as a grown up with cptsd I want to emphasize the explanation part. I did not know many basic things involving hygiene and did them wrong for a very long time. example: how to chose fitting + weather appropriate clothes, wear underwear, clean private areas etc.
Ayy also CPTSD here. I still struggle with hygiene. My therapist identified that, as an adult, it feels more comfortable and familiar to me to be dirty because my parents never taught me how to do that.
Love that you acknowledge this could be trauma related OR it could be sensory related. Kids on the spectrum, for example, can refuse to bathe for reasons completely unrelated to trauma.
Totally. Thankfully I don’t have trauma about this, but as an autistic kid who took things literally (I wasn’t diagnosed until age 27), I refused to take baths because I saw something about going down the drain on Rugrats. There was also an episode where one of the babies ate watermelon seeds and it grew in their belly, and I remember being so fearful because watermelon was one of my few joyous foods I wasn’t averse to back then.
When I was a kid I hated showers not because of abuse, but because showers were physically painful. With a different shower head it's much less of an issue, the water pressure isn't as hard.
This made so much sense to me once a survivor of SA mentioned that she wanted to be dirty so no one would want to abuse her. My heart breaks for these babies and anyone who has experienced that. You are an angel! ❤
I’m a grown woman and I still struggle with hygiene for this reason. I also “dress down” a lot, to the point where I actually thought my size was bigger than it is until someone pointed out the bagginess.
Helpful hint (from a mom and childhood educator) for anyone with sensitive skin. I have a child, who many years ago had skin issues so bad even the sensitive products would make them break out in the worst rash ever. During the age where children love bubble baths, mine could not. Food colouring is where it was at. A few drops to the tub ( blue or green works the best) doesn’t stain the tub or skin. And children just love it
On that note oatmeal baths were the best since I had eczema a lot. I loved them as much as bubbles if not more since it would soothe the itch and its fun to touch
Aww❤. We are Starting our licensing process, did you have foster siblings growing up then? Do you mind sharing if it was overall a positive or negative experience for you?
Fun idea for young kids bath time. I wasn't allowed bubbles during bath time because I have a chronic illness, so instead we had balloon baths. Fill a bunch of water balloons with water and use them instead of bubbles. So much fun. Good sensory play, you can squeeze them and pop them and sit on them and if you fill them with slightly different temperatures of water it can be even more sensory. They sell biodegradable water balloons now so we don't even have to feel bad.
Careful balloons can be a choking hazard and they are more difficult to cough up because they simply expand instead of coming out. Likewise when trying to help someone breathe whose trachea is covered in balloon the balloon will simply expand but block all oxygen at the same time.
I was not a foster child - I will never have a foster child....but I just love this content. It's so good for even parents to see and know there are other ways to parent than the way we were parented.
Yeah, me too! I also think her content is really inspiring for all parents and I try to apply a lot of her ideas into raising my son. Cheers from Germany! 🙋🏼♀️
Sorry you went through that, nobody (especially children) should have to endure something like that! It may sound odd, but would it help you to try having a shower/bath fully clothed (e.g. shorts & t-shirt, not like dressed for snow)? So you could wash your hair as normal, then just do the important bits under your clothes without having to undress. It might be quicker and easier than the sink method, but less triggering than being naked in the shower/bath?
@codenamekeepscrolling758 It broke my heart when you said people might think your process is weird. It’s not. You are doing what you can to live life. ❤ thank you for your bravery and willingness to share your experiences with people you should have been able to trust. I’m working toward becoming a foster parent and this share has helped me understand what someone could be experiencing and how I can help them more. I hope you keep boldly sharing to help others know what different steps we can take to help those with similar experiences. You are a beautiful and kind person.
this is gonna sound so silly but - i'm not a foster kid or a foster parent, never was and probably never will be. but i WAS a victim of abuse as a kid. long, protracted neglect and just... not being cared about at all. it felt like i was always screaming for help and no one cared. and these videos are some of my favourites because it's like my inner child is being healed. like i can watch these and just realise - this is what's normal, this is what was supposed to happen, i was a child and none of it was my fault. sorry to trauma dump but even though you'll never see this i wanted to explain how much you help me. thank you for these and i wish nothing but the best for you and yours.
A little brother of mine was terrified of taking a shower years. His foster did not understand for years, and he didn't really remember why either, but when she told me, I immediately knew why. My order sister and I were tasked to give him a bath when he was still a newborn, and my other younger brother came in and town on the shower scalding hot. From then on, he screamed if you put him anywhere near the bathtub, so for years, we bathed him in using a pot in the kitchen and then a tote (my sisters and I were very creatively handled this situation) until we finally got him comfortable enough in the bathtub without ever using the shower. He showers now, but from like ages 5 to at least age 9, his foster mom could only get him to take baths.
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 babies that have experienced trauma will react when triggered, even if they can't remember why. And yes, unfortunately siblings get separated in foster care sometimes.
Not in the foster system, but working in the school system with kiddos with special needs, your content helps me be a better provider for the students I work with. Thank you
I am 64 without kids, but I babysat full time 2 summers in college and have worked 19 years between 3 community centers. One big focus for my room to be safe was to stay in our own space/to ask before touching someone else’s things. It became precious to them, and it taught one type of boundary. You are amazing and I celebrate you.
