Do you actually text back or is it someone else? Bc i really need your advice. I understand what you are saying but i have a hard time deciding what is my right and wrong answer. My heart is so torn
A lot of people don’t understand that it’s more to communicating. It isn’t just about speaking. There is a such thing as over communication too. It’s also healthier to communicate once you’ve thought out and sorted through your emotions, to be at most effective in your tone, delivery and understanding.
I find that sometimes I just need to sort out how I am feeling to be able to communicate what it is I'm feeling and during that process I may come up with the solution to resolve what I am experiencing for myself. I would be more willing to share what I've experience after I have gone through the process. In any case we have to allow people to be themselves and learn how they deal with things and not take it personally, that way the help you give is only when it is truly needed.
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Many of us have not been taught how to properly communicate. It's not innate. It's something we must learn and cultivate; not just romantically either.
Exactly what I’m going through right now. My parents believed that school is what’s gonna teach me “everything”. No, you need your parents one or the other to help you with other stuff that the school doesn’t teach. You gotta be lucky to have a teacher that’s a parent to you. I didn’t even know what having morals is at age 18! So sad. That’s why I be talking back to my parents and doing other bad stuff like drugs etc. But now I got saved by my girlfriend and I’m being terrible to her so that’s why I’m on here. Going to fix this and have my relationship healthy! She’s teaching me all these things that I don’t know so I need her for the rest of my life❤️
I suck at communicating apparently, a woman that I love and lost made me realize that so now I am finding myself listening to all these videos about communication.
@@shereshamarks4517 I did, but at the same time I probably looked desperate while doing it so I think its too late. Regardless, I want to be better at communicating.
@@patrickmercader238 obviously if you shared a relationship together you can never look desperate... because she lacked that side of you for so long I’m sure her heart is broken if you really want her back don’t be prideful because there is no pride in true love reach into your feelings and I promise you that if it was true love you will get her back I don’t have enough time to tell you my story but it definitely fell apart but we are married today and we always communicate it’s key❤️🙏🏽
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
Welcome everybody in this group. I am trying to add some value to your lives by this short video I made. In it you will learn to deal with stress in a relationship and how to use it to your advantage ua-cam.com/video/JdxMFqsuC8U/v-deo.html
Very interesting and thoughtful video, thank you. I'd like to add a few to your list: 1. Understand you do not get extra points for telling the truth, truth should be an expectation in a healthy relationship. 2. Use 'i' statements to take responsibility for your own feelings and eliminate the blame game. 3. Try not to hit below the belt during an argument. 4. Don't withhold affection, emotional, or financial support as a form of punishment during a communication breakdown.
I’m experiencing this right now while dealing with a miscarriage of our baby. I’ve said some of these things to him but it’s not sinking in and the is one of the hardest times of my life.
If you're reading this, a quick reminder never to give up, keep being you, stay safe, and I sincerely pray all your dreams to come true, as much as I pray my UA-cam dream come true 🙏🏾💗
You should actually have more likes bc this....THIS is facts💯! Its never good to respond when you are 😠angry... let the person know "I'm really angry right now so please give me a min to collect my thoughts so I can talk with a clear head" that person will either honor your request or not. If not then you should still hold your tongue bc once it's all said and done that person will still want to hear what you have to say bc they will feel like that " negative energy" they were expecting the fulfilling emotion will still be there, however now you have taken a pause and can really get your point across without the emotion of anger getting your thoughts all mucked up. #ilikedyourcomment #greatadvice #relaxrelaterelease💆🏾♀️💆🏾♀️💆🏾♀️
I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and I'm just now learning how to be communicative thank you for this. I haven't been communicating this is a huge eye opener
This has seriously been the downfall of my relationship. It's so difficult to talk to each other without being defensive, offended or straight out not listen and use words to attack. Just changing the whole message for no reason 🙄. It sucks that we have no serious issues just that we cannot communicate and its horrible.
Same here. I'm a psychology major and it drives me nuts to see this happen in my and others relationships. Counseling and mentoring is so vital for relationships to be effective and successful. It's videos like this one, with application of course, that can save and improve relationships in under 24 hrs.
Though I fully understand this information was targeted towards romantic relationships, number one on down, is how parents should be towards their children. Communication skills start at home, and it is vital! Lying for example should be nipped immediately! Children as young as 12 months lie, but most parents laugh and think it’s cute. It’s not. Communication (on their level), about telling the truth is crucial. Developing healthy communication skills at an early age makes all the difference later in life. ✨Good stuff!✨
For me, the key in communication is first discerning those people in your life WORTH the time and effort. Most, if not all, toxic people use and abuse the art of communication to manipulate and control others. Toxic people lack insight to their own behaviors and are not dedicated to mutual understanding...they only want to 'win' conversations and all other interactions. After this discernment has been made then communication skills have the potential to help healthy and balanced individuals find and maintain a deeper connection. Dialectical Behavior Therapy and skills literally have saved my life. Its foundation is developing the ability to hold 2 seemingly opposing truths at the same time. The art of intimate conversation is being able to see the truth in whatever our beloved is expressing to us. Allowing them to be seen and heard and also being able to express our truth.
Girl, as they say, "you hit the nail on the head". I was going out with someone who was very toxic...who had NO visible or audible communication skills. Did not have any and showed no interest in obtaining any. Sort of sad because it is impossible to even have a nice friendship with this type of person. They also have a very bad habit of overtaking the other person..........to exit was the only thing to do, much happier now.
No one teaches people the best ways to communicate in relationships, and it is perhaps the most important skill to have for any relationship. I'm so happy you are putting this information out there.
I honestly agree with everything you said and I've been saying the same exact thing you have said for the longest. I am thankful I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Relationships (all) are a ministry; dying to self on a daily basis. Humans allow pride and ego to interfere in those relationships. Message is on point and so much confirmation! "Mirroring" is a helpful tool approached in the proper manner, without being patronizing. Always given and received in love.
@maggy gonzee, good question. Mirroring is a communication tool. Essentially when 2 people are having a discussion, one person will constructively verbalize what is on their mind and the other person that is listening will repeat what was said in order to acknowledge and validate that it was heard as well as heard correctly. There can be different levels to it and is used (hopefully with good and pure intentions) in many different scenarios. It can also be displayed through body language and behavior.
I think one of the main problems w communication is the fact that more then half the time people don’t even know what they want to say - they kind of expect or assume the other person understands or should understand
Keys to Effective Communication 1. Build trust between each other. 2. Be honest and upfront with each other. 3. Talk things out instead of arguing, especially in front of the children. 4. Become more analytical with your thinking pattern. 5. Compromise 6. Express yourself more often to each other and become more strategic when combating a problem. 7. Work as a team, be a leader not a follower. 8. Keep others out of your business when it comes to your spouse. Having outside voices and opinions can cause a big argument and create problems in your marriage.💯
I’ve been dealing with lack of communication in my relationship, and this just gave me so much more sense to how I’d like my partner to take into consideration, as well as for me. Thank you so much for your great wisdom and intellectuality.
A complaint I have with bad communication is this: when someone is talking to you but they keep talking and talking and talking.. it gets hard to follow everything they’re saying and keep track of each thing they say. I think some thing that is important for some people to work on is not saying too much at once and making sure the other person is able to respond to everything comfortably
I think sometimes two people's energy, reactions, trauma, life upbringing do not match well and that okay. I'll add a few I think 1.understanding triggers /trauma 2. Do not poke those buttons if you really care about the person 3. A relationship cannot improve without self improvement first💯 4. Whatever we don't like on the outside world, is a portrayal of our unhappiness within. We have everything within to change the outside projection of our energy
Listened twice to make sure I really heard it. Man, it makes a difference, how and when you communicate. Also being able to identify and be honest about what you are really feeling. It made my life so much better, and I don’t fear having hard conversations anymore. I do need to work on addressing the issue more than once, once I’ve spoken clearly to you about the issue, I don’t like having the same conversation again, I check out mentally although I may still be there physically. I need to start exiting completely if I’m gonna mentally check out anyway.
This video on communication is perfect not only for beginners but also improvers and even those who thought they had excellent skills can still learn something from this 💯
Often times I was afraid to communicate because as a child I was told by my parents "What I say goes". At that moment, I felt all I feel doesn't matter.
Firstly I must say I've been watching your channel for a while now and I really appreciate how you clearly you enunciate and express yourself. It's very masterful how you share your thoughts and experiences with your viewers and I'm sure many people are benefiting from your content. As far as common mistakes in communicating: Making assumptions is a recipe for disaster when it comes to communication. It leads to misunderstandings and hostility rather than clarity and common ground. Asking questions when we're not certain so your partner can enlighten you on what REALLY is going on is best.
Never interrupt. L-I-S-T-E-N .... My man pays attention which I find so attractive. He digs deep when we talk, which makes me pull up stuff out of myself I've never thought about or talked about. I find this most satisfying, it helps me know myself and also learn how appreciative he is of me and my thoughts and opinions. I've learned so much from watching your videos! Thank you Stephan. God bless you.
