8 Things I've Stopped Caring About (And You Should Too)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Check out The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k with a FREE trial to Shortform, plus get 20% off your annual membership by clicking here: www.shortform.com/AccordingTo...
Please LIKE this video, leave me a comment, and subscribe for more content.
Support this channel on Patreon: www.patreon.com/accordingtonicole
Follow me on Instagram: according_to_nicole
Business inquires: AccordingToNicole2022@gmail.com
Support this channel by buying me a coffee: www.buymeacoffee.com/nicolesy...
📷 My camera: amzn.to/3jh9MzX
🎤 My microphone: amzn.to/3PBk2PS
👖 My favourite jeans: amzn.to/3Wtlx4L
🤖 My robot vacuum: amzn.to/3WcnRgK
☕️ My espresso machine: amzn.to/3YRohLu
⏰ My wake up light: amzn.to/3YGehUa
🇨🇦 Use this link to sign up for WealthSimple Trade and you will automatically get $10 for FREE when you open an account and deposit $100 my.wealthsimple.com/app/publi...
💰 CASH BACK WHEN YOU SHOP! - GET $5 for FREE when you use this link to sign up for RAKUTEN www.rakuten.ca/referrer?refer...
***Some of these links are affiliates and I may receive a small commission when you sign up or make a purchase.
Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
uppbeat.io/t/bosnow/autumn-co...
License code: VWWMYRLMQ1VGKUU1 - Розваги
Get a FREE trial to Shortform, plus 20% off your annual membership at www.shortform.com/AccordingToNicole
Still love your bangs. :)
A very important one: Learn how to say no! All my life, my rule is, if you ask me something, and no is an optional answer, that's usually what you're going to hear! If you're the "God of NO" like I am, then you say no without an explanation! No is ALWAYS the safe answer! You want to keep getting royally screwed in life, keep saying yes! It's easier to say too because it has one less letter in it! Whatever I'm asked, if it inconveniences me in ANY way, it's a guaranteed NO! People don't like it, don't ask, and believe me, they don't!
Please trim your bangs!!!!
It was rude of them to ask you to watch their child without you not knowing her and her not knowing you. However, maybe they saw you as a trustworthy person???
I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that I liked the most about you. Then, you admitted to being a "Night Owl". Cool...🦉☕
I was always told that you MUST put other people first. This has caused such incredible stress. People take advantage of people who put others first.
True!!!!!🎉
You can still put others first and use common sense while doing it. That doesn't mean forget about yourself or neglect yourself.
Absolutely, especially and sadly in my case, my own family.
@@fightthebully3331 Agree. It depends on the situation. We can't be self-centered all the time when certain circumstances call for a little inconvenience on our part.
I'm 69 and enjoy working out, sleeping every night in a hammock, riding motorcycles, camping once every week, living alone and walking. I don't care what anyone else thinks.
I am better off not worrying about what I look like from behind while cycling. I am a large woman, and I don't fucking care what the car behind me sees. I am out there trying to set an example for others my size or my age (45) who are wondering whether cycling is for them. I picked it right back up after 25 years of driving, and I have never been happier. I still have my car, but it stays parked far more than it's in motion now. Worrying about how large my ass is in relation to the size of my bicycle seat is for someone else. I don't care. I just want the feeling of wind on my face, smelling the gorgeous scented flowers, and passing the world by on a much slower basis than I ever have before. My life is the better for it.
Anyone who clowns on someone who’s trying to get healthier probably has a very small PP and no one that loves them.
Try a recumbent….they are great! I like Lightning P38 myself! Or try a velomobile!
@@AccordingtoNicole😂
❤❤❤❤❤
love that!!!
I am not making this up people. I stopped watching the news as much as possible. Especially the National News and anything going on in Washington D.C. My blood pressure has come down a little. I am not upset or keyed up like I used to be. Try this for a week and see if I'm wrong.
Yep. Stopped reading the newspaper years ago for this very reason
Yes!
I stopped watching it because its fake news and I want real news only so I cant watch it.
As a 58 year old woman living with Stage 4 breast cancer, it becomes very clear what is important. What makes people interesting is being their authentic selves. I could care less what people think of me. The only thing that matters to me is my relationship with God, my health and ability to do things that bring me joy, my boyfriend and his kids. I work for those things and only those things. I am not angry with people, I simply have given up on caring what they think.
If you got a diagnosis from a US doctor, you're actually in perfect health with no medical bills.
I hope you are OK
All the very best to you. Take care.
Sorry Debbie to hear about your illness I will be praying for you it looks like you are on the right track I am in the same situation with a bad Heart and other stuff and it has helped me zero in on what’s most important I hope the best for you ❤😊
Prayers for you
I had a friend tell me about someone not dressing nicely. I asked her why she cared because it did not effect her life, She did not have an answer
😂😂exactly. Why is that her business?
My mother was so much like this. I've listened to her narcissistic (she was formally diagnosed by a specialist) ranting about all kinds of stuff since I was a child. But this particular day I'd had enough. She was spewing vitriol about some random woman in a store we were passing and how she was "too big" to be wearing that particular dress. So I said, "wow, this has really upset you, hasn't it", to which there was more insane ranting about the woman's dress. So I told my mum in a sincere and gentle voice, "you should go in there right now and tell her that her size and her dress upsets you and she needs to go home and change immediately." Well, that shut her up good and proper lol. It took a few years of me saying stuff like that to calm her insane narc ranting in my company. Now she only makes vague comments but the vitriol is still there. That's why I stay away from her even though she's only a 20 min drive from my place.
