My Sex Life & Relationship After Having a Baby
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- Опубліковано 3 сер 2024
- Welcome to the first #TheHormoneDiaries episode of 2023! Today we're getting intimate (🌶️) and talking about my sex life after having a baby. I didn't feel like I could make this video for a while because my partner and I weren't having PIV sex but then I remembered that's not the measure of "success" AND I've actually got a lot to say/share about postpartum sex because... it's amazing and I wanted to share that experience. If you're comfy sharing, I'd love to hear your postpartum experiences of sex/relationships in the comments too!
CHAPTERS
00:00 - Intro
03:02 - Contraception
06:11 - First few weeks postpartum
08:46 - The first “sex”
09:47 - Penetration problems
12:16 - Sex after having a baby
16:16 - Why my sex life is still great
24:38 - Relationship intimacy
27:36 - Outro
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i would love a video about masturbation in relationships :D
what would also be interesting to hear about is sex in relationships where someone has a chronic illness that impacts their sex drive. you mention in this video that you and dan leaned a lot on the fact that the lull in the amount of sex you’re having is temporary. it would be good to hear perspectives from couples for whom a sexual desire imbalance/frequency of sex isn’t as temporary.
loved this video, thanks as always for sharing hannah
The taboo over masturbation when you're in a relationship is very real. The fear that it might spoil an upcoming sex session, and the shame when a partner discovers you doing it has taken a long time to unlearn; still hard to feel ok about it.
Oh yes id love that!
I would love to learn more about this too!! In my last relationship my partner had a much lower sex drive than me. When we first got together we had sex fairly frequently but around month 4 it declined SIGNIFICANTLY. At first we were really trying to figure out why that was but it ended up just putting way more pressure on my partner so we tried to just let it go. We did spend the rest of our relationship trying to find other kinds of sexual currency but yeah, it was hard. (This wasn’t the reason we broke up by the way, there were other things that ultimately led us to think we might not be quite right for each other.)
I have chronic illnesses too & pain from big abdominal surgeries.
"can't be bothered to have a period" is my new favorite phrase
Nooo it doesn’t sound boring and mundane to make sure to kiss hello/goodbye. It sounds so very sweet. I’m so happy that you and Dan are thriving in parenthood
the chat about the pressure to have sex in different phases of life and how that interacts with personal sex drive made me feel sooooo seen omg
I know the video was about postpartum, BUT I want to say thank you for saying that you have a higher sex drive than Dan because I'm also a woman in a relationship with a man who has lower libido and I often feel like there's something wrong with me because of that.
Apart from that, also thank you for talking about sex life after birth in a positive way. People struggling with sex after birth obviously don't chose to go through that, but it's good to see that it's a possibility!
Thank you for talking again about sexual currency, I will definitely bring it up with my boyfriend soon❤️
Definitely nothing wrong with you or your partner!!
It's a good thing society has grown past the idiocy of defining a nymphomaniac as a woman who wants sex more than her husband.
I was going to make the same comment! Most of the information on the internet is definitely skewed the other way. It’s reassuring other people in healthy cis relationships have the same dynamic.
@@kmyhatisgone I know! I keep seeing videos of "my bf/husband every time I get in the shower/I take off my clothes" and the man is always the hornier one. This really frustrated me for years thinking maybe I was not attractive enough or maybe I was too horny, but not at all. Men are not sex machines ready to go all the time and I wished people talked about it more often
Snap! I have a high libido and my husband doesn’t at all. My confidence takes a knock and I don’t feel like I’m sexy or desirable enough as a result. It’s really tough! X
I love the idea of the masterbation in relationships video!!! It has always been so taboo in my family but you and my husband have really helped open my eyes to the possibilities and normality. I appreciate you Hannah!!! You are the best!!! I have learned so so so much from you.
It’s really interesting that you struggled even though you had a c section, that’s not something I would have thought would happen.
I also appreciate the fact that you’re open about not sleeping in the same bed and that being okay.
