Dylan Garity - Friend Zone (Button Poetry First Readings)
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
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Dylan Garity, performing at Soap Boxing Poetry Slam in Saint Paul, MN.
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Button Poetry is committed to developing a coherent and effective system of production, distribution, promotion and fundraising for spoken word and performance poetry.
We seek to showcase the power and diversity of voices in our community. By encouraging and broadcasting the best and brightest performance poets of today, we hope to broaden poetry's audience, to expand its reach and develop a greater level of cultural appreciation for the art form.
im the guy in the background that keeps going "COME ON COME ON LETSGOLETSGOLETSGO"
Huley Sow 😂😂😂😂
same, combined with the very loud masculine "Fuck Yeah" at the end
yay i made the 1k like
"You cannot kill a monster until you're willing to see it in the mirror" This is perfect
+Mike Lena How inappropriate to have itself featured in a 'poem on friend-zone'!
shit. that line.
how is that inappropriate?
His shaking made my heart warm
I was legit pissed off for a good minute and a half lmao good save man. Beautiful transition. I love when people realize it's ok to admit you were wrong.
+Vanessa Gonzalez Wrong how? I'm curious.
+Markelhay Wrong like "I used to think that girls owed me sex and romantic relationships just because I was nice to them, and that was a totally wrong and fucked-up way to think, like what the hell, middle-school me, that's not cool."
That's very true. But if you cut out the want of a sexual relationship out of the "friend zone", does it become a mutual friendship? The boy often treats the girl as special, willing to do anything for her. That's not how friendships work. So how was he wrong? Because being asked to continue such a "friendship" is not healthy.
The concept of being used is very real, especially when she's your girlfriend. I did what I could; I stopped trying. I see guys stumbling over their words, I see them acting courteous, I see them paying up front. While I just watch, knowing I'm not ready.
At this point it feels like an excuse, and so I ask you: Wrong how? Because what I'm doing doesn't feel right either.
SAME
+Markelhay How about just treat them like any other friend then?
lmao the guy at the end that was like "FUCK YEAH!!!" I'm him
This poem is very important. This is a person who realized their way of thinking was wrong and destroyed it. This is a person who realized they were in the wrong.
We need more people like this. We need this so people, especially those who are female, do not have to be afraid to say "no" when someone asks them out. So people who become uncomfortable around these types of people don't have to change their routes just to avoid them. So people don't try to persuade others into dumping and/or cheating on their significant other to date them. Don't believe these happened? This all happened to me. Guys have made me afraid to say no to them. It's not that I hate men, or that I believe that all men are evil, but these specific men. The "nice guys," the "friend zoned" boys. This is why we need this poem. We need to end the problem and make these people aware.
+Shannon Holmes No. What is the problem in this situation? No. A word that defines and answer and a lack of ones own ability. No. To say No. You can't say No because you might lose all the poser friends in your life. No is the reason. No Is the Answer.
Sometimes you say no and they don't care, they take it anyway or hurt you or stalk you because they don't like the answer no. The problem is not with girls not saying no, the problem is that boys don't like hearing it.
Myka Derk yes im currently in a situation where I told a guy that I just wanted to stay friends but he just doesnt want to understand it and keeps making me uncomfortable by constantly texting me and expecting the same amount of effort to me
*from me haha
Props to this guy. Why do some guys think a woman's friendship is so worthless? I really want to know. Do men make better friends? The 'friend zone' complaint is confusing to me because friends are great to have.
Sasha Pants sometimes you want more
The complaint usually comes from the fact that you spend so much time trying to befriend them due to them having you do so to see whether they'd want to be with you but then after investing all of that time they just are uninterested without letting you know ahead of time.
Generally yes, men make better friend. Also, it suck to be friend with someone you romantically interested in while they interested in someone else
@@flyingcactus1953 except men make unreliable backstabbing friends but ok
At first I was a little mad, but then... brilliance.
At first is was amused, but then ... oh geeze ... more if this crap?
