Seeing people downplay an actual disability by being like ‘Literally everything is a symptom of ADHD!’ is so cringe, this disorder ruined my life without me even knowing it until I was 20 and knowing full well how many people are going to now decide to brush off people who actually have debilitating ADHD symptoms due to ‘well everyone is a little ADHD’ is absolutely cancerous.
I KNOW RIGHT.... like, look Courtnayy, I know you think having ADHD is a quirky thing that makes you unique because you walk into a room and forget what you were doing but this shit has been actively debilitating my life since I can remember like..... it isnt a cute thing lmfao
I brushed a therapist off five years ago when she mentioned I probably have ADHD, and it’s not until now, I’m my mid-20s, that I’ve realised how much damage it’s caused to my relationships and the people I care about let alone myself
Yeah ADHD is bit more than being "quirky". Like, come on bro I'm suffering from executive dysfunction and my brain is constantly foggy can you stop trying to make everyone think that you have ADHD by acting silly on the internet.
i really like that you don´t talk dismissively about teens overusing suicidal language. many people use it to critisize todays generation and stuff, but you show true compassion and understanding. it isnt teens being attention seekers, its teens not being taught proper ways to express internal distress. this applies to lot of things "wrong" with this generation.
thank you for this. I for one barely ever use suicidal language, aside from jokes of course, but I really do understand why so many of my peers feel that way. We've been dealt a bad hand. We're suffering because of things we didn't even do. I'm not even sure if most of us live to 40, lol. I hate that gen z being "soft" is a thing that older people believe. Just because we know how to express our feelings?????? It's tough, and I know their dealing with their own shit too. But I'm sick of hearing old people talk about how their times were "better" than ours, just because they can't use slurs or be openly homophobic anymore lmao
@@purpleenthusiast5814 Or because their tuition was cheap, rent wasnt sky high, and minimum wage compared to cost of living was actually respectable, at least before our generation. Now all 18-25 year olds are getting raw dogged up the poop chute from college debts, expensive housing, bad employers and insufficient wages. Among other things
@@purpleenthusiast5814 yeah... but then again, that's what older people tend to do since forever, right? Reminisce about the past, complain about the present and say the future is doomed because of said present and its newer generations. We just gotta try to not do the same when we're old ig. We'll get used to live a certain way now, only to be told that we were doing it wrong by people who are younger than us. And humans just generally have a hard time admitting their faults, especially to younger humans.
The responsiveness to deadlines thing is wild in my ADHD. Prior to my diagnosis I used to rely very heavily on "the fear" kicking in and making me work, because otherwise I basically just wouldn't. But when that adrenaline kicked in, I would "hyperfocus" (arguably a misnomer) on my task heavily. I had a weird pride in it, like, yes I failed all my in class tests that could have got me extra credit or taken me out of the exam, but I aced the final on the basis of 3 days constant study in which I did not eat. Most outwardly "successful" ADHD folk I have met have had to use the weight of their strong emotions to achieve this.
Dude that's me down to a T, even the weird pride I take in only getting stuff done at the last minute, even though the work I submit could have been better. So I've got to ask, what do you do now, post-diagnosis, to either kick-start the fear sooner so you have more time or have you found a way to work without self-induced time pressure?
@@benjo270 I find my meds help a huge amount tbh. They're not fool proof, but I find I procrastinate a lot less. Getting started is just a whole lot easier. For that reason I don't try and make big steps when they're wearing off. I take meds when my husband gets up, about 40 mins before I need to get up, so they're in my system by the time I need to function. Similarly, if you don't want to use meds, I find exercise really gives me a window of clarity where "getting started" is a good idea.
@@benjo270 I've given your question more thought around the fear. It's still there at a low level sometimes. But to a large extent I think it's better not to hold on to that image of yourself only suceeding if high anxiety is in place. Some days my meds aren't as effective as others (I'm a woman and I find my cycle alters it, for example). Other times I misdirect the energy and have got going on the wrong thing. But if on average I manage to get started on a relevant task most days then I dont need the 'hyperfocus', because I'm never behind enough to feel that much pressure. I was so proud of that skill to pull me through in hard times, I really romanticised that aspect of me. But if you're tackling things at a steady pace, you dont need to be running like the clappers. You can just keep the engine ticking over nicely.
I was hoping someone said this. But yes, hacking the self-motivation through near-deadline adrenaline was always a key tool for me especially during student times. It's still the first "plan" I think of regarding for example doing my taxes or something, although I've been trying to learn better.
A good analogy I came up with the other day is that having ADHD is like trying to drive a car with a burned out clutch. You have to rev the engine (body and/or brain) way harder than it would normally need to in order to get the car moving (get started/be on task). So you are expending tremendous amounts of energy to get very little effect because the link between the engine and the wheels isn't working effectively.
Its like cycling while everyone else is driving a fucking jet engine. And you don't eat enough protien and you don't even gain muscles. And you tend to be too loud and yell at the jet engine guy for doing what is right in their eyes and..then all the jet engine guys laugh- We should stop here
Another good one is that our brains are Ferraris with bicycle brakes. The faster the car, the more powerful the brakes need to be, or we lose control and can't steer ourselves where we need to go or stay in our lane easily. I explained it to my kid the other day that in other ways, it's like Lightning McQueen on the track versus trying to figure out how to turn on dirt or get going on sand for the first time; some days, things just go so smoothly, while others, we're just not getting the kind of traction we need, and end up spinning out, despite normally doing really well, which leads to frustration, etc.
@@Ave-S that analogy suggest adhd doesnt have the same "power" as others. The issue isn't like comparing 2 modes of transport. It's like comparing the SAME mode of transport, but the STEERING is faulty on one. Our ability to focus is just as good if not better than others. Our ability to PAY ATTENTION (choose what to focus on) is faulty.
someone once told me that autism is like being on stage without a script and adhd is like having a script but not knowing any of your ques so you don't know when to say your lines.
I compare it to an eternal storm. (tornado-ish...). It is chaotic and does whatever it wants. Sometimes it calms down, but it never stops. If it's very calm, you can gently guide it/manouver yourself through it, but if it decides to flare up, you shouldn't try to control it, since that will only make it worse and harder to manouver (through). If it's bad, the best idea (at least in my case) is to just try to go through your day and let it do its thing and try again the next day, doing what you can comfortably do without disturbing it.
One funny thing about my ADHD (recently clinically diagnosed) is that I managed to pretend focusing on my class so well that I can have constant eye contact and nodding at words of my professor without knowing what they are talking about and what's going on inside my brain. Definitely not feeling related to ADHD memes or tiktoks which make me feel I definitely do not have ADHD at the beginning.
Hahaha I did this in high school.. I figured out that if I kept eye contact they almost never call on you because they love calling on people who look like they’re disengaged
I had no idea I was doing that until after I finished school. I would "pay attention" in class and then have to ask a friend or teach myself the lesson later that day.
I have the same problem! This even happens in conversations with friends and family sometimes. My dad and I had a difficult relationship when I was growing up because it seemed like I purposefully tuned him out, but really I would just temporarily lose focus and then suddenly the rest of his speech wouldn't make sense and I was too embarrassed to admit it.
The "running the brain under cold water" - I don't think they necessarily mean feeling distressed, for example the feeling hits me the worst after the work day. After spending hours and hours forcing my brain to do things it doesn't want to do, the whole thing just feels so cluttered and I've definitely thought sometimes "I wish I could just rinse it off so I can actually enjoy my hobbies now"
I agree, I don't see it as a thing of distress. I interpreted it as a sort of "jumping to conclusions" for a sensation you haven't experienced. For example, I frequently experience pain in the muscles of my right shoulder that feels like a sort of dull, achy tightness. I always find myself thinking how if someone was able to just pry and pop my scapula out, the muscle tightness would be relieved. I'm well aware that in reality, it would be incredibly painful to dislocate my scapula and would not remotely offer the resolve I crave. However, it doesn't change the fact that I still think about how relieving it would be to have someone pry my scapula out. I think it's that it's this subconscious jumping to a conclusion that it must be just like cracking the joints in my knuckles or back, only better. I feel like the idea of "running the brain under cold water" can be likened to the experience of washing your face or scalp with cold, running water. Practically, it wouldn't work out to wash your brain like that, we're all obviously aware of that fact. Still, the desire to do so remains due to associating it with how refreshing and calming it feels to gently cleanse your face and eyes with cool water. Sometimes your brain "feels tired" after lots of thinking, just like your eyes "feel tired" after lots of reading or other visual input. I personally after a long day of work that requires heavy reading or looking at screens, washing my face and cool water on my eyelids helps me feel better. Naturally, it's not a far jump to "rinsing off my brain". Even though logically it wouldn't work, these ideas are the result of making an "educated" guess. It's a sensation I've never experienced, so these are the closest things I can relate it to. And because I've never experienced it, you build up expectations that it must be like these things I have experienced, but better. It sort of makes me think of food advertisements in a way? Picture a television advert where they pour glistening syrup on a stack of pancakes, and top it off with a fluffy dollop of whipped cream. Even though you know the food advert uses motor oil and shaving cream in place of real food items to sell the illusion, the imagery presented to you of a stack of pancakes makes them seem enticing. In reality, if you ate those specific pancakes, they would be absolutely horrendous.
@@generalmikalie2739 Everything. For context, I work an office job, so everything from paying attention in meetings, starting tasks, staying on task, remembering what I was about to do when I switch to a new window and forget why, ignoring more interesting (to me) ideas/thoughts that pop up because no brain this isn't the right time to mull over that movie I saw last week so please come back to this email that I need to read.
for me it's trying to get the feeling of cold water on the face, or drinking water at 3am, that feeling but directly on the brain would be great to calm down my stress levels
I'm a little tired of seeing assumptions that all adhd sufferers are always late and miss deadlines. As someone with adhd I always put in the effort to be on time and I always put in effort to get things done on time, I end up overcompensating because of my anxiety by waking up 2 hours early even if my shift is 7am and setting alarms and double and triple checking things. Time management is a struggle but it doesn't automatically mean that I'm going to be late or unreliable, I'm far more reliable than a lot of my neurotypical co-workers. It's just a tiring trope tbh.
Ah yes. I have the GAD that masks the ADHD. I feel you. I’m not late as a rule cause I’m too busy getting to work early to make up for the procrastination. And people see me as dedicated. Ha! Hanging by a thread over here, guys.
@@chobai9996 Excuse me what... Do you want my adhd mate? Cause I'll gladly give it to you. Here you fucking go bro good luck see how long your neurotypical mind will survive this madness
i was a teenager on tumblr when depression was en vogue. now i'm 22 and watching kids roleplay another disorder that ruined my life for a very long time. i don't pass moral judgement them for being misinformed and acting kinda dumb (as teenagers do). it's just frustrating knowing that this is going to just be a cringey phase for a lot of them one day, but i'll always have adhd. gahhh it's irritating but what can ya do
yep i know how you feel. im 20 now, but back when i was around 12, i was on tumblr in those days. they had this term. 'spoonies', for hypochondriacs who think they have 100 mental disorders. its weird seeing a lot of the shit they said about eating disorder/depression/selfharm etc. is now being recycled but with adhd. I myself have been diagnosed with Major Depression and Social Anxiety. i also cringe when i see kids 'roleplaying a disorder that ruined my life', as you so eloquently put it. also like you, i can't blame them for being misinformed and acting like dumb kids. i did stupid shit when i was their age too.
@@redmoonrise6507 I don't know if the term was used that way in certain groups, but that's not what "spoonies" means. "Spoonie" refers to someone who has a chronic disability which limits their energy, i.e. "spoons". The idea is that everyone has spoons (energy) which they can allocate throughout the day. A spoonie has fewer spoons to use and has more factors which can decrease their available spoons or require more spoons for a simple activity. "Spoonie" is a common shorthand to refer to this analogy.
I feel you in a way. After the depression tumbler phase died down and glow ups became the thing I got diagnosed with actual depression and realized that people don't actually feel shit and suicidal all the time 🤡 not to mention the amount of times people think I exaggerate certain things because everyone else always exaggerates
I had that irritation when people on tumblr glamorized depression, but I also felt less alone. Both are annoying though, and dangerously misinforming. I’ve become so confused about adhd and anxiety because of them.
Being autistic and seeing autism-related trends on tiktok is painful honestly. It's a lot of talking about relatable sensory aversions, loving or knowing a lot about your special interests, or low-profile stims and not a lot about the less quirky expressions of autism. I can't drive, I can't hide some of my stims in my pockets or just in my hands, I have trouble knowing when I need to eat or go to the bathroom. And yet, I wouldn't change myself for anything. It's part of me! My brain is wired differently! It is both a disability and a different operating system. I really wish people tried to be more understanding to those of us for whom it is disabling to some degree.
YES it is SO frustrating to see autism reduced to a few single symptoms that don't scratch the surface of what autism is really like. People can stim or dislike sensory input without being autistic. Sometimes I can't speak. I had to memorize the steps to simple tasks (like eating food: walk into the kitchen, face the pantry, grasp the door handle, open the door, locate a box of cereal, etc....). I had to be taught how to nod my head for "yes" and shake it for "no" and in high school I had to memorize a bunch of idioms and take a test on them so that I wouldn't keep taking phrases like "hit the road" literally. I went years without having friends and I struggled on the internet throughout my teenage years because everyone thought I was a troll. Autism is about much more than just a few stereotyped stims and sensory aversions, and these tiktok trends cause real harm, both to autistic people and non-autistic people who get confused by these
@@ancient_bam It's always "but you seem so normal" when I tell my peers about being autistic and then I'm like "yeah its totally normal to not be able to drive, not be able to ride a bike, didn't walk until 18 months, permanent tendon damage from toe walking, learning disability, needed help bathing until I was 8"
ayyy another autistic who can’t drive! definitely agree with this. stimming is fun …until the person doing it isn’t an early-20s feminine person with makeup and a nice outfit on. Different communication styles are valid …until it’s “whoops i said something HORRIBLY blunt on accident” instead of “i talk a lot about my interests!”. Sensory issues are “cute” when you wear headphones in public, but i’m “causing problems on purpose” when i can’t drive a car. That’s not to mention my genuine mental impairments, which of course I haven’t seen on tik tok because they can’t be infantilized or aestheticized. I struggle to make a doctors’ appointment, handle money, cook a meal, send an email, and many more tasks which would come naturally to others, because I’m missing a certain practical intuition that non-autistics would have. Try and make that into an “🌸✨🌿uwu autism🌿✨🌸” tik tok video - you can’t. So no one talks about it.
This trend has been bothering me so much! It's disheartening to see so many people take one or two experiences they've had (sensory issues, low-profile stims, etc.) and say "It's autism! I'm autistic!" Autism is more than "being a little quirky" it can be intense not only emotionally, but socially and physically. Meltdowns, stims, masking, social interactions, sensory overload... There's so much more to it and seeing so many people grossly misrepresent it irritates me to no end.
Facts I've been diagnosed with ADHD since elementary school and yea I do have "Look a Squirrel" moments but when they do happen I feel like I'm having a stroke. And the portrayal of ADHD on tiktok is so misleading or just wrong.
