I too am a fragrant bisexual I use old spice citrus deodorant and lavender lotion that my stepmom gave me for my birthday! I also really like ladies, I think they're beautiful❤
I'm confused by this. It feels ungrateful to take and not give back. The internet calls people who only 'take' as being toxic. I think that's where the value-to-others comes in. Doing something in return for all the support given to you. I definitely feel useless if I can't return favors or kindness given to me. They deserve it returned. Maybe I can translate this video in my head to simply "don't take pressure too hard/too much to heart, and just try your best, whatever that is"
@@chlorophyllheart I actually think what the OP said makes perfect sense because even if there are people who support or show kindness to you, they are voluntary. Of course it is nice to reciprocate the kindness or support, but it shouldn't be expected. You should just take the video as it is because it is true, you don't HAVE TO give back just because you receive some kindness or support.
@Green Gazelle, reciprocating kindness is not an obligation and isn't the only way to show gratitude. By internalizing the lie that by taking what you need you therefore owe someone for that need.
@@chlorophyllheart It isn't so simple for everyone, though, particularly disabled people. Reciprocating kindness is one thing, but to have to give back as much as you receive when you require far more help than the average person in order to survive each day often just isn't possible. And worse still, disabled people are expected to constantly apologise for the 'inconvenience' caused by their existence, and display endless gratitude to others for 'putting up' with it. This isn't about mutual respect or work ethic; it's about accepting one's limitations and how those differ from person to person depending on their individual circumstances. For one person, taking a shower might use 0.1% of their daily energy; for another it could use 90%. Is it fair to expect the same level of output from each of those people?
Dear Jessica - I'm 67, have a broken back and mild EDS, divorcing my emotionally abusive partner of 22 years, 7 1/2 years married, selling our 10 room house, fled to another town - unpacking my things this week into a one bedroom apartment. I was kicking myself about not being able to unpack for more than a couple of hours. Came to the place I am staying until the apartment became available. Then I found this video of yours. It helped me see that I am enough. Thank you. - Rej
@@placeholderhandle1995 Thank you. I am. New car, new apartment, new rescue dog, new church, new and old supportive friends. It took three years, but I'm finally feeling myself again.
Can we get this on a T-shirt? Honestly it’s a great reminder (especially for people who don’t have disabilities and tend to romanticize disabled struggles)
@@ChrisPage68 YES! My thoughts exactly. I get deeply bothered everytime I see someone being called "strong" because it usually means life it throwing shit at that person non-stop and this is far, far from something good.
Fun fact: Originally the phrase “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” was intended to ridicule the idea that one could pull oneself out of bad circumstances simply by one’s own efforts with no help or resources from anyone else by pointing out how impossible is is to raise yourself up by pulling on your own bootstraps. So basically it meant the complete opposite of what we understand it to mean today! “Meritocracy” was also coined in a book that was ridiculing the idea that society was arranged according to merit and that in fact even if a society considers itself to be meritocratic it is the most privileged that still end up on top.
"Please don’t discount hardships you’re going through because you don’t fit what you’ve been told is the ‘typical’ presentation of a disabled person or because you don’t ‘look sick’ or because you know people who are ‘worse off’ than you. It is completely fine to feel your feelings" Gonna go cry now.
One thing that’s always stuck with me, is when I went to Japan with my friends I kept trying to ignore my EDS, and just wanted to keep walking and see everything. But on my birthday we were walking around Nijo castle and I just couldn’t walk anymore but body just stopped. So we went to the tea shop there (which we wouldn’t have stopped at ordinarily) for me to rest and I got an incredibly tasty flight of sake. Then that evening we were supposed to go to the ramen shop but there was no way I was going to be able to walk there, so we went to a small inn around the corner from where we were staying. There was only one man in there and he was already well into a giant bottle of sake. He decided that he wanted to talk with us even though he didn’t know much English and we didn’t know much Japanese. The owner did try to help translate, but what ended up happening was a hilarious game of charades trying to communicate and then he bought us all sake. It’s easily one of the best birthdays of my life and wouldn’t have happened without hEDS. I try to remind myself of this day whenever I’m getting down on myself for having a disability.
Okay, I cried. As a bipolar II + bordeliner disorder + extremely allergic person who cannot stay around somethings/products/people and is called "weak" because of it all, so many things hitted home. I'm, for now, stuck in a job that is bellow my level of education and experience just because the pandemic made me go jobless and every single day i feel in my bones that i may never reach what i want. Thank you for your words, Jessica. You made my day and whole world a lot better than you can think. I hope all this good energy that you put in the world comes back to you in a million times stronger and that you may find a lof of happiness, puff dresses and an endless suply of diet coke.
@@010101Be they suck so badly! I'm glad I do not experience any reactions to my cats and that, reading ingredients, I can choose among some great makeup. Unfortunately I became more reactive to certain things, like cleaning products, as I age... that leaves me scared 😔 I had to ask my building to stop using a brand to clean the elevator doors because when they started I broke out in hives all over my arms and it became hard to breath. Had to make a bunch of papers, exams, just so they knew I was lying... people really think I make hives in my face with a sharpie!!!
I so feel you I need to make my own cleaning products because I can’t be around any harsh chemicals I can’t be around exhaust fumes I am allergic to the sun basically. It feels great that there’s other people out in the world like me but also I feel bad because there are other people out in the world like me I don’t wish anyone to be in pain 24 seven to be allergic to everything
@@alshirley3444 I'm so sorry you are going though these situations, but please know that you're not alone 💖 Please, keep taking good care of yourself and i know that the MCA's wont keep you from your goals. And, of course, share your recipes! I'm a sucker for baking soda and vinegar to clean, how about you?
I know how you feel. Because of the recession and pandemic I can't get a job with my bachelor's in just received... I've seen 200+ resumes...no offers.... I lost my job due to covid and I'm on unemployment. I've been miserable for months (more than just these few things happening) and my bf had the novel response of "you really wanted (a job) you'd have one. You'd find a way." Like ???? You're not helping?? I don't appreciate being inadvertently blamed for shit I can't control!?!?!! I already feel like a failure! THANKS for reminding me BF!! thANKS I feEl thE sUPpoRt
As a straight, white guy for "fun", I watch videos of other interesting people in highly different environment situations that I'm in, in an attempt to be a more informed and understanding person. Thank you for these videos. They actually mean alot to me.
The irony of "BOOTSTRAPS" saying: it was originally a phrase meant to say how impossible it is to do something. Have you actually tried to pull yourself up by your shoelaces? It's not possible.
"More disabled than you know" the collective of neuro-divergent women that suffered under men centric model and not diagnosed and ignored as children. Raise hands. Extra truma for those that were bought up in toxic emotional abusive families🤷♀️🤦♀️ Seriously important video. Xx
🙋🏻 afab (closeted) non-binary person diagnosed with autism at age 31 (last year) here (also struggling with depression on and off - currently on - since I was 14)
"You deserve to relax when you're feeling good, too." Me, licking peanut butter off a spoon because I've been too tired to put an actual meal together for weeks, typing with my other hand so I can try to keep up with my 9-to-5 job: "OH GOD, DO I?"
I've definitely eaten PB as a meal because of fatigue. I looked into protein shakes, but I have food intollerances and the ones I could eat were too expensive. I eat a lot of microwaved potatoes as meals, too
@@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.nI've tried a few plant-based shakes & tbh they all taste pretty grim &/or are overpoweringly sweet to me. I get round it by only using chocolate flavour so I can throw extra cocoa powder in, if necessary, use about a quarter of the amount of the powder recommended & more fluid; I make shakes up in 600ml bottles with ~½ oat milk & ½ water. I have to admit, at present I'm mixing a v sweet vegan meal replacement thing with a whey-based protein thing. Weirdly, I tolerate whey powder better than cow milk, but I don't have a serious problem with dairy anyways - it just aggravates my sinuses. Powders tend to be much cheaper in bulk from Amzn, tho I do get that's only any use if you can find one you can tolerate, are able to actually drink or eat it added to something like porridge, & can afford the outlay - I certainly couldn't until recently.
Chronic fatigue is so much fun. My husband still thinks I’m just being lazy when I can’t make it through the day. I was diagnosed a few months ago. I am over being called lazy and useless.
I've several teachers and school nurses say I probably have ADHD but i cant know for sure because ive never been diagnosed. My parents have literally said that ADHD is an excuse for "soft" parents to excuse their children's bad behavior, and that we live in an era where parents diagnose their children with "fake problems" instead of "disciplining them like they should." When I was im elementary school and had to read with my parents, rather than on my own, if I read any words wrong, I was told that I was doing it wrong on purpose, because "no one could actually be that stupid," but I really tried my hardest to read correctly, so my brain defaulted to ' well then, I guess I'm just that stupid.' It also taught me to value reading every word perfectly correctly more than the entire text, so often I am so focused on reading every word spot on, I completely forget what i am reading, and have to go back over each sentence several times, and by that time im already thinking of something else. Jessica's videos have really gotten me out of the backwords mindset that ive grown up with. Thank u jessica for being cool.
Oh my love, you need to go get a diagnosis. And then some treatment which could include meds and/ or therapy and/ or simply learning how your brain operates. Spoiler: trying harder won’t work if you’re already trying your hardest.
One more thing to add to the pile.... a lot of doctors won’t believe you either. They deserve to have their licence revoked... go see new doctors until one believes you.
Sitting here in America unable to afford a psychiatrist, and being unable to work because of mental health issues. It’s a hellish cycle. I can’t work until I get help, and I can’t afford help without working.
Can you try to find someone with sliding fee scale? They often have pro-bono work. Universities or training centers also offer counseling for free from grad students. I hope you can find some help!
I struggle with "invisible" disabilities, such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, an eating disorder, fibromyalgia and pcos as well as a background littered with trauma. It's taken me such a long time to even slightly introduce the (radical) idea of self worth, love and acceptance to my own mind. Thank you for making this video and for doing the amazing work that you do!
I'm not disabled, but had the kind of childhood where feeling useless and not good enough was so normal that one time a different youtuber said to the camera "you are not useless" and the tears happened before I even felt the sadness. I've been seeing this thumbnail and avoided clicking on it because it's still hard for me to think that I'm not useless. It's that weird thing of feeling like I don't deserve to be told otherwise. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this channel is helping me be a better caregiver to my disabled wife, but it's also helping me with my issues of my own I don't always realize or acknowledge I have. I don't have a sad youtube playlist, but you better believe I have a sad music playlist.
Oh my god, the same. I was called stupid and naive as a young adult for believing that. Imagine bullying someone just for believing in the power of empathy.
I had a heart surgery as a kid and was supposed to be on 50% of normal P.E. curriculum in primary school (age 7 to 15 in Croatia). My P.E. teacher, however, ignored that for two years. Not wanting to have any bad grades since I wanted to get to a good school to be able to get in faculty of medicine later on, I applied to badminton to get on his good side. However, along with a mess of a heart I also have flat feet and my right leg is shorter then my left, therefore it is weaker and prone to injury-I ended up badly spraining my knee at the age of 13. However, not wanting to disappoint my teacher, I went back to badminton next year. And guess what happened? I messed my knee up even more, injuring my patellar and fibular collateral ligaments. My doctor straight up forbade me to go back to badminton. At the and od the year, my teacher straight up Said that my doctor is an idiot and called me a quitter telling 'Well if *insert famous sportsperson Here* can get back on their feet, how can you not?" Last year, during practice (I gotbinto faculty of medicine, I finished year 4, yay), I was told by a mentor, a surgeon, that the type of injury I had often doesn't heal properly, especially in individuals with even the most mild underlying conditions (such as one leg being 7mm shorter) and even more so in those who are not athletic. So yeah...my knee still hurting occasionally, and me being unable to perform badminton is NOT my fault. Neither is my doctor an idiot. Long story short, I messed up my knee FOR LIFE (yes it still hurts 10 years later, I started wearing an elastic bandage a while ago because it's acting up again) because I was a child trying to impress an idiot teacher that I'm good enough since he refused to believe I actually needed different treatment. Sorry for a long comment. I'm really bad at summarizing. Edit: some spelling stuff and I realized I somehow mixed up cruciate and colateral ligament while revizing anatomy. I wrote peviously I injured my cruciat ligament but it was actually colateral.
tbh this is the impression I get of all PE teachers... my boyfriend is a teacher (not PE) and he knew some of the PE trainee teachers and looked at their schoolbooks and what they learn about teaching and it is disgusting. They get materials that put children into stereotypical categories like "shy Lisa" and "lazy Peter" and then they learn how to shame those shy and "lazy" students into participating anyway. I was not at all surprised, I feel like PE teachers aren't even meant to teach PE. Let's face it: only those who have always excelled at sports will become PE teachers. They cannot understand how students can hate PE, therefore pushing them to their limits but making them hate sports even more.
