Infinitely grateful for your reinforcements which put me on the map. It's not lost on me how my voice carries in ways in which yours and others won't. That's one of the reasons I move the way I move. It's sobering to recognize this paradox and how my voice carries where others don't. But also it's a tool in the arsenal and hopefully it leads to further progress. I think our "wave" is more important that we realize at the moment. Hopefully this isn't wishful thinking 🤞🏿
Even still... truly appreciate how you share space with other editorial/commentary channels... getting turned on to other perspectives through mutual respect of association rather than depending on the algorithm ... definitely respect how you move and what you share too 🙏🏿💗🙏🏿💗🙏🏿
I appreciate you using your masculinity in such a positive way so much. It's refreshing and also sets my mind at ease being a trans guy with very little masculine influence in my life who therefore ends up seeing mostly toxic men and toxic conversations about masculinity that have lead me to have a lot of conflicts with accepting my own masculinity. You are very appreciated. Any man who does so is very appreciated.
I appreciate you so much as a Cis gendered homosexual man. I came across your channel through UA-cam algorithms before Khadija announced you on her channel, based on me following her. You embody everything that I would desire to see in a cishet man and I hope your channel resonates to all cishet men out there who desire to hear your message.
When people talk about men being praised for crossdressing, I think the discussion is too focused on social media. The internet is only a fraction of society, and people who praise men for wearing dresses are an even smaller fraction within that. In real life, on the streets, men who present in a feminine way are not treated with reverence, but more often revulsion, and violence. If we're talking about privilege and oppression, the discussion needs to go beyond internet subcultures.
Exactly. I see a lot of people in the comments saying 'you do you idc what you wear' and the like but in real life, in the society we live in it doesn't work like that. We live in a society that requires everyone to fit into a certain criteria if we are to be treated with respect or at the very least with normalcy. If a man wants to wear a skirt to the shops or a restaurant in an unironic/not looking for attention sorta way he will be treated with hostility, and thought to be gay or queer even if he's straight. God forbid your co worker/boss sees you in a skirt, then even your job may be compromised. The supportive, leftist groups we've created for ourselves on the internet are very different from reality and we have got to be very aware of that.
well that’s the thing tho, more often than not the men being praised for wearing stereotypically feminine clothing are shielded by any of those real life repercussions by the privilege of wealth and fame (and usually whiteness). harry styles, for example is someone i seriously doubt is dealing with street harassment for wearing a dress on the cover of vogue. and a cishet man has the option of playing dress up for fun but then taking off that costume and returning to the privilege of “normalcy” whereas queer and trans folks don’t get that privilege. now crossdressing and drag in particular can be viewed as more of a subculture rather than a specific act which gets more into self expression and gender nonconformity rather than simple experimentation or following a trend. that’s a whole other discussion that i won’t get into here because i have no desire to write the equivalent of a thesis abstract right now lol
Yes, I agree with you @RJ. And even when people criticise some of those supposedly doing it for praise and attention it comes across bigoted…. Very “How dare men wear dress” from those you’d think would know better? Especially when it gets tied to “ugliness” of the dress/outfit (or even the person wearing it!)
As a Black cishet man who is absolutely uninitiated to DPDR - i didn't know what to expect coming into this but Khadija's consistent insight and empathy in deconstructing anything put in front of them. My lawd 😮💨 i don't wan spoil too much before the premiere but I'll say that this video left me with a lot to think about especially given my upcoming video on gender **goes back to the drawing board lol**
As a GNC trans person, I believe everyone should have the freedom to express themselves. EVERYONE. It's part of the reason I fight. Even if someone is cishet, if being gender nonconforming is their happiest state, then I want that for them! I feel like it isn't up to us to gatekeep that. There is an issue with cishet celebrities being praised for the same things queer people are hurt for, but it is more complex when you take it to the real world. It makes me angry when people take it upon themselves to restrict feminity to only a certain kind of man. Something someone else said that I resonate with is the transmasc frustration with femininity only being allowed for cis queer men. When I'm femme, I'm a trender or delusional, but when a cis gay man is femme he's empowered. It's frustrating that cis gay men can do that and not be questioned as we are, but they should be authentic to themselves nevertheless. That's how I feel about cishet men being feminine, too.
And then if you do anything that isn’t rigid expectations of masculinity you get called feminine anyways. I am a trans person who does not like being called feminine cause i’ve found that anything i do as a trans man is considered feminine and it feels like another way to invalidate what I identify as. Even though I like some things considered to be feminine. But then again, those things would not make me femme if i was the pinnacle of masculinity.
@@sienh not necessarily a biggot. If they believe that, let them. I don't think gender is entirely real myself, but i don't think that makes me a biggot
@@sofiamn_05 I think calling it "not real" might be a bit iffy because of how imprecise the term is. If it wasn't "real", does that mean trans people are just imagining things and are upset about nothing? Perhaps "socially constructed" might be a more precise term for what you mean (hopefully). Check out Philosophytube's video on the topic: ua-cam.com/video/koud7hgGyQ8/v-deo.html
Honestly, if i ever saw a cishet man dressing up with more "feminine" clothings i would love to befriend them. Living in a country where gender roles is still included in every aspect, i appreciate them for being so brave to do it. In here, if a guy crying or act slightly more flamboyant, they gonna be called "gay".
I agree! I really want men to open up to effeminate sides as well, my country is just like yours and it's honestly so sad. Also dude I see you everywhere! Either we have the same taste or I'm unintentionally stalking you
absolutely!! i hate that these things are associated solely with a certain sexuality. I think people should be free to experiment with expression as much as they want without other making assumptions about their personal life
I remember a long time ago I was assumed to be gay by a gay guy when I was in high school despite him being friends with my girlfriend. It confused the shit out of me then because I couldn't think of anything I did that gave off that energy but I can only assume it's because I wasn't a super masculine guy. These toxic ideals are so ingrained into our culture I guess.
You don't know how much that means to hear someone say. It can be lonely feeling unsure of who you can open up to. There may be people who know that better than I, but it doesn't make it less true.
I get the knee-jerk "why is this straight man here?" reaction, but considering - as you said - that he's not at all the first straight drag performer, it seems like having him on the show both better represents the diversity of that subculture AND challenges that "prove your masculinity" thing. I've got a step-nephew who, when I first met him, would wear his favorite pink cat hoodie basically every day, and I would say to myself: "Man, I really hope nobody bullies him out of wearing things like that." Well, so far my wish seems to be granted since two years later his pick for "style day" at school was head-to-toe pink. He's like 10 years old, so I don't know what identity labels he'll settle on as an adult (we may have some new words - or newly mainstreamed words - by then, for all I know) but it warms my heart to see him be confident expressing himself in ways that would have gotten much harsher pushback from peers and adults alike when I was a kid.
as BobThe Drag Queen mentionned, once you leave mainstream drag circles, you realise that cishet drag performers are constantly present. They also said it was a shame that the vitriol Maddy got from fans was bigger than the one Sharon Needles got for being a groomer and saying the N-word, which is once again extremely true.
As a cis straight man who considers himself fairly feminine, extroverted and flamboyant, hearing that a Maddie Morphosis is going to be in a dragqueen show actually kind of resonates with me on a personal level (and I don't even watch dragqueen pageants). Ever since high school, most people have assumed based on how I talk and act that I was gay (my first relationship even initially thought I was). Even now into my mid-20's, I have been told by some friends and coworkers of mine that they at first assumed I was gay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, I know it would be OK if I was, and I consider myself and advocate for LGBTQ+ community members, wanting to be a safe and supportive person. However, I'd be lying if I said these assumptions didn't make me a little insecure about how feminine I act, or that they didn't shake my confidence in finding a partner one day based on my feminine traits coding me to others as not being heterosexual. Most of the feminine men I see portrayed in the media and entertainment usually are gay. For me, seeing or even just hearing about straight men portraying themselves as feminine makes me feel seen, and a reminder that there's nothing inherently wrong with me and that there are other men like me.
Hey, fellow straight guy here. I feel a lot of what you're saying. I've also had people whom I considered close friends at the time basically telling me I'm queer in some way after I'd clearly stated that I wasn't, and that hurt me. I felt like I couldn't act the way I act or talk about my interests without people invalidating my identity. Like, I have examined my identity and thought hard about gender and sexuality and I determined that I identified as cishet, yet they wouldn't believe me because I "act gay" and "like gay things". But, to clarify, my problem isn't people assuming I'm queer. I even kinda take it as a compliment when they do, because I like queer people and I feel comfortable around them, so them assuming I'm one of them based on how I act feels comforting, I guess. The problem only arises when I clarify my identity and they don't believe it and maybe even start to convince me I'm not correct. That's just immoral in my opinion.
I feel it as a cishet woman that was a bit masculine at some point. It's okay to be lesbian but hearing my sister calling me lesbian as an insult felt.... hmm
Drag is not linked to the inherent femininity of the performer. Not all gay male drag queens are femme. Not all femme gay men are drag queens. While I appreciate his story made you feel seen, I think you are taking the wrong lesson from it.
I empathize with what you are saying (even if I can't fully relate - I'm a cis, het female). No one wants to feel invalidated or like they can't be themself without being pigeonholed into a box. Like I said, I'm a cishet female. I like the color pink and cooking and knitting. But I hate when people act like I HAVE to enjoy those things to be a "proper" woman. How would they feel if they knew I always perform my own tune-ups on my car? Or that I love fishing and sports? Would I not be a proper woman because of that? People should be allowed to just exist as they are. If a man likes dressing femme, it shouldn't be a problem whether he is straight, gay, bi, or ace. And people shouldn't assume one way or another.
@@thewittyusername That’s completely fair and I appreciate your comment! What do you believe the main lesson was? I reread the beginning of my post, and noticed how you came to that implication. Please know I mean no disrespect, I was not trying to imply drag queens inherently have to be inherently feminine or anything that would convey disrespect or intolerance. This mentioning just resonated with me, but I am here to learn and be respectful (:
I'm enby and David Bowie's music has helped me a lot in my journy. For a while a fell into a rabbit hole of interviews and fan theories about lyrics and all that stuff, trying to "proof" that Bowie was enby like me, because I felt like "we understood each other". Now I just know that I'll never know, that it's not my place to "find that out". For all I know a cis man changed my life and that's ok. Thanks a lot Bowie
His music and art and presence can mean something to you personally regardless of his identity! Art is personal and if it means gender to you then hell yeah. Im sure you know that already though. Im nb too btw!
If there's one thing I can sum up from my thesis, it's that gay rights in the UK would have probably never gotten the same traction if glam rock had never gone mainstream, to be honest. So many gay and bi men discovered their sexuality through people like Bowie and Marc Bolan.
@@communismenjoyer1858 nb means non binary and non black, it depends on the context but sometimes they do get mixed up. i don't really see people using n-b for non binary
@@micah5847 yea ur right I guess I just see people using n-b out of respect for black people requesting that we use it instead of nb. Probably just a difference between who we surround ourselves with.
What I see is that men who not look "effeminate" receive more sincere praise than criticism when they put on dresses and skirts, while gay and non-gay men who are effeminate and don't fit the ideal of masculinity and who like so-called "women's clothes" get criticized for being exaggerated or too gay. As someone has said in the comments, it's easy to recognize who dresses because they like the style and who doesn't care but love to be noticed as "rule-breakers".
And being famous from my point of view has a big impact on how people see gay cis men and straight cis men with certain types of clothes, clothes are genderless but unfortunately it's not like the 'real world' people see things .
Straight men wearing dresses are not necessarily accepted though and are assumed gay. I have rarely seen a moment when a man wearing a dress wasn't ridiculed. Tyler Perry was assumed gay and ridiculed for years because of wearing a dress. This is not to say they are treated like gay men, though. I think gay men get targeted more for the simple fact of liking men and the perception that they dress like women to "trick" straight men.🙄 To the average straight man they are not a "threat" to their sexuality. They are simply defying what it means to be a straight man. Whereas a gay or bisexual man is a threat just for being attracted to men in the mind of a straight cis man.
I just went through this. I showed my boyfriend F.D Signifier's most recent video about breadtube because for years I had been telling him he needs to consume more critical media/literature made by women of color. For YEARS I've been saying this. When F.D Signifier opened his video with that montage of white leftist youtubers (who I don't watch but my bf does), it finally clicked for him. And after watching it, this man is like "I should pay more attention to POC creators"....Your point about cis het men not "listening" to women in the same way they would other men is (unfortunately) real, even when these men self identify as "leftist", critical, progressive, etc...
I agree with all your points, and I've been saying it for years. Not to mention, gatekeeping someone who is cishet might actually be gatekeeping someone who might change their mind later and say "y'know maybe I'm actually genderqueer", which is a risk I worry about when it comes to the My Spaces attitude. But also, I really love my spaces and I don't always want them to change too much, so just like you kept saying--I GET IT. It's a balance, that's for sure. But another thought I always have on stuff like this is that I really want cishet men to find the joy in feminine things. Not just accept them. But *enjoy* the fuck out of them. I'm so sad that there are cishet men who have never put on a long flowy skirt and twirled around to feel it billow out and then fall back against their legs. I'm so sad that cishet men who feel uncomfortable with their looks are afraid of using makeup for fear of being called girly, who might get a huge self esteem boost with some foundation and contouring. I want cishet men to shave their legs and think oh damn, I'm never wearing dress pants with hairy legs again because this is NICE. Some feminism talks about how women shouldn't feel like they have to do the makeup and shaving if they don't want to, and that's so true. But also, a lot of women enjoy those things, and *cishet men should also be able to enjoy those things*. I want them to be happy!
i agree sm with your comment! personally, dresses make me dysphoric and i also just don't like them much (i'm n-b/agender), but i wear skirts sometimes just bc they're fun haha
Not that anyone asked for my opinion but I think everyone should be able to wear whatever they want (ofc if it's not culturally appropriative), the problem only arises when people from non-marginalized communities get praised or put on a pedestal for doing something people from marginalized groups have been doing for ages and yet have received hate for it and continue to receive hate.
@@sleepyfriendstm kinda? it's like the same gist, but i wouldn't call wearing feminine clothing or painting your nails or doing makeup cultural appropriation because that isn't a culture. also there can be straight cis men who engage in feminine activities just cause they like them, but get praised for it by people for no reason. in that case the man hasn't done anything bad, it's others that are doing something bad. of course people can take (and have taken) advantage of that and then start doing those things only for social capital. but again, it's kinda a different thing than cultural appropriation. i would say that they're in the same, like... family of social issues?? i guess?? if that's the right way to say it??
@@m_milos This was something I was thinking of too. My brother, who is a trans man, shared this feeling with me about drag queens. He feels frustrated by, sometimes, cis gay men being rewarded for dressing up feminine while he is denied the that same acceptance. Obviously both groups face discrimination, but the point I believe he was trying to make is similar to what you are saying. Gender expression is such a complicated and sensitive subject.
yup. the people who created the culture don’t end up benefitting while the people who decide the culture we created is now suitable for them (aka cishet men) get credit like they were the creators. its disheartening.
