5 Reasons Why It Gets Worse After Leaving The Narcissist Before It Gets Better
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- If you expect yourself to quickly get better after leaving the narcissist or after going no contact and not being affected by what has happened in the past, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and disappointment.
Why? Let me explain. In today's episode,
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Chapters
00:00 introduction
00:34 you have experienced traumatic brain injury
03:04 You have Developed Self Destructive Habits
04:14 Your inability to forgive yourself
05:32 Complex Post Traumatic Stress
07:04 Complex Flashbacks
healing narcissistic abuse recovery after narcissistic narcissistic abuse healing
I'm a survivor, it saddens me to read so many comments realizing how many people are abused and not understood
Same here ( to both ) , .
We get so used to it that it becomes normal .it's only when we discard them we know they can't hurt us anymore
Same
Yes
That’s what I don’t understand. So many of us are being abused but yet we feel like we are the only one and lonely and alone in this.
How are they keeping us so separated? At least we have each other. I’m a survivor too. Us survivors need to get together and support each other.
I appreciate all the work Danish is doing to support us and make that happen.
I expected to feel so much freedom. I did very briefly. Now, I am drowning in pain, anger, and deep grief. People ask why I left my husband after 24 years and I find I struggle trying to explain it. If you don’t understand the impact of narcissism, you just don’t get it. I will be patient and compassionate towards myself and I will heal. I will not let him take that away from me.
Melanie Copeland the only thing I can say about your comment is that you don't need to explain the reason behind your divorce to anyone. You know why you divorced and for those that haven't walked in your shoes will only have a very hard time understanding so don't waste your time. Lean on the Mighty One up in Heaven, Our Lord and Savior 🙌
Same here 26 years!
28!
I left after he got physical and 43 years of marriage.
I hear you,I'm going through this now
I’ve been 3 weeks no contact. From an on and off 6 year relationship. This healing process is almost worse than being with him. I feel lost. I feel ashamed that I let him use me for so long, a lot of things I don’t understand. I know I’ll be better off as times builds, but currently…..man 💔
Me too 😢
Forgive urself often. Be grateful that u r on the right path finally nd then see miracles unfolding one after another ❤️
Its not ur fault get wisdom and know your worth he loses you dear not you bcoz he lost a good person who cares alot just remember this its help you grow forword in ur life same here with me 7 years relationship he gosted me know bcoz now i am not accepting his manupulation
You’re not alone. Many of us are going through it too.
Be strong you are more than them
I was addicted to alcohol for the longest time due to narcissistic family members. I am 11 months sober now. Still recovering from the abuse, but these videos are helping
I'm actually relating to this. narcissists can make a person feel Guilty without actually doing anything wrong.
so true!
@@joylugo4979 thanks for agreeing 😌👍
Oh yeah... They can be subtle and insidious, seeking cognitive dissonance to confuse, disorientate and gas-light.
My narc had me in A state of chaos.
I think my sis broke record of having ability to drive one absolutely crazy. She can make a psychologist crazy. To long they would be bagging to please get her out.
@@hippopotamus6765 true.
People who have not experienced this abuse expect you to be over it in a few weeks. Narc break up is no ordinary break up,there is blame,shame,grief anger,betrayal ,c9nfusion so many differ3nt emotions
40 years i tried to make things right … but now i know that was / is impossible…thank you, you are helping many 🙏🏼
Yes, I wasted 43 years. Love my peace now.
That’s why it’s a good idea to seek out a therapist or psychiatrist who knows about narcissism-I wasn’t in the relationship too long or too deep-but even so I have a therapist who has help me transition out of that relationship-and it’s been hard, but I’m still here-he didn’t win.
Fully agreed. I need to find therapist or he will break me to go bk. I can feel it
Good for you 😅
@RatGirl finding one that not only knows about it but has themselves experienced it. Therapists who only have knowledge of it seem to not truly be able to fully understand what you're going through.
Also, in this day and age a proper therapist is hard to get a hold of and even harder to afford if you eventually track a good one down. There's this woman therapist(....ex therapist rather) who was on TikTok talking bad about men I think and she wound up getting fired from her job. She still makes TikTok videos and you can literally see her timeline of going through a mental breakdown... Even the therapists need therapists!
P
Going through a narcissist sociopath break up is hell on earth.. I’m not the same person….
Knew something was off from the minute I met him NEVER EVER trusted him and had 28yrs of ABUSE, know have all the knowledge about NPD I wish I had known this YEARS AGO, divorced now and finally live in PEACE, did take time and a lot of inner work, God God bless anyone dealing with a narcissist.
That’s the kind of feeling I got with someone I had met only a few times. Very charming and hooks you in, makes you want them to like you. But… I never quiet for to relax in his company and always had to be on high alert. I kept thinking that we could be closer, but the conversations kept any vulnerability out. They spy on all you are but keep themselves guarded. Enough time was spent apart and an incident involving him not keeping his word, some trickery, etc… now I know who he is. My boundaries are up.
