This was a really tough one to film, I don't script anything and finding the words for what I was trying to say was a bit like trying to fly, but i think i got there in the end!
While watching this, I said something like, "Exactly! I have boobs and a vagina, but they just are there." And then immediately after I said that to myself/screen you said the same thing. Thank you for speaking about this. It's really interesting to hear someone talk about this in the way I do, when I didn't really realize this is exactly how I feel. I came her after watching your Auti-gender video and I had many of the same thoughts and feeling as you did in there too.
I've always felt a disconnect between me and the behaviour or qualities of other men especially more crude minded working class ones e.g. stereotypical builder but I cant say if thats due to autism or not. I always had an interesting in certain males thats more than friendship but its not a physical attraction either, I do seem to like 'cute boys' but thats usually in a fictional context. It was trendy to call yourself bi-sexual when I was your age and I may have done at one time but in practise I never was. As you get older your perspective may change on many things.
Gender expression is not really the same thing as gender identity. There are tomboy trans women and feminine trans men. A lot of the things you mentioned here, like clothes and interests, would fall under gender expression rather than gender identity. Gender identity is the degree to which you feel you belong with the group of people we call men or women or both or neither. It is your inner perception of yourself as a man or a woman or both or neither. It's in the different ways you relate to people of different genders. It is NOT an amalgamation of masculine and feminine traits. Those are a separate factor. They are gender expression. You know how you can't feel your appendix until it's inflamed? Well, just because you can't feel it doesn't mean you don't have an appendix/gender identity. If there was something going wrong, then you'd probably feel it. Most cis people say they don't have a gender identity, or can't feel it, and that they're just what they are because of their g3nitals and nothing more. That's why gender critical feminists' rhetoric saying that gender identity doesn't exist and only biological s3x matters is so effective. Terfs call themselves 'gender critical' because they're critical of the existence of gender identity, they don't believe it exists, that's the core of their ideology. And yet, if you look at studies in which babies born with no g3nitals, or skin in that area downstairs, were all given female g3nitals because those are easier to build (Discordant s3xual identity in some genetic males with cloacal exstrophy assigned to female s3x at birth), it turns out that cis people very much do have innate gender identities separate from their anatomy, and you can't just instill an opposite gender identity in them by raising them female. They still turn out identifying as male and relating to their male peers. I'm not trying to say you can't be nonbinary or anything like that. Claim whatever label resonates with you obviously. Labels are just words we stick on ourselves, cultural identities that are so complex and varied that they don't really have an inherent meaning. The word 'transgender', when it was coined, was meant to encompass anyone who crossed gender boundaries in any way. So that includes anyone whose gender identity matches their s3x assigned at birth, but who cross-dresses or dresses androgynously, or even just people who aren't straight. Anything that isn't cisheteronormative really. That's what it meant even just 15 years ago. That's not how people tend to use the word 'transgender' today, but it does show you that words and cultural identities change, and that their meanings aren't tied to biology but to culture. Gatekeeping who is and isn't allowed to use a word is pointless and harmful. If you feel 'non-binary' resonates with you, even if your gender identity might turn out to match your s3x assigned at birth, heck just use the word. It's just a word. There is one thing you said that is wrong though; body *dysmorphia* is a completely separate thing from *dysphoria.* The words just sound similar. Dysmorphia is the thing that people with eating disorders have where they look in the mirror and aren't capable of seeing their reflection accurately. The way they feel about their body from day to day can literally change what they see reflected in the mirror. Dysphoria is where you know exactly what you look like, and it just feels wrong, because it's not you.
While watching this, I said something like, "Exactly! I have boobs and a vagina, but they just are there." And then immediately after I said that to myself/screen you said the same thing. Thank you for speaking about this. It's really interesting to hear someone talk about this in the way I do, when I didn't really realize this is exactly how I feel. I came her after watching your Auti-gender video and I had many of the same thoughts and feeling as you did in there too.
"I just want to look like me" yes!!
Thank you so much, I’m an autistic queer person and your videos are helping me so much
I've always felt a disconnect between me and the behaviour or qualities of other men especially more crude minded working class ones e.g. stereotypical builder but I cant say if thats due to autism or not. I always had an interesting in certain males thats more than friendship but its not a physical attraction either, I do seem to like 'cute boys' but thats usually in a fictional context. It was trendy to call yourself bi-sexual when I was your age and I may have done at one time but in practise I never was. As you get older your perspective may change on many things.
Gender expression is not really the same thing as gender identity. There are tomboy trans women and feminine trans men. A lot of the things you mentioned here, like clothes and interests, would fall under gender expression rather than gender identity.
Gender identity is the degree to which you feel you belong with the group of people we call men or women or both or neither. It is your inner perception of yourself as a man or a woman or both or neither. It's in the different ways you relate to people of different genders. It is NOT an amalgamation of masculine and feminine traits. Those are a separate factor. They are gender expression.
You know how you can't feel your appendix until it's inflamed? Well, just because you can't feel it doesn't mean you don't have an appendix/gender identity. If there was something going wrong, then you'd probably feel it.
Most cis people say they don't have a gender identity, or can't feel it, and that they're just what they are because of their g3nitals and nothing more. That's why gender critical feminists' rhetoric saying that gender identity doesn't exist and only biological s3x matters is so effective. Terfs call themselves 'gender critical' because they're critical of the existence of gender identity, they don't believe it exists, that's the core of their ideology.
And yet, if you look at studies in which babies born with no g3nitals, or skin in that area downstairs, were all given female g3nitals because those are easier to build (Discordant s3xual identity in some genetic males with cloacal exstrophy assigned to female s3x at birth), it turns out that cis people very much do have innate gender identities separate from their anatomy, and you can't just instill an opposite gender identity in them by raising them female. They still turn out identifying as male and relating to their male peers.
I'm not trying to say you can't be nonbinary or anything like that. Claim whatever label resonates with you obviously. Labels are just words we stick on ourselves, cultural identities that are so complex and varied that they don't really have an inherent meaning.
The word 'transgender', when it was coined, was meant to encompass anyone who crossed gender boundaries in any way. So that includes anyone whose gender identity matches their s3x assigned at birth, but who cross-dresses or dresses androgynously, or even just people who aren't straight. Anything that isn't cisheteronormative really. That's what it meant even just 15 years ago. That's not how people tend to use the word 'transgender' today, but it does show you that words and cultural identities change, and that their meanings aren't tied to biology but to culture. Gatekeeping who is and isn't allowed to use a word is pointless and harmful. If you feel 'non-binary' resonates with you, even if your gender identity might turn out to match your s3x assigned at birth, heck just use the word. It's just a word.
There is one thing you said that is wrong though; body *dysmorphia* is a completely separate thing from *dysphoria.* The words just sound similar. Dysmorphia is the thing that people with eating disorders have where they look in the mirror and aren't capable of seeing their reflection accurately. The way they feel about their body from day to day can literally change what they see reflected in the mirror.
Dysphoria is where you know exactly what you look like, and it just feels wrong, because it's not you.