Staying Together For The Kids Pros And Cons | Paul Friedman
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- Are you wondering what are the pros and cons of staying together for the kids? Watch Paul gives you some tips that you probably don't know yet and might help you with your current situation.
I'd like to share something with you right off the bat. And that is that one -- you're still hopeful
that you can hold the marriage together and that's why you're looking for, what is basically an excuse to stay together and that is for the sake of the kids as it turns out for the sake of the kids is huge. Because virtually, every study done since the 50s shows decisively, definitively that when parents get a divorce the kids are tremendously impacted.
There are always some minor differences but for the most part, huge part, the kids will not be the same. And the reason why they won't be the same is pretty logical if you think about it.
Children come into the world 100% with no capacity to take care of themselves. None, zero. 100% reliance on the team which is their mother and father. And I know that therapists these days say, "Well, it just means separate homes and it's inconvenient and it's not as good for the kids but..." Imagine you and I use this illustration all the time because it's a great one. But a
friend of mine brought it to my attention many years ago when I was a divorce mediator and a judge brought it to his attention. He was another divorce mediator and the judge said, "Imagine going to a planet with two bodyguards who turn on each other."
And this is the case for the kids, they're a hundred percent dependent on you -- both. You split up, their whole world falls apart. It's just two of you and the battle that you have during a divorce
everyone says, "No, no. We're not going to go through that battle," but you do. You end up having tremendous pain, tremendous anxiety and you know what, the kids aren't the only ones impacted by your getting a divorce so are you, and so is your spouse. It's huge. Think about it that you got married it was the biggest decision of your life. And it was the wrong decision?
My approach to you in this video is that the cons are, you can't even quantify them how many negatives there are. The positives there's so few. I can't think of one positive other than there aren't any. There are no positives for the kids. So what you're really asking is, and I know this is what you meant is how can I stay together in this marriage? What can we possibly do to save this marriage? Isn't that the question you want to ask? And for that and I've done a lot of research on this, a lot of studying and I had to avoid all of western psychology's ideas because they don't work. And I started to discover principles of marriage that are essential to know
and I begin with the principle of why did you get married in the first place.
The principle basically is that the reason why you do something determines how you behave
in the process of doing that thing. You get a boat and you want to go out on the lake and you want to go to the other side. You got a boat to convey to the other side. What do you do? You don't get in the boat without any training whatsoever but if you do, what's going to happen? You'll pick up the oars and you'll go crazy. But if you got trained in how to row a boat or if it's a small sailboat how to sail a boat, you might struggle a little but because you know that you want to get to the other side and you've learned at least some of the basics of boating. You will get to the other side and by the time you do you'll probably have a good time of it but you didn't do any of that for marriage.
In fact, you didn't even come up with why you're getting married. No one does. When I asked people who would come to me back in the early days, why did you get married? The best answers that I got were not really answers. They were answers like I wanted to have kids. I wanted to be with someone in my old age. I wanted to be with my soul mate. Okay, but that's a very sort of not proactive. So I had to discover why people got married. Don't laugh when I tell you, why you got married? And by now, you're thinking already why did I get married? You got married to be happier. Of course, that's why people get married.
They don't get married so they could have a wedding day. They get married, you got married to be happier. And I'm going to add to that, I'm going to say that you got married to be happier every single day of your lives. Didn't you or did you get married so just to have children? I don't think so. The other reason for getting married and all this is going back to the pros and cons
because the biggest biggest thing that you should consider is how do we make our marriage work again or maybe for the first time.
Watch the video for more.
#marriagetips #marriagegoals #marriagelife #unconditionallove #lovewins #marriagecommitment
Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by:
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
Found this video after watching a bunch of videos pretty much telling me the relationship is over. But I value that unconditional love more than anything or atleast I’d like to believe… we aren’t married, unplanned pregnancy right away in the relationship, both decided to give it a shot for the child and it’s been almost 4 years and the resentment is building , fights happening more frequently, different morals and values, severe lack of trust, blaming the others, bringing down the other are all present in the relationship. I came from a divorced family while hers are still together, that seems to be my drive more than anything to try to make it work looking at the pain my situation caused me in life. I don’t know what to do. I want to learn how to unconditionally love someone but seem too hurt in life to achieve this. Even tho I know deep down it’s possible , my insecurities and emotions run the show and I can’t shake it. Idk what to do.
Learning to love is our individual mission in life so we can be happy. You have a child. That is the greatest incentive I can think of to dedicate yourself to rising above your current challenges. I promise you that when you take our course for women your thinking and feelings will change dramatically. It will change your life and your happiness will blossom as will your marriage. You will enjoy the freedom of love.
FACTS.
It's hard to try when both partners lose respect to each others especially in front of the kids . In that case is there still a chance to repair the dammages ?