I just wanted to comment that people who are able to “pull all nighters” and “work 80+ hours a week” are still hurting themselves. Not only is this horrible to your mental wellbeing, but also can lead to you being less productive overall. All-nighters might give you the knowledge to pass the exam, but not give you retention of that knowledge, so when you need that knowledge again, you have to go back and relearn it. Sure you worked 80 hours per week, but how much is actually getting done? How much of that time goes to coffee or other stimulants to keep you awake or to redoing work that’s not up to standard due to it being done while sleep-deprived and stressed? It has a physical effect as well. Not only has chronic sleep deprivation been linked to Alzheimer’s in later life, but it combined with chronic stress have also been linked to cardiac conditions such as heart disease. So pacing yourself and taking care of your needs are essential not only for your wellbeing but to be the most productive YOU personally can.
I got physically ill (with high fever) from exhaustion. Lack of sleep is terrible for your health (I'm not proud but I was basically forced to by school), can probably give you depression, anxiety and such as your brain stops making his good chemicals. High school grades don't count anyways so who cares? (What I started following the last two years)
Yep and the mind is excellent at making up convenient lies about its past to sell a conducive story. Been an all nighter chick and more over been a careers advisor to those that have. They are never alright after doing so. They just take the following 3 days off from accountability and mentally hide the fact. Also worked albeit for a very short time for an inspirational speaker. He meant what he said and was very good but surprisingly was also extremely human and avoided the things that didn't spark joy for him. These people have a whole team behind often and they provide a support network for each other. That is the bit we need to take on. People who do the same job creating networks rhat support each other.
All night for me has a different meaning. When I was an infant the nurses at the military hospital would keep the babies of officers and noncommissioned officers up most of the night so when they got home the men wouldn't get much sleep. I have always been a night owl. That's not to say I don't need sleep. (I love sleeping) You are correct about what pushing yourself to hard will do to a person. When I could work I was a supervisor and the company pushed us really hard. Every supervisor I knew had some stress related medical issue or was an alcoholic. I brought this up to HR a couple times. Nothing but silence from them.
I refused to pull all nighters to study when I was in college and I was concerned about a lot of people around me that did that. I hope college kids take this to heart that taking care of yourself and pacing your learning is most helpful. I learn best by reading textbooks weirdly enough since a lot of people find them too dense or confusing or skim. I literally can't skim so.. But study groups are great. Some classes have regular review sessions or study periods or professors have office hours. Do what you can with those. If you need accommodations, I hope your school grants them and follows through properly. You shouldn't have to fight for them, but sometimes that happens anyway. Get someone to help you if you need it because needing accommodations is hard enough without having to also fight to actually get them.
Dearest Jessica, thank you for being a beacon of illuminati and a breath of fresh fragrant air. I mentally deal with "not being good enough or you're not doing your best" people. They don't understand how one is one's own worst critic. Thank you for putting words to emotions that I am unable to express. I love your family. Side angle/ sassy Jessica is my favourite. Keep being flamboyant you lovely posh lady. 💜
I would say that too, but I had a marvellous day already. I mean it was terrible until like 4pm, but then a child I teach hugged me good bye for the first time and suddenly this was the best day ever.
Hah, I used to love doing that w/ my bullet journal! It was super validating, buuuut... Then I started hating it because I kept ruminating on how far I push myself on a daily basis. Just to be a person! Lolol
Although I don't have a physical disability, I have anxiety and depression which often makes me feel guilty about not doing enough when I feel low, which makes me feel worse and do less and end up in a vicious cycle, so this was a great video for me. Thank you
Same! I'm adding it to my repertoire of favorite phrases. Another youtuber said something else I loved, an insult(?) "Ya big bag'a beans". Clean, but still sassy. Me ecanta.
Haha it’s awesome but just be aware that “sod” is derived from a rather rude word used as a term of abuse. Look it up. We Brits throw these words around pretty casually at times, but some people might be offended as it’s on a similar level to the f-word. Use with care! I sometimes use the “softer” version of “stuff that”. And the more common version of this expression (as mentioned in the other comments) is “sod that for a game of soldiers” sometimes shortened to simply “sod that!” Jessica’s version is a delightfully playful adaptation that still gets the strong feelings across.
Honestly I really want to send this to my boyfriend, because he's _constantly_ berating himself (not other people though) for not being "productive enough"... But he's not disabled, so I'm pretty sure he would just dismiss it all as not applying to him, like _he_ deserves to have his worth judged based on his productivity just because has no specific reason for not being productive...
do it it's gotta be worth a shout. maybe some of it will sink in :-) I can be terrible for it myself and this helped me despite (probably wrongly) not referring to myself as disabled.
Hi, a non disabled person here writing: This is a healing video to everyone who has felt useless in some point in life, at least even writing down the name of the mentioned book brings forward - I think this speaks to the mental health part of us - and everyone feel anxiety or worry in some parts of life, so the messeage of this vid is universal. A mental passivity can be a stopper even if you would not be diagnosed with anything, it needs care and these words, whoever the viewer is, also undiagnosed ppl with slight "function hinders" from time to time.
Please do! I had trouble taking my abilities and disabilities seriously until I found Jessica! I'm still not amazing at knowing my limits, and I've grown in other ways as well, but it's great knowing there's such a huge community of positive and uplifting disabled people on here!
For 21 years, my mother has told me how lazy I am, how I'm not even trying... She knows I'm autistic and depressed and yet she can't seem to comprehend what that means!
Same. I had a mental breakdown in school which I'm only just recovering from the trauma of, got my diagnosis at 20 and my fam just sort of ignored it and don't believe that's what happened/is wrong with me..but like, yes it is!! I think they'll just see me as lazy forever which is horrible
((hug)) if you want one. from someone who's Mum still says she "wishes I'd try harder". I'm 53 years old, I have chronic migraine and depression, plus a back injury. I work full time in a demanding job. I understand that feeling, too.
“And no one’s opinion of you really matters except your own. And possibly mine- and I think you’re brilliant!” 💖 I think you’re brilliant too, Jessica!
"Copy pasting a Disabled person overcoming a specific hardship whilst editing out the systemic issues they are oppressed by, is not only patronising. It's dishonest". Words to repeat to myself when I feel like I'm useless.
I clicked immediately because I absolutely needed to hear this as I am still coming to terms with my disabilities and the limitations that I can no longer just ignore. It's continually harder to keep those productivity = worth social measurements from impacting my self confidence and self worth, but hearing more people who have the same experiences is so wonderful and reassuring that I'm not alone in these everyday obstacles. Thank you for always having the best content!💜💜
I relate 100%. I'm autistic which is the reason for my school hating me, and I have the exact same problems as Jessica. Most people don't understand either, they don't know how demoralising it is being treated as a bad child because of it. I still think of myself that way every time I make a mistake. Thank you for making the video though Jessica. We all love you ❤️
I love being disabled cause I love feeling that I don't contribute as much as my wife does. Ya it can suck eh but you will get through it just stay positive
I just came here from Contrapoints and idk how I never noticed the similarity of sarcastic truth spilling between Natalie’s and Jessica’s videos all served in an elegant package. Icons, the both of them
The costume change made me think of Contrapoints. Then I thought, wait, are the costume changes in Contrapoints partly to make it easier to film on multiple days?
@@eightmagpies If that is the case, it makes perfect sense. And I absolutely love it. I know Nat has a lot of mental health issues... And especially now. She's doing everything on her own AND recovering from an opiate addiction. 😕
I have an invisible disability, even my own family sometimes don't understand that I cannot keep up and I feel poorly every day- I just don't show it much because I'm used to it.
This describes me. I'm constantly being compared to siblings, successful friends and coworkers. Fully able and they usually come from supportive families. Its rough. I just never feel like I'm enough
I am autistic, but I wasn;t diagnosed until I was 30, so growing up I felt totaly broken and was often called lazy and unmotivated when I was actually exhuasted and over stimulated... Also I measure my 'success' in life by how many video game achievements I can get, as that is way more fun than staring at walls while lying immobile in bed because I can't do anything when I'm not painfiully dragging myself out of bed to work...
Same, but I was 29 and it was during lockdown. Now I am learning how to deal with the way it makes my life a little bit harder. I am learning. But I was thought of as lazy and unmotivated too while I tried working as hard as I could but sometimes I would get absolutely lost in learning something irrelevant to school or wasting a day being anxious.
THANK YOU!!! Being a child with very athletic successful brothers, I would often faint when the heat was a bit much and why wasn't I TRYING in athletics. My diagnosis, of EDS and later early onset arthritis, well too late for anyone to apologize....ggggrrrrrrr....also the "rah rah rah" bit is seen more than ever now. My cousin believes (he's in health care) that the virus will be just culling out those that aren't productive. (He's off my Christmas list!)
every time you said "honey" or "darling" i teared up a little :( it makes me so emotional EVERY TIME i hear it because my family is,,, kinda trash ngl so ive just decided you're my internet mum ✨
I needed to hear this. Just had an emergency gallbladder removal because a doctor finally believed my pain and here I am beating myself up about not doing the dishes.
This sounds awful, I'm sorry you had to experience an emergency operation due to some incompetent physician. Things like that come up, authorities lack compassion, society allows them to happen without learning their lessons and improving their faulty systems, errors keep piling up and yet we still call ourselves civilized. Hopefully we can find a way out of these vicious cycles. Best wishes to you :)
Sad thing is though, that school teaches you to think exactly in that mindset, because if you aren't productive you're not gonna get you homework done, and when you finally do get it done, surprise: there is new homework. As a student, for me this results in constatly feeling bad/uneasy and never allowing myself to spend time with friends because I feel I should be using it to do homework/ get through my final year. And honestly I don't know how to stop feeling this way🤷♀️ Maybe some of you can relate idk
Thank you for this. My first failed suicide attempt was when I was 8 years old because I kept being judged by the standards of abled people and I KNEW something was wrong. My second failed attempt was when I was 12 for the same reasons. My third attempt after I had worked so fucking hard to gain an education and be able to work was stolen from me when all the pushing society did on me WAY past my limits wrecked my health permanently. When people ask me what I do for a living, I won't even say I'm on disability but that I'm "medically retired" and change the subject.
This was a huge thing that popped up in my negative self talk during my darkest periods- that I was useless because I couldn't reach most of my set goals. I still deal with it from time to time. It may be silly, but the thing that most consistently breaks me out of it is to think about how much I love my cats. Practically, my cats serve no purpose. They've never caught any pests, they would be useless in the case of an emergency, and they're not even consistent when it comes to companionship because sometimes they just don't feel like hanging out with me. Yet, I still love them and hold their lives to be inherently valuable. If cats can be considered so lovable and worthwhile even when they qualify as "useless," why should I be considered any differently?