I laughed at the “anybody fall in love with you” thing too. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than over validation. I prefer to be seen for who I am, rather than someone obviously gassing me up. Someone telling me I look good or am smart or funny or whatever simply isn’t interesting to me, and I’m sure I’m not alone I’m feeling that way, so it’s not accurate to say “anyone”.
the most infuriating thing about mental illness tiktok (and the internet in general) for me is that it's become almost "cool" to have a mental illness, since it makes you "unique". I often get the feeling that people "want" to have mental illness, and there are so many teens falsely self-diagnosing themselves simply because they feel negative emotions sometimes
For sure! It's really not healthy. I'm 30 and when I was around 17-20 I was part of online text-based roleplaying. Every young person was creating characters with all kinds of mental issues like it made them "cool and unique". I feel like I looked away from a moment, now it's 10 years after and that behaviour has completely escalated with the use of social media. Now it's not just their characters, but themselves. It's another topic but it seems it's the same with the LGBT community. The more "unique" you can become by having a mental illness, being trans and gay, the more of a valuable person you are. I see kids/young adults on social media with huge followings just because of the buzzwords they use to describe themselves. It's not about the content, but the person being put on pedestal for all their "uniqueness". This is not ending well.
Sometimes I wish my mind would just be quiet for at least 5 minutes and I wish my brain doesn't feel like its in pieces, I wish I wasn't so impulsive and more prone to addiction and depression. I'm like so quirky- squirrel
I had to get off TikTok because the algorithm constantly gave me content about autism. I know there's a possibility I have ASD, but constantly seeing stuff about it was frustrating. And while I do appreciate people sharing their experiences social media just lacks the necessary nuance.
"Trendy" social media definitely is not the place to go for good info, you're right about that. But there are some people on YT sharing their experiences with Autism if you ever want to explore. It helped me learn what was going on. One thing is to read on a list saying for example "social struggles", another is to hear how those social struggles may present. I never understood my social issues and couldn't place it until I heard others with Autism talk about their experiences. I just never connected with anyone and always felt so outside, like I was around a completely different species I didn't know how to interact with. But I couldn't point to what the issue was, I wasn't anxious, didn't doubt myself, didn't have emotional problems. It was so amazing to find out that it's very common for Autistics to feel like an alien as our minds just work a bit differently. It's not a way to self diagnose, but it can be so very helpful to hear other's experiences. I'd recommend the channel Aspergers From the Inside. Pure info, no entertainment.
Its because its ai based algorithms, so one of the types with the most clicks seems to be people memeing about a condition. Whether they have it, or understand the nuance to convey it, is not important for the algorithm however.
I have ADHD and I was recently clinically diagnosed. It was such a “oh that make so much sense moment”. Early in my life, I learned that I get things done close to a deadline while under pressure. Like I would cry my way through it with many all nighters but I will get it done. This was part of the reason why doctors kept telling me that I don’t have ADHD even when I kept going back to them because I couldn’t focus most of the time. They always said that I couldn’t have it because I always managed it. At some point, I started using it to get things done that didn’t really had a deadline. I told my advisor that you need to tell me to have it done by this time, with very hard deadlines or I am never doing it. They were kind enough to be like “sure! whatever makes your brain work”.
@@ninjycoon yes! Huge yes! This is what lead to my diagnosis. Like putting myself in mental and physical distress to get this done doesn’t seem like a healthy, especially after talking to many people and finding out that most people don’t do this. Another reason why talking about mental health is so important. There are so many poor soul out there who are struggling with something that is not their fault and can get a treatment but they think they are just lazy or sensitive or weak. That if most people can do it then why can’t they. Honestly this is what I thought most of the time, that I am just too stupid.
@@astrodragons What's really frustrating is that they totally can do it but they have roadblocks in their way and everyone including themselves are gaslighting them into believing they aren't real. It's so sad. There's also so many people who either don't believe in mental health issues or don't understand it enough so they ridicule and abuse those who are dealing with them. Not even necessarily on purpose. It's all a mess. In America at least, I think one of if not the biggest problem we have is a lack of care and initiative for mental health. It's just so fundamental to every person yet it's not at the top of the list of concerns.
The most eerie thing about the DSM thing is that it shows how we are so beholden to insurance companies that they have literally influenced the standard for diagnosis.
The DSM-V is definitely off. Actually having ADHD and spending tons of time researching it myself I realized that the DSM-V is very outdated. There's so much misinformation around ADHD. It's name in and of itself doesn't even accurately describe the disorder. ADHD is not an "attention deficit disorder". It's an Executive Function Deficit Disorder. Which does cause problems with attention but it's actually an issue of disregulated attention not a lack of it. It also affects tons of other important mental faculties that the average healthy person doesn't even notice.
@@eonstar as far as I know, "executive function disorder" is not a DSM-V diagnosis. Your executive function not working right can be part of a number of diagnoses (which is part of why it took me an age to consider the possibility of my, now diagnosed, ADHD). However, the ADHD diagnostic criteria is predominantly about the executive dysfunction, and not for example mood issues. That said, outside of the DSM-V criteria it's well established that we have extremely poor emotional regulation. It also feels impossible to meet someone with ADHD who won't have a second diagnosis of anxiety or depression. Both of these come with executive function problems, which is why diagnosis can be very difficult. It's also why so much of the diagnostic focus in adults is on early life, since ADHD shows up even in little ones.
Idk I don't think having ADHD and "spending tons of time researching it" qualifies you to make an accurate assessment of what ADHD is or isn't and what the DSM should or shouldn't be
@@user-wc5nc2ud5m to be fair, the most prominent academics in this field are openly critical of the DSM-V, particularly in diagnosing older patients, and women and girls. Not that it has no value, but it is missing some key components of ADHD that clinicians see repeatedly. You don't have to do your own research to see that it has drawbacks, you can instead do a literature review and see the consensus. Dr Russell Barkley I think is the best at layi g out its drawbacks.
@@user-wc5nc2ud5m TL:WR (Too Long:Won't Read) I do have a lot of experience and I do lots of, in my opinion, quality research on the topic. Not having a degree or certifications doesn't necessarily invalidate my opinions or statements. If you don't want to take my word for it, which I think is actually a good thing, please verify my claims yourself. In fact, I might even get some things wrong and would be glad to be corrected. ----------------------------- Perhaps. It's totally fair to question my lack of official qualifications. Those things don't necessarily qualify me, true but they are the best I got. I can go into more detail to further validate my "credentials" but I think the best way to verify someone's takes is to do it yourself. There are plenty of people who have all these degrees and experience in "the field" of different subjects but still get things wrong so I'm an advocate of doing your own due diligence and using multiple resources to verify information. I got diagnosed in elementary school and I'm 25 now so I've been aware of the condition for most of my life. My family never did much to learn about it and even though the schools were meant to make accommodations for me they often failed. I had to meet with a person who assessed my issues and then made a plan for me. I remember her making a lot of assumptions about me and even saying something along the lines of, "Oh, sounds like he'd do better if he worked harder." I didn't feel that she really understood where I was coming from so even the people who were meant to be my advocates didn't understand me. Anyways, I get official paperwork laying out my accommodations. I go to school and I'm not getting any of my accommodations. Turns out they misplaced my paperwork and even after they found it I still had to go to my teachers to let them know about it. Next year, the same thing. None of my teachers had a clue. For one reason or another my teachers weren't being made aware of my needs so I had to become an advocate for myself. Which meant telling my teachers directly about my problems and hoping they'd care. Not all of them did. To be fair I didn't tell some but I was a kid and It was always teachers that I didn't trust because I didn't want to be told I was just lying and being lazy. I got plenty of that from my parents. When I say I've done a ton of research I mean it. I don't just read ADDitude magazine. I actually read research papers on this stuff. When I married my wife, I even used her college account to access papers that I'd normally have to pay for. I'm also an extremely introspective person. While other people are enjoying hobbies I'm lying or sitting somewhere just contemplating my thoughts and issues. That basically is my hobby. Lol. Not that it's necessarily a good thing. There are many many drawbacks. The amount of time I spend on this stuff can actually be debilitating sometimes.
One thing that helped me quite a lot with all the shit is going on is this exact question: " What do i mean by "i want to die" " The first time i asked myself this question was i think in 2020 i believe. And when i realised that dying was not the outcome i really wanted but that i wanted "the pain to go away" something changed. It's impossible to describe the feeling and/or why i came to ask this question to myself in the first place but thinking about it really changed something inside me..
There was a period a few years ago where I started smoking weed every single day and eventually quit my shitty job. I was unemployed for almost a year, occasionally looking for a job but never really putting in the full effort because it made me super anxious. On top of that I didn’t want to do literally anything but smoke weed and every month that passed I got more and more anxious+depressed, and the first thought in my head upon waking up each day was that I wanted to die. Eventually I had a bit of a mental breakdown and got kicked out of my house. I started going to therapy immediately after that and realized that I didn’t really want to just throw my life away, I just wanted to be in a better situation. I feel like ever since I’ve at worst been keeping my head above the water and not just telling myself I want to die
@a proverbial lemon took me a long time to realize it tho ^^ but thanks. i think it's one of the most important thing i realized about it ... and that question quite literally saved my life^^
@@strongbadman2 totally understand... since then i also at worst kept my head above water... let's fight this shit and learn to control it before it's too late ! Good luck in your journey !
Something I experienced recently changed my view on some things. I had a day where I'd been running on 3-4 hours of sleep if not less for a few days(and without 7-8 hours, I really can't operate well(i dont drink coffee)), day was gloomy and cold. I just couldn't be positive no matter what good happened in the day, it felt like a pit was opening up in my gut and eating away at me. On a walk to buy some groceries, my thoughts were going downhill and fast and I finally understood how one becomes suicidal on an emotional level instead of just logical. I could just tell that if the feeling persisted for a long time, perpetually declining, any hope in anything would just rapidly fade and I'd slowly lose any will to keep on living. I had an easy out, just some proper sleep for a few days to pick myself back up, but I could see that intense downward trajectory and I understand depression better now, I guess.
With the running your brain under cold water tik tok: the hashtag "intrusive thoughts" is what made it click for me. The best way I can describe intrusive thoughts for people who don't know, is that it's like if your brain was constantly throwing moral pop quizzes at you to check of you're an abhorrent person. I'm sure many of you had that moment when you were driving on the highway as a kid where you thought "what if I just opened the car door right now?" You'd never do it, but the thought happening in the first place might concern you or make you question your morals. That's pretty much intrusive thoughts. They're quick, very uncomfy and can be related to death, violence against oneself or others or even be sexual in nature. But you'd never act upon them that's the important part. We're not our thoughts, and experiencing intrusive thoughts doesn't make someone a bad person (they'd rather not be having them too), but afterwards you do feel really gross for having something like that pop into your brain even if it was very brief. This person describes the desire of wanting to get rid of both the thought and the gross feeling as "rinsing their brain under cold water" the way I say it is, "it makes me want to shed my skin like a lizard". Hope this helped.
This was such a good way of describing them! They are brief but they can make you spiral into a state of distress as you try and navigate away from them. I'm very grateful for the reminder that my thoughts aren't what define me; it's very difficult living most of my life obsessing over those thoughts, so I'm always happy to have that reminder.
I have intrusive thoughts a lot. It’s almost become my inner monologue. I kind of use them as an emotional barometer, like for example when Covid had just started, and there was so much drama and horrible stuff happening in the world, and my brain couldn’t really get a handle on it. My intrusive thoughts went from “what if I randomly yelled really loudly in public” to “what if someone in my family gets it, how many of us are gonna die?”. It went from some innocuous stuff to really quite heavy thoughts within a few weeks. That’s when I realised I needed to take a step back, or to try to change something in my life. They’re annoying, and occasionally very distressing, but they can, in a weird way, be useful.
Thank you so much! This helped me alot actually. I can never figure out whether I’m just being psycho, or whether I’m experiencing intrusive thoughts. I got the urge (or more tje thought) to rip my friend’s earring out the other day. Felt terrible
I've had one occasionally at school where the school has a staircase and I would randomly think "What would happen if I dropped my binder down the stairs from the top floor?"
Genuinely happy to see healthygamer playing the algorithm, at this point I'm assuming the resources provided will help 99% of people, and it's just about people being able to discover it.
@@suides4810 I think that's because he's sharing from his own experience, it's hard to divide the symptoms of diff diagnoses completely cuz you're experiencing all of them. Especially since ADHD symptoms can breed anxiety and it's a very comorbid diagnosis. Just my interpretation though!
Personally I feel Connor is making it into too much entertainment rather than information. It's turning the symptoms into "funny little quirks" rather than something that can be completely debilitating. I don't follow him too but I don't see him even noting that "this is not funny and some people have it real bad". Not to mention that just being able to structure and film videos like that requires a quite high level of executive function. Not invalidating his experience but his symptoms are mild enough for him to be able to do what he does. I'm just sad no one is showing how it really is for some of us. But it has to be entertaining for anyone to listen.
@@sanz7820 Well he isn't a scientific disseminator he kind of make fun of the situations caused by ADHD so people can relate to him but I personally only have half of the stuff he usually mention. My life right is really screwed by debilitating symptoms but I prefer to have someone joking about a real problem and giving me a laugh that filling my internet consumption from only technical information. Your point is really valid but I think Connor has its place in the community.
ADHD is hard. Getting called weird consistently enough throughout life to claim it as an identity (my humour can be.. surreal.. given the seemingly random connections my brain makes). The shame for not being able to hold your focus on the things that "you're supposed to", when ALL OF REALITY is being downloaded through your senses.. so you either get overwhelmed and wait for a reboot (task paralysis/executive dysfunction), or follow the dopamine.. Which leads to more time mismanagement because you tend to prioritise "fun" stuff over boring repetitive tasks. This is different from the time blindness ADHDers also suffer from - 10 minutes ago, the present, next Wednesday and Christmas 2044 feel the same amount of time apart - now, or not now. Very zen, but not helpful in remembering you need time to get to the train station (but it's not now, so it's fine I've got plenty of OH NO IT'S NOW!). It can also be burnout, constantly tired after battling your own meatbag all day to do something that will help itself - like an important work project, waiting for the last-minute dopamine/adrenalin motivational kick to Get It Done, like a daily tense AF Indiana Jones ahead of the rolling boulder.. There is often guilt at not fulfilling expectations of our family and friends/work/personal goals, and lifelong masking of our symptoms to fit into a neurotypical society. Add on possible/likely comorbidities of anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, bruxism, dyslexia, dyscalclia - and more! ADHD is relatable. But it can be incapacitating. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say, but if you're struggling and keep identifying with ADHD traits that you see on social media, please try to see a professional, even just to rule it out (DSM-V controversies aside). Neurotypical people don't tend to hyperfixate on a diagnosis and then query the severity of their own experiences with symptoms ad infinitum. 🖖
My parents didn't tell me I had ADHD and that my twin is on the mild end of the Autism spectrum because they didn't want us to feel like we couldn't improve or change. As I grew up and my abilities increased, I constantly fought so much harder than most other people to do the same things, and had no idea why. HOWEVER, I DID learn that self-improvement WAS possible, even for someone like me. That saved my life. I took charge of my treatment, figured out what it was I had, got some therapy, tried some medication (I went off it eventually when I was confident I could work without it). My parents insisting on shielding me from ADHD when I was young trained my brain to see it as a condition to overcome, not a condition I suffer under. I'm completing my Master's thesis now. Still working on some executive function training with my parents (something both of them excel at in various ways), but I learn and grow stronger every day. I am beginning to feel the payoff from that training, and I couldn't be happier.