I get treated completely differently when I wear a suit and drive one of my nice cars. It's dumb but that's reality.
@@centuryfreud You present yourself differently and get treated differently. Why does that seem dumb? Do you expect to get treated the same way no matter how you present yourself?
@@glumberty1 people should judge me based not on what I’m wearing, but the content of my character.
My dog and his care come before anything. I don’t care what people think of it. People judge me for staying home with him instead of hanging it with them. I won’t ever be sorry for it.
Same. I've always missed my pets when I'm out. Once my party 20s were over, staying home with my pets is preferable over most activities that will take me away for more than 5 or so hours.
Your pup will always remain loyal to you and forever be your best friend.. friends and ppl come and go; they can switch up like a light bulb. Never be sorry for this. Stay true to you.. you worn regret the time spent w your best friend doggie💗💟🤍
I am that way too. When I leave the house for more than 3 or 4 hours, I feel guilty because my pup is waiting for me and missing me.
You’re doing it correctly. Dogs are far better than humans.
@@accuratealloys The difference is a good human can drive you home and care for you after surgery or sickness or chemo...help when things are rough. A dog cannot help you in a pinch the way a human can. Good humans that you can trust are worth the most, because someday if we live long enough we all will end up in some sort of health drama. However if you have lots of money to pay people to attend to you, then of course you don't need to have a support network of humans as much.
I love your thinking - I'm a 62-year-old man and I wish I'd thought like you at your age - it took me until I was about 55 before I stopped caring about lots of stuff. I started vlogging a couple of months ago and some people have laughed, but hey! I'm having fun so why should I care what they think? I love your channel. Good on ya!
🙌🏼
I was exactly the same James when I was young. God I feel more relaxed now I don't care anymore about what people think. We can't control it. So why care 😃👍
Keep going! ❤
It took me till age 55 also. I'm now 57, and I feel as though it's only now that I'm finally living my true life. I also wish I had had her mindset when I was younger.
I think she must have had very cool and open minded parents to learn what's important at a young age.
I can relate to the person asking for an overnight. I am reclusive. I don't like people in my house, not even my sons when they come to visit. A friend has been begging me to let her come help me, but I would literally rather take a month to do something myself than to let her come in. It feels like an invasion when people are in my house. I get out of it by saying "My house isn't set up for guests, since I live here alone. There is no place for anyone to sit," which is true. People tell me I should get a couch or some more chairs, but I think I keep it this way so I don't have to have anyone in here.
I take the back seats out of my car so I don't have to accommodate other people's kids. 🤭
That would be a bit over the top for me. I love living by myself and the privacy. Except when friends come to stay I tell them the house is all yours, relax and do whatever you feel like without asking. For me a house is just a house, is just a house. I keep mine clean and tight but could really care less. It's just a roof with running water and electricity.
Privacy is a thing sure, but getting all disturbed while your own very son comes for a visit is just next level. Why have a kid to begin with? Spot a narcs mom.
@@xnoname223 When 100% selfishness is paraded as privacy LOL
I put up anti-homeless architecture in my apartment such as spikes covering everywhere a person could sit or god forbid might lie down . Also only got one dish,, one cup and a spork, so noone thinks of eating over.
When I married and in my 20s, I suffered a lot of anxiety by accommodating impositions from family members I didn't even get along with. Once I got a little older, and finally said, "no", I felt a great relief. Life was much better when I set boundaries based on honesty and self-respect.
NO is the best word in the English language!
The surprise is how much more everybody respects you!
I've been similar things, regarding a narcissistic, demanding, inconsiderate father. He didn't like my "nos", but I am feeling so much better and stronger since I learned to stand up to him.
I went from an expensive Audi to a 2003 VW Beetle. The number of times I have been made fun of is ridiculous. Some of my friends have even felt embarrassed about it which makes me laugh. I don't care and I actually love the car because it's mine. It's paid for and I don't have any debt attached to it. I will never understand how people can feel that way about someone else car. But that is their problem. Not mine.
Yes, exactly what I think. If someone has a problem with me, then it's THEIR problem, not mine.
it's crazy they feel embarrased about someone else's car
I drive around town in my 2006 Hyundai Accent. I read that it's supposed to be a first car for young drivers. When I go to wine tastings at my well to do friend's houses, I drive my more respectable 2017 Subaru Outback. It just looks better in their nice neighborhoods, but I'm not sure they care. Actually, my wine collection is worth more than my two cars, and my house is quite modest. Just do what you want, and others can deal with it.
Need new friends?
I have always lived my life on my own terms. From a young age I never worried about what other people thought. I always take the path that is best for me. Never worried about fitting in with what other people did. Peer pressure is a downfall for many people.
I did the same but my parents disowned me, and they had a fortune. I will always love them but I still get scared they're mad at me in the next life. I became Catholic, was sweet, and had 4 kids. A flop to my folks.
@@rcjdeanna5282 Why do you love them ? They did not love you.
