I expected to feel so much freedom. I did very briefly. Now, I am drowning in pain, anger, and deep grief. People ask why I left my husband after 24 years and I find I struggle trying to explain it. If you don’t understand the impact of narcissism, you just don’t get it. I will be patient and compassionate towards myself and I will heal. I will not let him take that away from me.
Melanie Copeland the only thing I can say about your comment is that you don't need to explain the reason behind your divorce to anyone. You know why you divorced and for those that haven't walked in your shoes will only have a very hard time understanding so don't waste your time. Lean on the Mighty One up in Heaven, Our Lord and Savior 🙌
I’ve been 3 weeks no contact. From an on and off 6 year relationship. This healing process is almost worse than being with him. I feel lost. I feel ashamed that I let him use me for so long, a lot of things I don’t understand. I know I’ll be better off as times builds, but currently…..man 💔
Its not ur fault get wisdom and know your worth he loses you dear not you bcoz he lost a good person who cares alot just remember this its help you grow forword in ur life same here with me 7 years relationship he gosted me know bcoz now i am not accepting his manupulation
I think my sis broke record of having ability to drive one absolutely crazy. She can make a psychologist crazy. To long they would be bagging to please get her out.
I was addicted to alcohol for the longest time due to narcissistic family members. I am 11 months sober now. Still recovering from the abuse, but these videos are helping
People who have not experienced this abuse expect you to be over it in a few weeks. Narc break up is no ordinary break up,there is blame,shame,grief anger,betrayal ,c9nfusion so many differ3nt emotions
That’s why it’s a good idea to seek out a therapist or psychiatrist who knows about narcissism-I wasn’t in the relationship too long or too deep-but even so I have a therapist who has help me transition out of that relationship-and it’s been hard, but I’m still here-he didn’t win.
@RatGirl finding one that not only knows about it but has themselves experienced it. Therapists who only have knowledge of it seem to not truly be able to fully understand what you're going through. Also, in this day and age a proper therapist is hard to get a hold of and even harder to afford if you eventually track a good one down. There's this woman therapist(....ex therapist rather) who was on TikTok talking bad about men I think and she wound up getting fired from her job. She still makes TikTok videos and you can literally see her timeline of going through a mental breakdown... Even the therapists need therapists!
It makes us so angry why we stayed so long with a monster .I'm healing now and happier I don't have to come home to ridicule being put down which affected me .Thank you I needed to hear what you have just said
Just 4 weeks post divorce after 30 year relationship and two children. 2 years ago my younger son (now 25) suggested I go online and research NPD. Discovered Sam Vaknin and many other coaches and educators. Was amazed to find that what I was experiencing was a recognized phenomenon. Am so grateful to all the online YT coaches. Would never have been able to extricate myself from this if I hadn't had access to this knowlege. Am going through all the things that Danish is outlining in this vid. Am keeping my faith strong I will get better. Sending love 💚
Yes Sam Vaknins knowledge is very useful! He is an expert in his field and also has NPD so can impart his knowledge straightforwardly , just remember he's not trying to help anyone but does so indirectly
I read Dr. Ramani .. same thing ..! You go Lady..!🎶🦋🎵 I got in 31 ,in .... but on my way out .. yes, - wait - escape, survive.. wishing each and every one of you .. to dig deep find ,Who you was ,- think of all the possibilities you had, - But YOU also have them now, - maybe different - and even more , if you let it... May you Enjoy the inside Peace..🎵🦋🎶
Knew something was off from the minute I met him NEVER EVER trusted him and had 28yrs of ABUSE, know have all the knowledge about NPD I wish I had known this YEARS AGO, divorced now and finally live in PEACE, did take time and a lot of inner work, God God bless anyone dealing with a narcissist.
That’s the kind of feeling I got with someone I had met only a few times. Very charming and hooks you in, makes you want them to like you. But… I never quiet for to relax in his company and always had to be on high alert. I kept thinking that we could be closer, but the conversations kept any vulnerability out. They spy on all you are but keep themselves guarded. Enough time was spent apart and an incident involving him not keeping his word, some trickery, etc… now I know who he is. My boundaries are up.
Btw sorry you had to endure the abuse for so long. I have a dear person to me who lasted just as long. I had to dissect the narc to help an empath. Now I can spot them. It’s a painful road once you are hooked in.
People don't realize that once the relationship is over, it is not a happily ever after scenario. Thank you for providing this particular information. It takes a lot of work and time to get to normal.
I am going through all the symptoms that you have mentioned above except for addiction. I lived with my narcissistic husband for twenty years. Now it's almost two years and still mentally suffering without much support from my family. Can't blame them for they don't have any knowledge regarding narcissistic abuse. Thank you for educating us. I wish I had found your videos 10 years before could have avoided soo much of pain and suffering.
You have found the videos Now & Now is all you need, one day at a time and loads of self care becomes self love , you can do and I assure the effort is worth the bliss you will feel. Wishing you well.
I went from a terrible narcissistic environment to a less narcissistic environment, so I accepted the abuse, because I already knew that everything could be a lot worse. I was always in a survival mode. I selected jobs and assignments within a narcissistic environment as well, where other people gave up, but I experienced as a lot less traumatic than I was used too. I still have to learn to look for what I really want and what is save, instead of always doing something challenging. I just recently understood that all my connections with other people were based on fear and that I never enjoyed it. I was just too scared to let it go.
I just found this clip. Everything you spoke about is absolutely correct for me. I walked away three days ago and believe that I have saved my own life. Yes, I recognize that I am damaged. "She" was, is and always will be an evil person. Thank you for sharing!!!
This was extremely powerful and right on target. I went through so many of these symptoms and still do occasionally. You are so right-this kind of abuse is not something you get over with a snap of the fingers. It takes time and patience with yourself.
After many years with a narcissist I took a general psychology test designed for victims of abuse. I actually answered the questions in a more positive way than the reality, as I guess I didn't want to present myself as being as damaged as I was. Still, the resulting conclusion was that I had the psychological profile of a hostage. I was crestfallen.
Hi, my name is Tinker. First, I want to thank you for helping me at this time. I have been in this relationship for 42 years. I have experienced some things that are horrible for my brain to let me think of some of the worst ones. I am about to leave him. I plan on telling nobody where I am going. It's scary because he has left me for dead many times. Tried to kill me so many times I can not remember the exact times. Thank you for helping me. Shalom
Another excellent example. They play you like a fish. I had 29 years of nonsense that I did not understand. Not realising that people could actually look at you and knowingly tell you self serving lies. The relief I experienced after finally leaving was spiritual.
You have just explained 26 years of my life in a nutshell. I don't know how to explain this but the right side of my head hurts internally and I can't cope with loud noise anymore.
When you've just met someone and they're already telling you about their horrible childhood run! Run like your life depends on it because it does. This is the rooting of trauma bonding! It starts immediately upon contact with these individuals. This is how your unknowingly groomed to accept their bad behaviors. But you need to remember you're dealing with an adult not a child and they need to behave accordingly and take accountability for themselves. Pay attention people! Unless you're a trained and licensed professional there's nothing you can do for these people other than leave them to themselves. These people are wounded and unhealed.
People who have narcissists as partners had at least one in core family. Both narcissists and victims had bad childhood but different coping mechanismm , so your words dont make sense
You know that feeling after you read a crazy good book and it just messes you up for a while? Eventually the feeling fades because you know it was just a fictional story and they were all just fictitious characters. I just kept reminding myself that he was a fictional character, because there's no way of actually knowing a narcissist. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of the person I THOUGHT he was, while acknowledging how grateful I am to The Lord that I'm finally free from the person he IS. It's a new season ❤️.
