debunking the MALE FANTASY - candid girlfriend, cool girl, manic pixie dream girl
Вставка
- Опубліковано 10 тра 2024
- Subscribe to the free ManifesTEA Newsletter: manifestelle.substack.com
Get the SGSG hoodie: shopisla.co
Follow me on IG and Tiktok: manifestelle
In this episode, Elle discusses the stereotypes and societal expectations placed upon women, focusing on the concepts of the candid girlfriend, cool girl, manic pixie dream girl, and brain rot core. She ponders whether women are required to perform their inner lives to validate their existence. The discussion includes a review of social media's role in these stereotypes, with the candid girlfriend being portrayed as an airheaded muse by her boyfriend. Elle criticizes the objectification and commodification of women in these roles.
She also explores how the perception of an "inner life" can vary greatly, positing that there is no single acceptable framework for self-actualization. Elle emphasizes that women can cultivate rich inner lives through various activities that honor their desires and contribute to their well-being. The episode ends on the topic of the manic pixie dream girl, a stock character type often used in fiction.
![men* date OUT of their league then ruin women's lives [the paradoxical cycle]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lFS1UmdWTQU/mqdefault.jpg)
![men* date OUT of their league then ruin women's lives [the paradoxical cycle]](/img/tr.png)
![be YOUR OWN dream girl [or else...]](/img/n.gif)
Being chronically online is giving everyone in society main character syndrome.
Lmaoo that's soo true
@@geohatz4838 it is, and I said what I said
You're totally right!
Hey pretending I’m a main character in a comic book script got me through some rough break ups and family trauma. Why shouldn’t we try to look at our lives like this? As long we can always remember that we’re the main one seeing that, I think we can use it for good (as in, one of the best thing we can do for the world is work on ourself and look within
@@user-qr5lk8ph4g it's only a problem when involving others just to put them down or hurt them, otherwise obviously you should be the main character of your life
Subway girl was for sure judging the girl. For SURE. But it’s true guys want to be the only interesting ones in a relationship. The one with “cool tastes.”
Yes, and women who have to much personality are then often described as "too much".
@@eulennachathen449 yeah, high maintenance.
She even named her. Definitely an attack, but why? She did give me “pick me.” “You KnOw what I MeAn?”
Yeah I found the video funny to watch but it came off a little weird to me, like she was lasering in on just talking shit about how she saw the candid girlfriend as shallow, without really having shit to say about the kind of shallow & self-absorbed perspective on relationships that makes a lot of pretentious guys want that kind of dynamic.
There are some guys that just want you to laugh at their jokes while you're not "allowed" to have a sense of humour of your own. Don't show that you're more clever or funny than they are or they feel insecure or inadequate. I've dated a guy who didn't like my friends because when we were together, we would talk and laugh a lot. He couldn't keep up with the conversation. My friends have always been nice to him but because of his own insecurities, he concluded it was a problem with my friends and not him.
Another reason why I love being single. I don't have to dim myself down for any reason. It would be a prison living in the same house as someone that insecure.
The Manic Pixie Dream girl to late diagnosed Autism/ADHD pipeline is insane. We need a support group.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 I laughed too hard it's sad ,what a unexpected ending to the fantasy 😢
I explained this in a comment, it's a part of masking. If I am this happy-go-lucky girl nobody will know that I'm depressed and anxious all the time.
Help I’ve been called out 😂
Yeah, it's neurodivergence a lot of the time. They like the mask, but once they see the other symptoms, they get scared.
It explains so much 0_0
I am gen X and I think what they are talking about in my generation's lexicon is "the girl next door" .I always used to wonder about this. Men always said they wanted her. She has no personality that they want to get to know. She is just cute enough, not complex, has no problems and is just there, next door, ready to be projected onto.
Totally agree. We’ve just replaced one term with another, but same concept. Funny, so much has changed over the years, but stuff like this is still the same.
So weird. I've always assumed that there MUST be more to that stereotype that I was just not able to understand or find an explanation on for some reason. Just now understanding that the emptiness "ready to be projected onto" is by design, not accident or coincidence. Thanks for clearing that up!
Right - the girl next door is perceived as easily accessible... They really love that ish
Also GenX.
After surviving the mommy wars, being regularly undermined at work, and 100% failing to live up to ANY ideal of femininity, I believe it’s time to support one another.
Want to be a pick me? Go for it.
Want to be a manic pixie? Knock yourself out.
Want to love pomegranate? Try not to stain your clothes.
A status object, that only gives and doesn't requires enything in return
I'm an old lady. Took me 9 minutes to "get" what "candid girl" means. I get it, I think. Candid Girl is chosen for the snapshot moment. A candid. As in candid picture. There's no caring for the female, not in any meaningful way. It's about the candid snapshot and the story he is building.
Omg that's a good way to see it❤
So a subject in a way
@@damjay005 yes, as was stated before, the muse. I was confused at first about the use of “candid” in candid girlfriend too. Like, what’s wrong with being honest? In a way, the use of candid as this double entendre is kind of brilliant. The candid girlfriend is both the snapshot of the candid photo, as well as being honest in her personality. Her honest personality just happens to be one that can be easily objectified and commodified; it has room to be pliable, malleable to the projections of her boyfriend. Her honesty is what makes her not a pick me girl but rather what pick me girls wish they were.
Thissss
yes!! I was gonna comment on that❤
I truly don't believe they cannot take good pictures of us. The don't want to. it's different. weaponized incompetence.
The issue with the subway girl's video is that it started off with her criticizing the men who pick girls like "Emily", but then veered off into a disdainful criticism of Emily herself. It kind of diluted her point/made it confusing who her criticism was directed at.
Spot on. It just came over as jealousy and frustration. Her comment at the end about Emilys taking all the men underlined what it was all really about.
Honestly, it sounds like she was describing the point of view of a type of men who would probably described their girlfriend in the same generic terms to his group of buddies. Because she exists, but never to outshine him.
@@readinggeorgeeliot1489that was my understanding
That last comment did undercut her whole statement.
I sense some irony in her "critique" of the candid girl
The thing about candid girlfriend is she probably has thoughts and feelings and other things going on that her boyfriend doesn’t even realize
shes probably also a people pleaser and is bad at conflict. allowing the bf to easily control her and idealise her
Absolutely, that’s just how he views and portrays her
I think I've been the candid girlfriend. I dated a guy for 6 months who spent more time talking to his social media friends about me than he did talking to me. I was just used to elevate his social status and he wasn't interested in who I was as a person. Very glad we broke up. He had massive insecurities and acted intimidated by me, and never actually got to know me. All our interactions were superficial. He was great on paper but the reality was he was just a poser concerned with clout, when inside he was a shaking crying little boy terrified of real life. I felt like a designer lap dog.
I thought you were gonna say that the subway girl doesn’t realize. That’s who really doesn’t know.
A lot of guys see us as NPCs. That doesn't mean we are. His photos and descriptions of candid girlfriend called that out. This is how he saw her. I'm thinking they'll break up when she turns out to be a protagonist as well. He'll then say she was too feminist or too much.
Can we please stop with the "'Subway Girl' is just too smart for TikTok."? Sure, she identified a legitimate problem with men and the way they think of women and use them, but then she went on to direct her frustration, jealousy, and criticism at the kind of women they date. Worse, she decided to take what she saw on these men's social media as proof that the women they like to date are air headed, and have no real likes or personalities. She was basically calling these women stupid, and criticizing them for being basic. Honestly, the fact that she said "They're taking all the hot men." makes her sound like a pick-me herself. EVERYONE, STOP DIRECTING YOUR ANGER AND FRUSTRATION WITH MEN AGAINST WOMEN!
