Helping a Hoarder? Helpful tips on what to do and what not to
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
- The following is a One Page document I created for how you can help someone with hoarding disorder. This document is based on what I found helpful from the many online resources created by therapists and psychologists who specialize in hoarding. I found this one page document helpful to review right before each visit with my mom, who has severe hoarding disorder.
DON’T
• Use judgmental language
Like anyone else, individuals with hoarding will not be receptive to negative comments about the state of their home or their character (e.g., “What a mess!” “What kind of person lives like this?”). Imagine your own response if someone came into your home and spoke in this manner, especially if you already felt ashamed.
• Use words that devalue or negatively judge possessions
People who hoard are often aware that others do not view their possessions and homes as they do. They often react strongly to words that reference their possessions negatively, like “trash,” “garbage,” and “junk.”
• Let your non-verbal expression say what you’re thinking
Individuals with compulsive hoarding are likely to notice non-verbal messages that convey judgment, like frowns
• Make suggestions about the person’s belongings
Even well-intentioned suggestions about discarding items are usually not well-received by those with hoarding.
• Try to persuade or argue with the person
Efforts to persuade individuals to make a change in their home or behavior often have the opposite effect-the person actually talks themselves into keeping the items.
• Touch the person’s belongings without explicit permission
Those who hoard often have strong feelings and beliefs about their possessions and often find it upsetting when another person touches their things. Anyone visiting the home of someone with hoarding should only touch the person’s belongings if they have the person’s explicit permission.
DO
• Imagine yourself in the hoarding client’s shoes
How would you want others to talk to you to help you manage your anger, frustration, resentment, and embarrassment?
• Match the person’s language
Listen for the individual’s manner of referring to his/her possessions (e.g., “my things”, “my collections”) and use the same language (i.e., “your things”, “your collections”).
• Use encouraging language
In communicating with people who hoard about the consequences of hoarding, use language that reduces defensiveness and increases motivation to solve the problem (e.g., “I see that you have a pathway from your front door to your living room. That’s great that you’ve kept things out of the way so that you don’t slip or fall. I can see that you can walk through here pretty well by turning sideways. The thing is that somebody else that might need to come into your home, like a fire fighter or an emergency responder, would have a pretty difficult time getting through here. They have equipment they’re usually carrying and fire fighters have protective clothes that are bulky. It’s important to have a pathway that is wide enough so that they could get through to help you or anyone else who needed it. In fact, the safety law state that [insert wording about egresses], so this is one important change that has to be made in your home.”)
• Highlight strengths
All people have strengths, positive aspects of themselves, their behavior, or even their homes. A visitor’s ability to notice these strengths helps forge a good relationship and paves the way for resolving the hoarding problem (e.g., “I see that you can easily access your bathroom sink and shower,” “What a beautiful painting!”, “I can see how much you care about your cat.”)
• Focus the intervention initially on safety and organization of possessions and later work on discarding
Discussion of the fate of the person’s possessions will be necessary at some point, but it is preferable for this discussion to follow work on safety and organization.
My Dad was a organized hoarder... so in opposite of blaming him of all the stuff he kept I was telling him : oh wow you have these special screws witch I can't get any longer at the hardware store! Where did you found them? Then he could tell me the story behind the items and he felt relaxed. At the end he offered me just that screws to help me with my building problem.
Because I told him about that I can see the same value in something made him like to share it with me.
That was at a time when Ebay just got popular in Germany and I started to sell my own collections.
I was telling him storys about my experiences with selling stuff for good money and even witch unusual things where sold there... after a while HE was asking me if there would be a possibility that I sell some things for him.
So I helped him to get a new passion.
Then we visited Flee markets together and he wanted to sell things by his own.
After 5 long years his apartment was cleared out of nearly every not needed thing... and we had fun together!
So nice of you to help your father in a subtle way!💙
NICE
instablaster...
With love, you helped him heal and increased the bond between you both ❤
This is a fantastic story. Thank you for sharing!!
My mom is similar... she easily and freely gives away things of value that others would want. She really is excited to find new homes for things that she had, especially if she believes the people appreciate the item at the new home.
I noticed it is the things no one else wants that ended up cluttering my mom's place (e.g., packaging from products, especially plastic containers). She is continuing to do much better now though, keeping her home in a healthier and more livable, less cluttered condition.
You seem like a loving son. Thanks for helping her the best you can.
Kathy B
Sometimes a little compassion goes a long way. I wish my son was like you. ❤
What a beautiful video filled with sensitivity, respect, non defensiveness, insight and advice. It has helped me so much. I have found myself defensive but you get out of the way and know it is not about you. You look beyond the hoarding with unconditional love. Just what I have been trying to do. Amazing.
im 50 yrs old and im a hoarder of things that i think i can use in the future, not just news papers and expired foods. to minimize my hoarding, i always watch videos of hoarders to scare myself of what could happen if i dont control my hoarding .... LOL ....i like clean places....im just not good at cleaning
I can relate. Whenever I watch an episode of Hoarders, I often find myself scared into thinking I should get rid of something (even though I have very few possessions already).
Have you ever hired someone to clean for you? I know a lot of people who save themselves the time/trouble by hiring someone to help with the cleaning. Most people who do this end up LOVING the extra time they save.
I try to communicate with my relative that's a hoarder to be inspired when they watch an episode each day: fear and excitement are related and may transform the fear mindset into joy!!! Hope that gives some positive perspective and peace of mind!🙏🏿💫😌😁
@@LetsBendReality Yes, I have heard that you can reframe 'anxiety' as 'excitement' in most cases, since they are so similar. Reframing the feeling can lead to better outcomes.
For example, when playing a sport, when you feel 'anxious' you can choose to see it as 'excitement.' That simple reframing usually leads to better outcomes in the sport, since you realize you are excited (and no longer have to see that excitement as anxiety).
I have been working on the hoarding disorder for a long, long time. A dear friend who means well has frequently told me I should watch the show "Hoarders" to try to scare me indo dealing with the hoard in my home. I find the show really triggering, partly because my friend seems to think that getting me stressed out or feeling ashemed will motivate me. I have made significant progress getting rid of boxes and boxes of paperwork (it's a fire hazard) but she didn't believe me.
Over time, I have been learning about the biochemistry that goes into ADHD, which, I believe, is a huge contributor to the difficulty I often have when trying to address the hoarding. I have been making a lot of progress since I have found an app that includes setting small goals and lots of self care to provide a healthy source of dopamine, rather than getting stuck in a negative loop of thoughts, feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed while doom scrolling or playing online app games as an escape (which is an unhealthy source of dopamine.)
