I'm still not keen on the "Why are you in a wheelchair?" question, but I do think it's better than "What's wrong with you?" I'm pretty open and like to raise awareness where I can. But to me, if someone asks me personal questions about my disability when they don't know my name, it strikes me as being nosey and rude. If they cared about me as a person, they'd ask me my name first. The worst thing someone has said to me was "If you pray hard, God will do miracle." I found this not just insulting to my disability, but also to my strength of faith and my God. XX
Wow yeah sometimes really religious people can be insulting. That's like saying you don't pray hard enough because you're still disabled. Or assuming you're not enjoying life as a disabled person and you want to be a miracle. Hell, I like cutting long lines at the store. lol! Being disabled is tough, but they don't know how positive you live your life, you know? Hell, you're probably living a way happier life than them! lol. That's so rude of them because if they believed in God they would know everything and everyone has a purpose and he makes no mistakes. Smh sorry that just annoyed me that that happened to you. lol.
Exactly! I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is a genetic condition. The way I see it, God made me this way. As my health has deteriorated and I've become disabled, I feel that I'm more able to do His work through my blog and social media channels. I've been given an opportunity by God to encouraging others in a similar situation to live their lives to the fullest and not be ashamed or embarrassed because of their mobility aids. I'm proud of what I can do to help others and am hoping I can use my UA-cam channel to do more of the same, once I'm well enough to film again. I'd heard of comments like this on social media, but I never expected I'd experience it myself. I do count myself lucky though, it's always strangers that say inappropriate things to me. Never friends of family. I know others aren't as lucky and have to put up with ignorant and rude comments from people who supposedly love them. Xx
i welcome the questions, because answering peoples questions educates them and it helps dispel the assumptions and it helps people become more comfortable and at ease once they know the whats and whys, BUT the caveat is, get to know them a little first before you ask the more personal questions; and then, ask something like : , can i ask you about your wheels?.... how does your disability effect you, what is it called,?'' but. before you jump right into the detailed personal questions, ask if a person's okay with questions about their wheelchair / disabilities .
I think the amount of times I have dealt with all the same problems is overkill to even talk about anymore to the point I almost do not even bother to waist my time to tell people anything sometimes and I just ignore it or I will start to cuss a hole lot. I would of though the list would of been way longer. like over 100. Thank you for putting these videos out. I am not even going to bother to put the same stuff out that almost every handicapped youtuber has put out over the years and I am not saying to stop putting out these kinds of videos, I am just saying I have gave up on humanity a long long time ago. I like your videos. I personally if I put anything out it would most likely have nothing to do with my disability and I would not read the posts much ever other then to copy past correcting people when they say the wrong thing and I just type up a document and copy it and paste it in my reply every fecking time. lol It's not to say it would not be obvious that I have a disability I would be sitting in my power chair strapped in they are just positioning straps and then there is the padded seat belt, which would probably just get me a lot of people asking questions which I would not even bother to reply about other then to maybe do 1 video and they would have to find it as I am not going to repeat myself over and over again. After a while I stopped doing videos as some of them were about doing a lot of nowt, which means nothing, and then there are pervs who just want to see how a person in a wheelchair does something when all I'm doing is making tea and chatting while the old smartphone is recording my video, as I never intend to get anything better other then many an other smartphone. Oh before I forget nowt could also mean an ox or cattle, but it is a British slang word which means 'nothing'.
Damn, did I go out without my "DISABLED" t-shirt, and the trousers with my diagnoses written on each leg AGAIN today!?! Next you'll be telling me the "invisibly ill" tattoo has worn off my forehead!
What I hated the most was when they would say oh dear, you will never get married or have a baby.. I proof them wrong because I did get married and have 2 kids and 2 grandchild. One time this girl ask me who's the girl that I had in my lap. I told her that she's my daughter and she looks at me with a surprise look and ask me how did I did it. I just asked her have you ever opened your 2 legs? They felt offended and walked away and my husband said that I was rude and I just told him you ask stupid questions you get rude answers. I have gotten those baby talk and I also hated with a passion. Great vid.
nery colon 1 I get that too. People also ask if I "messed him up". Nope, wheelchair use doesn't cause autism. We were just lucky enough to have a wonderfully weird and unique child who makes life a lot more fun.
the worst thing is when people were like appalled that someone who has been sitting in a wheelchair stands up. dude! not everybody who sits on a wheelchair totally paralysed.
I am a personal assistant (aka pack mule) to a girl who has cerebral palsy and walks with canes (that's why I'm the pack mule). I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times people have stopped me to ask, "what's wrong with her?" or asked me when they find out what I do for work. Oh. My. Goodness. NOTHING! There is nothing freaking wrong with her! She's wonderful and perfect and she notices you talking about her. But I answer and am very nice because I'm not about to lose my job over stupid people. I loved the video! Nice work! Hopefully you can convince people to stop acting afool
You've probably already done this but maybe ask the girl how she wants you to handle those situations out of respect for her? I tell ppl to say to them "Why dont you ask her?" (with a big friendly smile. Thanks for being the pack mule btw, we need them :P
For sure! Thankfully, we spend a lot of time in the same places each week and everybody knows us and is super friendly. I'm grateful for them. And the girl is super comfortable in her own skin so she doesn't mind it as much as I do, in reality. Or maybe she's just used to it, which would be disappointing
Oh my god. These are so accurate! Another one I hate is... "Why do you bother buying shoes if you don't walk?" I'm like bitch, I love me some shoes and they complete my outfit. It's like saying, why do you wear a hat if it isn't sunny? Also, not vocal thing but, I hate when people stare at me!
This was said to my mom not to me but I think it counts "Are you sure that Melissa is disabled she's so pretty?" The two are not mutually exclusive. And yes she is sure I'm disabled.
Not to mention that, HELLO, you're right there. They can speak to you directly instead of asking whoever you're wherever with about you, who's literally right there with full mental faculties. It's not like you can't speak for yourself. That's so condescending on so many levels.
The baby talk is so annoying to me. I am a visually impaired grown woman who takes a city bus to go to work and I used it to go to school and I would get people saying, "OMG look at you. You are so brave for taking a city bus by yourself and braving the weather." I take the bus just like everyone but the only difference is the fare price.
Thanks for sharing these! Yes, people speaking to me in a patronizing or infantilizing way is annoying. I hate when strangers touch me out of the blue- especially if they "pet" my arm, hand, head, shoulder, etc. I will quickly command them to NOT touch me if I anticipate it but it is never a popular request. I also tell strangers not to touch my wheelchair. I'm VERY firm. Like yourself, I know why I am inspirational in some cases- I do smile a lot and have far more solo adventures than most people I know, but I agree that people may just say this because they can't imagine what it is like to live with a degenerative neuromuscular disease and have mobility and pain issues. I often replay comments or situations back in my head wondering what I would do or say if they happened again. For example, once I had a woman who I didn't know take my keys out of my hand to open the door to our condo building. That was such a shock to me, and it won't happen again because I wouldn't be so passive. There was absolutely no reason for her to do that! Sometimes I am pleased with my responses....sometimes not. Yesterday, a man saw me sitting in front of an elevator in my power chair and asked me, "Are you ok?" I quickly replied, "Yes. Are you ok?" I think my point was made. Last week two different people asked me if I had, "kicked my boyfriend" when I was out alone using my power wheelchair. They saw that I had a walking boot on. I ignored them completely, which feels rude to me but it was so ridiculous to have this asked as a conversation opener. I do like the suggestion to reply, "That's a personal question." Today a woman said to me, "You won't always be an invalid. Soon you won't need that wheelchair." I don't remember my response but it hopefully was something like, "You have no idea what you are talking about and that was completely inappropriate." Ironically, she was using a walker. I was shopping with a newish friend and the cashier handed the very small and light bag containing my purchase over to my friend instead of me when I paid for it. My friend actually took this tiny bag and started carrying it out of the store. I was not impressed, but I did explain to her how I felt instead of saying nothing. I wish I had also told the cashier how inappropriate it was. I know I have to relax, laugh more and use these opportunities as "teachable moments". We can't control the actions of others- only our own.
When people say what's wrong with you? I say nothing and roll on, they always seem confused after that. I always wonder what a person in a wheelchair is "supposed" to look and act like. People and their sense of entitlement annoy me. Remember, if we want to volunteer information we definitely know how. Great video as usual!
All really good points!! I also don't like when people say, you're to young to be in a wheelchair or you're to pretty to be in a wheelchair like we're all supposed to be ugly! Haha just don't get some people.
I've been in a chair my entire life (I'm 40). It boils my blood to hear, "Wow, you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair." Or when they try to make jokes, "Do you have a license to drive that thing? Your going to get a ticket, slow down." I could go on forever lol.
I just ask them a nosy question back lol. Like if they ask me if I can have sex I ask them if they can have an orgasm hahaha. I agree we are not hear to satisfy their curiosity but I also struggle with wanting ppl to know we are as normal as they are and so I answer a lot. I might start asking ppl out for coffee bc maybe that means they wanna be friends. ill take someone asking that wants to be a real friend over someone that just wants to ask and then ill never see them again. p.s. I tend to make things up when ppl ask whats wrong with me until I see if they'll stay around lol. Once my ex told someone it involved a hamster and a patch of ice...or something crazy like that lol.
Nowadays....when somebody asks what's wrong with me...I just say,"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm doin' fine. How 'bout yourself?". When it's a child who asks...I don't get offended...I tell 'em the truth...unless that kid's being a total jerk then...well...I say,"How Rude!". :D
Of course I've been asked this question once or twice, but never so rudely as that. Able bodied people simply ask why can't you walk? I've been called, "just a fucking invalid." I've only been okay with the term physically challenged ever since then. I also was told by one of my aides that not a lot of people cared to take me to the bathroom, but that wasn't even a little surprise to me. This aide also delighted in telling me I had gained a few pounds however, my experiences with able bodied people have mostly been positive. Girl you're awesome!
Your attitude is inspiring! It's not even because you're in a wheelchair, your attitude is just so overwhelmingly vibrant and passionate. It can be hard for anyone to keep a smile in this nasty world. Keep living. Rock on.
I'm a new subscriber and I'm so glad I've found a UA-cam that tells it like it is for us women with disabilities! The thing that I get that boils my blood is "it's such a shame your only 18" like no it's not a shame I'm just living my dame life! Also this comment can sometimes quite upset me because I've only recently in the past year had to use a wheelchair as my mobility has declined and it's like they keep reminding me that my life is different now which I am still coming to terms with myself!!! Urg! Keep telling it how it is!!!! ❤️
@@somemusician3832 the " r word " she was reffering to is retarded. The term more comamnly used these days is intilectually challenged. But they're relitivly the same diagnosis that's Al no harm done .
Sometimes I need a wheelchair, and other days I can walk short distances, and I also have some mild mental imaprements. When I'm walking and need some mental assistance, (figuring out price differences, understanding simple dirrections, etc) I will offten get scoffed at, and even sometimes flat out told that I'm stupid or retarded, and then they'll just walk off without helping me. When I'm in a wheelchair everyone just assumes that I'm intellectually impaired, even if I don't say anything, and speaks to me in a baby voice, and are hyper synsitive about what they say or do. I look normal, all my illnesses are invisable, so it comes down to how others perceive I should be mentally, based on if I use a mobility device. Everyone should just treat others with kindness and respect. If they need help then help, if they say they've got it, then they've got it, and don't ever belittle someone. Great video. People should be more aware.
I found your channel from the collab with Tommy Edison, and I can't wait to watch all the rest of your videos. I love your humour and your no-nonsense attitude.
"If you work out or go outside, you will feel better." I've heard this before. I have an autoimmune disorder which attacks my gut, called Celiac, social anxiety, chronic pain, chronic fatigue & depression...etc(all thanks to the Celiac and genetics.) I know working out long term helps me a lot, but it is not a fix all, especially after having a major flare up. And I would rather not go outside sometimes (people are out there!! I like being out and about, but only when I am with my comfort people, like my husband) Another thing is someone telling me "why don't you just forget about that today" when I asked if something had gluten in it. Uh how about no?? Long term effects of gluten can lead to cancer, it already killed my gallbladder, and makes me incredibly sick seconds after eating it. Overweight also. Lost 40 pounds. "Oh you look so happy now!" or "You look so pretty." Gee, thanks.
You know one thing I HATE being told is that assuming that I'm lazy for being in my chair. it actually happened the other day. I was approach by a women who asked kindly ( or i thought she did) my name and asked why was i in a wheelchair! my answer usually is because of an injury i had to my spinal cord a few years ago) nothing more or detailed just plain answer but this women said " so you are paralyzed i was no i'm not but walking long distance is a struggle for me", she was just oh so you are just being lazy and just wanted to show it off right?? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! do people automatically think that just because i'm NOT paralyzed mean that i'm being lazy for NEEDING my chair that i enjoy it That if i could be a normal person who can walk as far and as much I WOULD!!!! That No matter how much Physical Therapy i get My body Simply CAN NOT do what i would LOVE for it to do Walk. there are days where i can't even Stand!!! So don't tell me i'm being LAZY because i Am NOT i have a real disability!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE IS!!! i call her rude, arrogant and few others. she walked away Angry and i was frustrated for a least a few hours!!!! ! i get asked A LOT because of Hazel (my service Dog) and why i have her but man sometimes dealing with people who ask and ask or say comments about my disability is A LOT harder than having it!!!
