S*x With A Disability: Let's Talk About It
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- Intimacy with a disability may not be what you're thinking...
Do you agree or disagree? I'd love to hear your comments/feedback below!
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My Amputation Story!
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel has documented my journey adjusting to life with a visible disability as an amputee, and continues to be a haven to discuss physical and mental health!
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Reading your comments I think we need a part 2! I’m really interested in two things (if you’d care to share your thoughts and experience!)!
1. Do you think men with disabilities are seen/treated differently with sex and dating? If so, how?
2. Outside of the straight/cis experience, how do you feel disabled individuals are viewed/perceived/treated? Do you think it differs from cis/het relationships?
I think you’re right Jo. Part 2 would make sense. Plus any reason to see your lovely four legged co hosts. 😊
The people who are grossed out by and/or fetishize disabled people are also people interested in men. Presumably misogyny makes it more common for women to experience fetishization of any sort but I don't have data for that.
In my experience Queer people in general are a bit better about it but trans and/or intersex people in particular are excellent about disabilities. There's overlap and you might think "I am only interested in other disabled trans women" gives you a small dating pool but it absolutely does not.
I'm not super experienced, but as a mid-twenties bisexual man with CRPS and psoriatic arthritis (have been visibly disabled before to an extent with mobility aids, but not often currently due to PT and med changes) this is how things have gone for me. Never had a serious relationship, which obviously affects the kinds of experiences I've had. I don't put that I'm disabled on profiles, in part for safety reasons -- I care less about it being a dealbreaker and more about preventing people from seeking me out for being disabled (which, to be honest, I think happens less to men, but I'm still a little wary of it.) I do end up mentioning it before anything happens, though, just because I have physical limitations that can be relevant.
I'm less confident about it when approaching women than men -- I feel like there's an (outdated, societal) expectation to be the stronger, more physically able partner when I'm with a woman, where with two men it doesn't matter as much. That being said, that's kind of a "me" problem -- everyone I've been with has been entirely chill about me being disabled.
(edit: minor typo)
On 2. Female-female (or female-mtf) relationships in my experience have been much more understanding on a conversational and acceptance level on about a 9:1 ratio. I have been with multiple genders throughout my active life and have only been with one cis/het male who even somewhat didn't dismiss my disabilities. X
A lot of us queer folks are also neurodivergent, which may be considered a disability by itself.
I can confirm that being ace makes me not really desire a partner sexually, disabled or not. But having a disability definitely makes someone feel safer to be around (perhaps some shared experiences with being marginalized?) and therefore more likely to develop a relationship with.😮
How does the "obvious" affect sex? Well, having two large dogs on the bed must cramp one's style a bit.
😆
This was my thought as well!
I have a friend who's activities will sometimes get dog blocked. As someone not in the room that sounds hilarious.
Lol. Been there. 3 labs, wife's black companion dog, my chocolate, service dog, and our 5 month old silver puppy, that we are training to taie over a service role.
Yeah. At this point, we lock the bedroom door, or don't get privacy. Or interruptions.
One day, sex with my wife was interrupted by the cat bringing us a bird that still lived.
I lost my leg below the knee in Afghanistan.... My "wife" divorced me while I was still overseas in the hospital recovering. My girl now was my nurse. "Ya wanna humpy the stumpy" BEST PICKUP LINE EVER!!! 22 years and counting!
Thank you for your service. From a fellow older generation veteran
Thank again for your Service. I am a 78 year old Viet-nam Marine Veteran. 👌
@@RoySimonetti-zp7jvThank YOU for your service!!
And this chick abandoned her husband even after he accepted her loosing her leg. She is way too focused on the experience of sex. My guess she got bored with her husband and left him. You sound you found yourself a diamond a nurse who choose you inspite loosing your leg. Most women would have never done that. Lucky man.
Sorry for your loss... Your leg. Not your ex. Seems like that loss was a good one. As hard as it may have been to lose part of your leg, you would have never met your wife and had the amazing 22 years and counting. Wish you could have met her another way, but glad you are doing great. Also, thank you for your service. Though I am also a vet, I did nothing. I was in during peace time and never saw any dangerous duty. I respect those that did.
To Jo's dad:
I know she doesn't want you to watch this video, but I'll just summarize that she gave a very good and thoughtful treatment of an important and thorny topic. Kudos to you for raising a daughter who is up to that!
You said 'thorny'....
@@happyrabbit108 So?
Why would anyone even think about it being different for a person that has an amputation? Come on now. We are still all human and have the same needs and wants. Just because there is an amputation involved doesn't make a person lesser of a person!!! If it is not true sincere love and passion. Then it shouldn't happen anyway!!! True love and passion doesn't judge on the body!!! Yes i agree that there needs to be communication and consideration for the amputation involved. But it should still be the most beautiful intimate passionate sensational affectionate intense love and respect for each other!!! We are all unique and special in our own separate ways!!! And in God's eyes we are all in this together!!! All it takes is common sense and respect for each other!!!
Everyone needs true love and passion and experience true happiness!!!
You are an awesome and amazing woman!!!
Thank you for sharing!!!
When I lost my right arm in 2021 as a man I didn’t consider it a sexual issue, I was married and had been nearly 35 years.
The first time my wife and were together after my accident it still not become an issue because of the position we chose (by accident) her on top.
But the next time was different when I was on top and fell over. I never realized how much a man uses both arms during sex.
But like you said adjustments were made and now we are back much like before.
Thanks for your videos I have learned so much from you Jo.