I grew up with a mom who has OCD. She insisted on bathing me until I was like 10 years old. I also had acanthosis nigricans (a darkening of skin around the neck, armpits, inner thighs, and folds of skin) and she thought I was always dirty. She would scrub and scrub and I would scream and cry. It was very upsetting, I hated bathing. This happened at the same time I was being made fun of for not being skinny in school. These events have left their mark on me for decades. Thank goodness for therapy.
Idk how I ended up being recommended these videos, I never wish to be any sort of parent. But if I ever changed my mind, adoption would certainly be my choice, & these tips sound great for re-adjusting a recently adopted child as well!
Even good for a parent to see who has had the child since birth, sometimes we do what we were taught & she's showing us there is more than one way to deal with an obstacle.
One of my friend's little sisters was recently admitted to a mental hospital for extreme anxiety caused by her sensory disorder. Thanks for bring attention to some of the "weird" triggers for these kinds of disorders.
Your channel is AMAZING! I am not a foster parent, but I have worked with children with all sorts of issues in public schools over the years and I could have used your role modeling back then for that. I wanted to comment just to tell you that and to bump your channel. Best wishes.
Love the idea of adding toys and fragrance. Since fragrance preference can be so individual, I might even have a full "buffet" of fragrances for the child to choose from (assuming all the choices wouldn't overwhelm them).
I find that food scents like vanilla, citrus, and spices, are most soothing to me. For some reason, florals (except for orange blossom) feel almost like an assault. Too sharp or overpowering. That may be because some florals are synthetic, but i am not educated in that area.
@@ColorJoyLynnH interesting! I’m the opposite! I find florals calming (jasmine and hibiscus are my faves) but find smells like cinnamon and other spices to be too “loud” and overbearing. They even make me lightheaded sometimes. Interesting how different people can experience similar things but in opposite directions
My daughter loved her Crayola bath tabs (“let’s make the bath funny colors!”), soap crayons and toys like bath-friendly Ariel. Even some dedicated measuring cups and spoons can be fun, and you can toss them in the dishwasher as needed.
We had some "body paints" for the bath when we were little. I think they were essentially coloured body wash in a little roll-on bottle (a bit like deodorant). Something like that could be good to encourage kids who struggle with washing - paint a picture on themselves and then wash it off again.
Thank you for your channel. I want to be a foster parent. This is some of the BEST scenario break downs. It's really answering alot of my questions. And is a great starting point! Thank you!
Thank you!!! My husband and I are about to be licensed as foster parents and this is currently one of the situations I have the most questions about. 💜
I watch your videos and I tear up nearly every time. Your tone and ability to take a step back and explain is so soothing to my inner child. I appreciate this so much as a trauma conscious parent
Fun story: when i was little I watched the Disney Winnie the pooh movie and watched rabbit get sucked down the drain in his bathtub. For the adults making the movie it was probably hilarious but to my anxious child mind it was horrifying and for almost a year afterward I would scream if the drain plug was pulled before I was out of the bath. I had to get out and very carefully watch the water drain completely before I could even think about putting clothes on. My dad was furious at Disney 🤣
Oh dear! But I feel you. My mum hired a movie for my youngest brother (he was about 4 at the time). She thought it would be like Gremlins. But no, it wasn’t at all like Gremlins. She hired Critters and my poor brother was terrified of the toilet for a long, long time.
I had this, but from an actual incident. I was sat near the plughole when the plug got pulled out, so my toe got "sucked down" the plughole. In my child brain, this was terrifying and I thought that I could get stuck in the plughole or something. Later on, I had a weird phase of doing the opposite where I would wait for all the water to drain before I'd get out of the bath. I don't really remember why though...
@@hannahk1306 if you sit still in the bath while the water drains you can feel your buoyancy disappear and you feel heavier and it's really strange but pretty fun
@@SapphisticDid you not watch the whole episode? At the end the babies actually see what happens when you touch a drain as it’s draining, and they find out that you really can’t get sucked down the drain!
When I was a kid, a cousin of mine was afraid of baths for a long time because a nanny washed him with water that was way too hot, and he was still a baby who wasn't speaking so this happened to him at least three times before his family found out. My aunt had to wash him in the sink with cold water for at least a year after that because bathtubs with warm water were terrifying, I remember it very well because my aunt was explaining this to my mom as she was bathing him. Even in well-meaning families, there are reasons bath time can be very scary.
I remember hating baths because my dad would always put it as hot as possible and I just thoughts baths were super painful but now that I’m older I’ve realized that’s not right and I finally enjoy taking baths ♥️ you are a blessing thank you for spreading awareness
The part where it says "Don't worry, you can't fit down the drain." sounds stupid, but it's really helpful. If I had had that confirmation as a kid, I would like baths a slight bit better now.
This is SUCH a valuable video for anyone interacting with children (be it parents, foster parents, aunts and uncles, babysitters, etc.). When I was a child, I had a deep phobia about toilets: I was terrified of falling in and being flushed down the drain. My anxiety was so severe that I never used the bathrooms at preschool (or anywhere outside the home). When I went out anywhere with my family, I had to beg an adult to accompany me INTO the bathroom each time. This went on for years until I saw a therapist in elementary school. I never learned what caused my phobia, but I did learn how to cope with it. Maybe it stemmed from a sensory issue (the prolonged loud noise, the rapidly swirling water). I found out a few years ago (at age 33!) that I have ADHD, and I hear that sensory issues are common for us.
our panel date is the 12th of July and I'm a mixture of emotions..your videos have helped a ton... I can see how it's gonna give joy but a lot of pain as finding out what's happened to them and seeing the trauma well that's what will break me inside...obviously I'll keep composed n definitely cry in private...I'm definitely ready but really how ready can 1 be to hear the horror stories...your videos will sure continue to help me .. already got ideas from you ... thanks again ...
