Umm... ok... that is hardly a "pearl of wisdom" spoken by this woman. People have been saying that for like 100 years. Here's one for you, which I think is better: "it's not about what you are eating, but what is eating you." - taken directly from a British version of My 600lb Life.
shelagh mcgee She's mentioned a whole host of narcissistic traits, including projecting her faults onto everyone "everybody lies". Still, it is very rare for someone narcissistic to admit fault. So I wish her well.
***** You're probably right, however regardless, her making up her own category "Honest Liars" and saying "everybody lies" is redirecting responsibility and utter nonsense.
***** There is a big difference between white lies and lying not to hurt people and lying that is detrimental to other people. As you said she may have BPD and her actions in terms of lying would not be lying to save someone elses feelings, quite the opposite it would be selfish and hurtful to others! Stop generalizing and saying everybody lies. That's not the point. It's why they are lying, the extent to which they are lying and whether it is detrimental to themselves and more importantly to others.
its just plain hard after a certain point as well. Theres a reason animals only have a certain level of self awareness, it takes a lot of thought, and because of that brain power.
Where others see exaggeration I see passion for her topic. She seems to enjoy it so much that she wants to laugh of pure joy. What a fortunate person she is for working in something that gives her so much energy. The interpretation of her body language obviously passes through our own filters, so for some, she is too much and for others, she is just perfect enough. I don't think she should care anyway, hahaha, and just be herself.
This is what parents should teach their children but unfortunately many of them are Narcissists. We have to learn this by experience. It would be great if it were all that simple but it's not.
@@pebonifield I would agree, but If she would tell you that in one minute and it was something new to you, you most probably won't give yourself enough time to thing about it.
Why is everyone criticizing her speaking style? It's her style....the words are clear and apt and the content is really good. Is it always necessary to criticize something
For a few years now I've been on a journey of learning self awareness and I have learned to think about my thinking. I've always prided myself on being an honest person. Now I'm learning how to be actually honest with myself. I've learned to silence the negative voices in my head, without any prescribed medication. I have peace of mind, and sometimes even joy. It sounds corny to me but I now find something to be excited about every day. Just little, insignificant things. Thank God
Wow! Just Wow. I am currently attending IOP and they played this video. I broke down and cried like baby. Everything you said I identify with and I could have never been able to explain it so exquisitely as you have. Ma'am you're beautiful inside and out. Super engaging and intelligent. Thank you!
I love her inclusion of existential truths. Acknowledging and integrating these truths into our lives is very painful yet absolutely necessary to becoming better human beings. No great person has ever lived who did not realize their own mortality, loneliness and the meaninglessness of the world. Realizing these truths leads to the last realization: freedom. Accepting without compromise the truth of our existence gives us absolute, radical freedom to live the lives we've always dreamed of. And the responsibility to be better.
I have had to learn to be honest with others in order to be honest with myself. I still struggle with a dishonest narrative that I begin with myself. However, I’ve begun realize that I am becoming the biggest enemy of my soul when I try to cover my inadequacies with denial. It’s in the truth of knowing my character defects that I am able to work towards progress or acceptance of my imperfections!
+Mura Listy Amen. I get so sick of humans flinging feces in the comments section so they can feel better about themselves (boring individuals with nothing constructive to contribute). Talk about self-deceived.
Benjamin Holck I agree! These comments are truly appalling. Maybe one does feel a little more significant as they tear down the messenger. In regards to good therapists. They can only be as gifted as their clients are vulnerable and open to change.
With all the pain I faced this year...I also realised that most of it is my own damn fault. This talk made me emotional because I have to come with acceptance and full responsibility of who I am.
I love that this video is 8 years old and has 100% relevance in this day and age amongst deniers and so many people projecting the messages of others. I loved hearing the words that seemed to apply to so many things in my own personal life.
Best TED talk on UA-cam!!! Such an insanely engaging speaker, giving funny and relatable examples, and the content is so educational that I think this talk may genuinely change my life.
Cortney, First I want to say that I am 45 years old and you just answered a question that I have asked myself for YEARS. I am so taken back, seriously! When you said "When you grow up in a home where parents argue, you learn to avoid conflict." I thought.. "Well, yes maybe?" When you said "So now you struggle to even admit you feel negative emotion." OH WOW!!!! THAT IS SO TRUE, that is my truth. When I have a negative emotion I always feel bad and try to redirect it into a nice emotion.. after all feeling negative about someone or something makes me feel horrible. I always catch myself saying... This isn't nice of me to say/ think.... Then I follow up with a justification to make my feeling or thought sound nice. Anyway, you are brilliant and I wish you the best. Thanks for your brilliant words.
