Jordan Peterson: Why You Won't Have a Career
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- Опубліковано 11 жов 2024
- Doctor Peterson lucidly explains why you probably won't have a career. They are exceptionally demanding!
Source: • Interviewing Dr Jordan...
Support Jordan: / jordanbpeterson
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Took me 15 years of working to realize 2 things:
1) I am not ambitious
2) That’s OK
pedazodeboludo 😂😂😂😂
There is so much truth in this statement. I still have not accepted it fully, though. :D
@@eiterpet Yeah, it took me many years to accept it, especially when bombarded by mainstream "success ideology" of what success looks like, and acquaintances who have become high-level managers or CEOs. Just let it go. It is up to you.
Entonces no sos tan boludo mi amigo
I'm not ambitious either but I built a neighborhood and own a lot of stuff. Hated every minute of it!
I spent most of my 20s and early 30s chasing a career because that's what I thought I was supposed to ro. Starting at 30, I started to have bad insomnia, depression, and was miserable. I started going back to church. I decided I wanted to be a parent. I got my foster care license and have adopted 3 kids. I'll be 40 next month. I don't have a career, I have a job. It pays enough to support my kids and me with the basics and a few extras. I don't care if I ever move up farther in the company. My focus is on being a good mom. I'm so much happier and more fulfilled than I was 10 years ago.
God bless you
Wow, that sounds great. Good for you.
Going against our own biology really breaks us. Some people are fine without children, maybe better off even(I personally have issues so being a parent is not a good idea).
But I was told to live ambitiously my whole life, only suffer unnecessarily by the artificial value installed into me telling me I’m not ambitious enough. I am free, and do almost nothing, they accuse me for laziness, I showed them how I am no longer looking forward to killing myself in front of them, they shut up after that.
@Sarah....... thats deep
Atta’ girl. You keep on keepin’ on. 👍👍
The one thing ppl don't tell you is that no one actually knows what they are doing.
Just realised this now
... Dead 2 the Ass !!! ... So true ...
This is fucking facts. NO ONE lol it’s actually kinda funny. We all just trying to do some shit but no one had YOUR path nor is their a “correct path” . Do what makes you happy. I’m ambitious and I don’t believe in 9-5 life but the working class is important and not everyone has to be millionaires.
Thanks.
I'd argue a very small percentage of people actually know what they're doing.
"A tiny fraction of people have careers. Most people have jobs." That's one of the most helpful doses of reality we can get these days.
True. But the rest is BS. There are alot of couples who are not happy even with kids.
I am nearly 70 and I can assure you that after deeply reflecting on my life and accomplishments (both career and personal) that what Gordon says is a simple basic truth that you ignore at your peril. Loneliness is the worst disease known to humans...don’t succumb to a social experiment that you cannot turn back. Love and live for someone other than yourself and certainly not your career.
I discovered that at 33. Ben happy since
amen...
claret & blue while I don’t disagree, how do you eat without a career?
@@devinmc8452 Gordon's point was that a career is really in most instances a glorified word for a job...nothing more. He then laments that people put more emphasis on their job than the far more important aspects of their lives such as family and in particular our close personal relationships.
Tony Crosby I see what he means.
To all the single people feeling down after the video; Loneliness is not caused by being alone, but by feeling alone, and you can sure as hell be lonely in a marriage with 4 children also. It is okay if you take your time to find the right partner ! Just don't be nihilistic but do take your time
Siddhant Pathak haha
I pretty much agree with you except being alone and being lonely are two different things. I’ve experienced being lonely while laying in bed next to my spouse in a home with four children. I also experienced living alone and feeling quite content. For me the bottom line is there are no absolutes. No matter how brilliant one may be and how well they may articulate their views, it’s still their views. Diversity of thoughts, feelings and ways of living out life is what makes life great.
JP is just pushing « FOMO». Feeling lonely and beeing alone is two different things. Having all the things/stuff JP is talking about is no garantee for mental health. And having a family with the wrong person can ruin your mental health
@@Ikaros23 Nothing is guaranteed but there are overall patterns. For example, although doing exercise does not guarantee you will live longer, overall people who exercise live longer. The same way although having a family does not guarantee mental health, overall people who have one report to be more content. I know you would prefer to live in a world where all views are equivalent and the probability for every possible outcome is exactly the same, but that's just not real.
@@themachine9366 I just think it is shallow. The world is overpopulated. And alot of people have MAJOR mental health issues inkluded Dr Jordan Peterson, who had a breakdown from using medical drugs wrong. Just telling them to have kids, is just stupid. Alot of years ago scientist found out that drinking a glass of red whine was good for the health. Reality was that they had a sample of people who where just living more healthy all over and that the more educated and privlidged people where, they also drank more red whine vs beer or strong booze ( The poorer people are the more shity drugs/alcohol they have). The world needs to stopp this fear of missing out on having a family. Familys are great but to have kids is a huge responsibillity and alot of the people who are listening to JP are to naive about this. Manipulating women to have kids even if they cant support a child, or if the man they have found is a loser or a idiot is the reason this world is in deep shit. I think JP needs to get down from his Christian high horse and take som responsibillity for this propaganda. And if you think im some kind of feminist you are dead wrong. This world need to get controll of births asap!, not filling the world with more kids/incels/beta males and feminists who can barely clean they`re own room
Marriage and children are not a guarantee of happiness. I know many people who are really frustrated and drained by unhappy marriages. It is all so relative. Probably the most important thing in life is learning to control yourself, staying calm and content, having a peace of mind.
👏👏👏
You sound young. live a little longer and you’ll understand the sentiment.
Unhappy marriages are usually because of unrealistic expectations, and not being easy to live with. If each spouse strove to make each other more happy than themselves, they were surely be able to have a happy marriage.
@@sandyg.8318 I'm older and no, I don't agree!
happy cannot be persued , it discends upon you
~jordan peterson
This was cathartic and so reassuring. I'm 23 and these career worries have been haunting me every night since I graduated from high school. I felt broken because I don't necessarily want a career, I just want to support myself adequately and be happy. Thank you
same ........
I feel the same. Thank you for sharing - wish you all the best:)
Yup same.
It's okay to be in disagreement with JP sometimes. I like his insights 80% of the time
I'm 55, male, single, educated, intelligent, fit, healthy with a decent career. Never been in a meaningful relationship. Never had kids. I'm teaching and starting a company. I have never been this satisfied or content in my life, to be honest. I go to bed earlier now because I can't wait for tomorrow to come. Having said that, loneliness and boredom are two emotions I don't experience. Never have. I have friends, family, hobbies. I think the secret is to learn where your happiness truly comes from and construct your life around enabling it.
Thanks for sharing! Not everyone needs or should be married and have kids. There should be a diversity of different lifestyles that match different personalities and desires.
This is cute
Never call yourself smart. Follow the law of Jante.
@@hawkevick9184 he said well educated not smart
@@violettaD “ I'm 55, male, single, educated, intelligent, fit, healthy with a decent career. Never been in a meaningful relationship. Never had kids.“
My wife and I went against the trend in the seventies, and decided to focus on the traditional family format. She would stay home with the kids, even while we struggled financially in the early years to make that work, but after 41 years of marriage we have absolutely no regrets and feel we’ve been blessed beyond what we ever would have anticipated.
I'm always baffled when I see couples who have been married this long. How do you know that this person you've met, you can stay with them forever and fix any problem that may arise?
@@PetitCorpsSalade it's not a thing you know, it's a thing you decide. Love the feeling is a product of love the action.
It takes a lot of humility to do this, especially today, when society virtually laughs in the face of people who choose to do as you did. Kudos and much respect.
@@DepthWave - So well said. We aren't taught to do this anymore by and large. But you are 100 percent correct.
@@DepthWave this is so true and well said.
No one says on their death bed, "Man, I wish I had more time in the office".
People like Elon musk do
Perhaps not that exactly, but there will be plenty of people who will wish they'd had more time to finish a project or research or whatever. Sometimes it's job-related. Sometimes not.
@@spirited154 ???????????????????????????????????????????????
@@spirited154 yes but that still means that the ending of that project is your life goal alone. and many people cant give their whole life to that because its rarely enough time for that project or fulfilling its progress in your career and personal life. well if your project is to move to mars you either gotta become a billionaire or live another generation --- you could also be elon musk who is going 2 generations of technology per lifetime while being a billionaire. sooooooo good luck with that
...or more money.
*"What the hell do you know when you're 19? 7 years ago you were 12."*
@@GusGusGusGusGus At his age, a span of 7 years doesn't seem that huge. 28, however, is still a big number assuming he's mortal.
@@GusGusGusGusGus Have you heard of some really old people growing their 3rd set of teeth? I think if we are ever going to live past 100, we're gonna have to replace most of our body parts.
@@GusGusGusGusGus For how long it takes for a developing child to become an adult, 7 years is a lot. His argument has everything to do with how fast a 12 year old develops, not how long a human lives.
@@GusGusGusGusGus and age does grant you authority.
A lot can happen over the course of seven years.
I’m only 29 and I realised in my early 20s while working my ass off to better my career, that it wasn’t worth my happiness.
Totally agree....I felt that the society including my dad have always fed lies to us about these aspects of life for eg. education when we are in our early 20s but eventually after working for 10 years you finally realise that your life has not one bit....I mean changed for better. I feel that my job is just gets me food and other essentials nothing more....and I could have managed this picking a simpler easier job with lesser education. All that time wasted.
@@masterchef6694 Yep dunno where you're from but in Australia we have HECS for university (pay it back later). I went to uni and now owe the government $20k+
The job I do now I kinda use my degree but, I definitely didn't need it and I get slammed with tax to pay back that debt. Other friend have jobs earning similar to me and no debt.
@@Wanted797 I agree and you're certainly not wrong, plumbers, carpenters and electricians earn great money and the work is probably far more satisfying than typical office jobs.
Peterson does talk about Uni as having a sum total far greater than it's dollar value but only if you approach it with the right attitude and manage to come away with key life skills(I did not, where the F*** was Peterson 20 odd years ago?).
@@simonshurety3870 I've been in construction for almost 30 years. Most of my friends in this business are dealing with back surgeries, knee operations etc. Everything is a trade off. I move around in construction so that I'm not always on a ladder, always on my knees, or breathing in fumes all day. I get bored doing the same thing for too long also so that's how I get by.
@@scottashe984 I hear you. I had in mind more residential electricians (my dad was one before retiring at 68), plumbers and carpenters. No doubt that at a commercial and industrial level it's very heavy going let alone in construction.