Btw sorry you had to endure the abuse for so long. I have a dear person to me who lasted just as long. I had to dissect the narc to help an empath. Now I can spot them. It’s a painful road once you are hooked in.
It makes us so angry why we stayed so long with a monster .I'm healing now and happier I don't have to come home to ridicule being put down which affected me .Thank you I needed to hear what you have just said
When you've just met someone and they're already telling you about their horrible childhood run! Run like your life depends on it because it does. This is the rooting of trauma bonding! It starts immediately upon contact with these individuals. This is how your unknowingly groomed to accept their bad behaviors. But you need to remember you're dealing with an adult not a child and they need to behave accordingly and take accountability for themselves. Pay attention people! Unless you're a trained and licensed professional there's nothing you can do for these people other than leave them to themselves. These people are wounded and unhealed.
People who have narcissists as partners had at least one in core family. Both narcissists and victims had bad childhood but different coping mechanismm
, so your words dont make sense
People don't realize that once the relationship is over, it is not a happily ever after scenario. Thank you for providing this particular information. It takes a lot of work and time to get to normal.
You know that feeling after you read a crazy good book and it just messes you up for a while? Eventually the feeling fades because you know it was just a fictional story and they were all just fictitious characters. I just kept reminding myself that he was a fictional character, because there's no way of actually knowing a narcissist. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of the person I THOUGHT he was, while acknowledging how grateful I am to The Lord that I'm finally free from the person he IS. It's a new season ❤️.
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So well put!
This has to be the most impactful comment I’ve read regarding the experience..or i should say, my experience. A few months ago, I read this book called midnight swim..and it was so hard to get through.Once I read the book from cover to cover, it took a while to get over what I’d read. It was hard to process it. I love books and I’m currently reading 5 right now. I must say your comment really hit home. My experience with the narc was definitely similar to a horror novel. Looking at him as a fictional character is a different perspective. But it’s a viewpoint I can understand and embrace. I appreciate your comment more than you know. Thanks for sharing.
Another excellent example. They play you like a fish.
I had 29 years of nonsense that I did not understand. Not realising that people could actually look at you and knowingly tell you self serving lies.
The relief I experienced after finally leaving was spiritual.
The biggest thing about these videos is it give us validation help and hope the narcissist always blame as it’s never their fault
It gets worse staying with the narcissist
After many years with a narcissist I took a general psychology test designed for victims of abuse. I actually answered the questions in a more positive way than the reality, as I guess I didn't want to present myself as being as damaged as I was. Still, the resulting conclusion was that I had the psychological profile of a hostage. I was crestfallen.
Hi, my name is Tinker. First, I want to thank you for helping me at this time. I have been in this relationship for 42 years. I have experienced some things that are horrible for my brain to let me think of some of the worst ones. I am about to leave him. I plan on telling nobody where I am going. It's scary because he has left me for dead many times. Tried to kill me so many times I can not remember the exact times. Thank you for helping me. Shalom
I just found this clip. Everything you spoke about is absolutely correct for me. I walked away three days ago and believe that I have saved my own life. Yes, I recognize that I am damaged. "She" was, is and always will be an evil person. Thank you for sharing!!!
What u are saying is💯true. Leaving them and going N/C is thr only way to release this evil
Also I have this feeling like I suffer from a kind of amnesia when I go into a heavy argument and I get stressed out with someone.. I forget what the conversation was even about. I even start to feel dizzy.. and I think it dates back from the time when I started to receive abuse from a narcissistic parent
That's why we are apart. I knew it was something like that when he couldn't remember destroying things. I didn't want to be destroyed.
After therapy, he told me his mother used to burn him as a child.
I know what you mean by the amnesia. It becomes like a coping mechanism to protect your emotional state from further damage. I’ve been there.
It's probably dissociation from PTSD. Your mind can check out of the present to protect you from the effects of abuse, and eventually your mind can perceive nearly everything as dangerous. It's important to heal this or you will eventually be almost never present. When I started EMDR therapy that's how I felt all the time. I couldn't focus on people talking or what I was doing because I was always mentally stuck somewhere else. It can become your "normal" state if you don't fight it now! If you're still in the relationship, please end it now! It only gets harder and harder to heal as time goes on.
