Every week my family buys a 2 pound bag of cheese. Were a family of 5 and we dont even use the whole bag. She used double the amount of cheese we use in a week in 1 dish.
One time my me and my friends mixed tomato sauce, chocolate pudding, and a hard boiled egg. It looked like the outcome of a new weapon the government made.
Vincent O'Connor Nah, Hiroshima was detonated in the air. It’s gotta be more like Nagasaki since the toilet would barely be able to withstand the direct impact of his chocolate starfish barrage.
There’s nothing the Mister Miyagi of Mayonnaise won’t use it for. You heard he has his own BBQ sauce line in Walmart? It’s probably just mayo and ketchup mixed together!
@@amariondilworth4703 If I became morbidly obese on a diet of 50% mayo and 50% pasteurized processed cheese food, I would hate myself. I'll stick with garlic salt and pasta.
Im ngl, ik its gross but that cheese chip casserole thing had my mouth watering. Its gross, but if youve ever made something like cookies before you know that its gross how much butter and sugar goes into it.
Alchemy that makes pepole die of heart attack, but even the morgue wouldn't dare touch there corpses, with their shit-splattered ass that smells like mayo, shitty BBQ sauce, and diabetes.
Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
“Don’t make a heavy meal” >Makes cheesecake and potatoes with chicken “Don’t make dessert” >makes cheesecake Eat before you eat, then eat with your lady, then eat after you eat, then you should probably eat after that too just to be sure.
Right, so by now, we got: The Mayor of Mayonnaise The Mistress of Minced Meat The Chancellor of Cheese The Sultan of Salt The Duke of Diabetes The Baron of Burnt Food Lemme know if I'm missing someone.
3:17 gotta get the kids backed up with cheese so they're not always running to the bathroom and can just soak in the teachings of the lord with a brick in their guts the way he intended
I’m gonna cook something in this video for my family on April fools and when they’re in the hospital from food poisoning I’ll burst in saying April fools and I pull the plug
1ManRandom Really, because the Mexican people at the burrito place I like to go to call sour cream “creama”. Do you think it might be different with Spanish Spanish vs. Mexican Spanish?
@@gojewla It could be. I will admit that my knowledge of Spanish is pretty limited, so I couldn't tell you for sure. However, I've heard stranger colloquialisms between languages, so you might be right.
I'm from Spain and I think that meaning of "Crema" is used by the people in Mexico, here in Spain "Crema" only has two meanings, one is a kind of makeup and the other is a kind of soup
As someone from latin america mexican (and honestly most people i know) call it crema as an abreviation it's actually called crema agria (literally sour cream) but people don't think it sounds as appetizing lol
@@charlie_mario6292 They started with one 2 pound bag of cheddar and then used at least one 1 pound bag of taco cheese. It is at least 3 pounds of cheese.
@@prctor4753 not really Unless ur using yeast u really dont need to measure Cos the measurements are usually whats convenient, like i make bolognese roughly equal parts carrot and onion and i just eye it. Im not gonna save half an onion, just throw it in, it doesnt make that much of a difference
I mean you're joking but if recall correctly from the last vid, he did suffer a stroke causing him unable to use his right arm. You can check his new vids and see.
10% Luck 20% Skill 15% Concentrated power of will 5% Pleasure 50% Pain AND 100% REASON TO ADD MAYONNAISE Edit: Apparently people really liked my joke. Thanks!
Her whole mood is "I live where two-pound bags of cheese don't cost $16.99", is her mood. That easy soggy tortilla dinner would cost almost $30 to make.
@@Mrkakao1900 yep, this processed mass produced junk sure beats a locally sourced filet steak, homemade Yorkshire puddings, fresh vegetables and proper gravy.
“Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two pictures:” -that guy in the chicken suit from toy story -this guy “They’re the same picture”
*"The last thing you want to be doing is filling your lady up"* Me and Charlie pointing at the screen and saying 'Ahhh that's what you wanna be doing' in solid agreement
"Don't make dessert (take your lady out somewhere)," that's right boys and girls, at no point make your partner feel like they were ever worth the effort of a hand-made desert.
@@wh3elson Oh, no doubt about that. Honest opionion with that statement. BUT. But. It's just granted that MY handmade desert presents itself way stickier, and the crust that goes along with is just unfair to the consumer.
He forgot to tell you it was a 36 year old meal plan at maximum. If you go for seconds it's 18 years. Sorry man... Watch tier zoo and decide your next build.
