Yup. After growing up with codependents, I don't mess with people who claim to be acting in my interest at the expense of their own. That just tells me their repressed self interest is going to bubble up in resentment and manipulation.
I grew up in the shadow of a rescuer dad, a hero loved by all, and struggled my whole life with falling short. Now, as an adult living back with/helping him and my mom with dementia, I see the pattern from a new perspective and feel both relieved to know that I'm not actually a monster (still struggling with that one, though) and deeply resentful towards him for how much time I wasted feeling like a selfish loser all my life. We fight often, and it's making the situation depressing, especially because my siblings who don't live here either pop in to drop off food or call from another state, and always get fun, cheerful, "selfless" dad, and not crabby, controlling, passive-aggressive dad. So I continue to be the odd woman out, the one who won't get onboard the "this is just how families work" train. It's not how I thought I'd be spending these years. I feel trapped. Edit - to clarify: it's just my mom who has dementia, not my dad
Yep. I told the guy I'm with, whom doesn't know how to say "no", never to do anything "for" me if he really doesn't want to, because I'm not going to allow a blame game for not meeting his reciprocal, unspoken expectation.
Agree, and “the beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. IF in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” ~ Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island Be willing to be ignored, forgotten and even despised at times even when you show love for others.
There was this guy that was saying if your partner has a foot fetish and you love having your feet rubbed let them do it. And I remember thinking "then he's not doing it for me" the idea of him getting pleasure out of it too made me think that it's almost not fair. Ugh thanks for opening our eyes once again Teal
Someone else seemingly getting more pleasure than I, is ever so horrible. That's the premise most people are operating from. I commented on someone's dancing video... they deleted it, because maybe I happened to receive more enjoyment than them??? I have other evidence upon requests.
So if your partner wants to give you a foot rub in your mind he’s doing it only for him?? Oh come on ffs. Why can’t he also do it for you?? And what’s wrong with him doing it for both you, because he loves you and for his enjoyment? What’s wrong with that? I love my girlfriend’s feet and I give her foot massages but I do it first of all for her because I know she likes that and especially loves it when her feet are a bit sore from work. It’s called affection. Don’t think so hard into these things 🙄 oh and btw my girlfriend knows I love her feet and also that I enjoy pampering her and she doesn’t see it as a bad thing. In fact she loves that I love her pretty feet. So call it a fetish if you want and laugh idgaf. I think my girlfriend has a beautiful body and I let her know about it.
@diegofonseca6708 No, you do it for you. You rub your girlfriends feet because you know that doing so, validates the part that "you are a good partner" because you "consider her wNts". Instead, it is a hidden story of someone who's validation comes from performing well for others.
The word selfishness has been condemned so much that it is every possibility for it to be misunderstood. But the word is just beautiful in and of itself. To be selfish, simply means, to love yourself!
Hello,this is where i struggle the most because how to love myself without being selfish i always swing to polarities instead of be jn the middle..... i hate both polarities because both are harmful but i simply dont know how to be in the middle,not selfish not a doormat for others.
I struggled with loving myself because I grew up as a scapegoat with conditional love and I always felt the pain and felt adopted. I started a major transformation by separating from them to the other side of the world and started loving myself completely by mediation with my heart chakra as emphasis, writing what I love about myself daily and why I am lovable. A few months after this I met what I would consider my twin flame and he loves me more than my own family ever could... At first I was scared and after that I cried and realised that the unconditional love I started building in my own heart was now in flesh. Unconditional love exists and it starts with accepting yourself first.
Because I followed my dreams and my soul purpose, I took very little care of my father when he was sick and many times I left my daughter with her father because I was pursuing my dreams... I was called by many a very selfish mother. Literally having this feeling that everyone is against you, was quite a big test and made me doubt my choices many times. However somehow deep down inside I knew there was no other way for me. How could I not be in integrity with my soul? And I know that the most powerful gift I can give my daughter is to be an example of someone that follows her heart. Even though of course my daughter didn't like that I was away often but she also told me even recently, she's now 12 years, that she wants me only to do things that make me happy because then that would make her happy too. And if one of these dreams can include my daughter because it is also in her best interest then we will happily share these moments...
I was completely unaware of this shadow, this video caught me off guard, I’ll have some fun working through this. Also, I love how happy and expressive Teal looked on this video! I giggled the whole time watching it!
I've come to learn this after listening to her explanation of male containment, I experimented by expressing selfish desire for containment of a woman I know who responded quite favorably to it. Just became a realization that there's room to be human in this world and helped me to integrate the fragments of myself in that area. I say this to say many people suffer from deep trauma that not only fragments themself but in turn fragments the society they live in, causing a domino effect of trauma. If we learn to re-integrate the parts of ourselves that we've fragmented from, we can become whole beings again and maybe life can commence in a more peaceful and content way than it has in our relatively recent past.
True... Ofcource you can give but you have to start with loving yourself and also have solid boundaries... Wich can be hard for many people due to thier conditioning and personality...
@@chip1pan Yeah and the thing about it, its quite twisted and paradoxical... The more you try to be a super "nice guy" the more you are actually creating potential for evil and conflicts... its the idea of "the shadow", you need that integrated! Ive whatced many videos on the subject and it seems paradoxical at first but its true. You are dangerous if you dont have shadow integrated...
Reminds me when Phoebe from friends donated a huge sum of money to a TV show to Joey to show him you can be selfless; then her donation was the highest all evening and got Joey on T.V, then she squealed in delight and almost let slip how happy it made her then tried to stop because she saw it wasn't selfless 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
This video changed my life completely. Thank you Teal. Nobody else dissolves the suffering I experienced caused by this one false belief like you do with your easy-to-understand but thorough explanations.☺️
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If love is not in our hearts then we may as well be dead. Love can be felt at any moment. Close your eyes connect with your feelings and tune your self back to love. It's where we come from and will return to. Peace and love Sam
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Incredible timing. I'm going through a hurdle. A second person in my family who has conditioned me to "be selfless" for their sake is about to pass away. The first I had to distance from when they passed. Now that it's the second time I'm having trouble choosing between distance and helping. I want to help but not with shaming for obvious reasons. I unfortunately was really messed up by my family being that way,I went from giving into their ideas of selflessness to total numbness and cynicism.. it made me doubt other people's genuine emotions and affection and that harmed my relationships and self worth. Living with this pattern in my caretakers made me feel like a monster. It took years to not feel selfish and get the balance I still feel like I've failed them even if I was a kid back then. So this topic is dear to me. And generational. My father was a little Derek, he was the first who passed. Made my life hell. Now his mother(my grandmother)is at risk. I would hope this ends with me. Thank you..
Wow, I'm in a very similar situation and just responded about it in a comment though it sounds like you might be ahead of me in the "balance" area. I'm still in resentful/angry/struggling not to see myself as a selfish monster phase. Very difficult.
@@camez2345 what helped for me was to realize they are also a response to their parents and so on and so forth about their beliefs on how they must raise us....or treat us if you're not dealing with family. Due to that...everyone's just doing their best. And sometimes their best is faulty. So we have to self forgive. If they wouldn't and only choose love when we bend it's probably because they were taught that too or are protecting themselves from something too and so on.... Break the chain , but take your time to grieve because it really isn't easy. The lost time and how we sometimes give up on ourselves because of that.