@@nicoleowens2318 thanks so much for the tip. Yes thankfully that relationship is very over.. the rest I'm still working on
Just 4 weeks post divorce after 30 year relationship and two children. 2 years ago my younger son (now 25) suggested I go online and research NPD. Discovered Sam Vaknin and many other coaches and educators. Was amazed to find that what I was experiencing was a recognized phenomenon. Am so grateful to all the online YT coaches. Would never have been able to extricate myself from this if I hadn't had access to this knowlege. Am going through all the things that Danish is outlining in this vid. Am keeping my faith strong I will get better. Sending love 💚
Yes Sam Vaknins knowledge is very useful! He is an expert in his field and also has NPD so can impart his knowledge straightforwardly , just remember he's not trying to help anyone but does so indirectly
I was married for 34 years to one as well. It’s shocking
I read Dr. Ramani ..
same thing ..! You go Lady..!🎶🦋🎵
I got in 31 ,in .... but on my way out ..
yes, -
wait - escape, survive..
wishing each and every one of you ..
to dig deep find ,Who you was ,-
think of all the possibilities you had, -
But YOU also have them now, -
maybe different - and even more ,
if you let it...
May you Enjoy the inside Peace..🎵🦋🎶
Wow I was in a 30 year horror too. 😢
Try Dr. Ramini..
here on U tube..
She is fantastic, iam in 32---
on my way ...yeayy🎵🎈🎶
I went from a terrible narcissistic environment to a less narcissistic environment, so I accepted the abuse, because I already knew that everything could be a lot worse. I was always in a survival mode. I selected jobs and assignments within a narcissistic environment as well, where other people gave up, but I experienced as a lot less traumatic than I was used too. I still have to learn to look for what I really want and what is save, instead of always doing something challenging. I just recently understood that all my connections with other people were based on fear and that I never enjoyed it. I was just too scared to let it go.
Thank you for reminding me that I have been through a lot and it's ok if I don't have it all together yet. Very affirming.
Yes. It is beginning to make sense. These feelings. What I remember. Not forgiving my self...it all makes sense. Thank you for the wonderful work!
I'm right there with you Colette.
Same here Colette.
Your content is the best I have ever come across regarding narcissistic abuse. Thank you Danish 🙏
I agree!
I'm in that exact situation right now... a few days ago I definitely broke up with a narcissistic woman... it's amazing how nature can play with contrasts, and how many of these deviant things it can put in such a physically flawless face and body ... because she is one of the most beautiful women I have met in my life, an unprecedented combination of charm and beauty, she does the most prestigious commercials even at the age of 38, she beats younger colleagues at castings... but what is inside her, that cynicism, distortion of reality, lying, lack of interest in anything that is not directly related to her, sensitivity to any lack of attention and focus on her personality and needs... it is so tiring, that in these 4, 5 months I have aged 5 years.. . and the main manipulation factor with this person is sex... she is ready to mate 24-7, I've never met and seen that... and her focus on sex is completely animalistic and carnal... I can only imagine where she would all this led me to I'm not a man with experience and strong intuition, so luckily some things became clear to me in time... I could talk for hours about the bizarre things I came across in this story, but then that would come out of a decent framework... I'm so exhausted...:( many greetings for you and your followers Danish
Im in your same boat and i love to hear you story. 2 years with girl with BPD with narc intersections. last 5 months been hell for me. my symptoms have been horrible with the trauma bond that was developed. i went no contact for a month. Then we literally reach out the same day of each other. 2 days ago. And shit quickly spirals. The cognitive dissonance is what is killing me. I realize you don't want me just my attention. realizing its always been that way. I was just a means to an end to fit her fantasy. And once that broke i was discarded. Shes already on dating apps as her "process" on moving on from me. Because for some reason coming back to me is backwards. I've grown internally she has grown cosmetically. Its like she regressed back into the bastard she was when we first met.
Would you mind sharing your story? I'm a mess...
i've been with a narc that was exactly the same. i thought she was the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person i knew. she loved bombed and sex bombed me immediately and intensely.
i was infatuated. she'd learnt all my insecurities and she targeted them to hurt and confuse me. then discarded me when i started asking questions
@@realKHz yes.. they have something demonic in themselves
You have just explained 26 years of my life in a nutshell. I don't know how to explain this but the right side of my head hurts internally and I can't cope with loud noise anymore.
I am going through all the symptoms that you have mentioned above except for addiction. I lived with my narcissistic husband for twenty years. Now it's almost two years and still mentally suffering without much support from my family. Can't blame them for they don't have any knowledge regarding narcissistic abuse. Thank you for educating us. I wish I had found your videos 10 years before could have avoided soo much of pain and suffering.
The internet wasn't around then
@@MiteshDamania 👎
You have found the videos Now & Now is all you need, one day at a time and loads of self care becomes self love , you can do and I assure the effort is worth the bliss you will feel. Wishing you well.
@@rozdoyle8872 👍❤️ 🦋
@@MiteshDamania Why do you dislike yourself so much?
This was extremely powerful and right on target. I went through so many of these symptoms and still do occasionally. You are so right-this kind of abuse is not something you get over with a snap of the fingers. It takes time and patience with yourself.
