I’ve come to realise that a relationship isn’t made from 50% of one person and 50% of another; but rather 100% x2 and you compliment each other not needing each other to complete you.
Yup. Relationships have to be born out of appreciation for what is whole but also negotiation. Not seeking to complete what isn't whole yet not a philosophy of isolation.
It feels important to point out that a neglectful partner can end up causing the other one to develope codependent tendencies because they feel like they’re scrambling to beg for the affection they rightfully deserve and then the neglectful partner tends to blame everything in the partner they put in this position in the first place. Grey area situations like this pop up
Thank you for saying this, because I had a similar thought. They did well to address that the correct response to not feeling supported sufficiently is NOT to blow up, but they did not seem to suggest that it was possible that the partner might not be being supported properly in the first place. It's good to not make anyone responsible for your happiness, but if your partner continually lets you down and makes you feel like you have to handle every yourself, what are you supposed to do? Smile and say it's fine? The neglectful partner can end up feeling like this and not communicate their needs properly anymore, and the "clingy" person just gets clingier and hunts down anything to suggest they may be worth the attention. Obviously if it's leading to codependency the best thing to do would be break it off if it can't otherwise be resolved instead of perpetuating the cycle. But I feel like this video overlooked a whole lot of victims of neglect or psychological abuse.
This! I was in a codependent friendship for 10 years and part of what made it difficult to leave, even as I recognized these tendencies in myself, was that I kept on feeling like it was my fault, and thought that if I just worked on myself I could make it better. But by the end of it, I had taken the steps to address some of these patterns in myself and was able to have healthy boundaries in my other relationships, but this person was still inconsistent, neglectful, and unwilling to work on things, which made the codependent feelings resurface every time we met. That’s when I realized it was really wasn’t my fault at that point, that it was because the other party was emotionally manipulating and abusing me, and that even as I worked so hard to break out of a toxic cycle, I was in it alone. And I realized I only blamed myself for so long because it made me feel like I was in control of the situation, that I could still make it work, that I wasn’t completely helpless when it comes to the other person’s behavior. To heal, I had to learn that I do deserve love and support and an equal relationship, instead of just criticizing myself and feeling like I’m broken and need to be fixed just for having normal human emotions like wanting to be cared for and supported by people who I gave so much care and support for.
Don't go breaking up with your S/O just because you fit the descriptions in this video. You can become codependent with someone you're actually in love with. Codependency is just a toxic state of a romantic relationship, friendship, and sometimes a familial relationship. It's not healthy, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're not in love, just that you have a lot of work to do and could use a lot of space. Potentially. I've been in codependent relationships where the love was gone, and others where the love was there but the healthy habits and boundaries were not.
Totally agree, it's not always black and white, the situations and context differ from each other alot , we should gain knowledge from these videos but should not follow blindly without looking at our situations first😤
That's a good point to raise but how do you know if what you're feeling is actually love for them when those feelings just be coming from personal needs?
@@Psych2go i think in my opinion it's all about introspection about oneself, to be aware of their behaviour and how they react to things , and be fully honest with themselves but easier said than done 🥲 it's hard to be honest
@@Psych2go That’s for that person to know and find out as they work on their issues and sort through their thoughts and feelings, not for you to use them as fodder for views.
Literally got broken up with because my partner was feeling codependent on me, which totally came out of left field because we've never had such a dynamic and I've always supported them and tried to help them to be more independent and value their self worth. And I can't make any sense of why they did this... Edit: Editing this to add for anyone else in a similar situation. Talk to your partner. Seems obvious but whether you're in the "giving" or "dependent" position, be aware of your wants, needs, and situations. You may not notice your codependency until you have to be apart, or you're so used to giving that you don't notice you yourself are getting drained or used, without either of you being aware of that or intending it. Ultimately, both of you have to be better and get better, first for yourselves and for each other. If that means taking time apart, temporarily or permanently, then the wisest thing is to do what's best to help you flourish and grow. Stay strong out there, even if no one is at fault, it will still suck, but it will get better ❤️🩹
Timestamps 1). Choice 0:28 2). Dependence 1:40 3). Communication 2:25 4). Support 3:09 5). Boundaries 3:56 6). Control 4:44 7). Self worth 5:24 Hope this helps you and hope you has a good day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
"You would do what I asked if you truly loved me." Damn. I've heard *that* often, in many different ways, from various people. Thank you for wording this feeling so clearly, it broke through to me.
As someone in a codependent friendship for most of my childhood it sucks for both parties. Even if you love them if it turns toxic you need to cut them out of your life if nothing changes
Right! Toxic but willing to see/admit to it? Attend therapy, really work with you and be mindful of the new skills they learn there. Maybe not cut that out. But toxic with the "I'm not toxic - insert whatever excuse here" then yeah. Nothing you can do for them. Give them a chance, but if they don't take it you got to get out of there.
how about instead of just leaving with no explanation and effort to fix things, how about you tell the person that they have these problems, and how it is negatively affecting you, then answer any questions the person has regarding clarification
Love is a game of give and take. You gotta reciprocate love and expect the lover to reciprocate back and be able to understand eachother. Even sociopaths and psychopaths can gain the level of empathy to understand their loved ones with practice. Even if it is cognitive empathy more than it is emotional empathy (though come to think of it that circumstance is extremely rare.)
It's actually possible to fix a codependent relationship. It's a bit difficult, It needs a lot of effort and patience, but most importantly, it's only possible if both parties are on it and agree to work together to improve their relationship. My partner and I used to have a codependent relationship. We've been working together in order to fix it, and now things are better. We still have some minor issues to fix, but I known we can handle it together. I think we are a great team.
Is this possible in a new relationship? Also, my gf has expressed interest in moving in after only 3-4 months. I really want to, buT I’m the codependent one; I haven’t opened up about this. I fear that my codependence will worsen if I move in? Is it really possible to stay in the relationship and work on my issues of codepedence?
I really love the references you add, these drawings are so adorable. From what I gather, it's having no choice and no identity of your own versus choosing and maintaining your decisions and identity. Interesting video, Psych2Go, I enjoyed it a lot! I was especially happy to see the SpyXFamily art, too. Keep it up!
This made me realize that a previous relationship that I had was codependent. We had to distance ourselves from each other a month ago(we broke up around seven months ago but we were still friends) and I've been in a different romantic relationship for around three months and this one is a lot more healthy than the previous relationship. It hasn't been that long since me and the persin in my past relationship stopped talking but I feel a lot more confident and at ease with the person I'm in a relationship with now. Probably because I actually set my boundaries at the beginning of the relationship instead of just not talking about them at all.
I think we should not confuse having a lot of care and love to give and share with codependency which I kinda sense tends to happen a lot nowadays even though it's unjustified. People do need love and connection, loneliness isn't good or healthy either so it's about balance but important to be aware of.
Anxiety makes things difficult but that's alright, I try to get better at controlling my anxiety each and every day. I'm trying not to let it control me. One day I'll be ready for a relationship. Even if that day comes after death. One day...
Can you suggest me a way of reducing that anxiety in that department? It's been plaguing my mind for over a couple of years, and I feel like it's only getting worse progressively
@@rubyeverred_ Well, talking to someone you trust really helps. Part of what helped mine get better overall was just talking to my mom. We kinda adressed it for an entire summer and I found myself less anxious overall afterwards. I still have quite a bit of anxiety and when I get really worried I talk to my mom again and various other people who put logic first. Sometimes just getting another view on what is worrying you really helps. You can't rely on others your whole life but it is a good way to start. So sometimes you just have to pause and think to yourself "Is this really necessary to be worried over?" Or, "Is this really going to end this way?". If it is something you worry you will do, it helps to think, "Would I actually do that?" Or "Am I actually like that?". If that doesn't help, talking to someone you trust is always good. Also, try to look at the bright sides or the good ways it could end. With anxiety, it may be hard to see the good ways something could end but try to hope for the good. Don't try to EXPECT the good, though, because when the good doesn't come it can just end up being worse. In other words, hope for the best and maybe try to focus on it but don't completely ignore the bad. I hope some of this helps, I also hope I said it in a way you understand. I'm going through this journey, too, though, so I may have said something that doesn't help or something like that and if so I would apologize. I hope things get better for you!
@@rubyeverred_ All of that information is good. But also my therapist gave me a really neat trick or "self soothing habit". Cold. You know how in movies people splash water on their face? That actually does slow your heart rate if you feel like it's thumping out of your chest. Sometimes it's easier to just trick your body. This obviously doesn't replace therapy and working on "Distress tolerance" has really helped. But it's something that's not a pill that you can use in that moment to help you get through it. I have a cold compress at the ready and personally hold it to my chest but anything that gives you a little shock of cold could help. Also vitamins. There's some medication that has helped me, but B-12 and vitamin D really did help. (My doctor actually will give me shots and my social anxiety is noticeably reduced for a while afterwards so now I take a daily pill to keep my levels up because I hate needles!) Plus vitamins like that are an easier start then meds. Don't have to worry about withdrawal/interaction/side effects.