Seeing these Videos makes me so grateful that my mom is a great cook. I grew up with healthy and extremely good food. Basically never anything pre made and a lot of variety.
Charlie Aguilar That won’t be life altering to this legend, four times salmonella survivor with two strokes and a paralyzed arm, he’d live even with 50% of his arteries clogged with mayonnaise and cheese.
This is normal in Europe. Obviously Jack is such a modern cosmopolitan guy he's transcended the backwards thinking of North America and moved towards the sophisticated ways of Europe. It should be obvious from his culinary skills.
Ah yes. Nothing shows your significant other you're willing to go the extra mile for them like microwaving a baked potato and using store-bought cheesecake filling for their Valentine's Day dinner. Absolute maximum effort.
Me: Hey doc, I dont know how I got this overweight. I only eat salads. Doc: hum ok, what's in your salads.? Me: beans and mayonnaise at about a 50/50 ratio.
I'm from Minnesota, where half of our diet is dairy. My family's moto is, "If it doesn't taste good add more butter." This is excessive even to me. I legit threw up in my mouth while watching this.
If you come to Minnesota and have Lactose intolerance prepare to either have the most Specific foods or you just have to deal with it and take the consequences
“Here, your meal is done.” **hands guest jar of tomato sauce with cheese piling out of the top** “oh yeah, and your drink” **hands guest cup of mayonnaise**
And for your side, grass, take it, cut it up, and throw it into a blender, then you add some bulk to it. Cut up some dirt balls and toss them in there with a good amount of BALSAMIC VINEGAR.
Jack's units of measurement for recipes
- The whole container
- Two whole containers.
You forgot
- 3.5 pounds of cheese
Forgot about heaping spoonfuls
You forget about Mayonnaise
What about mayonnaise jars?
@@stevenrandelsuld4581 more mayonnaise
'romantic dinner.'
uses paper plates
Romantic trailerpark dinner
@@zulithnin9394 ALABAMA 100
"Do you want any tap water?"
Which includes plastic sporks and paper cups.
He'll only crack out those Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer plates and Tweety Bird bowls for himself.
“Don’t make a heavy meal” begins to prepare a meal for a high school football player
Thats more a meal for the whole damn team!
Does he think women don't eat or something?
I'm pretty sure that not even bodybuilders consume this much carbs.
@@JeanMarceaux im sorry to tell you that they do, however the cheese and mayo is so nastyyyyy
it's a different video
I watch him when I crave unhealthy food. I start feeling disgusted and choose healthy option.
Wow i actually should do this
@@fairyfire6481 same
Genius
@@fairyfire6481 same
I do the same thing with Nickacado Avacado
“a little bit of cheese” has the same energy of “two shots of vodka”
this is accurately accurate
It’s like that but times the amount of shits Jack takes in a day
@@PoopMuncher420 I take Eighty-Seven fuckin' SHITS in four minutes.
Every week my family buys a 2 pound bag of cheese. Were a family of 5 and we dont even use the whole bag. She used double the amount of cheese we use in a week in 1 dish.
I would try it.
His food is like when you and your friends would mix all your food together at lunch and dare someone to eat it.
Trest whaaaaaaaat?
@Ayden Ponce i swear to god my friends made me drink coca cola + sprite + mountain dew + orange juice, my stomach did not like it
One time my me and my friends mixed tomato sauce, chocolate pudding, and a hard boiled egg. It looked like the outcome of a new weapon the government made.
@@jeffsullivan6812 oh god 😳
@@hammyjammy that sounds pretty good
This stuff is what Gordon Ramsay sees during a sleep paralysis.
Lmao I imagine him screaming in horror in his head
This is what I see during sleep paralysis
Holy balls this made me laugh.
I’d like this comment but u already have 420 likes. (It still made me laugh tho)
I'm fucking sorry I had to like for uneven purpose
Honestly, people misjudge the guy. He's smart. Your date will never leave because she'll keep shitting herself.
lmao
LOL!!! 🤣
That and constipated, which one will overrule the other
If she’s dead she can’t leave
@@Verticom10 why can’t it be both :)
This dude's toilet must look like the aftermath of Hiroshima.
Vincent O'Connor Nah, Hiroshima was detonated in the air. It’s gotta be more like Nagasaki since the toilet would barely be able to withstand the direct impact of his chocolate starfish barrage.
Johnny Joestar FUCK YEAH
Vincent O'Connor you made me see him in the bathroom all bloody toilet pieces everywhere and a ten pound Shit
The shadows of the mayonnaise he ate is the only thing that remains in the bowl
HiroSHITma
My girlfriend liked the meal so much she threw it up so I could have some of it too. Thanks Charlie!