Dear lady, I just love your videos! You are such a caring, lovely person with a heart of gold. Bless you for taking care of God's little ones. If I lived closer to you, I'd be that neighbor ready with a casserole at any time! xo
My MIL's foster kid stinks soooo bad. They have a history of SA, and loads of neglect, so bathing was almost an anti-goal for them growing up, smelling bad offered protection. And when under stress, they revert. Guess what's stressful? Family visiting, holidays, etc. But you can't force a 17 year old to bathe. You can encourage, etc. And I don't want to hurt their feelings by letting my kids tease them, so we had to make 'rules' that if you can't stand it, just quietly leave the room, and MIL will talk to them. It's a journey and it takes time.
Talking about the possibility of sensory issues is so good (I'm autistic). Used to hate taking showers as a kid, but now I prefer them. A couple things really helped. One was being able to change the water pressure, because the feeling of all the hard droplets of water slamming into me registered as extremely painful and intensely anxiety inducing to my brain. Also having water spray in my face felt bad. And not being able to adjust the height or angle of the water, so there was nowhere I could stand where I could step out of the spray for a few seconds if I got overwhelmed. Also hot humid air isn't great for trying not to hyperventilate, smells or soapy textures can be overwhelming (or nice, I use smells I like to motivate me to shower), and going from warm to cold and drippy doesn't feel great (warm towels right away, and having a heater in our bathroom helps). Also I was scared of foggy mirrors as a kid, idk why, but having the heater in the bathroom also helped because it de-fogged the mirror. Also I didn't understand how not to get soap in my eyes, water in my ears, or how to properly wash off the soap which led to skin irritation. And all that is with my bio parents who took extremely good care of me and were genuinely trying their best to help with all of this (albeit undiagnosed until adulthood, needless to say we were all very confused). It must be even harder for a foster kid. Honestly even now it's not easy to shower, but realizing why it felt so bad and how to make it feel better has done a lot. Even fixing the immediate issues don't always help that deep ingrained fear, or the self esteem issues that come from struggling with hygiene. But, making the experience feel safe or even nice sometimes can help give the space to work on that stuff. It was challenging to start trying to feel positive about it even as an adult. I can exactly imagine how scary it would feel for a kid, and how crucial help like this could be, especially because kids who have sensory issues are probably quite a bit more likely to have difficulty describing why they feel that way, and have likely been told that the way they feel is stupid or wrong or bad because it's not the same as everyone else.
Also! Executive dyfunction makes it very hard to remember all the steps of a shower, and very stressful. I made myself a checklist so I would remember on bad executive functioning days what to do in what order. It has a checklist of all the supplies I need, an order of operations of sorts for how to wash myself, and then instructions on how to clean up too. On a head empty day, just being able to check off boxes as I go and feel like I'm making progress even if it feels like it's taking forever really helps. One of my family members has chronic fatigue and pain, and putting a shower stool in helps a lot. Also, if it's your preference, shorter hair can be easier to wash, though I've had long hair since I was little and I'm ok with the extra hassle. Also learned that certain soaps or scrubby type stuff feels good or bad. Soap that doesn't make my skin feel tight (idk how else to describe it) is a must, and pretty much all brushes and sponges and loofah and washcloths were too scratchy and overwhelming for me, so I kind of gave up on them and that also helps with sensory stuff. Not blanket advice though. Going through the senses and finding what feels good or bad is very helpful, and keeping mental or physical struggles in mind can help create workarounds
Sometimes medication can be unnecessarily prescribed, that is true. But it can also be incredibly helpful in some cases. Particularly with ADHD, which can cause difficulties with hygiene, though a lot of care must be taken when giving ADHD medication to young children. I myself had a very bad reaction to Adderall as a kid, and I know how much it can mess with a person. However, now I take a different medication and it's a major factor in my being able to get a higher education and actually function, so not all medication is bad. It is also possible the child has trauma and the process of taking a bath is triggering or frightening to them. Whatever the cause, medication is not necessarily the first or best treatment every time. Oftentimes they need help learning new coping skills, and for their caregivers to help them feel safe, or professional psychological care. I don't mean to be rude, but it could be demeaning to call a child 'broken', whether it's due to trauma or neurodiversity. Someone might self describe themselves as feeling broken from trauma, but calling someone else broken could be very hurtful and make them feel as if they are ruined and can never heal. And calling someone who is neurodivergent, such as autism or ADHD broken is also rather hurtful. As neurodivergent myself, I see it as my brain having a different operating system, and I do struggle occasionally, but I do not think I am broken. I'm unsure whether I misunderstood your message, or if perhaps English is not your first language and some nuance got lost in translation, so I just wanted to provide some explanations and tips on how that type of language might make someone feel just in case. If you're expressing frustration about how often struggles that inconvenience others in children or those who struggle to communicate are chalked up to 'they're broken, fix them with medication', I absolutely agree that it's frustrating when proper care isn't taken to help people with these struggles in as many ways as they need. Again, I'm very sorry if I misunderstood your message, and I hope you have a lovely day.