Agree 100%! Half way through my “career”, I realized it’s just not worth the trouble. I quit my firm, got a 9 to 5 job that has good benefits, invested, and had kids. Today I am financially independent and mother of two beautiful, smart children.
Do you recommend that women study law? even if they have high degrees of empathy (sorry for my english)
@@ValentinaGonzalez-mg1sw Illogical people shouldn’t study law. Empathy? YES!
I’m in a medicine but that’s my future plan it really isn’t worth it
Did you adopt those kids ?
@@rome8726 Nope. They’re my biological kids.
Finding a partner who’s suitable for you and mentally prepared to have a healthy family with you is as hard as having a career, not everyone is lucky that’s why divorces exist
Well partly, but largely the reason divorce is such an issue now is because of the mindset people bring into their marriage. The majority mindset currently is that happiness is the main goal of life and that we are obligated to do whatever makes us "happy" - whatever that means. This is obviously going to result in divorces because a marriage cannot be built solely upon a quest for happiness; nobody is ever happy all the time and most likely married couples at some point will not be happy together. But that's not the purpose of marriage in the first place! Jordan Peterson talks on this in one of his videos also.
@@NoahS-cp2lt Amen!
getting married because it's "checking a box" is also why divorces exist..placing unrealistic expectations on a human partner who is just as flawed and fallible as you are is why divorces exist... being unable to forgive and move on, to let go of the past, to deal honestly with your own baggage is why divorces exist...
@@NoahS-cp2lt A fellow Noah. Live long, healthy and prosper ✌🏽
Replace *divorces exist* for *divorces are rife* 🥴
I spent my whole childhood parenting my parents. As an adult, I have no desire whatsoever to do any more parenting. Very happy without kids, enjoying my freedom and having adventures with the love of my life and our dog.
I think you just put things into perspective for me
Right? My mother was very unhappy. She never wanted kids, yet she got married and had us because it was "the right thing to do". She often made it clear to us how we were a burden to her. She should have remained single and worked on her professional fulfillment. Children are not for everybody folks. Jordan has no idea what he is talking about.
You’re right, me too I’m tired of parenting and he wants to draw a picture for every woman to follow. A lot of us don’t want kids, normalize that
You have the ability to recognise what you need to be happy, and well done for being honest.
“Other women lie to them.” So true! At 19 I realized I knew nothing. I desperately needed guidance, but the women I encountered perpetuated the lie. Being a child during the 70s and 80s, we were taught women can do it all, have it all. That simply is not true. I spent my 20s and 30s struggling to find balance between “career” and family. I constantly felt guilty. If I worked, if I stayed home with my kids, if I tried doing both.....nothing was right. Nothing I did was ever good enough or free from guilt. Finally, in my 40s I became very ill with autoimmune issues. As horrible as the illness has been, it sure did bring me some perspective and clarity. Looking back, I can clearly see that the things I thought were important were NOT the most important. I’m grateful I had children at a young age because I was physically more healthy. I can’t imagine trying to raise kids while struggling with my current health issues. My biggest regret is ever buying into the lie. I wasted way too much time and energy trying to attain a lie. I was reaching for something that doesn’t exist. Now that I’m 50, when I get opportunities to share my insights with young women, I do my best to be honest. You can NOT have it all. Whenever you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. You will need a partner who believes in shouldering much of the grunt work (keeping the house, parenting children, taking care of sick kids, dealing with school matters, etc.) In my experience, women are most held back in life by not having support when they need someone to pick up the slack. For many years I’ve watched men be able to solely focus on their jobs or careers while their partner held down the fort. From my experience, women don’t have that luxury. If a woman wants that luxury, she has to say no to other life options, like raising kids. That is a reality that most women (and men) aren’t honest about.
Maybe if a woman wants a career then she needs a supportive partner. Why is that not considered an option?
Thank you for sharing your experience.
@Stacie Gulizia is absolutely right. Even today, with two parents working, statistically the woman still does the lion’s share of the house work.
If you are passionate about having a career, then go for it. But, if you want a healthy family, don’t have a career; get a job that doesn’t take much from you, so you have “it” to give to your children, family.
As Jordan says in other video and his book: you get to choose your sacrifice. You don't get to not make one.
Another part of this, from an adult males perspective. Like you said, men might have enough strength, stamina or resilience to "hold down the fort" so to speak, but the biggest problem for men, me included, is motivating ourselves to do it without creating an ego. This is why I think that for the majority of people, you need to have a relationship that is syncronous with each other. If a man is to be a good husband, he must work and be strongth, but also love his partner and be a good man. Same goes for a father, he must love and protect his children. Men can't exist without having that purpose, in one way or another or they risk destroying their manhood and ruining their perception of the world around them. Men and women alike should strive for HEALTHY relationships romantically, or if they dont want that, find something to fill that void of lack of connection or meaning.
I think a lot of us can agree that our parents and grandparents taught us very well...an unhappy marriage is definitely worse than being alone.
Especially a marraige where the man never helps out with the kids. He said toward the end of the video "no one will be able to help you balance career and family" as a woman. Which is untrue if you have a good marriage with a supportive spouse.
@@vickym9221 Well to be fair I think he meant 'noone' as in the teachers and academics doling out free advice to unmarried young women, but yeah finding a GOOD partner willing to do those things is what's so hard about marriage...
People say there are 'givers and takers' in marriage, but for people who are really willing to make it work, it's more like "givers and givers".
After all, a good relationship is not just about finding a mate, it's about finding a TEAMMATE :)
Gotta have someone who shares similar goals and objectives, both long and short-term, otherwise the union just doesn't make very much sense.
Cheers
But a happy marriage. Now, that's something!
Two false choices.
@@bingbongabinga2954 Being single isn’t a false choice.
"The definition of a job is an activity you get paid for because you wouldn't do it voluntarily.". Too true!
Tru dat
Humans are mandated to work,this is precisely why,it usually sucks the very life out of us,and consumes our existence
I dont get tortured for free cause I gotta pay taxes 😂
Careers have been over since 2010. 60 yeard olds are working with week contracts... It's a nightmare. I studied law actually and I was shocked when I got into the field. Horrible people, dumb judges, horrible demands, low pay,... I almost died of anxiety and depression... in six months. When I quit, my partner said he was secretly relieved. Now I would just be happy to do anything nearby and part time. Fuck work, ambition, learning, possession, status...
@@Nobody-fy7tw you mean Einzelgänger?
@@Nobody-fy7tw it‘s „loner“ in german :-)
The Law sucks!
🥺
“What the hell do you know, you’re 19. Seven years ago you were 12.” I’m dead.
7 years from now i'll be 40, that make me feel depressed.
shit even 41 i'm almost 34
Monoï lm 41. It comes quick and nothing changes. Only you feel close to death. Also, people tend to respect you all of a sudden.
@Citizens Arrest what did you do?
@Citizens Arrest Thanks for sharing! And I'm glad you've found what's right for you
The amount of unhappy people who forced themselves into marriage to follow the status quo is crazy
The body does not care about human constructions. Getting married is not natural, it is a social construction; having babies, on the other hand, IS NOT a social construction, it is a progam that has been hard wired into our DNA and, by nature, we are designed to follow our fate, otherwise you will be misserable....even more.
Ia Ber Eh people can be miserable with kids too. Plus if you need to bring another stream of consciousness into this world to make *you* feel better, that is selfish.
@Jo Z. what you say is true but that does not change the facts that Jordan Peterson mentions either. We were assigned a goal (nature did, not the patriarchy) and that goal is to repreduce. Of course, nature is betting on numbers, it knows that there will be some flaws in its strategy, but the vast majority will feel the need to reproduce. My wife always talked about how my sister in law seemed to be so happy, she got to travel many times, (after all, she did not have any kids) She got to spend money on herself (after all, she had no kids) and one day, she came back stating that her sister was in big trouble because she did not get a refill on antidepressants. Then they spoke, she said her life was veeery empty, that she was bitter for not having kids and that she envied my wife for having two beautiful kids. She then proceeded to buy a couple of dogs that she treats like kids (this is what her doctor told her). She buys them halloween customs. she loves buying stuff for my daughter and taking her shopping. (She loves it when my daughter says she is like her mom) Any way, one thing is appearing to be happy, another is actually being happy. My statement goes for both cases though.
My parents want to force me to marriage and even force me a woman i dont want
@@losingweight8397 You indian?
This is very true for the majority of people who are living life based only on the physical world and who have found a great partner. For someone who lives a more spiritual life and knows who they really are (an eternal soul) happiness can be achieved regardless of your circumstances (as long as you have food and shelter), even if you are single, childless, without a career and over 40.
My sister thinks I’m delusional but I’m not sure she knows Christ like I do, I gave up worldly/fleshly pleasures and I am filled with joy regardless of the circumstances of having roommates, dishwashing job, and no kids or wife
100% agree. Having a partner and a family is not always doable. It doesn’t mean choosing career above everything else. It’s about not losing your soul when for example being in a family would mean mostly physical, simple, basic relationship. It is easy to start a family with someone simple, plain, maybe goodhearted but still. If you want to grow your soul, sometimes being on your own it’s the only way. And I am not trying to offend anyone. People who want relationships/families now are hard to find to bond with. If you go further and check if this bonding will be for the greater good and for God and it turns into „NO”, well, does it make sense? Think not.
*Q* : Should i aim at having a career
*A* : The answer isn't obvious its bloody serious, its no joke man, carl jung comented on this its beyond our comprehension.
STYREX Your comment deserves more likes. Peterson can certainly be an alarmist at times.
Stevo-Fernando it certainly does :)
Fucking lmao
Had me laugh. I guess everybody that did already has seen too much of Jordan.
As far as I'm concerned there are some commonalities with lobsters too
I don't like it when people say my life is worthless, and I should be miserable because I don't have kids.
He’s not saying you should be, he’s saying it’s the existential reality for many. And he says elsewhere it doesn’t have to be kids, per se, but real, genuine relationships, people that you can be responsible for and really find intimacy with.
The very fact you don't like it means that you are indeed lonely and feel worthless and that he is indeed right. Don't you think so?
Exactly. Marrying losers I call it. My aunt tried to set me up with two disabled men. One was obese, the other had had two heart attacks. I see women do this all the time. They marry men with kidney transplants so they can say they have a relationship. If you are not pretty you will not marry a successful man. Men ignore me and I learned to ignore them. I've dated guys who interviewed me for the position of housekeeping.