@@graphicnovellife I came to comment something similar. My wife is trans and she has expressed this numerous times to me. She isn't hating on queens, but she is so frustrated with how (mostly) cis gay men are praised and accepted for doing drag because it is impermanent and entertaining to people. But for my wife, she is living in her body every waking second, yet she is widely unaccepted or even rejected for existing. I totally agree with you and your brother and am glad to see others who have acknowledged this dichotomy.
I'm a queer trans masc person. Accepting my feminly and allowing myself to be feminine has been a huge journey for me. I got stuck in a lot of toxic masculinity and internalized transphobia when i first came out. What really helped me accept my own feminity is the idea that did men can and do express femininity and that does not change the fact that they're men. I see a lot of trans men feel like being feminine takes away from their identity but that just isn't true. Cis hets can play with their gender however they want, and so can queer people.
This was exactly my experience too, as AFAB trans masc I had internalized toxic masculinity and being able to see that and come back to a "middle ground" with respect to feminity had been eye-opening and awesome. I had also internalized transphobia and had even been transphobic towards other trans folks who didn't meet this toxic idea of was what is acceptable
As a mostly fem attracted AMAB enby, while I understand the cultural heritage of the gay drag seen, I do find it frustrating that gender and gender expression is still so tied up with sexual orientation. Like, thinking girls are hot doesn't mean you cant also like wearing dresses. It took me till I was in my 30s to start coming out as a fem enby in large part because I just never thought that experimenting with my gender was something I was allowed to do as a "straight" "man".
One straight man after 5 trans contestants, 14 years of gay men, and one cisgender woman in UK along with the fact that Maddy is sharing the screen with 2 trans contestants this season and one being a dark skinned trans woman and the other I’m assuming is a Hispanic person of color. So it terms of fairness I really don’t see an argument. If we really want to redefine gender roles then let’s redefine them. Straight guys have been doing drag for decades, they should never be confused with the originators but they have been participating.
I remember one of the first few seasons of RPDR where a trans woman raised quite an uproar because she wasn't fantastically drag enough......she looked too cis. Obviously not as big a deal today. It's good that drag has grown in it's inclusion. But yeah, keeping drag's origins close to heart is also an important factor.
Cross dressing can be for straights or gays and historically has including both in large amounts. Why? Because your clothing and sexuality arent melded together. Boys wearing skirts to a uniformed school shouldnt be seen as culturally appropriating from a bunch of celebrities. People crossdress . Ru Paul and that ‘variety’ of drag queens don’t represent all drag queens or all cross dressers even though many would prefer that group of people to be a monolith with non-mutable characteristics.
yeah I think its okay for a straight cis guy to be included, but they really need to do better with trans contestents. Only 5 in Ru Paul history is vanishingly low
If I were to draw parallels regarding the Maddy Morphosis conversation: I live in Philly where there’s a small but prominent LGBTQ+ scene. One of the most famous spots for night life entertainment comes from two gay bars titled Woody’s and Voyuer. These clubs were designated LGBTQ+ spaces for marginalized folks to feel safe and have a space to actually let loose. Straight and cis folks were never made to feel unwelcome in these spaces so long as they showed respect to others. However, new mgmt has taken over these spaces and effectively turned them into average/heteronormative spaces on the basis of “increased inclusivity”. It’s pretty disgraceful. Woodys had flags representing multiple identities of the LGBTQ+ community which are all now wrapped up and hidden from view. Just a gross miscarriage of mgmt altogether. But back to Maddy Morphosis, I think that folks are worried this same invasion would occur on the main stage of RPDG which I understand. I think drag is an art form for ALL to participate, but the history and roots of drag should always be remembered and respected. And I think Maddy and many others are capable of that respect.
Go on a holiday break. You're amazing and deserve it. As someone who's bisexual, I feel as if the worlds of 'straights' and 'queers' could do with blending a bit more. You know, we as bisexual people already impersonate that, just by existing.
Word, for some reason being bisexual helps me excuse myself from trying to be too manly, idk if it makes sense but it helps me embrace my more "feminine" qualities without feeling like I'm not living up to what I'm supposed to
This is so true, I'm tentatively hopeful for a future where I don't have to worry about being "too straight" or "too queer" since it's all the same world and there's no assumption that you either belong to one or the other.
i don’t really think that straight and queer should be blended bc queer can be used as an umbrella term for all non straight people. i use queer as a general term for my identity bc i don’t want to figure out the specific label but i know i’m not straight. when you blend the meaning between the words, that takes away from the history and importance of the word queer. also, i am not bi, so correct me if i’m wrong, but isn’t there an issue with bisexuals being seen as like half gay half straight? and the biphobia that that creates within the rest of the lgbtq community along with homophobia from society as a whole
@@user-ry4bm5cm4g I believe she was talking about bringing down the strict social barriers between the identities. An example is nail polish on guys, it looks great but a lot of people associate it with femininity and homosexuality in men, so many guys are afraid to wear it because they'll be seen as "gay".
@@aeway_ That, and the fact that there's the 'gay community' and the mainstream/straight community. Some people still get confused by bisexual and non-binary identities. If people aren't either man/woman or gay/straight, they're going to have a hard time understanding how that works.
This makes me think about “the medium is the message” in the way that a lot of the time the issues do not come from what the message is but who is saying said message. However this always runs the risk of making the actual voices behind issues fight for more visibility in their own spaces.
I don't mind a cishet drag queen - RPDG has changed so much since its humble beginnings, now becoming this mammoth show with a massive straight audience, so I'm not at all suprised that this has happened. Also because while RuPaul beginnings were in the ball scene. that is not where drag started - drag has existed long before the 1980s, and while it was indeed mainly a means of expression for queer people, there were definitely cishet folks doing that. It'd be nice to see a straight person showing appreciation for it and not going down Mrs Doubtfire/Big Mommas house route of making fun of it. I'm sure they'll keep him in check in case he'd ever step out of line and be disrespectful. HOWEVER - I would very much appreciate a Drag race spinoff for drag kings. That actually was an element of the ball culture and it feels negligent to skip over them completely.
@@luigicore9122 lots of trans guys are drag kings too
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@@andie.3632 female perfomers dressing up in masculine drag - basically the opposite of drag queens. (obviously by "female" I also mean trans men, nonbinary folks who were assigned female at birth)
When the show started it was and continued to be for many years INCREDIBLY transphobic. Rupaul used slurs and degrading langauge about trans people to be funny for years and it deeply hurt me to watch my cis gay friends laughing at his transphobic comments like it was nothing, like because hes gay hes suddenly allowed to make a mockery out of us. And how he wouldnt let pre op trans people on his show to compete for several years. The later seasons have improved drastically but only due to the production company themselves enforcing guidelines on Rupaul. When Rupaul has been asked in interviews why he doesnt use the T slur "shemale" anymore he has said its because hes "not allowed to" not because he recognizes how harmful using that langauge is now.
I want to start of by saying I really do understand and can empathise with the fear and apprehension of straight people encroaching on queer spaces, and what that can mean. At the same time, the social dynamics at play need to be acknowledged, namely how the idea that "straight men shouldn't do drag" mirrors a homophobic policing of masculinity and straightness, it reinforces the cis heteronormative narrative around manliness. I know they come from very different places, but when we're talking about the rigidity of societies views around gender, I refuse to be ignorant of how saying "straight cis men shouldn't do drag" validates that rigidity instead of challenging it, how that perspective aligns so well with cis heteronormativity and patriarchy that they end up pushing the same narrative. I don't want to just label someone's uncomfortablity as problematic or something, I really do think there's space to honestly speak about that. However, while we can acknowledge those fears and actually provide the nuance that this discussion deserves, what I'm not going to be in favour of is using those fears in a way that ultimately ends up with the same strict gender stereotypes. A straight cis man doing drag is actively challenging a societal expectation of what a straight cis man can/should be, and I think shunning him for that would be wrong.
As a fan of Kid Cudi for 10+ years, seeing people's reactions to his fashion choices has been equally hilarious and depressing. They talk about "they got to him" and "I miss the old Cudi", like he didn't wear a kilt and got called gay for it over 10 years ago. Like he didn't wear a crop top to coachella in like 2014. Like he didn't post a picture of his painted nails around the same time. He's been questioning dipping his toes into the traditionally feminine for years and years. "They" didn't just get to him, and there is no "old" Cudi, you just weren't aware lol
This reminds me a lot of the “straight people in gay clubs” discourse. I would get annoyed when I see a ton of cishets in a queer club because it felt like they considered us a tourist attraction. “Look at the gays in their natural habitat” kind of mentality. I’ve softened on this a lot- after all, I’m straight-passing and it’s not like you can tell who’s queer and who’s straight- and as long as everyone is having a good time, it’s none of our business. What I do mind, though, is straight people being weird in our spaces. Getting upset when they’re hit on. Disrespecting performers. Being homophobic. Etc. In my opinion, you can be a member of the majority in a minority space if you’re respectful and you follow the rules. Don’t come in the gay bars with all your straight friends, try to upstage the queens, and make comments to the men about their gayness. We don’t like that.
really interesting points made here. It's the endless dilemma of wanting to normalise vs wanting to protect, particularly as despite everyone's best efforts, when the dust settles, the system still seems to elevate straight white cis men a lot more than others. :/
I think there is a class issue here that wasn't discussed. Cus drag exists in the mainstream now as something you need financial access to compete in. Cishet people have more financial access than gay and trans people, who are less likely to find work and more likely to be abandoned by family. Now in practice, it would be way easier for a straight cis man who wants to benefit from drag being in the mainstream to get on RPDR than for a trans woman who has dreamt of being on the show all her life. Like the way Harry Styles is selling nail polish for $65 dollars because of the femininity he is allowed to benefit from, when even the Kardashians couldn't get away with $65 dollar nail polish. For most cishet men, playing with femme aesthetics will bring them more harm than benefit, and we should be allowing space for freedom of expression. But when this becomes about competitions and reward system, under the current economic inequality, its easy to see how this can just become another tool of oppression for heteronormativity. Like when people ask about white rappers. In theory, sure its music and everyone should have it. In practice, Post Malone and 69 get to the top of rap charts by releasing music the equivalent of fart noises.
Bussy Queen did a couple of videos on financial investment in regard to winning the competition, turns out statistically winners don’t spend that much money. Those contestants who spend >50k on drag, they may look stunning but RPDR is a comedy, dance, singing, design/sewing and personality competition. Usually the winners are the whole package and craft their outfits themselves.
@@JinMeowsoon 50k is very much still quite a lot for most people, seeing as you've recognized pricey means >50k. Meaning still more accessible to be saved up by a cishet. And most people who make it to the show have some sort of talent that gives them staying power, but I would argue that every single talent is improved by access. You become a better dancer with classes. You become a better singer with classes. You become a better comedian... well that one ill give experience but thats why there are so few winning comedy queens. I can only think of Bianca Del Rio. All the rest need money to get better at, seeing as Ru always gives critique on how elevated their drag is. What do you think that is code for? It is still a level of exclusion that will benefit those with more financial and social access, which means more cishets.
I honestly don’t think we need white rappers since Hip-Hop directly came from the oppressors, white people. Why can’t they just let us have a privilege in our own spaces for once?
Growing up with a bisexual mother who celebrated her gayness I was often surrounded by LGBTQ members and one distinct thing I know is they were always accepting of a person as long as they embraced who they were whether it was gay straight man woman or anything in between and all cultures. It was a community that was safe for anybody to be who they are without the need of a label. It is interesting to see how much this community I have grown up in has changed and has become more exclusionary. I understand the perspective of those who hold this community precious and don't want it 'infiltrated' with straight folk...but at the same time I feel like there is a loss in the essence of what it means to be lgbt
I remember a few years ago the try guys did an episode on drag and I thought it was really important to show cis men (most of whom straight) embracing femininity in a fun and educational way as they learned from drag performers about performance and it's history. And I honestly think it's impacted them as a group since, and more of that needs to happen in this world.
I can’t wait to see Maddie on Drag Race! I think that as straight-cis men become more liberated, they’ll become more mature and empathetic, thus helping to end isms and phobias!
“All I want at the end of the day for our mega Earth group project is for people to be better.” The final prayer for the ceremonies of the cult of Khadija 🙃 “Group project” is the perfect description inherent with all recognizable dynamics-some people napping while others fighting the good fight!
Khadija, I think you were the first person to introduce me to the quote "The first violence men are asked to commit in service of the patriarchy, is to kill the emotional self" or something to that effect. I've been thinking about that a lot in terms of this discussion. Firstly, I think we overuse the word society to ignore our own complicit involvement in these harmful rituals. We are society, and we ask cis men and folks socialized as men to commit this violence in order to enter into manhood. I think Maddy being on the show is subtly pointing at that truth. People are upset because he appears to have healed that part of himself and moved into femininity. People are upset because they don't trust him in this space after decades of abuse. It seems weird because we don't know him as a person. He's a character on a show. His story hasn't even been shared yet and we have all these opinions and judgements. Something else you said that I loved is "what is your goal with this movement". Extending that to drag race, what was the initial goal of drag race? RuPaul has talked about it many times, but it was to force drag into the mainstream and sell it to middle America. He's been very open about that. And I think this more of the reason why RuPaul makes the decisions he does for the show, rather than him being some kind of queer traitor and transphobe. His concern is in selling palatable queens and he has a pretty good sense of who will be too controversial for the show, and who will push the concept of drag further into the mainstream. Further into cishet people's homes. Idk if I think that's a good thing, but it helps contextualize some decisions. At the end of the day I'd rather have trans women on the show, but I don't think it actually matters very much that Maddy is on instead. The same argument about Maddy could be made for every cis man on the show taking a space away from a trans woman. We can have both, accept both, and fight for both to exist.
amazing video as always. I know that I had been talking with a lot of other trans ppl talking about how it was bothersome that said cishet man got in while RPDR has notoriously excluded trans/genderqueer ppl. but, as you said, this reality can coexist with the positive impact of having a cishet drag queen on the show for ppl to see.
We are socialized to disregard feminine appearing/women voices over masculine appearing/men voices. It's the sexism and genderism that makes the content worth exploring and embracing. No matter how "progressive" one assumes themselves to be, it's the implicit bias (like Khadija mentioned) that shows there is always room to grow.
I agree with you so much, I just need to acknowledge that drag race has been pandering to a more straight audience for years now, and has been showing a very small part of drag that can be understandable for a straight-cis audience. It's only been recent that there are trans contestants that enter the competition openly trans. For years, it was known that if you were a trans woman and had your tits done you would not get into the show. So I get why it feels so unfair to have a straight cis guy on drag race, considering how shitty the show has been.
