my parents never said thank you or praised me ever for all the things I did. I'm the oldest so I pretty much was as much a parent to my siblings as they were. I think because I felt unappreciated that kinda pushed me to marry early in my life. honestly I feel like, i wouldn't have if that wasn't the case. but anything could have happened. great ted talk.
Excellent topic. Saying thank you is so important. I just posted a clip of 3 people saying thank you to their moms. (based on the guided journal - What I Love About You, Mom)
you are right, I did misunderstood your comment and I appreciate that you helped me understand you. and the "pat on the back" or the "nod" thing sure is meaningful. non verbal communication is in most of the cases better and truthful.
my father NOT once told me he loved me OR told me he was proud of my or thanked me for being me.. BUT I NEVER DOUBTED HE LOVED ME OR WAS PROUD OF ME!! HE never needed to tell.. same with him.. I loved him (although I told him) he took care of me and our family,, I never needed to tell him, he already knew..
thank you in advance for the great job you're going to do in fixing the audio video sync that all the viewers and subscribers are looking forward to and commenting about. testing the power of thank you....thank you, thank you, 1,2,3
Agreed homerthompsonman, the kind of approval and acknowledgment we naturally seek as people is not what we're going to get if we follow this woman's advice. Once you ask for a certain kind of praise or attention, it's no longer an unprecipitated, genuine act on the part of the other person. This may be temporarily cathartic but will only reveal itself to be unfulfilling in the long run.
I once asked my husband to buy me a greetings card. He said no, but finally he said yes. It didn't mean much then because I had to ask. Twenty years later it does. I taught him how to treat me. Asking for a thank you is teaching others how to treat us. If they don't catch on, then maybe moving away from that person could be an option?
We don't ask people to say "thank you" because if you have to ask for it, it isn't genuine. If people can't say "thanks" without prompting then it doesn't count.
[Part II] All you're doing is trying to artificially increase your self-esteem by soliciting a positive value judgement from someone else. And because most people are pushovers, they'll probably apologize for not properly showing their appreciation, and from then on will "thank you" constantly for even the smallest favour you do for them. So you'll just be getting false/forced gratitude.
But you do not have to over use it. And you do not have to say only "thank you" and add nothing else. It has to be meaningful; you have to say "thank you for doing this or being this way", and you have to actually feel that you are grateful. Because if you fake it, trust me, it will be detected.
I disagree big time. For me, if I ask somebody to praise me for something, I can never be sure anymore, if they are doing it because they want to, or because I asked them to. Yes, it might be sincere even if I ask for it, but how do I know and how does the person asked know. I basically deprived us of the possibility to ever know this for sure.
I can understand your feeling and your point: this is a pain for me too. On the other hand, ask to someone a compliment won't make this praise not genuine... This feeling that creates a doubt of the genuineness of the others feelings is something we create inside us, it's about the fear of don't be loved and not about the fear of don't be good enough. Although, ask someone praise you isn't obligate this person do it.
There's a time, place and moment to say thank you if your appreciating someone. But as a civil decent thing because it's simply polite? No. You say it if you mean it. This isn't the British Royalty here. Take opening the door for someone scenario (In my personal thoughts): If someone opens the door for me, yes I'll say thank you. But if I open the door for someone else, I don't expect a thank you. I'm just simply opening the door. Or in fact no one should open the door for someone else since everyone is capable Basically saying, there's a fine line when saying thank you is necessary, and when it really isn't but optional.
This seems so unlike TED --the audio is substantially out of sync with the video. I would encourage the user account managers to take down this and upload a corrected version. It is a great message and deserves a good presentation. Thank you. :)
It's selfish to make someone wait for something they require so you can feel like you gave it for the correct reason. In that instance, you are not giving so they can feel something. you are giving so you can feel something. And that is probably why they need to ask in the first place.
@sunflowerroark5170 Her dad told me about her. He was very proud of her and missed her dearly. Lizzie too. When she went to Cali, I feel like the distance was a burden, but they knew she was pursuing her passion.