Sitting Pretty Lolo sorry about the rant. I guess I was still pretty piss off when I thought about. I am wheelchair bound but I can still walk but walking long distance I struggle. But yes people can be that why. I don't have a problem with my chair why do other people do? I love your videos by the way ever single thing you have mentioned it has happened to me why the he'll are people so stupid right?
i feel you. i have problem walking long distance too. but i try to walk as much as i can and try to slowly increase the amount of distance i walk every time. i find it extremely ironic that able bodied people are the very ones who would rather spend money to buy an electric scooter and scoot everywhere they go rather than cycle or walk. i would never want to use an electric scooter or whatever hoverboard shit these kids have been using. as long as i can still walk, i will choose to walk. able bodied people just doesn't know how much they take life for granted.
I too have problems walking very far - chronic pain condition - was using a stick for 3 years, but 2 hours out would wipe me out for like a week and a half, got my chair 2 months back, and am able to enjoy my time out now. I have yet to have an ignorant comment or someone call me lazy, but I have had looks getting out of the chair. 1 or 2 people asked what happened, but I don't mind if its genuinely curious, its still a little weird though. 1 question though, why the fuck do some establishments disabled toilet doors so gadamn heavy?!
Wow! I never knew people could be so ignorant! I cannot get out of my chair but I can see how annoying that would be! I would have YELLED at the woman. The worst thing anyone has said to me was: omg so you can actually push yourself?
It's messed up that people think this way, but a lot of people assume "disabled" also means mental retardation or severe learning disability. It's ignorant, but people expect a disabled person to be totally helpless, not wear nice clothing, and look malformed. When they see a pretty woman who they can have a conversation with who's disabled, it blows their small minds.
Had to make another comment one pet peeve of mine is someone always asking me "so where is your aide?" It makes me feel like I'm incapable of traveling or doing anything independently.. I do use an aide to help me with my personal needs and household stuff but most of the time I do like to travel independently, it just pisses me off like someone asking a child where is your parent?...
A stranger approached me once when I was in my chair and said “it’s good that you’re out!”.... felt just as bad as when people asked me what I was doing out of the house when I used to wear a neck brace all the time.
I totally understand. I hate “What’s wrong with you?” I always say “Nothing what’s wrong with you?” As nicely as I can and then stare straight into their eyes smiling until they feel so awkward they turn away. I promise you they never say it to me again. I also hate when they think because they have time to talk I have nothing important to do. If I had to stop for every “curious “ (nosy) person who passed me I would never get off the train platform. My life is not your entertainment.
I understand you, I'm a disabled person. But, I think maybe sometimes they ask or say things like that to some of us because we look so damn good. People still have in their minds the image of a person with a disability that looks sick, a little broken, not very good. Where I live, Guatemala, people still have these squared minds where a person with a disability must show them with their lives that they do, feel, act just like everybody else, and that is how the paradigm changes. Not easy, but possible and I am commited to change minds here in Guatemala! Great video by the way!
Thank you so much! I will definitely watch out not to say these stupid things. Not having a disability does not mean that you can be disrespectful to people who do. you are wonderful !
Thanks for this video, Lolo. You bring up good points, and hopefully at least some able-bodied viewers will see it and learn from it. The slogan “Assist, don’t insist” is meant to clue in those who leap to your aid, whether you want it or not. However, it very rarely sinks in. I’m not shy to ask for help when I need it, so just wait and see if I ask for help. One of the most frustrating things has to be the people who hold a door open for you, while standing in the doorway! They seem to think the wheelchair and user can fold up and slip past them. When I politely ask them to move to one side so I can move through the door, often the person will get very offended. I’ve been called very rude, and was even cursed one time, as in “Damn you!”, just for asking the “helpful” person to move out of the doorway. It’s very frustrating. Another aspect of uninvited assistance is that I’m limited in what I can do, so don’t take away the things I am able to do. Don’t take away the remaining bits of my independence, please! Let me do the job, even if I struggle a bit. I’ll ask for help if I need it.
When you said "baby talk", I was thinking people asking you about your sex life. Although I imagine that would be annoying too XD If the situations were reversed, all of these would offend me if somebody said them to me because I'm able-bodied. I can't imagine somebody saying to me that I look disabled, so why people think it's okay to say that a disabled person doesn't look disabled is baffling.
A lot of people do not understand that many disabled people have different needs and use different aids to make it through the day. Education is so needed and channels such as yours help.
I am very appreciative of learning as much as possible about the challenges of having a disability. Awareness is connected to growth like white on rice. It is my purpose to expand myself and become a better person in totality. Thank you for bringing up areas that could become uncomfortable for someone dealing with disabilities. I am generally a helpful person, I find joy in it. You've shed light on it for me to be more discerning when it comes to this area as to not make a disabled person feel uncomfortable.
Here Lolo goes again, making a video that speaks my mind! :) to me, what's even worse than baby talk, is when people talk to me really slow like I can't understand, or even worse, when people address questions to people that are with me rather than just asking me, like I'd be incapable of understanding what they're saying.
Preach!!! What is "Disabled" suppose to look like?!?! Really people. Love all 3 points you made. All valid and things I have encountered....These points are all reasons why advocating for disability is so important! I have a channel where I advocate for Disability and Chronic pain. There are so many uneducated and ignorant people out there who just don't know better. Just last week I had a man tell me that I can't park in a handicap spot and use the gym at the same time! I was at the gym to do a yoga class that my "Chronic Pain Doctor" told me to take! I was so angry 😡 But then calm myself down. I reminded myself that he just didn't know better and was probably ignorant. I have seen so many memes on Social media that just perpetuate all the same stereotypes about disability over and over again! Channels like ours give people the opportunity to learn that these things are not true. Keep up the good fight!!! 💪 As always sending you lots of happy mermaid vibes and all my love 😋💗🌀🐚🐬
Absolutely love this! Yes most folks are ignorant which is why folks like ourselves need to be advocating and spreading awareness. It's just annoying that people even feel obligated to say anything. lol. Keep up the good work yourself boo!!
Hey there, Lolo. I know exactly what you are talking about. Another thing is when people ask the able-bodied person that we are with what we would like, instead of asking us.... it's as though we have a learning challenge, as well as the physical one. Inspiration porn is when people act as if even the slightest things that we do is so unexpected, like we are the exception to the rule... what they mean is, "I didn't expect that out of a person with a disability... you are so inspirational." The greatest disability that we have are the attitudes of the able-bodied towards us. I truly believe that whatever we were born to be we can be. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and other orthopedic conditions... so I wasn't born to be a Jesse Owens, Carl Lewis or an Olympic track star... my purpose in life was and is to be a public speaker... and God gave me the voice, volume, mind and ability to do that. God gives you exactly what YOU need. I have been a preacher, teacher, author, disability advocate and I now started a Facebook live broadcast and have a UA-cam channel (go to G William Scott) to discuss the issues that impact people with challenged abilities. I love this discussion, Lolo, and hope that you continue to address the ableism that still exist in this country, this society needs to take an inventory of how it views and treats us... and we need to become more vocal and bold in showing them who we really are and what we can really do. You go, girl.
Love your comment! and I would add that we need to demand accurate representation in Hollywood. The experiences ppl have with other ppl with disabilities is what forms the stereotypes. unfortunately most ppl only have experience with tv. I am so hoping shows like Speechless will be a kickstarter for change!! ill check out your channel!
You make a very good point, Living Able. I would also suggest that more disabled people should consider going into acting and/or modeling (at least on the side), as well as script writing. Hollywood does need to more accurately portray disabled people, but that will require more disabled people available to fill those roles, and writing them so they're more accurate. I would love to see this happen.
May I add a few phrases to your list, as well as add more information and explanation to what you had already said in your video, being a disabled person myself? People who say "I'm sorry you have a disability." Now, I understand if someone feels bad that I can't do things as well as other, able bodied people can do, however, when someone says "I'm sorry" that usually means the individual pities me. Please don't pity disabled people, that doesn't help them, it only discourages them from living their lives to the fullest. My most hated phrase is when someone says "You're weak, because you have a disability". Thank you for pointing out to not say to a disabled person "You're such an inspiration!" I like your example, it reminds me of something that happened to me, when I was younger. In Sixth Grade, there was an award ceremony, in which every student got a certificate of achievement, such as highest grades, no absences from school, etc. Anyway, the principal at the time asked if I wanted to get the certificate of achievement for being the most inspirational. I felt honored to receive such a high standing award, while the same time, confused as to why it would be given to me in the first place, since I didn't do anything that I could remember to earn it. The principal went on to say that I already earned the Inspiration award for surviving prematurity and living my daily life so normally, which is how I got C.O.P.D.. I asked why my classmates didn't get this same reward, as it's a miracle that their lives were formed, too. My principal insisted that it was because anyone could live a healthy life, however, not everyone survived three month prematurity, before the preventive medicines of nowadays. I must have turned three shades of red in as many seconds, once I realized that this award wouldn't be for making the most progress academically or displaying a talent of mine but just for breathing and performing my regular activities. I flipped out and told her, no, I would not take this award, because I did nothing to earn it, I have no memory of surviving prematurity and even if I did, I wouldn't want to be remembered for something that I had survived but instead, for something I had accomplished, through my own determination and hard work, the process of which I could remember going through. The only good thing to come out of it, was getting the first ever, publishing award from the school, for the poem I had published in the Dimensions Poetry book of 2000. It's amazing how, after somebody says "you don't look disabled," showing that person my inhaler, makes the person shut up really fast. I think the most infuriating thing is when my acquaintances, who all had disorders of some for or other that weren't obvious, claimed that I didn't have any disability and was lying to get attention, next to being told by someone who was trained to help disabled people, that she didn't think I was disabled, because I didn't look or act like a disabled person, meaning, I didn't have any physical deformities or intellectual challenges. Some people really need to open mouth and reengage brain, instead of open mouth, insert foot. Thanks again for your video.
I was at a store and one of the employees asked me what was wrong because I was in a wheelchair and I just told him "nothing" and we continued talking. I thought it was fine, but when we left my able bodied cousin complained about how rude he was. I was good with it though, just saying nothing was wrong and moving on
Yeah my abled bodied cousins get frustrated with rude remarks from people as well. Sometimes I have to calm them down like "look that person isn't worth the fight." lol
Love your channel! I have invisible disabilities and use a service dog to help with daily life. And yeah I can NOT stand it when someone asks "well, what's wrong with you". Or I can hear them talking with their friends trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
I seriously love your videos! I can relate to all of these, especially the baby talk. But the one that really gets me is the whole “you don’t look disabled“ thing. People tell me all the time that I don’t look blind or I’m too pretty to be blind. I made a whole video about that one statement on my channel because I had that much to say about it lol
when people say oh ur such an inspiration it’s almost like saying that our lives aren’t worth living and we should hold ourselves in lower esteem than others - almost as if our lives and worth the same things... it’s kinda like saying i wouldn’t want to live if i were you and it’s sO OFFENSIVE !!!!!!!!!
Lolo, i jus have to say as a fellow disabled indivivual i know its a "not to say" vid... Have you ever been given the "pity face?" Personally i hate when ppl do that!
I'm also disabled. (I have Spina bifida, along with epilepsy, Hydrocephalus, and Arnold Chiari LV.2, which is where the brain is tilted/not in the normal position. I've been disabled since birth.) I get the questions in the video so many times that I just either don't answer vocally, or I'll say that I'll let them know. I use a wheelchair to help me maneuver wherever I need to go, and I take Keppra twice a day to help me with my epilepsy. I also have everything I use modified so it's easier on my body, such as getting a hospital-grade bed to help with pressure sores and a special seat, plus a ramp that Dad built to help me in the house. It's also annoying if you're at a parade, and people run in front of you to catch something from the float that was being thrown at you as if you weren't going to catch it.
OMG, I fucking love how you articulate all this stuff -- you have such a knack for putting these things in the right perspective and context 😁 I found your channel through the Buzzfeed video that just went up and I have a feeling I'm gunna be watching your content all morning 😊 I'm also a UA-camr with disabilities and I relate so much to your top 3 here. There are times when it just baffles me that people don't realise they should just be treating us like, y'know...PEOPLE 😒 Like, how is it this complicated to treat us with respect, like human adults?? Smh. I'm so going to film my own "things not to say to people with disabilities" video and credit you as the source of the idea 😊 Thanks for this fantastic video and I can't wait to see more of your content! 😁 💖
I have friends that help me without me asking which I appreciate it because it shows they pay attention to what I struggle with but am too stubborn to ask for
Oh my gosh yessss!!! I agree completely with the baby talk! I've been in a wheelchair since age three so I get around really well and this lady was like "Awee sweetie! You get around really well!"All in baby talk I'm 21 years old! it was so annoying lol
Great video! I just found your channel through Tommy's and I've been bingeing them this past hour :D On all the other videos so far, I've found your personality charming and your perspective very refreshing.. But now, to this, I cannot say "thank you for the new point of view" because THIS IS ALL COMMON SENSE. Omg it sucks so much that you had to make this video, I am so sorry you've experienced these situations. I am able bodied and I do not have any invisible disability, and I do not personally know a single person living with any sort of disability, yet I understand that it is RUDE and so ignorant to speak this way to anyone!
Thank you so much for enjoying my content :) One thing I've learned is that common sense aint common, lol, but at the end of the day I'm just hoping for anyone who was ever curious and maybe some who had no idea, that this video was helpful in some way. :) Thanks for watching!
I totally hear ya about people not always being convinced about your disability. People see that I'm short - obviously. But I don't use my wheelchair all of the time and I'm really independent, so a lot of people don't really get it. Just because at this moment I'm not using my chair, or I'm walking well in this instance, or I'm feeling good today, it doesn't mean I don't have a disability. Even people who are close to me. I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI, my bones break all of the time) and I actually had friends ask me "Anyone can break a bone. What's the big deal?" I was speechless. OMG THE BABY TALK. Yup. On point. She. Smacked. Your. Hand. WHAT???????? This whole video though. Yup. All accurate.