Robert Theisen *of
Robert Theisen
Either mommy never loved you or you've been "friend zoned"
Hinaxnaruxhina I will now retire to the shame tent. Did everyone catch that? I am going to the shame tent now. Hinaxnaruxhinananabangbang has implied that I was unloved as a child. I am sore ashamed. Sore ... sore ... ashamed. I can feel all of your eyes bearing down on me ... seeing the naked truth that I was less than lovable to even my own mother. My heart is born naked before all of youtube and I lie helpless, sobbing ... like a pitiful unloved child.
If only I could press my flushed but tearwashed cheek against woman X's honey nectared bosom as she has done to me so many times before. How I breathed deeply the sweet and musky scent of her hair and breath as she sobbed over last night's dalliance. But alas ... she will never be mine. Never, mine.
I am sore ... sore ashamed.
Wow, you used your last two brain cells to write THIS? Looks like someone got a gold star in freshman English.
"As if the only reason to be a good friend or a decent fucking human is if you get something in exchange." Damn, this is incredible
I though't this was going to be another guy complaining about the 'friend zone' but this was actually beautiful
"In high school I became intimate... With the friend zone" 😂👌
I love how the loudest cheers are from the guys. Props to this guy for taking a topic and turning it on its head. Nice job
Thank you! This poem really settles this feeling of frustration that I get when I feel like I owe something to my guy friends. Like being just me as a friend isn't good enough.
+Sophia Castano No Woman should feel that way... I have gone through Trials and Errors trying to prove that I want something serious, but if we ever establish just being friends then that's ok. I finally have a Girl Friend... probably the only girl who didn't want me as a friend... if that makes any sense, but she ended up being my Best Friend. I adore her with all my heart, I have just barely asked her out on the 10th. got her parents blessings, and one of the most biggest points I made was "I know it's too soon to tell If I love her" but I do adore her and like her a lot for who she is... We all have a shitty fucked up past. Even the perfect Rich kid cost his Father roughly 300,000.00 just by simply Partying and getting arrested.
+Alex Valls couldn't have said that any better.... that makes more sense, and I barely read your comment right after I submitted mine.
Most hype audience for slam poetry I've ever heard. HELL YEAH
I thought I was going to hate this and was pleasantly surprised to be wrong.
Funny. I thought I was going to like it but was disappointed to be wrong.
+Nate C the Comic G What didn't you like about it?
***** Friendship??? He gains friendship???
***** I feel very sorry for you. For someone with an ounce of self control and strength, it doesn't cost a thing. How is he prostituting his emotions? Emotional support is not contingent on, nor is it inherently deserving of, sex. It's called being a decent human being.
Let me ask you this; what do you, as a man, gain from male friendships?
Gemma Pettersen you, as a woman, don't understand and can't empathize. The male brain is hard wired differently. Most men don't actually think they are entitled to sex, but if we want to be with a certain woman and we're faced with perpetual rejection of the friendzone. It is painful for a man. It's not about self control. And your mentality of telling men "your at fault and not a decent person for contantly being hurt by women" creates male misogynists.
Aw he's shaking a lil
Great poem though
+Lunaluna11000 you try getting up in front of an audience and read YOUR personal poem. Public speaking is one of the greatest fears for people
she thought it was cute as so did I so chill.
"You cannot kill a monster until you are willing to see it in the mirror." HOOOLY shit. I fistpumped the air at that line. So true.
Friendship should never be the disguise for an ulterior motivation.
At first I was like oh in okay... BUT THEN HE KICKED MOTHER FICKING ASS WHAT AN AWESOME GUY!
the awareness of the "friend zone" and how bullshit it is in the middle of the poem was fucking grand.
OKAY THIS IS SO GOOD
damn I see you everywhere
lmao same but i love every comment
The thing about the friend zone as a concept, teaches (mainly) men that failing to sleep with a woman and only being a friend, means they've some how failed. The friend zone usually has negative connotations with guys being teased that they're stuck in the friend zone with a girl. Being accepted as a friend shouldn't be some consolation prize.
