Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about this (and feelings too, I admit that I teared up a little during this audio) however I usually wouldn't have written too long of a comment because I'd be scared that I had opened up too much and that you'd think my comment was too stupid or idk. Some irrational fear which I guess is linked to rejection. But no I'm gonna go ahead and say what I feel because I need emotional currency more than anything in my life right now. This audio was perfectly timed. I have an abusive family and last night they made me cry for the billionth time and I ended up going to bed without dinner. I know that if that had happened when I was younger I would have gone to school the next day and just avoided everyone. Even though they did nothing wrong. I kind of would see the entirety of the human race as just one awful being. I would have rejected my friends. Now I see how unhelpful that is. Funnily enough I have been gaining some emotional currency. I've been opening up about my life to random classmates and it has been the most liberating feeling ever. Everytime I tell them about my life they're shocked and they pity me which shows how my family aren't normal. I need reminders of that. And they end up opening up too and god I have never felt so human in my entire life. Even though they barely know me, none of them have rejected me for opening up, instead they've joined in. Another thing is that I am on a long waiting list for therapy. Like so long that I've forgotten that I've even been put on a waiting list. These audios have been so helpful to somewhat simulate that experience. And there's less pressure as I am not the focus of the audio. I can just listen to the information and apply certain parts to myself and .. cry a bit. Crying has also been something I've been doing a lot but have been less ashamed of thanks to you. Anyway now I have to post this and I feel anxious but I'm gonna do it anyway. Ah here goes nothing (and everything at the same time).
I'm really proud of you! Both for sharing and opening up, and also for recognising how important that is. You confronted those insecurities and challenged anxious thoughts, deliberately deciding to take a different behaviour that gave you what you needed, rather than avoiding what you fear. Opening up to people, experiencing vulnerability and intimacy, is so healing and so vital. We all need that. Thank you for exploring that, for being brave and for letting yourself feel and cry and speak and yearn and live.
I had to pause bcs I was kinda overwhelmed.. everything you said was true and made sense but I don't want to believe it , it's hard to think that abt myself but I'm trying and I will keep on trying to change my perspective abt myself
We don't want to stop paying for insurance because doing so means that we lose everything we've invested into it. We don't get a refund, our coverage just stops. So in order for that to not be a waste, we need to *keep* paying our premiums every month. But that just means we're throwing good money after bad, spending more and more on this hypothetical protection. Either we recognise we've been wasting our money and make a change, or we keep paying premiums and stay in loss-avoidance mode, because we need to avoid all of our previous premiums becoming a 'loss'.
If you understand this at your age you’re doing alright my friend. I’m in my 40’s and even after a few therapists, life coaches and dozens of self help books, am just now starting to see my patterns of pre-rejection and how they have kept me from receiving the infinite well of love coming to me. You’re right, I can handle rejection better now and honestly, I am accepted waaaaay more than rejected. While listening to this I kept repeating to myself, “Take nothing personally. How others treat you is about them and not about your worthiness.”
Instead of paying for rejection insurance, how about some loving and compassion insurance? No loss here, u always receive back and u make others around u feel good too. Now thats good investment💖
Really, really struggling with this. :( This is fantastic, and I'll probably share it, and I know from a cerebral standpoint that what you're saying makes sense...yet, on a *personal* level, the rest of me utterly recoils. Nearly every experience I have had as a disabled/neurodivergent Black woman with a history of long-term childhood abuse, isolation, and neglect, has shown this as being not particularly true. It frequently feels to me that, being *not* normal creates a need for extra care that cannot be asked for without greatly draining people -- which is pretty much the *last* thing I ever want for anyone. I find that people who want me to be 'open' and 'vulnerable' with them usually become overwhelmed and upset by the traumas that I carry, all the things that I can't do, and the issues that I face. And yet, when I bury my pain, neediness, and loneliness -- when I interact only casually and, instead, put my best traits forward (creativity, humor, warmth, and sometimes, vibrancy) -- they act as if I have cheated them by holding them at arm's length. :/ Even though they've *demonstrated* that they don't really want to know (and besides, they are not in any way able or even equipped) to handle that wounded side of me. Then, suddenly, anything I do gets labeled as 'attention seeking', or, even worse: drama. It's like....people either like me while actively resenting my carefully tended distance; or, they become disappointed and annoyed when they draw close and discover all the stuff that I can't help or change. Fed up with the unpleasantness and the limits that my life's circumstances have created around me. There rarely seems to be a happy medium that I can pursue. So, when I think about these things, I don't understand why it's wrong to *protect* others from the harms, instabilities, and difficulties that are the unfortunate side-effects of being who I am in a capitalist system that does not provide me and others like me with the tools, access, and nurturing with which I could thrive, self-actualize, and become someone possessed of enough 'world worth' (not actual, *intrinsic* worth -- every human being has that) to be particularly healthy for people to interact with on deeper levels. It's. ^^; It's not like I'm *trying* to be mean to myself. It's pragmatism. It's a pragmatism that others taught me, and, well. They're capable of understanding this world better, _truly_ understanding how society is supposed to work, as opposed to someone like me...don't they?