I’m a terrible communicator always have been. I came here for help to see how I can change the ways so I dont lose the love of my wife.. this video gives me hope… I CAN DO THIS
I'm so glad I found this video! I never learned how to communicate in a healthy manner and now I can see it's taking a toll in my friendships, but I'm determined to fix that and better myself! For someone like me who finds it difficult to even be sure of what they're feeling in the first place Mr. Labossiere's calm and clear manner of speech is especially helpful, I can't thank you enough, this is going to change my life for the better
Some things cannot be compromised. however, for those things that can be, we should go ahead n compromise; as it will further give room for harmony... this topic was needed, thank you.
No joke... Every time we run into an issue, your lessons are right on time. We just had a communication conversation on Thursday. Your post timing is Mind blowing for real ... Thank you
1) take turns talking... my bf and I used to interrupt each other and speak over each other a lot, both in normal conversations, as well as during disagreements. We learned the importance of giving the other person the time and space to slowly get their thoughts out without being interrupted, as opposed to both speaking a mile a minute in order to try to finish before being interrupted (which created a very chaotic environment and escalated each situation all too quickly). 2) don't lash out. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, to give emotional reactions, to lash out and say things that we know would hurt the other person. However, these are the times where we need to take a step back, remember our love for that person, understand that you can't take back words, once they are said. Words hurt, words can cause irreparable damage. Learn to walk away when you're feeling emotionally charged and prone to lashing out, and reapproach the situation when you have calmed down. 3) avoid swear words. In line with #2, avoiding swear words is a great way to take control of the conversation, avoid being seen as aggressive or argumentative, de-escalate rather than escalate, and to overall be a more pleasant communicator.
I stubbled across this guy one day as I was on FB and the caption to his video caught my attention immediately. I'm going into a new relationship (long distance) and these videos has helped me in my transition. I love the fact the he give us very informative information that both males and females can relate to without choosing sides. I would like to see a video of dealing with long distance relationships. Also dealing with one's flaws. Or how to love someone that has been in physical, emotional and mental abuse. I thank you for all your content brother you are very inspiring to us all both men and women 💯
My brother sent me this. I have to be honest I’m guilty of all of the above. But I have been making a conscious effort to change my toxic ways. Great pointers for an strong foundation.
Thank you for this video. My wife of 4 years now has recently started acting very cool towards me and told me she is in a emotionally done mode. After watching the video I realize I have been literally doing everything wrong. We did talk today and I even helped her make dinner today. I know it will take time. I have developed some very bad conversation habits. And was oblivious that it was affecting her in this way.
I think we need to seek to understand the communication styles to know how to be more effective when communicating . Our cultural background, familial interactions and resolution styles also impact both parties.
Wow,,relationship that base on honesty and truth is a very good foundation,,and yes,open communication is very vital too,, conflict and misunderstanding can be easily understood if both parties know how to consider other and not just being you,, relationship is a partnership and a commitment with love and trust and yes,prayers and ask for guidance from the ONE who knows what's best!! GODBLESS 🙏🙏
Just yesterday, my wife and I were talking almost like a 3 hours. I'm a husband in this relationship, I assume things are going well because they're not being pointed out to me. Things to have bothered the most is that I tend to cut her off in conversation, cuz I assume what she's going to say so I say it for her. And sometimes you'll tell me that's not what I was going to say and she just drops the conversation. Let your spouse speak before you say anything. They want to show you an irrelevant video that you might not find funny or amusing, let them. Because they're going out of their way to show something to you that makes them laugh. Don't say no to that. You might help around the house, but do more. I'll clean the kids rooms back in the rooms in the kitchen, but it's even a small things they tend to look at that we don't do. Like I won't wipe the countertops in the kitchen or if anything I won't put laundry into the washer or transfer to the dryer, I let it build. In my opinion she tends to look at things like don't do versus the things I do do., Cuz of my opinion there's a lot of stuff for me/men, that women have more ammunition to say things to us to put us in our place. Let your wife speak, and check in with them. Have conversations about anything, like you used to when you were dating. Because in my opinion and being prejudice on this the women fighting attractive when you listen to them versus hearing them. You have to follow through with your communication, words do have a big impact on the other person just as much as physical action. And if there are kids involved in your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband and wife be careful how you discipline your kids as well, if you're a work the whole day, then come home to you kids and wife/girlfriend and the first thing they see is how loud you are or how you get so easily, the kids might forget later on but the wife will remember wife/girlfriend. Just always be aware of yourself, I just bought a bracelet of what would Jesus do. But that's it like always look at it and it helps me relax and think will he do this to them will you talk this way to them. No. If you're afraid to lose your significant other, small gestures are in love. It's a long-term commitment. Clean up after yourself do chores around the house without being asked, when you know you guys are going to go out have the kids ready or have their diaper bag ready., Versus an anniversary gift. If you ever get in the argument, it's best that it takes place at home, versus outdoors or the public, or public setting, or on the way home in the car from an event. Sit down face to face, versus having an argument well do something else, such as cleaning the room and arguing. Sit down and face each other and see what the issue is and see how you overcome it. My own opinion from my own experiences. I've been married for 6 years and I will still like this to keep going. I have two little ones, three and four years old. I work in radiology, while my wife is in school and she's doing online and in person due to covid. My job is relaxed, but when I get home I just can't come home relax I have to be ready to take over her shift from watching the kids and trying to balance school at the same time. It's a learning experience, because there are people out there that do have relationships where they seem to curse at each other but are still together and act that they that is their normal. It shouldn't be. Not that we are like that, my thing is that I'm too relaxed and what she points out to me. But I have to take this type of criticism, because if I go off on her I will lose her. Again what would Jesus do? Pray for me y'all. (sorry for misspelling, I'm using the microphone to talk into my phone instead of typing all of this)
Thank you firebird for the rich insights. Not having arguments while in public settings, driving, or doing a chore is a huge push in the right direction! Give the person your full attention without distractions and a hectic atmosphere AMEEEEEEEN
Thank you for sharing your experience. I definitely just learnt a lot and I would also like to wish you all the best with the learning and indeed the experience. It definitely is a lifelong commitment and the more we commit to doing it better, the better it can be for all of us. Again, all the best and may Jesus guide your every action. God bless you
I've been with my husband for 16 years now but for the past 5yrs it's been challenging for us to communicate effectively without it turning into a 'fight'. This video has helped me in so many way to successfully communicate with him and its helped our marriage so much, so for that thank you!!!
My fiancee and I have a huge problem with communication he tells me I am being controlling because I assume about his behavior but Stephen said I do come into the relationship negative because in the pass he always holler and he do not take accountability for it
@@joybaynes2652 oh trust me I get mad, but normally its once I've felt like I've repeated myself over and over... unfortunately!! But we've learned to take a few min back if needed so we can calm down and really HEAR what the other is saying!! It takes practice that's for sure.
My ex husband use to do that to me, repeat back what he thought I said or meant, but he was so totally off the mark on so many occasions, it frustrated me to no end, but the end finally did come and now I have wonderful peace in my life. But I hope it works for you and you can actually hear her.❤
This right here is one of the reasons why your relationship is successful...VALIDATION and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the others feelings is essential. No one ever wants their feelings to be dismissed. 👏
she is lucky...I will remain alone until I meet a man that validates my feelings..I have new male friends but the communication is not great they wouldnt validate everything I say..which is weird..and I always tend to validate people feelings..or communicate more clearly , repeat what they say..but they dont..I used to have a bF years ago who did validate my feelings too..
@@Smilemaker4u yeah I have friends like that..I dont even ask them questions..because there is nothing going on in their lives..and when I tried to didnt want to answer much..and then changed to topics they want to discuss..and I would listen an acknowledge ..but they wouldnt acknowledge everything I d say..just some things they agree with ..crazy..but I would acknowledge what they say..so this is why I dont try much..
Listening to the other person’s feelings is very important I think in order for any relationship to be successful. I’ve often been known to not express how I really feel, but thankfully I’ve overcome this fear! I want to be in a successful healthy relationship with someone who is willing to express how he feels, and I can do the same. It definitely starts with healthy communication 😊😊.
My problem is miscommunication and taking things and running 🏃🏾♀️with it I'm guilty of this😑. I learned alot from this video working on me🤗 loved😍 the acknowledging feelings part blessings for the knowledge 🙏🏾.
This is what I always do, interrupt him because I know what he is saying is not true. This is very helpful way of putting it Stephan! Now I know what to do and what to say..Thank you! Blessings!🙏
Using the 7 habits of Leader in Me curriculum. 1. Be Proactive. 2: Begin the end in mind. 3. Put first things first. 4. Think win-win 5. Seek first to understand then to be understood. 6. Synergize 7. Sharpen the saw. 8. Find your voice, inspire others to find theirs.