I am so happy to read your message, Becky. I wrote a short book that is a long version of the talk called; Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception. You might find it useful also. www.amazon.com/Lies-Tell-Ourselves-Psychology-Self-Deception/dp/0615997716%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0615997716 Best of luck on your continued journey!
Daniel Campbell People tend to ignore the fact that simply by virtue of writing something online, you are promoting a point of view (whether you have something to "sell" or not). Your words imply that somehow the effort to sell a book diminishes the virtue of writing it. And to be sure, there are plenty of people who are only in it for the money, but you should show some respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt until she has earned otherwise.
Dear viewers and dear Reiko Bovee(Thank you for your great talk show), i want to explain how self deception works in a funny and easy way. We know human's memories can be affected or deleted by stroke of for example some thing hard to their head. People who deceives themselves, hits for their heads a hard stick to delete their bad memories to get rid of suffering, but how ever they also makes themselves blind by this act! By making themselves blind they couldn't be able to see reality any more and this causes to failure and even suffering more.
I'm slightly less than two minutes into the talk and I can see that it's the facial expressions that are tearing me apart. Thank you ever so much. I would like to think that after 35 years of looking on the inside of you know who I know who I really am. No secrets here. No self-deception. It's against my religion.
Understanding our self deception is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life, for when we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change " This was a TED Talk I can relate to. As I grip to hold on to things entirely unhealthy simply in fear of loss of the comfort.
I have been looking for just such a presentation for my 18 year old. Her comments are spot-on and I know for a fact, that her delivery is optimal for many people. She keeps you listening with her tone and body language. Even if watching her is in some way less than optimal for you, then please just listen to the audio. This is a terrific video for a younger audience. Bravo 👏🏼
How I learned about lies was anyone can lie even a stranger or a family member and getting any truth costs even if it means a life-for-a-life concept. This is sad and angering but is true in my world. Standing up takes strength even at our weakest.
I would listen to this ted talk over and over again, whats important is not the means but the message being delivered...people will never fail to criticize others
I recently realized every single thing she said on my own and it helped me realize to stop making excuses about anything, if I want something I'll make it happen and not make up excuses to why I haven't. And now I found this video, she took the words right out of my mouth! Great Ted Talk.
I've been slowly working on myself instead of blaming other for my actions. Its hard to look at yourself and change poor habits and behavior but, hard times have really had me look at myself and why I act a certain way.
Cortney, few of us can be that honest with ourselves! I agree with you fully and have consistently been unable to lie to myself. I hope you are still following your heart and your passion. It makes a difference!
The title attracted me to this right away. Confronting the truthful, writer, and yourself set you free, and the people that you have held hostage along the way! this is a vital choice so people around you can live you can not be a victim and project your pain and anger on people hold them hostage. I am taking responsibility because I don’t have the right to take it out on the people that I love dearly for anyone else
Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful TED talk. This resonates so, so much with me. I am in psychotherapy and grateful always that I am. I am continually self-reflecting and changing, trying to change. Have experienced a lot of loss in my life (some would say nearly tremendous loss) yet continue to learn and grow from it and not sink into it. I have already listened to you, Cortney, this talk, four times. Good talk.
Best TED talk in a long time. A woman with intelligence, inner and outer beauty along with a good sense of humor and practical application, makes this an encouraging video. Everything said is dead on. I've lived through most of what was said and I desperately wanted to change. Until it was verbalized, until there were concepts I could grasp, in order to change, I was paralyzed. I will change. I will report back. If our shell can heal with minor scars from medicine, perhaps our egos can be healed by the application of mental tools that are presented here. And for me, a strong belief in Jehovah's power, ability and desire to aide me in this endeavor. Thank you so much for this! This woman worked hard and is gifted with a captivating teaching ability. I will share this with my husband of 11 years and apologize shortly there after. ;)
I'm speechless, I've always done that and each time someone speaks to me about a deep problem I'm like, you should ask questions to yourself, discuss with yourself and things like that, but this ted talk is expressed in such a clear way!!! God damn, it's absolutely the most amazing video I've seen in my entire life, I've even cried a bit. Please, all of you: Do what she said! it will save you soooooo much time, stress, anxiety, and will probably save you from depression because everything that is on your mind just stacks up. be conscious of it and treat it before it rottens inside of you.
I learned this on my own over a course of 15 years of personal turmoil and transformation. And now I share this exact message with those whom It counsel. Learning to be honest with ourselves is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and others. It's so liberating and brings lasting peace. So glad to hear this talk ....going to share this...