Hello! I am not an amputee, I just like subscribing to channels that inform people, and have nice people behind them!
Same It's Nice To be open minded and see how other people's lives work yk? Interesting!
Ditto
I , like so many others, am not an amputee or a fetishist.
You are a powerful communicator who has a lot of experience and i think you could help so many others who are struggling with their own disabilities.
What a wonderful insight you give to others about your journey and daily challenges..
keep up the great work and blessings upon you Jo 😎👌🏼
Shut up
Hi coming from someone who is disabled not an amputee tho thank you for educating yourself it’s always nice to see :]
Thank you for addressing this. As a single amputee this has been an issue for me. Especially becoming more confident with my body post amputation. It's frustrating when people automatically feel that you are not supposed to be a sexual creature because you're missing a limb. I would love to see a part 2 to this.
My father was a quadriplegic. I learned as a mortified teen that he was able to have sex with his wife with the use of Viagra.
I maintain that's more than I ever wanted or needed to know as his child, but as a now married adult, I'm glad he was able to navigate that part of his life after a spinal cord injury. The woman who became his wife truly loved my father and they had a fulfilling life together until complications from his injuries took him.
Back then, UA-cam was in its infancy. The resources available to him were nothing like we've got now. I'm glad his doctors took him seriously and didn't write off his request as frivolous or say it didn't matter because he couldn't feel it.
I think for some people the reason they may not want to date someone with a disability is the concern about the extra “work” involved, but when the right person comes along that work isn’t a chore, it’s an expression of love.
Right. If you love them it's not work
Mate shes only lost a bit of her leg, it's not the end of the world.
@@NortyNige I said "for SOME PEOPLE" and on top of that, her video is a general video about dating people with a disability which could include someone who is blind or deaf or in a wheelchair etc.
As someone in a long-term committed relationship who has some mental health issues I decided long ago:
That I've seen the bad side of her and the good side of her and I choose BOTH. It truly is just profoundly an act of love. There is no work or effort when you both love unconditionally.
@@jamesfrankel7827 I disagree. I have mental issues (ptsd, other trauma disorders), not to mention a chronic lung disease, and I can't pretend like living with me isn't more work than living with a healthy person. I get sick 2-3 times a year and I mean really sick, I lie in bed for like two weeks and need someone to cook for me, clean for me and do everything for me that involves getting up for more than 5-10 minutes. I also can't work, so my partner essentially has to pay for both his life and my life too. Because of my mental issues, I'm sometimes a real piece of garbage and I don't say that out of self-hatred, it's just that when I'm at my worst, I fail to consider anything else but my feelings, I hurt people by accident (or sometimes even on purpose to push them away). Obviously I am in therapy for that and it is getting better, but it still happens. Oh, I'm also really bad at talking about things that bother me due to my trauma, I don't even recognize them until they have been bothering me for months, at which point it's a huge problem for me.
My partner loves me, but acting like being with me isn't also work would be a giant disservice to them. If you love them, you are willing to do the work, but it doesn't make the work suddenly make fun of stop bothering you. Just like me loving myself doesn't make the two hours of therapy I have to do each day feel like any less of a chore.
Of course there are different degrees of disabled and there are tons of disabilities where it really isn't any work and people are just scared for no reason, but it's not like real work suddenly stops being work just because you love someone.
3 years back, a paraplegic girl flirted and even said she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I didn't have much social experience at the time, so I was scared and broke it off with her. But, one reason I was scared was that I didn't know how sex with her would be possible. I knew how shallow that was, and I deeply regret and kinda hate myself for it.
The good thing is this: You can look back and realize how you felt because of your actions. Now you get the chance to do things totally different, if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future. If I were you, I would reach out to her, if you still have any contact with her and you want to resolve that issue, whether it be mentally or psychologically.
Meet her again and bang like no tomorrow
Self-growth is amazing! Don’t shame yourself for your decision then, it just wasn’t right at the time, and THATS OKAY. ❤
That is just a part of personal growth.
How about if a trans flirts with you? What are you going to do?
Your dogs are so cute! Thanks talking about this subject. It’s never an easy one to talk about. Love the room design.
I'm 70,bmi19, footless14 yrs. Black belt tiaquan do ,my training 60 years has saved my health and life. GO FOR LIFE LADY...
What is tiaquan do? A martial artist would not mis spell that.
Being dyslexic I read the thumbnail as "sex and durability"
😂
Also an...important topic? 😂
This is what I like about you, you stay classy no matter what the topic is. *God Bless You Always* 😊
As an older gentleman, with two daughters close to your age, I believe your dad should be very proud of how you grew up! You're an intelligent woman, very articulate in speaking about your life, your likes and dislikes, and good for you on being specific on the type of relationship you wish to have! Kudo's to you, in helping others that will see this, and hopefully feel good about themselves!
Great stuff, as my wife is going thru this, I'm sure as many breast cancer survivors who had mastectomies, are very self conscious. I just try to tell her how awesome she still looks.