Don't answer this if it's uncomfortable, but I'm curious about something. Do you think your parents made the correct decision in hiding ADHD from you? As an autistic man myself who grew up with a wonderful mother who raised me very well with all information on the table, I initially recoiled at reading your comment. But I wonder how you might think about it yourself.
@@meeszijlstra5426 It was a lie by accidental omission, because my twin and me were "developmentally delayed" so I knew I wasn't QUITE like everyone else without really knowing specifics; also, at the time people assumed ADHD was something you grew out of and that it "went away" in adulthood. Thus, they never told me once I became an adult because they thought I had "outgrown" it (I hadn't), but I never blamed them because they just did not know the full truth back then; the medical community didn't really know the full truth either. I was also thoroughly loved and supported throughout my life, though that didn't make me immune from suffering. I still struggled heavily, and I was certainly thrown for a loop when I found out I had ADHD; I was tongue-tied for at least a minute or two while all the dots connected! Learning about what it was and what it meant for my mental functioning became a weight on my heart that I had to overcome with time and patience. I honestly think that if I had that weight on me when I was younger that I would have struggled a lot more, because as a kid things like ADHD seem insurmountable and that you'll never be "normal". Thankfully, I wasn't bothered by being "different" because my family was very different among the other families in my hometown (we were members of the Baha'i Faith in a village full of devout Christians, who were devout Christians because missionaries had preached fire and brimstone if they didn't convert decades ago and the religion stuck around after that; as a result, our family kinda stood out like a sore thumb sometimes, but we were respected community members in spite of that obvious difference). What I learned to appreciate and thoroughly apply is that they taught me how to overcome the symptoms despite not telling me explicitly what I had; my Dad with his razor-sharp to-the-point mind put it best when he said "Ok, you have ADHD. Now what? What does that mean for your thesis? What does that mean for the decisions in your life? Do you do this or that "because ADHD", or do you do this or that because you gave into certain behaviors the ADHD leaves you vulnerable to? You still have things to do, so how do you do them despite having ADHD?" He pointed out that willpower is the ability to make a choice, and that free will is the freedom to choose your behavior for yourself. That reoriented my mind away from "ADHD is making me do this" to "I'm choosing to do this because my ADHD makes this easier instead of a harder but better way." This put the onus on me to make better choices and start training my brain away from its old patterns, and at least for me it worked. I know that if my parents had been told that I'd have ADHD my entire life, they would have told me and trained me accordingly. For the time, they did what they could according to the known science back then, and they thoroughly supported me as an adult when I did some therapy and tried some ADHD medication (I went off the medication eventually, because I treated it more as "training wheels" for the executive functioning-deprived section of my brain); once I was used to how I felt under the medication, I went off it and over time re-trained my brain to function in a similar way despite not having the medication forcing the increased functioning. That approach is not always a good idea, but my therapist and psychiatrist agreed to let me try it and it worked for me, and it put me on the path towards further personal growth. I'm working on my physical health now as well (I am unfortunately obese and diabetic), but I have made strides towards better health in that arena as well. Tl;dr: Maybe I'm "unique", but my parents' love and support carried me despite not knowing the full truth as a child. They taught me techniques and a mindset that gave me the chance to train and overcome my ADHD symptoms, and I am getting better every day because of my efforts and their training. I would have appreciated knowing when I was younger, but it worked out for me in the end.
@@boomkruncher325zzshred5 Thank you very much for the detailed answer! Catching it early and giving the extra needed attention to it in my early childhood has been a great help for me. I'm on the milder side of the spectrum, but I can now pass for neurotypical easily. People don't think I have autism unless I interact with them a lot, like friends/family I'm happy things turned out well for you despite the absence of knowledge about it during childhood, and thank you once again for sharing.
I feel like a good time to find out about adhd or autism is when someone is ready and willing to improve themselves independently. If you're just a kid and you find out, it will just be an additional worry while you're just trying to enjoy life
I remember after getting diagnosed my therapist told me that I shouldn't really focus on lists of symptoms or random facts about my diagnosis, because those same symptoms or behaviors can be found in many individuals that have a completely different diagnosis than me, and if I try to match my symptoms to all the DSM V I would have at least 3 diagnosis at the same time, some of them not even compatible with each other. And now after the way you explained it I totally get it. I have ASD and ADHD but I've never missed a deadline and prefer to work with deadlines otherwise I never get anything done ever. Other common symptom of my diagnosis is social isolation, but the important thing and what defines the diagnosis is why I isolate myself, people with other diagnosis can have completely different reasons and still have the same symptoms as I do.
The sky is full of stars, but it's the pattern that makes a constellation. What turns a checklist of potential symptoms into a diagnosis is the emerging pattern, frequency, and duration thereof. Everybody pees multiple times a day, but if you're peeing multiple times an hour, you should see a doctor about it. That being said, once you have a diagnosis, seeing those laundry lists of symptoms can help connect a lot of dots for you (like all those smaller stars that are part of constellations, but not normally shown in the illustrations) to help understand the different ways your disorder is affecting you, and thus give you more information on how to deal with them, or at the very least solve some mysteries about why you think and act the way that you do. One of the tricky things is figuring out which is the cart, and which is the horse; those lists can act as both for different people on different sides of the diagnosis, and I'm noticing that that nuance seems to be lost on a lot of people (especially those who haven't been on both sides themselves).
Connor DeWolfe is the BEST for ADHD representation, articulate, he, like those of us with ADHD, understand it, he just has a FANTASTIC way of relating it to those who don't. All of his tik toks are absolutely wonderful and I 100% recommend them!!!
The "Dark psychology trick" is literally just the same advice the pickup artist community have been spouting for decades, and its both manipulative and not about love but emotional dependence.
The mental health tiktok videos are... really sad. a lot of the time its such blatantly false info and it feels like they're just trying to make it fashionable. i dunno, its strange.
It’s one thing to be diagnosed with ADHD and to poke fun at it and to make jokes because you deal with it every day, but it’s another thing entirely to self-diagnose because you lightly relate to some of the symptoms and feel them once and a while. We’re all humans; we’re bound to feel a certain way at least a couple times in our lives.
I always thought I needed more flexibility in time and deadlines. But actually if I have a really full schedule and strict frequent deadlines, i do really well. I feel like for me personally, my ADHD is not the biggest problem. (anymore, it was for a long time.) The problem is when it COMBINES with other mental health issues. Especially anxiety, then depression.
It's the same way for me. ADHD isn't as much of the problem. When I was a kid, I could struggle through work, but get it done with a postive outlook, but as my mental health took a divebomb, everything got worse. It's less an ADHD problem. It's a mental health problem making the ADHD symptoms more severe.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD, this disorder has almost ruined my life. I almost flunked out of middle school all three times, was almost arrested for something I was doing impulsively. This disorder is NOT QUIRKY. Emotional regulation is VERY difficult for me so most of the time, I don't usually feel anything. People that downplays it do not understand how mentally drained and unstable it can make you. Although I am glad more and more people are starting to call people out for faking it now, but I shouldn't have to explain to people that I was diagnosed with ADHD. I should be believed but I’m not. Update: I’ve since gotten on stronger medication and doing much better now ^^ I still people should be more considerate of people with ADHD like me.
I meet the entire DSM 5 criteria for Autism, but was denied a diagnosis because I have no reliable source to recount my childhood. but every sign of autism is spot on and has been for as long as I can remember. My doctors won't even let me do the assessment again because 'it would negate the test we've already done' as if that isn't the damn point?
Wow, thank you! I am a Psychology student, and I never heard someone explaine the DSM this well. We use the ICD 11 here in Germany, but it is more or less the same thing.
@@suides4810 The ICD is a classification of all diseases. Chapter 5 is for psychiatry diseases. Its like Dr. K said about the DSM, insurances decide on that basis if they going to pay for your treatment or not. Content-wise they are very similar. Although the DSM 5 is a little more pleasant to read. DSM 5: (American Psychiatric Association) APA ICD 11: (World Health Organisation) WHO
"Run brain under cold water" I think it means something else. When I get overwhelmed, same scenario happens to me. My brain literally feels like every synapses in my brain are firing at once, and doing anything makes it worse. Gaming, tiktok, tv, personal interaction, etc. Yeah, its over stimulation but for me (at least) there isnt a typical fix. Only a cold shower, and isolation. After a few hours alone, the burning that makes my brain feel like microwaved pudding tends to go away
Yeah he interpreted the video then dissected that interpretation which just seemed weird, if you don't fully understand what the TikTok is about it may have been better to leave it out of the video tbh
Here's a revised version of the "dark psychology love trick". Step 1: "Just" make the person feel AMAZING when they're around you. Step 2: Don't do any of that other shit...
I'm still bitter about the 'Oh you have ADHD? No wonder you can't sit still' crap I had to go through as a kid. People are actually starting to recognize ADHD for what it is a little bit more now, at least in my experience, but it is endlessly frustrating when uneducated people think that a whole entire disorder just boils down to having a little extra energy. Like, no. My ADHD completely runs my life. It gets in the way of every single thing I have ever had to do. I would be _blessed_ if it was just a little extra energy. Downplaying its severity caused me extreme self-esteem issues when I was a kid, because saying "It's your fault, not the disorder" made me think I was stupid and worthless. And it's also worth saying that I also have Bipolar Depression. People equating mood swings with bipolar disorder is also unbelievably frustrating. I went through year-long periods of plotting my own suicide, then maybe a few months of feeling okay, and then going right back down again. And maybe every couple years I would get a few weeks of feeling absolutely amazing and productive. It was literally debilitating to the point where I could no longer function. Y'all ain't bipolar if you get upset and have a good cry and then feel better afterward. Shut up. Just. Rrrgh. SO frustrating.
I have ADHD, officially diagnosed over 20 years ago, and worked in real estate and property management. I can absolutely see why real estate may be good for those of us with ADHD and I definitely encountered many successful agents who seemed to have ADHD, but personally my time working in real estate was very brief, less than 2 years, because I got burned out and couldn't handle the pressure of the deadlines. I was a transaction coordinator and operations manager for a team of agents, and an agent in my own right. In my first year in real estate I handled over 100 transactions. Other agents, who were not also transaction coordinators, did 10 if they were really lucky. It was very high pressure, high stress and VERY deadline dependent. And, if a deadline was missed for any reason, I would usually be the one that took the heat for it since I was the transaction coordinator. It ended up just completely draining me, ruining my health, and it took months to recover from putting myself through that. Property management on the otherhand I did for 6 years and really enjoyed. Property management is still time and deadline dependent, but there's more routine while still being a dynamic work environment (moving tenants in and out, turning apartments for the next person, coordinating response to a leak, etc) and the stakes aren't as high all the time. Missing some deadlines is no big deal, but missing others is a very big deal and could have consequences for hundreds of people. So I think property management is a bit better for those of with ADHD who need those external factors and pressures to get things done but still need enough routine to feel like we're achieving goals and making reasonable progress in our careers. It also has opportunity to make a decent amount of money and much more stable income than real estate can offer. Anyway, that's my 2 cents for anyone with ADHD considering real estate and/or property management.
@@italovidigal1990 Honestly it's easier to write long essays on passion topics when I'm not on medication personally, because I have to fully detail my thoughts so that it's unambiguously understood. This is especially true when I feel as if I'm "correcting misinformation". The dopamine from that is higher than most other things.
I just don’t get why most of them think that if I have autism or adhd I’m gonna be a prodigy at something. Is why I deleted TikTok, because I don’t even have friends because people think I’m weird and annoying, and I am because I will talk your ears off, or not talk at al for days. I can’t sit through a task, I have to shift between multiple one to get something done. I was feeling more of a failure seeing so many people talking about it like it doesn’t suppose a problem in others lives.
That last dark psychology trick made me lol! Literally is what Dennis said from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia! I would love to see Dr. K's reaction to that episode.
The guy at 6 minutes talking about self diagnosis, I really like his content. It's been validating and helpful, and he's so creative! His videos are all really great
25:43 I really liked what Dr. K said here..... The first stage is love-bombing someone who is insecure right at the get-go and once that person has you in their grasp, it can get pretty scary from then forward into a toxic relationship. That's not everybody, but idk...
"It's not that you're forgetful, it's that it didn't sink in, in the first place" YEEESSSSS. and it's not even being actively distracted. There are times in a conversation I'm trying to pay attention, trying to follow something being explained, and I can just feel it all sliding off and just.... not penetrating and it's hugely frustrating... and then at another time the same thing being explained just suddenly makes perfect sense and I simply cannot fathom how I didn't grasp the concept earlier.
My least favorite part of ADHD and having it is that most of the true symptoms can happen to normal people that just don’t care like forgetting birthdays names what someone said or forgetting to get something on the grocery list. Most people with ADHD do care we just forget and we will never know why
Yes and it sucks i even “forget” peoples name when they mentioned it 5 seconds ago just because my brain skips over it cuz im more focused on the holding the conversation
“This is only going work on a small percentage of people that are insecure and can be easily manipulated, which to be fair might be a lot since this is Tik Tok” lmao savage
Thanks for addressing these. As someone who has really bad adhd it is frustrating seeing these bad TikTok. Also the guy he said was good helped me learn what rejection sensitivity disorder
wow.. immediately from the beginning of the video of you giving the breakdown between bipolar disorder vs emotional lability and how you described suicidal talk can often not mean you want to die but just goes to show how deep you feel on the inside just answered so many questions for me. Thank you so much! That just cleared so much up for me so fast!
I love seeing Connor. He also keeps educational purposes in mind and he has helped me a lot with some tips to deal with things better. 10/10 to that dude
Came here to see cringey tiktoks get lambasted by someone knowledgeable about mental health, instead I got a reasonable insight into my own problems. Thanks Doc.
Asking someone a question early in the morning when they’re half asleep actually works. My boyfriend has tried this on me a few times and I’ve tried this on other people as well. If you want a realistic/honest answer to something def ask them when they are half asleep, they never expect to think of a fake answer right when opening their eyes therefore they’re more likely to answer you honestly
i was v happy when i saw you saying connor's tiktoks were good because i've watched his tiktoks for a while and imo they're pretty educational and relatable as someone w/ adhd
I like to compare Tiktok diagnosis videos to google diagnosis searches. It takes a small incident and blows it out of proportion. Got the sniffles? You have lung cancer. Forgot your notebook that one time and was bumbed out? ADHD and Bipolar disorder.
ADHD Realtor here. Your description of getting the job done but being very disorganized is so accurate. I’m great at my job, but my methods are very different.
"When I'm bored and I'm trying to study, I cant restrain my attention so I go watch something" love hearing this while watching this to procrastinate for my neuro exam tomorrow
I'm surprised that Dr. K was so unaware of the "Dark Psychology Trick" because introverts (many gamers) are very susceptible to that one if they're also lonely. (The Tik Tok poster was speaking about relationships, not just interacting with anyone on the street.) As someone who's been on the receiving end of this, and witnessed others receive the same thing, knowing when this happens is incredibly important to your mental wellbeing.
This video is so informative, thank you! It's really helped clear up a bunch of confusion I had about how this topic gets discussed and portrayed on social media and I feel like I learned a lot! Thank you!