This week I was able to show my friend the progress I have made, and I think she finally was impressed!
You have the patience of a saint! I am decluttering my kitchen as I listened to your words. Thank you for your inspiration to keep going. Heartfelt thanks.
Hi Sam! Thank you for sharing your story with us. it appears that your mother has done a great job, raising you, and probably your siblings as well, because you are so kind and thoughtful and wanting to help your mom in a gentle way. I hope that she will get outside help to understand why she hangs onto so many things. As a Christian, I certainly, encourage people to lay their burdens at the cross and to discuss issues with Christian counselors. You were certainly right that hoarding is a problem and the instant gratification of online purchases only makes the matters worse. So I hope that things will improve for your mom and for others who share her same desire to collect things. Sincerely, yours, in Phoenix, Arizona. Alice Wilson.
Thank you for this compassionate presentation! (Unfortunately I've done ALL the don'ts before I researched hoarding😳) My brother is a hoarder and I worry so much about fire safety as the home is filled with unopen mail, newspapers and boxes. It is truly a fire trap. The basement is FULL and you can't even get from one side to the other so I don't even go down there if I need anything from the freezer! Each year I go see him and am glad he at least clears access to the front and back doors in case of fire for me. Wish me luck: this year I'll try to get it slightly wider for the firefighters! It's taken years, so I feel like major progress has been made. Unfortunately I am an empath and FEEL the chaos/ sadness/ anxiety and have to psychologically prepare myself each time. Bravo to you for that brilliant solution getting the dogs to do their business outside! The health/safety angle seems to be the most effective, so thanks for the list!
I struggle with clutter, sometimes I will invite a friend over to sit and talk with me as I do all the work. Another option is to turn on a talk show and listen to it as I work, it helps distract the emotional part of my brain.
An entire decade to get rid of that horrific urine and feces filled carpet?!? Wow!! You have more patience than I could ever have for something like that!
It might not help in serious or most cases, but I have helped a few hoarder friends before by inviting them to my own home and while they are sitting there, I threw out a few stuff of my own or put it in bags to donate to a specific person (so they can't take it from me, it's for someone else)...right infront of them and making a joke about it and how I can bring "joy" to someone else by giving really NICE stuff to another person. Then soon afterwards (maybe something clicked) they usually also gradually start getting rid of some stuff and even ask what I suggest. I have set an example of how "liberating and fun" it can be to get rid of stuff, even NICE stuff. I never mentioned anything about THEIR own hoarding in the process...letting them to decide on their own.
This sounds like a very wonderful, gentle, and non-threatening approach. It sounds like you are planting a seed (idea) in their mind, and it is their choice if they want to let that seed (idea) grow into something bigger, like action on their part. If they choose not to, then it will not be personal for them, since it was just you leading by example and not asking them to do anything. If they do choose to take action, then it is entirely of their own accord.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful approach and for helping others through leading by example.
Wanted to add to my note below, that my mom, and a lot of people who tend to hoard, derive immense pleasure from giving away items that they think will be used and appreciated by the recipient. My mom freely and happily gives away anything in her home that is nice (which tends to leave the less nice stuff in her home).
I think there is some anthropomorphizing happening with the items... so knowing an item will be utilized and appreciated makes them feel appreciated.
Appreciate you sharing your tactic, and I am guessing your tactic will work with a lot of people who hoard, since it helps them feel good about the fact that they saw value in some object that ended up actually being valuable to someone else.
Loved that you had a solution for the dogs , without trying to get rid of her companions
You are amazing !!!
Oh good heavens, I LOVE her dogs and cat. I do much of what I do to improve their quality of life too. For example, bad air quality affects their physical health too, so getting the air quality improved also helped them. And they LOVE their new dog door so they can get in and out of the house on their own schedule :)
@@WellBeingThunderstorm Beautiful
I am an interior design consultant with clients and family members who struggle with hoarding disorders. Your advice is spot on and I thank you for sharing it.
This is the best video I have watched to empower family members to help a hoarder, rather than saying to leave them alone due to their mental disorder, which I understand it is just that. Thank you! Many of your tips will be helpful!
YES!!!
Thank you so much. I never knew my mom felt shame. Like you said she would always defend her “stuff”, and shame is a really powerful emotion probably fuels the hoarding more. Thank you for making me realize I need more empathy towards my mother.
i have an extremely hard time with feeling patience and compassion for hoarding. your mother is very lucky to have you
What wonderful words of Wisdom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this video, I believe I'm in the beginning stages of Hoarding. I'm very overwhelmed at the thought of getting rid of all my "treasures". You are very on point with this. Thank you so very much. Be blessed 😇🙏
The worst you can do is to go in and get rid of things without the owner’s permission. Often people think that’s the only way, but it can make that person suicidal due to loss of their control over their lives. That sense of loss also triggers more hoarding.
You are a wonderful son with amazing patience! This is a very helpful video.
This is gold info. I reckon you could break this up into (at least) 20 videos. Turn this into (something like) “hoarder Support tips” - the dog/carpet , the touching their stuff - etc everything! You mentioned is SO clearly defined and quality advice. Seriously, break it up. You’re likeable, authentic and articulate... and your advice would assist many.
Thank you, Hilary. I may just do this :)
I agree very relatable and easy to listen to
You have a way about yourself that is easy to listen to, thank you and keep up the great attitude and kindness
You are an absolute wonderful son. God bless you. I wish I knew then what I know now. Thank you for sharing
My fifty five year old sister is living in my parents old home and has hoarded it up, she lived with them all her life was dependent on them, hoarded her bedroom, now they have both passed away and she is hoarding the whole house. I have been trying to help, but like you said I have made many blunders along the way. My other siblings have given up completely.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It will help me to help my hoarding friend a lot. Best of luck -- and I'm sure you've heard this before: Your mom is incredibly lucky to have a you as a son!
I was just going to say the same! He has such a gentle love for her. I’m sure he felt that so much time had been lost due to her hoarding behavior but to his absolute credit, he was patient & waited. I mean, ten years to rid the poop/urine stained carpet?! Let’s give him a Sainthood!
I thank you for your time and compassion for people that accumulate and keep too much:) My mother is one and I have said and done all the wrong things in trying to help her. My dad has been absolutely miserable in the clutter. I have cleaned it up for her... that didn't end well at all. She is 71 and my Dad is 72. The house has ten rooms including the hall and three of them have open space enough to be somewhat comfortable. It's very sad.
