How Ann O’Neill turned grief into good for victims of domestic violence | Australian Story
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- Опубліковано 25 лис 2018
- Kyle and Latisha were killed by their father as they slept in their Perth home. Their mother Ann O’Neill was left maimed and traumatised by the unimaginable horror. Two decades on, she's a source of hope for other victims of violence.
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Oh my Anne. I wished I met you. My two children and I survived domestic violence but the healing has been a long painful road. The anguish and loss is unfathomable. Thank you for your work
The mother in law saying guilt was 50-50 ..... Disgusting.
AliEvaMari she’s a pig for saying that :(
She s absolutely insane. If someone is to blame, it s her. She raised him this way!
@@BeauteOr I think this is why his mother blames Ann, to avoid blaming herself.
Katharina you’re right!
Denial is very strong....
Norm's mom is seathing in anger for Ann for she sees her son as the kind young man that he used to be before he first became a stalker and then a murderer. What's even worse is that he shot his own children in the heart. It was his own derangement which allowed him to murder and no one else's. Norm's mother should apologize to Ann.
Often, it’s precisely due to being Mommy’s Special Boy that these men have control issues.
@@awg7068 Yep. He was her golden child. Makes me want to vomit.
Narcissistic mother's 👀
@@1houndgal It reminds me of Chris Watts. His mother blames her daughter-in-law for her son's cruel murder of his wife, 2 littles and and their unborn son. I'm sick and tired of hearing these parents of murderers, blaming others.
Amen to that!
The absolute gall of people - especially the in-laws - laying any blame on her, at all!!! It makes one want to just shake the mother-in-law and say "maybe if you had done a better job raising Normy boy - he would not have grown up to kill his own kids". That is such a stupid accusation to make - it is just as ridiculous for someone to blame Norm's mother as it is for her to blame her daughter-in-law.
I remember my ex-mother-in-l;aw asking me what had I done to push my ex into hitting me?!!!! That's the problem, I think - no one takes responsibility for their own actions. It's always someone or something else that's to blame. We need to go back to the days wherein children are taught that there are consequences to our actions - bad behavior has time outs or whatever outcome set for bad behavior - just as good behavior can earn praise, etc.
Completely obvious that I'm an old, out-of-date lady!! hahahaha
I agree.
My ex partner and his overbearing mother blamed me for everything including him hitting his head on a wall knocking himself out.
Same - I was living in another state from my family, I went to his mum covered in bruises, scratches and a bloody lip and she said “ well what did you do to enrage him” nothing I simply returned home from work 10 mins late due to my bus being delayed..
EXACTLY!
Unfortunately, even if children are taught to take responsibility for their actions, they can and do still end up being abusers.
What a wonderfully inspiring woman Ann is. Such a gentle nature. Her new man seems lovely and their son adorable. She deserves happiness. As for the ex mother in law, don't get me started there
Why do the mother's of murderers blame others? Absolutely disgraceful reaction.
Chris Watts family, same thing🤬
It was an extremely tragic event which led this courageous woman down this path to help others - I am so grateful for beautiful humans like her - this was a wonderful filmed documentary
Iam a mother, I can't even imagine what this strong amazing woman has gone through after loosing her kids.
The mother saying it was half her fault, are you kidding me! So she should've just stayed in an unhappy relationship because he loved her so much and possibly couldn't control himself if she left? He was suffocating her and his actions are NOT her responsibility.
If she’d stayed and he’d abused her or their kids people would’ve said “why didn’t you just leave?” She left and this happened. Victim blaming is despicable. The perpetrator is the only one at fault (and maybe his parents for raising him which is probably why they’re so in denial)
My mother in law left her first husband because the relationship was terrible. Unfortunately, he killed himself even though he had two children. His mother blamed her until the day she died.
The mother in law needs to realise she raised a monster who murdered his own children
Narcissist are made through their conditioned childhood....Think the "family" need to look at the way their son was raised...Narcissistic are either spoilt rotten or lack healthy boundaries...