Ok
Man the face matches ur comment lmfao
Lmao
r/cursedcomments
lmaooo
Jack's secret is he actually is a huge investor in Pepto Bismol. He created his channel to drive the stock up.
😭😭😭
He owns a nitroglycerine plant, and huge stocks in Bayer too from what I hear.
"Eat before you eat."
I have no doubt Jack practices what he preaches.
😂😂😂😂😂😂and
@@javierporras3706 and ded.
Kathy Bee
So pimp I threw up in my mouth.
You gotta eat big to get big.
I’m still disappointed he doesn’t have a mayonnaise based dessert.
"ladies, leave the video"
Dang. Guess I won't get to learn the secrets of food poisoning and clogged arteries.
That's a secret only for the bois
Only male can wield sacred power of cholesterol
How about gender switch and then watch the video then change your gender again?
I'm so sorry that you missed that opportunity
Ha you'l never know. 1-0
"Don't make a heavy meal. You don't wanna fill up your lady."
*pulls out potatoes*
...And cheesecake....
I'd like that, but it reached 69 likes and now it's illegal.
@@miucegai I just made it 169.
@@thembutton2226 I just made it 269
@@because-strudels dont you love it when ya boi brings out cheesy potatoes made with 4 lbs of cheese and 20 potatoes?
I legit thought he was just gonna dump mayonnaise in the pie crust
Me too man... Me too
There’s nothing the Mister Miyagi of Mayonnaise won’t use it for. You heard he has his own BBQ sauce line in Walmart? It’s probably just mayo and ketchup mixed together!
Bro, me too
This is a pretty accurate representation of how europeans imagine american cuisine
Yup
can you blame us though?
@@marydauria7902 not anymore
As a texan I can say that many people down here do eat taco casseroles with this amount of cheese
@@TiredRoman I'm Italian and now I get why y'all just love our food
50% mayo
50% cheese
*perfectly balanced as all things should be*
Gerry Adams 100% obese
@@amariondilworth4703 If I became morbidly obese on a diet of 50% mayo and 50% pasteurized processed cheese food, I would hate myself. I'll stick with garlic salt and pasta.
Delicioso ataque al corazon
What about 50% ketchup? You better edited this back.
@@Mr-Ad-196 never
Don't be a racist, be like Jack! He's offended every single culture on earth with his cooking.
Even American
Except Jack is racist...
ThatOne Fangirl u clearly don’t know what sarcasm is
Jack is foodcist
@@sn55t no but hes actually a racist lol
Those burgers were so damn raw, they were still alive.
Nope they were definitely over cooked
They were both
@@alexzanderguyett245 true
@@alexzanderguyett245 how in the fuck is that even possible 😂
Burger: “Please Jack I have a family”
Jack: “Now at mayonnaise”
"Don't make a heavy meal"
*Literally makes an entree that's 1500 calories per serving*
Honestly it's probably not a heavy meal for him
Exactly
Most his meals are about 6000 so he’s obviously on a weight loss program with this.
@@DaCracker. His body is literally screaming for more food after this light appetizer.
@@DaCracker. he should be on a keto diet
When your cooking is so unhealthy that McDonald's seems like a more healthy option
Holy shit it is
going outside and picking up a handful of dirt wpuld be healthier than his cooking lol
@burp hate to be the smart loser, but dirt is very nutrient-rich, so a handful of dirt would be healthier than a lot of things.
less of a risk of salmonella
@@matthewconrad6500 good to know.
How can someone have the audacity to put premade cheesecake filling into a premade pie crust and call themselves a cooking channel
A.B.I.M.A. Shut up, jack has his own barbecue sauce in Walmart.
@@ell7991 wait he does?
@@alilbun6073 oh ya
At least he adds his own mayonnaise
exactly 😂
He’s the style of guy to actually follow how2basic’s instructions
🥚🍳🥚🍳🥚🍳🥚🦶🦵🚽
🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚
Imagine being lactose intolerant in their household
Two words: Anal explosion. As a person with lactose intolerance I can confirm this.
i have a pretty severe lactose allergy and christ watching him put that 2 lbs of cheese on the nachos gave me palpitations
Im ngl, ik its gross but that cheese chip casserole thing had my mouth watering. Its gross, but if youve ever made something like cookies before you know that its gross how much butter and sugar goes into it.
