Weakening Your Parental Critic
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Narcissistic parent influence can hinder the formation of a child's identity, causing confusion and low self-esteem. Reclaiming your identity involves recognizing this influence, working through emotional wounds, and rediscovering your true self through therapy, self-reflection, and setting boundaries. It's about embracing your interests, values, and strengths independently from the narcissistic parent's influence, empowering you to live authentically.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
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00:00 Introduction
00:49 What is narcissistic parent influence?
04:43 Forming Your identity
06:07 Reclaiming your identity
12:00 Rediscovering who you are
When you come from a problematic home the trauma is pervasiveness and impacts everyone in the home. This means the "family in the head" reflects the damaged family in real life. My family are trauma bonded - its what we have in common, our difficult upbringing. We hurt each other by acting out on each other. This popped up on Linkedin and spoke to me - " just because you have empathy and can understand a person's traumatic past is the cause of their problematic behaviour, does not mean you should tolerate them hurting you. Trauma is not a licence to hurt others. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance. Empathy without boundaries is self destruction "
I used to think healing meant becoming a different person, so I was kind of reluctant because I thought if I have to become a whole other person to love myself, then what's the point? But the more I grow, the more I feel like I am actually coming home to myself. Childhood trauma ultimately leads to alienation of the self, and it will feel normal because it's all you know. Healing is like rediscovering the self you are beyond the trauma, and giving it the nurturance it finally needs to grow.
It's amazing how our perspective on healing can evolve over time. It's all about rediscovering and nurturing our true selves.
This is like gold, this video. These internalised voices of parent in head - internalising means you've made those voices your own so long ago you can't tell any more who your true self is. I like how you are kind and gentle when you say to be patient with yourself. I feel so useless and self critical
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you for another great video, my whole life my mom's constant criticism and abuse, even when it wasn't resulting in negative self-talk, translated into a constant feeling of pressure. It was like nothing could be good enough, I was never making the right choice, I was always somehow just... wrong. It's getting better but I still struggle quite a bit.
My narc mother and older sister have been living rent free in my head for years. Always arguing with my extremely religious mom about her destructive beliefs. Over the past 3 years I have seen them for who they are, creatures from another planet. I have pushed back and focused on my own wonderful life with my amazing kids and push them out my head when I notice me thinking about how horrible and cruel they have been my whole life without me realising it because I was used to it and I was not aware how bad people can be while pretending to be on your side they stab you in the back, set you up and sabotage you if there is any sign of you being successful. It's so good to be free from their poisoning and traps.
I have came very far in life lots of damage is done to me I am stuck in life, doesn't have a career and felt like a loser even though I'm not. Its not my fault for where I'm right now in life Your videos are like light at the end of tunnel
It's sooo delightful to see the glow and warmth and joy and humility on your face when you talk about being passionate about your profession
You are so welcome!
I am going through the same thing. It’s not easy, we have the same name too. Stay strong
Bullet Points for Identifying What a Healthy Relationship Is:
1) they have clear communication
2) they have fewer arguments/frustrations because of the clear communication
3) they include talking openly with one another
4) they both have the understanding that there will be challenges (in life and relationships) to work through, as people do not always get along (and I would add... life is not always easy/fair/predictable)
5) they have the understanding that you work through those challenges (in life and relationships)
6) they have resiliency to weather difficult times/rough patches
Dr.Daniel Fox, You are the best! Thank you! I was reflecting on how I have lacked abilities to assert myself. I remember earlier in my life I went to a group class to learn assertion and it wasn't in me, awful, disappointment. My mind could see and hear what I needed to do but I could not grasp the emotion needed. I will study your video agin it so helpful. Thank you!
Your videos are so helpful. Your patients are lucky to have you
Thank you so much for everything you do. I have therapy weekly but I get more help from your videos than anything else. I wish so much you were in Australia!!!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom Dr. Fox. This video helped me! All the best.
today, i literally don't know if i can survive my family's abuse. i just don't know. all i can do at the moment is sleep through it. it's been bad lately and i just feel so defeated. they've won. they've totally destroyed me. i just want it to stop. and i see no way forward right now.
It will get better, it's hard, I know. You're doing the right thing by listening to these videos, it a great place to start. I don't know if you still live at home amidst the chaos; that can be a nightmare as I've lived through that as well. Try to distance yourself from them as best as you can, and take time to recalibrate. Do not allow them to emotionally abuse you. You deserve love and kindness. From years of enduring narcissistic abuse from my parents, I've developed a chronic, inflammatory condition that I'm fighting to overcome. They are NOT worth it, take care of yourself! Hugs!❤
I love your analogy at the end. 😂
This tends to also happen to people who had goals but found themselves in way too many dead ends in life. But they discovered that the exploration was the fun part, perhaps outsizing the failures.
To take the analogy a step further, imagine that the world was a safe place (without predators). And in this safe world, there is a kid trying to get to Disney World without a map. Might be fun, right?