This!!
I think it's internalized misogyny like how men see women 🥺💔
They’re taking all the hot men is so insanely problematic.
The fuck you want that hot man for if he can’t recognize his own intimacy issues and attachments issues; when he chooses dynamics without true depth and connection.
Who. Cares. If. They’re. Hot.
Unless she has her own intimacy issues… and prioritizes the good feels from the hot honeymoon phase/being wanted/social capital.
@@Jellytimehello I agree. There's nothing wrong with wanting the men you date to be hot, but that can't be the only consideration. If these "hot" men are this shallow, and don't even care enough to find out anything beyond the surface level about who their girlfriend is as a person, then why would you even want them in the first place?
She does sound a bit pickme ish, but there is truth to her statements. And while people take issue with her saying 'they take all the hot guys', I can see it happening. Most men prefer NPC characters, and since hot guys have the best chance with getting the best looking girl, the 'candid girlfriends' who look a certain way will get those men easily.
I was a manic pixie dream girl. I’m AuDHD and she was the only female representation that was anywhere similar to me. It was the worst type of personality to develop. An empty vessel just waiting for the broken man. It was such a terrible time. I was so young and foolish.
I'm still manic pixie tbh. Btw idk if you’re into nyc vlogs but if so, you might like mine! I’d be sooo grateful if you swung by and took a peek. 🙏 Stick around if you like!
Are you me ? I had the exact same experience in my early twenties
And all of these “men” had watched “Garden State”.
Me too. I'm ADHD and was homeschooled on a farm so I like was a weird kid. I was lucky though and maintained mostly female friendships with other weirdo girls. Maybe we can start a weirdo girl support group? You all sound really nice.
@@snailart9214 oh I would love that. I have no friends and don’t have any idea how to make them. I end up liking people for being appropriately friendly toward me and then either rush to befriend someone who is not at all a good friend for me or being embarrassed by myself and stop reaching out. Then there are the ones I don’t get the hint fast enough and have a 6 month one sided text exchange 😂🤣. I gave up a few years back.
Can I just say that nobody is "boring"?! Nobody is boring. We're living, breathing, diverse humans with a ton of experiences. What group A might not find interesting, group B might be absolutely feral for, even if it's super niche! We are not boring because we are alive. We are interesting by default, even if others may disagree :P
ABSOLUTELYYYY, i think its the new wave of how profitable is ur personality
Only boring people get bored.
Agree! and even if you have an a crazy interesting life, not everyone is making their life public. People might not even use or post on social media. Some people are just private, period.
i'm a firm believer that if you find a person boring you simply don't know them well enough. or some ppl say someones not interesting simply bcus their tastes do not align but just bcus u dont care for someones interests does not make them boring.
Truueeee, between two people, the vibes are just not vibiiiing
Everyone wants a manic pixie dream girl until she breaks character 😂 That's so true. I'm AuADHD and men obsess over me until they see the genuinely difficult debilitating aspects of Autism and ADHD.
Exactly. I have ADHD and then I'm tooooo quirky for their tastes. They want something safe and bege who likes good pottery. I wish I was that girl!
@@ninisilver It's hilarious. They like it at first and then realize how wrong they were. Oh, bonus points if you're smarter than them too. They also hate that
@@madeleineclark283 They always want to hang out because i'm smart, funny and i like football and video games ( not a pick me that's the way i'm ) but then i have a side that enjoys astrology, baking, pottery and art history, that's my emily side, and they run. They eventually turn gay or marry the candid girl, but still make the fire emoji on my stories. I dated at least FOUR bisexual men because they liked my female and masculine energy and now when i met a guy that i see just wants to hang out and doesn't take me out to dinner and such i ignore him for life, i don't want to waste my energy on his confused ass anymore
@@Hailquorthon when i was a teen i believed i was special and the smart interesting boy would in the end see that we are meant to be together but that dream long died, now i just chill and work on my hobbies and serve my community and hope for the best
Omg guy's love the quirky ADHD girl in theory. I know the man REALLY loves me when I'm a hysterical mess and crying "I hate myself" over not being able to find time for a single load of dishes and a homework assignment, and he doesn't get the ick.
A lot of men really think they're some super interesting, funny, talented dude who's 1 second away from blowing up and getting super popular and rich, and they fantasize about a nameless, faceless woman who will be their unpaid assistant through it all. I blame comedy podcasts and youtubers. They get this idea from stand up comedians and Casey Neistat types. They see toads like Bert Kreischer who have a wife and kids and think "yeahhh that's the life, I travel around being cool, making money, and cheating with 20 year olds while my hot wife enjoys the big house, my money, and does all the work raising the kids!" Nevermind the fact that those guys are miserable addicts who get divorced 100% of the time.
I'm holding out for the wholesome guy who thinks I'M the funny rich one and who brings his own charms and riches to the table, for US to travel and enjoy life TOGETHER. There aren't many podcasters or youtubers who role model that life, I guess.
You’re a carbon copy of every modern woman congratulations
First sentence is 1000% true from my experience
@@off6848first time i see "modern" used derogatory, women for centuries always wanted this "modern" lifestyle, they wanted to be seen, heard, develop their passion etc, so it's not really modern at all, it's inside women's DNA to seek freedom and respect because they are human beings, you talk as if it's unnatural and made by society or whatever 😂
You said everything so perfectly
@@off6848 must have taken so much work to meet every woman to make sure they're all the same!
Oh no, wait. You didn't do that. You just need to generalize women to justify your opinions.
saying a "girl's girl" while dragging another woman is hilarious. that girl is so annoying
And she got the benefict of the doubt, ans a lot of girls saying her speech had a lot of layers and profound meaninful messages we werent able to catch...when is clear by her way of talk, and the negative emotions talkign about that "girl" (yeah she make obvious she was talking about someone in particular) that dhe think pottery girl is dumb, implying she is not, sorry but all i see was a jelous woman that the "hot guy" she wants wants pomegeanade girl.
She didnt make a comentary about how men see women, she eas clearly showing how she see pomegranade girl and be angry that hot guy didnt choose her, she, the actually Smart one, not the muse, not the empty vessel, not the no thought empty hate ... All i saw was hate there. And peoole stull try to make it look as she was way too smart for tiktok ? Hahahahaha
Is like those English teachers trying to find meaning in evru single phrase of a text, when sometimes "the curtains are blue" doensnt mean melancholy but that the freaking curtains were BLUE !
@@AyAReI00 well, i think you're missing the part when she's saying that it's 'what all guys want in New York'. She's speaking for them. That means - voicing their perspective. She's telling what they do, what they think of her, how they see her.
Yeah I felt personally attacked when she said my name. Granted I know she wasn’t attacking me but I felt insulted when she brought up my name for the pick me. Like I am NOT a pick me. I am a raging feminist.
@@emilymatthews2990 she was being unserious
@@emilymatthews2990 shoe fit
The bear video of yours is perfect, here in brazil, a extreme disaster is happening on the south of the country, and a lot of people are d1ing because of the extreme levels of water. They had to put both men, women and children together in a shelter. I guess you know what happened after this... More than 44 men were arrested for r4pe in less than 4 days on the shelter. They had to make a separate shelter in the middle of the tragedy, for the women and the children. There is nothing that can convince me that men are good, the bear girls are right.
The more I think about it, the more the bears sound like a good option.
Excelente ponderação. Acho inclusive que esse caso devia criar proporções internacionais, o mundo precisa ver o que acontece com mulheres em calamidades como essa.
@@Jess2468R concordo plenamente Jessica!!!