Marriage, the legal part of it horrifies me. I'm supposed to turn my life over, never knowing when he will abandon me, drink, start drugs, and a host of other woes. Working class men tend to be higher in anti social behavior. I grew up with a father who drank and smoked up money. I'm glad I'm free.
Karen O ok Karen
Saying you'll be sad and lonely if you don't have a family is so ignorant in this day of age. This isn't the sixties JP its 2020. Women can take everything a man has including his children away from him if he looks at her the wrong way. Women take advantage of the fact that it is in a mans nature to care for and provide for a family, then when shes bored she'll cut the man in half and leave him just a lonely as if he were single. Only difference will be the single man will still have all his money!
I'm 20, single, unemployed/self employed, living with parents, I believe I'm one of the lucky ones to realise that I'm exceptional, throughout my early teens, I was certain that my career would be something to do with computer science and coding, I was fascinated by the huge salaries that come with that field. At the time, I was 100% convinced this would be my career path.
At 15, I had a mental breakdown that resulted in me completely losing all motivation and passion for the future. I went into a deep depression and came close to the brink of suicide. I felt lost. I started to ask myself questions that not a lot of people my age really even thought about. Will money solve my unhappiness? Am I even listening to the right people?
It got to the point where I picked up a guitar, started playing, and four and a bit years later I've started a band, studied music at college (no student loans, I'm from the UK), played live, and I have a sense of deep purpose in my life.
I'm convinced that my life, up until the day I die, will be significantly involved in the arts. I suppose my purpose in this world is to show my humanity, my flaws, my inner thoughts, the sweet, the sour, the grand, the wicked, and the evil. My purpose is to be me. I want people to be themselves, I want to make people experience emotions they never thought were once possible, I want to break down peoples mental blocks and view the world in a new and refreshing perspective. My favourite artists have done just that to myself.
It's hard, like anything in this life, but I'm so glad I went down the dirt road and started to really tune into my intuition four years ago, I don't have stability in terms of a career yes, but I don't think I could even want that stability, it just doesn't suit me. I'm happy, I can talk to almost anyone, just today a girl complemented my music taste in a town centre as I was playing music on my phone on a bench, spoke for a bit - little moments like that make me smile.
I'm not interested in forcing relationships, friendships, people will come and go, as they please according to our energies. It's a free spirited way of life and I love it.
Mental breakdown at 15...? You have no clue
@@jms0313 my family has a long history of mental illness - at the time I was severely depressed and paranoid which almost lead me go suicide
@nice garry wait till your 33
@@jms0313 well that is your path in life my friend not everyones is the same
@@kathyjohnson3050 cynicism can expressed through art
It is better being alone than in a toxic family or becoming a toxic parent yourself and then you will end up alone anyway. Learn to be happy and content with yourself, the only relationship that lasts til death.
Yes but that's also fear of commitment and fear of making connections. It's good to know yourself but it sounds like you're making excuses
@@awesomedavid2012 feel blessed that you have never experienced a toxic family and have to deal with them through lawyers.
We are all alone at the end of the day
👍🏼
then you will end up alone anyway.......lol right
Points taken, but...if you’re a middle age man, with a family, and you have no career/job/utility, you’ll also be a miserable creature.
He is trying to tell you womyn are not men, they have different functions, purposes, and priorities. You didn't understand that because you have been programmed by western PC society to believe we are equal in every way.
@@Powertuber1000 Not so sure about that.
Huh, I can't reply directly to you.
Anyways, I think despite having a family, men also need purpose outside of that. Most cultures require the man to not just have a family of his own but also to provide for it. A father who is dissatisfied with his job might provide for his family, but if he doed not get the SENSE of being useful, of having a purpose, it's almost as if he were unemployed.
There are so many ways to become unhappy in life, it's almost funny...
@@kartoffelman111 "There are so many ways to become unhappy in life, it's almost funny..." Ha, well put! My wife and I often notice how people seem to fill their lives with a pre-set amount of angst, regardless of circumstances. We know middle aged people who are financially set for life and have no kids' college to pay for. They should be so content, we think! Yet, they seem more stressed out than we do (people who are still building our retirements and saving for college)
JP never said have a family and no career. Watch the video again.
I agree. I was a Respiratory Therapist for 7 years. When our first daughter was born we were both FT. I was commuting to work (90 minutes each way) and vomiting during pregnancy then commuting and pumping breastmilk for 7 months after she was born. Eventually my milk supply failed because of the stress and inconsistency. When I finally picked my daughter up at 7pm every night I got a whopping hour of exhausted interaction with her before her bed time came. It was miserable.
In addition my step-mother passed away and I became the primary caregiver for my father who had dementia. When we got pregnant 14 months later and I was again commuting and vomiting the whole way, we looked at daycare costs and decided it was more cost-effective and made more sense overall for me to stay at home. My heart was longing to be with my children all along. Why work so many hours away from home to finance their care (it costs anywhere from $1500 to $2000 a month for daycare with small children)?!
I resigned at the end of my pregnancy and it was the best decision we could've made.
I've grown in ways that are unbelievable. For the first time I feel like I'm walking in the role I was designed for. We lost upwards of 55K when I resigned but we completed Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and life just keeps getting better. I started a small business from home and it's not bringing in a ton of profit... yet but it increases month over month and is surprisingly fruitful. More than that I love it!!! It's not easy with a 2 year old and an 8 month old but it's not impossible either. My husband is the sole provider as I grow my business and trust me a lot of people think you need to be making 100K to have one income. Not true. We have a family of 4 on half that and we are doing it!
You can live beyond your means and be miserable or you can live below them and have peace and joy.
I recommend anyone contemplating to complete FPU, get the Every Dollar budgeting app and be shocked at what life can be like. Go check out some "DEBT FREE SCREAMS" get excited and change your life. The Proverbs 31 woman knew how to work with her hands as well as caring for her home. Being a mother is a seriously demanding gift but once you are one it pays in spades! Aspire to more. Ladies you can do it!
I LOVE this story!!!!!
@@tonyascancook So happy to hear that Tonya. Are you a mom?
Yes, and except for being an entrepreneur like you, I could've written this about myself!
I resigned from a nursing job after my second baby, cut our income in half--huge leap of faith!
Have to be willing to be counter-culture lol, get familiar with thrift stores, and drive older cars.
Worth it. 😊
@@tonyascancook Lol. Counter-cultural. Exactly! SO worth it! Couldn't agree more! Keep being an inspiration!
+1 to this. I think people not agreeig with Jordan have one thing in common: they all talk about themselves. What will a kid bring ME ? Maybe not joy all the time, but were talking about fullfilment here.
There is this thing that you cant get when you dont have kids. Its not about you anymore. Its about leaving a legacy, leaving a trace, having people remembering you. Giving your soul to someone ...
Fellow sahm here too. Left a good career that I loved and never regretted it.
I'm 56 and a woman. Never had kids. Never married (although I had many offers). I'm very happy and disagree with the assertion that you need something or someone outside of yourself to make you whole. Hogwash. He's projecting his own opinion and experiences onto other people. We're all different.
Hedonic adjustment is a helluva drug.
100%
Agree with you. 42 and childfree and very fulfilled ! My husband is my best friend and he feels the same way.
Yeah, he’s also a man, so he may cognitively emphathise with what a woman goes through, but he can’t speak on it as fact. Studies shows that women’s brains are different to men’s. So yeah let’s take this video with a pinch of salt 😂
@Lori R Aren't you doing the same (projecting own experience onto others)? At least in Jordan's case he's a clinical psychologist and have come across people from all walks of life. He himself has a career and isn't against it but says that the for majority that's not where true satisfaction lies. There are exceptions of course and you seem to be one of them and fair play to you for that
If chasing a career is miserable, then chasing an unhealthy relationship just for the sake of not being left alone during ur 30s is worst. I just think that people find their happiness in different things!
How ignorant of him to think that everyone wants what he wants! He is projecting his own fears and wants onto others.
He is talking to the majority, not every single individual. And for most people, he is right. I personally prefer being alone, because i cant stand people. But that doesnt mean what he is saying is wrong. It just means that im different than most people ^^
Yeah this was so annoying to watch
So true 👍🏽
@@DX-d This is whats so frustrating about him. He's going to cause a lot of people who didn't really want children to have them and be miserable. People don't need to be told, they know what they want if they just think about it. People get so caught up in what everyone around them is telling them they forget that it's their life and they can think for themselves.
hmm.. seems unfair to call someone a lost soul who has not found the right person to marry and therefore is avoiding the huge mistake of getting married just because it’s the “thing to do”.
Lost isn’t a dirty word. I mean it’s not a positive word either. But I think we should try at least to call a spade a spade, see the world exactly as it is.
I think he means lost in the sense that life’s goal is to find a partner and work hard on yourself and the other to be a team. To pro create, enrich your community and to find your individuality through living your life with a sort of 3D lens. Your personal experience, your shared experience and the juxtaposition of the community experience of yourself and other people you can reflect your sense of uniqueness upon.
You don’t leave your ego and morals behind when you start a family with another person. You just learn when you can and let them be your guide, the whisper in your ear. Engaging in selflessness every so often and in proper measure throughout life can actually make you into an incredibly happy and well rounded person. A feat not too difficult for most people given patience, love of self, and appreciation of all.
Every person on this earth is capable of the most amazing things.
I agree. Maybe sad soul would be better? Not everyone is lucky enough to find a spouse. I've known a few people who never married and they weren't happy, but I'm not sure that it was entirely their fault.
Also some people have no interest in living with a spouse and kids.
Peterson is talking about averages. What he says is true for the majority of people, not for every single person.
@@sketchartist1964 no
I like being alone. It's not that I don't like to be around people. It's just because after my work, courses, sports and social activities it's nice to be alone for a few hours. I really enjoy it
Being able to be alone is a great virtue, but don't get used to it. Having friends and relationships take work and effort and might be uncomfortable, but if you choose to be around the right people, the reward is amazing.
David Until they stab you in the back for no reason
Having a partner and kids doesn't mean you can never be alone again.
You're missing the point. He's talking about having the ultimate responsibility of having to take care of other human beings within a family structure. Especially for men this type of responsibility is generally necessary to reach full maturity. It's not about loneliness, necessarily. This is the central theme of many of his talks.
I was very happy at 40 with my career; I am a teacher and travel around the world to do what I love. I was also happy living and being by myself without kids. I was grateful everyday for being able to do the things I wanted without compromise and just fulfilling what made me happy and healthy as a human being. I found my husband two years later and now have a kid but I don’t think what you say is necessarily true. I do admire you and listen to your talks though… ❤️
but for girls it's easy because when ever you want kids you just get a boyfriend and that's it, it's so easy for girls. But for guys it's extremly difficult to find a girl who accept to have sex.