Literally saving this video to show people who do this to me. People just dont get it like at all even people who know me and have known me for 5 or 10 years don't get it. I would say exactly the same things you have in this video talking about experiences that i have maybe just had and these people go "do you not like being called an inspiration" or my personal favourite "they just are naive" like since when is one of these 3 things ok?? Never... thats when.
As a disabled person that I am myself I personally don't think there's something or anything wrong with people asking me questions about my disability or telling me things about my disability or even trying to help me. It shows respect on my part towards the person/people that are trying to help or asking me questions and me answering them. there's no need to be rude. I get we are trying to be independent but it doesn't hurt and we won't get butt hurt if we except the help that is being offered to us. If you were to be struggling with things and no1 offered to help you then you would complain that people are so mean and rude because they don't help even when they see you struggle. People are just curious and if you disabled youtubers weren't so quick to get offended you would understand that. Stop getting so butt hurt easily and learn to appreciate what is being offered to you or asked. There are a lot of things if not the majority I can do for myself when I'm out and about but if I'm being offered the help I excepted because that shows respect from me towards the other person. That attitude that we as disabled people tend to bring out is what pushes people away from us. Let people help you your independence ain't gonna go anywhere just cuz people offer you the help and this goes for any disabled person. You have more days and times that you'll be able to continue to be independent. You have 24hrs in a day and the people who offer the help ain't going to be with you those 24hrs everyday....
I see what you are saying here and I mostly agree. If someone ASKS if they can help I generally accept it. But I once had a chick literally grabbing things out of my hands to put them on the conveyor belt at the store. She never said hi or acknowledged I was looking at her crazy lol. I was looking at her crazy b/c it hadnt happened like that before. Normally ppl acknowledge me first. I did what apparently was my natural instinct and held onto the object tighter lol. It was just so strange! I do agree that i will take a world where ppl offer t help over a world no one asks to help any day. And I don't want to ever give ppl a bad impression about ppl with disabilities so i try to do whatever in a polite way. But you can be polite and educate though as well and I hope if my situation with the chick ever happens again i'll be prepared and at least ask her to ask or say hi or something. I think thats really why i grabbed it tighter bc i was thinking to myself "are you really grabbing things from me and not even looking at me, saying hi, nothing lol?"
Living Able I don't think or I highly doubt these people are trying to harm us in any way. I think that because they see us disabled their first instinct is to help without even asking but there's no need to be rude. If we feel they are being rude by just walking up to us an helping us without even asking us the way we respond to their not asking us if we need help and them just automatically assuming we need help is not right either and 2 wrongs don't make a right. We need to let our pride and ego down some. Like I said before some people won't even help and just sit there and enjoy watching you struggle. A little bit of help that is being offered won't hurt or take away our independence. Let's stop getting butt hurt.
Found your channel through when you blogged with Molly Burke. Just watched one video so far and I already love you. And I had a gym teacher say "then what can you do?" To me when I was trying to explain that I cannot do contact sports and such.(Congential heart problem) And if that lady had not been protected by the fact she was a teacher would've lost it. Then there was that time a classmate goes "you can't do that"Me "watch me"
Thanks so much for liking my channel. I love me some Molly she's so great! ....They really need to start training teachers on social etiquette because that was just rude what they said to you.
I casually never bothered subscribing to anyone's vids but I had to subscribe here. awesome vids make me feel more confident with with my wheelchair which I've been having a hard time getting used to.
This was so on point!! As a disabled female I agree with this entire video. I just like you am not so much bothered by "your inspiration" as some because I feel it may shine a light on the fact that you might be lazy as hell as an abled bodied person. Lol. Thank you for posting! Much Love....
When you’re told that you’re only “kinda pretty” after you tell someone that you haven’t seen for years that you’re still using a walker and they act like that’s some kind of let down
One of my biggest URG comment is when people try to give me random advice they read on the internet or heard somewhere that are supposed to "fix" me, like ohh my friend's cousin went vegan and they healed right up, etc. No amount of vegan diet, jogging, humming is going to "fix" my autoimmune disease or make my walking easier, and it's gross when people I barely know feel they can approach me to give me grandma recipes because 1) if you're not feeling good that day, it feels extra shitty to have to take the time to tell a bodyabled or healthy person that no, i can't be cure or become like you 2) it's rude to have people approach you and say you basically need fixing
Ugh I totally feel you. Thats like when people tell me to go to the gym to become stronger. It's like why so my muscle mass can deteriorate quicker? It's so annoying. lol.
Sitting Pretty Lolo I get one or two comments a week about how someone's friend went vegan and it cured their diabetes, that they didn't need insulin anymore and it's infuriating because you can't cure type 1 (my type) and to tell another person that, risk them deciding not to take their insulin anymore, is incredibly dangerous. the amount of people who tell me to "just eat right and exercise" to "fix" my autoimmune diseases or or my endo. like, no amount of exercise will magically fix my uterus wtf. It already misinformation and it's nosy as fuck, I didn't ask you to fix me.
Sitting Pretty Lolo Everytime someone gives me a huge and noisy know-it-all speech about how to fix diabetes, I kid you not, 99% of the time they don't even know the difference between type 1 and type 2.
Lisa theCatDude Yeah, I shouted, "What?! ...Eeexcuse me??!" in my empty apartment at that point, lol. I mean, what the actual fuck was that girl thinking??
I just discovered your channel. iwork in frontline mental health services and MY BOSS had the gall to say to me: "I just marvel at the fact that you get up every day and come downtown and come to work.EVERY DAY, it's amazing." I thought my head was going to explode. I got up and adjourned the conversation but she called me back in and suggested I should guide her in sensitivity training. Um, no? I was fuming and I told her outright that her comments were inappropriate but I felt like I was barely containing my anger and there was soooooo much more that I wanted to say. WTF do we do in situations where our superiors act like asshats and embarrass themselves?
Thanks for sharing I understand your frustration. I think its best that we do our best to be patient that way when we express to someone that their comments are inappropriate they are more prone to listen and not do it again. just my thoughts :)
Thank you so much for this video. I have scoliosis & consider myself to be "differently abled". I can't do heavy lifting. Whenever I told some people about it, some women have said: "Awww, bless your heart. you poor thing. Can I give you a hug?" (or something similar). I appreciate genuine concern, but I'm not a charity case.
What I have learned in the 63 years that I have dealt with a visible obvious fairly severe disability is: Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it is (mostly) all small stuff. I have used a wheelchair exclusively for 5 years and 80% of the time before that needing crutches and plastic braces to get around. Just yesterday I was introduced to a woman about my age, a retired lawyer. She started saying how nice it was to meet me in that sort of baby talk manner. I now ask myself, if that woman’s situation and mine were reversed, would I feel uncomfortable and get overly nice min my tone? Much as I would hope not, likely as not I might speak in the same way. So instead of becoming offended I just continued to talk with her in a normal way asking her about herself and in turn telling her about my interests. Soon we discovered we both have the same sweet breed of dogs and pulled up pics of our fur babies on our phones. I noticed as we talked and laughed together there was simply no place for baby talk. Turned out we both made a new friend. I have learned the hard way, the more offended I get when I know the baby talk comes from just not knowing the person who uses a chair to get around. The more comfortable I am the quicker the other person can go to their authentic self. My weapon; if you want to call it that is let the small stuff go and don’t let yourself be controlled by resentment because some people initially don’t see me the way I want to be seen. I don’t know why but I have never had that experience of someone asking someone with me what they should ask me. I don.t know why, maybe it is my face or an expression on my face that is unconscious that would make the person look silly talking about me when I am right there. I have had people praise my friends for.being my friend. It is mostly coming from people who don’t know me at all. I have always been extremely independent, am a college graduate; worked in my field of study for many years. I have lived alone for most of those years and don’t mind my own company. I broke off an engagement a month before the wedding. It was a rebound relationship. The man I loved had a mother that told him that I would have more problems as I got older which like most people, I did. I didn’t feel I would be wise to start a life in marriage with at least one parent against it. It worked out ok. I have had a full life, have wonderful friends. However, I find my strength to get through rough times by my constant companion, Jesus Christ. Even though I feel his presence only, I have found him a faithful friend I can go to and it changes me. It may sound “religious” but it is the truth. It is my story and I am sticking to it. 😋
I'm disabled too! I have rigged spine muscluar distrofy! I finally found another disabled youtuber! Preach! And as an 11 year old, I get baby talked all the time when I go to a new school!!
Hi I just found your channel and I really hope you reply! I have been in a chair for one year and I’m completely new to this. I’m paralyzed from the waist down. What I hate most is people who say “your an inspiration!” Cause i didn’t do ANYTHING. Or when somebody asks the person with me what’s wrong with me. AND STARING IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!! Also when somebody said “omg you can actually push yourself! Look Jane she pushes herself!”
SMACKED. YOUR. HAND. Oh my god, I've had some patronising, out of line shit in my life, but....Jeez. As for being inspiring, whenever someone calls me 'inspiring', I ask them what I inspire them to do. They're usually stumped for an answer. If they can't name anything I inspire them to do, then I'm not inspiring.
Holy shit! EVERY DAMN TIME I mention that I'm autistic, people start treating me differently! It's either 'baby talk' or they just treat me like I'm an idiot! Just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I can't function or do normal things. Yes, okay, sometimes I need extra explaination of rules or instructions because I process things slower, but that doesn't make me an idiot. Being differently abled does not mean I'm not capable of understanding or doing things. I also hate it when I'm infodumping and the person I'm talking to is visibly annoyed or bored, but when I ask them if they want me to stop, they tell me to keep going because it makes me happy. Look. I get you're trying to be polite, but just tell me when you are no longer interested. Don't even get me started on the stigma behind stimming and the popularity of fidget spinners. Just. *sigh* Rant over.
I`ve gotten the "You don`t look sick" comment. I wasn't offended because the person it was coming from was nice, but it still stung. It sucks to feel so shitty inside and looking fine on the outside.
A completely different disability that I have but I find it annoying when people do the baby talk thing too, as well especially when they are nurses, I am also an adult, I am not a child so yeah I can relate. I am guilty of the inspiration comment though, mainly because of ingrained stereotypes put into us through the culture or media, so I will think about that in the future. And yeah just being treated completely differently, like in social settings, as if in some way I am less of a person. I need some help depending on the day, but I don't need to be treated as a child, or with kid gloves. When I get angry, or upset, I don't want a reaction of, oh it's because he's having a hard time, or difficult moment. Anyway great video Lolo.
yes this has happened to me several times before, and yes I understand that there is none educated people and ignorant people but if I talk to an ignorant person, it will be on! but if not I'll just dumb it down like most people say... but I love you videos keep doing the good work and I'll see you in your next video
I can not believe (well I can believe yet it hasn't happened to me yet) about the person slapping you! That's crazy. I am going to have to think about my top ones and make a video also I think. The "What's wrong with you one" used to bother me until I really prayed about it (for a long time) and I think I've come to the realization that media has conditioned people to say/think this. Doesn't make it right and trust me when they say it I say "Well I wouldn't call it wrong but I am in a wheelchair because....." For me I feel pointing that out makes then think and also still being receptive to learning more. But trust me I wasn't always like this. Same thing goes with the "your so inspirational" thing. Depends what I am doing. Not everyone has a UA-cam channel so that is inspirational, not everyone can cut hair from a wheelchair, so that is inspirational. Everyone gets out of the house at some point lol, so that is NOT inspirational!! LOL. I just ask people "whats inspirational and why" of which they can rarely answer. Then I say I am just doing what I have to do to be a normal human being, you WOULD do the exact same thing if you were in my shoes (said with a smile). Then normal they either smile back or leave lol. I'd really love someone to be able to tell me WHY I am so inspiring lol. Great video! Thanks for sharing! sidenote: I know your name is Lolo but when I first saw your channel name I thought maybe you were playing of the idea of sitting low b/c being in a wc always makes us shorter! HA! I thought to myself "Yup I'm sitting pretty lolo too at 4'8" LOL. Hope you get the chuckle I did :P
Question: If I see a disabled person doing or about to do a task that's annoying or probably difficult, is it acceptable to politely ask if they would like a hand (NOT baby talk)? Depending on the situation I'll ask if I can help, for instance opening heavy store doors. But now I'm wondering if that's considered disrespectful. Side note, as an able bodied woman who's gone through a lot in a short time span, I've had people tell me that I'm so strong for keeping positive. I've literally answered multiple times : the alternative is not an option.
Thank you so much for asking. To answer your question, I believe it's best practices to take a moment to observe and be sure that the person is possibly having a difficult time, then proceed to ask if they need assistance. In my opinion and based on conversations I've had, people find it more rude to ASSUME we can't do something and rushing to help vs. noticing that we're having difficulty and asking if we need assistance. There's no universal guaranteed answer, but I think always asking first, is most likely the best way to go. It's moreso when people are pushy without our consent about assisting that makes it disrespectful. I'm so glad you asked :)
As a handicapped individual, I have never been offended if people ask me if I need/want help. But take the person's response at face value. This may sound obvious, but I met one lady who practically insisted on "helping" me despite my telling her multiple times that I was OK. All she was really doing was getting in my way and getting me annoyed.