But dont that create conflict? What if your truth of it is not the truth of it? Just always serving truth slices, when harmony is a whole pie of its own,, wouldn't truth be in part with harmony? I've been in a house like this one. He feeding truth all the time even when it was used as an attack to someone.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I'm in a relationship with a difficult man. I'm all about growth and before I listened to this video. I agree and did the work with these 7 steps already and still we have communication issues. 1. I love talking and he's a texter but 50% of our conversation are through text. Whenever we talk there's 90% no issues. But when we text there's always an issue. He dismissed himself when the texting get extreme. Then he wants to call me to have a mutual solution and coming to a realization what was we debating for on his end. We could be in the middle of a conversation and he instantly shut down and give me the silent treatment. When want to talk about things, I answer his questions but when it comes down to me. It's like pulling teeth or the silent treatment. When i react and express how it makes me feel. He constantly tells me it's my 👄. When we on good terms he tells me how wonderful i am and not to change nothing making me confused because now he's contradicting himself about how he feel about me. I ask him to address things I'm doing wrong and he tells me nothing but yet he's attacking me of things i have no knowledge of what I'm doing. I'm trying understand him but it's hard.
@@keishawilliams2887 Wow! Sounds like a manipulator to me. Idk Me personally, I can't do it. Good communication skills is 1 of the 3 main things I look for in my partner nowadays. I ain't got time for that other bs. IJS. But that's just me. Lol
@@keishawilliams2887 i let a guy go for that dont have the patience for that nonesene oneday u on cloud 100 and next time cloud 50 i rather my peace🚶🚶🚶🚶
Oh my gosh! I’m so guilty of rebuttling & dismissing as well as getting defensive instead of keeping my trap shut & just LISTEN. Like they say God gave us 2 ears & 1 mouth. Listening is so key. This video is just a good reminder & a good kick on my bum to behave myself. 🤓
Very important to not be dismissive or try to invalidate the other person. Everyone is different, so things are going to hit you differently than it might someone else. Don't try to tell the other person what they should/shouldn't feel or what they should/shouldn't think, that's not up to you it's for them to decide. When someone tells you that you have hurt them, you DO NOT get to decide that you didn't. Nobody is perfect, be accountable for yourself & do your part. Disagreements, arguments, fights can/will/do happen but it's important to engage fairly/cleanly, don't take shots that are intended to be hurtful - that will never help the situation, it will never be the solution. You're a team, it should not be you against them, it should be the both of you against the problem with the intent of understanding the problem & coming up with a way to rectify it together. If you're not able to have a constructive approach, rather than a destructive one, then set things aside for an hour or two (something reasonable) then revisit the issue. Everyone has to put forth the effort, or it won't work.
I'm now realising that communication isn't a strength of mine at all. I'm beginning to understand that good communication is far more than two people being able to speak and have a conversation. Listening to understand, being patient, not dismissing their points raised, not taking everything personally etc. Stephan raised some really good points and it made me realise the various things I've been doing wrong when communicating with my partner. I can be very reactive, defensive, uncooperative and impatient and this really makes it difficult for him to communicate with me. Glad I came across this video because I'm really serious about improving my communication skills and I believe this video is a great start.
Something for you to consider when talking with him. Can he be sympathetic and want to be supportive if he disagrees with your characterization of what happened? Can he say I am sorry for how you are feeling without having to "plead guilty to something that he honestly doesn't believe that he did"? this was a major problem in my marriage and it could never get resolved (as she always wanted me to plead guilty and agree to never do it again). So think about this for a while and assess what is it that you REALLY want in the discussion. Is it understanding and support? Or do you really want a confession and him agreeing 100% with your characterization of what happened.
Consideration should always be an equal opportunity when it comes to communication. You'll never know what people have been through or is going through as a human being.#Human Life
Wonderful message! In all transparency, I didn't make high character a prerequisite to dating when I was younger. I felt like I was still growing in my character, so I EXPECTED him to do the same over time in our relationship. Clearly I was wrong for expecting. I didn't know back then that growth requires our choice and agreement to carry out the steps that foster growth. A plant that's not watered won't just 'not grow', it will eventually die. When we choose not to grow and prosper in a positive way, I believe we turn ourselves into the living dead. And then we wonder why things aren't working out in a positive way in our lives. No more relationships with men who don't choose life and to thrive in it 💯 In my opinion, the standard of constant growth and progression are a no brainer to the High Character Man...I look forward to meeting the High Character and High Value Man God has for me ❤
Thank you for your videos! I am a teacher from the Philippines, and I always watch your videos. I learned a lot of things that help me take care of my mental health. Thank you! ☺️
I just started the video, but since you asked for any of our own suggestions, here's one: -So I have ADHD, meaning, that sometimes when I'm communicating with someone, I struggle to actually just sit and listen as soon as I have a thought in my head. I can't exactly control this, and it makes communicating, especially in harder conversations, difficult. My live-in partner also has ADHD and suffers from the same issue. My suggestion is this: If you deal with something similar, get a notepad and a pencil/pen. During the conversation, write your thought down that you want to talk about, and let the other person continue to talk (ask them to hold on for a moment if you're struggling with listening and writing at the same time.) Then, when they're done, you can then talk about the things you thought about, but then you aren't so focused on needing to say whats in your head. Often times, for us with ADHD, we NEED to say whats on our mind, because we deal with a lot of short-term memory issues, and we need to say it because we're scared of forgetting it. The notepad method helps to deal with that memory anxiety, and allows us to really sit in and listen and focus!
This is absolutely phenomenal feedback and strategy for people. I would suspect that, for the strategy to be successful, you would need to communicate to the other person "this is why I am taking notes", so that they don't misinterpret your intent and the objective. Hopefully, they will be flexible enough to see the value in it (and not create a story that by taking notes while they are talking that you don't care about their feelings - which is an easy accusation for them to make - especially if they are an emotional person).
❤ For Nineteen Minutes I was quiet and I listen to the message. I heard Information on how to communicate in a relationship. I made decisions that may not have been right At the moment. I ask for forgiveness for not listening effectively. In my next relationship, I plan And hope we both listen and communicate effectively. Keep speaking Stepan, we are listening. Thank you
Communication is key I love this. You have to compromise and agree to disagree respectfully. Love each other, trust, and get to thr bottom of things. I love the compromise, it has to be a two way agreed thing to change things up for the better. Great video
Thank you for this video Stephan. You're literally helping me navigate myself out of a generational curse. You're blessed and highly favored. Looking forward to you visiting the UK. 🖤
These are gold. I wish I’d watched this several months ago. I made many of these mistakes and my partner did as well. Glad to have the advice, even if the relationship did end.
One communication hindrance I've encountered is being asked and told rapid-fire questions or comments without an opportunity for the listener to process (and therefore remember) the points that were made.
This video was fantastic and full of things I really needed to hear. I found myself reflecting and evaluating the way I've failed at communicating and I'm very encouraged that this video gave me the tools to be better. Thank you Stephan
I figured since it’s going well I may as well keep going . Wow .. so simple but most of us are so stubborn and fearful of facing their own truths .. This video is Gold
This was a great piece. I've learned from my previous marriage to express from the beginning with dating now that "I am a communicator". If you don't like expressing yourself in some manner and the 1st sign I see of a shutdown or deflecting or non communication I am through with the man. Not to be mean but I ignored those signs while dating my ex-husband and it was to my detriment. Long suffering in my marriage, heart ache and frustration and disappointment to say the least entangled in so many untruths and lies etc. All the things you describe is how I conduct myself but he was just the opposite. I remember reading the 5 love language and I just tried to lead with love and understanding. Because that's where my heart was and still is to a fault. But I do not tolerate the lack of communication in a relationship anymore. It tells you so much about a person beyond the other things you think you see and know about that person. Your break down and teaching on this subject is on point. Keep up the good work.
Yes, indeed! I’m a communicator, too! To love is to communicate. We are social beings who are made for bonding. Remaining in communion allows for the bond to remain in tact. If we want a relationship to end, all we have to do is stop communicating. Period. Communication is so important that those who are deaf use sign language and those who are blind, brail. It feels SO good to hear those we love and who love us say “I love you.” Even if they’ve just taken us out for a nice meal or given us a hug. The expression of those words (be they verbalized, said via sign or brail, feel good when true. It also feels good to hear (a d know) where we stand with someone. If they want to end things, it’s best for all involved to “voice” that so no one’s time is wasted. It’s a different kind of gift. And it’s a KIND gift, though it may not feel that way (initially) to the recipient. Much love ♥️ to you on this Valentine’s Day evening, Kimberly! . ✨🤗 ✌🏽 😘
You are absolutely correct.. I'm in a working process to better myself.. my problem is I try to make my point more important and as a man I understand it and will most Definitely change it ASAP!! THANKS FOR THIS VIDEO
This video was extremely helpful. I've realized after most of the fights that my boyfriend and I have had, our issues stem from miscommunication (mostly on my part). This video is teaching me a lot of things I never considered, and it seems so obvious now how and why I was causing the issues we were having. I really can't wait to implement these tips. Thank you, Stephen!