Why are we always bashed for loving being alone ? I would be a terrible parent. Really all I want are my books, dogs, friends and painting stuff. It really is enough.
I think you dont realize how big of a blessing it could be and how happy you'd be
@@ImaDoWatIWant Tell this to parents of disabled children, or who's children became addicts or committed suicide. Most of the parens are unhappy
@@ImaDoWatIWant my mom committed suicide after birthing. Yea, no thanks on that one
Misogynistic ignorants. Misery loves company.
Me too
I must have a mental illness. All want is to be left alone and people can't ever seem to leave me alone.
Kenn Tollens completely agree ,the doctor basically looks at his life and tells everybody that’s the way to go very conceited
If you look at personality types introverted people by their very nature lose energy from being with people and gain energy alone.
Unfortunately introverts can comprehend extroverts but extroverts often don't even know that introverts can exist and cant imagine it.
No, you're just an introrvert. Enjoy it.
@@cyberneticbutterfly8506 Introverts and Extroverts is an oversimplification of people. It not like there is an Introvert gene and an extrovert gene.
I’m never happier than I am when I’m alone. I’m not depressed, I just really prefer my own company.
I can understand his points, but I have seen a lot of lonely people who HAVE partners, a lot of people who are better off NOT having children, and many singles who are not isolated and miserable.
When he says have a partner, he means deep intimacy with another human being not a roommate or a loveless marriage. How can you not feel alone or isolated without a partner? Human nature is consistent
The isolated and miserable part isn't up for debate, that train is coming and it's never late
Peterson only thinks in absolutes, that’s his bag
@Bibiana - agree 100%
@Yeshua is Lord. What bullshit!
It seems like too many people are trying to argue that they're 40, single and have never had a single regret. What's wrong with that is it's normal to have regrets, not only normal but it's perfectly fine. What's worse is getting stuck in a miserable marriage, that's the worst regret.
Tip: ua-cam.com/video/-w8ctRs2IW8/v-deo.html&t=390
Worse is to have kids just because you don't want to be alone
Never believe what people say. Believe in their actions.
Maybe the regrets are not worth thinking about.
Yes, it’s human nature to always think “what if”. That goes for anything we choose. I have kids and I still wonder what would have happened if I waited to start a family and tried to earn more while I was younger, maybe life would not have been so financially stressful and my marriage would have been smoother. But ultimately we just have to accept the cards we were dealt with and focus on the present and future, no benefit of living in the past.
As with everything in life, it's all about balance. If you're 40 and alone, you don't necessarily have to break down and cry after watching this video. He put it pretty harshly. Many marriages are hell, and you would be much better off alone. Also, there's a lot to be said about solitude and the productive effect it has on your projects and self-growth. It's a myth that you need another half to complete yourself. And if you really want, you can find your partner at an older age and then have children as a man.
I’ve studied film after school. I never had a solid job in the industry. I went from one thing to another. I had a freelance job every second year before moving on to the next. I’m 37 and my dream to make movies is but a memory. I’m now studying to become an English teacher just to get an income. I have no idea where that road will lead me to. But all I really want is just to be with my family. That’s all.
sorry to hear that. im only a naive kid who really has no clue what life is like, but i hope you can look for a way back to your passions some day. for now, just take care of yourself. (and maybe reassess your next job. i feel like teaching would be pretty stressful for a job to keep food on the shelf, but youll figure it out.)
I am a ten years younger -than you- girl (woman?) And I know the feeling. Same story but with music, I studied two majors. I wish someone (with arguments) had told me what Mr Petterson says here. I wish I had made a move towards forming a family. But I ended up being "socially akward" in the sense I do not do anything because of social recognition or money, but because I enjoy it--- but that doesn't pay no bills. Now I am on my late 20s and I CRAVE to get married & have kids. Naive teen me just thought life went upwards, you know?
You might find teaching to be fulfilling. I certainly do.
You are only putting your filming dream to one side for a english teaching job. Sounds wise to me. Just to encourage you, you have a lot life experience that will benefit you and you'll take that into teaching, and who knows...an avenue may open up through your teaching experiences, you may not stay an english teaching but it may be a foot in the door of the path you never considered. As John Lennon once said, "life is what happens whilst you're busy making other plans"...so life will simply happen. Keep going. You'll meet new people along the way and life is all about people. It's not what you know in life...it's who you know!
Just to add. Im also 37, but i have no family of my own yet. You are very blessed to have a family!
I realised this about working in my early 30's after a minor breakdown due to a horrible work environment. I wish I knew this when I was in my late teens and early 20's.
I am in my late 20s and could not agree more.
like what environment ..........
he is a bit harsh on people who are not in a relationship. sometimes you just dont find a suitable partner.
He was talking about people who don't strive to find a partner not those who couldn't find one.
I'm pretty certain he has personal issues with marriage and children and he projects hatred towards everyone that did not do the same. He was married AT TWENTY SEVEN. The hell does he know about people not being married after that age and why does he ignore the countless of historical examples of people being happy without marriage and children?
@@yichispiritual Who strives not to have a partner? That's extreme. Most people would pursue if they found the right fit
I've gone through life, never met anyone, life goes on. I'm content being single. Can't tar everyone with the same brush.
@@AnoNymous-dh2sv He makes it pretty clear most times he talks about this (incidentally not in this particular video) that his opinions on these topics come from his observations of his clients in his clinical practice.
Fascinated with much of JP's content, but I really must disagree here. There are many people who simply SHOULD NOT have children, but they do it anyways because they think "might as well, everyone's doing it." Emotionally immature people often become abusive or neglectful parents. We don't need anymore of those.
I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother and i am happy that i do not have kids.
You don't get to decide who has children and who doesn't though? You're basically saying those kids are better off never existing when they could've worked through their suffering and lived meaningful lives. Just because people experience neglectful parents it doesn't devalue their human experience. I have had poor parenting and born out of infidelity but I'm glad and thankful that I even exist. You can't decide that for other people.
@@thesusimposter3 You're addressing a point that I never argued. I never said that anyone could stop people from becoming parents. I never said that it devalues anyone's existence. What I said was a simple and indisputable fact--that the world doesn't need any more parents that aren't committed to their children. The behavior of one's parents is no reflection on whether or not they are worthy of a happy life--but it will undoubtedly affect that life.
To return to your final statement, I am not deciding anything for anyone... however it seems that Dr. Peterson has decided that the path of parenthood is one which just about everyone should take. For some people, this is just bad advice. It's not something that should be taken lightly--children are human beings. Entire human beings that someone has to be responsible for. Not toys, not an investment for your elderly future. Human beings.
I don't believe Peterson is saying it's something to be taken lightly at all. He always says you should get your house in order first.
And what you're saying isn't an indisputable fact because its based on subjective conditions.What is classed as a parent that isn't committed to their kids? And how do you know what the world needs?
I'm 40. No woman. No kids. I'm not lost. Nor am I looking for those things to 'complete' me.
I dont think it's so much of an issue for men if youre properly grounded and selfish and have justification for the reasons you're partnerless.
@@007lutherking why justify it?
Justification often represents the reflection of an event.
The meaning, the logic behind what has happened.
Justification can be important.
@@jccarty1477 if you don't think about your desires, then you miss out on getting to know yourself better, you get stuck in a an endless cycle instead of growing. Like an animal. Isnt that what separates us from animals in the 1st place?
@@007lutherking I think about my desires but I'm not consumed by them. I'm not looking for a woman or children to complete me. I think that's a very dangerous way to think. I hear so many people refer to their kids or partners as their world or their everything and I shudder. That's too high a value to place on someone.
Marriage is hard work. You love unconditionally, you grow in and out of love continuously, and you are in a constant state of vulnerability. Throw parenthood into the mix, and that's two extremely emotional jobs in itself!
I went through the stage of "I have to my career. I have to complete every last degree I possibly can." Then I met my husband, in my mid thirties. I still did try to pursue my goals, but I had 3 kids in 4 years & it threw off my ability to finish my last thesis. I ended up staying home with my children until this past year when my youngest went into kindergarten. I substitute teach a couple times a week now. It's a JOB. It buys my daughters the little extras they need and want. And I'm perfectly content with that.
I agree with Dr. Peterson that women are told that they can do everything, accomplish world peace, and don't stop until you do it; especially in the Liberal colleges I attended. Then reality sets in. With a lot of women I have known, reality sets in too late.
As a woman you want to nurture and care for your family. You want to provide a safe, stable, happy environment for their upbringing. Not a chaotic place of daycare, sickness, and money.
In my opinion, the western would thrive in a more positive direction if we stuck to our core virtues; family, love and community.
Not everyone gets the chance to have a family of their own even if they would like to. Things which require other people are beyond your control, so you have to look for meaning and happiness else where. People will leave you or die.
That's true. My ex wanted children and a family, but his second wife left him and took the child right after its birth.
Happiness is partly society conditioning you. In this society of consumerism and narcissism it’s hard to have a family and be happy at the same time. Conditioning people so they know doing the right thing is importsnr gives them a sense of fulfillment. Some people dont find a partner because they are looking at it the wrong way.
@@samsunga-pm4qq The dating scene in America is hell (it was, anyway, I am not involved with that for the last 20 years since finding a partner). People judging each other and ghosting each other over the smallest and stupidest reasons.
Damien Holland Your experience is probably right but your qualification is limited “dating scene in america” doesnt qualify much, i mean dating in harlem or dating in palm beach are two different things, dating in manhattan or dating in Missouri?
I remember hearing that there are two main ways of looking at money: there is the "more is better" mindset and there is the "enough is plenty" mindset. My wife and I have talked about this several times and determined that we wanted to adopt the "enough is plenty" idea. We've been much happier since. We are not wealthy but we are comfortable. We have a lot of time together as a family and that's what really brings us happiness. Everyone has a different path in life and some thrive in positions that require a lot of time and responsibility, but that path is not for me.
Not having children will make you a dead end to the universe? What about contributing a gift, inspiring young people, spending your life doing something meaningful for more than just one or two humans in your life? And by the way, F that thought of being lonely later. Learn how to play bridge, be fun to be around, just enjoy life and anyway, how many old people in old folks homes who are devastatingly lonely because their children don’t visit them. Thats a worse fate in my opinion.
Peterson is a university lecturer. The amount of grown men taking what he says as some profound truth is bizarre.