Yeah, I have not heard of any long term success stories when people clean up for the hoarder. I have heard of the opposite outcome though, where after someone cleans up for the hoarder, the hoarder doubles down and makes the situation even worse than before the cleaning.
Bless you for your kindness to your mother! Everyone has issues. Challenges present opportunities for everyone and for everyone there is an equal opportunity to learn and grow with compassion. For those who are not on the same page, criticism and judgement remain as stumbling blocks, equally as damaging as the mental trauma that prompts hoarding behaviors. You are using your gifts wisely.
Thank you for sharing!❤
Thank you for this video. My mother is a hoarder whom an aunt and I have "helped" clean many times. I was really ready to give up but this helps me see that it will be a long process of building her up and trying to help her come to realizations on her own. Organizing, safety, complements to open the door of dialog. I will reformat my approach.
Have you made any progress?
I ended up taking a step back from the help I was providing to my mom each year. Luckily, things seem on a good trajectory, with her doing the work to keep her home in a state that provides a healthy environment for her and her pets.
Sometimes offering to take things to the thrift store for them is a big help. It's the little things. Baby steps...
Definitely helpful, thank you!! Perhaps your mom was upset that you touched her cookbook because it was one of those items that symbolize the person she WANTS to be, her idealized future self - someone in control of her life, who cooks good food (creates good things, especially nourishment). Nearly everyone I know has some items that represent the life they HOPE to lead, ideally. We're attached to them for that reason. That cookbook for her may symbolize her imagined/future self as a normal person who has a clean kitchen, living with less shame, living happily and creating good things. And I agree - focus on the person first!
If someone walked into your home and started telling you to get rid of your stuff, you'd tell them to get lost. They don't care about you, it seems, since they haven't gotten to know you in any depth. And naturally the person might think, it's not their stuff anyway, who are they, who don't even know how I see the world, to start giving orders or even suggestions? They don't know what you've been through, what the items represent to you, the emotions and symbolism you have attached to the items in your house.
The person/people from out in the community (including your kids) also don't know you're incapable of making decisions because your brain is malfunctioning, because you've hidden that carefully to keep what little control of your life you still have. And you're frustrated deeply by this inability and ashamed of your mental incapacity (nothing is more depressing than locus of control issues).
You feel helpless in the face of it, then someone comes in who doesn't know any of this and starts shaming you worse and demanding (by suggesting) that you to do what you secretly know you can't do: make decisions. Or give up even more control of your life by handing decision making over to them, the ultimate helplessness and shame.
So love has to come first. Genuine love, taking time and offering real caring, getting to really know the person and establish clearly for them your love for them and respect for their autonomy. Only then can you be trusted to start working with them and their items, especially since the items are all tangled up with their idea of selfhood and autonomy and self-respect. Many have also lived very isolated for years, so they don't trust that people are actually able to love, or to love them in particular. While items are constant, they don't change, they're always there for you. Items have a different role in the lives of severely isolated people. They are a kind of friend that humans have not managed to be.
Thank you for this video Sam. Your patience, understanding and gentleness are extremely helpful to me as I deal with a similar situation. Key points for me are to understand this is a brain/emotion issue - not the actual items, and that organization is such a hard concept for a hoarder to grasp.
Great to share the list with siblings so y'all knew how to approach her as a unit, greatest amount of affect.
Thank you for this video man, I have a friend who's a hoarder, and I am someone who really cannot handle spaces like that, and I hav3 had no idea how to actually help her without judgement
In a narrow path through junk the owner could fall over. While trying to get up they could have things fall on them. When trapped they could die of thirst over the next week or two.
All the old people guides on getting off the floor involve some free space and usually reaching a climbing support like a chair.
This has been very helpful. I think I am becoming a hoarder. I need to get rid of so much stuff yet it so hard and I don’t know why. Ugh!!!
You’re a better man than I. I feel like I’m ruining my own life butting my head against a wall trying to get through to my brother. It’s not just the hoarding. It’s the not showering or brushing teeth for weeks and months at a time. There are cats in the place and one was extremely overweight, had a lot of dingleberries, had fleas, and just died recently. Maggots underneath the food bowls, cat feces everywhere. Just insane.
I'm going through pretty much the exact same thing with my brother. I'm overwhelmed, worried, stressed and don't know where to start. I actually saw a therapist myself today. Not for me but since I doubt he'd agree to therapy, to try to get some advice and ideas of how to approach him about this.
Yeah, I saw a therapist for myself because my hoarder sister is impossible to deal with. It affected my well-being dealing with her self-centeredness, and found out from a hoarder expert that they almost never get better. I healed by realizing that she is not my problem in life to fix, so if she wants to live in filth and squalor then that is her prerogative. I’m tired of kissing her butt just to get along with her, so now we don’t have a lot to do with one another. She just keeps blaming everyone but herself for her mess, and I won’t play that game just to keep that sick relationship. I truly believe that narcissism plays a large role in their sickness. Sorry if this offends anyone…..
I am so impressed by your compassion and sensitivity. I wish you were helping me.
I wonder if you have considered what the root cause of the behavior is ? If you know there is trauma in your mother’s history then I presume you see links but have you consider asking your mother to get tested for possible ADHD ? Her being triggered to quick huge emotional states , her difficulties with decision making for example are very typical of ADHD. In my experience having a diagnosis is a huge help in understanding and release of shame and sadness around these behaviors. Best wishes.
My Mom 👩 💕 use to Horde Boxes of Green Beans from her Garden & Newpapers Paper in General is my issue.What I do is put junk mail in plastic bags 🎒 & every so often just trash the bag 🎒 Works for Me. I also am a minimalist. When I buy any thing something Must Go. INVENTORY IS UNDER CONTROL.
I have a good friend that is a hoarder. Many animals in the house.
She has an incredibly serious problem with migraines. Never occurred to me that it could be the intense odor of urine in her home.
Now to figure out a way to diplomatically work this piece of information into a conversation.
Thank you very much for the "hint".
Hoarders die younger than non-hoarders due to complications with their health, usually brought on by their poor indoor air quality. Also, they have a lower quality of life while they are alive, as they tend to have many debilitating symptoms (such as migraines, sinus issues, diabetes) associated with living in an unsafe and "clogged" home environment, that is not conducive to moving around and breathing freely.
I have chronic migraine, I'm a hoarder. However, I love antiques. I can see that if I get worse, I could easily go that way. Currently I battle my clutter by selling on eBay. Due to my health I am not wealthy therefore things have to be sold if they can.