You're cats have value on their own. What's more is they're valuable to you, and they help you. You of course have the same inherent importance, and I bet your cats like you too.
The most frustrating part of being invisibly disabled is when people I've just met say "What do you do?", my answer is "Well, I'm disabled, so I don't work". Then there's that awkward silence where they don't know what to say next. But honestly? I don't either, lol. I used to feel so much shame over this, telling people I'm disabled. I don't anymore (well, most of the time, lol), as it's been 15 years and I've realized that this is the result of our productivity culture. We ask "What do you do?", and think it's the same thing as "Who are you?" But, it's why I got more in the habit of asking all about them, because there's just not that much to tell about me. Most people aren't comfortable when I say "I had such a good day that I was able to take a shower!" 😂 Maybe when that awkward silence happens, I should just say "It's ok if you're uncomfortable. It's not something that comes up a lot. We can talk about it if you have questions." Anyone else know how to deal with this?
I started a new university last September after leaving my previous course because of a nervous breakdown and people would get so awkward when I told them this when they asked why I moved. That's already a super sanitised version of the truth. What am I supposed to say? Did they want me to lie? Neurotypicals are wild. Also keen to hear ideas if you have any!
@@mouseluva Right?? When someone asks a direct question, it's hard not to just give the direct, truthful answer. I think it's ok to say "Just wanted a fresh start" or "I had a hard time at my last university, and this seemed a better fit". Something like that? Usually people will leave it at that, especially now. Uni is hard on everyone at the moment. Then if you get to know them better, you can fill them in on more details.
I've stuffed with this for a a long time, recently my therapist and I discussed the possibility that I'm on the autism spectrum. This diagnose gives such a deep relief. I've always tried so hard and end up burning out so hard. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't manage what others seem to do with ease. I'm learning to be gentle and kinder with myself.
Build 👏accessibility 👏into👏everything! This is the greatest good. All of us (at some point) will need this for our selves or our loved ones. My mom has had hearing loss for the past 35 years. Experiencing the world with her has made me aware how many things we could be doing as a society but haven’t “ bothered” to. 😡 for better support. Shout out to public entities and services with good visuals and signage. Food, cuddles and a squishy bed. My cat teaches me this every day.
I have multiple Chronic Illnesses as well and grew up in the hospital. I also adore vintage (1920s-1940s) and I needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much!
Thank you for this. I dropped out of college, and at the time I felt a failure and everyone seemed so let down. (I mean I'm smart and was honour roll in secondary school) But I now know I was beginning to really feel the effects of undiagnosed schizophrenia. The push to work harder even drove me to break from reality, and even still my smarts fooled those around me into thinkin I could do anything.
I'm learning "being productive" means something different to everyone. I can define my own productiveness. I can feel accomplished equally by makin a long video with lots of hard work, or by simply remembering to shower (a real win for me).
As someone who has multiple disabilities (including HNPP) many of which weren’t diagnosed until i was a late teen, just broke my foot at work and is now on admin leave from her social work job, having her work looked at under a fine tooth comb that might get me fired..... this video honestly may have saved my life. I can’t thank you enough Jessica. ❤️❤️
Hang in there. Its awful when you're going through a shitty time at work when they are unsympathetic to health problems. I was attacked outside my flat, broke my big toe, had abnormal cells on my smear test which i needed treatment for, was obviously going through a rubbish time. And my manager gives me a letter going "This is for you" on Valentines Day, when i was due to give evidence in Court later on that day. Disciplinary for being late. God she was an effing bi*&#! That was back in 2013. Things are a lot better now. Things get better i promise you xxxx
@@sarahroberts7374 Is it bad to wish children on your old boss that make her run late, so she can understand that not everything can be controlled! 😂. Obviously I'm projecting here because I am always running late for work because of my wonderful child. But seriously!!! Would they rather you risk your life to be on time. How ridiculous. That would have been a difficult time for you.
@@lauren8627 Oh Lauren its so funny that you say that; as it turned out this boss actually was pregnant at this time! It did actually help me in letting go of anger towards her as i could try & attribute how unreasonable she was being to her hormones & being stressed herself! I was a lot younger then & tended to not express myself very well. Am far more assertive now - not cocky or arrogant just not creeping round apologising for things beyond my control or bottling stuff up to only then be released in a big meltdown!!! Another example from that same job, a lady was hired for a similar position to me but on a lower wage. When she found out i was on more, she took it out on me like it was my fault! And i fell to bits! Whereas now i would have looked her straight in the face & said "You chose to accept this position at this wage, if you have a problem, take it up with HR as it is nothing to do with me!". Oh hindsight is a wonderful thing! Ah well we live & learn. 😊👍
Hate that for you. I never understood why people like to make others miserable and thrive on its effects. That should be a human condition to be identified as dangerous. Wishing you good vibes away from the demon people🧛🏽♂️ and more of this 💆🏽
Really needed to hear this, I've gradually become disabled over the last 2 years with Fibro, EDS & likely POTS. I'm no longer able to work more than roughly 10 hours a week and am struggling to get my head around the concept that I won't be able to have the career that I expected (was studying nursing), or anything close to it. I've been scared that I'll eventually die feeling dissatisfied that I haven't achieved anything substantial or made any impact. This was very reassuring, I'll keep coming back to this when feeling overwhelmed about things, thank you!
Re: Pushing your limits - I have many many post-its on my wall reminding me of healthy living habits (capitalistic and ableist conditioning is hard to undo, ok?) and one of my favourites came to me when I was trying to get healthy by working out more. I was stuck in the same old cycle of "push hard, crash, spend four days in bed recovering, repeat" when I suddenly realized... *You Can't Push Your Limits if You Don't Know Them*. So sure, if you feel like there's a part of your life you want to improve, fucking go for it, fam. But don't assume that pushing hard is always the right answer. Your limits are yours, and they're real, and they won't change if you don't respect them for what they are.
"You absolutely beautiful soul." Who? Me? I have a beautiful soul. *proceeds to blush for the first time in weeks for any other reason than random allergic reaction*
I've been coming to terms with an autism diagnosis at 31 years old. I've only been able to work two part time jobs in my life so far. This video brought me to tears and I truly appreciate you posting it.
Same I'm 22, was diagnosed with autism at 20 and I'm only just realizing that I am probably never going to fit what I thought was the default in life...i haven't had a job yet and struggle with volunteering too so I just feel very useless but I watch this video at least twice a week and it helps
"I used to beat myself up because I thought 'Why is my body doing such things?' and then I got diagnosed with a separate illness and then it made sense" Same. I was diagnosed as autistic, but now my psychiatrist suspects ADHD as well and I recently learned that I also have a lot of trauma that I'm dealing with.
I feel useless and worthless all the time, and it feels like everything and everyone around me just confirms it. Thank you for reminding me it's okay that some days are unproduced and just about survival
The way this made me cry.... A family crisis has made me become exceedingly less productive at work and I've been beating myself up about it. So a video like this was so needed.
very helpful video to get autoplayed while barely being able to make myself a proper sandwich without feeling like I'm about to collapse as a 20 yr old
Remember that: Emotional aspects and internal processing are often considered “too subjective to quantify” and are thus ignored as symptoms common to a diagnosis, or effects of a medication or treatment. Self-reporting is allegedly unreliable - regardless of a preponderance of similar reports by a large sample size, and the same report being a statistically significant amount less among the control group. Females and other marginalized groups such as POC face stereotypes which have led to self-reports being dismissed, disbelieved, and the data removed from study analysis, in addition to inaccurate reporting of disease prevalence and efficacy of treatments due to never being believed to be having said disease or warranting said treatment. That very few studies, of the ones which study both males and females, provide sex-desegregated data. Despite those that do generally demonstrating that the results, prevalence, symptoms, or treatment efficacy vary from males with statistical significance. Anecdotal evidence from “a bunch of people on the internet” may, unfortunately be the best information available to you. I’ve learned a lot of valuable information from how other people cope with and manage their situation and work with their mental reality. Regardless of “being” or having a diagnosis, the way other people work with a symptom or reality you experience can be substantially useful. A Fascinating book: Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias In A World Designed For Men Caroline Criado Perez
one of my professors once told me: "you know, you're a really nice person. it's a shame that that's not gonna get you anywhere in life." (which isn't true by the way. being "a really nice person" got me better grades at school because most of the teachers liked me. I'm at a different school now though, while applying for jobs. again being a nice person helps me a lot when it comes to job interviews.)
Right?? I feel like if I don’t accomplish as much as possible on my days off, then I’m just a lazy waste of space so it’s hard to imagine what disabled and struggling people go through on a regular basis. Part of my guilt is because I know I’m capable. That disabled people might feel guilty ‘because’ they have actual limitations is heartbreaking. I don’t know how to help other than to advocate for accessibility and to check my ableism at the door.
@@freekpeet I felt that this part of the video reflected her limited interaction with straight white men and limited media consumption of men doing man things that is a thing in some but not all genres. It might just be a joke too, but regardless, I find it interesting since even now you are reflecting that you see straight white male as a default that surely everyone has seen a lot of when that may not be the case. But yeah, overall I think anyone can enjoy anything they want to. People of all kinds like all kinds of activities and interests, and she brought the point that stereotypical straight white male activities are enjoyed by all kinds of people.
@@freekpeet I'm white. I know we're a majority. And I know white men are often the default in media and your reaction to her putting that on its head is honestly telling, because how is saying white men like golf derogatory? There are derogatory terms for white people and that isn't even close. Not to mention that derogatory terms given by minorities does not have the systemic impact as vice versa, but anyway. I try to be an open minded person and was seeking to show that I agree with some of what you're saying while pointing out some flaws in your argument. I also noticed that you say "this shouldn't have to be stated" when making a point and not wanting to be seen as a right winger because you're aware you may be coming across a certain way. Honestly it reminds me most of a common phrase "not all men", a statement that is technically true but details a larger conversation.
@@freekpeet Glad we can agree on that point. And that is definitely true that no one likes to be stereotyped, and I should have been more sensitive to the intersectional issues of social class. Not to mention of course disability. I do also see a trend in people mocking the majority as a bit of a response to othering remarks and jokes made towards them. It's still hurtful, but has a basis in the reality that straight white men have a degree of privilege, that is not diminished by class, disability, or other personal issues that may in their own ways make life harder for them. Onto your last paragraph in your last reply. I agree that we should be trying not to alienate people. I also think being able to make jokes should be okay as well, and finding that line isn't easy. I admit I was having trouble keeping my thoughts all together. I connect things in my head and think I made it clear when I haven't so I will clarify myself. I noted a sarcastic undertone in your first reply when you quoted part of what I said and I felt irritated as a result so I apologize for the way I came across. I felt uncomfortable because I noted that when making your point, you make the remark "this shouldn't have to be stated" multiple times. You may not notice how that comes across. But it's an aggressive sounding argument style. At least that's how it came across to me. I recognize the need to clarify, so I can see where I read it wrong. I went too far in referring to the "not all men" thing. I saw a connection but looking again I don't see it. I apologize. That wasn't justified, so I won't try to justify saying that.
@@KiraNightshade Just wanted to let you know I deleted my comments since I feel I kind of misunderstood the whole thing. But I'm glad I could correct it. Thanks for your comments!
I really needed this video right now, I keep seeing ads on TV that feature either Venus or Serena Williams and this new migraine drug and it just kills me. 'If they can do all that with migraines why can't I leave the house?' I just. The last lines of this video especially helped. "You don't need to suffer to be successful." Thank you.
Thank you for this video. A few years ago when my chronic illness overtook me & I was forced to stop working, I basically had an identity crisis because I was raised by my parents & the culture I was surrounded by to believe that my value as a person was based on how productive I was & how much I 'contributed to society' in the form of gainful employment. 5 yrs later, I still struggle with it from time to time but remind myself that I contribute in other ways via raising my daughter to be a kind, empathetic person & creating cross stitch pieces for people to brighten their lives, even if only a bit. It is incredibly difficult to overcome that way of thinking when it's driven into us from such an early age.