@@Wind_Cursed oh I just noticed something you said that reminded me of something on group. Most things are rarely all good or all bad. Generally it's a scale - this thing behavior whatever, serves this purpose but also has this side effect type of thinking. So for me, just general life can be very difficult. I have issues with thresholds (crossing the doorway to leave my house, actually entering the bus after I see all the people on it. Among other things but I feel like it works as an example.) I know that nothing is going happen to hurt me there - yet I still have to force myself for some reason. So I find whatever good I can in that actual moment and focus on it. I have to constantly remind myself to not think about what could happen and just stay focused on - let's say the cute dog that someone on the bus has. Stare at the dog lol, don't look at the people who may or may not be glaring at me for whatever the reason may be. None of that matters, just focus on the dog till you get there. So staying "in the moment, in the gray" is something I personally tell myself that helps.
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Thanks for the info! That reminds me of a saying I've heard more than once and it says "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
I recognised yor and loid, nagisa and his mom, Anya and Damian, dazai and akutagawa… Don’t know the rest of the references but I think that adding references made it easier to understand the concepts : )
Hi, thank you for watching! Let me break it down for you. 💖 - Artem and MC from Tears of Themis - Luke and MC from Tears of Themis - Vyn and MC from Tears of Themis - Naoki and Kotoko from Itazura na Kiss (2:26) - Regina, Cady, and Aaron from Mean Girls (3:40) - Nanamine and Kosugi from Bakuman (04:04) - Mashiro and Takagi from Bakuman (04:10) - Dazai and Akutagawa from BSD (5:29) - Tohru from Fruits Basket (5:49) I think that's all! I'm glad you manage to recognize some of them! :3
There is barely anything as beautiful a genuine love when it comes from both parties in the relationship. I hope everyone can experience this kind of love.
1:49 that's Rosa and Artem from Tears of Themis, right ?!💕🙈 I can't be that addicted to the game to see them everywhere...😭 Also the choice of characters is on point! Especially Nagisa, or Yuno/Yuki or the couple in Itazura no Kiss Edit : It's definitely them, she proposed to help him with a case later in the video. And there's Luke and Vyn too !
This is why I’m ready for a relationship. Because I’ve been hearing stories about other peoples’ relationships and these sign were brought up. Now that I know, I’m aware of them when I’m ready.
Wish I knew what this was before entering relationships. Thanks to these videos I have managed my codependency and figured out the root of the problems. Knowledge on what a real relationship should be like has increased 10 fold. Now I have sorted out these issues I have found authentic / unconditional love 😊 Keep up the good work Psych2go!
Im codepedent, my partner doesnt know. We’ve been together for 3 months and she wants to move in, should I do this despite being the needy one? I feel like my codependence will worsen if I move in, but also feel it will be easier for me to work on this since she will be coming back home to me and I will have some piece of mind
Communication is definetely a problem in my life. I often want people to realize, there is something wrong with me, based on my expression. I'm a highly sensitive person and I can see, if people aren't feeling good, at the same time I wrongfully expect other people to notice, when there is something wrong with me.
While I don't relate to this as much in my romance life but MAN is this triggering mom memories all over the place. It was so difficult to be a child and given that amount of responsibility/pressure. No wonder I'm in therapy now learning what boundaries even are and that I am indeed allowed to have them. I truly believed that I was responsible for literally every emotion any person had for such a long time. While I still feel others feelings and unfortunately they still effect me, being mindful of the fact that it's not my responsibility to change those feelings and distress tolerance training have really helped carry the weight I feel daily. (edit from mindfulness, I added "as much" little lesser amounts in less extreme fashion do pop up in my romantic which obviously I still excuse sometimes 😅😬but am still trying to learn to recognize.)
You're not alone. Unfortunately these things happen. But keep going to therapy, learning to accept, love and respect yourself. You'll see how things will get better. 😉
@@brunaribeiroguska2941 Oh I know. I see it in group. Sometimes I'm not sure I feel better that I can relate to but also feel bad that anyone else has to feel this way. I probably will participate in some form of therapy for the rest of my life. Not a bad thing and grateful for the opportunity to improve to be honest. Thanks for your support 💟. I think not just me, but we're all getting a little better, a little more aware at least all the time. I just hope it gets there someday soon. My issues stem from something in my family weather it's hereditary or just passed down generational un intentional abuse. My family just will not talk about it. "Just the way God made ya" they would say. I think it's finally getting a breather from stigma to talk about mental health. That alone is really helpful and opening some huge doors. Just gotta keep going up from there!
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 I understand you better than you think. I'll probably have to go to therapy for the rest of my life, too. And I think we have similar problems and hopes. I identified a lot with what you said. I wish you all the best. We will be able to overcome this. You will see. Just keep going! And believe in yourself! 😉
@@brunaribeiroguska2941 hahaha no I think you probably understand me better than myself! Sounds like you might be a little further on the journey, even if it's a lifelong road for both of us. Thanks for being strong for me! We aren't alone and together we can do great things! Or even just little things lol day by day, in the moment. Even as introverted as I can be I am slowly realizing how much talking really helps. Sometimes it's easier online with the cozy blanket of anonymity, but just knowing someone understands can really make the difference.
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Talking really helps! When you talk to those who understand you at least. I hope you find more people capable of listening and understanding you. And I'm glad I could help. I don't know if I'm as far ahead as you said, but thanks for the encouragement. And remember: it is little by little that big changes are made. And nothing to compare yourself to others, except as an incentive. They are not putting on your shoes and walking the same path as you. Only you know how hard it was and how far you've come. And don't give up because it will be worth it! OK? Take care, anonymous friend. 😊
I really needed this video, thank you so much! I heard literally the example of a codependent relationship at the start and thought “oh no… I was right…”
One of my favourite quotes is, “If you love something, set it free.” This has become one of my core philosophies, and works both ways: I am willing to allow those in my life total autonomy and unconditional respect for any and all quirks, interests, and boundaries; likewise, I expect nothing less than the same from others, no exceptions. If someone doesn’t follow this simple request, no matter whom, I distance myself until they fully accept it, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how many times it takes; to fully respect my boundaries is to show you truly care, and to overstep them is to guide me to those who won’t. I’m a good person, and you know what they say about “too much of a good thing,” right? We can be friends, but remember I’m everyone’s friend, ‘kay? 😅
@@sparkstudies1675 Healthy constructive criticism is okay, as long as it is spoken clearly and compassionately, and solely for the purpose of improvement and/or with concern for the others’ wellbeing; if examples and/or suggestions of alternative ideas are included, it makes for a tighter case and greater likelihood of reciprocation, at least in my case. Harsh and/or baseless criticism, on the other hand, with little to no sign of a well-thought explanation, aggressive or sarcastic tone, unwillingness to make compromise or hear me out (including omitting, glossing over, or altering the meaning of my words), pointing out flaws in a condescending or belittling way, responding to my queries in a reluctant or exasperated way (or simply refusing to help, with comments like, “if you don’t already know, then it’d be a waste for me to even _try_ to help”), and perhaps my least favourite attitude (hypocrisy)… to me, those aren’t true criticism, and are better defined as strawman arguments, emotional abuse, and/or ironic misinterpretation. I like feedback, and I also like tips and advice from those with experience and/or whose intent is of mutual respect and understanding. If someone wants to rant or pick a fight, you’ve come to the wrong person; if, on the other hand, you seek a rapport and potential new friend, and want to share two cents of wisdom and ideas, we can talk. 😊
My sister and I have been codependent relationship with my parents all my life . Idk wtf real love supposed to feel like because when codependent love is the only love you have known as a kid, you surround yourself with others that treat you the same way. It's worse when it's in family because it's super tuff growing in that kind of environment after a while it fucks with your mental health also, trying to leave the relationship when you depend and live with your parents. If you are going though that it's tuff because it's like a free for all of there's sides and no one gets along and there's jealousy anger sadness lies it's going to hurt some days it's just going to feel like everything is over. Like f*ck tbh I don't think I can love right after all that has happened. My emotions and thoughts feel scrambled. Just holding on though because honestly the best thing to do is talk to someone or do something you enjoy. Making sure to keep a balance because when I feel this way I just want to get away from everything and everyone. Sometimes just feel like you want to end it all but you gotta recognize these aren't your thoughts. Get out there get out of your comfort zone Take the steps you need to take to get to where you need control yourself discipline but also don't forget to enjoy yourself. If your reading this you got this.