I disagree with this. The hoarding, itself, does not cause health problems. Most people who hoard have health problems already, which contributed to building of the hoard in the first place. Many hoarders have mobility problems. Some are in wheelchairs. Many hoarders have fibro, depression, arthritis, carpal tunnel, diabetes, a failing hip (which is excruciating), back problems (which are excruciating), like spinal stenosis or herniated discs, or arthritic bone growths on the vertebrae, or they have heart problems, or circulation problems in their legs, sometimes even cancer…..all kinds of health problems that zap them of energy and mobility. These conditions have nothing to do with the hoard itself. The hoard didn’t cause them, but they prevent the hoarder from cleaning up like they want to.
I am offended by your comment because non hoarders always look for reasons that it’s unhealthy. I’ve only heard of “air quality” causing one problem. One lady became more and more allergic to her cats from the dander buildup and other cat smells. She was getting asthma when she never had it before.
You can’t make assumptions just because you don’t like cat or dog pee smell that it’s causing all kinds of health problems. Take a walk into the SPCA stray cat kennel. Take a walk into a no- kill cat shelter. We have a no- kill cat shelter in town and it’s spic and span clean with multiple commercial exhaust fans and it STILL stinks to high heaven. And everyone lives fine. The SPCA is another story. The smell will blow you down when you open the main outside door. And they let disease spread there and neglect the animals, so, many die.
We get used to our smells in our own houses. Non hoarders are always appalled and disgusted since they’re not used to it.
If hoarders really do have shorter lives, it’s because of the health problems that their DNA determined before they were born. It’s harder, or impossible, to keep your house clean and organized when you have major health problems.
I hear you that for some people, it has caused migraines or made them worse, or it has caused sinus problems. Okay. I accept that if the hoard is the cause. I’m not denying that it might cause these particular things in some people.
But a hoard doesn’t cause heart disease, cancer, arthritis, pinched nerves, spinal stenosis, cartilage degeneration so that someone needs a hip replacement or knee replacement.
Yes, hoarders have deep emotional pain, trauma, chaos in the brain, inability to decide about their items, a strong emotional attachment to items, but I still say that a lot of times things would not have built up if the person had energy and felt good with no health problems, and no depression. The health problems came first.
Something you touched on and I'll add the house can make them physically sick (like from mold) and it can result in overwhelming fatigue. Like being winded easily, cognitive problems, heart problems etc. I was finally found to be anemic (6.5 out of 12) but just to look at me you wouldn't know how bad I felt (I also found I had a kidney tumor pressing on my spine). If anyone's done a major cleanup it is physically exhausting
even for a healthy person. I won't go into people knowing now but still too busy or still taking their own support system for granted but I hope it opens discussion.
Then you for creating this video. It has a lot of the information I was looking for on how to address the issue in my parents house. It's not near as bad as the house you have described but it's bad enough that things have to be moved to get into some doors and they are going to miss out on a lot of time with their granddaughter if they don't have a safer environment for her.
You are the only person who makes sense to me... Cause I am trying. Ty..
Very helpful. Thank you
My grandma hoarded and my mom hoarded and I think have been doing it too.
I agree wholeheartedly that criticism doesn't help, and trying to fix it for them will backfire.
Talking with them about their feelings and increasing their confidence are the first steps. I also struggle with making decisions.
I like to tell myself that my house isn't as bad as my elders, but if I go a few more years unchecked, it probably would have gotten that way.
Very well done. 💯👍
Thank you for making this video! You are such a gentle and caring person especially around trying to help your mom. The situation sounds intense to say the least. I'm currently listening to this as I am on my third hoarder cleanup of the month and many of the stories you shared remind me of the people I'm working with. It's such a fascinating and disturbing situation to deal with. I found many of the things you said very helpful and I wrote them down in my notes! Especially disapproving with your facial expressions. When the person I'm working with told me to save the 25 boxes of hemorrhoid wipes I had a hard time holding it back when they told me it was for removing makeup. But what about the hemorrhoid cream? They already have two Rubbermaid totes of face wipes made for removing makeup. I'm not that Jedi yet! Lol
All this patience and understanding is wonderful, you took a decade to deal with the foul carpeting.
I don't have a decade. I have a few weeks. My 93 year old mother in law may have to move in with me and my wife (we live in a trailer) because her younger daughter has filled their 3 bedroom house, basement, attic, and garage with so much stuff that it is uninhabitable. They don't even sleep in the bedrooms, you can't get in them. The upstairs bathroom is unusable. The kitchen is so full there's barely a trail to use, the oven isn't even visible under the junk. We managed to uncover the kitchen sink, whereupon my wife vomited at the stuff growing in it.
Adult Protective Services and the Board of Health aren't going to care about being patient or sensitive.
Ughhh... I am so sorry to hear about the situation you were faced with... sounds incredibly daunting.
Any updates you are willing to share? Were you able to make any progress? Was it two steps forward, one step back, or was it one step forward two steps back?
Wishing you well, wherever you are with your project.
@@WellBeingThunderstorm Sorry to sound so sarcastic in my original post. It has been incredibly frustrating.
It's been all steps backwards, none forward. Mother in law has been in our living room for almost eight months. Has not gotten out of bed since the day she arrived. We must take care of all her personal needs.
Her three bedroom house, with garage, basement, and finished attic is useless. It is literally full of stuff. There are rooms you can't even enter.
Her youngest daughter, the hoarder, is a nightmare. She simply will not throw anything out, and most of the stuff is actual garbage. She barely acknowledges it's a problem.
She is infuriating. Mention clearing the house and her perpetual reply is "I'm working on it," though in reality it's getting worse. Since we need her help taking care of my invalid mother in law, she's at our place quite a lot, and it's a constant battle to prevent her hoard from spreading here.
I didn't mention that, in addition to filling up the house, she had SIX rental storage units full of stuff! We did pressure her to reduce them to three, but since she throws almost nothing out most of it went to the house and added to the pile.
She hasn't worked for some 12 years, and lives off her mother's (my MIL) retirement. Even before she lost her job her mother was paying for her units, over the past 15-20 years she's spent tens of thousands of dollars just keeping the rental storage units.
We've told her over and over and over and over and over and over that she needs help but she won't do it. She is convinced that it's all a matter of sorting and organizing. She's perpetually "going through things" when the only solution is to throw out 98% of it, the vast majority of which is actual garbage anyway.
Her mother is part of the problem, she doesn't see what we're upset about. She is an older generation that doesn't believe in mental illness, her only comment on the hoarder daughter is "she just doesn't know where to start."
When her mother goes, which could be any time now (she's 93 and on home hospice) we don't know what's going to happen to her. She can't live with us, I will not be her caretaker, and I can barely stand her anyway.