Lol they didn't put the women and children in a shelter filled with bears either.😅 I don't think either scenario is ideal, but I guess we get to choose what form of horrible we'd rather suffer.
Something similar happened after Hurricane Katrina in the U.S. They had a bunch of people staying in a stadium and women were assaulted.
Fkn sick people out there.
Summer from "500 Days of Summer" just sprang to mind. Tom never really saw her, just what she meant to him, what she brought into his life, what she made him appear to be as a guy with someone like her. I also remember the reaction to Summer's character when the movie first came out was blistering to say the least. Everyone thought she was a heartless bitch and erroneously thought she was another example of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, mostly because she was played by Zooey Deschanel. Summer was actually a break from that archetype for the very reason she was so hated. She breaks up with Tom for HERSELF because she doesn't love him the way he needs. Fortunately, much like "Jennifer's Body", after a decade most people realized Tom was the asshole all along. Even the actor who played him said people really got the ending wrong for not recognizing his character, Tom, was the absolute worst. All along Summer had a vibrant inner life but it was obfuscated by Tom's perspective. She was just a woman trying to figure her shit out, not trying to be some sad boy's muse. She's just a woman trying to figure her own life out for herself. Good for her.
I need to rewatch the film with a new pair of eyes. I only saw it once which was at the cinema when I was 12 and I feel like we were programmed to hate summer. Tom was projecting and idealising her the whole time. Pure limerance. He didn’t love her at all he just loved what he thought she was and when she shattered his illusion of her he couldn’t handle it. Have experienced this myself with a guy and it was the worst.
I think only mediocre guys want bland girls. Most intelligent men want an intelligent partner. That has been my experience.
Yes, but in my experience, the intelligent man values an intelligent woman, as long as she’s not More Intelligent than him. He values a talented, successful, etc women, but will sabotage you if you get more opportunities than he’s had.
That’s been my experience and it’s kind of devastating…. Like even when you think you’ve found an equal match, as soon as you start finding personal success they start showing signs of insecurity
@@recklessmermaid putrid things
I had an ex who was a functional adult, an extraordinary cook, and very book smart. He seemed very proud that I am getting a PhD, but would hint that he wanted a family and “a parent” would stay home with the kids. I told him point blank that if he wanted kids, he would be the one staying home with them. He hesitated. And that’s when I was sure I needed to run. For sure he wanted to impregnate me (a childfree woman) just to cage me. I’m NOT getting a PhD to stay home scraping kid poo off the walls.
Beware of the intelligent guys as well. If he doesn’t worship the floor you walk, run.
@@Vasilia4Tell them! These men do love those Emily girls.
@@Vasilia4so true
The way I giggle gleefully whenever I hear her say, "No nuance nelly" is just problematic at this point.
Well it’s these no nuance Nelly’s and negative Nancy’s targeting our beloved spoiled girlies, who her and I and we (as spoiled girlies) also have to look out for, not like we look out for men, but to try to allow them to heal themselves with a little help, as we have to uplift women and help them see the light. The recovering pick-meishas, SIT IN THE FRONT AND TAKE NOTES!
No because same
The term “this one” is saying, replaceable. When you fail to recognize a person’s irreplaceable value you are replaceable.
Yeah, otherwise it would be "THE one".
The way the cool girl monologue changed me as a person
The cool girl monologue lives in my mind rent free
Best monologue in the history of monologues
The way I have remembered that dialogue! The first time I heard it I felt so heard.
As an autistic ADHD woman I always had men project MPDG on me simply because I wasn't your average girl. However because I am autistics and didn't give a f- about other people's opinion, I can attest to how bothered and even angry men* get when you veer "off script". Over the years I've learned exactly what buttons to push early on to repel men* that see me as an archetype rather than a person and that has saved me from dealing with a lot of worthless men*. I just feel sorry for women trying to win these worthless people over by pretending to be a caricature of an ideal woman.
You should tell me what these buttons are, because I still have issues with it.
I have ADHD and I also seem to often be percieved as a MPDG. I have gotten better over the years, but I seem to fall for "the innocent look nerds". I am noticing that I often think that nerds are more safe and kinder, but when it comes to relationships they pretend to be that way and switch as soon as you're in a relationship with them.
I had one guy who pretend to be very sweet and kind and very nerdy, no selfesteem. At some point he became agressive, and especially angry with women. I would have never expected it from him.
Tbh I think I am gonna stay away from any guy that is more than a little bit nerdy, because I have had such bad experiences with them
i, too, would like to know the buttons. need to improve my repelling skills....
Do tell
So what are the buttons I want to know!?!?!
Commenting to follow this thread when/if she replies 😊
This is why I can no longer stand modern romance books. Even in fiction written BY women FOR women, a trope I see that is absolutely rampant is the grumpy guy x sunshine girl. Essentially this is the female characters in their own stories still acting as a prop for the male love interest who is emotionally stunted and treats women as trash. Despite this, the sunshine girl is always happy, always excited, always uplifting the men and pushing them to be better people. It is infuriating. Is this genuinely what woman want? Is this really what we are supposed to be fantasising about? Being stock characters who are happy to have scraps of attention from angry, violent, controlling men and devote ourselves endlessly to them all while never being allowed to feel anger and upset ourselves? I’m done with it.
Your comment reminds me of an anime called Fruits Basket. the female lead gets involved in the conflicts and problems of the male leads family, and everyone is literally mean to her and hurts her in words and actions because each one of them has "their own problems" and in the end she forgives them all. It was hard to watch.
I have different theories on what the appeal could be:
1: The Saint/"I can fix him" trope: Through the good nature and kindness of the female lead, the grumpy guy turns into a happy guy. And the girl gets to feel like a saint, or when she fails a martyr.
2: "I'm special to him" trope: The guy is an asshole to everyone he meets, EXCEPT for the mc. Sometimes he's also a jerk to her, but not as much compared to other people.Those are for the girlies that like to feel special and to be put on pedestals.
3: Taming the beast: Imo that's the appeal of the "enemies to lovers trope". Men are women greatest predator (we'd rather choose a bear than them ffs), so this idea of turning an evil powerful threat into someone who loves and cherishes you, your strongest ally, is a power fantasy for women.
4. Abandonment issues/ trauma bonding: The mc has so little self respect and self confidence, that the below bare minimum effort treatment from one guy is enough to fill a hole in their life. The idea being, that bad attention is better than no attention.
THANK. YOU.
@@eylul582 exactly what it reminded me of tohru and kyo. Hated it. He was barely ever a participant in her life compared to yuki but somehow kyo is the main lead what a load of bull.
@@missrebel634 i love how well you put it!
As a teenager I always felt like I wasn’t enough compared to these “women” as I didn’t fit either the “manic pixie dream girl” or the “cool girl”. But I later on realized she is a fantasy. That’s why they always seemed to “mysterious” and sexy (but not too sexy!), yet always quirky & fun and up to drink whiskey & watch sport with the boys. She isn’t real.
They are real, whether woman have adopted those blueprints to curate their personalities or they encompass many traits from the MPDG/CoolGirl Blueprint and have their own rich inner lives, the point is, Men actively choose to recognize only those traits as the women’s identity. They run the narrative of what a woman is or isn’t and because ~patriarchy~ they’re believed and it perpetuates.
Don’t forget that they have like a 20% chance of dying when their usefulness is up as a living human so they can continue to motivate the main guy to be better as an ideal cinnamon roll that’s too good and quirky for this world.
