How to Help a Child with Narcissistic Parent (Modelling)
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- Use your personal example to show the child that not all adults are narcissists. Provide your child with an alternative to his father's venomous and exploitative existence. Trust your son to choose life over death, love over narcissism, human relations over narcissistic supply.
BP Skinner: operant conditioning (positive and negative reinforcements)
John Dollard’s frustration-aggression hypothesis modified by Leonard Berlowitz (environmental cues required for aggression to take place.
Albert Bandura: aggression=operant conditioning+identification (mentally rehearsing then imitating others, models)
Attention, retention, reproduction, motivation/reward (reinforcement)
Reciprocal determinism: person and environment affect each other (IPAM)
Personality=environment+behavior+psychological processes (language, image retention, etc.)
Social learning theory and social-cognitive theory
Modeling, modeling effect, modeling theory, observational learning, behavioral modeling.
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I needed this video as a mother. Thank you for taking time to address the issue of coparenting with a narcissist.
You read my soul today. I have a precious son, whose father is punishing him for not being on his side after our divorce.
My heart is broken in millions of pieces, but I’ll keep strong and I’ll give to my son all my love, support and understanding.
He said to me: “ mom, don’t be sad - you made me a very strong person and I’m fine”.
Thank you very much Sam, I’m feeling better after listening you to say I have the most wonderful purpose in life: to be a role model to my beloved son.
🙋👍🙋
Sorry, but you're so full of yourself that it makes me cringe.
Thank you. I had narcissistic parents and was "daddy's girl" and my mother's "evil child" all the way ... Now she suddenly needs me and wants to be treated like a queen 👑 But I don't find her as intimidating as my dad did ...
yes! yes! yes!
the big problem is, that the narcissist installs a negative picture of you in the heads and minds of your children. and this is very powerful and very hard work to get rid of!
So true😢 I noticed it. My granddaughter is changing on me.
@@LynnH-yl1uz stay and show your love.
I have finally left my narcissist husband after 20 years of abuse - he discarded me. My teenage daughter has decided to stay with her narc father and stopped any contact with me recently. He is economically much better off than me.
I am going thru a painful divorce and he has put false criminal charges on me.
I am so worried about my daughter. She is turning out to be the haughty, entitled person mentioned in the start of the video.
❤
Learn to live by yourself. In my opinion, he's doing you a favor it's your chance to focus on yourself.
😢 How things are going now? Did.your daugther come Back to you?
Yes. Worried about my 21 year old Son with budding NPD traits.
Thank you for this video!! I have to "co-parent" (in reality counter-parent) with a covert narcissist mother and this was very useful and to some extent also encouraging. Very pedagogical and great closing words!! I have my daughter 50 % of the time and hope this is sufficient for providing a safe, stable and normal home half of the time.
Thank you for this video. I think this is one of the most important issues. As a mother, I can stand my own pain, but I want to help my lovely dauhters. The other one has OCD and anxiety, and most difficult depression. Thank you so much❤
It’s as if you intuitively knew I needed this video, maybe from my past searches for talks or writing by you on parenting. Beyond insightful, thank you ❤
Professor Sam vaknin thank you so much for this video! I’ve been searching for something like this
Wow. You opened my mind. My mother was this now me 38 take care of her and she helps with my son . I see her do the same things. She can't guilt me
Great one !
Awareness and knowing how to handle such situations makes all the difference.
Thank you
thank u dr Sam🙏
looking forward to see much more advice and more videos for raising our childeren in healty way even in the shadow of narcissict parent
I just want to say thank you for you work. You really help people with your method of pointing out things with no hiding behind words. God bless you.
Thank you for this video over the past week i have woke up to a lot in my own actions and words its rough to feel this is actually a thing but im gonna dedicate my life to being better so my son can have a life to live. You are a legend❤
Always so insightful- I love listening to your channel.
Thank you for this video
Pozdrav iz Srbije 🇷🇸 ❤!!!❤❤❤
Ja sam majka I trebao mi je ovakav savet za mog sina koji ima sada 21.godinu , otac narcis a I ja se pitam da nisam I ja , zivelu smo bez bliskosti vise od 20 godina.
Razveli smo se I sin cuti I sve vise se ponasa kao njegov otac iskljucivo prema meni, a bili smo bliski, posvecena kao majka, smejali se I igrali isli svuda, druzili se sa drugom decom.
Od puberteta njegovog smo imali nazalost bankrot I razvod, I od tada pocinje isto da se ponasa kao njegov otac, cak izbegava I da se sretnemo, ne govori skoro nista.
Boli me dusa I srce.
Nije nastavio sa svojom generacijom da studira, zapeo u tisini I nekom radu koji ne trazi da se fokusira, bez motivacije I skroz me ignorise.
Ovako je dobar nije problematican, ali strahujem za njega da li ce izabrati zivot.
Ja sam ok, uspela da nam kupim mali stan, lepo opremim, prekvalifikovacu se u IT industriji da bih imala posao jer je u Srbiji jako tesko naci posao, I to su jako male plate ali tu smo sada I za to se trudim I radujem.
Pre smo bili generacijski dobro situirani, ali bivsi suprug je svu nasu zaostavstinu investirao u posao koji je vodio decenijama, I bankritirao, a da mi nismo znali.
Najgore je kad se to desavalo I nas je prevario do poslednje pare smo mu dali I ostali na ulici.
Tek tada sam bila svesna da imam posla sa bolesnim covekom, svi su ga voleli I danas mu veruju I vole da se sale I druze sa njim, a mi smo kako mnogi kazu preuvelicavali problem...tipicna prica.