We should not live in the past errors but learn and apply so that the future will be filled with love and happiness. Can it be done? All the time. The courses are super effective.
Ive noticed that females are always quick to leave. But men will suffer through a terrible marriage for the children. To all you men out there who do this - I know there's a lot of You-(THANK YOU-YOU DID THE RIGHT THING) I know its its Harder Than Hell!!!!!!!!! But because of your perseverance-Your Chiidren will grow up right most of the time. If your children do endure a terrible partner; They will most likely see thr signs compliments of you. I give all of You Credit for staying!!!!!!!!GOD BLESS YOU
The smart path is to take the course for your gender and have it all..suffering is not menat to be our lot in life or marriage. Joy and love!
what if couple got married due to unplanned pregnancy? and over the years they realise they are not meant for each other. Stay married for the kid/kids?
I think of an unplanned marriage as an act of God and He plans everything for our happiness - then we botch it. Learn how to gain the benefits of your marriage which are love and ever-expanding happiness.
Wear a condom when having that relationship 5 bucks
@@josephrostkowski8631 😃😃😃😃😃😁😁😁
My husband and me we both are very different personalities
It's really hard stay with him
Because of kids I am leaving with him
I'm scared to wasting my future
The future of yourself, your children, and your husband are all important and so you may want to look at our course for women themarriagefoundation.org
I wish more people can see your videos. They are practical and amazing!
I appreciate you saying that! 🙏 Thank you.
My mom and Dad got a divorce when I was 7 years old and I'm still not 100. I'm 38 yrs old. The last thing I want is to hurt my kids, but my husband and are so done. Our marriage is beyond repair.
You do not know that your marriage is beyond repair, you just think it is. I helped thousands of couples who sincerely believed the same as you but they tried my way and have won on every level.
@@TheMarriageFoundation thank you.
This is a very good video sir and I thank you for making this available. The very sad and harsh truth is that this is common.... quite a few people do feel that the children do better when separate households are the case. That is absolutely not true and it has been proven numerous times psychologically and scientifically that a child does best when both of their bodyguards are in the life of a child. So I also know that it's difficult for the parents in this regard. But I congratulate and commend highly commend The Men Who do this daily. Because this is a civil war that's very difficult to deal with everyday.
The "teachings" of the world are split between good and evil with many shades of grey. Universal spiritual principles of love and morality should be our test of ideas we hear.
Does the same concept apply to ones who never got married under the law but were in relationship and have been living together with the child (4yrs old) since the beginning?
Yes, although there are psychological advantages to a formal pact (you are covered by much the same laws, anyway) the same principles apply especially the principle that when you learn how to be married and do as described in the course for women we offer your marriage will blossom.
Awesome information. Thank you
Great video. But the roosters (or whatever background noise) was highly distracting and annoying.
Sorry about that. I was traveling LOL
@@TheMarriageFoundation it’s ok. I just wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or it was really in the background. I kept taking my headphones off and pausing the video. I was trying to focus on you and your message but kept wondering if they were roosters or babies. Then I was trying to figure out if you have a homestead or at a countryside bed and breakfast inn.
I just hope you didn’t take it hard. I know people can be cruel Online. That was not my intent. Just wondering if you knew it was there in the background.
The people that really puzzled me are the ones that record outside on windy days or put background music that’s louder than them speaking and making it harder to hear their message.
I know it’s an issue that I have to deal with as a disabled Veteran with hearing issues. I can’t blame everyone else for my hearing. Only inform them too kindly communicate better with me due to lower quality hearing. Haha lol
Thank you for your understanding.
What about if our children are in their twenties? I believe they are impacted, but am asking for insight. Thank you.
That is an excellent question. We are 100% responsible for our children when they are born and from the time they are in their teens they have taken most of that responsibility upon themselves even though they are always reaching beyond their abilities. Once the children are permanently away from the home parents no longer need to consider them but should make their marriage work for their own sake.
@@TheMarriageFoundation Thank you. Our children still consider the family home, where I am, home.
'You didnt get married to have a wedding day'
Id think 95%+ of women think about their wedding day abd who their husband will be, rather than what a marriage is
we are all poorly trained for marriage but we can change that themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Why does it sound like there are crowds of people screaming in the background of this video?
sorry about that. I was traveling when I did this video
😂😂😂😂😂
You didn’t bring up at what age for the kids if it makes a difference
It will always affect your offspring, at any age, but there are more cnsqunce during thier fromative years.
I wish i wud have come accross this before my divorce😢
I’m close to separation and potential divorce later on. Gosh, I can’t do this to my 7 year old and 1 year old.
Now you can use the course and have it all work out
😥😥😥
Never give up. That is just wrong to do unless there is NO way to save your marriage.
@@TheMarriageFoundation why should we save the marriage when there's no meaning in life living in life
Your totally wrong
I don't agree with you
Yyour job is to find meaning, which is love and joy through service