Would it help to give a doll a bath first? You could demonstrate how a bath is done and maybe get a clue as to why they're afraid or nervous about bath time.
I have no intention of becoming a parent but I love these videos so I can better understand how to help the young kids I work with. Thank you for these!! also I think crayola makes bath crayons that don't stain the walls so maybe that could be a fun addition
This is going to depend somewhat on the age and understanding of the child. Daily sheet changes, washed on hot, would be a good start for all three of those conditions.
For scabies there are oral medications instead of the cream. They can have more side effects, but don’t have to be washed off like the cream. So if you know bathing will be a problem, talk to the doctor about topicals instead for treatment. Lice, a lot of the same kids that have issues with a bath or shower might be okay with you treating/washing their hair if they can do it fully clothed in the kitchen. Failing that there are lice treatment clinics that use hot air and fine combs instead of wet solutions. Bed bugs don’t typically hang out on the person themselves so don’t require treating the child. In all cases properly laundering/heat treating all the things coming in with the child as soon as the kid comes and staying on top of laundering clothing and linens throughout the treatment process will help you kick the nasties.
Especially if the kid is older, they could also be uncomfortable due to gender dysphoria. I would be very uncomfortable showering and changing in the girls locker room at school or even in front of my mom, and it wasn't until a long time later that I realized it was because certain body parts felt shameful and it made me feel very vulnerable and gross for others to see them. The swimsuit idea would definitely help with this, and I would also recommend drawing attention away from those uncomfortable body parts as well through toys, bubbles, a scalp/back rub, etc if the child wants that.
Do you have suggestions on supporting an older child regarding bathing? One that avoids bathing due to previous instances of abuse in the bath or shower? Thank you! Very helpful!
Man there is so much to think about when fostering. I want to be a foster parent one day but I feel like I’m going to traumatise those poor kids it’s so complicated
When I was a child, bubbles and a few toys made everything better, heck now I'm an adult, I still need bubbles or I can't have a bath! Sometimes it's just the little things!
I have a different experience where someone in my family doesn't like to be alone in the bathroom. So I'll talk to them or read a story while they are in the shower. If I'm not around they will put on an audiobook.
I've been such a better parent since I found your channel. Calmer, more patient and more creatively explaining things to my children (like your drawing in the shower example) instead of expecting them to just "do it already Jesus please get in the shower now NOW". In return, my sons are so much more attentive to what I'm saying and much cuddlier. 🥲 I am so glad for your videos.
as a grown up with cptsd I want to emphasize the explanation part. I did not know many basic things involving hygiene and did them wrong for a very long time. example: how to chose fitting + weather appropriate clothes, wear underwear, clean private areas etc.
You are not alone. My ex-girlfriend, who remains a good friend of mine, has had the same struggle. You are not alone.
Ayy also CPTSD here. I still struggle with hygiene. My therapist identified that, as an adult, it feels more comfortable and familiar to me to be dirty because my parents never taught me how to do that.
I have that issue with house cleaning.
What does that even mean?
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 it means no one taught them basic hygiene because they were grew up in a non-hygienic environment.
Love that you acknowledge this could be trauma related OR it could be sensory related. Kids on the spectrum, for example, can refuse to bathe for reasons completely unrelated to trauma.
Totally. Thankfully I don’t have trauma about this, but as an autistic kid who took things literally (I wasn’t diagnosed until age 27), I refused to take baths because I saw something about going down the drain on Rugrats. There was also an episode where one of the babies ate watermelon seeds and it grew in their belly, and I remember being so fearful because watermelon was one of my few joyous foods I wasn’t averse to back then.
When I was a kid I hated showers not because of abuse, but because showers were physically painful. With a different shower head it's much less of an issue, the water pressure isn't as hard.
This made so much sense to me once a survivor of SA mentioned that she wanted to be dirty so no one would want to abuse her. My heart breaks for these babies and anyone who has experienced that. You are an angel! ❤
Omg same I try to avoid baths as long as Possible I make my mum wash my hair every other day
Stay strong
I’m a grown woman and I still struggle with hygiene for this reason. I also “dress down” a lot, to the point where I actually thought my size was bigger than it is until someone pointed out the bagginess.
That broke my heart reading this. But unfortunately I do understand
Oh, my goodness, that poor person.
No one should have to go through that, but too many people do.
Helpful hint (from a mom and childhood educator) for anyone with sensitive skin. I have a child, who many years ago had skin issues so bad even the sensitive products would make them break out in the worst rash ever. During the age where children love bubble baths, mine could not. Food colouring is where it was at. A few drops to the tub ( blue or green works the best) doesn’t stain the tub or skin. And children just love it
On that note oatmeal baths were the best since I had eczema a lot. I loved them as much as bubbles if not more since it would soothe the itch and its fun to touch
Well now I want to put food coloring in my bath lol
Crayola makes coloring tabs meant for this purpose too ❤
@@woefulmelancholy Me too! Such a fun idea and change from bubble bath! I would try blu first, which will resemble a real swimming pool 😍⛵
@@doesnotFempute How much better is bath paint than bubble bath for sensitive skin?
