I'm doing my PhD and I study intermarriage: preferring your own ethnoracial group is usually not racist. It has to do with socialization and what you know. Not when your reason to solely date your people is because you believe other groups are inferior, then it's racist.
Sometimes, preference for other ethnic groups is also not racist. It also has to do with socialization. If someone lives in a majority white country, it's a bit difficult to find non-white people to socialize with, innit?
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. But we should question them because it seems to me everyone thinks they're objective and free from the influence of media and society (they're not! me included). If those preferences are born out of self-hatred, rahcism, fetishization or stereotyping, then that's definitely a problem and not healthy. At the end of the day, you never know where you'll find your soulmate, so it's always better to be open to other options.
This! I used to swear these were my preference but then I did a lot of soul searching, started following uplifting instagram accounts for black people and model accounts with black models. My idea of beauty literally changed in a year. And it genuinely did, i wasn't trying to convince myself. Now I can't imagine a time where i wouldn't have dated another black person but I know i used to be like this too. Often people don't realize that our idea of what we think is beautiful is heavily learned. It's not in our DNA, for lack of better words. Or at least not to the extent we imagine. It's like how big lips have started being seen as beautiful in recent years. In ementary school and high school people called me names for mine. Now the same people are telling me they are jealous of my lips. How did that change? Pop culture! Our idea of beauty changing! I really think some people just want to stay where they are and not try..
@@NwoDispatcher in the end you decide if you want to stay how you are we're just saying there's a heavy possibility you have learned these preferences just like many of us ... that's all. We decided to unlearn our prejudice but it's your say what you do with your life
@@miurtouissi1093 you are not entitled to my love or respect. I'm not interested in your enslavement or kalergi genocide. I was born this way. I was born to love White women. My love for White women is not based in beauty, but existentialism, so spare me and mine the race-mixer lecture.
I noticed another important moment in love is blind between Deepti and Shake when he said he thought of her as his aunt. This is my interpretation of course but I saw this as an extension of the madonna-w**** complex where he was unable to see an Indian woman as sexy/his girlfriend meanwhile white woman were unencumbered by this because he couldn't see any similarity to family in them.
Omg I can totally relate...I'm an indian girl & I can't find indian men attractive romantically no matter how handsome they are because they remind me of family 😭. But I'm not like Mindy who's constantly bashing them & placing white men on a pedestal.
I’ve once spoke to a couple of girls who were middle eastern and Indian at my college. They only dated white guys. They all basically said that dating a white guy is seen as superior. There’s a scene of “I’m better than you” or “I’m the different one in the family” that they hold over their cousins and siblings who decided to date their own race. And apparently to aunty and uncles is also seen as a “big win”. Another girl said she just see’s brown guys as embarrassing to around because of how other races perceive them. It broke my heart and I was shocked and couldn’t believe that came out their mouth. Just seems like an attention tactic and competition to me.
@@survivorisland of course, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have a choice in who they find attractive, to each their own. Not everyone is the same and I cannot categorize a whole race based on a handful of girls I spoke too. I was just flabbergasted at their reasoning.
In my experience lighter skin Asians tend to be very white worshipping, even if they verbally insist they are not. Middle Eastern and Indians, if they were not super westernized, tended to prefer their own for marriage and serious relationships.
Yeah I’ve been in the dating scene long enough to know that Indian men are usually rated pretty low amongst male groups in terms of desirability .Then Asians..
meh, men from middle eastern and indian backgrounds are some of the most horribly sexist and entitled guys ever , i dont blame any women from dating outside of that mess
Fantastic video! As an Arab guy I can confirm that a lot of what you said here also applies to Arab men going after white women. It happens with Arab women as well but the focus of the mainstream media has not really highlighted this due to the perception of Arabs mostly being centered around either terrorism or religious self-hatred. Its great to see people finally addressing the thoughts that a lot of us have.
As a Palestinian woman I always avoided dating white men. I would hate to always have to be the one to educate. Plus I want my kids to look arab and not white..It is a lot easier to be with someone of a similar background…at least someone who is muslim. But I noticed the arab girls who only date white men didn’t grow up in an arab community or around other arabs or had bad experiences with some arab men and stereotyped going forward thinking joe smith would be better (and he wasnt). My take.
@@Nadia-du8vb who says arabs cant be white? People need to stop conflating ethnicity with race. A large majority of arabs are indistinguishable from Mediterranean europeans.
I used to swear these were my preference but then I did a lot of soul searching, started following uplifting instagram accounts for black people and model accounts with black models. My idea of beauty literally changed in a year. And it genuinely did, i wasn't trying to convince myself. Now I can't imagine a time where i wouldn't have dated another black person but I know i used to be like this too. Often people don't realize that our idea of what we think is beautiful is heavily learned. It's not in our DNA, for lack of better words. Or at least not to the extent we imagine. It's like how big lips have started being seen as beautiful in recent years. In ementary school and high school people called me names for mine. Now the same people are telling me they are jealous of my lips. How did that change? Pop culture! Our idea of beauty changing! I really think some people just want to stay where they are and not try..
Beautifully put! I definitely think media affects our eye for beauty and attraction too. I had the same thing happen in elementary too before big lips were popular.
@@s.a339 "muslim" isn't a race of people, but a religious designation. There are white muslims, like in Bosnia, and black muslims, like in the upper half of Africa.
I’m black. I don’t believe that it is racist to only date within your own race. Actually I think it’s quite beautiful. Especially when you are considered a “minority “ in this country (America). To be able to ignore all of the propaganda about whiteness and say no thanks!!! That’s self-love to me.
If it's not racist to 'only' date within your own race, it's not racist to 'only' date any other race. On a more serious note, there are many minorities you can date. It doesn't always need to be black people. If you exclude entire groups of people who are minorities themselves (east asian, Latinos, Desi people, Arabs, native Americans) you are being racist towards them.
Its still racist. Imagine white people saying they'd only date white people? That sounds prejudice to me. Now I can understand black people who don't want to marry white people, because of the long history and how they wouldn't really understand them etc. However it's still prejudice, so call it what it is.
If you're choosing to date someone based on skin color that's racist. I prefer to date people based on how they treat me. Screw how others view me. I don't need to prove my blackness or that i love myself. If i truly loved myself i would date the person who treats me best regardless of skin color. I'm pretty spoiled, so i have to cast my net pretty wide anyways.
I watched ‘The Big Sick’ with my mom, (I’m pakistani) a few years ago. I was excited about it and told her how it was a Pakistani guy who made it big in Hollywood and omg it’s one of us. So we watch it and the whole time we were a little uncomfortable. I just remember that the rishta girl’s name was Khadijah, and idk. I didn’t like how they made her out to be so embarrassing. I know maybe that’s not what they wanted to project but it just came off as “when it comes between the two, the white girl fared better, she’s just more chill and cooler”. I’ve felt like that reading pakistani authors as well. It’s always a brown man preferring a white woman over brown women. Sometimes it stings but maybe I’m being over sensitive.
As a brown west living in Europe, I can say 90 percent of the brown guys prefer their own. Don't get deceived by a few who made it to Hollywood. There is nothing special about being with a white woman per se.
rishtas as a whole are cringe imagine mommy and daddy guiding you how to use youre penis on a woman that is how its starting to come across in our culture also apart from gatherings when will south asians of both genders ever met eachother you got the housewife who wants the pass port degree car house to the man wanting his wife to not be a freshie but at the same time in this society want them to be virgins
All colored communities have issues with self hatred and colorism. I'm blk and my kids are half chinese but I dated men from Pakistan, Korea, Belgium, Tunisia, Honduras, etc. I really don't discriminate except based on habits and personality. Most of these people grew up in the same culture I did, one that worships whiteness. People can say that it's just preference all they want but it's not. I prefer ground turkey over ground chicken but at the end of the day, I still like both. If you've NEVER dated someone melanated and you are, that's a self hate issue, straight up.
Maybe it's self hate. It's all well and good preaching about 'self-love' but if someone doesn't love themselves or even hate themselves, it's their problem to deal with however they see fit. It's not personal. I always hated the fact that i had pimples growing up. So i decided to not date a guy who has pimples because it's a trait i don't want my hypothetical children to inherit. That doesn't mean i won't be friends with a person who has pimples or not respect them or not consider them for promotion at work. Of course i would. I would treat them just like i treat all my fellow human beings. I just wouldn't date them, because I'm looking for something specific in the person i date. So it doesn't make sense for men with pimples to attack me. They are not entitled to my body. At the end of the day it's my choice who i date, and if the reason for my preference is self-hate, that's my problem and as long as I'm not bothering or hurting someone else, people shouldn't take it as an affront to them.
@@silverstarlight9395 Except every person of every race can have pimples so your analogy doesn’t make any sense. Plus, stereotypes and media representation can shape how one perceives someone’s race whether the individuals within that community fit into it or not.
@@ilikepancakes2368 the point I'm trying to make is that whatever the reasons may be, some people are more attracted to people with specific features and not attracted to people with certain other features. Those features can be skin colour or pimples. As long as I'm not denying someone a promotion at work because of their skin colour or doing something that puts them at a disadvantage in terms of living and succeeding at life, I'm not being racist towards them. I'm just exercising my right to choose who i sleep with. It's my prerogative to choose the person I'll spend my whole life with. My reasons might be shallow, like self-hatred or media influence, but I'm not entitled to justify my choices to anyone.
I'm black but I tend not to be attracted to black men. Do I hate black men? No, I don't. I most definitely don't hate myself. I've been with 3 men my entire 47 years and all 3 were black and I have 2 black adult children. However, the ONLY reason this happened is because I was surrounded by my own people all the damn time. Nothing more, nothing less.
This reminds me of my own experience. After finding out that my bf is not of my same ethnicity, a girl of south Asian origin asked me whether he is white, and when I answered that he is black, her excitement died off.
I'm mixed. So finding someone who also was mixed, born and raised in the same country as me was such a small group of people. I couldn't find anyone who understood me. I tried people from my dad's background and didn't find anyone from that route either. At the end of the day, I got married to someone from a different culture. It was similar to my dad's, but not the same. Being married to someone completely different isn't always a good thing. Like you said there are differences and there will be arguements and issues. I believe that people who are very cultural shouldn't marry outside of their culture. If you aren't open to discussing everything and making changes then it's not going to work. That's from both sides. There is nothing wrong with marrying someone different or who understands you (through similar or the same culture). I have just seen so many issues arise from it that I would caution anyone who is interested in someone from a different culture.
Usually it's the cultural people who refuse to change and stick to their outdated traditions. I would know as my dads Lebanese and my mums Sierra Leonean (but she and I are in the uk). The Lebanese culture has a lot of toxicity so no way would I ever want to be with a cultural Lebanese person
I think one reason could be, like you said, romance has been defined by the white perspective for so long it’s hard to see poc in that role. I remember when I was young I literally only could dream about either marrying a white guy i saw on tv or SRK (lol), and I’m sure the only reason SRK was on my mind back then was because I saw so many romance movies with him in it. If you only expose children to see one type of people being able to experience love, then I feel like it would impact their view on their own ideal love as well. Especially with desi culture being so hush hush about romance and love.
Im half indonesian and my mother loooooved SRK and would constantly blast his films around the house. Needless to say, i totally see where youre coming from.
I had always been open to the idea of marrying a man of any race, but I will say that I gravitated towards white men. I think that a big part of this is that I live in a predominantly white state (I'm in the US) and the dating pool was mostly white men. Eventually, I ended up marrying an Arab man from Egypt. My family wasn't...against it, but they had preconceived notions that really hurt and shaped how my husband views them. My husband's family seemed very loving and happy about me, but your video gives me pause. Were they excited that their son had married a white girl? Or were they happy about me for me? It's hard to say. Our marriage has been a good one, and I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with him inshallah.
Not to be a hater. But your marriage groul is very common.most mixed race marriages that i have seen in the muslim COMMUNITy has always been white women with other men,wether it be arabs or Asians ,but its very uncommon for a black woman to get the same suitors as white Female reverts no matter how beautiful and religious she is . so I wouldnt be suprised if they were happy because You were a white girl, since white skin is the beauty standard in a lot of cultures, no shade.
@@purplelove3666 Huh? Black woman can't get a Muslim nan no matter how beautiful and religious she's? Who says that? I'm Somali and Somali women get married by other ethnicity Muslim men.
@@purplelove3666 I disagree. I'm born and raised in Europe and have Egyptian family. The ones who are married with white women or other non arabs, were actually persuaded by fellow Egyptians to take another arab wife because marrying a non arab isn't good enough. And some actually followed through. So no it's not seen as a prize to be with a white woman as you portrayed.
I think it’s also about culture, marrying into your own culture or race would mean having more in common which makes sense. Even wanting to marry someone who shares your religion can be a big thing. I think date who you feel comfortable with, fall in love with, and are attracted to and don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
Sometimes culture can also be suffocating. I'm an Indian lady with a white boyfriend. He cooks his own food, i cook mine. Sometimes we cook together. If i had an Indian boyfriend, i would have been the only one cooking for both of us. I'm training to become a surgeon, so it's impossible for me to cook for someone else everyday. I do loads of night shifts, long day shifts and shifts at unsocial hours. I simply don't have the time and energy to spend hours in the kitchen everyday making complicated indian food. But tazzy would probably call me racist for having a preference for someone from a certain culture. I guess i should just abondon my training midway and start searching for arrange marriage proposals instead. Not very feminist of tazzy, innit?
@@silverstarlight9395 I think this has more to do with personality and upbringing than race. There are white men who expect you to cook for them even if you were the president, and there are brown men (not many,but there nonetheless) who see cooking as a basic skills for both men & women. Now it's up to you to decide who you want. But don't make this about race. No race is a monolith.
As someone who married outside my culture I would say it's not an easy thing to do. In raising children it becomes difficult as you want things a certain way and they want another. I do believe you can find a balance. I think there can be beauty in it to because you discover another beautiful culture and I've actually become so much more interested in my own culture since getting married. But at the same time it isn't easy understanding each other and things can be misunderstood. Your outlook in life can be different because of what you culturally expect and want for your future. And then finally dealing with in-laws has to be the most tricky one. In your own culture you know what to expect. In someone else's culture you have no idea, you seriously go in blind. 7 years in and I'm still figuring things out so it's defo and journey. Would I recommend it to anyone, not really because marriage is hard enough you don't need to be figuring out another culture while struggling.
My bro married a narcissist Caucasian women believing she wholesome Christian He’s on depression pills, she’s a full on Karen. He refused to let her go based on society and he’s physically needs being met. His religion teaches peace rights equality and god first in every way.