THAT TITLE HAD ME SO NERVOUS AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY TO BE WRONG OH YES YOU GOT THIS MAN YEEEEEESSSS
The guy at 2:17 got me really fucking hyped
God damn he was on fire from start to finish... And the way his hand was shaking while holding the paper just made me even more nervous and oddly enough in a good way.
omg when i saw the title i was like...hmmm this could be a guy ranting about how girls don't let him have sex with them or it could subvert my expectations and be awesome. I'll give it a try.
I was about to click away for half of it but then I was so happy to realise he wasn't a douchebag
You could see him shaking as he read this.
It takes courage to stand up and say something like this- courage of entirely a different sort to the form which our society asks from us, but a form which seems rather more important.
I thought I was going to hate this poem. I'm glad I watched it to the end.
I absolutely love this. I really really do.
Yes because he told you exactly what you wanted to hear.
Len Firewood Cool, run along now :)
Len Firewood yes, women definitely want to hear this because this is a problem directly related to most rapes that occur in our country...how awful for a guy to realize he can't buy a woman's body with good deeds...(sarcasm)
Len Firewood And you don't like it, because he told you what you didn't. It's a poem, and a decent point.
Paris Adams
Nope it showed a lack of empathy for those who have already suffered rejection. Some (esp young) men suffer so badly from this form of rejection that they commit suicide. In relationships it is still boys and men that are generally expected to make the first moves and because of this they are more open to rejection. The so called poet saw one side of this issue but ignored the other no doubt because it is much more acceptable to crap on men and boys than is the reverse. Sexual dynamics between the sexes is rarely logical and it can play cruel tricks the poet is either too shallow or uncaring to appreciate this.
This poem sent me on a journey. First I was enjoying it because he was funny and then I was dreading it because I thought he was another guy complaining about what girls owed him. And then I loved that he recognized that's what he used to do and how terrible that is. Thank you!
Did anyone else hear the loud "fuck yeah" at the end? Yeah that probably would've been me if I'd been there. This is fucking amazing. I love the part that goes "A newspaper column once defined the friend zone as follows: She discusses her love life with him and has the "audacity" to ask his advice on it. He performs favors for her. He does everything a boyfriend would do -- but without the benefits." As if the only reason to be a good friend or a decent fucking human is if you get something in exchange." I don't know I just really really like that part.
I mean technically friendships are an exchange of companionship which is separate from being a good human being.
and with that poem he finally managed to get out of the friend zone
This is awesome. It's interesting though; one the things that has always confused me about the friend-zone is that the person who is being friend-zoned creates that space for themselves. The decision to keep your affections to yourself isn't something the women you're spending time with make for you, but to blame them for not acting upon your secret affections is incredibly entitled and insane. I really don't understand how someone can outsource the emotional repercussions of their decision onto someone else. It's weird.
"Outsource the emotional repercussions." I like that. Well said. Because that is precisely what they're doing.
Teresa Lin Ty.
The relevance of this right now is astounding.
I honestly think that it's better to date someone if you've been friends them with for a while, so I do not call the "friend zone" a waste of time
+KSangel180 I got different kinds of friends then.
stormweaver82 I hope your right. :)
I'm demi, and this is exactly what I look for in relationships. If I'm too boring for you to stick around long enough to be called a friend, do not expect me to ever call you more.
You’re perpetuating the assumption that you’ll get the benefits if you stay friends long enough - not really getting the point of the poem
That guy in the background is great to listen to hes so into this poem its amazing
i love the guy at the end "FUCK YEAH!!"
It's so amazing to hear the support from the audience, it makes me cry. Where I live no one supports like that!
Personal reaction: I'm so glad this turned around. I started slipping from sympathetic to uncomfortable and then thankful. Such a poignant piece. Thank you.
The point this man made....I don't even know what to say. This was one of the best poems I've ever heard with a very very important message to it. I am so glad this is put out there. A lot of guys need to understand the point being made in this poem. From where he started in the beginning about how even himself felt like he was owed something, to his realization that a girl/person does not owe him or any other person anything just because of his/her generosity and I think a lot of people need to understand this. I absolutely love this poem and I hope to see more from him.