In general it's a good thing that cis (hetero) men feel free to step out of society's norms of gender expression. But since the thumbnail is full of celebreties -- of course gender-bending fashion is a practise that's been there for long in the queer community, opressed and met with hatred. So it's a shame that media is now praising cis males for being 'so brave' instead of the queer community where this cultural practice originated. I suppose many of the arguments against cultural appropriation can be applied here. Only would I like to see more people use this practice - without calling for praise🤷
Agreed. It's very hard for me to see this as anything but appropriation, another case where mainstream cishet white males -- the oppressor class -- are lauded for portraying the identity and cultures of marginalized peoples, while those peoples are _still_ being oppressed for their identity and culture. Another case of "it's only acceptable if cishet white male people do it".
The issue I have with this being appropriation is that, surely this should be lauded (not instead of, but inclusive with the queer community). Like, the fact that gender non-conformity of people from any sexual orientation is even partly accepted in the mainstream is indicitive of the progress we want no? Surely this is better than the cis men *also* being criticised and berated and bullied like the queer men were? I understand the nuances the matter (I think? I'm a bi masc-enby who has been getting more and more into femme presention, but I've also never been too directly involved in queen-centric spaces), and I get that frustration in seeing a different group of people get praise for something historically you have been denigrated for. But these should be seen as little victories - acceptance within wider, cishet spaces means their greater acceptance of it within the queer community I should think, especially given it's origins in and historical association with queerness
@@EphemeralTao The trouble I see with this is the framing of straight men as being fundamentally separate from the queer community. I was presenting as a "straight man" 5 years ago. Now I'm a bisexual fem enby. It took me till my 30s to even start wearing women's jeans because I didn't think that experimenting with gender was something I was allowed to do as a "straight" man. And it took a couple of years of identifying as GNC before I got comfortable enough to start actually identifying with my true gender. And I didn't start coming to terms with my sexuality till I had started becoming confident in my gender. The straight man in a dress of today might be the lesbian woman of tomorrow. And even if he isn't, he's still doing the thing. Being queer is being transgressive and for all the praise the likes of harry styles gets he also makes a lot of people very angry too because in many parts of society it's still hugely taboo. Yeah its unfair that he gets praise when gay men or AFAB people don't, but its also unfair for him to get excluded. Telling a straight man that he's not allowed in our club cause he's too straight and too much of a man is reinforcing the patriarchy, and why should we be doing its job for it?
@@WhichDoctor1 @Master McO'Britannica I get that, and exclusion of those who are exploring their own identity not helpful or desirable for anyone. But we also need to keep in mind the long and sometimes brutal history of "cultural gentrification" that has affected the queer community. Just like with African Americans and other minorities, the queer community has long been affected by mainstream culture moving in, appropriating bits and pieces of marginalized cultures, profiting off of those bits and pieces, and then driving us out of our own spaces, or at least making our spaces significantly less comfortable for us. I've seen this happen far too often, in far too many ways. Ideally there shouldn't be any "queer community", or "African American community", there should only be a community of people without all those artificial barriers and prejudices between us; and everyone free to explore their own identity as they see fit. But unfortunately that is not the world we currently live in.
This ignores the fact that up until recently (and still for some) it was seen as explicitly queer to crossdress. This idea of having straight crossdressers and gay crossdressers and only the gay ones are queer is completely anachronistic and revisionist. In the history of LGBTQ struggle, crossdressing is synonymous with queerness. This reads as people trying to act like the Q in the LGBTQ doesnt mean anything. Queer means nonconformity in gender presentation, gender identity, or sexuality . Queer was historically a nicer way of saying ‘deviant’ which simply means atypical. Until this decade there was no such thing as a straight guy crossdressing and it being seen as somehow outside the sphere of queerness. This gatekeeping of straights from drag culture is just backwards. Its not even founded in the history of the culture itself
Found out about bell hooks through a jaden smith song, heard her name & something just made me look her up & I’m glad i did. As a straight man (don’t know much about gender like cis male etc.) but her books made me change the way i think about not only feminism but also race, media, love & masculinity. R.I.P Bell Hooks
I’m masc and cishet and recently I’ve wanted to explore my femininity through drag. This gives me more confidence to do it. Though learning the makeup skills looks pretty intimidating
i understand why this video was framed around cis men specifically and that it's not really the point, but i wish we would stop pretending that trans men are unaffected by toxic masculinity and living in a patriarchal society. a lot of the time it actually comes directly *from* our community and not even from cis men. feminine trans men are abhorred by a certain sector of trans men, often to the point of horrific bullying, harassment, and threats (and that's not to mention how often it's grown ass men dunking on middle schoolers), and i feel like these men are absolved of their toxicity because they’re trans. though i think it comes from a different place than cis men hating feminine cis men, which would take more than a youtube comment to unpack, the fact is trans guys still are pressured to be as masculine as possible and to denounce any feminine interests or aspects of gender expression. i knew a trans guy who was ashamed he wrote poetry because he thought it was too feminine. i've stopped myself from covering a pimple with makeup then had to stop myself from *that* with a moment of "woah, what the hell am i doing?" i don't know, sorry for the manifesto, khadija, just had to get this off my chest. i admit the title rubbed me the wrong way, but i'm glad i watched the whole video :) happy holidays
Agreed. Dysphoria makes trans people adopt very backward attitudes on gender in order to escape it at all costs and feel validated. I understand how it feels so I cant shame others for it but definetly something trans people need to acknowledge about ourselves.
But honestly though, I think it’s confusing to people. Your identity is yours however if you feel like a man, the only way in my mind is through gender stereotypes. I mean isn’t that what gender is? A societal creation that people align themselves with? If a cis woman doesn’t align with femininity at all she’s often referred to as a man in some sort of way. The idea of gender is slowly expanding but with that I guess to me gender would really have no point if any and everything can fit into male, female, non-binary. What is a trans male if you dress like typical cis women, have no facial hair, and just present as a woman?
My goodness Khadija, I had to stop and comment before the video even started! Your adorable silliness just makes my heart smile, even when I am feeling really down like today. Thanks for showing up as yourself and all your singing intros.
I'll never not be grateful for coming across you because your emotional intelligence and the ability to keep your own situation/ experience aside and think of an issue in a rational way blows my mind.( By keeping aside I meant not getting affected by just that but being able to look at the situation from all perspectives, being able to think of the consequences and after effects of said situations, is not something everyone can do). You always hold my attention despite my wavering mind and I'm always looking forward to hear more from you. Thank you for existing!
I just feel frustration over the slowness of progress over gender and sexuality (more so in my country). I wanna express myself in peace - exist in peace. I wanna go out and dress in a way I want without people making any sort of judgement or assumption about myself and I want that for other people too.
I love drag race! As a gay man, it's really helped me abandon my own internal homophobia. I've been in a relationship for 3 years but I don't think that would have been possible if I didn't have the tools that I learned from RpDR. Self love, gender is a construct, we are stronger together, and laughter is powerful, are all lessons I've learned from a TV show. It's not perfect. Far from it, but I am glad we have it. As far as cis het male contestants, they've been featured on the makeover challenges, like Wintergreen, so I am not super bothered. Hopefully they are good people.
I don't really care how other people dress. You do you. I have seen straight men dress up "feminine" and wear make up and it's very common for women to explore men's fashion and get "masculine" haircuts. So it won't really be a change for me.
I feel like visible cis/trans solidarity and people of different identities visibly existing in the same spaces is also important, just to normalise it for the many who (sadly) don't often see people who are trans, drag queens or openly lgbtq+ in other ways outside of spectacle or entertainment. I think on some level it could make things feel more real to some who haven't had those kinds of meetings. RPDR obviously isn't the end all be all to that but... Many little streams and all that.
I have been binging all your videos the past 2 days! Thank you for your continuous emotional labor ❤️ Also your singing voice is phenomenal and I could listen to you sing all day
I’m thinking of the little straight boys, teens and young men (maybe even some old men too) who see Mady being on RPDR and realize they can wear makeup or put on a dress and still be secure in their sexuality and gender identity. They need to know they can express themselves in any way without judgment. Also 1 person out of 180 being cis and straight is a drop in the bucket. Why is it that when cis straight girl/women dress more masculine or cut their hair short no one batts an eye. Most people don’t even think about it because it’s so common now. But when a straight cis boy/man puts on a little nail polish, or dyes his hair a bright color or wears a dress, or even just takes care of his physical appearance every one looses their damn mind?
Being raise around a family of entertainers, I picked up or both masculine and feminine energy. It wasn’t until middle school my identity was checked and took pretty much a decade in stoping society’s thinking form seeing emasculating/feminine energy as a negative. It’s a lot work and having supportive and queer friends challenge me on those notions and allow myself to be free and in turn the capacity to allow others who want to do the work to find their way. On the topic at hand, inclusion is a mess because humans are naturally flawed. If all parties start there healing beings. Those who are in a place of privilege, regardless of how little or big, acknowledge and come with a sense of reverence, and the community allows it can create beautiful synergy.
This year thanks to your channel, the channels you mentioned, and others, I really am seeing the other side of things and I'm thankful for it. I didn't realize how even women themselves do perpetuate the patriarchy even if they openly acknowledge and oppose it. It's a quicksand some people weren't ready to face. Especially when you're tired of the sinking feelings YOU KNOW you'll be facing at any random nth hour. Y'know the patriarchy pushing you is normal and you're on the defensive but it's another beast to push the patriarchy from jump and be on the offensive..? IDK I hope I make sense lol
I saw it as a business move on RuPaul's part. He is a die hard capitalist and the show is becoming more and more product placement and commercialization and has been able to reach out to as many demographics as possible to get support and make money that straight dudes are just the last market they haven't broken into
I‘m a lot into Kpop and for this I am really used to more „feminine“ guys. I do not really care about that thought. People always tend so say Kpop idols look like girls because they dress a certain way, wear make up and show their feelings a lot. I hear that from a lot of hyper masculine people and when I tell them that I personally feel more attractive to these kind of guys from the way they expressing themselves , they feel offended and attacked in their masculinity. For what reason ever 🤷🏻♀️
I will be generalising, but I think the reason a lot of men feel attacked is because men are taught from a young age that it is vitally important that we are "manly", which includes being big and strong and also women have to find us attractive (the latter point causing problems in various ways). So, saying that you don't like big and strong men causes a conflict, because it goes against what society has taught men to believe. This conflict results in confusion, which men express in anger/frustration/offence, because we aren't taught how to deal with emotions and how to properly express our feelings. A man's manhood is constantly being questioned and challenged; one slip-up can lead to ridicule, so men can be very defensive about it (you can see this quite well in teenage boys, as they try to navigate the idea of "being a man"). If the idea of what makes a man attractive is suddenly turned upside down, it can be hard to understand what to do with this information. Therefore, many will simply reject it.
@@GnarlieTheGnome I've been thinking a lot of this as well, and I think this is one of the reasons why whenever a girl or woman says "well, actually I don't mind feminine guys" or "well actually, I think feminine guys are attractive / I'm attracted to feminine guys," those girls or women get accused of lying about their attraction preferences.
So just as an FYI because you are white, East Asians don’t think that they are feminine. Being part Japanese I’ve always seen men who have a k-pop idol kind of style yet if they are a straight male they wouldn’t want the woman they like to call them ‘cute,’ as that is feminine. It’s a cultural difference, I see so many non-Asian or Asians who have never lived or perhaps been to the country their heritage comes from say they are cute or whatever typically feminine adjectives when generally they do not view themselves as feminine…
My issue is not cishet people being gender nonconforming, but its more that people only care about the aesthetic and not the history/culture it comes from. I wish people would spend more time appreciating the creativity and bravery of average queer people, not just rich privileged celebrities with stylists and PR teams. It feels like people only care about the cool stuff we make and not about us as people
Yes! Exactly, these celebs having some form of gender expression is just a byproduct of them having the privilege to do what they want Real struggling queer people, do NOT get to do that. We will either be met with violence or prejudice
Tbh I've been in enough spaces with straight cis men who dress and present feminine, that I realized that they're probably not a threat to queer folk. I don't like spaces that gatekeep at such a serious level. The people who don't belong in the community are ones that actively harm.
To be honest I've given up on trying to be manly lol, I just wear whatever and act/do whatever I feel like without thinking much about stuff like "wait, these flared pants are feminine" or "damn i can't cross my legs with the boys around" which are feelings most dudes experience regularly.
When I was in uni, the students would schedule an annual drag show (iirc to coincide with parents' weekend lol). Because of the timing, you'd get a lot of straight cis guy "bro" types who'd participate on a dare. A lot of them would just lazily borrow a lacy bra and call it a day. Inevitably, though, there'd be a few of them who actually had a lot of fun with it, and most years, a bro would at least make top three, if not win outright. I think a lot of people -- myself included! -- came out much more open to messing with gender norms/expression in ways we otherwise wouldn't have, esp given some of the backgrounds we came in with. I can see why people may be a little 🤨 on that sort of participation in drag. Still, I think it does have potential to help, in its own small way.
It's like the Asch conformity experiments (participants judged the lengths of lines with a group of wrong confederates) -- once one confederate broke ranks, the participant was *much* *much* more likely to state their honest (correct) opinion. Even as we need our own representation -- Straight Cis representation *matters* to give straight cis people permission to be allies.
Glad to see you dipping into this ongoing topic. While I obviously don’t condone the way out of pocket habits of the drag race standom (really girls…death threats???) I am with folks that are hesitant on what Maddy represents. It’s not really just about letting outsiders into our safe space, which you hinted at, but largely about who gets to take up space and is ultimately celebrated for art born of the queer experience (see also: straights getting awards for playing gay roles or Madonna and Vogue) So a trans man being on the show or even an AFAB woman (tbh Victoria was my fave out the gate) doesn’t really rock the boat because they also have to deal with the fallout of cishet-normativity in similar ways. We are marginalized allies. But somethin about the way Maddy was introduced to the fandom… with this “I’m a straight dude” on their sleeve just don’t sit right. It’s hard to put into words for a lot of folks, but it clearly doesn’t vibe with a number of queer folks that know how this story usually plays out. As always, you rock with working your feelings out and bringing this message to others who may not even know what RPDR is (I mean, where is the rock they are living under so I can move there cause it sounds peaceful af). I see a lot of “oh it’s nice to see men wearing dresses/makeup these days!” in the comments and I get the feeling this is going over some heads… but we’ll get there. Happy New Year.
I dunno, I have to disagree with your assessment on trans men/afab trans folk. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it's certainly not considered okay for trans men to be doing that. Perhaps mainly by our own community, but any show of femininity is considered proof that we're "transtrenders." Grouping us with the way AFAB women are thought of is questionable, because nobody thinks they're lying or delusional by showing femininity. I'm GNC and transmasc, and I have to deal with feeling constantly "less than" cis queer men that do the same things I do. I don't do drag, but my shows of femininity are way more scrutinized than the femme gays I know. Like I said, maybe I misunderstood your point?