My partner and I of 5 years just recently broke up but are currently trying to reconcile but this video truly made me realize that in our first relationship we were both codependent of each other, maybe subconsciously emotionally manipulated each other. But now in this new relationship we are building, I am choosing to be with him, and vice versa. We are trying to be more open, honest and transparent in our communication with each other and openly expressing our wants/needs.
Hey, good video! I've been partially aware of the emotional codependency issues present in the relationship with my mom (Given our shared trauma, this was to be expected regardless of not being a romantic relationship) but usually I try to avoid videos regarding topics that might hit too close to home. The small anime references through the video's art style helped a lot on that! I'm a bit of a weeb, so the lil' references helped me to not chicken out of the video halfway through as I normally would. They help to lighten the mood on the heavy subjects, I think.
My family is built upon all of this. I am grateful that I have the ressources, wisdom, strength and presence of mind to be able to emancipate myself from this crap. Sadly, my parents probably never fully will. Anyways, I'm transforming and living my best life now, and that's also thanks to informative, free content like yours!
@@traebadmon don't worry, this account seems to exiat purely to spread negativity. No idea what someone gets from doing that but there are other accounts that seem to enjoy shitting on people too. Obviously nothing valuable to say, don't let it get to you
Oh my god... this is... literally me.... this is why my ex left me.... i was with her for 8 years... and I been single for 3 years.. and I am 37 years old... the thing is i dont feel validated or loved at all when people arent talking to me... i am always scared they will abandon me... and in reality a lot of people have but its probably due to me putting all that expections on them instead of letting them love me on their own... Yeah.. i really... REALLY do love to be kissed by a woman on her own constantly and hugged and be told kind words... it makes me emotional and happy and i feel loved and welcomed.. but... i only want that to be from her if she means it and not just because shes trying to validate me... but because she loves me truly for me. Does that make sense? I dont want anyone to please me just to please me.. thats the worst feeling in the world. I am no longer going to be anyone's problem solver or fixer... however if someone wants to vent to me and asks me for advice.. thats a little different you know... this... fucking hit me so hard... i havent been hit this hard in the face in a long time... I feel like i got slapped by Mayuri in Steins Gate just now.
I used to match a lot of things on this list too, and as much as I've improved I still need to watch very carefully I don't fall back into old patterns. Speaking from experience, try to remember the difference between blame and responsibility. You didn't do those things knowingly, you're not a bad person for having bad habits. You know about it now, so you can work to be better now. It is not easy, it is not fast; you're going to make mistakes and forget sometimes. That's still ok, it's all part of the learning process. You can grow, you can change. ♥️
@@Ahrpigi omg I really needed to read something like this, I'm going through a hard time right now with my ex.. feeling better now but I needed to read something like this thank you so much!! Have a great day! Pd: love that Dark Souls pfp, praise the sun!
I’m exactly as you described yourself but a bit younger how did you fix yourself or rather how did you overcome it. I still try to help others but at the end of the day ain’t I better not doing that and just focus on myself?
@@IvanRiv99 Truth be told, any time I offer advice like that to someone I'm trying to remind myself just as much as help them. It's a difficult thing, but it doesn't matter how much you stumble as long as you keep trying. Much like Dark Souls in that way... Praise the Sun! ☀️\[T]/☀️
@@FireRams_arisinglion I just read the really depressing and upsetting speech this guy wrote and I scroll to replies and see this, I just started fuckin' laughing
I WAS LITERALLY SCROLLING THROUGH THE COMMMENTS JUST TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT!!!! hii fellow attorney 🥺💙 ALSO who is the other person with Rosa on the thumbnail? Was it Artem??
@@shreyamishra6310 Aye! Attorneys hope you're doing well. Trust me the moment i saw Mc and Artem my mind went sus xD it wasn't until i saw luke and his green-ol-jacket i slammed the breaks
I relate to the last one sadly. I'm glad I can learn from this video and I want to make sure I talk to my therapist about it. I'm glad I learned more on this myself though!
If you really loved me you would do this. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Didn't realize I was being toxic cause that's what my parents said when they wanted me to do something.
Exactly! Literally so much of this could come from just automatically observing patterns in the way parents treated you while you were growing up. How are we supposed to learn not to do those to others? It sounds like such a normal thing for a parent to say... but we grow up and find ourselves in these situations with well adjusted adults and we have to do a double take because we realise something isn't right.
I feel almost all of those codependency signs. And I am well aware that I grew up from a family that Needs me to be almost perfect and that I developed this thing that I need to please everyone to get their approval or to be loved. 😭😭😭 And I know I am a handfull to my Partner and I thank heavens for letting him stay with me, and thank you Psychtogo for these videos because it helps me understand myself more and to take care of my partner as well. I don't wan't to stay like this forever😭😭😭😭😭
Aaaaaaaaa gosh dang man. I don’t want this to relatable. It’s even more hard when I’m actively in a relationship. I want to be a good partner and truly build back my self esteem for myself. I don’t want to fix anyone anymore. I feel like I need a break from our relationship to have time to reflect on these codependent tenacities. I know I’ve come a long way but I know I have so much more to go. Thank you for this video. It really helped me put words to some of the things I need to work on.
I think it's totally fine to depend on your partner for some things, but that's the thing. You have to be an individual that loves themselves before you can start to love someone else. That's why I think "inter-independancy" which is the act of acting independant but also relying on your partner if the need comes up might be the best way to treat your parnter. It's a beautiful way of having your relationship, since both sides are living their lives how they would want to but also learn to respect that their partner can be relied on if they asked them.
I can relate to this because my family has always been codependent and controlling when I was growing up and i feel worried that I am just like them because I’m usually not like that in a relationship
Im probably never going to date someone for a while but thanks for the info, your videos are really helpful keep making amazing content! And for everyone reading this your are a special person so dont just live life find a path to success because you deserve it :)
This just reminds me of a friendship I had with someone for the longest time. She ticked pretty much every box on this list. After I started distancing myself she got super angry at me for something that didn’t even happen. I’m almost certain that she simply couldn’t find a reason to be mad at me, and just made things up in her head to cope with it. It’s been less than a year, and while I still feel lonely; I feel so much better without her. She was such a burden, and I think how different my life would be if I didn’t let her make decisions for me… the friendships I’d still have.
The Rafflesia flower analogy for dependence is actually, _genuinely_ amazing -- potentially beautiful and so large on the outside, but the stench and parasitic behaviour can be just too much to handle.
The Boundaries and Self Worth parts are terrifyingly true to my case... I was so in need of approval that no matter how much time and many things he's done for me, I still can't feel anything... Like, they're all being thrown into a void :"( Trying to gradually fix that from now on 😢...
A wise man once said that the majority of people is not suited for a healthy relationship. I'm taking my time now since I realized that it's easier to achieve professional or personal goals than finding a decent partner. From my own experience you should not get your hopes up when 2 codependents get together. Things can get sour pretty quickly. That's wishful thinking. It's like mixing 2 drug addicts together. Sure they may bond and get things sorted out but the higher probability is that they will only make things worse by sticking together and the problem is that on the codependent case the drug of choice is the relationship itself.
It's so obvious that I'm in a codependency relationship but it's very hard to end it because another party is truly believe that they can't live without me and refuse to end it when I asked for :(
I love the anime characters used in this ❤️ Thank you Psych2Go for once again just so happening to post a video that somehow relates to my life whether it be about myself or someone close to me that I've been seeing these issues with.
Damn i needed this video and i didn't know it I have just broke up with my girlfriend and this video just explained to alot of the problems that we were going through, tbh honesty when i heard these things in the video i had flashbacks occasions where she (or some time me )was saying or doing something like these and i just and i thought to myself how did i not see these things before And then it came to me that it actually started kinda cute at least in my eyes because when we actually started to know each other we were both dealing with personal issues (self worth in my case) and having her just supporting me with even asking was nice but i didn't really want to be close tbh but i didn't want her to feel unappreciated so i started to act extra friendly( i mean more than my usual but nothing very serious) and she liked and i think that's how it started for is
This so true! I feel like am codependent but it really sounds like my husband. Thinking he has to feel sad when I am or if I’m not having a good due to stress he immediately tells me he is miserable too so I feel like I need to pretend like I’m happy so he won’t get down.
After watching this video, it made me question myself if I’m the bad guy in my recent relationship. I do admit I’m pretty clingy to my partner. Like I do focus on my partner quite a lot bc this is my first relationship, and the same time I’m recently focusing myself (it’s difficult). I’m the guy who over worries things to much, maybe because I’m at introvert?But I always respect my partner’s boundaries or space. Idk when they need that space. Nowadays I feel like my partner is pushing me away, and I worry if it’s my fault. Having doubts in myself. My partner is really sweet and caring, now it’s distance feeling with me. I’m doing my best ability to keep this relationship. Thank you for those who reads this. Hope your day goes well.