I have rumination, cptsd, anxiety responses, (but im more aware of it now), flashbacks, difficulty focusing, fear, etc. I never want to go through this anymore, my entire life I've endored these types, no more.
What I find so important about Danish is that he does not hold back in the details of helping those who need help understand everything by breaking down "why" and what was going on in me, that I just think is me, when it's not, it's more, because I do not realize or understand. It has to be brought out and explained. So interesting to hear about what these flashbacks are about. Trauma. I thought it was just a memory. Whew, I've got a lot of memory's.
Yes! So much so!! It’s been on and off with him for 3 years now. I’ve kept giving him chance after chance. He is that convincing. People don’t understand why I’ve allowed that. They think I should be over him by now because of how he treated me. I’ve got him blocked now but even doing that gives me anxiety. That’s how much control he has over me. 😔
You need to find support or other people to hang out with. Try Meetup groups around you. Do some hiking, biking, walking, festivals, etc cetera
@@MiteshDamania most definitely! I’ve been keeping myself busy for the most part and doing the things I like to do. 🤗
Start doing some volunteering work , kind of selfless service . It helps
I am in a similar situation. I miss his so fucking much and he was so bad to me, abusive, devaluing me etc...
@@joannbirk2831 I’m so sorry. it’s their insecurities. They really can’t stand who they are so they have to belittle and manipulate others to make themselves feel better. We need to try and remember it isn’t about us. We deserve so much better. It’s so hard to let go cause they don’t allow us to move on before they start showing back up into our lives and start love bombing us again and making promises they know they aren’t going to keep. It’s a vicious cycle that they can’t help. Narcissism is a disease. They need professional help. That’s why I’ve finally had to block him. But like I said it gives me anxiety doing so but I keep telling myself that I have to if I want a real and true healthy loving relationship with someone that is truly sincere. Hang in there girl!
Being with a Narc is like being conscripted into a dark horror movie with your hands tied behind your back & blindfolded, when you crawl off the movie set and look back properly after years of recovery you actually see the set very clearly and the Narc is no longer the golden actor you actually saw while on the set , unpaid and totally blinded.
Thank You....I'm having insomnia, reliving the physical violence that almost took my life. Last night I revisited the day he started choking me until I almost passed out.... The tears came uncontrollable but I felt better and was able to sleep. Even now I cried right before I went to bed it's like I can't forgive myself and I'm blaming myself. He did a lot of damage in only 6 months. I jump at every little noise and dont feel safe in my own house like i use to. I sleep with my gun. I carry it everywhere. Definitely don't want him back I have remained no contact week 3. I'm working through this trauma. Thanks for your help. I'm not a victim I survived the emotional verbal and physical abuse. I'm working on reparenting my inner child. My mother is a narcissist and my father and alcoholic so I know this is why I ended up in this abuse but no more.
Did you get a restraining order, you must protect yourself.
@@vitaminhead1465 yes
I was with my 1st Narcissist for 27 years. Although I didn't know it at the time (that he was a Narcissist) I knew there was something definitely wrong with thus person ! I left him for my 2nd Narcissist who became just as much a nightmare by stalking me. I am suffering all of these that you have mentioned & did alot of work on myself. Now it has been 2 years & I have been to a therapist ( which she questioned my situation & my PTSD ! ) And I still see that I have alot of work to do still & that my brain 🧠 of myself even will never be the same since this experience 😔 💔
stalking is a crime. And traumatic in itself. Research just on stalkign and it's pretty scary
Yeah. Like bring with a string of drunk partners. We are the common denominator.
@@dsoule4902 well, ALL of their relationships will suck because they abuse all of them. But only a tiny percentage of my relationships are bad, so I am not the common denominator.
@@recoveringsoul755 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"all of theirs will suck" lol
You're good because you are a Recovering Soul!!!!!!!!👍🏻😘😘 excellent
Healing will come. I did blame myself. I kept saying I'm smart and educated. I tried to make it work. He always act as if he was better than me. The envious and jealous is real. These people could kill for your better life. Sometimes you got to stop listening to others. Seeking advice sometimes keeps you there longer. We know what's healthy and toxic. I got to myself and that 1 day I jumped up and kicked him out after he left for work. You have to move in silence. Don't talk to family and friends who talks to him. You don't want him or her to 1 up you or know your plan, because they will sabotage it. Healing takes time. I'm in a much better place. It's been 20 months. Don't feel sorry for them. Because that's how they were able to enter into our lives via our loneliness, our need to save a life..... Don't give up.
Just blows my mind people like that exist.
I think they are not human people... They are demonic...evil rules in them.
Addictions are something that I am battling now. With her I was okay with smoking marijuana on a daily basis. It bothered me but I was honestly happy to get that distraction that release, that outside of oneself ability.
Now that the end has happened I can't participate in that addiction anymore. It brings me anxiety, stress, fear, shame. Because I'm no longer needing to run away from things. The reality in front of me isn't abusive anymore, it isn't needed or me to escape anymore.