My husband and I got married 12/4/21. Prior to that we had been together 4 yrs, separates for 6 months, went to individual counseling, couples counseling then got married. Counseling helped us soooo much so that we thought we could better communicate and have a successful marriage but it’s only been 2 months since we said I DO and we are no longer in couples counseling and our communication has reverted to what is was before. Nonexistent. I needed a guide to how to approach him and I think I’m ready to do that tonight now that after listening to this I’m in a better mindset to approach it. 🙏🏽 thank you
Yesterday, my man I ,dating now for 4 months, had to have a talk. We both told one another we were concerned about speaking to the other as though we were both walking on eggshells around the other. We talked and worked out our issues to clear the air. Thank good ess, he has ne er told me these things before. I am glad he finally opened up to me! But why did it take Him so long? I had to leave his house for 2 hours to get my thoughts calmed down and I then went to him in a calm demeanor and I believe that is what made him finally open up and speak his truth to me. Praise God for that!
Well my Hubby NEVER compromised, it was all about him and we went to counseling but he didnt do what she asked of him, he is a Narcisse man, he lacks empathy, emotions and he HATES the truth and a opionated woman. #Divorced
They never want to hear their partners out. I’d say make a list of things you need to heal from as well as what you learned from your marriage and make the experience turn you into the woman of your dreams. In addition to you being the woman of a deserving man dreams ☺️❤️ sending you love ❤️
ACCOUNTABILITY. Hold yourself accountable. Be prepared and open to holding yourself accountable. When your partner talks, and you sense hurt, or you senes some of your behaviour may have caused them hurt - take that responsibility, own up to it (at least to yourself). So often I see women (myself included) be so deep in the victim mindset of “I did everything for him but he hurt me”, when they had very unhealthy methods of communication, withdrew affection, were passive-aggressive, nagged, belittled, unjustly compared to other “better/more romantic” men, controlled, or emotionally manipulated (with tears or otherwise), and take zero responsibility for their part in this. BE. ACCOUNTABLE. Understand YOUR role in the relationship. It’s always a two-way street. Be prepared to authentically listen to your partner. And really hear what he is saying. Take a moment to listen, with no words, and at the end of what he says, validate his feelings and apologise for YOUR part.
I am going through a divorce right now after 30 years. She would say that I didn't listen (which wasn't true). I would disconnect after 30-45 minutes of consistent "accusations" and mischaracterizations and not owning her part in things. It was typically a 1-sided "complaint session". So I have mad respect for you realizing all of the things you identified. We all play a role in the disconnect of our relationships. The question is are we mature enough to acknowledge that we are partially wrong and partially right. thanks for sharing!!
I love this video. I have been telling my partner this for years.He still doesn’t get it. For those reading this, if you are with someone that is dismissive, avoids communicating with you and you have talked to them about this and they still refuse to consider what you are saying, know that they will never change. You will continue to go around in circles with a person like this. They will gaslight you and have you thinking you don’t know what you are talking about. Second guessing what you know to be true. Cut your losses early on and walk-in the other direction. I didn’t and now I have nothing but resentment for this person and a lot of years gone that I can’t get back. We haven’t solved most of our issues some to which have occurred years ago. Imagine that. Don’t make the mistake I have made.
Thank you for this me and my partner are at a breaking point and I needed to work on how I communicate. I found these skills helpful I took notes and going to hang it on the wall n study daily .
i was just told i don’t know how to communicate and lost the girl i love the most and been with for 8 years. to anyone reading this, just because you think everything is going great and don’t see anything wrong, doesn’t mean that’s how your partner feels. i didn’t know how she felt because i never felt like needing to ask because in my eyes we were great. i was never taught how to communicate. just having her around and being with me is my love language and just now realizing that’s not everyone’s love language. some people just wanna be show affection, and some like getting things and some just like talking. i hope it’s not too late for me but i’m working on my communication to get her back. please if you’re reading this, tell her partner you love them and appreciate everything they do... because i made the mistake of not and losing everything.
But that is not 100% on you. She has to own her part in not communicating with you. She has own the responsibility of effectively communicating to you what she wants and desires. She also has to own HOW she communicates it to you - as men desire to be communicated to in a respectful manner. So my advice is that you do a self-evaluation (which is always good to do) and assess the cycle of your prior communication with her and identify why the conversations would break down and not be effective. Then you can put new practices and strategies into place. Good luck with the journey of becoming a better communicator - it is an important life skill that deserves practice.
Yesss !! How to communicate in a healthy way is key ! A promising relationship can not work if both are not good listeners and able to communicate clearly. Taking your potential partners feelings and being open to make the effort to show them you truly understand and care ! Bring honesty and truth is the BEST!! That is Something I have 2 have And yes 1 lie can turn a possible growing romantic relationship upside down💯 then those walls and guards go up
❤️ Join my FREE text community. Text "LOVE" to 770-373-4246 or click here 👉 my.community.com/stephanspeaks
This was right on time, thank you. Do you mentor couples as well?
Yes yes
This was spot on!! Love it!!
Do you actually text back or is it someone else? Bc i really need your advice. I understand what you are saying but i have a hard time deciding what is my right and wrong answer. My heart is so torn
Thank you
A lot of people don’t understand that it’s more to communicating. It isn’t just about speaking. There is a such thing as over communication too. It’s also healthier to communicate once you’ve thought out and sorted through your emotions, to be at most effective in your tone, delivery and understanding.
I find that sometimes I just need to sort out how I am feeling to be able to communicate what it is I'm feeling and during that process I may come up with the solution to resolve what I am experiencing for myself. I would be more willing to share what I've experience after I have gone through the process. In any case we have to allow people to be themselves and learn how they deal with things and not take it personally, that way the help you give is only when it is truly needed.
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Yes, what you’ve stated is very very important. This is something that I’ve had to work through within myself 🙏🏾
I need more people to speak about this
“Its better to deal with the hurt of the truth, than to dwell in the anger of a lie” 👏🏽💯
FACTS!!!
Soooo true
👍👍👍Though it hurts but you'd be amazed at the better result
AMEN.
That's the truth. I say the same.
Many of us have not been taught how to properly communicate. It's not innate. It's something we must learn and cultivate; not just romantically either.
Yes, very true 💯
Preach
Exactly what I’m going through right now. My parents believed that school is what’s gonna teach me “everything”. No, you need your parents one or the other to help you with other stuff that the school doesn’t teach. You gotta be lucky to have a teacher that’s a parent to you. I didn’t even know what having morals is at age 18! So sad. That’s why I be talking back to my parents and doing other bad stuff like drugs etc. But now I got saved by my girlfriend and I’m being terrible to her so that’s why I’m on here. Going to fix this and have my relationship healthy! She’s teaching me all these things that I don’t know so I need her for the rest of my life❤️
😊
I going through this myself
I suck at communicating apparently, a woman that I love and lost made me realize that so now I am finding myself listening to all these videos about communication.
Maybe if you show her love and a sincere conversation will get her back 💜
@@shereshamarks4517 I did, but at the same time I probably looked desperate while doing it so I think its too late. Regardless, I want to be better at communicating.
Your ten steps ahead of a lot of men.
Really good list Stephan 🥰 communication is important!
@@patrickmercader238 obviously if you shared a relationship together you can never look desperate... because she lacked that side of you for so long I’m sure her heart is broken if you really want her back don’t be prideful because there is no pride in true love reach into your feelings and I promise you that if it was true love you will get her back I don’t have enough time to tell you my story but it definitely fell apart but we are married today and we always communicate it’s key❤️🙏🏽
Talk LESS. Listen MORE.
Don’t interrupt. Hold yourself accountable. LISTEN. 🍁
Be quick to listen, slow to speak.
everything you do you are always accountable for it
Exactly 👍🏼
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
James 1:19-20
Welcome everybody in this group. I am trying to add some value to your lives by this short video I made.
In it you will learn to deal with stress in a relationship and how to use it to your advantage
ua-cam.com/video/JdxMFqsuC8U/v-deo.html
Very interesting and thoughtful video, thank you. I'd like to add a few to your list:
1. Understand you do not get extra points for telling the truth, truth should be an expectation in a healthy relationship.
2. Use 'i' statements to take responsibility for your own feelings and eliminate the blame game.
3. Try not to hit below the belt during an argument.
4. Don't withhold affection, emotional, or financial support as a form of punishment during a communication breakdown.
Love these additions!
Nice 👍
I’m experiencing this right now while dealing with a miscarriage of our baby. I’ve said some of these things to him but it’s not sinking in and the is one of the hardest times of my life.
Oooooofff these are good!!