I'm afraid that if I ask for what I need or would like to hear the person I'm asking won't really mean "Thank you" or "Well done" but they will simply be saying by rote what I told them to say.
[Part I] Why should I have to -ask- another grown adult to thank me for something I've done? If I've done something for someone that truly deserves his praise, either he'll show his gratitude in some way - even if it's not by directly saying "thank you" - or he won't show any gratitude, and I'll know not to do favours for him anymore. But asking someone to thank you is emotionally immature.
Asking someone to do anything is not emotionally immature. So why is asking someone to say thank you emotionally immature. We teach others how to treat us. Asking for appreciation that is often a much needed behavior for many people shows that a person is teaching others how to treat them.
To the wife that is demanding thank you and appreciation. STOP. Requesting thank you and receiving a thank you are two very different concepts. To be fair, the husband should be more explicit with his appreciation.
How to say thank you when you feel overwhelmed with praise? Like I can't face every person and say thank you thank you thank you thank you. Any advice for this?
dont you think that if you ask someone to praise you in one or another way, when they do you will feel like it is not a genuine praise? wont you feel like they are just saying it to make you feel better? i would! it wouldnt work for me and i think it wouldnt work for most people so thats the reason why people dont ask for what they want to hear, because they want to hear it coming from that person not as an echo bouncing back from a wall in front of them.
Funny she talks about cultures. In Tagalog salamat po is thank you. It stems from the Persians, who said salem (originally meaning "regards"). Later it would mean peace; Indians integrated their culture into the Philippines. Spain would come and integrate the idea of you meaning elder, I think. Po means elder. History repeats itself. Integration means respect. When in rome, you say thank you rome.
Nope but the moon and stars do, it just that these repent dudes splash a load of guilt around that is just cultural taboos from a by-gone age, that are needless if God requires anything of man its to have a good laugh, and if you've ever had a individual experience of Universal Love You will know that all the littleness you send it all your shames and guilts it just Loves totally unconditionally and that is one thing that finally brings you to your knees in tears of gratitude.
discussing morals and ethics is good, but why bring in any talk about (almost certainly) non-existent deities? It isn't just the religious guilt spreaders who are deluded; it is anyone who is dogmatic and has faith. Ignoring reality (that is what faith and dogma do through ignoring evidence) is one of the biggest problems.
This is ridiculous! The reason you don't ask for praise is because you want it to be SINCERE, and if you ask, people will say it simply because you have asked, not because they appreciate what you've done. That doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out.
you haven't answered my question, which god are you talking about? zeus, apollo, thor? Want to experience "universal love" (whatever that means), just take heroin. Are you saying people should take heroin and other drugs? seriously, where are your morals?
I think its great to tell people thank you without them needing to ask. My father always said thank you. I think its a heart posture.
Thank you is just a way of showing appreciation.
Thank you is a very powerful word with so much meaning and feeling ..thats a truth that really makes a vast difference in people's lives .
my parents never said thank you or praised me ever for all the things I did. I'm the oldest so I pretty much was as much a parent to my siblings as they were. I think because I felt unappreciated that kinda pushed me to marry early in my life. honestly I feel like, i wouldn't have if that wasn't the case. but anything could have happened.
great ted talk.
Excellent topic. Saying thank you is so important. I just posted a clip of 3 people saying thank you to their moms. (based on the guided journal - What I Love About You, Mom)
Marshall Books What is her date?
you are right, I did misunderstood your comment and I appreciate that you helped me understand you. and the "pat on the back" or the "nod" thing sure is meaningful. non verbal communication is in most of the cases better and truthful.
Thank you, Dr Laura. Simple but inspiring talk. Resonated within me. I knew i needed to hear this and practice it!
my father NOT once told me he loved me OR told me he was proud of my or thanked me for being me.. BUT I NEVER DOUBTED HE LOVED ME OR WAS PROUD OF ME!! HE never needed to tell.. same with him.. I loved him (although I told him) he took care of me and our family,, I never needed to tell him, he already knew..