My neighbor once asked me to take their dog for a week in July. I don't have pets. I immediately thought about my hardwood floors, about picking up poop, about how I'd be unable to take off for an overnight beach trip on the weekend if I wanted to, so I said "No." Offered to water their plants, but not dog-sit. Not for a week at a clean, pet-free house. Our so-called friendship was over! Or, let's say, she fired me from my caretaker position. I guess I was getting paid in social opportunities? Bye.
One thing I've learned over the decades is that what other people think of me is none of my business. Trying to do anything to please others is playing a game you can never win because everyone has a different take on you so your points are on target. We have so many posers in society trying to portray themselves as something they aren't which is nothing more than acting. It takes immense energy to keep up the charade with is exhausting. Once you let all that go you feel far lighter, more authentic and happier. It's called your true self.
Caring about things that I can't control. I struggle with this
Nicole, I have watched three of your videos now and I must say you are one of the wisest young persons I have ever listened to. I am 87 years old. I have subscribed to your channel and look forward to hear more from you.
I love listening to your perspectives. I definitely needed to hear “work is not your real life, go home” I need to hear that every morning as a reminder to separate my personal life from work
Nicole, I ran across your UA-cam videos today and I must say your views and opinions are like a breath of fresh air. I wish I had your views when I was younger; they would have saved me a lot of grief. Thank you for sharing. 😊
I recently saw this sign on the London Underground...
“ Dogs Must Be Carried At All Times When Using This Escalator”
Anyway...I looked around and it took me about 40 minutes to find a dog...and so I carried it up the escalator as instructed.
The dog was very puzzled...and so was I...But neither of us cared anyway.
I loved Mark Manson's book. I think age helps with these 8 things. As you get older and wiser, you realise that some things just aren't worth worrying about it. Boundaries with people, drama and not caring what they think of me, are definitely high on that list. And I totally agree - the internet is not the place for arguments. :)
I can't stand it when people say "what you need to do or what you should do", if I wanted to do it I would of done it already 😊
Or I tell them, well since you know what’s best for me, come live my life then 😂
Yes! Excellent response to people who say that! ♥️
When I was young my favorite band was The Ramones. I also loved The Doors, Pink Floyd… As a black girl, I was bullied mercilessly because of my taste in music. Now I’m super old and so glad that I learned early to embrace what brings me joy and not give a fuck about judgement from the haters. Now I rock my gray hair with two blue buns, a Megadeath tee shirt and high top Vans - and no one dares to comment.
I stopped caring what people think when I go to bed early. Unlike you I am a morning person, I like to get up early and gets lots done before I start my day Job (no green smoothies either) but by 9pm I am done and love to go to bed early, read, watch you tube etc. however it’s tricky when spending time with night owls as they are like .what! You are going to bed already! Yup .night night lol😂
Same I’m a night owl and if people want to make time for me they won’t make me do it early lol. 😅
I worked at a stressful shitty factory job for 20 yrs with 6 guys on our shift. After a rough night we are about to go home and the old leader guy that I liked told me, Gary I don't think you'd care if the sun came up in the morning. I was a little shocked and wondered how he could feel that from me. He was pretty much right. Sucked at work and sucked at home. Great the sun is coming up, and I get to do this all over again after 12 hrs off....
@@nolamar1 It was a negative. He sensed I was a little depressed with work and probably my home life. Doing the same old shit every day, a battle at work and at home, and for what? To do it all over again the next day. or until I made a major change in my life. Hopefully you make better choices in your life so you can avoid getting stuck in a rut like I did.
How did you hack it for 20 years 😮 . Hope your life is better now 🙏
Love this video! Just what I need! I'm 58. As a younger person, I had no boundaries. I came from a violent home life and was tossed out in the world to fend for myself. Not good in school, without skills, I fell to hard labor, washing dishes, building basements with heavy concrete blocks, construction labor, etc. And everyone treated me like crap. I was a loner with no social skills. I could not say no to anyone. Everyone was my boss. Early on, especially in the workplace, I had to get hard and start telling folks to buzz off and really mean it. Which I did.
Now, I'm a winner... with no social skills. But I'm a big, strong guy and I'm really good at doing dirty jobs. People like me don't need social skills honed to a fine edge. Who even wants them?! I made a living cleaning up construction sites, throwing drunk fools out of strip clubs and casinos for years, fighting, scrapping, skirmishing. I came out of 20+ years of it unscathed.
I like doing dirty jobs. And I'm great at it. Yes. But that doesn't mean you get to treat me like dirt. No way. Unfortunately, that is how people look at you when you are a great dirty job doer.
Let them look. I don't care. And, no, I'm not here to do YOUR dirty work for you. Do it yourself--or PAY UP! WAY UP!
At 58, I'm still powerfully built, healthy, capable and... people know it. The fat, lazy slobs and entitled women in my workplace want to latch onto me and get me doing their dirty work for them to this day. But now I know how to handle it. I know how to say, "If I do this for you, what'cha gonna do for me, Sweetie?" Or, "I'm not available." Or, "It's not my job." Or, "Continue seeking me out and trying to aggravate me and I'll have you standing tall before your supervisor and HR." Or, I just ignore them completely. One of the higher ups (has her own office--not a cubicle) passed by me as I was finishing up a window cleaning job outdoors and smiled, saying, "Wow! You really know how to clean windows! That's amazing! And you make it look so easy! I'm going to have you come to my home one of these weekends and work your magic on MY windows!" Notice, Dear Reader, she hadn't ASKED nor INQUIRED, but just said it as a matter of fact, as though the choice was hers alone. I was immediately offended. I responded, "Yes, it's true, I'm good at what I do, likely the best there is, and I do have my own little cleaning company for occasions like these. But unfortunately for you, I don't clean residential, but commercial only. Plus, I doubt you would be able to afford me." At that, she turned red, lowered her gaze and frowned. She hissed and snorted at me and stormed off. Hasn't talked to me since. I'm OK with that.