Bo Horn yes
Yes my stomach started churning from being lactose Intolerant lol
When Christ fed the five thousand, he didn't use that many calories
Good one
Other transcriptions say it was a block of cream cheese covered in salsa not fish and bread.
@@TheRealHaloLover ah yes the same translation where he turned water into mayonnaise
Bermuda Inc holy fuck 💀💀💀
Ikit Claw alright i didn’t intend to wheeze at this but i did and now i cant stop
“Dont make something heavy”
*makes food with 4 pounds of cheese*
And the Cinderella of Mozzarella says “Let’s take a nice healthy piece”. Not even a crumb of that nacho cheese casserole would be considered healthy!
@@dmichael7144 eh, a small portion could be fine as long as you don't eat any more fats that day
@@alucardican9785 yeah, but that small portion of these dishes are more than 50% of daily calories intake.
@@003thezg3 happy Valentine’s Day!
@@alucardican9785 you figure people are eating small portions?
bro his second bite at 4:05 was literally a dollop of sour cream with two olives
Lovely 🤢
Oh god, I did that once
i saw that and cringed
Ya, but I see that happen quite often
...And? This man is a VISIONARY and his impeccable taste must not be questioned!
im gonna make this romantic dinner for my boyfriend and see how fast it takes for us to have our first argument
What happened
What happened
@@theangrypotato2.031 lol
He’s not cooking, he’s doing alchemy
Alchemy that makes pepole die of heart attack, but even the morgue wouldn't dare touch there corpses, with their shit-splattered ass that smells like mayo, shitty BBQ sauce, and diabetes.
Alchemy 100
Septimussheep 777 He's making super unhealthy food to kill people so he can collect their souls for a Philosophers Stone
Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.
the reason no one ever found the philosopher's stone is because it's really just two highly compressed tablespoons of mayonnaise.
The fact that this man had a stroke and lost movement of one of his arms AND KEPT COOKING LIKE THAT almost parodies itself
Wait for real?
@@atomicrenegade8194 yes
ua-cam.com/video/bNGuhhGBGdY/v-deo.html
Luar D'Andrea Thats hilariously depressing
thats pretty sad ngl
Not a single raw, unprocessed ingredient (fresh vegetable, fruit, meat) used in any of these recipes, what a living legend.
The fortitude of this man is unbelievable.
Its actually an incredible feat
What about the potatoe
He used an onion dont diss Chris like that
Tiffany Rowland those were actually processed balls of hardened mayo with brown spray paint on them
Masterchef: Dont fill your date up
Charlie: nah you wanna fill your date up. AM I RIGHT BOIIIIS.
Classic charlie
“Don’t make a heavy meal”
>Makes cheesecake and potatoes with chicken
“Don’t make dessert”
>makes cheesecake
Eat before you eat, then eat with your lady, then eat after you eat, then you should probably eat after that too just to be sure.
I think that adds a pound just reading this
Eat your lady if you're still hungry
Also don't forget your throbbing scoops of mayonnaise
@@ellegauci4073 I'll be eating her, just not like that 😉
im still hungry tho
"Today we're going to be making a simple PB&J"
*GRABS TOMATO SAUCE AND CHEESE*
You forgot the mayo
TS&J
Your 600th like, sir. Have a nice day.
The way Jack says "lehhdy" makes my skin crawl every single time. Is this what I get for breaking the rules and watching this video as a woman?
Thank God I'm not the only person who found that fucken weird.
Mung Dahl seeing the lehhdies be like
It made my cells rot at an accelerated rate
Our fault as girls for watching this tbh
You’ve doomed us all! You knew if a girl watched the video the universe would reset! What have you done!!
You look in his shower and there's just a a half used bottle of miracle whip
And an empty bag of 5 pounds of cheese
This dude is HowToBasic but he takes it completely seriously
Lolol
HowToClogArteries
I swear
@@BeanGreases I’m dead you made my day thank you
How to not live to 60!
Right, so by now, we got:
The Mayor of Mayonnaise
The Mistress of Minced Meat
The Chancellor of Cheese
The Sultan of Salt
The Duke of Diabetes
The Baron of Burnt Food
Lemme know if I'm missing someone.
The Grandmaster of Glucose, featureman
The Herald of Heart Disease
The swordsman of sodium
The Saint of Salmonella
The bloated baseball man
Lardo#2: "in Spanish we call this, ..."
My brain: "...mierda."
Also in spanish we call this "infarto"
Pain
Lol
Curso
Kaka
Gotta love when he brings up the cholesterol of bison but still has a mayo/butter/cheese-to-rest-of-the-ingredients factor of at least 20 to 1.
