling is a strange definition for ethics. In fact the concept is ridiculous - feelings are subjective by nature, that is they are felt by an individual subject and only by that subject.
Amazing freaking video. I’m really impressed. I work with an INFJ and ENFJ and they’re also close friends (plus) and my word, you speak the truth. Fe is fascinating for me to figure out. Thank you!!! -intj 4w5
"You have a room of Extraverted Feerlers. One Fi-user walks into the room, if the Fi-user is feeling bad, the entire room feels bad because all the extraverted feelers literally absorbs all of the feelings from the one person. It's an emotional disaster, huge depressive mass or guilt fest" - such an amazing insight. My family members were all Fe-Ti users.. my father and i : ISFJ, my sister : ESFJ, my mother : ENTP. And as you said in this video, we were always saying "I'm trying hard to make 'you' feel better, why don't you recognize my effort?" kind of stuff to each other all the time and it really choked me... they never never admitted we're chocking each other, but it was obvious to me that it was not even a guilt fest, it was a hypocrisy fest! why did we have to do that all the time..?
As an ISFJ, i've always tried hard to make my parents feel good, and i've done everything eagerly to get recognition from my family.. recognition that i am a good person, and still i wasn't happy. Looking back what i've done and facing my weakness make me feel fragile and sad, but relieved and free at the same time. Thank you for sharing your keen insights. Your Ne-hero and Ti-parent is really brilliant, original, and accurate. And helpful. Thank you
OMG guilt fest is exactly what is killing me in my family !
@C.S. Joseph, dude you should definitely write that book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People for Personality Types", or some similar name, because I'm sure you'll run into copyright issues with that name.
However, the knowledge of how to do basic interactions with types of varying Hero functions plus the understanding of which types you'll have the most/least compatibility with and why, would be an EXCELLENT book for anyone looking to get the most out of their life's social interactions. Please write this; do it for the children! ;-)
-Your fellow ENTP brother
sure
13:00 sounds like "I'm Mr. Meeseeks Look at me!!"
XXFJs are the kindest people out there. And a bit further behind the XXTPs. I can't stand XXTJs and XXFPs. Such selfishness I can't understand. But they seem to value honesty more than kindness. I just wish each to their own. I have been unlucky not to meet many FJ girlfriends. The 1 or 2 I have met were angels on earth. And I'm an INTP
It's like he described -- with only Fe users, you have a room full of people tripping over themselves trying to make everyone feel cared for. There is nobody to genuinely appreciate that care. It is empty, fake and bottomless. You need people who will be able to make genuine judgments about the goodness of those contributions for them to mean anything. Also, consider how Fe users have a tendency to not know how they themselves feel. Fi can identify what goodness is so Fe can do it. That's why it's a moral compass. If I study myself deeply and know how I feel to the core, I can show you what is important so when you do your Fe service, it will actually be effective and meaningful. I can tell you about your propensity to neglect yourself because I have studied what it is to be selfish. I know self care. Then you can know better when your tank is running low and learn how to take care of yourself, too. Put your own oxygen mask on first! That kind of thing.
@@genericbotface sure I do envy the Fi. Almost all Fi doms (secondary, tertiary etc) are well able to take care for themselves well because it's all about what matters to them. But as for people I prefer around me my Fe users all the time. I've found we have no problem whatsoever taking care of each. Fi users are so self focused that I feel they have to force it to have empathy. Miss me with that. Even in your answer I can smell a reek of selfishness when you say you'll "show me how to use my Fe service". For you guys it's almost always all about what can be done for you not what can do for others. It repulses me exceedingly. And I've come to accept some types just can't help it but be selfish. What my Ti refuses is for my Fe to be used by an Fi blackhole that has close to zero care about me. I believe in a healthy give and take - reciprocity. Yal Fi users can stick together and likewise us.
I actually studied the mbti because I'd gotten into a relationship with an ENFP and she was driving me crazy. She was the most random (crazy), selfish, irrational etc I'd ever met. The mbti helped me to be at peace that such people simply exist
@@seetsamolapo5600 What I meant by Fi showing Fe how to serve is really different from how you understood it. My contribution is just different. I give by teaching people how to listen to themselves and honor their desires, fears, etc. I lead by example. I'm a teacher, and I often behave as a sounding board and counselor to my friends (within reason). What I tend to see as an ISFP is that people can be out of touch with how they're feeling and why, so they don't know what to do to fix it. As a result they become bitter, jaded, fake, hollow and depressed. They give from a feeling of guilt or forced obligation. Then they feel used. Then they can't learn to accept others as they are (sound familiar?) because their own needs aren't met. It's a shitty life. I don't want you or me or anyone to live a shitty life. So the way I see it, the cycle ends with me. Hence the "live and let live" my type is apparently well known for. I can take care of myself, so don't worry, I certainly won't be asking you for anything.