This "father" had zero emotional intelligence, hence no ability to thrive in life....So he selfishly stole what his wife had.....Love and empathy for humanity...
👊🏽
No. Her son’s mental health issues are his and his alone, blaming the mother shows how little you know about mental health.
@@biastv1234 Very rarely are violent and controlling men mentally ill. It os a mindset of THEIR needs being more important than hers, or the kids, or anyone else.
Mom in law needs to look in the mirror to find out who is at least partly to blame for what happened. My guess is mom in law knew about the abuse long before it ended up with the kids being murdered by her son. That family is dysfunctional....
They should teach these relationship issues in high school. You can't control or own a person. If your partner decides to move on for whatever reason, that is their right. It sounds so basic, but it's unbelievable how many people don't know that.
100%
What a brave strong and wonderfull woman she is!!
What an astounding beautiful and loving woman. She radiate strength and confidence and willingness to help. God bless you
WOW! The in law family are bloody unbelievable!!!! omg, seriously???? Thank God she ignored all the negativity, left them all behind, forged ahead, and look at her today!! Great story told
They are disgusting -- blaming this woman for his being a homicidal maniac. He was the most disgusting of excuses for a human, and his family are no better.
Some mother-son relations are sick
Oh my!! My brother completed suicide....blood alcohol .18 on autopsy. Left behind 2 little girls and a wife. The marriage was difficult.
My family (not me, only) blamed his wife. She had her issues, but she could not reparent and save the troubled soul of my brother. For my family to admit how incredibly dysfunctional they were, as well as the very damaged individuals they had born and reared, was just not in their capability. Takes character to realistically look at yourself and your family...
So very sad....
The mother in law blames her? Seriously!
Exactly what I was thinking. 50-50?? Really, woman?? Come the hell on, your son murdered your grandkids and tried to murder their mother. She played *no* part in that. He made that choice.
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I was thinking the same thing!!!
She is an overbearing mother by the seems of it. Much like my ex partner's mother. It sickens me that she blames the sons wife.
Look at his delusional mum🤔 why was Norm like that . 🤔look at his delusional sister? Bat shit crazy 😜
@@elizabethblackwell6242 yep, his behavior does not reflect well on her parental skills so who better to blame than the wife.
THATS NOT LOVE - Disgusting for justifying their sons behaviour
Absolutely! What a deplorable family. Two innocent children are dead on the hands of their father and his family are blaming the mother for his appalling act of cruelty!
The ending of this is beautiful Im so so happy for her god bless her and her family
what a survivor. Well done to Ann. Great documentary.
He shot them
""mother""
They were asleep
A 100%Cowardly Attack
No 50/50 here!!
JewTube - Censor Yourself. Or we'll do it for you. I almost wonder if she believes that which is CRAZY !!! Could she have been crazy as his mother You know how they say a lot of mothers think their sons deserve only the best. Whatever that is. Almost delusional to the truth. If he was raised to have unrealistic views of a woman’s place and having “ownership” of her. Could this have been one of the many reasons why he did what he did. You’d have to HATE someone to do what he did. He obviously felt the right to do that to her. And with his family blaming her. I believe their words during the breakup was what really pushed him. Not the wife leaving him like they are saying out of guilt deep down I’m sure
You don’t kill your kids and attempt to kill your wife because he “ loves” so much. That’s not love! His family is horrible and delusional. I wonder how the killer was raised?
Ann is the most deserving of Australian of the decade if ever one existed.
Inspiring and courageous women, may your heart always be full.
What a truly horrendous story. I'm so glad she's found a new happiness, of COURSE nothing can undo the traumas of what happened but I take my hat off to her that she has done so well as a survivor. This made me very sad and emotional, I'm so sorry this happened, absolutely terrible. All the best to her, her new man and their child, best wishes from me.