One of the things that is difficult for me to explain to people is that when I'm "relaxing" I'm rarely ACTUALLY relaxing, I just don't happen to be in motion. The hardest thing for me to deal with is my lack of energy. I want to do so much more than I get around to doing.
Wow...that's really helpful even for someone without a disability, we're all really trying to push against the limits of our body.....and this sums up how stupid all those goals are if you're losing your life running after them.... thanks! Edit: you said anxiety, and now I'm relating even better.....
A video from a posh-sounding, very fragrant lesbian with the right amount of make-up being full of wonderful sentiments. What's not to love? Thank you for making this!
ADHD treatment isn't ADHD friendly. How to ADHD. I recomend that people watch that too. "Seeing yourself as useless makes you more useless." "Not being enough." "Discussing the systems, not just the person. "How frustrating and hearbreaking it can be to be guilted for not having access to help, struggling to get help, it being your fault."
Extremely true. My husband and eldest daughter suffer from ADHD and it is so hard finding support or proper resources that directly address the issues.
Oof, agree. Accessing help for ADHD almost seems to be designed to be antagonistic and requires those very abilities which ADHDers are specifically deficit in.
This is so true, most physiatrists I've met haven't even told me the full scope of what ADHD was, and just described it as "having trouble studying at school when I was young", which led me to believe that all my other symptoms, were just character flaws and not symptoms of neurodivergent disability I only found out what ADHD really is through the internet
@@aurathenomnom If you listen to podcasts, I recommend ADHD Rewired, because the host has ADHD and interviews both regular people with ADHD and specialists who study ADHD. I'm always astounded to learn that so many things I was shamed for growing up and even as an adult are actually part and parcel of having ADHD, and not me being unreasonably sensitive or difficult, as I was made to believe.
I come here to hear you say things like "tosh." I feel most useless when I've been unable to do basic tasks like tie my shoes or wash my hair. Fortunately, I've had help but it still gets me down when it happens. I also feel useless when I feel that others don't value me or need me. That perception feels like my fault too. The lack of ability just adds to the underlying insecurity.
I like the costume changes. It's like you're some pop star who has costume changes halfway through their big show lol Also I love everything you wear because your outfits are marvelous and I love your style. ✨
Whenever I read a piece of inspo porn, I ask silently, how do they afford all the care they get? Or say, how nice that they have parents/partners/communities that support them? So many variables....
Thank you, I needed this right now. Juggling disability with mental health during a pandemic is hard. Feeling like I should be achieving huge goals during all of this is hard. This is appreciated!
As someone who's dyscalculic and has spent their entire life being faced with sneers or incredulous expressions when I explain my disability (because "no one can really be THAT stupid, you must be making it up") I feel this on so many levels. I don't look like I have a disability, and very few people have even heard of it. I've spent most of my life being discounted or told that I'm lying or not trying hard enough. It's very VERY hard to not judge yourself against all the 'normal' people, and because they don't believe that my issue exists it makes me question whether or not I'm just being lazy. I'm not... I know I'm not. But if everyone tells you you're just not trying hard enough you're going to start believing it after a while.
I have that too, and as with many other things, I never even knew it was a thing until I was in my 50s. Ironically, I always felt shame as a woman who couldn't do math, failing the team as it were. It was so liberating to learn that there really is a mathematical/numerical kind of learning disorder.
This (not just this video but channel as a whole) is the content I needed but didnt know I needed... As a 35 year old vintage loving, eds, neuro disabled mum, with hearing loss who speaks with RP (or as my friends say 'the queens English when the queen was 8') who is going through a health crisis (a rare type of something, in a rare size in a rare location yes I hate the word rare now) Thank you so much I hate that I find cause of my chair I am either seen as useless or because I have dyed hair and make up and pretty clothes I get told im so amazing which is some how more patronising than those who just see me as useless but... 🤷♀️
@@MellowJelly liturally im watching through so many videos like what the heck... How can one channel be so relevent and how can i only just be getting it pop up on my feed Actually though I think I found it cause I needed it at the moment
Louisa Bone I would say to you that you are going through enough and have enough on your plate to handle that you need to find a way not to care anymore what these busybodies think about you and your life. Don’t be ashamed or apologetic of who you are and how you express your creativity. You need your energy for positivity, so try to let the hate go. A friend of mine has a saying she taught me and it took me a while to actually understand it - “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” You are awesome.
@@mjrussell414 @Marilyn Russell that is an amazing saying and ive totally stolen it 🤷♀️ sorry not sorry I dont think they mean harm but its just rediculous.. Jan/feb (cant remember exactly) an older man stopped me and said 'I just want to say i think you're amazing, you know what you want and you get it even though your in a wheelchair' I was just getting a coffee 😐 imagine if he went up to everyone super weird like well done for getting coffee 😂😂 Though my favour ate will always be 'how can there be a god when footballers get millions of pounds and this lovely lady is like this' 😂😂😂😂 what the hell 😂😂😂
I really needed to hear this. My condition has gotten worse and my partner seems to be ignoring it.. I have been looking for anyone to say this all this week via Google and UA-cam. Ik it is isnt the healthiest but I just really needed outside validation this week.
This video came out an amazing time because last night my mom went on a rant about how I am completely useless to her and everyone else with my conditions. I haven’t watched it yet but I already wanted to thank you
actually, exactly yesterday I was discussing these things with my therapist AND today I slept for 16 hours and hate my body for this, because I feel like my spiraling health is my personal failure. (Partially it's because my chronic illnesses are not labeled as 'disabilities' by the local health system)
If you've slept really long, then your body may have really needed that💙 (one thing I say to myself when I get upset with myself for not waking up very early)
I slept for 14.5 hours today. Waking up mid afternoon when my family returns home from an outing and say “oh, you’re still in bed?!” Isn’t fun. Thanks depression. More so thanks to JESSICA for posting this video exactly when I needed it.
@@cheekynandosss581 I have a chronic depression and hard relate to this situation. Sending you an extreme amounts of love and hugs! you're not a burden and I promise - things will get easier 💖💖💖
I always figured, that for one to judge the value of another by how much of use. That those people are USERS. Yep! They always seem to be the ones, who will take whatever they can draw out of you, up until they can finally call you, "useless."
![I was misdiagnosed [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xzBynfWHUMY/mqdefault.jpg)
![I was misdiagnosed [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Forget femme lesbians, the new term is fragrant lesbians
yes
This is cologne butch erasure
Slap that on a shirt hahahha
I too am a fragrant bisexual
I use old spice citrus deodorant and lavender lotion that my stepmom gave me for my birthday! I also really like ladies, I think they're beautiful❤
What if you have scented chapstick?
Dont feel bad about having to spread filming out over multiple days Jessica, it just means we get to see more of your cute outfits
Pros:
-Jessica gets some rest
-Cute outfits
-More diet coke sippies
Cons:
-Unknown, no significant research has showed cons of spreading the filming
Never a truer word spoken.
This!
Agreed
Couldn't have put is better! 👏👏👏
“Why does our right to live hang on if other people benefit from our existence?” MIC DROP
I'm confused by this. It feels ungrateful to take and not give back. The internet calls people who only 'take' as being toxic. I think that's where the value-to-others comes in. Doing something in return for all the support given to you. I definitely feel useless if I can't return favors or kindness given to me. They deserve it returned.
Maybe I can translate this video in my head to simply "don't take pressure too hard/too much to heart, and just try your best, whatever that is"
Eugenics be dammed!
@@chlorophyllheart I actually think what the OP said makes perfect sense because even if there are people who support or show kindness to you, they are voluntary. Of course it is nice to reciprocate the kindness or support, but it shouldn't be expected. You should just take the video as it is because it is true, you don't HAVE TO give back just because you receive some kindness or support.
@Green Gazelle, reciprocating kindness is not an obligation and isn't the only way to show gratitude. By internalizing the lie that by taking what you need you therefore owe someone for that need.
@@chlorophyllheart It isn't so simple for everyone, though, particularly disabled people. Reciprocating kindness is one thing, but to have to give back as much as you receive when you require far more help than the average person in order to survive each day often just isn't possible. And worse still, disabled people are expected to constantly apologise for the 'inconvenience' caused by their existence, and display endless gratitude to others for 'putting up' with it. This isn't about mutual respect or work ethic; it's about accepting one's limitations and how those differ from person to person depending on their individual circumstances. For one person, taking a shower might use 0.1% of their daily energy; for another it could use 90%. Is it fair to expect the same level of output from each of those people?
Dear Jessica - I'm 67, have a broken back and mild EDS, divorcing my emotionally abusive partner of 22 years, 7 1/2 years married, selling our 10 room house, fled to another town - unpacking my things this week into a one bedroom apartment. I was kicking myself about not being able to unpack for more than a couple of hours. Came to the place I am staying until the apartment became available. Then I found this video of yours. It helped me see that I am enough. Thank you. - Rej
I’m SO proud of you for leaving, that takes so much strength.
i hope you're doing better now
@@placeholderhandle1995 Thank you. I am. New car, new apartment, new rescue dog, new church, new and old supportive friends. It took three years, but I'm finally feeling myself again.
@@hvfnorth2628 congratulations, i am so proud of you!!!!!
"Triumphing over adversity is not an aesthetic"
YESSSSS QUEEEEENNNN
Can we get this on a T-shirt? Honestly it’s a great reminder (especially for people who don’t have disabilities and tend to romanticize disabled struggles)
@@spookygreg exactly! I feel like I constantly need reminding of this!
Especially when much of the adversity is unnecessary and constructed to hold us back.
And perseverance porn is not sexy!
@@ChrisPage68 YES! My thoughts exactly. I get deeply bothered everytime I see someone being called "strong" because it usually means life it throwing shit at that person non-stop and this is far, far from something good.
Fun fact: Originally the phrase “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” was intended to ridicule the idea that one could pull oneself out of bad circumstances simply by one’s own efforts with no help or resources from anyone else by pointing out how impossible is is to raise yourself up by pulling on your own bootstraps. So basically it meant the complete opposite of what we understand it to mean today!
“Meritocracy” was also coined in a book that was ridiculing the idea that society was arranged according to merit and that in fact even if a society considers itself to be meritocratic it is the most privileged that still end up on top.
I really like knowing that. Thanks!
Thank you, I love knowing the ways people misuse sayings, it makes me feel better
Decimate originally meant to lose only 10%, not loads. Misused so much it now means the opposite.
I appreciate this fun fact. Thank you.
@@Academicidiot thats hilarious 🤣
There are a lot of cross-stitch worthy quotes in this video.
Yes! I would love to stitch one up, But how to choose!
"Triumphing over adversity is NOT an aesthetic."
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard
Already posted this one, lol!
I feel like we need a huge banner for these!
Yes, super yes
@@BebbaDubbs that was my favorite!
jessica: *gets a hate comment*
jessica: "let's make a 26:36 minute long uplifting and educational video on the concept of self-worth"
Lol
Relentlessly optimistic ☺️
✨disabled lesbian anarchist disney princess✨
I teared up
Best. Princess. Ever.
"Please don’t discount hardships you’re going through because you don’t fit what you’ve been told is the ‘typical’ presentation of a disabled person or because
you don’t ‘look sick’ or because you know people who are ‘worse off’ than you. It is completely fine to feel your feelings" Gonna go cry now.
What Bob Ross is to painting, Jessica is to coping with capitalistic society
“Look, honey, people will judge you wherever you are in life”
Jesus Christ it felt like she was talking directly to me- I nearly cried
I know. Me too. Needed to hear this today! And it's 3yrs later!