It's an ongoing nightmare.
I can tell you: She felt threatened when you touched that book. She knew that you were there to "help" but that you would judge her without truly understanding the situation. Hoarding is 100% emotional and psychological. People heard because they feel their emotional and mental safety is debilitated while their physical safety is mainly well off. If you touch one thing, then you'll want to touch another. And the entire principal of no one wanting to listen or care about you as a spirit and human soul, DEEP DEEP DEEP to the core is the reason that people hoard. It's a sadness that is expressed externally through depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
Pretty sure I’m a hoarder especially when I start worrying about the poor piece of china. China doesn’t feel things!! So I think your ideas of focusing on safety/organizing/not throwing everything out right away. Your Mom probably can’t begin to able to tell you how much she appreciates your care and love.
Hoarding is also rising because of disconnection with other people. I’ve read that people slip across the line into hoarding after a loss of someone close. This seems to be my case. See above about worrying about an items feelings. I am sane, hold down a full time job & am reasonably intelligent.
One message to tell people is that if you really want to help you need to make return visits. My sisters will show up once a year, promise more help, and never show again. We never fight & I get rid of lots while they are here. Hopefully it’s the sinus headache afterwards and not that something I’m doing is driving them off. I guess I need to be brave and ask.
Hi Jenny, I am sorry to hear you lost someone close :(
I have heard the same thing as you, that hoarding tendencies often increase after the loss of someone close.
Glad to hear you never fight with your sisters... that sounds both refreshing and also very atypical... usually those who hoard have combative interactions with those trying to help and it is both exhausting and deflating for those trying to help (as in, it makes you question if helping is a good thing since it seems so unwelcome and resisted by the person with hoarding disorder).
Anthropomorphizing objects is a pretty human characteristic... as in you are not the only one who might worry about a poor tea cup. A lot of people channel this concept to care about things in their possession.
Thank you for weighing in with your own personal experiences. I appreciate hearing your perspective.
Hi Jenny, your description of yourself sounds so familiar to me. Thank you for writing this out. Please be very kind to yourself and show compassion. When I started consciously focussing on the beauty of my "problem" and showing much appreciation towards myself and my material belongings changes started to happen. I wish you the best of health and happiness!
OMG my Tortoises pooped and pe under my bed and I let it dry to vacumn up. I have become a hoarder.
I have a hoarder friend, and I just made some of these mistakes this week.
as a hoarder who is struggling to stay in recovery through all this covid mess, I agree with most of the things you say except leading with safety.
We know the hoarding causes safety issues. We are terrified of the day a paramedic may need to get into our home. Stating it to us just feels like we are being pushed/bullies into fixing a problem we don’t know how to fix.
You are right about getting overwhelmed. We never set out to hoard, it’s more like unrealistic expectations of what we have room for and what we can make fit if we just reorganize things a little more.
Thank you for sharing your valuable perspective. I appreciate you and your helpful comment :)
The experts say you go to hording when you lose someone close. I think I went the other direction. Every year rather than acquiring more things I get rid of more things. Think I will be a minimalist or have nothing left by the time I die.
I get particular satisfaction when I part with an item... either because I am donating it for someone else to use or because it is at the end of its useful life and has served me well.
On the other side, I have a hard time purchasing something for myself. I can buy stuff for other people easily, but when it comes to me, I tend to not buy much. As a result, I have few material possessions. I am okay with this, as it suits my lifestyle.
Sounds like we have somewhat parallel lives, in this regard. I love downsizing :)
Great advice. Too bad I can't do this. It's just too much.
Yeah, it is a LOT. I helped out for about a month each year for many years and chose to take a step back about three years ago. I agree with you, it is a LOT!
@@WellBeingThunderstorm I admire your efforts. But I had to put myself first. I still worry for my mother's situation, though.
Great Video 👌
A new Subscriber here 👍
I am so sorry to here that
I am haveing the same problem with my mother too
Lowkey its so hard to move forward with my life my moms doing her thing
I had a bunch of relapse
Lowkey over eatting
No flap
eating sugers
Smokeing cigarettes
And Suicidal Thoughts
I know what you mean. And it can be very hard when they make you feel like a terrible person for wanting to help them and get rid of things and make their life more comfortable or safe and hygienic even.
I've hired organizers, helped show them declutter classes and videos, asked them if they see themselves traveling to places or enjoying life more and shift their mind to experience more life than buying and many more approaches.
But it's OK also to take mental health breaks and get a vacation or stay away for a bit if you need it. They may appreciate you more when you come back and you may too.
My relative with hoarding, I at least got them into therapy and a part of them knew they needed it so I'm glad they wanted it.
Plus, it's good to be emotional with them in a loving way and let them know how much they mean to you and how much they deserve a better life. But say that in the reverse order.
Also, I recommend more comedy videos as well so you don't sleep with a mental burden.
You deserve happiness and peace and love and thanks for all you do for them.
Be good to yourself please.🙏🏿😌😁🤓
Also ... Even with the few things I have, when my kids say, "WHY do you keep this?" It feels like they are saying that they would like to get rid of ME.
Yes, this was a concept I learned about from the show "Hoarders" even before trying to broach the subject with my mom, many years ago.
For example, many hoarders have partially finished projects that they will likely never finish... but abandoning the project entirely by throwing the items away feels like abandoning them and throwing them away.
In my mom's case, we focused on finding new and better homes for many of her items that were buried and uncared for. I made it a point to show her that I valued each item, and that by finding a new home for it, someone, somewhere would get better use out of it than it being buried in her home. I think this helped, because when she identifies with an item, we are saying let's find people who care about this item rather than leaving it unused here... so she could interpret this as, "YOU are VALUABLE, and we want to make sure YOU ARE TAKEN CARE OF IN THE PRESENT MOMENT."
@@WellBeingThunderstorm I watched a lot of Marie Kondo cleaning videos and although I will never be that thorough in my cleaning I did like her ideas and especially the one about THANKING your belongings/treasures before tossing or donating them. Somehow, for me, because I identified with my things, thanking them ... however crazy it sounds ... made it easier to let them go.
@@susanl8478 really? That does sound strange ( not crazy!) to me. You say you have few things, how can you feel related to this subject?
You r clearly far from a hoarder. Kids say the darnest(was that the word, sorry I’m from Belgium but I thought it was that😊) things😀.