The Mother and sister in law's are disgusting! How dare they blame her. Marriages break down, nobody can be compelled to live with a person just because the other one is still in love. His was not love his was possession
How disgraceful that his family blame her! What an amazing woman to live through such horror and use it to help others
She has definitely given me hope and continuing the rest of my life after my husband and son tight. I still have another child also a boy and I'm trying desperately to help him through these difficult times. It has been a rough road and of course I do miss my husband and my other son but I find peace in knowing that neither one of them are in any more pain and that I know I will see them again one day somehow. Every day I ask for strength to get through our grief and to help each other. And my son has not come to terms with this because he blames himself for so many things that led up especially to his brother's death. To have a regrets but also I have joyous memories and I know that if I could just find a way like this woman did that it would change our lives completely. For the last 10 years I have used my art which I did not find until I was 55, but I have used my heart for my sanity as well as Joy. Even my son has finally come around to my art not being frivolous but has now even asked for several pieces of my art for his room which makes me so happy. God bless him and anyone who came before who have lost their lives.
The mother's denial and loyalty to her son explains his horrific actions.
I don’t think Norm’s behavior denotes love toward his children or ex-wife. It is evident that Norm was dealing with some sort of mental disorder. Anne was not responsible for Norm’s behavior.
The victim blaming by Norm's mother is appalling. So though Ann was unhappy in the marriage and chose to separate, it's her fault he shot them?? So she should have stayed so that he wouldn't have shot them.
Yeah bizarre isn't it to blame Ann
Passionate Picker it’s appalling.
It actually made me quite angry hearing the inlaws speak. How dare they
Passionate Picker I know. I was absolutely shocked. They should be ashamed of themselves
Absolutely. She could leave him for any reason she wanted to ! She could! She wasn’t keeping the kids from him, he just couldn’t have her.
Thank goodness for people like Ann.
What an inspiring woman ! x
Monster in law is obviously a narcissist that raised a malignant narcissist son, so I'm not surprised at the granny vomit being spewed!
I thought the same thing!
His mother is so wrong. Her grandchildren were murdered by her son. Absolutely no excuse at all to murder his children.
Not in him to do it. Well...he did it lady. He and he alone is responsible.
I wish I could meet this lady to get some clarity from my situation and what wonderful advice and guidance she could give me as I don't know what to do anymore. What an incredible lady.
If you're being abused please get help. Don't blame yourself and don't take responsibility for the abuser's actions. Ideally, get out
@@hanlieloyd9260 I did get out but it is just hard moving forward and dealing with the fallout and the disbelief etc. I am not sure how to help my son's. Thankyou great advice though.
That Mother-in-law is a trip! Some parents feel that they have to support their children no matter what! Her son murdered his Family then took his own life and she blames his wife. What planet is she from. She can be sad but if she wants blame she needs to look in mirror for it! She raised him! It just infuriates me that Sje can blame Ann the victim.
Amazing woman!
It is beyond comprehension how anyone could place any amount of the blame on her.
I saw Ann’s story on You Can’t Ask That and when she said the hardest part was people blaming her I just KNEW she was talking about his family. Notice how his mother says she blames her and then amends it to “it was 50-50”. I bet she just did that because she was being recorded. I bet when she was talking in private she didn’t say 50-50 and just blamed Ann.
It reminds me of Chris Watts's mom. I believe there is a reason these people end up as disordered people with toxic shame. They are raised by disordered mothers sometimes.
@@ingridpimsner9962Judging by her attitude, I reckon her influence must’ve contributed to his entitled messed up worldview. I also wonder what kind of behaviour his father modelled for him to feel so completely entitled to his children’s lives.
@maxaustin3377 I saw the show too and thought what a bizarre thing to say for a mother supposedly grieving for her children.
What a remarkable person.
Married so young it was almost inevitable they would grow apart none of this is her fault . The mother in law wants someone to blame. He killed her children in front of her . My husband committed suicide when I wanted to split up as I was unhappy, his parents blamed me I was told what was my unhappiness compared to his life.