I hear what you're saying, and you're right that there's probably some elements of albeism and privilege in part of this message. As a white, cis-man who is fairly neurotypical and hasn't experienced any major trauma, I'm admittedly much less likely to be rejected than some, even though I of course have my own struggles and issues and insecurities. It sounds like you've been through a lot of hardship and have been hurt by a lot of people. An unfortunate aspect of trauma and abuse is that our sense of healthy boundaries is impaired, and so it's tough to get a good grasp of how to delineate self and other, what kind of things to share with whom, etc. Healthy boundaries can be learned, particularly via therapy, but it's definitely a tough thing for abuse survivors (and many neurodivergent folks too). I suppose a lot of people are socialised around the expectations that other people will be neurotypical and will not have experienced major trauma or abuse, though that's likely rather naive, so they aren't prepared for what openness may be like with you and others like you. They long for the kind of 'standard' intimacy, unwrapping you and opening your box only to find something they didn't expect. That's understandably hard for both parties, and if it is handled poorly can result in hurt. I think this is something that can be helped, both by finding the 'right' kinds of people for you and by working on these issues through therapy to be better able to handle them and less impacted by them in day to day life. It's obviously not something that just 'goes away', but I think the impact can be lessened and the effects of the trauma can be gradually healed. I also think that, whilst there's definitely some pragmatism in your protective urges, they may well manifest in ways that are unhelpful or maladaptive, and perhaps downright cruel. We can recognise and assess risk and reward, identify helpful strategies and choose practical behaviours without being cruel or abusive towards ourselves, but it takes work to dismantle those hurtful and unhelpful beliefs, thoughts and behaviours and replace them with healthier ones. That's largely the message: we don't need to invest in risk-avoidance so much that it becomes debilitating or abusive, and that we can channel some of that energy into living better lives.
@@rainydayaudios7754 Thank you so much for your reply. It's really extremely kind of you! It's true that I've been through an awful lot in life, and that my array of marginalized identities/circumstances have often not been well received. After mulling over all you've had to say, I wonder if my middle path (even despite the hurdles), might be 'in a different castle'. With 'the right people' as you've said. I mean, you've been studying this stuff, and the people that I've been listening to the advice of have admittedly not -- they just have so much more experience than me. I think however....that I may have become so wrapped up in trying to *understand* the world the way that they do (something I've wanted all my life), and to make them proud in the process; that I failed to ask myself a.) Whether I'm a good fit for them in the first place, and, b.) Whether their advice is a good fit for me. Meanwhile, what you have said *is* in consensus with the majority of other psychological data sources. Heh. And I'm always going around saying, 'Trust the Science', so. Maybe I _shouldn't_ be thinking of myself as an 'extreme outlier' for whom 'normal advice doesn't work'. Maybe it's more a question of being more selective of *whose* advice I take so seriously to heart...and, finding out where all the rest of the 'extreme outliers' hang out. 👽🌞🌿🤙 I'll keep working through it, Rainy. Thank you again for all your compassion and hard work! 💕
For me, I've always split my trauma in two. The worst parts of it go into my art and what's left of it goes to the people around me through words. And sometimes I end up eventually sharing my art with the people around me and they end up understanding the feeling of it a lot more than the situation. So they never get it completely but I like to think that I'm handing the worst parts of my life bit by bit for them to digest. It's difficult because you've had your whole life to think about the people who have hurt you whereas when you unload all of that onto someone else it can be overwhelming. I have autism so I understand that feeling of not speaking the same emotional and physical language as everyone else. But I feel as if people understand me more through my songs, drawings, films, stories as they are all universal things that everyone can communicate through, no matter the background. I hope this helps. I relate to your comment a lot.