Children aside, I know a few couples that live together and don’t actually enjoy sleeping in the same bed but have great relationships and still have intimacy. There’s such a stigma around this that people assume you’ve not got a good relationship if you sleep separate.
It seems like Dan is such a great partner, you both seem so aware and understanding of each other and your needs. You hear it all the time that the guy gets annoyed at the woman for not wanting sex especially after birth when you’re tired or just not up for it.
It is very common with a c section, because after birth the body releases hormones that constrict the vagina, and that happens even if the baby came out via the belly. So many times the tightness is actually worse after c sections, because there was nothing "loose" to be tightened
I had a myomectomy and had the same issue. I don't know whether it has to do with the nerves being severed
My partner and I have an eight and a half month old and we bed share. But we have found over the past month that getting a baby monitor and physically separating ourselves downstairs from our son upstairs in the evenings and having 'adult time' whether that be that be sex, or watching TV or simply just talking to eachother, has done wonders for our relationship. We aren't just our son's parents, we are us still, and having that separation only over the past month, has helped us rediscover us as individuals, and as a couple.
I‘m so relieved to hear that I’m not the only woman in a heterosexual relationship who has a higher sex drive than her partner. In our society, everyone talks about how they’re struggling with it being the other way around, so I‘ve often felt weird and frustrated because of the expectation that I should want sex less often than my partner. Thank you so much for sharing, now I feel understood and represented❤
I do too! You are not alone!
Hi Hannah,
I'm a pelvic floor physio therapist and I was so glad to hear that you went to see one, you can really work on that issue. I hope it works for you and I'm looking forward to the video where you report how it went :)
Shaaba’s latest AITA video included a person with a four-month old baby who was also three months pregnant, and my entire body clenched involuntarily 😬
Thanks so much for this video!
omg no thank you
this video made me so unexpectedly emotional :( i have had the narrative going round in my head for so long that my birth ruined my parents relationship that it made me so emotional seeing it doesnt have to be the case. thankyou for everything you do hannah, rowan is a lucky bub
As an American, I had to do a double take, because my initial reaction was what could a store called Poundland possibly sell besides sex toys?
haha it's like the dollar tree
I would be interested in a video about solo sex in relationships. My husband and I talk about it and are for it but it still feels wrong. I’d love more information about it!
Good for you!!! It's great to hear that you're doing great and the video was also really nice education-wise
This might be one of my favourite videos you’ve ever made. So much of this advice could be applied to other situations and it was so nice to hear an honest account of your experience, as not many people talk about it
That’s so interesting as you had a c-section (I had one too), I imagined that vagina issues would be more common in people who give birth vaginally. Looking forward to the longer video where you talk about that, you made me really curious.
First birth was C-Section, and my wife wouldn't let me touch her for sixth months. Not emotionally -- it was that sore for that long. That said, our girls were 20 months apart - an example of conception despite full time nursing.
I have plenty of friends who got pregnant breast feeding so it’s a myth that’s been busted I reckon.
i had exactly the same problem after my c-section, and was totally shocked and appalled! did not expect it AT ALL. it's so weird having your body not respond to your mind. 🤷♀️ it took about 7 months to get back to anywhere near normal, i think i cried when it did 😂
It is very common with a c section, because after birth the body releases hormones that constrict the vagina, and that happens even if the baby came out via the belly. So many times the tightness is actually worse after c sections, because there was nothing "loose" to be tightened
@@piroskanagyban434 I had no idea this happens, never heard it before. So interesting!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your honesty & transparency throughout this entire series. Just got my mirena out a couple of days ago and I’ve been going back to watch old videos ❤️
This was so nice to hear. My MIL ALWAYS tells me my sex life and relationship will be hard or non existing after giving birth (like literally to the point of being disgusted with your partner) and it bummed me out. This is a nice reminder her experiences is just that- hers.
This was actually a really lovely and reassuring video 💜
I loved this video, so many good advices!! Thanks Hannah! 💛
This was so great to watch and so informative - also looking forward to the goals video!
