Fixing Male Insecurities (AND KICKING OFF MENTAL HEALTH MAY)
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- Опубліковано 30 кві 2024
- Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Meditation, and now Trauma!
With 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree, the new Trauma module is available for preorder! bit.ly/3GaubzI
Comprehensive mental health resources here: explore.healthygamer.gg/menta...
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Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
"Lets talk about balding"*passes hand through luscious hair*
lol, I noticed that too. multiple times. but as a bald guy myself I found it comedic
Yeah but it starts on the top. My brother is tall so not many notice the small bald spot yet
"Okay guys I've been working in this unique advice for three years. I've finally found something groundbreaking to share with all of you. Here's why you just need to hit the gym and shave your head."
It is called preening.
😂😂😂😂😂
"If you live your life trying to avoid dissapointment, the best you can ever feel is relief. You can never feel accomplishment"
Did he say that in this video or...? Time stamp? I haven't watched the whole thing, that quote is pretty relevant to me though.
that hits hard
Around 01:30:00
@@DeterminedGoat 1:32:00 but 1:30:00 is a good point to start watching for more context (and impact)
only in Meditation you find Homecoming, and only when God enters your life you find some peace, fullfilment or accomplishment is to merge definetely with him, otherwise your mind will always wander to other thing
*Intro & Mental Health Awareness Month Overview:*
- Welcome & Introduction: 08:27
- Make It May Event Explanation: 10:33
- Male Mental Health Resource Pack: 14:28
- Importance of Reflection & Application: 17:45
- Addressing Content for Women: 19:45
- Universality of Insecurities: 22:49
- *Balding & Its Impact:* 23:58
- Reddit Post on Balding & Mental Health: 24:06
- Societal Attitudes & Lack of Support: 29:00
- Dr. K's Research & Hopeful Findings: 29:15
- Study on Baldness Stereotypes: 35:15
- Physical Attractiveness Stereotype (PAS): 35:24
- Inconsistent Effects of PAS on Bald Men: 35:59
- Stereotype Activation vs. Application: 38:25
- Defying Expectations & Individuating Information: 41:19
- Focusing on Controllable Factors: 44:50
- *Understanding & Overcoming Insecurity:* 01:07:13
- Fixing Problems vs. Overcoming Insecurity: 01:07:25
- The Role of Perception & Ego: 01:13:49
- Insecurities as Relative & Abstract: 01:14:43
- Example of "Shortness": 01:15:08
- Ego, Comparison & Acceptance: 01:19:28
- How Fixing Problems Can Reinforce Insecurity: 01:19:57
- The Power of the Mind & Self-Belief: 01:23:28
- Removing Comparison & Focusing on Self: 01:24:09
- Bridging the Gap & Accepting Reality: 01:24:24
- External Judgment & Internal Value: 01:26:24
- Motivation from Within vs. External Expectations: 01:28:32
- *Being Short & Its Challenges:* 01:42:08
- Reddit Post on Shortness & Insecurity: 01:42:28
- Societal Attitudes & Discrimination: 01:44:44
- Definitiveness of Beliefs & Closed-Mindedness: 01:45:56
- Cognitive Biases & Perception: 01:49:02
- The Power of Trying & Seeking Solutions: 01:57:12
- Individuating Information & Overcoming Stereotypes: 02:00:59
- Working on Controllable Aspects: 02:01:42
- *Meditation for Ego Dissolution & Connection:* 02:11:52
- Guided Meditation: 02:13:04
- Feeling Sensations Outside the Body: 02:26:51
- Somatosensory Cortex & Illusion: 02:27:23
- Exploring the Non-Physical Realm: 02:28:54
- Connecting with the Universe & Chilling: 02:33:43
- Research on Ego Dissolution & Mental Health: 02:31:01
- Exploring Warmth & Coolness: 02:35:46
- Different Meditation Experiences & Yin/Yang: 02:35:53
- Focusing on the Point of Origin: 02:36:17
- Meditation as Exploration & Experience: 02:37:18
- *Closing Remarks:* 02:39:58
Doing God's work
Thank you!
Thanks a lot.
You are a legend! Thanks for the stamps!
Impressive work gg
When I started balding my dad told me "you better find a girlfriend quickly cuz you're gonna be single when you're bald". Fuck him I had 0 girlfriends when I had hair, shaved my head and now I'm 2 years in my second relationship. You're gonna make it too balding fellows. We are so much more than our hair but we must learn to express that with courage and hope
Chad ☝️
Same, but it was a barber that told me that. It kinda killed my confidence for a while but then I realized that they were projecting the insecurity on me
When I started dating, there were definitely girls that passed on me for being bald but I was still able to find great women
Lots of people say that to me too , keep on grinding bald brothers
Don't get me wrong this shit was devastating. When I was balding literally everyone was making fun of me and not a single person showed a sign of support and told me I'm gonna be fine. I felt fucked. I was crying so hard once that I had to push a pillow to ma face so I don't wake anyone up and I fucking bit a whole through the pillow out of anger. This somehow all changed when I shaved my head and literally everyone said I look good bald. This shit didn't affect me in the slightest way. In fact this turned out to be super liberating. Now when I hear someone complaining that they are aging because they got a new wrinkle or some shit I laugh inside because aging cannot hurt me anymore. I will get wrinkly and shit but who cares about that. Balding is the biggest sign of aging for men and I have a life-long invoulnerability to that. And also when you wear your bald head with pride you can become the supportive person all balding guys need so much. Jesus I love telling my balding friends that there is no reason to worry and they will be fine and happy because I know how devastated, scared and lonely that makes you feel.
The main mistake balding guys make is holding onto the hair they have.
My husband is not balding, but chooses to shave his head anyways. Looks great. I've never even seen him with hair longer than a few mm, as its annoying to him when it grows.
And i shaved my head once as well, what a great feeling! Liberating.
In my early 20s my mom would point out my hair was thinning, jokingly. I didn't care that she was teasing me about it, but I didn't like that my hair was changing beyond my control. So late 2019 I shaved all my hair off. I had decided that if I was going to lose my hair I was gonna lose all of it, and it was going to be my choice. Honestly, I like it. I look better bald than I did with hair.