@@Cici_mimi if they were dating for a while he will accept her abuse, if he was emotionally forced to marry his own kind he’d have the excuse to leave her based on it wasn’t his choice of spouse. His own would have the same upbringing lifestyle religious future goals so his life would be much happier And would not let her go
@@piqueny8872 The Word of God teaches a lot on marriage. I'm not the one to pass judgement but your brother should seriously read 1 Corinthians 7-8 about marriage, since he's a Christian
I think at the end of the video, you stated two reasons for why South Asian people date white people: the colonialism take, and maybe the catch-all for everything not related to colonialism that wasn't touched on -- "khismat". I don't disagree that colonialism and being a racial or ethnic minority in predominantly White areas are factors. I feel like South Asians who were here in the US in the '80s and '90s, and early 2000s as well, had it quite hard with Americans of ALL races being so prejudiced -- literally elementary school teachers, kids in school and what they learned at home from their bigoted parents, etc. It really hurts to learn about all of the things that our older relatives experienced at the time that it doesn't surprise me that their South Asian identity became something that they wanted to run away from and reject and made them want to marry White people or other people they perceived as superior relative to their own South Asian race, like Arabs. Personally, I feel like the colonialism take is so overused as the main reason why South Asians (and other races, for sure) continue to seek out white people in their romantic partners. In this day and age where post-colonial theory is becoming increasingly accepted and well-known, I do think people use colonialism as a crutch / blame colonialism for their racialized dating preferences despite totally having the agency and ability to reject the cultural attitudes, beliefs, and norms that have led to them seeing their South Asian identity as inferior and White culture and Whiteness as superior. It's like, if someone is aware that their preference in white women or white men in particular is probably because of the work of a White society's influence on them, why don't they make an effort to reject that influence? I hope you can explore other potential reasons other than colonialism next time. One reason that South Asians might turn away from their own people, apart from self-hatred or disgust resulting from colonial influence, I would say, is because of how we hurt each other (and not how White people hurt us)...like the immense hurt that comes with being a South Asian of a discriminated background or background of lower socioeconomic status, for example. I think that South Asians, in their quest for status and image-making (which I'm sure existed in South Asian societies and communities before the Europeans came and brought their power structures) are quite vocal in putting other people down for reasons like their poverty, their caste, their occupation, whether they're homeowners or not, etc., in order to set themselves apart or assert their own relative "superiority". From what I've seen in South Asian communities, South Asians are not always community-minded or oriented; many are individualistic (individualistic for their families rather than as single individuals) and don't really care for families (their well-being, treating them with respect, etc.) that are different from them or "beneath" them. If the suitors available in someone's community appear to play by these cultural norms, I'm not surprised that South Asians turn towards other races/ethnicities and their communities for a romantic partner thinking that they won't encounter the same discriminatory or hurtful norms and structures (though they probably could and will). And at the end of the day, race and color are external things that we outsiders see. We have no idea if a couple's coming together was the result of things not shaped by their race or ethnicity, like their shared values, histories, traumas, etc. All in all, I wish us all the best and hope we can address the hurt we have within our own communities and give each other a chance.
@Alicia Brady Could you explain yourself differently? I don't understand the point you're trying to make. I never said a South Asian person would hate themselves because of their phenotype or color -- there's more to South Asian identity or background, like any other racial or ethnic identity / background, than just phenotype or skin color. Are you saying that looking White or Arab as a South Asian explains why White- or Arab-passing South Asians are attracted to White or Arab people? I don't understand...
I hear you and I also think you oversimplify how easy it is to simply reject the messages that create inferiority complex. The messages are small and insidious and often hard to even notice. Also, yes colonialism still has affects now, so as much as you may feel it's a crutch, the implications of it are STILL prevalent. I would say that's even part of the individualisticness that you mentioned.
If being with your own race doesn't equate to staying married or getting along better, then why is dating outside your race a deal breaker? I keep hearing how having a relationship is so difficult these days and how the pickings are slim. Well, if you're only dating one race, then the odds are stacked against you. It's a numbers game. If he's a man, he's in the running. Of course I have a preference but I'm not stupid. I'll find love where I'll find it and there's no way I'll cheat myself by ignoring entire races of people. That's so illogical.
I think it's just a matter of why you're choosing who you're choosing. You're looking at it from a purely logical perspective. A good amount of people are looking at it from a slightly prejudiced and unconscious self hating perspective. If you want someone of a different race, go for that person. As long as you don't shit on your own race, it's perfectly fine.
A few comments are saying that tazzy's convo isn't 'nuanced' but then inject their random dating preferences without any actual nuance. "Um sometimes we like a certain group, I just like white ppl to each their own!!" Ok...but WHY. That's literally what this conversation is about. We aren't genetically predisposed to only liking a specific separate race from our own. Sometimes it does boil down to culture, if you grew up in an environment where the dominant culture was not ur own you might feel like you sincerely relate more to them. And sometimes( a lot of times) it stems from fetishization and/or inferiority complexes. You love k-dramas so much that u now feel its ur destiny to marry a Korean, you put them on a fetish pedestal to fulfill ur fantasy. Sometimes you really look down on the men/ women of ur race and see them as backwards/inadequate/unattractive: then you convince yourselves that you align more with white culture as a means to justify your obsession with white ppl and ur internalized racism. Sometimes you're just intrigued with any culture that's not yours; you want someone that's different than you bc you see the beauty in learning new perspectives. Sometimes you're a creep who just wants mixed babies as a fashion accessory and don't actually think about what it'll mean to raise someone with a different identity then you. Overall, I think most of the time when your "preference" in dating is rooted specifically in a race other than your own(especially when you completely refuse to date ur own race) it's not just happenstance or "just cuz". I think a lot of ppl don't realize or are in active denial of their own inferiority or fetishization of other ppl. Just cuz you love someone it doesn't eliminate something else going on beneath the surface. And if these types of basic convos rile you up, then perhaps you're one of the ppl who has something beneath the surface too.
I'm black girl and subhanallah Ive never been attracted to black men. Self hate ? I just grew up only with non-black people, so I dont have the culture or any connection with my parents country. During teenage years I was feeling guilty but now I have no problem with that.
Same!! I'm North African but I was never attracted to North African/Arab men (until recently) as I grew up with and was always surrounded by white and Asian people. So I never related to men from my background. And I was always at peace with it. So I don't think this self hate/inferiority complex applies to everyone.
North African here (Moroccan), let's just all remember that we're muslim and this racial nonsense shouldn't even be an issue for us... look for good people and good men so that one of them can be a good husband, regardless of their ethnicity and skintone, end of story.
Sameee and I don’t feel bad, as it pertains to MY sexual and romantic life I am not attracted to black men, never been but for friendships, treating them like everyone else, no issues. I remember vividly my first crush in preschool, he was white and his name was Vincent, funny story I stopped crushing on him when I saw him sitting with his legs close, I was horrified 😂😩😩
Same way. I am Afro American. I am of African descent, but not African and not 100% African. Like that matters, anyways, I grew up in the Upper Midwest, in the city. I was born and raised in Michigan and the community I grew up in has a lot of people of European (White) and Asian descent (Arab, Chinese, Korean, Indian...). My friends were mostly of Asian descent. Yes, I had few friends who were White and Black/African. There was so much diversity that I was exposed to at a young age and had classmates from so many different backgrounds. When I moved to the south, it was different. Much more conservative and judgmental. The culture is different, the climate, etc. More Blacks and Latinos in my community. I've always gone to a predominately White school, so that made no difference. But I feel like my upbringing and the environment I was brought up in, has had an influence on my preference today. Although I'm not opposed to nor would rule out dating someone of my own, I'd prefer to date and marry outside. I actually despise it when people only date outside and bring down the men/women belonging to their own!
For many of us it's not about inferiority complex/racism/colourism. It's about escaping a controlling culture/household we grew up in, and not wanting to repeat it for our future. Literally nobody wants to be controlled. But doesn't stop older people from acting entitled to controlling young people's life choices in our culture.
@f3mcell You sound like someone who thinks a woman can only be controlled by men. I don't give a fuck if desi weddings are still happening. My value as a human is not based on if a brown guy desires me or not. I am married to someone my own race/culture. It works for some, doesn't for some. Nobody is obligated to marry their own race. It says a lot about you that you jump to insulting people. How insecure are you?
so you think all people from that background come from a controlling culture? do you think all white people come from a trump supporting culture? No, what's that? Oh yes, you're a flaming hypocrite
@@isildurrr345 did I say “all”? Learn to read before using logical fallacies in your so called argument, which is just a sorry excuse to insult a random person on the internet.
so i’m black w a white bf. sweetest guy in the world. affectionate, makes me laugh and makes me feel good abt myself. i really don’t understand the sentiment “i only date white ppl” tho, it just naturally happened and color wasn’t a factor in my dating him. he just happened to be white and i happened to be black. we have so much in common. i think i actually felt more pressured to date someone of my own race bc my parents were always judgmental abt the “perfect” progressive and non-southern white partner, despite the fact we all live in the south and they had no issue w black ppl who appeared more conservative. i had that talk with him.
sure, internalized bias and racism is a self exploratory journey. it's hard to believe a black woman in the south who prefers white men doesn't have it
Ask yourself, on what basis are you attracted to them? Part of the problem is that a lot of people, especially guys, try to use beautiful women for validation. A symptom of low self-esteem is that you judge yourself by what others have to say about you, the reactions of others have been incorporated into your self-concept. Social validation is especially a mechanism by which a person's perceived sense of value is derived. And so many brown men think that having a white woman, as if they are a trophy or a value giving object - a status symbol, will boost their social status and thus provide for them a sense of value. It's that underlying sense of value that people place into others from where entitlement over others comes from as well. I think that it is a fear of re-traumatizing ourselves because, low self-esteem in the first place, is a product of trauma from long ago that has been repressed. When the Mind is heedless, it identifies with the body, with form. From this, there is born the contrived self, the ego, the purpose of which is to maintain this self. Due to a variety of factors, including society mainly, the self identifies with certain thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and turns them into an identity. Out of delusion, driven by the energy of fear and insecurity, it attempts to maintain its own sense of survival by validating its identity. Another layer of confusion is cast over the clouded Mind, where this contrived self, this ego, is confused with the multiplicity of its identities. And incorporated into its self-concept, there is not only identification with beliefs and religious labels and appearances, but other primitive inclinations through which the self seeks value through. The energy behind external validation is anxiety, agitation, fear, hostility, a sense of need to prove something, such as, that we alone are holders of all truth and knowledge. Islam came to do away with all this silliness. Somewhere down the line, we lost the essence of Islam. It's been relegated to a mere identity rather than a spiritual path. The extent of most people's Islam is, "when is eid, is this chicken place halal, and can I wear nail polish?... so on and so forth. It's been reduced to a list of halals and harams. I could go on about this subject extensively, but for the sake of being a blog post that no one will probably read, I'll leave it here. P.S - I don't speak from a place of righteousness or perceived superiority. I apologize if it comes off that way. I went through my own phase of preferring white women when I was in my early 20s.
even within muslim guys I’ve known some who specifically ask people where they can find white converts to marry now if you just randomly get to know someone who just happens to be white convert and fall in love ok great but when you actively only want that specifically I find it kinda weird
It's pretty obvious now Islam will decline within few decades. Freedom and choice in the name of individualism will prevail over the coming generations
I live in a country where brown women are not as represented as east asian/white women are, and that makes most of the brown men want to only date east asian/white women as they see them as a status symbol or "trophy wife" and constantly discriminate/insult brown women (they all think that awkward rishta from the big sick is every single brown woman out there... lame.). I've had my fair share of insults/negging from Indian men especially, who constantly compared me with their ex-chinese/white girlfriends and made me feel like my ethnicity/racial identity is never enough. Abhishek's (I will never call him Shake) character struck a chord to me, making me feel absolutely triggered but I am also glad men like him are broadcasted on the media, to show the world that men like him are increasing in numbers. The fantasy of getting a white/majority race woman as a spouse by minority men is just... disgusting imo. That's just objectifying these women and pitting them against us brown women. As if we women as a collective, don't have enough problems to deal with.
@@silverstarlight9395 I’ve been meeting people outside of my race (east/south east/white/black/latino etc) but nothing has worked out so far. Most of them just want the majority race women, makes it so much harder for minority women to date. I would be more than happy to date a white guy if we get along.. but we are not desired, not in my country at least. But times are changing. Also most of the men who approach me are still brown men (but will neg/compare/insult me in the later stages). It’s very tiring.
@@happypanda882 i don’t want to put my body at all sorts of risks lmao I want to be respected. I already put myself out there but it’s not the same if men don’t respect us.
Have you also noticed that when runway shows (lahengas or desi clothes in general) happens in india … they always have white models to promote their own clothes, but in usa or Europe that’s not the case…
@@taasmr4203 Making ignorant comments based on lies is your forte. Varna doesn't mean skin colour. It has a list of meanings in sanskrit. Lets say you're right, why is that that most of the Hindu avatars of God tend to be dark in complexion. Lord Krishna was said to be dark and handsome.
@@stormyzvox2185 Because Aryans from Iran invaded South Asia(modern day India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Siri Lanka) in BCE (Before Common Era) and then they started getting married with local Dravidians and made some racist amendments in Hinduism. Aryans also implemented their ethnic symbol of Swastika into Hinduism and created Cast System in Hinduism based on skin colour/color.
Can you also talk about the fact of common taboo topic of light skinned women being forced to marry dark skinned men to fulfill that fantasy of marrying a white woman? Like in my community it's common. The girl could be great match for anyone. But they purposely find a dark skinned man who could be crappy, just to make HIM happy and satisfied that he won a white woman to marry. But they don't mention the control aspects, and the degrading aspect especially if the man is abusive. Like he'll use the fact she's light skinned to call her white washed and tell her the only reason why people like her better than him is because she's white. And a ton of other BS. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but the majority is. And dare the girl ask to be married to another race, even of someone of other race that has more melatonin or less, the girl is told no because the toxic culture of the light woman marrying a dark skinned man.
Lmao I’m white so I have no comment on the subject but I just want to say how smart you come across! You do a great job of exploring different perspectives on each topic you make a video about and it makes them enjoyable and thought provoking!
@@phoebesekine4783 Yes! It's interesting because islam is a asian religion and does not have much presence in south america,unlike Christianity which spread throughout south america due to Spaniards and Portuguese.
I was the opposite, never interested in white guys. And i think it was because my bullies in middle and high school were majority white guys. Dated black guys in high school because i felt like that was who i was supposed to like, and i didnt think other races liked black girls. I only dated asian guys in college because i found them interesting since i never grew up around asian people. And here i am married to a white man lol. At the end of the day i think racial preference is silly and you should look for people who are compatible with your personality, morality, and interests!
Are you serious? men bullying women? I thought if White men were to bully it is more NonWhite men or other White men. I thought White men are nicer to women because they have in their mind to get with her. The only time I can see a man probably bullying a woman is because of rejection from her to go on a date.
@Rachel O A lot of black girls face colourism and racism from all groups of men, especially black men, So its okay to assume what she is assuming, Dont judge her, because you don't know her back story...
As a brown guy who grew up in California and then lived in multiple countries and states, I never found it easier to date a brown girl compared to other girls - especially in the U.S. Whenever I tried to date brown girls, I found that they wouldn't want to date me, once they found out I didn't live the "normal" brown life. Like, I didn't become a doctor/finance/IT professional, I didn't hang out in the brown scene in college exclusively (though I hung out with people from that scene from time to time), I didn't vote like most of them did, and I wasn't that interested in Indian culture frankly (I'm much more into East Asian culture). I found that streamlined way of thinking to be very restrictive, and so I just started going outside of the brown social scenes. With that said, I didn't find it easy on the outside either, and am sure I get rejected for not being a white guy as well due to the things Tazzy talks about. Ironically in the end, I did best with asian girls, maybe because I was just more interested in that culture.
That's an interesting experience.... What do u do professionally is probably very important in brown cultures. Maybe that's y it was difficult to date brown girl cause those brown girls were aware of this mentality being present in their parents so didn't think that it was wise to go ahead... Idk.... Don't worry btw I'm sure you'll get ur Ms perfect.... Whose just like u...
I met a sweet Desi while he vacationed in Miami Beach & I remember him really liking me but being very stressed about his family finding out I'm not indian. I felt for him, but understood that romantic pairings is a family affair in Indian culture, and we eventually 💔 for that reason 🤷♀️ I'm not even a white person (I'm Mexican and Cuban - Indigenous Mexican, European, arab mash here) but nonetheless not Indian. 😮💨
No lie! You latinas are some of the most Gorgeous women in-and-out the world, I am more into Latinas than White-Anglo women. It is not just the looks but personality, vibe, aura.