In regards to selflessness and how it's taught these days I always asked: If others are the only ones I should be looking out for, then what am I doing here? Let that be a question to ponder on for those who think they should prioritise the needs of others over their own. The fact is, you spend more time with yourself than with anyone else in this world. I'm not saying being selfless is bad or anything, I'm saying one should never forget to also look out for themselves.
@Sanningen I did a little digging before replying and I've found that codependency has nothing to do with actual depending on something/someone like we typically understand it. Teal actually has a video explaining this, and she also refers to a couple other videos expressing the importance of self-trust/reliance and forming *inter*dependent relationships, which is the real thing we're aiming for here. I'd recommend checking those out in regards to your questions, because I can't explain it nearly as well as her.
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learned this lesson from Friends when I was 10 years old. Anyone remember the episode where Phoebe cannot do a completely selfless act?! This taught me SO young; all relationships should be mutually beneficial
Yes , when she said I donated the amount and it sucks but then that makes Joey appear onscreen and then she says she's so happy cause her donation amd oh noonoo.. she realizes there's no selfless act..😉
Now I'm contemplating if the frequency of love grew or changed as it was received by the other person. I also perceived it as two separate levels of love that stay separate within each person or if it is an automatic blend of love energy. On the other hand (the second hand)😀, maybe it is like I could have a feeling and then pass it along to not actually have that love within the next moment as I arrive at a new feeling (or concept).
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The magnitude of her magnificence in Speech/Information/Authenticity makes this.information. comprehensible 3ven to a child willing to Trans.forme to wholeness in 3D! Thank you Teal for sharing experience-insight-experience. So much X.pan.at.ion!
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I’ve been thinking about this so much recently and I feel the same way. Pretty much everything you do for others is about you and how it makes you feel. We literally make others happy because it makes us happy to make them happy.
Great video! If we accept the premise that other beings are empathetic as we are, then placing ourselves in a position of satisfaction not only fulfills our own satisfactions but fulfills the empathetic desires of those who care about us. It is possible to have interactions with others that are not zero sum but that create a net benefit for everyone involved in the interaction.
Love is not "doing," it's a state of being within. People step into the trap of validation and fulfilling their own desires by way of another. The collective consciousness and perception of "love," the key is turning inward. I can't put into words expressing my energy of ascension but just know you don't HAVE a soul, you ARE a soul
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That Last Part U said in the Video, is why My Purpose IS SUPER EXTREMELY Difficult!! Because I DO EVERYTHING I CAN FOR A GREATER WORLD FOR Myself AND ALL!! Though People HATE Me for Being this Life Changing Person for the Earth!!
“Love isn’t selfless, it’s selfish” 🤔 hmm It’s both & everything in between. It’s perfectly polarized. And when we talk about it in terms of people (ourselves & others), it’s a perfectly polarized mirror. So, love is selfless AND selfish. You cannot give it without receiving it & you cannot refuse someone of it without refusing yourself of it. One isn’t better or worse than the other, its all love & it just is. The giver &/or receiver decides if it’s accepted or not. Decides if it’s needed or not, worthy or not, etc. But because you are me & I am you, the giving & receiving is both accepted and not accepted. Perfect polarization. .....damn I should probably watch the video though lol
wauw that outro ! yes, alot of times people don't get what i do for those around me, until they get concious enough to reflect on what it is i have been giving them changes to learn.
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I noticed that I'm continually drawn to Teal's thought provoking messages over the years---despite the occasional, minor or major triggers (blessings in disguise)---because she definitely helps to further open my mind and heart (to integrated Mind/Heart), aka expand my awareness/perspective/consciousness. Thanks to Teal, I've been able to slowly, gradually, and even rapidly embrace and integrate more and more neutral aspects of the whole self/Self, to include being at peace with being selfish, aggressive, distant, and other "negative" aspects when needed (to highly benefit self/others) while not misusing or abusing these states, or allowing them to 'take over the ship' (whole self/Self) in a chaotic way. For example, for the past two decades, I've noticed a pattern that whenever I interact with a very aggressive personality---someone's who deeply wounded within, the way my own mother was---the energy of gentle kindness doesn't work since aggressive energy seems to laugh at and/or look down upon gentleness and kindness as insincere and fake (and/or even a weakness). Even the energy of assertiveness---the "I respect you and me communication style"---doesn't work at times with the aggressive energy. But what I find fascinating, is that when I face aggressive energy with the same force or greater---but not necessarily having to go into rage, but simply maintaining a very calm, deep eye contact, confident, unshakeable solid foundation full Presence---then this outer aggressive energy miraculously does a 180, and suddenly becomes gentle. and even shows some kindness. The bottom line is, the aggressive personality backs the f!@# off when you stand up for yourself, and can even transform into a lighter, vibrational frequency state (via transmutation). This so-called B!+ch aspect within me rarely comes out; but when it's time to play a rough game, SHE will appear in an intense and powerful way; and I fully embrace and deeply appreciate this "negative" state since I trust that it will highly benefit self/others when need be. I've experienced certain aggressive coworkers in the past who were this way habitually to others and got away with it (since many people are intimidated by confrontation). But when these aggressive personalities experienced another side of me---who absolutely refused to take this type of BULL$h!+ from anyone---they appeared surprised, or even shocked, since they weren't used to being challenged and seeing the extreme opposite of kindness being mirrored back to them. So I realize more and more why EVERYTHING (All That Is)---to include the so-called wrong, bad, dark, negative, evil, etc.---has a Divine Purpose that's ultimately meant to highly benefit the WHOLE/the Collective/The One. So ALL of our invaluable experiences are either obvious blessings, or blessings in disguise. Another example story: I recently experienced observing a situation that was intriguing, which may be related to Teal's example story in this video about the guy who grew up having to fulfill the roles of son and husband to his manipulative mother; hence, feeling very insure about his adulthood relationships. In a nutshell, an older woman (perhaps in her fifties), really liked (or loved) this colorful shirt in one of the Sedona boutiques that I work at. However, she said---with a sad tone masked with a bit of humor---that she wasn't going to buy it because her husband only wants her to wear black, gray, and other neutral colors. Her husband, who caught up with her, confirmed what she said. I wondered why, and thought that perhaps he was very insecure, despite loudly talking in a very confident manner (a façade). Perhaps he feared that if his wife wore bright and beautiful colors that stood out, she might get noticed by other men, who could possibly interact with her, which could lead to him losing her. Ever since I witnessed this interesting moment, these "negative"/"dark" aspects showed up in other customers on different days. When another older couple came to a sister boutique, this passive wife was also hesitant about buying what she loves because her controlling husband apparently made her decisions. So to my great surprise, I simply suggested in a calm, friendly, and assertive tone (to both of them), that she buy what SHE prefers since she's the one who will be wearing it. They looked surprised that I said that as well, without seeming offended. Another customer/woman said that she really liked this shimmering, golden orange purse, but her husband doesn't like that color. So I shared with her that what matters most is what she likes or loves since it's her purse, not his; she gently agreed. While typing this long@$$ comment, I now realize that I encountered, yet again, my once unaware/unknown/"dark"/shadow aspects that showed up in my outer reality to be noticed, embraced, and integrated into whole self/Self. I was unaware of these aspects, that also exists within me (to a certain degree), because I buy what I like or love without my husband's permission, though I often get his input to get a second perspective and opinion; however COMMA if I absolutely LOVE something (e.g., clothing, food, person, teachings, ideas, etc.), I don't give a rat's @$$ what anyone else thinks. In addition, I've been encouraging my husband to wear what he FEELS like wearing (though I'll provide input), along with giving him more freedom (to include him spending some alone time whenever he feels like it). I trust that Unconditional Love and Freedom are interchangeable. Overall, I'm very grateful for the precious existence of highly intelligent, authentic, wise, humorous, and creative Teal and her team, and their invaluable contributions to themselves/humanity/merging worlds/and beyond. Granted, when it comes to outer, interconnected, soul teachers, I always like to follow my inner guidance first and foremost, and only take in what FEELS light/true/"right" to my heart. and disregard what doesn't (which she also shared in the past). Teal and team, y'all are deeply appreciated, and I wish for you to receive, a thousand fold, the various forms (and non-forms) of uplifting abundance that you generously share with interconnected Life/All That Is. ^_^
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Loving your friends and family isn’t really selfless at all because your ego is identified with them. Any separation in consciousness is an ego. Your family is an ego, the human race is an ego, an organization is an ego. You and your friends have an ego. The ego is not just about being an individual.