This has to be the most impactful comment I’ve read regarding the experience..or i should say, my experience. A few months ago, I read this book called midnight swim..and it was so hard to get through.Once I read the book from cover to cover, it took a while to get over what I’d read. It was hard to process it. I love books and I’m currently reading 5 right now. I must say your comment really hit home. My experience with the narc was definitely similar to a horror novel. Looking at him as a fictional character is a different perspective. But it’s a viewpoint I can understand and embrace. I appreciate your comment more than you know. Thanks for sharing.
Yes! So much so!! It’s been on and off with him for 3 years now. I’ve kept giving him chance after chance. He is that convincing. People don’t understand why I’ve allowed that. They think I should be over him by now because of how he treated me. I’ve got him blocked now but even doing that gives me anxiety. That’s how much control he has over me. 😔
@@joannbirk2831 I’m so sorry. it’s their insecurities. They really can’t stand who they are so they have to belittle and manipulate others to make themselves feel better. We need to try and remember it isn’t about us. We deserve so much better. It’s so hard to let go cause they don’t allow us to move on before they start showing back up into our lives and start love bombing us again and making promises they know they aren’t going to keep. It’s a vicious cycle that they can’t help. Narcissism is a disease. They need professional help. That’s why I’ve finally had to block him. But like I said it gives me anxiety doing so but I keep telling myself that I have to if I want a real and true healthy loving relationship with someone that is truly sincere. Hang in there girl!
I have rumination, cptsd, anxiety responses, (but im more aware of it now), flashbacks, difficulty focusing, fear, etc. I never want to go through this anymore, my entire life I've endored these types, no more.
What I find so important about Danish is that he does not hold back in the details of helping those who need help understand everything by breaking down "why" and what was going on in me, that I just think is me, when it's not, it's more, because I do not realize or understand. It has to be brought out and explained. So interesting to hear about what these flashbacks are about. Trauma. I thought it was just a memory. Whew, I've got a lot of memory's.
Wow. Time, patience, compassion, support. This video is so accurate & articulates precisely what I need to internalize. Thank you for the clarity & guidance. Bless you for sharing these valuable insights. I struggle with all these issues, so your help is priceless.
I was with my 1st Narcissist for 27 years. Although I didn't know it at the time (that he was a Narcissist) I knew there was something definitely wrong with thus person ! I left him for my 2nd Narcissist who became just as much a nightmare by stalking me. I am suffering all of these that you have mentioned & did alot of work on myself. Now it has been 2 years & I have been to a therapist ( which she questioned my situation & my PTSD ! ) And I still see that I have alot of work to do still & that my brain 🧠 of myself even will never be the same since this experience 😔 💔
@@dsoule4902 well, ALL of their relationships will suck because they abuse all of them. But only a tiny percentage of my relationships are bad, so I am not the common denominator.
Also I have this feeling like I suffer from a kind of amnesia when I go into a heavy argument and I get stressed out with someone.. I forget what the conversation was even about. I even start to feel dizzy.. and I think it dates back from the time when I started to receive abuse from a narcissistic parent
It's probably dissociation from PTSD. Your mind can check out of the present to protect you from the effects of abuse, and eventually your mind can perceive nearly everything as dangerous. It's important to heal this or you will eventually be almost never present. When I started EMDR therapy that's how I felt all the time. I couldn't focus on people talking or what I was doing because I was always mentally stuck somewhere else. It can become your "normal" state if you don't fight it now! If you're still in the relationship, please end it now! It only gets harder and harder to heal as time goes on.
I'm in that exact situation right now... a few days ago I definitely broke up with a narcissistic woman... it's amazing how nature can play with contrasts, and how many of these deviant things it can put in such a physically flawless face and body ... because she is one of the most beautiful women I have met in my life, an unprecedented combination of charm and beauty, she does the most prestigious commercials even at the age of 38, she beats younger colleagues at castings... but what is inside her, that cynicism, distortion of reality, lying, lack of interest in anything that is not directly related to her, sensitivity to any lack of attention and focus on her personality and needs... it is so tiring, that in these 4, 5 months I have aged 5 years.. . and the main manipulation factor with this person is sex... she is ready to mate 24-7, I've never met and seen that... and her focus on sex is completely animalistic and carnal... I can only imagine where she would all this led me to I'm not a man with experience and strong intuition, so luckily some things became clear to me in time... I could talk for hours about the bizarre things I came across in this story, but then that would come out of a decent framework... I'm so exhausted...:( many greetings for you and your followers Danish
Im in your same boat and i love to hear you story. 2 years with girl with BPD with narc intersections. last 5 months been hell for me. my symptoms have been horrible with the trauma bond that was developed. i went no contact for a month. Then we literally reach out the same day of each other. 2 days ago. And shit quickly spirals. The cognitive dissonance is what is killing me. I realize you don't want me just my attention. realizing its always been that way. I was just a means to an end to fit her fantasy. And once that broke i was discarded. Shes already on dating apps as her "process" on moving on from me. Because for some reason coming back to me is backwards. I've grown internally she has grown cosmetically. Its like she regressed back into the bastard she was when we first met.
i've been with a narc that was exactly the same. i thought she was the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person i knew. she loved bombed and sex bombed me immediately and intensely. i was infatuated. she'd learnt all my insecurities and she targeted them to hurt and confuse me. then discarded me when i started asking questions
Thank You....I'm having insomnia, reliving the physical violence that almost took my life. Last night I revisited the day he started choking me until I almost passed out.... The tears came uncontrollable but I felt better and was able to sleep. Even now I cried right before I went to bed it's like I can't forgive myself and I'm blaming myself. He did a lot of damage in only 6 months. I jump at every little noise and dont feel safe in my own house like i use to. I sleep with my gun. I carry it everywhere. Definitely don't want him back I have remained no contact week 3. I'm working through this trauma. Thanks for your help. I'm not a victim I survived the emotional verbal and physical abuse. I'm working on reparenting my inner child. My mother is a narcissist and my father and alcoholic so I know this is why I ended up in this abuse but no more.
So true!! I went through everything you explained, except for addiction but I definitely got used to habits I created as a coping mechanism of survival. But it's true that when i separated from him, I felt relieved thinking that the nightmare was over but it only got worse because I had to deal with the aftermath and more harrasment. I am now more aware of everything that happened although intuitively I knew, the gaslighting used to confuse me.
Hi, I just came across your vids. This was the third one. Like WOW this really hit home. Understand fully what you've described cause I've been living it. Not gunna write a story. Bout two years ago guess I had like an awakening an decided enough was enough. In short I'm only on SS so unfortunately I could not afford the copays for counseling. But thank God for individuals like you that really help those suffering with this affliction. Been on a senior housing list for over a year and a half an have like 95 percent of everything I own in a storage unit the size of a small walk in closet. Been working on cutting smoking and drinking, getting more exercise like going to a park, great to just get out into nature. Everything you said is so so true. For me as I mentioned like overnight one day realized what was going on an what i was doing to myself. Just couldn't afford to just pack up an go due to my income alone. Yet one can start working on their own personal issues to help with the transition when one finally moves out. Thank Thank you again, Your a blessing and you are blessed.
Thank You for sharing this information. This is good to know because I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around what happened to me. I’m going through everything you’ve described in this video. Your videos are helping me so much. I wish you offered 1:1 sessions. You’re very compassionate in the way you educate your followers 😊
I married my narcissist twice. 10 years between marriages. Now that I know what I know and have been divorced a second time, I still tell myself “how could I have been so stupid”. I had two operations on my stomach. The second one almost killed me. I was the top sales person in a huge company for 18 years and he got me fired. I hate that I let him steal my youth. I think about the past all the time and it’s been 3 years since I left him. He tried to strangle me 4 different times after I left him. This video helped me so much. They didn’t even talk about narcissism until recently. I hate that I didn’t know. I hate that I let him take most of my life away. I have many regrets. Everything has been crystal clear for the last 4 years. I think I’ll be healing until the day I die. Thank you for your insight. I love your channel and hope I can be with someone normal someday ❤😊 many blessings to you
I feel the pain but I've no self earning and is becoming aged so I've to bear the pain since 36 years. I dedicated myself to raise, educate and establish my children so far but the senario of financial and mental abuse hasn’t stopped yet! Listening you I'm again crying as I used to cry so far.😢😢
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you! My boyfriend is currently in the state of separating from his narcissistic mom and I kind of know it is very hard because at his age (he is younger) I had to also leave my narcissistic mother and it was crazy. I fell into anorexia, could not take care of myself and felt like a complete failure because I had problems finishing school. So I have compassion when he's facing the same problems (can not finish school, trying to leave reality watching anime all the time etc.) Anyway, it helps when you explain why, because then it's even easier for the people around to understand why he's doing worse and to ensure that it takes time to heal and we will eventually slowly get there.