@@videolad3057 Having a bad parent is worse than having no parent (emotionally speaking, can't tell about the economical difference, but that ALSO matter) because - more times than not - bad parents are damaging to the people they're supposed to protect, thus keeping them back instead of pushing them forward in life.
What I think he's trying to point out is that enjoying yourself and having something productive and nurturing to do is better than just giving up in life and saying having a family is the ONLY way to have something good as you're growing up (if you give up on something you might end up resenting that object/reason later)
Also, on other point, biggest reason grandkids don't go visit grandparents is because they don't have an emotional connection with them..old people have a tendency to be close-minded, after all, and as I have heard from old people lotsa times, ''their times have passed'' and ''it used to be good, but now?'' and things alike. Who wants to hear people that didn't take life with courage? Would you like to be around someone who doesn't give you any kind of sense of hope, strenght or wisdom AT ALL? Don't think so.
Those are all great things but even those aren't necessary to justify your existence
Yes!
I disagree with life being meaningless without children. I never wanted children, and never will. I have meaningful relationship with my siblings, friends, and romantic partners. And I am happy every day to be independent. So if this is misery, I'm cool with it.
It's a simplistic generalization in a short video. In other videos JP mentions that there are women (and obviously men) who truly don't want to have kids. Still, the overwhelming majority of women would be much happier with a family, and society's trend of telling women to be career centered has the potential to harm many young women, especially since their ability to have children is extremely time sensitive -- I believe that was his point.
@@brettf2 Well said, thanks!
What about when they all start dying
He's talking about what happens when people get older. Everyone has the same attitude as that when they're younger. Shit hits the fan when the friends have kids and stop being there, when the romantic partners leave because they want commitment they're not getting, health isn't like it used to be. At that point, you're lucky if you're close (in proximity) to your siblings because they're the only ones to care to look out. Best try to pave way to not be there.
@@fdauti_ca Nope, you don't. You could lose your kids before you die. Your friends could all die, or outlive you. It's silly to live trying to guess what will happen.
I think one of the reasons for Peterson's view on the importance of needing a family is that he has a happy family. Unfortunately, most families are unhappy, and for those stuck in unhappy families and relationships, it would become nothing but a shackle & torment. Rather far away from fulfillment. As Tolstoy's famous opening quote in Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in his own way." Not everyone can, in fact most people won't, be as lucky as Dr. Peterson, who married his childhood sweetheart and is still happy after all these years.
Well, one of the most remarkable advices Dr. Peterson makes is that you shouldn't be targetting for a happy life but for a meaningful one.
I don't know a lot about the west, but I think people tend to notice the unhappy families more than the happy ones. Members of happy families don't tend to tell everyone that their families are happy.
I think also people notice the bad things more because they are looking to live in a paradise on earth, which is never going to happen.
His family is more successful than happy. Peterson deals with depression from time to time. His wife had cancer a few months ago. His daughter suffered during her whole teenage years because of some weird disease... So it's not all sunshine.
And even if Petersons family was the pinnacle of the happy family, you shouldn't aim for happiness in life but fore meaning. Living a happy life without children who'll live after you're dead is meaningless.
Unless you somehow change things around you, changes that will bare their own fruit on the long run.
You guys are arguing about semantics or have some fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of happiness. Being happy is a state of mind and of psychology, it's not about measures of success, or health or having offspring or any highly subjective and exterior meaning. Of course one can go through life's ups and downs and still be happy. Some people are simply happier without the burden of having to deal with others.To think that one's life meaning only comes from having someone live on after one's own death is really the epitome of meaninglessness. It's akin to assault on people's reason and intelligence. But to each his own.
@@AlvaroFierroGodTank Then why does he bring in words such as "happy" and "miserable" ? Maybe for some people, life makes more sense alone
“On their death bed, nobody wishes they'd worked more.”
People need other people to be happy and fulfilled, but that doesn't necessarily translate to needing a spouse and children. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I'd say a lost soul is a married person who is lonely in their marriage. That is far worse than being alone. Build community, surround yourself with extended family and friends. Live a fulfilling life doing things that bring you joy and pleasure. If that comes in the form of a husband/wife and children, by all means get married and have kids. If that means traveling the world, pursuing your dreams, discovering beauty and satisfaction in the thousands of other things that give you meaning, don't let anyone tell you you're a lost soul because marriage is not at the top of your priority list. Misery loves company. Ironically, the only people who judge my choice of not being married are those who are divorced or in miserable marriages. I am content in my choices.
Thank you!
that his message that travelling the world, getting a career ultimately won't work these are dead ends. Very few things on this earth give you meaning. You need deep, long-term, committed relationships that is a life long marriage partner and children. Ask yourself this "Would my friends die for me?" I would for my wife and children. We humans were meant to love and be loved profoundly. Eric Hoffer said "the greatest lie you tell in life is the lie you tell yourself"
Yes thank you from me too !!
I left my ex wife with kids, and she is happy as ever. My sister are maried for 10 years with no kids and they are unhappy..what do you make of that??
I know you wrote this a year ago but i absolutely agree with you...you couldn't have said it better 👍
I have all the appreciation for Dr Peterson and his work but I am sure he is aware that bot all women go from the care of a father to the care of a husband. Some have to care for themselves and their parents and siblings. Other women chose not to have children after long conaideration. And some women have big kinds by the time they are 19. Some are wise at 12. The Mother has many faces and not all of them are virgin Marry with infant. Some are Marry Magdalen and some Marie Curie. Different people, same persona - giving life and fighting snakes.
some men are abusive and manipulative too. why would any self respecting woman settle for that and make kids that could suffer if she has the brains to make a choice?
"By the time you're 40, if you don't have a family and children, you are one lost soul". Pushing 50, I guess I'm lost then. What is ironic is, family and kids were never a consideration. Ce la vie.
... so you have no hormonal drive ???
... it's a highly variable problem ... it can be hard not to blame yourself ... and it certainly isn't all your fault ... many people are out there getting smashed on alchohol and drugs to make friends ... but bonding skills are poorly established in youth ... bonding skills aren't taught in schools for some reason ...
@Citizens Arrest Got a fulfilling job in the Entertainment Industry, something I always knew I wanted to do. I just turned 40 and still without a wife or kids. And I still don't regret it one bit. I just got too much stuff to figure out and do first. Frankly, I am having the time of my life, minus the tragedies of life that come and go as they please.
I mean "most people" want to have a family, so his statment is probably right for "most people". You may very well be that 1% that doesn't factor in to that statement.
You can make statements with a high statistical probability regarding "people", but you can never, ever make the same generalisation when it comes to a single individual. It's like saying that the average height for men in the US is 5ft10, but if you'd actually measure every single man in the US, the vast majority wouldn't actually be 5ft10.... X% would be 5ft8, 5ft9, 5ft11, 6ft etc.... Do i make sense? :P
@@Mukation Yup, you make sense. There will always be outliers of the average, or mean.
Best decision of my life was not having kids. Had a vasectomy at 30. Now at 44 I have no regrets. Family is important. It just doesn’t always mean children.
My girlfriend is 39 and has no desire for children. That was the 1st reason we started dating.
You are awesome. I like you
That's great! Do what you want!
Well I love JP but this area is where I don’t quite agree with him, maybe I will change my mind later on, not sure. But now I’m in my 30’s and still think and I’m even more confident that the one standard formula for life doesn’t work for everyone, maybe works for majority, but not everyone. It’s interesting because I didn’t think this way when I was 19, I didn’t even think about serious stuff back then, as he says what the hell do you know when you’re 19! But as I grew up more, I realized that I never wanted to follow that path he lays out as the way to live. I find strong meanings in other things in life and I believe I can tailor my own path, it’s very difficult but it’s worth it for me. But as I said earlier, I never take myself too serious and always leave room to change my opinion later on.
You're going to be fine.
You will be 50 with no kids and have all sorts of chronic diseases and nobody to talk to. Eventually the world will pass you by. As you age you will find it increasingly difficult to connect with the newer younger generation. Without children and family, you will be lonely and suffer silently as the world moves forward leaving you further and further behind. You would have nothing to contribute to the world, and no family to care about, and nobody to care about you. Then you will wonder to yourself: What the hell am I doing still doing here for? If you're lucky you will die quickly, if not you will suffer for decades lonely, cranky, and nihilistic. You will cease to care for the world, and the world will cease to care for you.
@@deadbutmoving Maybe that happens to people who let it creep up on them. But there are many ways of finding meaning and connection for those people who intentionally follow a different path. Intentional people can always find connection. We find each other.
I don't think you have to disagree with Jordan. He is speaking for the large majority. Certainly there can be some people who can be single or without children and live a happy and successful life. But those people are the exception perhaps they are exceptional in a way perhaps mental capacity of some sort and able to do so. But likely there are more people who if they end up single or childless are not able to overcome the situation and will be unhappy.
@@GuacamoleKun This is the problem I find with Westerners. Every one of them think they are the exception and that the rules and realities of life don't apply to them. The reality is the vast majority of these people are not the exception and will end up miserable. Maybe you are that 5% that finds a happy life without a family in your old age. Or perhaps you will end up like the other 95% of old people without family..... miserable, lonely, and bitter.
I used to work in retirement homes, Having witnessed thousands of elderly people whom both had family and those who did not. The happiest among them was the ones who had large families and many grandchildren to visit them during important events and holidays in life. The most miserable and bitter among them where the lonely ones.
I don't try to force people to do what I think is right. If you are hellbent on not having a family and rolling the dice, I won't stop you. However, if people like you try to encourage others to do that kind of lifestyle I will push back against it. Knowing what I know and seeing what I've seen, how much suffering and pain it causes, I will push back against that kind of nihilistic existence. Sure I might discourage that 5% from living a fulfilling life as a loner, but I think it's a small price to pay to prevent the other 95% from decades of suffering. I can live with those odds. Can you live with the fact that the encouragement of your lifestyle will causes decades of suffering to the vast majority of people? I'd venture to guess that people like you never think of it that way, nor do you care. You whole point is to justify your lifestyle at any cost, no matter how much it harms others or society. And that, at it's core, is the kind of nihilism that is destroying the Western world.
I'm one of these lonesome, isolated, miserable creatures. Thanks for reminding me, Jordan.
You're not!
I'm isolated, no kids or partner, enough money and lots of things to do and quite happy.