@@coolrunnings3 I recognize that, if left to my own devices, I would collect 50 of everything and not stop at just appreciating one or two items of the things that I would like to collect. I love folk art and have a nice 'collection' but if I let it get out of hand I wouldn't stop until my house was over-flowing. The extras that I did have I said, "Thank you and Goodbye" and let them go. I find that I appreciate the things remaining were my favorites and I enjoy them more! And yes, kids say the darndest(SP?) things and they don't share my love of kitschy folk nick-nacks.
@@susanl8478 Hi Susan(my name is Hilde btw, 60 years old, 1 son, 2 girls) it is your life and your house but clearly you are aware of the possibility of becoming a hoarder n thats a good thing! Better safe then sorry( or st like that again😊). Maybe set yourself a limit of how much space you allow your folk art to take. So if you find st great, another thing has to go. I know the theory of it all😊 as I’m sure you do, practice is another story.
But the idea of you thinking when your kids say why you keep this etc . . . doesn’t make sense! Of course they DONT want to get rid of you!
They might not like that folk art( old fashioned mam they might think). That’s what most kids do nowadays, they tell their parents what they think as if we have no feelings. But they do love you! ❤️
This man is a real angel. I don't know how he has so much of patience. Cause hoarders are often nothing but pain in the a$$
I just quitely throw stuff, my companion doesn t even notice. just do not ask him/her that you want to clean it up.
Love this. I am a hoarder who doesn't hoard but I see the signs and I think I caught myself early ... but ... there is always tomorrow. I have two small bins of possible hoard in my closet and three bins under a bed and my kids still criticize... roll their eyes and shake their heads. My house is very clean even though I don't want to or care to keep it that way. It is hard not to give in. I have stayed out of thrift stores for ten years now and have strict rules for cleaning. But all of this is just to avoid the shame and criticism. If I am ever left alone ... no telling what would happen.
You are doing great and since you are so aware of the problem I don’t think you will ever get into a hopeless mess. 👍🏽
@@coolrunnings3 I hope so ... as it stands now I love what I still have and so far haven't faced/felt any compulsion to acquire more.
@@susanl8478 Hi Susan, again😊 Stop it! You are clearly NOT a hoarder! But you seem to lack a bit of self confidence( just like me, actually only in some ways, not all). You enjoy your folk art! You enjoy what makes you happy in your own houseIm sure you are there for your kids too whenever.
@@coolrunnings3 Yes... I probably lack some self-confidence but there is fine line between self-confidence and arrogance and I always want to err on the side of recognizing that I am not the only one in the world and to accommodate the feelings of those around me ... not at my expense completely but just a little. I promise, I am enjoying my house and my 'stuff' and now without guilt. I hope I continue with this mind-set! Best wishes.
I would say to emphasize the mental health aspect. That a clean home would help with depression and make them feel better. Not weigh them down. Safety is not a concern mostly because most hoarders won't let you into their home because of shame and embarrassment. Ask how can I help? Maybe getting rid of trash bags for them or taking stuff to the thrift store....Dont expect results overnight. It took years for the house to get that way and it takes time to fix it. The worse thing is if they feel isolated and/or excluded because then their depression makes it harder for them to make progress.
I will add that it helps to focus on the hoarder's own goals for the home. My client wants to feel calm in her home, so we often reflect on that while making decisions. Also she wants her things of "value" to be valued by someone else if she gives them up. So I do lie quite a bit by agreeing that I'll take items to be donated (when they are clearly trash). I justify letting her stay in her delusions because it's helping her feel calm. By caring about her as a person first, as you said, it makes her more willing and proud of what she's accomplishing. We actually have fun now, telling stories and joking around about random topics. I agree with some other commenters that having a long time to do this is a luxury, though, and just not an option in many cases.
I'm a house cleaner and one of the houses I'm supposed to be cleaning is owned by 2 horders. Mostly magazines and newspapers so they want to go through all of it or keep 'incase they want to read it again' or 'for memories' for literally scraps of paper that have like a number on. I don't know how to help them as I'm not a specialist in hordering. I'm just a cleaner
Yikes! I cleaned homes professionally when I was younger and definitely felt it was much easier to clean the mostly empty homes. We had a saying, "It's easy to clean a clean home."
On the other hand, it takes so much more time and energy to clean a more cluttered home. You have to move things out of a space to clean it, then move them back into that space. Doing this everywhere takes more than twice the time, and, at the end, you end up stirring up dust from all the objects themselves while moving them, so there is a layer of dust that settles on already cleaned surfaces! It seems like an impossible task!
Hope you're able to clean your clients' home in a way that works for you. I know I get discouraged when I try to clean an area where a hoarder is hoarding a lot of things.
@@WellBeingThunderstorm I don't clean for them now, they were really homophobic and said gay and bi people deserved to go to hell and burn for eternity... Me being bi myself didn't appreciate that. So I didn't go back again they can live in their shitty newspaper filled fire hazard house
Hello! I'm not a hoarder but I have a lot of possessions I'm trying to get rid of (sell, donate, etc.) and I am having trouble with categorization of my possessions. Do you have any resources on this?
Also it can be really hard to breathe
Like i would think like
Wow I'm breathing in dust
Great advise, my parents are hoarders more so my mom and she has had EMS many times have to come in to get her on a stretcher and they have tripped and slipped on her piles of women's magazines and crap but she couldn't care less about anyone so I'm just waiting for her to die. My hope is I actually die before her so I'm not stuck dealing with her trashed house.
Yeah, I feel the same way... I am not interested in dealing with the home my mom would leave behind. It would not be worth it from a financial perspective or a health perspective. The home is losing value, since it is in an undesirable location (a shrinking rural town) and is not being maintained (in real estate terms, it has become a "tear down," which means its value would be the value of the land minus the cost of removing the home and some of the trees).
There is a document you can submit to the government absolving yourself of any inheritance... then you don't have to pay taxes on it. The catch is that you cannot involve yourself in any aspect of what happens to the property. This creates a conundrum for me, because my disabled veteran brother now lives in the home with my mom. So, if she were to die and I were to submit that document saying I do not want to inherit a portion of the home, I would not be allowed to maintain the home or help my brother address the many issues regarding the home (nor could I help in making it sellable). I am increasingly becoming okay with this option, despite the fact that it would mean I could not help my brother.
Also, I meant to thank you for your raw candor about your experience and what you hope for. Hoarding disorder is becoming increasingly common, and it is a very real problem for those of us interacting with hoarders.
I'm a hoarder.
Most of the time i like it.
It is nearby out of controll, but it gaves me most of the time pleasure.
It helps me a lot to help others with hoarderproblems.
it are also the hoarders who prevent for me to be out of controll.
I actually think the minimalists makes everything more worse.