@@beep3242 as far as RPDR goes, we had a transmasc person in top4 of the competition this year. So is it “okay” for transmen to do drag? Your results may vary based on your local community, but I didn’t see US fans having the same kind of discussions of invasiveness when it came to Gottmik. We had a chance on the show to learn about his journey, especially about his dysmorphia and imposter syndrome, but I’m unaware of any outcry for him to not appear on the show for being transmasc. That said, my point centered on unease of a self identified cishet man entering this space. As a transman, do you not consider yourself apart of the queer/LGBT community? Critiques on the community you would have would come from WITHIN and that’s just a different game.
As a Jojo and pop punk/rock fan, im not gagging over these new " Gender breaking" Shit that got hella praised when it's been there this whole time. Its been a thing but just bc pop stars do it it's not breaking any barriers lol. They just got signed to a " Big" Name fashion brand and have their faces on " Fashion" Magazines. Idk. As an SEAasian, in our culture there are sarung and traditional cloth that men use that resembles a skirt and its okay. But when a boy wore the more modern skirt like pleated skirt they got praised or shit on lol when its the samee thing. Also there's a fine line where they wanna have fun or you know... For being praised. You can see it tho who dressed up for fashion and their own style or for " Something' else.
im always glad when I watch your videos, because I'll see your community posts and have Thoughts, but watching the actual thing really clears things up. I know I'm probably not the only one but I'd figure I'd tell you 💕 also: not you combining casey niestat and safyia nygaard! lol
I love seeing gender expression on people, and them having fun with it. For cis het men it is good too. And dressing more feminine is totally a good thing. But I also don't give a funk about how people dress, as long as they're decent human beings, and that is what white-supremacist capitalist heteropatriachy has kicked out of most people. I think there's some link between dressing more feminine and rejecting some patriarchal rules, but it feels like just the surface. Edit: myself being an agender wallflower, this whole colourful expression of things to do with gender is fascinating but not something for me :)
This is so fascinating to me because I'm a queer who was born in 1989 and until this moment, I'd always been taught that drag queens were heavily straight men, often with wives, and of course strongly lgbtqa humans. Because we all live in bubbles, it's amazing how we can all know different ideas of general history🥰
i wasn’t raised to conform to any sexuality or identity, so when i could actually comprehend it i was really disturbed. coming from a rare background where i wasn’t expected to be a “woman”, it’s a lot easier to see how actually demented some people are over even the concept of femininity. i also happen to not listen to anything people tell me, so i was never ashamed of it either. my first crush was on a girl and my mom was so excited that i even had an interest in another person. my dad had aspd, and for a while she was so afraid that i had it too, but i don’t! i just don’t really care what people think about me and my identity. so a bunch of factors made me a clean slate, and i don’t even have a label because i personally am comfortable without one. i have a type but it doesn’t matter what genitals they have. seeing how men react to the idea of femininity is truly disturbing, and seems really hard to maintain while being mentally healthy. not surprisingly i’m a psychoanalysis major, so i have a lot of experience with how people react to their surroundings. i understand societal pressure be affecting everyone, but it’s not an excuse to viscerally hate trans women or feminine people in general. it just shows the instability in their own identity, and i think it really takes a lot to address that alone, and the way khadija explains it is really the best way it could be explained. objective while also having empathy, because lord knows how men react to criticism- my focus is in child/adolescent development so i have a good idea to how these men were raised. the lack of affection and consideration parents give to their son’s is truly despicable. boys are easy to raise bc they don’t raise them- no wonder why the issue is rooted in men. and surprisingly it’s usually mother’s that have the most affect on their mental development. i do study the same field as freud, but the only thing i agree with is the relationship between mothers and sons. its like raising a plant and putting it in direct sunlight without any water. it’s not a surprise that the plant is shriveled and dead because you didn’t do anything to care for it. parents stop emotionally neglecting your sons it’s getting really old and is making the world even worse than it already is. i don’t understand how people can look at this normalized behavior and think they did a good job. i do make fun of men in my free time, but professionally i understand that they weren’t given a fair chance at being a decent person. guys it’s not your fault your parents treated you like a $2 house plant, but like the rest of us, it’s our responsibility to undo that. and if you can’t… mental facilities exist for a reason.
Thank you so much for a wonderful year Khadija! This was a fantastic video, this is definitely a topic that is interesting to think about as a queer person. Either way, I'm so glad that we get to be a part of your community, and that you get to take a holiday break! I hope you have a restful end of year!
As a brown cis male (who is still trying to figure out their sexuality) I actually engage with female creators more but I think I just have a fear of men I’m trying to unpack
Incredible as always, Khadija. I’ll be honest, you’re the reason I got UA-cam Premium and clued into the fact that there is a lot of genius content here from voices that have long needed to be heard. Through you I also found Shanspeare and CJ the X, so a million thank yous! You deserve EVERYTHING.
As a cishet Black woman, I often struggle when we have conversations related to femininity because often we are talking about the performance of femininity. I don’t necessarily want people to associate wearing lots of makeup/a beat face, high heels and uncomfortable clothing with femininity. I don’t want to have to play dress up to be viewed as feminine. Plus as a Black dark skinned woman, I am often viewed as less feminine just because of the body in which I was born. Women are expected to do a lot more primping than men including shaving off all of our body hair except on her heads. With that said if having a cishet man be a part of the show will help cishet men and others understand the amount of time and resources it takes to perform femininity than perhaps it will be worth the effort.
i am glad you pointed this out. I get annoyed with how many people focus so much on stereotypical performance to represent themselves as a women. It comes packaged with infantalizaton and idk just a weird feeling about what it says about "women's place" in society. And the worst part is i see women and men reinforce this stereotype all the time and it seems to run rampant in some queer spaces I still think this is overall a good trend for men to combat misogyny but people need to know that dressing as a women does not mean you truly understand women's experience.
SAAAAAY IIIIT 👏👏👏👏 😭 I cannot put into enough words how much what you say means, and living by example yes but also putting WORDS to what you're doing, the removal of ego in revolution is so important and who we hear it from matters like it or not so thank you so so much, you are foundational in the principles you teach and preach 👏 you walk the path of revolutionary giants and hold the door open, this video is so damn good and beckons accessibility in a way I can't adequately describe and words and works like this is key 💗 Bless you and thank you for the gift that is you, your words, recommendations, experiences and all. I've found so many pivotal people through you onTOP OF the wisdom and phrasing you share. Every piece invaluable and cherished. Thanks is not enough but it's a start, so thank you 💗
"Are we invested in the change we want to see, or just the malignant moment?" YES THIS because don't we want people to grow? What good is Theory if we're not practicing what we claim to believe in? Yes to encouraging GROWTH
I like that Maddy is on the show, I would love tho if other people who are supportive of her appearrance would stop conflating the protection of queer spaces as being the same as queerphobia. "We are supposed to be for equality." or thinking that being inclusive to cishet men is the same thing as being inclusive to queer female talent. I like to thing equality starts with equity. I think it's great that Maddy- if handled right- will be portrayed as any other contestant. It's important to see representation for cishet men who aren't gender conforming and see that we are more alike than different and it can start the domino effect of empathising more with the queers through seeing them humanised this way.
I feel like ive been waiting for this video before I even knew you were doing this. This is so often the mentality that gets forgotten when discussing bigotry and I just really appreciate you putting this approach and strategy so eloquently
It all comes down to whether you view it as negative cultural appropriation, or someone attempting to expand their horizons and bring it more into the socially acceptable mainstream. To this I will add, how many NFL players are both currently active and have come out as gay or bi? There is a bit of envy going on, where a cis-het man can exist as himself in the gay world, but a gay or trans man cannot in the more stereotypically straight world.
I agree. Its SO much easier for straight actors to play queer/trans roles but rarely do producers offer openly gay actors the chance to play straight roles...gay actors barely even have the chance to play gay roles cause they're given to the straights🙃 I am excited for Maddy but at the same time, it's also valid to feel concerned about straight men entering into one of the few queer spaces on TV, when the reverse situation is usually met with homophobia and intolerance by the public, etc
You know what would be great? Meeting Khadija and her fans in a group setting where we can talk about how we apply all of these concepts were constantly considering. I’m getting a masters in Architecture and I straight up visit Khadija’s corner of the internet to be able to hash out how I design. Things from how to consider different humans, exercising empathy without needing to identify as part of a specific group to do so, and honestly her sense of humor throughout some heavy topics. She’s great, this fam is great, I just wanted to say I appreciate you all, have a wonderful year and cheers to new beginnings 🥂 ❤️
You're so on point with this, regarding how some folks aren't ready to hear whatever they truly need to hear when it's coming from someone that's already been labeled as unimportant by the internalized bias that rules them while they'd hear it more willingly from someone they see as their equal. We have the problem in terms of gender bias as much as in terms of ethno-racial bias... It's tough... We need to break the boundaries... People like making assumptions. You present a certain and they think they know what you're about, who you are. There aren't that many of us (even those of us who are big or pan) who would be willing to embrace publicly having a relationship with a cis het guy presenting an undeniable feminine energy and style. When we do, the guy in question takes time to truly believe it's real, sadly...
as a queer black woman, i don’t dislike lil nas x for his femininity, i dislike him for his islamphobic comments and weird comments he said about blue ivy
I'm still of the mind, certain spaces, for the time being need to be safe in a world that often isn't. But, even then, I've always thought as Drag, as something that is for everyone. Trans people, cis people, gay, bi, queer, straight, ace, etc. Drag is an art, and while many queer people revolutionized the movement, (especially trans folk of color) it is one that can be used as a tool to help anyone reexamine their own gender, identity, and what presenting feminine/masculine means for them. Just because someone might be feminine, or masculine, I know this on a personal level (Trans/Queer) that my presentation is a separate entity from who I am attracted to. I dress for myself, and sometimes that comes off fem, sometimes masc. Sometimes just, you know, being comfortable is key. Whether I act masc, or fem (which depends upon the society, since many societal norms of fem/masc are based solely on that individual society) also, really doesn't play into who I love, or wanna bone. It took some years, to get there. It took some introspection on how I've seen people treat folks, (myself included) when I present more one way, over another but. Some guys are super fem, but still like women. And that's ok, and giving them space to be themselves is as important, to moving forward as to get society to be less shitty towards queer, trans people of color. Maybe, not at the same urgency, but it is important.
This topic reminds me of an episode of the L Word where Kit Porter ( a cis het unambiguously Black woman),finds out that the guy she has been dating (a cis het unambiguously black man) does drag.It wasn't the major focus of the episode, but it did make me think about black cis het male masculinity and how cis het black women and the cis het black community at large respond to cis het black men who deviate from cis het norms. What does it mean for how we see black masculinity? ( I was/am thinking)It made me think about how this could contribute to expanding what it meant to be a cis queer black man or a cis het black man for those in this demographic.It more recently made me think of how the black queer community would respond to cis het black men challenging cis het norms around black masculinity. Particularly AMAB Black queer individuals. Season 6, episode 7 of the L word is the episode I'm referring to, but the two meet on episode 2 of the 6th season😊. Shows/stories can help so much to bring little known knowledge (to the society at large) to light or help in making us rethink stuff.challenge us. As others have mentioned, cis het involvement has been going on for ages.
As a questioning mostly masculine presenting afab person who mostly is attracted to feminine traits in all genders of people, this video gave me a lot of hope that maybe there are people out there who are both having similar struggles to me, but also are looking for people like me romantically. It sometimes feels like there's not enough conversation about "in between" people like me who are bisexual, gender nonconforming, on the asexual spectrum etc. who seem to always be left out. Especially as a person who is attracted to other gender nonconforming people of either binary, sometimes it feels like I'm looking for someone who doesn't exist in the "real world"
Straight men have been a part of drag pretty much since it’s inception. I did a research paper on it in college, specifically focusing on drag queens in Atlanta. Many men were married to women, had kids, and lived otherwise “normal” lives and just loved to express themselves. The fact that people don’t know this shows how poorly representation is and how little people care about what media they entertain, to the point where they are too lazy to do a few minutes research and learn about the subcultures they consume. Women are in drag, kids do drag, literally anyone can do it. It’s origins are celebrating a subculture of queer identity, but since when does celebrating involve exclusion, unless it is celebrating oppression?
Specifically talking about RPDR- I have no problem with Maddy specifically being on the show... *however* it is frustrating that they would bring in a cishet man rather than an AFAB/bio queen or drag king, and after only recently having trans queens (who transitioned prior to being on the original show) on the show... It's a frustration with the production, though, not with Maddy herself
Infinitely grateful for your reinforcements which put me on the map. It's not lost on me how my voice carries in ways in which yours and others won't. That's one of the reasons I move the way I move.
It's sobering to recognize this paradox and how my voice carries where others don't. But also it's a tool in the arsenal and hopefully it leads to further progress. I think our "wave" is more important that we realize at the moment. Hopefully this isn't wishful thinking 🤞🏿
Not wishful at all, Unc ✊🏿 my sentiments exactly
Even still... truly appreciate how you share space with other editorial/commentary channels... getting turned on to other perspectives through mutual respect of association rather than depending on the algorithm ... definitely respect how you move and what you share too 🙏🏿💗🙏🏿💗🙏🏿
I appreciate you using your masculinity in such a positive way so much.
It's refreshing and also sets my mind at ease being a trans guy with very little masculine influence in my life who therefore ends up seeing mostly toxic men and toxic conversations about masculinity that have lead me to have a lot of conflicts with accepting my own masculinity.
You are very appreciated. Any man who does so is very appreciated.
I appreciate you so much as a Cis gendered homosexual man. I came across your channel through UA-cam algorithms before Khadija announced you on her channel, based on me following her. You embody everything that I would desire to see in a cishet man and I hope your channel resonates to all cishet men out there who desire to hear your message.
Your voice and opinions are needed. You are supportive to all. Thanks for your channel and videos!
When people talk about men being praised for crossdressing, I think the discussion is too focused on social media. The internet is only a fraction of society, and people who praise men for wearing dresses are an even smaller fraction within that. In real life, on the streets, men who present in a feminine way are not treated with reverence, but more often revulsion, and violence. If we're talking about privilege and oppression, the discussion needs to go beyond internet subcultures.