Thank you for this nice brief talk.
thank you in advance for the great job you're going to do in fixing the audio video sync that all the viewers and subscribers are looking forward to and commenting about. testing the power of thank you....thank you, thank you, 1,2,3
If you don't say thank you to people. How the hell do people know that you appreciate them.
Agreed homerthompsonman, the kind of approval and acknowledgment we naturally seek as people is not what we're going to get if we follow this woman's advice.
Once you ask for a certain kind of praise or attention, it's no longer an unprecipitated, genuine act on the part of the other person. This may be temporarily cathartic but will only reveal itself to be unfulfilling in the long run.
I once asked my husband to buy me a greetings card. He said no, but finally he said yes. It didn't mean much then because I had to ask. Twenty years later it does. I taught him how to treat me. Asking for a thank you is teaching others how to treat us. If they don't catch on, then maybe moving away from that person could be an option?
We don't ask people to say "thank you" because if you have to ask for it, it isn't genuine. If people can't say "thanks" without prompting then it doesn't count.
Thank you Alireza for this video❤
[Part II] All you're doing is trying to artificially increase your self-esteem by soliciting a positive value judgement from someone else. And because most people are pushovers, they'll probably apologize for not properly showing their appreciation, and from then on will "thank you" constantly for even the smallest favour you do for them. So you'll just be getting false/forced gratitude.
But you do not have to over use it. And you do not have to say only "thank you" and add nothing else. It has to be meaningful; you have to say "thank you for doing this or being this way", and you have to actually feel that you are grateful. Because if you fake it, trust me, it will be detected.
I disagree big time.
For me, if I ask somebody to praise me for something, I can never be sure anymore, if they are doing it because they want to, or because I asked them to. Yes, it might be sincere even if I ask for it, but how do I know and how does the person asked know.
I basically deprived us of the possibility to ever know this for sure.
I can understand your feeling and your point: this is a pain for me too.
On the other hand, ask to someone a compliment won't make this praise not genuine... This feeling that creates a doubt of the genuineness of the others feelings is something we create inside us, it's about the fear of don't be loved and not about the fear of don't be good enough.
Although, ask someone praise you isn't obligate this person do it.
The idea behind this message is also to foster an affirmative environment rather than specifically requesting a compliment.
ok
haha, I finished the video and was like "what is wrong with my computer..." then I saw this comment, haha.
Glad it's not just me!
Thank you! (haha)
There's a time, place and moment to say thank you if your appreciating someone. But as a civil decent thing because it's simply polite? No. You say it if you mean it. This isn't the British Royalty here.
Take opening the door for someone scenario (In my personal thoughts): If someone opens the door for me, yes I'll say thank you. But if I open the door for someone else, I don't expect a thank you. I'm just simply opening the door. Or in fact no one should open the door for someone else since everyone is capable
Basically saying, there's a fine line when saying thank you is necessary, and when it really isn't but optional.
Thank you , that does feel good ;)
If you fixed up the audio everyone will thank you.
Txxx a lot ....😀😀feeling gratitude
This seems so unlike TED --the audio is substantially out of sync with the video. I would encourage the user account managers to take down this and upload a corrected version. It is a great message and deserves a good presentation.
Thank you. :)
another great TED speech thank you
11 year ago. hey man whatsup?
God doesn't care what you do God's love is unconditional, like the sun shining on every being.
I gotta poo
It's selfish to make someone wait for something they require so you can feel like you gave it for the correct reason. In that instance, you are not giving so they can feel something. you are giving so you can feel something. And that is probably why they need to ask in the first place.
Hel
If you only say one prayer in a day make it Thank You.
💚
Rumi
Thank you.
Miss you Laura. Martha
That's funny, are you her cousin Martha?
@@autoimmunitycurse I was her friend. We talked on the phone, until one day we didn't.
@sunflowerroark5170 Her dad told me about her. He was very proud of her and missed her dearly. Lizzie too. When she went to Cali, I feel like the distance was a burden, but they knew she was pursuing her passion.