Men really want to date they homies. I say let ‘em
probably coz said guy has a dream girl but you can't fall in love with a pre conceived person fantasy
some people never come to terms with that and fall in love with the idea of someone
Commenting at the 15:00 mark; I think the overall point was that this idea of "Emily" is presented as completely inoffensive in every aspect of her being. She's perceived as not "too much" at any one thing: her shoulder-length hair, the nondescript way she dresses, her art history-but-not-an-artist education, her interest in the broad topic of "good pottery" and liking "pomegranate", even her old-fashioned, girlish name. It's a cookie-cutter impression of A Girlfriend in the most generic sense. She needs nothing from her boyfriend, she would never cause a scene.
Yeah she never outshines her boyfriend, doesn't live up to her full potential and she exists to support him. It doesn't fit with her wild streak, it's out of character for a woman like that to settle and be "domesticated". It's like witnessing a man break down a woman, turning her into a pick-me. What the movies don't show is that pick-mes get left and the man repeats the cycle until he gets tired of it.
Artist who mostly dates artists here. Men think I am this girl while I view them as peers. Then when I achieve artistic success, they suddenly have a problem. Picking fights before my big day, no longer encouraging me, etc. I celebrate all their wins, but when I have one it’s like a betrayal to them and it’s gutted me every time.
Unfortunately non-artists do this too. I’d say it’s a subconscious behavior within most men. So now I’m single and things are good 🥂 painting is more fun anyways.
@@lvl11717I've been watching my sister go through this for years.
May your paintings be glorious, my girl. ❤🎉
I see that too
Exactly
I think the operative word here is 'young'. 'Young' Emily might get the hot guys but '30+' Emily will be single. Take it from Granny. When Emily starts coming into her own, outside of having a partner and family, she starts to see the tricks she fell for and will set boundaries. That partner won't be happy about her self-actualization and finds a 'Younger' Emilia. The next partner will like her for who she is, not what she could be.
A girl starts acting independent after being in a long term relationship for years. she deserves to be replaced. It’s a partnership
@@duckyh9712 If it's a partnership, you do not leave the other person because they want to know themselves better and try new things. Cheating shows selfishness, lack of honesty and lack of trust. Saying someone deserves to be replaced because they show some independence, instead of thinking, maybe we can discuss it, try some of her new hobbies together, maybe I can also be a bit independent... You show you don't actually think of the relationship as a partnership, but think of the person you are with as a convenience, an object. If they change in a way that is uncomfortable or inappropriate to you you are willing to discard them.
It's sad and pathetic.
@@duckyh9712a partnership between two independent people. Codependency ain’t cute or healthy
@@duckyh9712 A partnership can only be between two independent people. She should be acting independent already at the start of the relationship and of course during also. Both people should. Otherwise it isn't a true partnership and it also isn't a healthy relationship.
@@Eeppydeepy this is why modern women like you can’t commit and 50 percent of you guys will be single. You worry about your own happiness and independence while married with a family and potentially children. Men won’t destroy their family because they need to find themselves,be independent or 100 percent satisidied with their partner
What subway girl talks about is so true for many men in “creative industries”. How often have I not seen “this one” to refer to their girlfriends? Doesn’t she have a name dude? I think these men do not want to annonce that they have a partner because they “do not like to show off” yet they like to show off in this off hand way.
She most likely is very interesting but they don’t want her to outshine him yet she is there to raise his status.
And if she actually doesn’t have hobbies & interests she might have been socialized to stop in favor of a man. It wasn’t unusual when I was young that a lot of women stopped doing their own hobbies in favor of doing to watch their boyfriend’s hockey practice and slowly mold themselves to fit the desire of men. It’s sad. You do not need unique hobbies and interests but we all have things we love doing & that interests us, and we should keep it going. And if we gave up we should rekindle our passions because we deserve to live our best life. ❤
I get that vibe a lot from known Male UA-camrs who have a live-in GF in the background and isn’t involved in his channel, but she’s always around like a Prop. Any clips of her shown is a highlight reel of her being beautiful, helpful, kind, effortless and supportive but she remains mysterious and only for him.
Or they don't want to advertise that they're "taken" because they're still on the hunt for THE one, not THIS one.
I worked as a model and yeah, a lot of male photographers are like that. They'll be in committed relationships, even married with children, and they'll keep their partners hidden because they want to give woman models the idea that they're"single and available" (models are hardly interested, so they usually have to use their power as a photographer to convince them to do things).
The amount of times where we would work with a photographer that was incredibly flirty and acted single... Only to find out he was married with children was countless.
Heck, they'll even hook up with a robot (side eyed step-ford wives) the male fantasy is so scary
corpses too and animals ( go look into why funeral homes and morgues are now prefering female staff)
@@rene3759don’t forget holes in buildings and plants like watermelons and maybe a log
Also... What if Subway Girl was Emily at one point in her life 😳
Right? cuz she knows too many details
@@Herrera_70 I think her former partner might have left her for the "Emily," and she was trying to make sense of the situation and of the girl herself.
It's funny that she picked on pomegranate as that's what persephone ate wasn't it, that's why she couldn't go to ''summer''. She's stuck forever with Hades. So, don't eat the pomegranate. A symbol of losing yourself in marriage.
I love that take
Persephone spends the winter with Hades and visits her mother in summer.
The food of the otherworld is said to keep you from leaving, but Persephone isn't human ❤
Demeter is the mother of Persephone, and she sought the help of Hecate to convince Zeus to make Hades agree to a deal where Persephone spends half the year above ground. Demeter is a goddess related to grains, like fields of wheat 🌾 so in the winter Demeter is in protest because her daughter was kidnapped.
@@stephanieann9770 Persephone was kidnapped and forced to be with Hades. You're thinking of the romanticised Tumblr version that has no bearing to actual greek mythology. The only reason Persephone can come back for spring is because Zeus intervened and made a compromise so Demeter can still be with her daughter, because Hades had zero intentions of letting her out of her kingdom.
Stop following the tumblrfication of things. The greek mythologies serve as a warning to human nature, they're not meant to be cutesy and lovey (apart from maybe psyche and Eros). 😊
@@fawnieeegood point but dont forget that hades falls in love due to cupid's arrow from the patriachy(greek mythology)😉 and it made him thought it was an act of love by abducting her from her mother(family) and gasliting.... yup.. its the same old story again
I often forget that being a “cool girl” doesn’t serve me in any away , but it’s so common that it’s really easy to fall for it over and over again
i always fear that i won't be seen as desirable/ attractive to a man if i do not perform in some way or alter myself to suit some subcategory / male fantasy.
@@ginack19 this goes both ways u know
@@ginack19I just stopped caring honestly,if I don't get picked,what's the worse that can happen? I won't be picked. That's about it. And I just started going "delulu is the solulu", there are millions of men in the world, I just want 1. That's it. So why worry? When God wills, it will happen.
Candid girl has had a name for years. It’s called a Plain Jane. There’s nothing wrong with a Plain Jane, but they do tend to be with a specific type of man. It’s his show and life. She just conforms to it, quite easily, because she’s the personification of beige.
exactly 🙏
And it’s NOBODYS job to distinguish and judge who is a plain jane and not. Everyone is valid no matter what they let you see or where their importance in life lies.
@@andy2641that's a ridiculous way to live, like sure be kind to people but were cerebral as much as were compassionate as people, where would we be as society if we didnt occasionally question things? Not only is this ridiculous but its unrealistic, people will always judge, I understand advocating for kindness but this is just never going to happen 💀
@@tahsina.c I'm just reiterating the video, but just because someone doesn't PERFORM their inner lives to you does not mean that they don't have them. You can question things but it sounds like an asshole thing to call someone boring just because you have no idea what their life is like from the outside
about posting their gf on insta its so interesting take, like in russian community when a man doesn't post his gf the gf sees it as a red flag, they start thinking he's cheating on her or he secretly has a wife and kids lol so its a red flag instantly for rus women
Because it's true. I was wondering why my ex, a pretty handsome man, didn't want to take a photo with me. Then I found out that he had two other girls.