Exactly. I see a lot of people in the comments saying 'you do you idc what you wear' and the like but in real life, in the society we live in it doesn't work like that. We live in a society that requires everyone to fit into a certain criteria if we are to be treated with respect or at the very least with normalcy. If a man wants to wear a skirt to the shops or a restaurant in an unironic/not looking for attention sorta way he will be treated with hostility, and thought to be gay or queer even if he's straight. God forbid your co worker/boss sees you in a skirt, then even your job may be compromised. The supportive, leftist groups we've created for ourselves on the internet are very different from reality and we have got to be very aware of that.
well that’s the thing tho, more often than not the men being praised for wearing stereotypically feminine clothing are shielded by any of those real life repercussions by the privilege of wealth and fame (and usually whiteness).
harry styles, for example is someone i seriously doubt is dealing with street harassment for wearing a dress on the cover of vogue. and a cishet man has the option of playing dress up for fun but then taking off that costume and returning to the privilege of “normalcy” whereas queer and trans folks don’t get that privilege.
now crossdressing and drag in particular can be viewed as more of a subculture rather than a specific act which gets more into self expression and gender nonconformity rather than simple experimentation or following a trend. that’s a whole other discussion that i won’t get into here because i have no desire to write the equivalent of a thesis abstract right now lol
Yes, I agree with you @RJ. And even when people criticise some of those supposedly doing it for praise and attention it comes across bigoted…. Very “How dare men wear dress” from those you’d think would know better? Especially when it gets tied to “ugliness” of the dress/outfit (or even the person wearing it!)
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This!!!! Social media subcultures are not real life. They represent niches within a larger more messy population
As a Black cishet man who is absolutely uninitiated to DPDR - i didn't know what to expect coming into this but Khadija's consistent insight and empathy in deconstructing anything put in front of them. My lawd 😮💨 i don't wan spoil too much before the premiere but I'll say that this video left me with a lot to think about especially given my upcoming video on gender **goes back to the drawing board lol**
Love your videos, keep it up
@@aeway_ appreciate yuh fam 🙏🏾
Man I'm learning some terms today fosho
@@PascalbigT every Khadija video leaves me with a glossary
Omg yassss THE SHOUTOUT I LOVE THIS
As a GNC trans person, I believe everyone should have the freedom to express themselves. EVERYONE. It's part of the reason I fight. Even if someone is cishet, if being gender nonconforming is their happiest state, then I want that for them! I feel like it isn't up to us to gatekeep that. There is an issue with cishet celebrities being praised for the same things queer people are hurt for, but it is more complex when you take it to the real world. It makes me angry when people take it upon themselves to restrict feminity to only a certain kind of man.
Something someone else said that I resonate with is the transmasc frustration with femininity only being allowed for cis queer men. When I'm femme, I'm a trender or delusional, but when a cis gay man is femme he's empowered. It's frustrating that cis gay men can do that and not be questioned as we are, but they should be authentic to themselves nevertheless. That's how I feel about cishet men being feminine, too.
And then if you do anything that isn’t rigid expectations of masculinity you get called feminine anyways. I am a trans person who does not like being called feminine cause i’ve found that anything i do as a trans man is considered feminine and it feels like another way to invalidate what I identify as. Even though I like some things considered to be feminine. But then again, those things would not make me femme if i was the pinnacle of masculinity.
Forcing gendered expectations hurts everyone, regardless of the identity of the recipient.
@@kdog3334 if you’re going to be a bigot why are you even here
@@sienh not necessarily a biggot. If they believe that, let them. I don't think gender is entirely real myself, but i don't think that makes me a biggot
@@sofiamn_05 I think calling it "not real" might be a bit iffy because of how imprecise the term is. If it wasn't "real", does that mean trans people are just imagining things and are upset about nothing? Perhaps "socially constructed" might be a more precise term for what you mean (hopefully).
Check out Philosophytube's video on the topic: ua-cam.com/video/koud7hgGyQ8/v-deo.html
Honestly, if i ever saw a cishet man dressing up with more "feminine" clothings i would love to befriend them. Living in a country where gender roles is still included in every aspect, i appreciate them for being so brave to do it. In here, if a guy crying or act slightly more flamboyant, they gonna be called "gay".
right, i live in poland and it's so frustrating
I agree! I really want men to open up to effeminate sides as well, my country is just like yours and it's honestly so sad.
Also dude I see you everywhere! Either we have the same taste or I'm unintentionally stalking you
absolutely!! i hate that these things are associated solely with a certain sexuality. I think people should be free to experiment with expression as much as they want without other making assumptions about their personal life
I remember a long time ago I was assumed to be gay by a gay guy when I was in high school despite him being friends with my girlfriend. It confused the shit out of me then because I couldn't think of anything I did that gave off that energy but I can only assume it's because I wasn't a super masculine guy. These toxic ideals are so ingrained into our culture I guess.
You don't know how much that means to hear someone say. It can be lonely feeling unsure of who you can open up to. There may be people who know that better than I, but it doesn't make it less true.
I get the knee-jerk "why is this straight man here?" reaction, but considering - as you said - that he's not at all the first straight drag performer, it seems like having him on the show both better represents the diversity of that subculture AND challenges that "prove your masculinity" thing.
I've got a step-nephew who, when I first met him, would wear his favorite pink cat hoodie basically every day, and I would say to myself: "Man, I really hope nobody bullies him out of wearing things like that." Well, so far my wish seems to be granted since two years later his pick for "style day" at school was head-to-toe pink. He's like 10 years old, so I don't know what identity labels he'll settle on as an adult (we may have some new words - or newly mainstreamed words - by then, for all I know) but it warms my heart to see him be confident expressing himself in ways that would have gotten much harsher pushback from peers and adults alike when I was a kid.
as BobThe Drag Queen mentionned, once you leave mainstream drag circles, you realise that cishet drag performers are constantly present. They also said it was a shame that the vitriol Maddy got from fans was bigger than the one Sharon Needles got for being a groomer and saying the N-word, which is once again extremely true.
I'm so happy for the little guy 🥺
You not straight if you dress like women
Wholesome
As a cis straight man who considers himself fairly feminine, extroverted and flamboyant, hearing that a Maddie Morphosis is going to be in a dragqueen show actually kind of resonates with me on a personal level (and I don't even watch dragqueen pageants). Ever since high school, most people have assumed based on how I talk and act that I was gay (my first relationship even initially thought I was). Even now into my mid-20's, I have been told by some friends and coworkers of mine that they at first assumed I was gay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, I know it would be OK if I was, and I consider myself and advocate for LGBTQ+ community members, wanting to be a safe and supportive person. However, I'd be lying if I said these assumptions didn't make me a little insecure about how feminine I act, or that they didn't shake my confidence in finding a partner one day based on my feminine traits coding me to others as not being heterosexual.
Most of the feminine men I see portrayed in the media and entertainment usually are gay. For me, seeing or even just hearing about straight men portraying themselves as feminine makes me feel seen, and a reminder that there's nothing inherently wrong with me and that there are other men like me.
Hey, fellow straight guy here. I feel a lot of what you're saying. I've also had people whom I considered close friends at the time basically telling me I'm queer in some way after I'd clearly stated that I wasn't, and that hurt me. I felt like I couldn't act the way I act or talk about my interests without people invalidating my identity. Like, I have examined my identity and thought hard about gender and sexuality and I determined that I identified as cishet, yet they wouldn't believe me because I "act gay" and "like gay things".
But, to clarify, my problem isn't people assuming I'm queer. I even kinda take it as a compliment when they do, because I like queer people and I feel comfortable around them, so them assuming I'm one of them based on how I act feels comforting, I guess. The problem only arises when I clarify my identity and they don't believe it and maybe even start to convince me I'm not correct. That's just immoral in my opinion.
I feel it as a cishet woman that was a bit masculine at some point. It's okay to be lesbian but hearing my sister calling me lesbian as an insult felt.... hmm
Drag is not linked to the inherent femininity of the performer. Not all gay male drag queens are femme. Not all femme gay men are drag queens. While I appreciate his story made you feel seen, I think you are taking the wrong lesson from it.
I empathize with what you are saying (even if I can't fully relate - I'm a cis, het female). No one wants to feel invalidated or like they can't be themself without being pigeonholed into a box. Like I said, I'm a cishet female. I like the color pink and cooking and knitting. But I hate when people act like I HAVE to enjoy those things to be a "proper" woman. How would they feel if they knew I always perform my own tune-ups on my car? Or that I love fishing and sports? Would I not be a proper woman because of that? People should be allowed to just exist as they are. If a man likes dressing femme, it shouldn't be a problem whether he is straight, gay, bi, or ace. And people shouldn't assume one way or another.
@@thewittyusername That’s completely fair and I appreciate your comment! What do you believe the main lesson was? I reread the beginning of my post, and noticed how you came to that implication. Please know I mean no disrespect, I was not trying to imply drag queens inherently have to be inherently feminine or anything that would convey disrespect or intolerance. This mentioning just resonated with me, but I am here to learn and be respectful (:
I'm enby and David Bowie's music has helped me a lot in my journy. For a while a fell into a rabbit hole of interviews and fan theories about lyrics and all that stuff, trying to "proof" that Bowie was enby like me, because I felt like "we understood each other". Now I just know that I'll never know, that it's not my place to "find that out". For all I know a cis man changed my life and that's ok. Thanks a lot Bowie
His music and art and presence can mean something to you personally regardless of his identity! Art is personal and if it means gender to you then hell yeah. Im sure you know that already though. Im nb too btw!
If there's one thing I can sum up from my thesis, it's that gay rights in the UK would have probably never gotten the same traction if glam rock had never gone mainstream, to be honest. So many gay and bi men discovered their sexuality through people like Bowie and Marc Bolan.
I'm assuming you mean N-B cuz NB means non black lol
@@communismenjoyer1858 nb means non binary and non black, it depends on the context but sometimes they do get mixed up. i don't really see people using n-b for non binary
@@micah5847 yea ur right I guess I just see people using n-b out of respect for black people requesting that we use it instead of nb. Probably just a difference between who we surround ourselves with.
What I see is that men who not look "effeminate" receive more sincere praise than criticism when they put on dresses and skirts, while gay and non-gay men who are effeminate and don't fit the ideal of masculinity and who like so-called "women's clothes" get criticized for being exaggerated or too gay. As someone has said in the comments, it's easy to recognize who dresses because they like the style and who doesn't care but love to be noticed as "rule-breakers".
And being famous from my point of view has a big impact on how people see gay cis men and straight cis men with certain types of clothes, clothes are genderless but unfortunately it's not like the 'real world' people see things .
+
Yup; It’s the femmephobia
damn thats a good point, we'll have to see where he should be categorize
Straight men wearing dresses are not necessarily accepted though and are assumed gay. I have rarely seen a moment when a man wearing a dress wasn't ridiculed. Tyler Perry was assumed gay and ridiculed for years because of wearing a dress. This is not to say they are treated like gay men, though. I think gay men get targeted more for the simple fact of liking men and the perception that they dress like women to "trick" straight men.🙄 To the average straight man they are not a "threat" to their sexuality. They are simply defying what it means to be a straight man. Whereas a gay or bisexual man is a threat just for being attracted to men in the mind of a straight cis man.
I just went through this.
I showed my boyfriend F.D Signifier's most recent video about breadtube because for years I had been telling him he needs to consume more critical media/literature made by women of color. For YEARS I've been saying this. When F.D Signifier opened his video with that montage of white leftist youtubers (who I don't watch but my bf does), it finally clicked for him. And after watching it, this man is like "I should pay more attention to POC creators"....Your point about cis het men not "listening" to women in the same way they would other men is (unfortunately) real, even when these men self identify as "leftist", critical, progressive, etc...
sigh lol
^ very big sigh
I agree with all your points, and I've been saying it for years. Not to mention, gatekeeping someone who is cishet might actually be gatekeeping someone who might change their mind later and say "y'know maybe I'm actually genderqueer", which is a risk I worry about when it comes to the My Spaces attitude. But also, I really love my spaces and I don't always want them to change too much, so just like you kept saying--I GET IT. It's a balance, that's for sure. But another thought I always have on stuff like this is that I really want cishet men to find the joy in feminine things. Not just accept them. But *enjoy* the fuck out of them. I'm so sad that there are cishet men who have never put on a long flowy skirt and twirled around to feel it billow out and then fall back against their legs. I'm so sad that cishet men who feel uncomfortable with their looks are afraid of using makeup for fear of being called girly, who might get a huge self esteem boost with some foundation and contouring. I want cishet men to shave their legs and think oh damn, I'm never wearing dress pants with hairy legs again because this is NICE. Some feminism talks about how women shouldn't feel like they have to do the makeup and shaving if they don't want to, and that's so true. But also, a lot of women enjoy those things, and *cishet men should also be able to enjoy those things*. I want them to be happy!
i agree sm with your comment! personally, dresses make me dysphoric and i also just don't like them much (i'm n-b/agender), but i wear skirts sometimes just bc they're fun haha
Not that anyone asked for my opinion but I think everyone should be able to wear whatever they want (ofc if it's not culturally appropriative), the problem only arises when people from non-marginalized communities get praised or put on a pedestal for doing something people from marginalized groups have been doing for ages and yet have received hate for it and continue to receive hate.
The problem you described is what cultural appropriation is, right?
@@sleepyfriendstm kinda? it's like the same gist, but i wouldn't call wearing feminine clothing or painting your nails or doing makeup cultural appropriation because that isn't a culture.
also there can be straight cis men who engage in feminine activities just cause they like them, but get praised for it by people for no reason. in that case the man hasn't done anything bad, it's others that are doing something bad.
of course people can take (and have taken) advantage of that and then start doing those things only for social capital. but again, it's kinda a different thing than cultural appropriation. i would say that they're in the same, like... family of social issues?? i guess?? if that's the right way to say it??
@@m_milos This was something I was thinking of too. My brother, who is a trans man, shared this feeling with me about drag queens. He feels frustrated by, sometimes, cis gay men being rewarded for dressing up feminine while he is denied the that same acceptance. Obviously both groups face discrimination, but the point I believe he was trying to make is similar to what you are saying. Gender expression is such a complicated and sensitive subject.
yup. the people who created the culture don’t end up benefitting while the people who
decide the culture we created is now suitable for them (aka cishet men) get credit like they were the creators. its disheartening.
@@graphicnovellife I came to comment something similar. My wife is trans and she has expressed this numerous times to me. She isn't hating on queens, but she is so frustrated with how (mostly) cis gay men are praised and accepted for doing drag because it is impermanent and entertaining to people. But for my wife, she is living in her body every waking second, yet she is widely unaccepted or even rejected for existing. I totally agree with you and your brother and am glad to see others who have acknowledged this dichotomy.
I'm a queer trans masc person. Accepting my feminly and allowing myself to be feminine has been a huge journey for me. I got stuck in a lot of toxic masculinity and internalized transphobia when i first came out. What really helped me accept my own feminity is the idea that did men can and do express femininity and that does not change the fact that they're men. I see a lot of trans men feel like being feminine takes away from their identity but that just isn't true. Cis hets can play with their gender however they want, and so can queer people.