This video was extremely helpful. Healing seems to be a forever task. People around don't understand....think it has been time and it all should just be gone.
Addictions are something that I am battling now. With her I was okay with smoking marijuana on a daily basis. It bothered me but I was honestly happy to get that distraction that release, that outside of oneself ability. Now that the end has happened I can't participate in that addiction anymore. It brings me anxiety, stress, fear, shame. Because I'm no longer needing to run away from things. The reality in front of me isn't abusive anymore, it isn't needed or me to escape anymore. I feel healthier physically but still struggle mentally.
Thank you for the clear and concise information. I was in a forty year marriage with a narcissist and we've been apart for five years. Only now am I starting to be able to feel a bit more like myself. It's taken a lot of time and patience to heal and it's still in process now, and will be for a long time to come.
OMG YOU ARE SO ON POINT with the self destructive habits. In my early 20s I drank too much sometimes and it was due to the PTSD I got because of my mother. Now in my 30s I didn't realize the stress of a NPD friend that was trying to weasel his way into my relationship was leading me to drink more in order to blow off excess stress. Once I removed him I stopped drinking in excess because I just don't have that stress anymore.
Healing will come. I did blame myself. I kept saying I'm smart and educated. I tried to make it work. He always act as if he was better than me. The envious and jealous is real. These people could kill for your better life. Sometimes you got to stop listening to others. Seeking advice sometimes keeps you there longer. We know what's healthy and toxic. I got to myself and that 1 day I jumped up and kicked him out after he left for work. You have to move in silence. Don't talk to family and friends who talks to him. You don't want him or her to 1 up you or know your plan, because they will sabotage it. Healing takes time. I'm in a much better place. It's been 20 months. Don't feel sorry for them. Because that's how they were able to enter into our lives via our loneliness, our need to save a life..... Don't give up.
Such great videos as this one are a driving force in my own recovery, thank you, Danish, for your golden input. I only wish I had such online support earlier, to understand the makeup of a parasitic partner in my case. ''What does not break you down - will make you stronger!'', and this motto gives me much strength to move on and reinvent myself on a higher vibration. Forgiveness and let-go is the first step in this process.
Thank you so much sir ❤️❤️. This was much needed for me🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺. I can't have enough words to thank you but ❤️❤️ . I pray God give you happy and prosperous life . ❤️❤️
Help? That is putting it mildly😊. To have the emotional roller coaster explained, in the comfort of my own home is amazing!! 7 months of no contact - he’s reached out and I’ve ignored, however flashbacks and anxiety are still there, not as often. Your explanation of the brain chemistry and the changes that occurred, make me feel so much better. The symptoms are still there, at least I have the reason. And the good news, I was drinking too much, the desire is waning . Bless you, Danish 😘
You go Lady ! 🎶🦋🎵 proud of you .! keep it up! People like YOU helped me ...Once you know ,- you know wishing you the very best start dreaming.. still planning ,got a date ... counting... then ,,--- I will dream with You 🎵🦋🎶
I was like that in a 44 years marriage when he passed away I was a bit lost for awhile I didnt know me anymore I went in a shopping spree eat anything I wanted but after 6 month I'm much better but still smoking it takes time I know
Thank you. Been feeling rather bored and unmotivated. For the first time since childhood am bothered by minute past events that seem silly I’m annoyed at. This is REAL 🧡
They tend to hide behind the bipolar label. It's exhausting trying to figure it out. Maybe just give up and leave if you still can. Good video. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this video..I was in self doubt that why I am not get rid of it.its taking so much energy and work on self..at most healing is necessary.after narcissistic abuse for 30 years from my both parents I lost myself somewhere.. still figuring out the things in my life.your videos gives lot of support Danish.. you are doing great job.god bless you.i hope no one in this earth should go through this...
Very helpful, reassuring and compassionate. The small smile at the end is a big help. Your videos and your delivery of the content are greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Wow! I am going through all of this. I didn’t know this was the side effects. It’s been two years. I’m getting better but now I know what I have to focus on. Thanks.
Struggling with all of this. Especially flashbacks and the CPTSD. My final discard came after 3 months no contact and he wanted “to talk” I thought I would get an apology and a nice gift for the previous discard and abuse so I was SO guarded and paranoid. Guys, I ended up in jail from self defense and caught a DV case when I called the cops to help me. The grieving and compassionate part to yourself is so hard for me but it gets better ❤ love you all
I remember ending a narc relationship and giving in to one final meet for a "proper apology". When I got to his place and waited for him he sent the police, who he had told that I was in his house, wrecking it! I hadn't touched a thing, thankfully!
The most important is forgiveness. Forgive yourself and the narc. It requires acceptance during this process. You will go through all these phases but you already have the victory. Don't go back, don't stay stuck, keep walking, move on.
I have a traumatic brain injury and did try to self destruct myself I’ve been sober ten years now I was suffering recurring nightmares my sibling is still in the other room so to speak I’ve distanced my self from the hurt my spouse has helped me a lot
Incredibly accurate and bold statements. Basically the experience equals varying degrees of brain damage. I'm a classic case from A to Z pre-internet. Went with years of self-destructive behavior, blaming myself, trying to get on with years of repressed anger, despair and feelings of shame and failure. It's better than OK now. "Time and I against any 2 Narcs."
Extremely informative and helpful! Thank you for the way you break these concepts down; your videos are helping make sense of a nonsensical experience 🙏🏽.
I have been amazed at how much of a different person I am, with my current husband. My first husband died of cancer, after 31 years of marriage. We got along great….not perfect, but pretty darn good! We laughed a LOT. Went everywhere together….did a lot of things. With this jackass, he thinks that the way I am now, had to have caused problems for my late husband. No. The way I am now, is because of reacting to this husband’s abuse. I don’t even know myself anymore! I just want to laugh and feel calm….a sense of being safe with my husband…..like I used to! I cannot even have a normal conversation with this one….he doesn’t want me to talk AT ALL! I used to be able to talk about ANYTHING with my late husband.
I wish someone would make a video about how hard it is for someone with ADHD or Autism to heal from a trauma bond. We have SEVERE rejection dysphoria, and we get OBSESSED with injustice and trying to figure out why we deserved that, and we hate when people do something ‘bad’ or wrong.
This is definitely true. I am very against injustice. So much so, that when my narcissistic ex friends saw this in me they turned their antics onto me. I spent a long time wondering how people I deemed so close were being so mean to me. Then I learned about npd. At this point I put it down to them not having an identity or the 'spark' that I have/used to. My spark only works sometimes now 😔 I truly don't feel like I will ever be the same person again.