I feel healthier physically but still struggle mentally.
Wow. Time, patience, compassion, support. This video is so accurate & articulates precisely what I need to internalize. Thank you for the clarity & guidance. Bless you for sharing these valuable insights. I struggle with all these issues, so your help is priceless.
It will be hard.but I am so determined to take all that.if I survived 17 years of trauma😢even these shall pass.biidhnillah ❤
Go go go
My condition right now is exactly the same. I am going through CPTSD
Me too as well. we all will get through it together
Same here.. God bless us for sending someone like Danish to hold the torch in this seamlessly dark tunnel.
The most important is forgiveness. Forgive yourself and the narc. It requires acceptance during this process. You will go through all these phases but you already have the victory. Don't go back, don't stay stuck, keep walking, move on.
Today I got fired because I couldn't go to work after the breakup because it was and still is very awful. The only goof thing is that I have a therapy appointment next month so there is a light at the end of the tunnel
Thank You for sharing this information. This is good to know because I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around what happened to me. I’m going through everything you’ve described in this video. Your videos are helping me so much. I wish you offered 1:1 sessions. You’re very compassionate in the way you educate your followers 😊
This video was extremely helpful. Healing seems to be a forever task. People around don't understand....think it has been time and it all should just be gone.
I literally have no one to talk to about this part of the process. Danish and people like you help me to know I'm not alone.
@@Infrared1967 no, we are not alone. These videos help me to fill the emptiness i feel.
I often have people pull me out of a flash memory as I sit staring into space on the outside. I so look forward to having my mind more freed.
@@jeanninebooth6415 i do the same thing. I go staring off into space in a trance often.
@@Richard-vq7ud our time stolen yet again.
I feel the pain but I've no self earning and is becoming aged so I've to bear the pain since 36 years. I dedicated myself to raise, educate and establish my children so far but the senario of financial and mental abuse hasn’t stopped yet! Listening you I'm again crying as I used to cry so far.😢😢
Hi, I just came across your vids. This was the third one. Like WOW this really hit home. Understand fully what you've described cause I've been living it. Not gunna write a story. Bout two years ago guess I had like an awakening an decided enough was enough. In short I'm only on SS so unfortunately I could not afford the copays for counseling. But thank God for individuals like you that really help those suffering with this affliction. Been on a senior housing list for over a year and a half an have like 95 percent of everything I own in a storage unit the size of a small walk in closet. Been working on cutting smoking and drinking, getting more exercise like going to a park, great to just get out into nature. Everything you said is so so true. For me as I mentioned like overnight one day realized what was going on an what i was doing to myself. Just couldn't afford to just pack up an go due to my income alone. Yet one can start working on their own personal issues to help with the transition when one finally moves out. Thank Thank you again, Your a blessing and you are blessed.
Struggling with all of this. Especially flashbacks and the CPTSD. My final discard came after 3 months no contact and he wanted “to talk” I thought I would get an apology and a nice gift for the previous discard and abuse so I was SO guarded and paranoid. Guys, I ended up in jail from self defense and caught a DV case when I called the cops to help me.
The grieving and compassionate part to yourself is so hard for me but it gets better ❤ love you all
sorry that you had to go through that.
I remember ending a narc relationship and giving in to one final meet for a "proper apology". When I got to his place and waited for him he sent the police, who he had told that I was in his house, wrecking it! I hadn't touched a thing, thankfully!
It's been 4.5 months for me since I left,after 7 months prior meeting a narc."God intervened,to get out!"
3 months away and still missing and fightining not to go bk
So true!! I went through everything you explained, except for addiction but I definitely got used to habits I created as a coping mechanism of survival. But it's true that when i separated from him, I felt relieved thinking that the nightmare was over but it only got worse because I had to deal with the aftermath and more harrasment. I am now more aware of everything that happened although intuitively I knew, the gaslighting used to confuse me.
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you! My boyfriend is currently in the state of separating from his narcissistic mom and I kind of know it is very hard because at his age (he is younger) I had to also leave my narcissistic mother and it was crazy. I fell into anorexia, could not take care of myself and felt like a complete failure because I had problems finishing school. So I have compassion when he's facing the same problems (can not finish school, trying to leave reality watching anime all the time etc.) Anyway, it helps when you explain why, because then it's even easier for the people around to understand why he's doing worse and to ensure that it takes time to heal and we will eventually slowly get there.
They tend to hide behind the bipolar label. It's exhausting trying to figure it out. Maybe just give up and leave if you still can. Good video. Thanks.
Self-blame is real.
I can’t afford a therapist, and can’t tell my parents because they have narcissistic and manipulative traits, also Christian (this was a homosexual relationship). I remember my head hurting on the right side. I thought I was gonna have an aneurysm. Our relationship lasted a year. I held myself accountable but he never could. NEVER! I’m so so hurt. He said the absolute worst things to me. Everything I begged him not to do- he did.