I do think people who prefer a certain race other than their own have some form of inferiority complex. IN the case of Kumail, I get that his movie was about his experience, but his portrayal of desi women COMBINED with how he speaks down on desi cutlure and criticism of it, which is valid, but to me it's problematic when its coupled with avoiding dating someone of your own race, that when a preference turns into something else. the same can be said about Aziz, preference is one thing but when you portray desi women negatively and you prefer to only date white women, i can't help but give you a side-eye. Even Mindy, while she doesn't actively criticize brown culture and brown people, she actively and consistently uplifts white men. In her case, at least now she is fighting to get representation for brown people so I don't feel some type of way towards her now. But all of these ^ brown people have one thing in common and that's how much they run away from their "brown-ness" and into the arms of "whiteness". while they are allowed to have a preference, it never ends with "hey i like to date only white women". usually, its coupled with "because brown women are x y z".
What if they have legitimate criticisms that u just dont agree w because it doesnt affect ur life personally? Maybe listen to their criticisms. Its funny how u say their criticisms are valid but u cant see why along with disagreeing with many aspects of the culture, they wouldnt want to be with someone of that said culture. You guys just want to ignore community and cultural issues and pin this all on inferiority complex. In some ppl yes, I dont know these celebs and their life story nor do I care so much. But in real life, I have seen this be the case. In some cases, it is an inferiority complex. In other cases, it isnt. I have close desi friends who dated/married white. Some of them tried dating desis, some didnt, so I got to see directly their dating life for a few years. I also know desis that are whitewashed marrying other desis that are whitewashed. I have seen desis who married other desis who are still cultural, putting aside their differences in cultural elements. But now these couples are having brutal divorces bc they tried to ignore their essential culture/lifestyle differences. I can open another can of worms about this topic but ppl are NOT ready.
@@xelmx123 I think part of the reason why some Indian kids shun their "culture" and "religion" is owed to the dogma and perceived irrelevance in the modern context. However, there are particularly relevant tools to navigating life that can be traced back to the Indian subcontinent - namely, approaches that traditions like Buddhism, meditation and yoga take, providing such useful tools to navigate modern life particularly given the mental health crises across broad swathes of the population. Unfortunately in everyday modern Indian life both in the diaspora and in the subcontinent itself, I doubt that much of these useful life tools is ever transferred down in a meaningful way, with guidance on how to navigate life using it. And particularly in the diaspora, given that there is a much more pervasive influence of culture that is non-Indian, it is understandable why these two forces combine to provide a recipe for some Indian kids to perhaps shun their "culture" or "religion". Hence, to be unaware of the very positive aspects of one's own culture, and shunning one's culture as a result of the dogma and perceived irrelevance, is a form of ignorance rather than an comprehensive piece of informed criticism.
I think this is especially difficult for mixed people. I’m half black/half Arab, but because of the one drop rule, society considers me black (I don’t - I identify as mixed). I was always open to marrying all races but I didn’t like the way black men treated me, and I culturally couldn’t relate to Arab men. I ended up marrying a white man and many black men criticized me assuming they have a claim towards me, or that I have self hate or didn’t wait for a black man. I wanted to be treated a certain way by my husband (and his family), for me that man happened to be white. I think my case is rare tho, because (for a non white person) white people can be culturally difficult to date/marry for many reasons - especially due to family
@Alicia Brady How crass of you, it’s none of your business. I don’t need you to verify my ethnicity and experience via a phenotype, secondly the pfp is not of me.
@Alicia Brady bruh for your information arabs come in many "versions" you can say i have seen some who look completely european some who look completely african some who look like the stereotypical arab and some who have dark hair and eyes but have light skin, this is also the same for south asian people! Since we live in the age of the internet i suggest you educate yourself!
@Alicia Brady and plus she is not obliged to tell you where she is from stop harassing her, just like how you're not obliged to tell me where you're from and just non white people marry white people doesnt mean everyone is insecure and "self hating"
@Alicia Brady I’m not required to disclose everything about myself on the internet 🙄 you calling me a liar doesn’t change that I’m half black and half Arab, the ambiguity is there because I want it to be, if that bothers you, oh well. “Arab girls don’t usually just marry a white man” Wow you’re insane + I said I’m mixed. Follow whatever you want to and leave me alone. So yes girl, bye ✌🏽
I never have a problem with people saying how they like. I feel it’s silly to shame others for their preferences as you just can’t legislate such things. That being said, fetishization is always weird to me. I’m black and I’ve dated mostly black women but have also dated Aidan, white, Latinx. I don’t care about race that much. But I have dated interracially when I knew it suspected the woman had a string of not exclusive preference for black guys-or would never date their own people at all-which I found it a little strange. But these preferences aren’t always based on media or past trauma. They just like who they like so I just accept it.
So I recently made a video discussing the differences between preferences and fetishes. A fetish is an obsession to a feature, in this case the feature might be whiteness. I think if you can ONLY be attracted to someone who has a certain feature, that's more of an obsession which equals fetish. Also, research shows that our sexual behaviours are imprinted on us from when we are young. I personally think media and culture go a long way in influencing what becomes our preferences. For example, we spend a lot of our formative years watching screens and we see superheroes who tend to be a certain race with a certain look. In addition to that, the love interest is usually a certain type of woman again probably white. And over time this reiterates the idea that there is a hierarchy to desirability.
two things I found interesting about this video.. 1) the awkward and abrupt way the social/political problems were quickly brushed away and glossed over with hand waves and never returned to.. 2) that the conversation was binary.. about being with White ppl vs being with your “own” people.. ignoring everyone else on the face of the planet. This is in the context of the video that was referenced that had much deeper analysis of what dating app data says about bias, and particularly anti Blackness in the general population (i.e. all communities). Something you may want to think about as a light skinned South Asian woman.
I laughed out loud when you said, "do people who don't marry within their race have self hate". As a white guy that's a hilarious statement. You'd lose your job and entire life to say something like that being white.
This was so well done, so balanced and informative. It’s a testament to the hard work you’ve done in building your channel that all these comments are also engaging in the conversation, sharing their views and experiences comfortably!
Still in school but my friends always taking about how bad desi men are. There is some truth but girl your father and brothers are desi men. Its the personality and values that you should be looking at not the race
I used to think they weren't bad. Then I went to Pakistan and I can say this wholeheartedly. I would rather walk into a burning pit of fire than date or marry a Desi person. They are bad. Really bad. And the worst part is they all treat women the same. Most Desi men were raised to be treated like God's in their houses, giving them a superiority complex over all women. They think they can do whatever they want and refuse to accept that women have feelings, or human rights lol.
Just because someone's father is the same culture as them does not take away from the experiences she faces within her cultural group. What you said did not make any sense.
I think I worded things wrong. I know myself that some desi men are absolutely the worst people on the planet. I just don't think it's right to put every desi man under the same umbrella. Yeah alot of desi men are bad, but not all desi men are like that. Again you should judge a person by their values and personality. Not race. I'm not trying to say someone's experience is invalid. They have their own experiences, but it's not fair to think everyone is like that. Also I am a Pakistani Girl
As soon as season two of Love is Blind dropped I thought omg Tazzy needs to do a review on Deepti and Shake! I definitely think he had some inferiority complex for sure! Thank you for including the film Loving and it’s real history. What I did not like about Mindy Kaling’s show is the lack of cast diversity considering it was based in New York City.
I think people need to analyze WHY they gravitate or prefer non brown people. And I’m not just talking about dating ;friendship too . I recall hearing a person Stating that white people spoke “like them” (in tone) and “sounded nice and kind” … like WHAT !?? What does that even mean lol . There are tons of educated/kind brown people of all races in this world . Get to actually know people before you decide to lump a race or races all in 1 box … and quit listening to ignorant elders who repeat/teach the venom and self hate they hear and learn.
i think its discrimination towards women that all these brown guys are allowed to get the non-muslim white lady but when a muslim woman of any race wants a non-muslim guy its not allowed and everyone freaks out.
I think it is super sad for someone to be so specific and say the ultimate fantasy or achievement is to be with a non melanated woman(or man) . How about the ultimate achievement being (unbiased) finding a soul mate . People need to wake up . Anyway , awesome video per usual ❤️ love from NYC 🏙🗽
Sad but true, because the perception of worldwide racism puts white women as the most desirable as well as being in the higest position to choose. Dark skinned men aren't at the bottom of the hierarchy but they feel that way so they feel accomplished when they "achieve" the base model for barbie, miss america, hollywood starlets, etc It's well past the point of even seeing them as human, they are just a prize to be won. Because it proves they are more successful than the white man she could have chosen instead. She's a trophy who gives herself away to the guy who wins "best guy" in front of her and that's it. It's deeply misogynistic on top of racist, and is indicative of the serious issues society still has. I'm not sure if the worst thing is that when people actually do fall in love regardless of race, it's still assumed that they internalized racism is the real motivation. Like, I haven't watched the big sick, but it seems the problem isn't that he chose a white girl, but that she's being compared and contrasted with a girl of his own culture, and both the girl and every traditional aspect of their culture were being rejected as undesirable. They didn't pull out the most beautiful and graceful traditional girl or depict his family life as colourful and warm. Instead his family is old fashioned and restrictive, ignorant and messy, and the dedi girl was weird and awkward, less traditionally attractive in looks and style, and trying to forcibly pursue him to her own public embarrassment. Even cute petite white girls are treated as weird and creepy in media when they pursue a man against his will.
It's strange that tazzy is criticising people for having an exclusive ethnic preference when she herself has an exclusive ethnic preference. She seems to be the kind of person who'll never give a black man the time of day, yet she calls others racist.
I'm not sure if I have a physical preference per se, but I definitely don't have a preference for retrograde attitudes towards women. Sadly, very often when I would try to have relationships or romantic attachments with men who come from Asian cultures (I am a Canadian of S. Asian descent), it would come out sooner or later that our values didn't align. In fact, the vast majority of people of colour absolutely need and want to have kids (something I never wanted) and expect the women to mainly take care of them. I'm not even going to start with the unbelievable beauty standards that were applied to me as a dark skinned woman of colour. I knew all this was not going to be for me. I only ever found white guys who could live with me as I am, how I look, and be able to envision a life with me, also without kids. And in the end, I ended up marrying one. 🤷🏾♀ We've been together 11 years, and 8 years married - our anniversary was yesterday.
I recommend "Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning" written by Cathy Park Hong. The book is very slow and random in the beginning but i promise the content gets much better and more relatable as you continue to read. I've heard it's also available as an audiobook.
My boyfriend is Nicaraguan, I am white. I can understand that it would be easier to date someone who is white, but I have always been attracted to people with darker coloring: Indian, Asian, Hispanic. He is the only real boyfriend I've ever had, because while I did date white people, I often did not find them physically attractive to me, and the relationship would end. (I grew up very religious, and felt bad about not "giving them a chance" and "judging the book by the cover", I wasn'ttrying to mislead them, I just thought I could grow into a physical attraction). However, I was afraid for the longest time to date anyone who wasn't white because my grandparents and some of my uncles/aunts and cousins are racist. I didn't want to bring anyone into that. I started learning Spanish because I could be anyone in Spanish, say whatever I want, travel to other countries. It was a duality that allowed me to escape. I was friends with my boyfriend for a year before we started to date, and I'm so glad I did. He's technically my fiance now 😅 and my grandma still tries to introduce me to white boys and changes the subject anytime I talk about him, but I don't care anymore. 😊😊😊 I think certain things are just attractive to people, and so sometimes you may find particular people more attractive. However, I have never said "I only date Asians" or anything like that. It's very concerning when people narrow it down to a race rather than the thing that they actually find attractive. I find dark hair, dark eyes, long eyelashes, tan skin and full lips attractive. (Also shorter than me 😅😅😅😅) But these are not specifically found in one race, and if you check some of those boxes, I'd still find you attractive regardless. So it's concerning when they aren't identifying traits that they are attracted to, and instead they just say white women/men. As if all white women/men look the same. The girl in this at least said "blonde" which was a trait rather than a race, and which could be found elsewhere. Idk though, I'm just rambling 😅
@@trxphywaifalt I never said I wasn't attracted to black people too! :) in fact, I am very attracted to black people that have some or most of those traits! I was just saying, we shouldn't base our preference on race, but on traits. Some white people also check most of those boxes, and I am attracted to them as well (but the guys I dated growing up were very pale and blonde).
I had a little crush on one of my friends in high school who was an Indian boy and there was hella chemistry, but I decided not to date him because I knew it wouldn't go over well with my conservative traditional Republican parents. Well, surprise... only last year I took a DNA test and found that both my dad and I are part Indian. I have "white" skin but the more I look at my facial features and structure the more I see it. White guys have never been attracted to me. I don't know if it's because of that, or because I'm autistic and "a little different" socially.
It still falls on brwn men because so many brown women work now a days but are still expected to financially contribute 50 50 then are expected be fit, look attractive to guys preferences (some brown women will skin bleach/lighten their hair) and have assets so to blame brown women is not fair. Then they have to deal with the possibility/ higher chance of domestic violence, colorism, abuse, hatefulness, self hatefulness and misogyny. Alongside with doing most of the household duties after work and these men want a traditional woman but they do not want to be traditional men. They believe because they are a man they are better. Brown women are not some emotional punching bag to exist to be abused. I do not believe brwn women are dating out due to self hatred at least not to the same degree as the men. The fetish of color/looks is not there. Maybe more yt men are more supportive, more understanding, more kinder and care when brwn/blk women are trying to find their feet, pursuing opportunities to escape from struggle. Maybe more yt men have better qualities personality wise, do not treat their women as punching bags and do not expect so much because they actually value women. Maybe they have hard conversations and actually are less entitled so work well. Yt men love themselves so can love women.
Thank you for saying this. This is my life in a nutshell. Brown men will never marry a woman who refuses to cook for them, but they will always refuse to cook for their wives. Brown men will never marry a woman who works night shifts and sleeps during the day, but they'll always expect women to accommodate this lifestyle when they live it. Brown men will never take care of their in-laws but will always expect their wives to take care of their parents. The double standards are astonishing.
My brother & I were talking about why white partners are so desired in poc communities & I realized, it’s marketing. White men and women are marketed like crazy whereas the rest of us are not, even though there’s equal amounts of attractive people from every community imo. (But then we can get into Eurocentric beauty standards). Point is, we just need an ad team for everyone else out here….
Ever heard of shah Rukh Khan, Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shahid Kapoor, Siddharth Malhotra? Brown men are marketed like crazy in India. That's why all women living in India get together with them.
There are two perspectives that i think need to be included when we discuss dating/ marrying out for POC/ immigrant women: THE NUMBERS GAME: If you live/ work in an area where your ethnic group is not represented OR you are a part of a group that is very small in comparison to other diasporas your chances of meeting somone from your exact group who you are also compatible with are pretty narrow and it is a lot easier to date by expanding your options beyond your group. IN-GROUP POLICING: colorism and gendered expectations can make it easier to be with someone (and have in- laws) who has absolutly no frame of refernce for why you are "ugly" and a "not a good girl"
I'm a straight cis white guy and I just kinda always found women beautiful. If I vibe with a woman I vibe with her idk why people get so hung up on race. It's insane to me that consensual sex can be viewed as the same as "genocide".
I see no issue with this, let people have their preferences and if they are based on racism why would you even want them to want to date your race anyway?
I am Mexican. I see a lot of my Mexican people in the US either dating American white people or Mexican people, in SOME cases African American people. I don't have a preference at all. I just want a guy who is warm for me. I don't like " colder cultures", but of course there is always an exception in one person. When I was in college, I saw a lot of Desi and Arab and Black men going after White women. It was very fascinating to see. Meanwhile a lot of East Asian and South East Asians women were dating White men. Absolutely fascinating to me .... I went on a date once with an Indian guy and he could not stop talking about his White ex- girlfriends lol
@@mukta4689 when a religion is based on old man marrying a child , there is a big morality issues. Islam and all Ibrahim religions are made up by the church of England to control people and threatened them by fire.