Sick parents, that is it!
How his mum blames the children’s mother for his actions is beyond me... shame on them!!! Absolutely disgusting.
He looked like he had something wrong with him
Hayley Regan glad someone else thought it. He at least looked of severely under average intelligence.
He looks like a neanderthal
Their son looked like that, too.
He looks like a Neanderthal.
I thought the same - He looked scary.
This brought tears to my eyes! I was in a very dangerous relationship for 23 and a half years. It was very frightening because I feared for my like . I finally had the courage to leave for the final time when my kids were older
The murderer of Ann's children did it for one reason. He wanted to. The lowest level of contempt for innocent children and their mother. Despicable, deplorable crime. It's wonderful she has found love and peace with her husband and their son.
This was really well done, no spoilers. A nice surprise ending!
On a serious note, when will we at least TRY to protect all victims of domestic violence.
What a divine spirit this women is.
What an amazing story and an amazing woman. I’m happy to see she is sharing her story and helping other people. We need someone like you in the US👏
Wow! Blaming the victim for the estranged husband murdering their children.
The only one to blame is the person who brought a gun into her house and murdered their children.
His family is obviously selective in their memory of "Normie". Maybe it's the only way they can live with the fact their own son did this horrendous crime to his own family.
I’m happy for her that she has love now and another child!
Why would you ever want another relationship after that? She is an inspiration ❤️❣️❣️so happy she found her space ♥️
As a mother, it's hard to accept the fact that your own son could do such a horrendous thing. But you should have gotten him help; you keep saying how depressed he was and how much of a hard time he was going through.
Claire - Ann tried to get Norm help in numerous areas. - HE REFUSED. What did his MOTHER do to get him to counselling - FU*KIN NOTHING but blame.......
Good on yoi Ann for this awareness n how to deal with trauma especially from domestic violence. It is very hard to overcome trauma. Only love can change the world.
This makes me so mad We have ONE life and no one has to stay unhappy in a marriage!! The fact the he could shot his children tells us what type of person he was in their marriage. His mother is discussing!!!!!! Her son killed her grandchildren!!!
Poor woman SHE HAS NO BLAME !!!!
Her former in-laws claim Norm loved her? Can they even hear themselves? His end actions tell us exactly how much he hated her. But am glad she's moved on so so successfully
Of course his mother and sister will defend their son/brother ...... who'd want to admit that someone they love could possibly commit such a heinous crime? They're comforted in their delusion. Also, insisting Ann must have driven him to it, in their view, mitigates to some degree what he did. I rather suspect that even had he not murdered his children and just committed suicide then his mother and sister would likely still believe Ann had driven him to it. Sometimes people won't face facts. I'm pretty sure Ann herself must have had a period where she questioned what she may have done differently to prevent this tragedy. Oh I'm aware some will read this and think I'm defending the mother and sister. I'm not. I'm offering a perspective. Ann absolutely played no part in what happened and my heart breaks for her, and those two beautiful children. I admire her strength in carrying on with her life, and am delighted she trusted Wayne enough to marry him and create new life with him.
I dont think ive ever felt so sick to hear someone speak of a victim as if they deserved it. To hear his mother say that he was pushed to the limit, I can't even fathom what kind of mother in law she was while they were still together. What a horrendous woman, I can't be more disgusted.
We do really need to address DV head on in Aus. It takes so many lives, particularly women and children.
It really is an issue we need our political parties tackling. The more media attention the better.
We need to address it in every nation!
What a lovely Lady.
She got the haircut. That's always the first, most important and definitive break with the past and past relationship. It's sort of a universal thing.
Watching his mom talk about the situation and blame the victim, it's easy to understand why he felt so powerful and entitled.
Ann thank you for sharing your story. You are a true inspiration.
Lots of couples get divorced and co-parent and all are happy. They don’t murder. This lady is not to blame. She did not make him pick that gun up. He decided to commit this crime, not her.