My idea of a “good day” is one where I’m not stressed or in pain. It also involves a lovely cup of tea
Ohh same nothing beats a good cup of tea and it coffee
And a warm bath/shower :)
@@sliceofbread6929 ohh that also sounds great
Mine too! And with my cats!
Everything else, but no migraine for me, and a lovely cup of tea :-)
One thing that’s always stuck with me, is when I went to Japan with my friends I kept trying to ignore my EDS, and just wanted to keep walking and see everything. But on my birthday we were walking around Nijo castle and I just couldn’t walk anymore but body just stopped. So we went to the tea shop there (which we wouldn’t have stopped at ordinarily) for me to rest and I got an incredibly tasty flight of sake. Then that evening we were supposed to go to the ramen shop but there was no way I was going to be able to walk there, so we went to a small inn around the corner from where we were staying. There was only one man in there and he was already well into a giant bottle of sake. He decided that he wanted to talk with us even though he didn’t know much English and we didn’t know much Japanese. The owner did try to help translate, but what ended up happening was a hilarious game of charades trying to communicate and then he bought us all sake. It’s easily one of the best birthdays of my life and wouldn’t have happened without hEDS.
I try to remind myself of this day whenever I’m getting down on myself for having a disability.
What a lovely story! You’re absolutely right that sometimes life’s serendipities are so wonderful and didn’t have to be anything we’d planned. 🥰
Okay, I cried.
As a bipolar II + bordeliner disorder + extremely allergic person who cannot stay around somethings/products/people and is called "weak" because of it all, so many things hitted home. I'm, for now, stuck in a job that is bellow my level of education and experience just because the pandemic made me go jobless and every single day i feel in my bones that i may never reach what i want.
Thank you for your words, Jessica. You made my day and whole world a lot better than you can think. I hope all this good energy that you put in the world comes back to you in a million times stronger and that you may find a lof of happiness, puff dresses and an endless suply of diet coke.
Yeah 😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@010101Be they suck so badly! I'm glad I do not experience any reactions to my cats and that, reading ingredients, I can choose among some great makeup. Unfortunately I became more reactive to certain things, like cleaning products, as I age... that leaves me scared 😔 I had to ask my building to stop using a brand to clean the elevator doors because when they started I broke out in hives all over my arms and it became hard to breath. Had to make a bunch of papers, exams, just so they knew I was lying... people really think I make hives in my face with a sharpie!!!
I so feel you I need to make my own cleaning products because I can’t be around any harsh chemicals I can’t be around exhaust fumes I am allergic to the sun basically. It feels great that there’s other people out in the world like me but also I feel bad because there are other people out in the world like me I don’t wish anyone to be in pain 24 seven to be allergic to everything
@@alshirley3444 I'm so sorry you are going though these situations, but please know that you're not alone 💖 Please, keep taking good care of yourself and i know that the MCA's wont keep you from your goals. And, of course, share your recipes! I'm a sucker for baking soda and vinegar to clean, how about you?
I know how you feel. Because of the recession and pandemic I can't get a job with my bachelor's in just received... I've seen 200+ resumes...no offers.... I lost my job due to covid and I'm on unemployment. I've been miserable for months (more than just these few things happening) and my bf had the novel response of "you really wanted (a job) you'd have one. You'd find a way." Like ???? You're not helping?? I don't appreciate being inadvertently blamed for shit I can't control!?!?!! I already feel like a failure! THANKS for reminding me BF!! thANKS I feEl thE sUPpoRt
As a straight, white guy for "fun", I watch videos of other interesting people in highly different environment situations that I'm in, in an attempt to be a more informed and understanding person. Thank you for these videos. They actually mean alot to me.
Thank you for educating yourself!
The irony of "BOOTSTRAPS" saying: it was originally a phrase meant to say how impossible it is to do something. Have you actually tried to pull yourself up by your shoelaces? It's not possible.
It changed from one person saying "I can't do this" to the privileged saying "I don't care"
Not with that attitude..........ok, I just tried it and I think I broke something. I think u were right.
@@appleapple1988 🤣I hope you're alright
My English teacher had us try doing this and literally no one could because that's not a thing that's possible
I came here to find this comment. And if it wasn’t to be found, I was going to leave it. Thank you.
"More disabled than you know" the collective of neuro-divergent women that suffered under men centric model and not diagnosed and ignored as children. Raise hands. Extra truma for those that were bought up in toxic emotional abusive families🤷♀️🤦♀️
Seriously important video. Xx
Please stop describing me
Yessss! I think we all congregated here!!
🙋
Technically I'm not a woman, but AFAB and not a man all the same, also how in the world is your comment so accurate!
I did not ask to be called out like that (though it's not a perfect description of me it is close).
🙋🏻 afab (closeted) non-binary person diagnosed with autism at age 31 (last year) here (also struggling with depression on and off - currently on - since I was 14)
"You deserve to relax when you're feeling good, too."
Me, licking peanut butter off a spoon because I've been too tired to put an actual meal together for weeks, typing with my other hand so I can try to keep up with my 9-to-5 job: "OH GOD, DO I?"
mood
Aye, ditto protein shakes, Trek & Nakd bars, well just the bars when too knackered to make a shake.
I've definitely eaten PB as a meal because of fatigue. I looked into protein shakes, but I have food intollerances and the ones I could eat were too expensive. I eat a lot of microwaved potatoes as meals, too
The spoon and the peanut butter jar meal. I know it well. If you can eat bananas, they go well with peanut butter if you have any.
@@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.nI've tried a few plant-based shakes & tbh they all taste pretty grim &/or are overpoweringly sweet to me. I get round it by only using chocolate flavour so I can throw extra cocoa powder in, if necessary, use about a quarter of the amount of the powder recommended & more fluid; I make shakes up in 600ml bottles with ~½ oat milk & ½ water. I have to admit, at present I'm mixing a v sweet vegan meal replacement thing with a whey-based protein thing. Weirdly, I tolerate whey powder better than cow milk, but I don't have a serious problem with dairy anyways - it just aggravates my sinuses.
Powders tend to be much cheaper in bulk from Amzn, tho I do get that's only any use if you can find one you can tolerate, are able to actually drink or eat it added to something like porridge, & can afford the outlay - I certainly couldn't until recently.
"Disabled people have the right to chill as well!!" favorite quote omg
Chronic fatigue is so much fun. My husband still thinks I’m just being lazy when I can’t make it through the day. I was diagnosed a few months ago. I am over being called lazy and useless.
Ditch him fast if he hasn't changed, you dont deserve to be treated and talked to that way.
I hope you're in a better place now. 💕
I've several teachers and school nurses say I probably have ADHD but i cant know for sure because ive never been diagnosed. My parents have literally said that ADHD is an excuse for "soft" parents to excuse their children's bad behavior, and that we live in an era where parents diagnose their children with "fake problems" instead of "disciplining them like they should." When I was im elementary school and had to read with my parents, rather than on my own, if I read any words wrong, I was told that I was doing it wrong on purpose, because "no one could actually be that stupid," but I really tried my hardest to read correctly, so my brain defaulted to ' well then, I guess I'm just that stupid.'
It also taught me to value reading every word perfectly correctly more than the entire text, so often I am so focused on reading every word spot on, I completely forget what i am reading, and have to go back over each sentence several times, and by that time im already thinking of something else.
Jessica's videos have really gotten me out of the backwords mindset that ive grown up with. Thank u jessica for being cool.
Sending love to you.❤💕
Oh my love, you need to go get a diagnosis. And then some treatment which could include meds and/ or therapy and/ or simply learning how your brain operates. Spoiler: trying harder won’t work if you’re already trying your hardest.
One more thing to add to the pile.... a lot of doctors won’t believe you either. They deserve to have their licence revoked... go see new doctors until one believes you.
Jeez! Not all children with ADHD or especially with ADD appear to be "undisciplined".
@Monstergirl - have you been tested for dyslexia? Sounds like a possibility as well.
Sitting here in America unable to afford a psychiatrist, and being unable to work because of mental health issues. It’s a hellish cycle. I can’t work until I get help, and I can’t afford help without working.
That's awful, sorry to hear that. Hope your situation improves 🤞
Feeling it
Ah yes only if there was a to prevent this......
Ah well....Only if someone knew what to do..*cough cough helthcare refrom cough cough*
Can you try to find someone with sliding fee scale? They often have pro-bono work. Universities or training centers also offer counseling for free from grad students. I hope you can find some help!
Try your local community mental health clinic. We can help
I struggle with "invisible" disabilities, such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, an eating disorder, fibromyalgia and pcos as well as a background littered with trauma. It's taken me such a long time to even slightly introduce the (radical) idea of self worth, love and acceptance to my own mind.
Thank you for making this video and for doing the amazing work that you do!
“A video to save and come back to when you need it.”
Me: *immediately saves the video into my “crying” playlist...*
SAME
Meg agreed! I have one for when I want to cry hard, and one for when I need cheering up. Both are v helpful.
I'm not disabled, but had the kind of childhood where feeling useless and not good enough was so normal that one time a different youtuber said to the camera "you are not useless" and the tears happened before I even felt the sadness.
I've been seeing this thumbnail and avoided clicking on it because it's still hard for me to think that I'm not useless. It's that weird thing of feeling like I don't deserve to be told otherwise.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, this channel is helping me be a better caregiver to my disabled wife, but it's also helping me with my issues of my own I don't always realize or acknowledge I have.
I don't have a sad youtube playlist, but you better believe I have a sad music playlist.
As a kid and teenager, I thought accepting people as they are was just. . .standard.
As I became an adult, I realized this was not the case.
I use to think trying to understand someone's POV was standard, found out it's not
Oh my god, the same. I was called stupid and naive as a young adult for believing that. Imagine bullying someone just for believing in the power of empathy.
I had a heart surgery as a kid and was supposed to be on 50% of normal P.E. curriculum in primary school (age 7 to 15 in Croatia). My P.E. teacher, however, ignored that for two years. Not wanting to have any bad grades since I wanted to get to a good school to be able to get in faculty of medicine later on, I applied to badminton to get on his good side.
However, along with a mess of a heart I also have flat feet and my right leg is shorter then my left, therefore it is weaker and prone to injury-I ended up badly spraining my knee at the age of 13. However, not wanting to disappoint my teacher, I went back to badminton next year. And guess what happened?
I messed my knee up even more, injuring my patellar and fibular collateral ligaments. My doctor straight up forbade me to go back to badminton.
At the and od the year, my teacher straight up Said that my doctor is an idiot and called me a quitter telling 'Well if *insert famous sportsperson Here* can get back on their feet, how can you not?"
Last year, during practice (I gotbinto faculty of medicine, I finished year 4, yay), I was told by a mentor, a surgeon, that the type of injury I had often doesn't heal properly, especially in individuals with even the most mild underlying conditions (such as one leg being 7mm shorter) and even more so in those who are not athletic. So yeah...my knee still hurting occasionally, and me being unable to perform badminton is NOT my fault. Neither is my doctor an idiot.
Long story short, I messed up my knee FOR LIFE (yes it still hurts 10 years later, I started wearing an elastic bandage a while ago because it's acting up again) because I was a child trying to impress an idiot teacher that I'm good enough since he refused to believe I actually needed different treatment.
Sorry for a long comment. I'm really bad at summarizing.
Edit: some spelling stuff and I realized I somehow mixed up cruciate and colateral ligament while revizing anatomy. I wrote peviously I injured my cruciat ligament but it was actually colateral.
tbh this is the impression I get of all PE teachers... my boyfriend is a teacher (not PE) and he knew some of the PE trainee teachers and looked at their schoolbooks and what they learn about teaching and it is disgusting. They get materials that put children into stereotypical categories like "shy Lisa" and "lazy Peter" and then they learn how to shame those shy and "lazy" students into participating anyway. I was not at all surprised, I feel like PE teachers aren't even meant to teach PE. Let's face it: only those who have always excelled at sports will become PE teachers. They cannot understand how students can hate PE, therefore pushing them to their limits but making them hate sports even more.