Everything you said, I agree with. I never had a person ask me what's wrong with me/reason why I am in wheelchair. I guess it's bc I hv a mean grill..like don't come at with the bs. lol
I have a situation that I would like to have a conversation about, disclaimer: educate me, I want to learn what's right and wrong. As an insert to my personal perspective: I have a degenerative condition, where I am in a lot of general pain and have gone through all of the medical pathways and such up until this time period (in the early stages, still trying to figure it out without a serious disability yet), and the situation that happened is something that I may experience at some point in my future, but here it is: So my condition along with good upbringing and my extensive experience in customer service and my anxiety has led me to open a door for literally everyone, idk why, I'm just always aware of my surroundings and I hold doors open for people that are even farther than the normal social door opening period or something. idk. I recently got the dirtiest look from someone in a wheel chair when I held the door open for them, within what I would consider the socially normal door opening time period, and it made me feel like I did something wrong. I really didn't mean to offend this person, but I guess it did. Do you have any door opening tips? And if this person is reading this, I'm sorry, whatever you took from my actions wasn't intended as anything insulting. it's just part of my nature I suppose.
Thank you for sharing this. I love these types of conversation. Honestly, I'm not sure what would be a good tip for opening doors. Anytime someone opens a door for me I'm appreciative. lol. But thats where disability is a little tricky and not just disability, but people in general. It's that every person interprets actions or intentions differently and it's possible that the person felt you were doing it because, you thought, they couldn't open the door on their own. Then its possible if you didn't hold the door, that someone would think that you were rude for that. But I always believe that if YOUR intentions are kind hearted and it wasn't out of pity then that's good enough. :) Hope that helps!
Lolo, I'm an abled body person. I work with disabled people. I have some pet peeves too. This is my #1- people don't talk to people in wheelchairs, as if they are stupid and can't talk or respond. They address their comments to a caregiver or friend & ---also, people won't look at a person in a wheelchair, make eye contact and give a little nod or smile hello, as if they don't exist.BTW- I love your videos. They are so real.
I'm an "able-bodied" person as Lolo calls it, and I have gotten the "smiling" thing. It is SO annoying to me that I cannot even believe how offensive it must be to anyone with disabilities! I'm sorry for the troubles we have caused you!
I used to get offended by these stuffs but now I feel like let's not take them seriously, instead I try to explain them why such things might offend someone with disability like me or anyone in general. Life's meant to be fun.
I was searching for a video for my daughter to help her communicate to her classmates of what to NOT do/say to people with disabilities. BABY TALK!!! Totally what she is dealing with and not sure how to let them know she’s not cognitively delayed. I would LOVE to show her this, but not sure I should because of the language. 😂 would you consider making a short-ish video for school aged kids?
+Sara Califf I do my best to keep it kid friendly but also have to make sure I express myself authentically. But feel free to share the message with your words. :)
I only recently started using assistive devices, mainly like the scooters in Target or the grocery store. The other night, I ran into 4 different people I know (none particularly well) and I was grateful that most of them didn't seem surprised by the scooter but a couple I ran into obviously did and one of them (who I basically don't know at all) gave me the, like, nervous "so... oh my god, what happened? haha" I've been waiting cause I knew it'd happen eventually but ugh. I just. I want to show this video and others like it to everyone so they can stop being ignorant, nosey fools.
Girl thats why I make videos like these to have everyone share and start the discussion because it's important for society to have. Yes share it everywhere you can. lol
and when people talk to you like youre a child and you complain about it to your friends and family and they're like 'okay but they mean it well, you don't have to be annoyed'
More people need to educate themselves on invisible disabilities. It’s annoying and infuriating to explain to someone that just because someone isn’t actively in a wheelchair or have obviously deformities, doesn’t mean that they aren’t disabled! It makes people like myself look inferior because we don’t “look” like there is anything affecting us. I have fibromyalgia, you cannot see that, but it doesn’t make my pain any different just because it isn’t a visible thing. It doesn’t stop the swelling, the feeling like razor blades across the skin, the migraines, the extreme fatigue, and severe insomnia that keeps me up for days. It doesn’t change anything. Also that “friend” who smacked your hand, I would’ve smacked her face! Don’t smack someone’s hand away! If they say they’re good, then they’re good.
Yeah its so difficult and so many forms of disabilities that people are unaware of that its difficult to navigate through life. It's already bad enough with a visible disability I couldn't imagine feeling you have to explain your non-physical disability. Stay strong boo!
Sitting Pretty Lolo You’re an amazing person, I can see that plainly in your videos. You care, and you work hard to show that disabilities aren’t a bad thing. I love your messages. You really make me feel like someday we will make a difference in the way people view those with disabilities, visible or non visible. I’ll stand strong, along side you to work toward that day where disabilities aren’t seen as “something wrong”. Keep being you, you’re amazing. ☺️
☆THIS WILL BE LONG SORRY☆ I will give a little back story first because I think it's needed since my disability is mostly "invisible" but some things give it away, such as the wheelchair or crutches, braces or bruises...should they be with me at the time. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which has caused a TON of health problems from needing an NG (feeding) tube at times to being housebound and the pain, like Annie Elainey describes it is unbearable a lot of the time. I use a wheelchair but like you and like Annie, I can get around without it as long as it's not far or I'm not havong a huge flare or an awful day. I have a central line catheter port in my chest that tends to be rather visible if I'm hooked up to my IV infusions or even just wearing a shirt that shows the top of my chest. It's uncomfortable to have it hanging down the inside of my shirt and I rarely wear a bra because of pain andeven if I do, the bra is uncomfortable enough without having to tuck the tubing, microclave and cap into it. Our skin is very sensitive and easily damaged. The one thing I get the MOST that is like your #1 which is what I thought you were going to list, is "wow, I could never handle all the things you do. You have been through so much and I could never be as strong as you are." Wait....what??? I always explain that it's not like I was in an accident that put me right here in a split second. I've been brewing like a lobster in a pot and I just feel like the water is getting too hot, while the other people looking on see it as boiling and hope I escape soon pne way or another. I also say "yes you could. Wbat choice would you have? Suicide? Trust me, this is FAR from grounds for suicide even though sometimes the pain can make me feel like I'm dying, or wish I could die until the severity of whatever is going on has calmed down enough for it to be more tolerable. Then I'd want to rise from the dead and keep on keeping on. The number of ways that comment can be so insulting are endless. I mean I'm no hero. I'm no superwoman, and the person saying that wouldn't be alive right then at their age if they hadn't gone through trials of their own they thought were too hard. We as people are resilient. Unless we have a mentail illness that drives them to suicide or a terminal illness they wish to plan compassionate euthanasia for to avoid suffering a slow painful death putting their loved omes through absolute horror, than we have zero excuse to not wake up in the morning and take on the day. Even if, like me, a lot of those days are spent in bed. So....if any of you reading this has ever said "you're so strong! I could never handle everything you deal with!" Or "I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be able to". (Hello....that's why it's called DIS-abled, or better yet DIFFERENTLY-abled) and if they would have just stopped at the first comment and left off the "I wouldn't be able to", sometimes they say "good job" or "congrats" after that. For what? Living? Well congratulations back MF'r. The thing is, I totally understand that they are trying to be friendly and they're saying things on the back of nervousness or intimidation. I am heavily tattooed with pink dreadlocks and sleeve tattoos so I'm already somewhat of an attention grabber, put me in a funky designed medical filtration mask (Vogmask) and a wheelchair with braces on and a tube hanging out of my chest, I get it. I will say one thing about that though. The treatment I received when I was JUST in the wheelchair or usine my forearm crutches and or braces where I need then that day....or sometimes on a very good day maybe nothing at all if I know I will be able to sit right away and throughout, to now with my mask and my portacath and my wherlchair and service dog has been literally night and day. I was kneeling down in my backseat of my car buckling my dog in after grocery shopping when an older lady came over and asked me if I was ok and if I needed help with anything. I truly appreciated that gesture because I was clearly parked in handicapped, she'd seen me with my dog, and here I am on my hands and knees sitting on my heels with my back to her in my backseat and she was truly concerned. I would have done the exact same thing for someone in that scenario. We as differently abled people or people with disabilities need to also be very careful about remembering that there still is a stigma. We are all doing a great job combatting that which is amazing. We have to stay in the moment and try not to let it bother us if people are over the top or inappropriate in attempting to be friendly or helpful. We never know when we may swing the stigma too far to the other side where people might stop being helpful or kind and suddenly we find ourselves in a situation where we do need help and for whatever reason (say we're choking on something we are eating) those people are just walking by with no concern. I know this is an old video. I do hope you get a chance ro read it and/or it helps someone who does. I literally just found your channel today and I'm a bit hooked. I am very familiar with ALS (I was a nurse for 12 years, and my step dad was in the diagnostic process which turned out to be Guillain-Barre Syndrome that got very serious very fast. The docs thought it was ALS for quite a while before that. I didn't think I would relate to you as much as I do. What an surprise! Thanks for sitting pretty because although our styles couldn't be more opposite, you have helped me in the sense that I will think of you while I am in my wheelchair and my posture will have changed out of the confidence I have found in you. You're kicking ass and taking name (in the nicest ways possible)! Keep on truckin!! ☆SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG☆ (and thanks to anyone who stuck it out and read my cluttered brain fog filles word salad!)
Baby talk is the most annoying thing ever and people saying i'm an inspiration for no reason doesn't offend but makes me very awkward. The whole "whats wrong with you?" i get that all too often to get offended at this point.
I love this 🙌🏼😂 I’m a wheelchair user and these are so true! A personal favourite of mine is “..but you’re so young..” 🤔 Ok, I’ll just let my genetic condition know to stop and come back when I’m fucking 80! 🙄😂😂 I’m on the fence about being asked why I’m in a chair. On a “good” pain day, I’m ok with it as it spreads awareness for my condition. But on a bad pain day, it’s the last thing I want to talk about. I don’t ask people why they have a crooked nose, or massive ears, so why do people think it’s ok to ask why I’m in a wheelchair? 🤔 I just think it’s so rude 🤷🏼♀️ I never mind small children asking though, and I always tell them it’s because I didn’t eat my vegetables when I was a kid. Their parents usually thank me 🥰🤣
I know how that feels because I'm a person who has learning disabilities and people have said "you don't look disabled" Btw I have a UA-cam channel too so if you want to check it out be my guest
as a wheelchair person i rather have them ask me what's wrong with you rather than fucking staring, can't fucking stand when people stare especially adults who should know better
Yes, sorry I don't look the way YOU think a disabled person is supposed to look! And baby talking me will absolutely get you told the hell off. Exactly if I need or want your help I'll ask. Otherwise, stay outta my way. So much yes to this video. Ok, I'm an inspiration but not for being in a good mood or eating lunch alone. The ”what's wrong with you?”Question 🤬!!!!! This is the first video of yours I’ve seen and I love it! These are things I've had said to me or done to me and they infuriate me!
![Dating Struggles for People with DIsabilities [ CC ] || Sitting Pretty](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LXtIWb7i0Pc/mqdefault.jpg)
![Dating Struggles for People with DIsabilities [ CC ] || Sitting Pretty](/img/tr.png)
![Top 3 Funny Things Able Body People Say [CC] || Sitting Pretty](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/syFW1zhdgPY/mqdefault.jpg)
![STORYTIME: DISABILITY DATING, RELATIONSHIPS, & SEX [CC] | Sitting Pretty](/img/n.gif)
I'm still not keen on the "Why are you in a wheelchair?" question, but I do think it's better than "What's wrong with you?" I'm pretty open and like to raise awareness where I can. But to me, if someone asks me personal questions about my disability when they don't know my name, it strikes me as being nosey and rude. If they cared about me as a person, they'd ask me my name first.
The worst thing someone has said to me was "If you pray hard, God will do miracle." I found this not just insulting to my disability, but also to my strength of faith and my God. XX
Wow yeah sometimes really religious people can be insulting. That's like saying you don't pray hard enough because you're still disabled. Or assuming you're not enjoying life as a disabled person and you want to be a miracle. Hell, I like cutting long lines at the store. lol! Being disabled is tough, but they don't know how positive you live your life, you know? Hell, you're probably living a way happier life than them! lol. That's so rude of them because if they believed in God they would know everything and everyone has a purpose and he makes no mistakes. Smh sorry that just annoyed me that that happened to you. lol.
Exactly! I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is a genetic condition. The way I see it, God made me this way. As my health has deteriorated and I've become disabled, I feel that I'm more able to do His work through my blog and social media channels. I've been given an opportunity by God to encouraging others in a similar situation to live their lives to the fullest and not be ashamed or embarrassed because of their mobility aids. I'm proud of what I can do to help others and am hoping I can use my UA-cam channel to do more of the same, once I'm well enough to film again.
I'd heard of comments like this on social media, but I never expected I'd experience it myself. I do count myself lucky though, it's always strangers that say inappropriate things to me. Never friends of family. I know others aren't as lucky and have to put up with ignorant and rude comments from people who supposedly love them. Xx
When Tania Talks I have marfan syndrome with hypermobility so we are practically ctd cousins.
Yep some able-bodied people can be very annoying
i welcome the questions, because answering peoples questions educates them and it helps dispel the assumptions and it helps people become more comfortable and at ease once they know the whats and whys, BUT the caveat is, get to know them a little first before you ask the more personal questions; and then, ask something like : , can i ask you about your wheels?.... how does your disability effect you, what is it called,?'' but. before you jump right into the detailed personal questions, ask if a person's okay with questions about their wheelchair / disabilities .
WHAT. ARE. WE. SUPPOSED. TO FRIGGIN. LOOK. LIKE?!
SAY IT, LOLO!!!
Love ya boo!
Oh yeah! Say it again!