“And he loved those kids.” Citation needed! Wtf!
Inspiration. Pure inspiration. Biggest heart. A life long journey carrying the grief with the little ones in her heart. Even her ex seems to have a place there with how she respects his memory. Thats amazing. She is a realist for sure. The in-laws shouldnt be so bitter. Yes some men can be great but when there are kids thet can even get jealous of the fact you dont have time for the husband anymore. Youre cuddling, bathing, eating with the kids. Too tired for intimacy and that creates insecurity. He was terribly insecure to have stalked her. To be driven mad, thats not healthy. His unwillingness to see that is not her fault. She tried to help. The fact the in-laws blame her 50/50 goes to show what type of people he came from. Of course he was the greatest to them, as family but also because theyre blind to healthy relationships they shouldve been there for Ann on some level. She is so resilient i really feel so inspired by how she dealt with this. Turned a negative to a positive.
What an incredible story , of love , loss, and finding love again . Ann is a truly remarkable person.
❤️💔❤️🩹, thank you for sharing your story .
The mother blaming HER?! I just could not believe it... that is SICK.
YOUR son shot his children , your grandchildren DEAD! He let his wife live, and YOU blame the wife?
There is no amount of anything that would ever make me harm my child, ever... let alone shoot them!!!
🤬🤬🤬
Norm’s mum needs to wake up to herself, how the hell does it come back into that woman?
POOR LADY!
Norm’s family owes that woman an apology, how dare they?
That attitude is so vile & toxic, is it a wonder she left him to begin with?
What an amazing woman, so brave. Unbelievable his family blame her! Awful.
I Remember Luke Batty’s murder, my son was around the same age as he was when his father murdered him. It has stayed with me till this day. 😢
I watched a documentary about Luke, it's very sad
Most people cannot see what you suffer inside.
My partner spent 6 months with degrading verbal abuse, physical violence and sickening attempts at poisoning me.
Because they had fallen in love with another and were now very desperately keen to have me removed from the marital home.
I know that’s exactly why the very violent abuse started. At the time I was at a complete loss about what to do. There is no handbook in these circumstances and I hid it all from my friends. I tried to love back more, be more attentive, be accepting, even understanding. In the end I just stayed focused on the kids, hoping the infatuation for the other would eventually wear itself out.
But after 6 months it didn’t go away. It went to another much much worse level.
On the last night I saw my 3 kids I read and told them stories as usual and tucked them into bed. Those last cuddle memories I treasure.
Especially since it would be the last time.
I then went to bed myself and I fell asleep quite quickly.
I was woken by being punched in the face. My partner was in a peculiar rage. Like they had worked themselves up into a frenzy.
I was used to being hit in the face but it was never more than one or two hits at most.
This time was different. The punches wouldn’t stop and I could only stand and watch as I was being broken down into pieces.
That was 16 years ago.
I still dream of my kids. Those perfect beautiful memories that hurt so much now.
I keep going. I don’t know why. It used to be because I didn’t want my partner to think they had won. But now, none of that matters to me anymore.
I live in another country now… for obvious reasons.
I suffer and I long for the suffering to end
Why are children the fall out for domestic violence, it’s the one way to destroy a partner, she has no blame,his mother needs somebody to shoulder are pain and decided it’s Ann, wonderful strong women pushed by life into a new role, WE ALL MUST STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
We lost a grandson. Grieving takes a long time. Being a christian helps us so much because we know only their body is gone and we will see them again. I have outlived many family and friends. Its very difficult and heartbreaking. Through it all l know im not alone. Christ comforts me. Cant wait to see my loved ones who have passed on.
Great story, thanks!
The guy had some really weird facial characteristics.
He looked like a Cro-Magnon man lol
Looks like a neanderthal
The missing link.
The mother shows no compassion and she raised him so there should be some acknowledgement on her part!