😂😂😂😭😭
You can get out of it and improve
I’m forming my career at 38. My kids are older now as I had them young. Maybe we just need to switch things around a bit but women can certainly have a career. I’ve built my study in around my kids lives here and there as and when I had a quiet 6 months. I’m now finishing my degree in the next two years and I look forward to a really full and exciting career. They don’t need me in the same way now and I’ve streamed lined my housework and parenting down to a fine art even if I do say so myself. I really enjoy a lot of what JP says and I understand his point for sure but I think it’s a matter planning things differently rather than declaring it as impossible.
I spent 20 years with a narcissistic sociopath, It’s better to be alone.
First year was his fault the other 19 are all on you.
@@grcvky Thankfully not everyone thinks this way and can appreciate that life is more complicated.
My mother is still with my dad who is a narcissist and I don't believe she'll ever leave. So well done for getting out. ❤️
First year was his fault, the other 19....
"his" who is the his, Larry? Or was Larry in a same sex marriage, or when you saw narcissistic sociopath you automatically thought it was a man.
Everybody is narcissistic its just that some cant justify it in a acceptable manner
Some of us really don't want children. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm in my 50s, male and never wanted children. Not everyone is suited to be a parent.
Well said!
Correct !!! I am 48 and I never wanted kids. However I have nieces and cousins and my Cousins’s kids that help out in many ways whenever they need me to. I am happy that I can help them.
That's pretty sad
Why? Just because not having children is a sad state of affairs to *you*, it does not follow that it is sad for everyone. I don't have or want children, but I don't think it's sad that most people have or want them--to each his (and her) own. Also, one need not reproduce in order to have a profound effect on society for all time; Isaac Newton and Christiaan Huygens were both life-long bachelors, and they altered the course of science, with all that that implies for the world. (Albert Einstein had children, but did that--or his *own work*--change the world? Ditto for Gandhi and Nehru.) Many a childfree teacher, and inspiring aunt and uncle, has set a curious or passionate child on a path that changed, and is changing, the world for the better.
J. Jason Wentworh. All I said was, "That's pretty sad." Why the lecture? I haven't disagreed with anything you're saying. And yes, it is sad to me that I have no children. And all your fake comfort doesn't help.
I see a lot of unhappy marriages because people force themselves to marry those they do not really love since they are afraid to be unmarried. Children raised in an unhappy marriage is at risk of not being happy also. If you find someone you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with then of course why not marry him/her. But committing yourselves to a marriage with someone just because Jordan advise you to get married before 30/40? I really am not sure. Probably not having a life partner at 30 or 40 is not desirable but I don’t think forcing yourselves into a marriage will make your life any better and it may negatively impact more people.
My parents married because they loved but thir parents loved because they are married and their marriage was stronger than my parent's. It's not number of choices, options and freedom that make us happy but it's the commitment and devotion that glue two things together strong and where we find the meaning and happiness. When a young two virgins in love have sex under the wedlock it works like strong imprint that of a young chick just hatched have instant attachment to his mom and follow wherever she goes. But if you are into apps like tinder and casual sex, you constantly have to find the new partner to get that high and that strong pair bond will be extreamly harder to achieve.
@@joo7454 Not necessarily. After years of casual sex, one has the chance to understand way deeper the meaning of what is important or not and come to value the real thing more. Kind of like appreciating happiness more when you had met the abyss of unhappiness.
@Trelise' Avery-Moore hey, who are you calling a liberal?
@@Daniela-pr7rz Here's very interesting stats that you might want to look at.
ua-cam.com/video/um3EmS9DKsI/v-deo.html
Stupid ones try to learn everything from experience but wise ones learn from history
. Remember you only have one life.
Part 2. Make sure you find a partner who likes you (notice I did not say love) bears with you, when things are down, still want to be married to you, when the big feelings of love infatuation wears out because he/she like you despite your shoftcomings. 💌
I think it's important to point out though that being alone or isolated DOES NOT guarantee misery. Some prefer to be isolated and some don't.
living with other will guarentee misery .......
I’ve always told my daughter that she’d make a great mother. However, I’ve also told her I’ll never badger her to get married and have children. That must be her decision.
I just wish for her to explore the world a bit before she settles down.
Then if she can find a good match, children are then an option.
That's great! I thought I didn't want to be a mother, just because I wanted to be against of what my mother said I would do lol
Sol Diestra it’s definitely got to be your choice. Whether to have children or not.
Don’t get me wrong.
Children are a privilege and create meaning in our lives, that until we have them, we truly cannot comprehend the depths of where their existence can take us.
But they are a lot of work, with many truly memorable moments.
If I could do my life over again, there are some things I most certainly do different.
But I’d still want the same 3 children I gave birth to in this life.
They are that amazing ❤️
"Explore" usually means sleep around and get used up
Hi your opinion and experience obviously.
She genuinely is focusing on her fitness, health and travelling.
@@nonamehi Only if the person in question is ill prepared for the world. Sadly, many people are and it's usually due to their upbringing.
Not all single childless people chose their path voluntarilly. Oftentimes life does not turn out the way you expected. People get divorced and have infertility problems. You are keen on looking for a life partner but you simply can’t find one. His comments are brutal and lack kindness and understanding of human condition.
srs1659 yes brutal and lack understanding .... so strange . This can be typical of academics . No common sense
Totally how I saw his comments.
Many times life doesnt fit the blueprint of job, partner, children. Even when it does, there is no guarantee that you will be free of isolation and loneliness. What of the isolated people who lost their partners early, those with difficult families? I've seen older women in such circumstances, and many fill that void with deep, caring friendships, pets, work, and hobbies.
Incels are people who blame others for their own problems, except for a few extreme cases.
If all women reject you possibly the problem is not the women.
Well he has more experience dealing with people than most people on earth. It used to be his job.
Well i just learned that i'm one miserable lost soul.
There is nothing as such... you view life the way you feel and not by how someone tells you should feel or be
Own your decisions and live your choices by the GOOD and the not very good sides
You are not. Your existence in life is huge meaning. Waking up every morning and experiencing life or having passion for tomorrow is the meaning itself. You’re blessed be grateful for all the things you have and don’t allow other to tell you how you should feel about yourself. Everyone have different experience in life. Don’t compare yourself to other.
Ra. vii he he I think he was being sarcastic
@@Lukas-cm2b And he's vouching for everyone to be a sheep, misery loves company.
You are not alone
I’m a high school drop out
I had a career. I was a tree climber
For 30yrs. Almost got killed every day.
Loved it so much.
Good on ya, but that was a job you had for 30 years, not a career.
@@Najebanski He chose to do it for 30 years, loved it, why is that not a career?
It's literally the definition of a job that you always keep doing the same thing ^^ you couldn't be farther away from a career
But it's nice that you enjoyed it! There are a lot of ppl with actual careers who hate their life.. so no guarantee for happiness or fulfillment on either side of the coin
@@Najebanski I’m still getting paid for it right now.
Last tree I climbed was 2017.
I get paid $2500. A month for life.
It was a career
I am nearly 70, have wife, children, and grandchildren, and I can assure you that I'm not happy with it either, I regret that I missed the opportunity to be a musician and businessman in my younger age, and build a house in a secluded beautiful mountain and live alone with nature. I want that life but I can't turn back. What I have is just an ordinary life, a template life, and I'm dying. So what? Regret works either way. Happiness is just a state of mind.
Tks for keeping up the role of husband, father and godfather, though. That was right.
So what advice would you give a younger person sir? How to figure out what the right life is for us (seeing as regret exists on both sides of the fence)?
Shreyas Rao Follow your heart. Don’t just treat life as a series of boxes you need to tick.
About a career. By default (dropping out of college) I had gotten into carpentry. My dad was heartbroken that I had not gotten a University education at the time. But fast forwarding decades I really really enjoy my craft. I really enjoy (most of the time) building things. My skill level had improved and still is improving. I've had the good fortune of working on some of the finest homes in my city and building high end cabinetry.
Also had the thought that as a younger man I had the capabilities of doing work in any house or building on any street in the USA!!!
Starting out was not always easy, but one can constantly improve his or her skill level and job desirability.
And I have heard many times the innuendos that universities are the more upper crust and trade schools are for DUMMIES and those not smart enough (yeah, that's pretty much my accurate interpretation), but the reality is virtually everybody really enjoys living in a home.
Let's not ignore the building trades. With discipline and entrepreneurship a person can go far. And even enjoy his or her work!
I'm 48, and when I was in high school, in Australia, the best jobs were supposed to be around for those who got their high school certificate and trades were for dummies. Well, I got my high school cert and did crap jobs where I got abused by the bosses and customers. Then I went to University and got a degree but there were no jobs in that field after 7 years. Tradies get two to three times my annual salary and are in demand. I think the dummy was me listening to adults who had no idea, just an opinion (parents, career teacher, teachers, government).
I was not brave enough until recently
Good words! I keep listening to him and all I hear is someone trying to keep the majority dumb and unhappy so the 1% keep their investments safe and the rest just keep eating at McDonalds and buying crap they don’t need online to help the depression they feel at not having a ‘career’ .
SuperAlfaDogg as long as you’re passionate about what you do. Parents need to MEAN it when they say “all I want is for my kids to be happy.”
Not happy like the parents think they would be happy. Happy doing whatever the kid is passionate about.
Dena F the other side.
I went to college for a decade to be a psychologist.
The woman who does my manicures probably makes as much as I do.
But I did not want to be a manicurist. I love what I do and I like going to school.
Young man or woman listening to this.
Don't make someone else's experience dictate everything in your life. Jordan Peterson is not a god, he has an interesting point of view, it's always good to listen to wisely selected people and sometimes that can genuinely helps you out. But judge wisely.
On pragmatic stuff, like save money and buy your own place instead of renting it as soon as you can, that's just so true and beneficial that it can be applied to practically everyone, man.
But for the more complicated stuff there's no simple answer like that. Make your own, and when a direction you're taking in life bothers you, don't neglect that feeling, face it. You'll get to know what you really want.
The negative examples he gives, are people who don't face their fears and are not accepting their choices, that's an easy target, because for sure, that person can only be in the wrong.
Thanks. This is good advice.
renting vs buying is not pragmatic
I think you're missing the point. He's not telling you to have a family, he's warning you that if you don't, you will be miserable later in life. Ultimately, it's up to you if you make the effort or not, and yes, he knows how difficult it is in today's world...
@@RTSBone but the problem with this advice is that nothing is guaranteed if everyone was guaranteed to find a partner the world would be even more overpopulated than it is now. I used to love JP but now I’m not so sure what he saying here is so profoundly subjective. Relationships are not the key to happiness.