My mother had fosters, and one boy needed her to sit outside the bathroom reading him a book loudly.
Aww❤. We are Starting our licensing process, did you have foster siblings growing up then? Do you mind sharing if it was overall a positive or negative experience for you?
Fun idea for young kids bath time. I wasn't allowed bubbles during bath time because I have a chronic illness, so instead we had balloon baths. Fill a bunch of water balloons with water and use them instead of bubbles. So much fun. Good sensory play, you can squeeze them and pop them and sit on them and if you fill them with slightly different temperatures of water it can be even more sensory. They sell biodegradable water balloons now so we don't even have to feel bad.
that's actually a very cute idea! I think I'm gonna use it with my daughter!
Careful balloons can be a choking hazard and they are more difficult to cough up because they simply expand instead of coming out. Likewise when trying to help someone breathe whose trachea is covered in balloon the balloon will simply expand but block all oxygen at the same time.
@@temimacohen1 As with all things, supervise your children for safety.
@@temimacohen1 my LO is at an age where she can play with balloons anyway and giving that you should never leave kids alone in a bathtub
Damn I’m seventeen and that still sounds super fun
I was not a foster child - I will never have a foster child....but I just love this content. It's so good for even parents to see and know there are other ways to parent than the way we were parented.
Yeah, me too! I also think her content is really inspiring for all parents and I try to apply a lot of her ideas into raising my son.
Cheers from Germany! 🙋🏼♀️
This is just good parenting, PERIOD. Empowering children while guiding them.
I have some tips and reassurance for those in adulthood who still have issues with hygiene despite living alone etc.
TW: SA, Child neglect
As a kid (
Wow, you have some tough burdens to carry. I'm very impressed by your plugging along and doing what you need to do 💪
Sorry you went through that, nobody (especially children) should have to endure something like that!
It may sound odd, but would it help you to try having a shower/bath fully clothed (e.g. shorts & t-shirt, not like dressed for snow)? So you could wash your hair as normal, then just do the important bits under your clothes without having to undress. It might be quicker and easier than the sink method, but less triggering than being naked in the shower/bath?
@@hannahk1306 I was wondering the same, or a swimsuit.
@codenamekeepscrolling758 It broke my heart when you said people might think your process is weird. It’s not. You are doing what you can to live life. ❤ thank you for your bravery and willingness to share your experiences with people you should have been able to trust. I’m working toward becoming a foster parent and this share has helped me understand what someone could be experiencing and how I can help them more. I hope you keep boldly sharing to help others know what different steps we can take to help those with similar experiences. You are a beautiful and kind person.
Yes! Thank you for the reminder that our needs are not silly, and actually meeting ourselves where we're at can help us accomplish so much. ❤
This felt validating even as an adult with PTSD, well done, and thanks for sharing.
this is gonna sound so silly but - i'm not a foster kid or a foster parent, never was and probably never will be. but i WAS a victim of abuse as a kid. long, protracted neglect and just... not being cared about at all. it felt like i was always screaming for help and no one cared. and these videos are some of my favourites because it's like my inner child is being healed. like i can watch these and just realise - this is what's normal, this is what was supposed to happen, i was a child and none of it was my fault. sorry to trauma dump but even though you'll never see this i wanted to explain how much you help me. thank you for these and i wish nothing but the best for you and yours.
❤️
🙏🙏🙏🧡
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Not silly at all. A lot of us are in the same position as you are. I am healing myself too through this.
I honestly love this. After going through several SAs in bathrooms and my own home, I’ve always been scared of showers and baths. 😬
A little brother of mine was terrified of taking a shower years. His foster did not understand for years, and he didn't really remember why either, but when she told me, I immediately knew why. My order sister and I were tasked to give him a bath when he was still a newborn, and my other younger brother came in and town on the shower scalding hot. From then on, he screamed if you put him anywhere near the bathtub, so for years, we bathed him in using a pot in the kitchen and then a tote (my sisters and I were very creatively handled this situation) until we finally got him comfortable enough in the bathtub without ever using the shower. He showers now, but from like ages 5 to at least age 9, his foster mom could only get him to take baths.
That doesn’t make sense babies don’t have long-term memories until they’re 6 months old
Wait I’m confused so you are all foster children but he lived with someone else?!
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 babies that have experienced trauma will react when triggered, even if they can't remember why. And yes, unfortunately siblings get separated in foster care sometimes.
@@river9215 I am just having an incredibly hard time keeping track of who is with who and what
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 they may not have concrete pictures, but they certainly can associate danger feelings from any age.
Not in the foster system, but working in the school system with kiddos with special needs, your content helps me be a better provider for the students I work with. Thank you
I am 64 without kids, but I babysat full time 2 summers in college and have worked 19 years between 3 community centers. One big focus for my room to be safe was to stay in our own space/to ask before touching someone else’s things. It became precious to them, and it taught one type of boundary.
You are amazing and I celebrate you.
I grew up with a mom who has OCD. She insisted on bathing me until I was like 10 years old.
I also had acanthosis nigricans (a darkening of skin around the neck, armpits, inner thighs, and folds of skin) and she thought I was always dirty. She would scrub and scrub and I would scream and cry. It was very upsetting, I hated bathing. This happened at the same time I was being made fun of for not being skinny in school. These events have left their mark on me for decades. Thank goodness for therapy.