Amazing... How did you manage to wrap all basic tenets of psychology and decrease stigmatization of our field? I am beyond impressed. My mouth dropped open at the end too.. what an amazing ending and wonderful message to send to the world! THANK YOU!
She is so appropriately dressed for TED talk lecture. She is one of the few presenters that I have seen who thought about what she should have worn in front of an audience. Her choice of clothing is both professional while pleasing to the eye. The content of her message is presented in a clear, ration and thought-provoking way.
One of my best Ted talk in a while I'm psychology major and I'm interested in academia. I experienced and continue to experience tremendous growth once a started being honest with myself
Noticing, shifting and a whole lotta listening... With love and honesty is the key to growth! It was so great to find this video. Just what I needed this morning
one of the best TED talks I've heard.. it is so important to realize that we have to ACCEPT ourselves the way we are.. and not how society wants us to be.. and we have to be COURAGEOUS to do that... and the early we realize it, the early we will become better Human Beings, that this Earth needs desperately in this time.. for many reasons.. thank you for this TED talk, Ted talk people.. ':D :)
My recovery of depression anxiety alchohol and drugs was first telling my therapist why I took them and how I was feeling that made me depressed and so on. As soon as I was honest my sessions became amazing today I live a life of hope faith and courage. I liked how she said all her ex boyfriends she blamed them it was there fault not being honest saying look at myself first. Self pity isnt gonna work to recover from what ever your issue is. If your listening guys the only way to recovery is honesty . Even with anyone you meet in life not just loved ones . I look at why I first lied in my life and because a normality . Again wasnt honest so lied outta fear. That's why if your suffering at this level of fear or guilt plz go get help now before your too old or just too late . Dont ever be embarrassed ok.
What an incredible speech! This video deserves more views and likes. Thank you so much for the enlightenment. I never would have realised where I was going wrong until now.
Excellent introduction to cognitive psychology, one of my favorite topics since my own childhood (many moons ago). Dr. Warren is one of only a few women whom I see elaborate on this area, from a first and third person perspective, consistently.
"Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie" Be yourself but be your "true self" When we face the music and dance we no longer need to drug or drink to medicate the pain of hiding the truth. Be transparent & vulnerable; it scares the hell out of fake people but draws in the real ones.
Snoopy W you are not a failure to urself, you just need to be self aware, take responsibility and courage to see yourself as it’s and be true to yourself no matter what & most importantly don’t play the victim game
Young Dreamer I’m no victim. But I’m not sure why people are playing games with me. If I were a victim I wouldn’t see or try to improve myself. I’m sorry I’m not currently able to do much but I will
I liked her talk and didn't mind her presentation. She sounds like the voice actor for the girl part of the audio book for Gone Girl. She has a nice voice.
I can’t be the only one who is self-aware and has continuously been in practice of it since I was young. People are always surprised when I’m honest about my faults and my strengths...it’s exhausting to constantly have to avoid deep discussions with people because they can’t handle being aware of their own actions and motivations and, in turn, aware of how they communicate and resolve conflict. They avoid the truth in front of them because of how they feel and it is (I’m being honest) idiotic and self-destructive. I’m glad she did this TedTalk and now I’m sharing it. Learn to seek out personal development opportunities that are honest and not just qualifying your behaviors. They hurt people. 😔🤦🏾♀️😕
I think I've probably been selective about being truthful with or about myself. However, @45 I'm very aware of my strengths & weaknesses, and owning them. I can be quite hard on myself but I truly believe that my extremely strict, conservative childhood inflicted a sort of default denial mechanism that I really, really noticed around 30 years old. At first it was terribly shameful & all consuming once I was finally able, ready to reflect & accept responsibility for the way I interpreted things, perceived my own behavior or how easily I justified certain things. After I came to terms with what I was doing & why I was doing it (I went on a journey of liberating, raw truths). It felt so good! No, I'm wrong. No no, seriously, it was my fault. Since then I've worked on balancing the art of taking accountability while knowing my self worth. (Now I'm perfect). Lol. Jk. That was a lie. Life is a long lesson. Sometimes you have to reflect & figure out if you're shooting straight or allowing yourself to buffer a curve out of convenience. I've noticed it's not real tough finding critics or on the contrary- favorable opinions. It's being true to yourself without stacking the facts in your favor that'll help you to find true perspective from an outside, unbiased source. I might have a completely different mindset in 10 years but for now, I think I get it.
When I worked in management, interestingly, one of the surest ways I could tell a manager's customer service was going to start to slip was when, during customer service trainings, they would be dismissive of the material because, in their words, "I'm already great at customer service." Telling themselves they were great at customer service became a great way for them to deceive themselves in situations where it might seem their customer service had been inadequate.