I’m the opposite. I regard following a lover on social media as too intimate. For a breakup: too awkward. I never allow a follow.
@@SuperStella1111 same, aside from that i wouldn't want anyone to see what i liked feels like they are barging into my boundries
I'm from America but my dad was born in England, British girls have a different take too we don't care because we're not thinking about guys all the time. If anything I was checking my bank balance, shopping for new properties. Nothing extraordinary goes on we just roll with it and see what happens.
@@unicorn73212 thats amazing i wish slavic women would realize they deserve equal love and respect that they are giving cuz most of the time they settle for the worst sadly
As a woman named Emily who actually likes pomegranates, I am struggling not to take this personally.😂
Me too. I feel personally attacked because the subway pick me girl used my name. Like I’m not a fucking pick me. I am a raging feminist who is hellbent on advocating for women.
hi! i'm ponkzie, the creator with the video you included at 5:22 ♡ i love your commentary, and i feel like it's also really important to know as well that "subway girl" is a comedian! it was a bit. so if you're in the comments stressing out or getting upset, remember it's ok to have discourse about any piece of media (including this one), but she wasn't being genuinely bitter and you will be ok!
Omg your take was perfect ❤
Yes, my third eye is open now!
I completely agree with you by the way I think people totally lack nuance and it takes a certain person to have a discerning eye, but she was commenting on both sides of one problem...
😂@@Lydiam1234
Pick me is never picked!!! The ones men really value and want are the ones that don't submit. They like the sexy ones. They need to fear lose you, if they know you will forgive a cheat or will go for ab*se, they'll do it (and the good ones will not want you). That's why independence is so important, you have to be able to grab your handbag and say your goodbyes at any time.
I agree but want to add. We should not care what men value or to be picked. And also some of them do want a woman that submits AFTER they have broken her down. Some men go for the confident and independent women only so they can own her "she is his trophy" or and profit from her "his investment/work horse" or want the pleasure to subjugate her, dominate and conquer her and mold her into the submissive wifey to show his power. Your last sentence is spot on, for survival it is a must no matter what path you choose when interacting with men. but the hand bag is not enough you also need an iron will and sense of self and self respect and love and a good plan/plans and a good support system. Trapping women and girls in a millenia old game for men and women have only very recently started to wake up to it and also have the means to fight for themselves.
@@rene3759thank you for your wisdom 💛
💯
@rene3759 Yes, I agree. But that's the point, when they break you, they leave you. The purse was just a phrase that Giselle Bundchen's said in a interview, but of course there's much, much more involved, it was just the representation that we can't never lose ourselves (it's not just about being financially independent but love yourself so much that leaves became bearable, I mean, everything you need is your purse and yourself kinda of thing). But I think we're looking too much on it 🤣
@@rene3759 it's okay to care if you want to. Just don't make it your whole personality
Tbh when i heard that description i was like "oh so kinda like me but gaming" and i realized.
It gave me the ick of objectification and how men view me as a stock item to just be like "look she like videogames and doesn't wear makeup!! I don't keep social media!! Look how quirky" when really I'm just neurodivergent, I adore horror movie analysis, I'll yap about fictional characters and latch onto vaguely autistic pixels like my life depends on it.
But to a man i look like a candid gf. I hate that for me, subway girl is right
Also shout-out to brainrot core !!! I was raised conservative so your videos and other women uplifting women really helps break some of the pick me behavior i ended up with in my childhood thank u bestie!!! ❤
This is so real bestie. Most autistic women are deemed quirky and manic pixie because we literally couldn't care to understand or fit in. Free bird cage theory 😮💨, keep liking those things as long as u want babe. Only thing to always watch out for is intentions and red flags.
Nah, ur not candid girl, ur the cool girl. Candid girl's awesome hobby is something she can do FOR her man, like baking, and cool girl's is something she can do WITH her man, like gaming. Cool girl is for having fun with and candid girl is for using. Neither is for loving though.
Subway girl got the definition of "pick me girl" so wrong and in doing so was also behaving like a pick me by putting down another woman, painting this whole portrait of her and repeatedly saying she has no thoughts in her head. Fun fact, I know girls like she described, and fun fact, just like every other girl and woman, they have incredible depth, a LOT going on in their close personal life, and have A LOT going on in their heads.
The definition of a "pick me girl" is about being male centric and tearing down other girls for male validation in hopes you'll be "picked" hence the name. Hence the problem with subway girl, as she spends the video scorning and tearing down another woman, delighting at the validation she gets as the man agrees and laughs along with her.
Now here's the thing, she still has a point, but she's got it twisted. Men DO like having a girlfriend that they view as blank, because then they can fill in all the gaps, create a persona and identity for her that they like, all while acting like she's some sort of deep one of a kind artistic muse that's not like other girls. So funnily enough I do get subway girl's point, but she's not giving Girl's Girl vibes with this tangent.
As an asexual/aromantic 40yr old woman, I'm still getting so much value from your videos!
Keep shining, dear Elle 🖤
Asexual demiromantic here! I enjoy her content because I am learning what to say to my personal tribe's girlies even if I'm not really living the spoiled girlie life. I'm glad everyone benefits from her topic dissections.
Ur a what??????
@@danec2572Asexual means someone lacks sexual attraction to anyone while aromantic means lack of romantic attraction towards anyone, hope this helps
Another ace here! Even though I'm starting to give up on love, I also like being able to sit on the sidelines and talk about what's going on in the world.
OMG SAME, I thought I was the only aro/ace who watched her
Must Read:
I'm sorry but Subway girl is a pick me, just not the conservative kind of pick me we're used to. Her rant sounds like she likes a guy who is in a relationship with this "Emily" (I think she knows who Emily is in person). Her rant about the type of women men pick and naming them "Emily" is no different from some incel men complaining about the type of men women pick and naming them "Chad". Her rant literally started off as her attempting to disguise herself as a girl's girls and then she went on to attack women who seem to have a different personality and hobbies from her.
I feel like we talk a lot about the conservative pick me, sometimes we touch on the tomboy pick me, but never the liberated pick me. They all are awful to other women as they judge them for making different choices and enter into malicious competitions with other woman who share the same hobbies and characteristics but actually are girl's girls
Yep, and the fact that she said "they're stealing the hot men" at the end shows the "subtle" (not so subtle) jealousy she has towards them. Her tone is giving "Ughh, what men really want is these women who are boring and brainless (she sees them that way even though she doesn't really know them), instead of wanting someone like me who's much better, can't believe these boring girls r stealing them away from us". Like. That's what it's giving.
spot on! she was just straight up mean and the whole video made me so uncomfortable.
Or subway girl was simply describing the point of view from a certain type of men whom actually did used these generic terms to described his girlfriend to his group of buddies. Remember, "Emily" is the muse, hence the object/blank canvas, that the man can use to push their ideals onto without getting to know her. Because he has already objectified her, he doesn't see her as a human being, but something to use. "Emily" isn't supposed to be a complex human being, but an objectified muse, because "Emily" can't outshine her boyfriend. After all, "Emily" is an object, not the main character.
She even said “touch her skin”. Idk about anyone else, but by wanting to reach out to touch someone that she implies is empty.. subway girl dehumanizing candid girl just like how shes saying men do
I was this girl and I'm just gonna say it can stem from pick-me behavior and narcisstic men. I was interesting before getting into a relationship with my ex boyfriend, but became incredibably boring and almost like a trad wife. I was an accessory, a trophy, not a person. I was more like a shiny toy that he could show off to everyone rather than his living, breathing girlfriend with her own hopes and dreams and aspirations.