I love you so much Jo! Recently, I’ve had a big, life-changing spinal surgery as I have spent some of my life dealing with paralysis (when I was younger). As a 25-year-old woman, I have had wheelchairs, leg braces, crutches, etc. to help me walk and move for a great portion of my life. Going through all of this, my mind is filled with questions every single time I go into surgery or some medical issue. How will this effect my mobility, career (as I dancer), love life, etc. I really enjoy your channel as I get to see you openly talk about your adverse life, which is a topic I hated talking about growing up. (I really disliked the topic of being the kid with leg braces or one that had to skip a lot of school.) Thank you so much for everything you have done to normalize disabilities as you bring a smile to my face and remind me I am not alone every single time I see your post! ❤
If someone falls in love with your soul they DO NOT SEE the disability .....they feel the unconditional love that is pure magic no matter how one looks on the outside ❤
As a former self defense instructor your heightened awareness is a good thing that I tried to instill in everyone I taught. You can be armed to the teeth & unsafe if you're unaware or much safer in nothing but a swimsuit(or less) if you're alert. Being aware isn't being paranoid & will have no psychological effect on you other than getting to enjoy pleasant things you might have missed. Life is also better when you avoid potentially bad situations because they don't seem right. The only fight you ever win is the one you avoid.
As a man raised in a Christian home, I still abhor the shame churches(not true Christians) have built around a highly pleasurable act that's also totally necessary for survival of a species. This originated more as a control mechanism for churches than as a perceived aid to salvation. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it; the problem starts when you play games with it as a means to an end. Churches found women easier to shame & manipulate than men & also learned that controlling women could bring men under control as well. In my opinion, churches are just as guilty of using it - albeit in the opposite direction - as a means to their end.
I wish you well in your journey.
Thanks for shining some light on this Jo. As someone born with CP going through that discovery process was pretty neat for me. I found out I'm a sex nerd & have built a rad toy chest. I also found a fantastic chair aid
So what your saying is you are like batman with sex toys
I also had my leg amputated voluntarily to cure myself of the chronic pain, paralysis, and fibromyalgia. I was on heavy doses of pain meds for 22 years after a rare form of malignant tumor behind my thigh. My leg was amputated above the knee and in my case it did cure me of chronic pain which allowed me to go back to work with no phantom pain. I feel for you enduring all the pain even after amputation. You are doing so well despite the uphill battle.
Ugh this is such a huge topic. I love that you are addressing it. I have chronic pelvic pain and loss of feeling in that area along with loss of other functions in that area. It has complicated even thinking about engaging with someone in my mind. It’s very depressing. You can really get in your head about it especially when you feel like everyone in the world is enjoying intimacy except Fate has decided you will not get to. It’s a real mindf*ck. Thanks for speaking about this, Jo.
If you're in constant pelvic pain, it stands to reason that you're not interested in sex
@@9983sp but interpersonal intimacy might still be wanted or even non pelvic sexual activities, (kissing, unclothed touching, whatever)
I have a little different problem. I had an intestinal blockage and ended up with a bag for my poop. Since then my partner really doesn't ever touch me in that area and is not interested in in trying to engage in any type of sexual play. I feel your pain only in a different way.
@@Sherry-jx9hs I am so sorry that you have experienced that, it sounds so heartbreaking 😢
Have you tried pelvic floor PT? My entire nether regions were practically destroyed after child birth. Pelvic floor PT helped me in less than 2 months after I had suffered with pain during sex and incontinence for so long.
Trying not to sound creepy, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. Your outlook on things seems to be positive and great. I have great respect for you and how you made your decision and deal with the aftermath.
It's not creepy to tell someone they are beautiful as long as it's done respectfully.
I have EDS, and my specialist referred my husband and I to his team of physiotherapists. They started by showing my ways I can protect my body from damage (and hence pain) in normal everyday life. They then moved on to showing my husband how to help me, without hurting himself, and then we ended up discussing sex. It was very helpful that they were so matter of fact about it all. It was enormously helpful learning about various positions, and the how to make it an enjoyable, non-painful experience.
If people get a chance to have a discussion with physios then please do. It was really helpful.
Similar experience recently with my urology nurse practitioner. Diabetes, ED, BPH, HRT for zero testosterone. I regret hesitating so long. Very professional, upbeat, supportive and above all informative! I was living with and accepting stuff that had easy solutions. I thought I'd researched online enough, but the patient-specific consultation still gave me several very positive surprises.
See a professional. You'll not regret it!
ooooh thanks for this!! only ever been to physical therapy this sounds great
Fellow zebra. We never had the physio side of things until i had a stroke i shouldn't have had because EDS made it impossible. Yeah guess they got that wrong. But it takes just one nurse or doctor to change your life.
I was suffering heavily after the stroke. I felt like i was someone else looking in on my life.
I lost about 10 years worth of memory. I was in pain because EDS makes my toes want to dislocate at the worst possible opportunity! It's agonising.
Well my nurse told me about all the body stockings and stuff you can wear, she came out to the house and had them make changes to make it better for me.
This was all because of one nurse who took the time to talk to me and find out how bad life was at the time. I'm doing much better now! It feels good.
Also been watching Jo for a while and her videos are brilliant. Keep up the good work Jo!
@@mitchyk thank you so much for sharing🥲
People say that EDS is a rare condition, but it's also one of the most common disabilities I see people on the internet saying they have, so something's not adding up here.
Hey Jo. I’m a 42 year old woman, and I started watching your content a couple years ago. I started this video and while I watched, I unexpectedly started crying. I am waiting to see a rheumatologist to be diagnosed with what I think is either Rheumatoid arthritis or ankylosing spondylitis, and my decreased mobility and constant pain are making my life frustrating at best. I am really confused as to why I started tearing up, but I think it’s most likely seeing your strength in the face of disability. None of us think these things can happen to us, but they certainly can, and you are TRULY an inspiration to me. You are so intelligent and compassionate, and you are an advocate for those of us who have a few extra struggles. Thank you for this.