Same! I've heard from multiple people that I'm very self-aware. It helps with self-improvement, and making decisions I don't regret. But it's difficult for me to forge deep relationships with people because, in my own experience anyway, most people aren't very self aware and that's important for me in anyone I let into my life.
I always wanted to write a book about that. What she's talking about is the key to heaven. But our ego does not allow us to pay attention to our lies....
Oh my god! Its the same thing that just happened to me. I went for a master degree and I left, I didnt feel passion for it, I was doing it to not disapointing my family, my boyfriend, my fathers dream... It was painful to see the truth and accept my Own desires...
The message is great but more importantly the way she delivers her presentation is awesome, natural-tastic and she looks gorgeous because this is her very own nature which is not being masked by artificial burrowed expressions.
When I was half-ear listening (if even that) to this ted a year ago, I thought that I watched a woman who paid too much attention to her own appearance in the speech, I was unconsciously selectively hearing and interpreting it in the way I "wanted" which created a picture of a self-centred person who just discovered that not being honest is ruining her life and now shares it to gain more attention and approval - these people are "bad", I would not lie to myself. Now this ted appeared in recommendations again and I was struck and embarrassed by ignorance of my own self a year ago. Let this be an apologise and thank you to Dr Cortney Warren and her work.
“When we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change.” Love it
Jesus taught us this.
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin
"If we don't take full responsibility for who we are, we hurt ourselves and everyone around us."
Jaja Mama 3
Great quote! ....and a great summary for this whole TEDx talk/youtube video.
duh!!!
God doesn't even take full responsibility.
Boo.
I don't think I've ever had a TED talk hit as hard as this one did. So happy that I found this exactly when I needed it.
Lying to ourselves and trying to make ourselves feel better about a situation that we need to work on is a good way to plan our own failures.
"Your eating has very little to do with hunger." A simple yet amazing observation.
Well, maybe "hunger" for fulfillment.
Umm... ok... that is hardly a "pearl of wisdom" spoken by this woman. People have been saying that for like 100 years. Here's one for you, which I think is better: "it's not about what you are eating, but what is eating you." - taken directly from a British version of My 600lb Life.
Nonsense! It’s just coincidental that donut and my dangerously low blood sugar levels bisect on the time- space continuum.
This has been the most impactful talk I’ve listened to. A year later I quit my job and started lliving my purpose. 🙏 thank you Professor.
Wow
What did you used to do for work? What is your life's purpose ? Are you still working in this field? How did it work out? Fill us in on the story
This women tells it like it is!
However it is very painful to see the truth of oneself....
and that's why self awareness is rare!
shelagh mcgee She's mentioned a whole host of narcissistic traits, including projecting her faults onto everyone "everybody lies".
Still, it is very rare for someone narcissistic to admit fault. So I wish her well.
***** You're probably right, however regardless, her making up her own category "Honest Liars" and saying "everybody lies" is redirecting responsibility and utter nonsense.
***** There is a big difference between white lies and lying not to hurt people and lying that is detrimental to other people.
As you said she may have BPD and her actions in terms of lying would not be lying to save someone elses feelings, quite the opposite it would be selfish and hurtful to others!
Stop generalizing and saying everybody lies. That's not the point. It's why they are lying, the extent to which they are lying and whether it is detrimental to themselves and more importantly to others.
its just plain hard after a certain point as well. Theres a reason animals only have a certain level of self awareness, it takes a lot of thought, and because of that brain power.
I’m learning growing and self work is VERY hard but also some of the most rewarding work you will ever do.
Where others see exaggeration I see passion for her topic. She seems to enjoy it so much that she wants to laugh of pure joy. What a fortunate person she is for working in something that gives her so much energy. The interpretation of her body language obviously passes through our own filters, so for some, she is too much and for others, she is just perfect enough. I don't think she should care anyway, hahaha, and just be herself.
*Human Psychology is an entertaining and captivating subject*
how to comment using bold letters???
@@casseyannemacawili
Yes Please!! Would love to know.
@@casseyannemacawili *sup* * something * (without spaces)
True freedom is being okay with the brutal reality of what is true.
Thank you, you spoke to my heart!
Mrs Scardino to make it easier for yourself. What i say is reality is not moral, and what i think is brutal is just my imagination or creation.
You know.. I'm 42 and just now got to the point of... "That's just what it is.." It's FREEDOM!!!
Sounds like depression to me
Very well said
I'm speechless. I think that was my favorite Ted talk.
you too?
oh well then...
Me too, im not sure if the content is the most important but shes the best speaker ive ever seen
agreed!
In a nutshell: take responsibility for your own emotions, quit the blame game, dont manipulate others, be self aware.