R
Journalling helps a lot. Also know that you’re not alone. Watch lots of the videos and read on forums, perhaps Quora. Eat well and sleep as well as you can. It’s a tough road of healing, but you will make it
I am a survivor of Narcissistic abuse, I am still in the process of healing. I had to 😒🏃🏃to save my sanity.
I welcome your program,thank you.
After the break up with narcissist wife I had peace for a few months now it’s hell. Worse then when I was with her. It’s so unpredictable and now she wants to take everything from me. All the things I built up before I even met her. She used me the entire time. She is a great manipulator. Such sick people.
I'm still living with my narcissistic family. I'm planning on moving out but I know they will turn on me and/or love bomb me to get me to stay. I'm not allowed to express certain feelings or emotions or I'm "adding to the problem or being unforgiving "
I just need the courage to get out. With children. Instead, I see videos like this that tell me "it doesn't get better after leaving" and a bunch of people in online support groups that say, "yes I wish I had stayed because now my children's souls are crushed daily by the trauma of divorced parents AND an abusive father all by themselves". So...I guess I stay in this.
I have been amazed at how much of a different person I am, with my current husband. My first husband died of cancer, after 31 years of marriage. We got along great….not perfect, but pretty darn good! We laughed a LOT. Went everywhere together….did a lot of things.
With this jackass, he thinks that the way I am now, had to have caused problems for my late husband. No. The way I am now, is because of reacting to this husband’s abuse. I don’t even know myself anymore!
I just want to laugh and feel calm….a sense of being safe with my husband…..like I used to! I cannot even have a normal conversation with this one….he doesn’t want me to talk AT ALL!
I used to be able to talk about ANYTHING with my late husband.
Wow you couldn't have said it better.
Thank you for the clear and concise information. I was in a forty year marriage with a narcissist and we've been apart for five years. Only now am I starting to be able to feel a bit more like myself. It's taken a lot of time and patience to heal and it's still in process now, and will be for a long time to come.
Omg I'm not alone
Same here 40 years!!
OMG YOU ARE SO ON POINT with the self destructive habits. In my early 20s I drank too much sometimes and it was due to the PTSD I got because of my mother. Now in my 30s I didn't realize the stress of a NPD friend that was trying to weasel his way into my relationship was leading me to drink more in order to blow off excess stress. Once I removed him I stopped drinking in excess because I just don't have that stress anymore.
I have a traumatic brain injury and did try to self destruct myself I’ve been sober ten years now I was suffering recurring nightmares my sibling is still in the other room so to speak I’ve distanced my self from the hurt my spouse has helped me a lot
I did experience all forms of abuse from my ex husband, but I can say Gods hand moved mountains me. I feel much better free of him , but yes it came at a price. But I never give up not an option.🙂
Just over 2 months in this no contact thing, but one great thing is I left alcohol and smoking, habits that I picked up 7-8months into the live-in relationship with my narcissistic ex.
P.S. she dumped me, but taught me a life lesson. 💔💔💔
I start therapy on Friday!
Praise God!
My sister's husband has been a mess, she's always been crying to me over the phone. He beats the hell out of her and moved into thin air. I had him tracked and his social account accessed with the help of the above👆👆 'Say No To A Narc Partner'
Oh it is the reverse for me. Going no contact is a relief. It's a liberation of my spirit. 😀
Such great videos as this one are a driving force in my own recovery, thank you, Danish, for your golden input. I only wish I had such online support earlier, to understand the makeup of a parasitic partner in my case. ''What does not break you down - will make you stronger!'', and this motto gives me much strength to move on and reinvent myself on a higher vibration. Forgiveness and let-go is the first step in this process.
My current strategy is to not risk get tangled up in any narcissistic relationship. So far while insisting on being extreme old fashioned as my only defense whenever being quesioned about doing so I am a whole lot happier.
That sounds like a wise strategy. Remember that you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. 💕
Thank you. Been feeling rather bored and unmotivated. For the first time since childhood am bothered by minute past events that seem silly I’m annoyed at. This is REAL 🧡
I wish someone would make a video about how hard it is for someone with ADHD or Autism to heal from a trauma bond. We have SEVERE rejection dysphoria, and we get OBSESSED with injustice and trying to figure out why we deserved that, and we hate when people do something ‘bad’ or wrong.
This is definitely true. I am very against injustice. So much so, that when my narcissistic ex friends saw this in me they turned their antics onto me. I spent a long time wondering how people I deemed so close were being so mean to me. Then I learned about npd. At this point I put it down to them not having an identity or the 'spark' that I have/used to. My spark only works sometimes now 😔 I truly don't feel like I will ever be the same person again.