Love is always stronger than hate, treat yourself kindly, then you will love your friends and family and you will get loved back no one will reject you, and if someone did you will treat it in healthy and loving way not with self blaming and self hate. Thank you for the audio 💜
I think about this audio all of the time and it has really helped me so much and I realized that if that’s the case to such an extent then you should know so I just wanted to come by and tell you that! When I first found your UA-cam channel and saw that you had sort of like self-help type audios I was dealing with the frustration of realizing that a lot of my relationships don’t get very deep, that I tend to put up big walls and not disagree with anyone even in a friendly capacity and that I am hesitant about being openly affectionate so I don’t like scare anyone away. I decided to specifically look through your audios to see if you had something to help me bring those walls down because I just felt so sick of being in a head with myself like that haha, just so so tired. So I found this one and it sounded like it could apply and when I went to listen one part really stuck with me- when you mentioned how as children we get into trauma and we think of ways to cope with it or avoid it in the future but that those little rules and strategies we made up were literally made by a child. I was like “oh. Oh my god” it was actually sort of funny like oh my god I have been following rules invented by a scared little kid??? And it just gave me so much clarity!! Like I was driving some old broken down husk of a car that I don’t even want but it’s all I know and finally someone comes over and tells me it’s junk and I can let it go. So I just wanted to say thank you because even though due to covid basically all of my friendships are long distance now, I still feel like they have improved so much since I listened to this video :’)))) and I just thought that if I made a video like this I would want to know that so I want you to know that!!! Thank you so much!
Yes, exactly! We're playing "The Floor Is Lava" and jumping from chair to chair without realising we could just be walking on the ground normally. That the danger we imagine isn't actually there, or isn't as bad as we think it is. I'm really glad that resonated with you. It's not "junk" in a sense, it was helpful for us at a certain time in our lives, but it isn't helping us anymore, so we need to change it. Maybe not throw it all away completely, it's good to have *some* defenses, but they definitely need to be changed. The things you described are quite common for a lot of people. It may be helpful to learn about a psychology topic called 'schemas' and particularly abandonment/emotional deprivation schemas. cognitivebehaviortherapycenter.com/schema-therapy-california/schemas-in-schema-therapy/ They can definitely be worked on and healed, particularly with the aid of a good therapist. I'm working through some similar things myself and it is challenging but definitely possible. I wish you the best with your healing journey and I appreciate you letting me know how much this audio meant to you!
Hahaha The Floor is Lava is a very good way to put it omg... thank you so much for the link! I’ve given it a glance so far and it is incredibly relevant and I’m looking forward to reading through it and hopefully understanding myself a little better. I wish you the best as well on your journey, too, Rainy! You’ve got this >:0 thank you again for the help
I feel like Selena Gomezs new album has helped me so much with this issue especially the song rare cause I’m not perfect and I never said I was but I am special and rare and deserve to be treated as such by others by partners and friends and family but especially by myself and I’m finally starting to treat myself that way thanks to her music
So...I really thought about just getting off of this audio 5 minutes in. This isn't really a topic that I tend to discuss with people or even talk about. I don't even like writing about it. I would like to think that I am very self-aware; I know why I do what I do, however, I choose to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that tells me to stop. My psychologist and I discussed some of this a while back and I know she wants to discuss more in the next few weeks. It's one of the subjects that I absolutely hate talking about, but I know it needs to happen. So we shall see. Thank you for the constant support, Rainy. As much as I hated listening to this audio, I know I needed to hear it. So again...thank you.
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Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about this (and feelings too, I admit that I teared up a little during this audio) however I usually wouldn't have written too long of a comment because I'd be scared that I had opened up too much and that you'd think my comment was too stupid or idk. Some irrational fear which I guess is linked to rejection. But no I'm gonna go ahead and say what I feel because I need emotional currency more than anything in my life right now.