Yeah after being in 25 years of narcissistic relationship I got divorced. It took me 2 to 3 years to heal. During that period I experienced all the symptoms that you explained. During that period I did yoga , walking in nature, meditation and spent more time alone. Now I healed and healing. Thank you , it resonated me
Wow! You have described what happens to narcisistic abuse victims and survivors so clearly and succintly. I have been struggling with all of those symptomps and can not stress enough that we need compassion, patience, self-care , self-love and loving support of fellow survivers who can get what we have been through. Thank you so much. God bless you❤
Thank you for being so kind! You are making it possible for me to want to live in a world with them in it. I believe all my life I've been through these things to wake me up to change. It's really hard to change when you believe that this horror show of life is how it is but you are giving me a little hope!😢
I have one still in my head from 4 years ago. She feels benevolent. Another one from 2 years ago. She feels extremely evil and hostile. I occasionally also feel one i met a few months ago. She feels extremely sexual, but helpful. Last spring the nasty one tried to get through...meeting the recent "narc" somehow saved me. I'm not sure she is a narc, but feels like one. It came very close to a full blown attack from the nasty one. In psychological terms, a "psychosis tried to push through." The nasty one took an ass kicking, but it sure was not from me. (no meds were needed) Now i wonder, if theres a good side to some narcs, i mean in non physical form. Just how a very sensitive guy feels things. My intuition is now very powerful, though im not sure where it comes from. I'm still able to work, and lead a semi normal life. I never was that normal. And sure, i suspect I am opposite on the psychopathy scale, thats why i am so interesting for them. I been observing a lot for the past 20 years. I have proved things to myself without doubt. Im really not sure what i deal with sometimes. Is it the actual "trapped soul". Or the actual invasive spirit that causes narcissism. And I do not feel special. I feel like someone who has used up some protection, that was designed for a lifetime.
This is good. The traumatic brain injury especially. I know I have that, not even due to the narc violently smashing my skull when he flew into rages. I think you are also on another channel and we have communicated before John? Here is hoping we heal, however long that will take!
@@thrivingnow7395 hi how are you. I'm all over the place trying to find answers. I believe after all that time I spent with my ex, I also probably have had my brain altered, unbelievable really that emotional abuse is capable of physical changes in our minds. At least it explains why after 9 months its still an ongoing process. Thanks for your message.
It is unbelievable but true John. I think it was about a year or so before I started to stabilise. I researched TBI and supposedly it is reversible. Hopefully so! Take care. I know at 9 months out I was still a gibbering wreck and found simple things really difficult. I am slowly improving. The stalking knocks me back, but now, I find I am quicker at returning from a place of fear to a place of "for goodness sake, what a nut job he is". A new ex-supply has contacted me. He has abused and stalked and is doing the same to other women. Some consolation in knowing I am not alone. NpD should be criminalised in some way, for sure. Kind thoughts from Ireland.
@@thrivingnow7395 bless you, my ex won't stalk me shes moved on, it'll probably go the way all her relationships do, ours only lasted cos I refused to give up. Must be scary as a woman being stalked? Or at least unsettling. Coercive behaviour and stalking as you know is illegal in England but hard to prove. Thanks again for messaging I appreciate it from just over the water in England.
I am back and forwards to England. She will perhaps stalk female style (Facebook etc). It was terrifying but now I just think if he assaults me, he goes down, and he is too clever for that! So in that, I find a sense of safety. Be really on guard for the Hoover because you are merely an object placed on the shelf. You need enough time to get out of the grief and distress stage to combat that John. I fell for it after being discarded brutally 4 years ago and stuck in a foreign country, then fell for the grand Hoover. Never again! I am not technical and I don't give my name out online because he may well be tracking that. He cloned my phone, had GPS trackers on, and it took me several moves and tech guys to realise that he was doing that. I hope you come back to yourself. Erin.
WOW! someone really knows what I have been through and it has taken me years to get past it, and to this day I don't really know if I have gotten past it, Thank you!
Yes yes yes..... Danish,. Now that you have come up with the aftermath, please make a video that could help come out of this vicious cycle. Please help us unshackle us. Unburden ourselves of this trauma bond.
I think all the videos help. For me, i can hear the same topic, even the same video over and over. It helps me fill the emptiness they left behind. I am nc but not healed.
Excellent. Yes your “withdrawal” from the narcissist is similar to alcoholism. For the short term it’s worse than alcohol but slowly we do heal - with help! No Lone Rangers here!
I would say the most self destructive behavior I'm doing rn is cigs, I was impulsive in the past a few times, especially when I was "out if it"...everything you mentioned otherwise though I feel applies, as well as other things I'm dealing with...it's hard feeling like there's barely anyone I can trust, even parts of my family...I watched a speech from KRS-One that makes things more confusing because I agreed with everything he said, but given my mental issues and the things I can remember make it hard to be forgiving
Just over 2 months in this no contact thing, but one great thing is I left alcohol and smoking, habits that I picked up 7-8months into the live-in relationship with my narcissistic ex. P.S. she dumped me, but taught me a life lesson. 💔💔💔
This is so true and what I’m going through and been going through the past 1 year. The events come back and feel so fresh like they just happened last night.
I did find this very exact and helpful. You’re helping me see why these things are happening to me and reminding me what to expect of myself. Thanks so much.
My parents have been abused me all my childhood. I went no contact 4 yrs back. Slowly I am healing. I know one thing for sure that this is something I have to live with it but this journey of healing is teaching me lot of things.
I'm a survivor, it saddens me to read so many comments realizing how many people are abused and not understood
Same here ( to both ) , .
We get so used to it that it becomes normal .it's only when we discard them we know they can't hurt us anymore
Same
Yes
I expected to feel so much freedom. I did very briefly. Now, I am drowning in pain, anger, and deep grief. People ask why I left my husband after 24 years and I find I struggle trying to explain it. If you don’t understand the impact of narcissism, you just don’t get it. I will be patient and compassionate towards myself and I will heal. I will not let him take that away from me.
Melanie Copeland the only thing I can say about your comment is that you don't need to explain the reason behind your divorce to anyone. You know why you divorced and for those that haven't walked in your shoes will only have a very hard time understanding so don't waste your time. Lean on the Mighty One up in Heaven, Our Lord and Savior 🙌
Same here 26 years!
28!
I left after he got physical and 43 years of marriage.
I hear you,I'm going through this now
I’ve been 3 weeks no contact. From an on and off 6 year relationship. This healing process is almost worse than being with him. I feel lost. I feel ashamed that I let him use me for so long, a lot of things I don’t understand. I know I’ll be better off as times builds, but currently…..man 💔
Me too 😢
Forgive urself often. Be grateful that u r on the right path finally nd then see miracles unfolding one after another ❤️
Its not ur fault get wisdom and know your worth he loses you dear not you bcoz he lost a good person who cares alot just remember this its help you grow forword in ur life same here with me 7 years relationship he gosted me know bcoz now i am not accepting his manupulation
You’re not alone. Many of us are going through it too.
Be strong you are more than them
I'm actually relating to this. narcissists can make a person feel Guilty without actually doing anything wrong.
so true!
@@joylugo4979 thanks for agreeing 😌👍
Oh yeah... They can be subtle and insidious, seeking cognitive dissonance to confuse, disorientate and gas-light.
My narc had me in A state of chaos.
I think my sis broke record of having ability to drive one absolutely crazy. She can make a psychologist crazy. To long they would be bagging to please get her out.
@@hippopotamus6765 true.
I was addicted to alcohol for the longest time due to narcissistic family members. I am 11 months sober now. Still recovering from the abuse, but these videos are helping
People who have not experienced this abuse expect you to be over it in a few weeks. Narc break up is no ordinary break up,there is blame,shame,grief anger,betrayal ,c9nfusion so many differ3nt emotions
That’s why it’s a good idea to seek out a therapist or psychiatrist who knows about narcissism-I wasn’t in the relationship too long or too deep-but even so I have a therapist who has help me transition out of that relationship-and it’s been hard, but I’m still here-he didn’t win.
Fully agreed. I need to find therapist or he will break me to go bk. I can feel it
Good for you 😅
@RatGirl finding one that not only knows about it but has themselves experienced it. Therapists who only have knowledge of it seem to not truly be able to fully understand what you're going through.
Also, in this day and age a proper therapist is hard to get a hold of and even harder to afford if you eventually track a good one down. There's this woman therapist(....ex therapist rather) who was on TikTok talking bad about men I think and she wound up getting fired from her job. She still makes TikTok videos and you can literally see her timeline of going through a mental breakdown... Even the therapists need therapists!