This past year, when I've gone from externship sites to another, I've had people tell me that the reason they are good at their jobs is because they have ADHD. They come up with this wild explanation and say "I haven't been diagnosed, but I KNOW I have it and it helps me." They say they are super fast and productive because of it. I've been diagnosed, and I feel like it actually hinders my abilities at the same job. I. Can't. Keep. Focused. I'm dropping things left and right because I can't multitask and if have more than 2 things in my hands at a time, I forget something I'm holding is there. The doctor will tell me on occasion, "You're holding that, but are you going to turn it on" or "You're holding that, are you going to pass it to me" I completely zone and think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be. I zone out during patient notes when I'm supposed to be listening and typing things up. I disappear when the doctor is having conversation with me about various important tasks. I don't get where people get this idea from that it some how makes people more productive. I'm also a HUGE procrastinator, far from an A type personality. I never express how I feel to people about them saying it makes them more productive and they KNOW they have it, because those people are typically strong minded about it.
The thing is, ADHD has a kind of inertia if enacts on people. Ive been diagnosed with it since I was 14 and I only ever became healthily productive when I was put on medication. Before that it was procrastinating until the last second, and then working for hours upon hours straight with no breaks and waiting until im dancing on my seat to stand up and force myself to use the bathroom. ADHDers in motion stay in motion, and ADHDers at rest stay at rest
15:55 - I'm just starting down the road of getting diagnosed. I thought I'd share I thrived really well as a nurse, I always said I get overwhelmed with stuff at home like cleaning. But being in the chaos of a busy ward and having those crisis deadlines helped my brain focus. Now I know why.
The problem is it isn't. It is used clinically. It determines health insurance policies. It is used for the qualification for disability payments in some places. It is even relied upon by laws in some countries.
3:30 ngl running your brain under cold water sounds awesome. Your brain is so jumbled and exhausted so, technically, if brain could feel, that would feel amazing. It would wash all the tiredness and mess away.
The trend of self-diagnosis and faking disabilities is disgusting. I understand some people on social media are misinformed and confused, but glamorizing cognitive disorders isn't something that should be accepted.
The trend of doctors ignoring a lot of people's symptoms and dismissing them due to their gender or generally people being unable to afford mental health care is so much worse and the reason a lot of people feel a need to self diagnose. Let's address the ACTUAL systemic problem please rather than blaming people who are struggling
@@leotardbanshee both are big problems, i think the problem you bring is more important to call out but people self diagnosticating is not only because of piece of shit doctors, sometimes people BELIVE they know how to diagnotise and start telling others. Its quite common in any field for lots of people to think they know more than profesionals, "because why not" basically. But, im not saying you are wrong on those situations, just adding to the topic
hmm I'm sure you could make the argument that glamorizing mental illness would help stop the taboo, or the shame, or whatever and people would be more comfortable in their own mental health or seeking help for their own sake. It's kinda weird to fake being x y z but I'm sure there is good to come out of it.
ADHD at work: yeah a lot of people think I'm a narcissist and don't care about them or the work. I can't say I blame them, however I'm lucky enough to have close coworkers and management that vouche for me. Glad Dr K brought that up 😅
Building on those who have ADHD that do well with places with deadlines and crisis, I have heard that some people with ADHD go into emergency medicine for that reason
I’ve always been interested in the field but thought there’s no way I could do it, because how could I do something that important if I can’t even cope well with basic office work? And the obvious answer is...because it’s something important lol. (I don’t think I will, I just wish I hadn’t been discouraged from pursuing medicine as a kid)
This video finally pushed me over the edge to take a symptom test (on which I scored very highly) and ask my parents about it. I've been afraid of them thinking that I just want attention but now I know that I could actually have a problem that can be helped, thank you
I have ADHD and the "will I?" will most certainly not "motivate" me. If I've been procrastinating on something, asking myself "will I" will result in a "I probably won't as I haven't this past week" so I don't bother trying, could be doing something else that's also necessary.
i happen to have very typical (clinically diagnosed) adhd, but i know many people who don’t fit the DSM or stereotypes super well but also have adhd. the DSM being a guide is so much better than it being the deciding factor
unfortunately i spent the majority of my life suffering from adhd and didn't even know it. i had no friends as a kid, even as far back as elementary, because they thought i was weird. if i was in a class that was quiet i could understand things but if anyone said anything off topic i'd lose my train of thought and i wouldn't learn anything. so many things that affected my relationships on a daily basis, and i just thought i was stupid. i NEVER considered getting tested until someone who also had adhd told me that i need to get checked out. it sucks.
I want to mention that bipolar people can have emotional lability as well. It generally occurs during mixed episodes, which is when a bipolar person experiences (hypo)mania and depression at the same time. They can become suddenly irrationally furious, and in mere minutes they can switch to despair. They can be fine one moment and feel despair the next, then go back to feeling okay. It’s really not fun to go through.
You allow so much hope for people like me, and thanks for being so available to listen to. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk to someone because I know I have to pay and immediately dig myself deeper into a loop between yearning for help and sucking it up. It’s a boss fight without abilities
re: deadlines and crisis management for ADHD - definitely true. my theory is basically just that we have worked out our 'crisis response' muscles through procrastination, poor management of structured work/time management, and general lack of interest until there are real ramifications for our actions or inaction. as a result we're both very used to and adept at having to crunch. IMO beyond the obvious issue with this (which is that living life constantly on the edge means there WILL come times when you fall off of it) i think it also considerably worsens your ADHD over time. since your brain adapts to doing tasks this way it can often leak into any other aspects of your life, including but not limited to education (the learning aspect, where you can only learn in small periods of time and while under intense stress), relationships (in many ways from lack of interest in the relationship itself to relationship issues as a result of being a manchild and being incapable of basic tasks), self-serving thinking resulting in severe behavioral disruptions, etc. i also suspect that this can even lead to development of other, generally more 'severe' behavioral disorders if gone unchecked. i say this knowing full well the issues with misdiagnosis regarding disorders such as ADHD & Bipolar. i think the same reason these are often misdiagnosed for one another is the potential reason that they could potentially lead into one another. now that we're discovering just how neuroplastic our brains are i'd be willing to bet that within the next 10-15 years research will show how interlinked many of these are not just as comorbid through symptomology, but through the lifestyles we develop as a result of these symptoms and how they loop back to the plasticity of our brains. this is why i think the primary advances in terms of mental health necessarily will have to come through multidisciplinary approaches and a much more holistic model of the mind
Auto-played my way here and hot diggity damn Dr. K ya done did it again. Seriously though your knowledge/insights are beyond amazing there isn't a word for it. Thank you so much.
Cool video, very entertaining and informative. I think it would be a good idea to create more content like this, because TikTok has a tendency to become an echo chamber where people repeat same stuff over and over again, so it's great that you're educating people about things that TikTok repeats. :)
This was the one stream I wanted to see so badly but missed because of work ! Thanks for the upload, Dr. K and be careful with these odd TikTokers lmao
I love the history behind the DSM! I can’t believe after over 12 years of knowing what the DSM is, this is the first time I’ve heard explained that it came from setting bounds for research subjects. Suddenly it makes so much more sense how I am 100% sure I have autism but I don’t exactly meet the DSM criteria in a super clear way. But that makes sense because they had to pick a particular presentation of autism to base the criteria on and kinda go from there for the sake of consistency, I guess. (Or explain better with your actual knowledge of autism and diagnosis.)
Yeah also the DSM criteria for autism is based on how it presents in males, which is a bit different from how it presents in females, so women and girls are much less likely to get a diagnosis
Another big one is the removal (in the opinions of many experts in the field, deeply in error) of emotional dysregulation from the criteria for ADHD from the DSM-5, as it's basically one of the few symptoms that is almost universal for us. Dr. Russell Barkley is very outspoken about this. The different presentations for autism and ADHD are another huge issue that prevents far too many proper diagnoses for those whose symptoms present differently from the extremely limited language in the DSM-5, especially when there are comorbidites complicating things (which is more often than not).
First time on your vids and very impressed already. I really liked that accurate ADHD tiktok shown where they breakdown the nuance of diagnosis without shitting on self diagnosis on the whole. Personally I've self diagnosed most of my conditions successfully before being formally diagnosed (Bipolar, autism, hearing sensitivity disorders). I also noticed a lot of GP really, really struggle to understand the criteria and will reject a proposed diagnosis while mocking and berating you for self diagnosis. Which is equally as dangerous as self diagnosis in my eyes. I'm asexual and bipolar, my doctors were obsessed with sexuality because at the time I was a teenager in a city where teen pregnancy and booze usage is especially high, so they were surprised I was doing neither. They insisted my sexuality was a disorder and needed fixing despite the fact I was *happy* with my sexuality (thus negating the hyposexual disorder criteria). They also argued that I _wasn't_ bipolar because I didn't get hypersexual. They were mistaking the impulsive behaviours segment as something you needed to tick every single box for. They also claimed the fact I wasn't spending too much money and in debt a sign I wasn't bipolar. I WAS A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD (in a strictly religious house), how am I gonna be hypersexual and in debt? They totally misunderstood how the criteria worked and would take any single symptom you don't have as a sign you can't have the condition, which shows poor understanding. So I'm appreciative that self diagnosis wasn't mocked, and that the dangers of misunderstanding the criterion and purpose of DSM generally (which impacts ignorant self diagnosis, but also professionals similarly), which is a balanced approach. At least with doctors they should have a team of experts to go back to if they make a mistake, but individuals don't usually have this resource, so self dx is very tricky. But I still think it's valid in many circumstances.
The last thing already has a name it's called "negging", a technique used by pick up artists. They're usually a lot more subtle about it, but yes this mostly only works if the person they're hitting on is insecure (and probably tipsy). From the perspective of a long term relationship it could also be considered "love bombing"
Dr. K has done more positive work for my mental health than a bunch of therapists and just gives so much insight into a bunch of topics. Thankful for you dude
I wonder if the reason "Will I?" works instead of "I will" is because it forces you to answer. It jerks your brain out of whatever it's thinking of at that moment and forces it to calculate an answer to the question that was posed to it. That helps clear up your motivation to do or NOT do something. And, of course, the more clear you understand your motivations, the more confident you will be in your actions because you worked out the WHY before you did it, instead of just assuming you would do it and then becoming Surprised Pikachu Face when it turns out you are not motivated.
As someone who reacts to eating sounds and eating in general extremely negatively because of misophonia, I tend to doubt that "psychology hack" of eating between me and some other guy in an argument would help the situation beyond getting someone decked in the face
"We've decided to stray away from the 'arrow pointing to psychiatrist' as it doesn't really align with our mission statement". Well here it is basically happening again lol.
thankyou soo much for this. its refreshing to hear someone talk about the logic behind things rather than me hearing about diagnosed rare bpd and stuff 247. when so many things if they are visible can be misdiagnosed. im waiting on a diagnosis myself but ive had issues since a child and i genuinely struggle alot just doing tasks and other things.. but i do hyper-fixate on education online that i have interest in and i have a really big interest in science and psychology.
ps another theory is like someone said about everyone having the ability to have ADHD , i think also another thing could be we all have spectrum disorders to a certain degree some worse than others.. wich is another theory its very hard to get a psychiatric assessment in some parts of the UK though. inless people have ways of going private.
i think honestly, open ended questions lock me up. like... idk where to start. idk which thought to grab in the cacophony of static in my head, y'know? and i also am very glad to hear someone say forcing it before they're ready is an issue. my psychiatrist, for a long time, kept bringing up me going back to school. but i just... wasn't ready. i wasn't ready until literally within the last year. and the fact that he kept pushing it just made me fold up and close off, even a little with my talk therapist/psychologist. i felt judged, for some fuckin' reason, and pressured and like i was somehow wrong or something for not being ready yet because i didn't feel ready to balance a job and schooling. (honestly, if i was doing traditional campus school stuff, still i don't think i am. but there are some universities and colleges that have courses you can do online and stuff and so i've been able to balance it.) and because i felt weirdly judged and pressured, i closed off so i never confronted it and asked him to stop. instead i just... put up a wall. and i don't regret waiting. if i had tried back then, when there were several instances of me actively melting down at work WITHOUT having school on the side, i couldn't do it. i'd just drop out of the school again. on the """""dark psychology tip""""" like tiktok bro. just call it the cycle of mental and emotional abuse, which is what it is. calling it a """"tip"""" makes it... sound like 'hey this is a cool neat lil hack!!! but don't do it tho~~~~~~'. fuck outta here, jayus or w/e your tiktok name is.
Seeing people downplay an actual disability by being like ‘Literally everything is a symptom of ADHD!’ is so cringe, this disorder ruined my life without me even knowing it until I was 20 and knowing full well how many people are going to now decide to brush off people who actually have debilitating ADHD symptoms due to ‘well everyone is a little ADHD’ is absolutely cancerous.
I KNOW RIGHT.... like, look Courtnayy, I know you think having ADHD is a quirky thing that makes you unique because you walk into a room and forget what you were doing but this shit has been actively debilitating my life since I can remember like..... it isnt a cute thing lmfao
I brushed a therapist off five years ago when she mentioned I probably have ADHD, and it’s not until now, I’m my mid-20s, that I’ve realised how much damage it’s caused to my relationships and the people I care about let alone myself
Yeah ADHD is bit more than being "quirky". Like, come on bro I'm suffering from executive dysfunction and my brain is constantly foggy can you stop trying to make everyone think that you have ADHD by acting silly on the internet.
I don't know that these people are doing that purposefully. I also don't know what ADHD has to ruin your life before it can be considered valid.
@@ShazyShaze Ah, very good point. We pretty much dig ourselves a hole by trying to qualify suffering.
i really like that you don´t talk dismissively about teens overusing suicidal language. many people use it to critisize todays generation and stuff, but you show true compassion and understanding. it isnt teens being attention seekers, its teens not being taught proper ways to express internal distress. this applies to lot of things "wrong" with this generation.
thank you for this. I for one barely ever use suicidal language, aside from jokes of course, but I really do understand why so many of my peers feel that way. We've been dealt a bad hand. We're suffering because of things we didn't even do. I'm not even sure if most of us live to 40, lol. I hate that gen z being "soft" is a thing that older people believe. Just because we know how to express our feelings?????? It's tough, and I know their dealing with their own shit too. But I'm sick of hearing old people talk about how their times were "better" than ours, just because they can't use slurs or be openly homophobic anymore lmao
Exactly.
@@purpleenthusiast5814 Or because their tuition was cheap, rent wasnt sky high, and minimum wage compared to cost of living was actually respectable, at least before our generation. Now all 18-25 year olds are getting raw dogged up the poop chute from college debts, expensive housing, bad employers and insufficient wages. Among other things
@@purpleenthusiast5814 yeah... but then again, that's what older people tend to do since forever, right? Reminisce about the past, complain about the present and say the future is doomed because of said present and its newer generations. We just gotta try to not do the same when we're old ig. We'll get used to live a certain way now, only to be told that we were doing it wrong by people who are younger than us. And humans just generally have a hard time admitting their faults, especially to younger humans.
@@laurinha2892 true, but it's been happening for so fucking long you'd think they'd stop by now. It sucks.
The responsiveness to deadlines thing is wild in my ADHD. Prior to my diagnosis I used to rely very heavily on "the fear" kicking in and making me work, because otherwise I basically just wouldn't. But when that adrenaline kicked in, I would "hyperfocus" (arguably a misnomer) on my task heavily. I had a weird pride in it, like, yes I failed all my in class tests that could have got me extra credit or taken me out of the exam, but I aced the final on the basis of 3 days constant study in which I did not eat.
Most outwardly "successful" ADHD folk I have met have had to use the weight of their strong emotions to achieve this.