I think the amount of times I have dealt with all the same problems is overkill to even talk about anymore to the point I almost do not even bother to waist my time to tell people anything sometimes and I just ignore it or I will start to cuss a hole lot. I would of though the list would of been way longer. like over 100. Thank you for putting these videos out. I am not even going to bother to put the same stuff out that almost every handicapped youtuber has put out over the years and I am not saying to stop putting out these kinds of videos, I am just saying I have gave up on humanity a long long time ago. I like your videos. I personally if I put anything out it would most likely have nothing to do with my disability and I would not read the posts much ever other then to copy past correcting people when they say the wrong thing and I just type up a document and copy it and paste it in my reply every fecking time. lol It's not to say it would not be obvious that I have a disability I would be sitting in my power chair strapped in they are just positioning straps and then there is the padded seat belt, which would probably just get me a lot of people asking questions which I would not even bother to reply about other then to maybe do 1 video and they would have to find it as I am not going to repeat myself over and over again. After a while I stopped doing videos as some of them were about doing a lot of nowt, which means nothing, and then there are pervs who just want to see how a person in a wheelchair does something when all I'm doing is making tea and chatting while the old smartphone is recording my video, as I never intend to get anything better other then many an other smartphone. Oh before I forget nowt could also mean an ox or cattle, but it is a British slang word which means 'nothing'.
Damn, did I go out without my "DISABLED" t-shirt, and the trousers with my diagnoses written on each leg AGAIN today!?! Next you'll be telling me the "invisibly ill" tattoo has worn off my forehead!
You're supposed to look like someone who can stand up.
*shrugs*
What I hated the most was when they would say oh dear, you will never get married or have a baby.. I proof them wrong because I did get married and have 2 kids and 2 grandchild. One time this girl ask me who's the girl that I had in my lap. I told her that she's my daughter and she looks at me with a surprise look and ask me how did I did it. I just asked her have you ever opened your 2 legs? They felt offended and walked away and my husband said that I was rude and I just told him you ask stupid questions you get rude answers. I have gotten those baby talk and I also hated with a passion. Great vid.
That made me laugh out loud, because it's the sort of answer I can imagine myself or any of my adult relatives saying. XD
nery colon 1 I get that too. People also ask if I "messed him up". Nope, wheelchair use doesn't cause autism. We were just lucky enough to have a wonderfully weird and unique child who makes life a lot more fun.
the worst thing is when people were like appalled that someone who has been sitting in a wheelchair stands up. dude! not everybody who sits on a wheelchair totally paralysed.
I am a personal assistant (aka pack mule) to a girl who has cerebral palsy and walks with canes (that's why I'm the pack mule). I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times people have stopped me to ask, "what's wrong with her?" or asked me when they find out what I do for work. Oh. My. Goodness. NOTHING! There is nothing freaking wrong with her! She's wonderful and perfect and she notices you talking about her.
But I answer and am very nice because I'm not about to lose my job over stupid people.
I loved the video! Nice work! Hopefully you can convince people to stop acting afool
You've probably already done this but maybe ask the girl how she wants you to handle those situations out of respect for her? I tell ppl to say to them "Why dont you ask her?" (with a big friendly smile. Thanks for being the pack mule btw, we need them :P
For sure! Thankfully, we spend a lot of time in the same places each week and everybody knows us and is super friendly. I'm grateful for them. And the girl is super comfortable in her own skin so she doesn't mind it as much as I do, in reality. Or maybe she's just used to it, which would be disappointing
"You're so pretty, I would date you if you didn't have a walker"
UGH!!!!! hate when people say that. Definitely something people should never say.
Grr! At least I tell myself it weeds the wrong ones out.
Oh my god. These are so accurate! Another one I hate is...
"Why do you bother buying shoes if you don't walk?" I'm like bitch, I love me some shoes and they complete my outfit. It's like saying, why do you wear a hat if it isn't sunny?
Also, not vocal thing but, I hate when people stare at me!
I'd be wearing stilletos every day if I didn't have to walk in them!!! 😂
Same I can relate to this when I push my mom using a wheel chair (she has prosthetic legs) I hate it when people stare!!! Its so annoying!!!
Cause I don't walk places i wear crazy shoes I could never walk distances in. My giant studed boots are my favourite.
Wtf is wrong with able bodied people
@@권혜리-y1j They don't want to realize that being abled (passing) is always temporary, is my guess.
This was said to my mom not to me but I think it counts
"Are you sure that Melissa is disabled she's so pretty?" The two are not mutually exclusive. And yes she is sure I'm disabled.
What is that about? like you can't be disabled AND pretty? lol. People are just rude... I'm going to have to do a video on just that alone. lmao.
Not to mention that, HELLO, you're right there. They can speak to you directly instead of asking whoever you're wherever with about you, who's literally right there with full mental faculties. It's not like you can't speak for yourself. That's so condescending on so many levels.
The baby talk is so annoying to me. I am a visually impaired grown woman who takes a city bus to go to work and I used it to go to school and I would get people saying, "OMG look at you. You are so brave for taking a city bus by yourself and braving the weather." I take the bus just like everyone but the only difference is the fare price.
Thanks for sharing these! Yes, people speaking to me in a patronizing or infantilizing way is annoying. I hate when strangers touch me out of the blue- especially if they "pet" my arm, hand, head, shoulder, etc. I will quickly command them to NOT touch me if I anticipate it but it is never a popular request. I also tell strangers not to touch my wheelchair. I'm VERY firm.
Like yourself, I know why I am inspirational in some cases- I do smile a lot and have far more solo adventures than most people I know, but I agree that people may just say this because they can't imagine what it is like to live with a degenerative neuromuscular disease and have mobility and pain issues.
I often replay comments or situations back in my head wondering what I would do or say if they happened again. For example, once I had a woman who I didn't know take my keys out of my hand to open the door to our condo building. That was such a shock to me, and it won't happen again because I wouldn't be so passive. There was absolutely no reason for her to do that! Sometimes I am pleased with my responses....sometimes not.
Yesterday, a man saw me sitting in front of an elevator in my power chair and asked me, "Are you ok?" I quickly replied, "Yes. Are you ok?" I think my point was made.
Last week two different people asked me if I had, "kicked my boyfriend" when I was out alone using my power wheelchair. They saw that I had a walking boot on. I ignored them completely, which feels rude to me but it was so ridiculous to have this asked as a conversation opener.
I do like the suggestion to reply, "That's a personal question."
Today a woman said to me, "You won't always be an invalid. Soon you won't need that wheelchair." I don't remember my response but it hopefully was something like, "You have no idea what you are talking about and that was completely inappropriate." Ironically, she was using a walker.
I was shopping with a newish friend and the cashier handed the very small and light bag containing my purchase over to my friend instead of me when I paid for it. My friend actually took this tiny bag and started carrying it out of the store. I was not impressed, but I did explain to her how I felt instead of saying nothing. I wish I had also told the cashier how inappropriate it was.
I know I have to relax, laugh more and use these opportunities as "teachable moments". We can't control the actions of others- only our own.
When people say what's wrong with you? I say nothing and roll on, they always seem confused after that. I always wonder what a person in a wheelchair is "supposed" to look and act like. People and their sense of entitlement annoy me. Remember, if we want to volunteer information we definitely know how. Great video as usual!
All really good points!! I also don't like when people say, you're to young to be in a wheelchair or you're to pretty to be in a wheelchair like we're all supposed to be ugly! Haha just don't get some people.
Comments like that just shows there ignorance
I've been in a chair my entire life (I'm 40). It boils my blood to hear, "Wow, you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair." Or when they try to make jokes, "Do you have a license to drive that thing? Your going to get a ticket, slow down." I could go on forever lol.
I've gotten all of those jokes too! lol.
All. Of. This.
I just ask them a nosy question back lol. Like if they ask me if I can have sex I ask them if they can have an orgasm hahaha. I agree we are not hear to satisfy their curiosity but I also struggle with wanting ppl to know we are as normal as they are and so I answer a lot. I might start asking ppl out for coffee bc maybe that means they wanna be friends. ill take someone asking that wants to be a real friend over someone that just wants to ask and then ill never see them again. p.s. I tend to make things up when ppl ask whats wrong with me until I see if they'll stay around lol. Once my ex told someone it involved a hamster and a patch of ice...or something crazy like that lol.
lol that's one way of answering those questions lol
Nowadays....when somebody asks what's wrong with me...I just say,"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm doin' fine. How 'bout yourself?". When it's a child who asks...I don't get offended...I tell 'em the truth...unless that kid's being a total jerk then...well...I say,"How Rude!". :D
Rebelwheels NYC ask them if they have an STD. Same thing. Intrusive demand for info about your physical condition.
Of course I've been asked this question once or twice, but never so rudely as that. Able bodied people simply ask why can't you walk? I've been called, "just a fucking invalid." I've only been okay with the term physically challenged ever since then. I also was told by one of my aides that not a lot of people cared to take me to the bathroom, but that wasn't even a little surprise to me. This aide also delighted in telling me I had gained a few pounds however, my experiences with able bodied people have mostly been positive. Girl you're awesome!
Your attitude is inspiring! It's not even because you're in a wheelchair, your attitude is just so overwhelmingly vibrant and passionate. It can be hard for anyone to keep a smile in this nasty world. Keep living. Rock on.
Awwwwww thank you so much!!!!
I'm a new subscriber and I'm so glad I've found a UA-cam that tells it like it is for us women with disabilities! The thing that I get that boils my blood is "it's such a shame your only 18" like no it's not a shame I'm just living my dame life! Also this comment can sometimes quite upset me because I've only recently in the past year had to use a wheelchair as my mobility has declined and it's like they keep reminding me that my life is different now which I am still coming to terms with myself!!! Urg! Keep telling it how it is!!!! ❤️
One thing that gets on my nerves is that some people think that it's OK to use the R word when referring to those with disabilities.
Lindsay Kerr I’m sorry to ask but was is the R word?
@@somemusician3832 the " r word " she was reffering to is retarded. The term more comamnly used these days is intilectually challenged. But they're relitivly the same diagnosis that's Al no harm done .
Sometimes I need a wheelchair, and other days I can walk short distances, and I also have some mild mental imaprements.
When I'm walking and need some mental assistance, (figuring out price differences, understanding simple dirrections, etc) I will offten get scoffed at, and even sometimes flat out told that I'm stupid or retarded, and then they'll just walk off without helping me. When I'm in a wheelchair everyone just assumes that I'm intellectually impaired, even if I don't say anything, and speaks to me in a baby voice, and are hyper synsitive about what they say or do.
I look normal, all my illnesses are invisable, so it comes down to how others perceive I should be mentally, based on if I use a mobility device.
Everyone should just treat others with kindness and respect. If they need help then help, if they say they've got it, then they've got it, and don't ever belittle someone.
Great video. People should be more aware.
I found your channel from the collab with Tommy Edison, and I can't wait to watch all the rest of your videos. I love your humour and your no-nonsense attitude.
;) Thanks!
"If you work out or go outside, you will feel better." I've heard this before. I have an autoimmune disorder which attacks my gut, called Celiac, social anxiety, chronic pain, chronic fatigue & depression...etc(all thanks to the Celiac and genetics.) I know working out long term helps me a lot, but it is not a fix all, especially after having a major flare up. And I would rather not go outside sometimes (people are out there!! I like being out and about, but only when I am with my comfort people, like my husband) Another thing is someone telling me "why don't you just forget about that today" when I asked if something had gluten in it. Uh how about no?? Long term effects of gluten can lead to cancer, it already killed my gallbladder, and makes me incredibly sick seconds after eating it. Overweight also. Lost 40 pounds. "Oh you look so happy now!" or "You look so pretty." Gee, thanks.
You know one thing I HATE being told is that assuming that I'm lazy for being in my chair. it actually happened the other day. I was approach by a women who asked kindly ( or i thought she did) my name and asked why was i in a wheelchair! my answer usually is because of an injury i had to my spinal cord a few years ago) nothing more or detailed just plain answer but this women said " so you are paralyzed i was no i'm not but walking long distance is a struggle for me", she was just oh so you are just being lazy and just wanted to show it off right?? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! do people automatically think that just because i'm NOT paralyzed mean that i'm being lazy for NEEDING my chair that i enjoy it That if i could be a normal person who can walk as far and as much I WOULD!!!! That No matter how much Physical Therapy i get My body Simply CAN NOT do what i would LOVE for it to do Walk. there are days where i can't even Stand!!! So don't tell me i'm being LAZY because i Am NOT i have a real disability!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE IS!!! i call her rude, arrogant and few others. she walked away Angry and i was frustrated for a least a few hours!!!! ! i get asked A LOT because of Hazel (my service Dog) and why i have her but man sometimes dealing with people who ask and ask or say comments about my disability is A LOT harder than having it!!!
Woooooow that's so unfortunate you had to go through that and completely fucking annoying. People's ignorance can be so shocking.
Sitting Pretty Lolo sorry about the rant. I guess I was still pretty piss off when I thought about. I am wheelchair bound but I can still walk but walking long distance I struggle. But yes people can be that why. I don't have a problem with my chair why do other people do? I love your videos by the way ever single thing you have mentioned it has happened to me why the he'll are people so stupid right?
i feel you. i have problem walking long distance too. but i try to walk as much as i can and try to slowly increase the amount of distance i walk every time.
i find it extremely ironic that able bodied people are the very ones who would rather spend money to buy an electric scooter and scoot everywhere they go rather than cycle or walk. i would never want to use an electric scooter or whatever hoverboard shit these kids have been using. as long as i can still walk, i will choose to walk. able bodied people just doesn't know how much they take life for granted.
I too have problems walking very far - chronic pain condition - was using a stick for 3 years, but 2 hours out would wipe me out for like a week and a half, got my chair 2 months back, and am able to enjoy my time out now. I have yet to have an ignorant comment or someone call me lazy, but I have had looks getting out of the chair. 1 or 2 people asked what happened, but I don't mind if its genuinely curious, its still a little weird though. 1 question though, why the fuck do some establishments disabled toilet doors so gadamn heavy?!