We need more males speaking about this. thank you Dylan Garity
"You cannot kill a monster until you are willing to see it in the mirror".. damn thats deep :o and so so true
I was so worried when I clicked on this, now I am extremely happy. I love how so many guys are getting seriously pissed because"one of their own" thinks it's okay to be a decent human being and not expect sex in return though
the whole "one of their own" mindset is not good in general.
I feel like the issue has been blown up quite a bit. The "friend zone" should never an excuse because of not getting laid. I'll be honest. I am friends with a lot of members of the opposite sex. There are few that I have ever thought, "Y'know, she could make a good girlfriend." But the thing is, I have never befriended a girl for the sole purpose of asking her out. And I feel like that is the difference between the "Good Friend Zone" and the "Bad Friend Zone."
We live in a shallow society. Some girls starve themselves, drown their real selves in materialistic things such as make-up, clothes, and electronics, and will even manipulate a guy they know likes them for the sake of getting some extra favors for nothing. There are guys who see girls and think, "sex object", who feel entitled to compensation for friendship, and even will manipulate a girl they know likes them. But we have to remember that this only one side of this coin.
On the other side, we have genuinely good people, who meet, become friends, fall in love, and many of them get married, have kids, and live their lives together. But the things is, that the "friend zone" is not just a place guys get placed in and complain. The girls who have friend-zoned me, I just accepted it. There are plenty of guys like that. Why don't we see them? Because they don't complain about it. (Pretty flippin' obvious once someone points it out right?)
Trying to claim that the friend zone doesn't exist is bull. It exists, but it isn't always a bad thing, or something we always complain about. As Vsauce said, "Maybe the friend zone is just where somebody needs us."
Peace. :D
I think you're missing the point. By saying girls have friend-zoned you, you're saying that you've befriended her just to get sex in the end. And by saying you've accepted it, you're saying you accepted that your "friendship" isn't really "friendship" it's just that you're resigned to the fact that there will be no sex for you.
That's all the friend-zone is, and it shouldn't exist
Gabby Spare
I think you missed the point. The "friend-zone" is where everybody who is not in a relationship with a person is. You and that guy you are friends with but are not in a relationship are in a friend-zone. It is people like you, who make the "friend-zone" a negative verb and a bad thing. It is should not be a negative verb, I get that. But sometimes a person who is friends with some one, ends up basically falling for them (shocker right? Imagine that, falling for a person you know. Ridiculous.). If a guy falls for a girl he has been friends with and developed feelings for during their friendship, suddenly he is a bad guy? Seems a little unfair, don't you think?
I did not stop being friends with the girls that I had been developing feelings for that told me they did not feel the same way. I have moved on and we are still friends today. Shame on you for assuming that I am some insensitive prick only after girls for sex. It is people like you, that make being friends or even falling in love so freaking hard and make them a bad thing. "Everyone is going for an angle," according to people like you. And the worst part is, being in a friend-zone is not a bad thing, yet people like you condemn it like it is a punishable offence. The friend-zone is not a bad thing unless people like you make it that way. Again, you want to know why you don't see people who are fine with the fact that someone did not develop feelings for them? Because they are fine with it, they move on and more often then not, they stay friends.
myheadhurtsagain I don't usually comment nor reply but I read your comments and this time I just felt the need to reply, not to harass nor insult, just reply. I have always found the term 'friendzone' fascinating and it is indeed ususally used in a negative term. You gave your argument about how it should be seen as something posetive, but in my eyes the thing you just describes is friendship. You said you stay friends with the girls who don't like you romanticly back, but doesn't that mean that you are still just that?Friends? Sure the friendship maybe is changed a little but i don't see why people should give that a name. I mean If a guy/girl falls is love (which is perfectly normal) and his/her love is not answered by his/her friend, than isn't that just that? Unanswered love?
Oh and by the way, I don't think Gaby Spare was trying to insult you, I just think he/she was just trying to explain the term friendzone in their eyes.