“Don’t serve your lady anything too heavy”
*Proceeds to dumb 2 entire bags of cheese into a pan*
I'm terrified of what he considers heavy
Melah Nakai 3 tubs of lard
Random Faggot • 69 years ago oops
I would love to see someone like Binging With Babish try to make a halfway decent recreation of one of Jack’s “dishes”
Evan Larson good luck with him doing the party cheese salad
Evan Larson everyone recommend this to babish
Babish would probably die from having to make any of these.
To Jack’s slight credit, macaroni salad is an actual thing beyond his twisted mind so you could probably make a decent rendition of that.
To be honest thats pretty easy just put less cheese and Mayo and you have a normal human being food
Charlie's volume :99%
The video That he is reacting to's volume: 1%
Minecraft Cobblestone well duh- we came here for quality content- we don’t want to actually hear the crap he has to suffer for our enjoyment
That actually is genuinely kinda annoying. The video would be a lot funnier if i could actually hear what he was reacting to.
@@Bolt99K I could, but I have mutant ears that make apartment life impossible so it's not a trade I would willingly make.
@25 Games Shouldn't have to do that with what would be little work on Charlies part to fix
Echo C do you not wear headphones with all the sexual shit Charlie says? Lmao
3:17 gotta get the kids backed up with cheese so they're not always running to the bathroom and can just soak in the teachings of the lord with a brick in their guts the way he intended
Girlfriend loved it so much she went groovin on the floor, Shes currently sleeping. Thx jack :))
What’s she doing now?
@@omegawilliam95s36 he's busy with her don't worry about it.
EmrahAlien You ain’t the boss of me.
@@omegawilliam95s36 you dont need a boss to be controlled.
@@omegawilliam95s36 bruh what
"Whats in the fridge?"
"seven kilos of cheese and some minced meat"
"any mayo though? I can make it work if there's mayo"
No but we have 10 pounds of butter.
Some minced meat meaning 8 ounces
Who are you quoting?
Don't sub to me he’s creating dialogue, not quoting
Sorry let me go out to my Mayo shavk
As a woman, I had to immediately click off that video, or I would be disrespecting the boys.
Same, I was so sad to miss some great Cr1tical content but you gotta do what you gotta do
The Shiny Snivy this says a lot about our society 😔
Thank you, your sacrifice will not be in vain
Trust me, you don't want to know what kind of shit he make.
The only boys part ends at 2:22
6:27 little smiley face on the “cheese crisp”
Last thing you want is a heavy meal
3 minutes and 3.5 pounds of cheese later
Don't forget to eat beforehand, too
And the mayo
THE IV don’t forget the mayo Iv line too
When he gets serious about eating, he chugs a gallon of grease 😅
"Don't make a heavy meal" - Jumps to a shot of a cheesecake followed by 100kg of cheese on top of corn chips.
Now you know how he got that fat
Whats that in freedom units?
@@cellyyy3448 920 feet ounces per Fahrenheit
@@JotaC wtf lmao
Jota C hahaha
Jack doesn't even have blood, he just has pure mayonnaise coursing through his veins.
Captain Weekend lulllllz
His tissue is made of stretchy cheese.
Means that he is egg
4:47 doesn’t look bad, but then he added two cups of ricotta.
"dont make a heavy meal for your lady"
>Lady makes essentially a 10 pound casserole of burnt brown cheese
NOT HEAVY
Kimmie Sasumori fack u mean bruv that’s just an appetizer
I really want to know what he considers ‘heavy’
Cy the O’Hare delivery guy
Not himself, that’s for damn sure
They weigh things on a planetary scale
I’m gonna cook something in this video for my family on April fools and when they’re in the hospital from food poisoning I’ll burst in saying April fools and I pull the plug
This is an original prank, I do it all the time! My family hates me though
@@whatocallmyself5614
Maybe cuz you unplugged all their chargers while their phone was at 1% you monster
Pulling the plug would be merciful
Prenk
Sounds like something a douchetuber would do
"Epic Family Food Prank 😂😂😂 (GONE WRONG)"
“In Spanish we call [sour cream] crema,”
Crema=Cream in Spanish
Ah yes, how exotic...
1ManRandom Really, because the Mexican people at the burrito place I like to go to call sour cream “creama”. Do you think it might be different with Spanish Spanish vs. Mexican Spanish?
@@gojewla It could be. I will admit that my knowledge of Spanish is pretty limited, so I couldn't tell you for sure. However, I've heard stranger colloquialisms between languages, so you might be right.