Exactly! Such as in the mother-child relationship in particular, which may be often seen as the ultimate kind of selfless love... but really that's because they're so intimately tied together.
I get annoyed when people say they cannot buy the things they want because they feel guilty for serving themselves. I’ll tell you what, I buy a lot of certain things I want because ultimately, I found out I do it because I love myself. As a plus, the byproduct of my actions financially benefits the people selling those products who made them available in the first place... And that makes me feel really good.
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A friend that would always ask my advice for relationships slowly tricked me into being her rebound and then ghosted me fully, when a wealthy man asked her out. I've learned to never be decent to anyone in need ever again. :)
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Other people can interfere in your life to such a high degree that you can even cater for their needs rather than your own leaving you alienated, separated & dissociated from your own true self - leaving that you could never ever live without them even for a second, leaving you craving for their company even if they abuse & neglect, exploit & oppress you - the best way to recover, regain your true self is to spend some time completely alone (nobody else in the room) that way, slowly over time you regain and recover the full glory of your true self no longer supedependent on other people's company, whole and complete in yourself.
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Seeing your, listening to your words always make me feel like I am an instrument that just got tuned, Thank you so much for being visible, out there, and doing what you do. I love the effect you have on my mindset, my body, my vibration, all of my cells, and that makes me want to say that I love you :-)
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Spot on video, Teal. This is also why the same ingrained behavior patterns from people like the mother in this case of Derrick, was it? Can lead to insanely unhealthy levels of compulsory altruism at ones own detriment.
I had a dream last night that I was running around doing errands for people, errands I didn't want to do, when they asked me, I wanted to say no but didn't know how to say no in a polite way, so I just did it, wanting to keep peace and not come across as selfish. My mother has called me selfish many times and believe in selflessness as a way of showing love. It opened my eyes up a lot, watching your videos about the topic now to get some more clarity. I don't know how to say "No, I don't want to" in a way that won't offend anyone. Knowing they will think I'm selfish and self centered.. It's really difficult. If I don't want to do something purely because I don't want to, how can I get them to see it's in their own best interest when they aren't "gaining anything out of it" by me saying no. In my dream for example, the woman was working at her desk, I'm already busy running an errand for someone else, and she asks me if I can order her lunch because she's very busy, but I don't work for her and I don't want to, but how do I say no, I don't want to without coming across as selfish? Should I care if she thinks I'm being selfish?But it still felt horrible to me to see her face of disappointment when I hesitated. I can't say no because it's in both our best interest, because if I did this thing I don't want to do, I'll resent you for asking and resent myself by doing this? I feel people will not understand that
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People have such little time to truly be together that one needs to savor it when in agreement with others because being authentic takes so much energy that there aren’t too many reasons to not be totally on edge.
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Love is something that takes time to develop with people and living things it's not something you have to ask for and it's one of the chakra energies that becomes an emotion within the body then becomes an expression and later on connects people together.
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Emotions stem from thought, which is action. Conscious thought can create emotion and if it becomes a habit to create a particular emotion in response to a stimuli, that is a conditioned response that is "unconscious." Thought is emotion, and emotion is thought. All brains are capable of empathy because all brains are plastic. There are five forms of empathy (and there are gradations of empathy). One is imagining another individual's experience and/or perception and/or interpretation of a situation. Another form of empathy is producing an emotion in response to an emotion another individual is experiencing in a way that communicates to the individual something that helps the individual. The third form of empathy is a combination of these two forms of empathy. These are forms of active empathy. The fourth form of empathy is reactive empathy, which is any conditioned response to a situation that motivates the person to help remedy the situation. Empathizing with everyone at the same time is very difficult (in addition, there are gradations of empathy, and it's possible to empathize with pain another person whose pain you are empathizing with does not mind), but everyone can empathize with anyone (Figurative inability is difficulty, some psychopaths have trouble with reactive empathy, and it is thought by some that some Autistic people have trouble taking someone else's perspective). Also, according to my especially speculative hypothesis in an 2-year-old document of mine, souls have emotional fields that influence other souls' emotional fields. This could be called Direct Empathy. Sympathizing with someone is identifying with that individual's perspective and/or interpretation.
Self-awareness is NOT selfishness - to be fully self-aware means to be fully altruistic, fully caring for others in short completes self-awareness is the best thing for others too.
Yes! I think Self awareness is the answer. Be self aware of everything. Compassion and love borns. Not only for you, but for others to. And the traumas are dissolved.. (?)
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"You can trace ultimately absolutely everything that someone or anyone in the universe does back to the fact that doing it makes them feel better." - and here lies the secret to end procrastination. As far as you don't love what you are doing (it doesn't make you feel better compared to say watching Netflix) you will always have problems with procrastination? In other words, you do what you EXPECT will make you feel better.
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Yeah, I saw the recommendation on the Divine Masculine video in another video, but I couldn't find it on her channel and neither in the library on her website... I wonder why it is gone
I am selectively attuned to people's daily fluctuations in mood (or bad habits [such as applying adhesive one is allergic to for longer eyelashes {Don't make me feel responsible for your pain!}]), but it helps that I have a long attention span, lots of time, focus, and attention to detail.
I know I can be a nightmare as I have alsorts of past Trauma & anger management & PTSD so I pull away from everyone think I'm doing a selfless thing by protecting them from all my baggage but it's a lonely way to live & my Son is Ten so I know he needs a Loyal Loving Caring father, friend & mentor but I'm terrified off scarring him with all my issues but when i took the time to really thought about it, I realized he brings out the best in me & I always felt & feel better around him so if I'd had a bad at work or just woke up on the wrong side of bed struggling with my nightmares & tired & Crabit I still reverted back to thinking I'm protecting by staying away from him but then he suffers too & he is the one true real thing that always makes me feel better, so I realized I was blinded by a way of isolating myself suffering alone & he feels that lack of connection when I pull away from the world thinking he deserves me in a better mood instead of exhausted crabit & annoyed & depressed when that itself blinded me to him & his needs so I'm trying to build his trust back to let him in & be honest with him as a father he can see feel & interact with is far better than an absent Father, I shared this as Teal is bang on with this, thanks Teal you always help me see & remember the bigger picture! "It's one Love to the World from Bonnie Scotland" ❤️🌎🏴😁👍🍒🍻
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There is a payoff to the idea of 'random acts of kindness' because it will usually create a smile or ease someone else's suffering for the moment. It is an indirect ego stroke. It is a self-reenforcing behavior if you start practicing it regularly.