I feel ya, its sucks. I found out by distant relative's comments about my hair when I was around 18. I spent years being extremely self concious over my hair and started wearing hats even indoor. Got fully shaved last year, and it's one of the best decisions I made, should have done it a long time ago.
"Shave it and embrace it", as I've been told.
I’m sorry your mom lacked empathy. But, great job taking back your self image 👏
Yeah and there's loads of pros shaving it too. Never have to dry your hair and never have a bad hair day and tbh it can be pretty stylish too. When my hair starts thinning I'll just go bald
I'm so glad to hear that you were able to commit to the shave and that it worked out. My mom and dad have made comments about mine over the past year, and what hurt is that neither of them actually know me well enough to have the "right" to make jokes like that. I don't know that either of them have ever actually asked about my feelings on anything, so naturally they don't know how absolutely agonizing it has been for years now just to look in the mirror every day.
I feel that the shave is inevitable for me, but I'm currently growing it out because that's something I've always wanted to do. I just couldn't commit until it was too late.
I'm 25. Never went to college. 3 years clean off heroin. Single. I still live with my parents. No car. Wake up lonely and no idea what to do every day. I'm terrified to try anything.
How is that bad news? You can try everything, cause if you deem yourself at a dead-end then it's not getting worse from giving sth. a shot (with reasonable basic safety precautions) and even if things were to get worse, you've also clearly already been there and clearly made your way out nevertheless!
Remember that you don't have to make it "that big". a single degree change will make a difference on the long road. How about starting with something that is low risk and short term? Volunteer somewhere or walk into a company and say "Hello. I know you are not hiring, but I'm trying to figure out life somewhat. And I wanted to ask if I may come in for 1 or 2 days to observe how this line of work even works, would that be possible? You'd have two free extra hands for two days or just someone to chat to, to mix up your usual pace?"
You don't have to start with "the real deal". Start by figuring out what certain fields require and what you're good at handling or really bad at.
In Germany (and Israel for instance) its fairly normal to start studying in your mid 20s, so don't compare yourself too much with other Americans maybe.
You can still go to college or a trade school, if you want. When I used to go to my local college to study I was so impressed with seeing people of all ages going there to study so that they can change their careers or learn new skills.
Three years off heroin? That must have been hard, especially without a clear purpose. That's impressive. (I'm struggling with my purpose too. Hope you manage to find something.)
Go to your nearest jiu-jitsu gym
I feel so out of place. I'm a 30yo virgin, I live with my parents, I have no job and very few friends (I had a best friend who died of cancer last year and now I can't make new connections).
But I'm a girl. And it feels like there's no community for me. Girls seems to deal with problems with promiscuity but I got to the point where I'm afraid of sex and I have to pretend I'm not to try and make female friends. And with potential male friends I'm always afraid of the direction the things will go.
I like you a lot Dr.K, please do more of these discussions about women. I believe there are a lot of them who like me are afraid to speak out
I'm a girl and also very socially isolated. It can be so hard making friends as an adult, esp with anxiety. I'm so sorry you lost your best friend 💙 I hope you are getting support with your grief, friend. Don't give up 💜
I’m also a girl, and honestly guys need the help. There’s lots of support for you online and there’s lots of support from other girls if you simply ask for it 😊. It’s important that he focuses on men’s issues, because it’s one of the few positive role models and they have tons of negative ones (Tate etc).
I didn't even realise that some girls also struggle in such a way. All I see are girls that either have stable happy relationships, jump from bf to bf with no care in the world or are not interested in relationships at all. I can relate to the "out of place" feeling. I'm a 25yo virgin dude and I have a job and don't live with my parents. But those are just because of some incredible luck. I just took the opportunity when it came, but I could have been living with my parents and have no outlook for a job either way quite easily. I feel like I've wasted my teenage years and now I'm wasting my 20's. If it wasn't for some deep feeling that things are going to be alright eventually I, I don't even know... I'm just afraid that some day that feeling disappears and I give up completely. Such is life, amirite...
I agree, as I guy, I would also like to see this type of video but for female loneliness. Technically there are a few he made, but but still, would love to see it
Theres a version of the hgg discord only for women that may be helpful
Dr. K saying to not take on other peoples disappointments because we all have enough of our own was super relatable, lmao
Some things I learned as an obese teenager turned fit adult. (1.) People 100% treat you different when you’re better looking. And (2.) whatever you think is holding you back, someone you know has obtained what you want in life with that same setback. Thus, it’s not what you assume it is.
They asume you are thinking in heylthy positive way....
th emore your mind thinks about problem or illness, your boyd experiences the illness and problem overa nd over, because the mind is repeating the program..
I was just listening an interesting trick, how to heal some problem in period of 24 hours
that if you get injured your knee, falling from bike
you may with your mind go back (in time) and heal the problem
so first you are supposed to remember what were you thinking about before the injury,
you fell from bike, because in your mind you were thinkinga bout something else, not riding your bike
so as your mind stops obsessing about injury
the injury heals very fast, and some lady used this trick when she was preparing avegetables, she cut finger with her knife,
and she came back in time, she realize "I wasnt thinking about cutting" therefore I cut my finger
this way the blood stopped bleeding, and in teh evening when husband came, there was no evidence on her finger about the injury.
our mind creates a reality, if we focus on our passion we multiply the success.
What if it's a combination of like 12 separate undiagnosed u treated setbacks happening at the same time
@@PaperySloth Does not matter. Life is not fair AND all perspectives have their unique pathways. So if you have the worst possible deck ever, you are still alive and choose if you wanna make things worse or better. If it's 12 things, work on ditching the ideas that torture you (start with all "norms". Not helpful in your life!!!). And from there, concentrate on the next step you CAN take that points a direction that might be a tad better than before (if It actually is or not, is not sth. we know before we are there and sometimes even that flips over completely later down the road in retrospect!!!).
You are you. You'll not escape you. You learn to live with you or you don't and then all suffering that is there anyway becomes a lot worse. If the world is already unfair to you, why join in by being cruel to yourself where you can be kind and embrace your own way of life?
