I don't know why the youtube algorithm threw this video at me, but I'm grateful that it did. Thank you so much for doing this! As a child of divorce (from BP as well!), it was really meaningful to learn about how you two are navigating this complex situation within your distinct realities. It must have taken an enormous amount of inner work to reach a place where you can speak so freely and openly, especially in a public forum. It's not over just yet, so keep on truckin'! I'll mention a thought that came to me while listening to this: Expanding ones consciousness out of the egocentric self and reaching a place of acceptance and respect for other people's realities is an absolutely beautiful thing! I loved Motty's description of "the tugs"; how being brought to the brink again and again brought about an ongoing ripple of perspective-shifting. However, I know that it is possible to reach such a place of peace and acceptance without watering down ones appreciation for unadulterated truth and ones own personal and religious value system, even while appreciating the experiences and perspectives of others who are not quite there, and all with genuine humility. Authentic decisions are not made in a traumatized brain when everything is just a matter of safety, as Motty so eloquently explained, but it's also possible to further reach out of that paradigm and pursue your convictions that are borne out of a proactive quest for truth and goodness. There's truth worth fighting for! Moreover, once you've done the work and are in a place where you can lead the other party in a conflict to feel fully understood, validated, and respected for their perspective (whether it's an internal or external conflict), It's possible, and necessary, to respectfully set boundaries so that things worth preserving are preserved and built upon. Yes, truth can be a complicated word. reality is multifaceted! But there's still truth and untruth, good choices and less good choices. Expanding consciousness does not need to involve abdicating ones responsibility to choose wisely. Also, children are not at a stage where it is appropriate to burden them with the responsibility to make their own life-defining choices that are beyond their capacity. I know it would have made me terribly insecure had I been put in such a position as a child. In order for their basic sense of selfhood to evolve, it is vital that they have the space to grow into themselves within the framework of a solid value system. Of course it's less authentic than choosing, but they don't have the capacity yet to make those decisions. Adulthood is the time for introspecting about your value system and for exploring your inner self and motivations. There's a clear distinction between allowing children to make age-appropriate mistakes so that they learn how to explore and that mistakes aren't 'scary', vs handing them adult-level, life-altering decision making responsibilities that are beyond the capacity of their underdeveloped brain, knowledge base, and experience. We understand this distinction instinctively when it comes to physical needs: we don't send a 12 year old child out to the street nightly to go find supper for himself in order that he discover his inner talents in finagling food for himself. We know the kind of insecurity that would breed. We understand that he can only build independence as he grows into adulthood upon a foundation of security. I'm not sure why I went on this rant. I'm actually in awe of what you pulled off here this relationship and in this interview! Thanks for reading if you came this far.
Amazing conversation, thank you!
Motty you're amazing! Your journey is inspiring!
And your growth is so visible and appreciated
Amazing ❤
I don't know why the youtube algorithm threw this video at me, but I'm grateful that it did. Thank you so much for doing this! As a child of divorce (from BP as well!), it was really meaningful to learn about how you two are navigating this complex situation within your distinct realities. It must have taken an enormous amount of inner work to reach a place where you can speak so freely and openly, especially in a public forum. It's not over just yet, so keep on truckin'!
I'll mention a thought that came to me while listening to this: Expanding ones consciousness out of the egocentric self and reaching a place of acceptance and respect for other people's realities is an absolutely beautiful thing! I loved Motty's description of "the tugs"; how being brought to the brink again and again brought about an ongoing ripple of perspective-shifting.
However, I know that it is possible to reach such a place of peace and acceptance without watering down ones appreciation for unadulterated truth and ones own personal and religious value system, even while appreciating the experiences and perspectives of others who are not quite there, and all with genuine humility.
Authentic decisions are not made in a traumatized brain when everything is just a matter of safety, as Motty so eloquently explained, but it's also possible to further reach out of that paradigm and pursue your convictions that are borne out of a proactive quest for truth and goodness. There's truth worth fighting for! Moreover, once you've done the work and are in a place where you can lead the other party in a conflict to feel fully understood, validated, and respected for their perspective (whether it's an internal or external conflict), It's possible, and necessary, to respectfully set boundaries so that things worth preserving are preserved and built upon.
Yes, truth can be a complicated word. reality is multifaceted! But there's still truth and untruth, good choices and less good choices. Expanding consciousness does not need to involve abdicating ones responsibility to choose wisely.
Also, children are not at a stage where it is appropriate to burden them with the responsibility to make their own life-defining choices that are beyond their capacity. I know it would have made me terribly insecure had I been put in such a position as a child. In order for their basic sense of selfhood to evolve, it is vital that they have the space to grow into themselves within the framework of a solid value system. Of course it's less authentic than choosing, but they don't have the capacity yet to make those decisions. Adulthood is the time for introspecting about your value system and for exploring your inner self and motivations.
There's a clear distinction between allowing children to make age-appropriate mistakes so that they learn how to explore and that mistakes aren't 'scary', vs handing them adult-level, life-altering decision making responsibilities that are beyond the capacity of their underdeveloped brain, knowledge base, and experience. We understand this distinction instinctively when it comes to physical needs: we don't send a 12 year old child out to the street nightly to go find supper for himself in order that he discover his inner talents in finagling food for himself. We know the kind of insecurity that would breed. We understand that he can only build independence as he grows into adulthood upon a foundation of security.
I'm not sure why I went on this rant. I'm actually in awe of what you pulled off here this relationship and in this interview! Thanks for reading if you came this far.
how long did it take u to write this post lol
You can get the best education being a frum Jew. It's not a stira. It's all excuses.