Im totally in devastating mode after being brutally discarded by my husband of 12 years. He blindsided me and i didn't realize the monster i was dealing with until i started researching what this discard was all about. He fits everything of a covert. Thanks for acknowledging the victims because many people don't get it
Im mentally ill for three+ years after my divorce. Suicide counseling. My problem was my 20-year narc husband is a teaching IM doctor as well as an addict himself. My PTSD toward the medical community is a horror story. I was a distance athlete... a good one. I worked Physio for trauma medical and gold medal athletes...but I'm pretty broken now. My daughter also died during this time. crowds...I feel like having a heart attack...im literally disabled!
Stay strong you will get through this!
My condolences on the loss of your daughter. I'm a retired physician, I know what you mean about the medical environment. May you be healed and blessed with peace 🙏💝
One trait of Narcissist, I found is:
They even ill-treat food grains in the name of storing... They purchase extremely abnormal quantity and keep it bottled, then leave it to rot..... not at one place, but at multiple locations.
They like rotting of things like food items, even fire wood. I have seen at many places things in rotten state.
So not only they broke the soul of Humen, animals and plants, but they don't leave food grains also....
Very bad attitude, abnormal of any normal person....
Heavy on the self blame…😭😭
Why do I retain this fear that my ex will return, I certainly don't want that it's just something I ruminate with?
My sister's husband has been a mess, she's always been crying to me over the phone. He beats the hell out of her and moved into thin air. I had him tracked and his social account accessed with the help of the above👆👆 'Say No To A Narc Partner'
My parents were narcissists and truly their mental abuse did have an impact on my health. I always have a headache and in constant feel of disorientation, falling behind, and hyperfocus. I have undiagnosed ADHD because parents never wanted me to get diagnosed and they just wanted to believe that I was mentally ill. ADHD caused me fall behind in career and adulthood, which then led to more mental abuse as an adult because it was fodder for them to continue.
Help? That is putting it mildly😊. To have the emotional roller coaster explained, in the comfort of my own home is amazing!!
7 months of no contact - he’s reached out and I’ve ignored, however flashbacks and anxiety are still there, not as often. Your explanation of the brain chemistry and the changes that occurred, make me feel so much better. The symptoms are still there, at least I have the reason.
And the good news, I was drinking too much, the desire is waning . Bless you, Danish 😘
You go Lady ! 🎶🦋🎵
proud of you .! keep it up!
People like YOU helped me ...Once you know ,- you know
wishing you the very best
start dreaming..
still planning ,got a date ...
counting...
then ,,--- I will dream with You
🎵🦋🎶
I have spent days all alone crying and asking God why is this and being so heartbroken and no one to understand and doubting myself
I married my narcissist twice. 10 years between marriages. Now that I know what I know and have been divorced a second time, I still tell myself “how could I have been so stupid”. I had two operations on my stomach. The second one almost killed me. I was the top sales person in a huge company for 18 years and he got me fired. I hate that I let him steal my youth. I think about the past all the time and it’s been 3 years since I left him. He tried to strangle me 4 different times after I left him. This video helped me so much. They didn’t even talk about narcissism until recently. I hate that I didn’t know. I hate that I let him take most of my life away. I have many regrets. Everything has been crystal clear for the last 4 years. I think I’ll be healing until the day I die. Thank you for your insight. I love your channel and hope I can be with someone normal someday ❤😊 many blessings to you
For me the 3rd point is the one that i can't seem to heal so far. I am so angry with myself as to why i allowed the abuse for decades after decades from different PPL. I know I will be ok and i will be better in time...but for now, i am just angry.
It's amazing how they can lie about the relationship, crafting a story where they're 100% innocent and you're guilty and a horrible person, and because they frequently go to Church almost daily, pray often, dress modestly etc., so many people believe they must be good people telling the truth... how bizarre. They abuse people's trust and turn others against you, who don't even reach out to learn your version of events... I believe we must trust people's intelligence and if someone doesn't even want to know your side of the story this person too is either a narcissist or equally immature and not someone you'd want in your inner social circle anyway, let them be the narcissist's supply or whatever... I understand the video was about how you feel but this social component where the narc poisons any social group you have in common also makes you feel somewhat bad, before you accept it is what it is. At least you can cope knowing only intelligent people will see past the narc so you're left with the more clever and mature persons.
Yeah after being in 25 years of narcissistic relationship I got divorced. It took me 2 to 3 years to heal. During that period I experienced all the symptoms that you explained. During that period I did yoga , walking in nature, meditation and spent more time alone. Now I healed and healing. Thank you , it resonated me
I still remember how threatened I felt when my father in law told me something drastic would be done to me if I divorced my ex partner. As a malignant narc and after listening to this I can see how ruthless they are and it is so heartbreaking to know that they never loved me from the beginning and I was all the while pouring out my love till I got exhausted and it was never enough
I was like that in a 44 years marriage when he passed away I was a bit lost for awhile I didnt know me anymore I went in a shopping spree eat anything I wanted but after 6 month I'm much better but still smoking it takes time I know
It feels worse......it feels worse.....the amount of effort m trying to get them out of mind....that much time they pull me backward. .......it hurts when I know I am clearly above them.