Lord knows I've been guilty of some of these. Thank God for grace and growth 😅
If you're reading this, a quick reminder never to give up, keep being you, stay safe, and I sincerely pray all your dreams to come true, as much as I pray my UA-cam dream come true 🙏🏾💗
Whenever your angry it’s an indication you may need to change your perspective ♥️ And don’t be so quick to react.Don’t speak when you’re angry♥️♥️
You should actually have more likes bc this....THIS is facts💯! Its never good to respond when you are 😠angry... let the person know "I'm really angry right now so please give me a min to collect my thoughts so I can talk with a clear head" that person will either honor your request or not. If not then you should still hold your tongue bc once it's all said and done that person will still want to hear what you have to say bc they will feel like that " negative energy" they were expecting the fulfilling emotion will still be there, however now you have taken a pause and can really get your point across without the emotion of anger getting your thoughts all mucked up. #ilikedyourcomment #greatadvice #relaxrelaterelease💆🏾♀️💆🏾♀️💆🏾♀️
ua-cam.com/video/nOdkTQIo3rY/v-deo.html
easy to say soooo much harder to do. ;)
Biggest mistake I always make ,I react when I’m angry
@@aynerbatromeniius8959 ua-cam.com/video/nOdkTQIo3rY/v-deo.html
Honesty and transparency is ALWAYS best. It’s horrible to have to dwell in the anger of the lie you were told!
Out here helping us women break generational curses 🥲❤️ Thanks Stephan! 🙏🏼
Without clear healthy communication the relationship always deteriorates over time
@@MeetStephanSpeaks people just aren’t taught at a young age how to communicate effectively
Very True.
True and its sad
Mark 3:25
And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand
Yeah, especially when they don't understand how each other communicate to the other
I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and I'm just now learning how to be communicative thank you for this. I haven't been communicating this is a huge eye opener
This has seriously been the downfall of my relationship. It's so difficult to talk to each other without being defensive, offended or straight out not listen and use words to attack. Just changing the whole message for no reason 🙄.
It sucks that we have no serious issues just that we cannot communicate and its horrible.
Same
Same! 😢
Bingo
Same here. I'm a psychology major and it drives me nuts to see this happen in my and others relationships. Counseling and mentoring is so vital for relationships to be effective and successful. It's videos like this one, with application of course, that can save and improve relationships in under 24 hrs.
I agree
Though I fully understand this information was targeted towards romantic relationships, number one on down, is how parents should be towards their children. Communication skills start at home, and it is vital! Lying for example should be nipped immediately! Children as young as 12 months lie, but most parents laugh and think it’s cute. It’s not. Communication (on their level), about telling the truth is crucial. Developing healthy communication skills at an early age makes all the difference later in life. ✨Good stuff!✨
Amen! Then many grow into adulthood and continue to laugh at lies and other injustices because they were trained from young ages
For me, the key in communication is first discerning those people in your life WORTH the time and effort. Most, if not all, toxic people use and abuse the art of communication to manipulate and control others. Toxic people lack insight to their own behaviors and are not dedicated to mutual understanding...they only want to 'win' conversations and all other interactions. After this discernment has been made then communication skills have the potential to help healthy and balanced individuals find and maintain a deeper connection. Dialectical Behavior Therapy and skills literally have saved my life. Its foundation is developing the ability to hold 2 seemingly opposing truths at the same time. The art of intimate conversation is being able to see the truth in whatever our beloved is expressing to us. Allowing them to be seen and heard and also being able to express our truth.
Girl, as they say, "you hit the nail on the head". I was going out with someone who was very toxic...who had NO visible or audible communication skills. Did not have any and showed no interest in obtaining any. Sort of sad because it is impossible to even have a nice friendship with this type of person. They also have a very bad habit of overtaking the other person..........to exit was the only thing to do, much happier now.
@@youshabeldale3230 I’m happy to hear you saw the dynamic and removed yourself from it! You rock!!
No one teaches people the best ways to communicate in relationships, and it is perhaps the most important skill to have for any relationship. I'm so happy you are putting this information out there.
I honestly agree with everything you said and I've been saying the same exact thing you have said for the longest. I am thankful I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
Relationships (all) are a ministry; dying to self on a daily basis. Humans allow pride and ego to interfere in those relationships. Message is on point and so much confirmation! "Mirroring" is a helpful tool approached in the proper manner, without being patronizing. Always given and received in love.
What is mirroring?I'm guessing looking at yourself???Seeing if you are the problem??I'm asking ??
@maggy gonzee, good question. Mirroring is a communication tool. Essentially when 2 people are having a discussion, one person will constructively verbalize what is on their mind and the other person that is listening will repeat what was said in order to acknowledge and validate that it was heard as well as heard correctly. There can be different levels to it and is used (hopefully with good and pure intentions) in many different scenarios. It can also be displayed through body language and behavior.
💯💯💯
I think one of the main problems w communication is the fact that more then half the time people don’t even know what they want to say - they kind of expect or assume the other person understands or should understand
Communication is very important in a relationship, even talking about your feelings.
Yes, holding back things that might hurt is lying and it does affect your partner.
Keys to Effective Communication
1. Build trust between each other.
2. Be honest and upfront with each other.
3. Talk things out instead of arguing, especially in front of the children.
4. Become more analytical with your thinking pattern.
5. Compromise
6. Express yourself more often to each other and become more strategic when combating a problem.
7. Work as a team, be a leader not a follower.
8. Keep others out of your business when it comes to your spouse. Having outside voices and opinions can cause a big argument and create problems in your marriage.💯
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
I got a lot of flaws I'm still working on my flaws,but you hit the nail right on the head brother.
SI I can do that brother 💯
Same! I'm learning
That's great.
I’ve been dealing with lack of communication in my relationship, and this just gave me so much more sense to how I’d like my partner to take into consideration, as well as for me.
Thank you so much for your great wisdom and intellectuality.
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
A complaint I have with bad communication is this: when someone is talking to you but they keep talking and talking and talking.. it gets hard to follow everything they’re saying and keep track of each thing they say. I think some thing that is important for some people to work on is not saying too much at once and making sure the other person is able to respond to everything comfortably
I’m glad I’ve listened to this like 20 times already! Letting it sink in
THIS VIDEO NEEDS 5 BILLION VIEWS. AMAZING WONDERFUL CONTEXT. EVERY SINGLECPERSON NEEDS TO SEE THIS 5 x.
I think sometimes two people's energy, reactions, trauma, life upbringing do not match well and that okay. I'll add a few I think
1.understanding triggers /trauma
2. Do not poke those buttons if you really care about the person
3. A relationship cannot improve without self improvement first💯
4. Whatever we don't like on the outside world, is a portrayal of our unhappiness within. We have everything within to change the outside projection of our energy
Listened twice to make sure I really heard it. Man, it makes a difference, how and when you communicate. Also being able to identify and be honest about what you are really feeling. It made my life so much better, and I don’t fear having hard conversations anymore. I do need to work on addressing the issue more than once, once I’ve spoken clearly to you about the issue, I don’t like having the same conversation again, I check out mentally although I may still be there physically. I need to start exiting completely if I’m gonna mentally check out anyway.
Maybe work on your patience
This video on communication is perfect not only for beginners but also improvers and even those who thought they had excellent skills can still learn something from this 💯
Often times I was afraid to communicate because as a child I was told by my parents "What I say goes". At that moment, I felt all I feel doesn't matter.
Yes! When "communicating', listen to understand, not to respond/give a rebuttal. Understanding is better than just responding. That is the key!
Oh my God it really work.. My ex is fully back with much love you should try writing to this for any help on whatsapp❤️❤️
➕2️⃣, 3️⃣, 4️⃣, 8️⃣, 0️⃣7️⃣8️⃣6️⃣9️⃣6️⃣3️⃣9️⃣0️⃣❤️❤️❣️❣️🖤
Firstly I must say I've been watching your channel for a while now and I really appreciate how you clearly you enunciate and express yourself. It's very masterful how you share your thoughts and experiences with your viewers and I'm sure many people are benefiting from your content.
As far as common mistakes in communicating:
Making assumptions is a recipe for disaster when it comes to communication. It leads to misunderstandings and hostility rather than clarity and common ground. Asking questions when we're not certain so your partner can enlighten you on what REALLY is going on is best.
Facts!
Never interrupt. L-I-S-T-E-N .... My man pays attention which I find so attractive. He digs deep when we talk, which makes me pull up stuff out of myself I've never thought about or talked about. I find this most satisfying, it helps me know myself and also learn how appreciative he is of me and my thoughts and opinions. I've learned so much from watching your videos! Thank you Stephan. God bless you.
I’m a terrible communicator always have been. I came here for help to see how I can change the ways so I dont lose the love of my wife.. this video gives me hope… I CAN DO THIS
I will recommend you a spiritual Doctor who can help you in any type of relationship issues you are facing
Text him on WhatsApp
Im a bad communicator too, and i came here for help also, as i dont wanna lose the love of my wife. Glad to see this
Same my girl told me that my communication is horrible it’s been the reason I lost relationships I’m trying..