Peace and love to who ever is reading this.. Oh and since this is posted under a video : Damn that guy has skills! Loved the poem!
toomuchtolabel
That is exactly my point though, being friends and being in the "friend-zone" really should not be different things. But of course there are outliers. There are the people that Gabby described who use the idea of a "friend-zone" as a place where a girl they were being nice to for something in return, did not give something in return. But not EVERY guy who has been put into a "friend-zone" is like that. The friend-zone, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. It is just that many of the people who are there treat is as such for sympathy or ,like Gabby, try using it as a hate tool. I mean I have joked around with my friends, about girls who have "friend-zoned"-ed me. But that is all that it ever was. Something to look back and laugh about.
Here's the thing, if girls stopped acknowledging this negative thing known as the "friend-zone" it'll go away. Yeah there is always going to be that ass-hat who complains when a girl he wanted to sleep with shoots him down, but there are also people who want to have a legitimate relationship with someone. For it isn't about getting sex (which apparently is all that separates friendship from relationship; if that is the case my girlfriend of 2 and half years must only be friends with me) it is about loving someone, being the person who wants to make someone else happy, be someone they not only can depend on but choose to depend on.
If the definitions of "love" or "interested" have become so lost on people that they assume it is synonymous with "sex," then no wonder people don't understand why the "friend-zone" is not a bad thing. And it is no wonder that people can't find it in their hearts to be decent human beings or even take chance on falling in love with a friend. It makes me sad, to be perfectly honest. Because it seems that not even people today can try to fall in love with another without everyone suspecting them of some ulterior motive. Because at the end of the day, the "friend-zone" is only as terrible a thing as you make it.
Well how many boy do you know of that put girls in the friendzone? Not that it doesn't happen, but the friendzone was predominantly constructed by boys who have been rejected by girls, thus attacking their right to say no, like it's a bad thing, a shameful thing, "she friendzoned me, how dare she not love me back/want me as a boyfriend".
This term should just be gotten rid of all together, because if like you say, a guy really does love a girl and isn't thinking about getting in her pants afterward, then they shouldn't need to make 'term' for it. Friends is the term. That's the term. Friends. Not FriendZONE. Do you see what i'm saying?
I love how he turned the tone of that poem around. He got their attention with the jokes at the beginning and turned it around into something serious. I like it!
oh this is fantastic because he doesn't separate himself from it "We are" including himself that's so important
You seem to be a really nice person, thanks for making the world a better place.
The problem with the friendzone is that person A is attracted to person B, but not vice versa. Hence they can't really ever be "just friends" because there's always sexual / romantic tension there. And the more these two interact with each other, the more it will fan the flames of person A's attraction and false hope. After all, attraction is biology, it's not a choice, you can't just turn it off. It's like a chemical reaction that happens when you put certain elements together, in this case people...
Why should person A keep being close to person B if all it does is hurt him and mess with his emotions? Just because person B wants to keep "a good friend"? Just as person B says "no thanks for a relationship, but I want you as a close friend", person A can say "no thanks for a close friendship, you're way too attractive for that". I know it sucks, but sometimes you just have to take some distance or even cut the other person from your life. You can always try explaining it to them, and even say "if you ever change your mind, give me a call" etc. Because in the end, it's not about "I don't want to be friends with you", but "you're too attractive to be just friends with, and being around you all the time hurts". It hurts because you have to stiffle your natural attraction and love, and that's not a good thing to do for anyone.
Bottom line: Guys, there's no obligation to be "just friends". If it hurts, messes you up emotionally and doesn't lead anywhere, do what you have to do and take some distance...Mature women will understand, immature and selfish won't. After all, you too deserve someone who loves you back, so go for that and nothing less. #goodluck
Well said. Neither side is obligated to do anything
+villevn this is great. i really needed this.
THIS. This right here. There is no reason to go around calling a woman a cruel bitch because she doesn't want to date you. If you can't handle just being friends, then back off. It's as simple as that.
Great advice! This whole explanation helped me alot.