Nonetheless, I am a caring person and I want to be helpful. It drives me to madness that people are so lazy and inconsiderate--and just plain cruel. It's not that I can't be reasoned with nor bargained with, but, as the video teaches, there is a point where I simply need to pull the plug on certain people, places and things and just stop caring.
Sounds like that lady was just trying to give you a compliment and make lighthearted conversation and you took it seriously. I don’t think she actually wanted you to come to her house and clean her windows. Lots of people say “I’m gonna have to have you do that for me” as a way of compliment at a skill someone has with something.
@@makdem4603 I know what you mean. I'm receptive to that sort of compliment. But this clearly wasn't that sort of compliment. She was being condescending, a smart-ass. I typically ignore them, but I didn't let this one slide.
This was excellent. I'm a retired brick layer/custom home builder. Sure, I can fix anything, inspect anything. But I won't. I only help little old ladies in stress and I never charge them what it's really worth. But that whole assumption "oh you can do this or that because your a big ol strong guy not afraid to get dirty" Naw, Go F yourself!
You sound insufferable
Good come back to that self entitled woman.
Oooh. You caught me on the work drama one. I am so guilty of this. I spend my days and sleepless nights agonizing over the fact that I don't think anyone at work likes me. That I don't fit in. That I'm seen as inept when I'm trying my best to do all of the tasks assigned to me, which is a seemingly impossible goal and I feel not good enough and so threatened and insecure.
You're on the verge of enlightenment, my friend. In fact, you've already taken the biggest and most difficult step. Becoming self-aware. We carry our neuroses around with us as if they were precious and apply them to whatever circumstances we're in or whatever people we find ourselves around. The good news is by owning this it becomes one of the things we can change!
Wow! Love this video. As I am getting older, I really don’t care about what people think about me. I have 2 autistic sons and we don’t have the same lifestyle as others and we don’t care: we are a happy family and we love each other.
OK thank you I needed to hear Work is not my whole life. I’ve actually got a new job at the job I’ve been in I took because it’s work from home. I’m in the medical field and dealing with nasty patients and micromanaged boss telling me I’m not good enough has really gotten to me to the point of like a nervous break down. I really need to read that book and keep repeating work is not life work is not life thank you.❤❤❤
I am in the process of giving people their space to feel and think what they want, without commenting. Also, tied into that is setting boundaries when others feel it’s necessary to comment on my choices.
You're the exception but a majority of people judge you based on the car/phone/clothes/money you have. I used to drive beater cars. People would think I'm poor, going to steal something, etc. It's amazing how I get treated when I wear nice clothes and drive a nice car. It's dumb but that's reality. Loved your "internet guru" piece - soooooo true.
A new subscriber here. Agreed with almost all your points and letting my daughter look at your videos. I couldn't care less what others think of me a long time ago. I'm 59 now. However now I am conscious and do care about looking after my health as much as I could. So I try to make sure I'm physically active throughout the day and stopped smoking more than 7 years ago. Fortunately living on a 2 acre more or less homestead and still working from home I can't afford to be inactive. With some fortunate investments facilitated by inheritance I can afford to retire without work but still does to groom my 2 children to take over my work. And I do maintainence to 2 twenty over year old cars myself!
Oh my god you really hit the nail on the head with this video. Specifically with the part about why anyone cares what I do with my life. WTH? I live my life quietly and to the best of my ability, yet so many people feel ENTITLED to judge me and how I act, what I do, and how I appear to them. I have never approached life like that so this has really thrown me off at times. Where does this crusader mentality come from?
Being stubborn as hell and growing up on punk rock.
Rule 1: question everything
Rule 2: make your own way
Rule 3: f anyone who has a problem with it
One of the things I've adopted over the years is ALWAYS issuing invitations or requests by email (if they have it) and not by phone. Email doesn't put them on the spot the way a phone conversation does. They can think about it and give me a response whenever they are ready to. PLUS I always say, 'If that doesn't sound like something you want to do, just say no. You don't need to give me a reason. We're fine, whatever you say." And I MEAN it.
As for me, I have little to no problem saying 'no' to things that don't hit me right. But then, I'm old, and-trust me- not giving a rat's arse gets easier as you get older!
Thank you for a well thought through list. I would like to add one more. When we cannot change things, we have to change our attitude towards them.
The problem is that nowadays lots of companies try to convince you that your job IS your life and a company and your coworkers ARE your family. Some can stalk you on the social network during working day and make you account for the things you write on yor personal page even if it's not about company, even if you haven't signed the document (there is no even one in the company) that forbid you to post anything in your personal account or to use your phone. And sometimes people come after job too much emotionally sucked to meet the friends or do hobbies, especially those who are working with people.
Work is not your real life when all you have is a JOB - but it can be your everything if you have a profession, a passion that you are following. I think this is what many young people are missing, its the cause for not giving more at work. I am in a profession - I live my work 24x7 and love it.