I'm afraid that if I ask for what I need or would like to hear the person I'm asking won't really mean "Thank you" or "Well done" but they will simply be saying by rote what I told them to say.
Thanks @TED.
What the hell is up with the A/V lineup? Dang, I was really looking forward to hearing this.
[Part I] Why should I have to -ask- another grown adult to thank me for something I've done? If I've done something for someone that truly deserves his praise, either he'll show his gratitude in some way - even if it's not by directly saying "thank you" - or he won't show any gratitude, and I'll know not to do favours for him anymore. But asking someone to thank you is emotionally immature.
Asking someone to do anything is not emotionally immature. So why is asking someone to say thank you emotionally immature. We teach others how to treat us. Asking for appreciation that is often a much needed behavior for many people shows that a person is teaching others how to treat them.
Great talk... and not into the built in Nokia ad 😳 slick messaging, and kinda disturbing.
Thank you!
To the wife that is demanding thank you and appreciation. STOP.
Requesting thank you and receiving a thank you are two very different concepts.
To be fair, the husband should be more explicit with his appreciation.
How to say thank you when you feel overwhelmed with praise? Like I can't face every person and say thank you thank you thank you thank you. Any advice for this?
+Vivi33 I would so just do the best that you can and not worry about it.
'There is no word for thank you in Dothraki'.
(additional verse) "funky mother fuckers will not be told to go" - anthony kiedis
if u have to ask, u'll never know! :)
Thank you
thank you🙂
testing the power of thank you to fix the audio. testing: thank you, thank you, one, two, three......testing...
dont you think that if you ask someone to praise you in one or another way, when they do you will feel like it is not a genuine praise? wont you feel like they are just saying it to make you feel better? i would! it wouldnt work for me and i think it wouldnt work for most people so thats the reason why people dont ask for what they want to hear, because they want to hear it coming from that person not as an echo bouncing back from a wall in front of them.
the audio is a little off from the video, but.....thank you
lol
Here here.
Wow
Thank you :D
thanks!
how come the voice doesnt match the vid..
quem tá aqui pelo mairo ?
0:18 até 3:21
Great message/talk. Horribly out of synch audio. Not what I have come to expect from TED.
which god? zeus? apollo? shiva? (isn't shiva the destroyer?).
P.S. the sun doesn't shine on gophers and worms or on people at night.
Funny she talks about cultures. In Tagalog salamat po is thank you. It stems from the Persians, who said salem (originally meaning "regards"). Later it would mean peace; Indians integrated their culture into the Philippines. Spain would come and integrate the idea of you meaning elder, I think. Po means elder. History repeats itself. Integration means respect. When in rome, you say thank you rome.
I just don't get why people always say thank you during business.
Nope but the moon and stars do, it just that these repent dudes splash a load of guilt around that is just cultural taboos from a by-gone age, that are needless if God requires anything of man its to have a good laugh, and if you've ever had a individual experience of Universal Love You will know that all the littleness you send it all your shames and guilts it just Loves totally unconditionally and that is one thing that finally brings you to your knees in tears of gratitude.
nice
Completo
Đến từ moon 🥰
discussing morals and ethics is good, but why bring in any talk about (almost certainly) non-existent deities? It isn't just the religious guilt spreaders who are deluded; it is anyone who is dogmatic and has faith. Ignoring reality (that is what faith and dogma do through ignoring evidence) is one of the biggest problems.
This is ridiculous!
The reason you don't ask for praise is because you want it to be SINCERE, and if you ask, people will say it simply because you have asked, not because they appreciate what you've done.
That doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out.
That Nokia commercial at the end :)
なぜいきなり自転車の話が出てくるの
.yeppers
id smash
Too fast thank you
M.p
^^^lulziest comment of the day.
Això és un tostón.
you haven't answered my question, which god are you talking about? zeus, apollo, thor?
Want to experience "universal love" (whatever that means), just take heroin. Are you saying people should take heroin and other drugs? seriously, where are your morals?
Waaaaaay out of sync
way out of sync
Thank you