Didn't expect to find a fellow Croatian here! Getting into and through the Faculty of Medicine is no joke, you go girl!
wait, so is having a moron PE teacher a universal experience? knowing this, i feel slightly better and tad bit bitter -sigh-
I just wanted to comment that people who are able to “pull all nighters” and “work 80+ hours a week” are still hurting themselves. Not only is this horrible to your mental wellbeing, but also can lead to you being less productive overall. All-nighters might give you the knowledge to pass the exam, but not give you retention of that knowledge, so when you need that knowledge again, you have to go back and relearn it. Sure you worked 80 hours per week, but how much is actually getting done? How much of that time goes to coffee or other stimulants to keep you awake or to redoing work that’s not up to standard due to it being done while sleep-deprived and stressed? It has a physical effect as well. Not only has chronic sleep deprivation been linked to Alzheimer’s in later life, but it combined with chronic stress have also been linked to cardiac conditions such as heart disease. So pacing yourself and taking care of your needs are essential not only for your wellbeing but to be the most productive YOU personally can.
I got physically ill (with high fever) from exhaustion. Lack of sleep is terrible for your health (I'm not proud but I was basically forced to by school), can probably give you depression, anxiety and such as your brain stops making his good chemicals. High school grades don't count anyways so who cares? (What I started following the last two years)
Yep and the mind is excellent at making up convenient lies about its past to sell a conducive story. Been an all nighter chick and more over been a careers advisor to those that have. They are never alright after doing so. They just take the following 3 days off from accountability and mentally hide the fact. Also worked albeit for a very short time for an inspirational speaker. He meant what he said and was very good but surprisingly was also extremely human and avoided the things that didn't spark joy for him. These people have a whole team behind often and they provide a support network for each other. That is the bit we need to take on. People who do the same job creating networks rhat support each other.
All night for me has a different meaning.
When I was an infant the nurses at the military hospital would keep the babies of officers and noncommissioned officers up most of the night so when they got home the men wouldn't get much sleep.
I have always been a night owl.
That's not to say I don't need sleep. (I love sleeping)
You are correct about what pushing yourself to hard will do to a person.
When I could work I was a supervisor and the company pushed us really hard.
Every supervisor I knew had some stress related medical issue or was an alcoholic.
I brought this up to HR a couple times.
Nothing but silence from them.
Also increases risk of developing repetitive strain injuries
I refused to pull all nighters to study when I was in college and I was concerned about a lot of people around me that did that. I hope college kids take this to heart that taking care of yourself and pacing your learning is most helpful. I learn best by reading textbooks weirdly enough since a lot of people find them too dense or confusing or skim. I literally can't skim so.. But study groups are great. Some classes have regular review sessions or study periods or professors have office hours. Do what you can with those. If you need accommodations, I hope your school grants them and follows through properly. You shouldn't have to fight for them, but sometimes that happens anyway. Get someone to help you if you need it because needing accommodations is hard enough without having to also fight to actually get them.
Today just got better
Illuminati confirmed bill
For me too. She may not want to be the cliche inspirational disabled person but she is an inspiration. A truly lovely creature in all ways.
Dearest Jessica, thank you for being a beacon of illuminati and a breath of fresh fragrant air. I mentally deal with "not being good enough or you're not doing your best" people. They don't understand how one is one's own worst critic. Thank you for putting words to emotions that I am unable to express. I love your family. Side angle/ sassy Jessica is my favourite. Keep being flamboyant you lovely posh lady. 💜
I would say that too, but I had a marvellous day already. I mean it was terrible until like 4pm, but then a child I teach hugged me good bye for the first time and suddenly this was the best day ever.
I needed this. Thank you.
Went bright red when she mentioned writing things on a to do list you've already done, just so you can cross them off. Aha.
Ohhh I so do that!
I had a therapist recommend doing this too!
Hah, I used to love doing that w/ my bullet journal! It was super validating, buuuut... Then I started hating it because I kept ruminating on how far I push myself on a daily basis. Just to be a person! Lolol
Although I don't have a physical disability, I have anxiety and depression which often makes me feel guilty about not doing enough when I feel low, which makes me feel worse and do less and end up in a vicious cycle, so this was a great video for me. Thank you
"You deserve to relax when you're feeling good too" I'm gonna need to repeat that to myself a few thousand times
"Sod that for a load of bananas!" I'm not British so maybe that's why, but this is my favorite saying I've never heard before.
Same!
I'm adding it to my repertoire of favorite phrases.
Another youtuber said something else I loved, an insult(?) "Ya big bag'a beans".
Clean, but still sassy. Me ecanta.
I had to rewind and watch it twice. It's brilliant.
I am British (from London) and even I am shook by such an expression hahahaha
There are different versions of this phrase, Jessica's is a super polite one, the one I hear more often is "fuck that for a game of soldiers".
Haha it’s awesome but just be aware that “sod” is derived from a rather rude word used as a term of abuse. Look it up. We Brits throw these words around pretty casually at times, but some people might be offended as it’s on a similar level to the f-word. Use with care! I sometimes use the “softer” version of “stuff that”. And the more common version of this expression (as mentioned in the other comments) is “sod that for a game of soldiers” sometimes shortened to simply “sod that!” Jessica’s version is a delightfully playful adaptation that still gets the strong feelings across.
Jessica explaining the follies of capitalism in her beautiful voice is everything 💜
Honestly I really want to send this to my boyfriend, because he's _constantly_ berating himself (not other people though) for not being "productive enough"... But he's not disabled, so I'm pretty sure he would just dismiss it all as not applying to him, like _he_ deserves to have his worth judged based on his productivity just because has no specific reason for not being productive...
do it it's gotta be worth a shout. maybe some of it will sink in :-) I can be terrible for it myself and this helped me despite (probably wrongly) not referring to myself as disabled.
Hi, a non disabled person here writing: This is a healing video to everyone who has felt useless in some point in life, at least even writing down the name of the mentioned book brings forward - I think this speaks to the mental health part of us - and everyone feel anxiety or worry in some parts of life, so the messeage of this vid is universal. A mental passivity can be a stopper even if you would not be diagnosed with anything, it needs care and these words, whoever the viewer is, also undiagnosed ppl with slight "function hinders" from time to time.
Please do! I had trouble taking my abilities and disabilities seriously until I found Jessica! I'm still not amazing at knowing my limits, and I've grown in other ways as well, but it's great knowing there's such a huge community of positive and uplifting disabled people on here!
For 21 years, my mother has told me how lazy I am, how I'm not even trying... She knows I'm autistic and depressed and yet she can't seem to comprehend what that means!
Some parents/people can’t grasp the concept of these things... you are good enough. I hope you find your own way ❤️
Same. I had a mental breakdown in school which I'm only just recovering from the trauma of, got my diagnosis at 20 and my fam just sort of ignored it and don't believe that's what happened/is wrong with me..but like, yes it is!! I think they'll just see me as lazy forever which is horrible
((hug)) if you want one. from someone who's Mum still says she "wishes I'd try harder". I'm 53 years old, I have chronic migraine and depression, plus a back injury. I work full time in a demanding job. I understand that feeling, too.
When Jessica calls us "Darling" it just hits different.
“And no one’s opinion of you really matters except your own. And possibly mine- and I think you’re brilliant!” 💖 I think you’re brilliant too, Jessica!
“you deserve to relax when you’re feeling good too” that’s going on my vision board...
I definitely forget this one all the time
"Copy pasting a Disabled person overcoming a specific hardship whilst editing out the systemic issues they are oppressed by, is not only patronising. It's dishonest". Words to repeat to myself when I feel like I'm useless.
I clicked immediately because I absolutely needed to hear this as I am still coming to terms with my disabilities and the limitations that I can no longer just ignore. It's continually harder to keep those productivity = worth social measurements from impacting my self confidence and self worth, but hearing more people who have the same experiences is so wonderful and reassuring that I'm not alone in these everyday obstacles. Thank you for always having the best content!💜💜
Not alone, same here, it has been painful for me to accept that I cannot expect to be like my peers or siblings
I relate 100%. I'm autistic which is the reason for my school hating me, and I have the exact same problems as Jessica. Most people don't understand either, they don't know how demoralising it is being treated as a bad child because of it. I still think of myself that way every time I make a mistake. Thank you for making the video though Jessica. We all love you ❤️
Such an important message for all of us---disabled and abled (I'm a spoonie, 12 years with ME/CFS)
I love being disabled cause I love feeling that I don't contribute as much as my wife does. Ya it can suck eh but you will get through it just stay positive
I just came here from Contrapoints and idk how I never noticed the similarity of sarcastic truth spilling between Natalie’s and Jessica’s videos all served in an elegant package. Icons, the both of them
The costume change made me think of Contrapoints. Then I thought, wait, are the costume changes in Contrapoints partly to make it easier to film on multiple days?
@@eightmagpies If that is the case, it makes perfect sense. And I absolutely love it. I know Nat has a lot of mental health issues... And especially now. She's doing everything on her own AND recovering from an opiate addiction. 😕
I have an invisible disability, even my own family sometimes don't understand that I cannot keep up and I feel poorly every day- I just don't show it much because I'm used to it.
This describes me. I'm constantly being compared to siblings, successful friends and coworkers. Fully able and they usually come from supportive families. Its rough. I just never feel like I'm enough
Disabilities that can be masked are a trap. I can pretend to be perfectly okay … I'll just pay for it double when I stop.
Saved this for when I was feeling bad. After crying for two days I remembered my beautiful lesbian anarchist Disney Princess.
I am autistic, but I wasn;t diagnosed until I was 30, so growing up I felt totaly broken and was often called lazy and unmotivated when I was actually exhuasted and over stimulated...
Also I measure my 'success' in life by how many video game achievements I can get, as that is way more fun than staring at walls while lying immobile in bed because I can't do anything when I'm not painfiully dragging myself out of bed to work...
This. All of this is me. I know exactly what you mean about feeling broken and being told you're lazy... It's horrible. Sending you love. 😊
I was just diagnosed at 22! It really tripped me up all the things I didn't know were different about me.
@@Andresfin me too! Stay strong! Things get a bit easier when you have a piece of paper to shove in peoples faces. You're not alone 😀❤️
Same, but I was 29 and it was during lockdown. Now I am learning how to deal with the way it makes my life a little bit harder. I am learning. But I was thought of as lazy and unmotivated too while I tried working as hard as I could but sometimes I would get absolutely lost in learning something irrelevant to school or wasting a day being anxious.
i sadly relate a lot, without the achievements
THANK YOU!!! Being a child with very athletic successful brothers, I would often faint when the heat was a bit much and why wasn't I TRYING in athletics. My diagnosis, of EDS and later early onset arthritis, well too late for anyone to apologize....ggggrrrrrrr....also the "rah rah rah" bit is seen more than ever now. My cousin believes (he's in health care) that the virus will be just culling out those that aren't productive. (He's off my Christmas list!)
What an awful thing for your cousin to say. 😲
Sending loves 💕
:(
Your cousin sounds like a very...exciting person.
Jeez. Hasn't he seen how many "productive" people have been culled already?
every time you said "honey" or "darling" i teared up a little :( it makes me so emotional EVERY TIME i hear it because my family is,,, kinda trash ngl so ive just decided you're my internet mum ✨
Sending you lot of smiles and cuddles honey. ( in case you needed a extra one today )
@@jahalr6598 You're very kind Jahal R💕
@@EN-mh6sr that's very kind of you to say. 🙂
humans are trash
only a tiny minority actually care about others
@@jahalr6598 thank you so much, sending lots of love ❤️ this comment section is all so kind
I needed to hear this. Just had an emergency gallbladder removal because a doctor finally believed my pain and here I am beating myself up about not doing the dishes.