I sometimes wonder what that would be like.
Honestly when you have gone to school long enough to be a doctor or lawyer, that career becomes a part of you. I enjoy lawyering even at home, checking the online portals for our company and getting ready for court in my off-time. It IS my calling and my real life. Even if I wasn’t trying to grow my nest egg, I would be bored if I didn’t have cases. I’ve tried that and I watched too much tv when I wasn’t utilizing my lizard lawyer brain.
Agree, I’m a doctor and it becomes your life. Hard to separate home life and work life in those professions
Thank you for mentioning the “other peoples business” one! I can think of a couple things in particular that certain members of our society need to grow TF up about lol. I find that when someone doesn’t “understand” a certain lifestyle, they become uncomfortable and then get all mad about it instead of letting it go and letting people live their life
I disagree with number 3. The notion that work isn't your "real" life is a bad way of looking at things. Most people work 40 hours a week for most of their life, so living 40 hours of your life while telling yourself it's not your real life is not a recipe for making the best of those 40 hours. Better advice would be to find out what you love and enjoy doing it.
for me work is only a place to make money, nothing more nothing less. I am not my job and my job is not me.
On the topic of setting boundaries, a good friend once told me, "'No.' is a complete sentence." Their point is that there's no need to explain oneself when declining a request or setting a boundary. I love that and try to implement it in my own life. Really appreciate your perspective, Nicole. I found your channel recently, and I've been watching a bunch.
I look forward to your videos every Sunday morning!!! I just realized this Friday how some of us are natural born savers and others are natural born spenders! I had lunch with some coworkers and I ordered the lunch special which was plenty of food and delicious! And others are ordering a bunch of appetizers and bottles of wine! When the waitress wanted to take the menus one guy said he was going to hold on to his cause he was still thinking about ordering even more food! And he did! Of course when the bill comes they just want to split it evenly! I’ll be skipping lunch with these butt holes moving forward!
F that guy
@@AccordingtoNicole That's it LOL and F all the schnorrers !!!
Next time, ask for separate checks, at the beginning of the order. I have been there and done that before and did not care who was offended. Just like you, the same scenario happened to me. Good luck next time and don’t let coworkers squash your need to socialize.😉
I sure need that reminder that " work is not my real life." And arguing with people we dont even know online is truly a waste of time and energy. I make my point and leave it at that.
I reject the point about work not being your real life - 8 hours of your day is your real life, no question. It’s your time on this earth. It’s as real as it gets
Great advice! I totally agree that work is work, but I struggle with forgetting about it when I clock out. I work in hospitality, and if there's been a difficult guest, I go over and over what went wrong etc etc. I wish I could park it up.
Wow. That first example was really wild. Who would ask something like that? I mean if it was more of a business exchange to be a temporary bnb for this one time, fine. But then asking "friends" to pay money for their step kid to say over is sketchy in its own area without that person offering a cash incentive in the first place. Just an awkward situation all around.
Yeah it was hella weird. I don’t want their money. I’m just not having a stranger stay the night at my house.
@@AccordingtoNicole Your response had been quite a bit better than mine would have. I might have re-contemplated my whole relationship with that person and replied with something very creepy and off-putting in hopes that they would have been the ones to back off first and never tried to cross that road again. Just kinda hard to do that in todays woke day-in-age tho. Jokes being Jokes and all that some people get to stiff about. Hey, anyone remember Mitch Hedberg. What a dude.
I shaved my head (as a 52 yo female) because I was so tired about caring about my hair! Three years later and I haven’t regretted it for a minute - and I’ve saved money on hair products and hair cuts. 🙂 (Wish I had done it as a teen when I first felt the urge…)
I’m the opposite, 54 and have long hair. I don’t care what people think, I’m not cutting my hair short just because I am getting older, it’s grey and a bit dryer than a younger persons, but get over it, it’s my hair not yours. Bet you look great Xx
@@snapdragon2441That's cool. I want to be like you when I get older. Silver hair is a crown. Why would I dye it?
I’ve always been someone who needs to sleep 9 to 10 hours but I’ve seen my whole life in magazines or UA-cam video that waking up early is good for your circadian rhythm. I tried for so long to wake up as early I could but always felt so tired during the day.
I think too that we are all unique and should do our own sleeping schedule when we can 🦦
I refuse requests to borrow my things since a number of times it is forgotten to be returned. All it did was piss me off, loss it's use and cost me money and friends.
I agree 100% with all your points. I have been getting very good at not giving a F what people think, for a long time. It’s great not trying to wonder or assume what others might be thinking. I’m just loving my life and don’t care what the rest of the world thinks about it.
Yes I have been working on setting boundaries. Its hard because I was brought up to not rock the boat. Stupid. So telling someone no is rocking the boat. 🤦♀️ This was a great list, I work in supermarket at the Deli and I find it hard to deal with the amount of rude (both directly and indirectly) people. Some days are better than others.
You shouldn't have any relationships from acquaintances to partners where you cannot say no. I try to work out what a rude person is actually trying to communicate which gives you mentally a way of stepping back from an emotional response because they have you on the back foot from then onwards. It's usually attention seeking or someone didn't listen to me earlier or was rude to me so I'm going to dump this on you now. Just you not allowing yourself to be put on the back foot can make a difference in some situations.