@Jaelon Harris I feel it. I'm trying and that's why I'm watching this too. 😢 hopeful to get better before it's to late
I'm so glad I found this video! I never learned how to communicate in a healthy manner and now I can see it's taking a toll in my friendships, but I'm determined to fix that and better myself! For someone like me who finds it difficult to even be sure of what they're feeling in the first place Mr. Labossiere's calm and clear manner of speech is especially helpful, I can't thank you enough, this is going to change my life for the better
Some things cannot be compromised. however, for those things that can be, we should go ahead n compromise; as it will further give room for harmony... this topic was needed, thank you.
No joke... Every time we run into an issue, your lessons are right on time. We just had a communication conversation on Thursday. Your post timing is Mind blowing for real ... Thank you
1) take turns talking... my bf and I used to interrupt each other and speak over each other a lot, both in normal conversations, as well as during disagreements. We learned the importance of giving the other person the time and space to slowly get their thoughts out without being interrupted, as opposed to both speaking a mile a minute in order to try to finish before being interrupted (which created a very chaotic environment and escalated each situation all too quickly).
2) don't lash out. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, to give emotional reactions, to lash out and say things that we know would hurt the other person. However, these are the times where we need to take a step back, remember our love for that person, understand that you can't take back words, once they are said. Words hurt, words can cause irreparable damage. Learn to walk away when you're feeling emotionally charged and prone to lashing out, and reapproach the situation when you have calmed down.
3) avoid swear words. In line with #2, avoiding swear words is a great way to take control of the conversation, avoid being seen as aggressive or argumentative, de-escalate rather than escalate, and to overall be a more pleasant communicator.
I stubbled across this guy one day as I was on FB and the caption to his video caught my attention immediately. I'm going into a new relationship (long distance) and these videos has helped me in my transition. I love the fact the he give us very informative information that both males and females can relate to without choosing sides. I would like to see a video of dealing with long distance relationships. Also dealing with one's flaws. Or how to love someone that has been in physical, emotional and mental abuse. I thank you for all your content brother you are very inspiring to us all both men and women 💯
Hi hope this helps let them heal before you jump into a relationship with you. If you want someone healthy and think about the long distance too.
I just made it a routine to listen to this man every morning. To keep me straight until I am actually able to have a therapist. Dude keeps me in line!
My brother sent me this. I have to be honest I’m guilty of all of the above. But I have been making a conscious effort to change my toxic ways. Great pointers for an strong foundation.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤ 🙏
Lots of people listen to reply and not listen to understand !
That's a powerful statement
Thank you for this video. My wife of 4 years now has recently started acting very cool towards me and told me she is in a emotionally done mode. After watching the video I realize I have been literally doing everything wrong. We did talk today and I even helped her make dinner today. I know it will take time. I have developed some very bad conversation habits. And was oblivious that it was affecting her in this way.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
I think we need to seek to understand the communication styles to know how to be more effective when communicating . Our cultural background, familial interactions and resolution styles also impact both parties.
Yes, Most Definitely Agreed
You're sooooo right💯💪🏽👌🏽
Yes!
Wow,,relationship that base on honesty and truth is a very good foundation,,and yes,open communication is very vital too,, conflict and misunderstanding can be easily understood if both parties know how to consider other and not just being you,, relationship is a partnership and a commitment with love and trust and yes,prayers and ask for guidance from the ONE who knows what's best!! GODBLESS 🙏🙏
Just yesterday, my wife and I were talking almost like a 3 hours. I'm a husband in this relationship, I assume things are going well because they're not being pointed out to me. Things to have bothered the most is that I tend to cut her off in conversation, cuz I assume what she's going to say so I say it for her. And sometimes you'll tell me that's not what I was going to say and she just drops the conversation. Let your spouse speak before you say anything. They want to show you an irrelevant video that you might not find funny or amusing, let them. Because they're going out of their way to show something to you that makes them laugh. Don't say no to that. You might help around the house, but do more. I'll clean the kids rooms back in the rooms in the kitchen, but it's even a small things they tend to look at that we don't do. Like I won't wipe the countertops in the kitchen or if anything I won't put laundry into the washer or transfer to the dryer, I let it build. In my opinion she tends to look at things like don't do versus the things I do do., Cuz of my opinion there's a lot of stuff for me/men, that women have more ammunition to say things to us to put us in our place. Let your wife speak, and check in with them. Have conversations about anything, like you used to when you were dating. Because in my opinion and being prejudice on this the women fighting attractive when you listen to them versus hearing them. You have to follow through with your communication, words do have a big impact on the other person just as much as physical action. And if there are kids involved in your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband and wife be careful how you discipline your kids as well, if you're a work the whole day, then come home to you kids and wife/girlfriend and the first thing they see is how loud you are or how you get so easily, the kids might forget later on but the wife will remember wife/girlfriend. Just always be aware of yourself, I just bought a bracelet of what would Jesus do. But that's it like always look at it and it helps me relax and think will he do this to them will you talk this way to them. No.
If you're afraid to lose your significant other, small gestures are in love. It's a long-term commitment. Clean up after yourself do chores around the house without being asked, when you know you guys are going to go out have the kids ready or have their diaper bag ready., Versus an anniversary gift. If you ever get in the argument, it's best that it takes place at home, versus outdoors or the public, or public setting, or on the way home in the car from an event. Sit down face to face, versus having an argument well do something else, such as cleaning the room and arguing. Sit down and face each other and see what the issue is and see how you overcome it.
My own opinion from my own experiences. I've been married for 6 years and I will still like this to keep going. I have two little ones, three and four years old. I work in radiology, while my wife is in school and she's doing online and in person due to covid. My job is relaxed, but when I get home I just can't come home relax I have to be ready to take over her shift from watching the kids and trying to balance school at the same time. It's a learning experience, because there are people out there that do have relationships where they seem to curse at each other but are still together and act that they that is their normal. It shouldn't be. Not that we are like that, my thing is that I'm too relaxed and what she points out to me. But I have to take this type of criticism, because if I go off on her I will lose her. Again what would Jesus do? Pray for me y'all. (sorry for misspelling, I'm using the microphone to talk into my phone instead of typing all of this)
Thank you firebird for the rich insights. Not having arguments while in public settings, driving, or doing a chore is a huge push in the right direction! Give the person your full attention without distractions and a hectic atmosphere AMEEEEEEEN
Thank you for sharing your experience. I definitely just learnt a lot and I would also like to wish you all the best with the learning and indeed the experience. It definitely is a lifelong commitment and the more we commit to doing it better, the better it can be for all of us. Again, all the best and may Jesus guide your every action. God bless you
I've been with my husband for 16 years now but for the past 5yrs it's been challenging for us to communicate effectively without it turning into a 'fight'. This video has helped me in so many way to successfully communicate with him and its helped our marriage so much, so for that thank you!!!
❤❤❤❤
My fiancee and I have a huge problem with communication he tells me I am being controlling because I assume about his behavior but Stephen said I do come into the relationship negative because in the pass he always holler and he do not take accountability for it
How do communicate with your husband with out getting mad
@@joybaynes2652 oh trust me I get mad, but normally its once I've felt like I've repeated myself over and over... unfortunately!! But we've learned to take a few min back if needed so we can calm down and really HEAR what the other is saying!! It takes practice that's for sure.
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
Communication is the foundation to healthy relationships. Great advice 😍
I validate my wife feelings & repeat back what she said to me so we’re clear
My ex husband use to do that to me, repeat back what he thought I said or meant, but he was so totally off the mark on so many occasions, it frustrated me to no end, but the end finally did come and now I have wonderful peace in my life. But I hope it works for you and you can actually hear her.❤
This right here is one of the reasons why your relationship is successful...VALIDATION and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the others feelings is essential. No one ever wants their feelings to be dismissed. 👏
@@Smilemaker4u so true! Thank you
she is lucky...I will remain alone until I meet a man that validates my feelings..I have new male friends but the communication is not great they wouldnt validate everything I say..which is weird..and I always tend to validate people feelings..or communicate more clearly , repeat what they say..but they dont..I used to have a bF years ago who did validate my feelings too..
@@Smilemaker4u yeah I have friends like that..I dont even ask them questions..because there is nothing going on in their lives..and when I tried to didnt want to answer much..and then changed to topics they want to discuss..and I would listen an acknowledge ..but they wouldnt acknowledge everything I d say..just some things they agree with ..crazy..but I would acknowledge what they say..so this is why I dont try much..
Listening to the other person’s feelings is very important I think in order for any relationship to be successful. I’ve often been known to not express how I really feel, but thankfully I’ve overcome this fear! I want to be in a successful healthy relationship with someone who is willing to express how he feels, and I can do the same. It definitely starts with healthy communication 😊😊.
My problem is miscommunication and taking things and running 🏃🏾♀️with it I'm guilty of this😑. I learned alot from this video working on me🤗 loved😍 the acknowledging feelings part blessings for the knowledge 🙏🏾.