1ManRandom For the record, I don’t know any Spanish.
I'm from Spain and I think that meaning of "Crema" is used by the people in Mexico, here in Spain "Crema" only has two meanings, one is a kind of makeup and the other is a kind of soup
As someone from latin america mexican (and honestly most people i know) call it crema as an abreviation it's actually called crema agria (literally sour cream) but people don't think it sounds as appetizing lol
“Don’t fill your lady up, don’t make dessert”
Makes a cheesecake 🌝
Jack’s guy tip:don’t make a heavy meal
Literally 9 seconds later
* dumps 3.5 pounds of cheese and a entire jar of salsa *
To Jack, a "heavy meal" is a giant dish full of extremely dense food made from various cheeses and sauces compressed together like a diabetic diamond
His cooking sucks. However, it wasn’t 3 and a half. He pulled that number out of his ass.
@@charlie_mario6292 They started with one 2 pound bag of cheddar and then used at least one 1 pound bag of taco cheese. It is at least 3 pounds of cheese.
@@xryeau_1760 you forgot the mayo
@@11thcenturycrusader31 Mayo is not heavy to this guy at all
I feel like he doesn’t use measurements. He just buys the ingredients and uses the whole package
I mean if u cook something uve cooked before u roughly know the measurements just by eye
But this dude on a whole different dimention
@@allgonoemo4217 you would find out what the measurements are when you make a video informing people how to make and cook a meal
@@prctor4753 not really
Unless ur using yeast u really dont need to measure
Cos the measurements are usually whats convenient, like i make bolognese roughly equal parts carrot and onion and i just eye it. Im not gonna save half an onion, just throw it in, it doesnt make that much of a difference
@@allgonoemo4217 for cooking: recipes are a guideline, for baking: recipes are directions
@@kadinallan2436 ehhhhh, depends
If u making cupcakes or pancakes then u can eye it
Mayonnaise: open
Arteries: clogged
Heart: attacked
It’s salad time 😎
Brian V you a bum
Brian V *everyone liked that*
Brian V bros mad
Brian V bros mad
I mean you're joking but if recall correctly from the last vid, he did suffer a stroke causing him unable to use his right arm. You can check his new vids and see.
Jack is an example of what happens when the kid who mixed everything in his tray at lunch grows up
Jack: Don't make heavy meals.
Also jack: Add's 3 pounds of cheese.
"Don't give your lady a heavy meal on Vday"
*gives her 14 pounds of salsa and cheese* I bet that sex is extra nasty.
Lin M More like extra greasy.
*3 heaping spoons of mayonnaise*
that was a different video.
Mayor Mayonnaise and Mistress Mozarella: Episode 1- The Attack Of The Heart Attack
Plasmaniax insert captain underpants reference here
Maanaise
Episode 5- The Heart Strikes Back
Episode 9- The Rise of Cholesterol
Tommy Davis episode 8- Emergency ER visit.
10% Luck
20% Skill
15% Concentrated power of will
5% Pleasure
50% Pain
AND 100% REASON TO ADD MAYONNAISE
Edit: Apparently people really liked my joke. Thanks!
SmugThug.gif underrated comment
The best comment here
This comment is fucking legendary.
This is seriously one of the best comments ever
Considering he is still alive, i think luck is a weeeeee bit too low
I made some of this food for my girlfriend, & I'd say it was the best food she'd tasted in her short-lived life.
Dude what the hell, 70% of what this man eats is straight dairy. No wonder he looks like a wheel of parmesan
I feel unhealthy and self conscious of my own diet when watching this.
😂😂😂😂
Mushypotatoes you mean 70% mayonnaise
If he tries to go vegan, his body would implode.
This woman’s whole mood is “don’t be shy, put some more”
its my grandma "oh sweetie, one more bite" after feeding me 2 pounds of lasagna
@@domruck4815 yeah if your grandma was Kay's cooking
Her whole mood is "I live where two-pound bags of cheese don't cost $16.99", is her mood. That easy soggy tortilla dinner would cost almost $30 to make.
The Cinderella of Mozzarella!
It’s like bob ross but this time it doesn’t work well
Those 2 "chefs" are what Europeans think Americans look/act like.
haha you are not wrong :)
kinda, but it still is better than english food
@@Mrkakao1900
*cuisine much? No no no dear boy,we eat fish with fucking chips....I wanna die*
Just the ones that can’t cook
@@Mrkakao1900 yep, this processed mass produced junk sure beats a locally sourced filet steak, homemade Yorkshire puddings, fresh vegetables and proper gravy.