“Thank-you, Mommy”. What a polite little boy.
I am a Survivor of DV and it’s hard ive taken him back over and over and over and over even after he hit me so hard it ruptured my liver and spleen and I was in icu at the Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston mass air in America it was hard and scary to leave him I’m still with him to this day he hasn’t put his hands on me in a few months now we are trying but I am scared of him but also I have no one else I have no family only his I have no friends so I have no one I can call and ask if I can go to someone’s house and stay with them everyone I did left they don’t want to be involved in anything like this it’s hard to get out of and stay out of
Tammy King Can you go to a womens’ shelter? Good luck. Be careful.
Tammy, go north one state. Go to A Safe Place in Portsmouth NH. They will help anonymously
Tammy, I'm sorry but he won't stop, get out!
Wow what a story. And what a lady xx
What is wrong with Australia’s legal system?
Six years for the most horrible father to
daughter child abuse going on for years is
ridiculous. The most horrific crimes against
children and the perpetrators get a slap on the wrist?
He clearly wasn’t normal! How his family can say he was normal is beyond my comprehension. He killed 2 babies and permanently injured his wife. He didn’t love her. That’s pure hate! He hated her so much he wanted to hurt her as much as he possibly could.
SHAME ON HIS MOTHER AND SISTER for blaming the mother who's children were MURDERED.
I wonder if his mother would feel the same if this happened to her DAUGHTER.
He loved her dearly. If one more person would’ve said that! He was making her miserable due to his insecurities. Ugh.
Just the way Chris Watts mother places some of the blame on the victim. Disgusting
People have to take responsibility for their own actions. HE decided to kill his own children , to kill two human beings that had a right to live their own life. HE did this, an absolute bully . Wishing the mother well and peace ☮️
Outstanding awareness
So sad... He wants to visit his siblings in heaven. 💔😔
Such strong lady. 💝
She a beautiful person
The mother in law needs a wake up call
She has zero idea of what went on within the marriage or what type of husband her son was.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree .. it fit for him and his disgraceful mother and sister.. 🤡🤡 All my best wishes to these brave ladies fighting against ignorance. 💖
So sorry Ann Ur a incredible women
He's not "suicidal" if he takes people with him. That's "homicidal". You can't treat the 2 the same way. He was jealous and obsessive, not heartbroken. His family is choosing to be stupid!
Unbelievable that Norman's mother and sister blame his wife for his murderous rage. They are SO in denial. It's THEIR family of origin dynamic that created such a weak man, that he could not live on his own and create a relationship with his children on his on, as a divorced father. That kind of emotional weakness and instability comes directly from childhood. He was very damaged before he ever met his wife.
holy crap now we are not even allowed to end a. relationship?? seriously that mother in law!!
“I didn’t trust him at all with my emotions.” 😞😞
When a woman has expressed the wish to leave an abusive partner or has left, that is where the danger is at its very highest, that is when help has to be provided immediately, if she is scared of retaliation. Urgent re-housing, far away and a criminal case against the abuser to have them under lock and key.
There is a profound lack of help for survivors as often the worst abuse happens after you leave the abuser. As what happened to my kids and I. He did everything he could to tear us apart and dissolve me and our love. Till this day his hate and vengeance is more important than the love of his children. And we've been trying to heal for five years
Norm mother needs a reality check. I know she's in pain, really I get it but he didn't just kill himself he killed innocent kids.
Norm's mother and sister are deluded and completely in denial about who is to blame for the murders of 2 precious children, as well as the physical harm done to their mother and Norm's own death. Norm alone is to blame for his atrocious acts!
You don’t believe your son would ever do something like that?
Well he did. Saying it’s a 50/50 fault of them both?, seriously?? You need as much help as your son did, if not more. Your son KILLED your grandkids !
And to boot, took the COWARDS way out !!!!
I’m glad she has moved on with her life and has left his family out of her life.
Your a strong woman. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful children. May they Rest In Peace.