They think, they are better and they do better. It makes me buying things after met these kind of people.😬
There was a time that we had no money to eat properly and to buy stuff as shoes.
So my house is ful of shoes, and food, sheets and toys to sell.
It's on the edge.
But my advice would be.
Let hoarders help hoarders.
Thank you els van kranenburg.
I appreciate your advice, but I do not believe my mother would still be alive today if I heeded your advice.
My mother's health was deteriorating each year, as her home was becoming more toxic. The animal feces and urine in the home, along with all the deteriorating materials and heating ducts full of more than half a century worth of dust and dust mites had lead to her not being able to breathe well.
She was coughing every other word when trying to speak, would be out of breath on even the shortest of walks, and was constantly having her sinuses flare up, giving her extreme headaches.
When we addressed the major issues, making her indoor air clean and breathable again, her health, which had been deteriorating for years, began to immediately improve. Her cough went away entirely, and her sinus headaches are now very rare (rather than very common).
With extreme hoarding, the quality of air in the home is often so poor, it can lead to poor health and an early death. Her hoarding was NOT just collecting extra stuff... her hoarding was leading her to create a toxic living environment (air that was harmful to her health), poor financial decisions (absolutely no savings for issues that may come up, like a broken water heater), not taking care of her physical health, not eating well, not addressing her mental health etc.
By stepping in and letting her know that there are a lot of us who care about her, we were able to support her in creating a life that she is more interested in living than the one she was previously living.
In my case, leaving my mother alone would not have reflected the love I feel for her and would not have shown the support I want to create for her, since I feel my mother was in an unhealthy situation and needed help to change her situation.
@@WellBeingThunderstorm
Sorry, I didn't want to say you did anything wrong.
I'm happy you helped her.
It was in general to anybody.
Hoarders helping hoarders is in general a perfect advice. I do it.
Working in your own house is more difficult then helping others because you don't have emotions while cleaning and trowing stuff away.
@@els4044 Thank you for clarifying.
Yes, my mother has two friends who are hoarders and she is able to easily see how hoarding disorder adversely affects their health, finances, living situation, personal relationships, and ability to make decisions.
She sees things much more clearly when it is a problem for another person rather than for her.
She tried to help both friends but was unable to, as they resisted all help from her and pretty much anyone trying to help. One of them pushed everyone away so effectively and became so "thorny" to be around that even his housekeeper stopped working for him. He passed away this past winter due to health complications most likely a direct result of the poor living conditions in his home (bad air quality).
sorry sam im not gonna mince my words (ive a hoarder mum too).
to take a decade to resolve the carpet issue is a failure.
i just did it (still doing) by force. not saying anything, just doing (clear the trash myself). if she gets angry at you, just say you want her grandchildren to visit her.
I (and many others online) would love it if you keep us posted on your progress and strategy :)
My grandma is a hoarder - not so bad that the house was disgusting or dirty (other than a lot of dust), but just very messy, full and cluttered. No one in the family wanted to do anything about it, and although I've offered to help as I'm very good at organizing, she never took me up on it.
Then I came to stay with her at the start of the pandemic so she wouldn't be alone, and when I realized after months that there was no end in sight to the pandemic, I just decided that I'm cleaning this house up no matter how much I'll get yelled at. I got yelled at a lot, but you just can't be scared of a hoarder's anger if you ever want to help them. And you can't baby them and treat them with kid gloves just because *they* act like babies when it comes to their hoard. I think it also helped that I was with her and she was less lonely, which I think is a huge component of hoarding.
Anyway, some things she said were absolutely off limits and I respected that even though it doesn't make sense to me, but I still managed to completely transform the house, and family members like visiting a lot more now, which is something that's important to her.
One moment that stood out to me was when I wanted to replace the very old (and ugly) clock in the kitchen, and she said it was her mother's and I'm taking away all her memories - I told her memories are in your head and not in items, and later I saw she threw the clock out.
There's a big difference between cleaning and throwing out her Mother's clock because you think it's ugly. I would have had you hauled off in handcuffs if it had been me.
You calling your Grandmother a baby while you are literally engaging in elder abuse is appalling. And is an excellent example of why people that are struggling often do not accept "help."
I am needing to help my landlord to have a talk with a renter and the person hoarding already has a roach infestation affecting us all, so we do not have the time to be so nice. The situation is not healthy at all. Her property is getting damaged. He is a close friend I did not know lived in such a way. This is so hard, he may get evicted. We do not see immediate change to happen unless there is a quick intervention. We are not professionals to handle this and the person is not understanding the urgency and there is a poor pet involved. I already asked the VA to get social services to check on his situation. I told the doctor as well while he was recently hospitalized and they stated they would contact social services but I do not know how fast they get out here. 😔
Wow, what a challenging situation you are in!!! Looks like your comment was a year ago, so I hope everything has been resolved since you posted your comments. Unfortunately, I can also imagine that this problem has gotten worse (rather than better) in the past year :/
It's extra sad (and unfortunately all too common) when pets are involved and when other people are involved (e.g., shared wall apartment neighbors).
If you did make progress, anything helpful you'd be willing to share about what worked to help the situation you were in?
I was able to buy my own home. I moved only about a month and a half ago. The only improvement made for the situation I was in was the elderly hoarder with the roach infestation agreed to hiring a professional exterminator to come out regularly. he would not agree to have someone come in to his property to clean regularly. He attempted at cleaning on his own, but still not up to what it should be to maintain a roach free environment. He also had a storage container on the property which could never be treated because it was so packed, for they could never get in there to spray or exterminate for roaches, because I cannot spray on your personal property. He needed to create a walkway, and he would not. so onto my new situation where I moved I have three neighbors, one in front and one on each side that do not take out their trash regularly and the one closest to me next-door has a roach infestation and I’m suffering from the roach situation again. I don’t know how people can be so inconsiderate and it’s hard to approach people. I don’t even know, especially most of these people will deny their situation of causing roaches for others. It’s confounding, and when you reach out for help such as social services for the elderly man, no one came and no one cared. And in this situation I’ve only been a month and a half. I’ve already contacted just about two days ago at the health services department of the county but I’m sure they will also never respond or do anything even though I am going to be regularly reporting until something is done. I talked with their landlord as they are renters and he could not care less he knows the situation. He is very aware of it, and he will not do anything about it.
My loved one also has a mood disorder. This isn’t uncommon.