P
Going through a narcissist sociopath break up is hell on earth.. I’m not the same person….
40 years i tried to make things right … but now i know that was / is impossible…thank you, you are helping many 🙏🏼
Yes, I wasted 43 years. Love my peace now.
It makes us so angry why we stayed so long with a monster .I'm healing now and happier I don't have to come home to ridicule being put down which affected me .Thank you I needed to hear what you have just said
Just 4 weeks post divorce after 30 year relationship and two children. 2 years ago my younger son (now 25) suggested I go online and research NPD. Discovered Sam Vaknin and many other coaches and educators. Was amazed to find that what I was experiencing was a recognized phenomenon. Am so grateful to all the online YT coaches. Would never have been able to extricate myself from this if I hadn't had access to this knowlege. Am going through all the things that Danish is outlining in this vid. Am keeping my faith strong I will get better. Sending love 💚
Yes Sam Vaknins knowledge is very useful! He is an expert in his field and also has NPD so can impart his knowledge straightforwardly , just remember he's not trying to help anyone but does so indirectly
I was married for 34 years to one as well. It’s shocking
I read Dr. Ramani ..
same thing ..! You go Lady..!🎶🦋🎵
I got in 31 ,in .... but on my way out ..
yes, -
wait - escape, survive..
wishing each and every one of you ..
to dig deep find ,Who you was ,-
think of all the possibilities you had, -
But YOU also have them now, -
maybe different - and even more ,
if you let it...
May you Enjoy the inside Peace..🎵🦋🎶
Wow I was in a 30 year horror too. 😢
Try Dr. Ramini..
here on U tube..
She is fantastic, iam in 32---
on my way ...yeayy🎵🎈🎶
Knew something was off from the minute I met him NEVER EVER trusted him and had 28yrs of ABUSE, know have all the knowledge about NPD I wish I had known this YEARS AGO, divorced now and finally live in PEACE, did take time and a lot of inner work, God God bless anyone dealing with a narcissist.
That’s the kind of feeling I got with someone I had met only a few times. Very charming and hooks you in, makes you want them to like you. But… I never quiet for to relax in his company and always had to be on high alert. I kept thinking that we could be closer, but the conversations kept any vulnerability out. They spy on all you are but keep themselves guarded. Enough time was spent apart and an incident involving him not keeping his word, some trickery, etc… now I know who he is. My boundaries are up.
Btw sorry you had to endure the abuse for so long. I have a dear person to me who lasted just as long. I had to dissect the narc to help an empath. Now I can spot them. It’s a painful road once you are hooked in.
People don't realize that once the relationship is over, it is not a happily ever after scenario. Thank you for providing this particular information. It takes a lot of work and time to get to normal.
I am going through all the symptoms that you have mentioned above except for addiction. I lived with my narcissistic husband for twenty years. Now it's almost two years and still mentally suffering without much support from my family. Can't blame them for they don't have any knowledge regarding narcissistic abuse. Thank you for educating us. I wish I had found your videos 10 years before could have avoided soo much of pain and suffering.
The internet wasn't around then
@@MiteshDamania 👎
You have found the videos Now & Now is all you need, one day at a time and loads of self care becomes self love , you can do and I assure the effort is worth the bliss you will feel. Wishing you well.
@@rozdoyle8872 👍❤️ 🦋
@@MiteshDamania Why do you dislike yourself so much?
Thank you for reminding me that I have been through a lot and it's ok if I don't have it all together yet. Very affirming.
Yes. It is beginning to make sense. These feelings. What I remember. Not forgiving my self...it all makes sense. Thank you for the wonderful work!
I'm right there with you Colette.
Your content is the best I have ever come across regarding narcissistic abuse. Thank you Danish 🙏
I went from a terrible narcissistic environment to a less narcissistic environment, so I accepted the abuse, because I already knew that everything could be a lot worse. I was always in a survival mode. I selected jobs and assignments within a narcissistic environment as well, where other people gave up, but I experienced as a lot less traumatic than I was used too. I still have to learn to look for what I really want and what is save, instead of always doing something challenging. I just recently understood that all my connections with other people were based on fear and that I never enjoyed it. I was just too scared to let it go.
I just found this clip. Everything you spoke about is absolutely correct for me. I walked away three days ago and believe that I have saved my own life. Yes, I recognize that I am damaged. "She" was, is and always will be an evil person. Thank you for sharing!!!
This was extremely powerful and right on target. I went through so many of these symptoms and still do occasionally. You are so right-this kind of abuse is not something you get over with a snap of the fingers. It takes time and patience with yourself.
The biggest thing about these videos is it give us validation help and hope the narcissist always blame as it’s never their fault
After many years with a narcissist I took a general psychology test designed for victims of abuse. I actually answered the questions in a more positive way than the reality, as I guess I didn't want to present myself as being as damaged as I was. Still, the resulting conclusion was that I had the psychological profile of a hostage. I was crestfallen.
Hi, my name is Tinker. First, I want to thank you for helping me at this time. I have been in this relationship for 42 years. I have experienced some things that are horrible for my brain to let me think of some of the worst ones. I am about to leave him. I plan on telling nobody where I am going. It's scary because he has left me for dead many times. Tried to kill me so many times I can not remember the exact times. Thank you for helping me. Shalom
Another excellent example. They play you like a fish.
I had 29 years of nonsense that I did not understand. Not realising that people could actually look at you and knowingly tell you self serving lies.
The relief I experienced after finally leaving was spiritual.
You have just explained 26 years of my life in a nutshell. I don't know how to explain this but the right side of my head hurts internally and I can't cope with loud noise anymore.
When you've just met someone and they're already telling you about their horrible childhood run! Run like your life depends on it because it does. This is the rooting of trauma bonding! It starts immediately upon contact with these individuals. This is how your unknowingly groomed to accept their bad behaviors. But you need to remember you're dealing with an adult not a child and they need to behave accordingly and take accountability for themselves. Pay attention people! Unless you're a trained and licensed professional there's nothing you can do for these people other than leave them to themselves. These people are wounded and unhealed.
People who have narcissists as partners had at least one in core family. Both narcissists and victims had bad childhood but different coping mechanismm
, so your words dont make sense
You know that feeling after you read a crazy good book and it just messes you up for a while? Eventually the feeling fades because you know it was just a fictional story and they were all just fictitious characters. I just kept reminding myself that he was a fictional character, because there's no way of actually knowing a narcissist. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of the person I THOUGHT he was, while acknowledging how grateful I am to The Lord that I'm finally free from the person he IS. It's a new season ❤️.
0
So well put!
This has to be the most impactful comment I’ve read regarding the experience..or i should say, my experience. A few months ago, I read this book called midnight swim..and it was so hard to get through.Once I read the book from cover to cover, it took a while to get over what I’d read. It was hard to process it. I love books and I’m currently reading 5 right now. I must say your comment really hit home. My experience with the narc was definitely similar to a horror novel. Looking at him as a fictional character is a different perspective. But it’s a viewpoint I can understand and embrace. I appreciate your comment more than you know. Thanks for sharing.
What u are saying is💯true. Leaving them and going N/C is thr only way to release this evil
Yes! So much so!! It’s been on and off with him for 3 years now. I’ve kept giving him chance after chance. He is that convincing. People don’t understand why I’ve allowed that. They think I should be over him by now because of how he treated me. I’ve got him blocked now but even doing that gives me anxiety. That’s how much control he has over me. 😔
You need to find support or other people to hang out with. Try Meetup groups around you. Do some hiking, biking, walking, festivals, etc cetera
@@MiteshDamania most definitely! I’ve been keeping myself busy for the most part and doing the things I like to do. 🤗
Start doing some volunteering work , kind of selfless service . It helps
I am in a similar situation. I miss his so fucking much and he was so bad to me, abusive, devaluing me etc...