This audio was perfectly timed. I have an abusive family and last night they made me cry for the billionth time and I ended up going to bed without dinner. I know that if that had happened when I was younger I would have gone to school the next day and just avoided everyone. Even though they did nothing wrong. I kind of would see the entirety of the human race as just one awful being. I would have rejected my friends. Now I see how unhelpful that is. Funnily enough I have been gaining some emotional currency. I've been opening up about my life to random classmates and it has been the most liberating feeling ever. Everytime I tell them about my life they're shocked and they pity me which shows how my family aren't normal. I need reminders of that. And they end up opening up too and god I have never felt so human in my entire life. Even though they barely know me, none of them have rejected me for opening up, instead they've joined in.
Another thing is that I am on a long waiting list for therapy. Like so long that I've forgotten that I've even been put on a waiting list. These audios have been so helpful to somewhat simulate that experience. And there's less pressure as I am not the focus of the audio. I can just listen to the information and apply certain parts to myself and .. cry a bit. Crying has also been something I've been doing a lot but have been less ashamed of thanks to you.
Anyway now I have to post this and I feel anxious but I'm gonna do it anyway. Ah here goes nothing (and everything at the same time).
I'm really proud of you! Both for sharing and opening up, and also for recognising how important that is. You confronted those insecurities and challenged anxious thoughts, deliberately deciding to take a different behaviour that gave you what you needed, rather than avoiding what you fear. Opening up to people, experiencing vulnerability and intimacy, is so healing and so vital. We all need that. Thank you for exploring that, for being brave and for letting yourself feel and cry and speak and yearn and live.
@@rainydayaudios7754 Oh wow, you being proud of me has literally made my day. I wouldn't have done any of this without you x thank you so much.
I had to pause bcs I was kinda overwhelmed.. everything you said was true and made sense but I don't want to believe it , it's hard to think that abt myself but I'm trying and I will keep on trying to change my perspective abt myself
We don't want to stop paying for insurance because doing so means that we lose everything we've invested into it. We don't get a refund, our coverage just stops. So in order for that to not be a waste, we need to *keep* paying our premiums every month. But that just means we're throwing good money after bad, spending more and more on this hypothetical protection. Either we recognise we've been wasting our money and make a change, or we keep paying premiums and stay in loss-avoidance mode, because we need to avoid all of our previous premiums becoming a 'loss'.
If you understand this at your age you’re doing alright my friend. I’m in my 40’s and even after a few therapists, life coaches and dozens of self help books, am just now starting to see my patterns of pre-rejection and how they have kept me from receiving the infinite well of love coming to me.
You’re right, I can handle rejection better now and honestly, I am accepted waaaaay more than rejected.
While listening to this I kept repeating to myself, “Take nothing personally. How others treat you is about them and not about your worthiness.”
I didn't know this channel had exactly what I needed 🎧💙, thanks
Instead of paying for rejection insurance, how about some loving and compassion insurance? No loss here, u always receive back and u make others around u feel good too. Now thats good investment💖
Really, really struggling with this. :(
This is fantastic, and I'll probably share it, and I know from a cerebral standpoint that what you're saying makes sense...yet, on a *personal* level, the rest of me utterly recoils.
Nearly every experience I have had as a disabled/neurodivergent Black woman with a history of long-term childhood abuse, isolation, and neglect, has shown this as being not particularly true.
It frequently feels to me that, being *not* normal creates a need for extra care that cannot be asked for without greatly draining people -- which is pretty much the *last* thing I ever want for anyone. I find that people who want me to be 'open' and 'vulnerable' with them usually become overwhelmed and upset by the traumas that I carry, all the things that I can't do, and the issues that I face. And yet, when I bury my pain, neediness, and loneliness -- when I interact only casually and, instead, put my best traits forward (creativity, humor, warmth, and sometimes, vibrancy) -- they act as if I have cheated them by holding them at arm's length. :/ Even though they've *demonstrated* that they don't really want to know (and besides, they are not in any way able or even equipped) to handle that wounded side of me. Then, suddenly, anything I do gets labeled as 'attention seeking', or, even worse: drama.
It's like....people either like me while actively resenting my carefully tended distance; or, they become disappointed and annoyed when they draw close and discover all the stuff that I can't help or change. Fed up with the unpleasantness and the limits that my life's circumstances have created around me. There rarely seems to be a happy medium that I can pursue.