+ResidentMilf That's one way to interpret it... don't forget that in this kind of relationship one person (generally the woman) holds all the power and they are perfectly happy taking advantage of all the gifts and favours the man provides them.
It's completely normal to not feel obliged to have sex with someone, it's a whole other thing to disregard all the hints and keep taking advantage of a person constantly and obviously fighting for your favour when you know you will never let them have it. That's not friendship.
Props to this guy...noticed how much his hands were shaking. Shaking so much. Great point, great poetry.
the best part are all the people yelling "cmon" and "lets go" lol
I'm extremely worried that there aren't more people applauding this.
the guys in the crowd were like "fuck yeah! you go man!" amazing poem
The monster in the mirror, perfect. This poem just helped me get a grasp on an issue in my life right now and I thank you for it good sir. Brutal honesty and brilliant expression are hard to come by, but they're worth the search. Cheers.
I need to be able to like this more than once.
This is fantastic. We need more guys to see things this way.
I'm solidly in the friend zone, and love it. She is the most trusted person in my life, and I think she feels the same. Trusted to the point where she knows exactly how I feel, and we're ok. We love and support each other, and no matter how you cut it, life is better with her in it. Anyone who throws away a great thing because you don't get to poke a hole (sorry for the blunt) needs to leave the selfishzone.
Same, and preach
the shaking hands holding the paper were poetry in itself.
At first I was like "ugh, this audience might be annoying" then by the end I was like rooting for the hype train just as much as the poet
chills. this guy is a rockstar
I don't think I've ever seen such a funny slam poetry that was still so searious and strong
I love this poem. No matter how many times I watch it.
Just because a guy buys me dinner or opens a door for me or is there to be a shoulder to cry on does not automatically mean I have to open my heart or legs to him !
I love that his hand is shaking, but his voice isn't. ^,^
the men hollering in the background really makes me smile
This is absolutely amazing. Any guy that actually believes in the friend zone needs to grow the fuck up.
I was ready to write this off in the beginning but man that ending really got me. Amazing, so well said.
this poem travel a long way. and arrives. thankyou
just came across this now but I have no words...by far one of the best poems I've ever heard!
Love love love this
THIS MAN GIVES ME HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
The thing that makes me love this video is the number of male voices I hear urging him on and cheering him. Otherwise the poem was good and insightful also hopefully enlightening to all the guys in the world
he's shaking so hard but he still fucking smashes it bless his soul. at first I thought it was gonna be another 'nice guys finish last' poem but the turn it took at the end was perfection
Aww his hand is shaking :(
still by far one of my favourite poems ever
Omg this gave me chills
I was really upset at the beginning because I love all of Dylan's poems and this seemed to be so unlike him, but I'm so glad I listened to it all!
I have goosebumps on my goosebumps
Respect. True Inspiration.
the friend zone doesn't exist
***** technically u can say that everyone of everyone's friend is stuck in the friendzone....
well ive been friendzoned by a guy.... but i dont call it that.... cause its just a friendship...
***** ummm yea i know plenty of guys who keep girls around for the same reasons.....
lmao joke
You're friends with a girl, you start to have feelings, she sees you as a friend only = friendzone.
this guy is my all time favourite poet..I love you and your words, theyve really made me open my eyes..reeeeallly open them
"I really wish I could meet someone nice like you."
i freaking love this guy, i have goosebumps and wow just wow!
I was so prepared to be angry, but then I was pleasantly surprised. Thank you, friend.
I got chills. Amazing job. I love this poem.
I was ready to get angry. I was ready to stop hearing anything that came out of his mouth. I'm glad that didn't happen, and I'm glad that more people are seeing what a ridiculous concept it is to think being a decent person constitutes a reward.
I was prepared to be angry but then it got good. You go, kid.
I saw him perform this at the Poetry & the Web panel at vidcon... It's just as good in person ^_^
Thanks Nichole! Had so much fun doing that panel.
This was unbelievable, WOW.
I'm showing this to everyone who gets pissy when I hate on 'the friend zone'.