Wow! I never knew people could be so ignorant! I cannot get out of my chair but I can see how annoying that would be! I would have YELLED at the woman. The worst thing anyone has said to me was: omg so you can actually push yourself?
It's messed up that people think this way, but a lot of people assume "disabled" also means mental retardation or severe learning disability. It's ignorant, but people expect a disabled person to be totally helpless, not wear nice clothing, and look malformed. When they see a pretty woman who they can have a conversation with who's disabled, it blows their small minds.
As someone who is legally blind "what's wrong with you, are you blind or something ?" Always irks me
Beverly Gordon shut them up quick just say "yes, yes I am blind"
I once knew a guy who was vision impaired. He would constantly be asked “have you tried glasses?” It was astounding how ignorant people can be!
The phrase "that, like, literally boils my entire soul" (at 7:20) was so effective at conveying that Vibe™ when someone asks, "What's wrong with you?"
:)
Had to make another comment one pet peeve of mine is someone always asking me "so where is your aide?" It makes me feel like I'm incapable of traveling or doing anything independently.. I do use an aide to help me with my personal needs and household stuff but most of the time I do like to travel independently, it just pisses me off like someone asking a child where is your parent?...
"Who brought you here?" lol grrrrrr
Elizabeth Flint I've gotten that one.
ugh that's definitely wack of them to say
A stranger approached me once when I was in my chair and said “it’s good that you’re out!”.... felt just as bad as when people asked me what I was doing out of the house when I used to wear a neck brace all the time.
Ugh so annoying! Thanks for sharing!
I totally understand. I hate “What’s wrong with you?” I always say “Nothing what’s wrong with you?” As nicely as I can and then stare straight into their eyes smiling until they feel so awkward they turn away. I promise you they never say it to me again. I also hate when they think because they have time to talk I have nothing important to do. If I had to stop for every “curious “ (nosy) person who passed me I would never get off the train platform. My life is not your entertainment.
Exactly!!!!!!
🙌🏽👍🏽
I understand you, I'm a disabled person. But, I think maybe sometimes they ask or say things like that to some of us because we look so damn good. People still have in their minds the image of a person with a disability that looks sick, a little broken, not very good. Where I live, Guatemala, people still have these squared minds where a person with a disability must show them with their lives that they do, feel, act just like everybody else, and that is how the paradigm changes. Not easy, but possible and I am commited to change minds here in Guatemala! Great video by the way!
Love this!!!!!
It is true right? I prefer to look at the positive side of everything.
Thank you so much! I will definitely watch out not to say these stupid things. Not having a disability does not mean that you can be disrespectful to people who do. you are wonderful !
Thank you so much for being mindful of these things. Trust your kindness will go a long way. :)
Thanks for this video, Lolo. You bring up good points, and hopefully at least some able-bodied viewers will see it and learn from it.
The slogan “Assist, don’t insist” is meant to clue in those who leap to your aid, whether you want it or not. However, it very rarely sinks in. I’m not shy to ask for help when I need it, so just wait and see if I ask for help.
One of the most frustrating things has to be the people who hold a door open for you, while standing in the doorway! They seem to think the wheelchair and user can fold up and slip past them. When I politely ask them to move to one side so I can move through the door, often the person will get very offended. I’ve been called very rude, and was even cursed one time, as in “Damn you!”, just for asking the “helpful” person to move out of the doorway. It’s very frustrating.
Another aspect of uninvited assistance is that I’m limited in what I can do, so don’t take away the things I am able to do. Don’t take away the remaining bits of my independence, please! Let me do the job, even if I struggle a bit. I’ll ask for help if I need it.
When you said "baby talk", I was thinking people asking you about your sex life. Although I imagine that would be annoying too XD
If the situations were reversed, all of these would offend me if somebody said them to me because I'm able-bodied. I can't imagine somebody saying to me that I look disabled, so why people think it's okay to say that a disabled person doesn't look disabled is baffling.
Girl that's what I'm saying like what is disabled look like? lol! Thanks so much for watching :)
A lot of people do not understand that many disabled people have different needs and use different aids to make it through the day. Education is so needed and channels such as yours help.
I am very appreciative of learning as much as possible about the challenges of having a disability. Awareness is connected to growth like white on rice. It is my purpose to expand myself and become a better person in totality. Thank you for bringing up areas that could become uncomfortable for someone dealing with disabilities. I am generally a helpful person, I find joy in it. You've shed light on it for me to be more discerning when it comes to this area as to not make a disabled person feel uncomfortable.
Here Lolo goes again, making a video that speaks my mind! :) to me, what's even worse than baby talk, is when people talk to me really slow like I can't understand, or even worse, when people address questions to people that are with me rather than just asking me, like I'd be incapable of understanding what they're saying.
Omg the worst!!! Thats happened to me too. lol.
Number two is completely on point! Great video sadly I've had to deal with all three of these 👏👏
Preach!!! What is "Disabled" suppose to look like?!?! Really people. Love all 3 points you made. All valid and things I have encountered....These points are all reasons why advocating for disability is so important! I have a channel where I advocate for Disability and Chronic pain. There are so many uneducated and ignorant people out there who just don't know better. Just last week I had a man tell me that I can't park in a handicap spot and use the gym at the same time! I was at the gym to do a yoga class that my "Chronic Pain Doctor" told me to take! I was so angry 😡 But then calm myself down. I reminded myself that he just didn't know better and was probably ignorant. I have seen so many memes on Social media that just perpetuate all the same stereotypes about disability over and over again! Channels like ours give people the opportunity to learn that these things are not true. Keep up the good fight!!! 💪 As always sending you lots of happy mermaid vibes and all my love 😋💗🌀🐚🐬
Absolutely love this! Yes most folks are ignorant which is why folks like ourselves need to be advocating and spreading awareness. It's just annoying that people even feel obligated to say anything. lol. Keep up the good work yourself boo!!
Hey there, Lolo. I know exactly what you are talking about. Another thing is when people ask the able-bodied person that we are with what we would like, instead of asking us.... it's as though we have a learning challenge, as well as the physical one. Inspiration porn is when people act as if even the slightest things that we do is so unexpected, like we are the exception to the rule... what they mean is, "I didn't expect that out of a person with a disability... you are so inspirational." The greatest disability that we have are the attitudes of the able-bodied towards us. I truly believe that whatever we were born to be we can be. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and other orthopedic conditions... so I wasn't born to be a Jesse Owens, Carl Lewis or an Olympic track star... my purpose in life was and is to be a public speaker... and God gave me the voice, volume, mind and ability to do that. God gives you exactly what YOU need. I have been a preacher, teacher, author, disability advocate and I now started a Facebook live broadcast and have a UA-cam channel (go to G William Scott) to discuss the issues that impact people with challenged abilities. I love this discussion, Lolo, and hope that you continue to address the ableism that still exist in this country, this society needs to take an inventory of how it views and treats us... and we need to become more vocal and bold in showing them who we really are and what we can really do. You go, girl.
Love your comment! and I would add that we need to demand accurate representation in Hollywood. The experiences ppl have with other ppl with disabilities is what forms the stereotypes. unfortunately most ppl only have experience with tv. I am so hoping shows like Speechless will be a kickstarter for change!! ill check out your channel!
I agree, Living Able
I will definitely check out your channel, thanks for sharing. :)
You make a very good point, Living Able. I would also suggest that more disabled people should consider going into acting and/or modeling (at least on the side), as well as script writing. Hollywood does need to more accurately portray disabled people, but that will require more disabled people available to fill those roles, and writing them so they're more accurate. I would love to see this happen.
May I add a few phrases to your list, as well as add more information and explanation to what you had already said in your video, being a disabled person myself? People who say "I'm sorry you have a disability." Now, I understand if someone feels bad that I can't do things as well as other, able bodied people can do, however, when someone says "I'm sorry" that usually means the individual pities me. Please don't pity disabled people, that doesn't help them, it only discourages them from living their lives to the fullest. My most hated phrase is when someone says "You're weak, because you have a disability". Thank you for pointing out to not say to a disabled person "You're such an inspiration!" I like your example, it reminds me of something that happened to me, when I was younger. In Sixth Grade, there was an award ceremony, in which every student got a certificate of achievement, such as highest grades, no absences from school, etc. Anyway, the principal at the time asked if I wanted to get the certificate of achievement for being the most inspirational. I felt honored to receive such a high standing award, while the same time, confused as to why it would be given to me in the first place, since I didn't do anything that I could remember to earn it. The principal went on to say that I already earned the Inspiration award for surviving prematurity and living my daily life so normally, which is how I got C.O.P.D.. I asked why my classmates didn't get this same reward, as it's a miracle that their lives were formed, too. My principal insisted that it was because anyone could live a healthy life, however, not everyone survived three month prematurity, before the preventive medicines of nowadays. I must have turned three shades of red in as many seconds, once I realized that this award wouldn't be for making the most progress academically or displaying a talent of mine but just for breathing and performing my regular activities. I flipped out and told her, no, I would not take this award, because I did nothing to earn it, I have no memory of surviving prematurity and even if I did, I wouldn't want to be remembered for something that I had survived but instead, for something I had accomplished, through my own determination and hard work, the process of which I could remember going through. The only good thing to come out of it, was getting the first ever, publishing award from the school, for the poem I had published in the Dimensions Poetry book of 2000. It's amazing how, after somebody says "you don't look disabled," showing that person my inhaler, makes the person shut up really fast. I think the most infuriating thing is when my acquaintances, who all had disorders of some for or other that weren't obvious, claimed that I didn't have any disability and was lying to get attention, next to being told by someone who was trained to help disabled people, that she didn't think I was disabled, because I didn't look or act like a disabled person, meaning, I didn't have any physical deformities or intellectual challenges. Some people really need to open mouth and reengage brain, instead of open mouth, insert foot. Thanks again for your video.
I was at a store and one of the employees asked me what was wrong because I was in a wheelchair and I just told him "nothing" and we continued talking. I thought it was fine, but when we left my able bodied cousin complained about how rude he was. I was good with it though, just saying nothing was wrong and moving on
Yeah my abled bodied cousins get frustrated with rude remarks from people as well. Sometimes I have to calm them down like "look that person isn't worth the fight." lol
Love your channel! I have invisible disabilities and use a service dog to help with daily life. And yeah I can NOT stand it when someone asks "well, what's wrong with you". Or I can hear them talking with their friends trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
I seriously love your videos! I can relate to all of these, especially the baby talk. But the one that really gets me is the whole “you don’t look disabled“ thing. People tell me all the time that I don’t look blind or I’m too pretty to be blind. I made a whole video about that one statement on my channel because I had that much to say about it lol
I feel you completely!!!
Too pretty to be blind? 😂 that’s just too much 🤣🤣🤣
Oh wow! This video was awesome! I am a disabled person myself and I have gone through these things and I know exactly what you mean. You go, girl!
when people say oh ur such an inspiration it’s almost like saying that our lives aren’t worth living and we should hold ourselves in lower esteem than others - almost as if our lives and worth the same things... it’s kinda like saying i wouldn’t want to live if i were you and it’s sO OFFENSIVE !!!!!!!!!
Lolo, i jus have to say as a fellow disabled indivivual i know its a "not to say" vid... Have you ever been given the "pity face?" Personally i hate when ppl do that!
haha yes definitely. That would be hilarious to do a video on that!
I'm also disabled. (I have Spina bifida, along with epilepsy, Hydrocephalus, and Arnold Chiari LV.2, which is where the brain is tilted/not in the normal position. I've been disabled since birth.) I get the questions in the video so many times that I just either don't answer vocally, or I'll say that I'll let them know. I use a wheelchair to help me maneuver wherever I need to go, and I take Keppra twice a day to help me with my epilepsy. I also have everything I use modified so it's easier on my body, such as getting a hospital-grade bed to help with pressure sores and a special seat, plus a ramp that Dad built to help me in the house. It's also annoying if you're at a parade, and people run in front of you to catch something from the float that was being thrown at you as if you weren't going to catch it.
OMG, I fucking love how you articulate all this stuff -- you have such a knack for putting these things in the right perspective and context 😁 I found your channel through the Buzzfeed video that just went up and I have a feeling I'm gunna be watching your content all morning 😊
I'm also a UA-camr with disabilities and I relate so much to your top 3 here. There are times when it just baffles me that people don't realise they should just be treating us like, y'know...PEOPLE 😒 Like, how is it this complicated to treat us with respect, like human adults?? Smh.
I'm so going to film my own "things not to say to people with disabilities" video and credit you as the source of the idea 😊 Thanks for this fantastic video and I can't wait to see more of your content! 😁 💖
Thanks so much! Yes please do make your video!
I have friends that help me without me asking which I appreciate it because it shows they pay attention to what I struggle with but am too stubborn to ask for
My friends are the same way too! But I don't mind asking for help.
Oh my gosh yessss!!! I agree completely with the baby talk! I've been in a wheelchair since age three so I get around really well and this lady was like "Awee sweetie! You get around really well!"All in baby talk I'm 21 years old! it was so annoying lol
Great video! I just found your channel through Tommy's and I've been bingeing them this past hour :D On all the other videos so far, I've found your personality charming and your perspective very refreshing..
But now, to this, I cannot say "thank you for the new point of view" because THIS IS ALL COMMON SENSE. Omg it sucks so much that you had to make this video, I am so sorry you've experienced these situations. I am able bodied and I do not have any invisible disability, and I do not personally know a single person living with any sort of disability, yet I understand that it is RUDE and so ignorant to speak this way to anyone!