Something that's happened since my husband and became parents is that we are both so much more comfortable with non piv sex. We both used to feel that piv was an essential part of sex for us and while our sex life was very satisfying, there was definitely pressure on both of us. Now, we may only have time for 1 act and it's been fun to get creative 😏
I can't stop thinking about how it's possible to have only a 3-week gap between pregnancies. What.
I'm so glad that y'all are in a fun and satisfying spot with yourselves and one another! I would LOVE a video about solo sex in relationships. Yes, PLEASE.
Yes, please!! I'd love that kind of video, too.
That 3-week interval explains those old pictures of large families with the children arranged like stair steps such as 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8,7,6,5,...
My grandparents clearly didn't get that message because there's 11 months between my dad and his sister 😳
okay i know this is strictly about your romantic / sexual relationship BUT when you were talking about the mundane i love you how are you good morning moments i realised JUST how important that is for every day interactions? like i end almost every phone call or social interaction with friends and family with “i love you” because it means like you’re signing off and acknowledging your connection in a positive way no matter what? like it’s just this sweet beautifully human thing to say “i like that you’re in my life” even when you’re stepping away from it for a moment. i loved this positivity and honesty from this video btw, thank you
SO EXCITED!!! 🌈💛🧡🧡🧡💛💜💜❤️💙💕💚💚💚💕💙💜💜💛💛💛🧡🧡🧡🌈🌈🌈❤️❤️❤️💙💕💕💚💕💕❤️💜❤️🌈🌈💛🧡💛🌈
i really appreciated this bc i feel like i rarely hear good things ab having kids and it’s nice to know that things can be okay and just different
Having a really devoted partner that wants kids makes a huge difference. So many get pregnant unexpectedly and they aren’t ready. The reality of having a baby is very hard without having to deal with a bloke that thinks he’s entitled to regular sex. It can ruin a relationship. Breeding with a decent partner is the key I think. ❤
I love everything about this video. ❤️ I was watching it with my partner before he heads back to lab for the second time today. He is completing his doctorate and over the past few years, the doctorate takes as much priority as a baby, and it is difficult not to pass each other up or to remember to acknowledge the other. It is especially important for me as someone who feels very loved by physical touch from my partner, as well as quality time.
So kind and humanising xx its so so great to break it apart, and name strategies that work to keep love alive, because its so true that things can fall apart when pressures and time and effort get stretched with more people. Its good to celebrate!! Im pleased for you, and glad to hear all of this ❤
Thanks for sharing your experience. So refreshing ❤
I told my partner about sexual currency and now he likes to smack my bum and shout 'sex money!' 😂
HA HA I LOVE THAT
Thank you so much for sharing!
Happy New Year to you and your family Hannah
My baby is 2 months year old and for instance, I am experiencing same things as you and yes, we experienced other kind of sex than PIV 😊
Thanks for your video, I do not feel alone anymore with my up and down hormones 😅
As somebody who has bed shared with their baby from 4 months old and still are bed sharing when she’s 22 months old, it gets better. She’s now in her own room and bed and I sleep in there, which means my partner is in our room and bed and we’re able to be intimate and I just slink off back to the toddlers room. It does all come back, like you said it’s all a phase, but slowly your life resembles some of your pre-baby life :)
another fantastic hannah video thank u
I’ve been looking forward to this video as I’m in the same boat!!😂
I would love a solo sex in relationships vid! As someone who’s in a long distance relationship, solo sex is something that is talked about between us and we sometime even have some interesting phone conversations (if you get me) Which really helps us bond when we can’t be together!
It would be interesting to know what it’s like for couples that do live together , as when we eventually do, I feel it will take time for me to adjust (if that makes sense?) as we’re so used to our personal space due to the fact we’re apart when we do it solo
Love this!