I was only able to begin "thinking" about myself in a healthier way, when I took stimulants for ADHD, having a BPD diagnosis. I then realized that my feelings were dictating my outlook about myself and also the bullying that I had gone through, became internalized. That was the only time I was able to see myself in a healthier way and I think that because people with BPD have difficulty with cognitions because they become overtaken by negative emotions, it becomes difficult to access that part of their brain. When I had to lower my simulant use because of negative side effects, the emotions came back, and I am stuck in my emotions again, and it's harder for me to access the thinking part of my brain, so naturally, I am feeling down about myself again, but what you are saying is true, the only issue is it is more than just will power, it's actually physiological so now I am not sure how to continue my progress and which medication to take, since access to a psychiatrist is almost impossible here unless you are suicidal and unsure which other medications would be helpful to continue my recovery journey.
Thank you for sharing your story and struggles. It's important to recognize the impact of mental health on our perceptions of ourselves. Seeking professional help is crucial in finding the right path for your recovery journey.
That negative voice was put in my head by my bosses where i worked earlier not by my parents.... My parents were supportive in my chosen field. Only jealous envious bosses started criticizing abd finding faults with my every action.
And funny yet disgusting part is they still want me to work for them. Their rules are only for me, they dont apply to them... They were blaming me for their actions. Basically calling me a narcissist and treating accordingly. Looks like narc has distorted views and their reality never matches with actual reality. Their reality is born out of their delusion, and they treat people based on their delusional reality... And expect you to conform to their reality...
It's tough dealing with toxic bosses, but it's great that you had the support of your parents. Keep focusing on your goals and don't let negativity hold you back.
I would love a video centered on religion and narcissistic parents. Not because I find religion wrong, but because my experience with my narcissistic father is different. He didn't want me dating, he wasn't trying to make me the best anything. It was very specific. I had to be the best housewife.
I appreciate your openness in sharing your personal story. It helps shed light on varied experiences with narcissistic parents.
Her father has never been in her life until high school, she had to be the best in fast pitch varsity in 10th grade. He became the so involved parent. Now, she is his "best friend" he's got her working for him., husband quit job, stay home dad but works for him when called to. He has a ton of money, he should he's obsessed with it. Wouldn't buy her a car for graduation, even though she got straight Asas he constantly insisted, now he got her and family into a beautiful new home, showing them the "good" life. She has to be the best (so he looks good) Shes under so much pressure and doesn't know. As a wife and mom of 3 she is doing excellent job but when is she gonna hit the wall? As this is all going on I am fading from her life, looked down on and through comments "she needs to be protected" from me. She fully believes it. Its killing me.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your concern for your daughter shines through, and your love for her is evident.
yeah, this is part of the problem, atleast one of my parental units was very controlling, talked down to me and had me convinced i couldn't learn or do much......outside of their approval bubble and now i am a very resentful and angry person and i can get really mean if my competence is question and yes, my emotions were invalidated, i was terrorized, and it's pretty sad because i am always 10-15 yrs behind in my life.
I remember when i first started counseling, that parent tried to talk me out of it and i got smart with them and told them they haven't helped me so i need help, they got an attitude and told me not to tell anyone, then i rattled off a bunch of people who know i am going and i do not give a damn and hey, i can understand, the counseling is a perfect example of their failed parenting.
Such a great doctor ! Do not know how to make that more people get to know him ❤
Lovely video. When you say live authentic : what to do with fear of being bullied by those people when you wanna be authentic
I tell myself this. Some people are small-minded, dumb, in pain and just miserable.
When you live authentically and free, they twist inside. You just pull out them the pain inside. Anytime youre being bullied, do everything you can to emotionally step out and say this is the price of being free and authentic, the alternative is to hide and blend in like the others.
You write your own rules and go after your dreams. You live relatively fearlessly, and this draws hate and bullies.
Just always go "awww looks like you hate your life" and walk away, whether you say something or not.
You can do the agree and amplify, thats always fun. The hardest thing to do is give them no reaction at all. Its the best because it shows them they have no power, and that you're to busy with the business of your awesome life to even consider their worthless opinion that was unsolicited. 🤗
Besides, one bully can distract you from 7 or 8 supporters if you let them! Mentally jump to the kind and mature people in your head and pity the bully. Happy people never ever pick on strangers, both online and in real life.
I started ACA ( Adult, children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families) it will speak to you if you go. It’s not easy and feels like you’re ripping your heart in two. I’m so thankful for these resources. ACA teaches us to that God is our father and we have to reparent ourselves. God is our parent ❤ and he loves us, actually and really. Our familial parent is the vessel that brought us us here but not our actual parents. Thank you Dr Fox. You are such a good resource. Thank you
Are you Toney Allen?
No
@@nameherenamehere9221 He is the founder of adult children of alcoholics.
Great advice! Thank you for this Dr. Daniel. I'll go practice that song I'm learning on the guitar, the one I chose, (not my teacher nor anyone else)😉
I'm glad you found the advice helpful! Keep practicing and enjoy playing your chosen song on the guitar.
How do you distinguish wants from needs?
It's all about prioritizing your essentials over desires.
Is Narcissist parents are reason behind BPd in their children?
Yes
oak tree you're in my way..
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
The things we hate about others is usually what we ourselves need to work on. Same with your children, what annoys you about them, is what you yourself need to work on.
*It can help you learn a lot about yourself.....
I just broke up n I'm gna break free frm my parents emotionally. I'm DONE
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. It's important to take care of yourself emotionally during this time.
I can definitely love myself as I should now that I know that God, my eternal father, loves me. It also helps me to forgive my parents, as I have been forgiven for things, too.
Yes, I overcame it....because Jesus loves me - God guides my life, not my mother.