But still I am taking right actions......happy for that
And sometimes they will not even give you the time to heal
Your right it is not easy
And it’s not fair to anyone!!!!!
I feel ill and hopeless ... I have feeling I will never be better ... I started a therapy too ... but nothing ... I feel horrible ...
Youre very good, thank you, I was absolutely devastated after and suicidal.
This is good. The traumatic brain injury especially. I know I have that, not even due to the narc violently smashing my skull when he flew into rages. I think you are also on another channel and we have communicated before John? Here is hoping we heal, however long that will take!
@@thrivingnow7395 hi how are you. I'm all over the place trying to find answers. I believe after all that time I spent with my ex, I also probably have had my brain altered, unbelievable really that emotional abuse is capable of physical changes in our minds. At least it explains why after 9 months its still an ongoing process. Thanks for your message.
It is unbelievable but true John. I think it was about a year or so before I started to stabilise. I researched TBI and supposedly it is reversible. Hopefully so! Take care. I know at 9 months out I was still a gibbering wreck and found simple things really difficult. I am slowly improving. The stalking knocks me back, but now, I find I am quicker at returning from a place of fear to a place of "for goodness sake, what a nut job he is". A new ex-supply has contacted me. He has abused and stalked and is doing the same to other women. Some consolation in knowing I am not alone. NpD should be criminalised in some way, for sure. Kind thoughts from Ireland.
@@thrivingnow7395 bless you, my ex won't stalk me shes moved on, it'll probably go the way all her relationships do, ours only lasted cos I refused to give up. Must be scary as a woman being stalked? Or at least unsettling. Coercive behaviour and stalking as you know is illegal in England but hard to prove. Thanks again for messaging I appreciate it from just over the water in England.
I am back and forwards to England. She will perhaps stalk female style (Facebook etc). It was terrifying but now I just think if he assaults me, he goes down, and he is too clever for that! So in that, I find a sense of safety. Be really on guard for the Hoover because you are merely an object placed on the shelf. You need enough time to get out of the grief and distress stage to combat that John. I fell for it after being discarded brutally 4 years ago and stuck in a foreign country, then fell for the grand Hoover. Never again! I am not technical and I don't give my name out online because he may well be tracking that. He cloned my phone, had GPS trackers on, and it took me several moves and tech guys to realise that he was doing that. I hope you come back to yourself. Erin.
Incredibly accurate and bold statements. Basically the experience equals varying degrees of brain damage. I'm a classic case from A to Z pre-internet. Went with years of self-destructive behavior, blaming myself, trying to get on with years of repressed anger, despair and feelings of shame and failure. It's better than OK now. "Time and I against any 2 Narcs."
They do not express anything clearly, they just confuse the victim. They are a big lier too. They even try to control your personal life even if the vistim is not that much close at that time, i mean in advance they try to control the coming intimate moments too, I experienced this.
I knew a one narcisissist in my childhood which had no feelings anyway he was my pricipal which I knew. Also I grew up in a religious system.
I spent over 26 yrs wondering why this man was the way he is. Our oldest son is 23. This year was my break through! Besides the birth of my granddaughter, finding out my ex is a covert narcissist, finding out it was not me was one of the best things to happen to me! No contact anniversary lol 011723. I can see clearly now the rain is gone😊
Very helpful, reassuring and compassionate. The small smile at the end is a big help. Your videos and your delivery of the content are greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Amnesia, anxiety, depression, insomnia later hypersomnia, ans thinking about why he said so trying to solve his mind puzzles for 24 hours daily, enough mental stress to kill a person completely
Isolated. stalking. Harassment. Smearing caricature demonized. Dose it ever end? Will they give up ? I beat myself up with there words.
Identify or label these thoughts as unhelpful or hurtful to you then replace them with positive opinions from people who love you or Your opinion. Read books of healing the inner child and childhood trauma.
Me too. Same play book. Two years out, total no contact, still stalking but less frequent. Moving again soon. It has become easier. I now experience peace most days. That is worth it, to wake in the morning and feel moments of calm and peace...
Exactly how I feel. Still 3 years later...
For a Narcissist, there is nothing worse than a supply/scapegoat leaving them. They will stalk you till the end of time and hold a grudge for eternity. They will slander you, harass you, bully you and show up everywhere without an invitation. It's like chewing gum stuck to your clothes. No matter how many times you wash, it will simply not go away.
You're making me afraid 😳
I still have residual effects, even flashbacks, 9 years after leaving him.