Dude that's me down to a T, even the weird pride I take in only getting stuff done at the last minute, even though the work I submit could have been better.
So I've got to ask, what do you do now, post-diagnosis, to either kick-start the fear sooner so you have more time or have you found a way to work without self-induced time pressure?
@@benjo270 I find my meds help a huge amount tbh. They're not fool proof, but I find I procrastinate a lot less. Getting started is just a whole lot easier. For that reason I don't try and make big steps when they're wearing off. I take meds when my husband gets up, about 40 mins before I need to get up, so they're in my system by the time I need to function.
Similarly, if you don't want to use meds, I find exercise really gives me a window of clarity where "getting started" is a good idea.
@@benjo270 I've given your question more thought around the fear. It's still there at a low level sometimes. But to a large extent I think it's better not to hold on to that image of yourself only suceeding if high anxiety is in place.
Some days my meds aren't as effective as others (I'm a woman and I find my cycle alters it, for example). Other times I misdirect the energy and have got going on the wrong thing. But if on average I manage to get started on a relevant task most days then I dont need the 'hyperfocus', because I'm never behind enough to feel that much pressure.
I was so proud of that skill to pull me through in hard times, I really romanticised that aspect of me. But if you're tackling things at a steady pace, you dont need to be running like the clappers. You can just keep the engine ticking over nicely.
Yesssss
I was hoping someone said this. But yes, hacking the self-motivation through near-deadline adrenaline was always a key tool for me especially during student times. It's still the first "plan" I think of regarding for example doing my taxes or something, although I've been trying to learn better.
A good analogy I came up with the other day is that having ADHD is like trying to drive a car with a burned out clutch. You have to rev the engine (body and/or brain) way harder than it would normally need to in order to get the car moving (get started/be on task). So you are expending tremendous amounts of energy to get very little effect because the link between the engine and the wheels isn't working effectively.
Its like cycling while everyone else is driving a fucking jet engine.
And you don't eat enough protien and you don't even gain muscles.
And you tend to be too loud and yell at the jet engine guy for doing what is right in their eyes
and..then all the jet engine guys laugh-
We should stop here
Another good one is that our brains are Ferraris with bicycle brakes. The faster the car, the more powerful the brakes need to be, or we lose control and can't steer ourselves where we need to go or stay in our lane easily. I explained it to my kid the other day that in other ways, it's like Lightning McQueen on the track versus trying to figure out how to turn on dirt or get going on sand for the first time; some days, things just go so smoothly, while others, we're just not getting the kind of traction we need, and end up spinning out, despite normally doing really well, which leads to frustration, etc.
@@Ave-S that analogy suggest adhd doesnt have the same "power" as others. The issue isn't like comparing 2 modes of transport. It's like comparing the SAME mode of transport, but the STEERING is faulty on one. Our ability to focus is just as good if not better than others. Our ability to PAY ATTENTION (choose what to focus on) is faulty.
someone once told me that autism is like being on stage without a script and adhd is like having a script but not knowing any of your ques so you don't know when to say your lines.
I compare it to an eternal storm. (tornado-ish...). It is chaotic and does whatever it wants. Sometimes it calms down, but it never stops. If it's very calm, you can gently guide it/manouver yourself through it, but if it decides to flare up, you shouldn't try to control it, since that will only make it worse and harder to manouver (through). If it's bad, the best idea (at least in my case) is to just try to go through your day and let it do its thing and try again the next day, doing what you can comfortably do without disturbing it.
One funny thing about my ADHD (recently clinically diagnosed) is that I managed to pretend focusing on my class so well that I can have constant eye contact and nodding at words of my professor without knowing what they are talking about and what's going on inside my brain.
Definitely not feeling related to ADHD memes or tiktoks which make me feel I definitely do not have ADHD at the beginning.
Hahaha I did this in high school.. I figured out that if I kept eye contact they almost never call on you because they love calling on people who look like they’re disengaged
@@bhopirl4552 Also, sit in the front row and you will never be called on. Worked pretty much every single time for me.
@@adronius147 yeah lol my school had assigned seats tho so I didn’t do that
I had no idea I was doing that until after I finished school. I would "pay attention" in class and then have to ask a friend or teach myself the lesson later that day.
I have the same problem! This even happens in conversations with friends and family sometimes. My dad and I had a difficult relationship when I was growing up because it seemed like I purposefully tuned him out, but really I would just temporarily lose focus and then suddenly the rest of his speech wouldn't make sense and I was too embarrassed to admit it.
The "running the brain under cold water" - I don't think they necessarily mean feeling distressed, for example the feeling hits me the worst after the work day. After spending hours and hours forcing my brain to do things it doesn't want to do, the whole thing just feels so cluttered and I've definitely thought sometimes "I wish I could just rinse it off so I can actually enjoy my hobbies now"
I agree, I don't see it as a thing of distress. I interpreted it as a sort of "jumping to conclusions" for a sensation you haven't experienced.
For example, I frequently experience pain in the muscles of my right shoulder that feels like a sort of dull, achy tightness. I always find myself thinking how if someone was able to just pry and pop my scapula out, the muscle tightness would be relieved. I'm well aware that in reality, it would be incredibly painful to dislocate my scapula and would not remotely offer the resolve I crave. However, it doesn't change the fact that I still think about how relieving it would be to have someone pry my scapula out. I think it's that it's this subconscious jumping to a conclusion that it must be just like cracking the joints in my knuckles or back, only better.
I feel like the idea of "running the brain under cold water" can be likened to the experience of washing your face or scalp with cold, running water. Practically, it wouldn't work out to wash your brain like that, we're all obviously aware of that fact. Still, the desire to do so remains due to associating it with how refreshing and calming it feels to gently cleanse your face and eyes with cool water. Sometimes your brain "feels tired" after lots of thinking, just like your eyes "feel tired" after lots of reading or other visual input. I personally after a long day of work that requires heavy reading or looking at screens, washing my face and cool water on my eyelids helps me feel better. Naturally, it's not a far jump to "rinsing off my brain".
Even though logically it wouldn't work, these ideas are the result of making an "educated" guess. It's a sensation I've never experienced, so these are the closest things I can relate it to. And because I've never experienced it, you build up expectations that it must be like these things I have experienced, but better.
It sort of makes me think of food advertisements in a way? Picture a television advert where they pour glistening syrup on a stack of pancakes, and top it off with a fluffy dollop of whipped cream. Even though you know the food advert uses motor oil and shaving cream in place of real food items to sell the illusion, the imagery presented to you of a stack of pancakes makes them seem enticing. In reality, if you ate those specific pancakes, they would be absolutely horrendous.
Can you explain it in English so us humans can understand? Like what do you mean ”forcing my brain to do things it doesn’t want to”
@@generalmikalie2739 Everything. For context, I work an office job, so everything from paying attention in meetings, starting tasks, staying on task, remembering what I was about to do when I switch to a new window and forget why, ignoring more interesting (to me) ideas/thoughts that pop up because no brain this isn't the right time to mull over that movie I saw last week so please come back to this email that I need to read.
@@generalmikalie2739 Sorry, can you explain that in English so us humans can understand? Like what do you mean "so us humans can understand"
for me it's trying to get the feeling of cold water on the face, or drinking water at 3am, that feeling but directly on the brain would be great to calm down my stress levels
I'm a little tired of seeing assumptions that all adhd sufferers are always late and miss deadlines. As someone with adhd I always put in the effort to be on time and I always put in effort to get things done on time, I end up overcompensating because of my anxiety by waking up 2 hours early even if my shift is 7am and setting alarms and double and triple checking things. Time management is a struggle but it doesn't automatically mean that I'm going to be late or unreliable, I'm far more reliable than a lot of my neurotypical co-workers. It's just a tiring trope tbh.
Ah yes. I have the GAD that masks the ADHD. I feel you. I’m not late as a rule cause I’m too busy getting to work early to make up for the procrastination. And people see me as dedicated. Ha! Hanging by a thread over here, guys.
@@azlizzie It really does take up your whole life ngl, it feels like I have no space for anything else left after all this masking and stress haha
damn yeah, same situation here.
@@DeMafiaGirl Good for you, now move on. You don't know what true suffering is like, so don't even act like you have it hard. I WISH I only had ADHD
@@chobai9996 Excuse me what... Do you want my adhd mate? Cause I'll gladly give it to you. Here you fucking go bro good luck see how long your neurotypical mind will survive this madness
Dr.K is entering the new stage of UA-cam Adulthood: Reacting to TikToks. So proud of our guy.
Edit: Jesus 1.6K off this. Truly a different age.
They're growing up so fast.
TOO FUNNY! OUR LITTLE ALOK IS GROWING UP SO FAST!
I miss when he was a boomer
@@JinroTheCorpse since when ?
Editing ur comment to thank for likes is cringe
i was a teenager on tumblr when depression was en vogue. now i'm 22 and watching kids roleplay another disorder that ruined my life for a very long time. i don't pass moral judgement them for being misinformed and acting kinda dumb (as teenagers do). it's just frustrating knowing that this is going to just be a cringey phase for a lot of them one day, but i'll always have adhd. gahhh it's irritating but what can ya do
Damn. tumblr
yep i know how you feel. im 20 now, but back when i was around 12, i was on tumblr in those days. they had this term. 'spoonies', for hypochondriacs who think they have 100 mental disorders. its weird seeing a lot of the shit they said about eating disorder/depression/selfharm etc. is now being recycled but with adhd.
I myself have been diagnosed with Major Depression and Social Anxiety. i also cringe when i see kids 'roleplaying a disorder that ruined my life', as you so eloquently put it. also like you, i can't blame them for being misinformed and acting like dumb kids. i did stupid shit when i was their age too.
@@redmoonrise6507 I don't know if the term was used that way in certain groups, but that's not what "spoonies" means. "Spoonie" refers to someone who has a chronic disability which limits their energy, i.e. "spoons". The idea is that everyone has spoons (energy) which they can allocate throughout the day. A spoonie has fewer spoons to use and has more factors which can decrease their available spoons or require more spoons for a simple activity. "Spoonie" is a common shorthand to refer to this analogy.
I feel you in a way. After the depression tumbler phase died down and glow ups became the thing I got diagnosed with actual depression and realized that people don't actually feel shit and suicidal all the time 🤡 not to mention the amount of times people think I exaggerate certain things because everyone else always exaggerates
I had that irritation when people on tumblr glamorized depression, but I also felt less alone. Both are annoying though, and dangerously misinforming. I’ve become so confused about adhd and anxiety because of them.
Being autistic and seeing autism-related trends on tiktok is painful honestly. It's a lot of talking about relatable sensory aversions, loving or knowing a lot about your special interests, or low-profile stims and not a lot about the less quirky expressions of autism. I can't drive, I can't hide some of my stims in my pockets or just in my hands, I have trouble knowing when I need to eat or go to the bathroom. And yet, I wouldn't change myself for anything. It's part of me! My brain is wired differently! It is both a disability and a different operating system. I really wish people tried to be more understanding to those of us for whom it is disabling to some degree.
YES it is SO frustrating to see autism reduced to a few single symptoms that don't scratch the surface of what autism is really like. People can stim or dislike sensory input without being autistic.
Sometimes I can't speak. I had to memorize the steps to simple tasks (like eating food: walk into the kitchen, face the pantry, grasp the door handle, open the door, locate a box of cereal, etc....). I had to be taught how to nod my head for "yes" and shake it for "no" and in high school I had to memorize a bunch of idioms and take a test on them so that I wouldn't keep taking phrases like "hit the road" literally. I went years without having friends and I struggled on the internet throughout my teenage years because everyone thought I was a troll. Autism is about much more than just a few stereotyped stims and sensory aversions, and these tiktok trends cause real harm, both to autistic people and non-autistic people who get confused by these
They reduce it to: stims (rhythmical, to music), special interests and sensory overload.
But anyone can go through that.
@@ancient_bam It's always "but you seem so normal" when I tell my peers about being autistic and then I'm like "yeah its totally normal to not be able to drive, not be able to ride a bike, didn't walk until 18 months, permanent tendon damage from toe walking, learning disability, needed help bathing until I was 8"
ayyy another autistic who can’t drive! definitely agree with this. stimming is fun …until the person doing it isn’t an early-20s feminine person with makeup and a nice outfit on. Different communication styles are valid …until it’s “whoops i said something HORRIBLY blunt on accident” instead of “i talk a lot about my interests!”. Sensory issues are “cute” when you wear headphones in public, but i’m “causing problems on purpose” when i can’t drive a car. That’s not to mention my genuine mental impairments, which of course I haven’t seen on tik tok because they can’t be infantilized or aestheticized. I struggle to make a doctors’ appointment, handle money, cook a meal, send an email, and many more tasks which would come naturally to others, because I’m missing a certain practical intuition that non-autistics would have. Try and make that into an “🌸✨🌿uwu autism🌿✨🌸” tik tok video - you can’t. So no one talks about it.
This trend has been bothering me so much! It's disheartening to see so many people take one or two experiences they've had (sensory issues, low-profile stims, etc.) and say "It's autism! I'm autistic!"
Autism is more than "being a little quirky" it can be intense not only emotionally, but socially and physically. Meltdowns, stims, masking, social interactions, sensory overload... There's so much more to it and seeing so many people grossly misrepresent it irritates me to no end.
My therapist started recognizing ADHD patterns in my anxiety, but I resisted getting tested because ADHD tiktokers were so.. " LOOK A SQUIRREL🤪🤪".
Facts I've been diagnosed with ADHD since elementary school and yea I do have "Look a Squirrel" moments but when they do happen I feel like I'm having a stroke. And the portrayal of ADHD on tiktok is so misleading or just wrong.
@@broomhilda8041 LMAOOO
I really thoufgt it said the rapist
I went through the same shit like 7 years ago just switch tik tok for tumblr and insta. Couldve been diagnosed and getting real help years earlier
Fr tiktokers think we're the dogs from Up
I laughed at the “anybody fall in love with you” thing too. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than over validation. I prefer to be seen for who I am, rather than someone obviously gassing me up. Someone telling me I look good or am smart or funny or whatever simply isn’t interesting to me, and I’m sure I’m not alone I’m feeling that way, so it’s not accurate to say “anyone”.
You sound pretty smart
And funny
Someone can’t even say ur funny or smart without you rejecting them? That might be a personal issue.. projecting low self worth it sounds like to me
Yep, it was pretty smart
You sound pretty good looking o:
the most infuriating thing about mental illness tiktok (and the internet in general) for me is that it's become almost "cool" to have a mental illness, since it makes you "unique". I often get the feeling that people "want" to have mental illness, and there are so many teens falsely self-diagnosing themselves simply because they feel negative emotions sometimes
For sure! It's really not healthy. I'm 30 and when I was around 17-20 I was part of online text-based roleplaying. Every young person was creating characters with all kinds of mental issues like it made them "cool and unique". I feel like I looked away from a moment, now it's 10 years after and that behaviour has completely escalated with the use of social media. Now it's not just their characters, but themselves. It's another topic but it seems it's the same with the LGBT community. The more "unique" you can become by having a mental illness, being trans and gay, the more of a valuable person you are. I see kids/young adults on social media with huge followings just because of the buzzwords they use to describe themselves. It's not about the content, but the person being put on pedestal for all their "uniqueness". This is not ending well.