This sounds awful, I'm sorry you had to experience an emergency operation due to some incompetent physician. Things like that come up, authorities lack compassion, society allows them to happen without learning their lessons and improving their faulty systems, errors keep piling up and yet we still call ourselves civilized. Hopefully we can find a way out of these vicious cycles.
Best wishes to you :)
Sad thing is though, that school teaches you to think exactly in that mindset, because if you aren't productive you're not gonna get you homework done, and when you finally do get it done, surprise: there is new homework.
As a student, for me this results in constatly feeling bad/uneasy and never allowing myself to spend time with friends because I feel I should be using it to do homework/ get through my final year.
And honestly I don't know how to stop feeling this way🤷♀️
Maybe some of you can relate idk
Yeah I totally can relate... just started Uni now and I gotta say that shit doesn't get better there either... :/
Thank you for this. My first failed suicide attempt was when I was 8 years old because I kept being judged by the standards of abled people and I KNEW something was wrong. My second failed attempt was when I was 12 for the same reasons. My third attempt after I had worked so fucking hard to gain an education and be able to work was stolen from me when all the pushing society did on me WAY past my limits wrecked my health permanently. When people ask me what I do for a living, I won't even say I'm on disability but that I'm "medically retired" and change the subject.
I am my own worse enemy, because I push myself too far, but if others do it I am like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Same too me, which reminds me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ME AF
"I'm actually a very fragrant lesbian" I'm living 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes girl!!
This was a huge thing that popped up in my negative self talk during my darkest periods- that I was useless because I couldn't reach most of my set goals. I still deal with it from time to time. It may be silly, but the thing that most consistently breaks me out of it is to think about how much I love my cats. Practically, my cats serve no purpose. They've never caught any pests, they would be useless in the case of an emergency, and they're not even consistent when it comes to companionship because sometimes they just don't feel like hanging out with me. Yet, I still love them and hold their lives to be inherently valuable. If cats can be considered so lovable and worthwhile even when they qualify as "useless," why should I be considered any differently?
I love your take on this💛
Let's start believing all life has value no matter what they do, believe or achieve.
Were the things you wanted to achieve your own, or were they what you thought was expected of you?
@@ChrisPage68 I mean, they included really basic stuff like not living in constant filth, so I still don't know the answer to that.
You're cats have value on their own. What's more is they're valuable to you, and they help you.
You of course have the same inherent importance, and I bet your cats like you too.
"you deserve to relax when you're feeling good too"
I what????? ;-; cool I'm crying
The most frustrating part of being invisibly disabled is when people I've just met say "What do you do?", my answer is "Well, I'm disabled, so I don't work". Then there's that awkward silence where they don't know what to say next. But honestly? I don't either, lol.
I used to feel so much shame over this, telling people I'm disabled. I don't anymore (well, most of the time, lol), as it's been 15 years and I've realized that this is the result of our productivity culture. We ask "What do you do?", and think it's the same thing as "Who are you?"
But, it's why I got more in the habit of asking all about them, because there's just not that much to tell about me. Most people aren't comfortable when I say "I had such a good day that I was able to take a shower!" 😂
Maybe when that awkward silence happens, I should just say "It's ok if you're uncomfortable. It's not something that comes up a lot. We can talk about it if you have questions." Anyone else know how to deal with this?
I started a new university last September after leaving my previous course because of a nervous breakdown and people would get so awkward when I told them this when they asked why I moved. That's already a super sanitised version of the truth. What am I supposed to say? Did they want me to lie? Neurotypicals are wild. Also keen to hear ideas if you have any!
@@mouseluva Right?? When someone asks a direct question, it's hard not to just give the direct, truthful answer.
I think it's ok to say "Just wanted a fresh start" or "I had a hard time at my last university, and this seemed a better fit". Something like that?
Usually people will leave it at that, especially now. Uni is hard on everyone at the moment. Then if you get to know them better, you can fill them in on more details.
@@lunacouer I knew someone who, when asked what they did, there reply was 'I do lots of things.' I thought that was a great answer.
[Should be 'their answer..'].
I'm struggling with this too. Plz help!
I've stuffed with this for a a long time, recently my therapist and I discussed the possibility that I'm on the autism spectrum. This diagnose gives such a deep relief. I've always tried so hard and end up burning out so hard. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't manage what others seem to do with ease. I'm learning to be gentle and kinder with myself.
Build 👏accessibility 👏into👏everything!
This is the greatest good. All of us (at some point) will need this for our selves or our loved ones.
My mom has had hearing loss for the past 35 years. Experiencing the world with her has made me aware how many things we could be doing as a society but haven’t “ bothered” to. 😡 for better support. Shout out to public entities and services with good visuals and signage.
Food, cuddles and a squishy bed. My cat teaches me this every day.
Thanks! i REALLY need to hear that, here half of a sugarless soy ice cream for you!
I have multiple Chronic Illnesses as well and grew up in the hospital. I also adore vintage (1920s-1940s) and I needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much!
Thank you for this. I dropped out of college, and at the time I felt a failure and everyone seemed so let down. (I mean I'm smart and was honour roll in secondary school) But I now know I was beginning to really feel the effects of undiagnosed schizophrenia. The push to work harder even drove me to break from reality, and even still my smarts fooled those around me into thinkin I could do anything.
I'm learning "being productive" means something different to everyone. I can define my own productiveness. I can feel accomplished equally by makin a long video with lots of hard work, or by simply remembering to shower (a real win for me).
As someone who has multiple disabilities (including HNPP) many of which weren’t diagnosed until i was a late teen, just broke my foot at work and is now on admin leave from her social work job, having her work looked at under a fine tooth comb that might get me fired..... this video honestly may have saved my life. I can’t thank you enough Jessica. ❤️❤️
Lovely to meet you Erinne, I hope everything works out for you 👍 Drop a message here any time to check in ❤️
Hang in there. Its awful when you're going through a shitty time at work when they are unsympathetic to health problems. I was attacked outside my flat, broke my big toe, had abnormal cells on my smear test which i needed treatment for, was obviously going through a rubbish time. And my manager gives me a letter going "This is for you" on Valentines Day, when i was due to give evidence in Court later on that day. Disciplinary for being late. God she was an effing bi*&#! That was back in 2013. Things are a lot better now. Things get better i promise you xxxx
@@sarahroberts7374 Is it bad to wish children on your old boss that make her run late, so she can understand that not everything can be controlled! 😂. Obviously I'm projecting here because I am always running late for work because of my wonderful child. But seriously!!! Would they rather you risk your life to be on time. How ridiculous. That would have been a difficult time for you.
@@lauren8627 Oh Lauren its so funny that you say that; as it turned out this boss actually was pregnant at this time! It did actually help me in letting go of anger towards her as i could try & attribute how unreasonable she was being to her hormones & being stressed herself! I was a lot younger then & tended to not express myself very well. Am far more assertive now - not cocky or arrogant just not creeping round apologising for things beyond my control or bottling stuff up to only then be released in a big meltdown!!! Another example from that same job, a lady was hired for a similar position to me but on a lower wage. When she found out i was on more, she took it out on me like it was my fault! And i fell to bits! Whereas now i would have looked her straight in the face & said "You chose to accept this position at this wage, if you have a problem, take it up with HR as it is nothing to do with me!". Oh hindsight is a wonderful thing! Ah well we live & learn. 😊👍
Hate that for you. I never understood why people like to make others miserable and thrive on its effects. That should be a human condition to be identified as dangerous. Wishing you good vibes away from the demon people🧛🏽♂️ and more of this 💆🏽
Really needed to hear this, I've gradually become disabled over the last 2 years with Fibro, EDS & likely POTS. I'm no longer able to work more than roughly 10 hours a week and am struggling to get my head around the concept that I won't be able to have the career that I expected (was studying nursing), or anything close to it. I've been scared that I'll eventually die feeling dissatisfied that I haven't achieved anything substantial or made any impact. This was very reassuring, I'll keep coming back to this when feeling overwhelmed about things, thank you!
"back to my trauma though-" i CACKLED IM SORRY- i felt that one ✨
Re: Pushing your limits - I have many many post-its on my wall reminding me of healthy living habits (capitalistic and ableist conditioning is hard to undo, ok?) and one of my favourites came to me when I was trying to get healthy by working out more. I was stuck in the same old cycle of "push hard, crash, spend four days in bed recovering, repeat" when I suddenly realized... *You Can't Push Your Limits if You Don't Know Them*. So sure, if you feel like there's a part of your life you want to improve, fucking go for it, fam. But don't assume that pushing hard is always the right answer. Your limits are yours, and they're real, and they won't change if you don't respect them for what they are.
As someone with adhd, this means so much to hear 🥺
Same.reaction here..
Also I hope you are aware of "how to adhd " channel on youtube and the great help it can be .
"productive towards what exactly?" HOLY SH*T my mind is BLOWN. I'm gonna challenge myself with this whenever I tell myself I have to be productive
"You absolutely beautiful soul."
Who? Me? I have a beautiful soul. *proceeds to blush for the first time in weeks for any other reason than random allergic reaction*
"Wanna swap bodies and see?" oh my gosh, this is something I think ALL THE TIME.
I've been coming to terms with an autism diagnosis at 31 years old. I've only been able to work two part time jobs in my life so far.
This video brought me to tears and I truly appreciate you posting it.
Aspies in the comments feel HEARD
Same age range, waiting to be evaluated, and I’ve never had a long-term, full-time job. Have a solidarity fist-bump.
Same I'm 22, was diagnosed with autism at 20 and I'm only just realizing that I am probably never going to fit what I thought was the default in life...i haven't had a job yet and struggle with volunteering too so I just feel very useless but I watch this video at least twice a week and it helps
The *ding* and the 'Some Such Tosh' mug with knowing smile really made me grin.
"I used to beat myself up because I thought 'Why is my body doing such things?' and then I got diagnosed with a separate illness and then it made sense"
Same. I was diagnosed as autistic, but now my psychiatrist suspects ADHD as well and I recently learned that I also have a lot of trauma that I'm dealing with.
Thanks for sharing your story. This is very similar to mine and it felt good to read that.
I feel useless and worthless all the time, and it feels like everything and everyone around me just confirms it. Thank you for reminding me it's okay that some days are unproduced and just about survival
The way this made me cry....
A family crisis has made me become exceedingly less productive at work and I've been beating myself up about it.
So a video like this was so needed.
you’re doing amazing and i’m proud of you!! don’t forget to take breaks when you need them and look after yourself
@@fidgetscrochet this the sweetest thing ever! Thank you so much! You are amazing for this! ❤
very helpful video to get autoplayed while barely being able to make myself a proper sandwich without feeling like I'm about to collapse as a 20 yr old
Literally just opened youtube but those three words are something I needed to hear ~
Ditto! You are not alone there!
As a disabled, mentally ill, non binary teenager going through exams, this is one of my favourite videos, thank you so much Jessica
Remember that:
Emotional aspects and internal processing are often considered “too subjective to quantify” and are thus ignored as symptoms common to a diagnosis, or effects of a medication or treatment.
Self-reporting is allegedly unreliable - regardless of a preponderance of similar reports by a large sample size, and the same report being a statistically significant amount less among the control group.
Females and other marginalized groups such as POC face stereotypes which have led to self-reports being dismissed, disbelieved, and the data removed from study analysis, in addition to inaccurate reporting of disease prevalence and efficacy of treatments due to never being believed to be having said disease or warranting said treatment.
That very few studies, of the ones which study both males and females, provide sex-desegregated data. Despite those that do generally demonstrating that the results, prevalence, symptoms, or treatment efficacy vary from males with statistical significance.
Anecdotal evidence from “a bunch of people on the internet” may, unfortunately be the best information available to you.