Of course plenty of people can be selfish and shitty regardless of type. You can use your powers for good or evil, no? Do you think the covert contract BS my ESFJ mom enacted when I was a kid wasn't selfish? She wanted connection and loyalty and recognition at the price of my sense of self. Not that I think she knew what she was doing.
Anyway, the final point I want to make is that my comment was conceptualizing the Fi-Fe relationship and reason for existing in the world. There's always the possibility that I got it wrong and I don't really understand, but it clicked for me. Fi and Ti - think of the 'i' like 'inform' and Fe and Te - think of them like 'enact'. Together we express the whole human condition. Fi informs Fe so that Fe can create an meaningful realization of Fi. Same with Ti and Te. I can do Ti, but it's like running knee-deep in mud. I'm willing to enact processes and make things happen based on your Ti because mine is inefficient. That is, if you can give me some proof your Ti is trustworthy. You can do the same with Fi. Some of us have a beautifully crystallized understanding of what the human heart needs. We can show you how to heal yourself and others.
I wasn't always doing a good job with myself. I screwed up pretty badly, too. But it takes two to tango, and he was also not the best version of himself. I'm willing to bet you weren't either. If you can't see that about yourself, I think it's worth reflecting on.
God. Unspoken contracts with my INFJ mom got me in trouble EVERY time as a kid. Still do. She’ll shut me out and not talk to me for years. She always called me mean growing up, too (I’m probably INTJ, but still exploring my type in general).
I feel like covert contracts are easily avoidable for Fe users to create if they genuinely cared about the Fi user enough in the first place to actually understand their values but it just seems like they just want to feel grandiose which isn't productive in any relationship with an Fi user
I think Fi users just don't give a fuck about anyone except themselves. INTP here user of quaternary Fe
I love Fe users ✌🏻 protect them at all cost
Joe I love you man, you're allowing me to achieve a greater understanding.
Assuming the cognitive functions are passed down to children from parent, that would make the majority of my immediate family Fe users. During Christmas when there is a exchange of gifts. It seems that my family always cares more about how people react to the gifts they've given vs the gifts they received themselves. I wonder if that is influenced by the Fe function.
hhh u bet it is
ESFJ here :D i can really see that guilt by default part 😅😅 i realized that most of my depression and helplesness in life came from thet Fe Hero not being able to be the hero it wants to be 😅 aaand guilt by default even when i am praised and stuff - i feel happy but at the back of my mind it's like "is that right? Am I good person? Nope, I don't think so."
Needs praise and recognition
Balance of Fe and Fi
Wow the stuff he says about 5 minutes into the video about the INFJs is so accurate it’s scary! My mouth was hanging wide open because I couldn’t believe CS Joseph is literally following me around lol. Anyway, in all seriousness thank you for the advice about making sure Fi and Fe users are a balanced amount in a group!
This is so accurate. Don't take away our ability to make others feel good! My boyfriend once offered to buy food for Thanksgiving so he could spend the day with me and I wouldn't have to cook. Big mistake! I felt like he was not only trying to "buy my time" but trying to take way my opportunity to show care for my family by cooking for them. And I've realized recently that I do have a problem of accusing Fi-users of trying to make me feel guilty. It hit me the other day when I said, "When you act irritated by the fact that I'm upset, it makes me feel like I'm not only responsible for my emotions, but your emotions as well, like I should feel guilty for your emotional reaction to my emotions." Am I just projecting? Maybe Fi-users aren't actually _trying_ to make me feel guilty and it's all in my head?
yeah sometimes that is how it is
As a Fi user, when I express my emotions I don't express them to make others feel guilt, I express them because I've mulled over them for so long and want to let them out, want them to be heard. I would rather people realized what they are doing wrong and take action to change that instead of feeling meaningless guilt. And because no one else thinks about emotions or right or wrong as much, it comes off rather intense to other people. Also if an Fi user doesn't express their concerns, it might be because we expect other people think for themselves and realize what they are doing right or wrong and develop their own sense of morality, instead of relying on us to point out the bad.