Sometimes I wish my mind would just be quiet for at least 5 minutes and I wish my brain doesn't feel like its in pieces, I wish I wasn't so impulsive and more prone to addiction and depression.
I'm like so quirky- squirrel
Could it be that all of you are just in a bubble?
The real life numbers dont really support your claims.
@@suides4810 I think they are saying that social media and the internet is a bubble, and don't reflect real life.
I feel like people who want a mental illness probably do have something wrong.
I had to get off TikTok because the algorithm constantly gave me content about autism. I know there's a possibility I have ASD, but constantly seeing stuff about it was frustrating. And while I do appreciate people sharing their experiences social media just lacks the necessary nuance.
"Trendy" social media definitely is not the place to go for good info, you're right about that. But there are some people on YT sharing their experiences with Autism if you ever want to explore. It helped me learn what was going on. One thing is to read on a list saying for example "social struggles", another is to hear how those social struggles may present. I never understood my social issues and couldn't place it until I heard others with Autism talk about their experiences. I just never connected with anyone and always felt so outside, like I was around a completely different species I didn't know how to interact with. But I couldn't point to what the issue was, I wasn't anxious, didn't doubt myself, didn't have emotional problems. It was so amazing to find out that it's very common for Autistics to feel like an alien as our minds just work a bit differently. It's not a way to self diagnose, but it can be so very helpful to hear other's experiences. I'd recommend the channel Aspergers From the Inside. Pure info, no entertainment.
I am diagnosed and all the content i got was ASD content and i had to get rid of the app.
Its because its ai based algorithms, so one of the types with the most clicks seems to be people memeing about a condition. Whether they have it, or understand the nuance to convey it, is not important for the algorithm however.
Same less the tiktok part
The moment I knew about that hole I decided I didn't want to touch it
@@jessapi6328 what
I have ADHD and I was recently clinically diagnosed. It was such a “oh that make so much sense moment”. Early in my life, I learned that I get things done close to a deadline while under pressure. Like I would cry my way through it with many all nighters but I will get it done. This was part of the reason why doctors kept telling me that I don’t have ADHD even when I kept going back to them because I couldn’t focus most of the time. They always said that I couldn’t have it because I always managed it. At some point, I started using it to get things done that didn’t really had a deadline. I told my advisor that you need to tell me to have it done by this time, with very hard deadlines or I am never doing it. They were kind enough to be like “sure! whatever makes your brain work”.
This is me!!!! Finally diagnosed this year. It’s been like a lightbulb.
That used to work for me but then I developed depression and stopped caring. It sucks.
@@nursebridgie right! And so many other things just made sense. Like emotion dysregulation.
@@ninjycoon yes! Huge yes! This is what lead to my diagnosis. Like putting myself in mental and physical distress to get this done doesn’t seem like a healthy, especially after talking to many people and finding out that most people don’t do this. Another reason why talking about mental health is so important. There are so many poor soul out there who are struggling with something that is not their fault and can get a treatment but they think they are just lazy or sensitive or weak. That if most people can do it then why can’t they. Honestly this is what I thought most of the time, that I am just too stupid.
@@astrodragons What's really frustrating is that they totally can do it but they have roadblocks in their way and everyone including themselves are gaslighting them into believing they aren't real. It's so sad. There's also so many people who either don't believe in mental health issues or don't understand it enough so they ridicule and abuse those who are dealing with them. Not even necessarily on purpose. It's all a mess.
In America at least, I think one of if not the biggest problem we have is a lack of care and initiative for mental health. It's just so fundamental to every person yet it's not at the top of the list of concerns.
The most eerie thing about the DSM thing is that it shows how we are so beholden to insurance companies that they have literally influenced the standard for diagnosis.
The DSM-V is definitely off. Actually having ADHD and spending tons of time researching it myself I realized that the DSM-V is very outdated. There's so much misinformation around ADHD. It's name in and of itself doesn't even accurately describe the disorder. ADHD is not an "attention deficit disorder". It's an Executive Function Deficit Disorder. Which does cause problems with attention but it's actually an issue of disregulated attention not a lack of it. It also affects tons of other important mental faculties that the average healthy person doesn't even notice.
Isn't executive function disorder it's own thing though? So there's a distance somewhere right?
@@eonstar as far as I know, "executive function disorder" is not a DSM-V diagnosis. Your executive function not working right can be part of a number of diagnoses (which is part of why it took me an age to consider the possibility of my, now diagnosed, ADHD). However, the ADHD diagnostic criteria is predominantly about the executive dysfunction, and not for example mood issues.
That said, outside of the DSM-V criteria it's well established that we have extremely poor emotional regulation.
It also feels impossible to meet someone with ADHD who won't have a second diagnosis of anxiety or depression. Both of these come with executive function problems, which is why diagnosis can be very difficult. It's also why so much of the diagnostic focus in adults is on early life, since ADHD shows up even in little ones.
Idk I don't think having ADHD and "spending tons of time researching it" qualifies you to make an accurate assessment of what ADHD is or isn't and what the DSM should or shouldn't be
@@user-wc5nc2ud5m to be fair, the most prominent academics in this field are openly critical of the DSM-V, particularly in diagnosing older patients, and women and girls. Not that it has no value, but it is missing some key components of ADHD that clinicians see repeatedly. You don't have to do your own research to see that it has drawbacks, you can instead do a literature review and see the consensus.
Dr Russell Barkley I think is the best at layi g out its drawbacks.
@@user-wc5nc2ud5m
TL:WR (Too Long:Won't Read)
I do have a lot of experience and I do lots of, in my opinion, quality research on the topic. Not having a degree or certifications doesn't necessarily invalidate my opinions or statements. If you don't want to take my word for it, which I think is actually a good thing, please verify my claims yourself. In fact, I might even get some things wrong and would be glad to be corrected.
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Perhaps. It's totally fair to question my lack of official qualifications. Those things don't necessarily qualify me, true but they are the best I got. I can go into more detail to further validate my "credentials" but I think the best way to verify someone's takes is to do it yourself. There are plenty of people who have all these degrees and experience in "the field" of different subjects but still get things wrong so I'm an advocate of doing your own due diligence and using multiple resources to verify information.
I got diagnosed in elementary school and I'm 25 now so I've been aware of the condition for most of my life. My family never did much to learn about it and even though the schools were meant to make accommodations for me they often failed. I had to meet with a person who assessed my issues and then made a plan for me. I remember her making a lot of assumptions about me and even saying something along the lines of, "Oh, sounds like he'd do better if he worked harder." I didn't feel that she really understood where I was coming from so even the people who were meant to be my advocates didn't understand me. Anyways, I get official paperwork laying out my accommodations. I go to school and I'm not getting any of my accommodations. Turns out they misplaced my paperwork and even after they found it I still had to go to my teachers to let them know about it. Next year, the same thing. None of my teachers had a clue. For one reason or another my teachers weren't being made aware of my needs so I had to become an advocate for myself. Which meant telling my teachers directly about my problems and hoping they'd care. Not all of them did. To be fair I didn't tell some but I was a kid and It was always teachers that I didn't trust because I didn't want to be told I was just lying and being lazy. I got plenty of that from my parents.
When I say I've done a ton of research I mean it. I don't just read ADDitude magazine. I actually read research papers on this stuff. When I married my wife, I even used her college account to access papers that I'd normally have to pay for. I'm also an extremely introspective person. While other people are enjoying hobbies I'm lying or sitting somewhere just contemplating my thoughts and issues. That basically is my hobby. Lol. Not that it's necessarily a good thing. There are many many drawbacks. The amount of time I spend on this stuff can actually be debilitating sometimes.
the last one is called trauma bonding... thats how abusers find their victims and why the victim has such a big problem with leaving the relationship.
I've been in the ADHD tiktok trenches for months... things are bad here, boss...
I love your pfp and banner its so cute!
@@itzplant3196 aww thank you 🥺🥺
Delete social media.
Why
@@harcoom nice name
One thing that helped me quite a lot with all the shit is going on is this exact question: " What do i mean by "i want to die" "
The first time i asked myself this question was i think in 2020 i believe. And when i realised that dying was not the outcome i really wanted but that i wanted "the pain to go away" something changed.
It's impossible to describe the feeling and/or why i came to ask this question to myself in the first place but thinking about it really changed something inside me..
There was a period a few years ago where I started smoking weed every single day and eventually quit my shitty job. I was unemployed for almost a year, occasionally looking for a job but never really putting in the full effort because it made me super anxious. On top of that I didn’t want to do literally anything but smoke weed and every month that passed I got more and more anxious+depressed, and the first thought in my head upon waking up each day was that I wanted to die. Eventually I had a bit of a mental breakdown and got kicked out of my house. I started going to therapy immediately after that and realized that I didn’t really want to just throw my life away, I just wanted to be in a better situation. I feel like ever since I’ve at worst been keeping my head above the water and not just telling myself I want to die
@a proverbial lemon took me a long time to realize it tho ^^ but thanks.
i think it's one of the most important thing i realized about it ... and that question quite literally saved my life^^
@@strongbadman2 totally understand... since then i also at worst kept my head above water...
let's fight this shit and learn to control it before it's too late !
Good luck in your journey !
Same
Something I experienced recently changed my view on some things. I had a day where I'd been running on 3-4 hours of sleep if not less for a few days(and without 7-8 hours, I really can't operate well(i dont drink coffee)), day was gloomy and cold. I just couldn't be positive no matter what good happened in the day, it felt like a pit was opening up in my gut and eating away at me. On a walk to buy some groceries, my thoughts were going downhill and fast and I finally understood how one becomes suicidal on an emotional level instead of just logical. I could just tell that if the feeling persisted for a long time, perpetually declining, any hope in anything would just rapidly fade and I'd slowly lose any will to keep on living.
I had an easy out, just some proper sleep for a few days to pick myself back up, but I could see that intense downward trajectory and I understand depression better now, I guess.
With the running your brain under cold water tik tok: the hashtag "intrusive thoughts" is what made it click for me.
The best way I can describe intrusive thoughts for people who don't know, is that it's like if your brain was constantly throwing moral pop quizzes at you to check of you're an abhorrent person. I'm sure many of you had that moment when you were driving on the highway as a kid where you thought "what if I just opened the car door right now?" You'd never do it, but the thought happening in the first place might concern you or make you question your morals. That's pretty much intrusive thoughts.
They're quick, very uncomfy and can be related to death, violence against oneself or others or even be sexual in nature. But you'd never act upon them that's the important part. We're not our thoughts, and experiencing intrusive thoughts doesn't make someone a bad person (they'd rather not be having them too), but afterwards you do feel really gross for having something like that pop into your brain even if it was very brief. This person describes the desire of wanting to get rid of both the thought and the gross feeling as "rinsing their brain under cold water" the way I say it is, "it makes me want to shed my skin like a lizard". Hope this helped.
This was such a good way of describing them! They are brief but they can make you spiral into a state of distress as you try and navigate away from them. I'm very grateful for the reminder that my thoughts aren't what define me; it's very difficult living most of my life obsessing over those thoughts, so I'm always happy to have that reminder.
I've had this like most my life and never really got to realize what they were
I have intrusive thoughts a lot. It’s almost become my inner monologue. I kind of use them as an emotional barometer, like for example when Covid had just started, and there was so much drama and horrible stuff happening in the world, and my brain couldn’t really get a handle on it. My intrusive thoughts went from “what if I randomly yelled really loudly in public” to “what if someone in my family gets it, how many of us are gonna die?”. It went from some innocuous stuff to really quite heavy thoughts within a few weeks. That’s when I realised I needed to take a step back, or to try to change something in my life. They’re annoying, and occasionally very distressing, but they can, in a weird way, be useful.
Thank you so much! This helped me alot actually. I can never figure out whether I’m just being psycho, or whether I’m experiencing intrusive thoughts. I got the urge (or more tje thought) to rip my friend’s earring out the other day. Felt terrible
I've had one occasionally at school where the school has a staircase and I would randomly think "What would happen if I dropped my binder down the stairs from the top floor?"
Conner's ticktocks are absolutely amazing regarding ADHD symptoms, habits, and coping. You should really see some more of his content.
Genuinely happy to see healthygamer playing the algorithm, at this point I'm assuming the resources provided will help 99% of people, and it's just about people being able to discover it.
I find it honestly sad that Connor is like, the only one who actually hits the nail on the head constantly
I dont know
He often mixes anxiety related things into it.
But he is the most accurate most of the time
@@suides4810 I think that's because he's sharing from his own experience, it's hard to divide the symptoms of diff diagnoses completely cuz you're experiencing all of them. Especially since ADHD symptoms can breed anxiety and it's a very comorbid diagnosis. Just my interpretation though!
Personally I feel Connor is making it into too much entertainment rather than information. It's turning the symptoms into "funny little quirks" rather than something that can be completely debilitating. I don't follow him too but I don't see him even noting that "this is not funny and some people have it real bad". Not to mention that just being able to structure and film videos like that requires a quite high level of executive function. Not invalidating his experience but his symptoms are mild enough for him to be able to do what he does. I'm just sad no one is showing how it really is for some of us. But it has to be entertaining for anyone to listen.
@@sanz7820 Well he isn't a scientific disseminator he kind of make fun of the situations caused by ADHD so people can relate to him but I personally only have half of the stuff he usually mention. My life right is really screwed by debilitating symptoms but I prefer to have someone joking about a real problem and giving me a laugh that filling my internet consumption from only technical information.
Your point is really valid but I think Connor has its place in the community.
ADHD is hard. Getting called weird consistently enough throughout life to claim it as an identity (my humour can be.. surreal.. given the seemingly random connections my brain makes). The shame for not being able to hold your focus on the things that "you're supposed to", when ALL OF REALITY is being downloaded through your senses.. so you either get overwhelmed and wait for a reboot (task paralysis/executive dysfunction), or follow the dopamine.. Which leads to more time mismanagement because you tend to prioritise "fun" stuff over boring repetitive tasks.
This is different from the time blindness ADHDers also suffer from - 10 minutes ago, the present, next Wednesday and Christmas 2044 feel the same amount of time apart - now, or not now. Very zen, but not helpful in remembering you need time to get to the train station (but it's not now, so it's fine I've got plenty of OH NO IT'S NOW!). It can also be burnout, constantly tired after battling your own meatbag all day to do something that will help itself - like an important work project, waiting for the last-minute dopamine/adrenalin motivational kick to Get It Done, like a daily tense AF Indiana Jones ahead of the rolling boulder.. There is often guilt at not fulfilling expectations of our family and friends/work/personal goals, and lifelong masking of our symptoms to fit into a neurotypical society. Add on possible/likely comorbidities of anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, bruxism, dyslexia, dyscalclia - and more! ADHD is relatable. But it can be incapacitating.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say, but if you're struggling and keep identifying with ADHD traits that you see on social media, please try to see a professional, even just to rule it out (DSM-V controversies aside). Neurotypical people don't tend to hyperfixate on a diagnosis and then query the severity of their own experiences with symptoms ad infinitum. 🖖
Yes love this comment thank you
My parents didn't tell me I had ADHD and that my twin is on the mild end of the Autism spectrum because they didn't want us to feel like we couldn't improve or change. As I grew up and my abilities increased, I constantly fought so much harder than most other people to do the same things, and had no idea why.