Hey Jo! I'm also a Jo! I'm not an amputee, but i was just 32 when i had 60+ staples up my middle. A year later, i had 60+ staples in the same spot. This made the scar much thicker. I had a lot of issues on my part. I was worried what a partner would think about my substantial scar.
Well...i was the only one who actually worried about it, or even noticed it. Committed and non committed relationships, no one was bothered by it, but me.
If they are truly into you, your scar doesn't matter.
@@9983sp exactly 😊
I'm 56 now, a lot more scars. I don't think I plan on showing anyone else my scars. I lost my husband after 18 years, he was only 45. I haven't even thought about dating or anything else. It's been over 3 years. Nothing to do with scars, I just feel like I'm still married.
@@9983sp sorry to ramble!!
Scars is only proof of you having a life! Nothing to worry about as I see it. Love is all about minds and " lust" is all about body.
My wife had a scare like that and a lot more on her legs
A disability is the least of people's worries. It is truly the communiocation, the bonding, the working through things to better the relationship. Loss of a limb isn't/shouldn't be an issue.
Thank you. I needed this right now. I have a few physical and invisible disabilities and I have been struggling with this. My partner and I have been together for over 11 years, but for various reasons, had stopped being intimate. Since then, my disabilities have gotten worse. He has been wanting to be more intimate recently, and I have been feeling weird about it - about myself, not about him. Your video made me realize I need to rethink things about myself, have some honest, open chats with him, and try again. Thank you.
Understand what you are saying. I was with a woman for many years. She had breast cancer, which drs had removed both of her breasts because the cancer was really spread out. She was doing pretty good after, then something happened in her chemistry and she passed. I was taking her out , showing her good times, love, friendship. She loved swimming, we went to public pool. But the looks came about in social settings, ive had other men give me horrible looks, i could read their thoughts about me and her, Thought we were a gay couple, they thought she was a transgender. It was horrible that people who had such judgement who have disabilities. I was furious for both her and myself for that kind of judgement. When she did pass, that was a very hard thing to come to terms with, that she was subjected to such terrible people.
Thank you for discussing this. I have invisibility disabilities, and communication is vital! Because of all my physical and mental concerns, I often do not feel sexual or don't physically feel upto sex. This has been a battle as my husband is very sexual. Thankfully, he is very patient and understanding. Over the past 3 years, we have gotten into a kind of rhythm, and my husband remembering he can always ask anytime, but I have the right to veto or alter his request.
Also, thank you for your adorable dogs, I loved watching them sleep and cuddle you.
Communication is absolutely key, though for me it was almost the opposite. My wife was always concerned about jacking up my heart rate during intimacy (triggering a panic attack), or somehow freaking me out in another way after I was diagnosed because I was super sensitive to physical touch. I'd always jolt if she came up behind me, or freeze up if something startled me. The joys of untreated PTSD. It kind of hurt our relationship, thinking that she saw me that way (what I thought was pity), but after talking about it learned was genuine concern. With counseling and medication, those concerns are a little more distant, but I honestly don't think our romantic relationship would have survived without communication.
Considering my background, communication was kind of off the table before I met her.
I honestly don’t mind dating someone that has a prosthetic and don’t listen to people that say that Jo I think you are cute I honestly would date you don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do anything people that have a prosthetic are capable of doing anything much love Jo from Alexander ❤️
A superlative presentation that on so many levels covered the broad spectrum of what is needed in any intimate relationship! Communication is critical in sexual relationships, especially with someone with an obvious or invisible disability! I engaged in an intimate relationship with a lady who had a leg amputation below the knee for a few years. It was wonderful; however, phantom pain and past trauma intruded on our sex life frequently. Through concentrated communication and therapy (for Both of us), we grew and experienced a beautiful connection. How good did it get? She would say that she wanted to exceed the number of sexual positions in the Kama Sutra with me! We definitely tried as much as we could. That was not the best part at all. It was the connection we had that was very deep. She passed quietly and in peace that occurred from an expected complication of one of her disabilities. That was over twenty years ago, but she lives, still within me.
Doggo's - "Wake us up when you've finished, Mom! 💖"
Question for yoy, do you ever look at your tattoos and be like "jeesus i forgot I did that?" I started my right sleeve this year and i still feel thay way
As always, I appreciate your willingness to talk openly, frankly, and respectfully on these topics (whether it's intimacy or something less private).
You're so right about communication being key in relationships.
I can say from my own experience. My amputation is very small in comparison but it definitely changed things for me. I lost the upper part of my right pointer finger when I was 14 years old. I had not experienced sex at that time. But later in life it effected my confidence and my attitude. You are an inspiration to anyone with an amputation. By the way you are super gorgeous and very beautiful.
Hi Jo!!! Love your videos, you’re an inspiration to many of us.
Sending you hug, love & support ❤
I grew up in Christian schools and when it came to sex. I got married way to early so we wouldn’t feel guilty. Shocking, ended in divorce. I love how you describe what you when through and thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for doing this video! I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome so have a lot of pain in my joints and back which have impacted my ability to be intimate. In fact, my last partner told me he was leaving because he couldn’t cope with my disability…! I was trying to function as a ‘normal’ person and so my body was failing to cope with the strain it was under. I’ve been single and had the company of my two rescue cats for the last 7 years and tell people I’m happy as I am, but as a 40 year old woman who always had the higher s*x drive, I miss it and wish I could find someone who accepts me for the person I am today, not the person I was before I got so sick…
I would love to see you do more content like this, and would happily contribute through a survey or on your other platforms if you do decide to do another one 😊 🇬🇧
Fellow hypermobile human!! I’m currently diagnosed with Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. I just want to say I’m so sorry this happened to you and you deserve much better!! 💕 from OH, USA
Your story has resonated with me so much on so many levels. Being single is a thousand times better than being with the wrong person, but you truly deserve someone who will love you as you are and meet you where you're at.