Thank you for making this video. It described everything about my relationship with my ex. I was the dependent one, and I was controlling and manipulative. My ex broke up with me after 6 years of us being together and I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety after the breakup. It is extremely hard for the dependent party to cope without the other person, and I am overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt and regret for what I did. Can you make a video that suggests how the dependent party in a codependent relationship who got dumped can forgive themselves, move on and develop stronger independence in new relationship? Thank you.
I am literally right there with you. It feels like such an isolating realisation. I have to remind myself constantly that I didn't know better and couldn't have. I think it's a choice to move forward with the new opportunities and knowledge. I don't think for people like us, there's anything that makes it easier to accept things. But I've always wished I could go to therapy, maybe that might help. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to have such a harsh learning experience, but please be kind to yourself. You're a human and were just trying to get your needs met the best way you knew how and you are constantly growing and changing. I think you'll do alright. Others are fighting the same fight alongside you. Wish you nothing but healing, you deserve to be happy ♥️
So....my emotions do rely heavily on my partners. However, I always "repress" them and let him feel his feelings because I know mine are just because I am super sympathetic (with him). Then I can call on the intense feelings if he needs someone to cry with him. This is the one time, I believe, repression is okay. I am insanely guilty of it in the wrong times, too, but repressing emotions that are literally just a mirror of someone's you love is a way to allow them to feel they can be open without guilt.
I recognise all of these, though, I mostly lacked skills to communicate, would emotionally manipulate, and try to control a bit of what my ex did, I had/have self esteem issues, as well as abandonment issues, so I would also invade their boundaries more often than not, I realize now (I realized this at least a month ago) that I was a toxic individual who was mostly co dependent toward his partner, however, I truly hope to grow up and grow out of this personality and behaviour, because everything I did was disgusting and horrible. Also, I love the Bakuman (Moritaka and Takagi) characters, and did I see Osamu Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs?
codependency isn't all about control. codependency can stem from becoming emotionally dependent to someone and can't bare to have them leave. your mood becomes dependent on their's, and you can feel horrible when you are not around that person. the problem arises when the other is too scared to communicate the issue until they can't think rationally enough to answer questions for clarification. you don't wait to tell someone until they royally screwed up or wait until you can't tolerate the person. sometimes the person doesn't even know they are screwing up in the first place until someone explicitly tells them, with words, in a direct fashion. as someone who became emotionally codependent with a friend, I can confirm this. I didn't know I was being a problem until way too late. the other refused to communicate that I was bothering her until she couldn't communicate properly. I was confused and asked for clarification, but got nothing. if she would have told me sooner, I would have adjusted my behavior accordingly. this is why you NEVER assume anything.
It was the exact same story for me. It's avoidant x anxious/disorganised in a nutshell. Or sometimes even two codependents, because I had a friend who felt like she needed to be needed and be a therapist friend, but also would get upset when people overstepped her boundaries that she overstepped herself first out of fear of being discarded. Communication is important and two parties are guilty when there isn't proper communication about an issue. Not just the perpetrator.
@@sparkstudies1675 I don't even get upset when boundaries are set. I just end up crossing the boundary without knowing it. someone will get as codependent as you let them.
@@zadock6370 no yeah, I completely understand. I'm sorry about your lost friendships/relationships and sincerely hope that you're able to move forward with newfound wisdom in a positive way.
I can think of some folks I'm acquainted with who need to watch this. And it seems to be the main reason for the increased number of people who choose to stay single in modern life.
#Psych2go Can you do a video about signs of parent-child role switching and what to do about it? Like the child feels like they have to take care of their parent who acts like a child, depending on the actual child to meet all their needs, instead of doing it themselves.
With support from friends and partners, I feel like it's okay not to agree with their decisions and choices they makes but don't put ultimatums, try to prove them wrong/talk them out of it (unless it causes harm to themselves or others), or say "I told you so". Making decisions for yourself can be hard already but having someone try to control or put their input on everything can be toxic. Always communicate your feelings and thoughts but remember its their life not yours.
I don't really relate to any of these sings, except the last one which is an accurate summary of my actions in relatively bad times. I always feel horrible when I see my close ones, especially my partner in a bad mood, I immediatly start feeling sad, anxious and desperate. I try my best to help them, even if not asked for, and feel absolutely awful when I can't do anything about it. I really want to find a solution for stopping to think that way, as it is way healthier for me and my partner in general Also every time I mention that I want to reduce that feeling of responsibility, I feel a sense of guilt for even thinking that way
Do you think you might relate to the rescuer personality? Sometimes, you might want to tell yourself that you can have compassion for an individual but you must also learn to be turned off by them so you don't into the trap of trying to rescue or feel bad for them all the time.
I’ve come to realise that a relationship isn’t made from 50% of one person and 50% of another; but rather 100% x2 and you compliment each other not needing each other to complete you.
Yup. Relationships have to be born out of appreciation for what is whole but also negotiation. Not seeking to complete what isn't whole yet not a philosophy of isolation.
Duh. 50% of the relationship is each person. Who thinks you only give 50% to a relationship? That doesn’t even make sense.
@@bradensorensen966all failed relationships are just one or both people feeling inadequate about themselves that they need the other to complete them.
I see it as giving 100% of your individual 50%
Well said!
It feels important to point out that a neglectful partner can end up causing the other one to develope codependent tendencies because they feel like they’re scrambling to beg for the affection they rightfully deserve and then the neglectful partner tends to blame everything in the partner they put in this position in the first place. Grey area situations like this pop up
Thank you for saying this, because I had a similar thought. They did well to address that the correct response to not feeling supported sufficiently is NOT to blow up, but they did not seem to suggest that it was possible that the partner might not be being supported properly in the first place. It's good to not make anyone responsible for your happiness, but if your partner continually lets you down and makes you feel like you have to handle every yourself, what are you supposed to do? Smile and say it's fine? The neglectful partner can end up feeling like this and not communicate their needs properly anymore, and the "clingy" person just gets clingier and hunts down anything to suggest they may be worth the attention. Obviously if it's leading to codependency the best thing to do would be break it off if it can't otherwise be resolved instead of perpetuating the cycle. But I feel like this video overlooked a whole lot of victims of neglect or psychological abuse.
As someone with neglectful parents--YUP. THIS.
Thank you both for exploring further and addressing causes, not only the symptoms.
Excellent take!
This! I was in a codependent friendship for 10 years and part of what made it difficult to leave, even as I recognized these tendencies in myself, was that I kept on feeling like it was my fault, and thought that if I just worked on myself I could make it better. But by the end of it, I had taken the steps to address some of these patterns in myself and was able to have healthy boundaries in my other relationships, but this person was still inconsistent, neglectful, and unwilling to work on things, which made the codependent feelings resurface every time we met. That’s when I realized it was really wasn’t my fault at that point, that it was because the other party was emotionally manipulating and abusing me, and that even as I worked so hard to break out of a toxic cycle, I was in it alone. And I realized I only blamed myself for so long because it made me feel like I was in control of the situation, that I could still make it work, that I wasn’t completely helpless when it comes to the other person’s behavior. To heal, I had to learn that I do deserve love and support and an equal relationship, instead of just criticizing myself and feeling like I’m broken and need to be fixed just for having normal human emotions like wanting to be cared for and supported by people who I gave so much care and support for.
This is not making fun of you, this is for making you know the reason.
I like how you have dreams face 👍
omg bb dream
Lol
Don't go breaking up with your S/O just because you fit the descriptions in this video. You can become codependent with someone you're actually in love with.
Codependency is just a toxic state of a romantic relationship, friendship, and sometimes a familial relationship.
It's not healthy, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're not in love, just that you have a lot of work to do and could use a lot of space. Potentially.
I've been in codependent relationships where the love was gone, and others where the love was there but the healthy habits and boundaries were not.
Totally agree, it's not always black and white, the situations and context differ from each other alot , we should gain knowledge from these videos but should not follow blindly without looking at our situations first😤
That's a good point to raise but how do you know if what you're feeling is actually love for them when those feelings just be coming from personal needs?
@@Psych2go i think in my opinion it's all about introspection about oneself, to be aware of their behaviour and how they react to things , and be fully honest with themselves but easier said than done 🥲 it's hard to be honest
@@Psych2go That’s for that person to know and find out as they work on their issues and sort through their thoughts and feelings, not for you to use them as fodder for views.