For South East Asian mens it’s the perception that South East Asian women are not “open” to activities of the carnal type! For women I’m assuming it’s the stereotype that Asian men are not on par! in any case do your thang people
@@Heymanputhisfingersinmetoooah oh I know they can, when they are bachelors. Once they get married, they suddenly forget all their cooking skills. I prefer rice and noodles. I can make rotis but i usually don't, and since my partner can cook his own food, i only have to worry about my own food.
I am Afro American. I grew up in the Upper Midwest, in the city. I was born and raised in Michigan and the community I grew up in has a lot of people of European (White) and Asian descent (Arab, Chinese, Korean, Indian...). My friends were mostly of Asian descent. Yes, I had few friends who were White, Latino and Black/African. There was so much diversity that I was exposed to at a young age and had classmates from so many different backgrounds. When I moved to the south, it was different. Much more conservative, pretty close minded and judgmental. It just depends on the generation and where. The culture is different, the climate, etc. More Blacks and Latinos in my community. I've always gone to a predominately White school, so that made no difference. But I feel like my upbringing and the environment I was brought up in, has had an influence on my preference today. Yes, we grew up with our mothers and grandparents culture, but we also had our own. Although I'm not opposed to nor would rule out dating someone of my own, I'd prefer to date and marry outside. I actually despise it when people only date outside their own and bring down the men/women belonging to their own! That's the issue right there. I'm 23 years old, and I can say that my future offspring, no matter what they will be, will be beautiful!
Alot of brown women have told me in secret , and ive seen first hand as a brown women myself, they prefer white men , because there are brown men who are culturally brown which are heavily misoygnsitic . Preference Is not always colonization or perhaps media. They feel more free dating white or non-brown men and less heavy judgement and pressure to be the " proper brown wife make must make chai etc ". Being a brown women is high demanding in judgement . Dating outside of brown men feels more freedom to be themselves without the "brown misoynistic cultural expectations " that are extremely suffocating and demeaning 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
@f3mcell before colonization, misogyny definitely existed in brown culture and in many other cultures. That is valid, and I hope we all recognize that the same cultural practices are ( Still ) happening, Today. Before, during and after colonization. Yes colonizers made it worse, but it was still there present and still is. The brown misogynistic cultural practices are still very much Alive. Before the colonizers misogyny existed and its still here, hasn't left. Our struggle is Real and Valid. 🙏🏼
@@madihaignitezzz I live in the UK with 3rd generation Pakistani women and 99% of them would not spit on a white guy. Even statistically, only 4% of them marry out whereas Pakistani guys literally sell white females in the UK. They find white guys effeminate and we have the Zayn Malik type of Pakistanis
@@madihaignitezzz I live in the UK with 2 million Pakistani women and you never see one with a white guy. They see white men as effeminate You'll find plenty of white females with Pakistanis especially the loud Mirpuri types
There's also the element of wanting to experience being with people that are different from you...that's how i personally feel. Not that you hate yourself or are racist.
It’s okay to have certain preferences, but you need to be honest with yourself that you were most likely raised in a society that puts whiteness on a pedestal and demonizes blackness. You saw skin whitening products being advertised on tv and posters. People made jokes about how dark you are growing up. Other ethnic groups were more popular in the media than yours. Things like that will influence your choices about who has social value. And we tend to choose partners who we feel will give us an equal or (preferably) elevated social status.
I don’t think having a preference should be immediately labeled as having an identity issue. Everyone is different. At the end of the day, if you find yourself compatible with someone, their race is probably the lesser thing to consider when it comes to marriage. Just my general opinion.
Preference isn’t as autonomous as you think. Many implicit societal factors silently contribute to what we consider free will Everyone isn’t different, many of these proclivities are predetermined
@@ajj403 Ofcourse, I definitely agree. This is just my general opinion. Like Tazzy mentioned at the end of the video, this is a nuanced topic and we don’t know about people’s intentions :)
@@ajj403 as mixed person I disagree. This mentality only breeds sticking with your culture and eventually being closed off from the rest. and one thing I hate more than anything is tribalism of any kind. You can still understand whether preferences are based off of colonialism but then you don't want to get to the point where you refuse to go out with anyone from any other ethnicity, race, culture and so on
@@ajj403 That doesn't really explain why I find myself preferring men with darker nuances, such as darker eyes, hair, olive skin tone, because in my society that isn't preferred and can actually lead to some gossip. Wouldn't be beneficial, but I still do.
Interracial marriage was legal in most Northern states. My state, Michigan, from its creation in 1848, reinstated interracial marriages annulled in other states. Very thoughtful. Thanks. :)
Sometimes dating people outside my culture/race gives me a different perspective in life and appreciation for all backgrounds. I’m mixed with Colombian/Mexican and growing up I talked to Hispanic guys from different countries. Personally, I haven’t had a good experience with Hispanic men. I gravitate towards white men bc I’ve had better experiences with them but I am open and find guys like Devin Booker handsome.
"We must at present do our best to form a class who may be interpreters between us and the millions whom we govern; a class of persons, Indian in blood and colour, but English in taste, in opinions, in morals, and in intellect". Macaulay..
The problem with these representations is that it gives the impressions that white people hold all the answers, and that you can find yourself in a white man or a white woman. It gives off the impression that no matter what race you come from, if you don’t fit in, you’re going to find your equal and soulmate within the white community. So if you’re an Indian nerd, a black weirdo, a quirky Asian, or an insecure Latino, get yourself a white person. Another problem with the situation is that the reason why the non-white person might not be able to find a person is because of who they are AS a person, but they take a colorist approach to the remedy. So you could be a fat black person, and the remedy is to find a white person. You could be an Asian person going through depression, and the answer is to find a white person who will accept you. You could be an Indian woman going through a crisis of sexual identity, find a white woman. Like never seems to want to find like, and it’s throwing this white savior complex onto white people who never asked for it. Notice how white people don’t search outside of other races to be complete. It’s only non-white people who do.
Most of the time our preferences as POC are whiteness or lighter due to internalized racism until we deconstruct where the preference comes from and unlearn it .
I personally from my own experience, do not believe in media imposing preferences. I think media may show people, but we decide our reaction to them. Skin color maybe one, but it is only one of many factors. As far as the Mindy Project goes, haven't seen the show, but from what I gather from the aether, is that she plays a specifically ethnic Indian living in some big city in te US, and works in a profession that has a disproportionate percent of white men. So of course most of the men she gets with would be white. If she was instead working for a Pro Football team, one would expect most of the men she would get would be black. And likewise for those 2 men you mentioned, not familiar with either pof them, but given 70% of the women in the US are white, it is more likely that, unless their character lives in the inner city, most of the females they meet would be white. But one interesting issue is the notion of love. I have seen a few Bellwood films, and a Nat Geo special on the Taj Mahal. And I get the general impression that romantic love between men and women is mostly a western ideal. And that Bollywood films occasionally try to promote this idea but it is not considered acceptable. For example, excuse the spelling,I watch a film called what's your rakashi, it was a gut from India who went to college in the USA. His family wants him to get married, but he wants to marry for love. His family opposes him and thinks he is too westernized. Love is an entirely foreign concept to them. Likewise regarding the Taj Mahal people in India don't seem to understand it, as it was built on orders from the Mongol leader of the ti e.
As a black woman this video is a reminder that we aren’t the only ones who with SELF LOVE within our own race of people sad truth. Our own men made it vocal that they hate themselves and dark skin women on social media.
I don't blame them. The way other ethnicity of women are practically twerking for these guys is insanity. Just last night 3 black dudes walked into the club, they grabbed a table and within (I Kidd you not) 5 minutes they were surrounded by a group of white girls. They're in demand.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m 35 now, I find myself being more attracted to POC. I’m a white Latino who doesn’t know Spanish. Going up in the Midwest, I didn’t look like other Latinos and didn’t speak the language. I tended to date white men only. But the more I learn about different ethnicities and understand the media’s negative portrayal of POC growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I’m allowing myself to find POC attractive. It’s hard to explain. On self reflection, I didn’t realize how much bias I had. Part of it was dating someone who looked so different to me. I wanted to avoid looking dumb to another persons culture.
As a Dalit, I rather inter-racial marriage than intercaste marriage. I am married to a white America, I married him because of how open minded he is and how culturally aware he is amongst other things. I want a different life for my children than what my ancestor lived through. I don't want my children to live through the pain of being an untouchable. I, therefore think that I have made the best choice for my future by marrying out of my race but I am sick and tired of the narrative that I am somehow betraying my people by doing so or that I have some kind of internalised racism.
Well in your case your race betrayed you. That caste is a ancient evil system that needs to end and slowly as India continues to modernize perhaps it will. Just don't let your children forget where they came from lest become the very thing that plagued your ancestors by becoming someone else's plague.
i think mixing white and indian is an improvement for both people because they are both great (a lot of top chess players are half-indian or half-asian even though there are less than 1%)
If you only wants to date with in your ethnic group that's not racist, i think that kind of mentality says you're a conservative who wants to preserve your race or religion, whatever.
I am indian but I don't think it's fair to blame our insecurities on British, when they were just one of the many invaders who invaded the landed. In a previous video you mentioned Mughals and Arab supremacy and honestly it's unfair to blame everything on British 🤷♀️
The thing with POC (especially non black POC) only being attracted to white is very weird but it's considered taboo to question this preference for some reason.
At least the Big Sick, at least the parts with the white girl, was based on what really happened to him in real life. All the other shows are just fictional and always have the colored woman falling in love with the white guy.
I might be to mixed to care but I’m in the us. currently attracted to a light skinned girl from El Salvador second generation. But she considers herself white so i guess I’m no better This is a great video! Very well put together and awesome points!
To some extent people like mindy kaling may have primarily interacted with white people growing up, so being attracted to white people seems normal to them. I think it gets weird when people act like it's cool or look down on other people of color as potential suitors... at that point it's internalized white supremacy. I'm white and I've lived in a major city for my entire adult life so people of lots of different ethnicities are pretty normal to me- it's kind of weird that people don't bat an eye if I'm dating a white person, but sometimes if I'm dating a person of color it's treated like I have a fetish. I definitely know anyone can be an asshole- there's alot of factors besides ethnic background that make people similar or different.
I happen to be white and have dated men of color, everyone is different and has their own family dramas but the common thread in each situation was that the sisters and female family members were all silently stewing over it. Something in the way he carried himself was different enough to set their teeth on edge. And for my part, being fetishized isn’t a whole lot of fun. I would say if someone it looking to evolve that’s an easy step.. date people based on who they are. That’s a good rule in general : don’t catch feelings til you know who you’re dealing with.
From my observations it’s primarily what you said about people liking people who are like them. But I think more so in terms of culture and personality than physically. Whoever someone sees themselves to be internally, and whatever culture they most identify with and think is cool, that’s the people they go for. In the US at least, because white people are the most numerous and dominate race they often set the standard for what is socially acceptable and what character qualities and ways of expressing yourself are most attractive. If you’re a minority or immigrant you are enculturated into the dominant culture so that’s just what you like, prefer, and identify with. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that but it’s more about realizing that your preferences are largely shaped by your socialization, like many other people have stated.
As a black person I appreciate this video because unfortunately I made the misconception that I thought all Asians were light or white passing. Now I understand that similar to black ppl colorism is prominent in other communities.
I'm doing my PhD and I study intermarriage: preferring your own ethnoracial group is usually not racist. It has to do with socialization and what you know. Not when your reason to solely date your people is because you believe other groups are inferior, then it's racist.
Sometimes, preference for other ethnic groups is also not racist. It also has to do with socialization. If someone lives in a majority white country, it's a bit difficult to find non-white people to socialize with, innit?
Any research papers you can suggest for this ?
Super interesting Laura. Would love to learn more - I think content centering around intermarriage would be super interesting
Hello Laura.
@@offlier indeed and part of that socialisation is racialised categories regardless of if people mix, they're still there.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. But we should question them because it seems to me everyone thinks they're objective and free from the influence of media and society (they're not! me included). If those preferences are born out of self-hatred, rahcism, fetishization or stereotyping, then that's definitely a problem and not healthy. At the end of the day, you never know where you'll find your soulmate, so it's always better to be open to other options.
This! I used to swear these were my preference but then I did a lot of soul searching, started following uplifting instagram accounts for black people and model accounts with black models. My idea of beauty literally changed in a year. And it genuinely did, i wasn't trying to convince myself. Now I can't imagine a time where i wouldn't have dated another black person but I know i used to be like this too. Often people don't realize that our idea of what we think is beautiful is heavily learned. It's not in our DNA, for lack of better words. Or at least not to the extent we imagine. It's like how big lips have started being seen as beautiful in recent years. In ementary school and high school people called me names for mine. Now the same people are telling me they are jealous of my lips. How did that change? Pop culture! Our idea of beauty changing! I really think some people just want to stay where they are and not try..
How about you stop trying to micromanage the sentiments of others?
@@NwoDispatcher in the end you decide if you want to stay how you are we're just saying there's a heavy possibility you have learned these preferences just like many of us ... that's all. We decided to unlearn our prejudice but it's your say what you do with your life
@@miurtouissi1093 you are not entitled to my love or respect. I'm not interested in your enslavement or kalergi genocide. I was born this way. I was born to love White women. My love for White women is not based in beauty, but existentialism, so spare me and mine the race-mixer lecture.
@Coconut girl and you are a bigoted girl.
I noticed another important moment in love is blind between Deepti and Shake when he said he thought of her as his aunt. This is my interpretation of course but I saw this as an extension of the madonna-w**** complex where he was unable to see an Indian woman as sexy/his girlfriend meanwhile white woman were unencumbered by this because he couldn't see any similarity to family in them.
Interesting take on it.
Omg I can totally relate...I'm an indian girl & I can't find indian men attractive romantically no matter how handsome they are because they remind me of family 😭. But I'm not like Mindy who's constantly bashing them & placing white men on a pedestal.
@@caps900 uh huh...sure
@@sabir1208 ??
@@caps900 I'm sorry but that's weird
I don’t like how Mindy treats Muslim characters in her shows. Not impressed with the Mindy project either. It just isn’t realistic.
I’ve once spoke to a couple of girls who were middle eastern and Indian at my college. They only dated white guys. They all basically said that dating a white guy is seen as superior. There’s a scene of “I’m better than you” or “I’m the different one in the family” that they hold over their cousins and siblings who decided to date their own race. And apparently to aunty and uncles is also seen as a “big win”. Another girl said she just see’s brown guys as embarrassing to around because of how other races perceive them.
It broke my heart and I was shocked and couldn’t believe that came out their mouth. Just seems like an attention tactic and competition to me.
@@survivorisland of course, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have a choice in who they find attractive, to each their own. Not everyone is the same and I cannot categorize a whole race based on a handful of girls I spoke too. I was just flabbergasted at their reasoning.
In my experience lighter skin Asians tend to be very white worshipping, even if they verbally insist they are not. Middle Eastern and Indians, if they were not super westernized, tended to prefer their own for marriage and serious relationships.
all races of women love white men.and it’s really sad.
Yeah I’ve been in the dating scene long enough to know that Indian men are usually rated pretty low amongst male groups in terms of desirability .Then Asians..
meh, men from middle eastern and indian backgrounds are some of the most horribly sexist and entitled guys ever , i dont blame any women from dating outside of that mess
Fantastic video! As an Arab guy I can confirm that a lot of what you said here also applies to Arab men going after white women. It happens with Arab women as well but the focus of the mainstream media has not really highlighted this due to the perception of Arabs mostly being centered around either terrorism or religious self-hatred. Its great to see people finally addressing the thoughts that a lot of us have.