I'm in a better relationship with a guy that actually loves me for me. I can literally do whatever I want. (even wear heels as a 5'10 femme without him throwing a fit about it.)
Idk...the fact that only 30-50% of people have internal monologues kind of changed how I see other people lol. So I kind of get where subway girl is coming from. But the irony here is she described candid gf with shoulder-length brown hair and comfortable clothes, and that is literally her. 😅
Exactly, my mind was blown when I learned that. I just always assumed people are constantly thinking. It must be nice though, not to over analyze the world 24/7 and just be. Seems peaceful, but has the potential to put you in dangerous situations.
I wonder how many walk around not-remembering childhood. Like, you’re literally a demon, babe. Not.of.this.world.
It's crazy how they described me and I don't know if you ever seen the doomer girl cartoon one of the burnettes in it has an angry face and she always looks annoyed that would probably describe me I look like a cartoon and sometimes it's a girl like that in comfortable clothes that has a man and all the other girls hate us for it because we don't dress up. We are different then pick me girls because we didn't want to get picked they just picked us for the time being so they wouldn't look like there single because it's probably more embarrassing for a guy to be single actually especially if he's fully grown.
😅also the aphantasia, when i knew that some people.actually see images in their heads when they "picture " something my mind blew away. Now i understood why meditation is a thing for them, cuz they can picture the freaking lake and trees, me? I dont ! I dont SEE anything, if i try hard hard i see like smokey lines white lines that attempt to make a lake and a tree, and is so frustrating cuz the meditation teqcher is telling you
"See yourself sorrounded by nature, enjoy the sunlight throught the trees"
And i picture black and white lines, how is that relaxing ??? But i never knew people even see color, full images, like a movie ... I felt so envious !!!!!!
@@AyAReI00 yeah I'm one of those people, I can read a book and it's like a movie in my head. It's bad sometimes, I can get caught up in daydreaming and living inside my head, so it's easy to not interact with people or important situations. But being in my imagination is really a form of therapy for me. I think it starts for most because of childhood trauma or negligence , it's a coping mechanism (dissociation).
Honestly I feel like better examples would be the euphoria girls. Just always down to have sex, always comes back when they're mistreated, never wants a relationship, always down and available, needs the male protagonist for no real reason etc
You're the best! I'm so glad I found your UA-cam. I'm happily married and it's wonderful to see women encouraging other women not to settle for bs. Thank you!
I’m unhappily married and I’m just happy to see her saving other women!
Gone Girl made me feel so seen as a woman
Oof, seek help.
@@bannedmann4469 it was best seller, so I guess a lot of women and men need help 💀
@@bannedmann4469 it's really funny seeing men seething in this comment section.
@@bannedmann4469 Do you say that to men who fantasize about Patrick Bateman or what?
@@kiowah231 That’s a weak whataboutism, but yes actually. Tho most are memeing, and is a bad comparison. That’s like asking if I keep this same attitude to girls who say gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.
Realize that you even benefit men you never met. I've experienced this in my own life and heard about it from other women. Whatever the good, generous, loving men learn and gain from their relationships with us, they pass it on to their guy friends and family. We truly are the source 👑 and this is why it's important to protect ourselves from parasitic men* who will drain us and use what we give them to destroy the world around them. For the greater good, we must pour only into ourselves and the people who pour into us 💞
I totally agree with you. I've seen vloggers use their gfs as thumbnails in their UA-cam videos as clickbaits. Then when he has a huge following and gets famous and more access to money and girls, he takes his followers with him, leaving his ex gf with zero. It's like the ex gf helped him with his career and when it takes off, he dumps her.
If your hobbies and intrests are predominantly masculine you should express your opinions freely and don't give way if a guy challenges your taste in said hobby. That usually helps to distinguish men who respect you from men looking for a "cool girl". And don't let them tell you that you're "argumentative" or "emotional". No, you are just not a pushover!
Elle, I'll never stop being impressed at how well you dissect ideas. Thank you today as well.
And so eloquently as well! Btw idk if you’re into nyc vlogs but if so, you might like mine! I’d be sooo grateful if you swung by and took a peek. 🙏 Stick around if you like!
Subway-Lady sounds exactly like a nerdy millennial Cool Girl from the late 2000s. That’s who pop-culture conditioned you to be when you were incapable of emulating Natalie Portman’s character from “Garden State”.
It’s giving not like the other girls pick me alt core
Or she was describing how a man would describe his girlfriend to his group of friends. Because she exist, but not to outshine him.
she is a comedian. her harsh language and some subtile jocks distracted people from her point because they took everything literally and her performative delivery as being jealous. IDK I am eastern European and the way she speaks is considered normal/neutral in my culture, I ve been in NYC for like a year and the old school NY culture of being harsh and ruthless is similar to mine.
I feel like the perfect example of this is in The Bear. Claire is the ultimate depiction of the "dream girl" (albeit less manic and pixie) that men want: impressive job title (yet somehow never busy working at her demanding job), always available to listen to/help the MALE main character, extreme pick-me behavior (not taking the hint after getting a fake number and then insisting on getting asked out), approachably/accessibly physically attractive, but without any personal conflict or character development, and easily tossed aside at the end. At first I just thought this was a weakness on behalf of an otherwise fantastic show, but when I started seeing guys on dating apps writing they they're "looking to meet Claire from The Bear" I was so disappointed. As an ACTUAL resident physician, like her character, there is no effing way I would ever have the time to make myself so available to a male individual and to minimize my whole personality down to just a few entertaining quirks, and I would NEVER confront a man who didn't want to give me his number and make him ask me out, like I know how to take a hint. And yet here I am... getting overlooked by this fictional character, or maybe expected to act like her. I hate it here.
It’s the opposite problem that woman to do men, sometimes people don’t see the person and only want to play a gender role
Subway girl seems confused in her argument…the specific interests outlined as boring seemed problematic and anti femme? I recall a video from Elle about how it’s okay to be ‘basic’ and subway girl seems like the type to slap the basic label on any one who doesn’t fit her idea of interesting and cool. She also didn’t criticize the male fantasy enough than the woman who seemed to want to fit into it. BTW, we should all know by now that humans are contradicting characters whose view can contradict their outward appearance. Some present like an Emily but challenge the social norms and try to live an authentic life. That is when the fantasy eventually fades for these broken men.
Wait isn't patient zero literally the first confirmed case of an outbreak, so subway girl is calling "Emily" a pick-me
She also said that she had no thoughts, not no conscious thought a bout how she was perceived, no thoughts
Also isn't one of "Emily's" interests art, and Japanese culture?
Whataboutme people really are the bane of my existence
Negative and judging people are the bane of mine 🤪
15:46 being too smart of TikTok isn’t a huge feat. But I think you nailed it. Men want intelligent, creative women. But they only want the ones who don’t have strong personalities so these women don’t outshine him. We only see her thru the lense of her boyfriend because her voice is being purposely muffled by her boyfriend.
I saw the subway girl digging into candid girl as her saying: "Do you really want that in a relationship as a man?".
To me it sounded like she was describing her as off putting, because someone who is used as a blank canvas by a man shouldn't be attractive for a man.
She kept looking to the guy as confirmation "you know what I am talking about". In my opinion she was implying the the bf was weird for wanting someone like that, but she also painted the bf as dumb: reffering to her as "that one", finding her like for pomegranate "quirky".
