Incels, dry spells and marrying up | William Costello | Ep.14
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- Опубліковано 29 сер 2024
- So many fail to find love. Self-described involuntary celibates (Incels) are rampant online and causing both controversy and intrigue.
There is, and always has been, a disparity between men and women in terms of the numbers of sexual partners that they have. No - it’s not the case that on average heterosexual men have more sexual partners than do heterosexual women. If you think about it, it takes two to tango, so every time a man has sex with another women, so is a women have sex with another man. So interestingly, inevitably average number of lifetime sexual partners is about the same between the sexes. However, the amount of variation between individuals in terms of their number of sexual partners is markedly different between the sexes. Specifically, men vary more in this respect than do women. We can see this in data most clearly in natural living tribespeople but also in Western. Not only does the number of sexual partners vary more between men but many men will have zero sexual partners, at least for long periods of their adult lives and when they are most fertile. These people are termed ‘incels’ (involuntarily celibate). They’ve always existed of course, but in recent years, through social media, they have galvanised, and they have been garnering a fair amount of attention.
William Costello is studying for his PhD at the University of Austin in Texas, and his thesis is a deep dive into Incel culture. I had the pleasure of speaking to William about his work on Incels along with wider themes concerning online dating and clashes in mate preferences between men and women.
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The Black Pill is mere honestly with statistics and the realisation that most predictors of success are predetermined and out of our control.
Ive had girlfriends in the past and I have dated attractive women, but it all comes at once when Ive really put myself out there. But after ive had long term relationships that have ended, and I have had 3 of them.
, I go through massive periods of involuntary celibacy, and Ive had periods of 2 years without a date. and im not a bad looking guy, but when I lose my confidence, women can just tell and rarely give me the time of day.
I don't know if this would apply to you, but several times in my life, tackling my low self-esteem through other activities that were personally challenging and helped me strengthen my social contacts generally has really given me more confidence for dating. In my case I did voluntary work, which was really positive for my self-image because I was doing something valuable to society. Good luck!
Mabye lean in to it for a bit. I know many many many woman who are very atracted to man who show some softnes, are shy, are openly ablut having a low confidence period. What turnes many of is if we pick up on a guy trying to fake it or compensate for it with other things. Its actualy a huge red flag cuz a man who is ok with being low confident atm is 1. Allread higher confident and 2. If he is trying to hide it or compensate it it makes him very dangerous for us. Cuz usualy such man can fly of the handel when his "flaw" is touched up on and he feels like he is losing his "face" cuz a woman had discovered what he tried to hide.
Many woman like to buil ppl up. Especialy if we see your other (besides low confidents) good qualities.
I didn't lose my virginity until 26, but I've ended up the same and Its the section of men incels forget about. They think its either all or nothing, that 10 guys are dating 100 women between them, so of course it feels hopeless to aspire to that. Im 6'3 and decent looking but as you said, confidence trumps all of that. I've had dates where I just feel uncomfortable and awkward for whatever reason and it never goes further, however when im more relaxed its more likely to lead to at least a follow up date. Its all very inconsistent which still adds to my anxiety around dating regardless of some successes.
So work on your body and stop beating off..
@@Balloonbotit’s cause your 6’3 try being my height 5’6” I’m virgin at 23 I’ve failed at everything in life I don’t see any use why I’m here
William, BP is about 'is' not about 'ought to'. One can take the BP and then choose rotting or doing whatever, climbing or meditation.
The thing is most younger girls in my middle school at the time where voluntarily dating quite older guys like 18 to mid 20s but when they get older they shame men for dating younger but usually girls dated older guys than them voluntarily than act like that didn’t happen
Thank you for this video Lewis. Shout out to you William!
Women judge by looks ON APPS more then they do in person because that's all we see on there . Usually the bios on there are scarce and we can't see your personality/vibe from the photo and those few sentences under it. I noticed that I do on looks on apps myself and I don't think looks is everything at all when guys talk to me in person. It's like this : we aren't going to contact all men, we always choose to spend our time with our best prospects and since apps just show looks so that's what we use to judge .
And height? (and assessment of job if such information is given?)
Thanks, william, for making the effort. Incels aren't vilont because they see their issue will not be solved by vilont. This is why nihilism is an evitable. I think incelse now understand what women go through and how women only been accepted by their look. I think this movement shouldn't be taken lightly because the majority of men dealing with that.
Autistic are you/
Has there been any research on T levels of this group?
Not as far as I'm aware
Test levels don’t matter.. women still have sex with trans people.. or animals
That’s has nothing to do with it I know cause I’m one my t levels are very high too what matters is I’m not tall and not the best looking
I can’t breed! Help!
29:44 your friend probably wasn’t 5’7” under either guys think short is 5’8 5’9 5’10 when that’s average
Getting wm past her prime looking for someone to settle with is not a good deal guys think they win if they are married in some cases yes when it’s genuine primal attraction and they both in their prime years but being settled for and used after her glory days is not a win if she didn’t want you then but wants to use you now that she’s at a disadvantage and bagging
That’s why women should not date within the same circle/ location they had their glory days in