Idk how I ended up being recommended these videos, I never wish to be any sort of parent.
But if I ever changed my mind, adoption would certainly be my choice, & these tips sound great for re-adjusting a recently adopted child as well!
Even good for a parent to see who has had the child since birth, sometimes we do what we were taught & she's showing us there is more than one way to deal with an obstacle.
Putting a comment for the algorithm. Wish I had seen this type of parenting modelled when I was a parent. Many thanks.😊
Telling them they can’t fit down the drain is so important I was TERRIFIED of that when I was little
I remember Mr. Rogers talking about that on his program. He was very reassuring!
I remember a Rugrats episode all about that.
I love how each event, you immediately take them _away from the trigger_ before you talk about it. You give them a safe space.
One of my friend's little sisters was recently admitted to a mental hospital for extreme anxiety caused by her sensory disorder. Thanks for bring attention to some of the "weird" triggers for these kinds of disorders.
Your channel is AMAZING! I am not a foster parent, but I have worked with children with all sorts of issues in public schools over the years and I could have used your role modeling back then for that. I wanted to comment just to tell you that and to bump your channel. Best wishes.
Your kindness and enthusiasm really shows for looking after children
You are so patient and honestly the system is lucky to have you, and people like you.
You are a literal angel 😇 the world is a better place because you’re here.
Thank you for everything you do for those sweet kids.
Love the idea of adding toys and fragrance. Since fragrance preference can be so individual, I might even have a full "buffet" of fragrances for the child to choose from (assuming all the choices wouldn't overwhelm them).
I find that food scents like vanilla, citrus, and spices, are most soothing to me. For some reason, florals (except for orange blossom) feel almost like an assault. Too sharp or overpowering. That may be because some florals are synthetic, but i am not educated in that area.
@@ColorJoyLynnH I hate floral scents too. :) But I like food scents like you mentioned, cinnamon, vanilla, fruits, stuff like that.
@@ColorJoyLynnH interesting! I’m the opposite! I find florals calming (jasmine and hibiscus are my faves) but find smells like cinnamon and other spices to be too “loud” and overbearing. They even make me lightheaded sometimes. Interesting how different people can experience similar things but in opposite directions
They make soap “paint” and “crayons” kids can use to draw pictures or paint on the tub walls, that might make for a different/fun bath time, too
My daughter loved her Crayola bath tabs (“let’s make the bath funny colors!”), soap crayons and toys like bath-friendly Ariel. Even some dedicated measuring cups and spoons can be fun, and you can toss them in the dishwasher as needed.
We had some "body paints" for the bath when we were little. I think they were essentially coloured body wash in a little roll-on bottle (a bit like deodorant). Something like that could be good to encourage kids who struggle with washing - paint a picture on themselves and then wash it off again.
Thank you for your channel. I want to be a foster parent. This is some of the BEST scenario break downs. It's really answering alot of my questions. And is a great starting point! Thank you!
Loving your videos! You have a huge heart. Thank you.
Thank you!!! My husband and I are about to be licensed as foster parents and this is currently one of the situations I have the most questions about. 💜
These videos must be SO helpful 🙏
I watch your videos and I tear up nearly every time. Your tone and ability to take a step back and explain is so soothing to my inner child. I appreciate this so much as a trauma conscious parent
Fun story: when i was little I watched the Disney Winnie the pooh movie and watched rabbit get sucked down the drain in his bathtub. For the adults making the movie it was probably hilarious but to my anxious child mind it was horrifying and for almost a year afterward I would scream if the drain plug was pulled before I was out of the bath. I had to get out and very carefully watch the water drain completely before I could even think about putting clothes on. My dad was furious at Disney 🤣
This but with that rugrats episode!
Oh dear! But I feel you. My mum hired a movie for my youngest brother (he was about 4 at the time). She thought it would be like Gremlins. But no, it wasn’t at all like Gremlins. She hired Critters and my poor brother was terrified of the toilet for a long, long time.
I had this, but from an actual incident. I was sat near the plughole when the plug got pulled out, so my toe got "sucked down" the plughole. In my child brain, this was terrifying and I thought that I could get stuck in the plughole or something.
Later on, I had a weird phase of doing the opposite where I would wait for all the water to drain before I'd get out of the bath. I don't really remember why though...
@@hannahk1306 if you sit still in the bath while the water drains you can feel your buoyancy disappear and you feel heavier and it's really strange but pretty fun
@@SapphisticDid you not watch the whole episode? At the end the babies actually see what happens when you touch a drain as it’s draining, and they find out that you really can’t get sucked down the drain!
When I was a kid, a cousin of mine was afraid of baths for a long time because a nanny washed him with water that was way too hot, and he was still a baby who wasn't speaking so this happened to him at least three times before his family found out. My aunt had to wash him in the sink with cold water for at least a year after that because bathtubs with warm water were terrifying, I remember it very well because my aunt was explaining this to my mom as she was bathing him. Even in well-meaning families, there are reasons bath time can be very scary.
I remember hating baths because my dad would always put it as hot as possible and I just thoughts baths were super painful but now that I’m older I’ve realized that’s not right and I finally enjoy taking baths ♥️ you are a blessing thank you for spreading awareness
The part where it says "Don't worry, you can't fit down the drain." sounds stupid, but it's really helpful. If I had had that confirmation as a kid, I would like baths a slight bit better now.