Thank you @cassieorosz8528 and @charliebrown1184 - I really appreciate your kind words 🥰
I always thought it would be an honor and privilege to meet someone who would be happy to love me and accept me for who i am and where i am in life. Therefore to me it doesn't matter what the case is. The outside appearance and the health situation should never be an issue. True love and passion is from the heart!!! And true love is unconditional no matter what the situation is!!! That is why it angers me when people leave or breakup with someone because of a disability!!! That is not true love and passion!!! Maybe i don't have a disability or health issue!!! But i am still single and lonely. To me leaving someone because of a health issue or some kind of disability is totally unforgivable!!! Everyone is a great person in their own unique way!!!
Hi I'm you, the 40 yr old woman ❤🇺🇸 over seas Yet same boat same(ish) story (they can't be exactly the same 😉) I have hEDS that's got to the point I need a wheelchair to get around, one of the main reasons I was told to "get out." Ive all but stopped dating because well all they see is disability and illness not the human, but damn do I miss affection. In my younger years- not long ago AT ALL these should still be our younger years, I was definitely a sexual being but now how can I? It hurts too much both inwardly and outwardly when your rejected over and over again.
I don't know how a lost limb is a disability when prosthetics have came so far you might as well be a cyborg. Personally I think it is cool af and maybe in the future people will purposely be amputees to get a stronger arm like cyberpunk. As long as you can have a prosthetic you are fine. Idk what the big deal is for a lot of people and it also reminds me of I Robot haha, Great Vid 💪😈🔥
As someone with physical disabilities but not visible ones (scoliosis, osteoarthritis, and the one I'm feeling very acutely at the moment, extensor tenosynovitis), I can go on at length at how it affects intimacy, and that's not even getting into how my antidepressants affect my function, or that I'm a trans woman who is only intimate with other women, cis and trans, and the occasional enby. Honestly, I'd expect that the phantom pain, fibromyalgia, and the migraines would have much more of an impact on your love life than the leg, especially since you still have a knee on that side, at the risk of being perhaps a bit crude.
EDIT: also, your nubbin is adorable, at least in my opinion.
And, as a trans woman, I can *strongly* relate to that fetish problem. There are men who are into trans women in a big way, and it's specifically because of… well, if you're on the internet, I'm sure you can guess. In transfem circles, we refer to them as chasers, which can make hearing the word in other contexts more than a little jarring.
fucking chasers jfc. with you all the way here sister
I have many things to say about this topic.
But I will only tell you an event that happened to me recently.
I was spending an afternoon with my family when we started talking about relationships. At a certain point, I make a joke saying: "my brother and I will end up living alone together" (referring to our picky characters).
Then my aunt replied: "You will be in three in the same house!” For an handful of seconds I was confused so then I asked her: “What do you mean, why three?”And she replied: “Surely your brother will have a partner”.
Obviously, the implication is that, due to the numerous and rare chronic illnesses I have, I will never find anyone who can love me.
I felt anger and sadness, but my message is to transform these feelings into pity and compassion. Something like “God forgive them, for they know not what they say.” (Sorry if I just “abused” a verse from the Bible).
God bless you all.
Congratulations on escaping the shame. And thank you for sharing your perspective! ❤
I had a friend about you age who lost a leg on the same spot during fight with the cancer. She wear protestic leg about year and half. She go hiking, play LARP's and was the same strong, beautifull women.
Her husband was with her till the last hours and I never again saw so nice, true loveled couple.
For me, if man met so beautifull woman with amazing charisma like you Jo and only see you leg like so kinde bad issue... its weird.
Have nice day Jo and thank you for this film. I sure Sonia (her name) agree with you like 100%
Great video. Very informative and vulnerable at the same time, yet pressing on to address the topic at hand. I admire your pluck.
She would give killer beejays. She's good. 10/10.
I (male) lost my left eye to retinoblastoma (a juvenile cancer) when I was one year old and wore a prosthetic eye. My dating life sucked until I was 19. I met an 18-year-old girl who truly didn't reject me for it, wasn't repulsed by it, in point of fact, she didn't care about it. It was a part of me and she accepted it. Even fell in love with me and I with her (I still am). My insecurities undermined the relationship eventually.
A few months later, I met another girl, this one two years older than me. We dated, became engaged, then one evening, she dropped a bomb on me (while I was ill with pneumonia). She broke it off, telling me she'd "be marrying me out of pity." What did that even mean? She refused to explain herself.
I married a girl two years later. She was a misandrist. I stayed 12 years because I didn't want to be alone. She took so much from me; not money or property, but mentally and emotionally.
And lately, I've found myself thinking that I would give up all I have, all the superficial and trivial posessions I've accumulated to have Sue (the first girl I mentioned) back.
I am a 70 year old blind man, been blind since i was 2 years old. attitude is everything. dating was tough as a teen. keeping my self fit and socially active got me through. i had so many blessings through my life because i kept striving. it is clear from me learning other peoples stories feeling a victim people will treat you like one striving there are many people are willing to be a part of your life. and we see that even just reading these comments. I as a blind person admire the strength and courage of others who's challenges are so much greater than mine.