@@joannbirk2831 I’m so sorry. it’s their insecurities. They really can’t stand who they are so they have to belittle and manipulate others to make themselves feel better. We need to try and remember it isn’t about us. We deserve so much better. It’s so hard to let go cause they don’t allow us to move on before they start showing back up into our lives and start love bombing us again and making promises they know they aren’t going to keep. It’s a vicious cycle that they can’t help. Narcissism is a disease. They need professional help. That’s why I’ve finally had to block him. But like I said it gives me anxiety doing so but I keep telling myself that I have to if I want a real and true healthy loving relationship with someone that is truly sincere. Hang in there girl!
I have rumination, cptsd, anxiety responses, (but im more aware of it now), flashbacks, difficulty focusing, fear, etc. I never want to go through this anymore, my entire life I've endored these types, no more.
Just blows my mind people like that exist.
I think they are not human people... They are demonic...evil rules in them.
What I find so important about Danish is that he does not hold back in the details of helping those who need help understand everything by breaking down "why" and what was going on in me, that I just think is me, when it's not, it's more, because I do not realize or understand. It has to be brought out and explained. So interesting to hear about what these flashbacks are about. Trauma. I thought it was just a memory. Whew, I've got a lot of memory's.
Wow. Time, patience, compassion, support. This video is so accurate & articulates precisely what I need to internalize. Thank you for the clarity & guidance. Bless you for sharing these valuable insights. I struggle with all these issues, so your help is priceless.
OMG YOU’RE A GUARDIAN ANGEL 😇😇
I was with my 1st Narcissist for 27 years. Although I didn't know it at the time (that he was a Narcissist) I knew there was something definitely wrong with thus person ! I left him for my 2nd Narcissist who became just as much a nightmare by stalking me. I am suffering all of these that you have mentioned & did alot of work on myself. Now it has been 2 years & I have been to a therapist ( which she questioned my situation & my PTSD ! ) And I still see that I have alot of work to do still & that my brain 🧠 of myself even will never be the same since this experience 😔 💔
stalking is a crime. And traumatic in itself. Research just on stalkign and it's pretty scary
Yeah. Like bring with a string of drunk partners. We are the common denominator.
@@dsoule4902 well, ALL of their relationships will suck because they abuse all of them. But only a tiny percentage of my relationships are bad, so I am not the common denominator.
@@recoveringsoul755 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"all of theirs will suck" lol
You're good because you are a Recovering Soul!!!!!!!!👍🏻😘😘 excellent
Also I have this feeling like I suffer from a kind of amnesia when I go into a heavy argument and I get stressed out with someone.. I forget what the conversation was even about. I even start to feel dizzy.. and I think it dates back from the time when I started to receive abuse from a narcissistic parent
That's why we are apart. I knew it was something like that when he couldn't remember destroying things. I didn't want to be destroyed.
After therapy, he told me his mother used to burn him as a child.
I know what you mean by the amnesia. It becomes like a coping mechanism to protect your emotional state from further damage. I’ve been there.
It's probably dissociation from PTSD. Your mind can check out of the present to protect you from the effects of abuse, and eventually your mind can perceive nearly everything as dangerous. It's important to heal this or you will eventually be almost never present. When I started EMDR therapy that's how I felt all the time. I couldn't focus on people talking or what I was doing because I was always mentally stuck somewhere else. It can become your "normal" state if you don't fight it now! If you're still in the relationship, please end it now! It only gets harder and harder to heal as time goes on.
@@nicoleowens2318 thanks so much for the tip. Yes thankfully that relationship is very over.. the rest I'm still working on
I'm in that exact situation right now... a few days ago I definitely broke up with a narcissistic woman... it's amazing how nature can play with contrasts, and how many of these deviant things it can put in such a physically flawless face and body ... because she is one of the most beautiful women I have met in my life, an unprecedented combination of charm and beauty, she does the most prestigious commercials even at the age of 38, she beats younger colleagues at castings... but what is inside her, that cynicism, distortion of reality, lying, lack of interest in anything that is not directly related to her, sensitivity to any lack of attention and focus on her personality and needs... it is so tiring, that in these 4, 5 months I have aged 5 years.. . and the main manipulation factor with this person is sex... she is ready to mate 24-7, I've never met and seen that... and her focus on sex is completely animalistic and carnal... I can only imagine where she would all this led me to I'm not a man with experience and strong intuition, so luckily some things became clear to me in time... I could talk for hours about the bizarre things I came across in this story, but then that would come out of a decent framework... I'm so exhausted...:( many greetings for you and your followers Danish
Im in your same boat and i love to hear you story. 2 years with girl with BPD with narc intersections. last 5 months been hell for me. my symptoms have been horrible with the trauma bond that was developed. i went no contact for a month. Then we literally reach out the same day of each other. 2 days ago. And shit quickly spirals. The cognitive dissonance is what is killing me. I realize you don't want me just my attention. realizing its always been that way. I was just a means to an end to fit her fantasy. And once that broke i was discarded. Shes already on dating apps as her "process" on moving on from me. Because for some reason coming back to me is backwards. I've grown internally she has grown cosmetically. Its like she regressed back into the bastard she was when we first met.
Would you mind sharing your story? I'm a mess...
i've been with a narc that was exactly the same. i thought she was the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person i knew. she loved bombed and sex bombed me immediately and intensely.
i was infatuated. she'd learnt all my insecurities and she targeted them to hurt and confuse me. then discarded me when i started asking questions
@@realKHz yes.. they have something demonic in themselves
Thank You....I'm having insomnia, reliving the physical violence that almost took my life. Last night I revisited the day he started choking me until I almost passed out.... The tears came uncontrollable but I felt better and was able to sleep. Even now I cried right before I went to bed it's like I can't forgive myself and I'm blaming myself. He did a lot of damage in only 6 months. I jump at every little noise and dont feel safe in my own house like i use to. I sleep with my gun. I carry it everywhere. Definitely don't want him back I have remained no contact week 3. I'm working through this trauma. Thanks for your help. I'm not a victim I survived the emotional verbal and physical abuse. I'm working on reparenting my inner child. My mother is a narcissist and my father and alcoholic so I know this is why I ended up in this abuse but no more.
Did you get a restraining order, you must protect yourself.
@@vitaminhead1465 yes
So true!! I went through everything you explained, except for addiction but I definitely got used to habits I created as a coping mechanism of survival. But it's true that when i separated from him, I felt relieved thinking that the nightmare was over but it only got worse because I had to deal with the aftermath and more harrasment. I am now more aware of everything that happened although intuitively I knew, the gaslighting used to confuse me.
Hi, I just came across your vids. This was the third one. Like WOW this really hit home. Understand fully what you've described cause I've been living it. Not gunna write a story. Bout two years ago guess I had like an awakening an decided enough was enough. In short I'm only on SS so unfortunately I could not afford the copays for counseling. But thank God for individuals like you that really help those suffering with this affliction. Been on a senior housing list for over a year and a half an have like 95 percent of everything I own in a storage unit the size of a small walk in closet. Been working on cutting smoking and drinking, getting more exercise like going to a park, great to just get out into nature. Everything you said is so so true. For me as I mentioned like overnight one day realized what was going on an what i was doing to myself. Just couldn't afford to just pack up an go due to my income alone. Yet one can start working on their own personal issues to help with the transition when one finally moves out. Thank Thank you again, Your a blessing and you are blessed.