I know we have not heard the story with the vaginal issues but I always want to share this with people on the pill: I was on the pill for years and had bad pain during PIV and when i stopped taken it, it went away within days. It was crazy for me, no one ever told me my problems could be because of the pill. So maybe if the problem is still there look into that possibility. Looking forward to here the rest of the story! Thank you for sharing this with us! ❤
One part of what you said in this video about sexual currency stuck out to me. When you said that you both understand that you can kiss a certain way, which is sexual currency, but that it won’t necessarily lead to sex. I think there is an education piece to be done here. So often in movies and tv if we see people kiss a certain way we know it’s going to lead to sex, and when we encounter situations like that in real life it can make it feel like we’re expected to have sex if we do certain things. This can lead to people doing sexual acts they didn’t necessarily want to because they feel the pressure of that expectation. I know I’ve been in situations where I’ve gone along with something because it felt expected of me on the basis of what had come before, even though I wasn’t necessarily really wanting to.
this was such a lovely video. It's wonderful to learn that sex and intimacy changing after a baby isn't necessarily bad. A video about solo sex in relationships would interest me as well!
These post pregnancy sex life blocks have a physiological, hormonal nature.
So, as you said, it's a perfectly natural phase. 👏
What you have just said is truly amazing. It makes sense of the doubts one has about feelings. We now also sleep in separate beds (bedrooms too) but that’s due to my awful snoring (which of course I don’t hear!). With my partner now being post menopausal sex in the physical sense has gone, but then solo sex has taken over.
Thanks for sharing! I don't or even plan to have kids, but I found this video super interesting and sweet. Thanks so much for sharing ❤️
That video sounds really interesting!
I always feel love and other good feelings watching Hannah.. ❤
I’m 3 months postpartum and I was also extremely horny the first few weeks after birth and thought it was abnormal. Thank you for making a genuinely honest and informative video about this subject, I feel like sex life postpartum is a subject that people make so taboo when it should be talked about the same way we talk about sex before baby!
Loved this! Thank you for sharing so candidly.
Interesting info about periods postpartum: it's common to not get a period back for a while when breastfeeding (6 months and counting in my case). But definitely do use contraception!
Agree with so much of this! In the mornings when we come downstairs we always make sure to have a kiss and a cuddle when both kids are in highchairs and eating. Sets us up for the day and I know we both calm down a bit after that.
The relationship section was so cute ahhh
It happened to me too! Was very horny for the first month, and after that it just disappeared into thin air 😂 and when I got in the game again, I realized I had the same issue you did, with my vagina. To anyone who relates with what Hannah described: go to a Pelvic Floor specialist, it really does make a difference! And it really is a phase, hold on, love birds ❤️
That’s reassuring!!
This video gave me tons of hope. I have 4 sisters and all I hear about is how terrible everything is after you have a baby.
definitely yes to the masturbation in relationships video! as an asexual person who enjoys solo sex I often wonder how being in a relationship would affect that, I'd definitely feel very scared for a partner to know I was doing that especially if we weren't having partnered sex
Great vid.
The video about masturbation in relationships would be a great idea. Maybe a mini series with videos about different aspects, eg, the taboo, how to communicate about it before/after, checking in, continuing to be sexual as a couple.
Also, I hope your move is going /went well!!! 💜
I don't have children but I am neurodivergent and that means that sometimes I won't be able to be as intimate as I'd like with my partner because touch and smell are just Too Much™. What really helps me in these moments is verbally flirting with them, receiving little cheeky texts or even nudes, basically them telling me they can't wait to get all over me once I'm doing better. :') It's their way of showing me that it's okay if we can't hug or kiss or have sex rn, but also that they're still very much looking forward to the moment we will be doing these things again
"That's when I swoop" that was so funny! Get it girl!! ;p lol
Well that explains why Katara and Sokka are about a year apart. I thought that pregnancies would take awhile after birth but apparently not.
Between you & Mama Doctor Jones, I've realized that I have vaginismus (since my second child) and now have a referral to a pelvic floor PT! SO THANK YOU!!!
amazing video
I agree 100%. Being married now 14 years, 2 kids later, we really savor the times of intimacy now. We also strive for getaways together and date nights. While it's not like it was before we were married, we are still going strong and close.
I would love to see the video about solo sex in a relationship.
Also I love that you mention the hello goodbye kisses and how you describe the importance of acknowledging each other. My husband and I always kiss goodbye, and I imagine it's important to maintain that when your lives are so busy.
do you have a video about different pills (ie The Pill)? I'd love to look into options for non-contraceptive reasons and I trust your judgement!