Blue Bison is a dog food brand that has been caught poisoning pets. Right on brand for Jack
The Denver diabetes, the Connecticut clogged arteries , the Louisiana liver failure
clogged arteries are caused by the diabetes
Ellenor Malik they team up sometimes. Like the opposite of a rivalry
@@connortheace56 lols. would you ever tune into a 24/7 nutrition live?
@@connortheace56 the crossover episode
Connor The Ace it feels so good it should cost bought her alligator I ain’t talkin Lacoste made me say ugh huh like a mix of master p and Rick Ross...
you can sum up all his dishes in three ingredients
- Mayonnaise
- Cheese
- Sour Cream
And raw can't forget raw
There is also the occasional store-bought salsa.
Can’t forget tomatoes
Jack is all about that dirty keto life :D
You can sum up his body composition using a similar equation.
Jack reminds me of that guy in the chicken suit from Toy Story.
“Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two pictures:”
-that guy in the chicken suit from toy story
-this guy
“They’re the same picture”
what was it, andy or something?
lytt no , search up “ big AL toy story “
holy crap he doess LMAOO
YESS
*"The last thing you want to be doing is filling your lady up"*
Me and Charlie pointing at the screen and saying 'Ahhh that's what you wanna be doing' in solid agreement
Making a special romantic meal for his lady friend:
store-bought pie crust
store-bought pie filling
microwave some potatoes
you forgot chicken haphazardly smeared with salsa from a jar
@@crotchman Fuck, I ruined the evening.
It's about what I expect from a kitchen modeled and painted like that
Add 5 full heapings of mayonaise and its perfect
"Don't make dessert (take your lady out somewhere)," that's right boys and girls, at no point make your partner feel like they were ever worth the effort of a hand-made desert.
To be fair your handmade desert probably is shit compared to what you can buy somewhere
@@wh3elson Oh, no doubt about that. Honest opionion with that statement. BUT. But. It's just granted that MY handmade desert presents itself way stickier, and the crust that goes along with is just unfair to the consumer.
@@wh3elson Well, with the internet at hand theres really no excuse to not learn it
@@wh3elson What if you are a professional dessert chief?
@@wh3elson it means more to a woman that you thought about her enough to make her something instead of just buying it even if it's not as good.
Instructions unclear, died at the age of 18
0/10 do not recommend.
Michael Stevens Sounds like you followed them quite well if you died at 18
He forgot to tell you it was a 36 year old meal plan at maximum. If you go for seconds it's 18 years. Sorry man... Watch tier zoo and decide your next build.
*unvaccinated*
Seeing these Videos makes me so grateful that my mom is a great cook. I grew up with healthy and extremely good food. Basically never anything pre made and a lot of variety.
Yeah same
I ain't no healthy eater myself but god damn how the hell is Jack sill alive.
He suffered a stroke 10 months ago so he's definitely pushing his luck
He isnt alive, he actually is just a robot that runs off of 3 primary fuel sources. Salsa, Mayo, and Cheese.
Charlie Aguilar That won’t be life altering to this legend, four times salmonella survivor with two strokes and a paralyzed arm, he’d live even with 50% of his arteries clogged with mayonnaise and cheese.
@@awesomedonut8228 He is simply a god that has the power to make dishes that us mortals cannot survive consuming.
Mayonnaise is empowering dat ass.
this guy's bowel movements must be the consistency of tungsten.
He is our leading source of high quality metals and other minerals
In the words of Oliver Sacks' uncle:
'The sound of tungsten. Nothing like it.'
I saw an episode of him rolling out tungsten on The Discovery Channel.
Grim Dark End what’s thy
“Gently poke holes in the potato” starts shanking the potato
oddly enough, that was probably the only real useful trick he did.
That’s what happenes when the prison guard told u to take it easy on your bitch
Put the cheese in bowl or else you potato bitch
Ive seen prison fights gentler than that
Now that's alotta damage
that 3.5 pounds of cheese is something my heart would love but something my stomach would file a lawsuit over.
"eat before you eat, like I do twice before each of my 16 daily meals"
“Eat before you eat”
Romantic dinner #1
Oh, now I get it.
Eat coochi before dinner
@@Goblintom there's nothing hotter than a guy who can't finish his plate 🤤🤤
he just wants the girl to get some of that delicious jack grub too 😩😩
c o o c h i e i s g o o d
Now, just add *virgin blood* to richen the mayo-cheese-salsa combo's flavor
yes please !