This is SUCH a valuable video for anyone interacting with children (be it parents, foster parents, aunts and uncles, babysitters, etc.).
When I was a child, I had a deep phobia about toilets: I was terrified of falling in and being flushed down the drain. My anxiety was so severe that I never used the bathrooms at preschool (or anywhere outside the home). When I went out anywhere with my family, I had to beg an adult to accompany me INTO the bathroom each time.
This went on for years until I saw a therapist in elementary school. I never learned what caused my phobia, but I did learn how to cope with it. Maybe it stemmed from a sensory issue (the prolonged loud noise, the rapidly swirling water). I found out a few years ago (at age 33!) that I have ADHD, and I hear that sensory issues are common for us.
This is wonderful. Thank you for being you and bringing so much healing to these kids
I pray God blesses this earth with more foster parents like you 🙏
our panel date is the 12th of July and I'm a mixture of emotions..your videos have helped a ton... I can see how it's gonna give joy but a lot of pain as finding out what's happened to them and seeing the trauma well that's what will break me inside...obviously I'll keep composed n definitely cry in private...I'm definitely ready but really how ready can 1 be to hear the horror stories...your videos will sure continue to help me .. already got ideas from you ... thanks again ...
You’re a wonderful soul ❤
Dear lady, I just love your videos! You are such a caring, lovely person with a heart of gold. Bless you for taking care of God's little ones. If I lived closer to you, I'd be that neighbor ready with a casserole at any time! xo
My MIL's foster kid stinks soooo bad. They have a history of SA, and loads of neglect, so bathing was almost an anti-goal for them growing up, smelling bad offered protection. And when under stress, they revert. Guess what's stressful? Family visiting, holidays, etc. But you can't force a 17 year old to bathe. You can encourage, etc. And I don't want to hurt their feelings by letting my kids tease them, so we had to make 'rules' that if you can't stand it, just quietly leave the room, and MIL will talk to them. It's a journey and it takes time.
The kids are lucky to have you ❤️
You are amazing. I could never be a foster parent, enormous respect to people who can.
Talking about the possibility of sensory issues is so good (I'm autistic). Used to hate taking showers as a kid, but now I prefer them. A couple things really helped. One was being able to change the water pressure, because the feeling of all the hard droplets of water slamming into me registered as extremely painful and intensely anxiety inducing to my brain. Also having water spray in my face felt bad. And not being able to adjust the height or angle of the water, so there was nowhere I could stand where I could step out of the spray for a few seconds if I got overwhelmed. Also hot humid air isn't great for trying not to hyperventilate, smells or soapy textures can be overwhelming (or nice, I use smells I like to motivate me to shower), and going from warm to cold and drippy doesn't feel great (warm towels right away, and having a heater in our bathroom helps). Also I was scared of foggy mirrors as a kid, idk why, but having the heater in the bathroom also helped because it de-fogged the mirror. Also I didn't understand how not to get soap in my eyes, water in my ears, or how to properly wash off the soap which led to skin irritation. And all that is with my bio parents who took extremely good care of me and were genuinely trying their best to help with all of this (albeit undiagnosed until adulthood, needless to say we were all very confused). It must be even harder for a foster kid.
Honestly even now it's not easy to shower, but realizing why it felt so bad and how to make it feel better has done a lot. Even fixing the immediate issues don't always help that deep ingrained fear, or the self esteem issues that come from struggling with hygiene. But, making the experience feel safe or even nice sometimes can help give the space to work on that stuff. It was challenging to start trying to feel positive about it even as an adult. I can exactly imagine how scary it would feel for a kid, and how crucial help like this could be, especially because kids who have sensory issues are probably quite a bit more likely to have difficulty describing why they feel that way, and have likely been told that the way they feel is stupid or wrong or bad because it's not the same as everyone else.
Also! Executive dyfunction makes it very hard to remember all the steps of a shower, and very stressful. I made myself a checklist so I would remember on bad executive functioning days what to do in what order. It has a checklist of all the supplies I need, an order of operations of sorts for how to wash myself, and then instructions on how to clean up too. On a head empty day, just being able to check off boxes as I go and feel like I'm making progress even if it feels like it's taking forever really helps.
One of my family members has chronic fatigue and pain, and putting a shower stool in helps a lot. Also, if it's your preference, shorter hair can be easier to wash, though I've had long hair since I was little and I'm ok with the extra hassle.
Also learned that certain soaps or scrubby type stuff feels good or bad. Soap that doesn't make my skin feel tight (idk how else to describe it) is a must, and pretty much all brushes and sponges and loofah and washcloths were too scratchy and overwhelming for me, so I kind of gave up on them and that also helps with sensory stuff.
Not blanket advice though. Going through the senses and finding what feels good or bad is very helpful, and keeping mental or physical struggles in mind can help create workarounds
Or that the child themselves is broken, and then they're medicated to hell and back.