Yeah but eventually it might wear off if you keep doing it without reciprocation. Eventually you'd just end up feeling like you're wasting your energy trying to please or help people.. Having nothing to do with being owed for your kindness or anything, just if you were truly valued or loved, others would inherently seek out ways to express their value of you. As if to say you feel gratitude but never actually wanted.
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The truth is we are taught that to love is to be selfless, we see people's sacrifice as something sweet and even romantic (just look at all those movies) And honestly i do think that in relationship we do have to do things that we "have to do" (things we dont really like doing) for our partner, that is just how we make relationship work.. even after finding someone compatible I think it's just the degree of self-sacrificing that could make someone become dangerous (impossible to be with). Which usually come from self-worth issue or wrong belief about love (family dynamic pattern)
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@Teal Swan Brilliant. Telling the Truth as you have done Teal, about the real dynamics of most relationships, also influenced by twisted religious teachings, smh, Oh what a tangled web.
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Love is an enduring desire to care beyond your self... you love the feel of doing good for others(selfish) but it is not selfish love if you dont expect or aware of benefits prior to loving...but love that direct you to help others...so it reaches beyond your selfish desires to feel that love you benefit by helping and caring because it right, true etc , but that develops or is by product of what you do. If you are aware and chase to feel it...this is selfish, if you desire to help w/o looking for the benefit, and receive the feel...then it is reward in itself, do w/o expectations receive limitless benefits, being aware of it cant make it selfish, ...doing it w/o thoughts of benefits makes it an unselfish love...and she said to love to belong...so you get satisfied and feel love is selfish....when you expect..due to your love and care..it becomes selfish.... do not expect...and never do because you benefit, do because its right and correct and truth..never do because you benefit..do because its correct and beneficial
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i remember it was my best friend's birthday and she had invited another friend who she was close to but i hated that person. i completely felt rejected, like if she valued me and my friendship and happiness, she should have forgone the other person. so from here onwards the feeling of being rejected and someone else chosen over me as a friend was always there. i see it now, so clearly.
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Whether love is selfish or selfless depends on whether your looking at it on an individual level or all as one. In terms of individuals, love can be both selfish and selfless. But as teal said, at the highest level, if you believe that philosophy, then everything is one, and as such is selfish because all is you. So its really a matter of perspective
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Love is selflessness! We as society just mix up „desire“ with „love“. There is a huge difference wanting someone as our partner and giving up our ego for somebody unconditionally. So we can „love“ everyone. If we are of service only in case our partner needs us, that is intellectual calculus not love. We have to „be“ our decisions authentically not acting selectively from the intellect. So we get rid of our ego => becoming selfless = lowers the entropy (fear) of our consciousness.
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i just watched your video on channeling from years ago and it really helped me clear up some confusion i had. it really helped me and I love you and thank you!
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Could you elaborate on the "take it as a part of yourself" part? I know it refers to emotional affect and it's a practice thing, but I'd like to know what can be taught about it to help me implement it more consciously. I like the way you explain the children metaphor, I have adopted two cats since I moved out alone from my abusive parents house and I have faced a lot of my demons simply coming to term with having to manage both of their happiness at once and being reminded of my parents in the process. That part about I and we, I saw selfishness as the most awful trait growing up and was enabled to be extremely selfless instead. I struggle a lot still to draw the line between healthy selfishness and toxic selfishness. Same with healthy lies and toxic honesty. It feels a lot like I don't have a framework to make sense of all these social values and I can't find any framework out there that explains this stuff like you do.
I think that the "take it as a part of yourself" part is mostly based on unconditional self-love. First, recognize yourself as an unconditionally valuable, precious, lovable part of the universe. Then begin to treat your wishes, needs, boundaries and desires as valuable and necessary (as opposed to being selfish) - and of course learn to meet those needs and desires, respect those boundaries, etc. Accept the fact that you're worthy, develop unconditional sense of worthiness and self-respect. Figure out for yourself what makes you feel good, what's in your best interest, and do that every day. Whatever happens, learn to think this way about yourself at every step of your journey. I watched all of Teal's videos on self love, meeting ones needs, feeling ones feelings, etc. They really helped me quit self-criticism, and opened up the door of the cage I had built for myself (all those BS thoughts like "I'm not good enough", "I don't deserve XYZ", "I have to make everyone else happy first", "I'll get over it"). Another skill that helped me tremendously is Non-Violent Communication (which is based radical honesty with yourself and meeting your needs). NVC is a game-changer. And when you love someone, you just extend these practices onto them. This does not mean giving yourself up at any point, rather it means looking for win-win solutions. When you've done your homework on self-love, spreading that attitude onto other beings is quite easy! When you share love, it somehow multiplies.
Yup. After growing up with codependents, I don't mess with people who claim to be acting in my interest at the expense of their own. That just tells me their repressed self interest is going to bubble up in resentment and manipulation.
Yes - usually through passive agressive behavior.
I grew up in the shadow of a rescuer dad, a hero loved by all, and struggled my whole life with falling short. Now, as an adult living back with/helping him and my mom with dementia, I see the pattern from a new perspective and feel both relieved to know that I'm not actually a monster (still struggling with that one, though) and deeply resentful towards him for how much time I wasted feeling like a selfish loser all my life. We fight often, and it's making the situation depressing, especially because my siblings who don't live here either pop in to drop off food or call from another state, and always get fun, cheerful, "selfless" dad, and not crabby, controlling, passive-aggressive dad. So I continue to be the odd woman out, the one who won't get onboard the "this is just how families work" train. It's not how I thought I'd be spending these years. I feel trapped.
Edit - to clarify: it's just my mom who has dementia, not my dad
👏🙌🎉🙏 Yes.
@Faith exactly. i don't trust actions, i trust intentions.
Yep. I told the guy I'm with, whom doesn't know how to say "no", never to do anything "for" me if he really doesn't want to, because I'm not going to allow a blame game for not meeting his reciprocal, unspoken expectation.
I mean showing love for someone or something can bring a sense of satisfaction for yourself so I can see that.
and theres nothing wrong with that , thats the point, everyone is happy
Agree, and “the beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. IF in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
~ Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island Be willing to be ignored, forgotten and even despised at times even when you show love for others.
Most parent's raised us like this, codependency and narcissism. Then add a dash of religion and culture
Yeah i always felt weird about it. It's unhealthy
Lol
There was this guy that was saying if your partner has a foot fetish and you love having your feet rubbed let them do it. And I remember thinking "then he's not doing it for me" the idea of him getting pleasure out of it too made me think that it's almost not fair. Ugh thanks for opening our eyes once again Teal
Someone else seemingly getting more pleasure than I, is ever so horrible. That's the premise most people are operating from.
I commented on someone's dancing video... they deleted it, because maybe I happened to receive more enjoyment than them???
I have other evidence upon requests.
... and so yes you're correct, even if I enjoy, but feel that someone else might be getting more enjoyment, oh that's a no go?
So if your partner wants to give you a foot rub in your mind he’s doing it only for him?? Oh come on ffs. Why can’t he also do it for you?? And what’s wrong with him doing it for both you, because he loves you and for his enjoyment? What’s wrong with that? I love my girlfriend’s feet and I give her foot massages but I do it first of all for her because I know she likes that and especially loves it when her feet are a bit sore from work. It’s called affection. Don’t think so hard into these things 🙄 oh and btw my girlfriend knows I love her feet and also that I enjoy pampering her and she doesn’t see it as a bad thing. In fact she loves that I love her pretty feet. So call it a fetish if you want and laugh idgaf. I think my girlfriend has a beautiful body and I let her know about it.