Arabs tend to have less of an inferiority complex compared to desis.
Well Arabs suck for both genders in the west
As a Palestinian woman I always avoided dating white men. I would hate to always have to be the one to educate. Plus I want my kids to look arab and not white..It is a lot easier to be with someone of a similar background…at least someone who is muslim. But I noticed the arab girls who only date white men didn’t grow up in an arab community or around other arabs or had bad experiences with some arab men and stereotyped going forward thinking joe smith would be better (and he wasnt). My take.
@@Nadia-du8vb who says arabs cant be white? People need to stop conflating ethnicity with race. A large majority of arabs are indistinguishable from Mediterranean europeans.
@@phoebesekine4783 were obviously not talking about them bc why
I used to swear these were my preference but then I did a lot of soul searching, started following uplifting instagram accounts for black people and model accounts with black models. My idea of beauty literally changed in a year. And it genuinely did, i wasn't trying to convince myself. Now I can't imagine a time where i wouldn't have dated another black person but I know i used to be like this too. Often people don't realize that our idea of what we think is beautiful is heavily learned. It's not in our DNA, for lack of better words. Or at least not to the extent we imagine. It's like how big lips have started being seen as beautiful in recent years. In ementary school and high school people called me names for mine. Now the same people are telling me they are jealous of my lips. How did that change? Pop culture! Our idea of beauty changing! I really think some people just want to stay where they are and not try..
Are you muslim woman dating black, white. Isn't it haram ? Dating will eventually bring all the haram stuff bit by bit.
Beautifully put! I definitely think media affects our eye for beauty and attraction too. I had the same thing happen in elementary too before big lips were popular.
Exactly
@@s.a339 "muslim" isn't a race of people, but a religious designation. There are white muslims, like in Bosnia, and black muslims, like in the upper half of Africa.
Wow do you want a cookie?
I’m black. I don’t believe that it is racist to only date within your own race. Actually I think it’s quite beautiful. Especially when you are considered a “minority “ in this country (America). To be able to ignore all of the propaganda about whiteness and say no thanks!!! That’s self-love to me.
If it's not racist to 'only' date within your own race, it's not racist to 'only' date any other race.
On a more serious note, there are many minorities you can date. It doesn't always need to be black people. If you exclude entire groups of people who are minorities themselves (east asian, Latinos, Desi people, Arabs, native Americans) you are being racist towards them.
@@silverstarlight9395 no
@@survivorisland Yes and were all humans and all God's children so at the end of the day it doesn't matter what race you are. Were all Gods children
Its still racist. Imagine white people saying they'd only date white people? That sounds prejudice to me. Now I can understand black people who don't want to marry white people, because of the long history and how they wouldn't really understand them etc. However it's still prejudice, so call it what it is.
If you're choosing to date someone based on skin color that's racist. I prefer to date people based on how they treat me. Screw how others view me. I don't need to prove my blackness or that i love myself. If i truly loved myself i would date the person who treats me best regardless of skin color. I'm pretty spoiled, so i have to cast my net pretty wide anyways.
I watched ‘The Big Sick’ with my mom, (I’m pakistani) a few years ago. I was excited about it and told her how it was a Pakistani guy who made it big in Hollywood and omg it’s one of us. So we watch it and the whole time we were a little uncomfortable. I just remember that the rishta girl’s name was Khadijah, and idk. I didn’t like how they made her out to be so embarrassing. I know maybe that’s not what they wanted to project but it just came off as “when it comes between the two, the white girl fared better, she’s just more chill and cooler”.
I’ve felt like that reading pakistani authors as well.
It’s always a brown man preferring a white woman over brown women. Sometimes it stings but maybe I’m being over sensitive.
As a brown west living in Europe, I can say 90 percent of the brown guys prefer their own. Don't get deceived by a few who made it to Hollywood. There is nothing special about being with a white woman per se.
They knew what they did, he knew !!! I didn’t like the movie at all, I’m not even desi but that entire scene was just wrong
your feelings are totally valid
rishtas as a whole are cringe imagine mommy and daddy guiding you how to use youre penis on a woman that is how its starting to come across in our culture also apart from gatherings when will south asians of both genders ever met eachother you got the housewife who wants the pass port degree car house to the man wanting his wife to not be a freshie but at the same time in this society want them to be virgins
Didn't he also burn the photos of all the potential brown matches to appease his girlfriend? That is kind of messed up.
All colored communities have issues with self hatred and colorism. I'm blk and my kids are half chinese but I dated men from Pakistan, Korea, Belgium, Tunisia, Honduras, etc. I really don't discriminate except based on habits and personality. Most of these people grew up in the same culture I did, one that worships whiteness. People can say that it's just preference all they want but it's not. I prefer ground turkey over ground chicken but at the end of the day, I still like both. If you've NEVER dated someone melanated and you are, that's a self hate issue, straight up.
Maybe it's self hate. It's all well and good preaching about 'self-love' but if someone doesn't love themselves or even hate themselves, it's their problem to deal with however they see fit. It's not personal. I always hated the fact that i had pimples growing up. So i decided to not date a guy who has pimples because it's a trait i don't want my hypothetical children to inherit. That doesn't mean i won't be friends with a person who has pimples or not respect them or not consider them for promotion at work. Of course i would. I would treat them just like i treat all my fellow human beings. I just wouldn't date them, because I'm looking for something specific in the person i date. So it doesn't make sense for men with pimples to attack me. They are not entitled to my body. At the end of the day it's my choice who i date, and if the reason for my preference is self-hate, that's my problem and as long as I'm not bothering or hurting someone else, people shouldn't take it as an affront to them.
@@silverstarlight9395 Except every person of every race can have pimples so your analogy doesn’t make any sense. Plus, stereotypes and media representation can shape how one perceives someone’s race whether the individuals within that community fit into it or not.
@@ilikepancakes2368 the point I'm trying to make is that whatever the reasons may be, some people are more attracted to people with specific features and not attracted to people with certain other features. Those features can be skin colour or pimples. As long as I'm not denying someone a promotion at work because of their skin colour or doing something that puts them at a disadvantage in terms of living and succeeding at life, I'm not being racist towards them. I'm just exercising my right to choose who i sleep with. It's my prerogative to choose the person I'll spend my whole life with. My reasons might be shallow, like self-hatred or media influence, but I'm not entitled to justify my choices to anyone.
I'm black but I tend not to be attracted to black men. Do I hate black men? No, I don't. I most definitely don't hate myself.
I've been with 3 men my entire 47 years and all 3 were black and I have 2 black adult children.
However, the ONLY reason this happened is because I was surrounded by my own people all the damn time. Nothing more, nothing less.
People may complain about white supremacy yet all these other races are the ones that out white people on pedestals
I think as long as you don’t shit on your own race , love who you wanna love. Just don’t bring your own people down just to lift someone else’s up.
I have no allegiance to any race, ethnicity or anything like that. I date to find the best possible partner for me. End of story
This reminds me of my own experience. After finding out that my bf is not of my same ethnicity, a girl of south Asian origin asked me whether he is white, and when I answered that he is black, her excitement died off.
Lol
I'm mixed. So finding someone who also was mixed, born and raised in the same country as me was such a small group of people. I couldn't find anyone who understood me. I tried people from my dad's background and didn't find anyone from that route either. At the end of the day, I got married to someone from a different culture. It was similar to my dad's, but not the same.
Being married to someone completely different isn't always a good thing. Like you said there are differences and there will be arguements and issues. I believe that people who are very cultural shouldn't marry outside of their culture. If you aren't open to discussing everything and making changes then it's not going to work. That's from both sides.
There is nothing wrong with marrying someone different or who understands you (through similar or the same culture). I have just seen so many issues arise from it that I would caution anyone who is interested in someone from a different culture.
I’m mixed too
Usually it's the cultural people who refuse to change and stick to their outdated traditions. I would know as my dads Lebanese and my mums Sierra Leonean (but she and I are in the uk). The Lebanese culture has a lot of toxicity so no way would I ever want to be with a cultural Lebanese person
Are you muslim both parent and your husband born muslim
@@pinar8735 which one is iraqi Christian, mom or dad
@@s.a339 I'm not sure what you mean. Both my parents are Muslim. My mom converted, but they are both Muslim.
I think one reason could be, like you said, romance has been defined by the white perspective for so long it’s hard to see poc in that role. I remember when I was young I literally only could dream about either marrying a white guy i saw on tv or SRK (lol), and I’m sure the only reason SRK was on my mind back then was because I saw so many romance movies with him in it. If you only expose children to see one type of people being able to experience love, then I feel like it would impact their view on their own ideal love as well. Especially with desi culture being so hush hush about romance and love.
rofl but do hope you find your srk
Wow, great point!
Ahen I watched SRK, he was always older then the female which grossed me out.
Plus him stalking women, didn't exactly make me swoon. 🤮
Im half indonesian and my mother loooooved SRK and would constantly blast his films around the house. Needless to say, i totally see where youre coming from.
Racist statement
I had always been open to the idea of marrying a man of any race, but I will say that I gravitated towards white men. I think that a big part of this is that I live in a predominantly white state (I'm in the US) and the dating pool was mostly white men. Eventually, I ended up marrying an Arab man from Egypt. My family wasn't...against it, but they had preconceived notions that really hurt and shaped how my husband views them. My husband's family seemed very loving and happy about me, but your video gives me pause. Were they excited that their son had married a white girl? Or were they happy about me for me? It's hard to say. Our marriage has been a good one, and I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with him inshallah.
Not to be a hater. But your marriage groul is very common.most mixed race marriages that i have seen in the muslim COMMUNITy has always been white women with other men,wether it be arabs or Asians ,but its very uncommon for a black woman to get the same suitors as white Female reverts no matter how beautiful and religious she is . so I wouldnt be suprised if they were happy because You were a white girl, since white skin is the beauty standard in a lot of cultures, no shade.
@@purplelove3666 Huh? Black woman can't get a Muslim nan no matter how beautiful and religious she's? Who says that? I'm Somali and Somali women get married by other ethnicity Muslim men.
@@purplelove3666 I disagree. I'm born and raised in Europe and have Egyptian family. The ones who are married with white women or other non arabs, were actually persuaded by fellow Egyptians to take another arab wife because marrying a non arab isn't good enough. And some actually followed through. So no it's not seen as a prize to be with a white woman as you portrayed.
@Alicia Brady r u black
@@Cici_mimi true somali women are so beautiful
I think it’s also about culture, marrying into your own culture or race would mean having more in common which makes sense. Even wanting to marry someone who shares your religion can be a big thing. I think date who you feel comfortable with, fall in love with, and are attracted to and don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
Sometimes culture can also be suffocating. I'm an Indian lady with a white boyfriend. He cooks his own food, i cook mine. Sometimes we cook together. If i had an Indian boyfriend, i would have been the only one cooking for both of us. I'm training to become a surgeon, so it's impossible for me to cook for someone else everyday. I do loads of night shifts, long day shifts and shifts at unsocial hours. I simply don't have the time and energy to spend hours in the kitchen everyday making complicated indian food.
But tazzy would probably call me racist for having a preference for someone from a certain culture. I guess i should just abondon my training midway and start searching for arrange marriage proposals instead. Not very feminist of tazzy, innit?
I'm going to guess that you are white?
@@silverstarlight9395 but honey... trust and believe there are plenty of American white men who expect the same. Conservatism knows no bounds!!!
@@silverstarlight9395 I think this has more to do with personality and upbringing than race. There are white men who expect you to cook for them even if you were the president, and there are brown men (not many,but there nonetheless) who see cooking as a basic skills for both men & women. Now it's up to you to decide who you want. But don't make this about race. No race is a monolith.
As someone who married outside my culture I would say it's not an easy thing to do. In raising children it becomes difficult as you want things a certain way and they want another. I do believe you can find a balance. I think there can be beauty in it to because you discover another beautiful culture and I've actually become so much more interested in my own culture since getting married. But at the same time it isn't easy understanding each other and things can be misunderstood. Your outlook in life can be different because of what you culturally expect and want for your future. And then finally dealing with in-laws has to be the most tricky one. In your own culture you know what to expect. In someone else's culture you have no idea, you seriously go in blind. 7 years in and I'm still figuring things out so it's defo and journey. Would I recommend it to anyone, not really because marriage is hard enough you don't need to be figuring out another culture while struggling.
My bro married a narcissist Caucasian women believing she wholesome Christian
He’s on depression pills, she’s a full on Karen.
He refused to let her go based on society and he’s physically needs being met.
His religion teaches peace rights equality and god first in every way.
@@piqueny8872 I don't think he'll sacrifice like that if she was in his own kind.
@@Cici_mimi if they were dating for a while he will accept her abuse, if he was emotionally forced to marry his own kind he’d have the excuse to leave her based on it wasn’t his choice of spouse.
His own would have the same upbringing lifestyle religious future goals so his life would be much happier And would not let her go
It's different for us Muslims cuzz we can marry Muslims outside of our culture but hindus have some next level of complex
@@piqueny8872 The Word of God teaches a lot on marriage. I'm not the one to pass judgement but your brother should seriously read 1 Corinthians 7-8 about marriage, since he's a Christian
I think at the end of the video, you stated two reasons for why South Asian people date white people: the colonialism take, and maybe the catch-all for everything not related to colonialism that wasn't touched on -- "khismat".
I don't disagree that colonialism and being a racial or ethnic minority in predominantly White areas are factors. I feel like South Asians who were here in the US in the '80s and '90s, and early 2000s as well, had it quite hard with Americans of ALL races being so prejudiced -- literally elementary school teachers, kids in school and what they learned at home from their bigoted parents, etc. It really hurts to learn about all of the things that our older relatives experienced at the time that it doesn't surprise me that their South Asian identity became something that they wanted to run away from and reject and made them want to marry White people or other people they perceived as superior relative to their own South Asian race, like Arabs.
Personally, I feel like the colonialism take is so overused as the main reason why South Asians (and other races, for sure) continue to seek out white people in their romantic partners. In this day and age where post-colonial theory is becoming increasingly accepted and well-known, I do think people use colonialism as a crutch / blame colonialism for their racialized dating preferences despite totally having the agency and ability to reject the cultural attitudes, beliefs, and norms that have led to them seeing their South Asian identity as inferior and White culture and Whiteness as superior. It's like, if someone is aware that their preference in white women or white men in particular is probably because of the work of a White society's influence on them, why don't they make an effort to reject that influence? I hope you can explore other potential reasons other than colonialism next time.
One reason that South Asians might turn away from their own people, apart from self-hatred or disgust resulting from colonial influence, I would say, is because of how we hurt each other (and not how White people hurt us)...like the immense hurt that comes with being a South Asian of a discriminated background or background of lower socioeconomic status, for example. I think that South Asians, in their quest for status and image-making (which I'm sure existed in South Asian societies and communities before the Europeans came and brought their power structures) are quite vocal in putting other people down for reasons like their poverty, their caste, their occupation, whether they're homeowners or not, etc., in order to set themselves apart or assert their own relative "superiority". From what I've seen in South Asian communities, South Asians are not always community-minded or oriented; many are individualistic (individualistic for their families rather than as single individuals) and don't really care for families (their well-being, treating them with respect, etc.) that are different from them or "beneath" them. If the suitors available in someone's community appear to play by these cultural norms, I'm not surprised that South Asians turn towards other races/ethnicities and their communities for a romantic partner thinking that they won't encounter the same discriminatory or hurtful norms and structures (though they probably could and will).
And at the end of the day, race and color are external things that we outsiders see. We have no idea if a couple's coming together was the result of things not shaped by their race or ethnicity, like their shared values, histories, traumas, etc. All in all, I wish us all the best and hope we can address the hurt we have within our own communities and give each other a chance.
this comment was gold 🔥
Very well said. Especially abt the individualism aspect of many desi ppl.