Get diagnosed. Work toward better outcomes
@@PaperySloth get prescribed a bunch of pills and mix it with an energy drink and a protein shake and call it your potion of strength
Dr.K you’ve legitimately changed my life. Ever since i saw you people with ADHD perform meditation better my life has radically improved and for the first time in years ive progressed in life for the better.
So i have a unique situation that i can't believe I'm going to discuss in a YT comment. When I was 22 (currently 25) developed Alopecia Universalis, meaning I lost ALL my hair over the course of like 4-5 months. I started puberty early, and have been able to grow facial, chest, body hair for most of my life, and my head hair was really thick. I was going through a really hard time emotionally so losing my hair really shattered the little confidence and self- identity I had
I hope you're doing better today, friend. ❤
Alopecia can be so hard to deal with! I used to work with a woman who had it, and her tales of growing up with it were heart breaking. She now runs an organization called Boldly Me that helps people deal with the trauma of being "different", not just from Alopecia but from other conditions, injuries, etc. I have such deep respect for what she has accomplished. I hope that you, too, find some solid ground to stand on and from which to become whoever you want to be, despite the burden of alopecia.
My female best friend developed alopecia in her early 20s, it's really rough 💜 hope you're doing okay.
Rough bro
Growing up, i went bald when i was 17 at the time i was convinced i couldn't be a proud man bald, but i was watching TNG at the time and saw captain Jean-Luc Picard, i saw a confident strong leader that was bald. It totally changed my life and became a strong confident leader. Being bald filters out alot of bad people i now think it as a super power.
Started heavy balding at 16 (screw gentics). Decided to just get rid of all my hair. The instant i did it it gave a massive boost to my self esteem and also started to have dates. Best decision of my life
Currently in the process of loosing hair too at 27. This might help me to actually shave it off and go on with it thank you
Looking at your picture you’re rocking that baldness amazingly!!
You look dope dude
Minoxidil, finasteride and electric microneedling can bring all your hair back in +-9 months
@@__-bz7wh welp, i'm almost 30 now so nah, won't go back, i love my baldness now
The question as a man: why do you just make it like men's only purpose in life is to be good enough to win over women ?? is this what men are for? winning over women, how about men's lives to be more meaningful than this, also I agree with your community women should have their women-only space in addition to the public one, but why men don't have their own space as well, who knows they might actually need it? like there are no men-only spaces anymore, and just assumption over-assumptions about men and deciding for them, I think men need their own men-only spaces as well
@@Dimitris_Balf No
Meditation has been a transformative practice for many, and the Buddha’s response to the question “What have you gained from meditation?” is a powerful one. According to the quotes, the Buddha replied, “Nothing at all.”
However, he went on to say, “Let me tell you what I lost: Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Insecurity, Fear of Old, Age, and Death.” This quote highlights the idea that meditation is not about gaining something new, but rather about letting go of the things that hold us back.
By practicing meditation, the Buddha was able to release himself from the burdens of negative emotions and mental states, allowing him to experience a greater sense of peace and liberation. This quote suggests that the true gain from meditation is not something that can be measured or accumulated, but rather it is the freedom from the things that weigh us down.☮
I used to have glorious hair. I mean cascading ringlets down to my shoulders. Women would stop me in public and ask to touch it. At 24 my balding became visible. I mourned the loss. Shaved my head and scattered the hair in places i had fond memories. The mountain where my girlfriend filled it full of wildflowers. The river where my favorite photos of myself were taken as i fished. Etc. All i can say is truly let it go and process the loss. I've since dated women who were far out of my league, have a great friend group, and I'm successful in dating even when I've been overweight. It has never held me back in any way, i think because i let it go so thoroughly and stayed well groomed.
Never got a single date with or without hair.
Reading comments like this, all I wanna ask is: HOW?
@@valentingartner3793 maybe just ask someone out you like. Dating is very easy, but developing a healty relationship isn't
@@valentingartner3793Watch Dr. K's video on confidence! I think he says that being considered conventionally attractive only accounts for about 10% of attraction and success in building relationships. So, work on yourself and hopefully you should find love along the way 💖 Rooting for you friend
@@valentingartner3793 I built my social skills from being a tongue-tied religiously homeschooled kid. I grew up (no joke) 10 miles from the nearest age-appropriate girl, had one friend growing up, and was not allowed to socialize without my parents present until they knew the family well. Ages 17 (moved out and started college early)-22 were awkward as heck, and I know I made a lot of people uncomfortable along the way building my social skills. I found that when i was open about being awkward and from an odd background, people generally extended me a lot of grace. In the same way you'll put the work in to communicate with someone who is working on their English. It's a lot of work, and we all start somewhere.
@@Foreignmonk34 Right? Personally, building the social skills to be somewhat charming and start dating "successfully" was a lot of work ages 17-22. Developing healthy relationships is a lot of work ages 22-death.
In a weird way I wish people had made "more fun of me" as my hair thinned because I was completely oblivious to it. I remember once in my 20s, a woman I was having fun with commented on it and I shrugged it off/thought she was messing around. Years later my wife (then GF) bought some me caffeinated shampoo, I didn't connect the dots AT ALL. A few years ago I decided to shave it off, and my entire (very loving) family were like, "Oh - you finally did it?" What do y'all mean, "finally"? I think back to that earlier woman, have I been balding for 15 years and didn't know? Funny, if I don't think about it too much.
It's seems like nobody wanted to make you feel bad about it. Which is great
What's kinda funny is i never knew i was such a good meditator until a few years ago. I never realized i was doing it all along to fight epileptic attack's and make shore i was safe.
sure
??
@@__-bz7wh Yay, I've always used controlled breathing and control my heart rate Pre Every seizure since like 20. It give me about an extra 30 sec. to do something. HIDE! Hopefully somewhere where i won't hurt myself./ Meditation will instantly let me know if i'm up for an attack or anything BIG soon. Is it a Panic Attack or a Warning for a seizure? Meditation will only takeaway Panic Attacks and not Anxiety if i'm prepping for a seizure.
During the meditation part of the stream I felt a strong warmth in my hands that was localized strongest in the finger tips. It was a pretty overwhelming sensation that I felt I could focus on, even though it wasn't a specific pinpoint position that I was focusing on. Cool experience overall, wanna try that again lol
8:26 Dr.k arrives.