Lol, she def laid it out better! Not everything needs to be n a nutshell!!
Sorry, she needs to take 10 minutes to to give us 1 minute worth of information. She is womansplaining.
This is what parents should teach their children but unfortunately many of them are Narcissists. We have to learn this by experience. It would be great if it were all that simple but it's not.
@@invisigrl good day, l propose to lean together ) to share life experiences
@@pebonifield I would agree, but If she would tell you that in one minute and it was something new to you, you most probably won't give yourself enough time to thing about it.
Why is everyone criticizing her speaking style? It's her style....the words are clear and apt and the content is really good. Is it always necessary to criticize something
Well, you’re criticizing those who are criticizing, so…
@@scf7334 yeah, you're right actually😅
@@savitamatapurkar2944Ooh wee! I strive to one day have this type of maturity! 👍🏾
I agree. Therapy is a gift. And this talk is a therapy. Thank you Ms Warren. More power.
For a few years now I've been on a journey of learning self awareness and I have learned to think about my thinking. I've always prided myself on being an honest person. Now I'm learning how to be actually honest with myself. I've learned to silence the negative voices in my head, without any prescribed medication. I have peace of mind, and sometimes even joy. It sounds corny to me but I now find something to be excited about every day. Just little, insignificant things. Thank God
Wow! Just Wow. I am currently attending IOP and they played this video. I broke down and cried like baby. Everything you said I identify with and I could have never been able to explain it so exquisitely as you have. Ma'am you're beautiful inside and out. Super engaging and intelligent. Thank you!
I love her inclusion of existential truths. Acknowledging and integrating these truths into our lives is very painful yet absolutely necessary to becoming better human beings. No great person has ever lived who did not realize their own mortality, loneliness and the meaninglessness of the world. Realizing these truths leads to the last realization: freedom. Accepting without compromise the truth of our existence gives us absolute, radical freedom to live the lives we've always dreamed of. And the responsibility to be better.
I have had to learn to be honest with others in order to be honest with myself. I still struggle with a dishonest narrative that I begin with myself. However, I’ve begun realize that I am becoming the biggest enemy of my soul when I try to cover my inadequacies with denial. It’s in the truth of knowing my character defects that I am able to work towards progress or acceptance of my imperfections!
I love how the negative comments are so clearly self-deceptions! hahahahaha
Mura Listy Yes. It's as though this talk itself was threatening. We hold on to our lies very tightly.
+Mura Listy Amen. I get so sick of humans flinging feces in the comments section so they can feel better about themselves (boring individuals with nothing constructive to contribute). Talk about self-deceived.
Lol Ikr
Benjamin Holck I agree! These comments are truly appalling. Maybe one does feel a little more significant as they tear down the messenger. In regards to good therapists. They can only be as gifted as their clients are vulnerable and open to change.
Don’t be deceived , they are opinions
With all the pain I faced this year...I also realised that most of it is my own damn fault. This talk made me emotional because I have to come with acceptance and full responsibility of who I am.
i love that shifty eye and smile thing she does whens she spits some truth
"Looking back at life with regret is extremely painful because you can't change your choices in the past. "
❤
Therapy was the single greatest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life
love the existentialism. Seriously, I wish we had this kinda talk in society more often.
I feel like hugging this woman; her words did strike a chord within me.
😐
It needs courage to be truthful to oneself. An excellent talk.
would help if the rest of us had the courage to call someone a liar. call a spade a spade and i bet more people were willing to tell the truth.
I love that this video is 8 years old and has 100% relevance in this day and age amongst deniers and so many people projecting the messages of others. I loved hearing the words that seemed to apply to so many things in my own personal life.
Best TED talk on UA-cam!!!
Such an insanely engaging speaker, giving funny and relatable examples, and the content is so educational that I think this talk may genuinely change my life.
I look up to her. This is one of the best TED talks I've seen. Thank you 🙏🏻
Every word was tearing up my soul like a double-edged sword
Tearing up ego **
Cortney, First I want to say that I am 45 years old and you just answered a question that I have asked myself for YEARS. I am so taken back, seriously!
When you said "When you grow up in a home where parents argue, you learn to avoid conflict." I thought.. "Well, yes maybe?"
When you said "So now you struggle to even admit you feel negative emotion." OH WOW!!!! THAT IS SO TRUE, that is my truth. When I have a negative emotion I always feel bad and try to redirect it into a nice emotion.. after all feeling negative about someone or something makes me feel horrible. I always catch myself saying... This isn't nice of me to say/ think.... Then I follow up with a justification to make my feeling or thought sound nice. Anyway, you are brilliant and I wish you the best. Thanks for your brilliant words.