Hey I'm not a perv, I'm european I need a picture to understand.
Missionary prob works as intended but doggy? Cowgirl? Standing?
If your not comftable with it I'm sorry, maybe don't make a video about it,
but I come from a sudo wrestling backround, so I'll always think about stability and force required.
And yes I'm very sorry you had a fundamentalistic christian childhood, people in Bangladesh think it's
not ok to visit their own daughters after marriage(maybe they could hear her having sex) Don't let that
be you!
Your room has drastically changed. Do you move again? Or did you just change things around? I like the colours!
Thank you - I did move a little while ago!
@@FootlessJoNeat! 😁
Thank You For Your Phenomenal
Global Outreach People Support
🙏💜🌍💜🙏
I think that your boudoir photos made me feel a lot more comfortable, because it was validating. I also believe, for me, if I can't talk to my partner about sex I have no business being in bed with whomever. I am worth having my needs and feelings met, no matter how wrird I am feeling about my body. Thank you Jo for being forthright and open. We disabled folks need and deserve representation! Hugs to your pets & you.
Well it should not matter if she got a leg or not got a leg. She is still the same person that you married and she is still that person you will love her the same way you did before it happened to her. That's how I feel about that!!!
Great video Jo. I am going to chime in this subject matter and say this. Being a RBK amputee for only 3.5 years I have discovered that your sex drive changes. For all the reasons that you mentioned. The real change comes when you are older. Right now, at 30-something you are in your prime. So really it is about choice for you. Being a single older gentleman, life is different. When I am in the gym, women say, " Oh, I didn't realize. People want to give you a million sorry explanations that you work out harder than they do. My biggest fear I have overcome was how the world treats me. My expectation is my reality, so I no longer worry about it. I see how the world treats seniors, children, and people with disabilities or challenging situations. I have learned to maneuver around it. I humbly suggest that if GOD puts someone in your life, receive it with grace. As an amputee, you are always going to have somewhat of a vulnerability. about life, sex, and numerous other things in general. I think the thing I miss most is dancing. I was an athlete both collegiately and military. I had my amputation later in life, so I suggest as a friend just enjoy your life unapologetically and let God be the judge. Just so that you know, you were my day 1 inspiration post my amputation, so I say thank you. My suggestion is you should invite a round table or live and have these discussions and hear from other AMPUTEES because we know these conversations become real and therapeutic. Thank you for your platform. You ROCK!!!!
So well said. ❤❤
What's RBK?
@@Jasper_4444 Hello it's Right Below Knee Amputee. Thanks for asking..
@@ogsan1296Thank you!
Hi Jo, First a question; how long did it take you to not see your disability? The reason I ask is because I was burned when I was 9 yrs old, my neck/under chin, upper top of my body and both forearms and wrists. I had six operations of skin graft and scar tissue removal. This all happened between 5th and 8th grade, pre to early teens. During that time into high school and college I saw scars, also on my thighs where skin was taken for elsewhere on my body, on my neck and arms, neck and legs covered with clothing. It wasn’t until later in college that I began to NOT see the scars. Being the only one in elementary, jr h s, and h s, as far as I knew, that was burned in my mind just made me feel different. But when I began to not see the scars I noticed that others didn’t see them and only saw me. The scars were still there but they no longer defined me, in my own mind. I’m 75 married twice,36 years now with my second wife. It’s been quite the journey as more serious things have happened to me that more than over shadowed being burned and scars.
The issue gets even more gnarly, when you start to consider people with mental/cognitive disabilities. Because they do have the same feelings, needs, and rights as any other person.
Amen! I have mental and physical health concerns, and it sucks sometimes!
Hard agree. Luckily I was out of the dating scene when I was diagnosed, and well into a happy marriage, but there were certainly some things we had to work around as a married couple. I was always comfortable confiding in a long term partner, but I have a feeling it would have looked a lot different if I was casually dating. There is an extra layer of vulnerability you expose to someone when you tell them.
I always hated the way some people saw me after I told them, and that wasn't even in an intimate scenario. Takes energy to be that open, and puts you at risk unfortunately.
Stay safe!
Jo, another great video. But we need to address the elephant-in-the-room from this video (and it wasn’t your leg!). It’s your hair. You are not blonde. Your hair is medium brown. And it’s a beautiful brown, but it’s still brown. You’re a brunette.
i completely ADORE how much reflection you fit into such short videos! ppl can always talk abt how purity effects ppl & go “yea that sucks”, but putting in perspective that your religion has effected this more than being an amputee is VERY eye opening. thanks!
From the military I now have hip replacement and pin on other side. Nothing like you but my hip will definitely make some clickity clacks during the clam slam which I think is hilarious..... either way.....I as well make sure anyone knows from the beginning lol
When you mentioned how your upbringing and the shame associated with sexuality, it made me think about my own upbringing in that regards. I denied the fact that I was gay for a long time because of that very thing. It was thanks to friendships that I was able to come to terms with the fact that I’m gay and then start discovering other aspects of my own sexuality.
I always find snuggling difficult with two arms. It's very annoying. But the rest of the time, two are very useful.
Glad you addressed the harm that comes from the "purity culture" movement. I'm a survivor of that sick mess also, and it's taken years of therapy and hard work to get free. It has been worth every bit of the struggle with shame and despair.
So much unnecessary claptrap and misery, and it still affects the lives of millions.
Calling it out is brave, heroic, and a worthy public service.