This gave me hope for humanity
He says the words I have never been able to voice on why the new definition of the friendzone is so very wrong.
I would also like to point out not every girl realises a male friends intentions, they just see a really good friend so don't talk about then 'stringing' men along. They aren't. They see value in a friendship which sadly is used by the guy to get what he think he is owed.
OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! He lured the audience in with humour and then when he had us captivated, he got to what he was really trying to say! LIKE HE'S A FUCKING GENIUS. D:
friend zone....A place where guys are praised and given sympathy. Because a girl said no... She's seen as the villain in the story. Girls can choose to say no if they want to.Guys deserve a 'thanks' for being nice, but that 'thanks' doesn't mean 'sex' A girl's body is hers, don't think that she owes a guy for doing something a human being is supposed to do in the first place.
+NJAY8/16/08 Well said. I tell the same thing to all of the women I have sex with: Just because we slept together does not means we are in a relationship or that I should commit to you.
SuperMerlot fuck you.
+SuperMerlot W
+SuperMerlot and how about you make that completely obvious from start to finish and don´t give false hope to get them easier? Sex is something intimate and some people just don´t like to just have sex and nothing else, it requires some kind of relationship, some form of trust in each other for them. I don´t know if you are approaching them like that or like some assholes do, but it pretty much sounded like "get the girl to like you and then sleep with her, then dump her like a used tissue."
Of course you don´t owe anyone a relationship, you are in charge of what you do and who you want to be serious with, but take care that you don´t send wrong signals, cause it really hurts to just understand the message afterwards.
+Teresa Undead It is amazing that in this day and age people are still hodling to such mysoginistics and archaic ideals. If women are such fragile infantile creatures incapable of taking decisions regarding their own sexuality then they just should convert into Islam.
I still get chills when I listen to this.
I'm a guy and I'm honestly surprised how differently I experienced this from the women in these comments. Most of you seem to think that the sentiments in this poem, e.g. the friend zoned guy as a "victim" and the fact that men aren't entitled to sex in a relatitonship, etc, are things that are pretty foreign to us guys. But I knew exactly what this poem was going to be about the moment this guy started talking, and the fact that some of you thought that he was going to rant about being a "friend zone victim" is actually kind of frightening. It shows how disconnected women and men are in communicating to each other how they understand romantic relationships. These ideas aren't exactly radical, they aren't hidden or unknown.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this coming out of the mouth of a man.
it does suck to only be considered a friend by someone you have a romantic interest in. not all people in that situation think that the other person owes them sex in return for their kindness. if you do think that, you are not a "Nice Guy", you're not a nice person. you are essentially lying, putting up a facade of kindness in the hopes of getting laid. but why do we have to say the friend zone doesn't exist? it does--just not the way people i described above think of it. there are times when you're only seen as a friend, never anything romantic, but it doesn't have to mean that the person you like is doing anything malevolent by not having sex with you because they're not. that's just how assholes describe it, and we need to separate their bastardization of a harmless phrase from the phrase itself.
Exactly, the friendzone merely means friends and one of them is romantically attracted to the other. Not "Wanting sex and not getting it". You can't ever escape the friendzone without them dating you or completely forgoting about them. And if you are friends with someone you like, you know neither one is possible. The best thing is to become friends.
How refreshing! A man who speaks out like this...we need more male role models like this all over the world, who understand respect and what it means to be a real man and human being!
People are misunderstanding what the friend zone is. The "friend zone" isn't expecting something from someone just because you feel you are entitled to it. The friend zone is when someone doesn't recognize, or chooses not to recognize, that the person in the friend zone isn't really their friend.
I knew two girls years ago. They were both beautiful, but one of them was flirty and outgoing and the other one was shy. The flirty, outgoing one always had an army of guys chasing her down. The shy one hadn't had a boyfriend even in her early twenties. The two girls were best friends, but around guys, the flirty one would always exclaim passionately, "I hate girls. I can't be friends with girls. That's why I have guy friends. Girls are so obnoxious to be around and blah blah blah". Years later the shy girl would confess that it always hurt her feelings when the flirty girl would say that, because she considered them best friends, and that's what the flirty girl would say when boys weren't around.