@Alicia Brady Could you explain yourself differently? I don't understand the point you're trying to make. I never said a South Asian person would hate themselves because of their phenotype or color -- there's more to South Asian identity or background, like any other racial or ethnic identity / background, than just phenotype or skin color. Are you saying that looking White or Arab as a South Asian explains why White- or Arab-passing South Asians are attracted to White or Arab people? I don't understand...
@Alicia Brady By the way, there is no one particular way that Arabs look. You're making a generalization.
I hear you and I also think you oversimplify how easy it is to simply reject the messages that create inferiority complex. The messages are small and insidious and often hard to even notice. Also, yes colonialism still has affects now, so as much as you may feel it's a crutch, the implications of it are STILL prevalent. I would say that's even part of the individualisticness that you mentioned.
If being with your own race doesn't equate to staying married or getting along better, then why is dating outside your race a deal breaker?
I keep hearing how having a relationship is so difficult these days and how the pickings are slim. Well, if you're only dating one race, then the odds are stacked against you. It's a numbers game.
If he's a man, he's in the running. Of course I have a preference but I'm not stupid. I'll find love where I'll find it and there's no way I'll cheat myself by ignoring entire races of people. That's so illogical.
I think it's just a matter of why you're choosing who you're choosing. You're looking at it from a purely logical perspective. A good amount of people are looking at it from a slightly prejudiced and unconscious self hating perspective. If you want someone of a different race, go for that person. As long as you don't shit on your own race, it's perfectly fine.
A few comments are saying that tazzy's convo isn't 'nuanced' but then inject their random dating preferences without any actual nuance. "Um sometimes we like a certain group, I just like white ppl to each their own!!" Ok...but WHY. That's literally what this conversation is about. We aren't genetically predisposed to only liking a specific separate race from our own. Sometimes it does boil down to culture, if you grew up in an environment where the dominant culture was not ur own you might feel like you sincerely relate more to them. And sometimes( a lot of times) it stems from fetishization and/or inferiority complexes. You love k-dramas so much that u now feel its ur destiny to marry a Korean, you put them on a fetish pedestal to fulfill ur fantasy. Sometimes you really look down on the men/ women of ur race and see them as backwards/inadequate/unattractive: then you convince yourselves that you align more with white culture as a means to justify your obsession with white ppl and ur internalized racism. Sometimes you're just intrigued with any culture that's not yours; you want someone that's different than you bc you see the beauty in learning new perspectives. Sometimes you're a creep who just wants mixed babies as a fashion accessory and don't actually think about what it'll mean to raise someone with a different identity then you.
Overall, I think most of the time when your "preference" in dating is rooted specifically in a race other than your own(especially when you completely refuse to date ur own race) it's not just happenstance or "just cuz". I think a lot of ppl don't realize or are in active denial of their own inferiority or fetishization of other ppl. Just cuz you love someone it doesn't eliminate something else going on beneath the surface. And if these types of basic convos rile you up, then perhaps you're one of the ppl who has something beneath the surface too.
Completely agree!!!
This comment! X
Extremely well said, thank you
That part
I'm black girl and subhanallah Ive never been attracted to black men. Self hate ? I just grew up only with non-black people, so I dont have the culture or any connection with my parents country. During teenage years I was feeling guilty but now I have no problem with that.
Same!! I'm North African but I was never attracted to North African/Arab men (until recently) as I grew up with and was always surrounded by white and Asian people. So I never related to men from my background. And I was always at peace with it. So I don't think this self hate/inferiority complex applies to everyone.
Me too ,, everyone is entitled to his or her preference,,,
North African here (Moroccan), let's just all remember that we're muslim and this racial nonsense shouldn't even be an issue for us... look for good people and good men so that one of them can be a good husband, regardless of their ethnicity and skintone, end of story.
Sameee and I don’t feel bad, as it pertains to MY sexual and romantic life I am not attracted to black men, never been but for friendships, treating them like everyone else, no issues. I remember vividly my first crush in preschool, he was white and his name was Vincent, funny story I stopped crushing on him when I saw him sitting with his legs close, I was horrified 😂😩😩
Same way. I am Afro American. I am of African descent, but not African and not 100% African. Like that matters, anyways, I grew up in the Upper Midwest, in the city. I was born and raised in Michigan and the community I grew up in has a lot of people of European (White) and Asian descent (Arab, Chinese, Korean, Indian...). My friends were mostly of Asian descent. Yes, I had few friends who were White and Black/African. There was so much diversity that I was exposed to at a young age and had classmates from so many different backgrounds. When I moved to the south, it was different. Much more conservative and judgmental. The culture is different, the climate, etc. More Blacks and Latinos in my community. I've always gone to a predominately White school, so that made no difference. But I feel like my upbringing and the environment I was brought up in, has had an influence on my preference today. Although I'm not opposed to nor would rule out dating someone of my own, I'd prefer to date and marry outside. I actually despise it when people only date outside and bring down the men/women belonging to their own!
For many of us it's not about inferiority complex/racism/colourism. It's about escaping a controlling culture/household we grew up in, and not wanting to repeat it for our future. Literally nobody wants to be controlled. But doesn't stop older people from acting entitled to controlling young people's life choices in our culture.
@f3mcell You sound like someone who thinks a woman can only be controlled by men. I don't give a fuck if desi weddings are still happening. My value as a human is not based on if a brown guy desires me or not. I am married to someone my own race/culture. It works for some, doesn't for some. Nobody is obligated to marry their own race. It says a lot about you that you jump to insulting people. How insecure are you?
So true!
so you think all people from that background come from a controlling culture? do you think all white people come from a trump supporting culture? No, what's that? Oh yes, you're a flaming hypocrite
@@isildurrr345 did I say “all”? Learn to read before using logical fallacies in your so called argument, which is just a sorry excuse to insult a random person on the internet.
EXACTLY. Wanting to avoid control, male preference and domination...these are things I don't want replicate from the culture I grew up in.
so i’m black w a white bf. sweetest guy in the world. affectionate, makes me laugh and makes me feel good abt myself. i really don’t understand the sentiment “i only date white ppl” tho, it just naturally happened and color wasn’t a factor in my dating him. he just happened to be white and i happened to be black. we have so much in common. i think i actually felt more pressured to date someone of my own race bc my parents were always judgmental abt the “perfect” progressive and non-southern white partner, despite the fact we all live in the south and they had no issue w black ppl who appeared more conservative. i had that talk with him.
sure, internalized bias and racism is a self exploratory journey. it's hard to believe a black woman in the south who prefers white men doesn't have it
You should know by now your story isn't what we're talking about. It's internal racism were talking about. That's common sense.
@@AC-ri2ph LMFAO right tf. Most people in interracial relationships SEEK people from other races and don’t organically meet and date them lol
Ask yourself, on what basis are you attracted to them? Part of the problem is that a lot of people, especially guys, try to use beautiful women for validation. A symptom of low self-esteem is that you judge yourself by what others have to say about you, the reactions of others have been incorporated into your self-concept. Social validation is especially a mechanism by which a person's perceived sense of value is derived. And so many brown men think that having a white woman, as if they are a trophy or a value giving object - a status symbol, will boost their social status and thus provide for them a sense of value. It's that underlying sense of value that people place into others from where entitlement over others comes from as well. I think that it is a fear of re-traumatizing ourselves because, low self-esteem in the first place, is a product of trauma from long ago that has been repressed.
When the Mind is heedless, it identifies with the body, with form. From this, there is born the contrived self, the ego, the purpose of which is to maintain this self. Due to a variety of factors, including society mainly, the self identifies with certain thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and turns them into an identity. Out of delusion, driven by the energy of fear and insecurity, it attempts to maintain its own sense of survival by validating its identity. Another layer of confusion is cast over the clouded Mind, where this contrived self, this ego, is confused with the multiplicity of its identities. And incorporated into its self-concept, there is not only identification with beliefs and religious labels and appearances, but other primitive inclinations through which the self seeks value through. The energy behind external validation is anxiety, agitation, fear, hostility, a sense of need to prove something, such as, that we alone are holders of all truth and knowledge.
Islam came to do away with all this silliness. Somewhere down the line, we lost the essence of Islam. It's been relegated to a mere identity rather than a spiritual path. The extent of most people's Islam is, "when is eid, is this chicken place halal, and can I wear nail polish?... so on and so forth. It's been reduced to a list of halals and harams. I could go on about this subject extensively, but for the sake of being a blog post that no one will probably read, I'll leave it here.
P.S - I don't speak from a place of righteousness or perceived superiority. I apologize if it comes off that way. I went through my own phase of preferring white women when I was in my early 20s.
It's new for me to see "identity" being used like that, identity vs spiritual path, so thank you for sharing your thoughts!
even within muslim guys I’ve known some who specifically ask people where they can find white converts to marry now if you just randomly get to know someone who just happens to be white convert and fall in love ok great but when you actively only want that specifically I find it kinda weird
Beautifully said, couldn't agree more.
It's pretty obvious now Islam will decline within few decades. Freedom and choice in the name of individualism will prevail over the coming generations
Wow, this is so well written!
I live in a country where brown women are not as represented as east asian/white women are, and that makes most of the brown men want to only date east asian/white women as they see them as a status symbol or "trophy wife" and constantly discriminate/insult brown women (they all think that awkward rishta from the big sick is every single brown woman out there... lame.). I've had my fair share of insults/negging from Indian men especially, who constantly compared me with their ex-chinese/white girlfriends and made me feel like my ethnicity/racial identity is never enough. Abhishek's (I will never call him Shake) character struck a chord to me, making me feel absolutely triggered but I am also glad men like him are broadcasted on the media, to show the world that men like him are increasing in numbers. The fantasy of getting a white/majority race woman as a spouse by minority men is just... disgusting imo. That's just objectifying these women and pitting them against us brown women. As if we women as a collective, don't have enough problems to deal with.
If brown men don't appreciate you, leave them and date white men. I did that and it was the best decision of my life.
@@silverstarlight9395 I’ve been meeting people outside of my race (east/south east/white/black/latino etc) but nothing has worked out so far. Most of them just want the majority race women, makes it so much harder for minority women to date. I would be more than happy to date a white guy if we get along.. but we are not desired, not in my country at least. But times are changing. Also most of the men who approach me are still brown men (but will neg/compare/insult me in the later stages). It’s very tiring.
@ria rel nope, singapore
Put yourself out there! Asian/white women tend to be more sexually liberal than brown women
@@happypanda882 i don’t want to put my body at all sorts of risks lmao I want to be respected. I already put myself out there but it’s not the same if men don’t respect us.
Have you also noticed that when runway shows (lahengas or desi clothes in general) happens in india … they always have white models to promote their own clothes, but in usa or Europe that’s not the case…
The cast system in Hinduism is based on an standard called "Verna" which means skin color/colour.
Which ones are you on about? As far i know they use indian women.
@@taasmr4203
Making ignorant comments based on lies is your forte. Varna doesn't mean skin colour. It has a list of meanings in sanskrit. Lets say you're right, why is that that most of the Hindu avatars of God tend to be dark in complexion. Lord Krishna was said to be dark and handsome.
@@stormyzvox2185 Because Aryans from Iran invaded South Asia(modern day India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Siri Lanka) in BCE (Before Common Era) and then they started getting married with local Dravidians and made some racist amendments in Hinduism. Aryans also implemented their ethnic symbol of Swastika into Hinduism and created Cast System in Hinduism based on skin colour/color.
@@taasmr4203 no point arguing with you since you have no knowledge in sanskrit, two you believe in the aryan invasion theory.
Can you also talk about the fact of common taboo topic of light skinned women being forced to marry dark skinned men to fulfill that fantasy of marrying a white woman? Like in my community it's common. The girl could be great match for anyone. But they purposely find a dark skinned man who could be crappy, just to make HIM happy and satisfied that he won a white woman to marry. But they don't mention the control aspects, and the degrading aspect especially if the man is abusive. Like he'll use the fact she's light skinned to call her white washed and tell her the only reason why people like her better than him is because she's white. And a ton of other BS. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but the majority is. And dare the girl ask to be married to another race, even of someone of other race that has more melatonin or less, the girl is told no because the toxic culture of the light woman marrying a dark skinned man.
And no one forced you to move to a white country
Oh wow, what culture is this from? Are you African American?
What r u talking about indian kashmiris Or pakistani. Kashmiris only marry other kashmiris in India. I don't know about Pakistan
Which culture?
Wow did this happen to you?, I'm sorry if it did.
Lmao I’m white so I have no comment on the subject but I just want to say how smart you come across! You do a great job of exploring different perspectives on each topic you make a video about and it makes them enjoyable and thought provoking!
You can have an opinion lol
@@xxGuItArGiRLxx89 yes exactly, chances are you are not a bad person
@@bjrnnielsen824 Lmao that’s brutal dude, I’m sorry! I have to admit though, I’ve always had a thing for blonde guys so I can’t really blame them😂
@@bjrnnielsen824 yeah you are white thats why your favourate videos is filled with bollywood songs , lmao😅
F kalergi mongrelism
This needs a part 2 or possibly 3… I’m not desi, I’m latina and this is also an issue with us.. maybe not as much so but definitely there
@Alicia Brady yes definitely could be the case.
A muslim latina? Interesting
Latina it's not a race 😭
@@phoebesekine4783 Yes! It's interesting because islam is a asian religion and does not have much presence in south america,unlike Christianity which spread throughout south america due to Spaniards and Portuguese.
I was the opposite, never interested in white guys. And i think it was because my bullies in middle and high school were majority white guys. Dated black guys in high school because i felt like that was who i was supposed to like, and i didnt think other races liked black girls. I only dated asian guys in college because i found them interesting since i never grew up around asian people. And here i am married to a white man lol. At the end of the day i think racial preference is silly and you should look for people who are compatible with your personality, morality, and interests!
Are you serious? men bullying women? I thought if White men were to bully it is more NonWhite men or other White men. I thought White men are nicer to women because they have in their mind to get with her. The only time I can see a man probably bullying a woman is because of rejection from her to go on a date.
Is that you in your pfp.. if so you’re not even black.. so why are you thinking about who likes black women or not?
Why did you think other races didn’t like black girls?
@Rachel O
A lot of black girls face colourism and racism from all groups of men, especially black men, So its okay to assume what she is assuming, Dont judge her, because you don't know her back story...
As a brown guy who grew up in California and then lived in multiple countries and states, I never found it easier to date a brown girl compared to other girls - especially in the U.S. Whenever I tried to date brown girls, I found that they wouldn't want to date me, once they found out I didn't live the "normal" brown life. Like, I didn't become a doctor/finance/IT professional, I didn't hang out in the brown scene in college exclusively (though I hung out with people from that scene from time to time), I didn't vote like most of them did, and I wasn't that interested in Indian culture frankly (I'm much more into East Asian culture). I found that streamlined way of thinking to be very restrictive, and so I just started going outside of the brown social scenes. With that said, I didn't find it easy on the outside either, and am sure I get rejected for not being a white guy as well due to the things Tazzy talks about. Ironically in the end, I did best with asian girls, maybe because I was just more interested in that culture.
That's an interesting experience.... What do u do professionally is probably very important in brown cultures. Maybe that's y it was difficult to date brown girl cause those brown girls were aware of this mentality being present in their parents so didn't think that it was wise to go ahead... Idk.... Don't worry btw I'm sure you'll get ur Ms perfect.... Whose just like u...
That’s interesting, I had a similar experience. Asian girls is a broad term. Can you elaborate a bit more on that?
The irony of a South Asian calling East Asians “Asians” as if he’s not one.
@@kiuk_kiks not ironic at all. It’s convention in North America to restrict the term Asian to those people from South East and East Asia
@@immers2410
Ah, I’m a British English speaker so it doesn’t carry over here.