@diegofonseca6708 No, you do it for you. You rub your girlfriends feet because you know that doing so, validates the part that "you are a good partner" because you "consider her wNts". Instead, it is a hidden story of someone who's validation comes from performing well for others.
Literally spoke to my fiance about this last night. I was saying how it's ironic that what our society views as love is actually quite selfish.
The word selfishness has been condemned so much that it is every possibility for it to be misunderstood. But the word is just beautiful in and of itself. To be selfish, simply means, to love yourself!
Not even one minute in and you already got me. That's what I always think, but never dare saying it out loud.
You are on point again! Thank you for all your wisdom Teal Swan!!
There is unconditioned love in the world, but it is rare... most people would be best off if they learned to love themselves first =)
Hello,this is where i struggle the most because how to love myself without being selfish i always swing to polarities instead of be jn the middle..... i hate both polarities because both are harmful but i simply dont know how to be in the middle,not selfish not a doormat for others.
u got nothing out of this video , rly sad
@@meiko431 what we need is a win win stuff
Hmmm... What would you consider an example of unconditional love?
I struggled with loving myself because I grew up as a scapegoat with conditional love and I always felt the pain and felt adopted. I started a major transformation by separating from them to the other side of the world and started loving myself completely by mediation with my heart chakra as emphasis, writing what I love about myself daily and why I am lovable. A few months after this I met what I would consider my twin flame and he loves me more than my own family ever could... At first I was scared and after that I cried and realised that the unconditional love I started building in my own heart was now in flesh. Unconditional love exists and it starts with accepting yourself first.
Thanks for uploading, Teal
Because I followed my dreams and my soul purpose, I took very little care of my father when he was sick and many times I left my daughter with her father because I was pursuing my dreams... I was called by many a very selfish mother. Literally having this feeling that everyone is against you, was quite a big test and made me doubt my choices many times. However somehow deep down inside I knew there was no other way for me. How could I not be in integrity with my soul?
And I know that the most powerful gift I can give my daughter is to be an example of someone that follows her heart. Even though of course my daughter didn't like that I was away often but she also told me even recently, she's now 12 years, that she wants me only to do things that make me happy because then that would make her happy too. And if one of these dreams can include my daughter because it is also in her best interest then we will happily share these moments...
I was completely unaware of this shadow, this video caught me off guard, I’ll have some fun working through this.
Also, I love how happy and expressive Teal looked on this video! I giggled the whole time watching it!
Guys giggling...
simp
Why do people have to be and say mean things to other people? 🤔🤔🤔
@@claire6223
Or a homosexual.
@@theultrawarrior7448 Or men who are comfortable in their personality and are having fun?
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/love-is-selfish-r444/
I've come to learn this after listening to her explanation of male containment, I experimented by expressing selfish desire for containment of a woman I know who responded quite favorably to it. Just became a realization that there's room to be human in this world and helped me to integrate the fragments of myself in that area. I say this to say many people suffer from deep trauma that not only fragments themself but in turn fragments the society they live in, causing a domino effect of trauma. If we learn to re-integrate the parts of ourselves that we've fragmented from, we can become whole beings again and maybe life can commence in a more peaceful and content way than it has in our relatively recent past.
🙌🙏🏆🎉
"domino effect of trauma" - yep. The evil twin of paying it forward. And seemingly more prevalent 😢
Word
You should be selfish , I wasn’t. You just end up draining yourself and building resentment low key
True... Ofcource you can give but you have to start with loving yourself and also have solid boundaries... Wich can be hard for many people due to thier conditioning and personality...
Nice guys come last always. So I agree with you buddy just can't change my ways
@@chip1pan Yeah and the thing about it, its quite twisted and paradoxical... The more you try to be a super "nice guy" the more you are actually creating potential for evil and conflicts... its the idea of "the shadow", you need that integrated! Ive whatced many videos on the subject and it seems paradoxical at first but its true. You are dangerous if you dont have shadow integrated...
Well because you were self-LESS. What did you expect. If you truly were selfless, you wouldn't need anything in the end in return.
Reminds me when Phoebe from friends donated a huge sum of money to a TV show to Joey to show him you can be selfless; then her donation was the highest all evening and got Joey on T.V, then she squealed in delight and almost let slip how happy it made her then tried to stop because she saw it wasn't selfless 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
This video changed my life completely. Thank you Teal. Nobody else dissolves the suffering I experienced caused by this one false belief like you do with your easy-to-understand but thorough explanations.☺️
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If love is not in our hearts then we may as well be dead. Love can be felt at any moment. Close your eyes connect with your feelings and tune your self back to love. It's where we come from and will return to.
Peace and love Sam
Isn't love just the most intense form of attachment?
irrelevant to this video , you just here to promote your self
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@@TealSwanOfficial oh wow :o , no worries i didnt see anything like that , take care
I am grateful for your existence
Incredible timing. I'm going through a hurdle. A second person in my family who has conditioned me to "be selfless" for their sake is about to pass away. The first I had to distance from when they passed. Now that it's the second time I'm having trouble choosing between distance and helping. I want to help but not with shaming for obvious reasons. I unfortunately was really messed up by my family being that way,I went from giving into their ideas of selflessness to total numbness and cynicism.. it made me doubt other people's genuine emotions and affection and that harmed my relationships and self worth. Living with this pattern in my caretakers made me feel like a monster. It took years to not feel selfish and get the balance I still feel like I've failed them even if I was a kid back then. So this topic is dear to me. And generational. My father was a little Derek, he was the first who passed. Made my life hell. Now his mother(my grandmother)is at risk. I would hope this ends with me. Thank you..
Wow, I'm in a very similar situation and just responded about it in a comment though it sounds like you might be ahead of me in the "balance" area. I'm still in resentful/angry/struggling not to see myself as a selfish monster phase. Very difficult.
@@camez2345 what helped for me was to realize they are also a response to their parents and so on and so forth about their beliefs on how they must raise us....or treat us if you're not dealing with family. Due to that...everyone's just doing their best. And sometimes their best is faulty. So we have to self forgive. If they wouldn't and only choose love when we bend it's probably because they were taught that too or are protecting themselves from something too and so on.... Break the chain , but take your time to grieve because it really isn't easy. The lost time and how we sometimes give up on ourselves because of that.
In regards to selflessness and how it's taught these days I always asked: If others are the only ones I should be looking out for, then what am I doing here? Let that be a question to ponder on for those who think they should prioritise the needs of others over their own. The fact is, you spend more time with yourself than with anyone else in this world. I'm not saying being selfless is bad or anything, I'm saying one should never forget to also look out for themselves.
@Sanningen I did a little digging before replying and I've found that codependency has nothing to do with actual depending on something/someone like we typically understand it. Teal actually has a video explaining this, and she also refers to a couple other videos expressing the importance of self-trust/reliance and forming *inter*dependent relationships, which is the real thing we're aiming for here. I'd recommend checking those out in regards to your questions, because I can't explain it nearly as well as her.
i feel like its a great compliment for someone to feel good for loving me
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learned this lesson from Friends when I was 10 years old. Anyone remember the episode where Phoebe cannot do a completely selfless act?! This taught me SO young; all relationships should be mutually beneficial
Yes , when she said I donated the amount and it sucks but then that makes Joey appear onscreen and then she says she's so happy cause her donation amd oh noonoo.. she realizes there's no selfless act..😉
"The love I give you is second hand, I felt it first."