Thank you
Pin this!!! Please!
Dr cope
Oh at least he's a member so it shows up
thx
marked that segment in sponsorblock
1:22:50 (excerpted) “And if you're like me, you're also one of those insecure people who tries to fix your insecurity by practicing in secret. And once I get good in secret, I'm gonna show up in the world, and I'm gonna be like “Look at me, I'm so great!”
So, I know Dr. K just said he's not telepathic, but you guys… I think Dr. K is telepathic. Because omg, this IS me and I absolutely feel personally attacked.
Telepathy is part of the psychotherapy curriculum
generalizations arn't telepathic, its psychology
i feel you
@yannikakapralli Ich sende Liebe aus den USA! (Sorry if that's incorrect grammar. Used Google translate lol 😅)
LOL damn I felt so embarrassed when he said that 😂
The whole courage thing and not worrying about what others thought thinking about it can be quite fluid. I remember as a kid and young adult I had learned this and felt like I was really thriving. Now I have lost that. Not sure if it is from multiple repeated varying types of failure or what but I find myself way more insecure now than ever before. Goto work towards that again if I am going to get my life and relations back together and better than they have ever been.sucky part is for numerous of my issues I got an idea on the path I need to take but either face choice paralysis or fear to make any choices/actions feeling I'll make things worse.
Thank you so much DR. K
The new intro slides and music is great!
I feel like Dr K should talk about this whole "Bear or Man in woods" meme that's been going around, and how men are individually supposed to deal with this is how women perceive men as a stereotype.. or talk about how this is a situation where people say one thing when they would at core do the opposite and why this is damaging to society
For reference, there's a question circulating amongst women asking, "If you were alone in the woods and one direction is a bear and the other direction is a random man, which direction do you run?" and most women are saying the bear
As a woman I also feel peer pressured not to speak against the women saying bear so I stay silent even if I think it's ridiculous. It's not worth my energy/I don't have time to get in internet fights where women think I'm betraying the in-group by believing this is stupid and no I am genuinely very afraid of large deadly wild animals on a whole different level. Yes some women make good points about the scariness of a bear and its type of violence being more straightforward to deal with than some of the horror some women have had to deal with from certain horrific men but. Nonetheless this is pretty ridiculous.
@@VioletEmeraldYou’re taking this very literally. The whole point of the bear v man discussion is to highlight just how dangerous it is for women to be in the great outdoors. You should listen to the stories that women like Melanie Hamlett tells. Whilst Bears are very dangerous a woman can be prepared and take advice on what to do if she sees a bear, avoid doing certain behaviours and activities. Men are more dangerous in a way, less predictable and a woman should rightly be on her guard too. It’s always telling how men rarely consider women’s safety and justifiable fears in situations they are very vulnerable in, but only consider their hurt feelings and ego.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 The problem is that it is comparing Men as a gender to Bears as a species... HUMANS are capable of doing great horrors... this isn't exclusively men.... BUT that's only what people area also capable of perceiving...
I say this just needs to be put to the test and we'll be impressed how little faith these answers hold but instead just platitudes the arguments made....
Women shouldn't suffer at the hands of men, men shouldn't suffer at the hands of men.... people shouldn't suffer at the hands of people...
Understanding how this makes the problem worse, is the first step towards trying to resolve it, until then it just drives a divide between the sexes and society as a whole, which isn't good... it also has to do with all sorts of context....
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 idk about the last part though tbh.
YOOOO I just entered the comments pre-start and I’m so glad we aren’t getting that super stress balding etc alone
What an enlightening stream! I will make sure that more dudes watch this video because there are so many important life lessons. Thanks for supporting your thesis with studies. That was very interesting!
I am literally 6/7 of those insults in the thumbnail 💀💀💀
Nah broz, you are you dawg. Don't let that stuff define you, you're more than that.
Which is the 7th one if I may ask?
Was about to say. At least I'm not short 😂
@@capt.rezzec300mason is not just a dawg, he is THE dawg. And even if immature people would judge him for being things in the thumbnail, that don’t stop him being the mf dawg
i am all of them and ginger
“You have a lot of good arguments as for why I’m wrong and it just so happens that I am not” 🍷🗿
😂
In this meditation i couldn't detect a source of origin for the heat other than it but i took it in another direction because it felt right to let the coolness spread through my body
My advice, odd though it may seem, is read The Stormlight Archive book series. This series had a huge impact on me and honestly, alongside whatever else you might be doing to move forward with your life, I wholeheartedly recommend you read these books. Brandon Sanderson helped changed my life, especially as I was doing other positive things to become the kind of person I wanted to be. For me, it was like the protein shake that goes along with doing a workout. Give them a try - they are so worth it.
I love the elegant gestures dr. K does with his hands.
Amazing meditation. 100% I developed trust in him as a "guru" by already listening to his videos for some hours. I can use this channel as a launch point to learn ayurveda, to learn the terms he is sharing.
I've done this meditation twice and the effect is intense. Thank you for this. I'll keep watching videos, I hope he has some concentrated content that will teach me a lot about this medicine.
I want to set a schedule of meditations I understand and like, and do them twice a day.
I'm a novice but I find it easy to reach a relaxed state or hypnotize myself... I somewhat do it when I have a scalding hot bath, or when I lay in bed remembering what my dreams were after I wake up, or when I read or study.
I get easily irritated with guided meditations. because I don't like the voice, the words, the music or sounds are distracting, it's a relaxing video somewhat (or should be) but I just don't deeply connect to how most people are doing things. Which is fine but I want to connect again (I can tell I'm closed off, like I'm getting 'burnt out' and I need to seek out materials and people I can easily connect with - it does exist. Looking for something more effortless... loving this channel. Thank you)
Dr k really hit the nail on the head with the “holding on to who you used to be” part. When you accept your new reality and adapt and overcome you will be so much more happier with yourself, and the people around you will notice.