Don’t ever put yourself down please. You are a very beautiful intelligent lady.
I’m an amputee. To be honest, I had doubted if I’d ever be able to be in a normal relationship again after the amputation. But it was such a silly idea! Now I’m with such a caring partner who unconditionally loves me no matter what. I gotta say I was surprised that I barely found differences compared to before. Love is love. ❤️
Thanks for bringing up this topic, I always love your videos! Plus I totally agree with your last line, phantom pain is a real b**ch lol
Thanks for this comment. I am new - BKA on September 27th. Home a few days ago. Will be some time before I get my prosthesis. I truly appreciate Jo. Found her channel within a couple days of my surgery. I’m grateful that so many people have been doing good by being honest about their lives. Wish you to be
Happy
Joyous
Free
PS. I am looking forward to getting that new foot and finally walking my dog again. Simple pleasures bb
If youve been in one youll likely find another. I just cant understand how people find relationships and love, been single for 25 years and at this point I cant help but think Im mentally impaired in some way
Sophie and Leo just look too comfortable 😂❤❤❤
They deserve ALL the comfort!!
Thanks for your positive discussion.
Off topic. Just in my experience dating apps are hot garbage, at least on the male side. I know I don’t look like Henry Cavil, but if someone isn’t interested, just unmatch, don’t ghost.
2:20 your hair looks like a "Dirty Blonde" which is sort of like brown hair mixed with blonde hair, so yeah i would say blonde specifically dirty blonde
I am super grateful there is someone out there talking openly about maybe more difficult topics around disability! I have been in a wheelchair for four years. And it was such a freeing experience to see that S… indeed isn’t so much different than it was in my mind. I had an awesome partner. For him it was just there. Nothing more, nothing less. Perfect!
I'm super happy that you're super grateful, and I just super wanted you to super know that. Quit abusing my language.
IF at anytime a man has a problem with your foot being gone they are a idiot ! You are beautiful on the outside as well on the inside!
Just remember that ok..
A man should love you just the way you are.
Hyper sensitivity could be a issue for you during sex but they have creams for that to help.
If you are happy should be only thing that matters in that area.
Thank you for this video! If anyone is interested in more content about this topic, Hannah Witton has a bunch on her channel, including a roundtable discussion about sex and disability in general and a video series about how different disabilities affect sex and relationships. It's cool to see how many experiences are shared, we just dont talk about them.
Hannah is great! Another great resource on UA-cam is Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (deaf, hEDS, and HHNP are her main disabilities).
Hi Jo, from the UK, you are amazing, I am much older, the loss of your leg is not a problem to me, in fact it's a scratch, after testicular cancer one of the brothers went away, let's say it certainly makes women laff, don't get yourself down, just believe in yourself ❤❤
Thank you for this video, I'll send it to a blind person I intend to engage with... Such activities. We've talked about sex and what we like and dislike and I just want to make him feel comfortable with me and all that. I appreciate the immense trust he has cause he can't even see me yet he's willing to do this. I dunno. I just like making people feel comfortable and nice. You rock as always, Jo ❤❤❤
I had the weirdest curiosity pop in my head completely separate from the video and not at all transphobic in intent. I will try to word this as PG as possible. This is purely scientific curiosity when I wonder, do trans women who decide to have bottom surgery ever experience phantom sensations in the appendage that is altered?
It's hard to comment on this video without sounding like a creep but I genuinely think that you're one of the most beautiful people that I've seen, both physically but also as a person. Anybody who can't see beyond your leg, making it a deal breaker is crazy and it's their loss. I've dated two women with disabilities, and yes it can take extra care and adjustments but it's everybit as enjoyable and that extra care/support/consideration you may need to give a disabled partner can actually enhance the bond between you. Speaking as a 37 year old able-bodied single man, if I meet someone I like, the presence of a disability is not the slightest bit off-putting. Brilliant video 👏
Right on man my wife of 44 yrs was handicapped from birth
I don't have anyone now. I have sleep apnea. I have arthritis in both legs and knees and im one shoulder. I have new fret braces and orthodic shoes. I use a walking cane. I have a shower chair. I really don't know how that will be accepted. I physically can't move in the bed like i used to. I am also very heavy.
When you hit one million subs, very soon BTW, treat yourself to a cruise to Bermuda. Just because.
As a disabled person, thank you for making content like this. Also your dogs are adorable!
You ended talking about phantom pain. My great grandpa lost his leg in a railroad accident. He insisted that his toes were crossed and had his brother dig up the leg to uncross the toes. They were crossed and afterward no longer felt that sensation. Wild, huh?
This made me giggle helplessly -- I love you so damn much! Thanks for this, from one amputee to another! So glad you tackled this! And yeah, your approach feels right on target!
I have lived with Spina Bifida all my life its very hard to even want to engage with anyone new and takes a very long time to even be comfortable with sharing my issues i deal with...
I completely feel this way too that purity culture has been a much bigger struggle when it comes to intimacy, especially sex related intimacy, than being disabled. Not only did the purity culture I was raised with told me that sex was evil but also I had this instilled feeling that if I was having sex that I needed to please my partner so much so that I'd get upset at my body for having limitations and not being able to do everything or getting tired/in pain easily. From my experience the biggest thing about purity culture is not just staying away from sex, but that your body is not yours and it is there to please others in whatever way they see fit (sex or not). So it's been really difficult learning and experiencing that I have limitations and I have to adapt to my body, and that most importantly - that is okay to do. Sex, intimacy, all of it, is just as much about you and your own pleasure/wants/needs than your partner(s) - if not even more so important.