Lol
Now I'm contemplating if the frequency of love grew or changed as it was received by the other person. I also perceived it as two separate levels of love that stay separate within each person or if it is an automatic blend of love energy. On the other hand (the second hand)😀, maybe it is like I could have a feeling and then pass it along to not actually have that love within the next moment as I arrive at a new feeling (or concept).
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@@TealSwanOfficial ✌️💚✌️ Thank You.
The magnitude of her magnificence in Speech/Information/Authenticity makes this.information. comprehensible 3ven to a child willing to Trans.forme to wholeness in 3D!
Thank you Teal for sharing experience-insight-experience.
So much X.pan.at.ion!
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I’ve been thinking about this so much recently and I feel the same way. Pretty much everything you do for others is about you and how it makes you feel. We literally make others happy because it makes us happy to make them happy.
but isnt that being selfless..?
Great video! If we accept the premise that other beings are empathetic as we are, then placing ourselves in a position of satisfaction not only fulfills our own satisfactions but fulfills the empathetic desires of those who care about us. It is possible to have interactions with others that are not zero sum but that create a net benefit for everyone involved in the interaction.
Love is not "doing," it's a state of being within. People step into the trap of validation and fulfilling their own desires by way of another. The collective consciousness and perception of "love," the key is turning inward. I can't put into words expressing my energy of ascension but just know you don't HAVE a soul, you ARE a soul
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Absolutely true. I love the way Teal breaks this down
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That Last Part U said in the Video, is why My Purpose IS SUPER EXTREMELY Difficult!! Because I DO EVERYTHING I CAN FOR A GREATER WORLD FOR Myself AND ALL!! Though People HATE Me for Being this Life Changing Person for the Earth!!
Wow the Derrick story is mind blowing . Thank your Teal . Great video
definitely...I just got left by a Derrick ! haha
About to watch your video, I've seen a few recently and I can feel some blocks in me already dissolving, thank you Teal for this.
Teals the best 💪 keep going
“Love isn’t selfless, it’s selfish” 🤔 hmm
It’s both & everything in between. It’s perfectly polarized. And when we talk about it in terms of people (ourselves & others), it’s a perfectly polarized mirror. So, love is selfless AND selfish. You cannot give it without receiving it & you cannot refuse someone of it without refusing yourself of it. One isn’t better or worse than the other, its all love & it just is. The giver &/or receiver decides if it’s accepted or not. Decides if it’s needed or not, worthy or not, etc. But because you are me & I am you, the giving & receiving is both accepted and not accepted. Perfect polarization.
.....damn I should probably watch the video though lol
Everything is interconnected. Well spoken btw
I like this.
Inseparable, even at a distance, because serendipity makes it this way.
Thank you Teal.. love you 👏👏👏👏💚
wauw that outro ! yes, alot of times people don't get what i do for those around me, until they get concious enough to reflect on what it is i have been giving them changes to learn.
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I noticed that I'm continually drawn to Teal's thought provoking messages over the years---despite the occasional, minor or major triggers (blessings in disguise)---because she definitely helps to further open my mind and heart (to integrated Mind/Heart), aka expand my awareness/perspective/consciousness.
Thanks to Teal, I've been able to slowly, gradually, and even rapidly embrace and integrate more and more neutral aspects of the whole self/Self, to include being at peace with being selfish, aggressive, distant, and other "negative" aspects when needed (to highly benefit self/others) while not misusing or abusing these states, or allowing them to 'take over the ship' (whole self/Self) in a chaotic way.
For example, for the past two decades, I've noticed a pattern that whenever I interact with a very aggressive personality---someone's who deeply wounded within, the way my own mother was---the energy of gentle kindness doesn't work since aggressive energy seems to laugh at and/or look down upon gentleness and kindness as insincere and fake (and/or even a weakness).
Even the energy of assertiveness---the "I respect you and me communication style"---doesn't work at times with the aggressive energy.
But what I find fascinating, is that when I face aggressive energy with the same force or greater---but not necessarily having to go into rage, but simply maintaining a very calm, deep eye contact, confident, unshakeable solid foundation full Presence---then this outer aggressive energy miraculously does a 180, and suddenly becomes gentle. and even shows some kindness.
The bottom line is, the aggressive personality backs the f!@# off when you stand up for yourself, and can even transform into a lighter, vibrational frequency state (via transmutation).
This so-called B!+ch aspect within me rarely comes out; but when it's time to play a rough game, SHE will appear in an intense and powerful way; and I fully embrace and deeply appreciate this "negative" state since I trust that it will highly benefit self/others when need be.
I've experienced certain aggressive coworkers in the past who were this way habitually to others and got away with it (since many people are intimidated by confrontation).
But when these aggressive personalities experienced another side of me---who absolutely refused to take this type of BULL$h!+ from anyone---they appeared surprised, or even shocked, since they weren't used to being challenged and seeing the extreme opposite of kindness being mirrored back to them.
So I realize more and more why EVERYTHING (All That Is)---to include the so-called wrong, bad, dark, negative, evil, etc.---has a Divine Purpose that's ultimately meant to highly benefit the WHOLE/the Collective/The One.
So ALL of our invaluable experiences are either obvious blessings, or blessings in disguise.
Another example story:
I recently experienced observing a situation that was intriguing, which may be related to Teal's example story in this video about the guy who grew up having to fulfill the roles of son and husband to his manipulative mother; hence, feeling very insure about his adulthood relationships.
In a nutshell, an older woman (perhaps in her fifties), really liked (or loved) this colorful shirt in one of the Sedona boutiques that I work at. However, she said---with a sad tone masked with a bit of humor---that she wasn't going to buy it because her husband only wants her to wear black, gray, and other neutral colors.
Her husband, who caught up with her, confirmed what she said. I wondered why, and thought that perhaps he was very insecure, despite loudly talking in a very confident manner (a façade). Perhaps he feared that if his wife wore bright and beautiful colors that stood out, she might get noticed by other men, who could possibly interact with her, which could lead to him losing her.
Ever since I witnessed this interesting moment, these "negative"/"dark" aspects showed up in other customers on different days.
When another older couple came to a sister boutique, this passive wife was also hesitant about buying what she loves because her controlling husband apparently made her decisions.
So to my great surprise, I simply suggested in a calm, friendly, and assertive tone (to both of them), that she buy what SHE prefers since she's the one who will be wearing it. They looked surprised that I said that as well, without seeming offended.
Another customer/woman said that she really liked this shimmering, golden orange purse, but her husband doesn't like that color. So I shared with her that what matters most is what she likes or loves since it's her purse, not his; she gently agreed.
While typing this long@$$ comment, I now realize that I encountered, yet again, my once unaware/unknown/"dark"/shadow aspects that showed up in my outer reality to be noticed, embraced, and integrated into whole self/Self.
I was unaware of these aspects, that also exists within me (to a certain degree), because I buy what I like or love without my husband's permission, though I often get his input to get a second perspective and opinion; however COMMA if I absolutely LOVE something (e.g., clothing, food, person, teachings, ideas, etc.), I don't give a rat's @$$ what anyone else thinks.