So, when I think about these things, I don't understand why it's wrong to *protect* others from the harms, instabilities, and difficulties that are the unfortunate side-effects of being who I am in a capitalist system that does not provide me and others like me with the tools, access, and nurturing with which I could thrive, self-actualize, and become someone possessed of enough 'world worth' (not actual, *intrinsic* worth -- every human being has that) to be particularly healthy for people to interact with on deeper levels.
It's. ^^; It's not like I'm *trying* to be mean to myself. It's pragmatism. It's a pragmatism that others taught me, and, well. They're capable of understanding this world better, _truly_ understanding how society is supposed to work, as opposed to someone like me...don't they?
I hear what you're saying, and you're right that there's probably some elements of albeism and privilege in part of this message. As a white, cis-man who is fairly neurotypical and hasn't experienced any major trauma, I'm admittedly much less likely to be rejected than some, even though I of course have my own struggles and issues and insecurities. It sounds like you've been through a lot of hardship and have been hurt by a lot of people. An unfortunate aspect of trauma and abuse is that our sense of healthy boundaries is impaired, and so it's tough to get a good grasp of how to delineate self and other, what kind of things to share with whom, etc. Healthy boundaries can be learned, particularly via therapy, but it's definitely a tough thing for abuse survivors (and many neurodivergent folks too). I suppose a lot of people are socialised around the expectations that other people will be neurotypical and will not have experienced major trauma or abuse, though that's likely rather naive, so they aren't prepared for what openness may be like with you and others like you. They long for the kind of 'standard' intimacy, unwrapping you and opening your box only to find something they didn't expect. That's understandably hard for both parties, and if it is handled poorly can result in hurt.
I think this is something that can be helped, both by finding the 'right' kinds of people for you and by working on these issues through therapy to be better able to handle them and less impacted by them in day to day life. It's obviously not something that just 'goes away', but I think the impact can be lessened and the effects of the trauma can be gradually healed. I also think that, whilst there's definitely some pragmatism in your protective urges, they may well manifest in ways that are unhelpful or maladaptive, and perhaps downright cruel. We can recognise and assess risk and reward, identify helpful strategies and choose practical behaviours without being cruel or abusive towards ourselves, but it takes work to dismantle those hurtful and unhelpful beliefs, thoughts and behaviours and replace them with healthier ones. That's largely the message: we don't need to invest in risk-avoidance so much that it becomes debilitating or abusive, and that we can channel some of that energy into living better lives.
@@rainydayaudios7754 Thank you so much for your reply. It's really extremely kind of you!
It's true that I've been through an awful lot in life, and that my array of marginalized identities/circumstances have often not been well received. After mulling over all you've had to say, I wonder if my middle path (even despite the hurdles), might be 'in a different castle'. With 'the right people' as you've said.
I mean, you've been studying this stuff, and the people that I've been listening to the advice of have admittedly not -- they just have so much more experience than me. I think however....that I may have become so wrapped up in trying to *understand* the world the way that they do (something I've wanted all my life), and to make them proud in the process; that I failed to ask myself a.) Whether I'm a good fit for them in the first place, and, b.) Whether their advice is a good fit for me. Meanwhile, what you have said *is* in consensus with the majority of other psychological data sources.
Heh. And I'm always going around saying, 'Trust the Science', so. Maybe I _shouldn't_ be thinking of myself as an 'extreme outlier' for whom 'normal advice doesn't work'. Maybe it's more a question of being more selective of *whose* advice I take so seriously to heart...and, finding out where all the rest of the 'extreme outliers' hang out. 👽🌞🌿🤙
I'll keep working through it, Rainy. Thank you again for all your compassion and hard work! 💕
@@TreeHairedGingerAle Thanks for sharing I understand exactly where you're coming from
Your sharing was very inspiring to me
@@atlaswar2425 You're welcome! I admit that it came out of some pretty deep frustration, but I'm glad if it helped you gain some insight. :)
For me, I've always split my trauma in two. The worst parts of it go into my art and what's left of it goes to the people around me through words. And sometimes I end up eventually sharing my art with the people around me and they end up understanding the feeling of it a lot more than the situation. So they never get it completely but I like to think that I'm handing the worst parts of my life bit by bit for them to digest. It's difficult because you've had your whole life to think about the people who have hurt you whereas when you unload all of that onto someone else it can be overwhelming. I have autism so I understand that feeling of not speaking the same emotional and physical language as everyone else. But I feel as if people understand me more through my songs, drawings, films, stories as they are all universal things that everyone can communicate through, no matter the background. I hope this helps. I relate to your comment a lot.