Literally got broken up with because my partner was feeling codependent on me, which totally came out of left field because we've never had such a dynamic and I've always supported them and tried to help them to be more independent and value their self worth. And I can't make any sense of why they did this...
Edit: Editing this to add for anyone else in a similar situation. Talk to your partner. Seems obvious but whether you're in the "giving" or "dependent" position, be aware of your wants, needs, and situations. You may not notice your codependency until you have to be apart, or you're so used to giving that you don't notice you yourself are getting drained or used, without either of you being aware of that or intending it. Ultimately, both of you have to be better and get better, first for yourselves and for each other. If that means taking time apart, temporarily or permanently, then the wisest thing is to do what's best to help you flourish and grow. Stay strong out there, even if no one is at fault, it will still suck, but it will get better ❤️🩹
Timestamps
1). Choice 0:28
2). Dependence 1:40
3). Communication 2:25
4). Support 3:09
5). Boundaries 3:56
6). Control 4:44
7). Self worth 5:24
Hope this helps you and hope you has a good day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Thank you so much
What has two butts and is deadly?
😄👍🏼
@@amaiodayaka8926 no problem
@@nanaman this guy
Thank you 🥰
"You would do what I asked if you truly loved me."
Damn. I've heard *that* often, in many different ways, from various people. Thank you for wording this feeling so clearly, it broke through to me.
As someone in a codependent friendship for most of my childhood it sucks for both parties. Even if you love them if it turns toxic you need to cut them out of your life if nothing changes
I hope you eventually get out or can eventually cut them off or (if your like me) love them at a distance.
Right! Toxic but willing to see/admit to it? Attend therapy, really work with you and be mindful of the new skills they learn there. Maybe not cut that out. But toxic with the "I'm not toxic - insert whatever excuse here" then yeah. Nothing you can do for them. Give them a chance, but if they don't take it you got to get out of there.
That's true. Being able to cut out long term people is a sign of growth.
how about instead of just leaving with no explanation and effort to fix things, how about you tell the person that they have these problems, and how it is negatively affecting you, then answer any questions the person has regarding clarification
Love is a game of give and take. You gotta reciprocate love and expect the lover to reciprocate back and be able to understand eachother. Even sociopaths and psychopaths can gain the level of empathy to understand their loved ones with practice. Even if it is cognitive empathy more than it is emotional empathy (though come to think of it that circumstance is extremely rare.)
*me going through my day trying to be normal*
Psych2Go: “here’s a reality truth bomb you needed”
Nah this's true tho
Cringe Af
Shes just trying to help you guys
lmao for REAL
It's actually possible to fix a codependent relationship. It's a bit difficult, It needs a lot of effort and patience, but most importantly, it's only possible if both parties are on it and agree to work together to improve their relationship.
My partner and I used to have a codependent relationship. We've been working together in order to fix it, and now things are better.
We still have some minor issues to fix, but I known we can handle it together. I think we are a great team.
So happy for you!
Is this possible in a new relationship?
Also, my gf has expressed interest in moving in after only 3-4 months.
I really want to, buT I’m the codependent one; I haven’t opened up about this.
I fear that my codependence will worsen if I move in?
Is it really possible to stay in the relationship and work on my issues of codepedence?
Great!!!❤🎉
I really love the references you add, these drawings are so adorable.
From what I gather, it's having no choice and no identity of your own versus choosing and maintaining your decisions and identity. Interesting video, Psych2Go, I enjoyed it a lot!
I was especially happy to see the SpyXFamily art, too. Keep it up!
It's actually Rosa and Artem from Tears of Themis :))
Thank you so much!! 🥺💖💖 I do have both references in the video, so I'm glad you noticed them!
Thank you! Credit goes to the animator!
This made me realize that a previous relationship that I had was codependent. We had to distance ourselves from each other a month ago(we broke up around seven months ago but we were still friends) and I've been in a different romantic relationship for around three months and this one is a lot more healthy than the previous relationship.
It hasn't been that long since me and the persin in my past relationship stopped talking but I feel a lot more confident and at ease with the person I'm in a relationship with now. Probably because I actually set my boundaries at the beginning of the relationship instead of just not talking about them at all.
" I actually set my boundaries at the beginning of the relationship instead of just not talking about them at all"
Proud of you 👍
Yes, that's amazing. I like how you are able to set boundaries and expectations early on in a relationship.
Hey man, sorry to bother you but I’m genuinely curious, what boundaries did you set?
I think we should not confuse having a lot of care and love to give and share with codependency which I
kinda sense tends to happen a lot nowadays even though it's unjustified.
People do need love and connection, loneliness isn't good or healthy either so it's about balance
but important to be aware of.
Anxiety makes things difficult but that's alright, I try to get better at controlling my anxiety each and every day. I'm trying not to let it control me. One day I'll be ready for a relationship. Even if that day comes after death. One day...
Can you suggest me a way of reducing that anxiety in that department? It's been plaguing my mind for over a couple of years, and I feel like it's only getting worse progressively
@@rubyeverred_ Well, talking to someone you trust really helps. Part of what helped mine get better overall was just talking to my mom. We kinda adressed it for an entire summer and I found myself less anxious overall afterwards. I still have quite a bit of anxiety and when I get really worried I talk to my mom again and various other people who put logic first. Sometimes just getting another view on what is worrying you really helps.
You can't rely on others your whole life but it is a good way to start. So sometimes you just have to pause and think to yourself "Is this really necessary to be worried over?" Or, "Is this really going to end this way?". If it is something you worry you will do, it helps to think, "Would I actually do that?" Or "Am I actually like that?". If that doesn't help, talking to someone you trust is always good.
Also, try to look at the bright sides or the good ways it could end. With anxiety, it may be hard to see the good ways something could end but try to hope for the good. Don't try to EXPECT the good, though, because when the good doesn't come it can just end up being worse. In other words, hope for the best and maybe try to focus on it but don't completely ignore the bad.
I hope some of this helps, I also hope I said it in a way you understand. I'm going through this journey, too, though, so I may have said something that doesn't help or something like that and if so I would apologize. I hope things get better for you!
@@rubyeverred_ All of that information is good. But also my therapist gave me a really neat trick or "self soothing habit". Cold. You know how in movies people splash water on their face? That actually does slow your heart rate if you feel like it's thumping out of your chest. Sometimes it's easier to just trick your body. This obviously doesn't replace therapy and working on "Distress tolerance" has really helped. But it's something that's not a pill that you can use in that moment to help you get through it. I have a cold compress at the ready and personally hold it to my chest but anything that gives you a little shock of cold could help.
Also vitamins. There's some medication that has helped me, but B-12 and vitamin D really did help. (My doctor actually will give me shots and my social anxiety is noticeably reduced for a while afterwards so now I take a daily pill to keep my levels up because I hate needles!) Plus vitamins like that are an easier start then meds. Don't have to worry about withdrawal/interaction/side effects.
@@Wind_Cursed oh I just noticed something you said that reminded me of something on group. Most things are rarely all good or all bad. Generally it's a scale - this thing behavior whatever, serves this purpose but also has this side effect type of thinking. So for me, just general life can be very difficult. I have issues with thresholds (crossing the doorway to leave my house, actually entering the bus after I see all the people on it. Among other things but I feel like it works as an example.) I know that nothing is going happen to hurt me there - yet I still have to force myself for some reason. So I find whatever good I can in that actual moment and focus on it. I have to constantly remind myself to not think about what could happen and just stay focused on - let's say the cute dog that someone on the bus has. Stare at the dog lol, don't look at the people who may or may not be glaring at me for whatever the reason may be. None of that matters, just focus on the dog till you get there. So staying "in the moment, in the gray" is something I personally tell myself that helps.
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Thanks for the info! That reminds me of a saying I've heard more than once and it says "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
I recognised yor and loid, nagisa and his mom, Anya and Damian, dazai and akutagawa…
Don’t know the rest of the references but I think that adding references made it easier to understand the concepts : )
Hi, thank you for watching! Let me break it down for you. 💖
- Artem and MC from Tears of Themis
- Luke and MC from Tears of Themis
- Vyn and MC from Tears of Themis
- Naoki and Kotoko from Itazura na Kiss (2:26)
- Regina, Cady, and Aaron from Mean Girls (3:40)
- Nanamine and Kosugi from Bakuman (04:04)
- Mashiro and Takagi from Bakuman (04:10)
- Dazai and Akutagawa from BSD (5:29)
- Tohru from Fruits Basket (5:49)
I think that's all! I'm glad you manage to recognize some of them! :3
There is barely anything as beautiful a genuine love when it comes from both parties in the relationship. I hope everyone can experience this kind of love.