Thank you so much for enjoying my content :) One thing I've learned is that common sense aint common, lol, but at the end of the day I'm just hoping for anyone who was ever curious and maybe some who had no idea, that this video was helpful in some way. :) Thanks for watching!
I totally hear ya about people not always being convinced about your disability. People see that I'm short - obviously. But I don't use my wheelchair all of the time and I'm really independent, so a lot of people don't really get it. Just because at this moment I'm not using my chair, or I'm walking well in this instance, or I'm feeling good today, it doesn't mean I don't have a disability. Even people who are close to me. I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI, my bones break all of the time) and I actually had friends ask me "Anyone can break a bone. What's the big deal?" I was speechless.
OMG THE BABY TALK. Yup. On point.
She. Smacked. Your. Hand. WHAT????????
This whole video though. Yup. All accurate.
Ugh people are so rude undermining our disabilities. Girl the world is just a hot mess. lmao
Sitting Pretty Lolo It really is!
Literally saving this video to show people who do this to me. People just dont get it like at all even people who know me and have known me for 5 or 10 years don't get it. I would say exactly the same things you have in this video talking about experiences that i have maybe just had and these people go "do you not like being called an inspiration" or my personal favourite "they just are naive" like since when is one of these 3 things ok?? Never... thats when.
As a disabled person that I am myself I personally don't think there's something or anything wrong with people asking me questions about my disability or telling me things about my disability or even trying to help me. It shows respect on my part towards the person/people that are trying to help or asking me questions and me answering them. there's no need to be rude. I get we are trying to be independent but it doesn't hurt and we won't get butt hurt if we except the help that is being offered to us. If you were to be struggling with things and no1 offered to help you then you would complain that people are so mean and rude because they don't help even when they see you struggle. People are just curious and if you disabled youtubers weren't so quick to get offended you would understand that. Stop getting so butt hurt easily and learn to appreciate what is being offered to you or asked. There are a lot of things if not the majority I can do for myself when I'm out and about but if I'm being offered the help I excepted because that shows respect from me towards the other person. That attitude that we as disabled people tend to bring out is what pushes people away from us. Let people help you your independence ain't gonna go anywhere just cuz people offer you the help and this goes for any disabled person. You have more days and times that you'll be able to continue to be independent. You have 24hrs in a day and the people who offer the help ain't going to be with you those 24hrs everyday....
I see what you are saying here and I mostly agree. If someone ASKS if they can help I generally accept it. But I once had a chick literally grabbing things out of my hands to put them on the conveyor belt at the store. She never said hi or acknowledged I was looking at her crazy lol. I was looking at her crazy b/c it hadnt happened like that before. Normally ppl acknowledge me first. I did what apparently was my natural instinct and held onto the object tighter lol. It was just so strange! I do agree that i will take a world where ppl offer t help over a world no one asks to help any day. And I don't want to ever give ppl a bad impression about ppl with disabilities so i try to do whatever in a polite way. But you can be polite and educate though as well and I hope if my situation with the chick ever happens again i'll be prepared and at least ask her to ask or say hi or something. I think thats really why i grabbed it tighter bc i was thinking to myself "are you really grabbing things from me and not even looking at me, saying hi, nothing lol?"
Living Able I don't think or I highly doubt these people are trying to harm us in any way. I think that because they see us disabled their first instinct is to help without even asking but there's no need to be rude. If we feel they are being rude by just walking up to us an helping us without even asking us the way we respond to their not asking us if we need help and them just automatically assuming we need help is not right either and 2 wrongs don't make a right. We need to let our pride and ego down some. Like I said before some people won't even help and just sit there and enjoy watching you struggle. A little bit of help that is being offered won't hurt or take away our independence. Let's stop getting butt hurt.
Found your channel through when you blogged with Molly Burke.
Just watched one video so far and I already love you.
And I had a gym teacher say "then what can you do?" To me when I was trying to explain that I cannot do contact sports and such.(Congential heart problem) And if that lady had not been protected by the fact she was a teacher would've lost it.
Then there was that time a classmate goes "you can't do that"Me "watch me"
Thanks so much for liking my channel. I love me some Molly she's so great! ....They really need to start training teachers on social etiquette because that was just rude what they said to you.
Can you imagine that class though? Would be kinda funny like "don't do this..."
"What are we suppose to look like" was my favorite part.
I casually never bothered subscribing to anyone's vids but I had to subscribe here. awesome vids make me feel more confident with with my wheelchair which I've been having a hard time getting used to.
Awwww thanks so much I'm so glad you enjoy my videos! Stay confident boo, you are uniquely made so own that shit and don't let anything stop you. ;)
This was so on point!! As a disabled female I agree with this entire video. I just like you am not so much bothered by "your inspiration" as some because I feel it may shine a light on the fact that you might be lazy as hell as an abled bodied person. Lol. Thank you for posting! Much Love....
When you’re told that you’re only “kinda pretty” after you tell someone that you haven’t seen for years that you’re still using a walker and they act like that’s some kind of let down
One of my biggest URG comment is when people try to give me random advice they read on the internet or heard somewhere that are supposed to "fix" me, like ohh my friend's cousin went vegan and they healed right up, etc. No amount of vegan diet, jogging, humming is going to "fix" my autoimmune disease or make my walking easier, and it's gross when people I barely know feel they can approach me to give me grandma recipes because 1) if you're not feeling good that day, it feels extra shitty to have to take the time to tell a bodyabled or healthy person that no, i can't be cure or become like you 2) it's rude to have people approach you and say you basically need fixing
Ugh I totally feel you. Thats like when people tell me to go to the gym to become stronger. It's like why so my muscle mass can deteriorate quicker? It's so annoying. lol.
Sitting Pretty Lolo I get one or two comments a week about how someone's friend went vegan and it cured their diabetes, that they didn't need insulin anymore and it's infuriating because you can't cure type 1 (my type) and to tell another person that, risk them deciding not to take their insulin anymore, is incredibly dangerous. the amount of people who tell me to "just eat right and exercise" to "fix" my autoimmune diseases or or my endo. like, no amount of exercise will magically fix my uterus wtf. It already misinformation and it's nosy as fuck, I didn't ask you to fix me.
Sitting Pretty Lolo Everytime someone gives me a huge and noisy know-it-all speech about how to fix diabetes, I kid you not, 99% of the time they don't even know the difference between type 1 and type 2.
I completely believe it. lol. Damn people just let us live. lol.
Wow, smacked your hand. That is some shit.
Lisa theCatDude Yeah, I shouted, "What?! ...Eeexcuse me??!" in my empty apartment at that point, lol. I mean, what the actual fuck was that girl thinking??
I just discovered your channel. iwork in frontline mental health services and MY BOSS had the gall to say to me: "I just marvel at the fact that you get up every day and come downtown and come to work.EVERY DAY, it's amazing." I thought my head was going to explode. I got up and adjourned the conversation but she called me back in and suggested I should guide her in sensitivity training. Um, no? I was fuming and I told her outright that her comments were inappropriate but I felt like I was barely containing my anger and there was soooooo much more that I wanted to say. WTF do we do in situations where our superiors act like asshats and embarrass themselves?
Thanks for sharing I understand your frustration. I think its best that we do our best to be patient that way when we express to someone that their comments are inappropriate they are more prone to listen and not do it again. just my thoughts :)
Thank you so much for this video. I have scoliosis & consider myself to be "differently abled". I can't do heavy lifting. Whenever I told some people about it, some women have said: "Awww, bless your heart. you poor thing. Can I give you a hug?" (or something similar). I appreciate genuine concern, but I'm not a charity case.
Exactly. It's difficult because you know they mean well, but it's still annoying from our perspectives. lol.
What I have learned in the 63 years that I have dealt with a visible obvious fairly severe disability is: Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it is (mostly) all small stuff. I have used a wheelchair exclusively for 5 years and 80% of the time before that needing crutches and plastic braces to get around. Just yesterday I was introduced to a woman about my age, a retired lawyer. She started saying how nice it was to meet me in that sort of baby talk manner. I now ask myself, if that woman’s situation and mine were reversed, would I feel uncomfortable and get overly nice min my tone? Much as I would hope not, likely as not I might speak in the same way. So instead of becoming offended I just continued to talk with her in a normal way asking her about herself and in turn telling her about my interests. Soon we discovered we both have the same sweet breed of dogs and pulled up pics of our fur babies on our phones. I noticed as we talked and laughed together there was simply no place for baby talk. Turned out we both made a new friend. I have learned the hard way, the more offended I get when I know the baby talk comes from just not knowing the person who uses a chair to get around. The more comfortable I am the quicker the other person can go to their authentic self. My weapon; if you want to call it that is let the small stuff go and don’t let yourself be controlled by resentment because some people initially don’t see me the way I want to be seen. I don’t know why but I have never had that experience of someone asking someone with me what they should ask me. I don.t know why, maybe it is my face or an expression on my face that is unconscious that would make the person look silly talking about me when I am right there. I have had people praise my friends for.being my friend. It is mostly coming from people who don’t know me at all. I have always been extremely independent, am a college graduate; worked in my field of study for many years. I have lived alone for most of those years and don’t mind my own company. I broke off an engagement a month before the wedding. It was a rebound relationship. The man I loved had a mother that told him that I would have more problems as I got older which like most people, I did. I didn’t feel I would be wise to start a life in marriage with at least one parent against it. It worked out ok. I have had a full life, have wonderful friends. However, I find my strength to get through rough times by my constant companion, Jesus Christ. Even though I feel his presence only, I have found him a faithful friend I can go to and it changes me. It may sound “religious” but it is the truth. It is my story and I am sticking to it. 😋
I'm disabled too! I have rigged spine muscluar distrofy! I finally found another disabled youtuber! Preach! And as an 11 year old, I get baby talked all the time when I go to a new school!!
Hi I just found your channel and I really hope you reply! I have been in a chair for one year and I’m completely new to this. I’m paralyzed from the waist down. What I hate most is people who say “your an inspiration!” Cause i didn’t do ANYTHING. Or when somebody asks the person with me what’s wrong with me. AND STARING IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!! Also when somebody said “omg you can actually push yourself! Look Jane she pushes herself!”
Yeah unfortunately I've had all of those same experiences.So annoying.
SMACKED. YOUR. HAND. Oh my god, I've had some patronising, out of line shit in my life, but....Jeez. As for being inspiring, whenever someone calls me 'inspiring', I ask them what I inspire them to do. They're usually stumped for an answer. If they can't name anything I inspire them to do, then I'm not inspiring.
Holy shit! EVERY DAMN TIME I mention that I'm autistic, people start treating me differently! It's either 'baby talk' or they just treat me like I'm an idiot! Just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I can't function or do normal things. Yes, okay, sometimes I need extra explaination of rules or instructions because I process things slower, but that doesn't make me an idiot. Being differently abled does not mean I'm not capable of understanding or doing things. I also hate it when I'm infodumping and the person I'm talking to is visibly annoyed or bored, but when I ask them if they want me to stop, they tell me to keep going because it makes me happy. Look. I get you're trying to be polite, but just tell me when you are no longer interested. Don't even get me started on the stigma behind stimming and the popularity of fidget spinners. Just. *sigh* Rant over.
Thanks for sharing!
I`ve gotten the "You don`t look sick" comment. I wasn't offended because the person it was coming from was nice, but it still stung. It sucks to feel so shitty inside and looking fine on the outside.
Yes it's a difficult balance we must have, but we gotta make the best of it. Trust its a regular battle I have to face too.
A completely different disability that I have but I find it annoying when people do the baby talk thing too, as well especially when they are nurses, I am also an adult, I am not a child so yeah I can relate. I am guilty of the inspiration comment though, mainly because of ingrained stereotypes put into us through the culture or media, so I will think about that in the future.
And yeah just being treated completely differently, like in social settings, as if in some way I am less of a person. I need some help depending on the day, but I don't need to be treated as a child, or with kid gloves. When I get angry, or upset, I don't want a reaction of, oh it's because he's having a hard time, or difficult moment. Anyway great video Lolo.
yes this has happened to me several times before, and yes I understand that there is none educated people and ignorant people but if I talk to an ignorant person, it will be on! but if not I'll just dumb it down like most people say... but I love you videos keep doing the good work and I'll see you in your next video
I can not believe (well I can believe yet it hasn't happened to me yet) about the person slapping you! That's crazy. I am going to have to think about my top ones and make a video also I think. The "What's wrong with you one" used to bother me until I really prayed about it (for a long time) and I think I've come to the realization that media has conditioned people to say/think this. Doesn't make it right and trust me when they say it I say "Well I wouldn't call it wrong but I am in a wheelchair because....." For me I feel pointing that out makes then think and also still being receptive to learning more. But trust me I wasn't always like this. Same thing goes with the "your so inspirational" thing. Depends what I am doing. Not everyone has a UA-cam channel so that is inspirational, not everyone can cut hair from a wheelchair, so that is inspirational. Everyone gets out of the house at some point lol, so that is NOT inspirational!! LOL. I just ask people "whats inspirational and why" of which they can rarely answer. Then I say I am just doing what I have to do to be a normal human being, you WOULD do the exact same thing if you were in my shoes (said with a smile). Then normal they either smile back or leave lol. I'd really love someone to be able to tell me WHY I am so inspiring lol. Great video! Thanks for sharing! sidenote: I know your name is Lolo but when I first saw your channel name I thought maybe you were playing of the idea of sitting low b/c being in a wc always makes us shorter! HA! I thought to myself "Yup I'm sitting pretty lolo too at 4'8" LOL. Hope you get the chuckle I did :P
Absolutely LOVE this!