I am so happy to read your message, Becky.
I wrote a short book that is a long version of the talk called; Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception. You might find it useful also.
www.amazon.com/Lies-Tell-Ourselves-Psychology-Self-Deception/dp/0615997716%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0615997716
Best of luck on your continued journey!
Sell that book baby
Daniel Campbell People tend to ignore the fact that simply by virtue of writing something online, you are promoting a point of view (whether you have something to "sell" or not). Your words imply that somehow the effort to sell a book diminishes the virtue of writing it. And to be sure, there are plenty of people who are only in it for the money, but you should show some respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt until she has earned otherwise.
Dear viewers and dear Reiko Bovee(Thank you for your great talk show), i want to explain how self deception works in a funny and easy way. We know human's memories can be affected or deleted by stroke of for example some thing hard to their head. People who deceives themselves, hits for their heads a hard stick to delete their bad memories to get rid of suffering, but how ever they also makes themselves blind by this act! By making themselves blind they couldn't be able to see reality any more and this causes to failure and even suffering more.
Becky SaumierHood I relate to you! I do the same thing and I’m 41! She really hit a spot in my heart.
I'm slightly less than two minutes into the talk and I can see that it's the facial expressions that are tearing me apart. Thank you ever so much. I would like to think that after 35 years of looking on the inside of you know who I know who I really am. No secrets here. No self-deception. It's against my religion.
Understanding our self deception is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life, for when we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change "
This was a TED Talk I can relate to. As I grip to hold on to things entirely unhealthy simply in fear of loss of the comfort.
I have been looking for just such a presentation for my 18 year old. Her comments are spot-on and I know for a fact, that her delivery is optimal for many people. She keeps you listening with her tone and body language. Even if watching her is in some way less than optimal for you, then please just listen to the audio. This is a terrific video for a younger audience. Bravo 👏🏼
What an insightful message. I would be lying if I did not admit it helped me to take a look at my own self-deceptive tendencies. Thanks, Cortney!
Who else watch it over and over again..?
My favorite Tedx talk
How I learned about lies was anyone can lie even a stranger or a family member and getting any truth costs even if it means a life-for-a-life concept. This is sad and angering but is true in my world. Standing up takes strength even at our weakest.
I would listen to this ted talk over and over again, whats important is not the means but the message being delivered...people will never fail to criticize others
Excellent, clear, precise, informative very well delivered.
She is brilliant. Speaking the truth @ it's core. Thank you!!!!!!
Watching this video hit hard to my core. I needed to watch this video and i am glad that i did.
I recently realized every single thing she said on my own and it helped me realize to stop making excuses about anything, if I want something I'll make it happen and not make up excuses to why I haven't. And now I found this video, she took the words right out of my mouth! Great Ted Talk.
I've been slowly working on myself instead of blaming other for my actions.
Its hard to look at yourself and change poor habits and behavior but, hard times have really had me look at myself and why I act a certain way.
Cortney, few of us can be that honest with ourselves! I agree with you fully and have consistently been unable to lie to myself. I hope you are still following your heart and your passion. It makes a difference!
One of the best TED talks ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The title attracted me to this right away. Confronting the truthful, writer, and yourself set you free, and the people that you have held hostage along the way! this is a vital choice so people around you can live you can not be a victim and project your pain and anger on people hold them hostage. I am taking responsibility because I don’t have the right to take it out on the people that I love dearly for anyone else
Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful TED talk. This resonates so, so much with me. I am in psychotherapy and grateful always that I am. I am continually self-reflecting and changing, trying to change. Have experienced a lot of loss in my life (some would say nearly tremendous loss) yet continue to learn and grow from it and not sink into it. I have already listened to you, Cortney, this talk, four times. Good talk.
One of the best TEDx Talks I've ever watched.
Best TED talk in a long time. A woman with intelligence, inner and outer beauty along with a good sense of humor and practical application, makes this an encouraging video. Everything said is dead on. I've lived through most of what was said and I desperately wanted to change. Until it was verbalized, until there were concepts I could grasp, in order to change, I was paralyzed. I will change. I will report back. If our shell can heal with minor scars from medicine, perhaps our egos can be healed by the application of mental tools that are presented here. And for me, a strong belief in Jehovah's power, ability and desire to aide me in this endeavor. Thank you so much for this! This woman worked hard and is gifted with a captivating teaching ability. I will share this with my husband of 11 years and apologize shortly there after. ;)
Thank you SummersRay10! Best of luck on your journey.
SummersRay10 it's been 5 years. Update?