1:49 that's Rosa and Artem from Tears of Themis, right ?!💕🙈
I can't be that addicted to the game to see them everywhere...😭
Also the choice of characters is on point! Especially Nagisa, or Yuno/Yuki or the couple in Itazura no Kiss
Edit : It's definitely them, she proposed to help him with a case later in the video. And there's Luke and Vyn too !
Yesss, it's them! Say hello to the boys! 💖
(PS: don't worry, I'm just as addicted as you are. 🤣)
The control part is a very important part to check in relationships because it can also lead to a toxic relationship, manipulation, etc...
Most people in relationships are codependent. They can't be alone, so they force themselves to find someone to fill that "void."
This is why I’m ready for a relationship. Because I’ve been hearing stories about other peoples’ relationships and these sign were brought up. Now that I know, I’m aware of them when I’m ready.
Wish I knew what this was before entering relationships. Thanks to these videos I have managed my codependency and figured out the root of the problems. Knowledge on what a real relationship should be like has increased 10 fold. Now I have sorted out these issues I have found authentic / unconditional love 😊 Keep up the good work Psych2go!
Im codepedent, my partner doesnt know.
We’ve been together for 3 months and she wants to move in, should I do this despite being the needy one?
I feel like my codependence will worsen if I move in, but also feel it will be easier for me to work on this since she will be coming back home to me and I will have some piece of mind
Communication is definetely a problem in my life. I often want people to realize, there is something wrong with me, based on my expression. I'm a highly sensitive person and I can see, if people aren't feeling good, at the same time I wrongfully expect other people to notice, when there is something wrong with me.
You're not alone! This took me a while to realise too!
While I don't relate to this as much in my romance life but MAN is this triggering mom memories all over the place. It was so difficult to be a child and given that amount of responsibility/pressure. No wonder I'm in therapy now learning what boundaries even are and that I am indeed allowed to have them. I truly believed that I was responsible for literally every emotion any person had for such a long time. While I still feel others feelings and unfortunately they still effect me, being mindful of the fact that it's not my responsibility to change those feelings and distress tolerance training have really helped carry the weight I feel daily.
(edit from mindfulness, I added "as much" little lesser amounts in less extreme fashion do pop up in my romantic which obviously I still excuse sometimes 😅😬but am still trying to learn to recognize.)
You're not alone. Unfortunately these things happen. But keep going to therapy, learning to accept, love and respect yourself. You'll see how things will get better. 😉
@@brunaribeiroguska2941 Oh I know. I see it in group. Sometimes I'm not sure I feel better that I can relate to but also feel bad that anyone else has to feel this way. I probably will participate in some form of therapy for the rest of my life. Not a bad thing and grateful for the opportunity to improve to be honest. Thanks for your support 💟. I think not just me, but we're all getting a little better, a little more aware at least all the time. I just hope it gets there someday soon. My issues stem from something in my family weather it's hereditary or just passed down generational un intentional abuse. My family just will not talk about it. "Just the way God made ya" they would say. I think it's finally getting a breather from stigma to talk about mental health. That alone is really helpful and opening some huge doors. Just gotta keep going up from there!
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 I understand you better than you think. I'll probably have to go to therapy for the rest of my life, too. And I think we have similar problems and hopes. I identified a lot with what you said.
I wish you all the best. We will be able to overcome this. You will see. Just keep going! And believe in yourself! 😉
@@brunaribeiroguska2941 hahaha no I think you probably understand me better than myself! Sounds like you might be a little further on the journey, even if it's a lifelong road for both of us. Thanks for being strong for me! We aren't alone and together we can do great things! Or even just little things lol day by day, in the moment. Even as introverted as I can be I am slowly realizing how much talking really helps. Sometimes it's easier online with the cozy blanket of anonymity, but just knowing someone understands can really make the difference.
@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Talking really helps! When you talk to those who understand you at least. I hope you find more people capable of listening and understanding you. And I'm glad I could help.
I don't know if I'm as far ahead as you said, but thanks for the encouragement.
And remember: it is little by little that big changes are made. And nothing to compare yourself to others, except as an incentive. They are not putting on your shoes and walking the same path as you. Only you know how hard it was and how far you've come.
And don't give up because it will be worth it! OK?
Take care, anonymous friend. 😊
I really needed this video, thank you so much! I heard literally the example of a codependent relationship at the start and thought “oh no… I was right…”
OH MY GOD PSYCH2GO & TEARS OF THEMIS?! I LOVE YALL SM 😭😭🛐
THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO 😭💖💖
Anyone else watching not because of relationship problems but because the artstyle is so damn cute?
You're the sweetest! Thank you so much! 🥺💖
One of my favourite quotes is, “If you love something, set it free.” This has become one of my core philosophies, and works both ways: I am willing to allow those in my life total autonomy and unconditional respect for any and all quirks, interests, and boundaries; likewise, I expect nothing less than the same from others, no exceptions.
If someone doesn’t follow this simple request, no matter whom, I distance myself until they fully accept it, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how many times it takes; to fully respect my boundaries is to show you truly care, and to overstep them is to guide me to those who won’t.
I’m a good person, and you know what they say about “too much of a good thing,” right? We can be friends, but remember I’m everyone’s friend, ‘kay? 😅
Such a healthy way of thinking. I feel like i needed this, thank you. 😇
That's really beautiful. I like you have a healthy boundary in place.
True, it's important to respect each other's freedom and own space
What's your take on criticism?
@@sparkstudies1675 Healthy constructive criticism is okay, as long as it is spoken clearly and compassionately, and solely for the purpose of improvement and/or with concern for the others’ wellbeing; if examples and/or suggestions of alternative ideas are included, it makes for a tighter case and greater likelihood of reciprocation, at least in my case.
Harsh and/or baseless criticism, on the other hand, with little to no sign of a well-thought explanation, aggressive or sarcastic tone, unwillingness to make compromise or hear me out (including omitting, glossing over, or altering the meaning of my words), pointing out flaws in a condescending or belittling way, responding to my queries in a reluctant or exasperated way (or simply refusing to help, with comments like, “if you don’t already know, then it’d be a waste for me to even _try_ to help”), and perhaps my least favourite attitude (hypocrisy)… to me, those aren’t true criticism, and are better defined as strawman arguments, emotional abuse, and/or ironic misinterpretation.
I like feedback, and I also like tips and advice from those with experience and/or whose intent is of mutual respect and understanding. If someone wants to rant or pick a fight, you’ve come to the wrong person; if, on the other hand, you seek a rapport and potential new friend, and want to share two cents of wisdom and ideas, we can talk. 😊
I used to do this in every one of my relationships but I've found someone recently who doesn't expect these things from me and it's been blissful❤️
Oh my god what is this stunning background music!!?? I love it! Makes me feel like I'm in a very chill pace.
My sister and I have been codependent relationship with my parents all my life . Idk wtf real love supposed to feel like because when codependent love is the only love you have known as a kid, you surround yourself with others that treat you the same way. It's worse when it's in family because it's super tuff growing in that kind of environment after a while it fucks with your mental health also, trying to leave the relationship when you depend and live with your parents.
If you are going though that it's tuff because it's like a free for all of there's sides and no one gets along and there's jealousy anger sadness lies it's going to hurt some days it's just going to feel like everything is over.
Like f*ck tbh I don't think I can love right after all that has happened. My emotions and thoughts feel scrambled. Just holding on though because honestly the best thing to do is talk to someone or do something you enjoy.
Making sure to keep a balance because when I feel this way I just want to get away from everything and everyone. Sometimes just feel like you want to end it all but you gotta recognize these aren't your thoughts.
Get out there get out of your comfort zone
Take the steps you need to take to get to where you need control yourself discipline but also don't forget to enjoy yourself. If your reading this you got this.
♥️ You've got this too.
The anime references really made my day as well as Psych2Go uploading!
Thank you so much! Your comment has also made mine too!
My partner and I of 5 years just recently broke up but are currently trying to reconcile but this video truly made me realize that in our first relationship we were both codependent of each other, maybe subconsciously emotionally manipulated each other. But now in this new relationship we are building, I am choosing to be with him, and vice versa. We are trying to be more open, honest and transparent in our communication with each other and openly expressing our wants/needs.
The choices of characters are perfect
Thank you so much! 😭💖
@@Ayacchi Thank you for your hard work!
@@sparkstudies1675 and thank you for making it all worth while! 💖
Hey, good video! I've been partially aware of the emotional codependency issues present in the relationship with my mom (Given our shared trauma, this was to be expected regardless of not being a romantic relationship) but usually I try to avoid videos regarding topics that might hit too close to home.
The small anime references through the video's art style helped a lot on that! I'm a bit of a weeb, so the lil' references helped me to not chicken out of the video halfway through as I normally would. They help to lighten the mood on the heavy subjects, I think.