Thank you, Toast. Very Cool
Any virgins wanna donate their blood?
Well you can use some of mine but it may be a bit too salty.
"How much cheese would you like?"
The lady cooking the devil's nachos: "Yes."
Only the best chefs have their washing machine and dryer in their kitchen.
Sounds pretty sweet, you don't need a dishwasher and you can get your dishes dry in no time.
Lol the kind you have in a very small house
there aren't too many appliances you can use when you have portion sizes like Jack
This is normal in Europe. Obviously Jack is such a modern cosmopolitan guy he's transcended the backwards thinking of North America and moved towards the sophisticated ways of Europe. It should be obvious from his culinary skills.
In the UK literally everyone does that
"It's going to look delicious" she says as she proceeds to recreate a landfill in a pan
To be fair the nacho thing didnt look terrible
I swear to god i showed this video to my girlfriend and she's interested in the 15-pound cheese enchiladas, my brothers I fear for my life
My mom made me use an entire 2lbs of chedder cheese for enchiladas i tried using half and she said it needs more cheese because you can see tortila 😑
YO GIRLS AINT SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS THE FBI IS AFTER YOU NOW 🔫🔫🔫
You have 24 hours Holst and the clock is ticking
R U N .
It appears Holst has died from clogged arteries can we get an F in the chat bois
Put those nachos in front a bunch of high teenagers and they still won’t be able to finish it
Ah yes. Nothing shows your significant other you're willing to go the extra mile for them like microwaving a baked potato and using store-bought cheesecake filling for their Valentine's Day dinner. Absolute maximum effort.
The king of mayo himself can obviously only have an equal helper. The cheese Queen
The Queen of Queso
"Some of you may classify this as quesadillas,"
It's hard to classify anything you make as "Food", Jack.
I sometimes eat really unhealthily and these "recipes" make me feel like I never want to eat again
"I have transmuted my left leg, my brother, and the corpse of my dead mother, into these two potatoes."
"that's equivalent exchange right? a corpse for a potato??"
Too soon, bro
@@aihazu2357 talking about too soon wanna meet my talking "dog"
*Full metal alchemist intensifies*
BlueSkull now that’s too soon😔
"Eat before you eat."
Yeah... Jack, I don't think that's the best advice to take from you. Considering your... circumference and all.
he meant to say swallow 2 *_HEAPING_* Tablespoons of mayo.
This secret life hack will make your date believe you're actually skinny!
Works well enough.
If you're dating a fat fetishist.
taking circumference is *pie* x diameter to a whole new level
OtakuWasteCan That was a brutal insult.
Me: Hey doc, I dont know how I got this overweight. I only eat salads.
Doc: hum ok, what's in your salads.?
Me: beans and mayonnaise at about a 50/50 ratio.
ha...
Ha you fool, Jacks salads are 1 to 10, you just made it wrong. NOT ENOUGH MAYO
Also added a salad dressing of mayonnaise😂
That chip dish with the cheese, more cheese, and sour cream is like a one way ticket to becoming lactose intolerant.
I'm from Minnesota, where half of our diet is dairy. My family's moto is, "If it doesn't taste good add more butter." This is excessive even to me. I legit threw up in my mouth while watching this.
This guy is probably from Wisconsin or something
@@upyoursdotcom Ew.
That Midwest diet... dairy and beef 😭
If you come to Minnesota and have Lactose intolerance prepare to either have the most Specific foods or you just have to deal with it and take the consequences
Also a Minnesota child and I can confirm this is disgusting even for our standards
“Here, your meal is done.”
**hands guest jar of tomato sauce with cheese piling out of the top** “oh yeah, and your drink” **hands guest cup of mayonnaise**
@Lance Boyle tasty
And for your side, grass, take it, cut it up, and throw it into a blender, then you add some bulk to it. Cut up some dirt balls and toss them in there with a good amount of BALSAMIC VINEGAR.
Phlegm
Lance Boyle *Crunch*
An_Annoying_Cat HOW does this comment not have more likes??
On the nachos she was making she used almost the same weight of cheese to when I was born
Snowwy that’s just more proof that that man can eat an infant
@@starkittsy holy fuck this comment killed me, bahahahahahaha
Friendly reminder that an average human eats around 4 pounds of food per day
@@SeaguIISoup I wonder how many pounds of poop that is
She used as much chesse as she weights
I love the dude who was so mad about the cheese misidentification that he donated money to rage about it