The reality is that the flirty girl was, more often than not, a pretty terrible friend and a pretty lousy human being. Did she get along better with the guys? Not really. She didn't get along with guys who weren't into her any more than she got along with girls. What she DID do, was create an army of guys in the "Friend zone" who treated her as though she was on a pedestal because they were trying to win her affections.
The friend zone is disgusting because the owner of the friend zone is either so out of touch with reality that they don't realize what real friendship looks like, or they willfully place people there to exploit them.
How to not be accused of running a "friend zone"? Don't accept gifts or favors from people you aren't in a relationship with, who you don't intend to BE in a relationship with.
I, as a guy, have had to END relationships with people because I knew I was unintentionally being a scumbag. No, that girl you have no interest in is not just being nice by offering to pick you up from the airport at 3:00am, downtown. No, it's not normal for someone to throw out all of their pre-scheduled plans because you randomly called and said you had free time to hang out.
And the thing is, as much as girls pretend not to understand the Friend Zone as it applies to men, they sure as heck seem to get with the program when they see it happening to girls.
Exactly. Then those people AREN'T friends. If the female chooses to ignore or not recognize that, then she is being a jerk. Friends are only friends when both parties recognize and accept that they are friends. When the girl just wants to be friends while the guy is trying to make it more, then that is not a situation where there is any 'friendship" going on.
a girl not wanting to be more than friends doesn't make her a jerk at all. If a girl doesn't want to be more than friends, yet the guy clearly is treating her in a fashion wherein he wants her to be more (buying her things, doing her special favors, etc.) and she still qualifies it as "just being friends" even though he isn't doing ANYthing "just a friend" would do, she's a jerk.
And the exact same thing goes for guys. If a girl is cooking me dinner, buying me things, dropping everything to come see me, etc. and I say 'oh we're just friends..." I'm a complete jerk.
The appropriate response is "I don't t think that's appropriate behavior for our friendship." and if the person continues to do those kinds of things, "I don't think we can be friends, because you are seeing more in this than there is".
Because that is typically not what guy friends do for one another. That is a level of intimacy that is beyond the level of "friendship".
I had a friend who was a girl, and all she would ever talk about was how much she hated trying to be friends with girls. They were so much drama, she said. They were so much work, she said. Instead, she said all of her friends were guys. This is a common refrain from tons of girls like her. At one point, I pointed out to her that the reason she had so much trouble having relationships with girls, and it was so easy for her to have relationships with guys is because all of those guys were trying to BE with her. Where girls wouldn't put up with her being unreasonable, selfish, and at time outright mean, guys would line up to do it... if they thought they had a shot at being with her. Her entire world view was screwed up.
And why don't guys tell girls they are interested? Sometimes because they don't have the guts, but oftentimes they do. Problematically, though, girls tend to try to be "nice" when waving guys off. They say things like "I don't think we should be together... right now" or "I don't think that's a good idea... right now." They are trying to be nice and avoid hurting feelings, but really they are saying "tomorrow all this might change."
The genders are just bad at communicating with one another.
Accepting gifts doesn't mean you owe anyone shit! I've had to break off a friendship because they guy was interested and I wasn't. I'm very clear and if someone doesn't get it that is not my fault or my problem. All those guys who put the girl on a pedestal? They are responsible for their actions and their lives. I take responsibility for letting people treat me like shit, but am I responsible for how they treated me? NO! I'm responsible for not walking away but we are not responsible for another persons godawful behaviour.
Olivia Michelle You absolutely are. A "friendship" is a relationship that involves two people. TWO. You are absolutely responsible for the other person's behavior in a friendship.
You are NOT responsible for someone else's behavior in a "fan" relationship. And if you go around life cultivating fans... there's a problem with you.
Incredible honesty, love the turn this poem takes, first time I watched it i was left in a state of shock at its power.
need me a freak like this