HOWEVER, I DID learn that self-improvement WAS possible, even for someone like me. That saved my life. I took charge of my treatment, figured out what it was I had, got some therapy, tried some medication (I went off it eventually when I was confident I could work without it). My parents insisting on shielding me from ADHD when I was young trained my brain to see it as a condition to overcome, not a condition I suffer under.
I'm completing my Master's thesis now. Still working on some executive function training with my parents (something both of them excel at in various ways), but I learn and grow stronger every day. I am beginning to feel the payoff from that training, and I couldn't be happier.
Don't answer this if it's uncomfortable, but I'm curious about something. Do you think your parents made the correct decision in hiding ADHD from you? As an autistic man myself who grew up with a wonderful mother who raised me very well with all information on the table, I initially recoiled at reading your comment. But I wonder how you might think about it yourself.
@@meeszijlstra5426 It was a lie by accidental omission, because my twin and me were "developmentally delayed" so I knew I wasn't QUITE like everyone else without really knowing specifics; also, at the time people assumed ADHD was something you grew out of and that it "went away" in adulthood. Thus, they never told me once I became an adult because they thought I had "outgrown" it (I hadn't), but I never blamed them because they just did not know the full truth back then; the medical community didn't really know the full truth either.
I was also thoroughly loved and supported throughout my life, though that didn't make me immune from suffering. I still struggled heavily, and I was certainly thrown for a loop when I found out I had ADHD; I was tongue-tied for at least a minute or two while all the dots connected! Learning about what it was and what it meant for my mental functioning became a weight on my heart that I had to overcome with time and patience. I honestly think that if I had that weight on me when I was younger that I would have struggled a lot more, because as a kid things like ADHD seem insurmountable and that you'll never be "normal". Thankfully, I wasn't bothered by being "different" because my family was very different among the other families in my hometown (we were members of the Baha'i Faith in a village full of devout Christians, who were devout Christians because missionaries had preached fire and brimstone if they didn't convert decades ago and the religion stuck around after that; as a result, our family kinda stood out like a sore thumb sometimes, but we were respected community members in spite of that obvious difference).
What I learned to appreciate and thoroughly apply is that they taught me how to overcome the symptoms despite not telling me explicitly what I had; my Dad with his razor-sharp to-the-point mind put it best when he said "Ok, you have ADHD. Now what? What does that mean for your thesis? What does that mean for the decisions in your life? Do you do this or that "because ADHD", or do you do this or that because you gave into certain behaviors the ADHD leaves you vulnerable to? You still have things to do, so how do you do them despite having ADHD?" He pointed out that willpower is the ability to make a choice, and that free will is the freedom to choose your behavior for yourself. That reoriented my mind away from "ADHD is making me do this" to "I'm choosing to do this because my ADHD makes this easier instead of a harder but better way." This put the onus on me to make better choices and start training my brain away from its old patterns, and at least for me it worked.
I know that if my parents had been told that I'd have ADHD my entire life, they would have told me and trained me accordingly. For the time, they did what they could according to the known science back then, and they thoroughly supported me as an adult when I did some therapy and tried some ADHD medication (I went off the medication eventually, because I treated it more as "training wheels" for the executive functioning-deprived section of my brain); once I was used to how I felt under the medication, I went off it and over time re-trained my brain to function in a similar way despite not having the medication forcing the increased functioning. That approach is not always a good idea, but my therapist and psychiatrist agreed to let me try it and it worked for me, and it put me on the path towards further personal growth. I'm working on my physical health now as well (I am unfortunately obese and diabetic), but I have made strides towards better health in that arena as well.
Tl;dr: Maybe I'm "unique", but my parents' love and support carried me despite not knowing the full truth as a child. They taught me techniques and a mindset that gave me the chance to train and overcome my ADHD symptoms, and I am getting better every day because of my efforts and their training. I would have appreciated knowing when I was younger, but it worked out for me in the end.
@@boomkruncher325zzshred5 Thank you very much for the detailed answer!
Catching it early and giving the extra needed attention to it in my early childhood has been a great help for me. I'm on the milder side of the spectrum, but I can now pass for neurotypical easily. People don't think I have autism unless I interact with them a lot, like friends/family
I'm happy things turned out well for you despite the absence of knowledge about it during childhood, and thank you once again for sharing.
I feel like a good time to find out about adhd or autism is when someone is ready and willing to improve themselves independently. If you're just a kid and you find out, it will just be an additional worry while you're just trying to enjoy life
Love this for you!!!!!
I remember after getting diagnosed my therapist told me that I shouldn't really focus on lists of symptoms or random facts about my diagnosis, because those same symptoms or behaviors can be found in many individuals that have a completely different diagnosis than me, and if I try to match my symptoms to all the DSM V I would have at least 3 diagnosis at the same time, some of them not even compatible with each other. And now after the way you explained it I totally get it. I have ASD and ADHD but I've never missed a deadline and prefer to work with deadlines otherwise I never get anything done ever. Other common symptom of my diagnosis is social isolation, but the important thing and what defines the diagnosis is why I isolate myself, people with other diagnosis can have completely different reasons and still have the same symptoms as I do.
The sky is full of stars, but it's the pattern that makes a constellation. What turns a checklist of potential symptoms into a diagnosis is the emerging pattern, frequency, and duration thereof. Everybody pees multiple times a day, but if you're peeing multiple times an hour, you should see a doctor about it. That being said, once you have a diagnosis, seeing those laundry lists of symptoms can help connect a lot of dots for you (like all those smaller stars that are part of constellations, but not normally shown in the illustrations) to help understand the different ways your disorder is affecting you, and thus give you more information on how to deal with them, or at the very least solve some mysteries about why you think and act the way that you do. One of the tricky things is figuring out which is the cart, and which is the horse; those lists can act as both for different people on different sides of the diagnosis, and I'm noticing that that nuance seems to be lost on a lot of people (especially those who haven't been on both sides themselves).
Connor DeWolfe is the BEST for ADHD representation, articulate, he, like those of us with ADHD, understand it, he just has a FANTASTIC way of relating it to those who don't. All of his tik toks are absolutely wonderful and I 100% recommend them!!!
Dr. K the type of streamer to turn lazy content like reacting to cringe Tik Toks into legit educational content
The "Dark psychology trick" is literally just the same advice the pickup artist community have been spouting for decades, and its both manipulative and not about love but emotional dependence.
The mental health tiktok videos are... really sad. a lot of the time its such blatantly false info and it feels like they're just trying to make it fashionable. i dunno, its strange.
F
Because social media built a long-standing importance on becoming relevant. It's all about chasing the trends.
So very sad indeed . They make it seem like a joke , something amusing to be proud of . A plus in someone's life .
Wow a mom who actually understands ADHD. Wish she was my mom.
It’s one thing to be diagnosed with ADHD and to poke fun at it and to make jokes because you deal with it every day, but it’s another thing entirely to self-diagnose because you lightly relate to some of the symptoms and feel them once and a while. We’re all humans; we’re bound to feel a certain way at least a couple times in our lives.
I always thought I needed more flexibility in time and deadlines. But actually if I have a really full schedule and strict frequent deadlines, i do really well. I feel like for me personally, my ADHD is not the biggest problem. (anymore, it was for a long time.) The problem is when it COMBINES with other mental health issues. Especially anxiety, then depression.
It's the same way for me. ADHD isn't as much of the problem. When I was a kid, I could struggle through work, but get it done with a postive outlook, but as my mental health took a divebomb, everything got worse. It's less an ADHD problem. It's a mental health problem making the ADHD symptoms more severe.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD, this disorder has almost ruined my life. I almost flunked out of middle school all three times, was almost arrested for something I was doing impulsively. This disorder is NOT QUIRKY. Emotional regulation is VERY difficult for me so most of the time, I don't usually feel anything. People that downplays it do not understand how mentally drained and unstable it can make you. Although I am glad more and more people are starting to call people out for faking it now, but I shouldn't have to explain to people that I was diagnosed with ADHD. I should be believed but I’m not.
Update: I’ve since gotten on stronger medication and doing much better now ^^ I still people should be more considerate of people with ADHD like me.
I meet the entire DSM 5 criteria for Autism, but was denied a diagnosis because I have no reliable source to recount my childhood. but every sign of autism is spot on and has been for as long as I can remember. My doctors won't even let me do the assessment again because 'it would negate the test we've already done' as if that isn't the damn point?
Yeah that sucks. Not being able to recount your own childhood or having no one to tell you, should be even more evidence pointing to a disability.
This is just discrimination and should be called out, report them to the medical authorities to get redress
Wow, thank you! I am a Psychology student, and I never heard someone explaine the DSM this well. We use the ICD 11 here in Germany, but it is more or less the same thing.
I didnt know this was the case since its often referred to as a diagnostic tool
@@suides4810 The ICD is a classification of all diseases. Chapter 5 is for psychiatry diseases. Its like Dr. K said about the DSM, insurances decide on that basis if they going to pay for your treatment or not. Content-wise they are very similar. Although the DSM 5 is a little more pleasant to read.
DSM 5: (American Psychiatric Association) APA
ICD 11: (World Health Organisation) WHO
"Run brain under cold water" I think it means something else. When I get overwhelmed, same scenario happens to me. My brain literally feels like every synapses in my brain are firing at once, and doing anything makes it worse. Gaming, tiktok, tv, personal interaction, etc. Yeah, its over stimulation but for me (at least) there isnt a typical fix. Only a cold shower, and isolation. After a few hours alone, the burning that makes my brain feel like microwaved pudding tends to go away
Yeah he interpreted the video then dissected that interpretation which just seemed weird, if you don't fully understand what the TikTok is about it may have been better to leave it out of the video tbh
Here's a revised version of the "dark psychology love trick".
Step 1: "Just" make the person feel AMAZING when they're around you.
Step 2: Don't do any of that other shit...
I'm still bitter about the 'Oh you have ADHD? No wonder you can't sit still' crap I had to go through as a kid. People are actually starting to recognize ADHD for what it is a little bit more now, at least in my experience, but it is endlessly frustrating when uneducated people think that a whole entire disorder just boils down to having a little extra energy. Like, no. My ADHD completely runs my life. It gets in the way of every single thing I have ever had to do. I would be _blessed_ if it was just a little extra energy. Downplaying its severity caused me extreme self-esteem issues when I was a kid, because saying "It's your fault, not the disorder" made me think I was stupid and worthless.
And it's also worth saying that I also have Bipolar Depression. People equating mood swings with bipolar disorder is also unbelievably frustrating. I went through year-long periods of plotting my own suicide, then maybe a few months of feeling okay, and then going right back down again. And maybe every couple years I would get a few weeks of feeling absolutely amazing and productive. It was literally debilitating to the point where I could no longer function. Y'all ain't bipolar if you get upset and have a good cry and then feel better afterward. Shut up.
Just. Rrrgh. SO frustrating.
I have ADHD, officially diagnosed over 20 years ago, and worked in real estate and property management.
I can absolutely see why real estate may be good for those of us with ADHD and I definitely encountered many successful agents who seemed to have ADHD, but personally my time working in real estate was very brief, less than 2 years, because I got burned out and couldn't handle the pressure of the deadlines. I was a transaction coordinator and operations manager for a team of agents, and an agent in my own right. In my first year in real estate I handled over 100 transactions. Other agents, who were not also transaction coordinators, did 10 if they were really lucky. It was very high pressure, high stress and VERY deadline dependent. And, if a deadline was missed for any reason, I would usually be the one that took the heat for it since I was the transaction coordinator. It ended up just completely draining me, ruining my health, and it took months to recover from putting myself through that.
Property management on the otherhand I did for 6 years and really enjoyed.
Property management is still time and deadline dependent, but there's more routine while still being a dynamic work environment (moving tenants in and out, turning apartments for the next person, coordinating response to a leak, etc) and the stakes aren't as high all the time. Missing some deadlines is no big deal, but missing others is a very big deal and could have consequences for hundreds of people.
So I think property management is a bit better for those of with ADHD who need those external factors and pressures to get things done but still need enough routine to feel like we're achieving goals and making reasonable progress in our careers. It also has opportunity to make a decent amount of money and much more stable income than real estate can offer.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents for anyone with ADHD considering real estate and/or property management.
Man I bet your meds had kicked in minutes before you wrote this post.
I could never write that much lmao
@@italovidigal1990 Honestly it's easier to write long essays on passion topics when I'm not on medication personally, because I have to fully detail my thoughts so that it's unambiguously understood. This is especially true when I feel as if I'm "correcting misinformation". The dopamine from that is higher than most other things.
I’m someone who has ADHD and I just started in property management.
Damn bro, i don't deal with real estate but this definitely relates a bunch to my own work ethic. Thanks for the perspective ❤
Thanks for this! Going down a different path but never know when a pivot is necessary!
I just don’t get why most of them think that if I have autism or adhd I’m gonna be a prodigy at something. Is why I deleted TikTok, because I don’t even have friends because people think I’m weird and annoying, and I am because I will talk your ears off, or not talk at al for days. I can’t sit through a task, I have to shift between multiple one to get something done. I was feeling more of a failure seeing so many people talking about it like it doesn’t suppose a problem in others lives.
That last dark psychology trick made me lol! Literally is what Dennis said from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia! I would love to see Dr. K's reaction to that episode.
It's an old PUA script. I would know, I've even read one of their books.
It’s the “Implication”
The guy at 6 minutes talking about self diagnosis, I really like his content. It's been validating and helpful, and he's so creative! His videos are all really great
25:43 I really liked what Dr. K said here..... The first stage is love-bombing someone who is insecure right at the get-go and once that person has you in their grasp, it can get pretty scary from then forward into a toxic relationship. That's not everybody, but idk...
"It's not that you're forgetful, it's that it didn't sink in, in the first place" YEEESSSSS. and it's not even being actively distracted. There are times in a conversation I'm trying to pay attention, trying to follow something being explained, and I can just feel it all sliding off and just.... not penetrating and it's hugely frustrating... and then at another time the same thing being explained just suddenly makes perfect sense and I simply cannot fathom how I didn't grasp the concept earlier.
My least favorite part of ADHD and having it is that most of the true symptoms can happen to normal people that just don’t care like forgetting birthdays names what someone said or forgetting to get something on the grocery list. Most people with ADHD do care we just forget and we will never know why
Yes and it sucks i even “forget” peoples name when they mentioned it 5 seconds ago just because my brain skips over it cuz im more focused on the holding the conversation
“This is only going work on a small percentage of people that are insecure and can be easily manipulated, which to be fair might be a lot since this is Tik Tok” lmao savage
Rule number 1 to protect your mental health: get off tik tok
Thanks for addressing these. As someone who has really bad adhd it is frustrating seeing these bad TikTok. Also the guy he said was good helped me learn what rejection sensitivity disorder
I, for one, enjoy watching Dr. K's level of confusion upon seeing these TikToks. It's clear he has a bit of distance from TikTok culture
wow.. immediately from the beginning of the video of you giving the breakdown between bipolar disorder vs emotional lability and how you described suicidal talk can often not mean you want to die but just goes to show how deep you feel on the inside just answered so many questions for me. Thank you so much! That just cleared so much up for me so fast!
I love seeing Connor. He also keeps educational purposes in mind and he has helped me a lot with some tips to deal with things better. 10/10 to that dude
Came here to see cringey tiktoks get lambasted by someone knowledgeable about mental health, instead I got a reasonable insight into my own problems. Thanks Doc.