I'm speechless, I've always done that and each time someone speaks to me about a deep problem I'm like, you should ask questions to yourself, discuss with yourself and things like that, but this ted talk is expressed in such a clear way!!! God damn, it's absolutely the most amazing video I've seen in my entire life, I've even cried a bit.
Please, all of you: Do what she said! it will save you soooooo much time, stress, anxiety, and will probably save you from depression because everything that is on your mind just stacks up. be conscious of it and treat it before it rottens inside of you.
Best talk ever on this channel
Really is!!
No it isn´t .
I learned this on my own over a course of 15 years of personal turmoil and transformation. And now I share this exact message with those whom It counsel. Learning to be honest with ourselves is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and others. It's so liberating and brings lasting peace. So glad to hear this talk ....going to share this...
Amazing... How did you manage to wrap all basic tenets of psychology and decrease stigmatization of our field? I am beyond impressed. My mouth dropped open at the end too.. what an amazing ending and wonderful message to send to the world! THANK YOU!
That is truly life changing. Best Ted talk ever heard. It is too late to watch!
This ted talk is underrated. I love her talk 💘
She's an outstanding speaker !
She is so appropriately dressed for TED talk lecture. She is one of the few presenters that I have seen who thought about what she should have worn in front of an audience. Her choice of clothing is both professional while pleasing to the eye. The content of her message is presented in a clear, ration and thought-provoking way.
One of my best Ted talk in a while I'm psychology major and I'm interested in academia. I experienced and continue to experience tremendous growth once a started being honest with myself
Noticing, shifting and a whole lotta listening... With love and honesty is the key to growth! It was so great to find this video. Just what I needed this morning
one of the best TED talks I've heard.. it is so important to realize that we have to ACCEPT ourselves the way we are.. and not how society wants us to be.. and we have to be COURAGEOUS to do that... and the early we realize it, the early we will become better Human Beings, that this Earth needs desperately in this time.. for many reasons..
thank you for this TED talk, Ted talk people.. ':D :)
she crushed it!!! top 1%
She prepared diligently. I have nothing but sweet feelings for her performance. I hope she's happy in the new direction , away from academics....
Greatest speech ever. If there were more people like you in the world it would be more harmonious.
My recovery of depression anxiety alchohol and drugs was first telling my therapist why I took them and how I was feeling that made me depressed and so on. As soon as I was honest my sessions became amazing today I live a life of hope faith and courage. I liked how she said all her ex boyfriends she blamed them it was there fault not being honest saying look at myself first. Self pity isnt gonna work to recover from what ever your issue is. If your listening guys the only way to recovery is honesty . Even with anyone you meet in life not just loved ones . I look at why I first lied in my life and because a normality . Again wasnt honest so lied outta fear. That's why if your suffering at this level of fear or guilt plz go get help now before your too old or just too late . Dont ever be embarrassed ok.
Seriously one of the best Ted talks ever!
and she is beautiful like you
What an incredible speech! This video deserves more views and likes. Thank you so much for the enlightenment. I never would have realised where I was going wrong until now.
By far the best TED talk speaker.
759 people need to enroll in a PSYCH 101 course. This woman is spot on!
Excellent introduction to cognitive psychology, one of my favorite topics since my own childhood (many moons ago). Dr. Warren is one of only a few women whom I see elaborate on this area, from a first and third person perspective, consistently.
"The easiest lie to tell is the one you believe yourself."
And also the hardest
One of the best TEDTalks I've ever seen.
Absolutely fantastic, brave and brutally honest!
She’s very smart and very attractive and a great speaker. That’s a good combination.
"Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie" Be yourself but be your "true self" When we face the music and dance we no longer need to drug or drink to medicate the pain of hiding the truth. Be transparent & vulnerable; it scares the hell out of fake people but draws in the real ones.
This is the truest shit I've heard in a long while
I was so moved by this that I am going to get myself into psychotherapy. What a good Ted talk.
“ if you can’t bear the pain of being true to yourself...you will live your life indulged in the darkness of superficiality “
Snoopy W you are not a failure to urself, you just need to be self aware, take responsibility and courage to see yourself as it’s and be true to yourself no matter what & most importantly don’t play the victim game
Young Dreamer I’m no victim. But I’m not sure why people are playing games with me. If I were a victim I wouldn’t see or try to improve myself. I’m sorry I’m not currently able to do much but I will
I liked her talk and didn't mind her presentation. She sounds like the voice actor for the girl part of the audio book for Gone Girl. She has a nice voice.
She's like a disney character, she has that charisma in her.
Perceptive observation Jill. Put her in a booth with a script; animators will have plenty to work from
This video in summary. Self awareness. She delivered this speech flawlessly.