In addition, I've been encouraging my husband to wear what he FEELS like wearing (though I'll provide input), along with giving him more freedom (to include him spending some alone time whenever he feels like it). I trust that Unconditional Love and Freedom are interchangeable.
Overall, I'm very grateful for the precious existence of highly intelligent, authentic, wise, humorous, and creative Teal and her team, and their invaluable contributions to themselves/humanity/merging worlds/and beyond.
Granted, when it comes to outer, interconnected, soul teachers, I always like to follow my inner guidance first and foremost, and only take in what FEELS light/true/"right" to my heart. and disregard what doesn't (which she also shared in the past).
Teal and team, y'all are deeply appreciated, and I wish for you to receive, a thousand fold, the various forms (and non-forms) of uplifting abundance that you generously share with interconnected Life/All That Is. ^_^
Beautiful hair, Teal ❤
One of your best episode in a while. The presentation is spot on, feel learned and empowered.
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Loving your friends and family isn’t really selfless at all because your ego is identified with them. Any separation in consciousness is an ego. Your family is an ego, the human race is an ego, an organization is an ego. You and your friends have an ego. The ego is not just about being an individual.
Exactly! Such as in the mother-child relationship in particular, which may be often seen as the ultimate kind of selfless love... but really that's because they're so intimately tied together.
I always like your advice, your truly good at the gift 💝 you’ve been given to help others along their journey. I am grateful for you.
Excellent capacity of enlightment. Thanks !
I get annoyed when people say they cannot buy the things they want because they feel guilty for serving themselves. I’ll tell you what, I buy a lot of certain things I want because ultimately, I found out I do it because I love myself. As a plus, the byproduct of my actions financially benefits the people selling those products who made them available in the first place... And that makes me feel really good.
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Thank you so much, definitely learned the hard way. Sad but true.
Grateful for the lessons and healing ☯️
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Thanks Teal ❤️
So beautiful. Love is wonderful and the up and down feelings that comes with it. ❤
A friend that would always ask my advice for relationships slowly tricked me into being her rebound and then ghosted me fully, when a wealthy man asked her out. I've learned to never be decent to anyone in need ever again. :)
I love your hair Teal, you're as beautiful as you are wise! Sending you lots of love!!!
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Other people can interfere in your life to such a high degree that you can even cater for their needs rather than your own leaving you alienated, separated & dissociated from your own true self - leaving that you could never ever live without them even for a second, leaving you craving for their company even if they abuse & neglect, exploit & oppress you - the best way to recover, regain your true self is to spend some time completely alone (nobody else in the room) that way, slowly over time you regain and recover the full glory of your true self no longer supedependent on other people's company, whole and complete in yourself.
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Thank you for your insight and video 🙂❤👍
Just want to say I love you.
Thank you, Teal 💚
Seeing your, listening to your words always make me feel like I am an instrument that just got tuned, Thank you so much for being visible, out there, and doing what you do. I love the effect you have on my mindset, my body, my vibration, all of my cells, and that makes me want to say that I love you :-)
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Spot on video, Teal. This is also why the same ingrained behavior patterns from people like the mother in this case of Derrick, was it? Can lead to insanely unhealthy levels of compulsory altruism at ones own detriment.
I had a dream last night that I was running around doing errands for people, errands I didn't want to do, when they asked me, I wanted to say no but didn't know how to say no in a polite way, so I just did it, wanting to keep peace and not come across as selfish. My mother has called me selfish many times and believe in selflessness as a way of showing love. It opened my eyes up a lot, watching your videos about the topic now to get some more clarity. I don't know how to say "No, I don't want to" in a way that won't offend anyone. Knowing they will think I'm selfish and self centered.. It's really difficult. If I don't want to do something purely because I don't want to, how can I get them to see it's in their own best interest when they aren't "gaining anything out of it" by me saying no. In my dream for example, the woman was working at her desk, I'm already busy running an errand for someone else, and she asks me if I can order her lunch because she's very busy, but I don't work for her and I don't want to, but how do I say no, I don't want to without coming across as selfish? Should I care if she thinks I'm being selfish?But it still felt horrible to me to see her face of disappointment when I hesitated. I can't say no because it's in both our best interest, because if I did this thing I don't want to do, I'll resent you for asking and resent myself by doing this? I feel people will not understand that
Totally my pattern! Nailed it!
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People have such little time to truly be together that one needs to savor it when in agreement with others because being authentic takes so much energy that there aren’t too many reasons to not be totally on edge.
"being authentic takes so much energy" what are you talking about? being inauthentic is the most exhausting thing ever, it drains all joy out of life
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Love is something that takes time to develop with people and living things it's not something you have to ask for and it's one of the chakra energies that becomes an emotion within the body then becomes an expression and later on connects people together.
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You hit the nail on the head!
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Teal please talk about empathy in depth
Emotions stem from thought, which is action. Conscious thought can create emotion and if it becomes a habit to create a particular emotion in response to a stimuli, that is a conditioned response that is "unconscious." Thought is emotion, and emotion is thought.
All brains are capable of empathy because all brains are plastic.
There are five forms of empathy (and there are gradations of empathy). One is imagining another individual's experience and/or perception and/or interpretation of a situation. Another form of empathy is producing an emotion in response to an emotion another individual is experiencing in a way that communicates to the individual something that helps the individual. The third form of empathy is a combination of these two forms of empathy. These are forms of active empathy. The fourth form of empathy is reactive empathy, which is any conditioned response to a situation that motivates the person to help remedy the situation.
Empathizing with everyone at the same time is very difficult (in addition, there are gradations of empathy, and it's possible to empathize with pain another person whose pain you are empathizing with does not mind), but everyone can empathize with anyone (Figurative inability is difficulty, some psychopaths have trouble with reactive empathy, and it is thought by some that some Autistic people have trouble taking someone else's perspective). Also, according to my especially speculative hypothesis in an 2-year-old document of mine, souls have emotional fields that influence other souls' emotional fields. This could be called Direct Empathy.
Sympathizing with someone is identifying with that individual's perspective and/or interpretation.
Self-awareness is NOT selfishness - to be fully self-aware means to be fully altruistic, fully caring for others in short completes self-awareness is the best thing for others too.
Yes!
I think Self awareness is the answer.
Be self aware of everything. Compassion and love borns. Not only for you, but for others to. And the traumas are dissolved..
(?)
Good morning Teal, have a good week
You make a heap of sence...im glad I found your channel... Love to you x
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Joey was right! Selfless good deeds don't exist!! 😅
girl sandwich. win/win. lol
Thank you Teal
Clickbait: sunset at the lighthouse at Podersdorf on the Neusiedler See in Austria behind Teal on the video thumbnail sold me.
Absolutely true! Thank you, Teal💗
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Thank You!
Thank you 😊
Offspring: The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right!? Lol. Thanks Teal!! Love your stuff!
Yea yea yea 🎧
Thank you so much❤️💯
I'm certainly going to have to watch this again because I was somewhat confused.
"You can trace ultimately absolutely everything that someone or anyone in the universe does back to the fact that doing it makes them feel better." - and here lies the secret to end procrastination. As far as you don't love what you are doing (it doesn't make you feel better compared to say watching Netflix) you will always have problems with procrastination? In other words, you do what you EXPECT will make you feel better.
“Selflessness and self sacrifice It’s to see yourself as I instead of We” dude 🤯🤯🤯
So you should see yourself as I or We?
If you have this pattern?