Just remember this and this is actually quite true: Setting boundaries makes other people respect you...and makes YOU respect you. The other people may bitch and moan but...they actually will find themselves oddly respecting you. They may never tell you or show that but trust me, it's there. And tell me truthfully a good, solid "no" isn't satisfying? At all? C'mon!
There are two kinds of people, 'Givers' and 'Takers'. Setting good boundaries and modifying them as necessary is a great start, as is taking a step back from relationships and just observing rather than making quck decisions that are often regretted later.
@@ozarkrefugee I am not religious, but the law of tithing 10% is a way to manifest abundance, as well as making one feel good.
@@sjordan7085 For you, maybe.
Awesome video! I love the way your dog transports himself from his bed to couch several times by teleportation!
I agree with all of your points and have always lived this way. I don't know why people get all twittered by the things they do!
Thanks again Nicole. Love the brutally honest way you approach your life and your YT channel. Keep it up!
I don't even have a car. I'm 54 and can't drive, no interest in even learning now, so you are one up on me already Nicole xx
Me either! Never needed it 👍
I "discovered" you a couple of days ago and have watched a few videos. So far I totally agree with you. I am an 82 year old guy in the US who has always been an oddball and not afraid to be out of the "mainstream".
I was being interviewed /hired for a pretty high end job in my industry …. They had called me … during the interview they said; “Our start.time is 730” and I replied well, lets say my start time. Is 800 and be happy that I show by 900.
I regularly work way past closing but I refuse to scramble in the morning.
They weren’t happy but they accepted my terms.
Life. Is. Too short to scurry … even when you work in NYC
I've been a minimalist many moons now.
It's one of the best things I've ever done besides my 52 year old son.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone would pay all that $$$ to wear and advertise for any company some do think I'm not a little but some kind of different and I always respond with thank you for the compliment.
I love the 4th idea. I often think about how I’m expecting to like or dislike something because of my race, or roll with the status quo with my race on social issues.
Everything you said was spot on and you put it very well. I agree 100%. I'm 65, and it took a long time for me to learn these types of things, but I'm so much happier now. I've had a few people comment on how I dress because I always wear t-shirts or sweatshirts, jeans, and sneakers. I tell them if they don't like it then don't look at me. I don't need or want to be like everyone else, I just want to be myself. I always remember a quote from Kurt Cobain "They laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they are all the same".
Again! you nailed it all Nicole 👏👏👏agreed with all the points
I might add if anyone chooses to love and care for there pet as family they should be praised not
Ridiculed😇. Love love love to you and your pet❣️
I stopped worrying about having a large member. I just pull it out and whatever happens, happens.
😆
I don't care about fashion. I wear the same practical and comfortable clothes throughout the year, in the size that fits me and the colors and styles that I like. When it's cold out, I wear more layers.
I'm 72 and I live in north Idaho. I dress for my comfort. Could care less about fashion.
I do the same thing!! I have several 3/4 sleeve tops that I wear whether it's 0 degrees or 100degrees out. Cooler weather, add a tank top underneath and a sweater over. Cold weather, add a coat! I somehow thought I invented this brilliant system, but I'm happy to know of other smart people doing the same 🤩
I quit wasting so much time and money on make up and hair styling. What freedom. Wish I had done it years ago!
Yes! I was going to take my daughter to get her hair braided until I realized that I don’t need to pay $100 for a style that everyone else has. So instead, I styled it in an elegant, kid appropriate way and she loved it! Saved money and she received so many compliments.
You have such a great outlook on life. You get it
I could have made this video but called it things I learned by the time I was 60…. It’s great that you are there 30 years before me! The one thing I don’t agree on is work and sucking it up. Don’t suck it up, find a way to change it if your work or colleagues make you miserable. We spend a lot of our precious time at work so don’t put up with endless crap. I finally went self employed in my 50s and I’ve never been happier.
I literally read somewhere the other day that people on the autism spectrum often have a differing circadian rhythm and are more often than not ‘night owls’ it’s the first time I’ve read something that gave a different perspective to the 5am club. I hate that I spent so much time feeling rubbish about my self because I’m not a morning person and I refuse to force myself to get up early. Loved this video Nicole 👏🏻
Yea I just accepted a new medical position and I told the supervisor that I NEED a night shift. Mornings are not for me 😂people call me lazy and everything but I’m like brainiac in the night time
@@Queen-ConsciousYa - I'm definitely a night owl here too. Looking back throughout history, it was always essential to have some people who were night owls. They needed people to stay at watch through the night for potential invaders. Many artists and musicians tend to feel more creative at night as well.
I love hats and wear them all the time. My fav is a gray fedora, fits great, warm in chilly weather. Have gotten stares…like…’what’s with the hat?’ A few compliments also which is not the reason for wearing. Was wearing a nice straw hat one sunny day and I can still see the person staring at me as if I had landed from Mars. Years ago, this would have had a negative effect on me but for some time now it’s what I enjoy and so no fuc3s given.
watching this again bc i need to learn how not to give a f, and set boundaries , feeling so anxious lately 🤣
"NO" is a perfectly acceptable answer.