Thank You for sharing this information. This is good to know because I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around what happened to me. I’m going through everything you’ve described in this video. Your videos are helping me so much. I wish you offered 1:1 sessions. You’re very compassionate in the way you educate your followers 😊
I married my narcissist twice. 10 years between marriages. Now that I know what I know and have been divorced a second time, I still tell myself “how could I have been so stupid”. I had two operations on my stomach. The second one almost killed me. I was the top sales person in a huge company for 18 years and he got me fired. I hate that I let him steal my youth. I think about the past all the time and it’s been 3 years since I left him. He tried to strangle me 4 different times after I left him. This video helped me so much. They didn’t even talk about narcissism until recently. I hate that I didn’t know. I hate that I let him take most of my life away. I have many regrets. Everything has been crystal clear for the last 4 years. I think I’ll be healing until the day I die. Thank you for your insight. I love your channel and hope I can be with someone normal someday ❤😊 many blessings to you
I feel the pain but I've no self earning and is becoming aged so I've to bear the pain since 36 years. I dedicated myself to raise, educate and establish my children so far but the senario of financial and mental abuse hasn’t stopped yet! Listening you I'm again crying as I used to cry so far.😢😢
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you! My boyfriend is currently in the state of separating from his narcissistic mom and I kind of know it is very hard because at his age (he is younger) I had to also leave my narcissistic mother and it was crazy. I fell into anorexia, could not take care of myself and felt like a complete failure because I had problems finishing school. So I have compassion when he's facing the same problems (can not finish school, trying to leave reality watching anime all the time etc.) Anyway, it helps when you explain why, because then it's even easier for the people around to understand why he's doing worse and to ensure that it takes time to heal and we will eventually slowly get there.
This video was extremely helpful. Healing seems to be a forever task. People around don't understand....think it has been time and it all should just be gone.
I literally have no one to talk to about this part of the process. Danish and people like you help me to know I'm not alone.
@@Infrared1967 no, we are not alone. These videos help me to fill the emptiness i feel.
I often have people pull me out of a flash memory as I sit staring into space on the outside. I so look forward to having my mind more freed.
@@jeanninebooth6415 i do the same thing. I go staring off into space in a trance often.
@@Richard-vq7ud our time stolen yet again.
Addictions are something that I am battling now. With her I was okay with smoking marijuana on a daily basis. It bothered me but I was honestly happy to get that distraction that release, that outside of oneself ability.
Now that the end has happened I can't participate in that addiction anymore. It brings me anxiety, stress, fear, shame. Because I'm no longer needing to run away from things. The reality in front of me isn't abusive anymore, it isn't needed or me to escape anymore.
I feel healthier physically but still struggle mentally.
Oh it is the reverse for me. Going no contact is a relief. It's a liberation of my spirit. 😀
Thank you for the clear and concise information. I was in a forty year marriage with a narcissist and we've been apart for five years. Only now am I starting to be able to feel a bit more like myself. It's taken a lot of time and patience to heal and it's still in process now, and will be for a long time to come.
Omg I'm not alone
Same here 40 years!!
OMG YOU ARE SO ON POINT with the self destructive habits. In my early 20s I drank too much sometimes and it was due to the PTSD I got because of my mother. Now in my 30s I didn't realize the stress of a NPD friend that was trying to weasel his way into my relationship was leading me to drink more in order to blow off excess stress. Once I removed him I stopped drinking in excess because I just don't have that stress anymore.
I am a survivor of Narcissistic abuse, I am still in the process of healing. I had to 😒🏃🏃to save my sanity.
I welcome your program,thank you.
Healing will come. I did blame myself. I kept saying I'm smart and educated. I tried to make it work. He always act as if he was better than me. The envious and jealous is real. These people could kill for your better life. Sometimes you got to stop listening to others. Seeking advice sometimes keeps you there longer. We know what's healthy and toxic. I got to myself and that 1 day I jumped up and kicked him out after he left for work. You have to move in silence. Don't talk to family and friends who talks to him. You don't want him or her to 1 up you or know your plan, because they will sabotage it. Healing takes time. I'm in a much better place. It's been 20 months. Don't feel sorry for them. Because that's how they were able to enter into our lives via our loneliness, our need to save a life..... Don't give up.
Such great videos as this one are a driving force in my own recovery, thank you, Danish, for your golden input. I only wish I had such online support earlier, to understand the makeup of a parasitic partner in my case. ''What does not break you down - will make you stronger!'', and this motto gives me much strength to move on and reinvent myself on a higher vibration. Forgiveness and let-go is the first step in this process.
Thank you so much sir ❤️❤️.
This was much needed for me🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺. I can't have enough words to thank you but ❤️❤️ .
I pray God give you happy and prosperous life . ❤️❤️
Help? That is putting it mildly😊. To have the emotional roller coaster explained, in the comfort of my own home is amazing!!
7 months of no contact - he’s reached out and I’ve ignored, however flashbacks and anxiety are still there, not as often. Your explanation of the brain chemistry and the changes that occurred, make me feel so much better. The symptoms are still there, at least I have the reason.
And the good news, I was drinking too much, the desire is waning . Bless you, Danish 😘
You go Lady ! 🎶🦋🎵
proud of you .! keep it up!
People like YOU helped me ...Once you know ,- you know
wishing you the very best
start dreaming..
still planning ,got a date ...
counting...
then ,,--- I will dream with You
🎵🦋🎶
I was like that in a 44 years marriage when he passed away I was a bit lost for awhile I didnt know me anymore I went in a shopping spree eat anything I wanted but after 6 month I'm much better but still smoking it takes time I know
Thank you. Been feeling rather bored and unmotivated. For the first time since childhood am bothered by minute past events that seem silly I’m annoyed at. This is REAL 🧡
They tend to hide behind the bipolar label. It's exhausting trying to figure it out. Maybe just give up and leave if you still can. Good video. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this video..I was in self doubt that why I am not get rid of it.its taking so much energy and work on self..at most healing is necessary.after narcissistic abuse for 30 years from my both parents I lost myself somewhere.. still figuring out the things in my life.your videos gives lot of support Danish.. you are doing great job.god bless you.i hope no one in this earth should go through this...
Very helpful, reassuring and compassionate. The small smile at the end is a big help. Your videos and your delivery of the content are greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Best video I've heard on recovering from narc abuse. Very much appreciated. Thumbs-up 👍
Wow! I am going through all of this. I didn’t know this was the side effects. It’s been two years. I’m getting better but now I know what I have to focus on. Thanks.
Struggling with all of this. Especially flashbacks and the CPTSD. My final discard came after 3 months no contact and he wanted “to talk” I thought I would get an apology and a nice gift for the previous discard and abuse so I was SO guarded and paranoid. Guys, I ended up in jail from self defense and caught a DV case when I called the cops to help me.
The grieving and compassionate part to yourself is so hard for me but it gets better ❤ love you all
sorry that you had to go through that.
I remember ending a narc relationship and giving in to one final meet for a "proper apology". When I got to his place and waited for him he sent the police, who he had told that I was in his house, wrecking it! I hadn't touched a thing, thankfully!
The most important is forgiveness. Forgive yourself and the narc. It requires acceptance during this process. You will go through all these phases but you already have the victory. Don't go back, don't stay stuck, keep walking, move on.
I have a traumatic brain injury and did try to self destruct myself I’ve been sober ten years now I was suffering recurring nightmares my sibling is still in the other room so to speak I’ve distanced my self from the hurt my spouse has helped me a lot
Incredibly accurate and bold statements. Basically the experience equals varying degrees of brain damage. I'm a classic case from A to Z pre-internet. Went with years of self-destructive behavior, blaming myself, trying to get on with years of repressed anger, despair and feelings of shame and failure. It's better than OK now. "Time and I against any 2 Narcs."
This is 100 percent correct. This is me! Thank you. With him 16 years. Time🙏🏼❤️
Extremely informative and helpful! Thank you for the way you break these concepts down; your videos are helping make sense of a nonsensical experience 🙏🏽.
I have been amazed at how much of a different person I am, with my current husband. My first husband died of cancer, after 31 years of marriage. We got along great….not perfect, but pretty darn good! We laughed a LOT. Went everywhere together….did a lot of things.
With this jackass, he thinks that the way I am now, had to have caused problems for my late husband. No. The way I am now, is because of reacting to this husband’s abuse. I don’t even know myself anymore!