Thank you so much! Glad that the references help lighten up the video. 💖 hope you're having a great day!
My family is built upon all of this. I am grateful that I have the ressources, wisdom, strength and presence of mind to be able to emancipate myself from this crap. Sadly, my parents probably never fully will. Anyways, I'm transforming and living my best life now, and that's also thanks to informative, free content like yours!
♥️♥️ I understand this. I wish you well
@@sparkstudies1675 u2
I be so anxiously attached 😭 you’ll be okay they’ll be okay! Love, trust, talk to yourself kings and queens and all in between
@@FireRams_arisinglion it’s just what I needed to tell myself. What do you say to yourself when you’re feeling down?
@@traebadmon don't worry, this account seems to exiat purely to spread negativity. No idea what someone gets from doing that but there are other accounts that seem to enjoy shitting on people too. Obviously nothing valuable to say, don't let it get to you
@@Yuffie777 I’ll be okay, they’ll be okay 💪🏽 thanks 👑
The animations for this video were on a whole new level. often distracted me from the voice over because they were so good!
OMG thank you so much!! 😭😭 I hope that doesn't hinder you from understanding the topic, though!
@@Ayacchi Not at all - just adds to the replayability 😁 much love!
Oh my god... this is... literally me.... this is why my ex left me.... i was with her for 8 years... and I been single for 3 years.. and I am 37 years old... the thing is i dont feel validated or loved at all when people arent talking to me... i am always scared they will abandon me... and in reality a lot of people have but its probably due to me putting all that expections on them instead of letting them love me on their own... Yeah.. i really... REALLY do love to be kissed by a woman on her own constantly and hugged and be told kind words... it makes me emotional and happy and i feel loved and welcomed.. but... i only want that to be from her if she means it and not just because shes trying to validate me... but because she loves me truly for me. Does that make sense? I dont want anyone to please me just to please me.. thats the worst feeling in the world.
I am no longer going to be anyone's problem solver or fixer... however if someone wants to vent to me and asks me for advice.. thats a little different you know...
this... fucking hit me so hard... i havent been hit this hard in the face in a long time... I feel like i got slapped by Mayuri in Steins Gate just now.
I used to match a lot of things on this list too, and as much as I've improved I still need to watch very carefully I don't fall back into old patterns. Speaking from experience, try to remember the difference between blame and responsibility. You didn't do those things knowingly, you're not a bad person for having bad habits. You know about it now, so you can work to be better now. It is not easy, it is not fast; you're going to make mistakes and forget sometimes. That's still ok, it's all part of the learning process. You can grow, you can change. ♥️
@@Ahrpigi omg I really needed to read something like this, I'm going through a hard time right now with my ex.. feeling better now but I needed to read something like this thank you so much!! Have a great day! Pd: love that Dark Souls pfp, praise the sun!
I’m exactly as you described yourself but a bit younger how did you fix yourself or rather how did you overcome it. I still try to help others but at the end of the day ain’t I better not doing that and just focus on myself?
@@IvanRiv99 Truth be told, any time I offer advice like that to someone I'm trying to remind myself just as much as help them. It's a difficult thing, but it doesn't matter how much you stumble as long as you keep trying.
Much like Dark Souls in that way... Praise the Sun! ☀️\[T]/☀️
@@FireRams_arisinglion I just read the really depressing and upsetting speech this guy wrote and I scroll to replies and see this, I just started fuckin' laughing
T-TEARS OF THEMIS!!! it IS tears of themis!!
But where my Marius Von Hagen at? XD
I WAS LITERALLY SCROLLING THROUGH THE COMMMENTS JUST TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT!!!! hii fellow attorney 🥺💙 ALSO who is the other person with Rosa on the thumbnail? Was it Artem??
@@nefera3086 yup! Artem, Luke and Vyn were also there.
@@shreyamishra6310 Aye! Attorneys hope you're doing well. Trust me the moment i saw Mc and Artem my mind went sus xD it wasn't until i saw luke and his green-ol-jacket i slammed the breaks
When it came to boundaries I just asked and then they said yes. Sometimes I do tend to do things in reaction to something. Like jealousy for example 😅
I relate to the last one sadly. I'm glad I can learn from this video and I want to make sure I talk to my therapist about it. I'm glad I learned more on this myself though!
This is so true! Thank you very much for posting this video!
If you really loved me you would do this. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Didn't realize I was being toxic cause that's what my parents said when they wanted me to do something.
Exactly! Literally so much of this could come from just automatically observing patterns in the way parents treated you while you were growing up. How are we supposed to learn not to do those to others? It sounds like such a normal thing for a parent to say... but we grow up and find ourselves in these situations with well adjusted adults and we have to do a double take because we realise something isn't right.
I feel almost all of those codependency signs. And I am well aware that I grew up from a family that Needs me to be almost perfect and that I developed this thing that I need to please everyone to get their approval or to be loved. 😭😭😭 And I know I am a handfull to my Partner and I thank heavens for letting him stay with me, and thank you Psychtogo for these videos because it helps me understand myself more and to take care of my partner as well. I don't wan't to stay like this forever😭😭😭😭😭
Nowadays it's hard to even get into a relationship and watching this makes me think that it's not worth or it might be one-sided
I love that the Spy X Fam characters Loid and Yor are depicted here. SO FREAKING CUTE (and clever)!! And thanks for another great, informative video.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 💖💖
Aaaaaaaaa gosh dang man. I don’t want this to relatable. It’s even more hard when I’m actively in a relationship. I want to be a good partner and truly build back my self esteem for myself. I don’t want to fix anyone anymore. I feel like I need a break from our relationship to have time to reflect on these codependent tenacities. I know I’ve come a long way but I know I have so much more to go. Thank you for this video. It really helped me put words to some of the things I need to work on.
I love the references, especially the BSD one. Thanks for the video as always!
Well .. I needed this 25 years ago
We live and learn.
I think it's totally fine to depend on your partner for some things, but that's the thing. You have to be an individual that loves themselves before you can start to love someone else. That's why I think "inter-independancy" which is the act of acting independant but also relying on your partner if the need comes up might be the best way to treat your parnter. It's a beautiful way of having your relationship, since both sides are living their lives how they would want to but also learn to respect that their partner can be relied on if they asked them.
Oh dear God, "The Future Diary" drawn in this art style, made to look so innocent is really a trip.
HAHAHA I'm sorry? 🥺🤣
I can relate to this because my family has always been codependent and controlling when I was growing up and i feel worried that I am just like them because I’m usually not like that in a relationship
Im probably never going to date someone for a while but thanks for the info, your videos are really helpful keep making amazing content! And for everyone reading this your are a special person so dont just live life find a path to success because you deserve it :)
This just reminds me of a friendship I had with someone for the longest time. She ticked pretty much every box on this list. After I started distancing myself she got super angry at me for something that didn’t even happen. I’m almost certain that she simply couldn’t find a reason to be mad at me, and just made things up in her head to cope with it.
It’s been less than a year, and while I still feel lonely; I feel so much better without her. She was such a burden, and I think how different my life would be if I didn’t let her make decisions for me… the friendships I’d still have.
This is the definition of "I loved and I loved and I lost you" -hurts like hell
Really great video....and loved all those anime references....😁
Aaah thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed the video!
Tears of Themis coming in strong
💖💖💪💪
The Rafflesia flower analogy for dependence is actually, _genuinely_ amazing -- potentially beautiful and so large on the outside, but the stench and parasitic behaviour can be just too much to handle.
Aaaaaah thank you so much! I'm glad you caught the symbolism 🥺🥺💖
The Boundaries and Self Worth parts are terrifyingly true to my case... I was so in need of approval that no matter how much time and many things he's done for me, I still can't feel anything... Like, they're all being thrown into a void :"(
Trying to gradually fix that from now on 😢...
Love the fact that for codependency, they uses Yuna and Yukki from Future Diary, and for genuine love they used Loid and Yor from SpyxFamily.
I see the importance of being insightful with the people around us. It is very important to know and to identify the difference between the two.
17 second gang yessir
For real
Oof I had 25 seconds haha
Lol
17 seconds? It isn't a marathon😳
A wise man once said that the majority of people is not suited for a healthy relationship. I'm taking my time now since I realized that it's easier to achieve professional or personal goals than finding a decent partner. From my own experience you should not get your hopes up when 2 codependents get together. Things can get sour pretty quickly. That's wishful thinking. It's like mixing 2 drug addicts together. Sure they may bond and get things sorted out but the higher probability is that they will only make things worse by sticking together and the problem is that on the codependent case the drug of choice is the relationship itself.