This is what I always do, interrupt him because I know what he is saying is not true. This is very helpful way of putting it Stephan! Now I know what to do and what to say..Thank you! Blessings!🙏
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
Where are you from pretty and how old are you?
@BrandyJason from the Big T! 😆 How old do I look?
@@anarodriguez3374 where is big T where is it located?
@@BrandyJason TEXAS 🤭
Effective communication is essential for a healthy relationship!
Using the 7 habits of Leader in Me curriculum. 1. Be Proactive. 2: Begin the end in mind. 3. Put first things first. 4. Think win-win 5. Seek first to understand then to be understood. 6. Synergize 7. Sharpen the saw. 8. Find your voice, inspire others to find theirs.
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
Facts 🎯 My motto is truth over harmony.
But dont that create conflict? What if your truth of it is not the truth of it? Just always serving truth slices, when harmony is a whole pie of its own,, wouldn't truth be in part with harmony? I've been in a house like this one. He feeding truth all the time even when it was used as an attack to someone.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I'm in a relationship with a difficult man. I'm all about growth and before I listened to this video. I agree and did the work with these 7 steps already and still we have communication issues. 1. I love talking and he's a texter but 50% of our conversation are through text. Whenever we talk there's 90% no issues. But when we text there's always an issue. He dismissed himself when the texting get extreme. Then he wants to call me to have a mutual solution and coming to a realization what was we debating for on his end. We could be in the middle of a conversation and he instantly shut down and give me the silent treatment. When want to talk about things, I answer his questions but when it comes down to me. It's like pulling teeth or the silent treatment. When i react and express how it makes me feel. He constantly tells me it's my 👄. When we on good terms he tells me how wonderful i am and not to change nothing making me confused because now he's contradicting himself about how he feel about me. I ask him to address things I'm doing wrong and he tells me nothing but yet he's attacking me of things i have no knowledge of what I'm doing. I'm trying understand him but it's hard.
I don't cause conflict 80% of the time unless he's attacking me with his words. I know how to think before i speak.
@@keishawilliams2887 Wow! Sounds like a manipulator to me. Idk
Me personally, I can't do it. Good communication skills is 1 of the 3 main things I look for in my partner nowadays. I ain't got time for that other bs. IJS. But that's just me. Lol
@@keishawilliams2887 i let a guy go for that dont have the patience for that nonesene oneday u on cloud 100 and next time cloud 50 i rather my peace🚶🚶🚶🚶
Oh my gosh! I’m so guilty of rebuttling & dismissing as well as getting defensive instead of keeping my trap shut & just LISTEN. Like they say God gave us 2 ears & 1 mouth. Listening is so key. This video is just a good reminder & a good kick on my bum to behave myself. 🤓
Very important to not be dismissive or try to invalidate the other person. Everyone is different, so things are going to hit you differently than it might someone else. Don't try to tell the other person what they should/shouldn't feel or what they should/shouldn't think, that's not up to you it's for them to decide. When someone tells you that you have hurt them, you DO NOT get to decide that you didn't. Nobody is perfect, be accountable for yourself & do your part. Disagreements, arguments, fights can/will/do happen but it's important to engage fairly/cleanly, don't take shots that are intended to be hurtful - that will never help the situation, it will never be the solution. You're a team, it should not be you against them, it should be the both of you against the problem with the intent of understanding the problem & coming up with a way to rectify it together. If you're not able to have a constructive approach, rather than a destructive one, then set things aside for an hour or two (something reasonable) then revisit the issue. Everyone has to put forth the effort, or it won't work.
I'm now realising that communication isn't a strength of mine at all. I'm beginning to understand that good communication is far more than two people being able to speak and have a conversation. Listening to understand, being patient, not dismissing their points raised, not taking everything personally etc. Stephan raised some really good points and it made me realise the various things I've been doing wrong when communicating with my partner. I can be very reactive, defensive, uncooperative and impatient and this really makes it difficult for him to communicate with me. Glad I came across this video because I'm really serious about improving my communication skills and I believe this video is a great start.
Something for you to consider when talking with him. Can he be sympathetic and want to be supportive if he disagrees with your characterization of what happened? Can he say I am sorry for how you are feeling without having to "plead guilty to something that he honestly doesn't believe that he did"? this was a major problem in my marriage and it could never get resolved (as she always wanted me to plead guilty and agree to never do it again). So think about this for a while and assess what is it that you REALLY want in the discussion. Is it understanding and support? Or do you really want a confession and him agreeing 100% with your characterization of what happened.
Consideration should always be an equal opportunity when it comes to communication. You'll never know what people have been through or is going through as a human being.#Human Life
Wonderful message! In all transparency, I didn't make high character a prerequisite to dating when I was younger. I felt like I was still growing in my character, so I EXPECTED him to do the same over time in our relationship. Clearly I was wrong for expecting. I didn't know back then that growth requires our choice and agreement to carry out the steps that foster growth. A plant that's not watered won't just 'not grow', it will eventually die. When we choose not to grow and prosper in a positive way, I believe we turn ourselves into the living dead. And then we wonder why things aren't working out in a positive way in our lives. No more relationships with men who don't choose life and to thrive in it 💯 In my opinion, the standard of constant growth and progression are a no brainer to the High Character Man...I look forward to meeting the High Character and High Value Man God has for me ❤
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Thank you for your videos! I am a teacher from the Philippines, and I always watch your videos. I learned a lot of things that help me take care of my mental health. Thank you! ☺️
I just started the video, but since you asked for any of our own suggestions, here's one:
-So I have ADHD, meaning, that sometimes when I'm communicating with someone, I struggle to actually just sit and listen as soon as I have a thought in my head. I can't exactly control this, and it makes communicating, especially in harder conversations, difficult. My live-in partner also has ADHD and suffers from the same issue.
My suggestion is this: If you deal with something similar, get a notepad and a pencil/pen. During the conversation, write your thought down that you want to talk about, and let the other person continue to talk (ask them to hold on for a moment if you're struggling with listening and writing at the same time.) Then, when they're done, you can then talk about the things you thought about, but then you aren't so focused on needing to say whats in your head. Often times, for us with ADHD, we NEED to say whats on our mind, because we deal with a lot of short-term memory issues, and we need to say it because we're scared of forgetting it. The notepad method helps to deal with that memory anxiety, and allows us to really sit in and listen and focus!
Oh my God it really work.. My ex is fully back with much love you should try writing to this for any help on whatsapp❤️❤️
➕2️⃣, 3️⃣, 4️⃣, 8️⃣, 0️⃣7️⃣8️⃣6️⃣9️⃣6️⃣3️⃣9️⃣0️⃣❤️❤️❣️❣️🖤
Yes, yes, yes!!!!! Thank you for noting this.
This is absolutely phenomenal feedback and strategy for people. I would suspect that, for the strategy to be successful, you would need to communicate to the other person "this is why I am taking notes", so that they don't misinterpret your intent and the objective. Hopefully, they will be flexible enough to see the value in it (and not create a story that by taking notes while they are talking that you don't care about their feelings - which is an easy accusation for them to make - especially if they are an emotional person).
Omg best advice everrrrr!!! Thank you I too have adhd 😞
I find it very easy to listen and follow this man's advice. I love learning about how to have more productive relationships.
❤ For Nineteen Minutes I was quiet and I listen to the message. I heard Information on how to communicate in a relationship. I made decisions that may not have been right At the moment. I ask for forgiveness for not listening effectively. In my next relationship, I plan And hope we both listen and communicate effectively. Keep speaking Stepan, we are listening. Thank you
Communication is key I love this. You have to compromise and agree to disagree respectfully. Love each other, trust, and get to thr bottom of things. I love the compromise, it has to be a two way agreed thing to change things up for the better. Great video
Now after watching this i see the areas where i need to work more on. I plan on using these keys
I definitely need to listen more
Yes it's so true I value communication alot cause it's lead to a healthy and good relationship
Are you on google hangouts?
@@danrutherford4365 no, does Stephen posts there too?
Not at all just wanted to know you cause I find you attractive and know you be a nice lady to talk too
@@danrutherford4365 thank you. You be safe out here.
Thank you for this video Stephan. You're literally helping me navigate myself out of a generational curse. You're blessed and highly favored. Looking forward to you visiting the UK. 🖤
I really want to that generational curse to break through me🙏
These are gold. I wish I’d watched this several months ago. I made many of these mistakes and my partner did as well. Glad to have the advice, even if the relationship did end.
One communication hindrance I've encountered is being asked and told rapid-fire questions or comments without an opportunity for the listener to process (and therefore remember) the points that were made.
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
This video was fantastic and full of things I really needed to hear. I found myself reflecting and evaluating the way I've failed at communicating and I'm very encouraged that this video gave me the tools to be better. Thank you Stephan
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
I figured since it’s going well I may as well keep going . Wow .. so simple but most of us are so stubborn and fearful of facing their own truths .. This video is Gold
Oh my God it really work.. My ex is fully back with much love you should try writing to this for any help on whatsapp❤️❤️.