Love this Nicole especially the one about saying no! I have gotten myself in some predicaments over the years cause I was too scared to just tell them no❤️❤️
I think we all have
As a mechanic i get it all the time, and being too nice to say no it was getting to the point where i didnt even get a weekend, every car or truck issue was my issue because shops are "so expensive". But recently iv started saying "oh your a chef ?" Are you gonna come to my house and cook my meals ? Then why am i doing ur brakes in ur driveway ? And thats somehow ok to ask. No is now my favorite word.
I lived in Las Vegas for 5 years and ended up doggy-sitting for people who would abandon their beautiful dogs because they had to keep the 80 thousand dollar car that catered to appearances. They would raise a puppy like she was their family and disappear when she grew up. I am poor but ended up with a Tibetan Shepard girl who was my best friend for 13 years. I loved my Laya so much and I was driving a Honda Civic that had 280,000 miles on it. You can't buy true love!
100% agree. Perhaps the difference with me is that I never cared about any of these things. As a little kid I thought, “If someone doesn’t like me because of something I like or don’t like, then I’m probably not going to care about them.”
I used to work with people in very expensive high-end neighborhoods & you're right; they all look alike, dress alike, drive the same cars, homes all exactly the same. The thing is, many are in extreme debt & feel trapped by their priorities. I knew a mom who couldn't afford a zoo trip for her kid because she "had" to get a manicure for an upcoming business meeting!😅
They're also paranoid (maybe correct) about getting ripped off by contractors, landscapers, housekeepers etc. because of where they live.
Lol...having worked in affluent neighborhoods, I can assure you it's the maids and landscapers that are the ones getting ripped off working for them. A lot of times independent contractors very much can't charge normal bus in business prices to these people.
You are judging people who own expensive cars or homes 😬. People in poor areas also looks „the same” they just own different stuff.
I agree with all 8 of your points 100%. You are wise beyond your years to have realized all this at such a young age. I'm 65 and the best thing ever is being who I am no matter what.
I have mostly been me without thinking too much about what other people thought I should be. My clients loved me and I had a lot of friends in my field. It was my family that never accepted I was just being me. According to them I was : putting on airs - not caring enough about my house instead I traveled a lot with my husband - I missed some family “stuff” cause I was out of town having fun instead of pretending to enjoy what I didn’t. Looking back I would not have done one dam thing different. ❤ but I was always kind and genuinely loved them but I refused to let them make me as miserable as they were.
I just went through a traumatic experience.
A friend told me i was exhibiting bad karma.
Ya, that person fkd me over like no one's business.
And IM the problem!
Hahaa sent that 'friend' to the curb
We go through so much meaningless interactions with people that have little impact or value to our lives. I looooooooove your honesty and your channel ❤.
WOW! This is my first time on your site, you hit it right on the nail. Now I know I don't have to feel guilty duing the things I enjoy and the way I think.
Your advice just fits in on what I've been living. Am 75 economically solvent and really enjoying the final years of my life ; while blessed (not religious) with a female partner
I unfortunately have a hard time saying no to people and being able to set boundaries. I'm very generous, charitable and self-sacrificing. I got burned many times, have found that the kindness I extended to many "friends" was and never will be in any way reciprocated, especially when I was desperately in need (otherwise I NEVER ask anyone for ANYTHING). I got to a point where I have overreacted and now basically don't allow anyone to communicate or interact with me whatsoever except for a handful of people, and no new friends are accepted unless they pass a battery of very, very rigorous tests. I still care for people and will help them anonymously if I hear they have a need, but not contact is allowed except with the handful of people who have QUALIFIED as friends.
As far as what my "life is about", hiking, biking, kayaking, reading books and minimalism.
"Unfulfilled upper-middle class suburbanite starter pack" with Audi Q7, pool, goldendoodle, apple watch, peloton and 24/7 yoga pants! Ha love it! You nailed it, Nicole!
I absolutely love your advice. I have struggled with some things mentioned, like getting up early for work or school when I'm a late morning person. I have hope after listening to you!!
My god i feel a lot better now watching this video thanks Nicole 👌I love your motivation to make people aware to stay true to themselves and that they dont have to care what others think of them! Love the video 💯% true! ❤
So many people are in over their heads financially trying to impress others. It's really kind of sad. Just be you folks.
To your last point, in the last few years, I have 'discovered' symphonic metal and I am captivated by it. I am 71 and suppose that some would think that I am odd or out of orbit. Too bad - I listen to it when I work out and my favorite band energizes me and gives me pause to think as their lyrics are all about real emotions...
You are a free bird - keep flying!
Goooooo Nicole - Yes, nip those uncomfortable convos in the butt! We need to be true to ourselves. Sugar coating doesn’t help. Ppl will only do what we allow them to do.
Basicaly ,what your saying is, You live your life your way, and let others do the same. Who gives a S""t what people think. Great opinion, Great video.
I never paid more than $500 for a car. They were mostly clunkers, the ugliest car in the parking lot, but I thought I was smarter than everyone in the parking lot because I didn't pay car payments.
I got my current car (2093 Saturn Ion) for for. I had to fix it up. It's cost me about $150/yr. max in parts and it's been my daily driver for over 13 years.
I have a cousin who is a professional, but emotionally unstable. I was fine talking with him on the phone for 20 years, but he always had this habit of asking if he could spend the night. During the pandemic, he wanted to fly to my city where no hotel rooms were even available. I have always drawn the line at staying in my home. I would lose respect from my own partner if I did that. The nerve of him to even ask such a thing astounds me. I cut off all contact with him last year. It's sad because I think he needed me to talk to and it may have been therapeutic for him. But he was becoming more and more unhinged.