I just want to laugh and feel calm….a sense of being safe with my husband…..like I used to! I cannot even have a normal conversation with this one….he doesn’t want me to talk AT ALL!
I used to be able to talk about ANYTHING with my late husband.
Exactly this. Thank you for your validation. I am ready to learn how to validate myself in this way.
It gets worse staying with the narcissist
I start therapy on Friday!
Praise God!
I wish someone would make a video about how hard it is for someone with ADHD or Autism to heal from a trauma bond. We have SEVERE rejection dysphoria, and we get OBSESSED with injustice and trying to figure out why we deserved that, and we hate when people do something ‘bad’ or wrong.
This is definitely true. I am very against injustice. So much so, that when my narcissistic ex friends saw this in me they turned their antics onto me. I spent a long time wondering how people I deemed so close were being so mean to me. Then I learned about npd. At this point I put it down to them not having an identity or the 'spark' that I have/used to. My spark only works sometimes now 😔 I truly don't feel like I will ever be the same person again.
Always right on time for my healing 💞🥴✌️God bless!
You have no idea how much you are giving to me and this world. You have no idea. God bless you Danish.
This is for 'Lovedelo' YOU WILL BE OK' be strong! You deserve real Love!!!
Neurons that fire together wire together. Thanks fot this post, which helped me to put these ideas together.
Yeah after being in 25 years of narcissistic relationship I got divorced. It took me 2 to 3 years to heal. During that period I experienced all the symptoms that you explained. During that period I did yoga , walking in nature, meditation and spent more time alone. Now I healed and healing. Thank you , it resonated me
Wow you couldn't have said it better.
Wow! You have described what happens to narcisistic abuse victims and survivors so clearly and succintly. I have been struggling with all of those symptomps and can not stress enough that we need compassion, patience, self-care , self-love and loving support of fellow survivers who can get what we have been through. Thank you so much. God bless you❤
Wow, that was dense and validating for the survivors of that abuse.
Thank you for being so kind!
You are making it possible for me to want to live in a world with them in it.
I believe all my life I've been through these things to wake me up to change.
It's really hard to change when you believe that this horror show of life is how it is but you are giving me a little hope!😢
I have one still in my head from 4 years ago. She feels benevolent. Another one from 2 years ago. She feels extremely evil and hostile. I occasionally also feel one i met a few months ago. She feels extremely sexual, but helpful. Last spring the nasty one tried to get through...meeting the recent "narc" somehow saved me. I'm not sure she is a narc, but feels like one. It came very close to a full blown attack from the nasty one. In psychological terms, a "psychosis tried to push through." The nasty one took an ass kicking, but it sure was not from me. (no meds were needed) Now i wonder, if theres a good side to some narcs, i mean in non physical form. Just how a very sensitive guy feels things. My intuition is now very powerful, though im not sure where it comes from. I'm still able to work, and lead a semi normal life. I never was that normal. And sure, i suspect I am opposite on the psychopathy scale, thats why i am so interesting for them. I been observing a lot for the past 20 years. I have proved things to myself without doubt. Im really not sure what i deal with sometimes. Is it the actual "trapped soul". Or the actual invasive spirit that causes narcissism. And I do not feel special. I feel like someone who has used up some protection, that was designed for a lifetime.
It will be hard.but I am so determined to take all that.if I survived 17 years of trauma😢even these shall pass.biidhnillah ❤
Go go go
You are great, thank you for helping us.
Youre very good, thank you, I was absolutely devastated after and suicidal.
This is good. The traumatic brain injury especially. I know I have that, not even due to the narc violently smashing my skull when he flew into rages. I think you are also on another channel and we have communicated before John? Here is hoping we heal, however long that will take!
@@thrivingnow7395 hi how are you. I'm all over the place trying to find answers. I believe after all that time I spent with my ex, I also probably have had my brain altered, unbelievable really that emotional abuse is capable of physical changes in our minds. At least it explains why after 9 months its still an ongoing process. Thanks for your message.
It is unbelievable but true John. I think it was about a year or so before I started to stabilise. I researched TBI and supposedly it is reversible. Hopefully so! Take care. I know at 9 months out I was still a gibbering wreck and found simple things really difficult. I am slowly improving. The stalking knocks me back, but now, I find I am quicker at returning from a place of fear to a place of "for goodness sake, what a nut job he is". A new ex-supply has contacted me. He has abused and stalked and is doing the same to other women. Some consolation in knowing I am not alone. NpD should be criminalised in some way, for sure. Kind thoughts from Ireland.
@@thrivingnow7395 bless you, my ex won't stalk me shes moved on, it'll probably go the way all her relationships do, ours only lasted cos I refused to give up. Must be scary as a woman being stalked? Or at least unsettling. Coercive behaviour and stalking as you know is illegal in England but hard to prove. Thanks again for messaging I appreciate it from just over the water in England.
I am back and forwards to England. She will perhaps stalk female style (Facebook etc). It was terrifying but now I just think if he assaults me, he goes down, and he is too clever for that! So in that, I find a sense of safety. Be really on guard for the Hoover because you are merely an object placed on the shelf. You need enough time to get out of the grief and distress stage to combat that John. I fell for it after being discarded brutally 4 years ago and stuck in a foreign country, then fell for the grand Hoover. Never again! I am not technical and I don't give my name out online because he may well be tracking that. He cloned my phone, had GPS trackers on, and it took me several moves and tech guys to realise that he was doing that. I hope you come back to yourself. Erin.
WOW! someone really knows what I have been through and it has taken me years to get past it, and to this day I don't really know if I have gotten past it, Thank you!
Yes yes yes..... Danish,. Now that you have come up with the aftermath, please make a video that could help come out of this vicious cycle. Please help us unshackle us. Unburden ourselves of this trauma bond.
I think all the videos help. For me, i can hear the same topic, even the same video over and over. It helps me fill the emptiness they left behind. I am nc but not healed.
Excellent. Yes your “withdrawal” from the narcissist is similar to alcoholism. For the short term it’s worse than alcohol but slowly we do heal - with help! No Lone Rangers here!
I would say the most self destructive behavior I'm doing rn is cigs, I was impulsive in the past a few times, especially when I was "out if it"...everything you mentioned otherwise though I feel applies, as well as other things I'm dealing with...it's hard feeling like there's barely anyone I can trust, even parts of my family...I watched a speech from KRS-One that makes things more confusing because I agreed with everything he said, but given my mental issues and the things I can remember make it hard to be forgiving
I am feeling better after I have decided to leave him as I have been able to break the trauma bond after listening to you.
Heavy on the self blame…😭😭
And sometimes they will not even give you the time to heal
Your right it is not easy
And it’s not fair to anyone!!!!!
Thank you for your supportive video! I got a lot out of it.
I really needed to hear this! Thank you.
Just over 2 months in this no contact thing, but one great thing is I left alcohol and smoking, habits that I picked up 7-8months into the live-in relationship with my narcissistic ex.
P.S. she dumped me, but taught me a life lesson. 💔💔💔
This is so true and what I’m going through and been going through the past 1 year. The events come back and feel so fresh like they just happened last night.
Flashbacks. I didn't know that's what's happened to me. Thank you!
I did find this very exact and helpful. You’re helping me see why these things are happening to me and reminding me what to expect of myself. Thanks so much.
My parents have been abused me all my childhood. I went no contact 4 yrs back. Slowly I am healing. I know one thing for sure that this is something I have to live with it but this journey of healing is teaching me lot of things.
3 yrs wth a narc and I was so depleted. Left him.
This site helps me a lot to understand what I am going through ❤
Excellent Video!!! Thank you for sharing the knowledge 🙏🏼 ❤️🤗
My condition right now is exactly the same. I am going through CPTSD
Me too as well. we all will get through it together
Same here.. God bless us for sending someone like Danish to hold the torch in this seamlessly dark tunnel.