Pretty Privilege (Physical Attractiveness Stereotype)
35:23
pretty privilege36:14
5'2" mexican guy1:42:00 1:44:40
getting hung up on an exGF2:07:09
__________
Intro & Mental Health Awareness Month Overview:
- Welcome & Introduction: 08:27
- Make It May Event Explanation: 10:33
- Male Mental Health Resource Pack: 14:28
- Importance of Reflection & Application: 17:45
- Addressing Content for Women: 19:45
- Universality of Insecurities: 22:49
- Balding & Its Impact: 23:58
- Reddit Post on Balding & Mental Health: 24:06
- Societal Attitudes & Lack of Support: 29:00
- Dr. K's Research & Hopeful Findings: 29:15
- Study on Baldness Stereotypes: 35:15
- Physical Attractiveness Stereotype (PAS): 35:24
- Inconsistent Effects of PAS on Bald Men: 35:59
- Stereotype Activation vs. Application: 38:25
- Defying Expectations & Individuating Information: 41:19
- Focusing on Controllable Factors: 44:50
- Understanding & Overcoming Insecurity: 01:07:13
- Fixing Problems vs. Overcoming Insecurity: 01:07:25
- The Role of Perception & Ego: 01:13:49
- Insecurities as Relative & Abstract: 01:14:43
- Example of "Shortness": 01:15:08
- Ego, Comparison & Acceptance: 01:19:28
- How Fixing Problems Can Reinforce Insecurity: 01:19:57
- The Power of the Mind & Self-Belief: 01:23:28
- Removing Comparison & Focusing on Self: 01:24:09
- Bridging the Gap & Accepting Reality: 01:24:24
- External Judgment & Internal Value: 01:26:24
- Motivation from Within vs. External Expectations: 01:28:32
- Being Short & Its Challenges: 01:42:08
- Reddit Post on Shortness & Insecurity: 01:42:28
- Societal Attitudes & Discrimination: 01:44:44
- Definitiveness of Beliefs & Closed-Mindedness: 01:45:56
- Cognitive Biases & Perception: 01:49:02
- The Power of Trying & Seeking Solutions: 01:57:12
- Individuating Information & Overcoming Stereotypes: 02:00:59
- Working on Controllable Aspects: 02:01:42
- Meditation for Ego Dissolution & Connection: 02:11:52
- Guided Meditation: 02:13:04
- Feeling Sensations Outside the Body: 02:26:51
- Somatosensory Cortex & Illusion: 02:27:23
- Exploring the Non-Physical Realm: 02:28:54
- Connecting with the Universe & Chilling: 02:33:43
- Research on Ego Dissolution & Mental Health: 02:31:01
- Exploring Warmth & Coolness: 02:35:46
- Different Meditation Experiences & Yin/Yang: 02:35:53
- Focusing on the Point of Origin: 02:36:17
- Meditation as Exploration & Experience: 02:37:18
- Closing Remarks: 02:39:58
I'm sure the content will be great, but I can't get past the intro song, it's an absolute banger
Was just thinking the same thing
just looking at the thumbnail for this is sending me lmao
I know, it looks like it’s Dr. K bullying you by calling you all of those things right
For the meditation: I always have cold hands and I started with cold hands, but after the meditation they were warm, even though I did not cover them .
Every time I meditate, even when I have my eyes closed, they start to tear up and tears fall from my eyes. I have meditated 8 years, sometimes once in a week and sometimes every day. I don't know why it happens but I love the feeling. I usually repeat Shakyamuni-mantra and count them with self-made mala beads. Emotionless crying is very interesting during meditation and I really do wonder how and why it happens.
That's such an interesting experience! I've meditated on and off for awhile, and when I start to really zone in (or out) in my meditation my body will start to twitch, sometimes very rough. It doesn't really hurt, but it definitely takes me out of it
Some say the real meditation starts after the mediation exercise
...it mean your whole day is form of meditation, during stress you come back and calm your breath or mins for one minute etc
no matter how rational you are, during the day, the meditation element is still there.
so you really have to understand what mediation actually means.
some peopel do walking mediation, standing meditation, sitting meditation,lying mediation, and some explain running meditation is very interesting, you may do ita lso with group of people.
you say you dont know how to meditate, but you know how to listen music.
its almost the same, because you dont have to practice listening music you just enjoy music.
If I could tell my 15 year old self one thing it would be that my attractiveness is not primarily dependent on my looks, but on my behavior.
Yes!!!!! How good you found that now, so your you in 10 years wouldn't have to grief any more over "not having found out earlier". ;) Even finding out during the last breath of a life is not too late to come to that conclusion and make it the best last breath one has ever taken. So how lovely you already found out now!!!
I have never been so excited to get into a month than I have been today. My birthday month too!
Hard work trumps talent every time. I went bald at 21 and now I'm 38. It allowed me to work on myself and also made me realize that confidence trumps looks every time.
I also remember one of my friends telling me I wasn't bald. Even though I blatently am. I think they meant 'You don't act like a bald person'. Long story short, it wasn't my lack of hair that held me back. It was me consistent drinking self loathing and non-spirituality. Luckily for me I have conquered these things.
All the best peeps
Dr k out here like an anime protagonist trying to help. man got beat down about the balding issue for years but kept pushing to find some positivity what a bro!
I wonder if there is any research on middle-aged people who are generally considered less physically attractive than they were in their youth? I often hear them say that people used to look at them and now they feel invisible. If they defy expectations by staying in good shape, being successful in their endeavors, living a fulfilling life, being generous, being fun to be around, do they become more likable, do people consider them attractive?
Don't know about research, but seems to be a likely hypothesis
Look at any professional advice for couples who get into a rut and what they get told to do to bring back the love, care and passion. Self-care and relationship-care are not things that we "get running" once and that's it. They are life long commitments that also need occasional re-invention.
That said, we can acknowledge that what is way more likely going on here, is that adult responsibilities suck the joy out of ppl. :'D And as ppl go from being young to middle-aged, the "time for all sorts of responsibilities that don't actually feed you or your relationships" gets shrunken down. We have social structure issues heavily handing out "curse"-status like effects. All ppl who are not equipped to actively counter these, start falling apart more. It's really rough. We need way more feminism and hence work fields htat stop assuming "workers" = "child-free ppl or ppl with an unpaid full-time home-maker". (=_=#). It's not doing us any good. Societies literally need to enable ppl's social time and ppl's access to affordable heath etc.