She is trying to make candid girl sound off putting, because she should be off putting to man those man
But this is from her perspective of other people’s relationships. It’s how she sees them from the outside. She does not see what the man sees, she only sees a boring person, so she seems that woman not valuable
My stepmom is a candid girl. I admit I used to think she was boring, but it’s just because she is so practical. She has a rich inner life of course everyone does, but then she goes out into the world and builds it. She has a 30+ long career in Jewish nonprofit work, she dotes on our Russian blue cat even though she used to be worried about shedding, and she LOVES SLOTHS. She’s not just a woman who likes sloths. She really thinks so deeply, but for so long I never took the time to notice
Good observations. I recently had a reflection about how we as people tend to take for granted the rich inner lives of others because we have no real experience of it. It happened in a conversation with girlfriends; one was assuming a lot of what the others did, or thought, to be a certain way, and just couldn't relate
She just a normal person….
Plot twist: the Subway Girl just has a crush on Emily. She just doesn't realize she's bisexual yet.
Bruh🤯
😅im sorry but the firts girl definetlly has someone she is thinking of when describing candic girl, and she is furious the guy he likes, likes her
Pottery class ? Tokyo pic ? Way to especific hahahahha
I had to learn to turn myself off. I'm intentionally boring, have no opinions, don't draw attention, and I don't complain about anything. I also have started to wear a wedding ring. It works well. Don't have a personality but have boundaries.
@@Hailquorthon I guess the menz have showed up 🤣
I never saw gone girl, but that monologue is just read really hit me in my heart being that pick me or whatever manic pixie whatever nonsense I hated it and now I am 44 and happy to figure out who I really am. It’s cool because it’s like a second of age, but it sucks. I wish I had a long time ago.
I like pomegranate (yes, it's my entire personality) and knitting. I have shoulder length hair. I also don't care about beauty standards all that much. Some aspects of me are "Emily". I think the problem with an "Emily" isn't her likes or hobbies. It's that she can't embody anything else other than being inoffensive or not challenging. An "Emily" doesn't sound challenging. She doesn't sound like she questions ideas or will have hard boundaries. She doesn't sound like a vixen. She doesn't sound like a scholar or even wife material. She doesn't sound like she reads Bell Hooks, makes her boyfriend read it too and then have they discussions about it. She sounds very safe . She sound like the literal embodiment of "a girlfriend". Also, most influencers are "Emilys".
The girl from the subway is spot on though, guys from NYC love that type especially with the art history and niche pomegranate obsession.
She's funny but I appreciate sarcasm. It's just a humorous version of saying what we all know. Men make sure they are the main characters in their own lives. The girl type she is describing is okay with that. It is cringe when you see it. Does not make you a hater. It makes me sad and desire for ALL women to stop being a side kick and start being the main character.
11:26 True so true!! And even if you ARE creative and totality interesting the guy is gonna drag you down or humble you so HE can be the interesting one!
Speaking from personal experience, don't dare such men, they will DRAIN you of your creative spirit and use it for themselves!!
Or he tries to convince you you're actually not that interesting so you dim your light lest a better man notice you and purse you.
I think I heard my brain explode in this class holy moly. This class reminded me of how I learned to live by inspiration rather than aspiration. Rather than aspire to be a woman, moreso a certain type of woman, I train myself to be inspired by other women. Did she do gardening? Hey, I'd like to try that in my own way. Oh, did she make a recipe? Let me recreate that with ingredients I can eat. Authenticity and acceptance. Be yourself, love yourself and that is enough
Also, that last bit about 'what about me?' Let me remind you of this iconic line from Helen Parker from the Incredibles, "It's NOt abOUt yOU!!!"
Gone Girl was pretty much women's Fight Club. A morally reprehensible main character with a totally valid take on women's lived experience.
I feel like I'm actively participating in a group chat while listening to Elle's videos.
7:01 I feel like she's projecting her own observation of candid girls onto the subway girls words HARD.
right? that was a whole other point subway girl absolutely did not say.
@@illuminaticonfirmed1389 if the critique was primarily towards the males, she wouldnt have called them "hot" at the end... like, nobody is worried abt low quality getting snatched up.
@@Babycake. FOR REALLL. she hardly even talked about the men, just went in on the girl for no reason
Hi besties 🩷🌸🧋
hellooo
Hey bestie♡
"To be a woman is to perform"... daamn manifestelle that is such a perfect crux of today's feminism. She is so aware of how complex our existence is. It is So true how sad it is when you realize most men will no, do not see you as an individual with thoughts. God, I hope that is changing. I think it is.
As someone who doesn’t post anything except dog pics on instagram, it’d be easy to assume things about me. About my hobbies and interests (or lack thereof). Nope, I just don’t want everyone knowing what I do in my spare time. It’s MY time, and if people judge me for what they don’t know about me, that says a lot about them.
I dont think she was attacking candid girl i think she was describing candid girl. Like candid girl is so rare that she's almost not real or there's just one of her in most circles. Like she literally says "i'd like to meet one", "what all guys want is this" - she never said that candid girl is a real person. candid girl is the box that society wants every woman to strive towards. It's not that she has nothing going on in her brain. It's like society wants you to be this candid girl who obeys without a single thought.
She is conventionally pretty but not intimidating, has something respctful going on career-wise and everybody likes her and she had perfect parents who didnt traumatize her but also molded her to be this perfect feminine presence that's acceptable by society. She's bubbly, uncontroversial, pretty, no strong opinions, will like what her partner likes, or will deal with it silently with a bubble bath, no complaints, nothing, etc.
ETA : also the pomegranate and good pottery thing were examples of being uncontroversial.
Yes! People really are competing missing the point.
Ok, and what about her saying " she's taking all the hot men" in the end 🙄
@@eylul582exactlyyyy “she’s criticizing the men thru Emily” no she wants Emily’s man lmfaoo
“Y’all aren’t hearing her like I am” YUP
People were completely missing the point.
Subway Lady IS who Amy Dunne was talking about. She’s like a flashback to 2009.
I wish this comment showed up higher lol and I know someone pointed out that the video was a bit and that she's a comedian but still... In that case she's using women to get cheap laughs from men... Ultimate pickme behaviour!!
@@rhiannondavies4741 She‘s like Cecily Strong’s „one-dimensional female character from a male-driven comedy“ plus that male‘s m1s+g+ny.
I’m laughing so hard at Subway girl, because there is a book I read with a character in it named Emily who is mousy, has shoulder length hair, is quirky and she got the hot guy in the end because he was dating her hot roommate but said hot roommate was “taking so long to get ready for their dates” and so he started talking to Emily. She’s either read the book or she wrote the book.😂😂😂
People would be well served to know that not everything is *for them*. If it's not for you; you don't like it, you don't approve, etc., you can't totally just move on to something you do vibe with.
i was actually in my cool manic pixie dream girl era when i read gone girl but it just never clicked for me how big of a eye opener it was back then. reading through amy's monologue again gave me literal goosebumps
The girl from that subway clip has way too much time on her hands lol. I'm sometimes so shocked by how different perspectives are online vs. offline. Like Tiktok is not real life...I've never met anyone offline that categorizes women like that... "she likes pottery so she's a pick me patient" or whatever lol
This is the morning paper that I needed with my maple vanilla coffee today ❤❤
Maple vanilla coffee sounds so good!