I love the Pause and think! “What does my reaction to this situation say about me?”
I was about to move on to the next talk when she mentioned; "I always believed that everybody would leave me". I watched until the end. Good talk.
I can’t be the only one who is self-aware and has continuously been in practice of it since I was young. People are always surprised when I’m honest about my faults and my strengths...it’s exhausting to constantly have to avoid deep discussions with people because they can’t handle being aware of their own actions and motivations and, in turn, aware of how they communicate and resolve conflict. They avoid the truth in front of them because of how they feel and it is (I’m being honest) idiotic and self-destructive.
I’m glad she did this TedTalk and now I’m sharing it. Learn to seek out personal development opportunities that are honest and not just qualifying your behaviors. They hurt people. 😔🤦🏾♀️😕
I think I've probably been selective about being truthful with or about myself. However, @45 I'm very aware of my strengths & weaknesses, and owning them. I can be quite hard on myself but I truly believe that my extremely strict, conservative childhood inflicted a sort of default denial mechanism that I really, really noticed around 30 years old. At first it was terribly shameful & all consuming once I was finally able, ready to reflect & accept responsibility for the way I interpreted things, perceived my own behavior or how easily I justified certain things. After I came to terms with what I was doing & why I was doing it (I went on a journey of liberating, raw truths).
It felt so good!
No, I'm wrong.
No no, seriously, it was my fault.
Since then I've worked on balancing the art of taking accountability while knowing my self worth.
(Now I'm perfect). Lol. Jk. That was a lie.
Life is a long lesson. Sometimes you have to reflect & figure out if you're shooting straight or allowing yourself to buffer a curve out of convenience. I've noticed it's not real tough finding critics or on the contrary- favorable opinions. It's being true to yourself without stacking the facts in your favor that'll help you to find true perspective from an outside, unbiased source.
I might have a completely different mindset in 10 years but for now, I think I get it.
My thoughts EXACTLY! And I do mean EXACTLY. 💯 I just can't allow myself to lie to myself about anything.
When I worked in management, interestingly, one of the surest ways I could tell a manager's customer service was going to start to slip was when, during customer service trainings, they would be dismissive of the material because, in their words, "I'm already great at customer service." Telling themselves they were great at customer service became a great way for them to deceive themselves in situations where it might seem their customer service had been inadequate.
Same! I've heard from multiple people that I'm very self-aware. It helps with self-improvement, and making decisions I don't regret. But it's difficult for me to forge deep relationships with people because, in my own experience anyway, most people aren't very self aware and that's important for me in anyone I let into my life.
A life pursuing truth & honesty is the absolute best!
Wow. She just broke down the entire field of existentialism from Heidegger to Sartre in about 20 seconds.
Thanks Nietzsche
A very clear, honest and direct addressing of part of our human condition, fears and self protective tendencies.
this is beyond amazing and helpful , the way of deliver the message is exquisite
One of the best talks I’ve ever ingested. Great.
I always wanted to write a book about that. What she's talking about is the key to heaven. But our ego does not allow us to pay attention to our lies....
This is the first video that got my eye's watery we truly make life hard on ourselves.
Honesty. Truth. Credibility. Respect. They are all related. Lose one and you lose them all.
Laura, I would say that you are correct.
The best video I've ever watched💯
Oh my god! Its the same thing that just happened to me. I went for a master degree and I left, I didnt feel passion for it, I was doing it to not disapointing my family, my boyfriend, my fathers dream... It was painful to see the truth and accept my Own desires...
I almost fall asleep by concentrating too much on her teachings,. Thanks very much, you inspired allot...
Great speaker
Thank You!
❤Here’s to stopping the “… spiral into an infinite cycle of defeat…”
I love this one. One of my favorites. Soooo good. I love the ending lines.
The message is great but more importantly the way she delivers her presentation is awesome, natural-tastic and she looks gorgeous because this is her very own nature which is not being masked by artificial burrowed expressions.
Brilliant! Shes a Goddess!
Reminds me of Portia de Rossi ... who I've loved since I saw her on Arrested Development!
When I was half-ear listening (if even that) to this ted a year ago, I thought that I watched a woman who paid too much attention to her own appearance in the speech, I was unconsciously selectively hearing and interpreting it in the way I "wanted" which created a picture of a self-centred person who just discovered that not being honest is ruining her life and now shares it to gain more attention and approval - these people are "bad", I would not lie to myself.
Now this ted appeared in recommendations again and I was struck and embarrassed by ignorance of my own self a year ago. Let this be an apologise and thank you to Dr Cortney Warren and her work.
She's stunning, also brilliant.
Stop worshipping man.....will get ypu no where....