@Bryson Tiller What did you think of Chase's description of his family?
Can't talk for everyone, but usually it just means we care. We don't usually waste energy emphatizing to people we don't feel close to.
-dominant Fi user
Ha ha ha! Your favorite word "annoying" 😂 Lol! example of FE users emotional disaster and TE users thinking disaster, that's on point! 😂
As a Fi dom this is just like entering a whole new world (Fe is fascinating)
This is one of the most content important videos you have made, Chase. Good job.
Seriously, you should expand this even further. This could be a topic to discuss for hours.
I miss the way your old videos were super to the point and calm sometimes you get super passionate now and my Fe child gets overwhelmed and it’s hard to pay attention to what your point is but hey don’t change it for me lol you’re videos are getting better and better
4:40 lol words can't describe how true this is. Whenever someone tells my STP brother that he's being uncaring he gets so offended and hell even rage out about it. It's funny too because then he'll try to brush it off and act like it didn't faze him out of pride but it's so obvious that what the other person said got to him extremely bad and he can't focus properly on what it is he's doing because of it.
8:24 - Book "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
If I don’t include my ESFJ mother in plans, she sets so upset about it. I dislike her overprotectiveness, but there’s nothing I can do.
So Fe is feeling what others feel? ETHICS? How is that different from morals? Do you mean social norms, unspoken rules of the group?
Fe loops guilt Te loops smarter LMAO! That's perfect.
I definetly understand how fe can be manipulated by others, but honestly I feel like the opposite is equally as likely.
Being in a position where you always feel guilty even if you have no reason to sounds like a recipe for narcissism...It also sounds very convenient. I know some fe users who sometimes have bad habits and don't want to improve themselves, and if we share how we feel to them about it, they just become defensive, sometimes they might even go like "Oh, I'm wrong about everything! I'm a terrible person I know!" lol
And that's how they sometimes can get away with not working to be a better person. And then if you're still wounded by what they did, they will still FE the crap out of you by sensing how you feel, and you get two options:
1- Share how you feel just to be dumped on again
2- Be quiet and they will still hate your for behaving differently
Essentially you're forced to appreciate them even if they're shitty. Sorry if that sounds rude lol, I'm just speaking of particular cases, I love INFJ's very very much for example, one of my favorites. Also ENTP and all of that, but dominant extroverted feeling... It depends. Usually when I clash the most, it's with those types, but again, it's just a point of reference, FE can be very beautiful and powerful specially if it's fed through responsability and understanding....
It can be very quiet too, they can simply scan the room, and be proactive and subtle about bringing things together, instead of in a very obvious way where they expect something in return.
Here to understand it because it's my Nemesis - INFP
Great video as always
Omg this video makes me feel bad for feeling bad....😄💜💚💛❤💙
I realize I'm late to the party, but I need a spreadsheet to keep track of all the cognitive functions. If somebody hasn't done it already. Or better yet, an app. I'd buy that app, CSJ.
Discover.Csjoseph.life is free.
Can an Fe user come across as cold and robotic? I’m an INFJ, and believe me, guilt is my best friend. What you said 5:58 is so true. However, people keep telling me how I’m so cold and weird, how they can never tell what I’m feeling. They accuse me of hiding it but I, myself, don’t even realise that I was supposed to be feeling something? Idk but even that makes me feel SOOOOO guilty.
Thanks you. Infj, who recently started thinking that it is not enough to identify our personalities. It seems that today, too many people just think that it is who they are and the world may adapt to them. But actually the opposite is true. We know who we are now and it's time to start working on our weaknesses.
Very enlightning, thank you very much !
The only qualm I have with pretending (as mentioned at the 15-16 min mark) with other Fe types is that if you pretend once you might have to keep pretending in the future 🤡💀 and you might dig a hole for yourself, especially if you can't keep pretending.
Idk I am that INFJ and that sense of integrity stops me from doing this sort of thing 90% of the time 😂
Though I do believe your point is OCCASIONALLY with the right person who needs it, it's best to just pretend. And I have successfully done this and it truly is the best option.
I've also done the other thing where I pretend with the wrong people and pretend for too long - bc silly ppl pleasing tendencies in my teenage yrs - and it's ended badly bc when I finally stop pretending they're suddenly like,,, "You've changed why are you being so close minded all of a sudden" etc.