Thank you for these words. ❤I just love your videos they are the cold truth and that is so refreshing to hear these days. I also love how you get to the point. Thank you.
Regarding WORK DRAMA - this very much depends on the job. My first ever salaried position was working as an on-site Leasing Agent for one of Canada's largest REIT companies. It was IMPOSSIBLE to detach from work as I was on-call after office hours and most showings happened in the evening, even after I had already put in a typical 8:30am - 5:00 pm workday in the office. Also, my tenants knew exactly where I lived and could knock on my door whenever they wanted (including in the middle of the night) regardless if I was actually scheduled to work at that time. There was a lot of pressure to not have the business phone in my apartment redirect to off-site customer service and I had to wear a pager everywhere, everyday. It was a full-time PLUS job for a part-time salary (about $1600 CAD per month in today's money, plus a free apartment, worth about $885 CAD). I think it would be brutal for nearly anyone, but I also had two toddlers and a husband who commuted several hours away for days at a time. My son had EXTENSIVE medical needs (he has since passed at the age of 21), my own health was starting to fail badly and this traumatic experience literally broke our family apart. I thought it would be the right type of employment for us because I would physically be so close to my little ones, be able to have my breaks and lunch with them, but my employer required way too much of my supposed free time and I couldn't escape from it. So much more to the story but the annoying part of it was that I actually really enjoyed the office/paperwork aspect of it and would have been an awesome position for me if I COULD separate the job from home/real life.
Yeah, I don't agree with the job thing not mattering. We spend most of our waking hours at our job. Anything that takes up that much of our time and energy does matter. If the job involves too much stress and putting up with bs, we need to listen to those feelings and get the hell out of that situation as soon as we can. All the great hobbies and friends in the world won't take away from the fact that your job is killing you day by day.
The “you do you” and rejecting labels is important. I am 56 years old and I’ve worked hard. I generally embrace frugal, minimal living. That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to enjoy a luxury item. In fact, my being very responsible with money is what allowed me to recently purchase a luxury clothing item I have wanted for a long time. It’s high quality and I ll have it the rest of my life. I haven’t rejected minimalism and paid cash. I don’t have debt. I don’t buy a lot of things.
And I love this video along with your other content! This is all such great advice, and I have no problem doing my own thing without worrying what other people think or say. Point 7 about Internet Gurus is so right! I've always been a morning person, ever since I was a little kid, and it's so nice to finally work a job this past year where Im working 7am-330pm during the week and OFF weekends after years in kitchens, some retail, and a 12-hour overnight gig in a factory. WHen I was a kid, I was up at 7am, but now that Im older, im up anywhere between 4am and 7am without an alarm, so I set them during the week JUST to be safe lol
So many of these took me longer to let go than I care to admit but age has definitely helped. ❤ Thanks again for a great video!
Wow you are so smart 😊
Thank you for being there! 😊 You always make sense to me and make me laugh!! Have a wonderful day!
Thanks for watching!
I used to drive a 20-year old used car and loved not having to worry about it being scratched or stolen, although it ended up costing about $20k in maintenance. Later on I bought a Tesla, but not because I wanted to show off. I bought it because I love it. It's for me. And in the 11 years I've had a Tesla, I spent zero dollars on maintenance or gas (I charge it for free from solar power etc.).
The closest thing I have to a guilty pleasure is when I like a song that has all the features of music that I hate - overly poppy, dumb meaningless lyrics, overly produced, etc. There's one particular song that fits all those things I bitch about when I hear other songs with those features, but this particular song, well, for whatever reason, I love it!
I agree with everything except work drama, now I can be rather nonchalant so I don’t let a lot things at work bother me but the same time it’s often people who make work stressful whether it’s coworkers bosses or customers so the whole it doesn’t matter and it’s not important and real life starts at home so what happens at work don’t matter is not that simple, it’s hard to turn it off when it comes to the stresses of work cause you have to get up and face the same bs everyday and that’s not easy for those of us who work a lot and see work and the people with work with and deal with at work more than anything and anyone else in our lives especially when your work environment is very toxic/problematic and sone of us can’t easily just up and leave said job depending on finances economy unemployment and how high our prospects of finding another job right away so yeah
Yes, you CAN get yourself out of a toxic situation. Please ask yourself how you got that fixed belief, it probably relates to how and why you got yourself into the toxic situation in the first place. Not blaming you, just inviting you to think a different way. This way leads to freedom and self-efficacy.
I like Nickelback 😀 Definitely in the top ten of live bands I've seen. Have also experienced an outrageous request to let someone I'd never met stay at my house, and then there's the 'friend' I never heard from for two years after being diagnosed with cancer, who contacted me out of the blue to see if I could help her with something - and never even asked how I was doing. WTF only came to mind after I'd spent ten minutes wondering how I could help. I'm working on that 😂
Thanks for saying that about the work drama, I'm exactly that type of person who takes very personal and seriulsy all that shit and today you changed my life with your point of view and from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU, i've never seen things that way and I feel such a relief, I feel like I've wasted a lot of time worring about things that I shouldn't have been even thinking about. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!