Samo dvoje ljudi nam je pomoglo I hvala Bogu na njima.
Danas se borimo od nule u uslovima koji su nam nepoznati, kao tek rodjena deca, a imam dosta godina a sin momak ..
Za njega zelim da bude zdrav, pun ljubavi I razumevanja.
Zato se zahvaljujem na ovom videu puno sam razmisljala kako ce se odraziti na njega sve ovo....
Pisite jos, hvala I Bog Vas blagoslovio❤❤
Hvala dragi Dr Sam❤❤
It's the new year and I'm still trying to understand why I (the grandmother) was not invited to Christmas unwrapping like the past 15 yrs. Since I'm in Europe and they reside stateside, this was always done via Facetime the past 5 years. I journaled today taking on all the points of NPD in relation to my only daughter. My eyes are wide open now. However, my 15 year old grandson and I have a bond. He is a very intelligent, empathetic and astute young man. (Old Soul) I thank you for the guidance of staying available to him-even though there is no contact with his mother - her choice. I have also decided to write him about Narcissism as letters to leave for him for when he is older. How can I explain the no contact with his mother in a healthy way. I'd rather explain this directly, instead of having this lingering in the background. Any guidance would be appreciated. Thank you.
Sam, thank you so much.
Really good. Thanks Prof. SAM. ❤😊🎉
I along with my two young daughters have discussed the black and white thinking of the Mother (narc) and have concluded that she at times can not see the Grey 🩶 in life. Dad can see the Grey . It's simple enough for them to Overstand
Role model a "Normal" lol person
Though I have become addicted to your videos, I can only take a few at a time because of all the after thought - thanks. Now my question: I have observed in kids who steal things how they imitated a model from their earlier years, might this also be the case in other criminals, and perhaps terrorists? And is it possible to measure the degree of imitating from a model vs some other influence for any particular behavior in the protégé’s makeup? Thanks again.
Modelling doesn't occur 1:1 in most cases. You don't need someone who "teaches" you to steal in order to develop the behavior. The precondition is having a model with a low sense of moral, which may be expressed in more subtle ways; imo, lying is the most frequent (child sees how your actions don't match what your sayings). On the other hand, take into account that stealing is a tension release, so check out how the environment is causing anxiety.
We are exposed to thousands of role models all the time, including via mass and social media and the entertainment industry.
My sister is a very serious narcissist and her oldest daughter is 13 and there is zero tht can be done to help her kids and the 3 yr old girl my sister is soooo evil to its extremely sad....
I am powerless to help the child I see neglected and destroyed by the narcissist. The sadness is overwhelming.
Very useful video.
Hello Sam, I once Heard You saying That sleep apneea can be a cause of psychosis and other mental illnesses. I can't fiind the video, can you tell me which one is it, or even elaborate in a new video If You can?
Will do.
Thank you!
Now how to help a child with a codependent parent.
Will do.
My father was/is a malignant narcissist. Everyone says my mother was great and protective, though i have no memory of it. They were off and on, leading to moving across country every 6 months or so over the first few years of my life, and occasionally the narcissistic orchestrated something entirely different - kidnapping me once, and touring after the grateful dead when he initially told my mom we were going to a concert.
I was introduced and exposed to a LOT of people. A lot of adults. My mom was also only 20 when she had me. I wonder how that effects modeling through life. I am now hypervigilant to a lot of things, have a heightened stress and fear response, among other issues.
I am so curious how modeling might change between a child with two parents and one home, to a child with 3+ parents, myriads of baby sitters and watchers and etc. Even if it is primarily in the first ~5 years
Thank you Prof.
ı m in divorcing process,in court
,ı have a son 3 year old,father doesnt call or interest ,ı guess he is in narcistic breakdown or in silence treatment to me or to son,
the problem is ı am now worried for my son,he need a role model,its is important period for him especially at 3-6 years as ı learn from child devolopment books and professionals.. really stuck in:((
My child, the narcistic mother and I never lived together as a family, but I'm an active father and I spend as much time with my child as possible. Sometimes I wonder if it would it be easier to provide a healthy model if we lived together..? Probably not
From my experience, no. Living with a narcissist requires a submissive (or a very turbulent) partner, and that's not a good role model for a child.
From my experience, it causes more confusion and upset as the narcissist attacks either you or the children and the chaos that results is devasting and consuming. It cannot be sorted out and becomes a constant battle for sanity. When one storm from the narcissist abates, it seems to mean the narcissist is tired, there is a calm which indicates another storm brewing. Children become used to the storms and think every household is such.
NO. narcs are sick. the child and you would be worse off living together. if she starts hurting the child as they grow up (narcs hate when children grow up and become individuals) obviously full custody is the answer.
Вопросы:
1. Почему нарциссы не могут избавиться от зависимостей? То наркоман, то алкоголик, то игроман. Может быть нарцисс прячет самого себя в алкоголе?
Search the channel.
Профессор Вакнин уже делал видео на эту тему, даже на тему психотропных веществ. Прогуглите Narcissism и Addiction, а также Substances на его канале.
My question is when the parent is suffering from substance abuse the behavior towards the child is ignoring ,dissatisfied with the child.
Could the parent be suffering from narcissism?
Substance abuse mimics narcissism.
Напишите пожалуйста научные книги о нарциссах.
Много информации, нужно создать настоящий учебник.
You mean, in addition to the 40 books I have already published?
@@samvaknin У нас в стране нет ваших книг. Может ссылку дадите на сайт? Спасибо заранее