Survivors guilt

Lyrics:
I'd give anything,
to stop this hurting,
but if I'm not lying,
why do I stop trying?
I try to distract myself,
but never try to forget,
when the pain I self-inflict,
starts to slip,
I tighten my grip.
It hurts my heart
to keep you near,
because my deepest fear,
is you're long gone,
and I'm still here (ooh).
I'm screaming at the rain,
please take away my pain,
what's my plan,
I just want to feel
alive again (alive again).
Won't let myself surrender,
because the fading memories,
I barely remember,
are all I have left.
It hurts my heart
to keep you near,
because my deepest fear,
is you're long gone,
and I'm still here.