Is the into new?
That was epic.
FINALLY DISSOCIATION AND CPTSD 🎉
Funfact: I referenced Dr. K's Interview with Tore from PirateSoftware in my Academic Literature Review about Dissociation and Trauma in my psychology bachelor. They let it slide, once I said it is not a simple YT video, the source, but a Harvard Psychiatrist
46:07 Oh yeah i figured this out on my own about being short instead of bald but the idea is the same, now there's a risk factor with this that if you go do all those things you work on every other aspects but you don't get results, instead of defying your expectations, you will confirm them which will reinforce the belief that it's doomed for you.
About bypassing the mind, IMO that's kinda confused. Quote from a blogpost:
> **Human beings by default imagine that their conscious thought has more influence than it really has.** They think it because they are fooled by their brain's built-in biases.
> **The first correction is to note how little control we really have over anything, aka the "rider and elephant".** After realizing this, you can make good use of whatever little power you have. People from rationality/LessWrong circles tend to get this right.
> So at this point it should be clear that **the conscious mind/System 2 operates in a sort of a sandbox.**
> The second correction is to realize that **you can go out of the sandbox.** Of course, the keys to exit the sandbox are weird-shaped, and require work to acquire. They must be like this. The point of a sandbox is that you shouldn't be able to exit it by chance.
> However, rationalists are more than ready (at least some of them!). The problem is that they also tend to believe that the sandbox is the whole world, and they do not seek the keys. A part of the reason seems as simple as: it's low status to say that conscious thought has superpowers inside of the brain. That's what people think before they make the first correction.
> Putting 1 and 2 together. If you are ready, seek power within your mind, because the power is there. By the way, if you go to a long meditation retreat that does not suck, they can probably teach you enough. It will be unpleasant, because their methods are crude and their models are crap. But you only need to stick around for long enough to see that the power is real.
> You also need to not bend your neck to the power, and worship it just like millions of people did over millenia. Reductionism! Consequentialism! Bayes! These are powerful tools, use them! You'll figure it out, because you are ready.
I'm so excited for Mayke it May!! Let's goooooo everyone!! 💪
Note to self: Don’t do Dr. K’s guided meditation while driving the company van. 😅
Don’t worry I didn’t get in accident but I did experience something incredible. I was able to find the atom of my existence separate from my body within my arms and I did that while also actively driving. It felt like I was an observing myself from another realm. Like the Jack who was navigating, pressing the gas, and turning at signals wasn’t me but a self-creation of what I truly am. That feeling of energy I felt on the atomic level. Did I just experience ego death?
I think there's a huge factor you're not mentioning here when it comes to whether attractiveness is indeed an advantage. This may be more true for me because I'm a woman, but I'm very grateful that I've never been stereotypically attractive, because I don't have to swim through a sea of shallow attention in order to find genuine connections. For the most part, I trust that the people who gravitate towards me are the ones who are likely to accept me as I am for the rest of my life, and that feels really good for me.
Amen to that! I used to be so jealous of attractive women, until I finally had a glow up and started to attract male attention... As a result, I had the "fun" experience of being harassed and flirted at inappropriately a lot of times. I'm no supermodel but I can't only imagine how worse it must be for beautiful women. Non-conventional beauty for the win!
I'm not telling you when stream starts. The Indian trip-hop intro is pure 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Short people need to start showing some love to each other.
you mean everybody should show some love to short people?
@@randomserbianguy5677 As a tall woman, I have had short women trying to make me dislike my height and I had short men trying to hit on me. I think both of these groups should stay in their lane.
@@sabadaga1tf does that mean lol that's the issue right there treating us like subhumans
@@sabadaga1 Short men should stay in their lane... Wow. God forbid someone show interest in you.
Brother, why would I want to fix my insecurities if they are warranted?
Because the are a waste f energy if they're not doing their job of "guilt is there to fuel your behaviour towards improvement". It's lie having the little lights in the car on signalling that the car has a problem and just staring at them and lamenting and dying miserably in the middle of a deserted road cause you'd rather "enjoy these lights" than attend to what it takes to sort out the trouble and proceed with your journey.
So what if they are warranted? Even so you have a life to live. Might as well ditch the whole concept and live being content internally against all odds!
@@Dimitris_Balf if you are insecure about financial status and you are actually in a poor financial status, then being insecure about your financial status is warranted. If someone has facial flaws, and they are insecure about the those flaws, then the insecurity is warranted. There’s plenty more examples however it should be pretty self explanatory.
@@KxNOxUTA how can you be content, whilst being facially flawed for example, or having an unsustainable financial situation. Your analogy is also bad as if you weren’t insecure about (to some extent) the light signaling, you just wouldn’t feel a need to change anything because in your insecurity free mind, there’s no issue. It’s the same with fat people.
@@sb_2378Things with no outside solution need an internal one like this to surmount.
If you were listening he isn't telling you to fix your insecurities. They are there and may or may not be warranted. He is telling you to simply accept where you are and do not compare yourself to what you think you should be.
I LOVE YOU DR. K
Balding is the worst. Shaving your head bald shows confidence, rocking a good hairstyle shows confidence, but balding is like you’re trying to hang on desperately to something that isn’t coming back.
what's worse is scalp micropigmentation, it's literally tattooing dots all over your head to resemble hair follicles, balding may be permanent but that shit is permanent permanent
if you're going to shave, shave but don't make a decision you might regret, tattoos blur over time and you need to get them redone periodically
just get a hair transplant in Turkey? Easy if you really want to get hair.
Having hair is being a coward. Just go full monk style instead
I was in a long-term relationship with a guy the same height as me, and I am not tall. He did not care about his height, even when I wore heels. He did not give a shit and neither did I. It was actually really nice to hug and kiss someone and not have to break my neck trying to reach them haha. The things that attracted me to him and the reasons we broke up were not related to his height.