Listening to your ‘don’ts’ shows me I’m not a real hoarder yet🙏🏼. But still I have way too much things in my house (especially clothes) and a difficulty letting go. I sometimes feel I’m building a nest in my (big) bedroom. . . . Since approximately 5 years I live on my own in a 4 bedroom house, the downstairs is fine, nice things on display, a bit too much my children say, but thats more a matter of taste. But 3 of the bedrooms and my attic are at least half filled with things I want to keep. N maybe half of those I should donate or sell. 😌
You seem like such a nice and considerate son! 👍🏽💚
@Oh dear me Thank you for sharing. Yeah, what you describe certainly does not sound like the level of hoarding disorder I have become familiar with (where a home becomes a biohazard, filled with animal urine/feces and decaying materials that make the breathing environment literally toxic). By the sounds of your post, you have things you want to keep and are considering finding new homes (either via donation or sale) for about half your things.
I think anyone living in a 4 bedroom home might tend towards keeping more things, since it wouldn't be pressing to get rid of it. After all, what's the difference between an unused bedroom being empty vs. storing some quality things...
@@WellBeingThunderstorm Thank you for the reply! I do however still feel l keep too many
things, mostly clothes, in my house😐. So your video’s about hoarding help me be aware, not letting it get out of hand. Thanks!🧡
I guess I'm just hopeless..I'm too scared to ask for help.. when I have in the past I don't think others took me serious. ..damn .tell me
I was used to taking care of other people and unfortunately they've passed away.i tried paying people to help me and I lost over $20,000.. that was my husband's insurance policy.. people can really chew you up and spit you out until you're broke.
He offers kindness here. But he doesn't address the real root of the problem. Clearly his mom has a wounded spirit. No one is born that way. The Lord can deliver anyone from this bondage. He wants us free! Don't cater to that spirit, kick it out in Jesus's name. The mind and spirit needs to be healed before you can deal with the de-cluttering. Education, yes, but it goes deeper.
My mother is about 70. She has put our family in conflict for literally decades with her hoarding. She won't get help, she gets extremely angry. She has trashed the house to a point of no return. When we've tried to clean up she has gotten violent. It's such a terrible thing to say but we almost wish she would pass away and be relieved from that brain. She's been in a prison in her head for years and it's been dragging the family down with it.
Yikes! This sounds like a very challenging situation for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your experience, as I believe it helps not only me, but the many other people who are struggling with similar issues.
One question I like to use is "why is this here?" Basically it's a bit neutral because it invites the reason instead of explicitly calling for a defense.
So you can’t hurt hoarder feelings but it is ok if hoarder hurt your feelings. Crazy western society.
So, being dishonest is the deal? Pretending nothing is wrong when everything is going to hell? Well, count me out then. Let them just enjoy their mess. Who am I to tell people how they ought to live? Their life, their choice.
I am NOT condoning or recommending dishonesty nor am I suggesting you pretend nothing is wrong. Where are you seeing/hearing that?
I am suggesting there are strategies that work well for talking to people who have a hoarding disorder. These strategies are all rooted in honesty and shedding light on the issue of hoarding, in a way that will more likely be seen as supportive rather than controlling and/or condescending.
@@WellBeingThunderstorm thanks for your response. One question: Did it work out for you?
@@feingetarntesfischfilet4841 Yes! These strategies absolutely worked out, which is why I created this series.
Before I helped out, my mother was living in a toxic environment. For example, her two dogs peed and pooped exclusively inside her home on her carpet. They would actually hold their pee while on a walk and immediately relieve themselves on her carpet when they returned home. She would leave the urine to dry out. She would leave the feces for several days (sometimes weeks) and pick it up with a napkin after it had dried. At any given time when you walked through the front door, you would see quite a few piles of poop, in various states of drying out.
The animal waste, combined with the dust from all the materials decaying in her home, made for a terrible breathing environment. If I visited, my sinuses would start having issues almost immediately when walking through the front door. The stench was horrendous and clearly bad for anyone's health. I do not experience headaches normally, but I would always have a sinus headache upon departing her home.
Her health had deteriorated to the point that she could not say three words without coughing. She was constantly coughing while talking. And she ran out of breath during even short walks. She would frequently have multi day headaches that were debilitating to the point she would stay in bed for most of the day. She also thought she had "allergies" as she was constantly stuffed up with allergy like symptoms.
I believe if I had not intervened in the way that I did, helping her make her environment at least safe to live in, she would have passed away several years ago from health issues.
My unwelcome and unwanted help changed her living environment from a toxic biohazard to a clean and healthy, if still moderately disorganized, living environment. After I removed the carpet, added a dog door, helped discard many of the decaying items, potty trained her dogs, installed a flooring system that could be easily cleaned if peed on (vinyl flooring), cleaned the entire home, and had the heating ducts professionally cleaned (they hadn't been cleaned in decades), her cough, which she had been getting worse for years, went away completely in two days. She hasn't had a cough since, and it has been several years. She no longer gets her "allergies" as she called them, and her headaches are much more rare (every few months rather than multiple a week).
I talk about this background in the following video: ua-cam.com/video/s40ln1857_U/v-deo.html
Thank you for asking. What good are strategies if they don't work. In my case, I made a ton of mistakes along the way to helping her. As I learned more about her disorder and how I could more effectively help, I decided to document what worked for me in this video series (including this video) as well as what didn't work. It turns out that what works well for other people trying to help hoarders also worked for me. The Do's and Don'ts I presented in this video are largely taken from what works for specialists who specialize in working with those with hoarding disorder. A quick search on the web will reveal as much.
@@WellBeingThunderstorm Thank you for another, elaborate response, I hope it was "copy and paste" and you didn't spend an unseemly amount of time on an unworthy recipient!😆 Good of you to help first your lovely mother and then people in similar, trying circumstances. The best of luck! 🌠🌱
It's so hard to not say anything and then mask your facial expressions
To be honest, my daughter is a hoarder, she lives with me and I had no idea how bad it was, I did not know she was a hoarder. Now the "JUNK" is spilling out into my living room. She has 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. She WON'T STOP! You know,. I am so DONE with having to "walk on eggshells" and put up with their mental crap that destroys other people! I am sick of coddling these people! It isn't fair! She has NO insurance to get help I am so done! Why do I have to ruin my freaking life when these people are selfish, stubborn and could care less about others! Why is it that we have to have our lives destroyed and coddle these selfish people!?? Why are their feelings the only one's that matter? So your mom treated you horribly when you go to see her which isn't easy to do? PLEASE! I am about ready to have this daughter of mine committed! Call the authorites and have her hauled off to a state institution! Again, why do we, good people have to coddle these selfish people? DONE!!!I AM DONE! I can't do it anymore! I am sick of these people getting away with their abuse towards others!