Which I also believe is a stupid covert contract type of situation on my end lol.
Anyway, I haven't done that sort of thing since learning my lesson and using sage advice like yours, to use the pretend option sparingly around the right person.
Also clearly I've been binging your videos, I love them xD
I do have a life, dw I take care of my responsibilities and priorities like a responsible 21 yr old INFJ should 😂
I'm still cracking up about your other video "President Captain Obvious!" My brother is an ESFJ and now after all these years I finally understand him. Thank you C.S. Joseph you are an angel!
I really feel bad for calling out an enfj on making a racist joke with just a look on my face and he felt so bad for it that he apologized immediately like 5 times in a row. Ughhhh its been on my mind for months now. I really wanna fix it. I just can't get over it. Why do I and others have to be so sensitive uggghhhhh
I am contemplating you “please be willing to pretend”. I hear you and how thar can be expedient at times - and timing is important, but in the end truth here is important too. It is better to communicate how someone can actually support and help and be honest with you rather than letting their feel good attempt continue - which often leads to being roped into covert contracts. Often better to acknowledge efforts and intentions and with true kindness explain what would actually help.
But my world and family are riddled with Fi users who can smell pretense and bullshit out like no tomorrow. Forced and false gratitude are often met with contempt and playing it straight and telling it like it is are the only ways to actually connect and be trusted. Otherwise it feels ingratiating, even when well intended.
agreed
I'm an INFJ, and I don't want to go into it too much (because... evil... hehehe) but let's just say the idea that you either cut people out completely if they have taken advantage of your Fe many times, or you start to find little round about ways to get revenge without them knowing you did something is totally accurate.... Even without using all of them, I've thought of every subtle way I could make someone feel bad and screw them up for taking advantage of how much I cared for them.
-- Beating my head against a wall --
My mom! I'm an INTJ, so you'd think I'd get why she cuts people off. When she does, they're gone forever. It has always been after someone has hurt her and has always been family.
Still, it went right over my head. That she cuts off family threw me off. Of course that's who she cuts off! They're the ones who can hurt her the most!
I am truly a doofus.
What exactly do you do?
Thank you for this clean-cut discussion. Recently I met a MBTI expert for typing. Our two sessions ended up her being torn between INTJ and INFJ as my type. I have been trying to know properly about Fe and Te since then.
Yes, I sometimes doubt about my Te parent, as I have procrastination issues, specially until I dive into a task. Also, I am generally kind, humble, polite and respectful to people. ... However, there is no way that I have Fe parent. Your video just made it confirm to me.
"With the Te users, you want to avoid to make those people feel embarrassed. You want to avoid humiliating them. ... When the Fe users is all about guilt." - this was the final pinpoint.
as an INTP user, I really hope you can touch on the Fe being the inferior function specifically.
Wow how is this so accurate?
because it is the truth
I have Fe Inferior, and I just hammer my Fe with a big Ti sword whenever it starts acting illogical.
I went to my book club meeting tonight. The topic of gossip as a means of social control came up and someone wondered why we (women) do that. So I told them about Fe and its desire to manage social conformity and improve other people. They looked at me like it was Greek. Which it is, isn't it?
you are on the right track,
@@CSJoseph Okay, good. Thanks. I've mostly looked at the functions in my ego, so I kind of pulled Fe out of my hat. I'm glad that I got close enough.
Edit: That's not true. I've been looking into my family members. Anyhoo...
OMG I literally crawled up like a ball on the bathroom floor more than once!! And was treated for depression right after the 1st time 🤣
I'm an infj with an isfj cousin, we share a friend that is an isfp i believe (fi dominant), and she's like upset most if not all the time and if we try to take a step back to protect our own emotional well being she guilt trips us ,can you imagine the pain 😂😢
4:48 you’re literally the devil 🤣🤣🤣
Te: what do I think? Don’t you mean, what do WE think?
Fe: how do I feel? Don’t you mean, how do WE feel?
I'm an Fe user so I love to care for others, although for me it's more about helping them emotionally, listening to them and giving advice if they so request. But I also like to be cared for at times, specially in a more "physical" way, like I appreciate it a lot if person A makes me breakfast, but usually (unless I'm practically having a meltdown) I would feel guilty if person A tried to help me emotionally.