The whole leg lengthening trend is so messed up, it makes me so sad that people would surgically alter their bodies just to meet the standard of people who would reject them if they are not the height that they approve of. If someone is so shallow that they would reject you as a *whole person* if you don't meet their "you must be this tall to ride," you don't want to be with them. Being considered short or ugly or fat or whatever can kind of be a handy litmus test for filtering out shallow arseholes tbh 😅
Let's all move towards self acceptance of the person we are today 💜
Yeh except when they just don't want you period no one wants you when your short that's the issue
80 IQ person: "I'm struggling to get a maths degree. No matter how hard I try, I just can't understand anything"
Dr K: "Try harder"
...
@@Dimitris_Balf It's called an analogy...
@@feinberg4625 Analogies need to be picked correctly and follow the same system. In this analogy, what he'd say is not what you suggested but rather
"let's see what else you can do with your life with the degree of math you do understand!"
or
"Looks like what you need to work on is not math, but rather how to get you access to good math learning support, where someone looks at how you need things explained in order for them to make sense"
or
"Yeah, looks like you indeed have a huge disadvantage in maths. Let's see about your other skill sets and if any of them is easier to develop to degree level!"
or
"Looks like we need to figure out how to get you more money so you could stop stressing out about debt and finally make use of the ability you have, instead of being worried sick to the point you can't even follow the parts of the lessons that ARE within your means"
Aka, it looks like you misunderstood what Dr.K was saying and you choosing a bad analogy is a symptom of how you struggled to understand the advice that was given!
Which is, by the way, the only true and helpful answer to a request of help such that.
@@KevinCodeingologynot really, you can also accept your flaws and focus on the things you are good at, in this example accepting you have low iq and doing other stuff
...
That analogy wasn't the best though, so lets go with "I'm 5'5, no matter how hard I try I never get accepted into a basketball team.
Dr K: Just try harder"
...
Got it? Sometimes its better to just accept things, it's healthier than blaming yourself for things outside of your control and deluding yourself into thinking you just need to try harder, that will just leave you resentful and bitter.
@@mg............I also think that you are missing the point. You can still play basketball, just as a hobby, but not get rich by it. You can still do what you want if you are realistic about it. If you are ugly and poor and you want to date a model it's definitely unrealistic, but if you just want a girlfriend, then yes, just try harder. He never said to be completely delusional.
01:14:40 / 01:31:30 - (Biaised) Perceptions of Reality condition Insecurity
Combat Ego.
Perceptions are not reality.
Acceptance of the self is the way.
"The ego is about abstraction"
"The very nature of an insecurity is caring about what people think"
"Our ego is a collection of all the abstractions we attach to our self"
I want a guru k stream SO BAD!
01:38:00 - Selfishness felt by working on self & feeling Guilt, trying not to by Sacrificing Self for Other
I'm not a man but I find that taking care of my appearance sometimes helps me be less insecure, because at least I try to work on on what I can, and the rest is out of my control so there's nothing I can do about it, which I learned to accept. If I have a bad day where I feel ugly, I take a shower or put eye liner.
And on the opposite side, if I obsess over my appearance like I used to, I stop taking care of my appearance. I love my leg hair now and I have much less body dismorphia until I stopped looking in the mirror excessively and putting on makeup in order to "hide". Actually, I feel like I almost don't have body dismorphia anymore.
My philosophy now is that the healthiest is the prettiest. So I should just focus on my health so I can live longer with a natural blush to my face.
So what your saying is of I destroy myself I destroy one of the comparison points and my insecurities disappear. I see no flaw in this conclusion
1:03:37 🤣 thank you for the humour and making us baldies feel better, Dr. K!
missed the live but wanted to give meditation answers. Felt the warm spot in my navel/pelvic region. I did feel something outside of myself
Really glad to hear that hes working on more content for women in HealthyGamer as well!
☝️🤓
@@brickofwar9727loser bro
@@brickofwar9727what's your problem
☝️ don't feed the trolls
Huge L woman live life on easy mode already smh
Opening my eyes after the meditation and seeing "Where did my ball go?" in the chat was so funny
Those around you don't get disappointed, disgusted or unhappy because of you but because of what they think, because of what their mind tells them.
That distortion, insecurity, expectation and emotion is their problem.
As Christine said to the phantom in The Phantom of the Opera: 'Is in your soul the true distortion lies'
That's a cool book you just wrote. Doesn't change the consequences of the reality of how bald, ugly, and or short men are treated
life sucks when other poeple's opinions actually matter.
I got alopecia when I was 10. It was rough. But I'm my teens I decided to lean in to it. One of my go to ice-breakers at parties was "I bet I have smoother legs than you". Got an eyebrow piercing to draw attention away from my cancer-boy appearance. Turned my social life around.
Ngl, being 190cm (6'3) and naturally built probly helped with the ladies. But not wallowing in misery definitely did the lions share.
If you feel abundance in heart, and maybe do some meditation.. Dr. K also recomends meditaton..
then some other issues shrink, because you are too busy with your activities and feeling happy.
And people who like you probably dont watch tv as often or dont feel brainwashed by commercial world.
Commercial world is good, only if you dont atke it too seriously.
Sad to see all the negative rhetoric in the comments. I am looking forward to may now thanks to dokter k. I made huge improvements in the last month and hope to make a big push with doing this challenge in improving my life.
Thanks
I am Juan with the universe
New intro music is unreal
Being bald does not determine even your first impression. Do you honestly think that people get the same impression looking at Danny Devito and Dwayne Johnson? Both are bald. (Sure, that's an extreme example, but you get my point.)
So what you're saying is that it's about height? ;-)
@@kaczok1985 Mike Israetel (on youtube) is 5'6''. Look at his channel. He is small and bald. I bet he has no problem getting girls. And funny enough he is also old and i bet he pulls more than he did 20 years ago.
@@kaczok1985James deen
It's funny because Danny Devito is the perfect example of a man who should have everything going against him in terms of looks but managed to become a celebrity thanks to his strong humour and personality.
@@TheMasterd333 True. But that wasn't really the point. This was about first impression specifically. (And most women would still pick the rock over Danny, no matter how funny he is.) That said, you do not need to have muscles like the Rock. In fact i would guess that he is far past the sweet spot for most men. There is a lean mass calculator. At 10% body fat, the ideal is about 150lbs at 5'6'' or 200 at 6'6''.