I really thought I was going to feel jealous watching this because it has not been my experience AT ALL. And I did, but it also reminded me that I don't need to be defined by how well this one piece of our lives is going. I'm still trudging through some postpartum blues (2 years in) and still haven't really gotten my libido back after baby, along with similar pelvic floor issues. We haven't figured out good alternative options than PIV and I think a lot of the reason for that is because I haven't been dealing in the sexual currency. I get freaked out whenever there's any intimacy because I'm afraid it means we need to try or I need to feel excited in a particular way about it.
All this to say, thank you for sharing. I'm grateful to know that it doesn't have to be like this. I'm grateful to know that there are options.
My dad and my uncle were born 11 months apart, so yeah, I knew it’s possible to get pregnant really quick after giving birth.
Really looking forward to the vidoe about seeing a pelvic floor therapist. I am someone with vaginusmus who isn't really doing anything about it so I'm really curios
A oneness - so beautiful. Aroused by the presence of each other with each other ❤
Hannah, you are amazing. You can make your channel famous, just put it among your featured channels.🎵
Happy you talked about this I go in and out of not really wanting sex but then I’m like afraid of being physical at all cause then there’s just an expectation that they now r gonna want sex it’d be easier to want sex if you could be sweet and physical without it always having to lead to sex
Hiya Hannah, sorry for how random this comment is going to be. I'm not sure if you've seen it but there is a play called Yerma which you can watch on the national theatre at home thing. It struck me that you might find it really interesting. It's about a woman trying to conceive and the important relationships in her life. Slightly similar topic to the hormone diaries. It's fascinating if devastating. Great video as always! Xx
I would definitely be interested in watching a video by you of talking about/discussing solo sex when in a relationship. Especially the practicality of when.
Thank you so much for sharing Hannah i always appreciate it so much you are the GREATEST! Xoxo 😚 🌈💕💙💙🌈💜💜💓💛💚❤️❤️❤️🧡💚💛💓💚🧡💙💙💕💜💜💘💘💘💖❣️❣️💜💜💕💙❤️❤️💚💓💛💚❤️❤️💚💛💛🧡💙💙🌈💜💗💖💘💘❣️❣️💛💛💛💚
@snowflakeriendlyneighbor2000Thanks you are so sweet ❤
Thank you for talking about the pressure to have sex. This is something I’ve struggled with mentally to come to terms with as a disabled person who hasn’t always been disabled. I had always had a high sex drive, but nowadays do not due to being in pain/ taking certain medications/ fatigue. I definitely felt guilty for having to go months without sex with my partner, especially with messages coming from society about how often we should be having sex, especially as two adults in our late 20s. We are however still sexual with each other in other ways that are equally as valid. I wish there was more discussion about sex and disability, and the range of ways that could look ❤
Hi,
I loved the Video. After my first child (vaginal delivery), I had a tear (not too bad) which was stiched together. PIV Sex did hurt in the beginning, specifically at the scar. We used lube which helped, but I talked with my OB Gyn and she gave me an estrogen cream. I also had the idea to massage the scar tissue. That helped the most. After a few weeks the pain was gone. 😅
The first time I went on the pill (cerazette like you) my horrendous heavy periods stopped. It was incredible. I did stop the pill for about a year or so because I was dealing with severe anxiety and was trying a few things to see if my sertraline dose was helping. Then I went on the generic desogestrel because it was cheaper for the NHS (solidarity and that but tasted weird….I got used to the taste). Now I’ve been given cerelle as that was the only one available at the pharmacy
I had an emergency c section and to be honest I couldn’t think of anything worse than having sex after giving birth and I was not horny at all lol. I had a hard time accepting my body afterwards and the recovery was soo painful as I’m sure it is for most. But we did wait until 8 weeks until we started having sex again and then we just reconnected. But like you said, ours is also limited to how often it happens now
Refreshing and honest take. Regarding bedsharing, the bigger the get its easier to sneak to a room next door etc. and also my anti-cot son loves a nap in a buggy, which is great
Yes, please cover the masturbation in relationships topic!
what you said about having no pressure, is why i think those "sex frequency" recommendations are SO misguided. i've found that it's really important not to set expectations like that, it keeps things more spontaneous and then it happens when you least expect it and you both really want it. it's so much more fun and unpredictable and relaxed that way, like you're still just two individuals who've encountered each other and just wana get it on 😂
I had an ad for Lelo before this vid!