@@GoldenMushroom64 you don’t need a guarantee. You just need to get your shit together and do your best in life.
No kids and absolutely zero regret. It’s not for everyone.
Maybe Not yet my dear
You suck
Lmao so all of a sudden having a family and kids is the number 1 priority of life? You all realize this is exactly what is contributing to global warming, right? Overpopulation? Jeez...
1) I already have a career.
2) Childless people with no family of their own (aside from parents maybe) are not automatically miserable. There are a lot of people who are *more* than okay with it and they won't have the midlife crisis that Peterson expects them to have.
Sure these are good general advices, but the listener should be aware that these may still not apply to themselves.
Someone's UA-cam Username i think it is apply to everyone unless the person lock him self or herself in a church or temples isolated themself forever chanting to themself
Someone's UA-cam Username, what also irks me is that what he's describing is pretty much already what happens across the board anyway. It's not like everyone is eschewing kids and long-term partnerships; it's still the norm. He's being oddly dramatic and scare tactic-y; not spawning doesn't mean you'll have no one. Lots of people have extremely elderly relatives who don't have kids of their own and they look out for those aunts, uncles, whatever the same way they would/do for their elderly/ailing parents.
That's funny cause literally every married couple (even single) that i know who didn't have children are the most sour and nastily jealous people I have ever known. They have no friends, no family, just a bunch of pets to make up for the lack of children. It's actually sick.
As opposed to all those couples with kids that never have any problems at all - nope, all people with kids are happy clams!
I’m 23 and feel like I’ve been having a midlife crisis for the past three years. If I can make it this far after what I’ve gone through on my own, I can make it through the rest of my life.
Living by yourself is not per definition a terrible life. It actualy beats most mariages these days.
A marriage is what you make of it. If you're with someone you can't get along with and you can't negotiate with; what does that say of you?
"Alone" may be the sweetest word in the English language.
I agree
So you are comparing the best of a "living by yourself life" to the worst of marriage life
The main problem is that a lot of woman don't know how to be a lady anymore, but they wonder why there are less and less gentlemen. Just like that song from the 90s...you get what you give. The other problem is the high risk of getting screwed by the biased family court system. Most young men don't like those odds. If it works it can be way better than any kind of single life. If it's broken, you have to try to fix it not throw it away.
This morning I broke up with my partner because she said "nothing will ever matter to me more than my career". To me the relationship and potential family always came first. This video reminded me that I made the right decision. Thank you.
@Thomas McGuire I think that you made the right choice. A career will never love and care for anyone. And it can easily be lost for many reasons.
You did the right thing. A. You're not going to change her mind. B. Better to find out now and catch the next flight to Kathmandu than find out later when you're married and she gets half of your 401K amongst other things. C. Even if the sex is hotter than a Jenna Jameson vid, it doesn't matter: You would have been second banana. D. You have the self-respect of a real man. Mad respect for you dude.
That's it?
@@scottashe984 There were obviously more underlying issues that lead to this but this was 100% the nail in the coffin. And holy shit do I feel so much better.
ppl who can say such things without realizing how far away from any rational logic they are are not rescuable. i cant imagine how such ppl think/function. thats more psycho than somebody who has his ex partners in his fridge
Who can find a job now that pays enough to support a family?
major600 monetarily i think the way things are today u need 2 families to raise one kid. Basing that on my nephew.
major600 I make $64K per year. I have 5 kids. We're doing very well. I don't think I make great money but we're very happy and enjoy much luxury. but it's much more about how you spend than how much you earn.
Precisely. People are so often caught up in the 4/7-year expense cycle: lease/buy a new car, sell-then-buy a new house... This doesn't even begin to address the overspending on clothing, shoes, needless vacations (I'm all for good clothing and great shoes and that much needed vacation). I was SO lucky in that my parents were spend-thrifts. They instilled some really useful axioms when interacting with money and these helped straighten my focus when it came/comes to money.
1) Live in a house that is LESS than what you think is necessary.
2) Don't buy/lease new vehicles; take care of the vehicle you have with regular and often FAR cheaper maintenance.
3) Budget your weekly groceries. No need to go eating 'cheap' food unless it's just as healthy for you. Quality and healthy food is life.
4) Save the maximum amount that you can every paycheck; make that money really work for you.
5) Credit cards are ALWAYS to be paid off completely every month and use one that offers a useful reward (i.e. cash back, grocery points, etc.)
I guess there are a few other maxims that I follow as well:
Spend as much time with your family and friends away from the tv and computer as you can.
Go for long walks.
Find a hobby that really grabs you and deep dive into it... OR several of them. These 'interests' are what make you you and they cannot be understated in their worth. You don't need to spend the moon on your interests/hobbies but recognize that a good interest pays dividends in so much more than a monetary return (well, some literally pay you back).
Bill Randall your standard is way too high... $150K! that is huge money.
Bill Randall I make much less than that and have 5 kids. I have no debt other than a modest auto loan and a modest mortgage. it's not how much you make. it's how much you spend.
Okay, I agree with Jordan on just about everything - not everything, but just about. I am a woman who has a vocation which I adore and which gives me energy and is so rewarding - demanding and rewarding. I love that I have a partner, always have loved having a partner (male), but have known since I was a child that having children never appealed to me. I knew deep down inside that it was not my path. I am 54 and so grateful that I followed my instinct and remained childless. I've never had a moment of regret, and I love my life as it is. I have many young people in my life. I just wish Jordan would take care to remember that we all don't fit the average. I'm all for women and men having families together, and I wish it were not so screwed up for them right now because I think one of them should be able to stay home and raise their children rather than fobbing them off to nannies or daycares. Seeing many children in those buggies , half asleep and bored stiff on their afternoon walk, depresses me to no end. I want always to free them.... they should be with mom or dad. Anyway, please remember to include those of us who made a responsible decision very consciously and have no regrets.
How does your partner feel about it? It's rare enough for someone to actually not want children, it's rarer for a couple to.
He might say he's OK but it might just be for your sake. That subliminal discontentment is how relationships end.
You know you just always have to live with the possibility he might run off with someone who can bear his children
I am 25 and may be I will end up like u... but most important tbing is having no regrets and making whole life matters...
My partner and I are around the 40 mark. And we decided we didn’t want kids about 7 years ago. Couldn’t be happier.
“Not fitting the averages” is right.
There are exceptions to every rule. There are a lot more women who want kids than who dont
This was a generalized situation not a specialized one
Love Jordan Peterson and usually agree with what he says.. However unequivocally disagree that you can't be happy and hopeful as a single 40 year old male.. I'm not one but if you can't firstly be happy alone being in a relationship with a family is just a bandaid..
... people are poorly socially ... harder with age ... i relocated alone at 39 ... now 42 it is terrible.
... it's a highly variable problem ... it can be hard not to blame yourself ... and it certainly isn't all your fault ... many people are out there getting smashed on alchohol and drugs to make friends ... but bonding skills are poorly established in youth ... bonding skills aren't taught in schools for some reason ...
@@dn1697 many people are out there getting smashed on alchohol and drugs to make friends ...
I used to find it felt almost like betrayal if I was let go from a job. But once I realized that all I am is a number in the payroll system, it didn't bother me as much.
You may even make some good friends at work but if the company needs to choose between cutting some jobs or making a little less profit, they will usually choose to cut the jobs - So all employees need to do is not buy into the 'we are family' lie that the company tries to feed them.
You are a commodity to them, and they are a provider of money to you - That's as far as it goes. Thus, always be on the lookout for better conditions and more pay with other companies - There is no such thing as loyalty to a business that can make you unemployed to preserve their profits.
Wow... I have never looked at it that way. Thank you .
I recently watched a video about an old Australian lady who relocated to South Spain as a retiree. She was alone but blended beautifully with the local community. Even with the initial language barrier and cultural differences she established a great social network. Her daily life's full of activities and awe. There is hope beyong family.
Spain is such a happy country! Can’t really describe it but it’s flowing in positivity, happiness and sunshine. Certainly a good place to be.
"Life is miserable, so produce a family so more people can be miserable." Yeah, that's the ticket.
lol you dont even have common sense. I feel so bad for you lmfaoooooooo
"Yeah this is big brain time"
@@lokoomontana4818 care to explain?
You don't have to be miserable, and life doesn't have to be miserable. If you look deeper I am sure you will realise that you have it better than a lot of people on this earth.
After all misery loves company.
That peaceful music right after "and no one's going to help you" had me cracking up lol.
same, is like praying for my soul, oh god help me
Woman here. I thought it was the perfect match to what he said. It's the musical form of what it feels like to live what he said....that you will have trouble balancing the two things but no one will care nor help you. 😐
I don't often comment on youtube videos, but i'm going to make the exception here. I really like Jordan Peterson a lot, obviously, I'm watching his videos. This being said, I feel called to interject my experience of being alone. I feel it needs to be stated, there is a distinction between being alone, and feeling alone. Being alone, does not necessarily entail loneliness. Think Thoreau and Walden Pond. I only use that as a reference, because it's commonly understood and accepted. From my own personal experience, I'm currently 48, and live alone. I'm ok with this at this time. 4 years ago, a woman that I felt deeply connected to, decided to leave. It was not my choice or my wish. But regardless, it happened. I'm eternally grateful for the time I've had to process my grief and heart break. There were opportunities to escape from my grief, but ultimately my spirit knew they would have only served as distractions and/or escapes. I did not put a time limit on my grieving, or a time limit on my desire to process and find my way back to myself. To health, both mental and physical. I'm so glad that I didn't. I have rediscovered spontaneous joy and creativity. Had I jumped right into another relationship in an attempt to "not be alone", I can only imagine the limitations that would have existed, because I was not healed. We can't be truly present with another, if we're unable to be truly present with ourselves. Do I wish for love? Of course I do. Am I afraid of not finding it? No. In the past I was, but I see now from my new vantage point, that we must first be in love with our own lives, before we are ready to attract the right people into our lives. Maybe she will show up, maybe she won't. But in the meantime, I am not focused or obsessed on her arrival. Some nights I go to sleep and imagine that she may soon be laying next to me, whoever she is. But I feel happy with where I am. In my own body. In the present moment. In a state of communication and trust with the Universe itself. All things are possible. I would also argue that many parents have children that refuse to speak to them. Or challenge them with poor choices, drug addictions, etc. An endless list. Having children does not guarantee connection. Trust me on this. They are totally capable of ghosting their own parents in this day and age. If you need someone else to make you feel safe, then you don't understand the illusion of ownership. Maya. Our contract with reality is tied to a linear experience. This is the nature of time. And because of this, there are no guarantees. Ever. For the sake of your own growth and self-knowledge, please try not to move through life from a place of scarcity. The fear associated with this is not worth it. Talk about lost time that you can never get back. Jordan is right about the female biological clock though, I've witnessed this many times. And the terrible council given by other miserable females seems to go without any accountability. Also, I really like the perspective on Jesus and Western Society and role models older than 30. That's fascinating, and I never had that thought before. I have a different experience of life, but I can see how that has shaped a great number of things.