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Thank you for the video! I'd love one about dissociation and one on divine masculine (saw it was privated)
Yeah, I saw the recommendation on the Divine Masculine video in another video, but I couldn't find it on her channel and neither in the library on her website... I wonder why it is gone
I am selectively attuned to people's daily fluctuations in mood (or bad habits [such as applying adhesive one is allergic to for longer eyelashes {Don't make me feel responsible for your pain!}]), but it helps that I have a long attention span, lots of time, focus, and attention to detail.
I know I can be a nightmare as I have alsorts of past Trauma & anger management & PTSD so I pull away from everyone think I'm doing a selfless thing by protecting them from all my baggage but it's a lonely way to live & my Son is Ten so I know he needs a Loyal Loving Caring father, friend & mentor but I'm terrified off scarring him with all my issues but when i took the time to really thought about it, I realized he brings out the best in me & I always felt & feel better around him so if I'd had a bad at work or just woke up on the wrong side of bed struggling with my nightmares & tired & Crabit I still reverted back to thinking I'm protecting by staying away from him but then he suffers too & he is the one true real thing that always makes me feel better, so I realized I was blinded by a way of isolating myself suffering alone & he feels that lack of connection when I pull away from the world thinking he deserves me in a better mood instead of exhausted crabit & annoyed & depressed when that itself blinded me to him & his needs so I'm trying to build his trust back to let him in & be honest with him as a father he can see feel & interact with is far better than an absent Father, I shared this as Teal is bang on with this, thanks Teal you always help me see & remember the bigger picture!
"It's one Love to the World from Bonnie Scotland"
❤️🌎🏴😁👍🍒🍻
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There is a payoff to the idea of 'random acts of kindness' because it will usually create a smile or ease someone else's suffering for the moment. It is an indirect ego stroke. It is a self-reenforcing behavior if you start practicing it regularly.
Yeah but eventually it might wear off if you keep doing it without reciprocation. Eventually you'd just end up feeling like you're wasting your energy trying to please or help people.. Having nothing to do with being owed for your kindness or anything, just if you were truly valued or loved, others would inherently seek out ways to express their value of you. As if to say you feel gratitude but never actually wanted.
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The truth is we are taught that to love is to be selfless, we see people's sacrifice as something sweet and even romantic (just look at all those movies)
And honestly i do think that in relationship we do have to do things that we "have to do" (things we dont really like doing) for our partner, that is just how we make relationship work.. even after finding someone compatible
I think it's just the degree of self-sacrificing that could make someone become dangerous (impossible to be with). Which usually come from self-worth issue or wrong belief about love (family dynamic pattern)
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Amazing as always! Brilliant, Teal!
@Teal Swan Brilliant. Telling the Truth as you have done Teal, about the real dynamics of most relationships, also influenced by twisted religious teachings, smh, Oh what a tangled web.
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Love is an enduring desire to care beyond your self... you love the feel of doing good for others(selfish) but it is not selfish love if you dont expect or aware of benefits prior to loving...but love that direct you to help others...so it reaches beyond your selfish desires to feel that love you benefit by helping and caring because it right, true etc , but that develops or is by product of what you do. If you are aware and chase to feel it...this is selfish, if you desire to help w/o looking for the benefit, and receive the feel...then it is reward in itself, do w/o expectations receive limitless benefits, being aware of it cant make it selfish, ...doing it w/o thoughts of benefits makes it an unselfish love...and she said to love to belong...so you get satisfied and feel love is selfish....when you expect..due to your love and care..it becomes selfish.... do not expect...and never do because you benefit, do because its right and correct and truth..never do because you benefit..do because its correct and beneficial
Thank you Teal. I love you 🍵☕🌈🎨💐
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i remember it was my best friend's birthday and she had invited another friend who she was close to but i hated that person. i completely felt rejected, like if she valued me and my friendship and happiness, she should have forgone the other person. so from here onwards the feeling of being rejected and someone else chosen over me as a friend was always there. i see it now, so clearly.
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Whether love is selfish or selfless depends on whether your looking at it on an individual level or all as one. In terms of individuals, love can be both selfish and selfless. But as teal said, at the highest level, if you believe that philosophy, then everything is one, and as such is selfish because all is you. So its really a matter of perspective
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Love is selflessness! We as society just mix up „desire“ with „love“. There is a huge difference wanting someone as our partner and giving up our ego for somebody unconditionally. So we can „love“ everyone. If we are of service only in case our partner needs us, that is intellectual calculus not love. We have to „be“ our decisions authentically not acting selectively from the intellect. So we get rid of our ego => becoming selfless = lowers the entropy (fear) of our consciousness.
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Teal you make me feel strong 💪🏽
I love you, Teal!
happy nowruz Teal, happy nowruz guyz.
My name is Derek Michael Nickeson and I love it when you're happy.
i just watched your video on channeling from years ago and it really helped me clear up some confusion i had. it really helped me and I love you and thank you!
@Teal Swan why me? why my comment :b
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@@TealSwanOfficial dont worry i checked the account :) thank you and send teal lots of love from me!
Good one Teal! 😊👌
Yep, I figured that out years ago.
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Teal, I hope you make an episode on having opposing desires cause I feel like I can't move forward with my life cause I can't decide what I want!!
Thea, thank you.
thank you teal!! I really needed this explanation
Could you elaborate on the "take it as a part of yourself" part? I know it refers to emotional affect and it's a practice thing, but I'd like to know what can be taught about it to help me implement it more consciously. I like the way you explain the children metaphor, I have adopted two cats since I moved out alone from my abusive parents house and I have faced a lot of my demons simply coming to term with having to manage both of their happiness at once and being reminded of my parents in the process.
That part about I and we, I saw selfishness as the most awful trait growing up and was enabled to be extremely selfless instead. I struggle a lot still to draw the line between healthy selfishness and toxic selfishness. Same with healthy lies and toxic honesty. It feels a lot like I don't have a framework to make sense of all these social values and I can't find any framework out there that explains this stuff like you do.
I think that the "take it as a part of yourself" part is mostly based on unconditional self-love. First, recognize yourself as an unconditionally valuable, precious, lovable part of the universe. Then begin to treat your wishes, needs, boundaries and desires as valuable and necessary (as opposed to being selfish) - and of course learn to meet those needs and desires, respect those boundaries, etc. Accept the fact that you're worthy, develop unconditional sense of worthiness and self-respect. Figure out for yourself what makes you feel good, what's in your best interest, and do that every day. Whatever happens, learn to think this way about yourself at every step of your journey. I watched all of Teal's videos on self love, meeting ones needs, feeling ones feelings, etc. They really helped me quit self-criticism, and opened up the door of the cage I had built for myself (all those BS thoughts like "I'm not good enough", "I don't deserve XYZ", "I have to make everyone else happy first", "I'll get over it"). Another skill that helped me tremendously is Non-Violent Communication (which is based radical honesty with yourself and meeting your needs). NVC is a game-changer.
And when you love someone, you just extend these practices onto them. This does not mean giving yourself up at any point, rather it means looking for win-win solutions. When you've done your homework on self-love, spreading that attitude onto other beings is quite easy!
When you share love, it somehow multiplies.
I see so many people talking about astroids now you were right it has came back into the human consciousness
i love you, teal.
Friends addressed this quote well
I know it's selfish. But I would love to find a Personen I can trust to be selfless again. Somehow it can feel good. ;)