Thanks for sharing! I don't have a baby but I do have vaginismus, so this is very relatable.
I can’t wait for your upcoming tight vagina video! Haha. My partner and I want to get pregnant this year, but I’ve only “successfully” been able to have PIV sex like twice. My vagina is tight, and it’s not comfortable (or pleasurable for that matter)! (I’m practicing with dilators, but it’s hard.) Can’t wait to hear what your pelvic floor therapist recommended!
I'm looking forward to the video on pelvic floor therapy. It was discussed in some courses I've done in yoga. Seems scary to me, because I freak out if anyone is there that isn't a sex partner. I think I had a vaginismus issue in highschool, but it had a lot to do with my mentality so I'm curious to hear about that stuff too.
I've seen two different pelvic physiotherapists over the years, and if it can make it less scary for you, here's a few tidbits :
- They often work alongside doctors and sexologists.
- They ask a lot of questions to understand who you are. Some pelvic floor issues are purely physical (skin problems, muscle weakness or imbalance due to, e.g. an old injury), but it can also be influenced by psychological ones (just like we sometimes clench our jaws and shoulders unconsciously when stressed, we can clench our pelvic floor without even noticing it for the same reason.) Knowing you gives them a better idea of the different factors that contribute to your problem.
- They always say and repeat that your body is yours and nobody, not even they, can touch you if you don't agree.
- I had several sessions with the second one before she even touched me.
- Before a physical examination :
1) They use gloves and lube
2) They always ask first if you agree to the exam
3) They explain what they're about to do
- During the exam :
1) They check in with you to see if you're OK
2) You can always ask questions
- After the exam : they explain what they observed.
- They usually give you some exercise to do at home. It can be physical ones like contracting and relaxing muscles, breathing exercises, asking you to feel certain parts of your body to understand better how they move and react, exercises with silicone vaginal dilators
Anyone who is specialized in pelvic floor issues know that it's difficult for most people to talk about these things, so they know that trust is key for the treatment. They want to make you feel comfortable.
@@alixv8256 that sounds so much better than when I've gone for pap smears. Only the first person I went to didn't hurt me. I had another surprise me with an internal exam and I was depressed for a month.
Makes sense that they're, hopefully always, better trained like how you explained. No one ever checked to see if I was okay. I was super grateful when my province started giving us at home tests so I could get them again.
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
I would love to see a video about masturbation in a monogamous relationship. I feel like we have lots of internalised shame about it.
I had no horniness straight after birth but we did have a very difficult first 3 months as parents because of health issues from all 3 of us (yes even my husband got involved.) I remember feeling incredibly attracted to him though, and he said the same of me, we just couldn't really act on it. I definitely remember our first pp time (lol postpartum, but also pp) being about 7 weeks, and maybe twice more in the first 3 months 🤷🏼♀️
I was wondering how to help my relationship, because while I am pregnant I need more affection and attention and get very emotional when I do not get it. Now the explanation of sexual currency will be given to my husband to see if this will help us.
I'm quite annoyed at my OB, she didn't advise me that I could take the progestogen only pill. Basically just told me I couldn't take the Pill and breastfeed, and reccommend some other options. But as someone who has been on the combined Pill for 12 years before trying to conceive, I think will defs be the most suitable for me.