This was exactly my experience too, as AFAB trans masc I had internalized toxic masculinity and being able to see that and come back to a "middle ground" with respect to feminity had been eye-opening and awesome. I had also internalized transphobia and had even been transphobic towards other trans folks who didn't meet this toxic idea of was what is acceptable
As a mostly fem attracted AMAB enby, while I understand the cultural heritage of the gay drag seen, I do find it frustrating that gender and gender expression is still so tied up with sexual orientation. Like, thinking girls are hot doesn't mean you cant also like wearing dresses. It took me till I was in my 30s to start coming out as a fem enby in large part because I just never thought that experimenting with my gender was something I was allowed to do as a "straight" "man".
One straight man after 5 trans contestants, 14 years of gay men, and one cisgender woman in UK along with the fact that Maddy is sharing the screen with 2 trans contestants this season and one being a dark skinned trans woman and the other I’m assuming is a Hispanic person of color. So it terms of fairness I really don’t see an argument. If we really want to redefine gender roles then let’s redefine them. Straight guys have been doing drag for decades, they should never be confused with the originators but they have been participating.
I remember one of the first few seasons of RPDR where a trans woman raised quite an uproar because she wasn't fantastically drag enough......she looked too cis. Obviously not as big a deal today. It's good that drag has grown in it's inclusion. But yeah, keeping drag's origins close to heart is also an important factor.
Cross dressing can be for straights or gays and historically has including both in large amounts. Why? Because your clothing and sexuality arent melded together.
Boys wearing skirts to a uniformed school shouldnt be seen as culturally appropriating from a bunch of celebrities. People crossdress .
Ru Paul and that ‘variety’ of drag queens don’t represent all drag queens or all cross dressers even though many would prefer that group of people to be a monolith with non-mutable characteristics.
yeah I think its okay for a straight cis guy to be included, but they really need to do better with trans contestents. Only 5 in Ru Paul history is vanishingly low
If I were to draw parallels regarding the Maddy Morphosis conversation:
I live in Philly where there’s a small but prominent LGBTQ+ scene. One of the most famous spots for night life entertainment comes from two gay bars titled Woody’s and Voyuer. These clubs were designated LGBTQ+ spaces for marginalized folks to feel safe and have a space to actually let loose. Straight and cis folks were never made to feel unwelcome in these spaces so long as they showed respect to others. However, new mgmt has taken over these spaces and effectively turned them into average/heteronormative spaces on the basis of “increased inclusivity”. It’s pretty disgraceful. Woodys had flags representing multiple identities of the LGBTQ+ community which are all now wrapped up and hidden from view. Just a gross miscarriage of mgmt altogether.
But back to Maddy Morphosis, I think that folks are worried this same invasion would occur on the main stage of RPDG which I understand. I think drag is an art form for ALL to participate, but the history and roots of drag should always be remembered and respected. And I think Maddy and many others are capable of that respect.
Agreed🙏 I love Maddy, but we also shouldn't invalidate anyone elses fears based on history
Go on a holiday break. You're amazing and deserve it.
As someone who's bisexual, I feel as if the worlds of 'straights' and 'queers' could do with blending a bit more. You know, we as bisexual people already impersonate that, just by existing.
Word, for some reason being bisexual helps me excuse myself from trying to be too manly, idk if it makes sense but it helps me embrace my more "feminine" qualities without feeling like I'm not living up to what I'm supposed to
This is so true, I'm tentatively hopeful for a future where I don't have to worry about being "too straight" or "too queer" since it's all the same world and there's no assumption that you either belong to one or the other.
i don’t really think that straight and queer should be blended bc queer can be used as an umbrella term for all non straight people. i use queer as a general term for my identity bc i don’t want to figure out the specific label but i know i’m not straight. when you blend the meaning between the words, that takes away from the history and importance of the word queer.
also, i am not bi, so correct me if i’m wrong, but isn’t there an issue with bisexuals being seen as like half gay half straight? and the biphobia that that creates within the rest of the lgbtq community along with homophobia from society as a whole
@@user-ry4bm5cm4g I believe she was talking about bringing down the strict social barriers between the identities. An example is nail polish on guys, it looks great but a lot of people associate it with femininity and homosexuality in men, so many guys are afraid to wear it because they'll be seen as "gay".
@@aeway_ That, and the fact that there's the 'gay community' and the mainstream/straight community. Some people still get confused by bisexual and non-binary identities. If people aren't either man/woman or gay/straight, they're going to have a hard time understanding how that works.
This makes me think about “the medium is the message” in the way that a lot of the time the issues do not come from what the message is but who is saying said message. However this always runs the risk of making the actual voices behind issues fight for more visibility in their own spaces.
ooooh yess!!!!
I don't mind a cishet drag queen - RPDG has changed so much since its humble beginnings, now becoming this mammoth show with a massive straight audience, so I'm not at all suprised that this has happened. Also because while RuPaul beginnings were in the ball scene. that is not where drag started - drag has existed long before the 1980s, and while it was indeed mainly a means of expression for queer people, there were definitely cishet folks doing that. It'd be nice to see a straight person showing appreciation for it and not going down Mrs Doubtfire/Big Mommas house route of making fun of it. I'm sure they'll keep him in check in case he'd ever step out of line and be disrespectful. HOWEVER - I would very much appreciate a Drag race spinoff for drag kings. That actually was an element of the ball culture and it feels negligent to skip over them completely.
Drag kings? What does that mean?
@@luigicore9122 ohh, that's pretty cool! Thanks!
@@luigicore9122 lots of trans guys are drag kings too
@@andie.3632 female perfomers dressing up in masculine drag - basically the opposite of drag queens. (obviously by "female" I also mean trans men, nonbinary folks who were assigned female at birth)
When the show started it was and continued to be for many years INCREDIBLY transphobic. Rupaul used slurs and degrading langauge about trans people to be funny for years and it deeply hurt me to watch my cis gay friends laughing at his transphobic comments like it was nothing, like because hes gay hes suddenly allowed to make a mockery out of us. And how he wouldnt let pre op trans people on his show to compete for several years. The later seasons have improved drastically but only due to the production company themselves enforcing guidelines on Rupaul. When Rupaul has been asked in interviews why he doesnt use the T slur "shemale" anymore he has said its because hes "not allowed to" not because he recognizes how harmful using that langauge is now.
I want to start of by saying I really do understand and can empathise with the fear and apprehension of straight people encroaching on queer spaces, and what that can mean.
At the same time, the social dynamics at play need to be acknowledged, namely how the idea that "straight men shouldn't do drag" mirrors a homophobic policing of masculinity and straightness, it reinforces the cis heteronormative narrative around manliness. I know they come from very different places, but when we're talking about the rigidity of societies views around gender, I refuse to be ignorant of how saying "straight cis men shouldn't do drag" validates that rigidity instead of challenging it, how that perspective aligns so well with cis heteronormativity and patriarchy that they end up pushing the same narrative.
I don't want to just label someone's uncomfortablity as problematic or something, I really do think there's space to honestly speak about that. However, while we can acknowledge those fears and actually provide the nuance that this discussion deserves, what I'm not going to be in favour of is using those fears in a way that ultimately ends up with the same strict gender stereotypes. A straight cis man doing drag is actively challenging a societal expectation of what a straight cis man can/should be, and I think shunning him for that would be wrong.
As a fan of Kid Cudi for 10+ years, seeing people's reactions to his fashion choices has been equally hilarious and depressing. They talk about "they got to him" and "I miss the old Cudi", like he didn't wear a kilt and got called gay for it over 10 years ago. Like he didn't wear a crop top to coachella in like 2014. Like he didn't post a picture of his painted nails around the same time. He's been questioning dipping his toes into the traditionally feminine for years and years. "They" didn't just get to him, and there is no "old" Cudi, you just weren't aware lol
This reminds me a lot of the “straight people in gay clubs” discourse. I would get annoyed when I see a ton of cishets in a queer club because it felt like they considered us a tourist attraction. “Look at the gays in their natural habitat” kind of mentality.
I’ve softened on this a lot- after all, I’m straight-passing and it’s not like you can tell who’s queer and who’s straight- and as long as everyone is having a good time, it’s none of our business. What I do mind, though, is straight people being weird in our spaces. Getting upset when they’re hit on. Disrespecting performers. Being homophobic. Etc.
In my opinion, you can be a member of the majority in a minority space if you’re respectful and you follow the rules. Don’t come in the gay bars with all your straight friends, try to upstage the queens, and make comments to the men about their gayness. We don’t like that.
really interesting points made here. It's the endless dilemma of wanting to normalise vs wanting to protect, particularly as despite everyone's best efforts, when the dust settles, the system still seems to elevate straight white cis men a lot more than others. :/
I think there is a class issue here that wasn't discussed.
Cus drag exists in the mainstream now as something you need financial access to compete in. Cishet people have more financial access than gay and trans people, who are less likely to find work and more likely to be abandoned by family.
Now in practice, it would be way easier for a straight cis man who wants to benefit from drag being in the mainstream to get on RPDR than for a trans woman who has dreamt of being on the show all her life.
Like the way Harry Styles is selling nail polish for $65 dollars because of the femininity he is allowed to benefit from, when even the Kardashians couldn't get away with $65 dollar nail polish.
For most cishet men, playing with femme aesthetics will bring them more harm than benefit, and we should be allowing space for freedom of expression. But when this becomes about competitions and reward system, under the current economic inequality, its easy to see how this can just become another tool of oppression for heteronormativity.
Like when people ask about white rappers. In theory, sure its music and everyone should have it. In practice, Post Malone and 69 get to the top of rap charts by releasing music the equivalent of fart noises.
Bussy Queen did a couple of videos on financial investment in regard to winning the competition, turns out statistically winners don’t spend that much money. Those contestants who spend >50k on drag, they may look stunning but RPDR is a comedy, dance, singing, design/sewing and personality competition. Usually the winners are the whole package and craft their outfits themselves.
Excellent points on theory vs. practice.
@@JinMeowsoon 50k is very much still quite a lot for most people, seeing as you've recognized pricey means >50k. Meaning still more accessible to be saved up by a cishet.
And most people who make it to the show have some sort of talent that gives them staying power, but I would argue that every single talent is improved by access. You become a better dancer with classes. You become a better singer with classes. You become a better comedian... well that one ill give experience but thats why there are so few winning comedy queens. I can only think of Bianca Del Rio.
All the rest need money to get better at, seeing as Ru always gives critique on how elevated their drag is. What do you think that is code for? It is still a level of exclusion that will benefit those with more financial and social access, which means more cishets.
Nail polish should NOT be 65 dollars. 💀
I honestly don’t think we need white rappers since Hip-Hop directly came from the oppressors, white people. Why can’t they just let us have a privilege in our own spaces for once?
Growing up with a bisexual mother who celebrated her gayness I was often surrounded by LGBTQ members and one distinct thing I know is they were always accepting of a person as long as they embraced who they were whether it was gay straight man woman or anything in between and all cultures. It was a community that was safe for anybody to be who they are without the need of a label. It is interesting to see how much this community I have grown up in has changed and has become more exclusionary. I understand the perspective of those who hold this community precious and don't want it 'infiltrated' with straight folk...but at the same time I feel like there is a loss in the essence of what it means to be lgbt
I remember a few years ago the try guys did an episode on drag and I thought it was really important to show cis men (most of whom straight) embracing femininity in a fun and educational way as they learned from drag performers about performance and it's history. And I honestly think it's impacted them as a group since, and more of that needs to happen in this world.
I can’t wait to see Maddie on Drag Race! I think that as straight-cis men become more liberated, they’ll become more mature and empathetic, thus helping to end isms and phobias!
Absofuckinglutely
Please record that song as a single! I need it on replay for the rest of my life! You are gift to us all, thank you for everything you do!
“All I want at the end of the day for our mega Earth group project is for people to be better.”
The final prayer for the ceremonies of the cult of Khadija 🙃
“Group project” is the perfect description inherent with all recognizable dynamics-some people napping while others fighting the good fight!
Khadija, I think you were the first person to introduce me to the quote "The first violence men are asked to commit in service of the patriarchy, is to kill the emotional self" or something to that effect. I've been thinking about that a lot in terms of this discussion. Firstly, I think we overuse the word society to ignore our own complicit involvement in these harmful rituals. We are society, and we ask cis men and folks socialized as men to commit this violence in order to enter into manhood.
I think Maddy being on the show is subtly pointing at that truth. People are upset because he appears to have healed that part of himself and moved into femininity. People are upset because they don't trust him in this space after decades of abuse. It seems weird because we don't know him as a person. He's a character on a show. His story hasn't even been shared yet and we have all these opinions and judgements.
Something else you said that I loved is "what is your goal with this movement". Extending that to drag race, what was the initial goal of drag race? RuPaul has talked about it many times, but it was to force drag into the mainstream and sell it to middle America. He's been very open about that. And I think this more of the reason why RuPaul makes the decisions he does for the show, rather than him being some kind of queer traitor and transphobe. His concern is in selling palatable queens and he has a pretty good sense of who will be too controversial for the show, and who will push the concept of drag further into the mainstream. Further into cishet people's homes. Idk if I think that's a good thing, but it helps contextualize some decisions.
At the end of the day I'd rather have trans women on the show, but I don't think it actually matters very much that Maddy is on instead. The same argument about Maddy could be made for every cis man on the show taking a space away from a trans woman. We can have both, accept both, and fight for both to exist.
I wrote too much 😩😩😩
Very well articulated comment, friend. We can have both :)
amazing video as always. I know that I had been talking with a lot of other trans ppl talking about how it was bothersome that said cishet man got in while RPDR has notoriously excluded trans/genderqueer ppl. but, as you said, this reality can coexist with the positive impact of having a cishet drag queen on the show for ppl to see.
We are socialized to disregard feminine appearing/women voices over masculine appearing/men voices. It's the sexism and genderism that makes the content worth exploring and embracing.
No matter how "progressive" one assumes themselves to be, it's the implicit bias (like Khadija mentioned) that shows there is always room to grow.
I agree with you so much, I just need to acknowledge that drag race has been pandering to a more straight audience for years now, and has been showing a very small part of drag that can be understandable for a straight-cis audience. It's only been recent that there are trans contestants that enter the competition openly trans. For years, it was known that if you were a trans woman and had your tits done you would not get into the show. So I get why it feels so unfair to have a straight cis guy on drag race, considering how shitty the show has been.
In general it's a good thing that cis (hetero) men feel free to step out of society's norms of gender expression.
But since the thumbnail is full of celebreties -- of course gender-bending fashion is a practise that's been there for long in the queer community, opressed and met with hatred. So it's a shame that media is now praising cis males for being 'so brave' instead of the queer community where this cultural practice originated.
I suppose many of the arguments against cultural appropriation can be applied here. Only would I like to see more people use this practice - without calling for praise🤷
Agreed. It's very hard for me to see this as anything but appropriation, another case where mainstream cishet white males -- the oppressor class -- are lauded for portraying the identity and cultures of marginalized peoples, while those peoples are _still_ being oppressed for their identity and culture.