He's right about the last part "...nobody is gonna help you."
Loneliness is the emotion you get when you'd like to be connected to other people, but don't feel like you are. That's why you can also feel lonely even though you're surrounded by other people, for example at a party or when you're in a bad relationship. Having a family/being married definitely doesn't prevent loneliness and there are many, many people without a family/marriage who don't experience loneliness.
True !!
you win from the all other comment ......
lol you are right/smart how do you this.........?
This is why I never become a "fan" of anyone. They'll always disappoint you eventually. JP has taught me an immensely over the past year but this one size fits all, you have to be married and have kids statement is a hell of a thing to say to people for whom it's too late. I'm in my late 50s, childless, male, and hanging in there. Sure I get lonely, but so do my parents in their always disfunctional marriage. Imagine me going to him as a patient and being told that. What's next, suicide?
Per JP one will be painful and miserable anyway which is why a calling/ meaning of life is needed. So i guess as long as one has a sense of purpose in life for oneself he or she will be just fine. But of course companionship is easier to achieve for many compared to other things when it comes to fighting loneliness, say spiritual growth, helping others and etc.
Just remember jp’s word, life is miserable anyway’ (with or without kids)! And dont overthink things.
My husband always wanted a family but his circumstances didnt work out that way. His 1st marriage failed, his next partner was infertile and I already had 2 children when we met. He was 40ish by then. We now have a son together...dont give up hope! X
Exactly. He's just a human being like yourself. What makes his take on things right, and yours wrong? Many miserable people are those who are married! And it can sure be very lonely living a lie like that. Never become a fan of another imperfect human being. Be true to yourself and your own worth.
Steve Sheldon yeah he lost me on this post. I don’t have kids. I still don’t want any and I’m almost 50. I’d rather have a partner and a dog. Kids don’t always hang around
Wow. I think he was mainly talking to women.
I am so grateful for not having children or a partner. Nothing but peace of mind, pursuing goals, and improving the world. I have nothing more to ask of the world and am content. I’ve never liked having partners, pets, friends can be nice, but then after a bit I feel like I want to be alone again. Guess I am an outlier. I have literally always been like this since I was young.
I love JP but there are times when he could really do with qualifying his advice a bit more - for example, he's clearly taking a general viewpoint of most 'typical' people here. And everything he says makes 100% sense within that criteria. But those of us who lean towards the atypical side may find this advice not particularly relevant.
That doesn't make Peterson wrong, it just means we have to be discerning in how we interpret his statements. I find he's better in his class lectures than with these Q+A's; he sets up the criteria a lot better so you know exactly what grouping of the populous he's referring to.
The exceptions kind of proves the rule here I think. And there's nothing wrong with being the exception.
He actually tries to put things in the context of extraordinarily skilled people; he specifically tries to say that while you can be very skilled in one direction, you should be cautious since you might lack skills in other directions and the skill you already possess will not suffice. His advice is not a recipe worth following in 100% of cases, but it is indeed worth knowing in 100% of cases (at least IMO). Cheers xD!
Hes referring to women in particular.
@@martinacaffrey4411 I know. It was the atypical women I was referring to.
I was trying to think of the words, but you responded to this most eloquently and most thoughtfully. I agree with you 100%.
Do you have experience. d
In retrospect the best move I ever made was, at the age of 42, to stop pursuing a career as a university lecturer and set up my own company that allowed me to work from home and be there when the kids came home from school rather than crash in way too late and too tired to be any fun. I wish I had done it earlier.
For those that want to have kids, so they can take care of you when you are old, can be by your side, talk to you etc: I'm happy that I'm not your son
Kids are individuals. You should be happy that they are raised and living their lives out there and that they (or their kids) will continue the story when you leave
Yeah. My mom is making me frustrated.
'' For those that want to have kids, so they can take care of you when you are old, can be by your side, talk to you etc ''
lol ........ common people always says that statement you have rightly addressed .......
I'm 45 years old. I haven't done a whole lot of things right in my life, but if there is anything that I did do right, it was that I never got married and never had kids. Those two things will ruin your life, if you're not careful. It's much safer to never get married than to take the chance a marry the wrong person. I'm sure there are millions of married couples out there who wish they were still single.
Yet those single people are not in crushing debt because of their singlehood nor do they have their careers ruined because of spouse&kids.
cause a career means absolutely everything to everybody. there is more to life than that and what you will probably find is that getting married and having kids is the most fulfilling thing you can do. people don't want kids today cause it is hard work, but then don't mind slaving away at a job or career for materialistic things to keep their hedonism in check. the only reason this is the case is because the flood gates were opened and the labour force was doubled now there is just as many men out of jobs as women and feminists are still crying.
How can you say that? Maybe you would have done more things right if you did those 2 things. It's hard to compare reality against what you suppose it would have been like in another life.
My kids changed my life and gave me a purpose... I just separated with their dad 2 weeks ago but I would not trade the past 10yrs for anything. This is for the people that read this ladies comment, know that. Live your best life, with no fear. You are way stronger than you think... Trust your instinct... I went through university without a cent to my name and passed... With my kids... I'm working now as a Civil Engineer... Have a vision of what your future looks like and hack hard towards it... Dont let anything or anyone hinder your progress. Including your kids. There is nothing like that when you want what you want. I don't know about careers as I have just been working for just a year, but nothing is impossible in this world. Believe that... If someone else did it you can do it better... If They shared their struggle, even better. you are gonna refine and prowess that struggle...
Wowww!!! Thanks for sharing about your experience with us! GBU. 🌷🌷🌷🌷😎😎😎😎
The best thing I ever heard was someone in the 50-60’s saying they still didn’t know what they were doing with their life.
After that it stopped bugging me.
I'm in my 40's and just found my calling as a landlord. I love it! Turns out I'm really good at collecting rent every month. Like really good!
I am almost 45 and regularly thankful that I never had children. If I had, I would have done just fine. I know that because I am a pretty good aunt.
I am also single and not interested in being with someone for the sake of being with someone.
I love to learn about many things and I love my multiple jobs. I am happy.
My wife and I met at our late 30s. Both from blue collar working class background, first to go to college in our families, did everything right with our lives to get where we are, good paying jobs and a house in an expensive part of California. Got married soon after we met and since been in a loving marriage, but would trade our house and savings for one child, and one of us would happily quit the job to be home and raise that one child.
It’s a mixed feeling when I think about the last two decades of my life, on one hand I feel I was lied to to believe the long nights of studying and the long days working was all I needed to do to have a happy future, on the other hand I blame myself for believing that lie instead of listening to my family who I thought were uneducated and ignorant and of course were beneath me and my educated friends.
Relate so hard. Am 20 so there's still time to make the right decision. But have realized that my family was right and the indoctrination at the institutions wrong.
As a 29 year old woman who thought I never wanted kids until I got pregnant at 26... I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. My son is the light of my life and I wouldn't change a thing.
I got pregnant at the same age. I always knew that I wanted kids but I wasn’t ready at the time. I was still in the PhD program working on my dissertation, hoping to get a prestigious position after graduation. My unexpected pregnancy changed the course of my life. I ended up marring the father of the child, dropped out of PhD after a few years of struggling, and got a job that pays decently well but nothing prestigious. It’s been 8 years now and I can say with confidence that it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I have zero regrets. It’s a different version of happiness than I envisioned but so much more rewarding and satisfying than I ever could’ve imagined.
@@cherriercheung I'm so happy for you 😊 sometimes life turns out way different than what we imagined but that isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it IS the best thing to ever happen to us 💖
@@cherriercheung sorry how on earth is a pregnancy unexpected?
Definitely. I agree with most of this, but I’m 35 and I don’t wake up thinking ‘I wish I had children’. I have nieces and nephews and a loving relationship and I’m more than happy with that, but that’s me lol 😁
I WILL be happy without any children of my own. Or not. Life is life. Its short in the long run.
David Williams That can happen when you do have kids. Some people who have kids young are going to outlive their own kids. You might live to be 100+ years old and see all of your children and spouse die. Sometimes the best parents are abandoned by their children and dropped off at nursing homes. It’s important to find meaning in our own hobbies outside of people. If you can’t be happy alone you will never truly be happy in my opinion. Also people have siblings, friends, cousins, church congregations, etc. And hey, if you are truly lonely and can’t have kids then adoption may be the right answer for some older people. My parents adopted a child in their mid 50’s after we all left home.
yeah Mrs. Please be
Are you 19? ;)
“Do what people have always done” ...unless you want something different but be prepared to justify your actions to anyone (and generally everyone) who offers you their thoughts, be prepared to fight for yourself and own your decisions/mistakes. If you truly want something different you have to veer away from the societal norms otherwise your best possible outcome is “best copy cat”
if you fear social outcasting you are neither special or person enough to standout. i am allways the opposit to the mass, not on purpose i am just so different. i allways knew how ppl can get irritaded by that, never lost a thought caring about it. my biggest fear allways was to be like all the others. in nazi germany all lifted their arm. not doing it was rebellios, scanalous, they called you traitor and worse and now, those worst ppl are heroes and the dumb mass is victim and criminal in one. no, the day i am not the exact opposite to everything they think and value i start to be afraid.
The thing is that if what you really want is not very clear or if you fail you'll always feel miserable and be seen as a looser.
@@drefhill hey there, I can understand your opinion, It seems (from my own experience) that failing is a part of success, for every success there have been on average 6 failures, it is hard to stay motivated when you feel disheartened by failure but if you succeed without any adversity the "win" itself can feel somewhat diminished. If you are concerned with having the appearance of a loser (It is VERY common fear) then you must make your efforts in private away from the scrutiny of those around you.
This is not the age of happy families with children. This is the age of social media and promiscuity. Misery will find you, single or married, its called life.
@Anonymous Anonymous Well it depends with wealthy people. Its either they spend too much money on thing they dont need. Or they are under the influence.
@Anonymous Anonymous Thats pretty much my first point. I made they spend too much money because they are miserable. They are trying to make themselves happy that way but can't.