Embracing the authentic self | Lauren 03 | In Therapy with Alex Howard
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- Опубліковано 23 бер 2020
- In today's In Therapy with Alex Howard, Alex and Lauren complete their first session together. The key theme is around the authentic self, how to notice this part of us, and how to live it more fully in our lives. Alex also sets Lauren homework which you can do at home. At the end of the session we meet Sally, our next participant.
In Therapy with Alex Howard follows real life people on their therapeutic journey's with Alex Howard, Creator of Therapeutic Coaching & Founder of The Optimum Health Clinic.
Visit: www.alexhoward.tv for more information on Alex's work
Follow Alex at: / alexhowardtherapy to get summaries of episodes.
In Therapy is co-produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls / oliver.halls
“Here’s the heart of the matter: you can’t have it all. It’s not about giving up on the things that matter to you. It’s choosing the things that matter most, and actually being successful at those things.”
I'm so happy to have been contacted about this series. My 'idealized self' has always been helping others, doing deep research about their problems, and then essentially focusing on how to "fix" them.
However, during my long very severe depression/anxiety, I was (1) barely able to function and was never able to get married (tho had boyfriends who asked), (2) I chose to not have kids--(because I couldn't take of myself, let alone another person), and (3) I was fired/let go/or forced to quit nearly 40 jobs.
My depression completely disappeared in 2004 after I switched to an organic whole food diet and started a daily mindfulness meditation practice. Then it took years to finally "grow up" and learn to love myself.
Codependency was my way to relate to others, and since I'm an incredibly good listener, I always hoped that others would then "be there" for me.
I've recently had to stop the codependent relationship I had for 7 years with a neighbor who has severe mental illness. I finally realized that I was doing all the work (researching and trying to keep her from hitting bottom), but I didn't have enough time to spend on caring for myself. Meanwhile, she wasn't getting better, but in fact, getting worse. I've told her that I still want to have some contact with her--(but contact like watching movies or TV together) where I wouldn't fall back into my codependent way of relating.
I am going to be studying Life Coaching by taking an inexpensive course devised by a friend of mine (which, interestingly) I didn't find out until after I let go of my neighbor).
NOW I WILL INCLUDE LISTENING TO ALL OF ALEX's "IN THERAPY", WHICH IS UNBELIEVABLY HELPFUL FOR ME AT THIS POINT IN TIME. Thank you so much, Alex.
Gosh I’m actually rather dumbstruck at just how relatable this is, and also at just how elegant to solution on offer is.
This video has really helped drive home how important it is to address this now for me, in that I think I too risk going back off like a rocket as soon as my capacity returns, and there are signs of this already happening I think ...
So I have noted the homework and will note everything down in my diary for my next therapeutic session ... I think this will be useful for self awareness, self analysis and also to start understanding the work I need to undertake to not miss this opportunity to transform and change my achiever at this turning point in my life
Thank you so much Lauren for having the courage to share so openly and deeply your experience, and thank you Alex for shedding so much light and clarity the way you do, and for drawing a path forwards for us all to begin treading.
This work is outstandingly invaluable for the whole of the fatigue community and beyond.
Huge thanks
🙏
Thanks Anne-Fabienne, glad you found helpful!
The part about the true self still having elements of the idealized self but self worth no longer being defined by those elements really resonated with me. I spent many years working toward achievements (including becoming a physician) that I thought would make me happy and safe in the world, and I struggle with knowing how to live a healthier lifestyle while not completely denouncing all of the things I accomplished during those years that are necessarily still a part of me.
I really like how y'all added the little bit of people walking away down the street back to their normal lives! Very nice.
Frankie Valentine Same here!👌
Thanks Frankie!
Really enjoyed this and well done to Lauren for opening up. Live your relaxed way of talking Alex. Wish I had a therapist when I was younger.
It made me cry.
This was a great series. I really appreciated the dialogue surrounding the idealized self vs the authentic self, and the barriers between them, such as self-abusive "healthy" habits, as well as excessive pressures(internal and external), and the happiness that comes with being kinder to oneself, and learning to let go, so one work towards meaningful goals in measured ways, rather than striving for unrealistic expectations with tireless fervor. This certainly transcends just the initiation and resolution of CFS, and is a broader societal issue, given the rise of social media, and the influence it is having on people of all ages and walks of life. I could only wish that this was the message given to people just starting out in life, as children, so there was a different imprint of what happiness actually looks like, rather than what profiteering at their expense often sells it to be. I applaud Lauren again for being brave enough to put herself out there like this, and to use her journey to help others gain insights through her sessions. It takes guts to go on camera like that, in front of an audience, in a vulnerable state. Very nice work, and very nice collaboration!