➕2️⃣, 3️⃣, 4️⃣, 8️⃣, 0️⃣7️⃣8️⃣6️⃣9️⃣6️⃣3️⃣9️⃣0️⃣❤️❤️❣️❣️🖤.
This was a great piece. I've learned from my previous marriage to express from the beginning with dating now that "I am a communicator". If you don't like expressing yourself in some manner and the 1st sign I see of a shutdown or deflecting or non communication I am through with the man. Not to be mean but I ignored those signs while dating my ex-husband and it was to my detriment. Long suffering in my marriage, heart ache and frustration and disappointment to say the least entangled in so many untruths and lies etc. All the things you describe is how I conduct myself but he was just the opposite. I remember reading the 5 love language and I just tried to lead with love and understanding. Because that's where my heart was and still is to a fault. But I do not tolerate the lack of communication in a relationship anymore. It tells you so much about a person beyond the other things you think you see and know about that person. Your break down and teaching on this subject is on point. Keep up the good work.
Yes, indeed! I’m a communicator, too! To love is to communicate. We are social beings who are made for bonding. Remaining in communion allows for the bond to remain in tact. If we want a relationship to end, all we have to do is stop communicating. Period.
Communication is so important that those who are deaf use sign language and those who are blind, brail.
It feels SO good to hear those we love and who love us say “I love you.” Even if they’ve just taken us out for a nice meal or given us a hug. The expression of those words (be they verbalized, said via sign or brail, feel good when true. It also feels good to hear (a d know) where we stand with someone. If they want to end things, it’s best for all involved to “voice” that so no one’s time is wasted. It’s a different kind of gift. And it’s a KIND gift, though it may not feel that way (initially) to the recipient.
Much love ♥️ to you on this Valentine’s Day evening, Kimberly! . ✨🤗 ✌🏽 😘
You are absolutely correct.. I'm in a working process to better myself.. my problem is I try to make my point more important and as a man I understand it and will most Definitely change it ASAP!! THANKS FOR THIS VIDEO
This video was extremely helpful. I've realized after most of the fights that my boyfriend and I have had, our issues stem from miscommunication (mostly on my part). This video is teaching me a lot of things I never considered, and it seems so obvious now how and why I was causing the issues we were having. I really can't wait to implement these tips. Thank you, Stephen!
My husband and I got married 12/4/21. Prior to that we had been together 4 yrs, separates for 6 months, went to individual counseling, couples counseling then got married. Counseling helped us soooo much so that we thought we could better communicate and have a successful marriage but it’s only been 2 months since we said I DO and we are no longer in couples counseling and our communication has reverted to what is was before. Nonexistent. I needed a guide to how to approach him and I think I’m ready to do that tonight now that after listening to this I’m in a better mindset to approach it. 🙏🏽 thank you
Practice active listening skills and show empathy 🥂"Seek to understand, so that you can be understood."
Yesterday, my man I ,dating now for 4 months, had to have a talk. We both told one another we were concerned about speaking to the other as though we were both walking on eggshells around the other. We talked and worked out our issues to clear the air. Thank good ess, he has ne er told me these things before. I am glad he finally opened up to me! But why did it take Him so long? I had to leave his house for 2 hours to get my thoughts calmed down and I then went to him in a calm demeanor and I believe that is what made him finally open up and speak his truth to me. Praise God for that!
Another great! grown-up!! conversation!!!👍👊🔥
how often do u come across a female willing to hear about her flaws
i understand now, i know what to do right and not what to do wrong.
Healthy Communication Skills!!! Amen!!!
🙏🙏🙏
This video could literally transform humanity into something so much happier and more positive.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Thank you for this informative content! My fiance and I are both guilty of not listening to understand. These steps will get us on the right track.
This was the single list effective and straight to the point video on communication I have ever seen!
Thank you
Exactly
Hello beautiful 🦋, would you love to have a sugar daddy that will pay for your bills and shopping
Well my Hubby NEVER compromised, it was all about him and we went to counseling but he didnt do what she asked of him, he is a Narcisse man, he lacks empathy, emotions and he HATES the truth and a opionated woman. #Divorced
You’re not alone love. I jus filed for my divorce but it’s a learning lesson. He too is a narcissist.
@@Blue-ex he did everything Lee said/ say... and in that order🤯
They never want to hear their partners out. I’d say make a list of things you need to heal from as well as what you learned from your marriage and make the experience turn you into the woman of your dreams. In addition to you being the woman of a deserving man dreams ☺️❤️ sending you love ❤️
@@Blue-ex i wanna write my book
This was perfect. Really want my boyfriend to watch this
ACCOUNTABILITY.
Hold yourself accountable. Be prepared and open to holding yourself accountable. When your partner talks, and you sense hurt, or you senes some of your behaviour may have caused them hurt - take that responsibility, own up to it (at least to yourself).
So often I see women (myself included) be so deep in the victim mindset of “I did everything for him but he hurt me”, when they had very unhealthy methods of communication, withdrew affection, were passive-aggressive, nagged, belittled, unjustly compared to other “better/more romantic” men, controlled, or emotionally manipulated (with tears or otherwise), and take zero responsibility for their part in this.
BE. ACCOUNTABLE.
Understand YOUR role in the relationship. It’s always a two-way street. Be prepared to authentically listen to your partner. And really hear what he is saying. Take a moment to listen, with no words, and at the end of what he says, validate his feelings and apologise for YOUR part.
I am going through a divorce right now after 30 years. She would say that I didn't listen (which wasn't true). I would disconnect after 30-45 minutes of consistent "accusations" and mischaracterizations and not owning her part in things. It was typically a 1-sided "complaint session". So I have mad respect for you realizing all of the things you identified. We all play a role in the disconnect of our relationships. The question is are we mature enough to acknowledge that we are partially wrong and partially right. thanks for sharing!!
I love this video. I have been telling my partner this for years.He still doesn’t get it. For those reading this, if you are with someone that is dismissive, avoids communicating with you and you have talked to them about this and they still refuse to consider what you are saying, know that they will never change. You will continue to go around in circles with a person like this. They will gaslight you and have you thinking you don’t know what you are talking about. Second guessing what you know to be true. Cut your losses early on and walk-in the other direction. I didn’t and now I have nothing but resentment for this person and a lot of years gone that I can’t get back. We haven’t solved most of our issues some to which have occurred years ago. Imagine that. Don’t make the mistake I have made.
Thank you Stephan for this well delivered message. 😊
Wow I’m so guilty but this enlightened me so much thank you 😊
Your number 1 reason is so true and valid and happens more then people themselves realize.
Nowadays, finding a person with good communication skills is like finding a needle in a haystack. Lol 😂 IJS tho 🤣
Soooo true!
I agree...
My Ex introduced me to your Chanel a few weeks ago, Love the content....Long distance relationships Suck.
Tell me about it 😂😂😂true
Thank you for this me and my partner are at a breaking point and I needed to work on how I communicate. I found these skills helpful I took notes and going to hang it on the wall n study daily .
Communication is essential in every relationship. Great advice and video. ❤
Truth in every word said communication is key!! At least I know now I'm moving forward thank you for sharing
Yes, this is true along as communication contains the truth about the issues at hand. Let's please put on our listening "EARS".
i was just told i don’t know how to communicate and lost the girl i love the most and been with for 8 years. to anyone reading this, just because you think everything is going great and don’t see anything wrong, doesn’t mean that’s how your partner feels. i didn’t know how she felt because i never felt like needing to ask because in my eyes we were great. i was never taught how to communicate. just having her around and being with me is my love language and just now realizing that’s not everyone’s love language. some people just wanna be show affection, and some like getting things and some just like talking. i hope it’s not too late for me but i’m working on my communication to get her back. please if you’re reading this, tell her partner you love them and appreciate everything they do... because i made the mistake of not and losing everything.
But that is not 100% on you. She has to own her part in not communicating with you. She has own the responsibility of effectively communicating to you what she wants and desires. She also has to own HOW she communicates it to you - as men desire to be communicated to in a respectful manner. So my advice is that you do a self-evaluation (which is always good to do) and assess the cycle of your prior communication with her and identify why the conversations would break down and not be effective. Then you can put new practices and strategies into place. Good luck with the journey of becoming a better communicator - it is an important life skill that deserves practice.
Yesss !! How to communicate in a healthy way is key ! A promising relationship can not work if both are not good listeners and able to communicate clearly. Taking your potential partners feelings and being open to make the effort to show them you truly understand and care ! Bring honesty and truth is the BEST!! That is Something I have 2 have
And yes 1 lie can turn a possible growing romantic relationship upside down💯 then those walls and guards go up
Confused on how this video got dislikes🤔. .I love all your videos
Very True about being honest