My outward Fe sucks, so I compensate by acts of service and problem solving(counselor position). Ti developed over Fe but ISFJ. Survival was contingent on Ti during my developmental years. Also, I don't feel guilt, only shame.
Oh ok I didn’t laugh for a long time like this, it’s awesome, you are true and hilarious 😂 We are so on the same level as a thoughts process goes even though I am ENFJ big big and, proud by the way, time lol😂🤣🥴🤓😜ANYWAY I would have soooo much to say but let’s say ...I better don’t couse it’s scary honest Anyhow I am watching all your videos and you are the best in this and I can sense it and I do believe you. Because it’s..all correct. Love the brain psychological part.. we really are amazingly made hey guys?! Love to all, ps. Just don’t understand why would anyone put not like I mean c’mone be real this guy is awesome regardless.. look beyond... give me faith that deep people like this do exist thanks God..and Joseph.. for what is worth- awesome work, I got you, beyond and all.. can’t full ENFJ 😅I read you like a book🤣😜😘Anyway you take 2 hours of reading comments-won’t have a time for this one, anyway I am venting and Ye.. whatever. This is my feelings at the moment. Ps. We could of be good deep friends on this level amazing.
Keep up great work
I am listening all.
That’s my studies at the moment.
I got ya.
Lot of positive greetings
Dani
Ps. Sorry English is my second language 🥴
Re the comment about Te users @16:45, there's truth in that we can be over confident and want to respond that arrogant way, but don't forget we're also thought vampires (at least ENFPs like myself are) like you've said in other videos, so often times we're also very interested in hearing the other person's perspective or knowledge on the subject, even when we think we know everything already! :)
Great vid
My first gf was an infj, I'm an intp. She was alllllways crying or emotional over something. I balanced it out with my lack of emotion and setting the atmosphere of the trigger not warranting her to react that way.
I cared so much about her, giving tons of intp duty and care. Lol unfortunately our debates(i debated while she argued) always ended with her logic breaking down into emotional opinions while I was lost in facts.
One question I have is how many intp's avoid dating because of how much they can remember of those previously dated? I literally remember every first date down to what they wore and what we talked about. Or the day I met them, or 70% of all the time I spent with them...(30% is lost because I was so apathetic at the time it created a mental block) altho I have a touch of eidetic memory... I close my eyes and can re-live moments or days just as clearly as me sitting here watching your video, it kind of sucks.
dont project your past onto others... its wrong.
@@CSJoseph I'm good at not doing that. I take everyone as they are, without any preconceptions or judgments. I just make a new formula on how to talk or deal with their emotional side
I'm most likely an INTJ but I do notice I feel a lot of guilt if I make someone feel bad, though I'm definitely not best at making people feel cared for and I definitely don't like covert contracts and I'm very bad at interpreting intentions unless they're really straightforward, I did score really high feeling on the 16 personalities site and maybe there's a possibility I'm an INFJ - for what that's worth
Hahahahaha yup! ESFJ here. Gifted program in school, all honors/ AP courses throughout school. As a 40 year old I can see that I never actually enjoyed learning for the sake of learning but LOVED report card days with those teacher comments 😂🤦🏻♀️ so crazy but the truth. With maturity I learned that I feel most fulfilled in a caregiving / helping/ teaching role (special education/ skilled nursing.)
The ONLY thing I need after dedicating my existence to someone is gratitude.
That's it.
I always said I was a simple person 🤷🏽♀️🤣
I'm an ENFJ in a family of: ESTJ, ENFP, ISFP
It's difficult to get recognition, they never care. I remember how I got frustrated, cause mother didn't show any sign of amusement at one thing I created when I was little. Today they get offended cause I don't care about anything they do or feel like doing.
Instead of explaining things to me, discussing and showing interest I get all this standart Te shit: get formal education, no matter what, get a car etc. The bigger problem here that I got 3L and my family is anything but 2L, so i don't get to discuss a single thing. "We know better, we lived longer." Total mistrust to my Ti, my Fe ("you emotions are fake").
4:44 to true for words to describe
I found it funny that in the part that explained a little about the Fe of the ENFJ, a friend of mine literally explained it in detail, I remember us being in a group of people and he saw another person alone and said to me:
"Oh, I feel guilty for her, she looks so alone, I feel like I should go and talk to her!"
I made a face like "What? It was her choice to be alone", but to do what, right? Lol
Sorry for my english, it's not my first language.