Thank you Alex for your vision in creating these. This last one of Lauren’s first session was beautiful. I hope she felt as hopeful as I do for her and all of us suffering with CFS/ME. 🧡
Thank you Kim, so glad you are enjoying!
I found this series moving and insightful. Seeing the session is a great gift! The work feels more accessible. I also think that even if the issues are not entirely the same for me, the fact that Lauren is sharing and on her journey of courageously looking within, helps me do the same. I feel less isolated. The explanations Alex offers are spot on - like a light in a dark place shining - look here or there - consider this - I'm no longer alone. There is hope for real change. Deeply grateful for this.
Thanks for the feedback - I'm glad it could help in any way
I feel I have been manipulated through the school system into worldly success, then reinforced by school peers. Parental narcicism and jealousy of youth also steels us from our authentic self, the natural desire for simplicity, family and children is pushed away leaving us in a fog of confusion and self doubt.
Bless you Lauren for your vulnerability. Some really good questions to sit with.
Made me think of the film Rocket Man. Good luck Lauren 💜
I absolutely love the work that you do Alex... you offer so much insight and you are so relatable. You really are inspirational. I just loved Lauren’s openness, her bravery and her desire to find her peace ❤️
Such a great series! I really enjoyed this exploration, which I think is valuable for everyone to do. I plan on doing the homework myself!
Great, thank you Lisa!
This is such a great series! I really hope Lauren makes a full recovery :)
Love the homework, some brilliant questions, thank you Alex! Also, enjoy your time away from London :-)
Thank you so much!! Lauren you are so inspiring. I am looking forward to experiencing the next step in your journey. Thank you Alex for all that you do for people all over the world. For the longest time, I felt isolated. I don't personally know anyone who has experienced CFS. Through all of your work, I now feel less alone in my experience and journey.
I'm curious if you would ever consider working with people outside of the UK for this series?
We might be doing some more remote sessions via Zoom - email grace@alexhoward.tv to tell us a little more about yourself and what you'd like to work on, or set up a free 15 minute chat with our clinic to start private sessions at www.theoptimumhealthclinic.com
I love it! Very relatable to me personally, life and self image I had before, and challenges of slowly going back to the world!
Glad it was helpful!
Really rooting for Lauren. Did a course with you guys 5 years ago. Really fascinating to watch real therapy sessions. Learning so much and refreshing my brain. This is such a great idea and I'll be sharing with the CFS groups on Facebook.
thank you both and everyone behind this idea. this is such a gift ❤️
Thankyou for this series. Very helpfull
There are more than a few pointers here for me - I can totally relate to Lauren - I wrecked my body with self abusive behaviours that pushed me into a complete burnout from which I still haven't returned in over 3 years. I truly believe that my energy hasn't yet returned because there are still behaviours, patterns and programming that needs to shift so that I don't just go back to where I was. Thank you for your work Alex - I've still yet to complete the RESET programme, but I will do it and go on to further work with your amazing organisation. :) x
Thank you for the insight. Great session.
Thank you for this series! I loved this video, especially Lauren's authenticity and your succinct and clear framing of what is going on in a way that is hopeful but also truthful :)
Really love and value this thank you so much Lauren and thank you Alex.
This is amazing, thank you
Thanks Lisa
Thank you 🙏 this has been so helpful re toxic positivity!
Thank you. These sessions are so courageous. They really assist the work that I have done with your clinic. Acting as powerful reminders of the tools learnt & the more indepth psychology elements that have been identified as well as personal default settings that require softening & un-ravelling.
I watch & pause to reflect on my situation. It is so valuable, so full of potential growth, so reassuring to see the process in action.
I hope it prompts others to access help & support from the OHC.
You all are so experienced at the OHC. Its just wonderful how you are treating & championing recovery for CFS/M.E etc patients.
Love the new look videos. They really work. Very personable. Showing a caring clinic & a supportive safe journey for the student/patient..
P.s Alex will you be offering the RESET programme again.
With many thanks & high regards.
Tara xx
Thanks Tara, so glad you are enjoying. And yes, RESET program opens for new group next week - sign up for emails at www.alexhoward.tv/reset thanks!
There isn’t such thing as perfection , we build a frame and then create a picture in the frame of our illusion of what we perceive as perfection . The picture are built from the broken dynamics of our pasts .
What would Alex know about womanhood? Further complicating its truth.
Very depressing episode.