Gonna leave my comment here
To me, it's that we all used to be a child, we all have different life experiences, no one's perfect, everyone has flaws and qualities, but just because someone looks superior doesn't mean they are. If someone judges your character, they know nothing about your life and what you went through. They know nothing about why they are themselves the way they are. So they can't take credit for it, and we can't take credit for ourselves. We're all the result of a serie of circumstances. And free will lies in our interpretation of those circumstances, wether we make it mean something bad about ourselves or we do something about it.
Basically, if you're a poor guy who goes to the gym, and there's a billionaire working out next to you, you're just two guys working out, both doing the best they can with what they have and what they know. And as long as you do your best with what you know you don't have to feel insecure.
You're nuts if you don't think that billionaire is 100% looking down on you my guy. It's what they do.
@@PaperySloth Why should I care if this arrogant billionaire is looking down on me? He's living in delusions if he thinks his money makes him superior. This guy thinks he's rejecting me because I'm poor, well I'm also rejecting him because oh his awful character which I'm very proud I don't have!
1:52:57
I love you dr. K, BUT you just went from "your perception is from just the internet and your experiences!" And to prove your point you... asked the internet. 😂 sorry, made me laugh
The key here is that he consulted studies and did not make "asking the internet" his only data point ;D
I timestamped the part I was talking about, I'm not saying the whole stream lol
2:07:10 needed to hear this 😢
I almost went bald, until I simply decided to stop losing hair
you sure do make me laugh hahah
and as the late great Dr. Patch Adams
Laughter is Best Medicine
why is the link not in the description? it’s often so hard to find stuff you talk about, because you have to go to the chat or some discord-channel there’s no link to either
New intro music isn’t as chill but fuckin slaps all the same
the thumbnail make me feels called out
Short is a perception of the mind..the average height of men world wide is 5'7. Women the USA are the only ones whom really make it an issue. Even still it is not a set back; if woman is that picky on height it is probably a blessing she is not int you..because he she picky over something out of your control then imagine what other issues she is going to have.
Man drk got good at thumbnails😂
As a black male i feel pressure to have an anaconda in my pants making things worse its basically expected. when im only within the mid of average sizes and it fills me with deep shame and makes me feel defective.
How do women react?
@@vegeta8169😂
@@vegeta8169 basically they prefer bigger
I'd offer you advice you didn't ask for. But I hope it helps. Stop watching adult videos. It can really mess with self worth. Corn really makes a big BBC stereotype. Don't be ashamed to have a avarage size.
@@guusgeluk3693 I might but the women won't nor will the expectation go
universe and world chillin. i can chillin.
Legend!
To my fellow bros that are balding, get a hair trimmer and shave your hair down without the guard on. Basically giving your head a five o'clock shadow look. You can slow your balding down with Rogaine and also Finasteride. Also, grow a beard. The beard offsets the loss of hair on your head. I promise you you'll feel better about your looks.
Only women can afford to have insecurities and get love despite of them, got it.
Incredibly, the most ever stated in history almost. Still true though.
Thing is, men are told to excell, to be the best at something, to get fit and be confident, this video is a lengthy proof. Women on the other hand are told they are perfect just the way they are, totally opposite message depending on the gender.
@@Dimitris_Balf it's not hatred towards men or anyone for that matter it's simply being realistic women are loved for their insecurities ( being fat / short / tall / alopecia / stretch marks ) while if men have those same insecurities there are shamed and u might say by other men which is true to an extent but when he enters the dating world its obviously women
@@Dimitris_Balf We should care about men's feeling i am a guy but in this day and age man shaming is praised
@@Dimitris_Balf I don't think you are understanding our point at all. Never said any of this was right, just pointed out that's the way things are sadly. There's no body positivity movement for men and there will never be one because it's mainly a bs to tell women what they want to hear, not to change people's perceptions or behaviours towards the unlucky ones that happen to be outside of what's perceived as attractive.
I have problem since I was kid, similar to being a bald person, that is I am bald but on my eyebrows and is almost the same as dr k say about bald people that is likely to laugh to a blad person well is the same with me but even worse as there are not many people like me and I follow the advice that dr k say about do control what you can control and I got it, I try my best I got fit I was studying and working, I did everything that was supposed to get me better and it is worst, I have a shitty job as an engineer, I got paid poorly even when I worked to have experience as a new engineer, and I got obesity because of the stress the not sleep well and all of that for nothing, I thought as I learned social skills when I was working and in collage it will be easier but instead it got harder, the problem is that back than I wasn't frustrated, because I thought I was going the right way and everything was going to work as a mantra and now is just, I am so fucking tired, and then everyone says you need to try harder fuck you all
Huh, fascinating. I had no idea that people have mental health impacts of baldness. I've seen a lot of bald fellows at my gym with phenomenal physiques that I look up to.
Hey Dr. K I am worried about the point system that is proposed. It is my understanding that tying an external reward to actions you want to encourage will temporarly encorage the actions, but will result in those actions dereasing when the external reward is no longer applied. I understand that external rewards can decrease innate internal drive. Let me know if my understanding of this concept is flawed.
FOR A GIRAFFE! 🤣 ur killing me larry
Stream starts at 8:27 :)
- Oh baldness is bad for your mental health, psychology, selfconsciousness etc.
- How can i fix that?
- Well you are less screwed if you have good mental health, psychology, self consciousness etc.
Yes, be perfect in every other area in your life and you're good to go m8
Yep. If baldness can tip the other things downwards, then tipping the other things upwards can do the same for baldness. It makes perfect sense. Imagine a scale! Now tip the side of the scale where "baldness" is, upwards, by "making it all about baldness". The other side goes down.
The way by which baldness has a negative impact on the rest, is by taking up all the space and energy and social interactions to the point all else gets neglected. What needs to happen, is to put "baldness" back into the real of "unimportant" and "I'll have a blast, against all odds!"
You da man Dr. K
Did you enjoy fraternity initiation ritual? I keep thinking about ritual every time you say "esoteric"
Many men in my family are bald/balding and get all the freakin tinder matches you would ever want🥚