It's so obvious that I'm in a codependency relationship but it's very hard to end it because another party is truly believe that they can't live without me and refuse to end it when I asked for :(
That's really really tough, I'm so sorry to both of you
I love the anime characters used in this ❤️
Thank you Psych2Go for once again just so happening to post a video that somehow relates to my life whether it be about myself or someone close to me that I've been seeing these issues with.
Tears of themis referenceee yeaaahh
Damn i needed this video and i didn't know it
I have just broke up with my girlfriend and this video just explained to alot of the problems that we were going through, tbh honesty when i heard these things in the video i had flashbacks occasions where she (or some time me )was saying or doing something like these and i just and i thought to myself how did i not see these things before
And then it came to me that it actually started kinda cute at least in my eyes because when we actually started to know each other we were both dealing with personal issues (self worth in my case) and having her just supporting me with even asking was nice but i didn't really want to be close tbh but i didn't want her to feel unappreciated so i started to act extra friendly( i mean more than my usual but nothing very serious) and she liked and i think that's how it started for is
The anime references are awesome
Thank you! 💖
@@Ayacchithis clip is very cute. Well done!
So close to 10 million!
Hehehe, that Mirai Nikki reference, and ofc Spy x Family, I LOVE your references, as well as the content :D thank you, PS that beautiful voice!
I needed this, thanks
I really love the Future Diary references :)
And the Assassination Classroom references too omg I love it
Aww thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it 💖
This so true! I feel like am codependent but it really sounds like my husband.
Thinking he has to feel sad when I am or if I’m not having a good due to stress he immediately tells me he is miserable too so I feel like I need to pretend like I’m happy so he won’t get down.
Ommmgggg its rosa and artem from tears of themis!!!!
Theres luke too
And vyn
After watching this video, it made me question myself if I’m the bad guy in my recent relationship. I do admit I’m pretty clingy to my partner. Like I do focus on my partner quite a lot bc this is my first relationship, and the same time I’m recently focusing myself (it’s difficult). I’m the guy who over worries things to much, maybe because I’m at introvert?But I always respect my partner’s boundaries or space. Idk when they need that space. Nowadays I feel like my partner is pushing me away, and I worry if it’s my fault. Having doubts in myself. My partner is really sweet and caring, now it’s distance feeling with me. I’m doing my best ability to keep this relationship. Thank you for those who reads this. Hope your day goes well.
I have been wondering about how to tell the difference! This video really helped me understand.
Codependence is just a nicer word for abuse and misuse of the sickness of others.
Omg you guy's new pfp is soooo cute🥰😍😍🥰
Tears of themis and assassation classroom? Love the references!
omg great video! and the beginning with the little yuno and little yuki from future diary got meee. but anyway, I loved this video super helpful!
Love the way you used Artem,Luke, Vyn with Rosa
Oh no… this makes so much sense to my problems. Can y’all make a follow up video on how to become more independent in a relationship?
Thank you for making this video. It described everything about my relationship with my ex. I was the dependent one, and I was controlling and manipulative. My ex broke up with me after 6 years of us being together and I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety after the breakup. It is extremely hard for the dependent party to cope without the other person, and I am overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt and regret for what I did. Can you make a video that suggests how the dependent party in a codependent relationship who got dumped can forgive themselves, move on and develop stronger independence in new relationship? Thank you.
I am literally right there with you. It feels like such an isolating realisation. I have to remind myself constantly that I didn't know better and couldn't have. I think it's a choice to move forward with the new opportunities and knowledge. I don't think for people like us, there's anything that makes it easier to accept things. But I've always wished I could go to therapy, maybe that might help. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to have such a harsh learning experience, but please be kind to yourself. You're a human and were just trying to get your needs met the best way you knew how and you are constantly growing and changing. I think you'll do alright. Others are fighting the same fight alongside you. Wish you nothing but healing, you deserve to be happy ♥️
Yuno Gasai from Mirai Nikki
Great video, thanks! Video on boundaries next?
OMG! I was just thinking about this topic 😭
I swear this videos always come at the perfect time for me
I CAME TO SEE IF IT WAS TEARS OF THEMIS AND IT WAS AWWW
HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY!!
The Tears of Themis and spyxfamily refrences got me not gonna lie
I don't feel like I fall under codependency but my husband definitely falls under quite a of those categories.
the tears of themis in the thumbnail
So....my emotions do rely heavily on my partners. However, I always "repress" them and let him feel his feelings because I know mine are just because I am super sympathetic (with him). Then I can call on the intense feelings if he needs someone to cry with him. This is the one time, I believe, repression is okay. I am insanely guilty of it in the wrong times, too, but repressing emotions that are literally just a mirror of someone's you love is a way to allow them to feel they can be open without guilt.
this is relatable
that's how I learned to cope with mine somewhat
I recognise all of these, though, I mostly lacked skills to communicate, would emotionally manipulate, and try to control a bit of what my ex did, I had/have self esteem issues, as well as abandonment issues, so I would also invade their boundaries more often than not, I realize now (I realized this at least a month ago) that I was a toxic individual who was mostly co dependent toward his partner, however, I truly hope to grow up and grow out of this personality and behaviour, because everything I did was disgusting and horrible. Also, I love the Bakuman (Moritaka and Takagi) characters, and did I see Osamu Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs?
You sure caught those references! You seem very self aware and a gentle soul! We are all a work in progress.
In the same boat. I think you'll definitely get there with time and repeated awareness ♥️
I LOVE the anime style and the jazz background music.
Thank you soo much! 🥺💖 I hope I can help you understand the topic better!
@@Ayacchi it really did.
codependency isn't all about control. codependency can stem from becoming emotionally dependent to someone and can't bare to have them leave. your mood becomes dependent on their's, and you can feel horrible when you are not around that person.
the problem arises when the other is too scared to communicate the issue until they can't think rationally enough to answer questions for clarification. you don't wait to tell someone until they royally screwed up or wait until you can't tolerate the person. sometimes the person doesn't even know they are screwing up in the first place until someone explicitly tells them, with words, in a direct fashion.
as someone who became emotionally codependent with a friend, I can confirm this. I didn't know I was being a problem until way too late. the other refused to communicate that I was bothering her until she couldn't communicate properly. I was confused and asked for clarification, but got nothing. if she would have told me sooner, I would have adjusted my behavior accordingly.
this is why you NEVER assume anything.
It was the exact same story for me. It's avoidant x anxious/disorganised in a nutshell. Or sometimes even two codependents, because I had a friend who felt like she needed to be needed and be a therapist friend, but also would get upset when people overstepped her boundaries that she overstepped herself first out of fear of being discarded. Communication is important and two parties are guilty when there isn't proper communication about an issue. Not just the perpetrator.
@@sparkstudies1675 I don't even get upset when boundaries are set. I just end up crossing the boundary without knowing it.
someone will get as codependent as you let them.
@@zadock6370 no yeah, I completely understand. I'm sorry about your lost friendships/relationships and sincerely hope that you're able to move forward with newfound wisdom in a positive way.
@@sparkstudies1675 thanks. I am definitely trying
I can think of some folks I'm acquainted with who need to watch this. And it seems to be the main reason for the increased number of people who choose to stay single in modern life.
That got nothing in third world countries who make babies especially the poor they think having a lot of children will make them rich.
Me watching a psych2go video 5 minutes after it comes out and expecting the summary to already be in the comments
YOU'RE THE BEST!
#Psych2go Can you do a video about signs of parent-child role switching and what to do about it? Like the child feels like they have to take care of their parent who acts like a child, depending on the actual child to meet all their needs, instead of doing it themselves.
Sure! What would we titled the video?
I come here to be a better partner, thank you for the video.
With support from friends and partners, I feel like it's okay not to agree with their decisions and choices they makes but don't put ultimatums, try to prove them wrong/talk them out of it (unless it causes harm to themselves or others), or say "I told you so". Making decisions for yourself can be hard already but having someone try to control or put their input on everything can be toxic. Always communicate your feelings and thoughts but remember its their life not yours.
I don't really relate to any of these sings, except the last one which is an accurate summary of my actions in relatively bad times. I always feel horrible when I see my close ones, especially my partner in a bad mood, I immediatly start feeling sad, anxious and desperate. I try my best to help them, even if not asked for, and feel absolutely awful when I can't do anything about it. I really want to find a solution for stopping to think that way, as it is way healthier for me and my partner in general
Also every time I mention that I want to reduce that feeling of responsibility, I feel a sense of guilt for even thinking that way
Do you think you might relate to the rescuer personality? Sometimes, you might want to tell yourself that you can have compassion for an individual but you must also learn to be turned off by them so you don't into the trap of trying to rescue or feel bad for them all the time.
@@Psych2go Martyr syndrome, something more severe, has also been suggested to me before. It's just so difficult not to worry about outcomes!