Question: If I see a disabled person doing or about to do a task that's annoying or probably difficult, is it acceptable to politely ask if they would like a hand (NOT baby talk)? Depending on the situation I'll ask if I can help, for instance opening heavy store doors. But now I'm wondering if that's considered disrespectful.
Side note, as an able bodied woman who's gone through a lot in a short time span, I've had people tell me that I'm so strong for keeping positive. I've literally answered multiple times : the alternative is not an option.
Thank you so much for asking. To answer your question, I believe it's best practices to take a moment to observe and be sure that the person is possibly having a difficult time, then proceed to ask if they need assistance. In my opinion and based on conversations I've had, people find it more rude to ASSUME we can't do something and rushing to help vs. noticing that we're having difficulty and asking if we need assistance. There's no universal guaranteed answer, but I think always asking first, is most likely the best way to go. It's moreso when people are pushy without our consent about assisting that makes it disrespectful. I'm so glad you asked :)
As a handicapped individual, I have never been offended if people ask me if I need/want help. But take the person's response at face value. This may sound obvious, but I met one lady who practically insisted on "helping" me despite my telling her multiple times that I was OK. All she was really doing was getting in my way and getting me annoyed.
Everything you said, I agree with. I never had a person ask me what's wrong with me/reason why I am in wheelchair.
I guess it's bc I hv a mean grill..like don't come at with the bs. lol
I have a situation that I would like to have a conversation about, disclaimer: educate me, I want to learn what's right and wrong. As an insert to my personal perspective: I have a degenerative condition, where I am in a lot of general pain and have gone through all of the medical pathways and such up until this time period (in the early stages, still trying to figure it out without a serious disability yet), and the situation that happened is something that I may experience at some point in my future, but here it is: So my condition along with good upbringing and my extensive experience in customer service and my anxiety has led me to open a door for literally everyone, idk why, I'm just always aware of my surroundings and I hold doors open for people that are even farther than the normal social door opening period or something. idk. I recently got the dirtiest look from someone in a wheel chair when I held the door open for them, within what I would consider the socially normal door opening time period, and it made me feel like I did something wrong. I really didn't mean to offend this person, but I guess it did. Do you have any door opening tips? And if this person is reading this, I'm sorry, whatever you took from my actions wasn't intended as anything insulting. it's just part of my nature I suppose.
Thank you for sharing this. I love these types of conversation. Honestly, I'm not sure what would be a good tip for opening doors. Anytime someone opens a door for me I'm appreciative. lol. But thats where disability is a little tricky and not just disability, but people in general. It's that every person interprets actions or intentions differently and it's possible that the person felt you were doing it because, you thought, they couldn't open the door on their own. Then its possible if you didn't hold the door, that someone would think that you were rude for that. But I always believe that if YOUR intentions are kind hearted and it wasn't out of pity then that's good enough. :) Hope that helps!
Preach girl!! I’m in a wheelchair and I relate to this much
Lolo, I'm an abled body person. I work with disabled people. I have some pet peeves too. This is my #1- people don't talk to people in wheelchairs, as if they are stupid and can't talk or respond. They address their comments to a caregiver or friend & ---also, people won't look at a person in a wheelchair, make eye contact and give a little nod or smile hello, as if they don't exist.BTW- I love your videos. They are so real.
Oh my goodness thank you for this video!!!
I'm an "able-bodied" person as Lolo calls it, and I have gotten the "smiling" thing. It is SO annoying to me that I cannot even believe how offensive it must be to anyone with disabilities! I'm sorry for the troubles we have caused you!
Able-bodied is actually a universal term...wish i could take credit for it. lol.
I am so glad I am not alone with ignorance
I used to get offended by these stuffs but now I feel like let's not take them seriously, instead I try to explain them why such things might offend someone with disability like me or anyone in general. Life's meant to be fun.
U just earned a subscriber because I LOVE UR NO NONSENSE ATTITUDE!
I was searching for a video for my daughter to help her communicate to her classmates of what to NOT do/say to people with disabilities. BABY TALK!!! Totally what she is dealing with and not sure how to let them know she’s not cognitively delayed. I would LOVE to show her this, but not sure I should because of the language. 😂 would you consider making a short-ish video for school aged kids?
+Sara Califf I do my best to keep it kid friendly but also have to make sure I express myself authentically. But feel free to share the message with your words. :)
I only recently started using assistive devices, mainly like the scooters in Target or the grocery store. The other night, I ran into 4 different people I know (none particularly well) and I was grateful that most of them didn't seem surprised by the scooter but a couple I ran into obviously did and one of them (who I basically don't know at all) gave me the, like, nervous "so... oh my god, what happened? haha" I've been waiting cause I knew it'd happen eventually but ugh. I just. I want to show this video and others like it to everyone so they can stop being ignorant, nosey fools.
Girl thats why I make videos like these to have everyone share and start the discussion because it's important for society to have. Yes share it everywhere you can. lol
I LUCKILY have not gotten #1 or #2, thankfully. #3 is always annoying though...Great video!
"Im a GROWN ASS woman" oh dear lord i love you 😂 😂
I'm just saying lol
I had "can we pray for healing for you" wft!!! Some folk dont think before opening their mouths.
hahahaha! I get that all the time as if for whatever reason I'm not happy with exactly how I am.
and when people talk to you like youre a child and you complain about it to your friends and family and they're like 'okay but they mean it well, you don't have to be annoyed'
Right as if we're not allowed to feel offended because we're disabled and everyone "means well"...fuck that. lmao!
More people need to educate themselves on invisible disabilities. It’s annoying and infuriating to explain to someone that just because someone isn’t actively in a wheelchair or have obviously deformities, doesn’t mean that they aren’t disabled! It makes people like myself look inferior because we don’t “look” like there is anything affecting us.
I have fibromyalgia, you cannot see that, but it doesn’t make my pain any different just because it isn’t a visible thing. It doesn’t stop the swelling, the feeling like razor blades across the skin, the migraines, the extreme fatigue, and severe insomnia that keeps me up for days. It doesn’t change anything.
Also that “friend” who smacked your hand, I would’ve smacked her face! Don’t smack someone’s hand away! If they say they’re good, then they’re good.
Yeah its so difficult and so many forms of disabilities that people are unaware of that its difficult to navigate through life. It's already bad enough with a visible disability I couldn't imagine feeling you have to explain your non-physical disability. Stay strong boo!
Sitting Pretty Lolo You’re an amazing person, I can see that plainly in your videos. You care, and you work hard to show that disabilities aren’t a bad thing. I love your messages. You really make me feel like someday we will make a difference in the way people view those with disabilities, visible or non visible.
I’ll stand strong, along side you to work toward that day where disabilities aren’t seen as “something wrong”.
Keep being you, you’re amazing. ☺️
Don't apologize for the language talk your shit sis!!!!😂😂😂
Great video Lolo girl, I feel you girl I can relate to all three but baby talk is my number one for me 😊
Thaaaaaaanks!!!!
You are so pretty 😍 and this is totally on point! This is why I keep my disability to myself most of the time!
☆THIS WILL BE LONG SORRY☆
I will give a little back story first because I think it's needed since my disability is mostly "invisible" but some things give it away, such as the wheelchair or crutches, braces or bruises...should they be with me at the time.
I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which has caused a TON of health problems from needing an NG (feeding) tube at times to being housebound and the pain, like Annie Elainey describes it is unbearable a lot of the time. I use a wheelchair but like you and like Annie, I can get around without it as long as it's not far or I'm not havong a huge flare or an awful day.
I have a central line catheter port in my chest that tends to be rather visible if I'm hooked up to my IV infusions or even just wearing a shirt that shows the top of my chest. It's uncomfortable to have it hanging down the inside of my shirt and I rarely wear a bra because of pain andeven if I do, the bra is uncomfortable enough without having to tuck the tubing, microclave and cap into it. Our skin is very sensitive and easily damaged.
The one thing I get the MOST that is like your #1 which is what I thought you were going to list, is "wow, I could never handle all the things you do. You have been through so much and I could never be as strong as you are."
Wait....what??? I always explain that it's not like I was in an accident that put me right here in a split second. I've been brewing like a lobster in a pot and I just feel like the water is getting too hot, while the other people looking on see it as boiling and hope I escape soon pne way or another.
I also say "yes you could. Wbat choice would you have? Suicide? Trust me, this is FAR from grounds for suicide even though sometimes the pain can make me feel like I'm dying, or wish I could die until the severity of whatever is going on has calmed down enough for it to be more tolerable. Then I'd want to rise from the dead and keep on keeping on.
The number of ways that comment can be so insulting are endless. I mean I'm no hero. I'm no superwoman, and the person saying that wouldn't be alive right then at their age if they hadn't gone through trials of their own they thought were too hard. We as people are resilient. Unless we have a mentail illness that drives them to suicide or a terminal illness they wish to plan compassionate euthanasia for to avoid suffering a slow painful death putting their loved omes through absolute horror, than we have zero excuse to not wake up in the morning and take on the day. Even if, like me, a lot of those days are spent in bed.
So....if any of you reading this has ever said "you're so strong! I could never handle everything you deal with!" Or "I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be able to". (Hello....that's why it's called DIS-abled, or better yet DIFFERENTLY-abled) and if they would have just stopped at the first comment and left off the "I wouldn't be able to", sometimes they say "good job" or "congrats" after that. For what? Living? Well congratulations back MF'r.
The thing is, I totally understand that they are trying to be friendly and they're saying things on the back of nervousness or intimidation. I am heavily tattooed with pink dreadlocks and sleeve tattoos so I'm already somewhat of an attention grabber, put me in a funky designed medical filtration mask (Vogmask) and a wheelchair with braces on and a tube hanging out of my chest, I get it.
I will say one thing about that though. The treatment I received when I was JUST in the wheelchair or usine my forearm crutches and or braces where I need then that day....or sometimes on a very good day maybe nothing at all if I know I will be able to sit right away and throughout, to now with my mask and my portacath and my wherlchair and service dog has been literally night and day. I was kneeling down in my backseat of my car buckling my dog in after grocery shopping when an older lady came over and asked me if I was ok and if I needed help with anything. I truly appreciated that gesture because I was clearly parked in handicapped, she'd seen me with my dog, and here I am on my hands and knees sitting on my heels with my back to her in my backseat and she was truly concerned. I would have done the exact same thing for someone in that scenario.
We as differently abled people or people with disabilities need to also be very careful about remembering that there still is a stigma. We are all doing a great job combatting that which is amazing. We have to stay in the moment and try not to let it bother us if people are over the top or inappropriate in attempting to be friendly or helpful. We never know when we may swing the stigma too far to the other side where people might stop being helpful or kind and suddenly we find ourselves in a situation where we do need help and for whatever reason (say we're choking on something we are eating) those people are just walking by with no concern.
I know this is an old video. I do hope you get a chance ro read it and/or it helps someone who does. I literally just found your channel today and I'm a bit hooked. I am very familiar with ALS (I was a nurse for 12 years, and my step dad was in the diagnostic process which turned out to be Guillain-Barre Syndrome that got very serious very fast. The docs thought it was ALS for quite a while before that. I didn't think I would relate to you as much as I do. What an surprise! Thanks for sitting pretty because although our styles couldn't be more opposite, you have helped me in the sense that I will think of you while I am in my wheelchair and my posture will have changed out of the confidence I have found in you. You're kicking ass and taking name (in the nicest ways possible)! Keep on truckin!!
☆SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG☆
(and thanks to anyone who stuck it out and read my cluttered brain fog filles word salad!)
Baby talk is the most annoying thing ever and people saying i'm an inspiration for no reason doesn't offend but makes me very awkward. The whole "whats wrong with you?" i get that all too often to get offended at this point.
I love this! So very true. And I love the cussing because I would be using the SAME language.
Hahahahaha yeah I cuss like a sailor I try to be more aware but sometimes it’s the best expression. Lol
I love this 🙌🏼😂 I’m a wheelchair user and these are so true! A personal favourite of mine is “..but you’re so young..” 🤔 Ok, I’ll just let my genetic condition know to stop and come back when I’m fucking 80! 🙄😂😂
I’m on the fence about being asked why I’m in a chair. On a “good” pain day, I’m ok with it as it spreads awareness for my condition. But on a bad pain day, it’s the last thing I want to talk about. I don’t ask people why they have a crooked nose, or massive ears, so why do people think it’s ok to ask why I’m in a wheelchair? 🤔 I just think it’s so rude 🤷🏼♀️
I never mind small children asking though, and I always tell them it’s because I didn’t eat my vegetables when I was a kid. Their parents usually thank me 🥰🤣
I know how that feels because I'm a person who has learning disabilities and people have said "you don't look disabled"
Btw I have a UA-cam channel too so if you want to check it out be my guest
as a wheelchair person i rather have them ask me what's wrong with you rather than fucking staring, can't fucking stand when people stare especially adults who should know better
Wow, I loved this video, loved your energy, I just subscribed :)
Thanks so much!!
No worries, and congratulations on 2000 subscribers! :D
Yes, sorry I don't look the way YOU think a disabled person is supposed to look!
And baby talking me will absolutely get you told the hell off.
Exactly if I need or want your help I'll ask. Otherwise, stay outta my way.
So much yes to this video. Ok, I'm an inspiration but not for being in a good mood or eating lunch alone.
The ”what's wrong with you?”Question 🤬!!!!!
This is the first video of yours I’ve seen and I love it! These are things I've had said to me or done to me and they infuriate me!
"Shoutout to all the homies." As a visibly disabled woman I'm all for this!!
Wheelchair power!!!!!!❤❤❤ i have spinal hernia