Asking someone a question early in the morning when they’re half asleep actually works. My boyfriend has tried this on me a few times and I’ve tried this on other people as well. If you want a realistic/honest answer to something def ask them when they are half asleep, they never expect to think of a fake answer right when opening their eyes therefore they’re more likely to answer you honestly
Dr K watching tiktok makes the circle complete
i was v happy when i saw you saying connor's tiktoks were good because i've watched his tiktoks for a while and imo they're pretty educational and relatable as someone w/ adhd
I like to compare Tiktok diagnosis videos to google diagnosis searches. It takes a small incident and blows it out of proportion. Got the sniffles? You have lung cancer. Forgot your notebook that one time and was bumbed out? ADHD and Bipolar disorder.
ADHD Realtor here. Your description of getting the job done but being very disorganized is so accurate. I’m great at my job, but my methods are very different.
Editing level up and new format Pog
"When I'm bored and I'm trying to study, I cant restrain my attention so I go watch something" love hearing this while watching this to procrastinate for my neuro exam tomorrow
I'm surprised that Dr. K was so unaware of the "Dark Psychology Trick" because introverts (many gamers) are very susceptible to that one if they're also lonely. (The Tik Tok poster was speaking about relationships, not just interacting with anyone on the street.) As someone who's been on the receiving end of this, and witnessed others receive the same thing, knowing when this happens is incredibly important to your mental wellbeing.
This video is so informative, thank you! It's really helped clear up a bunch of confusion I had about how this topic gets discussed and portrayed on social media and I feel like I learned a lot! Thank you!
This past year, when I've gone from externship sites to another, I've had people tell me that the reason they are good at their jobs is because they have ADHD. They come up with this wild explanation and say "I haven't been diagnosed, but I KNOW I have it and it helps me." They say they are super fast and productive because of it. I've been diagnosed, and I feel like it actually hinders my abilities at the same job. I. Can't. Keep. Focused. I'm dropping things left and right because I can't multitask and if have more than 2 things in my hands at a time, I forget something I'm holding is there. The doctor will tell me on occasion, "You're holding that, but are you going to turn it on" or "You're holding that, are you going to pass it to me" I completely zone and think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be. I zone out during patient notes when I'm supposed to be listening and typing things up. I disappear when the doctor is having conversation with me about various important tasks. I don't get where people get this idea from that it some how makes people more productive. I'm also a HUGE procrastinator, far from an A type personality. I never express how I feel to people about them saying it makes them more productive and they KNOW they have it, because those people are typically strong minded about it.
The thing is, ADHD has a kind of inertia if enacts on people. Ive been diagnosed with it since I was 14 and I only ever became healthily productive when I was put on medication. Before that it was procrastinating until the last second, and then working for hours upon hours straight with no breaks and waiting until im dancing on my seat to stand up and force myself to use the bathroom. ADHDers in motion stay in motion, and ADHDers at rest stay at rest
15:55 - I'm just starting down the road of getting diagnosed. I thought I'd share I thrived really well as a nurse, I always said I get overwhelmed with stuff at home like cleaning. But being in the chaos of a busy ward and having those crisis deadlines helped my brain focus. Now I know why.
I had no idea the DSM was supposed to be a research tool, not a clinical tool. That is so enlightening.
The problem is it isn't. It is used clinically. It determines health insurance policies. It is used for the qualification for disability payments in some places. It is even relied upon by laws in some countries.
@@IsaacIsaacIsaacsonyou need some objective measure to diagnose. Besides, the icd 10 is usually used for medical codes and billing.
3:30 ngl running your brain under cold water sounds awesome. Your brain is so jumbled and exhausted so, technically, if brain could feel, that would feel amazing. It would wash all the tiredness and mess away.
I saw Connor DeWolfe in the thumbnail and I was like "oh no, Dr. K is gonna tear his videos apart, I thought he was one of the good ones"
The trend of self-diagnosis and faking disabilities is disgusting. I understand some people on social media are misinformed and confused, but glamorizing cognitive disorders isn't something that should be accepted.
Innit
The trend of doctors ignoring a lot of people's symptoms and dismissing them due to their gender or generally people being unable to afford mental health care is so much worse and the reason a lot of people feel a need to self diagnose. Let's address the ACTUAL systemic problem please rather than blaming people who are struggling
@@leotardbanshee both are big problems, i think the problem you bring is more important to call out
but people self diagnosticating is not only because of piece of shit doctors, sometimes people BELIVE they know how to diagnotise and start telling others. Its quite common in any field for lots of people to think they know more than profesionals, "because why not" basically.
But, im not saying you are wrong on those situations, just adding to the topic
hmm I'm sure you could make the argument that glamorizing mental illness would help stop the taboo, or the shame, or whatever and people would be more comfortable in their own mental health or seeking help for their own sake.
It's kinda weird to fake being x y z but I'm sure there is good to come out of it.
@@leotardbanshee This. Be kind to individuals, ruthless to systems.
ADHD at work: yeah a lot of people think I'm a narcissist and don't care about them or the work. I can't say I blame them, however I'm lucky enough to have close coworkers and management that vouche for me. Glad Dr K brought that up 😅
I adore this man and his insights. Thank you sir, you are hilarious.
Building on those who have ADHD that do well with places with deadlines and crisis, I have heard that some people with ADHD go into emergency medicine for that reason
I’ve always been interested in the field but thought there’s no way I could do it, because how could I do something that important if I can’t even cope well with basic office work? And the obvious answer is...because it’s something important lol. (I don’t think I will, I just wish I hadn’t been discouraged from pursuing medicine as a kid)
This video finally pushed me over the edge to take a symptom test (on which I scored very highly) and ask my parents about it. I've been afraid of them thinking that I just want attention but now I know that I could actually have a problem that can be helped, thank you
Don't self diagnose..
I have ADHD and the "will I?" will most certainly not "motivate" me. If I've been procrastinating on something, asking myself "will I" will result in a "I probably won't as I haven't this past week" so I don't bother trying, could be doing something else that's also necessary.
i happen to have very typical (clinically diagnosed) adhd, but i know many people who don’t fit the DSM or stereotypes super well but also have adhd. the DSM being a guide is so much better than it being the deciding factor
unfortunately i spent the majority of my life suffering from adhd and didn't even know it. i had no friends as a kid, even as far back as elementary, because they thought i was weird. if i was in a class that was quiet i could understand things but if anyone said anything off topic i'd lose my train of thought and i wouldn't learn anything. so many things that affected my relationships on a daily basis, and i just thought i was stupid. i NEVER considered getting tested until someone who also had adhd told me that i need to get checked out. it sucks.
I’m a psychologist by trade, and honestly was never told that the DSM was originally a research tool. Learn summin’ new every day.
I want to mention that bipolar people can have emotional lability as well. It generally occurs during mixed episodes, which is when a bipolar person experiences (hypo)mania and depression at the same time. They can become suddenly irrationally furious, and in mere minutes they can switch to despair. They can be fine one moment and feel despair the next, then go back to feeling okay. It’s really not fun to go through.
You allow so much hope for people like me, and thanks for being so available to listen to. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk to someone because I know I have to pay and immediately dig myself deeper into a loop between yearning for help and sucking it up. It’s a boss fight without abilities
re: deadlines and crisis management for ADHD - definitely true. my theory is basically just that we have worked out our 'crisis response' muscles through procrastination, poor management of structured work/time management, and general lack of interest until there are real ramifications for our actions or inaction. as a result we're both very used to and adept at having to crunch. IMO beyond the obvious issue with this (which is that living life constantly on the edge means there WILL come times when you fall off of it) i think it also considerably worsens your ADHD over time. since your brain adapts to doing tasks this way it can often leak into any other aspects of your life, including but not limited to education (the learning aspect, where you can only learn in small periods of time and while under intense stress), relationships (in many ways from lack of interest in the relationship itself to relationship issues as a result of being a manchild and being incapable of basic tasks), self-serving thinking resulting in severe behavioral disruptions, etc.
i also suspect that this can even lead to development of other, generally more 'severe' behavioral disorders if gone unchecked. i say this knowing full well the issues with misdiagnosis regarding disorders such as ADHD & Bipolar. i think the same reason these are often misdiagnosed for one another is the potential reason that they could potentially lead into one another. now that we're discovering just how neuroplastic our brains are i'd be willing to bet that within the next 10-15 years research will show how interlinked many of these are not just as comorbid through symptomology, but through the lifestyles we develop as a result of these symptoms and how they loop back to the plasticity of our brains. this is why i think the primary advances in terms of mental health necessarily will have to come through multidisciplinary approaches and a much more holistic model of the mind
i had people convince me i was bipolar when i was like 14. I just had emotional liabilty like he said. i feel kinda guilty about me faking it though.
This is so interesting! I would love to see more. Would you ever consider doing more tiktok reactions on other topics such as anxiety?
Auto-played my way here and hot diggity damn Dr. K ya done did it again.
Seriously though your knowledge/insights are beyond amazing there isn't a word for it. Thank you so much.
Cool video, very entertaining and informative. I think it would be a good idea to create more content like this, because TikTok has a tendency to become an echo chamber where people repeat same stuff over and over again, so it's great that you're educating people about things that TikTok repeats. :)
This was the one stream I wanted to see so badly but missed because of work ! Thanks for the upload, Dr. K and be careful with these odd TikTokers lmao
I love the history behind the DSM! I can’t believe after over 12 years of knowing what the DSM is, this is the first time I’ve heard explained that it came from setting bounds for research subjects. Suddenly it makes so much more sense how I am 100% sure I have autism but I don’t exactly meet the DSM criteria in a super clear way. But that makes sense because they had to pick a particular presentation of autism to base the criteria on and kinda go from there for the sake of consistency, I guess. (Or explain better with your actual knowledge of autism and diagnosis.)
Yeah also the DSM criteria for autism is based on how it presents in males, which is a bit different from how it presents in females, so women and girls are much less likely to get a diagnosis
Another big one is the removal (in the opinions of many experts in the field, deeply in error) of emotional dysregulation from the criteria for ADHD from the DSM-5, as it's basically one of the few symptoms that is almost universal for us. Dr. Russell Barkley is very outspoken about this. The different presentations for autism and ADHD are another huge issue that prevents far too many proper diagnoses for those whose symptoms present differently from the extremely limited language in the DSM-5, especially when there are comorbidites complicating things (which is more often than not).
Connor deWolfe is the best ADHD TikToker. He’s so funny and relatable and he does his research
2:32 so like a baby crying. Could mean a thousand things we're just not equipped to articulate what we feel yet
First time on your vids and very impressed already. I really liked that accurate ADHD tiktok shown where they breakdown the nuance of diagnosis without shitting on self diagnosis on the whole.
Personally I've self diagnosed most of my conditions successfully before being formally diagnosed (Bipolar, autism, hearing sensitivity disorders).
I also noticed a lot of GP really, really struggle to understand the criteria and will reject a proposed diagnosis while mocking and berating you for self diagnosis. Which is equally as dangerous as self diagnosis in my eyes.
I'm asexual and bipolar, my doctors were obsessed with sexuality because at the time I was a teenager in a city where teen pregnancy and booze usage is especially high, so they were surprised I was doing neither. They insisted my sexuality was a disorder and needed fixing despite the fact I was *happy* with my sexuality (thus negating the hyposexual disorder criteria). They also argued that I _wasn't_ bipolar because I didn't get hypersexual. They were mistaking the impulsive behaviours segment as something you needed to tick every single box for. They also claimed the fact I wasn't spending too much money and in debt a sign I wasn't bipolar.
I WAS A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD (in a strictly religious house), how am I gonna be hypersexual and in debt?
They totally misunderstood how the criteria worked and would take any single symptom you don't have as a sign you can't have the condition, which shows poor understanding.
So I'm appreciative that self diagnosis wasn't mocked, and that the dangers of misunderstanding the criterion and purpose of DSM generally (which impacts ignorant self diagnosis, but also professionals similarly), which is a balanced approach. At least with doctors they should have a team of experts to go back to if they make a mistake, but individuals don't usually have this resource, so self dx is very tricky. But I still think it's valid in many circumstances.
The last thing already has a name it's called "negging", a technique used by pick up artists. They're usually a lot more subtle about it, but yes this mostly only works if the person they're hitting on is insecure (and probably tipsy). From the perspective of a long term relationship it could also be considered "love bombing"
I havent watched this guy for a while, I love the new additions of the voices 😂😂
I really enjoyed this kind of content. Keep it up Dr. K!
Dr. K has done more positive work for my mental health than a bunch of therapists and just gives so much insight into a bunch of topics. Thankful for you dude
I wonder if the reason "Will I?" works instead of "I will" is because it forces you to answer. It jerks your brain out of whatever it's thinking of at that moment and forces it to calculate an answer to the question that was posed to it. That helps clear up your motivation to do or NOT do something. And, of course, the more clear you understand your motivations, the more confident you will be in your actions because you worked out the WHY before you did it, instead of just assuming you would do it and then becoming Surprised Pikachu Face when it turns out you are not motivated.
As someone who reacts to eating sounds and eating in general extremely negatively because of misophonia, I tend to doubt that "psychology hack" of eating between me and some other guy in an argument would help the situation beyond getting someone decked in the face
"We've decided to stray away from the 'arrow pointing to psychiatrist' as it doesn't really align with our mission statement". Well here it is basically happening again lol.
thankyou soo much for this. its refreshing to hear someone talk about the logic behind things rather than me hearing about diagnosed rare bpd and stuff 247. when so many things if they are visible can be misdiagnosed. im waiting on a diagnosis myself but ive had issues since a child and i genuinely struggle alot just doing tasks and other things.. but i do hyper-fixate on education online that i have interest in and i have a really big interest in science and psychology.
ps another theory is like someone said about everyone having the ability to have ADHD , i think also another thing could be we all have spectrum disorders to a certain degree some worse than others.. wich is another theory its very hard to get a psychiatric assessment in some parts of the UK though. inless people have ways of going private.
also again not to mention there are several personality disorders everyone chooses bpd xD
Great job on the editing August
is august actually Dr. K's editor
@@egg3186 no clue
i think honestly, open ended questions lock me up. like... idk where to start. idk which thought to grab in the cacophony of static in my head, y'know? and i also am very glad to hear someone say forcing it before they're ready is an issue. my psychiatrist, for a long time, kept bringing up me going back to school. but i just... wasn't ready. i wasn't ready until literally within the last year. and the fact that he kept pushing it just made me fold up and close off, even a little with my talk therapist/psychologist. i felt judged, for some fuckin' reason, and pressured and like i was somehow wrong or something for not being ready yet because i didn't feel ready to balance a job and schooling. (honestly, if i was doing traditional campus school stuff, still i don't think i am. but there are some universities and colleges that have courses you can do online and stuff and so i've been able to balance it.) and because i felt weirdly judged and pressured, i closed off so i never confronted it and asked him to stop. instead i just... put up a wall. and i don't regret waiting. if i had tried back then, when there were several instances of me actively melting down at work WITHOUT having school on the side, i couldn't do it. i'd just drop out of the school again.
on the """""dark psychology tip""""" like tiktok bro. just call it the cycle of mental and emotional abuse, which is what it is. calling it a """"tip"""" makes it... sound like 'hey this is a cool neat lil hack!!! but don't do it tho~~~~~~'. fuck outta here, jayus or w/e your tiktok name is.
I was aware that I had adhd, (been diagnosed, take meds) but I didn’t realize a lot of my weird personality traits were just symptoms!