Sometimes medication can be unnecessarily prescribed, that is true. But it can also be incredibly helpful in some cases. Particularly with ADHD, which can cause difficulties with hygiene, though a lot of care must be taken when giving ADHD medication to young children. I myself had a very bad reaction to Adderall as a kid, and I know how much it can mess with a person. However, now I take a different medication and it's a major factor in my being able to get a higher education and actually function, so not all medication is bad. It is also possible the child has trauma and the process of taking a bath is triggering or frightening to them. Whatever the cause, medication is not necessarily the first or best treatment every time. Oftentimes they need help learning new coping skills, and for their caregivers to help them feel safe, or professional psychological care.
I don't mean to be rude, but it could be demeaning to call a child 'broken', whether it's due to trauma or neurodiversity. Someone might self describe themselves as feeling broken from trauma, but calling someone else broken could be very hurtful and make them feel as if they are ruined and can never heal. And calling someone who is neurodivergent, such as autism or ADHD broken is also rather hurtful. As neurodivergent myself, I see it as my brain having a different operating system, and I do struggle occasionally, but I do not think I am broken. I'm unsure whether I misunderstood your message, or if perhaps English is not your first language and some nuance got lost in translation, so I just wanted to provide some explanations and tips on how that type of language might make someone feel just in case. If you're expressing frustration about how often struggles that inconvenience others in children or those who struggle to communicate are chalked up to 'they're broken, fix them with medication', I absolutely agree that it's frustrating when proper care isn't taken to help people with these struggles in as many ways as they need.
Again, I'm very sorry if I misunderstood your message, and I hope you have a lovely day.
I've said it before, but just want to say it again. You are an amazing earth Angel ❤️
Your channel is such a gift to foster parents.
Laura, I just love you and all you do.
Would it help to give a doll a bath first? You could demonstrate how a bath is done and maybe get a clue as to why they're afraid or nervous about bath time.
I have no intention of becoming a parent but I love these videos so I can better understand how to help the young kids I work with. Thank you for these!!
also I think crayola makes bath crayons that don't stain the walls so maybe that could be a fun addition
How do you address fear/dislike of bathing when coupled with scabies/lice/bed bugs (i.e., bringing it from their last residence)?
This is going to depend somewhat on the age and understanding of the child. Daily sheet changes, washed on hot, would be a good start for all three of those conditions.
For scabies there are oral medications instead of the cream. They can have more side effects, but don’t have to be washed off like the cream. So if you know bathing will be a problem, talk to the doctor about topicals instead for treatment. Lice, a lot of the same kids that have issues with a bath or shower might be okay with you treating/washing their hair if they can do it fully clothed in the kitchen. Failing that there are lice treatment clinics that use hot air and fine combs instead of wet solutions. Bed bugs don’t typically hang out on the person themselves so don’t require treating the child. In all cases properly laundering/heat treating all the things coming in with the child as soon as the kid comes and staying on top of laundering clothing and linens throughout the treatment process will help you kick the nasties.
Especially if the kid is older, they could also be uncomfortable due to gender dysphoria. I would be very uncomfortable showering and changing in the girls locker room at school or even in front of my mom, and it wasn't until a long time later that I realized it was because certain body parts felt shameful and it made me feel very vulnerable and gross for others to see them. The swimsuit idea would definitely help with this, and I would also recommend drawing attention away from those uncomfortable body parts as well through toys, bubbles, a scalp/back rub, etc if the child wants that.
Do you have suggestions on supporting an older child regarding bathing? One that avoids bathing due to previous instances of abuse in the bath or shower? Thank you! Very helpful!
Ever turned a paddling pool into a bath during the summer.
It's great fun!
or a shower when it rains (bathing suit wearing of course!) we used to do that as children
I totally had a fear of getting sucked down the drain as a kid! That's such a real thing.
This is so perfect.
A social story prepping the child before would also be helpful.
You are a breautiful being. Thank you.
Love this extremely informative video. A must watch for all parents
Also, make sure that the water temperature is right! I couldn’t stand anything except COLD baths/showers as a kid. Warm ones were painful.
You are wonderful. God bless you
Man there is so much to think about when fostering. I want to be a foster parent one day but I feel like I’m going to traumatise those poor kids it’s so complicated
When I was a child, bubbles and a few toys made everything better, heck now I'm an adult, I still need bubbles or I can't have a bath! Sometimes it's just the little things!
Do you ever get emergency medical placements, where you know the child will go home when the parent recovers?
So glad you allow kids to were bathing suits :D
I have a different experience where someone in my family doesn't like to be alone in the bathroom. So I'll talk to them or read a story while they are in the shower. If I'm not around they will put on an audiobook.
Great tips
You are a godsend.
So helpful!!!!!!!
So good and calming 💕
Beautiful
GOD BLESS YOU
A high school class that teaches kid how not to traumatized their children. 👀🙏
Can you do a video about bed wetting. Foster kids
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
🙏🙏🙏
weird music
How do we know that you have a Foster child if we can’t see him or her
Do you really expect her to show an already vulnerable child to the whole internet?
I really, truly hope you're trolling. 🤦♀️
She doesn't show any foster child for some very obvious reasons that she has explained before. Children shouldn't be exploited online regardless
It is called respecting them and not putting them on social media. If some areas you as foster parents can't post them on social media.
I've been such a better parent since I found your channel. Calmer, more patient and more creatively explaining things to my children (like your drawing in the shower example) instead of expecting them to just "do it already Jesus please get in the shower now NOW". In return, my sons are so much more attentive to what I'm saying and much cuddlier. 🥲 I am so glad for your videos.