I met a sweet Desi while he vacationed in Miami Beach & I remember him really liking me but being very stressed about his family finding out I'm not indian. I felt for him, but understood that romantic pairings is a family affair in Indian culture, and we eventually 💔 for that reason 🤷♀️ I'm not even a white person (I'm Mexican and Cuban - Indigenous Mexican, European, arab mash here) but nonetheless not Indian. 😮💨
Arab mash ?
@@s.a339 a mash up of all the ethnicities she mentioned, not just arab...
No lie! You latinas are some of the most Gorgeous women in-and-out the world, I am more into Latinas than White-Anglo women. It is not just the looks but personality, vibe, aura.
I do think people who prefer a certain race other than their own have some form of inferiority complex. IN the case of Kumail, I get that his movie was about his experience, but his portrayal of desi women COMBINED with how he speaks down on desi cutlure and criticism of it, which is valid, but to me it's problematic when its coupled with avoiding dating someone of your own race, that when a preference turns into something else.
the same can be said about Aziz, preference is one thing but when you portray desi women negatively and you prefer to only date white women, i can't help but give you a side-eye.
Even Mindy, while she doesn't actively criticize brown culture and brown people, she actively and consistently uplifts white men. In her case, at least now she is fighting to get representation for brown people so I don't feel some type of way towards her now.
But all of these ^ brown people have one thing in common and that's how much they run away from their "brown-ness" and into the arms of "whiteness". while they are allowed to have a preference, it never ends with "hey i like to date only white women". usually, its coupled with "because brown women are x y z".
What if they have legitimate criticisms that u just dont agree w because it doesnt affect ur life personally? Maybe listen to their criticisms. Its funny how u say their criticisms are valid but u cant see why along with disagreeing with many aspects of the culture, they wouldnt want to be with someone of that said culture. You guys just want to ignore community and cultural issues and pin this all on inferiority complex. In some ppl yes, I dont know these celebs and their life story nor do I care so much. But in real life, I have seen this be the case. In some cases, it is an inferiority complex. In other cases, it isnt. I have close desi friends who dated/married white. Some of them tried dating desis, some didnt, so I got to see directly their dating life for a few years. I also know desis that are whitewashed marrying other desis that are whitewashed. I have seen desis who married other desis who are still cultural, putting aside their differences in cultural elements. But now these couples are having brutal divorces bc they tried to ignore their essential culture/lifestyle differences. I can open another can of worms about this topic but ppl are NOT ready.
Very well said 👏🏽👏🏽
Uhhh are you American? There's a whole population of white women who ONLY exclusively date Black men 🙄
@@xelmx123 I think part of the reason why some Indian kids shun their "culture" and "religion" is owed to the dogma and perceived irrelevance in the modern context. However, there are particularly relevant tools to navigating life that can be traced back to the Indian subcontinent - namely, approaches that traditions like Buddhism, meditation and yoga take, providing such useful tools to navigate modern life particularly given the mental health crises across broad swathes of the population. Unfortunately in everyday modern Indian life both in the diaspora and in the subcontinent itself, I doubt that much of these useful life tools is ever transferred down in a meaningful way, with guidance on how to navigate life using it. And particularly in the diaspora, given that there is a much more pervasive influence of culture that is non-Indian, it is understandable why these two forces combine to provide a recipe for some Indian kids to perhaps shun their "culture" or "religion".
Hence, to be unaware of the very positive aspects of one's own culture, and shunning one's culture as a result of the dogma and perceived irrelevance, is a form of ignorance rather than an comprehensive piece of informed criticism.
@@ThoughtfulCommenter nah
I like how you try to delve deeper into complicated subjects that others are too uncomfortable to discuss. 👏🏽
I think this is especially difficult for mixed people. I’m half black/half Arab, but because of the one drop rule, society considers me black (I don’t - I identify as mixed).
I was always open to marrying all races but I didn’t like the way black men treated me, and I culturally couldn’t relate to Arab men. I ended up marrying a white man and many black men criticized me assuming they have a claim towards me, or that I have self hate or didn’t wait for a black man.
I wanted to be treated a certain way by my husband (and his family), for me that man happened to be white. I think my case is rare tho, because (for a non white person) white people can be culturally difficult to date/marry for many reasons - especially due to family
@Alicia Brady How crass of you, it’s none of your business. I don’t need you to verify my ethnicity and experience via a phenotype, secondly the pfp is not of me.
@Alicia Brady bruh for your information arabs come in many "versions" you can say i have seen some who look completely european some who look completely african some who look like the stereotypical arab and some who have dark hair and eyes but have light skin, this is also the same for south asian people! Since we live in the age of the internet i suggest you educate yourself!
@Alicia Brady and plus she is not obliged to tell you where she is from stop harassing her, just like how you're not obliged to tell me where you're from and just non white people marry white people doesnt mean everyone is insecure and "self hating"
@Alicia Brady I’m not required to disclose everything about myself on the internet 🙄 you calling me a liar doesn’t change that I’m half black and half Arab, the ambiguity is there because I want it to be, if that bothers you, oh well.
“Arab girls don’t usually just marry a white man” Wow you’re insane + I said I’m mixed. Follow whatever you want to and leave me alone. So yes girl, bye ✌🏽
@@badjinn4521 Exactly! thank you! What a sad way to think especially in 2022 🙄
I never have a problem with people saying how they like. I feel it’s silly to shame others for their preferences as you just can’t legislate such things. That being said, fetishization is always weird to me. I’m black and I’ve dated mostly black women but have also dated Aidan, white, Latinx. I don’t care about race that much. But I have dated interracially when I knew it suspected the woman had a string of not exclusive preference for black guys-or would never date their own people at all-which I found it a little strange. But these preferences aren’t always based on media or past trauma. They just like who they like so I just accept it.
It's not a coincidence that this happens across all races.
So I recently made a video discussing the differences between preferences and fetishes. A fetish is an obsession to a feature, in this case the feature might be whiteness. I think if you can ONLY be attracted to someone who has a certain feature, that's more of an obsession which equals fetish. Also, research shows that our sexual behaviours are imprinted on us from when we are young. I personally think media and culture go a long way in influencing what becomes our preferences. For example, we spend a lot of our formative years watching screens and we see superheroes who tend to be a certain race with a certain look. In addition to that, the love interest is usually a certain type of woman again probably white. And over time this reiterates the idea that there is a hierarchy to desirability.
two things I found interesting about this video.. 1) the awkward and abrupt way the social/political problems were quickly brushed away and glossed over with hand waves and never returned to.. 2) that the conversation was binary.. about being with White ppl vs being with your “own” people.. ignoring everyone else on the face of the planet. This is in the context of the video that was referenced that had much deeper analysis of what dating app data says about bias, and particularly anti Blackness in the general population (i.e. all communities).
Something you may want to think about as a light skinned South Asian woman.
I laughed out loud when you said, "do people who don't marry within their race have self hate". As a white guy that's a hilarious statement. You'd lose your job and entire life to say something like that being white.
This was so well done, so balanced and informative. It’s a testament to the hard work you’ve done in building your channel that all these comments are also engaging in the conversation, sharing their views and experiences comfortably!
Why can’t people just marry who they want without putting down another culture/ethnicity/race/values….
because its an ego boost. It feels good and make them extra special. Like buying a new guuci handbag
Refreshing to hear a well thought out video on interracial relationships for once.
Still in school but my friends always taking about how bad desi men are. There is some truth but girl your father and brothers are desi men. Its the personality and values that you should be looking at not the race
THIS is it
I used to think they weren't bad. Then I went to Pakistan and I can say this wholeheartedly. I would rather walk into a burning pit of fire than date or marry a Desi person. They are bad. Really bad. And the worst part is they all treat women the same. Most Desi men were raised to be treated like God's in their houses, giving them a superiority complex over all women. They think they can do whatever they want and refuse to accept that women have feelings, or human rights lol.
Just because someone's father is the same culture as them does not take away from the experiences she faces within her cultural group. What you said did not make any sense.
You must admit that desi men don't make their own rotis though.
I think I worded things wrong. I know myself that some desi men are absolutely the worst people on the planet. I just don't think it's right to put every desi man under the same umbrella. Yeah alot of desi men are bad, but not all desi men are like that. Again you should judge a person by their values and personality. Not race. I'm not trying to say someone's experience is invalid. They have their own experiences, but it's not fair to think everyone is like that. Also I am a Pakistani Girl
As soon as season two of Love is Blind dropped I thought omg Tazzy needs to do a review on Deepti and Shake! I definitely think he had some inferiority complex for sure! Thank you for including the film Loving and it’s real history. What I did not like about Mindy Kaling’s show is the lack of cast diversity considering it was based in New York City.
I think people need to analyze WHY they gravitate or prefer non brown people. And I’m not just talking about dating ;friendship too . I recall hearing a person Stating that white people spoke “like them” (in tone) and “sounded nice and kind” … like WHAT !?? What does that even mean lol . There are tons of educated/kind brown people of all races in this world . Get to actually know people before you decide to lump a race or races all in 1 box … and quit listening to ignorant elders who repeat/teach the venom and self hate they hear and learn.
Even worse in my country. Interracial marriages were illegal until 1984
What's your country?
I hope its not a Muslim country.
@@PaulaRosaPink South Africa
i think its discrimination towards women that all these brown guys are allowed to get the non-muslim white lady but when a muslim woman of any race wants a non-muslim guy its not allowed and everyone freaks out.
I think it is super sad for someone to be so specific and say the ultimate fantasy or achievement is to be with a non melanated woman(or man) . How about the ultimate achievement being (unbiased) finding a soul mate . People need to wake up .
Anyway , awesome video per usual ❤️ love from NYC 🏙🗽
@Dennis Plum 🤢🤮
Sad but true, because the perception of worldwide racism puts white women as the most desirable as well as being in the higest position to choose. Dark skinned men aren't at the bottom of the hierarchy but they feel that way so they feel accomplished when they "achieve" the base model for barbie, miss america, hollywood starlets, etc
It's well past the point of even seeing them as human, they are just a prize to be won. Because it proves they are more successful than the white man she could have chosen instead. She's a trophy who gives herself away to the guy who wins "best guy" in front of her and that's it.
It's deeply misogynistic on top of racist, and is indicative of the serious issues society still has. I'm not sure if the worst thing is that when people actually do fall in love regardless of race, it's still assumed that they internalized racism is the real motivation.
Like, I haven't watched the big sick, but it seems the problem isn't that he chose a white girl, but that she's being compared and contrasted with a girl of his own culture, and both the girl and every traditional aspect of their culture were being rejected as undesirable. They didn't pull out the most beautiful and graceful traditional girl or depict his family life as colourful and warm.
Instead his family is old fashioned and restrictive, ignorant and messy, and the dedi girl was weird and awkward, less traditionally attractive in looks and style, and trying to forcibly pursue him to her own public embarrassment. Even cute petite white girls are treated as weird and creepy in media when they pursue a man against his will.
It's strange that tazzy is criticising people for having an exclusive ethnic preference when she herself has an exclusive ethnic preference. She seems to be the kind of person who'll never give a black man the time of day, yet she calls others racist.
I'm not sure if I have a physical preference per se, but I definitely don't have a preference for retrograde attitudes towards women. Sadly, very often when I would try to have relationships or romantic attachments with men who come from Asian cultures (I am a Canadian of S. Asian descent), it would come out sooner or later that our values didn't align. In fact, the vast majority of people of colour absolutely need and want to have kids (something I never wanted) and expect the women to mainly take care of them. I'm not even going to start with the unbelievable beauty standards that were applied to me as a dark skinned woman of colour. I knew all this was not going to be for me. I only ever found white guys who could live with me as I am, how I look, and be able to envision a life with me, also without kids. And in the end, I ended up marrying one. 🤷🏾♀ We've been together 11 years, and 8 years married - our anniversary was yesterday.
Tizzy thank you so much for this video. I really learned a lot and it gave me insight into the psychology of dating and Desi culture.
I recommend "Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning" written by Cathy Park Hong. The book is very slow and random in the beginning but i promise the content gets much better and more relatable as you continue to read. I've heard it's also available as an audiobook.
My boyfriend is Nicaraguan, I am white. I can understand that it would be easier to date someone who is white, but I have always been attracted to people with darker coloring: Indian, Asian, Hispanic. He is the only real boyfriend I've ever had, because while I did date white people, I often did not find them physically attractive to me, and the relationship would end. (I grew up very religious, and felt bad about not "giving them a chance" and "judging the book by the cover", I wasn'ttrying to mislead them, I just thought I could grow into a physical attraction). However, I was afraid for the longest time to date anyone who wasn't white because my grandparents and some of my uncles/aunts and cousins are racist. I didn't want to bring anyone into that. I started learning Spanish because I could be anyone in Spanish, say whatever I want, travel to other countries. It was a duality that allowed me to escape. I was friends with my boyfriend for a year before we started to date, and I'm so glad I did. He's technically my fiance now 😅 and my grandma still tries to introduce me to white boys and changes the subject anytime I talk about him, but I don't care anymore. 😊😊😊
I think certain things are just attractive to people, and so sometimes you may find particular people more attractive. However, I have never said "I only date Asians" or anything like that. It's very concerning when people narrow it down to a race rather than the thing that they actually find attractive. I find dark hair, dark eyes, long eyelashes, tan skin and full lips attractive. (Also shorter than me 😅😅😅😅) But these are not specifically found in one race, and if you check some of those boxes, I'd still find you attractive regardless. So it's concerning when they aren't identifying traits that they are attracted to, and instead they just say white women/men. As if all white women/men look the same. The girl in this at least said "blonde" which was a trait rather than a race, and which could be found elsewhere. Idk though, I'm just rambling 😅
You just described black people💀 we have dark hair, skin, and full lips. This comment is confusing
@@trxphywaifalt I never said I wasn't attracted to black people too! :) in fact, I am very attracted to black people that have some or most of those traits! I was just saying, we shouldn't base our preference on race, but on traits. Some white people also check most of those boxes, and I am attracted to them as well (but the guys I dated growing up were very pale and blonde).
I had a little crush on one of my friends in high school who was an Indian boy and there was hella chemistry, but I decided not to date him because I knew it wouldn't go over well with my conservative traditional Republican parents. Well, surprise... only last year I took a DNA test and found that both my dad and I are part Indian. I have "white" skin but the more I look at my facial features and structure the more I see it. White guys have never been attracted to me. I don't know if it's because of that, or because I'm autistic and "a little different" socially.
You must be Roma/Gypsy from Hungary or Southern-Europe, and don't even know about it. Roma women are Gorgeous between.
How much percent?
@@DJKidd301 I don't know, I always have a hard time reading those things because I have dyscalculia
@@talharahman1980 I do have Hungarian DNA from my dad's side and a lot of Southern European, yes!
most likely, it's all of the above, I have seen it theyre generally not accepting
It still falls on brwn men because so many brown women work now a days but are still expected to financially contribute 50 50 then are expected be fit, look attractive to guys preferences (some brown women will skin bleach/lighten their hair) and have assets so to blame brown women is not fair. Then they have to deal with the possibility/ higher chance of domestic violence, colorism, abuse, hatefulness, self hatefulness and misogyny. Alongside with doing most of the household duties after work and these men want a traditional woman but they do not want to be traditional men. They believe because they are a man they are better. Brown women are not some emotional punching bag to exist to be abused. I do not believe brwn women are dating out due to self hatred at least not to the same degree as the men. The fetish of color/looks is not there. Maybe more yt men are more supportive, more understanding, more kinder and care when brwn/blk women are trying to find their feet, pursuing opportunities to escape from struggle. Maybe more yt men have better qualities personality wise, do not treat their women as punching bags and do not expect so much because they actually value women. Maybe they have hard conversations and actually are less entitled so work well. Yt men love themselves so can love women.