@lostandfond2163 Easy to make as well! I have a keurig but put my own coffee in a lil metal pod so there's none of the plastic taste in there 😔 I love the good quality maple syrup so much 😋
@@heyhey439 pls drop the full detailed recipe 🥲
@pabloescobarschanclas I use the early risers medium roast coffee and the metal pod for the Keurig I got off of Amazon. I just brew a cup and add maple syrup and vanilla extract. I spend extra money on the flavorings, but the actual coffee is pretty cheap. It's so simple, but my favorite part of the day ❤️
"when I come on the God's Internet" might be one of the funniest things I've heard in a while tbh😂💀
"Women are status" YES! I learned this the hard way with an ex. He was the one that was a little dull, which was fine, but then I found out he was bragging about me with the male partners of my friends. And not just little comments, full on "you know you want her and are jealous of me" I was SO DISGUSTED I left his ass. Brag now!
The way she said "can I touch your skin?" in that subway video gave me the ick. It reminds me of those girls in highschool who would ask to touch my hair so they could then giggle and make a condescending coment.
It's like they can't quite believe you're a real human.
Subway girl doesn't really want to get to know 'Emily', she just wants to have more material for the next time she makes this joke.
No, what I got from her statement was that she wanted to touch that woman’s skin to see if she actually real. She wants to see them in real like and try to figure out what it is about them that these men like so much. Because these men do love these women.
@@LoveK1thats so creepy and icky fr
I personally interpreted as "Do you really exist ? Or are you just a fantasy?"
@@MinieAnne Still, imagine if a man said something like that. We would consider it to be dehumanizing
@Cindy99765 Well, because that's the way her boyfriend presents her, and in this context, we only know her through the eyes of her boyfriend, and she's like a unicorn for us. So we would like to see her to see if she really exists.
If you have to perform it, is it even an inner life? An inner life is what is not um, pushed out there.
Still feel like subway girl had a negative view toward this "Emily" character rather than the type of men they end up with. It's no use framing her speech as a critique of men and the gap between what they what vs. what they go for when she actually spent more time dissecting Emily and did so in a mocking and derogatory tone the whole time. Her attitude to Emily is cemented even more by her closing line of "they're taking the hot men." Emily supposedly has all these boring interests but at the same time has nothing going on in her brain. That doesn't make sense and therefore comes across as malice. If she wanted to critique men, like her defenders say, then she would've done that.
This 🫰
I think she is angry at Emily because she knows that the guys she liked would only have returned her interest if she was like Emily, someone who doesn't seem to have strong opinions on anything, someone who's biggest quirk is nothing that would attract bad judgement, someone who is easy to like and just as easy to forget. It's not Emily's fault, but she is the model men she knows demand, and that made subway girl hold resentment towards her. Having met Emily, she isn't real. She is just young and a people pleaser. She is nothing like that when her boyfriend isn't around. She is a very long held performance.
Or she might have used the term "hot" as a way to objectified men as many "hot men" have objectified "Emily" into their stereotypical girlfriend whose interest are only so interesting because it doesn't outshine the man. At least "Emily" is the blank canvas that'll hold all their ideals, as their muse, because "Emily" is the object, never the main character.
Yah it felt like she overshared her inner resentment on camera... And I honestly think her speech was not really that deep for people to overthink ... But it was a good way to bring together different ideas opinions like the ones who explained her....like its their take on her speech and not exactly explaining her speech
Imo the critique was directed at the guy bc she didn’t talk about „Emily“, she talked about the boyfriends version of her and the version that he shows the world. The point was that „Emily“ doesn’t actually exist and that the bf doesn’t know anything about his gf beyond surface level personality traits. That’s why she sounds so mocking bc no one is as uninteresting as Emily, the bf just doesn’t know anything else about her. She even says at the end of the TikTok that she wants to meet one of them bc she doesn’t believe that they exist.
I love the subway girl take - it’s just str8 forward w/ frustration
how do i make friends that are girls like minded to ladies who make this.
Keep an eye out for people in your social circle who support and up lift people, genuinely. They might be there and you just need to look. If not, joining clubs for people with similar values will help! Good luck out there, you’ve got this!!🎉
Now THIS is the nuance and perspective that was missing in the original videos 🙌🙌
You can tell that Elle reads because the critical thinking is critical
So Candid girlfriends are the female equivalent of a Golden Retriever boyfriends?
I love women but not when they downplay their own gender identity
When he didn’t want to watch ( and then got MAD and REFUSED to finish the movie) Gone Girl, that was the first of many ref flags and eventual ick that ended it for me.
All of this seems like a big ado about nothing. Women…stop worrying about other women. Stop worrying about men. First worry about yourself. All these women seem to be hyper theorizing about hypothetical people and metaphorical situations. Stop over analyzing and taking specific instances and applying them to “all men” or “pick me women” and just meet people and judge them individually. I’m so tired of hearing about aesthetics, and cores, and vanilla girl or pomegranate girl or mob girlfriend, etc. stop categorizing everything. Everyone seems so worried about this imaginary girl and how a man might perceive her.
You've never been curious about the inner workings of society and how it functions? It's just people trying to understand the psychology of the people in their society. It's not like most of us are actually applying this stuff to everyday life.
i used to put other women down a lot i think cos i was closeted and got bullied for not being pretty. i rly clung onto stuff like my perceived intelligence and it made it easier for me to stomach some1 being prettier than me if i assumed they were dumb. like then i had something on them, you know? i was THE most rancid pick me tbh. but then i grew up eventually, thankfully. and i came out. and no wonder i was so fucking pressed about beautiful women when i was shoving my attraction for women deep down inside. like it sucks but im glad i grew out of it and now i can just appreciate women and my life is SO much better for it holy shit. anyway i wish every pick me a swift recovery
I think Emily is a caricature developed by men, subway girl is just telling us what it is
I have an Emily in my life, and I adore her. She's small, mousey, she loves film history and likes collecting old photos of dead celebrities 😂 she's very sweet and lives life very casually. Now she has never had a boyfriend because she could care less but in our school days there was a secret cult of men who were madly in love with her. Several with girlfriends who said if she ever liked one of them, they would leave their girls. It was scary. No one told her, everyone wanted her to stay pure. Very creepy, I broke it to her after we graduated
Regarding the 'what about me' phenomenon, I recently came across a good example of this where it was a simple, cute youtube short of a girl talking about ways to style and layer clothes if you want to wear skirts in the winter. I'm pretty sure that was even the actual title, "if you want to wear skirts in winter" (or something very similar). And people in the comments were being absolutely ridiculous! All being extremely rude and saying "what insane person would wear skirts in winter" or "just don't wear skirts in winter idiot" and other such rude comments. I was flabbergasted that people would be this dense and couldn't obviously see that if they didn't want to wear skirts in winter, THEN CLEARLY THEY WEREN'T THE TARGET AUDIENCE!!! As a college student taking writing classes, we learn about the rhetorical situation, of which a key point is writing for a specific audience, and appealing to that specific audience. How do so many people not pick up on this basic thing? I guess the obsession with the individual and the 'what about me' sort of explains that.
Ladies, when you leave him- STAY YO A$$ OFF HIS SOCIAL MEDIA!
K bye❤
Movies (especially romcoms) are so damaging to young women and their view of life and relationships.
"Cringe more!!" 🤣🤣🤣 I love you so much ❤
Oh yes. My first boyfriend never sae me as a woman to the point he wouldnt wish me a happy womens day and when called out actually told me that Im not a woman - Im a girl. He projected his idealized idea of me so hard that he was getting me stuff to push me into his aesthetic. I felt like I was slowly being erased and my lofe was being infiltrated with his idea of me. I hated it. I asked so much for him to stop and he never did
You open my eyes to new concepts concerning the reality of women's lives and the challenges we face. Thank you, Elle!
Men with social media: I get what you are saying. My ex posted a SELFIE of himself SLEEPING. So cringe.