I didn’t get the first month postpartum horny phase but my baby came two months early (I had placenta previa and a bit of a scary birth story) and the first month we spent most our time in the NICU. Perhaps the stress of NICU life reduced the sex drive. My baby is 3 months old now and even though we aren’t having sex, I’d also say our sexual currency and intimacy has never been better ❤
I've been on Cerelle for a fair few years now, I originally got switched to it after being on Loestrin since I was 16, however I started suddenly getting migraines that were increasing in frequency and severity. I was so scared to change pill as it was the unknown, but my goodness, even after just a few days on it my head felt clear and I stopped getting the migraines. Bonus - periods completely stopped too. I Had a long amount of time when I didn't have them before on Loestrin, but randomly they started coming back so I would start taking the loestrin (combo pill) back to back for a few months at a time to reduce them. Now I don't have to worry about them again :D So very happy.
Having a partner seems nice, i wish i could have that.
This happens to me if I use progesterone only contraception! I saw a ton of doctors and specialists who had all sorts of theories but no one could figure it out. But I soon realised when stopping the contraception it's completely fine again. I tried low doses of oestrogen which helped a little bit, but they're now trying me on the combined pill to see if that fixes it.
This is so interesting to watch cause all I was ever told was the person who gave birth does not want to have sex for like a year while the partner is always whining and wanting and complaining 😅
Good to know it’s actually different 😊
I never got offered contraception whilst on the maternity ward. I was there for 3 days too
I'm 1.5 weeks out from my c-section (second child - first was a vaginal delivery). Interestingly, my libido has returned much much faster. Last time around, I tore badly so couldn't even think about intimacy. I think it was 4 months before I even considered being intimate again.
But, this time around I feel like waiting the 6 weeks will be hard. But also, we're handling baby's sleep differently this time around. Last time, we had baby in a separate bassinet then into his crib fairly quickly (3 months he was in his crib). This time, baby is right beside the bed. Which for me, is a mental block.
It's going to be interesting seeing how my partner and I's intimacy continues to evolve this time around.
I have vaginismus, and the way you described it sounds very familiar to my condition. But probably it's just a temporary thing in your case. I suggest pelvic floor exercises and lots of lube, and no pressure (the last one I’m still figuring out 😅). Good luck! 🤞
I don't always get a chance to watch all your videos, so you may have covered this, but I wonder if (besides the tone/muscular changes with pregnancy) changes in estrogen levels might be contributing to feeling like you're physically "out of commission." I've never had a baby, but I recently both have gone into the serious hormonal nose-dive phase of peri-menopause, and at the same time, had to stop taking systemic estrogen-containing BC for medical reasons (I've had a spinal cord injury, which can seriously raise your chances of blood clots, so my doc and I decided to try and reduce other factors as possible). And lemme tell you -- vaginal atrophy is no joke. Since I had other major medical issues going on, I thought maybe I was getting recurrent yeast infections or something. I was very uncomfortable, not externally, but that kind of weird internal kind of "chapped lips" feeling, and was even having urinary symptoms (but again, spinal cord injury changes all kinds of things and it takes a while to learn your "new body, new normal," so it's easy to just write things off as "Well, I guess this is what my body feels like now"). But I had my gyno checkup and my doctor mentioned that I was getting some pretty noticeable vaginal atrophy. I didn't have any sexual activity, either partnered or by myself for quite a while (it also coincided with lockdown), and when I did try (solo), I found I couldn't comfortably insert anything. I even had to change menstrual protection, because putting anything inside was awkward, difficult, and really uncomfortable, even with lots of lube. So my gyno and I talked about risks and we decided to try vaginal estrogen tablets (it's more of a localized action, not so systemic, you're not absorbing that much of it) and hoooooly crap, that helped. We did initially a little higher dose (3x/week), and now I'm down to once a week, which has kept the positive effects. And I imagine, since you're not menopausal, that maintenance wouldn't be necessary. (I think they're actually OTC in England.) I dunno, just another factor to consider, maybe.
I would love to see a video about masturbation in relationships! It's something that we don't talk about in our society enough. And the practical side of it is something else that I'm super curious about. Like do you say Hey partner I'm going to take some solo sex time and be by myself in the bedroom? What's the dynamic like when your partner comes into the room while you're already doing it and they didn't know? So much curiosity about your experiences and insights on that!