I’ve learned a lot of valuable information from how other people cope with and manage their situation and work with their mental reality. Regardless of “being” or having a diagnosis, the way other people work with a symptom or reality you experience can be substantially useful.
A Fascinating book:
Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias In A World Designed For Men
Caroline Criado Perez
Designed for certain classes of men. The Patriarchy often works against most men too.
+
PageMonster You’re absolutely right.
one of my professors once told me: "you know, you're a really nice person. it's a shame that that's not gonna get you anywhere in life."
(which isn't true by the way. being "a really nice person" got me better grades at school because most of the teachers liked me. I'm at a different school now though, while applying for jobs. again being a nice person helps me a lot when it comes to job interviews.)
I lost my most recent job at a call centre for "being too nice".
As an able-bodied person, I feel useless all. the. time. I can't fathom the way people with disabilities must feel.
Right?? I feel like if I don’t accomplish as much as possible on my days off, then I’m just a lazy waste of space so it’s hard to imagine what disabled and struggling people go through on a regular basis.
Part of my guilt is because I know I’m capable. That disabled people might feel guilty ‘because’ they have actual limitations is heartbreaking.
I don’t know how to help other than to advocate for accessibility and to check my ableism at the door.
Yeh my mental illness causes me to feel the same way even though I am able bodied. The system is just not human
And then I feel product on winning MtG games as my mind and body don't need to work ideally to win a game
Jenny Dowding I want you to know that it is okay to relax and enjoy your days off.
“I genuinely have no idea what straight white men do for fun. Sorry. The movies say you like golf?”
@@freekpeet I felt that this part of the video reflected her limited interaction with straight white men and limited media consumption of men doing man things that is a thing in some but not all genres.
It might just be a joke too, but regardless, I find it interesting since even now you are reflecting that you see straight white male as a default that surely everyone has seen a lot of when that may not be the case.
But yeah, overall I think anyone can enjoy anything they want to. People of all kinds like all kinds of activities and interests, and she brought the point that stereotypical straight white male activities are enjoyed by all kinds of people.
@@freekpeet I'm white. I know we're a majority. And I know white men are often the default in media and your reaction to her putting that on its head is honestly telling, because how is saying white men like golf derogatory? There are derogatory terms for white people and that isn't even close. Not to mention that derogatory terms given by minorities does not have the systemic impact as vice versa, but anyway.
I try to be an open minded person and was seeking to show that I agree with some of what you're saying while pointing out some flaws in your argument. I also noticed that you say "this shouldn't have to be stated" when making a point and not wanting to be seen as a right winger because you're aware you may be coming across a certain way. Honestly it reminds me most of a common phrase "not all men", a statement that is technically true but details a larger conversation.
@@freekpeet Glad we can agree on that point.
And that is definitely true that no one likes to be stereotyped, and I should have been more sensitive to the intersectional issues of social class. Not to mention of course disability. I do also see a trend in people mocking the majority as a bit of a response to othering remarks and jokes made towards them. It's still hurtful, but has a basis in the reality that straight white men have a degree of privilege, that is not diminished by class, disability, or other personal issues that may in their own ways make life harder for them.
Onto your last paragraph in your last reply. I agree that we should be trying not to alienate people. I also think being able to make jokes should be okay as well, and finding that line isn't easy. I admit I was having trouble keeping my thoughts all together. I connect things in my head and think I made it clear when I haven't so I will clarify myself.
I noted a sarcastic undertone in your first reply when you quoted part of what I said and I felt irritated as a result so I apologize for the way I came across. I felt uncomfortable because I noted that when making your point, you make the remark "this shouldn't have to be stated" multiple times. You may not notice how that comes across. But it's an aggressive sounding argument style. At least that's how it came across to me.
I recognize the need to clarify, so I can see where I read it wrong. I went too far in referring to the "not all men" thing. I saw a connection but looking again I don't see it. I apologize. That wasn't justified, so I won't try to justify saying that.
Oh my gosh this is still a mess. If you need me to clarify just ask.
@@KiraNightshade Just wanted to let you know I deleted my comments since I feel I kind of misunderstood the whole thing. But I'm glad I could correct it. Thanks for your comments!
I really needed this video right now, I keep seeing ads on TV that feature either Venus or Serena Williams and this new migraine drug and it just kills me. 'If they can do all that with migraines why can't I leave the house?' I just. The last lines of this video especially helped. "You don't need to suffer to be successful." Thank you.
Thank you for this video. A few years ago when my chronic illness overtook me & I was forced to stop working, I basically had an identity crisis because I was raised by my parents & the culture I was surrounded by to believe that my value as a person was based on how productive I was & how much I 'contributed to society' in the form of gainful employment. 5 yrs later, I still struggle with it from time to time but remind myself that I contribute in other ways via raising my daughter to be a kind, empathetic person & creating cross stitch pieces for people to brighten their lives, even if only a bit. It is incredibly difficult to overcome that way of thinking when it's driven into us from such an early age.
Today was my third and last day of work after suffering a panic attack, you don't know how I needed this video, thank you very much.
One of the things that is difficult for me to explain to people is that when I'm "relaxing" I'm rarely ACTUALLY relaxing, I just don't happen to be in motion. The hardest thing for me to deal with is my lack of energy. I want to do so much more than I get around to doing.
Wow...that's really helpful even for someone without a disability, we're all really trying to push against the limits of our body.....and this sums up how stupid all those goals are if you're losing your life running after them.... thanks!
Edit: you said anxiety, and now I'm relating even better.....
A video from a posh-sounding, very fragrant lesbian with the right amount of make-up being full of wonderful sentiments.
What's not to love?
Thank you for making this!
“Triumphing over adversity is not an aesthetic.” 🙌
New favorite phrase: "Sod that for a load of bananas!" There should be a mug.
Yes..I want that mug!!
ADHD treatment isn't ADHD friendly. How to ADHD.
I recomend that people watch that too.
"Seeing yourself as useless makes you more useless."
"Not being enough."
"Discussing the systems, not just the person.
"How frustrating and hearbreaking it can be to be guilted for not having access to help, struggling to get help, it being your fault."
Needed this
Extremely true. My husband and eldest daughter suffer from ADHD and it is so hard finding support or proper resources that directly address the issues.
Oof, agree. Accessing help for ADHD almost seems to be designed to be antagonistic and requires those very abilities which ADHDers are specifically deficit in.
This is so true, most physiatrists I've met haven't even told me the full scope of what ADHD was, and just described it as "having trouble studying at school when I was young", which led me to believe that all my other symptoms, were just character flaws and not symptoms of neurodivergent disability
I only found out what ADHD really is through the internet
@@aurathenomnom If you listen to podcasts, I recommend ADHD Rewired, because the host has ADHD and interviews both regular people with ADHD and specialists who study ADHD. I'm always astounded to learn that so many things I was shamed for growing up and even as an adult are actually part and parcel of having ADHD, and not me being unreasonably sensitive or difficult, as I was made to believe.
I come here to hear you say things like "tosh." I feel most useless when I've been unable to do basic tasks like tie my shoes or wash my hair. Fortunately, I've had help but it still gets me down when it happens. I also feel useless when I feel that others don't value me or need me. That perception feels like my fault too. The lack of ability just adds to the underlying insecurity.
I like the costume changes. It's like you're some pop star who has costume changes halfway through their big show lol Also I love everything you wear because your outfits are marvelous and I love your style. ✨
Whenever I read a piece of inspo porn, I ask silently, how do they afford all the care they get? Or say, how nice that they have parents/partners/communities that support them? So many variables....
Thank you, I needed this right now. Juggling disability with mental health during a pandemic is hard. Feeling like I should be achieving huge goals during all of this is hard. This is appreciated!
As someone who's dyscalculic and has spent their entire life being faced with sneers or incredulous expressions when I explain my disability (because "no one can really be THAT stupid, you must be making it up") I feel this on so many levels. I don't look like I have a disability, and very few people have even heard of it. I've spent most of my life being discounted or told that I'm lying or not trying hard enough.
It's very VERY hard to not judge yourself against all the 'normal' people, and because they don't believe that my issue exists it makes me question whether or not I'm just being lazy. I'm not... I know I'm not. But if everyone tells you you're just not trying hard enough you're going to start believing it after a while.
I have dyscalculia too.
I’m autistic, and I’m just beginning to understand who I am.
💜
I have that too, and as with many other things, I never even knew it was a thing until I was in my 50s. Ironically, I always felt shame as a woman who couldn't do math, failing the team as it were. It was so liberating to learn that there really is a mathematical/numerical kind of learning disorder.
This (not just this video but channel as a whole) is the content I needed but didnt know I needed... As a 35 year old vintage loving, eds, neuro disabled mum, with hearing loss who speaks with RP (or as my friends say 'the queens English when the queen was 8') who is going through a health crisis (a rare type of something, in a rare size in a rare location yes I hate the word rare now)
Thank you so much
I hate that I find cause of my chair I am either seen as useless or because I have dyed hair and make up and pretty clothes I get told im so amazing which is some how more patronising than those who just see me as useless but... 🤷♀️
You sound like you were totally meant to find this channel!!
@@MellowJelly liturally im watching through so many videos like what the heck... How can one channel be so relevent and how can i only just be getting it pop up on my feed
Actually though I think I found it cause I needed it at the moment
Louisa Bone I would say to you that you are going through enough and have enough on your plate to handle that you need to find a way not to care anymore what these busybodies think about you and your life. Don’t be ashamed or apologetic of who you are and how you express your creativity. You need your energy for positivity, so try to let the hate go. A friend of mine has a saying she taught me and it took me a while to actually understand it - “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” You are awesome.
@@mjrussell414 @Marilyn Russell that is an amazing saying and ive totally stolen it 🤷♀️ sorry not sorry
I dont think they mean harm but its just rediculous..
Jan/feb (cant remember exactly) an older man stopped me and said 'I just want to say i think you're amazing, you know what you want and you get it even though your in a wheelchair' I was just getting a coffee 😐 imagine if he went up to everyone super weird like well done for getting coffee 😂😂
Though my favour ate will always be 'how can there be a god when footballers get millions of pounds and this lovely lady is like this' 😂😂😂😂 what the hell 😂😂😂
I really needed to hear this. My condition has gotten worse and my partner seems to be ignoring it.. I have been looking for anyone to say this all this week via Google and UA-cam. Ik it is isnt the healthiest but I just really needed outside validation this week.
This video came out an amazing time because last night my mom went on a rant about how I am completely useless to her and everyone else with my conditions. I haven’t watched it yet but I already wanted to thank you
Sending lots of love your way!
Personne Ici thank you
Duck Is Lord thank you
Thank you so much. I honestly needed this. Reaching the end of my rope and feeling pretty pointless and useless.
actually, exactly yesterday I was discussing these things with my therapist AND today I slept for 16 hours and hate my body for this, because I feel like my spiraling health is my personal failure. (Partially it's because my chronic illnesses are not labeled as 'disabilities' by the local health system)
Their incompetence is not your problem. The medical profession discards what it cannot fix.
@@ChrisPage68 thank you for this reminder! ❤️
If you've slept really long, then your body may have really needed that💙 (one thing I say to myself when I get upset with myself for not waking up very early)
I slept for 14.5 hours today. Waking up mid afternoon when my family returns home from an outing and say “oh, you’re still in bed?!” Isn’t fun. Thanks depression. More so thanks to JESSICA for posting this video exactly when I needed it.
@@cheekynandosss581 I have a chronic depression and hard relate to this situation. Sending you an extreme amounts of love and hugs! you're not a burden and I promise - things will get easier 💖💖💖
I always figured, that for one to judge the value of another by how much of use. That those people are USERS. Yep! They always seem to be the ones, who will take whatever they can draw out of you, up until they can finally call you, "useless."