Love is always stronger than hate, treat yourself kindly, then you will love your friends and family and you will get loved back no one will reject you, and if someone did you will treat it in healthy and loving way not with self blaming and self hate. Thank you for the audio 💜
I think about this audio all of the time and it has really helped me so much and I realized that if that’s the case to such an extent then you should know so I just wanted to come by and tell you that! When I first found your UA-cam channel and saw that you had sort of like self-help type audios I was dealing with the frustration of realizing that a lot of my relationships don’t get very deep, that I tend to put up big walls and not disagree with anyone even in a friendly capacity and that I am hesitant about being openly affectionate so I don’t like scare anyone away. I decided to specifically look through your audios to see if you had something to help me bring those walls down because I just felt so sick of being in a head with myself like that haha, just so so tired. So I found this one and it sounded like it could apply and when I went to listen one part really stuck with me- when you mentioned how as children we get into trauma and we think of ways to cope with it or avoid it in the future but that those little rules and strategies we made up were literally made by a child. I was like “oh. Oh my god” it was actually sort of funny like oh my god I have been following rules invented by a scared little kid??? And it just gave me so much clarity!! Like I was driving some old broken down husk of a car that I don’t even want but it’s all I know and finally someone comes over and tells me it’s junk and I can let it go. So I just wanted to say thank you because even though due to covid basically all of my friendships are long distance now, I still feel like they have improved so much since I listened to this video :’)))) and I just thought that if I made a video like this I would want to know that so I want you to know that!!! Thank you so much!
Yes, exactly! We're playing "The Floor Is Lava" and jumping from chair to chair without realising we could just be walking on the ground normally. That the danger we imagine isn't actually there, or isn't as bad as we think it is. I'm really glad that resonated with you. It's not "junk" in a sense, it was helpful for us at a certain time in our lives, but it isn't helping us anymore, so we need to change it. Maybe not throw it all away completely, it's good to have *some* defenses, but they definitely need to be changed. The things you described are quite common for a lot of people. It may be helpful to learn about a psychology topic called 'schemas' and particularly abandonment/emotional deprivation schemas. cognitivebehaviortherapycenter.com/schema-therapy-california/schemas-in-schema-therapy/
They can definitely be worked on and healed, particularly with the aid of a good therapist. I'm working through some similar things myself and it is challenging but definitely possible. I wish you the best with your healing journey and I appreciate you letting me know how much this audio meant to you!
Hahaha The Floor is Lava is a very good way to put it omg... thank you so much for the link! I’ve given it a glance so far and it is incredibly relevant and I’m looking forward to reading through it and hopefully understanding myself a little better. I wish you the best as well on your journey, too, Rainy! You’ve got this >:0 thank you again for the help
I feel like Selena Gomezs new album has helped me so much with this issue especially the song rare cause I’m not perfect and I never said I was but I am special and rare and deserve to be treated as such by others by partners and friends and family but especially by myself and I’m finally starting to treat myself that way thanks to her music
This is a great video. Thank u Rainy Day! 🥰
Thank you!
So...I really thought about just getting off of this audio 5 minutes in. This isn't really a topic that I tend to discuss with people or even talk about. I don't even like writing about it. I would like to think that I am very self-aware; I know why I do what I do, however, I choose to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that tells me to stop. My psychologist and I discussed some of this a while back and I know she wants to discuss more in the next few weeks. It's one of the subjects that I absolutely hate talking about, but I know it needs to happen. So we shall see.
Thank you for the constant support, Rainy. As much as I hated listening to this audio, I know I needed to hear it. So again...thank you.
Really needed this. Thank you 💕
I have missed you and these types of videos. hope you're doing well 💖
Thank you for this audio. 👂♥️
This so good no matter what!!!🙂🤗🤗🤗♥️😭😭😭😭🦄🦄🦄
Woah 🥺