👏
Thank you for saying this. This is my life in a nutshell. Brown men will never marry a woman who refuses to cook for them, but they will always refuse to cook for their wives. Brown men will never marry a woman who works night shifts and sleeps during the day, but they'll always expect women to accommodate this lifestyle when they live it. Brown men will never take care of their in-laws but will always expect their wives to take care of their parents. The double standards are astonishing.
My brother & I were talking about why white partners are so desired in poc communities & I realized, it’s marketing. White men and women are marketed like crazy whereas the rest of us are not, even though there’s equal amounts of attractive people from every community imo. (But then we can get into Eurocentric beauty standards). Point is, we just need an ad team for everyone else out here….
Ever heard of shah Rukh Khan, Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shahid Kapoor, Siddharth Malhotra? Brown men are marketed like crazy in India. That's why all women living in India get together with them.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the recent Kate and Anthony in Bridgeton, seems very unique in terms of stories and media rep
Yes!!
There are two perspectives that i think need to be included when we discuss dating/ marrying out for POC/ immigrant women:
THE NUMBERS GAME: If you live/ work in an area where your ethnic group is not represented OR you are a part of a group that is very small in comparison to other diasporas your chances of meeting somone from your exact group who you are also compatible with are pretty narrow and it is a lot easier to date by expanding your options beyond your group.
IN-GROUP POLICING: colorism and gendered expectations can make it easier to be with someone (and have in- laws) who has absolutly no frame of refernce for why you are "ugly" and a "not a good girl"
I have a handful of brown friends that need to hear and take this truth 🥵🤧
I'm a straight cis white guy and I just kinda always found women beautiful. If I vibe with a woman I vibe with her idk why people get so hung up on race. It's insane to me that consensual sex can be viewed as the same as "genocide".
I see no issue with this, let people have their preferences and if they are based on racism why would you even want them to want to date your race anyway?
I am Mexican.
I see a lot of my Mexican people in the US either dating American white people or Mexican people, in SOME cases African American people.
I don't have a preference at all. I just want a guy who is warm for me. I don't like " colder cultures", but of course there is always an exception in one person.
When I was in college, I saw a lot of Desi and Arab and Black men going after White women.
It was very fascinating to see. Meanwhile a lot of East Asian and South East Asians women were dating White men.
Absolutely fascinating to me .... I went on a date once with an Indian guy and he could not stop talking about his White ex- girlfriends lol
I am ex Muslim lady. I think u are very smart and wish more Muslims were like u
I am proud of your mind and persona.
Why ex ? What made you leave Islam?
@@mukta4689 when a religion is based on old man marrying a child , there is a big morality issues. Islam and all Ibrahim religions are made up by the church of England to control people and threatened them by fire.
I’m so happy your channel came up in my recommended! Great video!
Unrelated but your skin looks amazing today!!! The glow, the clarity, unreal ✨
How dare you 😭 u KAREN!
Always looking on skin colour
as a black man with a white GF. the Paradigm of specifically fantasizing 1 race to date is very weird to me.
For South East Asian mens it’s the perception that South East Asian women are not “open” to activities of the carnal type! For women I’m assuming it’s the stereotype that Asian men are not on par! in any case do your thang people
When Asian men start making their own rotis, maybe we'll consider dating them.
@@silverstarlight9395 👍🏽 many can cook roti, do you douche?
Errr, South East Asian is Thai, Vietnamese etc. Some of the most sexually open societies on Earth. Not as promiscious as Whites but still
@@Heymanputhisfingersinmetoooah oh I know they can, when they are bachelors. Once they get married, they suddenly forget all their cooking skills.
I prefer rice and noodles. I can make rotis but i usually don't, and since my partner can cook his own food, i only have to worry about my own food.
I am Afro American. I grew up in the Upper Midwest, in the city. I was born and raised in Michigan and the community I grew up in has a lot of people of European (White) and Asian descent (Arab, Chinese, Korean, Indian...). My friends were mostly of Asian descent. Yes, I had few friends who were White, Latino and Black/African. There was so much diversity that I was exposed to at a young age and had classmates from so many different backgrounds. When I moved to the south, it was different. Much more conservative, pretty close minded and judgmental. It just depends on the generation and where. The culture is different, the climate, etc. More Blacks and Latinos in my community. I've always gone to a predominately White school, so that made no difference. But I feel like my upbringing and the environment I was brought up in, has had an influence on my preference today. Yes, we grew up with our mothers and grandparents culture, but we also had our own. Although I'm not opposed to nor would rule out dating someone of my own, I'd prefer to date and marry outside. I actually despise it when people only date outside their own and bring down the men/women belonging to their own! That's the issue right there. I'm 23 years old, and I can say that my future offspring, no matter what they will be, will be beautiful!
Alot of brown women have told me in secret , and ive seen first hand as a brown women myself, they prefer white men , because there are brown men who are culturally brown which are heavily misoygnsitic . Preference Is not always colonization or perhaps media. They feel more free dating white or non-brown men and less heavy judgement and pressure to be the " proper brown wife make must make chai etc ". Being a brown women is high demanding in judgement .
Dating outside of brown men feels more freedom to be themselves without the "brown misoynistic cultural expectations " that are extremely suffocating and demeaning 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
@f3mcell before colonization, misogyny definitely existed in brown culture and in many other cultures. That is valid, and I hope we all recognize that the same cultural practices are ( Still ) happening, Today. Before, during and after colonization. Yes colonizers made it worse, but it was still there present and still is. The brown misogynistic cultural practices are still very much Alive. Before the colonizers misogyny existed and its still here, hasn't left.
Our struggle is Real and Valid. 🙏🏼
Finally, someone said it.... But it is sad they felt they couldn't ve themselves because that's all anyone's wants to be.
@@nauxsi Wow very profound and powerful point. Mashallah🔥🤲🏼❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@madihaignitezzz I live in the UK with 3rd generation Pakistani women and 99% of them would not spit on a white guy. Even statistically, only 4% of them marry out whereas Pakistani guys literally sell white females in the UK. They find white guys effeminate and we have the Zayn Malik type of Pakistanis
@@madihaignitezzz I live in the UK with 2 million Pakistani women and you never see one with a white guy. They see white men as effeminate
You'll find plenty of white females with Pakistanis especially the loud Mirpuri types
There's also the element of wanting to experience being with people that are different from you...that's how i personally feel. Not that you hate yourself or are racist.
It’s okay to have certain preferences, but you need to be honest with yourself that you were most likely raised in a society that puts whiteness on a pedestal and demonizes blackness. You saw skin whitening products being advertised on tv and posters. People made jokes about how dark you are growing up. Other ethnic groups were more popular in the media than yours. Things like that will influence your choices about who has social value. And we tend to choose partners who we feel will give us an equal or (preferably) elevated social status.
There's is absolutely nothing wrong with having a preference! Just dont down talk your own group like blk people
I don’t think having a preference should be immediately labeled as having an identity issue. Everyone is different. At the end of the day, if you find yourself compatible with someone, their race is probably the lesser thing to consider when it comes to marriage. Just my general opinion.
Preference isn’t as autonomous as you think. Many implicit societal factors silently contribute to what we consider free will
Everyone isn’t different, many of these proclivities are predetermined
@@ajj403 Ofcourse, I definitely agree. This is just my general opinion. Like Tazzy mentioned at the end of the video, this is a nuanced topic and we don’t know about people’s intentions :)
@@ajj403 as mixed person I disagree. This mentality only breeds sticking with your culture and eventually being closed off from the rest. and one thing I hate more than anything is tribalism of any kind.
You can still understand whether preferences are based off of colonialism but then you don't want to get to the point where you refuse to go out with anyone from any other ethnicity, race, culture and so on
@@ajj403 That doesn't really explain why I find myself preferring men with darker nuances, such as darker eyes, hair, olive skin tone, because in my society that isn't preferred and can actually lead to some gossip. Wouldn't be beneficial, but I still do.
Interracial marriage was legal in most Northern states. My state, Michigan, from its creation in 1848, reinstated interracial marriages annulled in other states. Very thoughtful. Thanks. :)
Sometimes dating people outside my culture/race gives me a different perspective in life and appreciation for all backgrounds. I’m mixed with Colombian/Mexican and growing up I talked to Hispanic guys from different countries. Personally, I haven’t had a good experience with Hispanic men. I gravitate towards white men bc I’ve had better experiences with them but I am open and find guys like Devin Booker handsome.
"We must at present do our best to form a class who may be interpreters between us and the millions whom we govern; a class of persons, Indian in blood and colour, but English in taste, in opinions, in morals, and in intellect". Macaulay..
The problem with these representations is that it gives the impressions that white people hold all the answers, and that you can find yourself in a white man or a white woman. It gives off the impression that no matter what race you come from, if you don’t fit in, you’re going to find your equal and soulmate within the white community.
So if you’re an Indian nerd, a black weirdo, a quirky Asian, or an insecure Latino, get yourself a white person.
Another problem with the situation is that the reason why the non-white person might not be able to find a person is because of who they are AS a person, but they take a colorist approach to the remedy. So you could be a fat black person, and the remedy is to find a white person. You could be an Asian person going through depression, and the answer is to find a white person who will accept you. You could be an Indian woman going through a crisis of sexual identity, find a white woman.
Like never seems to want to find like, and it’s throwing this white savior complex onto white people who never asked for it. Notice how white people don’t search outside of other races to be complete. It’s only non-white people who do.
the way you talk is very soothing ngl
Most of the time our preferences as POC are whiteness or lighter due to internalized racism until we deconstruct where the preference comes from and unlearn it .
I personally from my own experience, do not believe in media imposing preferences.
I think media may show people, but we decide our reaction to them.
Skin color maybe one, but it is only one of many factors.
As far as the Mindy Project goes, haven't seen the show, but from what I gather from the aether, is that she plays a specifically ethnic Indian living in some big city in te US, and works in a profession that has a disproportionate percent of white men.
So of course most of the men she gets with would be white.
If she was instead working for a Pro Football team, one would expect most of the men she would get would be black.
And likewise for those 2 men you mentioned, not familiar with either pof them, but given 70% of the women in the US are white, it is more likely that, unless their character lives in the inner city, most of the females they meet would be white.
But one interesting issue is the notion of love. I have seen a few Bellwood films, and a Nat Geo special on the Taj Mahal. And I get the general impression that romantic love between men and women is mostly a western ideal.
And that Bollywood films occasionally try to promote this idea but it is not considered acceptable.
For example, excuse the spelling,I watch a film called what's your rakashi, it was a gut from India who went to college in the USA. His family wants him to get married, but he wants to marry for love. His family opposes him and thinks he is too westernized. Love is an entirely foreign concept to them.
Likewise regarding the Taj Mahal people in India don't seem to understand it, as it was built on orders from the Mongol leader of the ti e.
As a black woman this video is a reminder that we aren’t the only ones who with SELF LOVE within our own race of people sad truth. Our own men made it vocal that they hate themselves and dark skin women on social media.
I don't blame them. The way other ethnicity of women are practically twerking for these guys is insanity. Just last night 3 black dudes walked into the club, they grabbed a table and within (I Kidd you not) 5 minutes they were surrounded by a group of white girls. They're in demand.
A uniquely black AMERICAN problem. Please make that distinction, those are your issues that do not pertain to African men and women.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m 35 now, I find myself being more attracted to POC. I’m a white Latino who doesn’t know Spanish. Going up in the Midwest, I didn’t look like other Latinos and didn’t speak the language. I tended to date white men only. But the more I learn about different ethnicities and understand the media’s negative portrayal of POC growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I’m allowing myself to find POC attractive. It’s hard to explain. On self reflection, I didn’t realize how much bias I had. Part of it was dating someone who looked so different to me. I wanted to avoid looking dumb to another persons culture.
Hey Tasneem, have you ever thought about doing a collab with Khadija Mbowe?? I just feel like y'all would vibe so well👀
Bottom line , movies about white people shaming their kids for interracial dating would be completely unacceptable .
As a Dalit, I rather inter-racial marriage than intercaste marriage. I am married to a white America, I married him because of how open minded he is and how culturally aware he is amongst other things. I want a different life for my children than what my ancestor lived through. I don't want my children to live through the pain of being an untouchable. I, therefore think that I have made the best choice for my future by marrying out of my race but I am sick and tired of the narrative that I am somehow betraying my people by doing so or that I have some kind of internalised racism.
Well in your case your race betrayed you. That caste is a ancient evil system that needs to end and slowly as India continues to modernize perhaps it will. Just don't let your children forget where they came from lest become the very thing that plagued your ancestors by becoming someone else's plague.
@@Not-Ap I will, for sure!
@@grishma.kalote.mchugh your reasoning of dating/marriage lowkey does sound racist though…
It sounds like you have some insecurities regarding your ethnicity/culture
So the solution would be to breed out your race with the white race…?
i think mixing white and indian is an improvement for both people because they are both great (a lot of top chess players are half-indian or half-asian even though there are less than 1%)
If you only wants to date with in your ethnic group that's not racist, i think that kind of mentality says you're a conservative who wants to preserve your race or religion, whatever.
this was awesomeeee thanks for the insight! i feel similarly about black folks prizing white partners
I am indian but I don't think it's fair to blame our insecurities on British, when they were just one of the many invaders who invaded the landed. In a previous video you mentioned Mughals and Arab supremacy and honestly it's unfair to blame everything on British 🤷♀️
The thing with POC (especially non black POC) only being attracted to white is very weird but it's considered taboo to question this preference for some reason.
At least the Big Sick, at least the parts with the white girl, was based on what really happened to him in real life. All the other shows are just fictional and always have the colored woman falling in love with the white guy.
I might be to mixed to care but I’m in the us. currently attracted to a light skinned girl from El Salvador second generation. But she considers herself white so i guess I’m no better
This is a great video! Very well put together and awesome points!
Nice editing on this video, I can see improvement :)
Really interesting insights too of course, as usual.
To some extent people like mindy kaling may have primarily interacted with white people growing up, so being attracted to white people seems normal to them. I think it gets weird when people act like it's cool or look down on other people of color as potential suitors... at that point it's internalized white supremacy. I'm white and I've lived in a major city for my entire adult life so people of lots of different ethnicities are pretty normal to me- it's kind of weird that people don't bat an eye if I'm dating a white person, but sometimes if I'm dating a person of color it's treated like I have a fetish. I definitely know anyone can be an asshole- there's alot of factors besides ethnic background that make people similar or different.
I happen to be white and have dated men of color, everyone is different and has their own family dramas but the common thread in each situation was that the sisters and female family members were all silently stewing over it. Something in the way he carried himself was different enough to set their teeth on edge. And for my part, being fetishized isn’t a whole lot of fun. I would say if someone it looking to evolve that’s an easy step.. date people based on who they are. That’s a good rule in general : don’t catch feelings til you know who you’re dealing with.
From my observations it’s primarily what you said about people liking people who are like them. But I think more so in terms of culture and personality than physically. Whoever someone sees themselves to be internally, and whatever culture they most identify with and think is cool, that’s the people they go for. In the US at least, because white people are the most numerous and dominate race they often set the standard for what is socially acceptable and what character qualities and ways of expressing yourself are most attractive. If you’re a minority or immigrant you are enculturated into the dominant culture so that’s just what you like, prefer, and identify with. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that but it’s more about realizing that your preferences are largely shaped by your socialization, like many other people have stated.
I love you, you talk about the things which no one wants to highlight in our community!!! Brave woman of pakistan
Make America great again 😭 trump 2024
As a black person I appreciate this video because unfortunately I made the misconception that I thought all Asians were light or white passing. Now I understand that similar to black ppl colorism is prominent in other communities.