As someone (male) who grew up beneath a hyper legalistic fundamentalist and evangelical on top of physical disabilities, including ones directly effecting sex mentally and physically, this was something I needed today. I'm still no where near the point where I can do much of anything, no matter how enthusiastic and excited my partner is, without full on disassociation, without even touching the physical part of my issues, but I understand that it's a process, and a difficult one. It's reassuring to see that there really is a point where you come out the other side and that you can be happy there. Thank you.
Thank you so much for doing this video. This has been something I've thought a lot about in the year since my amputation.
1:19 “This is not a sponsored message” Who could it be sponsored by? The CEO of sex?
Absolutely love how open you are with almost any topic , physically different people shouldn't be afraid of having relationships or be shamed for their differences , we just want to be treated the same as others
You’re so easy going, learning about such topics is helpful when your personality is so inviting. Thank you for teaching and sharing ❤
I am not an amputee. Yet no matter who a person is your still you!!! For me personal connection and chemistry work for me. Love your videos Jo. Thanks for sharing.
Part of intimacy is accepting you partner the way they are and helping them achieve their dreams a great relationship is based on communication and the companionship
Completely unrelated, but I adore your wall design and the matching cube bins.
Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest with all of this!
Love everything you are say it so true about you and they other person how they feel about you sexually so smart how you think beautiful and have below my right knee cut off
im an AKA. Majority of my body is fused in the joints. I do not let it stop me. I get the, "can you have sex in your situation?" I tell them of course I can. I do have some issues that are a problem, but that is where communication comes in. As long as you are honest with the person your with then there shouldn't be a problem; for the most part. Thank you for doing this video.
So beautiful. Such a wonderful host. Are you single?
It took my husband a long time to deal with the physical change. He didn't handle it well. It took years.
That sounds really, really difficult...I'm sorry friend. 💜
@@FootlessJo Thank you so much. We worked through it. We've been married almost 30 years and we are tough and weren't going to let it defeat us.
My wife had Polio at six that left her without the use of her left arm. She had several boyfriends before me and we were married for 51 years. Sex was never a problem for us once we worked out what worked for us and what didn’t resulting in two great kids. I did notice some people looking weirdly at her on occasion but it never bothered me at all.
I have a partially paralyzed arm and leg. Been with the same person since i was 15 (like 30 years). The only issue I have is some positions kind of suck when you dont have full mobility of all your limbs.
Your tattoo collection is awesome!
Awww thank you!!
Your dogs are amazingly calm and passive. Wow.
Hey jo! Fellow LBK here, and as a guy I have had some funny situations. For instance, taking a break and I go use the bathroom. I don't wanna take the leg on then off, you get it. Anyway I come back and the lady is laughing her ads off. Talking about how as I'm hoping my man below is just bounching as I'm hopping. All she could get out before dieing of laughter was how it was like a ball in a sing along, and proceeds to sing lambchops.
Not to get into detail but by dawn she found Jesus. 😂
I am in colorado springs and would love to talk. Not many can relate and would appreciate a friend to talk with on this level.
The extreme jump cutting makes it seem like a crazy person talking.
Wow Jo! A huge round of applause to you! I am absolutely certain that it took several takes, as well as quite a few run-ups to gather the momentum to overcome your evangelical background as well as the well-founded fear of abuse as a disabled person to take on this topic.
I do hope that the vast majority of people on your channel will be supportive, understanding, helpful, or nurturing. I fear that yes, there will be (hopefully) only a minute number of people that are bigoted enough that deny you your status as a very attractive woman who has needs and desires that not only can be satisfied, but NEED to be satisfied. Not necessarily to any and all excess but as often as you feel the need and desire.
No, I am not trying to come on to you, and hopefully I don't come across as creepy. You are young enough to be my daughter if I had started really early on.
No, I am neither into the disability fetish scene, but a disability wouldn't be a reason for me either not to seek out a physical relationship with a woman. No, I have nothing against any person from the LGBTQ+ group; it's just that I don't roll that way. More power to you if any of you are.
A good older female friend of mine recently discovered (about 18 months ago) that she was still a desirable, sexually attractive woman at the age of 71. She went out after her second husband died another 18 months earlier and re-entered the online dating scene. Her second husband was not intimate with her for nearly 20 years, and she felt neglected. So when she found out the advances online dating had taken over 20 years since her last marriage she was delighted to find that despite her age, despite a one-sided mastectomy due to breast cancer, despite two artificial hip replacements, she was still a sexual person who had desires and needs. That she could finally find someone who would find pleasure in fulfilling her needs, as well as find mutual pleasure in her.
I find that mindset so refreshing, so wonderfully open-minded. I believe if we all could come to accept that despite all of our limitations, be they by perception or by physical reality, we still don't loose our mental demands, and that it is a biological necessity to have them fulfilled in so far as it doesn't affect anyone else negatively.
The fulfillment of one necessity ends where the rights and health of others are negatively impacted.
Your beautiful. I have false teeth and that doesn't stop me from eating.
Man there's something so inspiring about seeing amputees living happy, successful lives. I'm not an amputee myself but I am disabled so I feel like if someone with a physical disability like an amputee can live like that then I can too
You definitely can in the company of the right people. :)
that's the inspiration we should go for
“Don’t criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their boots!”
It’s encouraging to see such positive comments.
Keep up the good work, Jo.
Safe and Happy Trails,
R/R@W/W
R/R@W/w