Another case of "it's only acceptable if cishet white male people do it".
The issue I have with this being appropriation is that, surely this should be lauded (not instead of, but inclusive with the queer community). Like, the fact that gender non-conformity of people from any sexual orientation is even partly accepted in the mainstream is indicitive of the progress we want no? Surely this is better than the cis men *also* being criticised and berated and bullied like the queer men were?
I understand the nuances the matter (I think? I'm a bi masc-enby who has been getting more and more into femme presention, but I've also never been too directly involved in queen-centric spaces), and I get that frustration in seeing a different group of people get praise for something historically you have been denigrated for. But these should be seen as little victories - acceptance within wider, cishet spaces means their greater acceptance of it within the queer community I should think, especially given it's origins in and historical association with queerness
@@EphemeralTao The trouble I see with this is the framing of straight men as being fundamentally separate from the queer community. I was presenting as a "straight man" 5 years ago. Now I'm a bisexual fem enby. It took me till my 30s to even start wearing women's jeans because I didn't think that experimenting with gender was something I was allowed to do as a "straight" man. And it took a couple of years of identifying as GNC before I got comfortable enough to start actually identifying with my true gender. And I didn't start coming to terms with my sexuality till I had started becoming confident in my gender. The straight man in a dress of today might be the lesbian woman of tomorrow. And even if he isn't, he's still doing the thing. Being queer is being transgressive and for all the praise the likes of harry styles gets he also makes a lot of people very angry too because in many parts of society it's still hugely taboo. Yeah its unfair that he gets praise when gay men or AFAB people don't, but its also unfair for him to get excluded. Telling a straight man that he's not allowed in our club cause he's too straight and too much of a man is reinforcing the patriarchy, and why should we be doing its job for it?
@@WhichDoctor1 @Master McO'Britannica I get that, and exclusion of those who are exploring their own identity not helpful or desirable for anyone.
But we also need to keep in mind the long and sometimes brutal history of "cultural gentrification" that has affected the queer community. Just like with African Americans and other minorities, the queer community has long been affected by mainstream culture moving in, appropriating bits and pieces of marginalized cultures, profiting off of those bits and pieces, and then driving us out of our own spaces, or at least making our spaces significantly less comfortable for us. I've seen this happen far too often, in far too many ways.
Ideally there shouldn't be any "queer community", or "African American community", there should only be a community of people without all those artificial barriers and prejudices between us; and everyone free to explore their own identity as they see fit. But unfortunately that is not the world we currently live in.
This ignores the fact that up until recently (and still for some) it was seen as explicitly queer to crossdress.
This idea of having straight crossdressers and gay crossdressers and only the gay ones are queer is completely anachronistic and revisionist.
In the history of LGBTQ struggle, crossdressing is synonymous with queerness.
This reads as people trying to act like the Q in the LGBTQ doesnt mean anything. Queer means nonconformity in gender presentation, gender identity, or sexuality . Queer was historically a nicer way of saying ‘deviant’ which simply means atypical.
Until this decade there was no such thing as a straight guy crossdressing and it being seen as somehow outside the sphere of queerness.
This gatekeeping of straights from drag culture is just backwards. Its not even founded in the history of the culture itself
Found out about bell hooks through a jaden smith song, heard her name & something just made me look her up & I’m glad i did. As a straight man (don’t know much about gender like cis male etc.) but her books made me change the way i think about not only feminism but also race, media, love & masculinity.
R.I.P Bell Hooks
I’m masc and cishet and recently I’ve wanted to explore my femininity through drag. This gives me more confidence to do it. Though learning the makeup skills looks pretty intimidating
Also big respect to Bell Hooks. Rest in peace. Too few people know we lost an intellectual titan today
i understand why this video was framed around cis men specifically and that it's not really the point, but i wish we would stop pretending that trans men are unaffected by toxic masculinity and living in a patriarchal society. a lot of the time it actually comes directly *from* our community and not even from cis men. feminine trans men are abhorred by a certain sector of trans men, often to the point of horrific bullying, harassment, and threats (and that's not to mention how often it's grown ass men dunking on middle schoolers), and i feel like these men are absolved of their toxicity because they’re trans. though i think it comes from a different place than cis men hating feminine cis men, which would take more than a youtube comment to unpack, the fact is trans guys still are pressured to be as masculine as possible and to denounce any feminine interests or aspects of gender expression. i knew a trans guy who was ashamed he wrote poetry because he thought it was too feminine. i've stopped myself from covering a pimple with makeup then had to stop myself from *that* with a moment of "woah, what the hell am i doing?"
i don't know, sorry for the manifesto, khadija, just had to get this off my chest. i admit the title rubbed me the wrong way, but i'm glad i watched the whole video :) happy holidays
I wish that, when they were talking about AFAB drag queens, they had at least mentioned Gottmik
@@elerielouie3160 not to undermine your point, but as far as i know khadija uses they/them
@@hmmmummm2514 Oops! Could have sworn I had taken care to remember that. Thanks for the catch!
Agreed. Dysphoria makes trans people adopt very backward attitudes on gender in order to escape it at all costs and feel validated. I understand how it feels so I cant shame others for it but definetly something trans people need to acknowledge about ourselves.
But honestly though, I think it’s confusing to people. Your identity is yours however if you feel like a man, the only way in my mind is through gender stereotypes. I mean isn’t that what gender is? A societal creation that people align themselves with? If a cis woman doesn’t align with femininity at all she’s often referred to as a man in some sort of way. The idea of gender is slowly expanding but with that I guess to me gender would really have no point if any and everything can fit into male, female, non-binary. What is a trans male if you dress like typical cis women, have no facial hair, and just present as a woman?
My goodness Khadija, I had to stop and comment before the video even started! Your adorable silliness just makes my heart smile, even when I am feeling really down like today. Thanks for showing up as yourself and all your singing intros.
I'll never not be grateful for coming across you because your emotional intelligence and the ability to keep your own situation/ experience aside and think of an issue in a rational way blows my mind.( By keeping aside I meant not getting affected by just that but being able to look at the situation from all perspectives, being able to think of the consequences and after effects of said situations, is not something everyone can do). You always hold my attention despite my wavering mind and I'm always looking forward to hear more from you. Thank you for existing!
I just feel frustration over the slowness of progress over gender and sexuality (more so in my country). I wanna express myself in peace - exist in peace. I wanna go out and dress in a way I want without people making any sort of judgement or assumption about myself and I want that for other people too.
I love drag race! As a gay man, it's really helped me abandon my own internal homophobia. I've been in a relationship for 3 years but I don't think that would have been possible if I didn't have the tools that I learned from RpDR. Self love, gender is a construct, we are stronger together, and laughter is powerful, are all lessons I've learned from a TV show.
It's not perfect. Far from it, but I am glad we have it.
As far as cis het male contestants, they've been featured on the makeover challenges, like Wintergreen, so I am not super bothered. Hopefully they are good people.
I don't really care how other people dress. You do you. I have seen straight men dress up "feminine" and wear make up and it's very common for women to explore men's fashion and get "masculine" haircuts. So it won't really be a change for me.
I appreciate you acknowledging ego and how that can hold us back from the overall goal. "Do you want the feeling or the progress" Vusi Thembekwayo
I feel like visible cis/trans solidarity and people of different identities visibly existing in the same spaces is also important, just to normalise it for the many who (sadly) don't often see people who are trans, drag queens or openly lgbtq+ in other ways outside of spectacle or entertainment. I think on some level it could make things feel more real to some who haven't had those kinds of meetings. RPDR obviously isn't the end all be all to that but... Many little streams and all that.
I just frickin love when Khadija randomly starts singing in videos. Such an amazing voice 😍
I have been binging all your videos the past 2 days! Thank you for your continuous emotional labor ❤️
Also your singing voice is phenomenal and I could listen to you sing all day
I straight up almost just fell asleep to them singing 😭😭 that was so beautiful and calming 💙
Okay the second part is a little less calming 😂😂💙
I’m thinking of the little straight boys, teens and young men (maybe even some old men too) who see Mady being on RPDR and realize they can wear makeup or put on a dress and still be secure in their sexuality and gender identity. They need to know they can express themselves in any way without judgment. Also 1 person out of 180 being cis and straight is a drop in the bucket.
Why is it that when cis straight girl/women dress more masculine or cut their hair short no one batts an eye. Most people don’t even think about it because it’s so common now. But when a straight cis boy/man puts on a little nail polish, or dyes his hair a bright color or wears a dress, or even just takes care of his physical appearance every one looses their damn mind?
Being raise around a family of entertainers, I picked up or both masculine and feminine energy. It wasn’t until middle school my identity was checked and took pretty much a decade in stoping society’s thinking form seeing emasculating/feminine energy as a negative. It’s a lot work and having supportive and queer friends challenge me on those notions and allow myself to be free and in turn the capacity to allow others who want to do the work to find their way.
On the topic at hand, inclusion is a mess because humans are naturally flawed. If all parties start there healing beings. Those who are in a place of privilege, regardless of how little or big, acknowledge and come with a sense of reverence, and the community allows it can create beautiful synergy.
This year thanks to your channel, the channels you mentioned, and others, I really am seeing the other side of things and I'm thankful for it. I didn't realize how even women themselves do perpetuate the patriarchy even if they openly acknowledge and oppose it. It's a quicksand some people weren't ready to face. Especially when you're tired of the sinking feelings YOU KNOW you'll be facing at any random nth hour. Y'know the patriarchy pushing you is normal and you're on the defensive but it's another beast to push the patriarchy from jump and be on the offensive..? IDK I hope I make sense lol
I saw it as a business move on RuPaul's part. He is a die hard capitalist and the show is becoming more and more product placement and commercialization and has been able to reach out to as many demographics as possible to get support and make money that straight dudes are just the last market they haven't broken into
I‘m a lot into Kpop and for this I am really used to more „feminine“ guys. I do not really care about that thought. People always tend so say Kpop idols look like girls because they dress a certain way, wear make up and show their feelings a lot. I hear that from a lot of hyper masculine people and when I tell them that I personally feel more attractive to these kind of guys from the way they expressing themselves , they feel offended and attacked in their masculinity. For what reason ever 🤷🏻♀️
I will be generalising, but I think the reason a lot of men feel attacked is because men are taught from a young age that it is vitally important that we are "manly", which includes being big and strong and also women have to find us attractive (the latter point causing problems in various ways). So, saying that you don't like big and strong men causes a conflict, because it goes against what society has taught men to believe. This conflict results in confusion, which men express in anger/frustration/offence, because we aren't taught how to deal with emotions and how to properly express our feelings.
A man's manhood is constantly being questioned and challenged; one slip-up can lead to ridicule, so men can be very defensive about it (you can see this quite well in teenage boys, as they try to navigate the idea of "being a man"). If the idea of what makes a man attractive is suddenly turned upside down, it can be hard to understand what to do with this information. Therefore, many will simply reject it.
As a fellow kpop fan, you described it so well.
@@GnarlieTheGnome
I've been thinking a lot of this as well, and I think this is one of the reasons why whenever a girl or woman says "well, actually I don't mind feminine guys" or "well actually, I think feminine guys are attractive / I'm attracted to feminine guys," those girls or women get accused of lying about their attraction preferences.
So just as an FYI because you are white, East Asians don’t think that they are feminine. Being part Japanese I’ve always seen men who have a k-pop idol kind of style yet if they are a straight male they wouldn’t want the woman they like to call them ‘cute,’ as that is feminine. It’s a cultural difference, I see so many non-Asian or Asians who have never lived or perhaps been to the country their heritage comes from say they are cute or whatever typically feminine adjectives when generally they do not view themselves as feminine…
Kpop artists are forced to all look the same.They don’t even allow them to be individuals
And thank you Travis for the perfect editing. Unnoticeable as it should be when it's time to be serious, but adds so much emphasis to the funny bits.
My issue is not cishet people being gender nonconforming, but its more that people only care about the aesthetic and not the history/culture it comes from. I wish people would spend more time appreciating the creativity and bravery of average queer people, not just rich privileged celebrities with stylists and PR teams. It feels like people only care about the cool stuff we make and not about us as people
Yes! Exactly, these celebs having some form of gender expression is just a byproduct of them having the privilege to do what they want
Real struggling queer people, do NOT get to do that. We will either be met with violence or prejudice
My mom used to sing nat king cole to me as a small child. Your rendition brought tears to my eyes. Rip mommy 🥺
Tbh I've been in enough spaces with straight cis men who dress and present feminine, that I realized that they're probably not a threat to queer folk. I don't like spaces that gatekeep at such a serious level. The people who don't belong in the community are ones that actively harm.
Liking for the performance at the beginning, it was so entrancing! And that's coming from someone who was prepared for a video essay! So soothing!!!
To be honest I've given up on trying to be manly lol, I just wear whatever and act/do whatever I feel like without thinking much about stuff like "wait, these flared pants are feminine" or "damn i can't cross my legs with the boys around" which are feelings most dudes experience regularly.
genuinely feel like I have learned so much from this incredible woman this year
When I was in uni, the students would schedule an annual drag show (iirc to coincide with parents' weekend lol). Because of the timing, you'd get a lot of straight cis guy "bro" types who'd participate on a dare. A lot of them would just lazily borrow a lacy bra and call it a day. Inevitably, though, there'd be a few of them who actually had a lot of fun with it, and most years, a bro would at least make top three, if not win outright. I think a lot of people -- myself included! -- came out much more open to messing with gender norms/expression in ways we otherwise wouldn't have, esp given some of the backgrounds we came in with.
I can see why people may be a little 🤨 on that sort of participation in drag. Still, I think it does have potential to help, in its own small way.
It's like the Asch conformity experiments (participants judged the lengths of lines with a group of wrong confederates) -- once one confederate broke ranks, the participant was *much* *much* more likely to state their honest (correct) opinion.
Even as we need our own representation -- Straight Cis representation *matters* to give straight cis people permission to be allies.
Glad to see you dipping into this ongoing topic. While I obviously don’t condone the way out of pocket habits of the drag race standom (really girls…death threats???) I am with folks that are hesitant on what Maddy represents. It’s not really just about letting outsiders into our safe space, which you hinted at, but largely about who gets to take up space and is ultimately celebrated for art born of the queer experience (see also: straights getting awards for playing gay roles or Madonna and Vogue)
So a trans man being on the show or even an AFAB woman (tbh Victoria was my fave out the gate) doesn’t really rock the boat because they also have to deal with the fallout of cishet-normativity in similar ways. We are marginalized allies. But somethin about the way Maddy was introduced to the fandom… with this “I’m a straight dude” on their sleeve just don’t sit right. It’s hard to put into words for a lot of folks, but it clearly doesn’t vibe with a number of queer folks that know how this story usually plays out.
As always, you rock with working your feelings out and bringing this message to others who may not even know what RPDR is (I mean, where is the rock they are living under so I can move there cause it sounds peaceful af). I see a lot of “oh it’s nice to see men wearing dresses/makeup these days!” in the comments and I get the feeling this is going over some heads… but we’ll get there. Happy New Year.
I dunno, I have to disagree with your assessment on trans men/afab trans folk. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it's certainly not considered okay for trans men to be doing that. Perhaps mainly by our own community, but any show of femininity is considered proof that we're "transtrenders." Grouping us with the way AFAB women are thought of is questionable, because nobody thinks they're lying or delusional by showing femininity. I'm GNC and transmasc, and I have to deal with feeling constantly "less than" cis queer men that do the same things I do. I don't do drag, but my shows of femininity are way more scrutinized than the femme gays I know. Like I said, maybe I misunderstood your point?
@@beep3242 as far as RPDR goes, we had a transmasc person in top4 of the competition this year. So is it “okay” for transmen to do drag? Your results may vary based on your local community, but I didn’t see US fans having the same kind of discussions of invasiveness when it came to Gottmik. We had a chance on the show to learn about his journey, especially about his dysmorphia and imposter syndrome, but I’m unaware of any outcry for him to not appear on the show for being transmasc.
That said, my point centered on unease of a self identified cishet man entering this space. As a transman, do you not consider yourself apart of the queer/LGBT community? Critiques on the community you would have would come from WITHIN and that’s just a different game.
U r the most genuine mature person ive seen on the internet
As a Jojo and pop punk/rock fan, im not gagging over these new " Gender breaking" Shit that got hella praised when it's been there this whole time. Its been a thing but just bc pop stars do it it's not breaking any barriers lol. They just got signed to a " Big" Name fashion brand and have their faces on " Fashion" Magazines. Idk. As an SEAasian, in our culture there are sarung and traditional cloth that men use that resembles a skirt and its okay. But when a boy wore the more modern skirt like pleated skirt they got praised or shit on lol when its the samee thing. Also there's a fine line where they wanna have fun or you know... For being praised. You can see it tho who dressed up for fashion and their own style or for " Something' else.
can we appreciate how that song, in the beginning, came from the deep deep soul? MUCH FELT
im always glad when I watch your videos, because I'll see your community posts and have Thoughts, but watching the actual thing really clears things up. I know I'm probably not the only one but I'd figure I'd tell you 💕
also: not you combining casey niestat and safyia nygaard! lol
As any habitual artist will tell you, sometimes art just happens
I love seeing gender expression on people, and them having fun with it. For cis het men it is good too. And dressing more feminine is totally a good thing.
But I also don't give a funk about how people dress, as long as they're decent human beings, and that is what white-supremacist capitalist heteropatriachy has kicked out of most people.
I think there's some link between dressing more feminine and rejecting some patriarchal rules, but it feels like just the surface.
Edit: myself being an agender wallflower, this whole colourful expression of things to do with gender is fascinating but not something for me :)
This version of LOVE in the intro is the best thing. My heart is filled with joy and I can't stop smiling and laughing 😂
This is so fascinating to me because I'm a queer who was born in 1989 and until this moment, I'd always been taught that drag queens were heavily straight men, often with wives, and of course strongly lgbtqa humans. Because we all live in bubbles, it's amazing how we can all know different ideas of general history🥰
i wasn’t raised to conform to any sexuality or identity, so when i could actually comprehend it i was really disturbed. coming from a rare background where i wasn’t expected to be a “woman”, it’s a lot easier to see how actually demented some people are over even the concept of femininity. i also happen to not listen to anything people tell me, so i was never ashamed of it either. my first crush was on a girl and my mom was so excited that i even had an interest in another person. my dad had aspd, and for a while she was so afraid that i had it too, but i don’t! i just don’t really care what people think about me and my identity. so a bunch of factors made me a clean slate, and i don’t even have a label because i personally am comfortable without one. i have a type but it doesn’t matter what genitals they have. seeing how men react to the idea of femininity is truly disturbing, and seems really hard to maintain while being mentally healthy. not surprisingly i’m a psychoanalysis major, so i have a lot of experience with how people react to their surroundings. i understand societal pressure be affecting everyone, but it’s not an excuse to viscerally hate trans women or feminine people in general. it just shows the instability in their own identity, and i think it really takes a lot to address that alone, and the way khadija explains it is really the best way it could be explained. objective while also having empathy, because lord knows how men react to criticism-
my focus is in child/adolescent development so i have a good idea to how these men were raised. the lack of affection and consideration parents give to their son’s is truly despicable. boys are easy to raise bc they don’t raise them- no wonder why the issue is rooted in men. and surprisingly it’s usually mother’s that have the most affect on their mental development. i do study the same field as freud, but the only thing i agree with is the relationship between mothers and sons. its like raising a plant and putting it in direct sunlight without any water. it’s not a surprise that the plant is shriveled and dead because you didn’t do anything to care for it. parents stop emotionally neglecting your sons it’s getting really old and is making the world even worse than it already is. i don’t understand how people can look at this normalized behavior and think they did a good job. i do make fun of men in my free time, but professionally i understand that they weren’t given a fair chance at being a decent person. guys it’s not your fault your parents treated you like a $2 house plant, but like the rest of us, it’s our responsibility to undo that. and if you can’t… mental facilities exist for a reason.
Thank you so much for a wonderful year Khadija! This was a fantastic video, this is definitely a topic that is interesting to think about as a queer person. Either way, I'm so glad that we get to be a part of your community, and that you get to take a holiday break! I hope you have a restful end of year!
I’ve only seen about 3 minutes of this video. But I’m here to say that your intros?!?!?! NEVER cease to amaze me.
As a brown cis male (who is still trying to figure out their sexuality) I actually engage with female creators more but I think I just have a fear of men I’m trying to unpack
Love your voice so much, very soothing ~ sometimes I rewind your singing segments two or three times before I continue watching
What a fantastic video to end off 2021! Enjoy your holidays and I can't wait to see what you put out next year!! 😁
Incredible as always, Khadija. I’ll be honest, you’re the reason I got UA-cam Premium and clued into the fact that there is a lot of genius content here from voices that have long needed to be heard. Through you I also found Shanspeare and CJ the X, so a million thank yous! You deserve EVERYTHING.
As a cishet Black woman, I often struggle when we have conversations related to femininity because often we are talking about the performance of femininity. I don’t necessarily want people to associate wearing lots of makeup/a beat face, high heels and uncomfortable clothing with femininity. I don’t want to have to play dress up to be viewed as feminine. Plus as a Black dark skinned woman, I am often viewed as less feminine just because of the body in which I was born. Women are expected to do a lot more primping than men including shaving off all of our body hair except on her heads.
With that said if having a cishet man be a part of the show will help cishet men and others understand the amount of time and resources it takes to perform femininity than perhaps it will be worth the effort.
i am glad you pointed this out. I get annoyed with how many people focus so much on stereotypical performance to represent themselves as a women. It comes packaged with infantalizaton and idk just a weird feeling about what it says about "women's place" in society. And the worst part is i see women and men reinforce this stereotype all the time and it seems to run rampant in some queer spaces
I still think this is overall a good trend for men to combat misogyny but people need to know that dressing as a women does not mean you truly understand women's experience.
SAAAAAY IIIIT 👏👏👏👏 😭 I cannot put into enough words how much what you say means, and living by example yes but also putting WORDS to what you're doing, the removal of ego in revolution is so important and who we hear it from matters like it or not so thank you so so much, you are foundational in the principles you teach and preach 👏 you walk the path of revolutionary giants and hold the door open, this video is so damn good and beckons accessibility in a way I can't adequately describe and words and works like this is key 💗 Bless you and thank you for the gift that is you, your words, recommendations, experiences and all. I've found so many pivotal people through you onTOP OF the wisdom and phrasing you share. Every piece invaluable and cherished. Thanks is not enough but it's a start, so thank you 💗
"Are we invested in the change we want to see, or just the malignant moment?" YES THIS because don't we want people to grow? What good is Theory if we're not practicing what we claim to believe in? Yes to encouraging GROWTH
I like that Maddy is on the show, I would love tho if other people who are supportive of her appearrance would stop conflating the protection of queer spaces as being the same as queerphobia. "We are supposed to be for equality." or thinking that being inclusive to cishet men is the same thing as being inclusive to queer female talent. I like to thing equality starts with equity. I think it's great that Maddy- if handled right- will be portrayed as any other contestant. It's important to see representation for cishet men who aren't gender conforming and see that we are more alike than different and it can start the domino effect of empathising more with the queers through seeing them humanised this way.
I feel like ive been waiting for this video before I even knew you were doing this. This is so often the mentality that gets forgotten when discussing bigotry and I just really appreciate you putting this approach and strategy so eloquently
It all comes down to whether you view it as negative cultural appropriation, or someone attempting to expand their horizons and bring it more into the socially acceptable mainstream. To this I will add, how many NFL players are both currently active and have come out as gay or bi? There is a bit of envy going on, where a cis-het man can exist as himself in the gay world, but a gay or trans man cannot in the more stereotypically straight world.
I agree. Its SO much easier for straight actors to play queer/trans roles but rarely do producers offer openly gay actors the chance to play straight roles...gay actors barely even have the chance to play gay roles cause they're given to the straights🙃 I am excited for Maddy but at the same time, it's also valid to feel concerned about straight men entering into one of the few queer spaces on TV, when the reverse situation is usually met with homophobia and intolerance by the public, etc
You know what would be great? Meeting Khadija and her fans in a group setting where we can talk about how we apply all of these concepts were constantly considering. I’m getting a masters in Architecture and I straight up visit Khadija’s corner of the internet to be able to hash out how I design. Things from how to consider different humans, exercising empathy without needing to identify as part of a specific group to do so, and honestly her sense of humor throughout some heavy topics. She’s great, this fam is great, I just wanted to say I appreciate you all, have a wonderful year and cheers to new beginnings 🥂 ❤️
I love how you called everying "mega life earth project" That just says so much in so little words HAHA Love it
not me happily singing along with the intro to switch to confused humming once the lyrics changed
oh i fkn adore youuu 🤩 re: the opening 😻 omg and that was before the part that you got to the "and you and you and you" 😭🤙
We love that cover in the beginning! Hells yea
You're so on point with this, regarding how some folks aren't ready to hear whatever they truly need to hear when it's coming from someone that's already been labeled as unimportant by the internalized bias that rules them while they'd hear it more willingly from someone they see as their equal. We have the problem in terms of gender bias as much as in terms of ethno-racial bias... It's tough... We need to break the boundaries... People like making assumptions. You present a certain and they think they know what you're about, who you are. There aren't that many of us (even those of us who are big or pan) who would be willing to embrace publicly having a relationship with a cis het guy presenting an undeniable feminine energy and style. When we do, the guy in question takes time to truly believe it's real, sadly...
That intro made me want to give you the biggest hug. 💕
Take care of yourself
We love you.
as a queer black woman, i don’t dislike lil nas x for his femininity, i dislike him for his islamphobic comments and weird comments he said about blue ivy
I think there is a lot of nuance in this conversation that will be coming to light as the situation takes shape.
I'm still of the mind, certain spaces, for the time being need to be safe in a world that often isn't. But, even then, I've always thought as Drag, as something that is for everyone. Trans people, cis people, gay, bi, queer, straight, ace, etc. Drag is an art, and while many queer people revolutionized the movement, (especially trans folk of color) it is one that can be used as a tool to help anyone reexamine their own gender, identity, and what presenting feminine/masculine means for them. Just because someone might be feminine, or masculine, I know this on a personal level (Trans/Queer) that my presentation is a separate entity from who I am attracted to. I dress for myself, and sometimes that comes off fem, sometimes masc. Sometimes just, you know, being comfortable is key. Whether I act masc, or fem (which depends upon the society, since many societal norms of fem/masc are based solely on that individual society) also, really doesn't play into who I love, or wanna bone. It took some years, to get there. It took some introspection on how I've seen people treat folks, (myself included) when I present more one way, over another but. Some guys are super fem, but still like women. And that's ok, and giving them space to be themselves is as important, to moving forward as to get society to be less shitty towards queer, trans people of color. Maybe, not at the same urgency, but it is important.
This needs a lot more likes
This is really tough to do for my own spaces, where I go to relax, to be myself.
This topic reminds me of an episode of the L Word where Kit Porter ( a cis het unambiguously Black woman),finds out that the guy she has been dating (a cis het unambiguously black man) does drag.It wasn't the major focus of the episode, but it did make me think about black cis het male masculinity and how cis het black women and the cis het black community at large respond to cis het black men who deviate from cis het norms. What does it mean for how we see black masculinity? ( I was/am thinking)It made me think about how this could contribute to expanding what it meant to be a cis queer black man or a cis het black man for those in this demographic.It more recently made me think of how the black queer community would respond to cis het black men challenging cis het norms around black masculinity. Particularly AMAB Black queer individuals.
Season 6, episode 7 of the L word is the episode I'm referring to, but the two meet on episode 2 of the 6th season😊. Shows/stories can help so much to bring little known knowledge (to the society at large) to light or help in making us rethink stuff.challenge us.
As others have mentioned, cis het involvement has been going on for ages.
As a questioning mostly masculine presenting afab person who mostly is attracted to feminine traits in all genders of people, this video gave me a lot of hope that maybe there are people out there who are both having similar struggles to me, but also are looking for people like me romantically. It sometimes feels like there's not enough conversation about "in between" people like me who are bisexual, gender nonconforming, on the asexual spectrum etc. who seem to always be left out. Especially as a person who is attracted to other gender nonconforming people of either binary, sometimes it feels like I'm looking for someone who doesn't exist in the "real world"
Straight men have been a part of drag pretty much since it’s inception. I did a research paper on it in college, specifically focusing on drag queens in Atlanta. Many men were married to women, had kids, and lived otherwise “normal” lives and just loved to express themselves. The fact that people don’t know this shows how poorly representation is and how little people care about what media they entertain, to the point where they are too lazy to do a few minutes research and learn about the subcultures they consume. Women are in drag, kids do drag, literally anyone can do it. It’s origins are celebrating a subculture of queer identity, but since when does celebrating involve exclusion, unless it is celebrating oppression?
Plus, many of them may have actually been trans but felt drag was the only outlet they could comfortably express their woman-ness.
your content has been some of the most interesting I've found this year! thank you for sharing! happy holidays to you and your team!!!
Specifically talking about RPDR- I have no problem with Maddy specifically being on the show... *however* it is frustrating that they would bring in a cishet man rather than an AFAB/bio queen or drag king, and after only recently having trans queens (who transitioned prior to being on the original show) on the show... It's a frustration with the production, though, not with Maddy herself